Therapy #4 by Therapy Zine

THERAPY ZINE: issue four, December 2019 Created/Edited/Curated & Cover Art by Frankie Francesco Creative Director: Victoria Prevost

CONTACT: Website: FrankieFrancescoArt.com Email: FrankieFrancescoArt@gmail.com Insta, Twitter & FB: @TherapyZine Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCx9C6rnPgKTXnfHpQVD9i2g Support Us: Patreon.com/TherapyZine & KickStarter Published by The Therapy Zine Group, Las Vegas, Nevada, United States Copyright 2019 Frankie Francesco/The Therapy Zine Group. All Rights Reserved to featured creators.

CREATORS Frankie Francesco

Jaycie Weeks

Renee Agant

@formugs

@jayy_double_u

@wyypipo

Savannah Francesco

HeadGore

Jose Alberto Salas Cruz

@savannah_smiles727

@josesalascruz

Gravedigger - MXMS My Mind Is a Muffler - Arab On Radar Quit - lil aaron Under the Milky Way - The Church Sister Ray - The Velvet Underground Funeral* - Spanish Love Songs Bad Dreams - Faouzia Energy - Drake Chiquitita (Spanish Version) - ABBA Rejection Spoken Softly - Botch Ainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t No Sunshine - Bill Whithers Heads Up -Warpaint Young Folks - Peter Bjorn & John July - Noah Cyrus Las Vegas Gaymers

Merrick

@lasvegasgaymers

@meralienart

Mia Donna Maneer

Barbara Gomez

Tyler J. Winsatt

@miadonnasphotos

@boiledink

@tbucket94

River Bennett

Victoria Prevost

Briana Santarsieri

@rvr.photo

@4lluring3ngima

@briiielizabeth_

Louis Ortega

letter from editor I’ve been writing so much this past month, trying to put into words how I feel. Figure out what it is I need to do to stop feeling angry. I can’t say I’ve totally figured this out, I have noticed a pattern though. I think that I’m too empathetic I focus on other people, falling back into old habits putting others first. I recognize this and might overcompensate by pushing them away completely. Is it okay to just completely focus on yourself and your needs, Is that selfish? I am there for these people, completely present when I choose to be around them. So when I need to be on my own, or do something for myself why is that a problem? I am honestly my number one priority right now… I kind of have to be. For myself and for the zine, It’s how I’ve been able to survive this past year. I am told my empathy is a good thing, but I don’t know if it actually is. Since this month has been an especially rough one, I can’t tell you how many times I felt like just giving up. Like my life had no meaning. Therapy pulled me out of bed, gave me a purpose and I owe that to myself. It’s kind of funny the things that cause you to change, find new methods of coping in life. I may not have shown it, and maybe even seemed like a cold hearted bitch. But last month broke me, nothing in my life felt real. It seemed right though, the steps I’m taking are leading me to something. Transparently carving this path for myself with you guys through this little magazine. I like to imagine that someone reads my letters every month, and sees the growth and the change in me. They see that even though I falter from time to time, I never give up on the bigger picture; Happiness. Maybe they even connect with the things I talk about. I’ve really put myself out there, and it’s scary as fuck. I have to though, this is who I am, this is what I have to say, and what I want to create. The creators I’ve talked to and have gotten the privilege of showcasing, and knowing inspire me to be better. They uplift me and I want them to do the same for you. Don’t keep people in your life that just bring you down, I did that for too long and I don’t regret it. Looking back it taught me to think of what I need, and want out of my life. Which everyone around me seems to think they know. Funny thing is I don’t even fully know yet. Don’t let other people’s expectations of you get in the way of your happiness. Go live your life and stop just existing, it’s too short to give a single fuck. (@formugs) 4

Contents INTRO & CREATORS.... LETTER FROM EDITOR & TOC.... ANONYMOUS.... RENEE AGANT.... MERRICK.... BRIANA SANTARSIERI.... HEADGORE.... JOSE ALBERTO SALAS CRUZ.... LOUIS ORTEGA.... ADVICE/PUZZLES.... JAYCIE WEEKS/THE LAS VEGAS GAYMERS.... RIVER BENNETT.... SAVANNAH FRANCESCO... MIA DONNA MANEER.... VICTORIA PREVOST... BARBARA GOMEZ.... FRANKIE FRANCESCO.... RESOURCES....

