Editor’s Letter. This term has been a deeply sad one for all members of Castle, after we lost
a mentor and a friend. No words or actions could possibly describe what Eva has done for all of us here, but we can try to offer just a small insight into what she gave throughout her life and time at Durham. Eva always enjoyed Floreat, being both a great supporter of and source of guidance for both the magazine and its contributors. Her incredible dedication to Floreat, as well as to all other aspects of College life from sport to drama to music, is why we are dedicating this issue to her. Inside, this you will find memories from both current students and alumni, who all pay tribute to Eva. The number of lives she has touched is truly remarkable and our thoughts are with Eva’s family this Christmas. She is greatly missed. Of course, as always, we will not deprive you of your dose of naughtiness, including a catch up with Gossip Girl, Christmas Chat Up Lines and Horoscopes. It has been a busy few weeks, with Ladies’ Night debauchery a particular highlight for us. We are also proud to host one of the strangest articles in recent years for Floreat, a piece from debutant writer Polly Esther looking at the college’s favourite underwear society, Ladies’ Sock. We hope you all managed to get to those last few lectures, bang out the essays to a suitable standard and make the most of the last few weeks of Durham activities and fun this term. It will not be long until we all return, but to all students, a Merry Christmas and a jolly jolly New Year.
Floreat X BROUGHT TO YOU BY: LAURENCE HS / SARAH WESTLAKE / IZZEE MASON / JORDAN BOYCE / BECCA LH
inside
A TRIBUTE TO EVA SCHUMACHER-REID 2 LADIES NIGHT 2016/jimmy lee 10 NOT DICKIE'S DIARY/50 SHADES OF DICKIE /harriet walsh 16
GOSSIP GIRL 26
CHRISTMAS CHAT-UP LINES /charlotte spence 13
THE CASTLE CATWALK/connie scrimshaw 18 CHRISTMAS HOROSCOPES /mike bedigan 23 CASTLE YEAR ABROADERS 2016-17 /tabby boyd 24 LADIES SOCK/polly esther 32 1
A tribute to the incomparable Eva Schumacher-Reid, in the words of some of the many students who knew and loved her.
It’s hard to really put into words what Eva meant to me. I would describe her as the college mum. She has looked after so many students here on a collective and individual basis, which will be missed by all of college. Eva was the person I would see most often in college: be that at formals, college events and balls, or simply just around college most days. Eva was the person who looked after me on an individual basis during some of my worst moments at university, and the help she’s offered to me has helped considerably in keeping me healthy, safe and happy at university. I, like many people, didn’t realise how ill she was, and it was certainly a shock when I heard the news, which I think goes to show just how much she loved each of us and how dedicated she was to this college. She was an inspirational woman with so much courage, pride and determination, and her impact on college life will never be forgotten. – Carys Robins, 2nd Year
Eva was an incredible woman whose humour, energy and kindness is missed every day in Castle. Her advice was always helpful and she never hesitated to do what was necessary to help her students. She was hugely important to so many people and I’m not entirely sure how we’re going to cope without her. – Anonymous
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Eva was my mentor, so I will never forget the really great mentor meetings she threw in the SCR. These used to bring together all her mentees from different years, and were really helpful for linguists considering you could meet people who had already done their year abroad. – Tom Fleming, 2nd Year
Eva was an incredibly kind and patient woman. It was an honour to have worked with her to make our college a home for everyone in our community. She was there when I needed help most. She convinced me to go on my year abroad even when I wanted to cancel my plans just the day before the departure. Now, I am having an unforgettable experience, only because she was there to listen and talk to me. Not being able to thank her and tell her how I am getting on saddens me incredibly. I shall strive to do my best not just on my year abroad but in the years to come. I am incredibly grateful. My thoughts and condolences are with Eva's family and may she rest in peace. – Jimmy Lee, Year Abroad
My most distinctive memory of Eva is being sat in her office as a first year telling her I thought I would have to drop out. In a manner that only Eva could get away with, she told me to pull myself together and convinced me that I could manage, so I stayed. Looking back there is nothing I would change about my time here and I owe it all to Eva. I will never forget this woman and will be eternally grateful to her for helping me to see how incredible this college community can be. – Catriona Duffy, Outreach Officer 2016/17
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Eva was incredible at her role. What amazed me, the first time I went to speak to her in her office, were the folders she kept and the files she had on all of us. Every single college role we’ve held, every grade we’ve received. What I will remember most about Eva, are not the people who have directly been affected by her life, but her compassion for all of us. I’ll remember the fact that she kept tabs on every single Castle student, just to be there, just to be ready if she was ever needed. Eva was incredible at her role. – Clare Schwarzberg, 3rd Year
My entire family and I have a lot to thank Eva Schumacher-Reid for. Though she undoubtedly dealt with thousands of student problems over the years, ranging from the utterly trivial to more serious matters, Eva always greeted each new issue with genuine concern. She was a very kind, very rational, very funny woman and I consider myself extremely lucky to have known her. I shall always remember the introductory talk she gave in the first week of my first year, where she confessed that her absolute favourite thing about wearing an academic gown was the ability to store Mars bars in the sleeves. May she rest in peace. – Mike Bedigan, 4th Year
Eva was an inspiration to us all. Always bright and smiling, she was a wonderful presence to have around the college and will be sorely missed. – Elle Morgan-Williams, 2nd Year
