March 2024: Peeling Back the Layers. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

Sur v i va l Habit s

As the son of Asian immigrants to the United States, I was bullied in elementar y school because I looked d i erent than most kids, and our food smel led f unny to them. On a weekl y basis, I was beaten up by the neighborhood kids a s soon a s the school bus turned the corner. I tried to ght back, but being skinny and weak, I could not. It onl y seemed to please my tormentors more, so I stu ed all my feelings down with something sweet or savor y. At home, my mom thought I wa s malnourished and complained I ate too slowly. She encouraged me to eat faster, but when I d id, I had trouble stopping when I was f ull.

My parents were frugal, so we rarely ate in restaurants or fast food or had extra treats at home. My parents put me in an organized rel igion, but I rebel led. I wa s d isr uptive, angst y, and hated what I considered controlling and dogmatic administrators. Eventual l y, my Sunday school teacher a sked my parents to stop bringing me. I basked in the glor y of my victor y by staying up past midnight on Saturdays and eating pa sta w hi le ever yone else was asleep.

My disease progressed in high school and

into college, where I was given a meal plan and free reign of the cafeteria. I sped past the freshman 15 and settled nearer to the freshman 55. By graduation, I went from approximatel y 168 pounds to 235 pounds. A er col lege and w ith money in my pocket, I began to frequent restaurants, which used to be only a once-a-year treat growing up. Over the next 12 years, I ballooned to 272 pounds and began yo-yo dieting; I swung wildly bet ween 176 and 272 pounds. Ever y six months to a year, I would look l i ke an entirely di erent person. Each time I thought I had g ured it out, a gnaw ing fear would grip me. When I felt hungr y, I never connected it with my emotional state. Eventually, I’d get sick of the diet or exercising and back up the scale I went.

In March of 2020, I tore my groin at the g y m. It wa s the day before the C OVID lockdowns began, and so I had an ironclad excuse, once again, to drop that season ’ s diet and workout routine. R ational izing that I was helping the local businesses, I began ordering from food deliver y ser vices. Within a year, I gained 96 pounds, felt trapped in my job, wa s dumped by my girlfriend, had a fal l ing out with my t wo closest and oldest

friends, and was diagnosed with osteoarthritis. It was in that state of mind that I “darkened” the doorstep of FA

When I attended my rst FA meeting, my initial instinct was to be derisive, mock the people doing ser v ice, d ismiss the w hole thing as a cult, and tear it all to pieces. But I heard a voice inside myself that told me to stop It told me to let it rest and to listen as if my l ife depended on it I l istened, and as I did, I felt a miracle happen. It felt a s though a dam had broken, that a blocka ge had d islod ged and an entire part of my l ife I had neglected and al lowed to atrophy began to breathe life anew. In the meeting, I raised my hand to par ticipate and wa s cal led on to read from the front of the room. Even though I was sweating and fearful and stammered through the words, I did it.

f ull of optimism to know there were other people who were like me. ere were people I could learn from, people who had done it before, who had gone through what I went through. I got a temporar y sponsor via the AWOL and learned more about the program. My temporar y sponsor wa s patient w hen I questioned the tenets of the food plan I never lost my optimism; somehow, I knew it would al l work out in the end.

An FA fel low d irected me to stud y the Twelve Steps in an FA AWOL, and I began despite not having a sponsor; I didn’t know any better! I didn’t ask anyone to explain the food plan or the program to me, but I was

A er a t wo-week vacation oversea s, I came back and got a permanent sponsor in my area He, too, wa s patient and w hen I told him I wa s eating protein bars, he simpl y said he wa s uncomfor table w ith that I thought to myself, Protein bars! I’m not even addicted to those! He didn’t drop me, didn’t bully me, didn’t tell me I didn’t have the willingness; he just listened patiently and told me he was simply expressing his d iscomfor t w ith my food choice Eventuall y, as I listened, it hit me. is g uy was giving his own time and energ y, free of charge, to help me and he had lost and kept

REGGIE M , MA

o more than 200 pounds doing it. I put my logic aside and listened. is guy was taking a chance on me; he believed in me He didn’t put me down or berate me, and I didn’t want to let him down.