2-3 4-5 6 7 8 9 10-11 12 13 14-15 16-20 22-23 24-26 27 28 29-31 32-34 21,35

Disclaimer: views, thoughts, images, writings and opinions expressed in the following zine belong solely to that creator, and not necessarily to every artist involved in The Therapy Zine Group, etc.

Coming Out: Being Bi, Latino & Undocumented, Part 1 by Anonymous I’d like to start this story by telling you a little bit about myself. I’m a 32 year old Latino guy and I would like to share with you my life, and the struggles I had to go through. I had really bad downs in my life, I was born in Guadalajara, Mexico. When I was a little boy at 5 years old everything in my life was going good. Till the one day I remember my parents talking bout leaving the country. So me and my two brothers would have a better chance of becoming something in life in another country. It was 2 weeks before my 6th birthday when dad came home, he said “I’ve had it we’re leaving Mexico.” So they decided to get to the bus from Guadalajara to Tijuana, BC. A three day trip that me and my mother regret taking, on the way to Tijuana some people decided to take over the bus we were in. They literally took all of our food, clothes, and money my mom had for the trip. Somehow we managed to get to Tijuana though, we get to the person who was going to help us (My dad’s sister) “jump the border.” We get to her house they separated me from my mom, and brothers. Lucky for them they went on and attempted to cross the border and successfully did so, and I was left behind. The second day my aunt who was supposed to take me across to the USA did not do so. She ended up giving me over to Homeland Security Officers, at that point, even as a child I kinda knew something was wrong. The officers took me to their house, where they did the most horrible things you could do to a 5 year old boy. A boy who was alone just trying to reach his family. I was abused by them, and even though it’s been 28 years I still remember what happened. I spent two weeks in their house, basically kidnapped, eating nothing but peanut butter & crackers, being molested in every way you could think... Eventually my parents sent my uncle’s from Oxnard, California, that’s where my parents were the majority of the time while I was going through all this. My mom’s brothers somehow found me, they were able to sneak me into the USA. When I saw my parents after almost 3 weeks I told them what had happened to me. They didn’t believe me, and to this day they still don’t. I tell them what really happened in those days, and they say “No it didn’t happen.” I am still living with these memories that I’ve tried to forget. I went through this and no one believes... 6

Renee Agant (@wyypipo)

Merrick (@meralienart)

photos by (@happyheart_filmphoto)

HeadGore is a unique band currently based out of Vegas. Breaking the mold for extreme metal/grindcore bands, by including queercore themes, and not shying away from a more â&#x20AC;&#x153;femme image.â&#x20AC;? The band actually started as an elaborate joke. With Peri (Menthol Juul) openly queer front-person on vocals, and their manager at Hot Topic. (As the original drummer.) Originally called Gretavanfleetwoodmacklemorrissey. At first the previous drummer thought the band was just an inside joke. (Since he had 3 other projects going that he was the frontrunner of.) Then they actually managed to get them booked for their first show. 10

By this time they’d changed the name to HeadGore to be serious. They were playing more traditional grindcore instead of straight harsh noise. Now HeadGore aspires to be the kind of band politicians can be justified in warning the youth to stay away from. Wanting people to feel violently uncomfortable when they see them perform live or hear their music.

Now HeadGore have their first official album out, titled “when the rich kill, its okay.” The members Skin Jockey on weird guitar noises, Jehu on Fizzy Guitar noises, Slim on caveman blast beats, and previously mentioned Menthol Juul on pained howls & death grinder noise. Is their hopeful lineup until the end of their time as a band.

The road I was meant to take was stolen from me

Jose Alberto Salas Cruz (@josesalascruz)

It Waits Louis Ortega

Unchanging, steady as stone, breathing in silence, its breath like a haze of mist in the darkness. I will fly away into your sinewy arms, in the arms of unsleeping torture. In the hands of the one I live for, and die for each night. Timeless, unspoken and cruel, it troubles my brow, piercing and flaying flesh and bone. Your talon finger beckons as you speak, growling from empty spaces, echoes of unexpressed emotion. Then I begin again. I try to find a way to touch the ghost. To touch the light to burn might make me strong enough to rip your claws from my heart. I must long to drown in pain, once a dimming glow. I long to feel again. The beast never sleeps. It waits in the ancient dark. Its grinning teeth hidden as it smiles, waiting. You laugh at the one who keeps you alive. 13

plant tips by Tyler J. Winsatt

Getting into the world of houseplants can be a little overwhelming when you’re starting with no experience. I know it’s exciting to create your own indoor jungle, but there are a few things you should be aware of before jumping head first that can really help you to establish a healthy collection.

