In Betweens: Fall 2019 by Generasian

IN BETWEENS

GENERASIAN

FALL 2019

EXECUTIVE STAFF

Co-Presidents Megan Liao Ryan Yi Editors-in-Chief Morgan Kuin Jane Phan Deputy Editor Thomas J. Lynch Secretary Naomi Chou Treasurer Chelsea Kwak Public Relations Chair Cheryl Man Art Editors Evonne Lao Cindy Qiang Blog Editors Candice Chiang Phoebe Chuang Media Editor Kelly Sheng Deputy Media Editors Joseph Lee Marva Shi Layout Editor Megan Liao Deputy Layout Editor Marva Shi

LETTER

FROM THE EDITORS Dear Readers, What a semester! As many of us prepare to trundle through the snow and await the shift to spring, we have been considering what it means to truly transition as we navigate our inner and outer worlds. From college life to beyond, from one identity to the next, – there are many in-betweens that we traverse on our way to bigger and better things. Asian America is at a cautious crossroads of growth, while Asia at large continues to shift through cultural and political unrest. Many of us here are discovering how our voices shift from high school to college, while others are preparing to take flight into a world beyond. At such points, we are excited to present NYU’s burgeoning AAPI voices and their thoughts on these in-betweens. College can be hard. Solidifying your beliefs in a sea of conflicting voices be harder. And we’ll be honest: each semester, it gets a little bit harder to come back and explain how the conversation surrounding Asian and Asian American issues has shifted ever-soslightly. But truthfully, that is what this discourse embodies at its core: the shifts, the changes, the in-betweens. In-betweens connecting the learned lessons of yesterday and the infinite possibilities of tomorrow. And in between these in-betweens are the little moments we hold onto: blips in the bigger timeline, but personal memories we cherish as we continue toward the future. The writers and artists this semester have poured care, consideration, and honesty into their work, and we are so pleased to present their take on what “In Betweens” means to them.

CONTRIBUTORS

Writers Naomi Chou Amber Gao Alexandra Fong Nene Hamada Ting Shing Koh Zoe de Leon Daniel Kaifeng Liu Kathy Park Chanel Pulido Thea Wang Eric Wu Ryan Yi Michelle Zhang Hanxi Zhu Artists Joanna Feng Jam dela Fuente So Yeon Kim Paolo Nguyen Lily Kim Qian Cindy Qiang Kevin Min Tu Luopeiwen Yi

And to you: thank you so much for your continued readership. Generasian would not be

Layout Marva Shi Charlene Tan Thea Wang Larry Yu

2 Letter from the Editors

here without you, either. We’ll see you in the Spring! Happy Reading. Jane, Morgan, and Tom

Jane Phan

Morgan Kuin

Thomas J. Lynch

cover art: portals of discovery (2019) Lily Kim Qian Digital Painting I wanted to instill a sense of discovery and possibility for the prompt ‘in between.’ In this piece, a figure is peeking through a gap in a large wall, into a nebulous sky above. The amorphous, twisting patterns in the sky represents the ambiguity of the ‘in between’ and how there is possibility in that ambiguity. I believe nothing is truly black or white, and when examining the grey areas that exist in our lives, we can be pleasantly surprised.

CHECK OUT OUR BLOG: generasian.blog Disclaimer:

READ THIS ISSUE ONLINE: issuu.com/generasian

This publication is published by students at New York University and NYU is not responsible for its contents.

CONTENTS 1

cover art

letter from the editors

Lily Kim Qian

and staff/credits

H I STO RY A ND CON TEMPORARY C ULT UR E

“subtle asian traits” and the fractured asian american experience Amber Gao

10 12

16 18

eat bitter, taste sweet

nevertheless, summer ended

stuck in between a rock and a hard place

Hanxi Zhu

Kathy Park

sweeet-talked and swindled

artwork

in between

beyond coloured shades:

artwork

Kevin Min Tu

struggling asian american artists Ting Shing Koh

you dim sum, you lose some

Thea Wang

So Yeon Kim, Luopeiwen Yi

Joanna Feng, Cindy Qiang

PER SONA L ES SAYS

mother knows best

the languages constituting my world(s)

