THE MEN’S ISSUE
FAMILY ROAMING THE SIDELINES A MEAL MADE FOR A MAN HAVE A SEAT, BUT STILL STAY FIT YOUR MAYOR LOVES PIZZA, AND 9 OTHER THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT TROY BRUMBALOW June 2018
from the editor I guess I should introduce myself. For the past five years, I’ve been sports editor at the Forsyth County News. I roamed the county talking to athletes, coaches and parents to tell their stories to you. In that time, something became obvious: a coach could have just as much of an impact on a kid’s life as a parent; maybe even more. So with Father’s Day approaching, we wanted to explore how dads (or father-figures) can positively shape who we become. We have the story of a legendary Georgia high school football coach who also got the parenting part right; his son is a coach now, too, and they’re doing it together on the same North Forsyth High School team. We have some of the community’s most recognizable faces share how the important men in their life shaped who they’ve become. (I joined in too, if you need a more in-depth introduction.) We also have a recipe fit to satisfy any special man in your life. There are a few more new features in this issue that I’m excited for you to find. Regardless, I hope this issue helps you appreciate the positive impact special father-figures in Brian Paglia your life have had. Editor, Forsyth County News
CONTRIBUTORS STEPHANIE WOODY, Publisher
IN THIS ISSUE
4 Cover photo by Bradley Wiseman
Father-son coaching duo
4
400 Faces: Troy Brumbalow
8
A meal made for a man
14
Tips to working, staying active
18
Essay: lessons from a father
20
BRIAN PAGLIA, Editor TRACIE PIKE, Production Manager BRADLEY WISEMAN,
Director of Video Production, Photographer
KELLY WHITMIRE, Staff Writer ALEXANDER POPP, Staff Writer NATHAN SCHUTTER, Advertising Director CONNOR KELLY, Advertising ROSARIO WOLIVER, Advertising DEBORAH DARNELL, Advertising
This magazine is a product of the www.ForsythNews.com
Advertising rates available upon request. Call (770) 887-3126 or email marketing@forsythnews.com
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THE LIFE | June 2018
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A good team
North Forsyth father-son coaching duo balance family, winning
P
By Brian Paglia
atrick Flowe had just finished playing football in high school for his dad, Cecil, the legendary coach at Parkview in Gwinnett County, when he realized what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. It was the fall of 2012 and the beginning of an impressive freshman season for Patrick, a safety on Georgia Southern University’s football team. On the field, he would play in every game and be named to the conference’s All-Freshman team. He would sack Aaron Murray, the University of Georgia’s star quarterback, on national television and help the Eagles go deep into the playoffs. Off the field, Patrick was torn. He had entered college intending to major in sports management just like he’d seen his sister do at Georgia, but after barely one semester in the curriculum he doubted the path he was on. The only other option that made sense was the one seemingly passed down to him: coaching. And yet Cecil tried to talk him out of it. “I tried my best,” Cecil said. “I was like, ‘Look, you need to go into another line of work. You’re smart. You can make a ton of money.’”
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‘I learned very quickly, I’m not going to offer up stuff right after the game. That’s not what that’s about. It’s about being Dad.’ Cecil Flowe
Father to Patrick, North Forsyth High School coach But Patrick had been nurtured on the football field. He was a ball boy for Parkview at 4 years old and grew up around screeching whistles and crunching shoulder pads, around yes-sirs and no-sirs, and around a lot of winning. He watched his dad lead Parkview’s football team to national prominence during the late ’90s and early 2000s, winning four state championships and developing dozens of college players and a few professional ones. Patrick was one of those. He played for Cecil from 2008 to
Courtesy Lily McGregor Photography 2011, and how the two navigated the tricky father-son relationship dynamic during those years explains a lot about how they were able to walk out of the fieldhouse at North Forsyth High School on a recent May afternoon, two assistant coaches on the same team preparing for another season of high school football together.