Today, with the help of my fellows, sponsor, Higher Power, and an AWOL, I stand a f ull 103 pounds dow n from my top weight. I used to wish I’d found the program sooner, but now I know that I found it at the exact right time and in the exact right way for me. If I had found it earl ier, I might have d isregarded it. If I hadn’t had compa ssionate g uides, I might have dismissed it as another religion f ull of dogmatic bullies, and I might have rejected it. I do ser vice and help other food addicts because I know that if I want any chance at keeping what I’ve got, I’ve got to give it away It’s a divine alignment of selfinterest with ser vice.

nection is the onl y salvation from this d isease.

at connection is nourished by making phone calls, attending meetings, and helping ne wcomers, str ug glers, and the old g uard alike When I start behaving ippantly with the FA tools, I feel the connection begin to fray, and I know it’s time to investigate what’s reall y going on As I’ve heard it said in this program, w hen I stopped eating addictivel y, I began to see w hat wa s eating at me.

I do service and help other food addicts because I know that if I want any chance at keeping what I’ve got, I’ve got to give it away. It’s a divine alignment of self-interest with service.

Today, I have a connection with my Higher Power at connection is l i ke a compa ss that points me to where I need to go. Sometimes the path is di cult, and I’m reluctant, but I know that preser ving my spiritual con-

Today, I have the space in my mind and spirit to grapple w ith the sur v ival habits of my chi ld hood that played themselves out in my l ife, even though my circumstances have changed. With FA’s help, I’m slowly changing those behaviors to be more helpf ul and supportive of my recover y. I am grateful that this program exists that there is a solution, and I don’t have to gure it all out on my own. I know that the results will come, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, so long as I see to it that my connection with my Higher Power remains strong.

Anonymous

First 90 Days

S omething Cl i c ked

My journey towards recover y began with a simple decision to cut our and sugar from my diet, as suggested by my doctor. e results were swi ; my body responded positively by shedding weight. But, beneath the surface, my life still felt unmana geable. I still felt disconnected and aimless. I’d hoped that weight loss alone would bring control to the rest of my life. It did not. I may have changed my diet, but I hadn’t truly transformed my way of life.

Months of therapy followed, during which my doctor gently hinted that I needed more support than he alone could provide, even with medications.

cover y. Recover y? I felt insulted by the suggestion that I might be an addict. My primar y issues, a er all, were depression and anxiet y. Sure, I was also over weight, but what did that have to do with my life feeling out of control?

ROBIN M., NY

e thought of additional sessions weighed on me, especially since I was out of a job and unsure if I could a ord the nancial burden. To my surprise, my doctor didn’t prescribe more therapy. Instead, he recommended that I connect with people on a similar path of re-

Intrigued and a little resentful, I decided to give it a shot. My doctor handed me a copy of the book, Food Addicts in Recover y Anonymous. I reluctantly walked into my rst FA meeting , h a l f - e x p e c t i n g judgment and criticism. Instead, I was greeted with acceptance. at rst night, s o m e t h i n g clicked. Years of social isolation and the pandemic had conditioned me to believe I had to tackle life alone. Despite my discomfort, there was something di erent about these meetings. I saw parts of myself in the stories shared by these people as they spoke of their strug gles. I also heard hope. at ’ s what was missing in my life: hope. So, I kept showing up, week a er week.

One meeting a week turned into t wo, then a third, and before I knew it, the anonymous faces had become familiar. I started to know their names and stories and genuinel y saw that we were on a path of recover y together. It was as if I had found a new family, a tribe of people who understood me like no one else.

As my excess weight continued to drop, I began to gain something even more precious: stabilit y. I started saying, “I get to go to my meetings,” instead of “I have to go to my meetings.” On my most challenging days, I didn’t turn to food for solace because I knew my fellow FA members were struggling, too. And if they could lean on each other, so could I.

Even though my weight loss journey had started months before my rst meeting, my proper recover y began when I let go and put my trust in the process and tools of FA, as outlined by my sponsor. I thought I was alone in my struggles, but that couldn’t have been f urther from the truth. In other FA member’s stories, I saw myself. In their experiences, I found hope.

My fellows sustained me through those crucial rst 90 days, and their support continues to maintain me today. I may have walked into that rst meeting feeling broken and alone, but I le with a new found sense of communit y and a di erent way of life.

Kenneth J., Massachusetts, US

Twelve Traditions

Our common welfare should come rst; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

Each group should be autonomous except in matters a ecting other groups or FA as a whole.

