Br i d ge to R ecover y
Irecentl y re ad a n inspirati ona l stor y where the writer gave an analog y of add ict s w a l king a long a cl i , w andering in darkness and miser y. A few fortunate add i ct s found a bri d ge that led them to the other si de w here there w a s l i g ht a nd warmth. Several addicts tried to cross back to the d a r kness to w a rn others, but unti l those others b el i e ved there w a s a br i d ge, the y ne ver s aw it. Immed iatel y, I thoug ht of my l ife in FA . I’d found a brid ge, but for too long , I wandered in darkness and miser y.
I g re w up w ith a c r iti c a l f ather a nd a n emotional l y d istant mother. Despite their dutif ul prov ision of a home and an education, I grew up with an immense emotional a nd spir itua l cha sm that I c a rr i ed into adulthood. I learned to be afra id at a ver y young a ge a nd found comfor t in fo o d a s earl y a s three years old. When fear of the unknow n, fe a r of de ath a nd loss, fe a r of being hurt or not being good enough arose in my mind , fo o d w a s my consol ati on. Suga r, our, a nd qua ntiti es a ssua ged my fe a r, doubt, a nd insecur it y, i f onl y for the shor t term. I interna l ized the i de a that I w a sn ’ t good enoug h, that I d idn’t deser ve
attention, love, or the dignit y of being seen or heard in my ow n home.
I felt inv isible at home and school. I even remember, w ith regret, not choosing to be the lead in an elementar y school pl ay bec ause I d i d n ’ t b el i e ve I would b e go o d enoug h. I w a s go o d enoug h, but unti l I came to FA, I wa sn ’ t able to see the brid ge that would lead me to real ize my worth bec ause I w a s uncond iti ona l l y loved by a Hi g her Power. I w a sn ’ t inv isible to my Hi g her Power. I w a s c re ated for go o d works: ser v ice, lov ing acts, and a true sense of self.
I had thought that being the “good girl” compliant, agreeable, emotionless would someday provide me the love I so richly desired, but it never d id. e onl y d iv idends I ga ined were resentment, insecurit y, perfecti onism, a nd miser y. I su ered f rom b eing unacknow led ged a nd unappreciated. Yet I kne w that food wa s always there to comfor t me. I learned how to use food a s a d r ug ; the suga r quel led my fe a rs a nd made me feel less alone, less invisible. Sugar and our became my friends, and w ith the qua ntiti es, I had lot s of “f r i end s. ” Fo o d made me feel better about myself because
it so othed my hung r y he a r t, sti l led my chaoti c mind , a nd hel p ed me forget my emotional pain
I d idn’t come to FA unti l I wa s 50, so for 47 years, I wandered in emotional pain with onl y temporar y rel ief My l ife wasn ’ t so bad on the surface. I’d graduated from col lege, obta ined ad va nced deg rees, sta r ted a c areer, got married, and had t wo children. Just as I had t r i ed to hi de my obsessi on w ith fo o d f rom my bir th f a mi l y, I also tried to hide it f rom my husb a nd a nd chi ld ren. From the shoulders dow n, I looked normal I so greatly feared ga ining wei g ht from my manic binges that I counteracted my binge eating w ith star vation, a my riad of d i et s, d i et pi l l s, a nd overexercising . When I c ame into the program, I c arried extra weight, but not much. What people could n ’ t see w a s my add i cti on f rom the shoulders up; that’s w here my madness lay e weight wa sn ’ t on my bod y a s much a s it w a s in my mind a nd spir it. I w a l ked around w ith a l ittle more of me to love
20 extra pounds. But my shoulders-up add iction might a s wel l have made me a 400pound woman I wa s powerless a gainst the lure of sugar, our, and quantities; my add i cti on comp el led me to e at. My emoti ona l p a in desp eratel y soug ht rel i ef in boxes, ba gs, and cans.
M , NY
Most women would have b een content at my heig ht and weight, but I wasn ’ t. Grow ing up feel ing inadequate meant that the numb er on the sc a le had to b e p er fect. My l ife had to be perfect My husband and chi ldren had to be perfect. Bec ause none of us ever was, I caused my husb a nd so
much p a in a nd a g g ravati on He w a s content w ith go o d enoug h, but I ne ver w a s. We needed a big ger house, a better car. My daughter strove to earn straight A’s because a B+ wouldn’t be adequate. I transferred my p er fecti onism a nd inadequac y onto her ps yche, something for w hich I have made amends. My son was never a stellar student, so his inadequac y had to be xed. I ne ver al lowed him to be exactl y w ho he wa s be-
ROBIN
c ause I’d ne ver a l lowed that in myself. To be myself would be to admit my epic fai lure a s a daughter. When I learned in FA to “let go and let God,” I wa s able to free my husband, my chi ldren, and myself
Freedom f rom fo o d in FA w a sn ’ t e a s y. For the rst si x months, I practi ced the tools of the program, the disciplines of FA, by getting on my knees in the morning and asking God for an abstinent day. I began to re ad the l iterature, Twe nt y-Four Hours a Day, a nd sit sti l l for 30 minutes. I learned to practi ce the threes: e ating three wei g hed a nd me a sured me a l s, ma king three outreach c a l l s, a nd attend ing three meetings each week At ni g ht, I w rote dow n my food plan, committing it to my sponsor in the morning , end ing my day by read ing t wo pa ges of Alcoholics Anonymous, a nd then getting on my knees, tha nking
W hen I learned in FA to “let go and let God,” I was able to ee my husband, my children, and myself.
