Fenuxe Magazine Issue 4: Dating

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EDITOR’SNOTE

Hello Atlanta! Our community is vocal, outspoken and loves to be heard, but not on all accounts. Dating seems to be one of those subjects we just don’t want to talk about. We’ve either been burned in a previous circumstance or we keep quiet about our current situation so we don’t “rock the boat.” But how do we succeed at dating? How do we learn from our mistakes and have the perfect date? Fenuxe explored the world of dating. We did our research and found one clear message: gay dating is very different from straight dating. There are many more considerations. Where do you find a good date? Where do you go on your date? What do you wear? How do you get back into the dating world? In this issue, uncover possibilities for your new interest, old interest, or interest yet to be discovered. Enjoy! See you in two weeks!

William

William Duffee-Braun Editor-In-Chief

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Published by TW MEDIA GROUP ©2010 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 1123 Zonolite Road, Suite 7B, Atlanta, GA 30306 Phone: 404.835.2016 Fax: 404.835.2356 Opinions and claims made by advertisers are those of the advertisers only. Fenuxe accepts no liability for any claims made by advertisers. The views and opinions expressed in this issue are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any agency of TW Media Group, LLC.

Publisher TW Media Group, LLC Editor-In-Chief William Duffee-Braun Graphic Art Director Christopher Barker Senior Writer Patrick Saunders Contributing Photographer Louis Lindic Fashion Photographer Jeff Wolk ( jeffwolkphotography.com) Fashion Creative Director Demetrius Williams Sales Executive Jessica Olson Graphic Intern Paige Allen Contributing Writers/Editors Jack Mauro, Kelley Pounders, Ernesto Francisco, Lucy Dixon

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Special Thanks to The Livingston Resturant & Bar, The Fox Theatre, Dewey Sadka, and Dwayne Kinney

To Advertise, please call 404.835.2016 or visit www.fenuxe.com Any photographs of persons are the responsibility of the submitter who expressly indemnifies Fenuxe Magazine (henceforth “Fenuxe”) and its affiliates against claims for any unauthorized use thereof. In conjunction with this indemnity, the submitter expressly warrants that use of any photos submitted is fully authorized by the subject and photographer. Fenuxe reserves the right to publish submissions of photographs or other images without providing credit for images. Fenuxe does not guarantee that credit will be provided for any material. The appearance of subjects and contributors in photographs or editorial matter in Fenuxe is not to be construed as indicative of the sexual orientation or personal practices of any individual. No implication with respect thereto is intended, and none should be inferred.



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FeatureContents 2010.3.6

10

Tyra & Bebe: The Fenuxe Interview

10

Celebrity drag stars discuss careers and dating

12

Fashionable Fragrances Must-have dating aromas

F.E.N.U.X.E

19

Fashion Date By Design Events 14 Days / 14 Dates Nightlife Love, Lust, Libations Urban Culture Discovery Dates X-plore Copenhagen Eats Woodfire Grill

14

22

Living & Loving Gay in the “A�

27

The Agenda

Atlanta happenings: Business, Culture & Nightlife

Midtown Atlanta Directory

29 30

Full feature map of Bars, Clubs, Restaurants, Attractions, etc.

7 Ways to Get A Date Tips & Tricks

32

Fashion: Captivate

22

By Jeff Wolk

39

When Worlds Collide:

Quantum Physics of Dating

40 Flashing Lights

Crossword Puzzle Enter to WIN

42

44 Ask Mary In The Stars 46 Humorous advice from Mary Makers-McMark

32



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TYRA BEBE THE FENUXE INTERVIEW

Fenuxe's first dual interview couldn’t have happened with a more appropriate set of people: Nea Marshall Kudi and James Ross---better known by their dual personas BeBe Zahara Benet and Tyra Sanchez, respective winners of “Rupaul’s Drag Race” seasons one and two.

These lovely ladies got together for the very first time to talk with Fenuxe in an exclusive interview about passing the “Drag Race” torch, celebrity fans, local girls Nicole Paige Brooks and Sonique, what’s keeping the LGBT community from achieving equality and, of course, dating! Fenuxe: Thank you both for joining us! So is there anyone that you model yourselves after? Tyra Sanchez: I model myself after a lot of celebrities but I just add my own twist to it. BeBe Zahara Benet: There’s no one in particular that I model myself after. I just get inspired by what hits me in the moment, like walking down the street and seeing someone and seeing what they’re wearing and what they are doing. I use everything around me, that’s where I model my look and my persona from. Fenuxe: What’s the craziest or most surprising thing that’s happened to each of you since winning? Tyra: The most surprising is that celebrities have called! They’re saying they were fans of me on the show and I’ve been fans of them for much longer. I ran into Jasmine Guy in New York and then Trina called me one time, so that’s kind of crazy. BeBe: The most surprising would be little kids recognizing you on the street! You’d see a child, a little girl, go “I know her! I know her!” [laughs]. It’s surprising how our art form is really evolving to the point where parents are sitting down with their kids to watch “Drag Race.” I think that helps a lot because it helps the next generation coming up be more open minded about alternative lifestyles. 10

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Fenuxe: What were your favorite challenges on the show? Tyra: The last challenge, the video [“Jealous of My Boogie”], because I love to act. Although they didn't show that much of it, we did a lot of work. BeBe: The Oprah challenge, because it shows a lot of facets of drag. When you see us looking all flashy and glamorous it shows that a lot of good drag artists have a lot of talents, like Tyra with her acting. There are so many other things we can do besides being a singer performing a number. Fenuxe: What are your thoughts about the cattiness and infighting on the show? Tyra: I think it's part of life, it's just elevated 10 times more on the show. We had no contact with the outside world, so when you get frustrated, it comes out any number of ways. You're just angry and upset and it just comes out. BeBe: I think people just want to put a finger on a group of people who are just expressing their frustrations. I think cattiness happens everywhere---it's how you deal with it that matters. So although we had elements of that on the show, it was history after it was over and we moved on. Fenuxe: What do you think about Atlanta? Tyra: Jungle is awesome as always. I love Atlanta. I have a lot of gay family here and I may be moving here, I don't know yet. I'm looking at Atlanta and LA for the movies and TV shows, I just want to take my time and do it the right way. BeBe: I've never been to Atlanta. I've had so many invitations to come there but I just haven't had any time. But I know when I take my one woman show on the road, Atlanta will be one of the places I have to take the show to. Hopefully by this summer I'll be able to visit. Fenuxe: So Tyra, we had two Atlanta girls on the show this year, Nicole Paige Brooks and Sonique. What were your impressions of them and do you keep in touch with them? Tyra: I've been in contact with Sonique and I hear from Nicole every now and then. I think Sonique represented the Atlanta girls perfectly. Umm...I don't like to say anything bad or anything but it is my opinion…I just think Nicole, being one of the oldest ones and the one with the most experience…I just expected more from her as far as her drag. Fenuxe: So this issue of Fenuxe is all about dating. Are either of you dating anyone right now?