Each group has but one primary purpose –to carry its message to the food addict who still su ers.

An FA group ought never endorse, nance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and lms.

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

Gone, But Not Forgotten

It took three months to lose my stepdad to cancer. He’d been d ia gnosed a fe w years prior and had done fairly well, but when hospice was called in, I felt like I’d lose my mind. My appetite was unusual l y low, and I struggled to get my meals in, but with the support of my sponsor and fellows, I was able to maintain my food plan. Al lowing myself to feel my emotions and not bur y them with food is not my default behavior, yet there I was making calls when what I wanted to do was hide from the world. I stayed abstinent, but not on my own. Before FA, all that I used to do during times of stress was eat, sleep, avoid, and isolate myself from people and situations that were distressing. Instead, I worked my tools, sometimes making extra cal ls and taking extra quiet time. I packed my food in advance before visiting my dad. It was an hour’s drive, so I would pack my lunch, and we’d eat together. If not for Program, I would have lived in the cafeteria of that VA hospital. ere were vending machines, but nothing available was abstinent. e miracle was that I wasn ’ t helplessly

draw n to those items as I had been in the past. en, I’d have been in that food l ike crazy. I would have been away from the hospice oor much more o en, and I wouldn’t have had the time I did with my dad. I’m so gratef ul to this program and my Higher Power (HP) for keeping me abstinent.

I found my HP through FA, and both gave me my life as well as the opportunit y to spend my dad’s last days by his side.

I found my HP through FA, and both gave me my life as well as the opportunit y to spend my dad’s last days by his side. I also made cal ls to fel lows, some of whom had gone through similar experiences, which helped immensely. What helped me the most was to keep on talking about how I was feeling , to stay in the moment, and to sit with my emotions no matter how uncomfortable that was. I know if I hadn ’ t found FA and if I hadn’t stayed abstinent, I would have lost my mind. I can experience joy but also sadness, and understand that I will sur vive, though my heart is breaking. I can stay present in my life and enjoy living it. is program gave me my life back. Abstinence gives me the qualit y of life to spend with the ones I love.

Sarah S., Ohio, US

S ettl ing Into Si lence

Sitting stil l, being quiet, and l istening patiently never came naturally to me. When my sp onsor told me to set a side 30 minutes each morning to sit quietly, I had a di erent plan. I thought I could sit down a er work and combine it with my nap. Per haps I could close the do or at scho ol w hen I w a sn ’ t te aching , or may b e rest in the bathtub for that number of minutes at the end of the day. e star t of the d ay w a s to o bus y w ith the bustle of the morning. I needed to get out the door. Plus, that was 30 extra minutes I could sleep!

As time p a ssed a nd my to ol s b ec a me more solid, I still shoved my quiet time into another part of the day. Sometimes it didn’t happ en b ec ause I forgot or could n ’ t stop w hat I w a s doing. My time w a s a l so interr upted by f a mi l y memb ers, or my phone would r ing , or a thoug ht would come to mind that needed attention. All sorts of interruptions prevented me from nishing it. I had many FA tools in place, but quiet time was scattered and i y.

At meetings, I he a rd p eople sha re how valuable this practice each morning was for them. It was the time they l istened to their Hig her Power. Fina l l y, I w a s w i l l ing to do whatever it took to stay abstinent. I started waking up early, brushing my teeth, reading

the Twe nt y-Four Hours a Day b o ok, a nd starting my 30-minute quiet time. I set my cel l phone a l arm for 31-one minutes, so I could take a fe w breaths and settle into the silence.

A er many months of abstinence w ithout a morning quiet time, I began the dail y practi ce of sta r ting the d ay by sp end ing time w ith my Hig her Power. S ometimes, the time went qui ckl y; sometimes, it seemed like forever. But showing up for my meeting in the morning w ith Go d ha s proven to me that miracles a re a l w ays on the hor izon. Ans wers to conf usi on, changes in plans, better ways to hand le situations, and peaceful serenit y have been del ivered in the morning during this time.

Loving this tool encoura ged me to enrol l in a mindf ul ness med itati on course for teachers, where I became certi ed to teach my students the value of tapping into their b est sel ves. My l i fe is d i erent b ec ause I sta r t my d ay qui etl y. I a m more p ati ent, kind, less rushed, more accurate in my work d ay, a nd more ava i l able to f a mi l y a nd f r i end s w ho need me. Gratef ul for qui et time, I feel closer to Go d a nd the FA fellowship that supports me each day to stay abstinent.

