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By DALE MADISON

Bartenders of the Month

Mark Hess and Gary Wentzel: Alibi Bar-Stars

wo of the most recognizable bartenders in South Florida, Mark Hess and Gary Wentzel always serve up great cocktails at the main bar of the famous Alibi on Wilton Drive. Along with being a dynamic duo behind the bar, they have been a bona fide couple for nearly 20 years. In his own words, Hess’ bartending career “started in 1968, at a resort in Iowa. When I first moved to Fort Lauderdale, I landed a job at the world famous Chardee’s dinner club for several years,” he recalls. “I loved working for Tony Dee—and some of the stories I could tell,” he adds with a mischievous smile. Go on. “I’ll never forget the first time I met Eartha Kitt. She [came into Chardee’s wearing] a fur and a turban. She walked right up to me with something that looked like a black cat in her hand, and with her very distinctive voice said, ‘Darling are you my hairdresser?’ “What was in her hand was her wig, and there was a hairdresser—but it wasn’t me,” he finishes with a laugh. “Then there was Jennifer Holiday, back in the ‘large’ days. She was doing two shows, and after the first, she ordered a plate of pasta and shrimp, which was large enough for three people. She devoured the entire plate, and then ordered an end cut of prime rib—which was huge. She ate the whole plate, and then did the second show. I was amazed.” His partner, Wentzel, started bartending in the late 1980s, in Pennsylvania. “I decided to move to Fort Lauderdale for the better weather,” he remembers. “Don’t get me wrong, there are times that I miss the snow, just not the cold.

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I’ll take the sun and warmth anytime,” he adds. “We met at the old Cathode Ray, the one on the canal [on East Las Olas Boulevard],” says Hess. “We became roommates when Gary’s ex moved back to Pennsylvania. We never had a problem relating and talking to each other, and found that we liked many of the same things. We both loved working in the yard, and we had a penchant for classic cars,” he notes. The ‘two’ became ‘one’ during a trip with friends to Key West (where else?): “At that time we were only roommates, but we truly liked each other,” Wentzel remembers. “Then when it came time to go to bed, one friend wanted to sleep in my bed and I wanted to sleep with Mark. Well, that sort of ‘sealed the deal,’” and the rest, as they say, is history. About working together behind the bar, Hess offers, “We are so busy at the Alibi. It’s such a high-production bar that we don’t have time to really even speak, and once we get home, we already know what our day has been like, so we don’t talk business. It’s a great life.” “Classics” themselves, they share a previously mentioned love for classic cars. “We currently have two,” notes Hess. “One is a 1965 Bonneville convertible, and the second is a 1976 Buick Limited, but we are constantly looking and trading our classics. We belong to the Lambda Car Club.” Stop in and see the bar-stars at the main bar at Alibi, in the Shoppes of Wilton Manors (2266 Wilton Drive), and tell them the guys from Guy say “hi.”

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s 06 Guilty Pleasure t Ou t gh 10 Guys Ni ecial 20 Oktoberfest Sp ot 22 Snapsh ts 24 Upcoming Even ide 26 Bar Gu ide 28 Happy Hours Gu ng ni 32 Guy Di 34 Spotlight 36 Adam & Ease 40 Guy Bytes 44 Guy Travel 46 Guy Nutrition 48 The Scene 54 Love Jones

Cover Pho

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to:

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Dennis dennisdean.c Dean om

Bobby Blair Publisher Cliff Dunn Editor Jason Otero Creative Director Editorial Contributors Duncan St. Thibault, Tom Bonanti, Andy Kress, Adam Strong, Robert Elias Deaton, Dale Madison, Richard David Chamberlain Production Dennis Dean Editorial Photographer Stephen Kuttner Photographer Alexander Maxwell Photographer Administrative Silas Thebert Sales & Marketing Keith Chamlee Sales Manager keithchamlee@guymag.net - 954-465-1563 Dale Madison Client Services Executive dalemadison1@aol.com - 954-478-2415 Marvin Nathan Client Services Executive marvinnathan@guymag.net - 954-380-8563 Michael Beloin Client Services Executive michaelbeloin@guymag.net - 407-283-3619 William Cain Client Services Executive william@guymag.net - 954-380-8563 x 2112 National Sales Rivendell Media National Ad Representatives 212-242-6863 Display Ads Ad Production/Placement Request Deadline: Wednesday, Noon Camera-Ready Ad Deadline: Friday, Noon Display Advertising sales@guymag.net - 954-380-8563 Classifieds Ads Text Ad Placement Deadline: Thursday, Noon Classified Display Ad Production/Placement Request Deadline: Thursday, Noon Camera-Ready Classified Display Ad Deadline: Friday, Noon

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Women in Distress Fundraiser at Lips

guys night OUT

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Drag Queen Shenanigans @ West Palmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s H.G. Roosters

guys night OUT

Photos by: Michael Cushman

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M4M Fashion Event @ Dudes

guys night OUT

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Oakland Park Oktoberfest

Prost!

October 5 – 6, 2012 Jaco Pastorius Park

Oktoberfest Rocks Jaco Pastorius Park! D

ig out those lederhosen and dirndls—and be sure to bring an appetite for plenty of authentic German fare and beer—because the annual Oktoberfest celebration returns to Oakland Park’s Jaco Pastorius Park, Friday, Oct. 5 and Saturday, Oct. 6. In just eight years, the two-day festival, sponsored by Oakland Park Main Street, has grown into the largest Oktoberfest in Broward County, attracting nearly 10,000 revelers. The biggest difference between Oakland Park’s festival and others held around the region is “it’s the only one that’s authentic,” says Siegi Constantine, Executive Director of Oakland Park Main Street, a native of Stuttgart, Germany. Constantine has kept a watchful eye over all the details: The food tent serves authentic German favorites, schnitzels, sausages, sauerkraut and salads, all painstaking prepared by Hans Huber of The Ambry Restaurant, a local favorite for more than three decades. The Tucher Oktoberfest beer is also imported from Germany—brewed from the same secret recipes passed down from generation to generation. And, for the first time, guests will have the opportunity to try a variety of schnapps, the tasty flavored liquor that originated in Germany. Like the original Oktoberfest, held in 1810 outside Munich, Bavaria, the festival will kick off with the traditional keg-tapping ceremony. In the early years, the Oktoberfest celebration in Bavaria included agricultural displays and later carnival booths and rides. Today, it’s a huge celebration attracting hundreds of thousands of locals and tourists alike.

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Like its German cousin, Oakland Park Main Street’s Oktoberfest has plenty to offer: Local craftsmen and women will sell their creations. Vintage Volkswagen automobiles owned by local collectors will be on display. There will also be carnival rides and plenty of surprises. Be sure to sign up for the stein and beer barrel races and say hello to Miss Hooters International, who will be making appearances. By far, the most popular event is the dachshund race. Dozens of little “hot dogs” will race along a course to the cheers of the crowd. Only one dashing dachshund will take the top prize, but all the pups are winners What is Oktoberfest without music? Once again, the popular band, Alpine Express, will take the stage each evening to set a festive mood with authentic rhythms and melodies. “One of the goals of Oakland Park Main Street is to work with the city to promote the business district and create a sense of community downtown,” said Jason Hagopian, President of Oakland Park Main Street. “Oktoberfest is a fun opportunity for our friends and neighbors to gather and celebrate our community.” The festival would not have been possible, emphasized Hagopian, without the generous support from the many sponsors, including this year’s presenting sponsors, Lipton Toyota and Broward Health Imperial Point. If you go: Oakland Park Oktoberfest Friday, Oct. 5, 5 – 11 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 6, 1 – 11 p.m. Jaco Pastorius Park (4000 N Dixie Hwy) $5 donation at the gate, Onsite parking $10 Ample free parking nearby, Free shuttle

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By DALE MADISON

Amanda Austin

Drag Wars at Monkey Business

onkey Business drag hostess Amanda Austin has a driving ambition to bring aspiring, talented female impersonators into a venue where they can hone their craft. “It’s not easy to transform yourself from a young man to look like a young woman,” Austin admits. “It’s not just about putting on a dress: You need to know how to carry yourself. The makeup has to be perfect, because when you get on stage, under those demanding lights, it has to [look] flawless.

