Therapy #5

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THERAPY ZINE: issue five, February 2020 Created/Edited/Curated & Cover Art by Frankie Francesco

CONTACT: Website: FrankieFrancescoArt.com Email: FrankieFrancescoArt@gmail.com Insta, Twitter & FB: @TherapyZine Youtube: Youtube.com/channel/UCx9C6rnPgKTXnfHpQVD9i2g Support Us: Patreon.com/TherapyZine & KickStarter Published by The Therapy Zine Group, Las Vegas, Nevada, United States Copyright 2019 Frankie Francesco/The Therapy Zine Group. All Rights Reserved to featured creators.

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CREATORS Frankie Francesco

Jaycie Weeks

Alby Vee

@formugs

@jayy_double_u

@albyvee

Savannah Francesco

Madison J Devine

Noodie

@savannah_smiles727

@madisonjdevine

@noodie_the_shinobi

Young Blood (RenholderRemix) - The Naked and Famous Solita - Kali Uchis I Wanna Be Your Lover - Prince Heaven’s Only Wishful - MorMor It’s You - Ali Gatie Petite fleur (French) - Jean-Marie Riachi California - VeraForLove Ayayai - Daniela Andrade Lullaby - NERO what are you so afraid of - XXXTENTACION Arms - The Paper Kites Light My Way - Audioslave How To Never Stop Being Sad - dandelion hands Louis Ortega

Ashe Cyrena

Solar

@a.c.esme

@pup_solar

Estephani Cortez

Bernadette Sanchez

Androjinni

@princesa_azteca0927

@peachxspit

@androjinni

Victoria Prevost

Marie Valencia

Tre Wilson

@4lluring3ngima

@mysticherbs

@t.storms.arts

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letter from editor I actually did not want to write this, I kept putting it in this box in my head.

Only taking out the pieces I could handle. When I say I’m over it I mean it full heartedly. Just cause we are over something though, doesn’t mean it still doesn’t affect us. I hate to admit it, but as much as I fancy myself an alien, I’m actually only human. *gasps* What brought this about was a dream, in this dream I had a conversation with my person. THE person, the one I thought would be there my entire life. The conversation became somewhat of an outlet, something I continued even after I woke up. It allowed me to process certain things, and I was reminded of the anger I’ve felt since October. This gut-wrenching feeling that I just wanna hurt something, someone or myself?

The latter one came as a shock, I haven’t confronted anything like that since my teens. I’ve become pretty good at managing my depression. During the past couple months when it resurfaced it came in a different form though. I didn’t know how to handle it, it wasn’t because I was numb or stuck this time. It’s cause I was forcing myself to become numb. Not allowing myself to feel this anger.

Denying myself any kind of catharsis, it made me fall back into old habits. The only feelings I’d allow myself to indulge in being; self-pity and apathy. Sitting at bars putting cigarettes out on my hand. Watching the patrons embrace each other, I’d bang my head against the wood counter. Thinking to myself “All the work I’ve done is gone, all in one night.” Blaming myself for things that are out of my control, stuck in that loop of “It’s all my fault.” Not even hours later though I recognized why this was all happening. The reason for my pain.

It made me realize ironically “I am strong enough to confront this anger.” So I decided to bring it out piece by piece, still unable to understand why. I’d put it back and this time I didn’t force it to stay away. I let it take me when it came, I allowed myself to feel. My loved ones seeing this as spiraling, (Understandably so) unable to realize I may be hurt but I am in control. This is a part of my healing, and I couldn’t allow them to make me feel bad about it. If I did I could lose track of who I was becoming. My experiences matter, my feelings matter, and I have to feel them fully. Without guilt (such an unnecessary emotion.) before I could let them go, I also have to treat them, or they won’t heal properly.

Metaphorically and literally speaking. these cuts, bumps and burns I get along the way will scar one day. Becoming a constant reminder of how far I’ve come.

A lesson, a story and an experience written on my body and soul. One that I’m damn proud to wear. I’ve found love within myself I still don’t fully know the person I’ll become, one thing I do know is I’ll love them unconditionally.

(@formugs) 4

Contents INTRO & CREATORS....

LETTER FROM EDITOR & TOC....