fast fashion cash outs in south-east asia Michelle Zhang

artwork

perspective beyond borders:

all things left unsaid

blog highlight

media highlight

meet the eboard

culinary tourism and eating “ethnic” Alexandra Fong

shifting the cost:

political socialization of china and the us Eric Wu

dissecting “diaspora” Daniel Kaifeng Liu

C RE AT I VE FI CTION

Ryan Yi

peeling back the packaging on asian aesthetic cosmetics

P O LI T I CS AND C U RREN T EVEN TS

like the sea at night

Paolo Nguyen

Naomi Chou

artwork Lily Kim Qian

READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Chanel Pulido

Nene Hamada

Jam dela Fuente

Zoe de Leon

Table of Contents 3

“SUBTLE ASIAN TRAITS”

AND THE FRACTURED ASIAN AMERICAN EXPERIENCE

By: Amber Gao I was first tagged by a friend on a post about weekend Chinese school. It poked fun at teachers’ exasperation with the broken Chinglish of many Asian childhoods: no, that is not a verb, and yes, please learn to use an alternative to “is” (是). I was pleasantly surprised by its relatability to my own miscreant elementary school days, zoning out of lectures and doodling over disapproving progress reports. A few days later, I was tagged again on a meme about hotpot. Another tag soon followed, and at some point, it became clear that all of my Asian friends had joined the nascent group. Giving into peer pressure, I joined as well. Subtle Asian Traits (SAT) emerged as the brainchild of nine Asian-Australian students in September of 2018. Originally, it was a forum for casual inside jokes about the everyday vicissitudes of the second-generation Asian experience. Whether they included mandatory weekend language schools, the absence of outside shoes at home, or eating rice with a certain type of hot sauce, engagement with these relatively shared experiences formed a tentative cultural bond. SAT has become an Internet phenomenon, currently laying claim to more than 1.5 million members. It’s spawned multiple spin-offs, from Subtle Asian Dating to Subtle White

We are talking, Subtle Asian Traits has shown. But it’s about all the wrong things.

Traits to nichergroups like Subtle Hypebeast or Subtle Selective School Traits. Countless articles have been written about it; it has its

Surprised Pikachu meme.

one substantial consideration missing from such criticism is that SAT itself only serves as a medium, a public forum through which the Asian diaspora converge. Most critics,

faced its fair share of criticisms.

though warranted, tend to ignore that truth.

First, the issue of race. Many believe that

They blame the racism or the self-harming

SAT unintentionally excludes those of South

stereotypes on the group itself, when really

On a surface level, this sort of cultural

and Southeast Asian descent. Its response to

expression was what I’d long hoped for in

racism on its platform, particularly anti-black

attitudes.

the Asian community. Beyond that, however,

sentiment, has also been deemed inadequate.

I began to grow increasingly uncomfortable

Other

with SAT’s hype. But why?

stereotyping, as exemplified through jokes

own Wikipedia page.

We are talking, Subtle Asian Traits has shown. But it’s about all the wrong things. To be clear, I’m not the only one with grievances. Although reception has been overwhelmingly positive overall, SAT has also

4 History and Contemporary Culture

critics

accuse

toxic

self-

about ABGs or “tiger parenting”. They claim that SAT allows these jokes at the expense of only further affirming harmful, racialized judgements. While these are legitimate concerns,

only

manifests

pre-existing

negative

They blame the racism or the self-harming stereotypes on the group itself, when really it only manifests pre-existing negative attitudes.