“Then of course there is the hair,” he adds. “If an upstart has their own hair and can use that, great, but if not, then there is the question as to whether you do blonde, brown, black, red— what works with the makeup and the clothes? Some people just think you throw on a dress and some stilettos, and you are all set. It is not that easy,” explains Austin (whose non-stage name is Shawn Steele).

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“I really started Drag Wars at Monkey Business as a way to help develop new talent in the area,” the performer explains. “We do Drag Wars on Monday nights, beginning at 9:30, [and] we run the cycles in eightweek increments. (The current cycle began on September 24). At the end of the cycle, all winners return for a final contest. Weekly winners win $50 and they get a paid booking, they work one of the shows, and get their tips. The cycle winner gets $100 cash, but the total is actually about $300, because Monkey Business pays their entry into the Miss Illusion contest, and [they receive] either jewelry or a crown. “The weekly contest is judged by the audience, and then the final is judged by a group of [drag performer] peers: Those who have paid their dues and have what I like to call the ‘right stuff,’” he adds. Unlike other competitions, “The judges actually give feedback to help the contestants get better,” Austin notes. “It’s sort of like ‘America’s Got Talent,’ in that we all want to see them get better at the craft.” Potential Drag Wars competitors should be aware of a few basics before they enter: First, bring a CD with just one song for the DJ to play. Secondly, because dressing space is limited, performers should come dressed and ready to go on stage. Lastly, go to your Facebook page and promote the fact that you are going to be performing at Monkey Business. Audience participation is how the weekly winners are chosen, so get your peeps to come and support you. Austin notes that there is no cover for the weekly contest and from 9:30 to 11 p.m. all well drinks are $3 during the show. For more information about Amanda Austin and Drag Wars, visit monkeybusinessbar.com.

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Upcoming CAN’T MISS Events Alibi: Celebrity Roast of Jackson Padgett and Reece Darham o Hosted by Misty Eyez, October 7, at 7 p.m. For Info Call: 954-626-0082 Gateway Theater: Ft. Lauderdale Gay & Lesbian Film Festival o 1820 E. Sunrise Blvd. October 4-7. For Info Call: 954-763-7994

Orlando Gay Pride o October 6. For Info: comeoutwithpride.com Alibi: Mark and Gary o Your Bartenders at Large. Tuesday through Saturday, 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. (2266 Wilton Dr.)

Off The Hookah Presents Life’s a Drag o 111 S.W. 2 Ave., Fort Lauderdale, Every Sunday. For Info Call: 954-761-8686 Boom: WIG Ministries o Every Thursday, 8 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Halloween Tea Cruise o Sunday, October 14. Entertainment, Contest, Dancers, and D.J. Sol. For Info Call: Felix@ 561-255-4913

The Manor Restaurant and Complex o Bubble Gum Fridays. October 5: “The 90s.” For Info Call: 954-626-0082.

Oktoberfest in Oakland Park o October 5 and 6, Jaco Pastorius Park (4000 N Dixie Hwy) in Downtown Oakland Park

Broward Center: Wanda Sykes o Sunday, December 2. For Info and Tickets: 954-462-0222

Johnny’s 32nd Anniversary o October 4, 5, and 6. For Info call: 954-522-5931 Ramrod: Pig Dance #50 o Meet and Greet Mr. Ramrod Contestants, October 6. For Info Call: 954-763-8219 Fiore’s: The Lady Boys o Dinner and Show (2460 E Commercial Blvd.), October 6, 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. For Info Call: 954-493-9233 Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino: Mario Cantone o Thursday, October 11, 8 p.m. For Info Call: 954-327-rock

To have your event listed, please email marvinnathan@guymag.net

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bar guide ALIBI 2266 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oGayborhood tradition since 1997. Comfortable, inviting atmosphere with indoor video bars, outdoor drinking and dining. Drink specials all week, with mammoth 22-ounce Long Island Iced Teas for $3 on Thursdays. BILL’S FILLING STATION 2209 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oVideos, pool tables, dart boards, dance floor, happy hour, live shows, Tuesday and Thursday karaoke – and great burgers to boot. Fun and friendly truck-stop-themed bar, great staff. BOARDWALK 1721 N Andrews Ave Fort Lauderdale oOver 100 of the sexiest men from all over the world. Go-go dancers, cages, billiards, 2-4-1 Happy Hours. Drag em- cees and did we mention the boys? BOOM 2232 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oThe bar with two names features a dance club and Gayborhood bar. Drag Bingo on Mondays, karaoke Mondays and Tuesdays, dance music Fridays and Saturdays, and (indoor) Sunday T-Dance. CORNER PUB 1915 N Andrews Ave Wilton Manors oFriendly atmosphere, unpretentious clientele and staff. Next to Island City Pizza (so you can get your drink AND your slice on). CUBBY HOLE 823 N Federal Hwy Fort Lauderdale oButch bar and grill with a rockin’ daytime crowd (and a fun nighttime one, too). Fiftycent pool, 2-for-1 drinks all day every day, video games, hot movies on HDTV and DirecTV. Thursdays it’s Bare Bear Chest Night, and every Friday and Saturday, the fur flies with Hot Bears on Poles (where the Grizzlies Grind)! DEPOT CABANA BAR AND GRILL 2935 N Federal Hwy Fort Lauderdale oAdjacent to the America’s Best Inn and Suites. Pool open daily - No Cover or Day Pass. Great food, daily happy hour, Sunday afternoon T-Dance Poolside. Karaoke and live music. Open daily at 11:30 a.m. DUDES 3270 NE 33rd St Fort Lauderdale oMen dancing for men. Hot go-go boys in an

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Fort Lauderdale / Wilton Manors

upscale atmosphere, piano lounge for more quiet interludes. Steamy shower shows. JOHNNY’S 1116 W Broward Blvd Fort Lauderdale oClub, bar, lounge. Male dancers and the men who love (to ogle) them. Sunday amateur strip contest (and karaoke!). LIPS 1421 E Oakland Park Blvd Oakland Park oThe Ultimate in Drag Dining. Dinner and shows six nights a week. Sunday Gospel Brunch with the Sisters of Sequins. THE MANOR COMPLEX 2345 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oWeHo vibe (think: LA’s The Abbey) in the heart of the Gayborhood. Dine, drink, dance, play, mingle. Theme rooms (Latin Night every Saturday in the Latin Quarter!). Live dancing and dining. MATTY’S ON THE DRIVE 2426 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oDrink specials, billiards, and a chill gayborhood vibe. 75 cent drinks on Wednesdays. No Drama, No Smoking. MONKEY BUSINESS 2740 N Andrews Ave Fort Lauderdale oCozy neighborhood bar. Karaoke, drags shows, Patio Bar and open at 9 a.m. daily. MONA’S 502 E Sunrise Blvd Fort Lauderdale oCocktail Lounge in the heart of Searstown. Fun customers, fun bartenders and fun proprietor (the Legendary Jerry). Outside patio. Wednesday karaoke, Thursday Speedball Tournament. NAKED GRAPE 2163 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oRelaxing, friendly, hip, unique. The alternative gathering place on Wilton Dr. Now serving tapas nightly. Social Hour features $5 house wine glasses, $1 Barcelona Bites, and In The Biz all the time. RAMROD 1508 NE 4th Ave Fort Lauderdale oVoted World’s Favorite Leather Bar. Pig Dance first Saturday of the month – South Florida’s Busiest, Craziest Monthly Party (with caged hunks at midnight on Saturdays – Is there a downside to this?).

