Florida Agenda Issue 161

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SUNSHINE STATE

2 ARRESTS IN BOOM ASSAULT

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NATION

GAY SOPRANOS STAR

AGENDA EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

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Haulover Clothing-Optional Beach in Jeopardy page 4

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EDITOR’S DESK

JOY IN THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS


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Cover Story

NUDISTS IN THE CROSSHAIRS Haulover Clothing-Optional Beach in Jeopardy By MICHAEL D’OLIVEIRA

DECEMBER 19, 2012 H 4

MIAMI — Just as LGBT politicians are fond of saying there’s no “gay way” to fix a pothole, the gay naturists of Haulover Park’s nude beach don’t see a gay—or “naturist”—way to park a car. Fearing that plans for a new boat house would use up the limited available parking spaces at Miami’s Haulover Park—Miami-Dade County’s officially-sanctioned clothing-optional beach—both gay and straight park users asked Miami-Dade Commissioners on December 4 to delay approval of the planned project for 60 days. Their request was denied. “I’m not happy with it but I’m trying to make the best of it,” said Miami resident Seth Paronick, club and naturist outreach liaison for Gay Naturists International. Miami-Dade Commissioner Sally Heyman said the project—which includes the building of a pier and restaurant as well as dune, along with handicap and landscaping improvements—has been in the planning stages for years. “Whether you have clothes on or not, it’s an incredible beach. To defer [the plan] to get more information isn’t going to make a difference,” said

Heyman. County officials have assured the park’s users that the boat house would increase parking, from a current 352 to 498 spaces, with 108 of those to be built specifically for the planned 100,000 sq. ft. boat house, which will have enough space to house 508 boats. “If only a fraction of boaters come, they’re going to suck up all that extra parking,” complained Norma Mitchell, board member of South Florida Free Beaches, which advocates that a fair share of public space should be set aside for nude recreation. “One hundred and eight [parking spots] is not going to accommodate the users of the beach.” Mitchell and others say the county hasn’t factored in the parking spaces that will be used by the friends and family members of boaters who will use the facility, or the employees who will work there. And they’re worried that boaters could take all the parking in the north lot, forcing beachgoers to walk an additional mile. “They have our word that there will be nothing to hinder their parking,” said Jack Kardys, Director of MiamiDade’s Parks, Recreation and Open Spaces Department.

Paronick of Gay Naturists International urges park supporters to hold the county to its promises, including a planned expansion of the nude beach by 350 ft. “There is one area [of the beach] that appears to be particularly popular with the gay community,” Paronick noted. “Just like any place, the gays tend to find the most remote area [and stake it out].” Richard Mason, President of South Florida Free Beaches, said although there is a “gay” section, LGBT users also frequent the rest of the beach. “We don’t discriminate,” he said. And for tourists, the line between “gay” and “straight” beaches is at best blurry. “This beach is an international tourist destination [and] not because of the boat house,” said Cynthia Fish of Fort Lauderdale. Fish says she has been going to Haulover for the last six years, “specifically because it is a clothing-optional beach,” and has met numerous people from South America, Europe, and Australia who frequent the spot, in addition to her friends from Broward, Brevard, and Martin counties, who also make the drive.

Many beach advocates argue that the boat house could end up risking the $1.4 million in annual parking revenue generated by Haulover, revenue they say is mostly generated by nudists. “Before the naturists moved in [about 20 years ago] the beach was a drug-infested, low-life, poor beach,” said Pompano Beach resident Paul Friderich, who is part of a volunteer ambassador program that helps maintain Haulover. Ted Mozino of Fort Lauderdale became a naturist in 1980 when his doctor told him to get more exposure to sun and salt water to treat his psoriasis. “I have seen the evolution of this movement. We’ve come a long way. We’re not a bunch of weird hippies anymore,” said Mozino. “There’s a huge community. You’ve seen the numbers, and I believe we’re a huge asset.” Miami-Dade County Commissioner Jose Diaz urged care when it comes to upsetting the balance between “nature” and what others see as beachfront “nurture.” “There is a need for [boating], but at the same time you don’t want to hurt something else,” Diaz cautioned.H


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Pride Center Launches LBT Women’s Health Directory Courtyard Café WILTON MANORS — This Donates 103 Bikes to month, the Pride Center at Equality Park collaborated in the launch Kids in Distress of the Tri-County LBT Women’s Health Initiative on-line, searchable database directory. The Initiative, funded by the Aqua Foundation for Women, provides tools for LBT (lesbian, bisexual, transgender) health consumers to access culturally-competent healthcare providers without fear or social stigma. “The creation of a health directory for LBT women has been discussed for many, many years in our community,” said Robin Schwartz, Executive Director of the Aqua Foundation. “There is no doubt having access to the information provided in the directory will save lives,” she added. The on-line directory contains over 300 health care practitioners in MiamiDade, Broward, and Palm Beach counties, including gynecologists, primary care physicians, and mental health professionals who work with LBT women patients. The Initiative established a vetting process to ensure that providers demonstrate standards of evident cultural competency. The user-

WILTON MANORS — Matty’s on the Drive closed its doors on Saturday, December 15. The staff and management of the Wilton Manors bar, nightclub, and deli announced earlier that day on Facebook the plan for a final sendoff, after much speculation following a $750,000 court judgment against the bar reported last week in the Agenda (December 12, 2012: “Bar Brawl: $750K Judgment in Yearlong Case”). Bar owner Matt Auslander and General Manager Jason Basilico thanked the staff of the popular Wilton Drive watering hole, which recently held a 4th anniversary celebration.