Asian Americans demonstrating - protest

Speaking to my own experiences requires a bit more context. Near its inception, SAT was still somewhat like my digital backyard. Often I’d log onto Facebook to greet a flurry of tagging notifications, then see long-ago cram school acquaintances bonding over the same jokes. Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to see a non-Asian’s post surge to the top of the feed, or to see non-Asians tagging one another (@___ let’s get boba). Increasingly,

while

surfing

through

pages of boba and K-pop references, I can’t help but feel that much of its content is a regurgitation of what mainstream Western culture accepts as Asian-American. That is: tapioca balls, along with anime, K-pop stars, and raves. Other posts rep store openings and personal companies only tangentially related to a cohesive cultural identity. SAT has moved away from posts with an uncanny relatability toward reiterations of the desire to drink more boba. This has somewhat been influenced by the

topics is not wholly the group’s fault. It

communities, which are misconstrued as

recent, meteoric rise of Asian-related cultural

emerges moreso from the manifestation of

being uniformly wealthy. The list continues.

icons like BTS and 88rising into the American

community, or lack thereof, across the Asian

consciousness. It’s convenient to latch onto

American social landscape.

such aspects of Asian culture that have been

The key issue that older, typically firstAmerican

interest in grappling with the uncomfortable

welcomed into the mainstream; it’s much

generation

communities

and painful in the Asian-American experience.

harder to talk about race and its ramifications.

have historically mobilized around is that

Representation and conversation don’t operate

And therein for me lies Subtle Asian

of affirmative action. On the other hand, the

on the same level: one values a symbolic

Traits’ revelation. The avoidance of these

voice of the second generation is significantly

depiction of an idealized reality, and the other

more muddled. As a microcosm of second-

an actual engagement with that reality.

Car meme — boba

Asian

There’s no concerted effort toward selfadvocacy beyond representation, no clear

gens like myself, Subtle Asian Traits uniquely

Of course, you could retort that a

demonstrates this devolving of

meme group shouldn’t have to take itself so

purpose.

seriously, which is true. It ought not be the job

It’s solely

community

online

purpose rather

presence, not

with

of a group of college students to facilitate the

whose

necessary diasporic conversation. Yet that’s

advocacy

entertainment.

but

values

been the title gifted by some of its supporters, conferring to SAT an undeserved legitimacy.

representation, but what then is

We cannot forget that what many

achieved and lauded as successful

consider to be the first large-scale gathering

are really face-value victories -

of the Asian diasporic community is on a

of an all-Asian casted movie, an

meme page. It’s comical - comical and tragic

Asian artist, the popularity of Asian

that this is the first place we find an actual

drinks. It’s not as if with greater

semblance of an Asian community. The only

representation in diversity ads,

place people feel like they can speak up is

racially-related problems magically

through the shielding lens of humor, and even

disappeared. Our community still

then we cannot make ourselves fully heard.

faces unique challenges:

What Subtle Asian Traits reveals to us,

The pervasive “model minority” myth. The “bamboo ceiling” that most

Americans

don’t

and the pressure to perform. The of

and cannot, be.

believe

even exists. School-centric anxiety struggle

even more than in what it is, is what it is not,

acculturating

Amber Gao is a freshman at Gallatin

the

dramatically different worldviews of East and West. The dearth of governmental aid provided to our READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

“Subtle Asian Traits” and the Fractured Asian American Experience 5

PEELING BACK THE PACKAGING ON ASIAN AESTHETIC COSMETICS By: Naomi Chou It is often said that the sale of Asian-

orientalist white impressions of Asian culture.

corporations would resort to the exact same

esque aesthetics in the forms of fashion,

That’s what’s easily recognizable as “cultural

kind of racist and fetishistic thinking that’s

cosmetics, or decor is fraught with cultural

appropriation,” and that’s how we end up

behind things like backless cheongsams if it

appropriation,

straight

with things like Coachella rhinestone bindis.

increased sales.

up racism. Popular discourse on cultural

It might be the case that Asian Americans

They would, and they do, unfortunately.

appropriation often centers around specific

who take control of these narratives by selling

As one example, there is nothing more racist

individuals’ missteps, and while on the

them themselves are a valid solution– Asian

and fetishistic than the Western trope of the

personal scale it is still totally egregious,

Etsy crafters, or Asian CEOs of fashion/decor/

geisha, and “Tatcha,” a company known

cultural appropriation is also facilitated by

cosmetics corporations. Purveying affordable

for pricey skin products with Japonisme

entire industries built for that purpose. It’s

Asian-esque

a matter of opinion whether qipao prom girl

equalizing and democratic, while pricing them

or Justin Trudeau got condemned as much

high esteems Asian artistic culture such that

as they deserve, but companies that have the

the high-class is no longer a purely occidental

power to enable cultural appropriation on a

realm. Because these specific consumer goods

larger scale deserve more scrutiny.

are feminized as well, these purveyors of

exploitation,

and

Access to these goods and the ability to embrace Asian artistic sensibilities (and

products

can

seen

Asian aesthetics in the West might be Asian American women.

