Guy Magazine #155 by Multi-Media Platforms

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Photo by RusselFlemingPhotography.com Model is wearing Tide Stripe Swim by Teamm 8; $59.00 at LAJock.com

12 Bar Guide 16 Guys Night Out 28 Snapshot: Ruby Clippers 24 Happy Hours Guide 30 Upcoming Events 32 The Scene 36 Guy Dining: Lime Fresh 38 Adam & Ease 46 Guy Fitness 50 Guy Bytes 54 Love Jones

Bobby Blair Publisher Kevin Hopper Associate Publisher Cliff Dunn Editor Jason Otero Creative Director Editorial Contributors Duncan St. Thibault, Tom Bonanti, Andy Kress, Adam Strong, Robert Elias Deaton, Dale Madison, Richard David Chamberlain Production Dennis Dean Editorial Photographer Stephen Kuttner Photographer Alexander Maxwell Photographer Sales & Marketing Keith Chamlee Sales Manager keithchamlee@guymag.net - 954-465-1563 Rose Ann Casale Client Services Executive RoseAnnCasale@mmpmlgbt.com - 954-380-8563 x2113 National Sales Rivendell Media National Ad Representatives 212-242-6863 Display Ads Ad Production Request Deadline: Wednesday, Noon Camera-Ready Ad Deadline: Friday, Noon Display Advertising sales@guymag.net - 954-380-8563 Classifieds Ads Text Ad Placement Deadline: Thursday, Noon Classified Display Ad Production/Placement Request Deadline: Thursday, Noon Camera-Ready Classified Display Ad Deadline: Friday, Noon Media Board of Advisers Alan Beck, Keith Blackburn, Robert Boo, Reece Darham, Terry DeCarolo, Richard Hack, Kevin Hopper, Paul Hugo, Peter Jackson, Dale Madison, Krishan Manners, Mark Negrete, Jackson Padgett, Gary Santis, Jason Tamanini, Brett Tannenbaum, Dean Trantalis, Victor Zepka Main Office 2435 N Dixie Hwy, Wilton Manors, FL 33305 Phone 954-380-8563 Fax 954-380-8567 editor@guymag.net

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bar guide ALIBI 2266 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oGayborhood tradition since 1997. Comfortable, inviting atmosphere with indoor video bars, outdoor drinking and dining. Drink specials all week, with mammoth 22-ounce Long Island Iced Teas for $3 on Thursdays. BILL’S FILLING STATION 2209 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oVideos, pool tables, dart boards, dance floor, happy hour, live shows, Tuesday and Thursday karaoke – and great burgers to boot. Fun and friendly truck-stop-themed bar, great staff. BOARDWALK 1721 N Andrews Ave Fort Lauderdale oOver 100 of the sexiest men from all over the world. Go-go dancers, cages, billiards, 2-4-1 Happy Hours. Drag em- cees and did we mention the boys? BOOM 2232 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oThe bar with two names features a dance club and Gayborhood bar. Drag Bingo on Mondays, karaoke Mondays and Tuesdays, dance music Fridays and Saturdays, and (indoor) Sunday T-Dance. CORNER PUB 1915 N Andrews Ave Wilton Manors oFriendly atmosphere, unpretentious clientele and staff. Next to Island City Pizza (so you can get your drink AND your slice on). CUBBY HOLE 823 N Federal Hwy Fort Lauderdale oButch bar and grill with a rockin’ daytime crowd (and a fun nighttime one, too). Fiftycent pool, 2-for-1 drinks all day every day, video games, hot movies on HDTV and DirecTV. DEPOT CABANA BAR AND GRILL 2935 N Federal Hwy Fort Lauderdale oAdjacent to the America’s Best Inn and Suites. Pool open daily - No Cover or Day Pass. Great food, daily happy hour, Sunday afternoon T-Dance Poolside. Karaoke and live music. Open daily at 11:30 a.m. DUDES 3270 NE 33rd St Fort Lauderdale oMen dancing for men. Hot go-go boys in an upscale atmosphere, piano lounge for more quiet interludes. Steamy shower shows.

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Fort Lauderdale / Wilton Manors

INFINITY LOUNGE 2184 WIlton Drive Wilton Manors oMartini and specialty cocktail lounge in the heart of Wilton Manors, featuring fresh fruit concoctions in an intimate industrial/chic setting. Sexy & jazzy lounge music. Add sparkle to your day. Enjoy Sinatra Sundays: A vibe unlike any other to wrap up the weekend. JOHNNY’S 1116 W Broward Blvd Fort Lauderdale oClub, bar, lounge. Male dancers and the men who love (to ogle) them. Sunday amateur strip contest (and karaoke!). LIPS 1421 E Oakland Park Blvd Oakland Park oThe Ultimate in Drag Dining. Dinner and shows six nights a week. Sunday Gospel Brunch with the Sisters of Sequins. MATTY’S ON THE DRIVE 2426 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oDrink specials, billiards, and a chill gayborhood vibe. 75 cent drinks on Wednesdays. No Drama, No Smoking. MONA’S 502 E Sunrise Blvd Fort Lauderdale oCocktail Lounge in the heart of Searstown. Fun customers, fun bartenders and fun proprietor (the Legendary Jerry). Outside patio. Wednesday karaoke, Thursday Speedball Tournament. MONKEY BUSINESS 2740 N Andrews Ave Fort Lauderdale oCozy neighborhood bar. Karaoke, drags shows, Patio Bar and open at 9 a.m. daily. NAKED GRAPE 2163 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oRelaxing, friendly, hip, unique. The alternative gathering place on Wilton Dr. Now serving tapas nightly. Social Hour features $5 house wine glasses, $1 Barcelona Bites, and In The Biz all the time. RAMROD 1508 NE 4th Ave Fort Lauderdale oVoted World’s Favorite Leather Bar. Pig Dance first Saturday of the month – South Florida’s Busiest, Craziest Monthly Party (with caged hunks at midnight on Saturdays – Is there a downside to this?). ROSIE’S BAR & GRILL 2449 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oNexus of the A-Gay List. Be Seen in the Scene (without making one). Food, folks, libations, and a killer Sunday Funday.