Gelato Station Sold WILTON MANORS — Nick Berry, the co-owner of Shawn and Nick’s Gelato Station, told the Agenda last week that he and business partner Shawn Bombard have sold the frozen dessert and treat eatery on the south end of Wilton Drive to an out-ofstate concern. Berry says that the new “Double Dippers” store, which is in the process of converting to the new brand, will sell products manufactured by Hershey’s Ice Cream, a Pennsylvaniabased publicly-traded maker of ice cream, sorbet, sherbet, frozen yogurt, and other frozen treats

Sidelines Sports Bar Breaks Ground in New Location FORT LAUDERDALE — The staff and owners of Sidelines Sports Bar broke ground last week in their new location at 2104 E Oakland Park Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, in the space formerly occupied by the Jib Room. According to a press release, the new location will be open for business in the early part of winter 2013, once renovations are complete. The new location will hold 6,000 sq. ft of space, nearly double its current location on Wilton Drive. H

DECEMBER 19, 2012 H 11

Courtyard: Bikes for Tykes

WILTON MANORS — On Monday, December 19, Nick Berry, co-owner of Shawn and Nick’s Courtyard Café in Wilton Manors, delivered a load of toys and gifts that would make a certain North Pole elf more envious than jolly. Berry and business partner Shawn Bombard used their popular eatery as a donation drop for bicycles and other holiday gifts for the Northeast 26 Street-based Kids in Distress child service agency. Berry, Bombard, and Berry’s life partner, Joe Bush, paid tribute to benefactors who helped them in collecting the bicycles, which were on display at Berry and Bush’s annual by-invitation-only Christmas Benefit, held at their home on December 15. Berry said that in addition to 103 bicycles and numerous toys, he was able to bestow an added holiday treat upon Kids in Distress, which has a mission to prevent child abuse, preserve families, and treat children who have been abused and neglected: a donation of $2,000. “At the end of [the benefit party], one of my guests told me if I would jump into my pool, he would contribute $300 to Kids in Distress,” Berry told the Agenda. “I told him, ‘make it $500, and you’re on.’ This quickly became a kind of auction,” Berry added, with guests getting into the spirit and offering him $800 to jump into his swimming pool. “Then Terry Syrcle said, ‘if you can get it to $1,000, I will match it.’ And that’s just what happened.”

Matty’s on the Drive Closes

SUNSHINE STATE

WILTON MANORS — An alleged assault on two gay employees at the Wilton Manors nightclub Boom— in which the assailants themselves are members of the LGBT community—is being called a hate crime. According to witnesses, in the early morning hours of December 6, Jeff Coons, a bartender at Boom, and Chris Burdekin, the club’s general manager, were allegedly attacked by three men and a female transsexual. The attack left Coons with cuts and bruises on his arms and back. “I’m trusting the legal system’s going to take care of it,” Coons said. “We don’t need that around the neighborhood.” Because of the ongoing investigation, a police report regarding the incident was not provided and the Agenda was unable to reach Sgt. Shawn Chadwick, the Wilton Manors Police Department’s public information officer, for comment. Wayne Taylor, a friend of Coons who didn’t witness the incident but helped bandage his wounds afterwards, is calling the attack a hate crime. “The tranny was throwing glasses and smashing them at the door,” Taylor said. “Jeff said ‘leave’ and it turned into a scuffle. Three guys jumped on Jeff and the tranny jumped on him and started cutting his back [with a broken bottle]. She said, ‘Die, you faggots with AIDS.’ It was horrible. They must have been on drugs out of their mind or something.” Taylor, who lives off Wilton Drive, said he’s seen the city over the years take on more of a gay identity and become more gay-friendly, and he doesn’t want

friendly online directory also includes information on insurance accepted by providers, and free and low-cost health providers. “All of us are committed to improving access to healthcare for women,” said Kristofer Fegenbush, Deputy Director of the Pride Center. “We’re collaborating with dynamic groups and leaders who have dedicated years of energy, passion and service to the health of LBT women.” For more information, visit lbthealth.org.

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2 Arrested in Boom Club Attack

to see anything jeopardize that. “It absolutely 100 percent infuriates me,” Taylor offered. “It’s unacceptable. Especially the way we live in this town. To hear one of our own think of something that disgusting, there has to be something wrong with that person. I don’t want to be afraid to walk home at night.”


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NATION DECEMBER 19, 2012 H 12

Agenda Exclusive

Gay “Sopranos” Star Mans Phones for ‘12-12-12’ Hurricane Sandy Telethon NEW YORK, NY — Carl Capotorto has one of the most recognizable faces in television, and a résumé to invoke envy from many of his fellow professional actors. As “Little Paulie” Gemani on “The Sopranos,” Capotorto was well-known to American and international TV audiences, many of whom are enjoying his portrayal anew through DVD and Blue-Ray, and many of whom don’t know that he is openly gay. The actor and writer flexed his “human” muscles on Wednesday, December 12 as part of a celebrity panel of pledge-takers during a telethon that ran concurrently with the “12-12-12” benefit concert for victims of Hurricane Sandy. New York City’s Madison Square Garden played host to the event, which was simulcast live on television, radio, Facebook, iHeartRadio, and in movie theaters, as well as being streamed live in New York’s Times Square, along with Paris and London. The benefit concert brought together a Who’s Who of rock and pop royalty, including Kanye West, Alicia Keys, The Rolling Stones, Billy Joel, Eric Clapton, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Chris Martin of Coldplay, as well as a special performance from Paul McCartney, Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam, Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters, and

Roger Waters performing music by Pink Floyd. Before the event, $32 million had been raised through sponsorships and ticket sales. “Jim Gandolfini [who played mob boss Tony Soprano] pulled us together in an effort to help support [New Jersey] the state that gave us so much during the run of the show,” Capotorto told the Florida Agenda in an exclusive interview. Over 130 people died in October when Sandy blanketed the U.S. east coast, and thousands in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut were left homeless in the aftermath of the devastating storm, which caused billions of dollars in damage. Capotorto told the Agenda that donations raised from the concert went to support the Robin Hood Relief Fund, which has launched a large-scale relief effort to aid neighborhoods in the tri-state area that were devastated by Sandy. Robin Hood-funded non-profits have provided blankets, hot food, heaters, generators, and other necessities to residents from across the region. In November, the fund reported that it had provided over $8 million in grants to more than 90 different relief groups. The New York City-born-andraised actor says that the cultural and emotional ties between Greater Fort Lauderdale’s LGBT community and the global center of arts and culture were never so on display as during the benefit, which was organized to help those whose lives were forever changed by the superstorm. “I’ve long said it and I’ll say it again: South Florida is New York City’s sixth borough!”