Tyra: Right now no, I’m single. BeBe: I have a lot of suitors but right now my eye is on my career so I’m going to focus on that. I have enough trouble focusing on myself [laughs]. I’d totally like for it to happen naturally but right now I want to focus on myself. Fenuxe: What kind of barriers do you think the LGBT community runs into in the dating world? BeBe: I think there are a lot of stereotypes in the LGBT community. We should be working as a group to secure equal rights but only in our community do we create so many labels and we feel we can only date someone that fits that certain label. I think it’s making the community segregated. It makes it so frustrating for people who are struggling with their sexuality or struggling to come out or people who are even struggling to have a partner, just to find someone that is compatible with them---everything is so segregated. I don’t understand how you can be asking for equality when at the same time there is no equality within the community. Fenuxe: So where do you each want to take this success? What do you want to do with your careers? Tyra: Well being that I can’t sing, I don’t have any interest in music but I really want to act. That’s my dream. Whether I’m in a movie as James or Tyra or both, that’s what I want to do. Fenuxe: Anyone in particular that you want to work with? Tyra: I would love to work with Tyler Perry, Oprah and Steven Spielberg. And I would love to be in “Avatar,” that’s like my dream [laughs]. Fenuxe: And Bebe? BeBe: I’m working on a one-woman show called “Queendom.” That’s my baby right now. It’s a lot of work, so I’m really focusing on that. Fenuxe: Great, well is there anything else you two want to say to each other? Tyra: Thank you so much for everything BeBe, you’re a very big inspiration. BeBe: Definitely give me a call Tyra, I’m honestly really happy for you. I think you did a wonderful job and I think that there’s just so much waiting in store for you. So just take some time to really enjoy the moment because for one year you can enjoy the moment then the next year you get right back into working really hard. So this is your year, so just enjoy it! Fenuxe: both!

Thank

you

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W WOMEN

Chanel Chance 3.4 oz. $105.00

Chanel comes to the rescue for summer with this intoxicatingly refreshing scent. Just dab a bit on your pulse points and let your body heat release this radiant reward her way. Notes of citron, hyacinth, white musk and jasmine blend together seamlessly with a dash of pepper to spice things up. This is your Chance.

D&G Light Blue 3.4 oz. $85.00

Dolce & Gabbana make it feel great to be blue. Delicate Sicilian citron, granny smith apple, jasmine sambac, white rose and bluebell grab hold of her first, before the bamboo, cedarwood and amber settle her in. This fabulously feminine fragrance has an easy charm that compliments you no matter the situation. It’s D&G Light Blue.

Hermes Voyage d'Hermes 3.3 oz. $125.00

SCENTS OF

ADVENTURE

T

he fragrance is often the final accessory to put on before flying out the door for the big date, but it might just be the most important! Your outfit might wow the crowds at Atlanta Fashion Week but that won't save you from a poorly selected scent. Fenuxe found the fragrances both classic and new to leave them wanting more of you.

High fashion invades the senses with Voyage d’Hermes. The journey begins citrusy and bursting with excitement before settling down to a lovely lull with a woody, musky glide. It’s new, it’s fresh and it's out there waiting for you. Hermes guides you along on a limitless voyage you’ll never forget. Je l’adore

U UNISEX

Bvlgari Au the Blanc 2.5 oz. $80.00

Own the night with Bvlgari. A delicate blend of masculine and feminine, Au the Blanc seduces the soul with sweet notes of artemisia leaves and ambrette on top, a woody middle and a citrus orange base. Men, women and everyone in-between can take it on and make it theirs for a night that’s bound to last into morning.

Cartier Declaration 3.3 oz. $85.00

There’s more than one way to wear Cartier. You’ll find out why with this elegant eau de toilette spray. Declaration is clean, soft and sensual---it will draw him in just enough to call attention to you without announcing its presence. Orange, bergamot and jasmine notes mix with oakmoss, amber and cedar to create a whirlwind of the senses. You’ll declare this fragrance a hit.

M MEN

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Diesel Fuel For life 2.4 oz. $55.00

Don’t worry, the only thing this diesel will fuel is his passion. The dashing design house brings you Fuel For Life, an energetic blend of the sweet and citrusy star anise, raspberry, grapefruit, lavender and heliotrope evened out by a note of dry woods to give it a masculine undertone. This classic cologne comes from good jeans.


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FENUXE

F FASHION

[DATE BY DESIGN] THEY called you back and the date is on! But wait, the date is

on tonight and you've got nothing to wear. Luckily the lovely sales associates at Atlanta's best boutiques are familiar with such emergencies. Whether it's a simple lunch date or a high-end dinner, these dynamos have got the passion for fashion and are ready to help us find the latest looks for love. Brandi Barnes Shelton, co-owner of Edgewood boutique The Beehive, Ben Boykin from the Virginia-Highland location of Bill Hallman and David Boswell, manager at Boy Next Door weigh in!

If you're a lad on a lunch date, Shelton says pair a v-neck t-shirt or basic oxford with flat-front khakis. Accessory tip? “Don't be afraid to experiment with a fedora,” she says. Boykin's bet is Bill Hallman slacks in a skinny trouser or a golf cut. They're versatile and can work in both day and nighttime. Pair those with a breathable button-up in cotton or linen and you're on your way. If you're jonesin' for jeans, watch the cut. “Flare-leg jeans are plaguing the gay community,” Boykin says. Boy Next Door's Boswell says you can get away with shorts on a lunch date but just stick with something fun like a plaid pair of Ben Shermans with a solid shirt [see “Captivate” photo shoot on page 32] . “That's a 60 or 70 dollar look for a nice lunch date if you're going down the street to Hobnob or sitting outside at Cowtippers,” he says. Going high-end for your dinner date? Boykin says slide a light blazer over a light button-up (it's hot out!), then add a slim slack and a loafer. Boswell's call is a short-sleeve, light cotton Ben Sherman knit (“They're nice and dressy without being too dressy”) with white denim jeans from Division E. What about the woman with nothing to wear? Shelton's picks for lunch are kneeshorts with a tank top and a pair of espadrilles. “It's a nice summer shoe and it always makes your legs look nice,” she says. For dinner, Boykin says go navy in a solid simple dress and accessorize with a “crazy handbag.” Shelton says the right to bare arms at a nice restaurant is limited, so wear a pashmina or a little shrug with that delish dress. But no matter the details of the date, from casual to formal, color is key. The hot women's colors this spring are magenta, yellow, blue and especially teal says Boykin. As for the boys, Boswell's banking on orange, purple and sky blue. Go forth with confidence now that your looks are lined up for the most delectable of dates! 14

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FENUXE

E EVENTS

en e Gard ils in th Cockta ta Botanical n at Atla , 6PM t Garden its on a sunse al c Sip spir nibble on lo r, saunte and let love . cuisine the garden in bloom

photog at s Space Body+ exhibit open raphy allery, 7PM pb&j g ntemporary osts The co od gallery h f Kirkwootography o ing the ph ueller, includ t Eva M l nudes to se severa od. the mo

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Taste of Latin Atlanta food festival at Blackburn Park, 12PM Latin food + love = a spicy Sunday in the park in all the right ways.