SCANDALS SALOON 3073 NE 6th Ave Wilton Manors oA line-dancin’, tight blue jeans-wearin’ good time. Country and western music, two-steppin’, three-steppin’, pool tables, and themed events year ‘round. Cowboys and Indians was never this much fun, Pilgrim. SIDELINES 2031 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oWhere sports come first. Nationally known destination sports bar with TVs streaming NFL, MLB, NBA and college games. Pool tables, dart boards and large indoor (and now smoke-free) facility. SLAMMER 321 W Sunrise Blvd Fort Lauderdale oPrivate Men’s Club. Pay cover, then uncover. Monday In the Biz, Thursday Leather Nights. They bring the party (and the mattresses), you bring the booze. SMARTY PANTS 2400 E Oakland Park Blvd Fort Lauderdale oCozy neighborhood bar with daily happy hour, and regular patrons. Show night Thursdays at 9 p.m. Karaoke Friday and Saturday nights, with matinee on Sunday afternoon. THE MANOR COMPLEX 2345 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oWeHo vibe (think: LA’s The Abbey) in the heart of the Gayborhood. Dine, drink, dance, play, mingle. Theme rooms (Latin Night every Saturday in the Latin Quarter!). Live dancing and dining. THE STABLE 205 E Oakland Park Blvd Fort Lauderdale oLevis-and-leather neighborhood bar, where the bears line dance and the cowboys are VERY friendly. TORPEDO 2829 W Broward Blvd Fort Lauderdale oDance, shoot pool, drink til 4 a.m., 7 nights a week. Doors open at midnight; dance til dawn. WILTON’S BIER GARDEN 2245 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oGerman cuisine meets Der Gayborhood, in a fun, relaxed atmosphere. Upstairs dining, downstairs outdoor patio and bar, DJ music, and a fun staff make one of Wilton Manors’ newest venues a good time to be had by all.

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bar guide CLUB SUGAR 2301 SW 32nd Ave Miami oGay Latin scene, with Salsa, Merengue, Reggaeton, Hip Hop and House music always playing. DISCOTEKKA 950 NE 2nd Ave Miami oHot music, hot scene, hot bartenders, and hot patrons in the hot heart of Downtown Miami. MOVA LOUNGE 1625 Michigan Ave Miami Beach oOn Miami Beach’s famed Lincoln Road, never a cover. Drink specials all week long, live DJs, high energy music and a fun crowd getting their dance on til late.

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Miami / Miami Beach

PALACE BAR 1200 Ocean Drive Miami Beach oThis bar and restaurant in the heart of South Beach’s Art Deco District. Mouth- watering burgers, boys (and girls!). Weekend cabaret shows Thursday through Sunday. SCORE 727 Lincoln Rd Miami Beach oDance, drink, party all night on Miami Beach’s Lincoln Road. Tons of events throughout the year, including fundraisers for Winter Party, White Party, and Miami Beach Gay Pride. SPACE 34 NE 11th St Miami oMingle and mix with gays and str8s in the heart of Downtown Miami. Indoor dance floors and outdoor rooftop bar, spectacular light show.

SWINGING RICHARDS 17450 Biscayne Blvd N Miami oThe only gay strip club in Southern Florida to offer FULLY NUDE dancers. Smokin’ hot dancers all week long. TWIST 1057 Washington Ave Miami Beach oGreat music, friendly staff, hot tourists and locals. Never a cover, always a groove. Bungalow Bar = Hot Men. In SoBe’s Art Deco District. VLADA LOUNGE 3215 NE 2nd Ave Miami oUrban, sophisticated and chic in Midtown Miami with a bar that ices over. New York pedigree meets Miami attitude. Nightly DJs, never a cover.

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ROSIE THE RIVETERS TAKE OVER

WICKED WILTON IN WILTON MANORS

MICHAEL SHOWS US HOW MANY BRAIN CELLS HE HAS LEFT

OBAMA WAS INVITED TO ROMNEY’S THANKSGIVING FEAST

IF ONLY WE DRESSED LIKE THIS FOR XMAS

THE DEVIL WAS INSIDE... THE VILLAGE PUB

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ALICE AND THE MAD HATTER WERE FOUND AT THE ALIBI

ANYONE HERE WANT TO WRESTLE THESE GUYS?

DID ROBIN HOOD DO TOO MANY MUSHROOMS THIS WEEKEND?

SOMEONE LOST SOME OF THE 101 DALMATIONS... BUT WE’LL KEEP THESE

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Fundraiser @ Home of Alan Kramer to Elect Dean Trantalis for City Commission District II

guys night OUT

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Noche Nadadores at KMP Furniture Miami

guys night OUT

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It’s a Dog’s Life Everyday at

Ruby Clippers

By DALE MADISON

eff Forrest and Richard Hyatt say they have never met a pet they didn’t like, although Forrest admits that “there have been pets that really didn’t care for us,” and lets out a hearty laugh. His partner, the quiet Hyatt, reflects, “Can you believe that we have never had a fight?” It’s easy to see how they get along. Forrest is the prankster and Hyatt is the stylist. Hyatt says his work as a hair stylist in New York made it a natural transition. “We started out in the Garment District in a shop that was 504 square feet, but we were there and we loved Manhattan,” recalls Forrest. “We loved New York City, but there came a time that we didn’t want to shovel snow and we didn’t want to be cold,” explains Hyatt, less quiet now. “We used to vacation in South Florida, and one day we just said, ‘It’s time,’ so we kept those items that we really wanted, and away we came.” “We’ve been here now for nine years,” says Forrest. “We opened Ruby Clippers in February 2004. We have never lived big,” he explains, before noting that, “of course, that is now the new normal, if you understand what I am saying,” and then flashes another big smile. The pair says they take part in the life of the community, both in the Gayborhood and beyond. In addition to supporting the Pet Project, “We try to patronize those LGBT-owned businesses,” says Hyatt. “Not just because we are gay, but because we really love supporting our community.” On the business side, both Hyatt and Forrest recognize that they are in a tight economy and a competitive market. It keeps them sharp. “We really do work on customer service for our clients, and we really do care about the animals and their comfort,” Forrest explains. “I don’t even like caging the animals, which is one reason that our work area is gated. There are times that you do need to cage an animal, but I just don’t like to do it.”