“Family” Man: Actor Carl Capotorto

Focus on the Family Founder Blames Gay Marriage for Sandy Hook Killings FORT BRAGG, NC — The garrison commander for Fort Bragg— which serves as headquarters for the elite 82nd Airborne Division, and 12 other military commands overseen by Army generals—has agreed to meet on Thursday, December 20 with an openly-gay soldier’s wife who was discriminated against in being refused membership by a base spouses’ group. Ashley Broadway was told by the Association of Bragg Officers’ Spouses that she was ineligible to join. She will meet with Col. Jeffrey Sanborn (USA) to discuss the base’s role, if any, in an appeal of the decision, according to a joint statement by the American Military Partner Association and OutServe-SLDN. “We are pleased to announce that the leadership at Fort Bragg … will meet with Ashley Broadway next Thursday to address the discrimination she is facing with the Association of Bragg Officers’ Spouses,” the statement reads. “By agreeing to this meeting, the post leadership is affirming that, indeed, it does have a role to play when a family in its community is treated unfairly by a group that holds itself out as representative of all military families. Ashley looks forward to discussing not only the challenges her family has faced, but those faced by other same-sex military families in the Fort Bragg community.” The statement added, “We continue to urge Col. Sanborn and Commanding Gen. Daniel Allyn to use their considerable influence to remedy this situation for Ashley and pave the way for all military families at Fort Bragg to be treated with fairness, dignity, and equity.” The Garrison Commander of Fort Bragg supervises the US Army base’s 3,000 civilian employees and contractors, with administrative duties and functions that mirror those of a civilian city manager.H

LATIN AMERICA Uruguayan Lawmakers Pass Same-Sex Marriage Measure MONTEVIDEO, Uruguay – On December 11, the lower house of Uruguay’s General Assembly approved a bill to establish a single governing Marriage Equality Law for both traditional and same-sex marriage. The measure was approved by the Chamber of Deputies with the support of conservative politicians. The legislation will allow both gay and straight married couples to determine which of their surnames will take precedence in the naming of their children. In most Latin American countries, the laws mandate that children be given two last names, with the father’s listed first. The new legislation will also replace the country’s 100 year old divorce, passed in 1912, which established the sole right of women to renounce their marriage vows without having to provide cause.H

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St. Mark’s Episcopal Church welcomes all people. l

Monday, December d Christmas Eve

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Tuesday, December 25 d Christmas Day

10:00 a.m. – Holy Eucharist, Rite II

1750 East Oakland Park Blvd. d Fort Lauderdale, FL 33334 954-564-5155 d www.saintmarks.com

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4:00 p.m. – Christmas Pageant 7:00 p.m. and 10: 30 p.m. – Festival of Music / Choral Eucharist (choir and strings)


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A COMMUNITY WORTH MAKING OUR OWN CLIFF DUNN, EDITOR

December 19, 2012 • ISSUE 161 FOUNDER MULTIMEDIA PLATFORMS BOBBY BLAIR – CEO / MANAGING PARTNER

“Gentlemen, we give you a Republic—if you can keep it.” – Benjamin Franklin

PUBLISHER BOBBY BLAIR

ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER KEVIN HOPPER

DECEMBER 19, 2012 H 14

EDITOR’S DESK

EDITOR

As another year draws quickly to a close, it’s easy to get wrapped up (no pun intended) in the excitement and emotion that the holidays and the dawn of a new year—sorry, Mayans— brings with it. But as much as I am a believer in living each day as if it was your first (rather than your last), I think it is important—vitally so if you care about nurturing your connection to your own humanity—to take stock of what each of us has done this year to make life a little easier for those with whom we have interaction and intimacy. Our community is fortunate to be brimming with business and civic leaders who see “Gayer Fort Lauderdale” as a shared opportunity for mutual prosperity and collective—and individual—successes; the very definition of what comes to mind when you think of what it means to have a “community.” (In fact, the concept of “politics”— and even the word itself—comes from the Greek politikos, “of, for, or relating to citizens.”) We also have a vibrant and evolving population that includes members of the Greatest Generation (who came of age during World War II, as coined by Tom Brokaw), Baby Boomers (whose youthful forays were made during the tumult of the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s and 70s), Yuppies, Guppies, and relics of the 1980s “Me Generation” (present), Gen X’ers, Gen Y’ers, and whatever the current flavor of the “Aughts” goes by. These groups and those that will spring up here in the coming years and decades all contribute to the melting pot that is our Gayborhood, if only we choose to build upon our varied strengths and contributions, and not