Clear boundaries It’s easy for it fail, for love to be swallowed up by competitiveness and pride, and a potentially beautiful, American story — of father-son bonding over football — falls apart. Cecil and Patrick avoided that pitfall by setting a clear boundary. On the field, their relationship was secondary to the task of preparing for football games. Cecil tells the story of a practice where he instructed Patrick, a linebacker at the time, to take two steps back and two steps to the right to better position himself to make a play. Patrick listened to his coach, no questions asked. Sure enough, he was right where he needed to be to make the tackle. Moments like that accumulated, and Cecil began to see the first signs of a coach in Patrick. Cecil had to instruct Patrick less and less, and he often observed Patrick directing other players. “He was a coach on the field,” Cecil said. Off the field, their relationship took precedence again. Cecil was happy to talk football with Patrick. They’d often sit at home in front of game film to correct something. But only if Patrick asked. Cecil held back any urges he had to keep coaching Patrick after a game or practice had ended. When Patrick was ready to
talk, they talked. “I learned very quickly, I’m not going to offer up stuff right after the game,” Cecil said. “That’s not what that’s about. It’s about being Dad.” “That was something I really enjoyed,” Patrick said. Their three seasons together at Parkview were some of the last of Cecil’s accomplished tenure. Patrick graduated in 2012 and was off to Georgia Southern that fall. Cecil stayed two more years at Parkview, then retired after 197 wins, but he continued coaching as an assistant at King’s Ridge Christian School, a private religious school in Alpharetta. Cecil grew restless at King’s Ridge after two years. By then, Patrick was close to graduating from Georgia Southern and eager to jump into high school coaching. He just needed a place to start. Their next steps came in sync, and tested their relationship again.
Back together In 2004, Cecil interviewed a young recently-graduated college football quarterback for an assistant coaching position at Parkview named Robert Craft. Cecil liked him, wanted to hire him, but it didn’t work out. Craft instead went to Colquitt County High School in south Georgia and eventually to his alma mater in Florida, where he won a state championship. Their paths eventually crossed again at Georgia Southern. Cecil was there to watch Patrick play. Craft was there to watch one of Continued, Page 6 June 2018 |
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‘Winning football games will come and go. … But the grand scheme of coaching is the relationships you get to build that are so unique.’ Patrick Flowe
North Forsyth High School coach
Photo by Bradley Wiseman his former players, Matt Dobson. Patrick and Dobson were roommates their freshman year. They caught up. Craft found out Cecil had moved to Forsyth County. Cecil found out Craft was going to be the next head football coach at North Forsyth. It didn’t take long for Craft to get Cecil to join his staff. Patrick had a week off from school that summer, so he joined Cecil at North Forsyth practices. Craft put him to work. “It stuck out right away of Patrick’s natural gift as a coach,” Craft said. “You could just tell that he was kind of born to do this.” Craft saw it in his work ethic and his ability to simplify esoteric football concepts for young players. But it was mostly in how he
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related to those players, how they gravitated to him but also listened to him, the same way he listened to his dad on the field at Parkview. Craft had an open assistant coaching position on his staff, and Patrick figured out how to finish his schooling in time to join North Forsyth for its 2016 season. Father and son were back together again.
‘What coaching’s about’ Cecil and Patrick soon fell back into their old patterns. On the field, they are colleagues, two assistant coaches trying to help Craft turn around a North Forsyth program that had won
just three games the previous two seasons combined. They quibbled for a time over where to line up for the kickoff. Patrick wanted it to be in the center of the field, just like his teams at Georgia Southern did. Cecil recommended they line up to the side, informed by his years of watching high school kickers unable to cover the distance of the field from the center. They quibble every now and then over which players to use for kickoffs and extra points. Patrick will overrule Cecil at times when he sees a bad fit. “If most people walked out to our practice and watched it, they would have no idea they were father and son,” Craft said. But their synergy has also benefited North Forsyth. In their first season together again, Cecil walked up to Patrick during a game with a hunch that sending a high, short kickoff would flummox the opponent in to turning the ball over. It worked. Several games later, Patrick walked up to Cecil feeling the hunch himself to do it again. It worked. “He catches on really quickly,” Cecil said. Patrick says he’s now caught on to what drew his dad in to coaching in the first place. It is not the winning he saw Cecil enjoy all those years at Parkview, though that was fun. They’ve helped North Forsyth win some too; the Raiders have won nine games the previous two seasons combined and made the state playoffs last year for the first time since 2013. Instead, it was the relationships he saw Cecil build with players, and how that bond could inspire a 15-, 16-, 17-, 18-year-old kid to play harder and focus more, to learn discipline and sacrifice, and to take those lessons into their life after their time in the game is done.
“That’s what coaching’s about,” Patrick said. “Winning football games will come and go. … But the grand scheme of coaching is the relationships you get to build that are so unique.”