Chr “Bio istina A Din nic” d guiler a boe in tonrops a’s Chr ttle of ight w sim istina’s wine a ith ple, n sex newes d y ev t for enin a g.

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Midt Intro own Bow friendduce him l a few s while to your perfe frames- bowling break ct pastim--it’s the him in e to .

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14 14 DATES DAYS

“Dreamgirls” at Screen on the Green, 8PM Lay out under the stars for the Oscar-winning wonder of this glamorous gay fave.

d l Secon erry Hilll, 7PM b e tl s a C Art Stro Friday our time and s y e ther’ is k a T each o th exploreand tastes in minds arts district. historic

Ma at P xwell w Wa hilips ith Ji hea rm eac Arena ll Scot sen rts wi h oth , 7PM t fromsual s th a ni er’s the oul m ght o f se t wo usic gem s.

See abo what hot ut at t all the homspot W he rom fuss is fina e of “ oodfir antic [see list KevTop Che Grill, pag in G ef ” e 21 illes pie! ]

vs. San Dream Stars at ta n a Atl Silver AntonioArena, 3PMame s ip dg il h P a heate s Take inps by the prothen o t, o s h e f o ow it b who knn early a b ner. ra g wn din downto

“True Love Lies” final performance at Horizon Theatre, 8PM It’s your last chance to take him to this comedy with a gay plot line from one of the writers of “Queer as Folk.”

Aut Relaomatic Not pse T Impro Lea quick heatre, v at to t ve the on you 8PM Relahe talenimprov r feet? is pse t on 1 ed teaming 4th stre at et.

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FENUXE

N NIGHTLIFE

HIDEAWAYS FOR

LOVE + LIBATIONS

A

hhh the drink date. The dinner date's laid-back cousin. A petite portion of the pressure at half the cost. But while the allure of the drink date is strong, where in the world do you find that quiet spot to settle in and get to know your mate in Atlanta's bustling gay bars? Fenuxe found the secret spots for you to lead your lad or lady for some one-on-one time. A rule to live by when searching for sanctuary? Get thee to a patio! The crowd is condensed and the music is muted so YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK THIS LOUDLY TO FIND OUT THE NAME OF YOUR DATE'S DOG.

PATIOS Mixx, Amsterdam and Blake's have the patios for personal time but the outdoor layout at Burkhart's is a Fenuxe fave. Secluded benches, candles, a back-corner here and there and just the right level of light make for that sublime scenario when he slides his hand across the way to yours or when she leans over to sneak that first kiss. Patios aren't your sensual preference? You need some sofa settings.

SIDEROOMS Jungle has a side room to spread out in if you like your conversation served with beats, but you’ll find the true love seat in East Atlanta. Slide through the swarm of the bar at Mary’s, curl around the corner and lead the way to you and your date’s secret lair up the stairs. The couch is comfy and the shadows are just right for the flawless date night.

IN THE SHADOWS Speaking of shadows, welcome to The Eagle and The Heretic! We would try to recommend just one spot to slip away to, but there are too many to choose from at these longtime houses of hideaways. Walk through the doors, find a spot to both of your liking inside or out and talk the night away---emphasis on “talk.” So there’s no reason to fear. The pressure is off, you’ve got a road map to refuge at a wealth of watering holes. Your sublime scenario awaits! 16

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WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF A

PERFECT DATE? Ted Bruner, President, agLCC: A perfect date for me is always somewhere we can walk and have a nice conversation. A nice walk to Ecco for dinner and drinks at the bar is a great way to start the evening. Then we would walk over to the rooftop of The Palomar Hotel for drinks at Alto Rex---I really like their private cabanas.

Tracee McDaniel, Executive Director Juxtaposed Center for Transformation: My idea of a perfect date is doing something out of the ordinary like spending the night in a lakeside suite at a local resort and then sharing a romantic dinner with my spouse of fourteen years in order to reconnect with each other!

Justin Ziegler, Executive Director, aen: The perfect date for me can involve doing almost anything...conversation is key and someone who can make me laugh always gets and keeps my attention. I also like the arts so something like a museum, theater, ballet or music is definitely going to be more fun for me and hopefully that's something we will share!

Bill Kaelin, Owner, Bill Kaelin Marketing

รท =+ My idea of a perfect date would be strolling around at the artwalk in Castleberry followed by dinner and a cocktail at the bar at Serpas. The general manager Matt Livingston is fabulous and will take care of your every need. A nightcap at Aurum Lounge would be the perfect way to end the evening.

รท + SCHLOEMER BOOKKEEPING x = SERVICES

+

Pam Schloemer, President www.schloemerbookkeeping.com pam@schloemerbookkeeping.com 770.237.9173

let US do the math


FENUXE

U URBAN CULTURE

A DATE OF DISCOVERY

T

he wonderful thing about our sensational city is you don’t have to play by the rules when it comes to planning your date. Why do dinner and a movie when you’ve got a city to explore? From under the sea to the top of the world, we’ve got the Fenuxe finds for the freshest dates.

Step off the street and into the deep with a date at The Georgia Aquarium. 500 different species of 100,000 animals await you both, including manta rays, beluga whales and whale sharks. You’re in gayfriendly confines too: the Aquarium will host Atlanta Pride’s Official Kickoff Party in October for the second year in a row! www.georgiaaquarium.org It’s time to get dry and meet some new friends aboveground at Zoo Atlanta. The longtime home of the cute, the cuddly and the downright bizarre makes for great conversation and occasional flirtation. Reserve two spots at the Wild on the Rocks event on June 17th and you’ll get drinks from the open bar, a little nosh and a lot of brownie points. www.zooatlanta.org How about you go play in the trees at the newly opened Canopy Walk at the Atlanta Botanical Garden? Get a literal bird’s-eye view as you stroll along the four-story tall suspension bridge surrounded by one of the city’s largest urban forests. Glance down at the wondrous gardens below and take it in---you’re in Midtown Atlanta and love is blooming. www.atlantabotanicalgarden.org Be among the crowd for a day at the ballpark at an Atlanta Braves game. Settle in, give a friendly nod to your neighbors and feel the breeze cool you both. One thing is certain: sunshine, a cold drink and a hot date at the Braves game makes for the ultimate city scene. A bonus? Players in tight baseball pants don't hurt either. www.atlantabraves.com Climb your way to the sky for the city’s top date spot at The Sundial Restaurant, Bar & View at The Westin Peachtree Plaza, the tallest hotel in the Western Hemisphere. Settle in 73 stories above downtown as the restaurant gently revolves to give you a 360 degree view of the city with the widest array of alternative date spots. Welcome to Sundial. www.sundialrestaurant.com 18

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FENUXE

X

X-PLORE

LIVINGTHELIFE

COPENHAGEN BY ERNESTO FRANCISCO

Nyhavn, Copenhagen

THERE

is only one place in the world where mermaids exist, where the Queen is loved by her people, where lesbians and gays were the first to be allowed to legally marry and where the guards in the castle are not only brave but drop-dead gorgeous! Take an extended weekend date to Copenhagen, Denmark.