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To so many of us, Eva was the calm in the storm. The lifeline in a crisis and a comforting presence. I can honestly say that without the enormous impact Eva had on my life, and the countless times she passed me tissues in her office, I wouldn’t be where I am today with a degree in my pocket. I will dearly miss her sassy remarks in the Castle Crier, her passion for fighting a student’s corner and the genuine love she had for Castle. At the end of last year we had a meal together with Harry, and we talked about travelling, our mutual love for Holland and our plans for the future. It’s difficult to come to terms with the fact that I won’t be able to tell her about it. It feels like I lost family, and I know I’m not the only one. My heart goes out to everyone who knew her, and I feel immensely lucky that I had the privilege to work with her. Eva – thank you for everything, you will be missed. – Kirsten Ash, Alumna 2016, Campaigns Officer 2015/16
If I had to sum up Eva, I would say that she fiercely cared for this college and its students. Whether it was threatening to have a “German-off ” with my difficult lecturer in the courtyard (yep, that happened), fighting with numerous academic departments- sometimes simultaneously- on behalf of her students, or savagely protecting the rights of those who like a good night’s sleep through her Castle Crier column, Eva always had our backs. I’ll never forget everything that she did for me, and just how much she influenced my life (and my mental health) for the better. Christmas just won’t be the same without seeing her absolutely shred it on the dance floor to Candyman with Lynne Carrick at the Castle Big Band Christmas gig. One day I aspire to emulate her strength, kindness, and incredible dance moves. – Ellie Miles, Masters
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Eva was endlessly generous with her time and her kindness; she was honest, sometimes with refreshing and wonderful irreverence; she was witty, perhaps unintentionally at times, though always hilariously; and she was devoted in the utmost to the students at Castle, in a way that was without precedent or equal. For the past 8 years Eva has been Castle’s matriarch, she made our community better through her constant warmth and understanding, and her absence will be felt for a long time to come. – Fraser Desforges-Medhurst, Senior Student 2016/17
Eva was a mentor who always, always had the time for you. Her pragmatic guidance was often coupled with a witty anecdote- no one could ever doubt Eva's sense of fun. Her commitment to us students meant she really had seen it all and she certainly enjoyed the entertainment we provided, regardless of her seemingly scathing weekly reports. Eva's courage and complete dedication to our college is something we should be forever grateful for. – Anna Beckett
Eva was a force to be reckoned with. I have never met someone who made you feel important and humble all at once. There are countless memories shared amongst countless students, and she was vital and essential to so many people, so it is difficult to choose just one moment to share. However, perhaps the most apt example is her dressing up as Miss Marple for Ladies’ Night 2015, as it summarises Eva for many of my year: funny, self-aware, purposeful, and ultimately kind. I don’t think I ever got the chance to tell her I’m learning German, but vielen Dank für Alles, Eva. – Harriet Walsh, Masters, Development Officer 2015/16
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The first thing Eva ever said to me was 'Well, you look like shit.' She wasn't wrong, as during my first and second year at Castle I had a very severe eating disorder. The second thing Eva said to me was 'What are you going to do about it?' As I'd been shuffled through so many bad support services, I wasn't optimistic and made some smart-ass response. She sat me down and, lovingly jabbing me in the ribs with a ruler, asked me what I would be willing to eat. Being the recalcitrant individual I am, I said only a grilled cheese sandwich. 'Well, you can't just eat soup.' And with that, she marched me up to the servery and into Jamie's office and informed him that he would make me a cheese sandwich (or any other food) whenever I wanted. Eva then turned to me and said 'You can't argue with me now.' I ate only grilled cheese sandwiches for three weeks, with Eva checking in at each and every meal time to make sure I ate it. Eva knew I was stubborn and had a mouth on me, but she met me where I was and went the extra mile to find a way to help me get better, despite my own attempts to the contrary. In 13 years of seeing psychiatric/academic/medical services, I have never received any level of personal support close to that I received from Eva Schumacher Reid. – Elizabeth Buckheit, Alumna 2016
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Characterful warmth, wry humour and generosity of spirit were all immediate impressions one gained from meeting Eva for the first time. First impressions are important, and in the case of Castle, that first impression was Eva. For many of us, her welcoming attitude provided a familiar face amid unfamiliar surroundings – a comforting first reference point around which we began to feel settled and at home in Durham. These impressions only deepened as the years went by. The daily arrival of the black, number-plated ‘Eva’-mobile in the courtyard; the mysterious musings of Otto the dog in the weekly college newsletter; the renowned propensity to dig into the dressing up box for many-a-Ladies’ Night! Eva’s presence in college was a wonderful constant which unfailingly imbued the college with vibrancy and life. Eva should be celebrated for the immense impact she had on our community during her time here. Her work in mental health, in which she frequently went above and beyond her station in providing students with the support they needed during difficult periods, had a lasting effect on the lives of many. The fact that Eva continued to work through illness, right up until the end, is also worthy of our respect and reflection. Earlier this term, on a visit down to College Office, I found Eva busy working away on a table plan for Mentor Formal. That she invested in this community to the last is indicative of her courage and determination. We should not be surprised - that was the kind of person Eva was. Our whole community is saddened, and Eva will be missed by us all. In reflecting on her life, we remember her unique contribution to this college, and her indelible effect on the lives of those who have passed through it.