A good team Patrick and Cecil know the history of their relationship is unique. It’s rare that a dad gets to coach his son, and then coach together. Of course, having two Coach Flowes makes things a little confusing around North Forsyth, so Cecil goes by Coach Flowe, and Patrick goes by Coach Pat. Or the Raiders keep things even simpler and call them 1.0 (Cecil) and 2.0 (Patrick). As they walk to their trucks following spring practice that May evening, they’re not coaches anymore, not colleagues any longer. They’re dad and son talking about how Patrick, who has been living at home, will move out soon when he gets married. “My buddy’s going to be out of the house,” Cecil said. “Thirty days,” Patrick said, “and I’m out with the wife.” “And off the payroll!” Cecil adds. Little else will change for the Flowes for now. Both will be back with North Forsyth next season, roaming the same sidelines for a fourth year. They’ll quibble a bit, perhaps over some minutiae about special teams, but they know who they work for, and they know why they do it. They’re on the same team, and they plan to cherish the time while it lasts. “I love my son, and he loves me,” Cecil said. “I think we make a good team.”
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400 Faces
Mayor Troy Brumbalow Getting to know the faces of Forsyth County
By Kelly Whitmire In January Troy Brumbalow took office as Cumming’s first new mayor since the 1970s. While many may know him in his official capacity, they might not know the mayor’s more eccentric tastes, from his prized possessions to favorite food to his happy place. The Life 400 was able to catch up with Brumbalow to find out.
What is your prized possession?
Favorite movies?
Brumbalow said one of his prized possessions is a 1962 Dodge Town Wagon, even if it had trouble with dying over the years. “We go through this, thinking it was fuel filters and all it was, it was all clogged up. We do all that, it cranks and runs, I go about five miles, boom, same thing. “So, finally we decided to drop the gas tank, there was a grease rag that had made it to the gas tank. So, whenever you pushed the gas, it’d suck the grease rag up to the pickup [and] cut the fuellevel off. Took the grease rag out, and it purred like a kitten.”
“I’ve got a bunch of them: any ‘Star Wars’ movie or ‘Tin Cup,’ I’ve probably seen that movie a thousand times … I’ve literally got thousands of DVDs. I’ve seen a lot of movies so many times I can quote them.”
What is your happy place? “It’s two places,” Brumbalow said. “We really enjoy having cookouts at the house and having friends over and playing cornhole. “We’ll play cornhole at the house one night a week, and have some sports on the TV outside and just have a good time. “Then I really enjoy playing golf. That’s my real good stress reliever is going out with some buddies and just turn the phone off and you’ve got four hours of peace and quiet and nature.”
What has been a turning point in your life? “I’m still doing the same thing — building houses — that I started doing when I was a 21-year-old on Old Atlanta Road building custom houses. I guess the biggest turning point was a couple years ago I fell and hit my head and woke up and said, ‘Well, I’ll run for mayor,’” he said with a laugh. “The biggest life change is deciding to do that. “Other than kids, that’s probably been it.”
Favorite TV show? “Friends or the Big Bang Theory,” he said. “It’s probably a tie between the two.”
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Favorite food? “Food’s got to be pizza. Any kind of pizza. I don’t think I’ve ever had bad pizza. But probably pizza and Mexican. But then I love cooking a steak on the grill. It’s hard to beat steak and asparagus and some potatoes. “My favorite [pizza] is pepperoni, sausage and pepperoncini peppers, unless I’m in Chicago and you can get true Chicago deep-dish pizza, then it doesn’t matter.”
Favorite team? “Pittsburgh Steelers. Nothing else matters. Growing up, we were playing pee-wee football and baseball, we were black and gold like the Steelers. Well, this was the late 70s, early 80s. The Steelers were winning Super Bowls. The Pirates were winning World Series. Our uniforms were exact down to just our school logo on one side of the helmet.”
Favorite Steelers players? “All time, it’s got to be Terry Bradshaw, the blonde bomber.”
Vacation spot? “I’m not a big beach person, my wife is. I don’t really have a favorite spot. “Probably the best trip I’ve ever been on [was when] her and I went to Boston and went from there to Bar Harbor, Maine and just kind of saw everything in between.”