Go d for a n abstinent d ay One d ay at a time, I le a rned to surrender to Go d a nd begin the journey back to me.
A er more than t wo years of abstinence, I sti l l grapple w ith the ghosts of my pa st in the form of character defects such as pride, per fecti onism, d ishonest y about my feelings, and fear, just to name a fe w. I can tal k
myself dow n from negati ve thinking and hop elessness My recover y voi ce is st ronger a nd louder tha n my add i cti ve voice. I don’t have to let pride (which is fear and insecurit y at its cr ux) control my decisions. I can recognize my self-centered fear and use the tool s of the program, such a s journa l ing , pray ing for coura ge to do Go d’s w i l l , a nd ta l king honestl y w ith my fellows, to combat it. ere is beaut y in v ulnerabi l it y and imperfection because that’s huma nit y. I a m p erfectl y imperfect, and to d ay, that is exactl y w here I w a nt to b e. When food changed f rom b eing my f r i end to b eing my d r ug , I w a s able to recognize the mental miser y I wa s l iv ing ne ver feel ing good enoug h, ne ver hav ing enough to eat (despite my bloating , acid reu x , a nd d i gesti ve d ist ress f rom binges), ne ver b eing s atis ed w ith just one bite, ne ver lov ing a nd appreci ating w ho I w a s Onl y then w a s I able to aw a ken from my menta l a ng uish a nd su er ing to see that there wa s hope, a solution, a brid ge FA I no longer have to w a nder in miser y a nd darkness; there is hope and a solution for me ere is a brid ge to recover y Sher yn N., California, US
e Mad R ace
Istood at the kitchen sink with a spoon and my favorite pint of frozen dessert.
As I franti c a l l y looked behind me to check the dri ve w ay, my onl y thoug ht w a s how I could eat a l l of it in the next three minutes before my husband arrived home.
e desser t w a s frozen sol i d , but it d i d n ’ t matter to my desperate heart. I dug in with fer vor. I couldn’t let him see the item in the freezer bec ause he would questi on me about w hy it w a s there and I would be caught.
What made me play this destructive, isol ating game over and over? I d idn’t know, and it d idn’t matter because I wa s onl y focused on the here and now. I had pain and I wanted relief. I wanted to eat my emotions, not face them. I was consumed by thoughts of eating it all and fast! I was not concerned about my health, my cholesterol, what I was feeling , or what was going on in my life.
Once a ga in, I seemed hel l-bent on destroying my bod y. Did I care? Not at al l. I enjoyed the ta ste of the treat at rst, but a er the rst fe w bites, I couldn’t taste anything. Yet, due to some compulsion, some drive deep within me, I just had to eat it all. Just a s I shoveled in the l a st huge table-
spoonf ul, my cheeks bulging , my husband came home. I had just enough time to hide the container inside of a bag in the trash. He would never know. How many times in the la st severa l years had I isolated myself and pl ayed this si ck game? What w a s w rong w ith me? How many more times would I leave a grocer y store w ith not one or t wo, but three desserts, eat them all in the car on the way home, and nd trash cans along the w ay to d ispose of the e v i dence of my uncontrolled eating? How many more times would I ght these behaviors and not feel in control? Too many!
A friend I met through an expensive commercia l d i et prog ram had star ted to look into FA . She told me she had been to a fe w meetings and was learning more each week. I was getting curious and decided to look at the FA website myself. I was surprised by all the information and started to read some of the l iterature. O f course, I w a sn ’ t read y to use the word “addict” to describe myself, but it did seem like I had some of the same behaviors as the people I was reading about.
One d ay, a er t wo sma l l emoti ona l l y charged d is appointment s, I had a mini breakdown, praying and cr ying at the same
time. I asked to be free of the burden of excess weig ht and feel ing sorr y for myself. I had had enoug h. e next d ay, I attended an FA meeting and w rote dow n phone numbers of possible sponsors. I found the coura ge to c a l l a fe w and le mess a ges. L ater that d ay, my soon-to-be sponsor c a l led me back. I began the prog ram the next day.