Margaret J., Ohio, US

B ecoming Aw are

Af ter str ug g l ing for f i ve years w ith overeating sugar and f lour product s, I shared this problem w ith my doctor. I w a s in my sixties. He told me, “ There’s a program for people l ike you Go onl ine and f ind a sponsor. ” This w a s a l ittle over nine years a go.

I was not unfamil iar with Twelve-Step recover y programs. Earl y in my professiona l l ife, I had an issue with alcohol. This awareness c a me f rom my chi ld ho o d , w atching my d ad l isten to his Irish v iny l record s and d rink beer a l l nig ht long. “ Your father ha s a d rinking problem,” my mother told me “ He c a n n o t s to p at o n e o r t wo d r i n k s. ” I felt I had the s ame problem. I had it bad.

Un f o r t u n ate l y, my l o w s e l f - e s te em p revented me from giving Alcoholics Anonym o u s a t r y. I ju s t co u l d n ’ t g o. I d i d p r a y, t h o u g h A n d m i r a c u l o u s l y, I w a s a b l e to quit. I haven’t had a d rink since.

Th o u g h s ob er f ro m a l co h o l , my a d d i ct i v e n at u re n o w a p p e a re d a s co m p u l s i v e wo r k a h o l i sm . I co u l d n ’ t s to p wo r k i n g . Th i s co n t i n u e d f o r m a ny y e a r s , a n d o v er time, wor k-rel ated st ress led to add i cti ve eating. Fina l l y, I w a s read y to seek help.

At my f i r s t FA m e et i n g , I i m m e d i ate l y fel t hop e that there w a s a sol uti on to my e at i n g p rob l em. I l i s ten e d to t h e sp e a k er

at the front of the room tel l her stor y and mar veled at the photo she pa ssed around t h e ro o m, s h o w i n g w h at s h e l o o k e d l i k e b e f o re co m i n g i n to FA . I w a s a m a ze d . How could this be the s ame person? This h a p p en e d s e v er a l t i m e s at s u b s e q u en t meetings. I w a s conv inced. And I rea l ized I w a s in the rig ht pl ace

At first, I could onl y relate to the physical problem of add i cti on. When I heard that add i cti on w a s a l so a menta l problem that required a Higher Power’s help, I d idn’t see how that appl i ed to me. As far a s I kne w, nothing w a s w rong w ith me, menta l l y or spiritua l l y. But af ter shedd ing 80 pound s, hav ing thoug ht I onl y had 25 to lose, I had my f i r s t c l u e t h at s o m et h i n g w a s w ro n g w ith me menta l l y. There’s a big d i fference bet ween 25 and 80 pound s, and I had not seen it

I w a s t r y i n g to c h a n g e . S p e c i f i c a l l y, I n e e d e d to l e a r n h o w to n o t h o l d a l l my f e e l i n g s i ns i d e O n e m o r n i n g , i n s h a r i n g my feel ings w ith my sponsor about some i s s u e , my sp o ns o r a s k e d , “ W h ere i s y o u r Hi g h er Po wer ? Yo u ’ re a c t i n g l i k e t h e Hi g her Power.” She sounded concerned. Getting off the cal l, I felt d ismayed and deci ded to med itate on it In this qui et time, my Hi g h er Po wer g o t m e to u n d er s t a n d

t h at I d i d n ’ t t r u s t a ny o n e b u t my s e l f. I could see how I had blo cked Go d out of my l i fe This sc ared me

I made up a shor t prayer, God , please teach m e t o t r u s t y o u . I s a i d t h i s p r a y er e v er y morning Cle a r l y, I w a s w a king up to the fact that I had a spiritua l problem in add it i o n to my p hy s i c a l a n d

m en t a l p ro blems. My aw areness g re w a s I co nt i n u e d p r a c t i ci n g t h e d a i l y to o l s o f FA . D u r i n g my d a i l y p h o n e c a l l s, I’d a sk FA fel lows w hy the to o l s wo r k e d

O n e wo m a n s u g g e s te d t h i s , “ Wo n d e r i n g w hy t h e to o l s wo r k i s f a r l e s s i m p o r t a n t t h a n d o i n g t h em e v er y d a y ” But I sti l l w a nted to know w hy. Another fel low s a i d , “ The tool s work bec ause the y bring us to the tr uth, and it is in tr uth that we f ind our Hig her Power.”

ta ke e ver y d ay to stay free from add i cti ve eating.”