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THE MEN WHO SHAPED OUR LIFE We reached out to some familiar faces in the community and asked what they most remember about their dad or another important man in their life. The impressions they made live on in these faces you see every day. “First and foremost my dad taught me to have faith in God. Secondly, Dad taught me the value of hard work. Not just hard work, but working hard for your family.” - Ron Freeman, Forsyth County Sheriff
“My father was a salesman who never met a stranger; he spoke to everyone and treated everyone with respect. He said, ‘There’s a lot in this world to learn if you know the difference between when to stand up and when to shut up.’That’s a lesson I am still trying to work on each day!” - Lynn Jackson, Administrator, Northside Hospital Forsyth
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“My father was wonderful, wise and very smart. He was a man ahead of his time. He died young and he was very quiet and thoughtful. He enjoyed life, simple or fabulous. I talk so much I guess he wondered if I was his! He was my ‘someone to watch over me’ and I have missed him since the day he died. He truly loved me. I thank God for the years I had with him.” - Linda Ledbetter, Councilwoman, City of Cumming
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“The most important thing that Daddy taught me is that hard work and your word will carry you as far as you will ever want to go. Along the way, the worst thing that a man could ever be labeled is lazy.” - Jason Shivers, Division Chief, Forsyth County Fire Department
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THE MEN WHO SHAPED OUR LIFE “His big thing was integrity. I think I learned from him that it’s always best to keep your word and be very open about things ... He was an FBI agent for 29 years and taught us to appreciate what we had and that family was always important. Family came first and integrity was the bedrock of who he was.” - Ann Crow, Chairwoman of the Forsyth County Board of Education
“My dad is kind of a quiet guy… but I think what I have taken from my dad is that he is a very dedicated, hard worker. I watched him for years work very hard and be dedicated to any organization that he was involved in, and sometimes I think it was advice, but I also think, ‘I’ve got that in my DNA.’” - Laura Stewart, Director of Communication, Cumming-Forsyth County Chamber of Commerce
“Probably one of the biggest things I learned from my dad and that he modeled was: ‘G.F.C.I. - God, Family, Career, In that order.” - Chris Emmitt, Lead Pastor at Mountain Lake Church
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“I am who I am today because of my father. I have his personality. He was one of the kindest and giving men I have ever known and I miss him every day.” - Marjorie S. Reeves, Organizer for S.A.L.T., Seniors and Law Enforcement Together
I did not grow up with a father to celebrate with each year. My father died at age 34 when I had just turned 7. I have memories of my dad, and more importantly, stories of him from my family and my dad’s friends. What I know about him is that he must have suffered greatly in the last few months of life, because he refused to take morphine so that my brother and I would not have our memories be of a father that was incoherent. From old news articles and stories given to me as I grew older, I know that he was a man of faith, integrity, energy, humor and love — all traits I want to emulate in my life to honor him.Thanks, Dad. - Joni Smith, Executive Director of The Place of Forsyth County
“A really good friend of the family, he always said: ‘Life is 10 percent of what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.’ The other one is from my brother: ‘Never, never, never give up,’” -by Winston Churchill. - Shandra Dawkins, Executive Director of Family Haven
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A meal made for a man Story and photos by Alexander Popp
S
teak and potatoes — Has there ever been a more satisfying, rustic, primal or filling meal? I think what makes this meal so great is that it is just simple staple comfort food, just a juicy meat and some delicious crispy golden potatoes. I chose to call this recipe “Drop Dead” because not only does it have three tablespoons of butter and two tablespoons of olive oil, but five or more cloves of garlic, crushed red pepper, siracha sauce and enough flavor to knock your pants off.
The key thing to consider when taking on this recipe is that you want a combination of steak cooked to your desired level of rareness, and potatoes cooked with a crispy golden and soft interior. The best way to do this is by boiling the potatoes slightly to soften them up before you fry them and slightly undercooking the steak so you can finish it in the oven with the potatoes. As with most recipes, it sounds more complicated than it actually is, but if you do the steps right, this recipe can be accomplished using one bowl and one cast iron skillet.
“Drop Dead” Garlic Butter Steak and Potatoes 1.5 pound Flank steak 1.5 pound Baby yellow potatoes 1/3 cup Soy sauce 1 tablespoon Siracha hot sauce 2 tablespoon Olive oil 3 tablespoons Butter
5 cloves, minced Garlic 1 teaspoon, chopped Fresh thyme 1 teaspoon, chopped Fresh rosemary 1 teaspoon, chopped Fresh oregano Salt and pepper Crushed red chili pepper flakes See instructions, Page 16
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Time to grill 1. The first thing you want to do is get your steak ready and in its marinade while the potatoes cook. Cut your steak in 1-inch strips against the grain and put them in a large bowl. Combine the soy sauce, 1 tablespoon of olive oil, pepper to taste, and the hot sauce and add this mixture to the steak bowl. Cover this bowl and place it in the refrigerator.
they are melted, then add in the garlic, red chili pepper flakes and fresh herbs while stirring.