Today, a er four months in FA, I have relea sed 30 pounds, and I am gratef ul that I no longer have to g ht the urge to overindulge in unhealthy foods. e insanit y is gone. I have learned more about how the prog ram works. I am much c a l mer w hen d is appointment s come up and c an handle them without turning to food. Just the act of planning my dail y meals frees my mind to think about and do things that used to over whelm me. Food is not the cen-
ter of my existence anymore. I’m learning to do hard things bec ause I have con dence and clarit y of mind outside of addictive eating. Knowing my sponsor is there each day to answer questions and listen to any emoti ona l turmoi l I may be going throug h is such a rel ief. I don’t have to hand le e ver ything that comes up on my own. My spiritua l l ife is getting stronger by the d ay and my family relationships are changing for the better. Ma king d a i l y telephone c a l l s to other FA members reminds me that others have had the same thoughts about food and that I am not alone.
I could not have accomplished all of this in four months without FA. I am so grateful that the out-of-control moment s l i ke standing and eating at the kitchen sink are gone.
Marguerite S., Connecticut, US
Commitment
Before I joined FA, I never really knew much about the word “commitment. ” When I agreed to be somewhere a part y, work, a class I would back out if something better came along, if I didn’t feel like it at the time, if I didn’t think it was that important, or if I had some kind of mild physical symptom I later heard called “the va g ue alcoholic illness.” e result is that I showed up for my commitments perhaps 60 percent of the time.
A er I came to FA and decided it was for me, my sponsor suggested I commit to the same meetings ever y week. When I balked , or something else seemed more pressing, my sponsor said that there were only three reasons to miss a committed meeting: a funeral, a wedding, or a fever. I was told to schedule my life around my program, not the other way around. On the rare occasion that I tried to back out of a meeting, my sponsor would say to me, “ You have a serious illness. If you had kidney failure and your doctor said you needed dialysis three times a week, you would go no matter what.” I couldn’t argue with that.
I was 280 pounds at 22 years old and my doctors told me the same thing in di erent terms. I started to have health problems related to my weight and overeating at a ver y
young age. In my rst year and a half in Program, I lost 150 pounds and my life got much better. Even when I reluctantly went to my meetings or missed another activit y that felt important, I always le the meeting feeling hopeful, happy, and not alone.
My current sponsor, who has been supporting me for 25 years, never said anything as prescriptive about meetings as the “wedding, funeral, or fever” statement. However, I still schedule my life around my program. Sometimes that’s di cult, but I know that remaining abstinent is the most important thing in my life. Even when I’m tired, or I don’t feel like it, if there’s something else going on, or someone wants me to stay home, I go to my meetings any way.
To be honest, with a full life, a full-time job, a husband, and t wo challenging pre-teen kids, going to three meetings each week “ no matter what” is not what I would choose for myself. But this week, I was reminded that if I don’t go to my committed meetings and work my program fully, I pay the price.
I had missed some meetings for reasons outside of my control and I experienced the old feelings of negativit y and irritabilit y seeping into my thoughts. It is hard to identif y exactly why missing meetings always has this e ect, but it never fails. If I had the same ap-
proach to commitment now as I had before FA, I might not show up more than 60 percent of the time, making a variet y of excuses for why I needed to miss my meetings. But I am gratef ul to recognize the gravit y of my disease now that I am in FA. It is as true today as it was when I came into FA 26 years ago. I have a serious illness, and meetings are part of the medicine that keeps it at bay.
the front of the room about things I struggled with all my life: obesit y, fear, insecurit y, impatience. At the break, I spoke with a newcomer who was strug gling , and a er the meeting , I was approached by someone coming back to FA who needed to talk. When the meeting was over, my feelings of negativit y were replaced with disbelief at getting a second chance at the life I’d been given.
is morning, I had a committed meeting. I made sure to get there 10 minutes early, and I ended up sitting next to a woman who had just eaten the day before. I was able to share with her that getting through those di cult times gets so much easier if we are just willing to put our abstinence rst and not eat, one day at a time. I got to hear people share from
Later in the day, my sister-in-law invited me and my husband to meet her new boyfriend and said she felt safe introducing him to us rst because we were so stable. It’s only because of FA and the tools of this program, including the “medicine” I get at meetings, that anyone would describe me that way.
Joanna A , Mar yland, US
TERESA S , MA
Ijus t ret u r n e d f ro m t h e Ma i n e Ch a p -
te r S u p p o r t w e e k e n d , p r e c e d e d b y
t wo d ays of shopping in a ne a rby cit y.