ROSIE’S BAR & GRILL 2449 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oNexus of the A-Gay List. Be Seen in the Scene (without making one). Food, folks, libations, and a killer Sunday Funday. SCANDALS SALOON 3073 NE 6th Ave Wilton Manors oA line-dancin’, tight blue jeans-wearin’ good time. Country and western music, two-steppin’, three-steppin’, pool tables, and themed events year ‘round. Cowboys and Indians was never this much fun, Pilgrim. SIDELINES 2031 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors oWhere sports come first. Nationally known destination sports bar with TVs streaming NFL, MLB, NBA and college games. Pool tables, dart boards and large indoor (and now smoke-free) facility. Outdoor patio features area for smokers. Mixed crowd of gay men and women (who would have thought?). Featured in Bloomberg Businessweek and recommended by LOGO. SLAMMER 321 W Sunrise Blvd Fort Lauderdale oPrivate Men’s Club. Pay cover, then uncover. Monday In the Biz, Thursday Leather Nights. They bring the party (and the mattresses), you bring the booze. SMARTY PANTS 2400 E Oakland Park Blvd Fort Lauderdale oCozy neighborhood bar with daily happy hour, and regular patrons. Show night Thursdays at 9 p.m. Karaoke Friday and Saturday nights, with matinee on Sunday afternoon. THE STABLE 205 E Oakland Park Blvd Fort Lauderdale oLevis-and-leather neighborhood bar, where the bears line dance and the cowboys are VERY friendly. TORPEDO 2829 W Broward Blvd Fort Lauderdale oDance, shoot pool, drink til 4 a.m., 7 nights a week. Doors open at midnight; dance til dawn. WILTON’S BIER GARDEN 2245 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o German cuisine meets Der Gayborhood, in a fun, relaxed atmosphere. Upstairs dining, downstairs outdoor patio and bar, DJ music, and a fun staff make one of Wilton Manors’ newest venues a good time to be had by all.

bar guide CLUB SUGAR 2301 SW 32nd Ave Miami oGay Latin scene, with Salsa, Merengue, Reggaeton, Hip Hop and House music always playing. DISCOTEKKA 950 NE 2nd Ave Miami oHot music, hot scene, hot bartenders, and hot patrons in the hot heart of Downtown Miami. JOHNNY’S MIAMI 63 NE 14th Street Downtown Miami oThe second location of the infamous Club, bar, lounge. Male dancers and the men who love (to ogle) them. Multiple weekly events including Latin Thursdays and Drag Queen Mondays and no cover. MOVA LOUNGE 1625 Michigan Ave Miami Beach oOn Miami Beach’s famed Lincoln Road, never

Miami / Miami Beach

a cover. Drink specials all week long, live DJs, high energy music and a fun crowd getting their dance on til late. PALACE BAR 1200 Ocean Drive Miami Beach oThis bar and restaurant in the heart of South Beach’s Art Deco District. Mouth- watering burgers, boys (and girls!). Weekend cabaret shows Thursday through Sunday. SCORE 727 Lincoln Rd Miami Beach oDance, drink, party all night on Miami Beach’s Lincoln Road. Tons of events throughout the year, including fundraisers for Winter Party, White Party, and Miami Beach Gay Pride. SPACE 34 NE 11th St Miami oMingle and mix with gays and str8s in the heart of Downtown Miami. Indoor dance floors and outdoor rooftop bar, spectacular light show.

SWINGING RICHARDS 17450 Biscayne Blvd N Miami oThe only gay strip club in Southern Florida to offer FULLY NUDE dancers. Smokin’ hot dancers all week long. TWIST 1057 Washington Ave Miami Beach oGreat music, friendly staff, hot tourists and locals. Never a cover, always a groove. Bungalow Bar = Hot Men. In SoBe’s Art Deco District. VLADA LOUNGE 3215 NE 2nd Ave Miami oUrban, sophisticated and chic in Midtown Miami with a bar that ices over. New York pedigree meets Miami attitude. Nightly DJs, never a cover.

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happy hours Bill’s Filling Station 2209 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour half-off drink prices from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m., Monday through Friday, with an additional halfprice “Bear Necessities” Happy Hour on Friday nights from Midnight to close. Boardwalk 1721 N Andrews Ave. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. daily, with 2-4-1 mixed drinks and brew. Boom 2232 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Half-priced drink Happy Hours Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., and Fridays and Saturdays from 9 a.m. to 10 p.m., as well as $7 premium martinis all day long. Corner Pub 1915 N Andrews Ave. Wilton Manors o Seven-day Happy Hour from 11 a.m. til 9:30 p.m., with $1.75 domestic drafts, $2.50 domestic bottles, $2.75 imports, $2.50 well drinks, $2.75 calls, $3 premiums, and $4.75 Jaeger shots. Cubby Hole 823 N Federal Hwy. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour with 2-4-1 drinks all day every day. the Depot cabana bar and grill 2935 N Federal Hwy. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour features half-price drinks Monday through Friday from 11:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. Dudes on the Beach 3270 NE 33rd St. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour features a seven day a week 2-4-1 special from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. Georgie’s Alibi 2266 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o 2-4-1 Happy Hour Monday through Friday. Johnny’s Club, Bar, and Lounge 1116 W Broward Blvd. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour runs seven days, Monday through Thursday from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m., Fridays and Saturdays from 3 p.m. to 9 p.m., and Sundays from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m., with varying drink specials depending the day, and discounted drinks starting at $4.

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Fort Lauderdale / Wilton Manors The Manor Restaurant and Nightclub 2345 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour Wednesday through Friday from 3-9 p.m. Matty’s on the Drive 2426 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o 2-4-1 Happy Hour Monday through Saturday from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m., and a drink chip that’s good through 10 p.m.! Mona’s Cocktail Lounge (next to Lisa’s Backyard) 502 E Sunrise Blvd. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour is celebrated seven days a week from noon till 9 p.m., with $2.50 domestic beers and well drinks, and $1.25 drafts. Monkey Business 2740 N Andrews Ave. Wilton Manors o Happy Hour runs through 9 p.m., seven days, with drinks specials that average about $1-$1.50 off per mixed drink or brew. Naked Grape Wine Bar 2163 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o “Social Hour” from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., with $5 glasses of house wine, and $1 Barcelona Bites. On Thursdays, buy one flat bread or panini, get one 1/2 price. Pinché Taqueria 2045 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o A NYC-by-way-of-Tijuanatransplant, offering great outdoor atmosphere and a daily 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Happy Hour with $4 well drinks, $5 Pinché margaritas, and $20 margarita pitchers, as well as half-priced appetizers from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. PJ’s Corner Pocket 924 N Flagler Drive Fort Lauderdale o Monday through Friday Happy Hour with $1 off every drink, as well as an everyday five 7 oz. Bud Lights for $5 special.