I’ve written about the conventions that horror novelist Stephen King employs, with his stories often featuring “villains” that are actually inanimate objects imbued with evil, whether a car (“Christine”), a scary hotel with a grisly past (“The Shining”), or a town infected by evil and attracting more of the same to it (“Salem’s Lot” and “It”). In all of these works, decent hardworking people, friends and neighbors find themselves tainted by a source of corruption that turns their own humanity inside out and plays their weaknesses as strengths, with disastrous consequences for them and their loved ones. For every Dean Trantalis, Krishan Manners, Father Bill Collins, Keith Blackburn, Terry DeCarlo, Reece Darham, Chris Photo credit: Krishan Manners Dunham, Dale Russell (and his wonderful partner, the talk about movies that should be on late Jan Carpenter), Irwin Drucker, every 40-something-year-old-man Nick Berry (and those others who are or woman’s list, gay or straight—the too numerous to mention and too character played by Mary McDonnell precious to ever forget) who seek to tells her husband (played by Kevin enrich the lives of our community and Kline), “Everything seems so close its human members, there are others together, all the good and bad things who seek to exploit that paradise for their own gains (the Scott Rothsteins in the world.” In any community of this size of 2011 are well represented by the (and it’s hard to fathom that Wilton George Elias and Jim Ellises—if the Manors is a mere two-square-miles; a federal charges against them prove small package with a lot of punch, our out—of 2012). As new businesses open within our gay village), we will attract our share of dreamers, visionaries, builders, nest- Gayborhood, and old ones shut their ers, fortune-seekers, hustlers, hobos, doors, or find new owners and new carpetbaggers, and scallywags. names, let us always remember (someThere’s no way to “victim-proof ” thing that’s more easily done during yourself 100 percent against the possi- the holidays, but which deserves to bility of getting sucked into someone be nurtured year ’round) the people else’s hustle, but as a community we element, the human faces that constican inoculate ourselves against the tute this, a community worth keeping, symptoms of decay and rot that can worth making your own.H alter the soul of a place.

go picnicking on one another when things are difficult. A rich and varied geography such as we enjoy is the envy of most and the dream of many. When you’re a child and you invite the neighborhood kids to come and play in your sandbox, you have to expect they will bring their own way of interacting, along with their own expectations, hopes, ideas, and toys. In the 1991 film “Grand Canyon”—

ClIFF DUNN editor@floridaagenda.com

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By JOE HARRIS

“Do not be afraid, for behold: I bring you glad tidings of great joy.” Gospel of St. Luke

is common for many gay people. (Okay, maybe not so much with this guy.) Religious people who condemn homosexuality often cite two Biblical passages: Leviticus 18:22 (“You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination,” and Romans 1:27, in which St. Paul rails against “men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.” Of course, Leviticus also calls it an “abomination”—and suggests you murder the girl!—if your daughter wears garments made from blended fibers, and Paul himself never says a word against slavery or polygamy (although his “natural use of the woman” remark leaves no doubt as to his feelings about feminism). A review of Chicago Theological Seminary Professor Theodore Jennings’ book, “The Man Jesus Loved: Homoerotic Narratives From the New Testament” refers to the theologian/author’s assertions that “the Bible affirms and even celebrates homosexual relationships.” In 2005, the openly-gay Episcopalian Bishop of New Hampshire, Rev. Gene Robinson, sermonized about the possibility of Christ’s homoerotic tendencies. Still, not everyone is convinced, and the reality is that we will never know if Jesus’ vocabulary included “the love that dare not speak its name,” even it was spoken with an Aramaic accent. On the other hand, from cradle to grave, the New Testament’s Superstar enjoyed an extremely close relationship with his mother (“Mary!”), he was bedecked from birth in gold and myrrh and had a penchant for burning frankincense, and his closest female friend was a hooker. Biblically, I would call it a wash.H

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Sweet Jesus: In the lap of the Lord

to Jesus and John’s relationship as a “marriage.” That example was apparently noted by the first Stuart monarch of Great Britain, King James I, who foisted onto us the Bible edition that bears his name, much as he foisted onto the nobles of his court his own relationship with the barely-out-of-his-teens Duke of Buckingham, arguing with religious, and royal, authority, “I wish to speak in my own behalf and not to have it thought to be a defect, for Jesus Christ did the same, and therefore I cannot be blamed. Christ had his son John, and I have my [Buckingham].” The Canonical (that is, official) Gospel of Mark (14:51–52) gives fleeting—and tantalizing—reference to “A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, [who] was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind,” and in front of Jesus’ mother, no less. The Secret Gospel of Mark—an apocryphal text, and possibly a hoax—includes the suggestion that Jesus provided one-on-one tutoring into the “secrets of the Kingdom of God” alone one night to a partially-clothed youth. In the same vein, Bob Goss, who wrote “Jesus Acted Up: A Gay and Lesbian Manifesto” and “Queering Christ: Beyond ‘Jesus Acted Up,’” said that Jesus and John exemplified “a pederastic relationship between an older man and a younger man. A Greek reader would understand.” Scholarship and theology on the subject has continued right into the last decade and ours. In 2003, Australian theologian Rollan McCleary wrote “Signs for a Messiah,” a book that considers “the theological implications of the sexuality of Jesus.” McCleary goes so far as to draw up Jesus’ astrological chart, in which the planet Uranus prominently figures, something he says

Q-POINT

A recently-reported controversy involving a New Zealand church that sponsored a billboard campaign that announced, “It’s Christmas. Time for Jesus to Come Out” is stirring old arguments about the sexuality—if any—of Jesus Christ. The billboards, sponsored by the Church of St. Matthew in the City in Auckland, depict an image of the baby Jesus, lying in the manger and wreathed in a rainbow halo. The church’s pastor, Rev. Glynn Cardy, said the message of the billboards is to “lift” Jesus’ humanity. Cardy told reporters that the question for believing Christians is whether it changes anything for them if Jesus had been gay. “The fact is we don’t know what his sexual orientation was,” Cardy said. His associate pastor, Rev. Clay Nelson noted that, “There is almost nothing in the record of his teachings about sexuality, while there is plenty about the perils of being rich. Certainly he always supported the marginalized in society.” Clay added, “Some scholars have tried to make the case that he might have been gay. But it is all conjecture. Maybe gay, maybe not: Does it matter?” Maybe not. But the subject has

legs, even after all these centuries (approximately 20 of them). Many faithful Christians take their clues to Jesus’ sexual identity—or rather, lack of one—from the words of the New Testament’s Letter to the Hebrews 4:15, which says, “We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” If we flip our Scriptures to the Gospel of John, things start to get murky when the text makes reference (John 13:23, 19:26, 21:7, 20) to the “disciple whom Jesus loved.” It recounts the “beloved disciple’s” presence at the crucifixion of Jesus. Biblical scholars agree that this reference is a bit of self-promotion by the Gospel’s author—regarded traditionally to be the Apostle John—who identifies himself in John 21:24, and essentially inserted himself in the narrative. In “St. John and Jesus at the Last Supper,” the 17th Century French Baroque painter Valentin de Boulogne depicts the “beloved” disciple as practically sitting in the Messiah’s lap (clearly there were no separate checks in this instance). The 12th Century theologian and Roman Catholic saint Aelred of Rievaulx not only cast ambivalence to the wind, he threw the closet door wide open in “Spiritual Friendship,” a work that refers

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WAS JESUS GAY?