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Hyatt notes that “some dogs know how to work you and they will.” “Our motto is ‘Tender, Loving Care,’ and we mean that,” says Forrest. “We don’t even use hot air dryers, and we believe in having state-of-theart equipment. Our shop is always clean, and our customers can see their pet being groomed if they want to stay.” He notes that “so many of our clients have become real friends with us, and they trust us.” “We open at 8 a.m., and we are here until the last dog is picked up,” Forrest says, adding with that big, hearty laugh, “that may be at 3 o’clock, or it may be happy hour.” If your pooch is in need of a trim, shampoo, or other grooming service, call the boys at Ruby Clippers at (954) 564-2770, and visit them at 880 E Oakland Park Blvd., Oakland Park.

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happy hours

Fort Lauderdale / Wilton Manors

BILL’S FILLING STATION 2209 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour half-off drink prices from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m., Monday through Friday, with an additional half-price “Bear Necessities” Happy Hour on Friday nights from Midnight to close.

INFINITY LOUNGE 2184 WILTON DRIVE WILTON MANORS o Sexy, intimate cocktail lounge with everyday happy hour featuring 1/2 price drinks from 3 p.m. to 8 p.m. Specializing in fresh fruit concoctions, martinis and mojitos, with a great selection of beer and wine.

BOARDWALK 1721 N Andrews Ave. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. daily, with 2-4-1 mixed drinks and brew.

JOHNNY’S CLUB, BAR, AND LOUNGE 1116 W Broward Blvd. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour runs seven days, Monday through Thursday from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m., Fridays and Saturdays from 3 p.m. to 9 p.m., and Sundays from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m., with varying drink specials depending the day, and discounted drinks starting at $4.

BOOM 2232 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Half-priced drink Happy Hours Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., and Fridays and Saturdays from 9 a.m. to 10 p.m., as well as $7 premium martinis all day long. CORNER PUB 1915 N Andrews Ave. Wilton Manors o Seven-day Happy Hour from 11 a.m. til 9:30 p.m., with $1.75 domestic drafts, $2.50 domestic bottles, $2.75 imports, $2.50 well drinks, $2.75 calls, $3 premiums, and $4.75 Jaeger shots. CUBBY HOLE 823 N Federal Hwy. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour with 2-4-1 drinks all day every day. THE DEPOT CABANA BAR AND GRILL 2935 N Federal Hwy. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour features half-price drinks Monday through Friday from 11:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. DUDES ON THE BEACH 3270 NE 33rd St. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour features a seven day a week 2-4-1 special from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. GALANGA 2389 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy our daily from 5-7PM offering $5 martinis, $2 sake bombs, $4 imports and domestics, $5 house wines, and $5 appetizers and $10 entrees! GEORGIE’S ALIBI 2266 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o 2-4-1 Happy Hour Monday through Friday.

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THE MANOR RESTAURANT AND NIGHTCLUB 2345 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour Wednesday through Friday from 3-9 p.m. MATTY’S ON THE DRIVE 2426 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o 2-4-1 Happy Hour Monday through Saturday from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m., and a drink chip that’s good through 10 p.m.! MONA’S COCKTAIL LOUNGE (next to Lisa’s Backyard) 502 E Sunrise Blvd. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour is celebrated seven days a week from noon till 9 p.m., with $2.50 domestic beers and well drinks, and $1.25 drafts. MONKEY BUSINESS 2740 N Andrews Ave. Wilton Manors o Happy Hour runs through 9 p.m., seven days, with drinks specials that average about $1-$1.50 off per mixed drink or brew. NAKED GRAPE WINE BAR 2163 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o “Social Hour” from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., with $5 glasses of house wine, and $1 Barcelona Bites. On Thursdays, buy one flat bread or panini, get one 1/2 price. PINCHÉ TAQUERIA 2045 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o A NYC-by-way-of-Tijuana-transplant, offering great outdoor atmosphere and a daily 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Happy Hour with $4 well drinks, $5 Pinché margaritas, and $20 margarita pitchers, as well as half-priced appetizers from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.

happy hours

Fort Lauderdale / Miami

PJ’S CORNER POCKET 924 N Flagler Drive Fort Lauderdale o Monday through Friday Happy Hour with $1 off every drink, as well as an everyday five 7 oz. Bud Lights for $5 special.

THE STABLE COUNTRY WESTERN BAR 205 E Oakland Park Blvd. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour Monday through Thursday 2 p.m. to 9 p.m., and Friday through Sunday, noon through 9 p.m., with at least $1 off their regular prices on libations.

RAMROD 1508 NE 4th Ave. Fort Lauderdale o Fort Lauderdale’s oldest gay bar under the same ownership, a leather, Levis, and uniform bar with hot men and a 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. daily 2-4-1 Happy Hour (weekends included!).

TROPICS 2000 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour starts at 4 p.m. and runs through 9 p.m., Monday through Friday. Drinks are 2-4-1.