– Will Throp, Masters, Senior Student 2015/16
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Dear University College, The one, the only, Eva Schumacher-Reid. It is with the deepest sadness and regret that I write this letter to express the heartfelt sorrow that I and so many Castle students feel about the news of Eva’s premature passing. Eva was a remarkable woman who showed incredible courage and determination throughout her battles with a direct and steely attitude that was accompanied by the most loving, humble character. She was the life and soul of everything that was so formidable at college and although she has had her life cut short, her soul and legacy will be deeply entrenched in the castle walls for many years to come. An inspiring role model who cared so deeply about the health of her young people, she was a true second Mother to so many and truly, genuinely helped us to grow as students and people. While our feelings are so sad and so strong, our thoughts are with her amazing family and her friends – we wish you a debt of thanks for letting us have so much of Eva’s time and letting us be part of her life. She was a truly outstanding lady and will never be forgotten. The Castle motto has never been sung so true about one person. Non Nobis Solum: Not for ourselves alone. Rest In Peace Eva. Best Wishes, Simon Gallow Senior Man 2013/2014
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W
by Jimmy Lee
arning, I’m going to sound as self-centred as Narcissus. Just indulge me with these last opportunities of being important before the inevitable year abroaders’ Big Dog Syndrome kicks in. I’m just taking a page out of Bedigan Sr’s book. When in doubt, write a Floreat article so people still see your name everywhere. But really, did you actually think you could get rid of me that easily? Rumour has it, I am so Castle, I actually managed to blackmail college to have Ladies’ Night on my birthday.
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Anyway, what the hell is Symposium? I still have no idea. We are so good at coming up with these ridiculous names for events just so we would sound remotely close to cutting edge. Good one Summer-Elect! At least this year we can tell what the theme was actually about though. Not really sure about Greek but sure as hell Underworld was legendary. Not wanting to blow our own trumpet or anything but Castle knows how to throw a party. But not going to lie, if it weren’t for my notorious cameras, Ladies’ Night would, for me, have been nothing more than a very expensive formal, since my memories became fragmented after copious amount of champagne and vino. Legend. However, according to a few helpful slave club members working on the night, I was apparently seen attempting to swig a pitcher of snakebite which inevitably ended up all over my black tie shirt. An unnamed porter even came up to me thrice demanding that I saw it off. Again, legend.
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Highlights of the night included the speeches at dinner, in which both Lissy and David spoke touchingly about Eva and her long-lasting legacy at Castle; and Gus managed to successfully predict the goings-on of every Finalist’s night. A new and spontaneous entertainment came into play when allegedly, several symposiasts were spotted playing Catch the Fresher, whereby a poor girl was tossed left, right and centre. The food was incredible as far as everyone’s Instagram could tell, though the lamb was left cooking on the hob a bit too long “it turned out to be drier than Fraser’s humour”. We need to ask a certain C.L. if his chat gets any better one-to-one. By the way, word of advice, this is a black tie event, Bedigan Jr’s explosive chun bomb on a guest’s floor length dress from ASOS was a particular faux-pas. Finally, if you are going to do Angels, do it properly. When it comes to our arguably our most important ritual, it would be daRUDE (Sandstorm) if you mess it up. I heard Welfare Archie shed tears and I’m not going to lie, my heart hurt a little bit after such an offensive interruption. I was working up to an emotional goodbye but I feel I was denied such an important opportunity - if I don’t sob or shout about it how would people have known it was my bloody 21st birthday. Thanks Lissy, for such an alcohol-induced forgettable evening, let’s see what you come up with for June Ball.
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Christmas chat-up lines
by Charlotte Spence
Will you be hanging around under the mistletoe this Christmas? Make sure that you get those candy (cane) kisses with these festive pick-up lines, assured to get you the present that you want most….
Come sit on my lap, I have a special
Your stocking won’t be the only thing I’m stuffing tonight…
gift just for you!
Lets be naughty this year, and save Santa the trip
Are you a Christmas cracker, because I would like to pull you
Is it lonely up there? *up where?* On top of the tree, you angel
Can I take a picture of you? I want to show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas 13
Is that a candy cane in your pocket? Or are you just struggling to contain your excite-mint?