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Carrie Underwood, Poisoned Nuns (in Drag!), and the Drunken Santas Come to Town: The Week 12/19 to 12/26/2012

DECEMBER 19, 2012 H 16

THE WEEK

BY GRANT JAMES

at 8 p.m., at Andrews Living Arts Studio, 23 NW 5 St., Fort Lauderdale, with shows running Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays and special weekend performances, as well as one on New Year’s Eve at 5 p.m.

FRIDAY 12/21

“Side By Side By Sondheim” Heads South for the Winter Stephen Sondheim is widely considered to be one of the best composers and lyricists in the history of musical theater. From the music for “West Side Story” to “Sweeney Todd,” Sondheim’s body of work is as diverse as it is timeless. Musical theater junkies will love this revue, which includes numbers from “Follies,” “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum,” “Company,” “West Side Story,” and more. At 8 p.m., at The Byron Carlyle, 500 71st Street, Miami Beach.

SATURDAY 12/22

Carrie Underwood’s “Blown Away” Tour Hopes to Do That to You

Cast of Jersey Boys at the Kravis Center on December 19th

Photo courtesy of Kravis Center

WEDNESDAY 12/19

THURSDAY 12/20

Jersey Boys (Not to be Confused with “Jersey Shore” Boys)

“Nunsense, A-Men!” Drag, Nuns—and Botchalism

One of the most internationally popular bands of the 60s, for decades The Four Seasons were on top of their game. Aside from The Beatles, this boy band that-birthed-all-others was one of the best-selling musical groups of all time, selling 175 million records worldwide. A Broadway cast brings to life a Frankie Valli & Co. as they rise to fame, and experience all of the hardships that come with it. December 19 and 20, at the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts, 701 Okeechobee Blvd., West Palm Beach.

A musical comedy that could be sub-titled “Mrs. Doubtfire Enters the Convent,” this hilarious drag remake of “Nunsense” begins when the convent cook accidentally poisons 51 of the sisters, and the surviving nuns are forced to perform a variety show to raise funds for the 51 burials. (Pretty run-of-the-mill story, right?) A cast of nuns in drag makes this show a habit of a different color. Catch the preview on December 20

To have your event listed, please email events@guymag.net

“American Idol” Carrie Underwood is one of the many artists who are working hard to give country music a youthful appeal once again. Underwood won Season 4 of “Idol” by a landslide, and with good reason. She’s a triple threat: beauty, talent, and a likeable personality make her a force to be reckoned with. (Plus, she’ll key the crap out of your car if you cheat Carrie on her.) Underwood At 7 p.m., at the BB&T Center (formerly the BankAtlantic Center) in Sunrise.

SantaCon: Santa Claus is Coming to Town (and He’s Bringing His Friends) Like a pub crawl Tim Burton-style, this “Santapocalypse” will kick off at 4 p.m. in Fort Lauderdale’s Huizenga Park for


SUNDAY 12/23

Splatter-Rama: A Horror Film Buff’s (Bloody) Wet Dream If you’re looking for the perfect ‘anti-holiday’ celebration, Splatter-Rama might be right up your alley. The monthly double horror film fest is featuring the cult classics “Sleepaway Camp” and “Silent Night, Deadly Night.” With food trucks, a live band, and a Movie Swap (which is the perfect opportunity to sell or trade some of those horror movies of which you’ve grown bored—“Another disemboweling? Yawn.”). At Cinema Paradiso, 503 SE 6 St., Fort Lauderdale.

Sunset and Holiday Lights Gay Tea Cruise Set sail for a pre-Christmas cruise featuring entertainment by drag sensations Marvin Nathan, Deja Devonier, and Velvet Lenore, with music and a free buffet. The biggest draw: You won’t get stuck on open waters for days on end. Leaving at 5 p.m., returning at 8— this is our kind of cruise. Group rates available. Departs from 540 SE 5 Ave., Fort Lauderdale.

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a holly jolly picnic (and we assume some pre-gaming), and then they’re off. A red-and-white (and maybe “donned in gay apparel?”) bedecked flash mob of Santas will take over downtown, making pit stops that will include (in the words of one event organizer), “zombies [and a] cyberpunk Santa party the likes of [which has] never before [been] witnessed on this Earth.” If you’re looking for a fun time to get dressed liked Ol’ Saint Nick (and get a little boozy—attendees are told they should retire driving their sleighs for the night), this is as close as you’ll get to the real thing.

MONDAY 12/24

The Arsht Center’s Got Wood: House Theatre of Chicago’s “The Nutcracker” Described as “more nightmare than dream,” and “no simple sugar plum” production, this reinventing of the holiday classic is set in the present day, and is not a ballet but a contemporary holiday theater piece weaving together riveting dialogue, astonishing puppetry, original songs and spellbinding spectacle to tell a darkly moving story of magic and hope. At 4 p.m., at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami.

Substitute Santa: Darth Vader at Tate’s Comics TUESDAY 12/25

Daisy Deadpetals

The Palace South Beach is Dreaming of a White Christmas Hosted by Daisy Deadpetals and Athena Dion, this Christmas T-Dance starts at 4 p.m., with shows starting at 6. Featuring music by DJ Hansell Leyva, a full menu, and a special guest appearance by Alissa Lords—you won’t find a better party anyplace. Hopefully you’re not on Santa’s Shit-List, because you won’t want to miss this. At Palace, 1200 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach.