RODEO RESTAURANT AND BAR 2033 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o HALF PRICE on MARTINI MENU - Wednesdays 5:3010:30. HALF PRICE on SIGNATURE DRINKS - Thursdays 5:30-10:30. HUGE DISCOUNTS on ALL DRINKS - AFTER HOURS Fridays and Saturdays from 10:00 p.m. until close. 25% off all drinks for IN THE BIZ folks - AFTER HOURS Fridays and Saturdays from 10:00 p.m. until close. HALF PRICE on all Appetizers PLUS $2.00 off all drink prices Saturdays before 7:00 p.m. ROSIE’S BAR & GRILL 2249 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour Mondays through Fridays from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. with half-priced premium well, beer, and house wines and $1 off all other cocktails (excluding premium wines). SCANDALS SALOON 3073 NE 6th Ave. Wilton Manors o Happy Hour at the main bar that runs Monday through Saturday from noon to 9 p.m., with $1-to-$2 drink special discounts, depending on what beverages you’re enjoying. All-day Happy Hour on Sundays.

SIDELINES SPORTS BAR 2031-A Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour runs daily—for the first time!—from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m. with half-price drinks (the other popular Gayborhood-variation on the split-level-drink-price), followed by a back-half Happy Hour from Midnight-toclose, also with (according to their Web site) half-price libations. SMARTY PANTS 3038 N Federal Highway Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour seven days a week, starting at 9 a.m. and continuing through 8 p.m., with daily specials and discounts off their low drink prices.

WILTON’S BIER GARDEN 2245 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour including 2-4-1 domestic draft beer, 2-4-1 well drinks, and 2-4-1 Coastal Vines house wine selections.

DISCOTEKKA 950 NE 2nd Ave. Miami o Sunday nights with “Drag’s a Bitch” and $3 Bud Lights and $5 well drinks. MAGNUM LOUNGE 709 NE 79th St. Miami o Happy Hour 5 p.m.-8 p.m. with $4 margaritas and drink specials every night of the week. MOVA LOUNGE 1625 Michigan Ave. Miami Beach o Thursdays $4 Miller Lites and $6 Finlandia Vodka. Friday Happy Hour runs 6 p.m.-9 p.m. with half-priced cocktails. PALACE BAR & GRILL 1200 Ocean Drive Miami Beach o Friday Happy Hour from 5-9 p.m. TWIST 1057 Washington Ave. Miami Beach o Happy Hour 2-for-1 drink specials Friday through Wednesday, 1 p.m.-9 p.m. and all day Thursday. Eat and be merry with a free barbeque on Fridays and Sundays, 6 p.m.-8 p.m. VLADA LOUNGE 3215 NE 2nd Ave. Miami o Daily Happy Hour two-for-one specials, 4 p.m.-8 p.m.

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happy hours Miami / Miami Beach

MOVA LOUNGE JOHNNY’S MIAMI 1625 Michigan Ave. 62 NE 14th St. Miami Beach Miami o $5 drinks all night, Wednesday o Thursdays $4 Miller Lites and $6 Finlandia Vodka. Friday Happy Hour runs through Sundays. 6 p.m.-9 p.m. with half-priced cocktails. PALACE BAR & GRILL DISCOTEKKA 1200 Ocean Drive 950 NE 2nd Ave. Miami Beach Miami o Friday Happy Hour from 5-9 p.m. o Sunday nights with “Drag’s a Bitch” and $3 Bud Lights and $5 well drinks. MAGNUM LOUNGE 709 NE 79th St. VLADA LOUNGE Miami Happy Hour 5 p.m.-8 p.m. with $4 3215 NE 2nd Ave. margaritas and drink specials every night Miami o Daily Happy Hour two-for-one of the week. specials, 4 p.m.-8 p.m. TWIST 1057 Washington Ave. Miami Beach o Happy Hour 2-for-1 drink specials Friday through Wednesday, 1 p.m.-9 p.m. and all day Thursday. Eat and be merry with a free barbeque on Fridays and Sundays, 6 p.m.-8 p.m.

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UPCOMING EVENTS ULTIMAT VODKA PARTY FOR WILTON MANORS HISTORICAL SOCIETY oThursday, November 8, 7-8 p.m., Village Pub, 2283 Wilton Drive. Cocktail party in association with the Wilton Manors Development Alliance. FORT LAUDERDALE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL oThrough November 11. Various theaters and times. Complete show information is available at fliff.com. GEAR UP 2 FASHION SHOW oFriday, November 16. 11 p.m. at Boom, 2234 Wilton Drive, Wilton Manors. Benefitting Broward House. For more information: 954-6303556 or boomwiltonmanors.com. THIRD ANNUAL TEAM 990 CELEBRITY SERVERS DINNER SPECTACULAR oMonday, November 12, 7-11 p.m., Rosie’s Bar & Grill, 2449 Wilton Drive. Local celebs wait tables with 100% of the tips and 20% of the tab benefiting the Smart Ride. RESET: WHITE PARTY WEEK oTuesday, November 20, 10 p.m.-4 a.m., Official Madonna Tour AfterParty, Grand Central Miami, 697 N Miami Ave., Miami, $20 general admission, $50 VIP admission. oWednesday, November 21, 9 p.m.-3 a.m., White Martini Party, Mova Lounge, 1625 Michigan Ave., Miami Beach, no cover. Wednesday, November 21, 10 p.m.-3 a.m., Dolce—A Women’s Event, Queen Lounge, 841 Washington Avenue, Miami Beach, $8 admission. oThursday, November 22, 10 p.m.-5 a.m., White Journey Kick-off Dance Party, Score Bar, 727 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach, $25 admission. oFriday, November 23, Noon-7 p.m., White Paradise T Dance, Dream South Beach Hotel, 1111 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, roof-top cocktails and pool-dipping, $40 admission. oFriday, November 23, 10 p.m.-8 a.m., Urge: White Dreams, Space Nightclub, 34 NE 11th St., Miami, $60 general admission, $100 VIP admission. oFriday, November 23, 10 p.m.-4 a.m., Bang—A Women’s Event, Score Bar, 727 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach, $14 admission. magazineyour | guyhave 30 To