A hint about the Danish: they LOVE our Southern hospitality. Hop on the nonstop Delta Air Lines flight to Copenhagen and settle into the sumptuous business class seats as you and your weekend date go over your whirlwind itinerary (deals can be had for $3500 roundtrip in business class, $850 roundtrip in economy, www.delta.com). Upon arrival in Copenhagen you can take a taxi to the city center for about 300 Danish Kroner ($60 US) or be green and take the driverless, fully automated Metro for less than $5.

Den Lille Havfrue (The Little Mermaid)

Royal Rosenborg Castle

Arrive early Saturday morning and you’ll have plenty of time to get to your hotel and cuddle up for a disco nap before heading out on the town. We chose the Hotel Admiral (Toldbodgade 24-28, 1253 København K) in the heart of the old city, a former warehouse built in the 19th century that has absolutely stunning views across the water of the Copenhagen Opera House.

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After a quick rest, there is nothing better than a romantic walk around Copenhagen. Its compact layout makes it possible to walk from one end to the other in 30 minutes. Start your walk north of the city center at Oesterport and see sights like Den Lille Havfrue (The Little Mermaid), Kastelet (the old fort), København Oper, Nyhavn (a canal with pastel-colored buildings and outdoor cafes and restaurants) before ending up in the old center of the city. End your lovers' walk near City Hall and familiarize yourselves with the neighborhood...you will be back later in the night!

GEFION FOUNTAIN

Return to your hotel to prepare for great Danish dining. At the start of Raedhauststrass is Restaurant Nytorv (Nytorv 15, 1450 København K). The prices are a bit steep but the quality of the food is totally worth it---is there any other group in the world that can prepare salmon better than Scandinavians? Enjoy the conversation you and your date will have with locals and then walk off dinner...you are headed out for some nightlife action! The LGBT bars in Copenhagen are centrally located. We decided to head to the lovely, cozy Jailhouse (Studiestræde 12, 1455 København K), a bar and restaurant built like a jail with bars on the windows and employees dressed in their blacks and blues. Trust us, you'll be thankful for time served. Sunday morning calls for a couples recharge! Hotel Adina has a delightful breakfast but you have plenty of options to appease your hunger in Copenhagen. A romantic brunch along the Nyhavn is highly recommended. Afterward take a walk to Rosenberg Castle, which contains the Danish Royal family Crown Jewels. The guards are approachable and love to chat about the grounds. Ask them about the many museums which have free admission on Sunday. Let Sunday be your free night, but be mindful that the flight back home to Atlanta leaves at 11:15AM. Enjoy the flight home clicking champagne glasses with your weekend date as you reminisce about your wondrous time with the Danish---you WILL want to come back...together!

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Operaen (Copenhagen Opera House)


FENUXE

E

INSIDEDISH Slow Roasted Pork Belly

with pickled apples & peanut butter 1 Whole Pork Belly (skin off ) 5 Fuji Apples 3 cups Cider Vinegar 1 tsp Pickling Spices 1 cup Sugar 1 cup Peanuts, roasted and cooled Grilled Peanut Oil Peanut Oil Dash of Salt Dash of Black Pepper

EATS

F E AT U R I N G

Season pork belly with salt and pepper. Wrap in a double layer of foil and cook at 225 degrees Fahrenheit for 2-and-a-half hours. Remove from oven and allow to cool to room temperature without opening package. Peel, core and dice apples into a medium dice. Combine vinegar, sugar, spices, a pinch of salt and a ½ cup of water in a pot. Bring to a boil and allow to boil for 5 minutes. Cool until just warm to the touch. Add apples and allow to cool under refrigeration for 6 hours. Add peanuts and enough peanut and grilled peanut oil to blender to make a puree. Season. Slice pork belly into pieces and grill until warm through and caramelized on the outside. Place on top of a pool of peanut butter and top with pickled apples.

You

set up the date and made the crucial choice---the restaurant. Your selection shows your taste, your sense of adventure and your knowledge about the food scene, so it better be good. Luckily, you chose Woodfire Grill. Open the rustic, dark-stained wood doors, escape the bustle of Cheshire Bridge and let the warmth embrace you as the hostess guides you beyond the impressive wood-fired oven to your table. Now let's get more comfortable---a drink is in order. The Woodfire wine list is substantial but not overwhelming thanks to the gentle guidance from the top-notch wait staff. Tastes are deciphered, the list paired down and glasses are poured before you know it. Just keep your minds open to the savory seasonal cocktails, they'll send your taste buds soaring. But the eats are the treat, and the man responsible for them is none other than Bravo’s “Top Chef” finalist and Fenuxe favorite Kevin Gillespie. So let’s test the local boy.

with grapefruit supremes and fried marcona almonds with a proper portion of quince-almond vinaigrette. The second course is tartar, and we’re not talking tuna. Try wild Alaskan king salmon tartar. That distinctive taste you can’t place? It’s sambal aioli and the spice is right. The conversation flows, the drinks are refilled, that familiar tingle is coursing through your body because you and your date are clicking and the night has just begun. Here they come with the main course. It’s bobwhite quail and it’s rich, tender and full-flavored. Smoked apples, roasted squash butter and vidalia onion jam compliment each other completely. The Fenuxe Woodfire sweet of choice is packed with walnut shortbread, cranberry orange chutney, maple reduction and a cranberry puree---it’s the maple mascarpone cheesecake and you’re so comfortable by now, you’re feeding each other bites.

The dining decision was a smashing success. Start with an arugula and frisée salad, a light and Woodfire Grill is the perfect start to a brand luscious beginning to the evening. Endives mix new adventure. 21 FENUXEMAGAZINE


A

FINDING MR.OR MRS. RIGHT

LIVING & LOVING GAY IN THE

22

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here's a reason that nine out of every ten songs you hear are about love. We're consumed by it, obsessed with it, we seek out more and more of it and when we're done doing it, we go back for thirds. But as obsessed as we are with L-O-V-E, is it harder to find when we're L-G-B-T? How do we navigate that route and come out on the other side with a mate for life? Acknowledging a few simple facts will help us find the way.


ATLANTA GA!