BERNADETTE SANCHEZ....

ASHE CYRENA....

MARIE VALENCIA....

JAYCIE WEEKS....

ALBY VEE....

LOUIS ORTEGA....

VICTORIA PREVOST....

ESTEPHANI CORTEZ....

NOODIE....

EVENTS....

PUZZLES....

MR.DESIRED STRESSOR....

TRE WILSON....

SOLAR....

FRANKIE FRANCESCO....

SAVANNAH FRANCESCO....

2-3 4-5 6-7 8 9 10-11 12-13 14 15 16-17 18 19-22 23 24 25 26-27 28-29,33-34 31-32

RESOURCES/SUPPORTERS....

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Disclaimer: views, thoughts, images, writings & opinions expressed in the following zine belong solely to that creator, & not necessarily to every artist involved in The Therapy Zine Group, etc.

WARNING: THIS ISSUE IS PRETTY HOT AND DEFINITELY NSFW 5

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Bernadette Sanchez (@peachxspit)

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Burns

by Ashe Cyrena

I crave your sex magick each passing illumination every embrace the blissfuck crucification energy exchange in sacred space Secret intentions set confidence radiates power lies within holy exudations release intense affections moans of admiration I honor your body you worship mine reverence deep like oceans It’s how my tears taste the way I move my body on a windy day I feel the insatiable desire the impassioned fury never say never evoke hearts on fire Casting ecstatic spells satisfying depths of wells conjuring catastrophic climaxes lost in sex witch oblivion only for a while 8

Marie Valencia (@mysticherbs)

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Australia’s Wildfires: the World is Burning

by Jaycie Weeks

If you’ve been keeping up with the news or social media, you probably have seen the reports on Australia’s wildfires. However, the reports may not discuss just how truly devastating these fires are not only for Australia, but for the world -- and even when these fires are finally stopped, it is only a matter of time before these disasters happen again. The world is heating up more and more by the year, but it isn’t too late to stop it.

The fires in Australia broke out as early as September of last year, and have been raging uncontrollably since. Now, Australia is no stranger -- their summer season is known for being called the “brushfire” season. And the fires are not always started intentionally; most of the time, the fires are started usually by lightning strikes, or by a simple accidental spark. And Australia has committees set up to try and combat and control these fires.

Unfortunately, the one that has broken out this year is one of the worst that Australia has ever seen, and there is no end in the near future. According to the BBC, there are estimates of over half a billion animals that are dead, and there are more than 15.6 million acres of land that have been incinerated.

Australia’s Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, has promised to put more money towards funding fire efforts better, but has been criticized for not doing enough to try and combat climate change. Australia is one of the world’s largest greenhouse gas emitters, but Mr. Morrison, a Conservative, defends his country’s viewpoint and stance towards greenhouse gas. It is a known fact that CO2 levels are rising around the world, and Australia is getting hotter and hotter each year -- unless the human race and governments around the world step up to change the habits, fires are going to get larger and more intense, and storms are also going to increase, as well.

Currently, celebrities have been pledging money, books, clothes, Cameos, and other items to go towards relief efforts, and firefighters from other nations have flown to Australia to aid in combating the flames. And, while the mainstream media has moved on from making the fires a centerfold, the help cannot stop there. All of us are able to do our own part to help out -not even just for Australia, but for the entire world. We still have a few more decades before there is irreversible damage on the planet, and we will be experiencing more and more ecological disasters.

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Here’s some things we can all do to help both Australia and to try and reverse the effects of climate change. The smallest changes and efforts go an extremely long way, and a lot of efforts do not always have to involve spending money (though that would help).

1. Donate to World Wildlife Fund Australia, where they are currently focusing their efforts on koala conservation, or WIRES, a nonprofit focused on helping thousands of native animals currently being relocated.

2. Support the New South Wales Rural Fire Service, made to help out the families of fire victims and the families of the volunteer firefighters who have died during the disaster. 5 so far have passed from fighting the flames.

3. Donate money or volunteer (if you’re local!) to the Australian Red Cross!

They’ve established thousands of support centers, relief groups, and sessions to help those who have been relocated due to the fires and are now homeless and lost all their possessions.