S o m e h o w , I h av e A n d to my a m a zem en t , I ’ v e l e a r n e d t h at I ’ v e b e en h o l d i n g on to bel i efs and attitudes that no longer ser ve me I’ve come to rea l ize I don’t need to work compul si vel y. I don’t need to eat (o r d r i n k ) a dd i c t i v e l y I c a n t r u s t i n f re e l y s h a r i n g my f e e l i n g s a n d not be afra i d of a s k i n g my Hi g h er Po wer f o r h e l p. I c a n change.

SUSAN D., CA

O v er t i m e , I ’ v e b e co m e aw a re o f a d d iti ona l tr uths Li ke this, from my sponsor, “ Tr us t t h e p ro ce s s. Tr us t t h e a c t i o ns y o u

Th e l o n g er I a m a b s t i n en t , the clearer I see how physi c a l l y, m en t a l l y, a n d sp i r i t u a l l y i l l I w a s b e f o re co m i n g to FA . I ne ver w ant to l e av e h ere t h i n k i n g I c a n d o t h i s o n my ow n. I’m rea ssured by my sponsor that by working the tool s and doing ser v i ce, I c an pre vent that from happening FA is a bri ll iant program. As I heard fel low members s h a re , “ No t h i n g t a s te s a s g o o d a s a b s t inence feel s!”

Without Del ay

My dear mother-in-law wa s onl y 66 ye a rs old w hen she p a ssed aw a y re c e n t l y. S h e h a d b e e n l i v i n g w i t h a p hy s i c a l d i s a b i l i t y s i n ce h er e a r l y t h i r t i e s , b u t u n f o r t u n ate l y, i t d e v e lo p e d i n to s o m e t h i n g m o re s e r i o u s o v e r the pa st se vera l months, a lthoug h none of u s k n e w i t a t t h e t i m e I h a d k n o w n my h u s b a n d ’ s m o m f o r m o re t h a n 2 3 y e a r s , being the f irst d aug hter-in-l aw in the f ami l y, a n d f e l t h e r l o s s k e e n l y He r p a s s i n g w a s quite sudden a nd unexp ected. A f e w w e e k s b e f o re s h e p a s s e d , s o m et h i n g h a p p e n e d t h a t c a n o n l y b e a t t r i bu te d to my re c o v e r y i n FA a n d t h e p r i n c i p l e s , to o l s , a n d Tw e l v e Ste p s w e p r a c t i c e My t w e n t y - t h i rd w e d d i n g a nni vers a r y w a s appro aching , a nd I deci ded to express my appreci ati on to my in-l aws for ra ising such a wonder f ul son, my awesome husb a nd. It had n ’ t a l w ays b een this w ay. When I w a s st r ug g l ing in the depths o f my f o o d a d d i c t i o n , my m a r r i a g e s u ffered terr ibl y a nd w a s ext remel y ro cky at t i m e s. Ho we v er, w i t h a l m o s t t h re e y e a r s of continuous abstinence, our relationship h a s c h a n g e d c o m p l e te l y, a n d I s i n c e re l y w a n te d to e x p re s s my g r a t i t u d e a n d tha nks to my husb a nd’s a ma zing p a rent s

I chose a b e auti f ul c a rd decorated w ith

color f ul f lowers and a matching envelope. I sat dow n to w rite af ter my morning quiet time, a nd te a rs f i l led my e yes a s the word s f lowed out of my he a r t. I se a led the envelop e w ith a lovel y gold sti cker a nd ma i led it that same d ay. Little d id I know that this w o u l d b e t h e l a s t o p p o r t u n i t y I w a s to h av e to e x p re s s my g r a t i t u d e to my m o t h e r - i n - l aw d u r i n g h e r l i f e t i m e . S h e c a l led me on our wedd ing a nni vers a r y to t h a n k m e f o r t h e c a rd a n d te l l m e h o w m u c h s h e a p p re c i a te d re c e i v i n g i t . Th a t w a s t h e l a s t t i m e w e s p o k e . S h e p a s s e d aw ay t wo weeks l ater