It w a s a n o s t a l g i c t r i p f o r m e b e c a u s e i t
w a s t h e r e , 2 0
y e a r s a g o, w h e n
I b e g a n to co m e
o u t o f t h e d en i a l
o f t h i n k i n g t h a t
s o m e d ay I co u l d
c o n t r o l m y e a t -
i n g a n d t h a t I
" w a s n ' t t h a t f a t ,
jus t a l i t t l e o v er-
we i g h t . "
Back then, I re-
m e m b e r a r r i v -
i n g a t t h e h o te l
i n t h a t q u a i n t
to w n, s o e xc i te d
t h a t I h a d t h e
t i m e a n d m o n e y
to b u y a n e w
a nd c a rd i ga ns I so on had feel ings of f r ustration, a s one thing af ter another w a s too
t i g h t . I t h o u g h t , Hm p h h ! T h e y a re m a k i ng
t h e s e cl o t h e s s o sk i m p y ! A ni c e st o re l i k e t h i s
w a rd ro b e . I w a s te a c h i n g m i d d l e s c h o o l
a t t h a t t i m e a n d n e e d e d o u t f i t s t h a t
wo u l d l o o k p ro f e s s i o n a l a n d f i t w i t h o u t
s t r a n g l i n g m e o r h a v i n g to b e l e f t o n l y
h a l f - z i p p e d .
I wen t i n to t h e d re s s i n g ro o m w i t h my
a r m s f i l l e d w i t h s k i r t s , s w e a te r s , p a n t s ,
SUSAN M , NY
s h o u l d n ’ t b e c u t -
t i n g c o r n e r s o n
s i z i n g ! I w a s i n -
d i g n a n t a n d
went b ack to the
h o te l i n te n t o n
g e t t i n g a g o o d
n i g h t ' s s l e e p a n d
c o m i n g b a c k i n
t h e m o r n i n g to
t r y m o re f l at ter-
i n g s t y l e s.
T h e n e x t d a y,
a f te r t r y i n g o n
1 0 o r m o r e d i f -
f e r e n t o u t f i t s , I
b e g a n to d e sp a i r
a s I r e c o g n i z e d
t h e t r u t h t h a t
t h e e x t r a- l a r g e s i ze s wo u l d n o t f i t m e b e-
c ause I had out g row n them I w a s f at, a nd
m y
b o d y j u s t k e p t g r o w i n g b i g g e r a n d
b i g g er. W h at w a s I g o i n g to d o ?
I b e g a n to h i t b o t to m D u r i n g t h e co m -
i n g m o n t h s , G o d g a v e m e m o r e s i g n s ,
a n d I b e g a n to a d m i t t h at my e at i n g w a s
tota l l y out of control. In 1992, I stumbled
i n to a Twe l v e-Ste p p ro g r a m t h at l ater b e-
c a m e FA , a n g r y a n d r a g i n g a t t h e i n j u s -
t i ce o f b e i n g c u r s e d w i t h a n a d d i c t i o n!
S o n o w i n t h e p re s en t d ay, I a m 2 0 y e a r s
o l d er, i n b e au t i f u l Ma i n e , w i t h a l l d ay Fr i -
d ay a n d p a r t o f S at u rd ay to s h o p. Bu t I a l -
re a d y h av e a c l o s e t f u l l o f c l o t h e s , m a ny
o f t h em f o u r o r m o re y e a r s o l d , b e c aus e
m y b o d y s t a y s t h e s a m e s i z e . S o, I
s h o p p e d f o r o t h er s , g et t i n g a l m o s t a l l o f
my h o l i d ay s h o p p i n g d o n e. Ho we v er, to
ce l eb r ate my t h i n b o d y, I wen t b a c k to a
w e l l - k n o w n o u td o o r c l o t h i e r o n S a t u r -
d a y m o r n i n g w i t h m e m o r i e s o f h i t t i n g
b o t to m t h e re l o n g a g o. I b ro u g h t a p a i r
o f p a n t s , a s t r i p e d T- s h i r t , a b r i g h t p i n k
f l e e c e j a c k e t , a n d a p a i r o f p a j a m a s i n to
t h e d r e s s i n g r o o m . A l l w e r e s i z e s m a l l .
Ev e r y t h i n g f i t a n d l o o k e d g r e a t e xc e p t
t h e p a j a m a s. " Hm p h h,” I g r u m b l e d , “ t h e y
c u t t h e s e p a n t s m u c h to o b i g ! "
I w e n t to t h e c a s h i e r, p a i d f o r my c oz y
ne w outf it, and lef t to join my fel low food
add i ct s at the fel lowshi p gather ing . I re a l-
i ze d t h at I t r u l y h av e m u c h to b e g r ate f u l
f o r, i n c l u d i n g b e i n g a b l e to c l o t h e m y
b o d y w i t h b e a u t i f u l c l o t h e s . My f o r m e r
g ui l t a nd desp a ir have b een repl aced w ith
c l a r i t y a n d h o p e. Th e s u n w a s s h i n i n g a s
w e d r o v e to o u r d e s t i n a t i o n , a n d I w a s
g l a d to b e a l i v e.