4. Get out and vote for representatives who are committed to fighting against climate change!

5. Grow your own food, plant some trees, or cut back on meat consumption.

Beef production has a large carbon footprint, even compared to any other meat.

6. Unplug any of your electronics when you are not using them!

7. Cut out as much single-use plastic. Invest in things like hydroflasks, reusable containers and plasticware, and always always always make sure you recycle the plastic you do consume!

8. Do not stop talking and spreading the word! We all have a voice, and in a global political climate where something like climate change is continued to be argued, that voice needs to only get bigger and bigger. Never stop talking about the dangers of climate change, and educate those around you on the small steps they can take. We all can make changes for the better -- and it starts with supporting ourselves.

Pray for Australia. Pray for the world. Pray for ourselves. We can all make the world better if we support each other and put in the effort to make it better!

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Alby Vee (@albyvee)

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Roses and Rain By: Louis Ortega

Drifting…

Daydream illusions, The air smells of roses, And rain.

Wondering…

What spells do you cast, In every room.

Candles’ flames send me, Waiting, waiting…

You call to me, but say nothing.

Not a word.

I hear you.

I can still hear you.

Your voice beckons, So calm, so…forgiving, Softness in darkness.

And I am not afraid.

Kind candor and strength.

I am here.

As we fly to another place, Through freedom’s clouds, At freedom’s pace, I speak with a timid voice, “Is this real?”

And I don’t care.

Your soul shines, Through curious eyes.

“Do you want to know?”

“Do you wait to see?”

I’m here with you now, And I’ll stay as you wish.

I know that is hard to find.

It always is...

And the sweetness, Roses and rain.

This softness in darkness.

The stars are alive tonight, And when I close my eyes…

I see you.

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Victoria Prevost (@the.unconventional.one)

Reloj

by Estephani Cortez

“Si es oro y se opaca, no fue oro” that is what they say anyway. What is that other stupid saying? “ I was today years old when I found out xyz”?

Well, I was today years old when I realized I’ve never learned how to truly find gold. El oro que se te promete en los cuentos de adas. “Happily ever after”, after what? Is it after having gone through pain? Or after you’ve already given up on finding that “happily ever after”? o sera que el cuento de adas se interpreta como uno quiere? If that’s the case then I had been desperate to find that “happily ever after”. Desesperada por encontrar ese oro, ese que dicen que no so opaca.

Then one day you find this watch, this beautiful, amazing gold watch.

This watch is so golden that you think it’s the real deal. However, you’ve seen a watch like this before, you bought it thinking you had something, something special. You take it home y deja de funcionar.

Empieza hacerte llegar tarde a todos lados. Te hace sentir menos, al fin, ya no sirve porque no es igual a ese que pensastes haber comprado.

Cuando se empieza a opacar, te sientes destruida, y un poco estupida por haber pensado que este reloj era oro real. En ese entonces decides ya no comprar oro, at least that’s what you had intended.

This new watch however, this watch was plated beautifully. Es mas era el reloj banado de oro mas bonito que habias visto en tu vida. Of course you did not buy it right away, this time you did your research, you asked questions. Porque claro, no podia volver a dejar que un reloj me volviera a hacer llegar tarde a tantos compromisos. Who had this watch belonged to? Had this watch been taken care of by any or all it’s owners? Se opacara? And finally, would this watch stop working?

The watch itself well, it seemed like it was a god sent. After all your research and all your questions, you purchased the watch. What did you know about gold? No one had ever truly shown you what real gold even looked like. Siempre creistes saber, pero cada que te ensenaban oro tu veias que se opacaba a poco tiempo. Yet, you took a chance, on this watch that you had whole heartedly put your trust in. You thought, 16

“this watch could never make me late, look at it! This watch could never lose it’s sparkle.” Hell, you went as far as thinking this watch was a Rolex! You had never seen a watch plated by gold this beautifully. Lo cuide, lo limpiaba, lo guardaba, hice hasta lo imposible para que me durara.