2. Drainage is so important! You want to be able to saturate the soil with water but you don’t want all of that water to Hang Out, that can lead to root rot, mildew, mold, bugs, and many other things you generally don’t want. Not all pots are made equally, some materials are going to be very porous and draw water out of the soil while others don’t allow the moisture to escape at all.

1. Take note of what direction the windows in your space face. Each direction will have different pros and cons throughout the seasons. East facing windows are usually going to get bright, direct light during the morning hours but not too much throughout the rest of the day and into sunset. I’d suggest something that fans out quite a bit to take full advantage of a powerful sunrise for instance, a braided money tree.

Terracotta, clay, and cement are all great for pulling that moisture from the soil and many of them come with at least one drainage hole or a built in drain tray so you don’t really have to worry about the soil naturally drying out. A lot of plastic pots don’t come with any drainage holes which is incredibly frustrating because plastic is a non-porous material so you need those drainage holes. You have a few options if you still have plastic pots with no drainage, either tilt the pot upside down after watering to let the excess water run out the top, repeating several times to make sure there’s no water sitting at the bottom of the pot. Or, if you have a gas stove or a gas torch, you can heat up a screwdriver and puncture the bottom of the pot to make your own drainage holes, obviously be very careful if you decide to do that.

West windows are the opposite, more diffused medium to low light for the morning and brighter, more bright, intense light in the afternoon and sunset hours. Great for more dramatic leaved plants that really need to soak up that energy like a fiddle leaf fig South windows are great for the winter months. Due to the rotation of the planet, the sun sits in a more southern position of the sky so even though there’s less daylight hours, you’ll get more direct light. Something that’ll flourish with the direct light but still tolerate a less intense summer would be a pothos or philodendron

3. Do research on the plants you’re interested in before you take them home! Not all plants are going to work in your space and that’s okay, it’s better to fill your space with plants that will thrive there than to put your energy into trying to keep a plant alive in an unsuitable area.

North facing windows are cursed and make me sad. (My bedroom has one single north facing window) you’ll almost never get direct light except in the summer in the afternoon when the sun is directly overhead if you’re lucky. For the winter months, since the sun is in the south of the sky, it’ll be pretty dim, lower light almost all day. You’re either going to need some low light tolerant plants like snake plant or zz plant, or just invest in some grow lights like me.

Most plants you’ll find at nurseries, grocery stores, or big box hardware and home goods stores will have either a list of care instructions or at the very least the plants name on the pot, take the time to look it up online too and learn about where it grows naturally so you can get a sense of the environment the plant is used to. 14

Queer Crosswords #4

Across

1. Saturnalia, an ancient Roman festival dedicated to the celebration of sex, “homosexuality” and the fertility god Saturn around the first century BC. And it’s the true origin of ________. 3. The earliest form of same-sex marriage was a Christian ceremony called ______________. 4. Historians note that in some cultures, homosexual behavior was not viewed as effeminate but as evidence of a man’s _________. 6. In 1860, ___ ________ published the homo-erotic “Leaves of Grass”, which later inspired numerous gay poets. 8. The word “lesbian” is derived from the Greek island ______, home of Greek poetess Sappho. 9. According to a study done in 2016, approximately 0.6 percent of adults in _______ identified as transgender. 10. In 1961 what state became the first state to abolish its laws against consensual homosexual sex?

Down

2. This bisexual saint invented the tradition of bells calling parishioners to church. 5. In June 2011, __________ became the first state to pass a bill requiring public schools to teach the historical accomplishments of gay men and lesbians. 7. Using ‘____’ as a third person gender-neutral singular was the most popular pronoun in the English language until the 1800s.