It’s unfortunately the case that something interpretable as equity or representation is actually nothing more than marketing strategy

gaining social capital from that) empowers the

Ideally, being Asian American, these

consumer to express their approval and assert

purveyors might have a personal stake

packaging (and that Unilever acquired earlier

their desires and identities in the marketplace

in representing Asian culture accurately;

this year for $500M,) makes its ~$100M/

by raising the enabling business’s stock price.

being women, they may be more personally

year sales from, according to the website,

It would be a nonprofit’s goal to empower

entrenched

“holistic” products designed for a geisha’s

Asian Americans to visually embrace their

expectations

feminism

“secret rituals” for “pure” and “porcelain-

heritage

culture,”

that led here in the first place. These ideals

like skin.”12 Or take “Soko Glam”, one of

whatever that may be. A business’s goal

are annoyingly hard to dispute due to liberal

the biggest import cosmetics retailers in

is to capitalize on a predominantly white

capitalism’s mythos, but it’s unfortunately

the US, and its claims that “Koreans have a

consumer base who cannot differentiate

the case that something interpretable as

skin-first philosophy” and invocation of the

between the “authentic” and “inauthentic,”

equity or representation is actually nothing

pseudo-philosophical “untranslatable” concept

which incidentally or not leads to exoticized

more than marketing strategy. Ultimately,

“jeong.” These ventures are not “the orient

and

represent

“Asian

the

and

1 Collins, Allison. “Unilever Acquires Tatcha in Deal Said Approaching $500M”. June 10, 2019. 2 Tatcha.com

6 History and Contemporary Culture

complex

performative

system

Images courtesy of Tatcha

representing itself;”3 these are American

in it, and it would be presumptuous to

being “governed by tradition.” For their

ventures, barely representing anything in

assume Taiwanese Americans were immune

own sake, seek out ways to affirm one’s

good faith. Any gestures towards equity

to the cultural power of the geisha trope.

cultural identity that don’t have to do with

that are made by companies are entirely

Stereotyping one’s own culture isn’t any

classist patterns of consumption. Well-to-

incidental– they all serve some bottom line.

better as it’s an active choice on the part of

do white consumers with a bent towards the

Despite occupying a more precarious

those who have the choice whether or not

“cosmopolitan” have the biggest share of the

position on the class-status ladder on average

to be reductive. (Vintage Chinese American

market, but these consumers seek out Asian

than a typical white corporate executive,

Hollywood actors didn’t have a choice in only

aesthetics that are easy to adopt and visually

Asian women business owners are not by

offered reductive roles as kung fu masters

identifiable, nothing more.

virtue of that less likely to use their power

and dragon ladies.) Furthermore, none of

It’s

to disenfranchise the women and minorities

these Astrids would have the motivation to

consumption

whose labor they’re profiting off of. It may

stereotype were it not for the consumers who

one product might be made in a sweatshop

happen to be the case that Geisha Incorporated

drive this demand.

while its alternatives, say, conduct animal

donates to a children’s education nonprofit, but the saying “capitalists are people too” applies here in the sense that only some of them are charitable. Andrew Carnegie was a philanthropist too. Businesses are not imbued with any sensitivity or empathy by virtue of having Asian woman executives– the capitalist class doesn’t differentiate this way.

