Ninety Days Again
At the beginning of January, I had a break after six-and-a-half years of abstinence. My break did not involve eating flour, sugar, or massive quantities of food. I merely ate a bit more than my committed amount. I was at a party and wasn’t measuring, but I knew I ate more than I should have. I ate because I meant to.
My sponsor always said mistakes that were considered as breaks in abstinence were all about intention. Had I meant to eat that thing or accidentally taken a bite thinking it was one thing only to discover when it hit my tongue that it was another? Once I realized I'd eaten something I hadn't committed, what was my next move? Did I finish that bite, keep eating, or did I stop?
"Te tools to lose and keep of 100 pounds, an amazing community of FA fiends, the ability to penetrate my negativity to open the grateful heart underneath, all reminders that I am a better person in FA."
tended that party intending to break. I was very emotional about having just sold my house. My son and I were scheduled to move in two days, and I felt I was breaking his heart by moving. I had a huge to-do list. But that night there was to be a party at my sister's house. That afternoon, a little voice inside my head said, Maybe you shouldn't go to that party. You have an awful lot going on and maybe adding that party to the mix is too much. But the threeyear-old self inside said I deserved to have some fun at a party. My Higher Power's voice then said, Okay, if you go to the party, maybe you should take your weighed and measured dinner so that you can stay abstinent.
It's all about intention. I can't say I at-
I'm fortunate that my family includes abstinent food for me, but I didn’t want to eat differently from everyone else. I
wanted the food my sister served. Then my Higher Power’s voice said that maybe I should take my scale to weigh and measure my meal. Again, my childish self said, No! I've been to parties before and eaten abstinently. I didn’t want to take my scale.
When I served myself dinner that night, I knew it was too much. I knew I had overeaten, even if it was only a small amount, because I intended to.
I told my sponsor about it the next day and started my abstinence again. I thought that would be the end of it because, after all, I'd been abstinent all those years and my break was small. I expected to get right back into my abstinence, reclaim my 90 days, and carry on as before. But that's not what happened.
not worrying about carrying food with me when I travel or having to ask the staff at restaurants to customize my meals. I was thinking I didn't need this anymore, that there's more to life than FA. Imagine a rebellious child with her arms crossed and lips pouting out, glowering at the world. That was what I felt like.
SUSAN F., NY
I'd learned in Program that I need to act my way into right thinking, that I could put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, and I'd be fine.
From day one of my new abstinence, I was mad about being in FA. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted the ease of
I had a wonderful FA friend who reminded me that I had just been through an extremely emotional event (selling my family home and moving). She suggested I stay abstinent for three to six months before deciding whether to leave the program. I didn't like that idea, but I saw the sense in it, so I stayed abstinent. I did all my tools. I discussed my anger at being a food addict.
Heck, I thought people would stop picking up the phone when I called because I talked about my anger so much.
Then, two months into my new abstinence, my sponsor of six-and-a-half years left FA. Oh, boy. That shook me. But I'd made a promise to myself that I would give FA three months of abstinence, maybe six, before deciding whether to leave. A temporary sponsor gently held my hand while I looked for a new sponsor. I have a new sponsor and so far, I love working with her!
About a week before I reached my 90 days, the clouds parted. I stopped hating being a food addict and again became grateful for all that FA has done for my life: The tools to lose and keep off 100 pounds, an amazing community of FA friends, the ability to penetrate my negativity to open the grateful heart underneath, all reminders that I am a better person in FA, and so much more.
I've now been abstinent again for 100 days. However, it took 85 of those days to feel good again, to feel the sunshine on my face, to be grateful for all the goodness in my life, and for my mind to stop telling me that I'd be better off if I left FA. I feel so fortunate to still be here. I can honestly say I am a grateful recovering food addict.
Heather M., California, US
Better than Food, is a Crossword Mood
Te Struggle Ends
Iremember vividly the day I was on my knees, begging my Higher Power for help. I have lost the same five or ten pounds over and over, yet I was always about 30 pounds overweight. The constant struggle with food, my weight, and my body owned my life for decades. I binged and restricted food. Restricting was less successful for me. I was always on some diet, new eating plan, or “way of life,” but invariably I would not be able to make it more than a few days, maybe a week.