1. Christmas, 2. St Paulinas of York 3. adelphopoiesis 4. Masculinity 5. California 6. Walt Whitman 7. They 8. Lesbos 9. America 10. Illinois

nonbinary, they created the Gaymers 8 years ago, starting off as a post on Reddit. With their efforts, the group was able to expand from having 7 members at the first meetup, to now having more than 760 members. Andrew: The President of the Las Vegas Gaymers. Being a true diplomatic type, he always makes sure to shake the hands of new members, giving them an opportunity for them to introduce themselves. He wants everybody to feel open and welcome, and he certainly fosters an environment for everybody to be exactly who they are, no matter what.

By Jaycie Weeks I sat down with three members of a geek group called the Las Vegas Gaymers, focused in the city of Las Vegas, Nevada. The group may sound like a gaming-exclusive group, but they are very much more. They reach out to all forms of geek, whether you are into anime, video games, tabletop games, movies, comics, and everything in between. While the Gaymers are working with the overall city, community, various events and fellowships, they are also an LGBT-centered organization; where all are welcome to feel comfortable to discover who they are and feel pride in being themselves -- surrounded by those of a likewise and open mind. Check out their website at lasvegasgaymers. com, with a planned release at the end of the year! The members I met with are:

Mike: The social media curator of the Gaymers, Mike is their creative genius, controlling their social media posts and always coming up with new ideas to get people engaged online. Mike is extremely talented at what he does, and always makes sure to use his talents towards the Gaymers and the community itself, creating an open environment through his work.

Q: I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s awesome you guys were able to take a grass-roots type movement and turn it into something larger. Starting with 7 members and turning it into a group thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s almost 1000 members, especially in a city where the

Tyler: The creator and founder of the Las Vegas Gaymers. Identifying as 16

LGBTQ community is smaller, and can be judgemental at times. Do you guys ever struggle with members that want to join, but have a more closed mindset, thinking that people need to fit within a certain stereotype?

the group. One of our more popular events is Meepleville, held on the first Sunday of every month. It’s grown a lot and is a really easy way for members to meet new people -- it’s really chill, not that intimidating. People sitting together and playing games and getting to meet new people. I never want the group to feel like it is more work than it is fun. Q: So what is Meepleville? T: Meepleville is a board game cafe! It’s basically a big, open floor, you pay $7 to get in and they have over 2,000 board games in there. You can pick up any game that you want, sit down, and just play with whoever you want. They have come of the classic games like Uno, or the more intense games to try and get a whole new group. We’ve been having meetups there the first Sunday of every month for about a year now. The next one is going to be on December 1st.

T: We have kind of struggled with people complaining that we can be cliquey, or that we have our friend group and do not mix them in. But, I will say, Andrew walks up to every single member and shakes their hand, and we give them many opportunities for them to introduce themselves and give them the space where they can be, but it is a scary jump. And we cannot expect everyone to be able to.

Q: Do you think there is any issue with members preferring to have an anonymous backing to them, for numerous reasons, or do you think that people are more comfortable with being out?

Q: With that being said, since you are the president, whose main job is it to reach out to people to try and get new members? Is it challenging to reach out and get new members?

T: While I feel like there are many of us in the group who are out and proud, we’re all out at the events, I think there is always going to be a little part of the group who is not quite there or doesn’t want to be there. They want that anonymity and I think they’ll always be there and I’m glad that we can provide that for them, too.

A: I feel like we are more reactive in that regard than proactive. We don’t necessarily push for new members -- we sometimes sponsor posts on Facebook or Instagram to get that reach, but it’s mostly people finding us. But, when people who are new do come to group events, I make it a point to introduce myself and try to acclimate them into 17

not within the group, but maybe talking to other groups?

A: Also, with youth that are not out yet due to parents or things like that, it does give them that opportunity to remain discreet. M: And gamers are just shy in general. (laughs) T: (laughs) That’s very true, too. Dealing with the shy, introverted type, you know, trying to get them in a social group is always going to be a struggle, especially being a queer group, is definitely going to add to it.

T: I know that a lot of people in the queer community have had concerns with queer groups being gate-keepy or not being open to anyone who isn’t a cis white male, & for anyone who is worried about the Las Vegas Gaymers being like that, I am here to tell you that I’m nonbinary & demisexual, and if anybody else has a problem with anyone else’s identity, they can come to me directly.