The capitalist class doesn’t differentiate this way. Capitalism loves inequality. And capitalism will never make racism go away. Asian American consumers should be

true that in a capitalist world failing at being

critical of these orientalist narratives that

a capitalist will lead to your demise, that

have found their way into the present, but

doesn’t free anyone from the moral culpability

given that they are proportionally a small

of being a capitalist because, really, there’s

share of the market, they should be critical

no one for whom $13 blotting papers stand

firstly for personal reasons– to de-internalize

between them and starvation.

the Rene Gallimard mindset of viewership

stereotyping

“there’s

exists

between “Western” men and “Eastern”

whether or not Asians choose to participate

women and 18th century stereotypes about

generasian.blog

ethical because

stereotyping Asian women. There are Asian American-owned retailers that don’t use “exoticism” in the marketing, and ones that acknowledge their Asian cultural influences thoughtfully, but it would be fallacious to operate as if the act of buying those products could benefit anyone beyond assuaging the But maybe that assuagement is worth something. Naomi is a CAS junior (SCA major, physics minor) from the Bay Area, California.

3 Cho, Charlotte. “The Story Behind Then I Met You, a New Skin Care Brand From Charlotte Cho”. The Klog. October 17, 2019.

READ OUR BLOG

capitalism”

buyer’s personal hesitations.

will nwever make racism go away. While it’s

racist

that under

testing or contain microplastics or profit off

Capitalism loves inequality. And capitalism

Certainly,

said

Peeling Back the Packaging on Asian Aesthetic Cosmetics 7

KEVIN MIN TU 8 History and Contemporary Culture

By: author author

POLARR “Stuck in between worlds, I wanted to represent how I’m pursuing the intersection of Asian issues and the LGBTQ+ community with my first piece. The character inside of the waves is what I look like in drag, and how it’s liberating to be in a city like New York, where I can continue to find myself and others. Note the color of the waves as well! For the second piece, I was thinking about how best to represent the transition from graduating to working full-time and the identity crisis that comes with it!”

Kevin Min Tu is a Senior studying Marketing and Finance with a minor in Business in Entertainment, Media, and Technology, and comes to NYU from Philadelphia. Through art, Kevin strives to represent life as a series of stories that begin and end and begin again with renewed purpose. He sees people as stories that interact with each other, impact one another, whether permanently or transiently. His main influences have been Silver Age and modern comics, with a focus on romanticizing quiet moments in real-life and imaginary settings. Kevin specializes in pencil, pen, and paper, but has segued into digital art, specifically PaintTool SAI and Photoshop. He creates my own stories and works to genuinely represent others’: their struggle, their discomfort, their peace, and their internal neuroses.

READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Artwork by Kevin Tu 9

Image courtesy of The Wok of Life. Embelleshed by Alexandra Fong.

TO U

By: Alexandra Fong For decades, Chinese food—and by

IC”

TH N

A LIN CU

YO U

U M, S M I D

S L O S E G “E N

I RISM AND EAT

a foreign culture without entirely leaving the

entree featuring Hong Kong-style bubble

confines of their own.

waffles and Shanghai-style fried chicken”—a

extension, other Asian cuisines—has had a

Even now, the racism underlying the

sorry attempt to water down so many regional

reputation of being “dirty” to Westerners

Chinese Restaurant Syndrome of the 1960s

foods in China and Hong Kong.5 Zimmern

because of its distinct foreignness. Meat

encourages white restaurateurs to perpetuate

somehow believes not only that he is the voice

is always of questionable origin, and and

culinary tourism without respecting the

for authentic Chinese cuisine, but that he also

the

Restaurant

culture behind the cuisine. In April 2019,

has the authority and cultural knowledge to

Syndrome plagues the cuisine because it

Jewish American restaurateur Arielle Haspel

ensure that Midwesterners do not have to

integrates MSG, even when MSG is used

opened up Lucky Lee’s, a restaurant that

debase themselves by dining at “horseshit

more in junk foods that Americans consume

offers “‘clean’ Chinese-American recipes

restaurants masquerading as Chinese food.”³

en masse.1 At the other end of the spectrum

for ‘people who love to eat Chinese food and

Underneath Zimmern’s supposedly noble

lies a mass exotification of Asian food.2 Dim

love the benefit that it will actually make

cause to “[champion] Chinese American

sum, ramen, and Korean barbecue have

them feel good’” rather than “bloated and

culture”