And the classic: Are you coming to the Christmas party tonight? There will be dark corners for doing dark deeds…
I’ve got a special gift in my sack for you…. I know it’s not Christmas yet, but I’ ll let you unwrap me early
lights y ir a f o n d e e n ’t We don tmas, is r h C is h t e e r t on the hts ig l e n o l a e c n e s your pre up the room
I don’t care whether you are on the naughty or nice list, because the only list I want you to be on is my contact list…
I can tell you are quite the elf-a male
Are you tinsel? Because I want you all over my tree
Guess what my ugly Christmas jumper is made of... Boyfriend/girlfriend material. 14
Call me Rudolph because you just sleighed me with that kiss! If you were a reindeer you would be cupid… your friend is looking fine tonight, introduce me?
Yule do. Are you looking for a tree topper? Because I have been told I’m a star on top.
Who needs a sled when you can just ride me? Call me snowflake… because I’ve fallen for you Is your name Santa, because you will be coming down my chimney soon….
Bonus Hanukah Ch atup line: You’re like my menorahs candles … getting hotter eve ryday
Are you a hot water bottle, because I’d like to take you to bed tonight?
Disclaimer: it’s more likely that using these will cause laughter as opposed to kissing, but hey its Christmas, miracles happen!
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Not Dickie’s Diary // 50 Shades of Dickie by Harriet Walsh
I wake up at 8.15am with a searing headache. I push empty fag boxes off my bed and sit up. YouTube’s still playing my nostalgic 80s mus---I mean 90s music. With mere minutes to get ready, I reach for my purple shirt. The old faithful purple shirt. Gilet on, I leave desolate Gilesgate and head for Claypath. Ahh, sweet gentrification. That reminds me, I need to remember to burn all the SCR copies of ‘The Guardian’. Can’t have that communist propaganda within the castle walls. I make it into college only a tad late. Lynne’s already been here since 5am doing literally everything. What would we do without Lynne? I piss away my morning drinking cups of tea and pretending to be busy. I stare at my emails for a little bit before turning off my monitor and having a nap. This is the life. I wake up after a particularly vivid dream about cataloguing new library books, and I check one of my mulptiple clocks and see it’s lunchtime. Oh good. Off I go to inappropriately flirt with any and all servery staff. I venture out from the labyrinth of College Office into the midday sun and hiss – I’m not used to seeing the Castle in the sunshine, and if I’m honest, I’m used to things being a bit Grey. I climb the steps to the hall and decide that’s my exercise for the day done. Ooh, speaking of exercise, I can’t wait until Mixed Lax on Sunday so I can show the fresh my #mãdskïllz. I run through my vast collection of Freshers t-shirts in my head. Which do I pick? How young do I feel this week? How successfully can I lie to the freshers?
Actual footage of me last week.
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Heading into the Hall I avoid High Table like the plague and decide to sit with the plebs, to show just how relatable and approachable I am. Oh good, there’s little brother Fraser. We must decide what to do for Mummy this Christmas… Shall we invite little nephew Owen S over? Having spent enough time making him feel sufficiently uncomfortable, I retreat back to my office. The afternoon seems to run away with me as I order several things from eBay and claim it back on college expenses by saying it’s for ‘The College Records’. Already it’s time to do my Wonder Woman trick and transform into Formal gear once more. I kiss my pictures of the Queen and Maggie T goodbye for the night and head off to the SCR to neck a few sherries. Formal again. Hell is empty and all the devils are here. I look to my right and stare longingly towards the kitchen terrace. Soon. After the third bottle of wine, finally Cal and Fraser race each other up the Hall to bow out. I nod back and after the charade is over I slur out my mandatory Latin and bugger off out. While honouring the Undie with my presence, a fresher offers to buy me a jägerbomb. Why on earth would the assume that I’d like a drink? Anyway, I finish up my blueberry smenergy (I’m so “down with the kids”) and slink away to make the trek back home. Who am I kidding? I got a taxi and a kebab from Pizza Perfect. Opening my door, I make my way through my various stacks of students’ personal statements, Castle stash, and Windsor memorabilia and crash in my bed. Vale, Castle, until tomorrow.
Christmas Chez Desforges-Medhurst a few years ago.
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the castle Freshers' Edition
by Connie Scrimshaw Here at Castle, we believe that if you look good on the
outside, you’ll feel just as fabulous on the inside. Fashion is a fantastic medium for self-expression, and there is no better place than amongst the Castle walls to see this. I have been here, there, and everywhere scouting out my favourite looks throughout the college. Some are daring and some are quirky, but one thing they all have in common is that they are all unique and serve to show o the sartorial individuality and diversity that our college has to oer.