Q: Do you find it easy to collaborate together, like is it just you three who make the decisions, or is there more involved who make the decisions for what goes on in the group? T: We are always open to new ideas and events, and what’s cool is that we’ve also had a lot of businesses and organizations reach out to us, because they’ve heard about us! Certain organizations will want to reach out to the community and have pride events, or different events.

A: We are open to everybody -- you do not have to fit a specific mold. T: Or some people worry they aren’t “nerdy” enough: haven’t watched this anime, or played this game, or doesn’t know enough about this topic. But I’m still learning too! I haven’t done everything, either! I’m still watching animes that I should have watched ten years ago. Regardless of who we run into outside of the community, there are a lot of heteronormative folk who do not understand that queers can be nerdy too. I may not play Call of Duty and I may not play Halo, but I still have 2,000 hours in Smite, over 1,000 hours in Skyrim. I have devoted my life to video games just as much as you have. We have seen minuscule amounts of gatekeeping within the group, but I think

A: Sometimes, other organizations will reach out to do combined events. Gender Justice Nevada reached out to do a fundraiser at the Phoenix, and we raised about $450 in cash tips, while having it be hosted by Anyonka with a gaymer night. Q: What about gatekeeping? I believe it is such an issue for geeks in general, so is that an issue that you have come across? Maybe 18

we do a good job at shutting it down. We make it very clear it is unacceptable and is not welcome in this space. Q: So I know that you consider your group to be for the queer community as a whole. Would you say that you have more members that fit the “gray area”, or are non-binary, rather than members that do fit a certain binary?

Q. So is there anything else you’d like to add, or let people know about your group?

A: In the early stages of the group, it was very much just gay men. We have been pushing for more inclusivity recently. Nowadays, I think we have a good mix. It is still very much gay men, but we do have non-binary, trans, lesbian members. We have more representation within the group, but just in general, it is gaming gay men.

A. The website which is our biggest thing currently, because that is going to be a really big resource going forward. Because people can go to it and not feel intimidated to join this “faceless” group, and meet members like themselves. Read our bios and see what we are about, cause it truly takes a village. T. I’d say that my main hope for this article as well as for the Las Vegas Gaymers as a whole is to show all of those socially awkward, outcasted queer nerds that there is a home for you with us. Every member in this group has felt that feeling at some point in their life and I want to show that there is a family and a community here. I know that showing up is the hardest part, but I’m here to tell you that we will be waiting here for you with open arms and minds.

Q: Because you say that you want to open up a bit more, have you considered changing the name? M: Yes. A: We have discussed it, since there is “gay” in the name. T: But we are so established with it, and all of our branding is with it. And, I can’t abandon the pun! 19

River Bennett (@rvr.photo)

I thought it was gonna take me a long time to get the hang of the controls but it didn’t. You can hunt, upgrade your weapons and advance your skills with upgrading your skill sets when you earn skill points. I loved the fact that you rode a motorcycle to get around (and fast travel thank the lord!) Deacon and Boozer we’re apart of a MC (motorcycle club.) So riding bikes was already their way of life. It’s cool cause you could also customize your bike. I customized mine with art from Horizon Zero Dawn painted on the gas tank.

Days Gone

A synopsis by Savannah Francesco [spoilers ahead] Storyline A virus which has effected a large portion of the population making humans uncontrollably violent. You start off with the introduction of the main character Deacon St. John, his wife Sarah & his best friend Boozer. Deacon & his wife get separated while he saves her. Putting her on a helicopter with an emergency response team. He couldn’t leave Boozer alone so he stayed behind & promised he would find Sarah again. Deacon & Boozer survive in their new world for 2 years always thinking Sarah was dead. Since the camp they were supposed to meet at was over run by freakers (the Infected.) Then one day he finds hope that his wife might be alive after running into a NERO scientist (National Emergency Response Organization.) After that the storyline shifts to find Sarah. I myself am a hopeless romantic so I really enjoyed seeing how much Deacon loved his wife, & he would do anything to find out what happened to her.