happy hours Ramrod 1508 NE 4th Ave. Fort Lauderdale o Fort Lauderdale’s oldest gay bar under the same ownership, a leather, Levis, and uniform bar with hot men and a 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. daily 2-4-1 Happy Hour (weekends included!). Rodeo Restaurant and Bar 2033 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o HALF PRICE on MARTINI MENU - Wednesdays 5:3010:30. HALF PRICE on SIGNATURE DRINKS - Thursdays 5:30-10:30. HUGE DISCOUNTS on ALL DRINKS - AFTER HOURS Fridays and Saturdays from 10:00 p.m. until close. 25% off all drinks for IN THE BIZ folks - AFTER HOURS Fridays and Saturdays from 10:00 p.m. until close. HALF PRICE on all Appetizers PLUS $2.00 off all drink prices - Saturdays before 7:00 p.m. Rosie’s Bar & Grill 2249 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour Mondays through Fridays from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. with half-priced premium well, beer, and house wines and $1 off all other cocktails (excluding premium wines). Scandals Saloon 3073 NE 6th Ave. Wilton Manors o Happy Hour at the main bar that runs Monday through Saturday from noon to 9 p.m., with $1-to-$2 drink special discounts, depending on what beverages you’re enjoying. All-day Happy Hour on Sundays.

Sidelines Sports Bar 2031-A Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour runs daily—for the first time!—from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m. with half-price drinks (the other popular Gayborhood-variation on the split-level-drink-price), followed by a back-half Happy Hour from Midnight-to-close, also with (according to their Web site) half-price libations. Smarty Pants 3038 N Federal Highway Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour seven days a week, starting at 9 a.m. and continuing through 8 p.m., with daily specials and discounts off their low drink prices. The Stable Country Western Bar 205 E Oakland Park Blvd. Fort Lauderdale o Happy Hour Monday through Thursday 2 p.m. to 9 p.m., and Friday through Sunday, noon through 9 p.m., with at least $1 off their regular prices on libations.

Fort Lauderdale / Wilton Manors Tropics 2000 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour starts at 4 p.m. and runs through 9 p.m., Monday through Friday. Drinks are 2-4-1. Wilton’s Bier Garden 2245 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors o Happy Hour including 2-4-1 domestic draft beer, 2-4-1 well drinks, and 2-4-1 Coastal Vines house wine selections.

Miami / Miami Beach Johnny’s Miami 62 NE 14th St. Miami o $5 drinks all night, Wednesday through Sundays. Palace Bar & Grill 1200 Ocean Drive Miami Beach o Friday Happy Hour from 5-9 p.m. Magnum Lounge 709 NE 79th St. Miami Happy Hour 5 p.m.-8 p.m. with $4 margaritas and drink specials every night of the week. Twist 1057 Washington Ave. Miami Beach o Happy Hour 2-for-1 drink specials Friday through Wednesday, 1 p.m.-9 p.m. and all day Thursday. Eat and be merry with a free barbeque on Fridays and Sundays, 6 p.m.-8 p.m. MOVA Lounge 1625 Michigan Ave. Miami Beach o Thursdays $4 Miller Lites and $6 Finlandia Vodka. Friday Happy Hour runs 6 p.m.-9 p.m. with half-priced cocktails. Discotekka 950 NE 2nd Ave. Miami o Sunday nights with “Drag’s a Bitch” and $3 Bud Lights and $5 well drinks. Vlada Lounge 3215 NE 2nd Ave. Miami o Daily Happy Hour two-for-one specials, 4 p.m.-8 p.m.

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Guy Dining By RICHARD DAVID CHAMBERLAIN

The Whole Enchilada

Fresh, fresher, freshest.

For the more snack-friendly-eater, there’s the rew and David Cardaci know their TexMex. And the brothers prove the point platter of three Taquitos ($5.89), which features every day through the smiling faces of the a trio of rolled soft flour tortillas filled with steak, satisfied customers who have helped make their ground beef, chicken, pork or tofu, along with jack restaurant, The Whole Enchilada, a local success and cheddar cheeses, all topped with pico de gallo, story. The original free-standing Enchilada, located lettuce, sour cream and cilantro. Finger-lickin’ good. Or try the forget-the-calories Nacho Mama at 4115 N Federal Hwy., has been a neighborhood staple since 2006, with the restaurant celebrating ($6.29), that includes a platter of freshly cooked its sixth anniversary with the grand opening of its tortilla chips smothered in melted cheese, black first branch store. This new outlet is located near beans, red sauce, guacamole, sour cream and salsa. the Winn-Dixie store on Route 1, at 745 N Federal This dish easily serves two or more, individualized Hwy., in the one-time home of a car repair shop for fiery flavor at the salsa and hot sauce bar. Tacos take center stage with known as Ice Cold Auto Air. The Whole Enchilada’s Taco The thing that makes The Basket that features a pair of Whole Enchilada distinct from tacos, plus chips and salsa in a its many, many competitors in wide variety of popular choices. town is the incredible freshness The Hassellhoff ($6.59) is the that highlights each dish. standard fare with your choice The menu is Mexican with of crispy, soft corn or soft wheat surprising twists in nearly every tortilla’s stuffed the American selection. A perfect example is way with lettuce, chopped the Black Tiger ($7.99), a burrito tomatoes, and grated cheese that assembles large grilled plus your choice of grilled shrimp with chopped cabbage, caramelized onions, avocado, The Taquitos from The Whole chicken, steak, pork or ground Enchilada are de-lish! beef. Kick it up a notch with jack and cheddar cheeses, tiger shrimp or Mahi-Mahi Mexican rice and chipotle sauce inside a whole-wheat tortilla. A spectacular taste ($7.19) and get extra protein and flavor all wrapped treat. The Whole Enchilada makes this same burrito in one. The most unique selection of this group is the with blackened Maui-Maui and calls it the Not crisp flour tortilla taco, an unusual offering among Yet Famous ($7.79)—with tomatoes replacing the Mexican fare and a delicious choice. There is absolutely no explaining the Ex-Wife caramelized onions and leaving the Mexican rice at item on the menu. At $39.99, it’s a contest and entrée home. Works for us. The Fah-Hee-Tah Barita ($8.19) is sizzling hot all in one. It’s basically a six-pound burrito (reread with a combo of fire-roasted peppers, onions, that weight for accuracy) with Mexican rice, black rice, black beans, cheese, salsa, avocado, and sour beans, jack and cheddar cheeses, salsa, guacamole, cream, coupled with your choice of grilled chicken, shredded lettuce and sour cream plus the usual meat steak, ground beef, pork or seared tofu in a fat tortilla choices, and a large side order of chips and salsa. the size of Cleveland’s south side. Any of the ten Finish the meal in 45 minutes and get it free, plus a burritos on the menu can be ordered Enchilada T-shirt to remember the moment. Olé. Style, which adds the restaurant’s own special red THE WHOLE ENCHILADA sauce, cheese and sour cream on top of the burrito 745 N Federal Hwy for a surcharge of $1.19.