I tried weight-loss plans, copious amounts of exercise (which I now know was a form of bulimia), acupuncture, therapy, reading, and research. I was obsessed. My obsession brought me to dieting extremes that included joining the military, having my mouth wired shut (to get into my wedding dress), and running a very painful and slow marathon.
me. I was overweight and out of control. I hated my life, my thinking, and my body. I hated the summer. I didn’t want to be outside in the heat, sweaty and sticky in summer clothes that did not cover enough of my body. I didn’t want to take my kids to the town pool or anywhere. I was angry at everyone and everything and I yelled a lot.
I didn’t want to be outside in the heat, sweaty and sticky in summer clothes that did not cover enough of my body.
Two weeks before my forty-sixth birthday I was on a twoweek bender and raging at my kids. I was inventing reasons to punish them so I didn’t have to take them anywhere, go outside, see anyone, or be seen. I don’t remember the reason I was screaming at them, but I do remember I’d been eating all morning. Suddenly, it was all too much. I was out of my mind.
The summer of 2017 was scary. I went on a two-week binge and could not pull back. This is a progressive disease for
I went into our laundry room in despair and (now I know) desperation. I fell to my knees. At that time I didn’t have a “working relationship” with my Higher Power, even though I grew up with religion and faith, so hitting my knees like this was new.
It surprised me, as did the words that came out of my mouth. “God, please help me. I cannot live another 45 years like this. I won’t make it.” I got up, got on the computer, and found an FA meeting.
I hear many FA members share about knowing they were home when they walked into their first meeting. I had attended another food fellowship years before and no one had a right-sized body at those meetings.
My first thought walking through the FA door was, Oh, look, all the skinny people sit together. Then I realized that most of the people in the room were thin. During the meeting, I heard people talking about using food the way I had. They shared about their obsession with food and weight.
two weeks! I wouldn't join right before a big birthday celebration. We had a 10-day road trip vacation planned the week after my birthday. Vacations were all about food for me. Maybe I could come back after vacation?
In another example of my Higher Power doing for me what I could not do for myself, I returned to the meeting that very next week and got a sponsor. Two weeks later I had my first abstinent birthday and the best birthday I could remember. Three weeks later I went on my first abstinent vacation, the best vacation I could remember.
I spent decades believing I was the only one struggling this way. "Aline, alone," I would write over and over. I was no longer alone, but my disease was properly shaken. This was too real. I was sure I would not come back. I had a birthday coming up in
So many things have happened since that summer but nothing as important as getting abstinent and staying that way. It is my primary job today, one day at a time. The life that I wanted to escape from, my tortured mind and body, have all done a full 180-degree turn. I love my life today and the crazy thing is it’s the same life. What’s different is me.
Aline S., New York, US
DEB H., MA
Job Insecurity
It has been three weeks since I was laid of from my job. Before FA, I was always changing jobs. I thought that was my problem. If I just had the right job and made more money, I would stop eating and my life would begin. Luckily, I found FA and was abstinent for two years before I started at this company and stayed for over six.
Had it not been for FA, I would have quit multiple times. Te past two years, however, have been hard in a different way than previous jobs. Knowing in my heart that this job was not right plagued me. I would have stretches where I could pull it together for a few days or weeks at a time, but it always came crashing down and I would end up in tears, feeling guilty, hopeless, and angry. I had a great salary, good benefts, fexibility, and a company car. I should be grateful! What was wrong with me?
ers, and actually have savings totaling more than $1,000. But I was flled with emotional, mental, and spiritual pain, which I knew money wasn’t going to fx.
Tere were whispers at work about big changes coming, but I didn’t pay attention. I thought people were being overly dramatic. We’re going to be fne! Everyone needs to stop worrying! Ten I got a meeting invite with the title, “Business Update.” Yikes! At that point, I knew what was coming. Naturally, fear came rushing in. We have to save for a house, we have to buy a car, what if I don’t make as much money at my next job, what if we have to pay for IVF out of pocket? We have good health insurance; we are screwed if we lose it! Te next morning came and sure enough, my position had been eliminated.
I was grateful to have a job that enabled me to pay of debt, partially pay for a gorgeous wedding, buy nice things for myself and oth-
I talked about my job situation ad nauseam on my outreach and sponsor calls. I prayed about it on and of my knees, took extra quiet time, took more quiet time, wrote sticky notes with inspirational quotes and
MERISSA E., FL
stuck them to my computer, paid over $200 a month for a career coach, and had a professional mentor at work. I had tried to make this job work, but at the end of the day, it was a square-peg-round-hole situation. Now that it was over, I was flled with an indescribable relief.