2. As I said above, this recipe is perfect for your cast iron skillet, so take it out, season it, and heat it over medium-high heat. While the skillet is heating, add in 1 tablespoon of olive oil and 1 tablespoon butter. Gently swirl them until they melt. When butter is melted, add in the potatoes and cook them for about nine minutes, stirring until potatoes are golden and fork tender. Transfer the potatoes to a plate and set them aside.
5. Finally, when you have the steak done how you like it, push the strips to the side of the skillet and add the potatoes back in and throw the whole thing into your oven on the broil setting to crisp up the potatoes and the ends of the steak.
3. Head back to your skillet, and heat the remaining 2 tablespoons butter over medium flame until
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4. Next take the steak out of the refrigerator, and drain the marinade into a bowl for use later. Before the butter browns, lay one layer of steak strips in skillet, cooking each side of each strip for one minute.
6. Once the food is completely done, garnish everything with more red pepper and more chopped fresh herbs. 7. Serve and enjoy.
THE LIFE
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Work and stay active Tips to stay healthy even when sitting at a desk all day
I’m sure this is not the first time you are seeing an article in a magazine that draws you in with a headline like “Sitting is killing you!” or “Sitting is the new smoking!” What do you do when you have to work at a computer and read headlines that your desk job is killing you?
One option is a stand-up desk. You can find a good option from $300 to $500 dollars. If that isn’t in your budget right now, but you want to do some things to improve your health while working, then we have a few helpful tips from local trainer Tori Smith.
Photos/information by Bradley Wiseman
Quit rounding your back • Eight hours at a desk working is bad in a lot of ways for your body but one of the number one ways you can improve your health now and in the future is by fixing your posture. • Slap a note on your monitor that says “Shoulders Back!” so you have a constant reminder throughout your day.
The hips don’t lie • Sitting all day shortens the range of motion in your hip muscles. You use your hips to move in and out of everywhere you go. Sitting also hinders circulation and digestion. • Every hour, do 10 squats, use your chair for support and at the end of an eight-hour day you’ve done 80 body weight squats.
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Push up time • An easy way to get in a little upper body movement is to do 10 desk pushups every hour. • You get an upper body work out plus you lengthen your hips and improve circulation. • 10 pushups every hour will give you about 80 by the end of the day.
Things you can do whenever you are away from your house • Wherever you go, whether driving to the office or running errands, park further from your destination so you get in those steps. • Avoid the elevators and escalators and take those stairs!
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June 2018 |
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My dad taught me that it was OK to embrace the uncomfortable feelings we all get, but I also grew up on his near-nonstop humor.
Lessons from my father By Brian Paglia In 2013, I started to think about what I would say at my dad’s funeral. My father, Peter, was diagnosed with liver cancer that May. The conventional chemotherapy regimen didn’t work, though doctors ordered it to continue to hold back the cancer. They were biding time for a transplant. The process to find a suitor was excruciating. My dad was placed on a waiting list for a deceased-liver donor. His place on the list was determined by his Model for End-Stage Liver Disease (MELD) score, a number between 6 and 40 that represented the severity of his condition. The higher the number, the more dire. He could have waited days, months or more than a year for a suitable donor. Some never get one. In the meantime, he hoped for a living donor, but that required waiting, too. First, someone had to be willing to go through the slog of physical and psychological tests, the 12-hour surgery and the months-long recovery. Second, they had to be a match. Several of my cousins volunteered, and two appeared to be matches until they were disqualified during some of the final tests. And all the while, my dad’s stature diminished in the way that’s familiar to too many today. He lost weight. His skin yellowed.
