Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
In our class, we love Fridays. P.T. period! From 3 to 4 PM, for one full hour the playground is in the hands of our class. Even Arumugam, who keeps skipping school, is promptly present on Fridays. Right from afternoon, the excitement starts building up. "Dei! I am in your team da." "I am not gonna be the goal keeper this week, I was the goalie last week as well." "Today, we have to ask Sir and somehow get that new ball, man. He gives it to 7D you know." The period before P.T period is usually Tamil. Seetha Teacher is a villain. Her favourite punishment for not doing homework is to give punishment. But, on Fridays, if you don't do the homework, she cleverly makes you stand outside the class. As soon as the Tamil period is over, when everyone runs to the playground, those who haven't done the homework have to run behind Seetha teacher to the staffroom. "Madam, Sorry madam, I will submit tomorrow." Though she understands the hurry, Villan Seetha will intentionally delay you. "What is the hurry? P.T period eh? You should have done the homework properly", she says. By the time one manages to get free of her, the teams would have been formed in the playground. If you go late to the ground, you become a dummy player. So, the boys come up with different excuses. "I lost my notebook, Ma’am", "I had a severe stomach ache yesterday night, ma’am" and so on. Even before she says, "Okay, okay, go. Make sure you submit tomorrow," the boys start running. But today, I moved slowly. "Kumar, Stop. What happened to you? You are usually regular with your homework. What happened to you today?" asked Seetha Teacher. "Sorry madam. I did not bring my notebook. I forgot.” I hesitated.
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Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
"Will you forget to eat? I am watching you; you don’t do your homework on Fridays. Are you watching TV? Ask your mom to come see me tomorrow!" "Ok ma’am" I nodded. "Alright. Go now." I walked slowly to the playground. By then, the boys had formed the teams. "Thank God," I said to myself. Since I was 'late', I could play only after running around the ground thrice, according to Alvin Sir. "Okay, sir" I nodded. I ran three rounds and found a place at the corner of the ground under a tree. I made sure no one sees me. At times, Alvin sir would spot and call me. He did today too. "What da? What are you doing under the tree? Which team are you in? Aren't you playing?" "No , sir." "Why? Why do we have a P.T period then? You must not sit idle," said Alwin Sir and he whistled to summon the team captains. "Dei.... take Kumar on your team." "Ayyo...he is a Sissy..I don't want him Sir", said one. "Yes Sir.He is a chakka…he is not fit to play", said the other. "Dei..I’ll kick you...take him on your team," said Alwin sir and pushed me into a team. They reluctantly put me into one of the teams. As soon as we reached the ground, the jeering began. "Hey KUMARI....go play khokho with the girls..What the hell are you doing here?" "Pussy!" "Fairy!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Page 2 of 10
Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
Harsh words that burn! I kept on walking and telling myself that they were making fun of someone else. "Oh, what a walk..." One of them picked up a stone, aimed at my waist and threw. The pain was sudden and unbearable. "Amma.." I screamed and fell to the ground. Ten boys surrounded me. "Look at this, man..He can't bear one stone." " How can you be a man?" asked one and kicked me. I screamed in pain. "Look at that...the fag is screaming". More kicks followed. "Watch out, man...don't kick his nuts," laughed another. "How can pussy boys have nuts, man? Do you wanna check it out?" asked one. Two pairs of hands tugged at my trousers. "Leave me ...leave me...amma" I cried and got up. They wouldn’t give up and kept pulling my trousers. I somehow managed to get up, pushed them aside and started running. "Run..you Tranny...You think you can play football?" All ten of them laughed loudly. I ran as fast as I could and came back to the tree. I could hardly breathe. My hands and legs were shivering. My throat was parched and I felt as if something was blocking my throat. Pain. Tears gathered up. My body felt the shame. "Amma‌amma" I cried and broke down. Then things went black and I started to fall on to the grass. When I woke up, it had already started to darken. I picked up my bag and began running home. Dad was at the gate when I got there. "Stop!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Page 3 of 10
Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
"Appa?" "Why are you late?" "P.T period, appa. " "Yes, I know that. I just came back from Sekar's place." Sekar's dad and my dad are friends. "................" "Can't you even play football?" I squirmed. "What? why are you wiggling now? Come here!” He grabbed my hand, roughly. "What is wrong with you? Why are you embarrassing me? Look at the way you walk...like a woman!" Forcing my neck downward, he slapped me hard, on my back. It felt like a thunderstorm. "Ammaaaaaaa" I screamed, "Appa...please don't…appa, please don't beat me!" "You walk like that again...and I’ll break your legs.." Another huge slap. I cried. "If I see you playing with that Poonkulali again, see what happens." He twisted my ears till they hurt. "No appa, no, please! I won’t play with her...please don’t beat me." I cried and pleaded. Mom rushed in from the kitchen. "Leave him, stop it…poor boy." She pulled me aside and hugged me. "You pamper and spoil him. Make him a Sissy, Go ahead! " --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Page 4 of 10
Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