Ja ni c e M , M
Twelve Steps
We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our a airs.
Travel ing Li g hter
Growing up a food addict, I found vacations hard for many reasons.
First, I hated packing for trips. I never had clothes that I wanted to wear that were cute or comfortable. I would usually go shopping and spend money I didn’t have to tr y to nd a fe w things that made me look thinner. It d idn’t work, of course, and then I was in debt and unhappy with how I looked. Being 100 pounds over weight couldn’t be hidden by a few new out ts. Another problem was that my clothes were so big that my suitcases were heav y. I could never “pack light,” even for a quick weekend trip.
spend al l my time tr ying to get away so I could eat enough to quiet that voice in my head telling me to eat. I couldn’t be present to enjoy where I was or who I was with because I was so obsessed with food or how I looked.
desperation.
Second, while on vacation I was obsessed with food, but it was hard to be alone to eat because I was with family or friends. It was so painful to tr y to eat normally in front of people, to constantl y want the food, and to
What was almost worse than being away was coming home. I hated my real l ife because it was so unmana geable. I would come home to a messy apartment, stacks of bil ls, and a real it y that I couldn’t face without our, sugar, and huge quantities of food. I never real l y enjoyed being away, and I hated coming home. Talk about a life of quiet
I am so gratef ul that I don’t l ive that way today. As I write this, I am preparing for the biggest trip I have ever taken. My daughter goes to college in Switzerland and has asked me to visit during her school break. I will be
XANDRA G , CA
in four countries over nine days; t wo that I haven’t been to before.
e rst miracle is that because of FA, my 21-year-old daughter is choosing to spend vacation with her mother. at wouldn’t have happened if she had grown up with the selfcentered, resentful woman I was in the food. Because of recover y in FA, I d iscussed the trip with my husband before making plans and we determined that we could a ord it. In the past, I made decisions sel shly on my ow n without thinking about how they affected anyone else or the nancial consequences. We have been able to plan for this trip and save money toward it. I’m coming from nancial d ishonest y and bankruptc y, so that’s a major miracle. In terms of packing , I can ’ t bel ieve it, but I am only bringing one carr y-on for a nineday trip since we are ying between countries on ver y inexpensive airlines that charge a lot for checked bags.
up with me in FA so I am in good hands. By the grace of God, I can be present with people and not tr y to escape to eat. I do want to be alone sometimes to take quiet time, make a phone call, attend my AWOL, or just go for a walk, all ways to take care of myself so that I can show up for the beautiful opportunities God has given me.
W hen the trips are over,
I am happy to come home.
Gratitude is a super power that changes my outlook
ever y time I am negative.
When I travel now, I am not obsessed with the food. My daughter and I have a plan for meals and our trip is not based on where we will be eating. She is uent in the languages we will need to communicate in and knows how to ask for what I need. She has grown
Finally, when the trips are over, I am happy to come home. I love the nice simple life that I have. I come home to a loving family (and cat), a clean house, a job where I am respected, and meaning f ul activ ities and friends. I have a life of sane and happy usef ulness. Ever y life has its ups and downs, includ ing ord inar y chal lenges, but with the spiritual tool kit that has been laid at my feet, I have ever ything I need to face this l ife one day at a time. Gratitude is a superpower that changes my outlook ever y time I am negative. I am in a healthy, abstinent body and have much to be grateful for. I travel quite a bit for work and pleasure and can enjoy my time away, abstinent and fully present, and then come home to a life second to none. I owe ever y moment of my life to Food Addicts in Recover y Anonymous. Jessica M , Illinois , US
Cather ine’s Choi ce
Aer 25 years of active food addiction, I came into FA feeling hopeless. At my rst meeting, when the speaker said they had eaten no our or sugar for over ve years, I w a s a stounded. How was that possible? How could people celebrate birthdays or weddings without our and sugar? What d id people eat instead? All I could do was set a side my d isbel ief and listen.
As people shared their stories and photos, I received the gi of hope that maybe FA could work for me, too. But that meant I would have to stop eating our, sugar, and l arge quantities of food. I certainly didn’t want to do that.
“have to ” mind set to my sponsor for the umpteenth time, she kind l y stopped me. “ You’re not tel l ing the tr uth. ose statements just aren ’ t true. You absolutely could eat the way you used to. I see you choosing not to. ”
All I could do was set aside my disbelief and listen.