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By DALE MADISON

Rosie’s Bar and Grill

10-Year Anniversary Cliff, John, and “Rosie:” Two Successful Guys, One Delicious Dame

ne of the things to know about John Zieba and Cliff Mulcahy, the owners of Wilton Manors’ popular Rosie’s Bar and Grill, is that success did not come for them overnight. When Zieba and Mulcahy first met, they were students at the University of Miami. At the time, they were working for the same software company, but each possessed that entrepreneurial drive. “We initially looked at Subway,” recalls Zieba, “because they have a very strong franchise system. We really wanted something more than just subs and chips, and then we heard about Hamburger Mary’s.” The themed gay eatery was worth a look for the professional pair. “We did our due diligence, and decided we liked the look of the menu, and we moved forward,” adds Mulcahy with a smile. After an extensive search, they found an abandoned Burger King location [at 2249 Wilton Drive] in the little community of Wilton Manors, and in December 2002 they opened their Hamburger Mary’s franchise on Wilton Drive. “At the time it was the right way to go,” Zieba remembers. “It has what we call an ‘instant market,’ something built-in to drive customers in.” But, adds Mulcahy, “We just didn’t see that much support from the franchisor, so we chose to temporarily close and to shuffle the menu, remodel, and rename and rebrand as Rosie’s Bar and Grill. It’s been a great decision.” Beginning with their time as a Hamburger Mary’s franchisee, the two understood the importance of giving back to the community.

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“If you want to really make a statement of your commitment, you have to lead,” Zieba explains. “We got involved with many organizations. [For instance], we have major donors for the Smart Ride, money for several Florida HIV/ organizations, with 100 percent raised going right back into the

been which raises AIDS service of the funds community. “We provide breakfast, lunch and dinner, as well as supporting the Smart Ride with staffing for the 176-mile ride from Miami to Key West,” Zieba notes. “We make a stop at Hawks Cay, and then up the next morning and on to Key West. I have to say it is amazing to see the amount of love and support once we arrive in Key West,” he adds. Mulcahy notes that, “In addition, we also provide support for the Poverello Center and their annual Bowl-A-Thon, and many other community groups.” The pair says they welcome the addition of new eateries and watering holes in the Gayborhood. “The more businesses that open, the more likely people will come and spend an afternoon or evening on the Drive,” says Mulcahy, as he jumps up to bus a table in the soon-to-be-packed dining room. Mark your calendar now for Rosie’s 10Year Anniversary weekend, December 7, 8, and 9, and help these great guys celebrate an amazing decade of making a difference in our community. Tell them Guy Magazine sent you.

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Adam & Ease By ADAM STRONG

Feiern Oktoberfest!

he celebration of Oktoberfest is a 16-day festival honoring beer—of all things—and held annually in Munich (or München), in the German state of Bavaria. It runs from late September to the first weekend in October, and is both one of the most famous events held in Germany, and the world’s largest fair. More than 6 million people attend Oktoberfest (known to locals as “die Wiesn”). In October 1810, Prince Ludwig of Bavaria (later King Ludwig I) celebrated his marriage with a public party that included lots of food and beer (bier). The party became an annual festival, with carnival attractions and tents, and soon Oktoberfest became a world-renown event. Since 1810, the festival has been cancelled 24 times (usually due to war or other disruptive events). There’s a great Oktoberfest this weekend at Jaco Pastorius Park in Oakland Park (see Special Feature, Page 20)—which is a perfect excuse to go full bore and create your own home Biergarten, either for a pre-party, or to keep the party going, complete with traditional German food, beer, and music.

How Do You Say “Alfresco” in German?

ou can feel the temperature dropping a few ticks, so enjoy the early fall weather with an outdoor party. For decorations, consider using the colors of the German flag—black, red and gold—or the official colors of Bavaria—cobalt blue and white (how fabulous is that?). If you are feeling ambitious, set up a tent like they do in Bavaria, or use a colorful canopy or table linens to cover your tables.

Willkommen!

raditional Oktoberfest attire includes, for men, lederhosen—leather shorts with suspenders—and for women the dirndl, which is a dress with a gathered waist. (An apron is also worn with the dress). Get into the spirit by improvising with items you already own, or go all out and rent a costume (Halloween is also in October, so costume shops are likely to be well-stocked with Burgomeister and “Heidi” outfits).

Die Bier? In Here.

aturally, a big part of the traditional Munich celebration is the beer, which in Der Vaterland is called Märzen, a brew that is both darker and stronger than your more familiar traditional beers. Buy bottles or kegs of German beer. and serve it in glass steins.

Eine kleine Nachtmusik

CD with traditional German music, including polka tunes, will add that great oom-pa-pa oom-pa-pa feel, and if you are throwing a bigger party, hand out kazoos (hell, hire folk dancers and zither players while you’re at it, Rockefeller).

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Continued from Page 36

Auffressen! (Eat Up)

our menu should include traditional fare: For starters, serve hot soft pretzels with mustard. For the main event, it’s German sausage (bratwurst), sweet and sour cabbage, sauerkraut, and hot potato salad. If there’s still room for dessert, try black forest cake or apple strudel. Oktoberfest fare also includes Steckerlfisch (fishon-a-stick), Hendl (whole chickens), Kaiserschmarrn (pancakes with raisins), as well as dumplings, potato soup, and ox tails. Is that a Bratwurst on your plate, or are you just happy to see me?

Sweet and Sour Red Cabbage Ingredients • 3 medium apples • ¾ cups of water • 1 small head red cabbage, shredded • ¼ cup of brown sugar • 1 cup of white vinegar • ½ tsp of cinnamon • ½ tsp of allspice • 2 tbsp of butter, divided

eel, core and chop apples. Pour water into a large saucepan and stir in all ingredients except 1 tablespoon of butter. Bring to a rapid. Reduce heat and cover. Simmer for 50 to 60 minutes, stirring periodically, until the cabbage is tender. Stir in remaining tablespoon of butter, and serve hot.

Sweet and Sour Cabbage

Auffressen! (Eat Up)

ratwurst is sausage made from pork, beef, or veal. It can be fried, roasted, or grilled. Try this grilled bratwurst in beer recipe on for size: Directions: Prepare charcoal or light your barbecue grill for cooking. Once the grill is ready, pour a bottle of German beer into a saucepan with an ovenproof handle. Place the sauce pan on one side of the grill, making sure it can evenly heat. Pierce each bratwurst three or four times with a sharp knife. Add the bratwurst to the pan of beer, and simmer for 15 minutes, turning once. Remove the bratwurst from the pan, and place it on the grill (don’t forget to remove the beer pan from the grill). Grill each bratwurst for 10 minutes, or until thoroughly cooked. Serve on a crusty roll with mustard.

guy magazine 38 38| | guy magazine

Sauerkraut Ingredients • 2 medium apples • 1 (16-oz) can or jar of sauerkraut • ½ cup of chopped onions • 1 cup of apple juice • 1 tsp of nutmeg • 1 tsp of cinnamon • 10 to 12 juniper berries

eel, core and chop apples. Mix all ingredients in a large pot. Simmer for 35 to 45 minutes. (If the liquid simmers away while cooking, add a little more juice.)

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Guy Bytes By DUNCAN ST. THIBAULT

A Cup of Coffee for Under $300

rue Story: While there’s no definitive way for me to measure this, I can honestly say without irony or agenda that in my lifetime, I’ve consumed somewhere on the order of a few gallons of coffee, total. You might think it unusual for so high-strung a man to have had such minimal anecdotal experience with America’s Morning Beverage, but there it is. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is, in his own way, a java junkie (oh boy, this is going to cost me), and neither one of us can be assured of a “pleasant” day without his morning intake of caffeine. My own personal stake in this sordid business is that—despite having gotten through roughly four decades without even dating someone named Joe, much less having to start my day with a cup of the next-to-last legal drug in America—my partner, Proculus, isn’t much of a barista. That means that in our household, “Mr. Coffee” is you-know-who. There are a slew of methods for making coffee, and a slew of different coffeemakers with variations on these methodologies, from siphon and pour-over

preparation to press pots. The funny thing is, despite coffee’s “importance” to our culture (come to think of, more likely because of it), a decent coffeemaker— one without two legs, anyway—doesn’t come cheap. Regardless of what you use for brewing, the costliest component is going to be the grinder (for coffee grounds, not the phone sex app, Sport). Coffee starts with the grinder. Making good coffee is all about even extraction with an even grind, so that all the coffee grounds are as close to the same size as possible. Different grinders vary as to the consistency of the grounds at coarser sizes. The Baratza Virtuoso is a champ at all grind coarseness, and likewise does an excellent espresso grind. And the Virtuoso 586 includes Baratza’s new, redesigned burrs (which were originally made for the higher-end Precisio model).