3,5 The Rialto Center for the Arts at Georgia State University FRIDAY 6 & SATURDAY 6 ".% Tickets available at agmchorus.org or by calling


Straight people have several factors in their favor when it comes to dating. Take the numbers game for instance: Atlanta's LGBT population is 12.8% according to a study by the UCLA School of Law's Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law & Public Policy. “Everywhere straight people go they're in a majority heterosexual environment,” says Will Mahan, Director of The Equality Counseling Center. “Whereas gay people only have a couple dozen places like that, even in a major city like Atlanta.” There's also the fear factor gay people have when showing interest in someone out in public who may or may not be gay. “The most straight guys have to worry about is good old-fashioned rejection,” says Mike Alvear, author of the gay dating book “Meet the Hottie in the Corner.” “A lesbian or gay guy could literally suffer physical harm for simply flirting. That's a huge barrier.” Many of us justify our loneliness by blindly subscribing to stereotypes about the LGBT community: nobody dates, nobody wants to be in a relationship, everybody is in the bars just looking to hook up. “That's not what I've seen from my clientele,” Mahan says. “There's a lot of good, decent people out there looking to date and be in a relationship. But people quit trying because they have this perception that there's nothing else out there for them.” Pay attention to those dinner conversations or wall posts where someone complains about how every gay guy just wants sex. Friends then chime in echoing the same sentiment, so there's obviously an audience out there searching for something more than a night in the sack.

According to some, it just comes down to biology. “Of course gay men want to hook up!,” says Alvear. “The only reason we have more sex than straight guys is because straight women won't let them. It's not because we're gay, it's because we're men.” The peer-reviewed journal Evolutionary Psychology seems to back up the notion of the differences in promiscuity between men and women. “According to one particular study,” Equality Counseling’s Amy Bryant says, “men prefer quantity while women prefer quality.” An unfortunate byproduct of preferring quantity over quality when it comes to gay men's sex lives, especially when not playing it safe, is the HIV virus. It's the last thing gay men want to talk about even though it is still a substantial issue in the dating world. “I think most of us live in a fantasy world where no one has HIV,” Alvear says. “That explains why no one seems to ask anybody if they are [positive] or not.” Many HIV-positive people are afraid to address it because of the fear of rejection, while those who are HIV-negative assume the burden of disclosure is on the pos person. The bottom line is that the conversation must be had no matter who is bringing it up. And it must be had before any sexual contact is made. 24

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HIV is not nearly as large an issue for lesbians as gay men. “Lesbians are largely unconcerned with HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases,” says Bryant. “However, women who have sex exclusively with women should be aware that they are not immune from sexually transmitted diseases.” But these are all speed bumps in the gay dating world, not roadblocks. The bottom line is that for each of us to find the right guy or girl, we need to do something most of us are very familiar with: come out---not just out of the closet, but out of our element. “Nothing is going to happen at home. You have to go out, you have to be social,” says Alvear. “If you keep going to the same place every Friday night, you're going to meet the same people,” says Mahan. “Cast a wider net, try different things and shake things up a little bit.” Volunteer, worship, get involved with a political group or a sports team, join a networking group like AEN or AGLCC. If you enjoy roller skating in all denim on Thursdays at 2:00PM, there's bound to be a group of gays in this city with a Facebook page devoted to the same thing. Use our differences with the straight world to our advantage. However for all the differences we have both within and with those outside of our community, we all tend to make the same mistakes---like settling. “Unfortunately many people often, regardless of their gender or sexual identity, sacrifice their potential for finding the right person with whom to share their lives for finding someone to fill in the loneliness,” says Bryant. So settling for the wrong man or woman is a universal mistake, because loneliness doesn't disriminate. But regardless of the mistakes that we make in our love lives, we're all looking for the same things. “It's the basic things,” says Mahan. “You want someone who treats you well, that you're attracted to and has common interests in things that you enjoy.” When we strip away the barriers and excuses and put ourselves out there, maybe we'll see the search for the right man or woman is simpler than it seems.

Resources Will Mahan, MS, LPC Director & Counselor, Equality Counseling Center www.equalitycounseling.com

Amy Bryant, MS, LAPC Counselor, Equality Counseling Center www.equalitycounseling.com

Mike Alvear Author, “Meet the Hottie in the Corner” www.mikealvear.com

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Friday, 6/4 Atlanta City Sales Club, Petite Auberge, 12PM Tuesday, 6/8 Chamber Connections, Metro Atlanta Chamber, 8:30AM Minority/Female Business Enterprise Vendor Fair, Atlanta-Fulton Central Library, 10AM AGLCC Business Builder Luncheon, Kirkwood Pub-

Thursday, 6/3 Beyond The Dot: SCADAtlanta Exhibition, AtlantaFulton Central Library, 6PM Buckhead Artwalk, Alan Avery Art Company, 7PM New Works by Higdon and Gandolfi, Atlanta Symphony Hall, 8PM

Saturday, 6/5 2010 Georgia Fine Wine Festival, BlackStock Vineyards and Winery, 11AM “The Wizard of Oz,” The Fox Theatre, 2PM The Blotter Show, Kibbee Gallery, 6PM 12th Annual World Bodybuilding Championship, Georgia World Congress Center, 6PM Sunday, 6/6 The All-Chick Jam, Eyedrum, 11:30AM Taste of Latin Atlanta Festival, Blackburn Park, 12PM Georgia Wine Country Festival 2010, Three Sisters Vineyards, 12PM

Wednesday, 6/9 AGLCC Business Builder Luncheon, SOHO in Vinings, 11:55AM Atlanta Small Business Showcase, Holiday Inn Select (Chamblee Dunwoody), 3PM Thursday, 6/10 Buckhead Business Association breakfast, Anthony’s Restaurant, 7:30AM Buckhead Business Association after-hours, Pizzeria Venti, 5:30PM

Artistic Planning Workshop, PushPush Theater, 6PM Monday, 6/7 Badminton with Decatur Women’s Sports League, Decatur Rec Center, 7PM Denise2, Actor’s Express, 7PM The Change: Another Teenage Werewolf Musical, Dad’s Garage Theatre, 8PM Tuesday, 6/8 Hotlanta Volleyball Intermediate games, Agnes Scott College, 7:30PM Java Lords: Open Mic, 7 Stages, 8PM Wednesday, 6/9 Wednesday Run with Front Runners Atlanta, John Howell Park, 6:30PM True Love Lies, Horizon Theatre, 8PM Shrew preview, Georgia Shakespeare, 8PM Thursday, 6/10 Atlanta Symphony Orchestra’s Inside the Music, Atlanta Symphony Hall, 7PM Neil Labute’s Reasons to be Pretty, Woodruff Arts Center, 8PM Friday, 6/11 Jazz Journey, Georgia Aquarium, 7PM Castleberry Hill Second