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His face tightened. His gait stiffened. I expected this all to work out. A donor would emerge, the surgery would be successful and the recovery would commence. My dad would gain the weight back. His skin would return its olive hue. His face would fill out again. He’d walk with vigor. Even still, my mind wandered into worst-case scenarios, and in that space I began to think of a father’s impact on his son — my father’s impact on me. If I was to lose him, what would I take with me? Very gradually, the answers crystallized out of scenes from our time together, and three things stood out:
1. It’s OK to feel Every summer, I spent a week at my father’s as part of my parents’ custody agreement. One year, my step-mother and brothers were gone visiting family in upstate New York for my week. It was just dad and me. Much of the week was spent in one of my favorite places: Atlantic Woodworks, my dad’s cabinetry and custom furniture business near downtown Annapolis, Maryland. To young adolescent me at the time, it was a cavernous factory. The shop, as we called it, was filled with the aroma from a concoction of woods:
cedar, curly maple, mahogany, pine, spruce. It was dusty. Machines roared. My dad would blare music over the shop’s stereo system, and one day during my stay he played famed jazz guitarist Pat Metheny’s version of the theme song to the movie “Cinema Paradiso” as I sanded cabinets in the back room. My dad soon walked in, and he proceeded to explain the 1988 Italian film’s premise. He told me how a young Sicilian boy befriended the projectionist of the local “cinema” during war time, and how the local church leader would clip out any scenes with romance. One day, a fire destroyed the cinema and killed the projectionist. The boy, now older, surveyed the remains and found a container filled with film taped together. My dad paused, caught his breath and voice, before explaining it was all the romantic scenes the village had been forbidden to see. All those years, the projectionist had kept the scenes with kisses and embraces and passionate connection. The boy sat and watched all the love he had missed. My dad wiped his eyes and walked out of the back room.
2. Never stop growing The circumstances of my parents’ divorce have always been murky to me, but I got the impression it was warranted. Before I was 3, he was gone. But not for long. Faced with the possibility of missing my childhood, or more, my dad did what he had to to avoid that outcome. It started with hypnosis to jumpstart a change in his mindset, and soon we were spending Friday nights together, getting Chinese food for dinner and Baskin Robbins after. My dad never stopped trying to improve. Sometimes he used books about Warren Buffet, the wealthy business magnate, or by Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Buddhist monk. Sometimes it was weekend workshops. Sometimes it was couples counseling with my step-mother. In his work, he indulged his passions. When I started to learn to play the guitar at 13, he took it as the occasion to figure out how to make them. He explored real estate, and he took
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ASK ABOUT OUR SUMMER SPECIAL ASK TAKE ABOUT OUR SUMMER AND A LOOK AT OUR SPECIAL BEAUTIFUL, AND TAKEMEMORY A LOOK AT OUR BEAUTIFUL, SPACIOUS CARE SUITES. SPACIOUS MEMORY CARE SUITES.
3180 Karen White Drive, Suwanee, GAand 30024 | www.at-johnscreek.com 3180 Karen White Drive, Suwanee, GA 30024 | 3180 www.at-johnscreek.com Karen White Drive, Suwanee, G GEMS™, techniques, strategies, overall approach to care were created and developed by Teepa Snow, Positive Ap-
3180 White GEMS™ Drive,andSuwanee, GA 30024 | www.at-johnscreek.com proach, LLC Karen www.teepasnow.com POSITIVE APPROACH™ are trademarks of Positive Approach, LLC.
3180 Karen White Drive, Suwanee, GA 30024 | www.at-johnscreek.com June 2018 |
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fact-finding missions to Puerto Rico and Dominica to scout sawmills for a potential exotic wood business. I got to share in all of it, because he made the decision to be better.
3. Keep fighting
When pushed to the brink by his cancer, my dad pushed back, enduring pain and uncertainity until a living-donor match was found.
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My brother and I locked my dad in a bathroom once. We consider it the best prank ever pulled on my dad. We lived in a townhome at the time, in a corner unit that gave us the rare added luxury of a portico. But the first thing a person encountered when walking inside was the downstairs bathroom. With my dad inside the bathroom one day, my brother and I tied a rope around the handle of the bathroom door, pulled it tight through the front door and tied the other end around one of the portico’s columns. Dad made a few futile attempts at opening the door. Our laughter echoed in the neighborhood. Eventually we noticed the silence in the bathroom. Our step-mother gave us a warning look. The time had come to let him out, and so we prepared for the worst. We loosened the rope, and my
dad burst out of the bathroom and came straight for my brother and me. We roughhoused in the living room, pillows flying and limbs flailing. Despite our two-to-one advantage, dad was gaining control, so one of us — I don’t remember who — made the desperate decision to tickle him. When pushed, he fought back. He responded with a fury of kicks. Never had we seen dad display such intensity. It was the one scene that kept coming back to me as dad was in the throes of his cancer. He was a fighter, I reminded myself. When pushed to his limit, he pushed back. And so it made sense, in hindsight, that he was able to endure the fatigue and pain and uncertainty of the cancer until another cousin, Dominic, my dad’s brother’s third-oldest son, was found to be a match. On May 20, 2014, they went to the Hospital of University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia for double surgery. My dad came out with a third of Dominic’s liver. A few months later, it grew to full-size. This past May marked four years since the surgery.
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