become opportunities for Westerners to

icky the next day,” an intentional dichotomy

complex: Zimmern thinks himself capable of

engage in culinary tourism, a term coined

that upholds the assumption that “Chinese

determining what white, Western consumers

by food studies scholar Lucy Long as the

food is great, but it’s dirty and gross unless

want and what is culturally significant enough

“consumption, preparation, and presentation

a white person cooks it,” as said by Eater

to serve from an exotic cuisine.6

of a food item, cuisine, meal system, or eating

writer Serena Dai. It’s these kinds of notions

style considered to belong to a culinary system

that allow for Andrew Zimmern to feel like

not one’s own.”3 The acts of flagging down

he is translating an Othered cuisine into

a dim sum cart for shu mai or DIY-grilling

something palatable for Minnesotans at his

“exotically”

Korean

restaurant, Lucky Cricket, which serves “a

barbecue allows Westerners to participate in

shu mai burger and a chicken-and-waffles

since-disproven

Chinese

marinated

meat

really

another

superiority

1 “Fried Rice,” 40:33. Ugly Delicious. Netflix, 23 February 2018. 2 “Fried Rice,” 39:35. Ugly Delicious. Netflix, 23 February 2018. 3 Long, Lucy. “Culinary Tourism,” Journal of Southern Folklore. University Press of Kentucky, 1998. 4 “Fried Rice,” 35:40. Ugly Delicious. Netflix, 23 February 2018. 5 Canavan, Hillary Dixler. “Why Does Andrew Zimmern Get to Create the Next P.F. Chang’s?” Eater, 20 November 2018. 6 DeJesus, Erin. “Andrew Zimmern Issues Apology for Appropriation Comments.” Eater, 27 November 2018.

10 History and Contemporary Culture

Food may very well be the easiest and most accessible means of “traveling,” or at least venturing into unfamiliar cultures. However, eating “ethnic” is a process heavily enmeshed in issues of class, race, and privilege.

restaurants will, to borrow David Chang’s words, “never get four stars in the New York Times. It’ll always get two stars… because of the decor, because of the service, because it’s always gonna be viewed by essentially a white prism.”9 As

restaurants

Haspel’s

and

Zimmern’s open up, first-generation-run establishments like Sun Hing Lung—which sold some of the best rice rolls in Chinatown out of a small takeout window for $1 or $2—and Tung Woo, a hole-in-the-wall soy milk vendor on Grand Street, close shop. Meanwhile, minimalist cafes and fast-

casual restaurants selling overpriced matcha, chai, and cheung fun spring up until they’re all there is on the block. While you can’t draw a direct causation between the closures and archaic associations with Chinese food or ignorant restaurateurs, they do play into a larger issue where the racism and exotification that labels Chinese food as unclean also often popularizes dim sum, ramen, and KBBQ with Westerners. Furthermore, the popularity of these foods specifically calls into question whether Westerners really value authenticity or the experience of cultural tourism: Chinese food is great when it’s dim sum or it’s cooked by a white person, but is it still great when it’s chicken feet, pig’s blood, or jellyfish? This

Image courtesy of The Wok of Life. Embelleshed by Alexandra Fong.

Chinese food is great when it’s dim sum or it’s cooked by a white person, but is it still great when it’s chicken feet, pig’s blood, or jellyfish?

Behind this culinary tourism is a driving

Sociologists Gaye Tuchman and Harry Levine

force of food colonialism. In a quest for

reason that Chinese food was largely popular

isn’t to say that dim sum, ramen, and KBBQ

unfamiliar foods, the food colonist turns

with New York Jews in the 1890s because of

are not authentic representations of their

exotic foods—which play an integral and

its quality, price, proximity, and its safe treyf

cuisines—rather, they’re merely a small part

nuanced role in their native cultures—into

status—Cantonese cuisine appealed to Jewish

that happens to be popular with Westerners.