Th a n k s to t h i s i n c re d i b l e p ro g r a m a n d the pr inci ples I have le a rned here, sp eci f ic a l l y the pr inci ple a nd to ol of g ratitude, I w a s a b l e to h o n e s t l y a n d o p e n l y e x p re s s how I fel t to my in-l aws. In doing so, I w a s co m f o r te d k n o w i n g t h at my m o t h er - i nl aw d i ed w ith the know led ge that her son w a s i n a h e a l t hy, h a p p y, a n d s e c u re m a rr i a ge I’m so g ratef ul to my Hi g her Power f o r p u t t i n g t h e i d e a to w r i te t h a t t h a n k y o u n o te i n to my h e a d a n d f o r n u d g i n g m e to s en d i t o f f w i t h o u t d e l ay I b e l i e v e t h a t my Hi g h e r Po w e r i s i n t i m a te l y i nv o l v e d w i t h e v e r y d e t a i l o f my l i f e , a n d w hen I am abstinent, I c an see it so clearl y S hai ndy F., F lor id a, US

R ec i p e for Happiness

We have icebreaker activities at a weekly work meeting. For this one week, we were asked to share a favorite recipe. My initial thought was, I don’t do recipes! ank you, God, my recover y talks back to that part of me that is selfrighteous and wants to keep me isolated. I heard right a er that thought, Be agreeable, be one among many, share one of your late g randmother’s recipes.

Despite facing systematic obstacles and having only a third-grade education, my grandmother owned a successful catering business, published a cookbook, and created a Creole seasoning that still sells today. It was so easy for me to pull the cookbook o the shelf and simply pick one to share. Mind you, it had been a really long time since I had read the cookbook. I opened it up and read the rst recipe. I had no recollection of ever reading that particular recipe before. e title was “Recipe for Happiness,” written by my beloved late father. So, I started reading, and I promise y ’all, it is the Twelve Steps in a recipe. I was moved to tears as the words lled the God-sized hole in my body.

Today, this recipe is a cherished treasure. How did my dad know this? Did I discover this at just the right time in my life when I could appreciate the spiritual principles be-

hind his cleverness? To me, my dad’s “Recipe for Happiness” is the way of living I now crave. I cried even more tears of gratitude for having such an amazing ancestr y. I t yped out the recipe and could not wait for the icebreaker. Miss “I don’t wanna ” took action and was now all in.

I’ve heard that in FA we don’t do recipes or concoctions, but I now beg to di er. If you surrender to this program, your life will change, and you will nd yourself following my dad’s recipe for happiness.

Recipe for Happiness

Ser ving Size: 1

1 cup good thoughts

1 cup kind deeds

1 cup consideration

2 cups sacri ce for others

3 cups forgiveness

2 cups of well-beaten faults

Mix thoroughly and add a teaspoon of joy, sorrow, and sympathy. Flavor with little gi s of love. Fold in ve cups of prayer and faith to lighten all other ingredients and raise texture to great heights of character. A er pouring all this into your daily life, bake well with the heat of human kindness. Ser ve this o en.

Ser ving Ideas: Ser ve with a smile, and it will satisf y the hunger of the soul.

Yolanda P., Texas, US

WR unning on Fumes

hen I came into the rooms of FA, I had no idea how my Higher Power would help me lose weight. I wasn ’ t even thinking about much of anything other than how to get this weight o me! Just to be clear, I did not have a lot of weight to lose, but that didn’t matter, because the tortured thoughts in my addict head more than made up for the actual weight. ese negative thoughts consisted of the following : You’re fat ; No matter how much or little you weigh, you’ll never amount to anything. You’re not smart enough. You procrastinate; you have no follow-through or stick-toit-ness. Even if you lose weight, you can ’ t keep it o . Oh, I could go on. But does that sound like the voice from a Higher Power that wants the best for me and the rest of the world? I don’t think so.

how I was, I probably would have given you some ip answers to convince you and myself that ever ything was perfect. But what was really happening was that ever y time I over-ate and ever y time I practiced bulimia, I was sinking further into that negative place that is like quicksand. Denial is ver y powerful, and mine was on dut y 24/7!

I didn’t know that my personalit y needed changing.