What has been more challenging is seeing how fear and fnancial insecurity have impacted my husband. I am learning that I cannot control his fear and it is not my responsibility to fx his worry. We will eventually have to buy a second car, but for now, we will survive with one. We have had a lot of hard discussions and I have not always handled them with the grace I’d hoped for. But I am not eating. Food is not and has not been an option. We have and will continue to work through this transition, and I will continue to work my FA program.
I now have time to read more books, rest, and relax. We have decided I will take time for myself and not apply for jobs right away. I have time to take my dog on long walks and found a wooded area with trails that has become my little oasis. A few days ago, we were walking through the woods, not a soul in sight. Only the scurrying of woodland creatures, chirping birds, and the pecking of woodpeckers could be heard. Walking through the trails, a small, efortless smile came. We stopped at a small beach area near a river where I sat on a bench and played fetch. As my pup jumped and swam in the
river, a bright yellow butterf y few around us. I had the mental capacity to pause, lif my face to the sun, and watch this little insect futter around as my dog shook and splashed water everywhere. I hadn’t felt that level of peace and contentment in a long time. Te deep gratitude and grace I felt at that moment was my higher power.
It has been hard to stay in the day. I am met with fear around our fertility journey, which has been stressful mentally and physically. Will my husband’s insurance have the same IVF benefts? Will I make enough money? Will we have enough to buy a house that both of us like? Will my husband be annoyed at me for taking this time for myself? Will people in FA judge me and think I should get another job right away?
But with each passing day, I am growing more secure in my decisions to take some needed time to ground myself and continue to work my program. I have been writing a lot more and that has been lovely. FA gives me hope and I am learning to trust my higher power and myself. I honestly do not know what the future will bring. But do we ever? Getting laid of was not in my plans, but I know that we will be just fne. I have always been taken care of. With abstinence and FA as my foundation, I am working on staying in each moment with self-compassion. None of this would be possible without this program, and for that I am grateful. Anonymous
Recovery First
Four months afer I joined the program, my then 13-year-old-daughter started struggling with suicidal thoughts. One afernoon, when she was struggling and in danger of acting on her thoughts, I knew I needed to take her to the hospital. I’m a mental health professional and knew that we would spend many hours waiting in the emergency room until an open bed became available so she could be admitted. My sponsor’s words echoed in my mind.
When it was time for lunch, I prayed to my Higher Power, asking for help. I didn’t know what to do.
Put Program frst. As we prepared to go to the hospital, I knew that if I was going to protect my abstinence, I needed to prepare and take my abstinent dinner with me.
We arrived at the hospital around 3:30 p.m. Sitting in the emergency waiting room, I tried to stay calm. At one point, I went into the hallway to get a drink of water and the urge to eat came over me. All my life I had eaten when I felt stress and anxiety, but this time had to be diferent. I was in Program and didn’t want to give in to the impulse to eat. I wanted a better life for myself. I wanted abstinence.
I sent a quick message to my sponsor letting her know the situation and I returned to the room to sit with my daughter. When 6:00 p.m. rolled around, I got out my plasticware, said a prayer to my Higher Power asking for help to stay abstinent, and ate my abstinent meal. At midnight, we were told that they found a bed for my daughter at a mental health facility about 45 minutes away. My daughter was going to be transported to the facility by ambulance, which lef me to drive alone. During that drive, I prayed that my daughter would be okay and that I could stay abstinent despite feeling tired and scared.
We arrived at the facility at 1:00 a.m. and it took over an hour to get her admitted. When it was time for me to leave, I hugged my daughter tightly, told her that I loved her, and tried to reassure her that everything would be okay. I spent the next 20 minutes crying in my car. By the time I got home and into bed it was 3:30 a.m., which lef me a couple of hours to sleep before I needed to get up and call my sponsor. However, this also meant that I would have less time to get ready and get to
work on time. As I committed my food to my sponsor, we decided that I would have an abstinent meal out for lunch as it would be hard for me to prepare my food and make it to work to see clients on time.
I had recently reached my 90 days of abstinence, and this would be my frst time eating out. I was nervous driving to work, wondering where I could get an abstinent meal. I paid special attention to see if any restaurants stood out. I didn’t pass a restaurant where I thought I could fnd an abstinent meal. When it was time for lunch, I prayed to my Higher Power, asking for help. I didn’t know what to do. Te thought came to my mind to go to the grocery store. I had not thought of that before. I drove to the store unsure of what I would get to eat. When I arrived, the store had all the items I needed and a scale to weigh and measure my food. As I ate my abstinent meal, I knew that my Higher Power was aware of me and what I needed. Not only had my prayers been answered, I realized that my abstinence was most important and that I would be supported no matter what was going on in my life.