Tuesday, 6/15 AGLCC Business Builder Luncheon, Cowtippers, 11:55AM Wednesday, 6/16 Metro Atlanta Chamber Power Networking Luncheon, Fork & Screen Buckhead, 11:30AM AGLCC Business Builder Luncheon, Doubletree Hotel Northlake, 11:55AM Metro Atlanta Chamber Business to Business Mixer, Georgia Public Broadcasting, 5:30PM Atlanta Greek Picnic: Greek Networking Event, Justin’s Restaurant & Bar, 6PM

Friday Art Stroll, 7PM Mozart Beauties, Atlanta Symphony Hall, 8PM Loot by Joe Orton, Onstage Atlanta, 8PM Saturday, 6/12 Design Market benefit, Kai Lin Art Gallery, 1PM CHRIS Kids Premiere Party, Mason Murer Art Gallery, 6PM Furkids 8th Anniversary Celebration (animal shelter), Grand Hyatt Atlanta, 7PM Sunday, 6/13 Diving with Atlanta Rainbow Trout, GA Tech Aquatic Center, 12:30PM Don’t Stop Believing (Broadway concert), Cobb Energy Centre, 2PM Monday, 6/14 Marnie’s LLS Benefit, The Nook, 5PM Conan O’Brien, The Fox Theatre, 8PM Tuesday, 6/15 Water Polo with Atlanta Rainbow Trout, GA Tech Aquatic Center, 8PM Wednesday, 6/16 A Spano/Chorus Spectacular!, Atlanta Symphony Hall, 8PM Shrew actor chat, Georgia Shakespeare, 8PM

FENUXEMAGAZINE

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CULTURAL Agenda

Friday, 6/4 Modern Atlanta home tour, Citywide, 10AM body+space Artist’s Reception, pb&j gallery, 7PM Atlanta Dream vs. Chicago Sky, Philips Arena, 7PM Film: “Citizen Architecture,” High Museum of Art, 8PM

lic House, 11:55AM

Business Agenda

Thursday, 6/3 Buckhead Business Association breakfast, Anthony’s Restaurant, 7:30AM


NIGHTLIFE Agenda

Thursday, 6/3 Texas Hold ‘Em Poker & The Shawnna Factor, Blake’s, 7PM Open Mic Thursday, Bellissima, 7:30PM “Transformers” at Screen on the Green, Piedmont Park, 8PM Backstreet Boys, Chastain Park, 8PM Ladies Night, LeBuzz, 8PM Indulge, The W Midtown, 9PM Princess Charles’ Fashionistas, Burkhart’s, 11:30AM Friday, 6/4 Diana Ross, Chastain Park, 8PM Imogen Heap, The Tabernacle, 8PM Boys of Summer Swimsuit Contest, Mary’s, 9PM DJ Screw & Killick, Eyedrum, 9PM Relax & Rewind, Hobnob, 10PM First Fridays Cabaret with Princess Charles, Straits, 10:30PM Saturday, 6/5 Songwriter’s Open Mic Shootout, Eddie’s Attic, 7:30PM Hot Mess! With DJ Sir Loins, Mary’s, 9PM FLUX Deluxe with DJ Vicki Powell, The Livingston, 9:30PM Girl Kraze Saturdays, My Sister’s Room, 10PM Jealouse’s Daring Divas, Blake’s, 11PM Saturday Night Fever, LeBuzz, 11PM The Mary Edith Pitts Show, Burkhart’s, 11:30PM Sunday, 6/6 Sunday Dinner, Model T, 3:30PM The Armorettes, Blake’s, 8PM Mary Edith Pitts Sunday Spectacular, Burkhart’s, 9PM Monday, 6/7 The Snack Pack Live Improv/Sketch Comedy Show, Lenny’s Bar, 8PM Texas Hold ‘Em, Woofs, 7:30PM Dragamaki, Nickiemoto’s, 8:30PM Service Industry Night, Model T, 9PM 28 FENUXEMAGAZINE

Drag on the Edge, Blake’s, 11PM Tuesday, 6/8 Truth or Dare Tuesdays, LeBuzz, 5PM My Big Fat Gay Bingo, Frogs, 7PM 2 For 1 Tuesdays, Nonna Mia, 7PM Family Poker Night and Dancing, 3-Legged Cowboy, 7:30PM Mary-oke, Mary’s, 9PM Karaoke with Richard, Burkhart’s, 11PM Wednesday, 6/9 PALS Urban Cowboy Bingo, Jungle, 6:30PM Crazy Bitch Bingo, Joe’s, 8PM Passion Pit, The Tabernacle, 8PM Comedy Video Night, Mixx, 9PM Spotlight Karaoke, My Sister’s Room, 10PM Dress Code Party, The Heretic, 10PM Aeroplane, Opera, 10PM Thursday, 6/10 Texas Hold ‘Em Poker, Blake’s, 7PM LIVE at Loews: Brandon Perry, Eleven, 7:30PM Ladies Night, LeBuzz, 8PM “Dreamgirls” at Screen on the Green, Piedmont Park, 8PM Tig Notaro, Laughing Skull Lounge, 8PM Indulge, The W Midtown, 9PM Princess Charles’ Fashionistas, Burkhart’s, 11:30PM Friday, 6/11 Friday Happy Hour, Bellissima, 6PM Maxwell with Erykah Badu, Philips Arena, 7PM Jewel, Cobb Energy Centre, 8PM DJ Steve James, Amsterdam, 9PM MASSIVE, Vision, 10PM Primal Urges, The Heretic, 10PM Kitty LeClaw’s Meow Mix, Blake’s, 11PM The Mary Edith Pitts Show, Burkhart’s, 11:30PM Saturday, 6/12 Maxwell with Jill Scott, Philips Arena, 7PM The Armorettes present:

This Is It!, Jungle, 8PM Hot Mess! party, Mary’s, 9PM Night of the Gods, Jungle, 10PM Girl Kraze Saturdays, My Sister’s Room, 10PM Jealouse’s Daring Divas, Blake’s, 11PM Saturday Night Fever, LeBuzz, 11PM Sunday, 6/13 Sunsets on the Patio, Noni’s, 5PM Mindy Smith - Unplugged in the Park, Park Tavern, 7PM The Armorettes, Blake’s, 8PM Mary Edith Pitts’ Sunday Spectacular, Burkhart’s, 9PM Bedlam Presents: Animayhem, iLounge, 10PM Monday, 6/14 Margarita Mondays, LeBuzz, 5PM Texas Hold ‘Em, Woofs, 7:30PM Dragamaki, Nickiemoto’s, 8:30PM Karaoke Idol, Burkhart’s, 9:30PM Industry Night, Mary’s, 10PM Service Industry Night, The Heretic, 10PM Drag on the Edge, Blake’s, 11PM Tuesday, 6/15 Bingo, Woofs, 7PM My Big Fat Gay Bingo, Frogs, 7PM Trivia & Wild Card Talent Night, Blake’s, 7PM 2 For 1 Tuesdays, Nonna Mia, 7PM Family Poker Night and Dancing, 3-Legged Cowboy, 7:30PM Mary-oke, Mary’s, 9PM Karaoke: Eagle Style, The Eagle, 10PM Wednesday, 6/16 Happy Hump Night Beer Bust, Friends on Ponce, 6PM Texas Hold ‘Em Poker, Bellissima, 7PM Crazy Bitch Bingo, Joe’s, 8PM Honey Pot, Mary’s, 8PM Dress Code Party, The Heretic, 10PM Steve Lawler, Opera, 10PM


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1 2 Amsterdam Ave.