I was a 50-year-old mother of t wo teenagers, with a loving and supportive husband. But I lacked the fuel to be either a good mother or a good wife, not to mention a woman who loved herself and God. And if I didn’t love myself, how could I love or help others? I was running on fumes, out of gas, and coasting downhill. If you had asked me

I have maintained my goal weight for almost 13 years. Now, I can focus on things that are more important. When I came into FA, I didn’t know that the food scale, meetings, phone calls, Big Book, and Twent y-Four Hours a Day book would free me from my critical and judgmental self, along with the help of a Higher Power, I could start to think and act more positively Today, I can o er love more f ully and deeply, to others and to myself. And that’s just the beginning. I didn’t know that my personalit y needed changing and that as I worked and lived the Twelve Steps, I could get better as a human being ere were a lot of things I didn’t know when I came into FA. I am learning continually and, God willing, I will remain steadfast on this path

S er v i ce Hea l s

On e S at u rd ay m o r n i n g , I wo k e up stu y and feel ing wea k, sti l l ghting o the u bug I’d come down with the week before. Nine days and I just could n ’ t sha ke this thing. en I remembered that I committed to lead ing an FA meeting at 9 a .m. that morning.

How would I get the energ y and menta l cl arit y to tel l my stor y? I kne w I had to get focused on the next rig ht thing , so I c a l led my sponsor, prayed, and drove the 40 minutes to the meeting. I stopped at the store to buy some decongestant med icine and a bottle of w ater. As I took the pi l l s, I a sked Go d to p u t t h e wo rd s i n my m o u t h t h at would ser ve others and f ul l l my HP’s wil l. I parked my c ar and remembered how I’d gotten d readf ul l y lost in the c reepy ba sement the l a st time I’d qua l i ed at this loc at i o n. I d e c i d e d to a s k f o r h e l p. A wo r k er appeared who was happy to bring me right to the meeting room.

It w a s a lmost 9:00. I sat and read the form at , p r ay e d t h e S eren i t y Pr ay er, a n d l i sten e d to t h e re a d i n g s f ro m t h e A A Bi g Book, the steps, and the tool s. I began to f e e l s t ro n g er a n d m o re cen tere d . By t h e time we read the tool of ser v ice, I felt ener g i ze d a n d p ro ce e d e d to te l l my s to r y, s h a r i n g w h at i t w a s l i k e , w h at h a p p en e d ,

a n d w h at i t w a s l i k e n o w . A s I sp o k e , I wondered if there were ne wcomers at the

m e et i n g . e l o v e a n d em p at hy o n t h e faces of the fel lows l istening f ur ther energ ized me.

I nished my stor y and read the rema inder of the format, a sking if there w a s anyone there for the rst time. ere w a s one person. I was touched that maybe my stor y would hel p this woma n. e bre a k w a s a time for connecting w ith people I seldom s e e , a n d t h en i t w a s b a c k to t h e m e et i n g and time for me to l l up hearing the experience, streng th, and hope of others. e m e et i n g en d e d , a n d I e x p er i en ce d e v en m o re c l o s en e s s a n d f e l l o w s h i p m i n g l i n g w ith other specia l people.

As I drove home, I mar veled at how I had gone into this commitment w ith the a im o f d o i n g s er v i ce b u t f e e l i n g t i re d a n d fog g y-headed. Yet I le the meeting l led up w ith st reng th f rom my Hi g her Power a n d t h e f e l l o w s h i p, l l e d w i t h g r at i t u d e t h at I n o l o n g er h a d to l i v e i n t h e h e l l o f f o o d c r av i n g a n d ob s e s s i o n o f w a n t i n g more, the hel l of active food add iction. So, as o en happens when I do ser v ice and ask God for help, I gave but got so much more in return.

Janice M., Massachusetts, US

Enjoy ing the R i de

I’ m a rol ler coaster fanatic. I love them. Nothing compares to the feel ing I get from the drops, rol ls, loops, and acceleration of a t wisting , turning coaster. Am I an adrenal ine junkie? You bet.

I’ve enjoyed these wild rides from the time I was tal l enough to pass the red l ine on the measuring stick, and have spent many vacati ons t r y ing out the ne west, f a stest rol ler coasters. Until my thirties, I had no fear of these beasts. Why would I? ey were my

favorite things. e fear began a s I ga ined weight. I’ve always been a food add ict, but it w a s not unti l my mi d-t wenti es that my eating got out of hand. at ’ s when I put on large amounts of weight.