My daughter is doing well now, and I’ve been in Program just over fve years. I am grateful I did not jeopardize my recovery during that experience. I have learned that my feelings and cravings will pass if I don’t eat, as long as I continue to lean on my Higher Power for continued strength.
Anonymous
Our common welfare should come frst; personal recovery depends on FA unity. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.
Each group should be autonomous except in matters afecting other groups or FA as a whole.
Each group has but one primary purpose –to carry its message to the food addict who still sufers.
An FA group ought never endorse, fnance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and flms.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. Adapted with permission
Te Gi f of Food Neutrality
Early in FA, I heard a member say, “I had to have a party in my mouth all the time.” Tat was me, too. When I was growing up, I remember many TV commercials touted how much their product was “fun” to eat. I was a sucker for those ads. Tose products were usually full of sugar and fat and were ofen crunchy.
As I got older, I loved eating out in exotic ethnic restaurants. I’d interrogate the waiter about the menu. “What does this taste like?” I would ask. “Is it juicy?” I thought that eating something dry would be tragic! I was so invested in ordering the right thing to get that “party” in my mouth. I’d tell the waiter. “Yes, I like spicy but not too spicy!” I’d ask if the food was tender, chewy, or saucy. I had to know.
On my frst morning call to my sponsor, she used an unfamiliar phrase: food neutrality. I’d never heard of that, but I was certain I did not have it. Te way I approached eating in ethnic restaurants was anything but neutral. My sponsor invited me to consider my behavior around food. Did I need to have things done a particular way? She asked me to consider food preparation, plating, favor, texture; even the fatware I used. She said I had an opportunity to let go of that need to have things a certain way. I was
open to practicing food neutrality. I didn’t have to have a party in my mouth every time I ate.
I’m fortunate that my Higher Power gave me the gif of food neutrality early on. Maybe I didn’t have perfect neutrality, but things had changed signifcantly. I enjoy my food today and have done so for over 13 years. Pretty amazing.
Little did I know I could use neutrality in other areas of my life, like quiet time. When I began the program, I interpreted quiet time as something I was already doing, such as morning walks and saying afrmations of abundance along the way. My sponsor gently suggested I try sitting in a chair and doing nothing. “Nothing wrong with those walks,” she said. “You can do them when you want. Tey’re just not quiet time. Try sitting and relaxing. Doing nothing. Just for a day. We can talk about it.”
So, I tried it. But I still had to put my special touch on it. I laid on my back on the wall-to-wall carpeting or with my feet and calves on a chair. Tis brand of neutrality put me to sleep. Soon, I was ready to sit up, and I did. But not without candles and sometimes music. Something in me still wanted more. Like the party in my mouth. I wanted excitement, embellishment, en-
hancement. Eventually, I was able to sit quietly for 30 minutes, doing nothing. It's been good for my growing peace of mind.
I began to see how my entire life has needed embellishment. From very early on, since I was a toddler, maybe even an infant, I developed ways of thinking that made life safer for me, that created comfort and pleasure. Yes, with food, of course, but also with ascribing to people and situations in my life a kind of magic or fantasy. I’d fxate on pretty faces I’d see on TV and imagine how wonderful it would be to be loved and taken care of by them. In friendships with schoolmates and neighbors, I learned to be funny and entertaining. Life was supposed to be like a
show, all the time. Tat’s what I thought. Today, nearing 13 years of continuous abstinence, I see the opportunity to accept life on life’s terms, exactly as it is. To accept people as they are. To accept my wife for who she is. Even to accept myself as I truly am. I’m one among many. I don’t need any embellishment. I’m a child of my Higher Power. I’m a ripple in the universe. My food doesn’t need excessive condiments. My quiet time doesn’t need candles and music. My life doesn’t need tantalizing fantasies of something better, something more exciting. Living abstinently truly is mind-blowing all by itself.
Ben H., Illinois, US
NORMA JEAN P., OH
Flying Solo
My track record for romantic relationships was bad. I used to joke that I must have had a lot of husbands in previous lives because it didn’t look like I was going to have even one during this lifetime. I was middle-aged, never married, never even lived with a man, and resigned to living a solo life. I was successful at work, owned my own home, had good friends, and tried to accept that I was destined to be alone. I weighed 231 pounds, wore a size 18/20, and didn’t have a clue that I was desperate.