Y un dia, que llueve, es mas, fue una de las tormentas mas horribles que habia visto. Llovio dias y en esos dias de tanta tormenta se mojo ese reloj tan adorado “Reloj no marques las horas porque voy a enloqueser” que dicho mas ridiculo. En mi experiencia lo mas que querias era que tu reloj siguiera la hora. En toda mi vida lo uniqo que queria era que ese mismo reloj nunca me dejara sin saber que hora era para hasi no perderme. Pero las cosas haci no fueron, mi reloj, ese reloj que tanto cuide en esos dias de tanta tormenta al final empezo a opacar. Le vi un tinte verde, and the color of my skin was finally turning into that swamp green that fake jewelry makes it turn, and the first thing you did was wash your hands.

Wash your hands I thought. Wash them from the mistake you made of trusting this gold plated beautifully presented watch. You cried because why wouldn’t you, you put all your time and effort into taking care of this watch. Here is the difference between this watch and all the others, this watch never stopped working. Although fake gold, it never stopped telling time. So you start to wonder, el oro sera para mi? O sera mi destino seguir con algo que constantemente se opaque? You drive yourself to think that maybe, just maybe gold is not for you.

How could gold be for you? Si nunca te ensenaron el oro real. How could gold be for you? Si desde tu infancia viste tanto oro opaquado. I’ll tell you how, porque desde siempre ese oro que tanto has querido. Ese por el que siempre te has desesperado por tener lo has llevado dentro.

Tu eres oro, en ti vive todo ese oro que no se opaca. See, at the end you start to realize that “your heart is made of gold” is the most real thing to you. It is you who is gold, it is you who is love, it is you who will never fade no matter how many decks are stacked against you. Do not hide behind your crown of broken hearts and promises by others. Porque lo que cuanta hoy, y lo que siempre a contado es que tu misma nunca te has opacado.

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Noodie (@noodie_the_shinobi)

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About Art Therapy Night by frankie Francesco

This month in Therapy Zine Events we had Art Therapy Night at The Las Vegas Phoenix. The idea was to make the Zine a physical place you could go to. I shared this idea with my friends who helped me make it a reality. We canvased the city, reaching out to local performers, creators, and artists. I eventually found my perfect group of eclectic creators, and the night was a success.

Hosted by previously featured creator Anyonka Virgon (See her interview in Therapy #2) and Victoria Prevost. People came not just to see the amazing performances, also just to support the local talent showcasing their work. Among those creators featured were Alby Vee, Madison J Devine, Stolen Time, Androjinni, Mr. Desired Stressor, Angel Perez and Wendy Gelbart. Some of which have more work featured in this issue.

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Madison J Devine

Madison J Devine is an artist of the visual and audio.

Performing her melodic tunes at Art Therapy Night.

She has been in love with expression for some time now, and enjoys seeing individuals thrive in their creativity.

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_AndroJinni_ Androjinni is a queer rapper from Las Vegas. Don’t let his quiet demeanor fool you, when he performs he “takes people on a different trip with every song.” His goal is to empower everyone to be their true self, & shake their damn ass while doing it!

StolenTime

Stolen Time made up of two guitarist and vocalist. Are self-described as “a respite of freedom, and love amidst the havoc of a life on loan.” With their authentic and familiar setlist, singer/songwriters Keith Zorros and Dave Richards capture the most deeply real experiences of what it’s like to be human.

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Is it REALLY emasculation or are yall just worried about the wrong shit?

(An open letter because I’m tired of the bullshit.)

I find myself on the cusp of snapping the fuck out on a daily basis (I bet that got your attention.) Because it’s a damn shame the world hasnt gotten to the point of minding it own business. You have people that do not have a single stake in the “Greater Queer Community,” yet make it their business to disrupt peace. Trigger painful memories, and incite violence all in the name of a personal weakness.

Yeah I said it!

It’s a personal weakness to involve yourself in something that frankly doesn’t give a shit if you exist. Because you are threatened by my existence. It’s a painful thing to hear, someones freedom’s being boiled down to another being saying that that very freedom is a slap in the face to their existence.

The fuck?

Are you serious?

You mean to tell me that because someone wants to be recognized for who they are, and what they feel threatens you?

Mushrooms are mushrooms and will continue to remain mushrooms. I don’t like them. I don’t want them in or near anything I eat. What you will never see me do is slander mushrooms at every tick of the clock. It’s more than a freedom of speech.