Dad walked away. I kept crying. Mom wiped my tears off, took my bag off my shoulders. "Come now, let me give you something to eat." Piping hot dosa, coconut chutney. I gulped it all down. Hungry! "Oh dear, don't you have any other friends apart from that girl Poonkulali?" "No, amma." "Don’t play with Poonkulali, okay? Find some boys and make friends with them. You are a boy, you should behave like one" "Okay, amma." What is mom saying? How should I behave? What am I doing wrong? I have no idea why everyone makes fun of me, in the first place. I am just like other boys, right? What is wrong with the way I behave? Why everyone calls me sissy? Why the boys do not like me? Why no one wants to be friends with me? I just don’t get it. School is hell. Everybody picks on me for everything. I go to the school quite early, just to avoid this. I go to my seat and don’t move from there the whole day. Not even during recess. I just don’t want to be made fun of. Fear, shame and worry rule my days in school. I could not tell dad about any of these. Once, when I could not bear the mocking, I told amma and this is what she had to say: "Listen, do not cry like a girl. Boys make fun of everyone. How can you cry over such things? Be bold, be a boy." I looked at myself in the mirror again and again; I didn't know what to do. My head ached as I kept thinking. I laid on the bed and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to go to school. If I skip school tomorrow, Sunday is a holiday. I am safe till Monday. Dad left to work early the next day. I cajoled mom and stayed home from school. "We have a new neighbour. They just moved in yesterday. Their son Ganesh is joining your school", said Mom. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Page 5 of 10
Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
"Oh, really?" "Yes, he is home today. Go talk to him and make friends." I took bath, had my breakfast and rushed next door. "Hello Kumar!" Poonkulali smiled at me. What is she doing here? "This is Ganesh. Ganesh, this is our neighbour, Kumar." She introduced us. "You didn’t go to school today?" I asked her. "No, there is a pooja at my father’s shop. By the way, Ganesh is joining your school." Ganesh had a friendly smile. Normal height, light skin, he seemed a nice boy. "7C.” he said. "Hey, I am in 7C as well!" I was excited. “Oh good, same class!" said Poonkulali. "Yes." I grinned. All the three of us ran to the yard. "Let us play", said Poonkulali "Okay, come on" I agreed. "Kumar and I are one team," said Ganesh and came stood next to me. I could not believe my ears. I was thrilled. No boy had ever taken me into his team before. I was so happy. We played together for more than an hour. Poonkulali's mom came by and took her home. Ganesh took me into to his house. He showed me his new racecar toy and told me many stories about his old school. Then he showed me his cycle. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Page 6 of 10
Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
"It is nice." "Do you have one?" "No, I don’t." "Do you walk to school?" "Yes." "Why? You don’t know how to ride one?" "No." "Come, I’ll teach you." He held my hand and made me sit on the bicycle seat. "Oh no…!" I was scared. "Dei.Are you my friend or not?" "Ya, ya, we are friends." I smiled. "Then you better sit down. Pedal now." He wouldn’t take No. I started pedaling slowly. I must have moved only about a foot when… CRASH! I fell down and the cycle was on top of me. "It is okay. You will fall at first." Ganesh picked the cycle up. I managed to get up myself. "Sit now." He pointed to the cycle. "Enough!" I was embarrassed. "Dei, nothing will happen." I got on the cycle again. After several attempts and falls there was not much of an improvement. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Page 7 of 10
Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
"Come tomorrow, I’ll teach you." "Thanks da!" I said. "See you tomorrow." He said and took his cycle inside. I stopped him and said "Hey Ganesh, the seat next to mine in the class is empty. You can sit there with me!" I was very happy to have found a friend. "Sure da. Tata!" I said bye to him and walked back home. "How did it go?" Mom wanted to know. "Ganesh is a good boy, amma. We are friends already!" I was proud of myself. "Good for you!" said Mom. I just could not wait to go to school Monday. At the beginning of the 2nd period, Ganesh's father brought him to the class. While his father was talking to the teacher, I stood up from my seat and waved at Ganesh. I pointed him to the seat next to me. He entered the class and sat down next to me. I was very happy. As the class resumed, I noticed Ganesh didn’t have his book. "Here, look into my book." I shared my book with him. As soon as class was over, the boys surrounded Ganesh Raghu asked him, "What is your name?" "Ganesh" "Which school did you go to before this one?" "R.V." "You know this Sissy from before?” Raghu pointed to me and laughed. "Huh, what?" Ganesh didn’t get it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Page 8 of 10
Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
"This one” said Raghu still pointing to me, “Miss. Kumar, You are sitting next to him. Are you are also a sissy boy too?" he teased. Ganesh got really angry. "Who did you call a sissy?" He got up and punched Raghu. Ragu was hurt. He twisted Ganesh's hands in anger. They rolled on the ground and started fighting. The other boys started cheering them. “Kick him! Beat him! Don’t let him go!” I was stunned and didn’t know what to do. By the time, the teacher for the next class came in and the boys stopped fighting. There was dead silence in the class. The teacher yelled at both of them and gave them each a tight slap. She made Ganesh and Raghu stand outside the class for the rest of the day. Ganesh looked very upset, I felt bad for him. In the evening, as soon as the class was over, I looked for Ganesh. He wasn’t seen. He should have left early. I went home, changed and asked mom for some money to buy candies. "Why do you want 50 paise? Two candies? Your teeth will rot!" "Amma please amma, one is for Ganesh,” I pleaded. "Oh all right, here you go." I ran to the shop and bought two candies and took them to Ganesh's house. "Ganesh," I called him and sat on his bicycle parked at the yard. He came out immediately. "Here, take this." I offered him one, smiling. "You get off my cycle!" shouted Ganesh. "Why da?"I didn’t understand. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Page 9 of 10
Pain By Shridhar Sadasivan In English: Srini
"I don’t want to be friends with a sissy! Get off now!" I was stunned. "Dei Ganesh, the boys are just joking." I pleaded with in a low tone. "Get off you Pussy!" He pushed me roughly and as I fell down, the candies rolled onto the ground. "Amma!" I cried. "Get lost and don't show your face again!" He kicked me. I screamed again in pain and could not stop crying. He parked the cycle and walked inside. I was still on the ground. My elbow was bruised and blood oozed out.... I just could not get up. I didn't want to get up. So much pain was the pain, pain in my heart!
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