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Honestly: How many more holiday pictures with Santa can you post on the mantle (and the fridge, the bathroom cabinets, and the door to Daddy’s “special room”)? If you’re looking for a holiday picture with a less “Kringley” theme you’re in luck, because Darth Vader is taking on his most difficult role yet: “Substitute Santa Claus.” Tate’s Comics (4566 N University Dr., Lauderhill) aims to please and their final Substitute Santa for December is no exception. Come in between 1 and 3 p.m. for your free holiday picture with Santa Baby—er, “Vadey.” (We imagine persuading the Sith Lord to “ho-ho-ho”it was no day at the beach, but we’re happy he gave in to the Dark Side.)


15) NAKED GRAPE 2163 Wilton Drive Wilton manors

BAR MAP 1) ALIBI 2266 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

17) PJ’S CORNER POCKET 924 North Flagler Drive Wilton Manors

16) NEW MOON 2440 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

3) BOARDWALK 1721 N Andrews Ave Fort Lauderdale

18) RAMROD 1508 NE 4th Ave Fort Lauderdale

2) BILL’S FILLING STATION 2209 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

4) BOOM 2232 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

19) ROSIE’S BAR & GRILL 2449 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

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27) WILTON’S BIER GARDEN 2245 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

26) VILLAGE PUB 2283 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

25) TROPICS 2000 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

24) TORPEDO 2829 W Broward Blvd Fort Lauderdale

23) THE STABLE 205 E Oakland Park Blvd Fort Lauderdale

22) SMARTY PANTS 2400 E Oakland Park Blvd Fort Lauderdale

21) SIDELINES 2031 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors

20) SCANDALS SALOON 3073 NE 6th Ave Wilton Manors

5) CORNER PUB 1915 N Andrews Ave Wilton Manors 6) CUBBY HOLE 823 N Federal Hwy Fort Lauderdale 7) DEPOT CABANA BAR AND GRILL 2935 N Federal Hwy Fort Lauderdale 8) DUDES 3270 NE 33rd St Fort Lauderdale 9) INFINITY LOUNGE 2184 WIlton Drive Wilton Manors 10) JOHNNY’S 1116 W Broward Blvd Fort Lauderdale 11) LIPS 1421 E Oakland Park Blvd Oakland Park 12)THE MANOR COMPLEX 2345 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors 13) MONA’S 502 E Sunrise Blvd Fort Lauderdale 14) MONKEY BUSINESS 2740 N Andrews Ave Fort Lauderdale

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OUTLook GAYBORHOOD FACES Photos by Stephen Kuttner, Ginger Milligan and Chris Caputo

Stocking Stuffer: Johnny’s Makes the Yuletide Gay

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John “Makos” You and Me Smile

Lords of the Manor: 4th Anniversary Pre-Game

GMCSF Donning Their Gay Holiday Apparel

Hot Dawg! Dr. Alan Shaffer and Friends

Warming Up for the Emperor’s Ball at The Manor

Steppin’ at Scandals Saloon

Gay Men’s Chorus of South Florida’s “Mighty Sounds”

Warren’s “Scandalous” Smile (Woof!)


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‘FAMILY’ CHRISTMAS DINNER ‘Tis the Season By RICHARD DAVID CHAMBERLAIN

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DINING

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side from the occasional fruitcake surprise in the stocking hung by the chimney with care, Christmas Day is an unbridled excuse to feast. Eating during the holiday season crescendos on December 25, with many traveling to share the turkey, ham, duck, and fatted pig with family and friends in momentous celebration. For those that want to leave the cooking to others, Guy Magazine is ready to help, No, silly, we’re not in the kitchen ourselves; but we do have several choice suggestions for your consideration of great places in town featuring Christmas Day feasts. Embassy Suites Fort Lauderdale (1100 SE 17th St.) is once again presenting its Christmas Buffet, noon to 7 p.m., in the decorated atrium restaurant, as well as outside seating. This is a traditional holiday meal with roasted turkey (with housemade stuffing), honey glazed ham with Jack Daniel’s brown sugar raisin sauce, crusted grouper francaise with a lemon-wine caper sauce, and carved to order round of beef handrubbed in peppercorns. Of course, there’s the usual salads, veggies, cheeses, soups and desserts. The all-you-care-to-eat buffet is $29.95 with beverages additional. Reservations: 954-527-2700. Ritz-Carlton Fort Lauderdale (1 N Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd.) presents its elegant ocean view Christmas Brunch from noon to 3 p.m. in the Via Luna Restaurant on the Lobby Level. With the accent on fresh seafood, this elaborate buffet includes crab claws, oysters on the half-shell, king crab legs, and jumbo shrimp from the raw bar. The Via Luna

chefs will be hand carving bourbon glazed ham and roasted prime rib, with entrees including roast pork loin, horseradish-crusted salmon, and chicken with foie gras demi-glaze. And did we mention the caviar and blinis, plus soup, salads, and sushi made to order? Who needs turkey? The price is a steep $95 per person, but remember it’s the Ritz, and they do validate for parking. Reservations: 954-302-6460. Tropics Restaurant & Piano Bar (2000 Wilton Drive, Wilton Manors) is open 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. on Christmas Day with a special menu. Oven-roasted turkey or –spiralsliced ham are featured at $23 each, while prime rib of beef or swordfish scampi tally in at $28 each on the holiday menu. Tropics Shrimp and Scallop Penne Pasta may be slightly untraditional, but no less delicious at $27. If Daddy’s picking up the check, there’s always the option of Filet Mignon at $32 or the Grilled Rack of Lamb at $34. Of course, Tropics will have their pastry chef working overtime on delicious desserts, so indulge. Reservations: 954-537-6000. Royal Palms Resort & Spa (717 Breakers Ave.) has a traditional $25 prix fixe menu with reservations available at 1 p.m., 3 p.m., and 5 p.m. seatings. This specially prepared meal from chef Justin Mathys was a sell-out during its Thanksgiving trial run, and Christmas will be no less popular. It’s family-style seating as this all-gay resort brings holiday casual to a new level of sophistication. With sunshine predicted and a high of 80 degrees, you just know that a post-meal dip in the pool is likely. No, you don’t have to wait an hour after eating. Those were the old rules. Reservations: 954-564-6444.H