14th St.

Piedmont Park

14th St.

13th St.

8

12th St.

Monroe Dr.

13th St. 12th St.

12

11th St.

11th St.

15

10th St.

10th St.

3

10th St.

Peachtree Pl.

6th St.

Mon roe D r.

7th St.

Argonne Ave.

Penn Ave.

Myrtle Ave.

Piedmont Ave.

5th St.

Juniper St.

Peachtree St.

6th St.

14

8th St.

5

7th St.

Cypress St.

West Peachtree

8th St.

Spring St.

10

9th St.

Charles Allen Dr.

West Peachtree St.

Spring St.

William St.

78/85 NORTH

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17th St.

15th St.

William St.

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Monroe Dr.

West Peachtree St.

Spring St.

D I R E C T O R Y Cir. ree cht Pea

17th St.

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MIDTOWN ATLANTA

5th St. 4th St.

4th St.

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Ponce De Leon Ave.

1. Amsterdam- 502 Amsterdam Avenue 2. Bellissima- 560 Amsterdam Avenue 3. Blake’s On The Park- 227 10th Street NE 4. Brushstroke’s- 1510 Piedmont Ave. NE 5. Bulldog’s- 893 Peachtree St NE 6. Burkhart’s-1492 Piedmont Avenue NE 7. Eagle Atlanta- 308 Ponce De Leon Ave. NE 8. Einstein’s- 1077 Juniper St. NE 9. Felix’s- 1510 Piedmont Ave. NE 10. F.R.O.G.S.- 931 Monroe Dr. 11. Hobnob- 1551 Piedmont Ave. NE 12. Joe’s On Juniper- 1049 Juniper Street NE 13. Mixx- 1492 Piedmont Ave. NE 14. 3 Legged Cowboy- 931 Monroe Drive 15. Outwrite Bookstore- 1510 Piedmont Ave. NE 16. Studio Lounge- 1302 W. Peachtree St. NE

Not Shown On Map: BJ Roosters- 2345 Cheshire Bridge Road Chaparral- 2715 Buford Highway Cowtipper’s- 1600 Piedmont Ave. NE Friends on Ponce- 736 Ponce De Leon Ave. The Heretic- 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd. Jungle- 2115 Faulkner Road Las Margaritas-1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE LeBuzz- 585 Franklin Road Mary’s- 1287 Glenwood Ave. Model-T- 699 Ponce De Leon Ave. My Sister’s Room- 1271 Glenwood Ave. Opus One- 1086 Alco Street Tripps- 1931 Piedmont Circle Woofs- 2425 Piedmont Ave. NE FENUXEMAGAZINE

29


YOU'RE successful, established and

have everything going for you. You're the master of your domain...but you have no one to share it with. You didn't make it this far in your career without taking advantage of opportunities, so Fenuxe is here to help you seal the deal and get the date for real!

Holy Alliance Churches and temples across the city are opening their doors to us all and LGBT singles are rushing to be a part of the flock! New Covenant Church, St. Mark’s UMC and Congregation Bet Haverim are just a few gay-friendly places to give praise while you gaze.

The Original Social Networking Knowing their cat's name and favorite movie will never replace the power of face-to-face interaction. Use the skills that got you this far and hit up a gay networking event the with Atlanta Executive Network or the Atlanta Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. Check The Business Agenda for event info and work that new lead! www.aen.org www.atlantagaychamber.org

Political Hunkie With primaries and general elections coming up and a slew of openly gay candidates in the mix, this election season is rife with LGBT volunteers and campaign staff coming together for their cause. Contact the campaigns of Brad Ploeger, Keith Gross, Joan Garner or Keisha Waites and meet your political match!

Camp Out With Caffeine The couch might be calling your name, but don't pick up. Get out of the house and park yourself at the coffee shop for a little reading and sightseeing. Head to Outwrite or Caribou at 10th and Piedmont, Chocolatté at Cheshire Bridge and Lavista or Starbucks at Ansley. Keep your eyes open, your smile ready and let the conversation begin! 30

FENUXEMAGAZINE

7

You're successful, established and have everything going for you. You're the master of your domain...but you have no one to share your domain. You didn't make it this far in your career without taking advantage of opportunities, so Fenuxe is here to help you seal the deal and get the date for real!

WAYS TO

GET A DATE Cultural Connections

The gay community has no shortage of online options, from the refined to the risqué. But those have been done. Open your mind and expand your reach with Colorblind International, Atlanta's first multicultural dating agency. CBI is the portal of possibilities to a world yet explored. www.colorblindintl.com

Reset the Bar Brave the bar scene with a Fenuxe twist: go somewhere out of your comfort zone. They're too old there? Too young over there? Too many bears? So what! Hang with the same crowd and you get the same results. Check our Midtown Atlanta Directory [page 29] and our Nightlife Agenda [page 28] for a fresh start.

Teach Them Well & Let Them Lead The Way... Whitney might have lost her voice, but For The Kid In All Of Us is still getting the message. The gracious group behind The Toy Party has set a date for their sizzling summer children's charity event, Backpack in the Park on August 1st. But they need volunteers now so give the gay-friendly crew a hand and meet your mate. www.forthekid.org


FENUXE MAGAZINE IS PROUD TO SUPPORT:

ATLANTA GAY MEN’S CHORUS FASHION & PHILANTHROPY FOR THE KID IN ALL OF US GEORGIA EQUALITY ATLANTA INTERNATIONAL FASHION WEEK THE ATLANTA PRIDE COMMITEE

WELCOMES

DR. SHERRY A. MELTZ Licensed Professional Counselor Formerly of the BRAC Center

www.PRIDEMEDICAL.com 3280 Howell Mill Rd., Suite 326 Atlanta, GA 30327 P: 404.355.3788 F: 404.335.6370


Sibila wears: Report Collection Sleeveless V neck Sweater $66 available at Boy Next Door Ben Sherman Plaid Shorts $79 available at Boy Next Door Kenneth Cole Give me Light Sneakers $88 Kenneth Cole Touch Screen Orange Watch $150 Kenneth Cole Steel Ring Necklace $55 Alex wears: V neck argyle Sweater $120 available at Boy Next Door Paul Bleached Blue Wash $78 available at Boy Next Door Kenneth Cole Watch $85 Kenneth Cole Grey Suede Nose Shoes $168


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e


I

just want to savor this moment because I know you’re going to be the last person I ever share my bed with.” It’s lines like this one that embrace a heart with security that, more times than not, proves false. It’s an actual line that was handed to me on my partner’s silver satin sheets. Months later those same sheets would envelop another lover. And I wasn’t even history.