oSaturday, November 24, Noon-7 p.m., Heatwave Pool Party, Dream South Beach Hotel, 1111 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, $40 admission. oSaturday, November 24, Noon-9 p.m., White Sunset Tea, Palace Bar, 1200 Ocean Ave., Miami Beach, no cover. oSaturday, November 24, 10 p.m.-5 a.m., The White Party, SOHO Studios, 2136 NW 1st Avenue, Miami, $30 student admission, $99 general admission, $150 VIP admission. oSaturday, November 24, 9 p.m.0-4 a.m., Cirque Blanc 11—A Women’s Event, Nikki Beach Club, 1 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach, $25 general admission, $75 VIP admission. oSunday, November 25, 1 p.m.-9 p.m., Muscle Beach Party, 12th Street Beach, Miami Beach, $75 general admission, $125 VIP admission. oSunday, November 25, 11 a.m.-6 p.m., White Splash Pool Party—A Women’s Event, Maxine’s, 1752 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach, no cover. oMonday, November 26, 5 a.m.-5 p.m., White Horizons—The Legendary Morning Party, Discotekka, 950 NE 2nd Avenue, Miami, $40 general admission. oMonday, November 26, 11 p.m.-5 a.m., Swan Song—the Closing Event Party, Twist, 1057 Washington Avenue, Miami Beach, no cover. All events benefit the Community AIDS Care Resource (CARE), a 501[c](3) non-profit, multi-cultural, community based AIDS service organization.

event listed, please email events@guymag.net

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the SCENE

By DUNCAN ST. THIBAULT

Jessica & Ashlee Simpson’s Dad Crashes

‘Out’ of the Closet

The bi-coastal, bi-sexual antics of Joe Simpson—the former Baptist minister dad of performers Jessica and Ashlee Simpson—have entered a new phase of “Theater of the Grotesque,” with reports of Simpson hiring a hustler who is now telling-one-telling-all in the pages of trash tabloidia. A 32-year-old slip of a Big Apple escort named Joey Anderson—who was strapped to a lie-detector as he spouted forth (details, that is)—has given a raunchy account of this threehour romp at NYC’s toney Mandarin Oriental hotel this May. “Over the course of two hours or so, we rolled around, kissed and gave each other oral,” Joey has said. “We’d take breathers and then start up all over again,” Jo-Ho added. “He seemed to have an insatiable appetite for sex and never really appeared tired.” Tres romantique. Simpson, a former psychologist who serves as the agent for his famous offspring was “very much pleased” by Joey’s ‘work,’ which earned La Rentboy $600 for his “time, not for sexual services,” the not-quite-a-boy-toy-anymoy said. It’s okay Jo-Jo, we’ve heard that one before, too. “I’m probably not the only one,” Joey sagely offered. “After being a family man, and a religious one to boot, for all these years, I’m sure he’s out sowing his wild oats with a bunch of boys.” Joe Simpson’s getting “tossed out” of the closet began this summer, when his wife, Tina, found pictures of 21-year-old West Hollywood (Calif.) twink Bryce Chandler Hill at her and Daddy Joe’s Encino mansion.

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After Joe and Tina returned from a Hawaiian vacay, Jumpin’ Joe got on a NYC-bound flight to meet up with bodacious Bryce. Smelling a rat, Tina made inquiries and discovered to her horror the existence of her hubby’s doublelife. That ended in a loud confrontation in a New York hotel lobby, when Joe spilled his guts. Hopefully he had showered by then, since Bitchin’ Bryce had only recently ‘checked out.’ (Wink.) Sources say that Mama-san Tina wants out of the lie—er, marriage with the 54-year-old philanderer, and is suing for divorce. Adding insult to injury, reports that Bryce—an aspiring model and actor—is just using Sugar Joe for his connections have surfaced. The Scene is shocked—shocked!— that a younger guy would belly up to an older one for personal benefit. The horror (wink).

Brad Pitt Gets Hot for Gay Marriage

Voting with his wallet as well as his hand, überhunkalish Brad Pitt dropped a $100K contribution in support of same-sex marriage referendums in four states. Pitt—who with wifey Angelina Jolie is a longtime supporter of LGBT rights— promised on Thursday to match contributions made to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) for a period of 24 hours, up to $100,000.

The money went to help fund the campaign to support ballot initiatives in the November 6 election, with the flow to be evenly split between marriage equality efforts in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington state. Maine, Maryland, and Washington had marriage equality measures on their ballots Tuesday, and Pitt’s money will be split evenly. Money also went toward fighting a Minnesota measure to outlaw gay marriage. So far, HRC has spent over $8 million on messages of support for same-sex marriage. In a post on the HRC Website, Pitt wrote, “If you’re like me, you don’t want to have to ask yourself on the day after the election, what else could I have done?”

Legal Stars Shine at

Dean Trantalis Fundraiser

On Thursday, November 1,

a committee of friends and supporters hosted a fundraising event for the campaign of Dean Trantalis, candidate for Fort Lauderdale City Commission, District 2. The event was held at the Fort Lauderdale home of Alan Kramer, and featured appearances by many of Broward County’s A-List jurists, including George Castrataro, Lea Krauss, Todd Runyon, Marc Lyons, and others, who came to offer support— including the all-important financial kind—and congratulations to Trantalis, a former Fort Lauderdale Vice Mayor and Commissioner. Trantalis, a well-known and well-regarded attorney and advocate for LGBT rights, was an author of the Broward County Human Rights Ordinance. For more information about the campaign, or to contribute or volunteer, visit electdeantrantalis.com.

Justin Bieber + Stolen Credit Card = Penis Enlargement?