Clever Coffee Dripper

BaratzaVirtuoso

Even on the low end, a refurbished Encore coffee grinder ($100) and a Clever coffee dripper (+/- $20) will still set you back more than a “C” note (+/$125). On the quality end of the scale, the Baratza Virtuoso grinder (+/- $230) and a pour-over set-up (+/- $25 for dripper; $50 for kettle) will set you back around $300. (Now who’s the smarty for drinking iced tea?)

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Continued from Page 40

The Silent Killer: Apple TV 5.1

fter the much-hyped release last month of iOS 6 for iPhone, iPad and iPod touch, Apple—seemingly as an afterthought— unveiled Apple TV Software Update 5.1 for secondand third-generation Apple TV. The update for the set-top box builds upon the interface enhancements rolled out earlier this year, as well as adding support for the Shared Photo Streams introduced with iOS 6 (see below), along with other upgrades that include improving support for AirPlay. Apple has continued its tradition of numbering Apple TV Software Updates differently from corresponding iOS versions. The last update brought Apple TV software to version 5.0, introducing a major new user interface with the release of the third-generation Apple TV. This latest update is dubbed Apple TV Software Update 5.1, despite the OS Build being listed as 6.0; it also shares a similar build number as the iOS 6.0 builds that came out last month. The update is about 600MB, which will take around 15 minutes to download and install, and then your Apple TV will restart with the new version. The update can be applied using iTunes by connecting the Apple TV to your computer using a micro-USB cable, and selecting the “Restore” option in iTunes. (This methodology is meant for

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recovery purposes, instead of normal updates, so this will reset your device to its factory settings, requiring you to re-enter your Wi-Fi and Home Sharing passwords using the Apple Remote: FYI). Along with corresponding updates to Aperture, iPhoto, and the iCloud Control Panel for Windows that were unveiled with iOS 6, the Shared Photo Streams feature lets you create iCloud-based photo albums which can be viewed via multiple devices, and shared with other iCloud users, as well as employing basic social “like” and “comment” elements. Apple TV Software Update 5.1 lets users view all of the Shared Photo Streams available in their iCloud account, including those created by the user and those shared by others. The Photo Streams option (in the Main Menu) gives you a secondary list that displays your standard iCloud Photo Stream on top, alongside other available Shared Photo Streams. You can also receive and accept Shared Album Invitations with the Apple TV. (A badge count appears on the Photo Streams icon in the Main Menu for new Shared Album invitations, or other Photo Stream activity like adding new photos, comments, or likes from other users.) All in all, a pretty nice Apple for teacher.

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Guy Travel

By ROBERT ELIAS DEATON

Boston T

here was a time when Boston was one of the friendliest gay towns in America. Politicians mixed with school teachers, librarians and flight attendants—each in his uniform of choice and each socializing and melding. If not exactly uninhibited—for Boston has always had its form of quiet reserve—at the very least, it was happy. Now that the major citywide construction project known as the Big Dig has been completed, and traffic and noise is under control, Boston has taken on a new, quiet conceit which is refined, proper and sophisticated. While this may work in a fine restaurant, hotel or art museum, it’s not exactly what the hot vacationing gay guy wants to discover while looking for a weekend of fun. A busy and pleasant night at the Of course, Boston Faneuil Hall Marketplace is an architectural treat, reeking in history and tradition, with an incredibly efficient underground transit system that makes traveling between neighborhoods incredibly simple and an economic joy. Must sees: Faneuil Hall Marketplace (incorporating Quincy Market) is a combo eatery, tourist trap, and historic landmark, located at 1 U.S. 1; the Museum of Fine Arts (465 Huntington Ave.) has major collections of French impressionists and post-impressionists, including Gauguin, Manet, Renoir, Degas, Monet, Van Gogh, and Cézanne; the State House (206 The JFK Presidential Library Washington St.), built in 1713, is the old surviving public building in Boston (Paul Revere’s house is the oldest standing building, constructed in 1680); and the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum (220 Morrissey Blvd.), designed by architect I. M. Pei, and the official repository of the Kennedy papers as well as unpublished manuscripts by Ernest Hemingway.

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In Need of a New Revolution Boston is a network of neighborhoods that line the Charles River and Dorchester Bay. Each section has its own unique charm with great Italian restaurants in the North end, Fenway Park in Kenmore Square (Go Red Sox!), and Irish Pubs to the South. Like London, Boston is a fusion of old traditions and new arrivals that make it the cultural hub it is today. When staying in Boston, your hotel options are nearly limitless. The time-honored choice is the Taj Boston (15 Arlington St.), which was originally built as the first U.S. branch of the Ritz-Carlton Hotel chain in 1927. Although it’s luxury at its finest, it is not nearly as much fun as staying at the Chandler Inn Hotel (26 Chandler St. at Berkeley St.) which is connected to the Fritz, South Boston’s gay sports bar. Expect to see lots of suits, ties and Ralph Lauren shirts in this crowd. For the stand-and-pose junkies, try the nearby Club Café (209 Columbus Ave. at Clarendon St.). Go to the Club and get The house is packed three bars in one—the at Club Café Main Bar and Lounge out front, the Back Room, which is where the regulars congregate to dance, and the Napoleon Room Piano Bar—which is exactly what you’d expect but less. The Club has been around for 27 years, and while it may not be Cheers, it does have its loyal clientele. The Eagle (520 Tremont St. at Dwight St.) is a one-room monument to its former self. No longer the denizen of leather and whips, this version of the Eagle chain is attempting to reinvent itself as something that’s not quite crystalized into earthenware. The bears in Boston hit the North End at The Alley (14 Pi Alley at Court Sq.). Here again, it’s a one-room windowless collection of smells and stains the less you know about the better. In Boston, you’re safer sticking to cultural events, and saving playtime for a visit to Provincetown, Cape Cod’s gift to equality.

Robert Elias Deaton is a world-traveling epicure who enjoys the finer things in life.

We Are Now Open Until 9:00 P.M. Thursday & Friday Evenings

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Guy Nutrition

By ANDY KRESS

Fighting inflammation’s painful grip with nutrition

nflammation of the joints and muscles is one of the most common causes of pain throughout the world. Most Americans have easy and ready access to modern day medicines to help fight off the affects of achy, painful swollen joints and muscles. Most people in this country believe that if you just pop a pill the pain will go away, but the fact of the matter is that they are not treating the real problem at hand. Some pain-relieving medications do not even treat inflammation, which is the root of the problem for stiff and painful joints and parts. People who have arthritis know all too well about this. However, there are ways to work around inflammation without taking a bunch of pain pills. Nature has provided some great alternatives to fighting inflammation the all-natural way. With a correct diet you can potentially prevent inflammation’s painful grip in the future. Choosing a poor diet is an easy way to onset inflammation. Over-consumption of processed foods swell and clog everything in the body in time and can be a cause many arthritic and other inflammatory diseases. Diets that contain heavy fats and processed food are the main culprit in inflammation and need to be greatly reduced. Choosing to eat healthier foods rather than an unhealthy diet of processed foods will greatly reduce pain throughout the entire body. Eating a healthy diet will also aid in the prevention of future occurrences from happening. Choosing a proper diet is one of the best ways of prevention of fighting all common diseases. Cherries have compounds in them called anthocyanins, the same phytonutrients that give cherries their ruby-rich hue. The compounds contain powerful anti-oxidants that work in two different ways to slow down pain. These compounds help block inflammation and inhibit pain enzymes, which is a great way to prevent and treat arthritis. Eating just one small bowl of this miracle fruit can reduce inflammation by 25 percent. Ginger is a root that aids in curing multiple ailments, such as migraines, nausea, inflammation, arthritis and muscle soreness. Only a small amount, ¼ teaspoon, is needed daily to prevent most of these common problems. Ginger can be used in a range of drinks and dishes from Asian dishes, teas, smoothies and juices, so be sure to get creative.