I would get ner vous as I got closer to the r i de. Would I t? Would the y have to squee ze me into the se at? S ome theme parks e ven had specia l rows for l arger pat rons. I’d d isc reetl y nd out w here these rows were on each ride, and then make sure

that I was in that line. It wasn ’ t until my early thir ti es that my wei g ht b ega n inter fer ing w ith my p a ssi on. I w a s wel l over 250 pounds. As a person who is ve foot t woand-a-half inches, I was morbid l y obese.

I w i l l never forget my feel ings of shame, embarrassment, and fear when I had to step o a rol ler coaster because I was too big to st rap myself in s afel y. is w a l k of sha me w a s one of the most humi l i ating things I have e ver exp er i enced in my l i fe. Do you think that event changed my eating habits? Not at all. Food had too much of a hold on me. In fact, my weight crept up to over 290 pounds.

Fa st for w a rd ve ye a rs. I found FA throug h a f r i end , a nd I now have a l most three ye a rs of abstinence. R ecentl y, I accomp a ni ed my 14-ye a r-old son a nd his cl a ss to a theme p a r k to p a r ti ci p ate in Physics Day. e entire point of this event was to learn about the physics of d i erent roller coasters and to experience them rsthand.

anks to my recover y in FA, I wa s able to r i de a ny rol ler co a ster I chose. At 40 ye a rs of a ge, I kept up w ith a cl a ss f ul l of young teens. Because of my recover y from food add iction, I was able to enjoy my passion a gain. No fear, worr y, or shame; onl y drops, rol ls, loops, and lots of acceleration.

a nk you, FA, for g i v ing me b ack my l ife.

Mindy P., Florida, US

Twelve Steps

We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our a airs.

No Matter What

IHead O ver Heel s

have heard that mov ing is one of l ife’s biggest stressors. It became mine when I w a s ve ye a rs abstinent a nd found myself mov ing from smal l-tow n Maine to big-cit y Oregon. I was also mov ing from a three-bedroom house with a f ull attic, basement, and a t wo-car gara ge, to one room in my son ’ s house. ere were ma ny cha llenges.

I w a s o en overw hel med by the a mount of stu I had to get r i d of.

ankf ul l y, my abstinence was strong d ur ing this time. I felt okay about the move b ec ause I kne w Por tl a nd , Oregon had a st rong FA pro g ra m, a nd I t r usted I would b e welcomed w ith op en arms. I would be surrounded by my fellows there, as I had been in Maine.

Oregon, I felt lost and out of place. I would share my feel ings w ith my fel lows in both Maine and Oregon. Final l y, someone said to me, “K ate, w hy don’t you t r y keeping your head where your feet are?”

A l ight bulb went on inside of me, and I re a l ized that i f the thoug ht s in my he ad were al l about Maine, but my feet were in Oregon, I w a s not present for either place.

What I wasn ’ t prepared for was just how much I would miss my sma l l-tow n, slowp aced l i fe in Ma ine. I had c a l led Ma ine home for most of my l ife, and my rst experiences in FA were there. O en while in

Simi l a r l y, my desire to ta ke that rst unpl a nned bite is o en f ueled not by the circumsta nces going on around me, but by my interpretati on of those circumstances and the stor y I create in my he ad ab out them. To this d ay, when I recognize my head is o creating a stor y some where, I take a moment to look dow n at my feet, remind ing myself to keep my head where my feet are. I then can let go of the stor y a nd b ecome present for the moment I am in. KateR

ANNA B , NM

Ne w S ong

When my husband and I take a road trip, we o en plug in his old iPod and sing our way to our next adventure. ough I cannot read a note of music, my dream job has always been to be a backup singer.

On one such occasion, my husband and I became Diana Ross and e Supremes. e song? Stop in the Name of Love, a Motown classic. He took on Diana’s lead vocal, making us laugh with his best falsetto. I became Florence and Mar y, the backup singers.

At the end of the song, my husband gently corrected me on my singing of the closing refrain, “ ink it o-o-ver… ink it o-o-ver… ” .

Ha! Without realizing it, I had been singing, “Turn it o-o-ver…Turn it o-o-ver. ”

Now if I could only remember to do that the next time I’m obsessively ruminating over my latest pet peeve or negative thought!

Maria B., New Jersey, US

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the di erence.