In a bizarre court case, singer Justin Bieber is being sued by a man who claims to be the father of Selena Gomez. The lawsuit, which was filed in Michigan, claims that the Beebs stole the man’s credit card and used it to buy a penis enlargement. According to the suit, “Bieber also got a penis enlargement with my stolen American Express card.” It adds that, “Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my Canadian bear rug.” “[Bieber] gave Selena a std [sic],” it claims, “and Bieber stole my credit card to buy him and sean p-ditty [sic] combs cocaine to use in drug free school zones.” Ohh-kay. Straying further into Bizarroworld, the court documents state that “Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth [sic] of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums.” The lawsuit names actress Penelope Cruz and performers Ke$ha and Rihanna as romantically involved with the London-born JB. In what may be its only lucid remarks, the lawsuit ends with the complainant declaring, “I’m an emotional mess.” Well, admitting there’s a problem is the first step.

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Guy Dining

Lime Fresh MEXICAN GRILL

By RICHARD DAVID CHAMBERLAIN here’s a bucket of menus at the front door of Lime Fresh Mexican Grill, the newest entry in Fort Lauderdale’s everexpanding freshly made South-of-the- an extra 50 cents, the chef will add grilled onions Border-themed restaurants. That this and peppers, which complement this two-handed chain started in 2004 some 40 miles taste treat. It’s our favorite on the menu, which away in South Beach makes its hometown ties that features seven other burritos, including a veggie version at $6.99. much stronger. The tortilla soup goes for $2.99 a cup or $3.99 a By 2006, founder John Kunkel had expanded his concept to 42 restaurants, and sold ownership to bowlful, and is a wonderfully spiced and simmered the Ruby Tuesday chain for a caliente hot $24 mil. extravagance that only tastes like it should break the Ruby T, in turn closed 27 of them, while announcing piggy bank. Ladened with chicken and farm-fresh plans to expand the franchise in other locations, the vegetables, this soup is topped with both the prelatest of which opened last month on North Federal requisite tortilla strips and a scoop of pico de gallo. Few Mexican chains serve up fish quesadillas, Highway. All of which brings us back to the bucket but at Lime Fresh, it’s a frequently ordered option. of menus (shaped like limes, natch). The plan here is to scope out the selections, and Combine a lite quesadilla (two whole wheat tortillas know what you want to order by the time you reach holding a fistful of melted jack and cheddar cheeses) the register, which is about two steps inside the with grilled fish for a delightful and succulent front door. The restaurant itself is industrial strength, change of pace. It’s available in two sizes—regular at $7.49, or grande at $9.99. Both selections housed in a loft-sized space in what are served with warm tortilla chips was formerly Bellini’s Coal Fired The Street Burrito that are thin and fried to a light Pizza for about two minutes. at Lime Fresh is a chicken burrito golden brown, and so good Lime Fresh sprouted in its lover’s dream! that Doritos should steal the place like alfalfa one day, recipe. with shades of mustard We’re a sucker for nachos, and green predominating. anyway they’re served. Here, An airy outside patio you can choose to have it complements the bustling your way. For $5.99, the kitchen interior lined with high-tops and will layer cheddar and Monterey jack stools. On the day we visited, the orders were flying out cheeses, black beans, jalapeños, lettuce, chopped of the exposed kitchen with the Taco Salad ($8.49) a tomatoes and housemade guacamole. Add chicken, clear winner if volume is any indication. It’s served steak, or ground beef for an extra $2; grilled onions in an enormous orange bowl the size of Tijuana, and peppers for an additional 50 cents; and top the pairing ground beef on greens with housemade entire platter off with bacon bits for half a dollar guacamole, black bean corn salsa, carrots, sour more. On Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights, look cream, shredded jack and cheddar cheeses, all topped with pico de gallo salsa and torilla strips. for $2 tacos and two-for-one beer, sangria and lime We heighten the heat of the dish by adding our own margaritas, served from 4-6 p.m. Come early and tell Habanero Salsa, available by the scoopful from the them Guy Magazine sent you. nearby eight-flavor salsa bar. We can also vouch for the 8th Street Burrito LIME FRESH MEXICAN GRILL ($7.99), a toasted flour tortilla jammed-packed with 1535 N Federal Hwy chucks of white meat chicken, organic black beans, Fort Lauderdale rice, bacon, sour cream, salsa, and tortilla strips. For (754) 200-6631

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Adam & Ease

Turning Your Home into Your

Castle

By ADAM STRONG

r. Wonderful and I just moved into a new place, and like all couples setting out to feather a new nest with just the perfect jetsam and flotsam, goo-gaws and chotchkies, we compiled a dream list of how we wanted the entire spread to look, and what sorts of accoutrements we wished to adorn our new lair (this generally translated to him describing his concepts with great enthusiasm—and just a hint of menace—and my cheerful—and fearful— acquiescence; ah, love).

A House Is Not a Home Placing your personal “stamp”—either on a new or existing domain—is all about your character, which will in turn inform the character of your domicile. Whether an apartment, condo, trailer, single-family dwelling, du-, tri-, or multiplex, your home is your sanctuary, a place where you should feel safe and comfortable (and comforted, hence the phrase “comforts of home”), like your mother’s loving bosom, but without the need for years of therapy afterwards. I can’t tell you the horror stories I’ve experienced personally in places I have lived (briefly) where the roofs leaked, or the floors absorbed water from a poorly-done roofing job years earlier, or the walls were made like graham crackers. Trust when I say these are not conditions to invoke either serenity or domestic contentment. Make sure your surroundings allow for your ongoing tranquility and peace of mind. Life is just too short, Spanky.