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e catwalk e r u t a r e t i L h s i l g n E , g n u o Y n o s m a D
Damson? More like ‘Damn, son, did you SEE what this girl wore for Ladies’ Night?’. Indeed, Damson’s smoking-hot yet feminine take on mannish tailoring was an audacious choice and made a fresh change from the typical evening gown. Damson tells me the shops from which she got her garb form a ‘real mixed bag’; the stunning scarlet jacket, from ASOS, complements Damson’s fair colouring perfectly, and is teamed with classic black trousers from good old M&S and heels from Primark – ever the perennial favourite with cash-strapped students.
So, why the suit as opposed to a luscious prom dress? Damson says she opted for this bold choice because she ‘hadn’t worn a suit before’ and that she fell in love with the jacket ‘while procrastinating’. Well, you know what they say – you fall in love when you least expect it, right? She also quips that she received ‘mixed reviews’ on her out�it but it was ‘always going to be that way’ – indeed, and I would de�initely argue that part of the fun of fashion is ruf�ling a few (multi-coloured) feathers. However, Damson contends that the majority of her feedback was positive and most comments she received revolved around asking how on earth she didn’t fall out of that blazer. All I can say is that one must suffer for their art – it’s part of the price of looking �ierce.
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James Shaghaghi, Law
Everyone knows that Law students have superb style; with so few contact hours, they have all the time in the world to hone their aesthetic and seek out the �inest threads. And nothing can beat a �inely-tailored suit – the universal accoutrement of any self-respecting lawyer. Allow James (who has been known to go down to breakfast in a suit in order to ‘make a point’ after being sent away for attempting to turn up in pyjamas) to give you lesson in tip-top tailoring. He tells me that his clothing philosophy is all about adopting traditional dress codes and giving them a fresh 21st century spin;
‘in essence, retaining that classic look but making it sharper, more practical and more simple’.
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Forget Savile Row; Hawes and Curtis, Jermyn Street is THE place to go for a smart get-up. James says, ‘it’s all about �inding a �it that complements one’s silhouette’. When it comes to the shirt, again he opts for Jermyn Street – a double cuff (also known as a French cuff) is ‘always the smarter option’. For something a bit more accessible, he recommends TM Lewin, whom he notes are ‘good for classic colours and patterns’. Cuf�links must be ‘simple and subtle’. The tie, meanwhile, is a key centrepiece of the look; James’ choice, from Hildich and Key, is ‘always silk… simple, but the pattern breaks up the blue’. Indeed, bright block colours are not light relief for eyes fatigued by endless ploughing through cases and statutes. As regards braces, although they may seem so small and insigni�icant as to be merely a footnote in the narrative of a good suit, they are integral, ‘as they hold the trousers up better than a belt’. Pertaining to fancy footwear, James quotes Harry Hart from Kingsman: ‘Oxfords, not brogues’ (the latter are just a fancy version of the former). To �inish, a classic wristwatch: one must not be late for smiting adversaries in court.
One of the cornerstones of fashion is not being afraid to experiment, express one’s personal style and be one’s self – this adventurous outlook is what Alice lives by. This cute ensemble has made me very green with envy – a colour that Alice denotes as ‘very pretty’. Absolutely – we all love to be reminded of the green, green grass of home Durham from time to time, do we not?
And what a beautiful shade of green it is – a deep muted tone teamed with cool brown and classic black make this the perfect autumnal look. Wrap up warm, folks – Durham is damned cold. Yet keeping warm doesn’t look like it’ll be a problem for Alice – this wonderfully cosy coat, from TK Maxx, will keep the winter chill out. The shirt, which Alice tells me actually belonged to her grandmother, matches the coat perfectly and adds a sentimental touch. The black skirt, courtesy of high-street stalwart Miss Selfridge, is a go-to staple and breaks up the out�it, whereas the boots are from Of�ice and are the perfect choice for trekking to and from lectures; sturdy, warm, and a classic colour (just be careful on the Owengate cobbles in those heels, yeah?). However, my favourite piece of this look has to be the fabulous hat – Alice’s idiosyncratic trademark. She tells me it’s from Byron Bay in Australia (the ideal far-�lung location for a Geography student) and that it’s a ‘staple… it goes with everything
and makes out�its look a little cooler!’. Crazy hat lady? Quite possibly.
Alice Fogg, Geography
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y h p o s o l i h P , ff u r d o o W Lucy Vintage style has had something of a revival recently, with fashion magazines and high-street shops all clamouring for a piece of the action. This has facilitated the rise of quaint and quirky boutiques, both on and of�line, such as Etsy, Redbubble, and Ruby Lane, all selling unique handmade and vintage pieces. And there is no better Castle(wo)man to embody this beautiful trend than Lucy Woodruff.
This gorgeous striped dress, reminiscent of candy canes and sunny afternoons on whimsical pleasure beaches, is an ‘original handmade garment, dated from the late 1950s’; I would say that it is de�initely true that one should appreciate the craftsmanship of a garment all the more when it is painstakingly constructed by hand. This, along with the hat, were purchased from a ‘Liverpool vintage festival’, meanwhile the dinky cream purse is ‘authentic 1940s and purchased from Etsy’.