This Week’s Delicious Recipe By JEAN DOHERTY

W

hen winter swirls in, nothing could be cozier than a toasty mug of mulled wine. It’s the vine’s version of a classic hot toddy, and is a traditional holiday treat all over the world, even in places like South Florida. I always think of our skiing outings when I have Vin Chaud. Mulled wines have been warming people for centuries. They are wines that have been sweetened, spiced and slightly heated, offering a fabulous alternative to traditional coffees, ciders, and toddy’s at holiday gatherings, or just because we need to get our party on under the palm trees. This recipe is for ten servings, so if you want more do the math. It’s always nice to taste as you go along, as some people may prefer theirs to be more or less sweet.

• • • • • •

Ingredients 2 bottles of dry red wine 4 ounces of port or brandy ¾ cup of white sugar 12 whole cloves 4 cinnamon sticks 2 large oranges, 1 squeezed and “zested,” 1 sliced for garnish

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Mulled Wine (Vin Chaud)

Combine all the ingredients in a saucepan and bring to a simmer. Watch it like a hawk: Do not allow the mixture to boil. Gently simmer for about 20 minutes and serve from a large, heat-resistant punch bowl. Use Irish coffee mugs or stemmed glasses and garnish with cinnamon sticks or freshly ground nutmeg. You are the chef!H

Although born in Dublin, Ireland, Chef Jean Doherty spent most of her life in Lyon, France, the gastronomical capital of the world. Together with Vero, her partner of 25 years, Jean has owned and run multiple restaurants including Fort Lauderdale’s Le Patio.

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San Francisco Part III

SOUTH OF MARKET —ANOTHER WORLD By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

than hanky in a no-holds-barred sexflex. Thursday night is underwear night, with drink specials for those in their skivvies. For biker bears and the leather crowd, SOMA houses Lone Star Saloon (1354 Harrison St.), a bar with a legacy larger than its space. In business since just before Adam met Eve, the Lone Star calls itself a “watering hole” but it’s more bike stop than horse trough. The back patio at the Lone Star gets action as well, albeit of the hairier sort. At 1015 Folsom (a club space whose name is its address), the music sizzles right along with the pill poppers who rave all night to the infamous circuit parties produced here. The space is cavernous and the fun factor is largely dependent on the performing groups and the fans they attract. One constant at 1015 Folsom is the brusque staff who seem to think they’re more important than you are. They’re wrong. Lest you feel that there is nothing that moves beyond the gutter in SOMA, let us point out that our favorite restaurant in all of San Francisco is found there. Boulevard (1 Mission St.) is a gourmand’s dream that has raised the bar for fine cuisine for well over two decades. While this den of power brokers and socialites can get noisy, and is always busy, there is simply no finer place to dine in all of

1015 Folsom, photo credit: ticklemefancii.tumblr.com

TRAVEL

For all of its sophistication, elegant eateries, cultural events and spectacular architecture, San Francisco does have its dirty underbelly. It’s located South of Market Street (SOMA) and stretches from an area called the Tenderloin down toward the sheshe shopping of Union Square. In between, you’ll find the theater district, art galleries, strip joints, bathhouses, prostitutes, drug dealers and a fascinating mix of well-heeled metrosexuals and unhealed drug addicts. Add the highest crime rate in the city per capita, and you’re got the real world— San Francisco style. Into this topiary of high traffic and rooming houses are some of the city’s most down and dirty clubs and bars. No need to break out the Abercrombie and Fitch for a visit to SOMA. You’ll either be dressed-to-the nines for the theater and dinner, or barely dressed at all for the leather bars and sleaze pits that spell unadulterated fun. Leading the list is Powerhouse (1357 Folsom St. between 9th & 10th). What at first glance (and smell) resembles a dive turns into an entirely different adventure when you leave the small main bar and venture (at your own risk) to the small patio area out back. While officially it’s the smoking area, in reality it’s the closest you’ll find to a European back room in the city. It’s dark and dirty with more panky

Smuin Ballet, photo credit: raptproductions.com

Theater (3117 16th St. at Valencia St.) is a step back in time. Originally opened in 1909 as the C.H. Brown Theater, the 300-seat cinema has survived through silent films, talkies, and stage shows, and is now an art house showing a colorful blend of notto-be missed films. Although technically in the Mission District, it’s still South of Market, and is a guaranteed gift you can give yourself—any day.H

Robert Elias Deaton is a world-traveling epicure who enjoys the finer things in life.