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Salmon, herring and Sardines are high in Omega-3 fatty acids and can help relieve inflammation around the neck and back area. These two areas depend on good blood flow and getting enough nutrients. Diminished blood flow allows these two areas to degenerate quicker than normal, but the Omega-3 fatty acids in these three fish help prevent inflammation from happening in the blood vessels and nerves. Eating a mere two to three ounces of any of these three tasty fish weekly is enough to keep any inflammation at bay. Turmeric is a spice that has many uses for different ailments, such as achy joints and colitis (inflammation of the colon). Using turmeric not only aid in the prevention of joint inflammation, but it protects against tissue destruction and preserves good nerve cell function, as well. Just one tablespoon daily is all it takes to obtain all the wonderful benefits of this spice. If you are not a big fan of turmeric, try putting it with pepper, these two tastes go hand and hand. Adding these few items into your diet will greatly improve your chances in preventing future inflammation. These items are also helpful when trying to recover from various sprains and injuries. Andy Kress is a certified fitness trainer, yoga instructor and nutritional counselor in Fort Lauderdale, FL. For more nutritional tips or inspired exercise routines, reach him at 954-789-3930 or via email at andyfitnesstrainer@gmail.com

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the SCENE

By DUNCAN ST. THIBAULT

Gay Republicans Paris Hilton are “The New Normal”

on NBC Sitcom

BC’s new comedy “The New Normal” touched on a laundry list of topical subjects on last night’s episode, called “Obama Mama.” The show—about two gay men trying to have a baby through a surrogate—went through the World Tour of social and political issues, including abortion rights, racism, religion, marriage equality, health care, and the candidates for president. Executive Producer Ryan Murphy (“Nip/ Tuck,” “Glee”) said, “You have two clearly gay liberal guys at the heart of the show. But we all thought it would be great to do an episode where we presented…the conservative point of view, the Republican point of view, in a way that hopefully was as eloquent.” The show, which airs Tuesday nights at 9:30 p.m., is based on Murphy’s real life experiences as a gay TV producer exploring surrogacy with his partner. “One of the fun things about this show is the ability I have to send myself up. I like to make fun of myself and to skewer what people think of me,” he added. NBC’s Salt Lake City affiliate, which is owned by the Mormon Church, announced in August that it would not broadcast “The New Normal,” which it believes is “inappropriate on several dimensions, especially during family viewing time.” The program gets an average audience of 6.4 million viewers, and is particularly popular with 25-54 year-old women, NBC says.

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dumped from Doc Over

Gay Remarks

amous-for-being-famous Paris Hilton has apologized at least twice (officially) for questionable comments about (some) gay men during a taxi ride in which her conversation was secretly recorded. (By the way—has anyone called the cabbie a s***bag for invading La Hilton’s privacy?) On Sept. 7, Hilton, 31, was riding in a Big Apple cab with two friends, at which time she is alleged to have burbled (as part of a convo about gay hookup site/app Grindr), “Gay guys are the horniest people in the world,” and then added, “They’re disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS.” (A full listening of the convo lends credibility to the theory that PH was referring to some of the people on hookup sites—and not all gay men.) The hotel heiress posted an apology on GLAAD’s Web site, calling gays “the strongest and most inspiring people I know.” But LGBT-targeted cable channel Logo has responded by shutting down the broadcast of a documentary about Hilton that was scheduled to air. At least one person has stepped into Paris’ corner over the controversy: Bombastic Bisexual author Bret Easton Ellis tweeted his concurrence: “I kind of agree with Paris Hilton,” he wrote, adding that she “isn’t that far off.”

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Love Jones

Voted “Cutest Couple: ” Banality & Reality

By JUSTIN JONES

’m writing this to you as I sit on my bed with a Pillow Pet (Winnie the Pooh), surrounded by a million-billion pillows, while I listen to the soundtrack of “Beasts of the Southern Wild.” I’m sick as a dog, and tomorrow’s gonna suck, and my complaining to you makes me feel better. When my alarm wakes me up tomorrow, I’ll scream, “PLEASE, NO! I WANT TO STAY IN BED!” and my boyfriend will roll over, his sleep only slightly disturbed. I’ll whine to myself until I’m finished with my shower, and my medication courses through my body (I’m a vitamin-obsessed epileptic, if you must know). And through this torturous routine I wade every Monday through Friday, working toward some end: To feed and clothe myself, I guess. (And to give myself shelter and money for alcohol: All equally important things, truly.) Did you see that? Look what I just did there: I painted a banal picture of my life (and maybe yours, too). But our lives aren’t really that plain, are they? They’re peppered with things called “memories” that we treasure, “dreams” to which we aspire, and “loves” which we nourish—the things that make life worth living, but only when we have time to remember, pursue, and cultivate. Otherwise, life is largely a balancing of routine and boredom. Think about it. Of all the times you’ve brushed your teeth, how many do you remember? How about all the times you’ve waited at traffic lights? Or slept? Or ate? Or paid bills? (Any routine will do.) How much of your memory, of your life, comes from routine? Life is defined by a few extraordinary moments, rare slits in the fabric of our otherwise totally ordinary, and arguably obsolete, realities. It sounds like I’m writing a suicide note, but no I’ll spare you the fanfare.

These observations, however bleak they seem, have no dominion over the quality of my life. They aren’t depressors to me. They are liberators. We have memories because they are special to us. Were everything to be so special, it’d all wash out because we’d have no basis which to compare what one considers “special”—and then our lives really would be crappy. Here’s how I see it: if I’m doing something routine that I won’t remember anyway, I do it “strange.” I hum the McDonalds theme song loudly at the grocery store. I say “BAM” when I have nothing left to say. I sneak random quirks into some of my writing (like describing what I’m doing, or when I’m drinking, or where I’m sitting, or when I’m peeing). I won’t remember doing any of these things because I do them so frequently, but I guarantee you that on more than one occasion my mildly amusing/strange habits have caused someone to go home and tell his spouse about that odd boy he heard singing to himself in the freezer section. So while I haven’t created a “memory” for myself, per se, I’ve done something akin to it for someone else. And if not, who cares? I won’t remember it anyway.

Justin Jones, 26, is a writer based in Minneapolis. In addition to his column “Love Jones,” Justin pens “Through These Eyes,” a bi-weekly column for Lavender Magazine. He writes about things like being alive, being in love, and drinking too much. Facebook.com/JustinJonesWriter.