I suddenl y saw the truth of my recover y. Since I had stopped eating our and sugar and started weighing my food , my bod y, and my thinking , my entire l ife had transformed in a matter of d ays. R ecover y w a s working and I had never felt better. Without even being aware of it, I had transitioned to eating this way, not because I had to, but because I wanted to.
However, I was willing to tr y. Keeping my focus solely on the day ahead, with a lot of help from FA fellows, I followed my abstinent food plan. I kept repeating to myself, I’m doing this because I have to. I’m doing this because I have to. I’m doing this because I have to
When I started eating in restaurants again a er my rst 90 days, I would tell the waiter, “I can ’ t eat our or sugar ” or “I’m not allowed to eat our or sugar ” or “I have to eat this w ay. ” One morning , w hi le describing this
Finally, one of the great insights from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous made sense to me. “ e onl y rea l freedom a human being can ever know is doing what you ought to do because you want to do it” (p. 552).
Today, more than 22 years a er that rst FA meeting, I continue to work the FA program bec ause I w ant to. It’s the choice I make ever y day that sets me free from my disease of food addiction.
Catherine L., New Zealand
A Novel Idea
Iw a s at t h e a n n u a l FA Bus i n e s s Co n -
v e n t i o n , w h i c h I l i k e to a t te n d b e -
c a u s e i t g i v e s m y r e c o v e r y s u c h a
“ s h o t i n t h e a r m. ” D u r i n g a m i d -m o r n i n g
b r e a k o n S u n d a y, I w a s i n t h e c r o w d e d
m e n ’ s r o o m w h e n
a n FA m e m b e r
c a l l e d o u t to a t h i rd
p e r s o n , “A r e y o u
co m i n g to t h e b us i -
n e s s c o n v e n t i o n
n e x t y e a r ? ” We l l , I
w a s t h i n k i n g , t h i s
s a v i n g a r o u n d $ 6 0 0 , w h i c h i s e v e n l y d i -
v i d e d b y 1 2 , o r $ 5 0 a m o n t h. S o, i n to a n
env e l o p e i t g o e s. I en j o y b e i n g a b l e to at-
te n d t h e c o nv e n t i o n w h e t h e r to v o te , i f
e l e c te d , o r j u s t e n j o y t h e f e l l o w s h i p a t
me a l s or in the com-
I have
decided to treat the convention as a commitment.
one i sn ’ t eve n ove r y et, what t he heck? Light e n
u p !
T h e n G o d i n te r v e n e d w h e n a n o t h e r
p e r s o n e x p re s s e d a
m o s t e xce l l en t a n d
n o v e l re sp o ns e. He
s a i d , “ Ye s , I w i l l b e here. I have decided
to t re at the conven-
m o n a r e a s , t h e l i v e
q u a l i f i c a t i o n t a p -
i n g s , b r e a k o u t s e s -
s i o n s , a n d t h e
d a n c i n g o n S a t u r -
d ay n i g h t .
The thing is, I have
n o t b e e n a b l e to s to p p u t t i n g $ 5 0 a
m o n t h i n to a n e n v e l o p e e v e n w h e n t h e
p a n d e m i c s t a r te d i n 2 0 2 0 . W h o k n e w
t h e C O V I D s h u t -
He y, it’s the promises of our program, baby!
t i o n a s a co m m i t m en t . ” Th e f e l l o w wen t
o n to e x p l a i n t h a t d u r i n g t h e y e a r, h e
t h ro w s a cer t a i n a m o u n t o f m o n e y e a c h
m o n t h i n to a n e n v e l o p e . At t h e e n d o f
t h e y e a r, h e h a s e n o u g h to p a y f o r t h e
c o n v e n t i o n w e e k e n d ’ s t r a v e l , l o d g i n g ,
f o o d , a n d s o m e s i g h t s e e i n g .
In 2 0 1 8 , I s t a r te d t h i s p r a c t i ce. I s t a r te d
d o w n w o u l d l a s t s o
l o n g ? S o, I u s e d t h e
m o n e y s a v e d f r o m
my 2020 envelop e to
p a y f o r t h e 2 0 2 3
co nv en t i o n a n d I h a d a d e q u ate f u n d s f o r
2 0 2 4 .
By t h e w ay, I us e d t h e m o n e y f ro m t h e
2 0 2 1 a n d 2 0 2 2 e n v e l o p e s to l o w e r m y
p a y m e n t s o n a n e w c a r. He y, i t ’ s t h e
p ro m i s e s o f o u r p ro g r a m, b a b y ! Ho p e to
s e e y o u a l l at t h e n e x t co nv en t i o n.