My mom died when I was 48 years old. We were very close, and I grieved hard. I hadn’t just lost a mother; I’d lost my closest friend and trusted confdante. She was my go-to person when I was excited, upset, needed advice, or wanted to share good news. As I was about to turn 50, I decided it was time to emerge from my two years of grief, isolation, and avoidance of social connections, especially dating.
I joined a mixed doubles bowling league to force myself into a social environment with minimal pressure. I also decided that my upcoming milestone birthday in November was a good reason to come out of my funk and jump back into the world, so I planned a party at a local restaurant. It was
well attended, and several family members traveled from another state to be there. I dieted down to a size 14 and thought I looked great. Te party was a big success.
In December, I attended a New Year’s Eve party catered exclusively for the bowling league crowd. I knew exactly who would be there and none of them would be men I was interested in. Everyone would be casually dressed in jeans, T-shirts, and sneakers. Nonetheless, I chose to get all gussied up for the party, wearing a short, lacy black skirt, sequined top, sheer black stockings, and high-heeled sandals. Looking back, I don’t know what possessed me to dress up. It must have been a “God thing.”
A friend of the party’s caterer was looking for a New Year’s celebration, and even though he wasn’t part of the bowling league, the caterer invited his friend to come down to the bowling alley and join the party.
When a handsome stranger unexpectedly walked through the door, I was immediately interested and proceeded to firt and engage him in conversation. He was also smitten with me and we talked for hours. A friend had dropped him of, so at the end of the party, I volunteered to give him a ride home. As we parted, I scribbled my name
and phone number on a small scrap of paper. He called the next day to invite me to a movie and thus began our romance. A few months later, he moved in with me, and things were great for a while. However, near the end of that frst year, he got laid of from his job and was stressed dealing with a situation involving his teenage daughter, who lived with her mom. Tis is when things started to go sideways.
Although I didn’t recognize signs that he was using an addictive substance to cope, I found myself eating even more than usual to soothe my confusion and discomfort with his strange behavior and attitude. Afer two or three months, I was at my wit's end and didn’t know what to do. I loved this man, but he was behaving like a stranger; someone I didn’t recognize or like. I wanted him out of my house, but he refused. I yelled, threatened, and raged, but nothing worked. I continued to eat and cursed the situation. Te landlord-tenant laws in the state protected him, and though I received no rent money, I was legally constrained from tossing him and his things out on the sidewalk. It was frustrating. I felt trapped
and out of control.
During this time, a close friend, one of my former diet buddies, invited me to a social event. I hadn’t seen her for a long time, and she looked amazing. She and her husband politely listened to my tale of woe about my relationship and living situation. When I fnally wound down, I asked what she’d been doing to lose weight. She told me about FA and gave me a trifold brochure. I attended my frst FA meeting the very next weekend. Tree weeks later, I got a sponsor and began working the program, one day at a time.
I had a Higher Power and experienced unconditional love and support through prayer, quiet time, outreach calls, sponsor calls, doing service, and interactions with FA members.
Many things shifed afer I started my recovery. Trough an in-depth study of the Twelve Steps, I began to identify and address my most damaging and hurtful character defects. While reading my two pages of the Big Book, I realized that my boyfriend could not just stop “if you love me” any more than I could stop eating. Tis was a revelation. I started to have more compassion and understanding about his behaviors. One of my persistent obstacles to a lasting and meaningful relationship had been my certainty that I was a bad person with a bad temper who did not deserve
love. My angry, uncompromising attitude proved that I could never be married. I was destined to fy solo. But slowly, through recovery, I began to accept the idea that maybe I was not a bad person afer all. I had a Higher Power and experienced unconditional love and support through prayer, quiet time, outreach calls, sponsor calls, doing service, and interactions with FA members. Over time, my attitude and perspective sofened, and I eventually accepted that I was worthy of being loved.
As it turned out, my boyfriend moved out and started his recovery a week afer I began in FA. Trough regular phone calls, we gradually rekindled our damaged relationship, sometimes reading portions of TwentyFour Hours a Day to each other or discussing an idea from the Big Book. Our mutual recoveries created a healing presence and genuine common ground. In time, we began dating again, and by the end of my second year in FA, we were living together again.
We married when I was 55 and recently celebrated 16 years of marriage. I also reached my nineteenth FA anniversary earlier this year. I had completely given up on ever experiencing a loving, committed partnership, but FA and the miracle of TwelveStep recovery changed that. I was given the gif of learning to love myself and allowing someone to love me, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
Susan F., Oregon, U.S.