Homeward Bound Regardless of whether you have moved into new digs, or are thinking about a refresher for your existing dwelling, it’s important to take a thoughtful mental look at what you would like your crib to look like, and reflect about you. When Mr. Wonderful suggested a 19th Century/Antique/ Rustic theme for our new place, with maps, and globes, and the kinds of memorabilia associated with a Victorian Gentlemen’s—or Adventurers!— Club setting, he had me sold. (I also like “Battlestar Galactica,” you gotta problem with that?) Regardless of your personal tastes, there’s a good chance that if you live in a previouslyoccupied place, there are things you need to do to make your surroundings reflect your personality, style, needs, and economy. Being socially-conscious now has its financial advantages. If you own your home, and it happens to be an older dwelling, it may need new Energy Star appliances, along with better insulation, and energy-efficient windows. Leaky windows, broken dishwashers and other “wrecks” should be shown no mercy. Always keep your personal economics in the forefront as you make any home makeover changes, but remember also that you will likely Continued on Page 40

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Continued from Page 38

recover most or all of your expenses over the span of a few years with the savings you experience on your energy bills.

Our House I am so happy to report how many LGBT—and straight!—couples are making the Gayborhood a real Neighborhood. Regardless of whether you have children in your family, if the layout of your home feels “awkward,” or doesn’t meet your family’s changing needs (such as constantly thinking that your kitchen should be more “open,” or that you wish you had more closet space), then it’s a good time to reevaluate the space you are already using, and what you would like to do with it moving forward. Even purchasing some beautiful draperies or throwing a new and differently-schemed coat of paint on a much-used room will prove a cost effective way to freshen up your environs.

Homecoming As we discussed already, your dwelling should really reflect who you are. Even a few minor changes can bring out the “real you” in your surroundings (just run it past your partner, if you know what’s good for you). You can give your décor a much-needed makeover by switching out cabinets, doors, and lighting fixtures that are past their prime (unless you are actually going for a more Old School look; see “Commodore Strong’s Adventurers Guild and Social Hall,” above). There are deals to be found online, and in wholesale fixture stores.

Take Me Home Tonight At home, we spend a lot of our time in certain main living spaces, like the living room, dining room, and kitchen. These (like your bedroom— duh) should reflect all those aforementioned comforts of home, whether that means pictures of your family, images of you and your partner engaged in various activities you enjoy together (at least the ones that can be shared in a common area, or what have you). Above all remember, to thine own self be true—and home is where the heart is.

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Guy Fitness

All About Your

TRAPEZIUS

By TOM BONANTI here’s nothing like nice trapezius muscles to make your shoulders look fuller and your upper back look more massive. Upper body strength and symmetry depend upon your traps being fully developed. The main role of these large fan-shaped muscles which extend from upper back and neck to your mid-back region, are to keep your head and neck erect and upright. I like to work traps when I do back or shoulders and I try to hit them twice a week. I usually do an upright row exercise when I include traps with my shoulder routine. When I combine traps with back, I focus primarily upon shrugs. Upright rows not only work your traps, but they are also excellent for deltoid development. Stand with your feet slightly spread. Keep your back straight. Take an overhand grip on the bar with your hands palm-width apart or a little more. Generally, the closer your grip the more you emphasize traps. Inhale and pull the barbell straight upward until it contacts your chin. Lift your elbows as high as possible at the top point of the movement. Exhale and slowly lower the barbell back to starting position. Three to four sets of 10-12 reps should do just fine. Barbell shrugs are universally popular as the most effective trap developer. Stand with your feet slightly apart, facing the bar resting on the floor or on a weight rack. Take an overhand grip on the bar (or an over-under grip if the weight is heavy), with your hands a little more than shoulder width apart. Keep your arms and back straight, contract your abdominals and shrug your shoulders upward and to the rear as high as possible. This exercise isolates the trapezius better than any other. Do three to four sets of 10-12 reps. Dumbbell shrugs allow for better range of motion than barbell shrugs but do not isolate traps as well. Stand with your feet slightly apart. Keep your head straight or slightly bent forward.

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Hold the dumbbells with your arms extended at your sides. Shrug your shoulders as high and as far back as possible. Lower the dumbbells back to starting point. Do three to four sets of 10-12 reps. As far as traps and machines go, I like to use a plain old universal chest press machine. Stand facing the machine. Take an overhand grip on the bar, with your hands slightly more than shoulder width apart or, if the machine allows it, with your palms facing toward each other. Keep your head and back straight and shrug your shoulders. Return to the starting position. Do three to four sets of 10-12 reps. Remember, guys, you may like to work certain muscle groups more than others – pecs, bi’s, etc. Just don’t forget that a truly superior physique is one that is forged with well balanced workouts that develop strength, size and symmetry in every muscle group. For tips on effective training routines contact TrainerTomB@aol.com!

Tom Bonanti is a certified personal trainer and owner of Pump’n Inc Gym at 1271 NE 9th Ave, Fort Lauderdale. For more tips on how to maintain your muscular, toned summer body, give me a shout at TrainerTomB@aol.com

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Guy Bytes By DUNCAN ST. THIBAULT

Battle Stations! It’s William Shatner on Your iPhone with “Shatoetry”

ull Disclosure: One of my guilty pleasures growing up was watching the original “Star Trek” series (in syndication, of course—how old do you think I am?). I guess my mom and I both shared a secret crush on Captain James T. Kirk, commander of the fictional Starship Enterprise (my Aunt Vickie, on the other hand, thought my mother’s infatuation for the hammy space hero was misplaced—she was much more into the green-skinned Mr. Spock, which, as she helpfully pointed out circa-1975, “rhymes with”—yeah, you get the picture). True, Kirk as portrayed by actor William Shatner was campy, over-the-top, and spoke with a strange meter to his voice—but he was ass-kicking cool (and 1960s hot), and he can be forgiven for missing some apparently crucial lessons in acting class by virtue of his being part of the cultural DNA. (Sorry, George Takei; I love me some Mr. Sulu, but, well, you know..) Shatner—who is 81 years old (in Earth years; Klingon years may vary)—has had a pretty rich career since he hung up his Phaser in 1969, including several “successful” albums which bring his distinctive tonal style to such classic fare as The Beatles’ “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.” That voice and style are the central selling points of a new app released last month for iOS: the space stud’s Shatoetry (as in ‘Shatner’ and ‘poetry’), designed by Blindlight Apps, which lets you compose poems selected from a list of words in the database, and ‘translates’ those words into the voice of ol’ “T.J. Hooker” himself (complete with dramatic—some would say shamelessly hammy—pauses; I LOVE it). Each of the words found in the database has been recording in three different styles by the Priceline Negotiator, to give a sense of order and coherence to the phrases that are created by wannabe-poets (or “Shatoetists”) and “Shat out”