There a couple of really good reasons to stay together. There are about a thousand reasons to break up. Cheating is the ultimate breakup ammo. Nothing sends a person reeling like knowing they’ve been betrayed in the most intimate manner. Even if it is just a one-time, drunken quickie. Especially if it’s a one-time, drunken quickie. Odds are that the relationship will need months, even years, of recuperation to reach a level of trust needed to become healthy again. Most relationships cannot withstand that. And there you are. Rudderless and wounded. But before you get as bitter as a bottle of Angostura, let me assure you that at this very moment you will also be on the brink of discovering a strong, new you. Strength is defined as power, force, vigor, and my favorite - courage. It takes courage to let go of the pain. The pain is the last vestige of feelings about your ex. Once the pain is gone…you’re on your own. But here’s the good news. You’re number one. There are a myriad of techniques to help you retrieve your self-esteem sea-legs. One of my favorites is “Fake it ‘till you feel it.” Plaster a smile on your face and eventually with time, it will replace the tears. Second, try not to go it alone. Seek help. Friends or professionals. Preferably both. Embrace the wisdom and experience of others. And take notes. Invariably someone will need your wisdom and experience some day. Third, believe in yourself. Believe in your future. Keep tomorrow in focus. What would you be doing right now if you’d never met your fickle lover? Don’t just follow your dreams...lead them. And finally, don’t waste your tears, time, or talk on your ex. Or as authors Behrendt and Tuccillo wrote in their breakup Bible, “He’s Just Not That Into You,”… Don’t waste the pretty.

CARRY

ON

BY L. JANESON

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orlds Col W n l e id h

T

e:

W

pERSpECTIVES

STORY BY JACK MAURO

here are those who believe that stringent examinations should be administered to people contemplating becoming parents. They feel that the complex responsibilities inherent in raising a child call for as much discretion as the granting of licenses to drive. You can’t really dispute the main thrust of their argument. Responsibility calls for capability. Hell, yes. So too does the world of dating. Yes, dating. Fun, casual, romantic dating. Because, somewhere around three thousand years ago, we forgot something fairly important and we continue to forget it every time - every Saturday night. Namely: that the guy you’re hoping to get to know on this first date is the center of a universe as intricate, as steeped in history and as meaningful as your own. In his eyes, in his world, guess what? You’re the date. This must appear simplistic, if not outrageously obvious. It is not. We lose sight of it all the time because it is too intimidating a concept to grasp. With this understanding truly and fully in place, no sane person would ever want to date, period. So maybe that age-old “forgetfulness” is really a safety mechanism, a means of handling – by not handling – the enormity of another human being. Put it this way: how many people would eagerly walk into their first day of work at an of-

fice if they knew that they’d be there for the next forty years? Some truths are just too enormous and must be kept on as back a burner as possible. But it’s not a bad idea to have an awareness of what’s on that burner. You may decide after the first glass of wine that this guy is not nearly as bright, as cool, as interesting or as sexy as you had hoped. He may be rolling his eyes himself, wondering how on earth he can make it through the salad course. Or maybe you both are liking every little step, each minor revelation, so far. No matter what’s going on, this awareness of him being central to his own world keeps everything in check, both good and bad. He’s dumb? He’s cheap? All right. You don’t have to date him again, so you most certainly don’t have to tackle him, which means taking on his whole world deeper than you want to. Conversely, if he’s fabulous, you know that there are whole galaxies behind that fabulousness, and you look forward to the exploration. Either way, know this and know it well: you are not out with one man. You are out with a whole lifetime’s worth of man. That said, go forth. Date. Maybe everybody is hopelessly complex. Maybe everybody is a star. But you are always stellar too, so you know the drill. FENUXEMAGAZINE

39


WIN A MANICURE + PEDICURE

Across 2. ____ Lounge 3. Chanel ____ 5. Club with sideroom 8. Atlanta baseball team 9. Coffee shop on LaVista 10. Requesting Mary's advice

Down 1. Host of Drag Race 4. L. Janeson's favorite word 6. ____ Counseling Center 7. ____ Grill

CONGRATS TO OUR PAST WINNER DEAN ROGERS!

1

Correctly fill out each word on the crossword puzzle above and mail or email the answers to: 1123 Zonolite Rd. Suite 7B Atlanta, GA 30306 info@fenuxe.com

40

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2

Please complete the following 1. Name_____________________________ 2. Address___________________________ 3. Email_____________________________ 4 .Phone ____________________________


Don’t Google it! GO GAY IT! Your Complete Source for All Things Gay in Atlanta!

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Dear Mary, I am recently single after exiting an 8-year relationship with a guy who I am just realizing I took for granted. I made mistakes and hopefully after some time it may just be a separation instead of a break up. In the meantime, I want to get back in the game! My question is this: how does an attractive, talented 38-year-old guy begin his “comeback tour?” How do I relaunch myself as version 2.0? Should I work the mind, body, spirit, career? What would Mary do? Best Regards, TAAGG (The All-American Gay Guy)

Dear Tad (or Tag or GLAAD or Whatever), What Mary would do and what you should do are very, very different things. If you’ve got a problem for Mary to solve, e-mail her at mary@fenuxe.com. Mary is in no way qualified to give advice to others, and that is why we love her.

If you’re interested in reuniting with your ex, all I can give you are some helpful “don’ts” I learned…we will say, from a friend. Internet stalking will get you nowhere. Real-world stalking is even riskier. Hard as it may be to resist, do not show up at Blake’s (or, my preference, Mary’s) when you know he will be there. If you find yourself in the same place as him, say hello, but don’t be pushy. Pretending you’ve forgotten his name will not make him think you’ve had such a full social calendar you’ve managed to forget the end of your eight-year relationship. It will make him suspect you’ve been partying too hard or aging too rapidly (or that you’re being an ass and pretending not to know his name). Above all else, please avoid getting toasted and drunk-texting him all the things you should’ve said, no matter how relevant the lyrics to “Nothing Compares 2 U” seem at the moment. If you want to remake yourself, do just that. If you need to get in shape, hit the gym; if you need to work harder for that promotion, put in the time. I’ve heard rumors that humans are capable of living full, happy lives even when they aren’t in relationships, but I’m really not sure how true that is---maybe you could test that out for a while. I can tell from your question that you aren’t really sure what you want. Take a minute (or a month or a year) to focus on yourself. You might find that you no longer want what you wanted before---and maybe that’s why you let him go in the first place. Take care of the things you’ve been neglecting, like your poor houseplant. The damn thing looks terrible and we’re all talking about it.

46

FENUXEMAGAZINE

Love, Mary Makers-McMark



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