R o b e r t F. , F l o r i d a , U S
Show ing Up
Ten s i o n s a re h i g h i n my f a m i l y o f orig in rig ht now. My mom is ver y sick. She’s 91 and broke her femur
b o n e , h a s o s te o p o ro s i s , a n d h a d to h av e surger y, bec ause apparentl y, a femur brea k
w o n ’ t s to p b l e e d i n g w i t h o u t s u r g er y to h e a l i t S h e a l s o h a s a d v a n c e d d em en t i a and a sta ge four bed-
s o re . It’s b e en h e l l . W h en I v i s i te d h er
a f ter t h e s u r g er y, I had to w a l k aw ay f a r
d o w n t h e h a l l w h en
t h e y w ere t r a n s f err ing her f rom recover y to the bed in the
I C U b e c a u s e s h e
s c re a m e d i n p a i n s o
m u c h a n d I c o u l d not bear to hear it.
W
but w hen my brother moved in w ith her, it became less and less l ikel y, as she has got-
ten to l i v e w i t h a f a m i l y m em b er i n t h e same house she’s l ived in for 60 years Then h er d em en t i a p ro g re s s e d a n d t h en s h e broke her femur bone.
hy did I get chosen to come out of the hell of addiction into recover y and not him?
I don’t know, but I do know that G-d has been so good to me.
But the big gest stressor for me ha s been dea l ing w ith my brother He’s 65, an acti ve add i ct, and ha s ne ver had recover y. He’s a med ical doctor, but his practice fai led, and he moved in w ith my mother, a s he could
n o t a f f o rd h i s ren t . Th e y l i v e f i v e h o u r s nor th of me in a nother state. I’ve w a nted to b r i n g my m o m to my h o m e f o r y e a r s ,
Visiting my mother is d i ff i cult bec ause it h a s b e c o m e h a rd er to b e a ro u n d my f a m i l y My b ro t h er ’ s h o s t i l i t y to w a rd m e i s i n to l er a b l e . He’s frightened of me and f e e l s t h re a ten e d b y my close relationship w ith my mother He w a s v i
l en t w i t h m e a s
n
d u l t a f e w y e a r s b a c k W h en I t a l k a b o u t h i m to f e l l o w s , I ’ m co ns t a n t l y reminded of “ There but for the grace of Gd go I,” a s he and I are made from the s ame m o l d . It m a k e s m e s o i n c re d i b l y g r ate f u l for FA . Why d id I get chosen to come out of the hel l of add i cti on into recover y and not him? I don’t know, but I do know that G-d ha s been so good to me.
When preparing to v isit my mother af ter
he a r ing ab out her broken femur, I could hear my sponsor ’ s voice say ing I needed to l o o s en u p a b o u t sp en d i n g m o n e y ( I ’ m a re a l ti g ht w ad) a nd rent a c a r so a s not to be dependent on my sister for transpor tati on. I rel uctantl y rented a c ar, and boom, things star ted opening for me. I star ted to feel G-d e ver y w here and I noti ced things
l i ke f ind ing p a r king sp ot s r i g ht aw ay in a f ul l hospita l parking lot ever y time I drove in.
I had a l w ays s a i d “ no ” w hen my sponsor
a s k e d i f I co u l d s t ay at a h o te l b e c aus e i t
w a s o u t o f my b u d g e t , b u t I f i n a l l y d i d
a f ter t w o n i g h t s i n t h a t h o u s e w i t h my brother. As I showed up for my recover y,
G- d s h o w e d u p f o r m e i n s o m a ny w a y s , and I rea l ized I could submit a reimbursem en t re q u e s t to my m o t h er ’ s e s t a te f o r those f und s to pay for my hotel. I’d ne ver had the g ut s to do that before.
Then, there were the angel s at the hospita l. There were probabl y 20 to 30 hospita l staff who came into my mom ’ s room while I w a s there, and each one w a s a beauti f ul , c aring , lov ing angel. I fel t G-d’s love e ver y time someone c ame into her room.
A s i t b e c a m e a p p a ren t t h a t my m o m
w o u l d b e d i s c h a r g e d a n d g o h o m e , t h e thoug ht str uck terror in me bec ause I rea l ized I would n ’ t be able to v isit her w ithout my brother there. By this time, I could not tolerate being around him at a l l. But I kne w I wanted to go to the house to scope
out the best pl ace to put her ne w hospita l b e d , s o w h en I k n e w my b ro t h er w o u l d not be at the house, I went there. It wa s ob-
v i o u s t h a t t h e d i n i n g ro o m w a s t h e b e s t spot bec ause it had l arge sunny w indows. Her bedroom and most of the house were in sha mbles b ec ause my brother is a ver y si ck man, barel y f uncti oning. Most of the house lo oked l i ke a ho a rder’s ni g ht ma re.