Lucy tells me that her style ‘is centred around the 1940s and 1950s’, the reason being that for her, ‘these decades are the epitome of femininity’ and that she has ‘always admired that pride that people took in their appearance’. Lucy has had an interest in vintage for a while, too – since she was 14, to be exact! She laments that she ‘dreads to think how much has been spent on red lipstick since then!’ Perhaps Lucy is the basis for that dubious study which states that women consume an average of 4-7lbs of lipstick over their lifetime…
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Christmas Horoscopes by
Aquarius: Things look good
for you this festive season. Expect everything you’ve ever wanted and more! Apart from the love and support of your friends and family. You’re getting none of that.
Pisces: Love is in the air – so
watch out! The last thing you want is a significant other that you need to buy multiple thoughtful Christmas presents for.
Aries: Running low on time and
money to buy presents for loved ones? Steal some stuff - Aries are known to be impulsive. It’ll probably work out fine.
Taurus: Remember: Mistletoe
looks nice but is also poisonous. Beware of sneaky snakes seeking to ruin the festive cheer.
Gemini: Gemini are gentle and
affectionate so Christmas is probably the perfect time of year for you. You big pansy.
Cancer: Sharing is caring…but also means you get half as many presents. Don’t share. Don’t care. Think smart.
Mike Bedigan
Virgo: Over the holidays you’ll
see friendships turn into obligations and obligatory relationships turn into friendships. Although that might sound confusing, it’s important to remember that Horoscopes are all bullsh*t anyway so don’t worry too much about it.
Leo: Christmas is cancelled. Libra: You will discover new things
about yourself – like the fact you have an allergy to mince pies. Look forward to Boxing Day in A&E.
Scorpio: 27 is a lucky number for Scorpios. Too bad Christmas day is the 25th.
Sagittarius: This year instead of
gritting your teeth and pretending it’s the perfect gift, just ask for the receipt. Everyone appreciates honesty.
Capricorn: 2016 has been a
tough year; Brexit, Trump and Bargate 2.0. Unfortunately for you the worst is yet to come…Merry Christmas!
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CASTLE YEAR ABR
Did you miss us?? Probably not, given the amount we spam here being defined as anything that is not Durham). Floreat b
EUROPE
CLEMMIE METCALFE
Location(s) Tomsk, Siberia, Russia Occupation(s) Studying at Tomsk State University One thing I’ve learnt from a year abroad… Being hit with birch branches in a Russian banya (sauna) is actually quite enjoyable ‘When I come back from my year abroad, I promise not to continually talk about…’ How I've survived living in -35 degrees. Durham's 9 (at time of writing) - tropical!
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Location(s) Parisian suburb Occupation(s) Student of useful subjects such as sociology and psychology One thing I've learnt from a year abroad… How to keep a baguette fresh One moment I wish I could forget… Confusing “chat” and “chatte”. Donald Trump grabs people by the latter
RICHARD WALLER
BY TABBY BOYD
ROADERS 2016-17
m your newsfeed with our instaworthy exotic snaps (exotic brings you exclusive profiles of the #yearabroad overkillers. LUCY BRIERLEY Location(s) Paris, Barcelona, Seville Occupation(s) PR intern; Student;Translation intern One thing I’ve learnt from a year abroad… I can actually survive as a human adult outside the North of England! One moment I wish I could forget… Being mistaken for a prostitute whilst waiting for a friend on Rue St Denis
ED THOMAS Location(s) Marseille, France Occupation(s) Property valuer One thing I’ve learnt from a year abroad… The French blame the Brits for everything One moment I wish I could forget… Being spat on by a homeless man
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JOEL TURNER Location(s) Tomsk (Russia), Hamburg, Saint Petersburg (Russia) Occupation(s) Student, British Council Language Assistant, Student One moment I wish I could forget… my traditional Russian banya (sauna) experience. There is something slightly traumatic about being whipped with birch twigs by one of your university lecturers, while you are both naked in a hot, steamy room. ‘When I come back from my year abroad, I promise not to continually talk about…’ Although I do miss Durham nights out and college events, the walk down Europe’s most sinful mile is something quite special, made even more exciting by the prospect of being groped by a prostitute.
GISELLE O’DONOGHUE Location(s) Paris and Florence Occupation(s) Marketing intern and student One thing I've learnt from a Year Abroad… I cannot and will never be able to speak French. One moment I wish I could forget… 2 days into my year abroad a homeless guy taking it upon himself to spit in my ear and call me a fat slut lol
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Location(s) Paree, Moscow Occupation(s) Startup consultancy intern, mafia One thing I've learnt from a year abroad. Golly, there’s a big wide world out there! One moment I wish I could forget When my alcoholic flatmate’s (very much male) one-night stand swanned into my room naked at 6am to use my ensuite 'When I come back from my year abroad, I promise to not continually talk about...’ the fact that Durham is really quite small. But I make no such promise.