I’m not gonna lie I am a big chicken when it comes to horror. So at first I was hating playing the game at night, or when I would run into a hoard I didn’t know what to do and it was so overwhelming. But I also love a game with a challenge, and it was challenging so I enjoyed that. Then I got really into it, I can now take on any hoard. Hint: The key is grenades, which you can only purchase once you get a camp to trust you level 3. There are multiple camps all around the map that you can go to and contribute to earn trust & take on side missions from them. Enemies Rippers (Rest In Peace Cult): The rippers are an insane group of humans who worship the freakers. They believe that becoming infected is a gift. They believe civilization is blasphemous and if they run into civilized humans they torture & kill you if you refuse to join them. They are hard to identify next to freakers cause they shave their heads bald. But if you’re close enough you will see the mutilation that they did to themselves, the weapons, and hear them mumbling to themselves. Rippers kinda freaked me out but they never scared me just were psycho

Gameplay Days Gone is a single player action-adventure & survival horror open world game. I originally thought this was a typical zombie type of game. Cause it looked similar to the movie World war Z when I watched gameplay of It, and in a sense it is. I wouldn’t compare it to other zombie games such as Resident Evil, or Dying Light. I really enjoyed the gameplay with this game. It’s very addictive, I just wanted to sit and play it for hours. Kinda hard to play horror games when you have a 1 year old. I don’t want to traumatize her too much haha.

“We make the world what it is by what we do.”

Screamers: These bitches are only female infected. When you go near them even on your bike if they scream it stuns you & alerts other freakers to come and attack you. You see one, kill it instantly. The Freakers (AKA The Infected) are the humans or animals that fell victim to the viral infection. It turned them into cannibalistic monsters. It gives them superior strength, speed & ability. All freakers appear to be mainly hairless. There are different types of freakers that you learn the names of and what they can do and how to take them out throughout the game. I’ll list a few of the freakers I hated the most: Breakers: These guys are muscular Freakers. They take a lot more to take down and kill. I notice if normal freakers see a breaker they start attacking it. So that helps you out when that happens! Conclusion I really really enjoyed this game, I passed the main storyline a long time ago and I am still just finding stuff to do and play more cause I don’t want the game to end. It’s fun, challenging, a great story line, I recommend it to everyone.

The Newts: scared me the most at first. Newts are infected kids, so as you can imagine it’s really creepy. But they normally don’t bother you unless you’re in their space and are super easy to kill. 26

Mia Donna Maneer (@miadonnasphotos)

â&#x20AC;&#x153;The trees comfort me, the wind surrounds, and the Darkness is my old friend.â&#x20AC;?

Victoria Prevost @4lluring3ngima

“I tried to fight what I was taught what was right. I prayed everyday for God to take this away.”

The Way Their Hair Lays on My face a playlist by Frankie Francesco Marinade - DOPE LEMON First Time He Kissed A Boy - Kadie Elder Motion Sickness - Phoebe Bridgers Ottoman - Vampire Weekend Saw You In A Dream - The Japanese House Simple & Clean - Hikaru Utada SEVEN SECONDS - The Band Perry Everything Is Free - Sylvan Esso, Flock of Dimes Fourth of July (Remix) - Sufjan Stevens Lemonade - CocoRosie Supernatural (Deconstructed) - Kesha You Know What I Mean - Cults Nothing - Teen Suicide Ohio (filous remix) - Damien Jurado Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m No Magician - Vincent (feat. Love, Alexa) Go Your Own Way - why mona

Thank you for reading this issue of Therapy. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d also like to thank all our supporters, and the people who reached out to us to include us in their events. Your contributions and support means more than you know. Keep an eye on all our social media pages, we have a lot of exciting things coming up. Hope you come back join us for next issue. You are always welcome and accepted here. - The Therapy Group

National Suicide Prevention Hotline

1-800-273-8255

Trans Lifeline

1-877-565-8860 35

THERAPY issue four: This issue offers an eclectic mixture of art, music, writers, musicians & raw emotions. You will also get an inside look at everything queer and geeky in Vegas. If you haven’t read Therapy before we are a queer zine. Created by Frankie Francesco bringing together passionate, timid, experienced, & amateur creators of various talents. A place of growth & self-expression, absolutely free of judgment. Join The Therapy Group where you’re not only welcome, but you are celebrated. Find your voice with us as we find ours, submissions are always welcome.