It w a s in d isrepa ir and inc red ibl y d ark and d e p re s s i n g . Th ere were c a m er a s i n m o s t area s of the house, so e ver y w here I went, I f e l t l i k e I w a s b e i n g w a tc h e d b y my brother. It w a s aw f ul.
S o, a s I s to o d t h ere i n t h e d i n i n g ro o m (there are no c amera s in the d ining room),
I h a d a g o o d s c re a m i n g c r y w i t h G- d . It w a s s o c at h a r t i c . I f i n a l l y l et g o o f a l l t h e stress I’d been hold ing on to. That w a s ex-
a c t l y w h a t I n e e d e d , a n d t h en G- d ju s t poured in a l l the love I needed so bad l y. I h a d a n e p i p h a ny t h a t I w o u l d t a k e my mom by ambul ance to w here I l i ve for the rema inder of her l i fe. I texted my sponsor.
S h e s a i d i f i t w a s t h e r i g h t t h i n g to d o, i t would a l l f a l l into pl ace. She s a i d , “Prayer moves mounta ins.”
The tow n where I gre w up and where my mother sti l l l ives is next to a beach. I’m not much of a b e ach p erson a nd g row ing up
t h ere w a s h a rd f o r m e f o r m a ny re a s o n s .
The d ysf uncti on, jud g ment, a nd sup er f icia l it y of my f ami l y made it d i ff i cul t, and I ne ver fel t go o d enoug h, prett y enoug h,
or skinny enoug h, so w hene ver I’d go v isit my mom, I ne ver went to the b e ach. But the d ay af ter I went to my mother’s house, I kne w I had to go to the b e ach, a nd a s I stood there looking at the ocean, the jetti es, the sea g ul l s and s and pipers, the ships in the d istance, and the sunshine-fil led sky, I fel t peacef ul.
I t h o u g h t a b o u t my b ro t h er. He i s my mother’s healthcare prox y. He’d never give up control of my mother and let me ta ke her to my home, since he’d lose his home i f he d i d. But a s I w a s stand ing there, ta king in the beach and ocean, I had my second epiphany. I thoug ht I could offer him
a l a r g er s h a re o f t h e p ro c e e d s f ro m t h e
s a l e o f my m o m ’ s h o u s e i n e xc h a n g e f o r taking over her care and mov ing her to my
s t a te . Th a t ’ s a n o f f er h e c o u l d n ’ t re f u s e .
Su d d en l y, I c o u l d b re a t h e e a s i er. It f e l t
c o m p l e te l y r i g h t . It f e l t l i k e G- d w a s a l l over it.
Shor tl y af ter that moment on the beach, there w a s a rare ear thqua ke in a neig hboring state. We e ven fel t af tershocks in our c i t y. Ho w o f ten d o e s t h a t a re a h av e a n ear thqua ke? I had such a good l aug h w ith
G- d . It re a l l y d o e s f e e l l i k e my f a m i l y i s h av i n g a n e a r t h q u a k e , a n d w h i l e I d o n ’ t
k n o w w h a t w i l l h a p p en n e x t , I d o k n o w
t h a t I h av e FA to k e e p m e o n s o l i d g round.
Marg o D., Mar yl and , US
Twelve Traditions
Our common welfare should come rst; personal recovery depends on FA unity. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.
Each group should be autonomous except in matters a ecting other groups or FA as a whole.
Each group has but one primary purpose –to carry its message to the food addict who still su ers.
An FA group ought never endorse, nance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and lms.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
Wm o re to a d d .
G OD Good Orderl y Direction
EG O Edging God Out
WAIT Why Am I Tal king
FE AR False Ev idence Appearing Real
FRO G Ful l y Rel y on God
H ALT Hungr y, Angr y, Lonel y, Tired
PR IDE Please Remember I Direct Ever ything
DENI AL Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying
PAUSE Pause Action Until Serenit y Enters
ANGER A Negative Grudge Endangers Recover y
PACE Positive Attitudes Change Ever ything
TRUS T Tr y Rel ying Upon Steps and Trad itions
WILLIN G When I Live Life, I Need God
We w i l l continue a sking for your word s of w isdom ab out how you wor k your pro g ra m a round a sp eci c topic or issue. Please email your short response, usual l y one sentence to t wo para graphs, with subject line N&Q to articles@foodaddicts.org. Please include the question to which you are respond ing.
e next N&Q topic is: What is the best sug gestion you took and why? Or, what is the best sug gestion you d idn’t take and why?
We look for ward to hearing from you!
e Connection Team
God,grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courageto change the things I can, and wisdom to know the di erence.