IMMY SMETHERS
JACK SHERRINGTON
Location(s) Paris, Bremen (Germany) and fingers crossed Madagascar! Occupation(s) Sales Intern; Language Assistant One moment I wish I could forget The traditional cabbage season celebration, involving being forced to drink Schnapps by your colleagues, dancing, and ending in a big meal at about 7am. I didn’t realise that the meal was literally just going to be different varieties of cabbage cooked in different ways. I haven’t been able to look at cabbage the same way since… 'When I come back from my year abroad, I promise to not continually talk about...' my 250€ a month rent, German beer and four day long weekends.
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ASIA
CHLOE BROOKER
Location(s) Singapore Occupation(s) Student at the National University One thing I've learnt from a year abroad… Asians will do anything for a picture with a ginger One moment I wish I could forget… Crashing a moped into a food stall in the middle of Yangon
CAT GILLEN
Location(s) Tokyo Occupation(s) Student One moment I wish I could forget: Throwing a house party so lit that the Japanese police arrived. Then drunkenly insisting to use my 4 hours of Japanese lessons to tell the policeman to chill out. Eventually someone who actually spoke the language took over and he left; leaving me with a deportation warning. ‘When I come back from my year abroad, I promise not to continually talk about...’ How Tesco sushi is totally inauthentic and おいしく ないです
NESS RILEY
Location(s) Hangzhou, China Occupation(s) Student One thing I’ve learnt from a year abroad…Bread is not bread, it's cake, and loo roll is a concept they haven't really adopted ‘When I come back from my year abroad, I promise not to continually talk about…’ How poor I am now after being in a country where being a 外国 人 (foreigner) means free nights out and burger and pizza deals every week for £1.50
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AUSTRALASIA AMBER AHMAD Location(s) Melbourne, Australia Occupation(s) Studying and interning One moment I wish I could forget… Our little hit and run incident with a poor, unsuspecting kangaroo in the Tasmanian bush. Unfortunately he didn't look both ways before crossing 'When I come back from my year abroad, I promise to not continually talk about...' The price of goon, uni encouraging alcoholism with free barbies and beers at lunch, Surf club and TimTams
FABIAN SHEEDY Location(s) Perth, Australia Occupation(s) Student One thing I’ve learnt from a year abroad… Wine from a bag is ridiculously cheap but the hangover is rougher than a kangaroo's arse. One moment I wish I could forget… Losing odds-on at a Danish girl's house warming party and having to scream: "I fucking hate Scandinavians". That was the last time I got invited there...
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Location(s) Paris and Havana, an attractive socialist spectrum Occupation(s) PR intern, student, wanderer, dreamer… One moment I wish I could forget… Telling a colleague that an author tried to ‘baiser’ me instead of ‘faire la bise’, which unfortunately for me is the difference between ‘to kiss on the cheek’ and ‘to fuck’. 'When I come back from my year abroad, I promise to not continually talk about...' how as soon as my degree is over it’s hasta luego amigos and off to sunnier climbs
TABBY BOYD
NORTH/SOUTH AMERICA
MINNA BLAND
Location(s): Canada- University of British Columbia Occupation(s): Pro snowball roller, part-time road-tripper and Mountain-hiking aficionado One thing I've learnt from a year abroad: How to judge the behaviour of a bear if necessary (knowing when you should shout at it, curl up to protect your vital organs or "fight for your life" may come in handy...) One moment I wish I could forget: Every time my British accent confuses people and I get called Laura.This recurring moment taunts me every single day.
Location(s): Siena (Italy) and Buenos Aires (Argentina) Occupation(s): studying, teaching English One thing I've learnt from a year abroad… you can survive on just eating pasta One moment I wish I could forget… the moment I had a breakdown in the middle of a supermarket because I couldn't decide which type of pasta to buy 'When I come back from my year abroad, I promise to not continually talk about...' my favourite type of pasta
LARA JANES-WALTON
AND... WELL... A year abroad doesn’t actually have to mean being abroad… RUEBEN SCRIVEN
Location(s) Stockton,Teesside Occupation(s) Plant neurobiologist One thing I've learnt from my year abroad… Having the opportunity to immerse myself within an alien culture has been truly eye-opening and I have learnt countless life-lessons from it, for example to never move back to Teesside ever again One moment I wish I could forget… The moment I realised I had to live in Stockton for an entire year 'When I come back from my year abroad, I promise to not continually talk about...' Don’t worry, I won’t want to relive the trauma
JIMMY LEE Location(s) Durham, Barcelona, Durham, St. Petersburg, Durham Occupation(s) Graphic Designer, Student One thing I've learnt from a year abroad… How to book the cheapest plane tickets home One moment I wish I could forget… The moment when Senior Student was proposed to be a sabbatical role 'When I come back from my year abroad, I promise to not continually talk about...' how much I love college.