It’s more than “being honest” and the ever popular “ I said what I said” I learned a phrase that has become my own whenever I come across something that I don’t like. “Don’t yuck someone’s yum”. That phrase is NOT an end all be all rule of thumb. It’s a basis for morality and decency in the world, kinda like the Bible. The ideal is that everything isn’t for everyone and as everything isn’t for everyone, everyone isn’t for everyone. We have to learn a level of tact and communication that isn’t harmful to the rest of the world. We need to get to a point where we let people live their lives, “their best lives” as you’re allowed to live yours. If it’s not for you then respectfully decline and goon with life. If someone’s right to wear a dress, makeup, or nail polish bothers you then maybe you need to stay in the house.

The world is changing and maybe you shouldn’t be apart of it.

-From: Mr. Desired Stressor

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Tre Wilson (@t.storms.arts)

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Blessed By The Flame

by Solar

His entire body is a disturbing rage of painful flames, and no even notices...

How is it that he is forced to endure the haunting embers -which have been lit by the traumas of his childhoodyet remains soft as palettes of dew sleeping upon a field of lavender.

He looks into me and his eyes seem to become the center of a yellow flower that unfolds as warmth returns in season.

How could sadness even know me when his body is near me?

To lay beside his naked body, it is the nectar which slowly heals my bitterness.

Yet, I am watching him burn while anxiety leaves me helpless‌ However, he somehow expresses not a single gesture of fear...

I have laid naked against him, and I witness him to be the fire that lights the candle of a haunted temple he calls my body.

In such a romantic display, He raises a cascading glow upon the shadows of my amnesia, and a bloom of redness unfolds within my dangerous body.

Suddenly... the isolated blackness I believed to be my body, revealed itself as an unfamiliar man.

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I have been blessed by the flame that is a burning waltz forming upon his lovely body‌.

His cruel moments of life, though he attempts to modestly hides it, is erupting around him in a melting blaze everywhere he goes.

How would I even begin to imagine the terrible moments of his past, which forced misery and hopelessness to be so common for him...

His pain -that seemingly never stops and is so obvious to mehas become the synthesis liberating me from the nightmare of comatose.

Now... where I only ever knew despair and paranoia over what felt to be decades, is replaced with a fleeting sensation of wonder.

His beauty, a purified alchemy of tragedy and intimacy, has begun to burn away my doubt and worthlessness.

To even fathom how this man has given me the gift of his affection so naturally forces a presence in me I never knew possible.

Have I ever truly known love until now..?

He is the crystalline god-flame, and for the first time ever... as he holds my naked body against his own, I realize I never believed love to be real, Yet, with him I am standing in the cleansing fire of passionate and doubtless intimacy.

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Frankie Francesco (@formugs)

Restless Frankie Francesco

I pray for the company of night, the day feeds my solitude.

I feel nothing but disdain for everything during this time.

The colors are off, my body feels wrong.

I’m alone and I can’t stay still.

Unable to nurse my own identity, I sit in this silence.

Forcing myself to amuse my anxieties.

Occupying this time with necessity.

I leave when the darkness is on the horizon, it’s my time.

Off to find someone, anyone who I can entertain.

I’ll be their therapy for the evening, their words my sermon.

Listening with every fiber of my being.

These stories keep me alive.

Flirting with my desires, indulging their fantasies.

I’m a collector of smiles (so I’m told.)

Happiness is my faith, they’re where I go to worship.

Thank god I am not alone tonight.

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My Autoimmune Disease & How It Sucks Butt

by Savannah Francesco

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at 12 years old. It’s all I know really, I don’t really remember what it’s like to not have it.

(Crohn’s disease; a chronic inflammatory bowel disease that affects the lining of the digestive tract.)

I remember when I was diagnosed I was so mad at the world, I just wanted to be normal (not to sound dramatic.) I was just turning 13 so we know how our emotions are at that age, I was going through awkward transitions as is, and to top it off I now had this disease that I knew nothing about. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t go hangout with friends like normal because I was always sick or fatigue. I’d just sit inside & play Sims 3 all day. The weekends were all I looked forward to, that’s when my best friend would come over. She’d hang with me watching our shows or movies inside & she never minded. Those days I’ll never forget & always cherish.