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by the app. In addition, Shatoetry allows you to share videos of your Shatisms on Facebook, YouTube, and elsewhere. The designer says stay tuned for additional features, just in time for the Holidays. That’s cool and all, but for now I’m content to just listen to the Heavenly Ham whisper as I drift off to sleep, “Spock—you’re a freak, a freak!” That’s poetry. OPEN HAILING FREQUENCIES: $2.99 at the iTunes Store.

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Easy Battery Save: The Smart(phone) Way to Retain Battery Power

An ongoing problem in my house is the constant need to recharge our smartphones. Both Proculus and I have gone through Quetzalcoatlknows-how-many battery charges in the past year, and even now my device is frantically flashing red (like the USS Enterprise claxon during a Romulan attack—sorry, I can’t get “Star Trek” out of my head). Stockpiling huge numbers of apps, photo images, and other digital jetsam and flotsam only adds to the battery woes. Easy Battery Save is one app solution to these problems. The app saves battery power by regulating such things as network connectivity, screen time out, and screen brightness. And its sleep schedule setting adds life to your battery while you’re sleeping. Four preset saving modes and one advanced mode let you decide how to conserve battery power. Normal Mode is essentially a wash when it comes to battery savings. General Saving Mode provides basic network control and screen control, to meet normal battery-saving requirements. Intelligent Saving Mode has eight different controls that enable you to save more battery. Super Power Saving Mode permits you to optimize the smartphone’s standby time, so you don’t have to be concerned your phone will die in the middle of a hostage negotiation or something almost as important. Advanced Customized Mode let’s you go bananas in setting power savings values. Like the name implies, Easy Battery Saver is an easy and effective way to conserve your device battery without messing with the important role your soul mate—er, smartphone provides in your life. SAVE THIS: Free for Google Play Android.

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Build Quick Mobile Websites with M.dot

It amazes me this far into the 21st Century how many businesses are not taking full advantage of the Internet to promote their brands in an increasingly competitive and global marketplace. From QR Codes to social media, there is a entire digitized universe waiting to be conquered. Using M.dot, you can use your iOS device to easily create a mobile Website for your business. Utilizing a number of boilerplate features, the app

lets you mix-and-match items that create a mobile-optimized Website to promote the goose that lays your golden eggs (I’m not referring to your Sugar Daddy, cutie). It also lets you incorporate elements from an existing website. The convenience of using your personal device to create the site makes you a poor man’s Web designer-on-wheels, anytime you have a few minutes to spare. Simplicity and template-based design: Even a monkey could make it happen with M.dot. HERE, CHIMP CHIMP: Free.

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Love Jones

THE

By JUSTIN JONES

HEARTBREAK

ere you are in the dark, wrapped up in your sheets, waiting for the pain to go away. You close your eyes to escape the world, but you see only his smile. You smell only his cologne. You feel his whispers, his kisses, and yourself in his arms. Memories of talking with him about the future—about kids, yards, cars, and dogs—flash before you. Former treasures, now curses. You foresaw this heartbreak, this inevitability, and in the long-term, you know this is best for you both. But it doesn’t feel that way right now, bound up tightly in your bed, where once he lay and stroked your hair, where once he told you that he was the luckiest man in the world for having you. The stream of tears is unending, and although you know they will dry in time, this—THIS!—feels like eternity: The perfect definition of Hell. You need tissues, but no one buys Kleenex anymore. It’s like a landline telephone. But you need it for the snot and tears that are soaking your pillow. The whole scene looks like shit and you know it. Just days ago you argued so passionately, so vulgarly, hoping for a way out of the tumult. Breaking up at that point would have meant salvation, at least until the intensity of the moment waned. And how badly you wish it were different now. How badly you wish it were like before, when he was the highlight, not the hurt.

You’ll take no calls now. Your friends, who are desperate to console you (to bring you soup, like that will help), you turn away. The world and everything about it now is dark, and to be avoided. They conjure memories that you won’t allow, so you leave them untouched. For now. It was mutual. There were too many arguments, too many frustrations, too many cons—too many things working against you to stay together. They put you at an ever-increasing distance. So yes, this was the right move, you tell yourself. But wasn’t there still some glimmer of hope? No. You tried everything, both of you. And as resilient as you were, it could neither help prevent nor survive the storm. So here you are, crying in the dark, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep, to forget the world, to run away to a place where no one goes. In time, you’ll recall how hurtful the arguments were, how mad they made you, and this will make things easier. But as time presses on, the good memories will win, and they will haunt you, tease you, with things you no longer have. In time, it will all feel better, your friends tell you. You know it’s true. But time is a goddamn bastard, too slow when you’re in agony, too fast when you’re in ecstasy. So for now you will bear your broken heart. You’ll wrench out the pain. You’ll cry. And when it’s done, you will remain what you are now: a beautiful, normal, human being.

Justin Jones, 26, is a writer based in Minneapolis. In addition to his column “Love Jones,” Justin pens “Through These Eyes,” a bi-weekly column for Lavender Magazine. He writes about things like being alive, being in love, and drinking too much. Facebook.com/JustinJonesWriter.

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rent/lease VICTORIA PARK - LARGE 1/BED1/BATH Completely remodeled,

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