We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our afairs.
Grateful in Grief
Being abstinent and living in recovery doesn’t mean that everything will be great. Today, I learned that my beloved younger brother is in the cardiac intensive care unit, possibly dying from complications caused by his acute addiction to alcohol.
My family and I have been in an extended battle to save his life for almost two years. We tried all the resources available to us to try to convince him to save his own life. Some of my siblings (there are nine of us) are angry with him and have expressed their disappointment in various ways.
my brother, myself, and for all suffering addicts. I am grieving the loss of my childhood friend and confidante, I am also thinking of ways to celebrate his life. My brother did not make it and my heart is broken, but I will not look on his life as a failure. Because of FA, I understand his struggle.
For as long as I can remember, our big family celebrated holidays, births, birthdays, losses, and everything in between with big meals.
Because of FA, I feel much differently about the situation than I did before I came into Program. I was unsympathetic to my brother’s struggle, thinking he could do something about it, and just didn’t want to. In FA, I’ve learned about addiction, and that helped me feel empathy for
Although I am heartbroken and experiencing grief, I am still abstinent. Before leaving to attend his memorial service in another state, I worked with my sponsor to plan my meals and map out how I would stay abstinent. I remember thinking that it was insensitive of her to talk about the program when I was going home to bury my sweet brother. But because I was a grateful recovering food addict who wasn’t feeling grateful, I did exactly as my sponsor suggested. As stated in our tools, in FA we practice gratitude as an action rather than a feeling. I have been
having a lot of feelings: anger, sadness, love, and peace. The only feelings I would have had prior to recovery would have been anger and sadness. I would have isolated and reached for food to comfort me. I could not believe how grateful I would be to my Higher Power, FA, and my sponsor for what happened during my trip. For as long as I can remember, our big family celebrated holidays, births, birthdays, losses, and everything in between with big meals. I come from a long line of great Southern food cooks. I learned to cook this type of food when I was very young and had to stand on an overturned washing tub to reach the top of the stove. The meal after the memorial was no exception. The smells of the foods I grew up loving were so fragrant that the church smelled a bit like the cafeteria next door. Though I admit to being propelled by compliments from my family about my weight loss, more than anything I was
amazed that God was doing for me what I am certain I could not have done for myself. I ate my abstinent meal and felt satisfied. I turned away from foods I had once hidden so I could have them for myself. I wish I could have walked the path of sobriety and abstinence with my brother. I wish I had known earlier the hope that I feel now. My brother was a comedian. He used to introduce himself by saying, “I’m 30 in the waist and fine in the face.” I had no idea of the pain he was masking, but I believe my brother would have found joy in the good things that are happening to me since finding freedom from food addiction through my Higher Power and FA. I think he would like how I look, but more than that, he would love how I am living my life now and would be happy for me. I am grateful that I get to live the life that my Higher Power has always wanted me to live.
Shari W., North Carolina, US
KATHERINE S., GA
Thanksgiving Day is an American holiday celebrated on the fourth Tursday in November. Since the traditional meal is usually a time to overeat, many FA members now prefer to describe it as “Just another Tursday.” We asked FA members, “What is Tanksgiving to you?” Here are the responses.
Tanksgiving is about family, not food. I don’t help a lot with cooking, but I am the designated washer of pots and pans. I learned how to do FA service without being a martyr, and I can now do the same with my family.
My siblings and I step away fom our busy lives to share a meal, reconnect, and reminisce while playing games and enjoying our time together. It is all about family. We are thankful to be there for each other.
Tanksgiving is a time to be thankful that my recovery fom food addiction is “One day at a time.”
It’s a day of gratitude for family, fiends, and the healthy food we get fom the earth.
Te commencement of another season of gratitude and joy, and a time to refect on blessings.
I look forward to our FA Tank-a-thon and a special time with family rather than a special time with food.
Protecting my abstinence: I book-end the family dinner with outreach calls, look for ways to help younger or older relatives, and take a few minutes of quiet time in the bathroom, the backyard, or my car.
Te best things about Tanksgiving?
No weight gain, no belt unbuckling midmeal, no need for stretchy pants, and no guilt, remorse, or food hangover the next morning.
For the next N&Q: What is the best suggestion you took and why? Or is there a suggestion you didn’t take and wish you did? We’re also interested in how you work your program during other holiday celebrations. Please email your short response, between one and three sentences, with subject line N&Q to articles@foodaddicts.org. Please include the question to which you are responding.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the diference.