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business opportunity Seeking experienced HairStylist (licensed independent contractor) to rent station at Upscale Hair Salon. Just steps from Wilton Drive in the heart of Wilton Manors. References Required. Free Wi-Fi. Please call for appointment at Hair by Lucas 954-563-3130 or 754-422 8847.

computer services Where’s PCLauderdale? Anywhere you want us to be! Computer support for the home or office. We deliver! South Florida’s Premier Tech Solutions Provider 954.636.3322 www.PCLauderdale.Com

employment Male Cosmetologist or EAsthetician Florida licensed professional wanted for all male guesthouse. We do it all except hair services! Reception, exceptional client service, spa maintenance and sales aptitude a plus. Submit your resume to: Spa@ thecabanasguesthouse.com or call 954-565-2307.

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Senior Citizen Discount

CARPET CLEANING

Hand Wash

954-832-0799 305-731-2207 561-829-8197

Free Pick-up and Delivery

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spirituality

DEREK’S 24 HR HANDYMAN SERVICE Introducing our new cabinet shop! For all your custom made cabinetry countertops laminates.YOU MUST SEE OUR WORK, just ask our clients. All electrical to code; ANY & ALL plumbing work, Drywall finish work / repair. Crown / baseboard pro-install, interior/ exterior painting, demo work, Pressure washing, Decor tile install,Complete home up-dates. For large jobs,4man crew available. WE CAN HANDLE IT ALL! Instant call back,direct service response. No job is ever too small.Excellent references. Derek (954) 825-5598

CHURCH OF THE HOLY SPIRIT SONG welcomes you to come and

moving

ELITE RELOCATION MOVING & STORAGE We’ve provided quality

moves for over 30 years. It’s always a smooth move when you choose Elite Relocation. Contact us today: 954.975.8660 www.elitemoving.com RED BOX MOVING -- OWNER IN TRUCK ON EVERY MOVE.

CALL NORBERT DIRECTLY. Affordable, Reliable, Careful. MV#567/INSURED. (954)305-9176 or (561)506-5540-www.redboxmoving.com

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worship with us every Sunday at 10am and every Wednesday night at 7pm. We meet at the Spirit Song Worship Center at 2040B North Dixie Highway, Suite 3 in Wilton Manors (Building B on Equality Park Campus, behind the Pride Center). God loves you just the way He made you. Come discover His purpose for you. For more info: 954-418-8372, info@cohss.com, www.cohss.org

We are here for you…DIVINE MERCY CHAPEL-The American New Catholic Church 2749 N.E. 10th Ave., Wilton Manors, FL, 33334 (954)567-1930 www.newdivinemercy.org Sunday Mass 10:30AM, Friday Holy Hour 7:00PM WIG WILD INSPIRATIONAL & GATHERINGS Calling all Queens,

Bears, Twinks, Guppies, Trannies, Fairies, Spiritualists, Yoga Folks, LGBTQ’s, Poets, Dancers, Actors and all our Straight Allies. WIG the Gay Empowerment/Spiritual Revival awaits you every Wed. 8PM at The Manor Complex, $10 Donation Call 754-444-1944 Miami Herald, “The next generation’s spiritual Stonewall.”

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WWW.POZFITNESS.COM PRIVATE + SMALL GROUP TRAINING Fight fatigue Build muscle mass  Stabilize CD4 cell counts  Lower triglycerides  Lower LDL cholesterol  Feel better!  

JOIN OUR FUN BOOTCAMP!

START TODAY! Call 954-530-4304

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TAXES ACCOUNTING

FINANCIAL

BUS I N E S S PE R S O N A L I R S I S SU E S BO O K K E E P I N G

954.667.9TAX

www.SterlingAccounting.com

2435 N. Dixie Highway Wilton Manors, FL 33305 licensed massage SWEDISH MASSAGE-$50/90 MINS, 1/2 HOUR FREE - Out calls

higher. Deep Tissue, Total Body Care. Couples discounts, seniors welcome. Delray Beach, 16 yrs experience. MA 18563. Dennis (561) 502-2628. *NON-SEXUAL*

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rent/lease EAST WILTON MANORS! 3/2 OUTSTANDING POOL HOME! Granite

and stainless ‘Chef’s’ Kitchen, family room w/ cathedral ceiling that leads out to a 15x30 tiled, screened, covered patio overlooking the private, fenced pool area. Tile throughout except for real hardwood floors in all 3 bedrooms. French Doors from the master to the pool. W/D and lots of storage! Walk to the drive from this quiet and friendly neighborhood. Pets OK! $2,195 F/L/S Call before this ‘jewel’ of a home is gone! 954-234-8759/rgmsell@aol.com N.E. FT. LAUDERDALE-WILTON MANOR AREA Lovely, IMMACULATE, 2/1 and 1/1, BOTH include tile floors, a/c, washer/dryer available, cable ready, water, garbage, pest control included, private patio, gay friendly, NO PETS, please. 1/1 $700 and 2/1 $875. By appointment. (954) 592-3772 1/1 $700 and 2/1 $875. By appointment. (954) 592-3772 “Sebastian Beach”, completely updated, 2/2 over 1200 sq. ft., 520

Orton Ave, ocean view, balcony, W/D, pets considered. $1800 mo, very small desirable building with great floor plan. Call Ron Spradlin, CR Realty, 954-802-3224

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BEAUTIFUL 2/1 APARTMENT with Private Laundry Room available for Rent/Lease in East Side of Wilton Manors. Apartment is part of a duplex, on a quiet street. Large Rooms and Large Closet. Central Air Conditioning. Great Neighborhood. Excellent Schools. Freshly, stylishly painted. White Tile throughout the unit. All pets considered. Compromised credit considered for right applicant. $925 monthly. 1st/Last/Security. Shown by appointment. Please call Al at (954) 5577447 or E-Mail for more information to ALFL33305@aol.com. 1/1 Walk to Drive. Walk in closet, Large Bedroom, Full Kitchen, Large Living rm with Glass Doors going into a Larged Fenced Backyard, Central A/C, $785 Call 954-825-5598 ROYAL PARK, Near Wilton Manors 1BR/1.5BA, $825-$900/mo. 2BR/2BA, $950 - $1100/mo. Gated Security, Clubhouse, Pools, Gym, Sauna and Steam room. Pets OK. Cable/Water/Trash incl. Call Naim Naqi, Realtor RWSF Realty 954-565-2025. PERFECT RELOCATION RENTALS 3-6 MONTHS. From $295/week (4 Week Special) & $1100/month (3 Month Special) Beautiful Studio, 1 & 2 BR Apts. Turnkey, fully furnished & equipped, clothing optional pool, laundry, parking. Close to Gay & Nude Beaches. Pets Welcome. Incl. utilities, cable, tel., Wi-Fi Internet. 954-927-0090 or visit www.LibertySuites.com WILTON MANORS 3 BED / 2 BATH POOL HOME JENADA ISLAND, GREAT LOCATION! Almost 1800 Sq. Ft., plus carport, tile, new carpet in bedrooms, new paint, fenced private pool area, washer/dryer, pets OK, Only $2200. Call Robert Geary MacKilligan 954-234-8759 or rgmsell@aol.com WILTON MANORS- large 1 BD Apt. located on quiet cul-de-sac one block from Shoppes of Wilton Manors. CAC, ceiling fans, tile floors, fireplace, lots of storage. 12 ft. sliding glass doors lead to screened pool and patio. W/D on premises. Rent, which includes electric, water & propane is $975/mo. Sorry no pets. 954-563-4442

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roommate wanted DANIA BEACH. Share a charming home and lanai. Lush tropical setting. Lakeside, quiet and safe comm. Furnished Room Includes: Utilities, Direct TV, W/D. $500/mo. Non-smoker/drugs Call Ron (954) 965-7759 or (315) 857-7759

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