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San Francisco. SOMA is also the home of much of San Francisco’s cutting edge theater. We have never seen a bad performance from the Smuin Ballet (44 Gough St. between Page St. & Rose St.), where traditional and contemporary ballet finds an ensemble home. The 16-dancer troupe is a team of individual soloists that meld into movement so precisely innovative as to be extraordinary. Cinematically, the Roxie


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Giving the Boot to the Bug By ANDY KRESS

I

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NUTRITION

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ELIMINATING INFLUENZA nfluenza or the flu has been wrecking havoc during the holidays for years, and at exactly the time you don’t want to get sick. This highly infectious and contagious virus has the potential to affect a wide majority of the population, and does, particularly in the winter months. Influenza tends to attack the upper respiratory tract, nose, throat and possibly the bronchi of the lungs. The toll the flu takes on the body varies from person to person, but seniors and children seem to have the most severe effects. There are many steps that can be taken to prevent and cure influenza. The most obvious is getting a flu shot; the least obvious and most ignored is through proper nutrition. Stress at home and at work negatively affects your overall health and tends to exacerbate flu symptoms. Being overworked (at either place) can lower your immune system’s resistance to fighting off infection, thus letting germs take

over. Living and working in stuffy and cluttered areas leaves room for germs to contaminate the spaces you frequently touch and spread the flu virus quickly throughout the home or place of employment. Lack of proper exercise leaves the body weakened, not performing at its full capacity, making it tougher for your natural defenses to rid the body of the flu. These factors contribute to a toxic, run-down system that leaves you vulnerable to influenza’s ruthless onset. When influenza does strike, strike back with some fire power from the kitchen. During the first few days of uncomfortable conditions, try to abstain from all solid foods. Drinking only fruit and vegetable juices diluted with water-about a 50/50 ratio--for the first three to five days will help rid your body of the flu. Carrot and spinach juices have been found especially beneficial during this time. It is important to wash all fruits and vegetables before juicing as pesticides and other bacteria could be lurking.

Increasing fruit intake will help cleanse the bowels and lower flu related fever by helping the body temperature go down. When the fever breaks and symptoms start to subside, an all-fruit diet should be implemented. Three meals a day of all fresh fruit should be consumed, such as apples, grapes, oranges, pears, pineapples, peaches, and melons for best results. No other foods should be added at this time, so not to compromise the value of the treatment. Milk and dairy can be added after a few days of the all-fruit diet. After this period of time and the flu symptoms seem to subside other food groups can be re-instated, such as seeds, nuts, and grains. There are some foods and drinks that should be avoided during bouts of influenza. Bananas, stewed or tinned fruits should be avoided during the all fruit diet. Strong teas and coffees may over stimulate the system prolonging negative effects of the flu. Foods such as potatoes,

any meats, rice, refined and processed foods will irritate the delicate digestive system the all fruit diet is trying to correct. Alcohol and tobacco are very detrimental during this time as well. Tobacco impedes the respiratory system from recovering from congestion influenza brings; and alcohol lowers the body’s immune system adversely effecting the recovery process. Good lifestyle choices before and after influenza’s unwanted invite should be maintained to prevent future reoccurrences. No one wants to be sick during the fun times surrounding the holidays, so taking the time to take care of your health is very important. Not only will your healthy co-workers and family members thank you, your own body will, too. H


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12/31/12

12/31/12

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EMPLOYMENT

HOME IMPROVEMENT

SPIRITUALITY

RENT / LEASE

MALE COSMETOLOGIST OR EASTHETICIAN

DEREK’S 24-HR HANDYMAN SERVICE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT AND VACATION RENTAL - Introducing our new cabinet shop! For all your custom made cabinetrycountertops laminates. You must see our work, just ask our clients. All electrical to code, ANY & ALL plumbing work, Drywall finish work / repair. Crown/ baseboard proinstall, interior/ exterior painting, demo work, Pressure washing, Decor tile install, Complete home up-dates. For large jobs, 4-man crew available. WE CAN HANDLE IT ALL! Instant call back, direct service response. No job is ever too small. Excellent references. Derek (954) 825-5598

T H E PA R I S H O F S T S . F R A N C I S & C L A R E 101 NE 3RD STREET - just N of Broward Blvd. and E of Andrews Ave. Mass Times: Sat @ 5 PM; Sun @ 10:30 AM; Wed @ 7 PM. Where we welcome and appreciate diversity a progressive community in the Catholic tradition. 954-731-8173; www.stsfrancisandclare.org

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CHURCH OF THE HOLY SPIRIT SONG welcomes you to come and worship with us every Sunday at 10am and every Wednesday night at 7pm. We meet at the Spirit Song Worship Center at 2040B North Dixie Highway, Suite 3 in Wilton Manors (Building B on Equality Park Campus, behind the Pride Center). God loves you just the way He made you. Come discover His purpose for you. For more info: 954-418-8372, info@cohss.com, www.cohss.org

RENT/LEASE-FURNISHED HOUSING PERFECT RELOCATION RENTALS From $325/week – October/ November Special. Beautiful Studio, 1 & 2 BR Apts. Turnkey, fully furnished & equipped, clothing optional pool, laundry, parking. Close to Gay & Nude Beaches. Pets Welcome. Incl. utilities, cable, tel., Wi-Fi Internet. 954-927-0090 or visit www.LibertySuites.com

Florida licensed professional wanted for all male guesthouse. We do it all except hair services! Reception, exceptional client service, spa maintenance and sales aptitude a plus. Submit your resume to: Spa@thecabanasguesthouse.com or call 954-565-2307. SMALL WILTON MANORS TAX AND ACCOUNTING FIRM HIRING A PERSON SKILLED IN TAX PREPARATION AND QUICKBOOKS. Tax skills must include personal, small business, corporate and partnerships. Must be highly skilled in all aspects of Quickbooks. The person we are looking for will have a positive demeanor, ability to be available 7 days a week, great people skills, highly competent with computers and normal office programs, and flexibility to work on tasks outside the tax and bookkeeping arena. We are offering a FIRM $10 an hour with the ability to earn more as skill level and competency is increased and demonstrated. Spanish as SECOND language is a plus. This is for a year round position with long term growth potential with the company. Apply via email ONLY to jeff@sterlingaccounting.com and include a resume with a cover letter stating your interest, understanding of the pay rate, and acknowledging your skills we are looking for or the application will be discarded.

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WILTON MANORS DUPLEX- 2/1 & 1/1! Private parking, CAC, W/D, terrazzo floors, fenced yard for your dog! great location! 2/1-$1499/mo. F/L/$500 Sec. Dep. 1/1-$800/mo. F/L/$500 Sec. Dep. Call (954)553-8616 jegaray@aol.com

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