DEALING WITH IN-LAWS

good relationship with my in-laws.”

At times, the in-laws constantly interfere giving unsolicited advice.

Conflict with inlaws may be an interesting topic for comedians, but in real life, it is not a laughing matter. “For years, my mother-in-law interfered in our marriage,” says a wife. “Often, I vented my anger on my husband because I could not do that to his mother. It seemed as if he constantly had to choose between being a good husband and being a good son.”

Why do some in-laws interfere in the lives of their married children? It may be difficult for them to see someone young and inexperienced become responsible for taking care of their son or daughter. Another reason could be, parents who have sacrificed for and nurtured their children may feel that they are being sidelined. Also, they could be genuinely worried that their son or daughter lacks the wisdom to make marriage a success.

Sometimes, the in-laws are invited to interfere.

One husband says, “my wife came from a closeknit family where everyone discussed things openly. So, after we got married, she would consult her father on deci- sions that were ours to make. I was hurt that she would go to him instead of discussing with me.” Issues with in-laws can put much strain. It is a challenge if one partner is overly attached to his or her parents. “My wife felt that if we didn’t live near her parents, she would be disloyal to them, and when our son was born, my parents came to visit every day, which made my wife stressed. This caused a number of conflicts between us,” says a husband. Marriage implies more than merely living together. It means that a husband and wife form a new family — one that takes priority over their families of origin. Both husband and wife still need to honour their parents. What if the way one handles that responsibility leaves the other partner feeling ignored or neglected?

Looking at the situation objectively helps. For example, it helps to ask oneself, “Is my partner really too attached or could it be that I simply do not have the same type of re- lationship with my parents? What bearing does my family background have on my view of the situation? Is it jealousy?”

An honest self-examination of these questions will show if there really is an in-laws problem or a marriage problem.

In-laws’ issues are a constant source of contention between the marriage partners. Many problems arise because partners do not share the same view of a matter. Can one try to see things from his/her partner’s perspective?

That is what a husband did. “My wife was raised in a negative family environment, so I refused to have any association with my in-laws. This caused conflict between us because my wife still wanted to be close to her family.”

In time, this husband took a balanced position on the matter. He said, “I knew that too much contact with her parents had a negative effect on my wife emotionally, no contact at all, could also lead to problems. I have tried to restore and maintain a

“The first ten years of our marriage were spent with my husband’s family. Conflicts arose continually over how children should be raised as well as over my cooking and cleaning. I talked to my husband and my mother-in-law about it, but this only led to more conflict,” says a wife.

Some couples establish appropriate boundaries with their parents. Also, in a spirit of empathy, one can try to discern the motive behind the seeming intrusion. Often, it is just a matter of making it clear by one’s actions that one’s partner comes first in one’s life. One husband says, “even if parents express their views, don’t just agree right away, since you are building a new family unit. So first find out how your partner feels about the advice.”

“My mother-in-law often says, ‘I miss my boy so much!’ She talks about how close they were, which makes me feel guilty for marrying him and causing her heartache,” says a wife.

One of the basic tasks of marriage is creating or renewing a sense of solidarity with one’s partner. It also involves developing a sense of ‘we-ness’.

A husband and a wife, in a spirit of teamwork, together can brainstorm ways to address each other’s concerns. Having inlaws is like having two new friends, whether one likes it or not, they are family!

The day of love is here and we all are looking at ways to dedicate and wish our love this Valentine’s Day. Through City First, I want to convey this message to my wife “In your smile, I see something more beautiful than the stars. I want you. All of you. Your flaws. Your mistakes. Your imperfections. I want you, and only you. Happy Valentine’s day my love.” —YOGESH AND POOJA

This year’s Valentine’s day is the most special one for us. Yesterday we both got engaged and now we are celebrating our first Valentine day as soon-to-be husband and wife. What makes it more special is the presence of our parents by our side and their blessings on us, we are starting this new phase of our lives with one another side by side. Happy Valentine’s day to each and every one celebrating. —SHIFTA ALIM AND SHAH RUKH

Valentine’s day this year is a working one for me as I’m doing a show in Soho House. There is nothing like having your wife in the Audience cheering you on. I love my better half and it can not be put into words. Even tho I am busy I still some time off and planned a dinner and a celebration of each other with a trip to Dubai..

—NITINN R MIRANNI & AARTIE MIRANNI

We have had to spend the last two valentines away from each other due to some unavoidable circumstances. So this year when we are together on valentines we will be celebrating the day at our favorite place ever i.e. our home watching our favorite web series along with a glass of wine.

—ANKEETA & ADITYA

I have spent this year’s Valentine’s day with my special one and I can not be happier than this. We went on a lunch date. My dear hubby surprised me with the most romantic gift ever, he reserved my favourite cafeteria and bought me my favourite things. I love him to the moon and back and I pray to god that our love will last forever. I believe on this day, one may memorize the good old days and fantasize about brighter days to come by remaining with each other.

—KAMAL&

PRISHA

I and Nikhil generally do not believe in celebrating love for only one particular day if it’s the love we celebrate it every day but if there’s a day defined as Valentine’s then why not! We plan to coordinate our outfits, we do things that make us both feel that we matter the most to each other. Of course, a candlelight dinner is the best idea.

—HARSHITA & NIKHIL

On February 14, people celebrated the day of love throughout the world. On this day, lovers celebrate and rediscover their love for one another via intimate acts of kindness and more extravagant romantic gestures. However, preparations begin on February 7 and Valentine’s Week is observed over the entire week. Meanwhile, Cupid, the angel of love, is a well-known emblem on Valentine’s Day. The arrow and bow of Cupid symbolize penetrating a heart and casting the spell of love, and he is said to be the son of Venus, the goddess of love and beauty, in Roman mythology. Therefore, the main focus of this celebration is to honour the emotion of love.

For this day, several locations are decorated in red and white. Make your significant other feel special on Valentine’s Day with these special messages. With your loved one, every day is beautiful, and every moment is special.

Every day is Valentines Day with my wife, as she’s the one who has indeed filled my life with positivity and prosperity. Due to work commitments today I won’t be able to spend the day with her but I am going to make sure I make her feel special as soon As I hope. Especially by helping her with house hold chores. A happy wife ensures a happy life!

—TUSHAR

AND KHUSHBU

Valentine’s day is a special day for both of us, every year we celebrate our power and love in different ways. This year we decided to cook because we both love food, and to make this day more memorable we cooked our favourite food together to add a touch of romance to it, I decorated our room a bit and enjoyed our candlelight dinner together.

—HARSHITA & SANDESH