The worst part about a disease like this is overall whether I’m in remission or not I look relatively healthy & I’m young. So I constantly hear “but you don’t look sick.” Which is the most frustrating thing you can say to someone who has an autoimmune disease. Sometimes I feel even the people closest to me really don’t get how it affects my everyday life. At times I feel like a shitty mom cause my body is too tired to run around & play, or I just can’t focus because how I feel. But I try so hard to never let her see it. In 9 days I’ll be having a resection surgery of my small intestines to hopefully improve my health overall.

(Small Intestine Resection; a surgery to remove a part of your small bowel. It is done when part of your small bowel is blocked or diseased.

My surgery will be done laparoscopically by robotics.)

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I act pretty chill about it cause I mean I have been getting colonoscopies since the age of 12. Been in an out of doctors with so many different procedures, & tests so like what’s another thing you know? But I’m scared.... I’ve never had a big surgery like this before. In the world of Crohns it’s always talked about to avoid surgery at all costs. It’s something to always be pushed off to the last resort, so to get it done really stresses me out.

I’m so afraid to wake up to something being wrong, or a complication while I’m under for that long, or with a temporary ileostomy bag.

(An Ileostomy; is where the small bowel is diverted through an opening in the tummy (abdomen). ... A special bag is placed over the stoma to collect waste products that usually pass through the colon and out of the body.)

Before I had a kid I wasn’t as scared to get this surgery honestly, I was ready for it and I was also in a very bad place mentally.

So I just didn’t care if anything happened to me good, or bad or whatever. But now I’m a mom, I want to be okay, healthy & heal quickly. For about a month I won’t be able to pick up my baby, or my pets or even drive. That just breaks my heart, everyday my daughter runs to me so I can shoot her up in the sky like a rocket. It’s her favorite thing, so when she does that and I can’t do it I’ll feel so bad.

I try to rationalize that this is for her in the long run so I can be a healthier mom for her, but it’s still so hard & hard to talk about with some people. I’m so used to not really talking about it. I never wanted to be that “sick” person, I’ve always tried to hide when I feel sick, & smile when I’m out with friends then fall apart when I get home. But it’s apart of who I am, & I shouldn’t be so ashamed of it.

“Find our who you are, and try not to be afraid of it.” - Josie Geller 32

Can I hold you without thinking

“when is this coming to an end.�

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Punch Me Till I Cum a playlist by Frankie Francesco

Faceshopping - SOPHIE Hearing Damage - The Gravedancer One Kiss - Dua Lipa, Calvin Harris Gravedigger (Swear Words Remix) - MXMS Troublemaker - Oblique Riot Rhythm - Sleigh Bells Bad Reputation - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts STAR - BROCKHAMPTON You Don’t Own Me - Lesley Gore Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless Birthday Cake - Rihanna Bring the Weight Down - Fassine we fell in love in october - girl in red Corporeal - Broadcast What Lurks On Channel X? - Rob Zombie We Appreciate Power - Grimes (Feat. HANA) Do Me - Kim Petras

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We’d like to give a big thanks to the following people for giving their support. It means the world to us that you believe in Therapy Zine as much as we do:

Carlota Francesco Vannessa Lamorte Jaycie Weeks Valerie Pietrasz Stephanie Savannah Francesco Tyler Winsatt The Creative Fund by BackerKit Anyonka Virgon Shawn Hunt BODYWORK Amber Francesco UNLV Spectrum The Phoenix Bar & Lounge FLEX Cocktail Lounge Spunk Lube Meow Wolf National Suicide Prevention Hotline

1-800-273-8255

Trans Lifeline

1-877-565-8860 35

THERAPY issue five: In this issue we welcome some new creators and columns. We also show the behind the scenes of how Art Therapy Night, our first hosted event came to be. If you haven’t read Therapy before we are a queer zine. Created by Frankie Francesco bringing together passionate, timid, experienced, & amateur creators of various talents. A place of growth & self-expression, absolutely free of judgment. Join The Therapy Group where you’re not only welcome, but you are celebrated. Find your voice with us as we find ours, submissions are always welcome.

FrankieFrancescoArt@gmail.com // @TherapyZine Copyright © 201936 Frankie Francesco