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The Ladies Sock
by Polly Esther
The infamous Castle ladies’ sock
was actually established at St Mary’s College, as this was where most female students were members of. At the first Ladies sock, held in 1900, drinking was strictly prohibited and dresses above the knee were unheard of.
is well known for its debaucherous nights out, elaborate dress themes and exclusive selection policies. But what most of you will not know ladies sock for is the deep rooted and shared passion amongst its members for socks. Whilst Vs exists because they play a The society quickly gained populargame like squash but with their hands, ity as a way for females to socialladies sock simply enjoys socks. ise over their shared love of socks. However, we shouldn’t just judge them on that and hopefully this article will shed some light on the mysterious passions of the ladies’ sock. Let’s start by looking at ladies’ sock from the very beginning. Lady sock
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It wasn’t for 50 years after founding that alcohol was first consumed at a ladies’ sock meeting and this happened purely by chance. The ladies’ sock was sat in Mary’s JCR for their usual bi-weekly Wednesday meeting, when two bottles of rose wine were mistakenly delivered, much to the surprise of the 20 or so members. They, very responsibly, limited themselves to one small glass each, however this was a crucial turning point for the ladies’ sock as alcohol had penetrated the society. With the admission of women to Castle in 1987, ladies’ sock sought to move to grander settings. By this point the ladies were slowly losing their interest in socks and the meetings became a chance to escape from the tough academic life. However, the theme of the evenings always revolved around socks.
spective members had to down two glasses of wine poured through a sock stolen from the college master. It was in 1998 that arguably the greatest change came to the ladies’ sock. The introduction of a new college master. The new master preferred to wear thick socks with a very low permeability. Coupled with this was the widespread introduction of burglar alarms into society. A) stealing the master’s socks became too difficult and B) they simply didn’t allow wine to be drunk through them. Therefore, the ladies’ sock decided to drop the ‘k’ and hereafter they have been known as the ladies’ soc!
Most of the original Mary’s college members were gradually phased out as the members became strictly Famous ladies sock honorary member Castle only. However, I am delight- Fearne Cotton. ed to see learn of the relaxation of this Castle only rule in the past year. Ladies’ sock gained an infamous reputation throughout the college and the numbers of members slowly grew rapidly. It was around 1995 that the ladies’ sock decided to introduce its exclusive membership policy. Initiations were also introduced – the pro-
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Ladies and Gentlemen of Castle, There is never a quiet moment on the Upper Bailey, but isn’t that the price you pay for being the best, and worst, of people?! I shan’t give the game away just yet, but it seems to me that Castle’s coils are being well and truly sprung. Vivacious freshers learning to turn sheets quicker than they can textbook pages; Snaky second years going full Planet Earth for their share of the pack and the third and forth years picking each other off like graduation day is just round the corner. We hate to panic you finalists, but that 70% student marriage rate is looking awfully far away - best get to it.
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I shouldn’t let that get you down though. We know for some of you, Ladies Night came and went without success, but don’t you worry, with Christmas just around the corner, silly season could be the perfect time for you. Sling your morals right back in the stocking(s), and jingle some bells – it’s the most wonderful time of the year. After all, mistletoe maketh man-kind merry. We’ll see you on the other side… As always gossip donors, your secret is safe with us, why not sign up now and dish the dirt on your nearest and dearest? We welcome all abilities, XOXO.
Contrary to my last post, it seems that the Freshers have been making much more of an effort to ‘integrate’ into college life. Inter-year relations are always encouraged, but one particular fresher has taken it to a new level, getting down and dirty in a fourth year’s toilet with a returning Castlewoman. We still don’t know How(e) he managed to fill that ‘agegap’, but at least he’s already playing the (Ingles)field. It’s not all about sexual deviance in Castle and while the above couple were getting down and dirty, a conscientious forth year decided it was time to clean up his act. Bathing with royalty is usually reserved for the upper echelons of society and yet one Man(isty) took it upon himself to break down the hierarchical divide, for better or worse, getting hot and steamy in the same Senate Suite bathtub as her Majesty the Queen Ladies night was a busy night for all it seems, but let’s hope the infectious nature of the Castle love-scene spread too far. Unfortunately, it might be too late for one particular fresher as a casual invitation to the ball turned into more than just a first date. We didn’t think that Jake de Glandular could infect any more girls with his masculine charm and elusive chat, but apparently he Can(e). Once in a blue moon a budding relationship flourishes into something more, but every now and again it is important to spice things up. Perhaps a cheeky game of cops and Rob-bers? As a result of such risqué attitudes, it has been brought to my attention that a certain Loop(uit)-hole was found in a garden stairs lock. It was under these compromising circumstances that the culprit was caught trousers down, breaking and entering his Mayne-gal in a less than impressed Fresher’s room. For many however the search continues. There is a partner out there for everyone, and yet some still choose to stick within the confines of their own families. Indeed, while out on the Hunt, it appears one second year has taken a particular fancy to his own daughter, and in a fit of passion decided to break the traditional family conventions and just Hav’er(s). It’s not the first, or the last time this sort of thing will happen, but when it does, make sure to let me know. Until next time, you know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.
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