mere “resource[s] for the food adventurer’s

palates with its light flavor and minced meats,

Especially when eating “ethnic” in the West,

own use,” an object and experience the

which often included pork. The Jews felt

we must remember that food is never just food:

culinary tourist consumes, stripped of history

“cosmopolitan, urbane, and sophisticated”

the ingredients, preparation, and practices

and ceremony, according to food philosopher

because the food belonged to a culture that was

that go into making a single dish, let alone

Lisa Heldke.7 Food may very well be the easiest

so Other. Moreover, they felt safe in Chinese

a cuisine, are key aspects of culture that are

and most accessible means of “traveling,” or

restaurants because the Chinese held such a

often watered down in favor of ingredients,

at least venturing into unfamiliar cultures.

low place in America.8 No matter how much

practices, and dishes that may appeal to a

However,

process

Jews deviated from the White, Anglo-Saxon

Western palate that has long regarded Asian

heavily enmeshed in issues of class, race,

Protestants that predominantly comprised

cuisines as subaltern.

and privilege. As Westerners, we occupy a

New York, they could never be more foreign

position of privilege because our upbringing

than the Chinese, who looked, spoke, and

has been framed through a white lens in

cooked differently. This difference lingers

which Other cultures will always be lesser.

still: even now, Chinese and other Asian

eating

“ethnic”

Alexandra is senior in MCC who loves NCT, food, and TV (in that order). Follow her sister’s chinchillas on Instagram @ loafnhanny.

7 Heldke, Lisa. “Let’s Cook Thai: Recipes for Colonialism.” Food and Culture: A Reader. Routledge, 2012. 8 Tuchman, Gaye and Harry Gene Levine. “New York Jews and Chinese Food: The Social Construction of an Ethnic Pattern.” Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, Vol. 22 No. 3. Sage Publications, 1993. 9 “Fried Rice,” 43:00. Ugly Delicious. Netflix, 23 February 2018. 10 Vianna, Carla. “Inventive Chinatown Ramen Spot Bassanova Closes — and More Closings.” Eater, 4 October 2019. READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

You Dim Sum, You Lose Some: Culinary Tourism and Eating “Ethnic” 11

BEYOND COLOURED SHADES: STRUGGLING ASIAN AMERICAN ARTISTS By: Ting Shing Koh

Image Courtesy of MTV

k-pop: homecoming

popularity when they were in Korea. As they

fetishisation and modern orientalism

As K-Pop groups such as BTS and

have returned to their home country to

BlackPink have taken America by storm,

create music in English, their limited success

One may argue that the success of K-Pop

headlining major music festivals, selling out

demonstrates how Asian American artists

in the United States counters the claim that

world tours, and ingraining their presence

still face many struggles and hindrances in

Asian artists are not accepted in the American

into many Spotify playlists, I wonder: why

creating music in America. The irony lies

music industry, but these people fail to see

aren’t there more Asians in the American

within the fact that their entrance card to the

the essence of the problem. The difference

music industry who create music in English?

music industry in their home country had

in perception between K-pop artists and

Many K-Pop artists foreign to Korea often

to be first earned by establishing fame and

American pop artists can be traced back to

seek to expand their musical audience to

acceptance in a foreign country. Despite their

the roots of orientalism. Modern orientalism

those outside Korea, usually to people in their

previous commercial success, they still had to

has evolved from its classical understanding,

home countries. Despite their huge successes

restart from the bottom.

as perceptions of Asian cultures have shifted

and recognition in Korea, they often do not achieve as much success and acceptance within the American community. This lack of transference of popularity within cultures shines light on the cultural differences and barriers of acceptance when it comes to viewing people of a different race. In the instances of Tiffany Young and Amber Liu, renowned idols from girl groups Girls’

Generation

and

F(x)

respectively,

both artists have yet to reach close to their

12 History and Contemporary Culture

The irony lies within the fact that their entrance card to the music industry in their home country had to be first earned by establishing fame and acceptance in a foreign country.

from association with the “exotic” and “backward”. . But, the aspect of exoticism remains. K-Pop’s glamorous visuals is usually the key factor that attracts Americans to the genre. However, with the perception of Asian artists as exotic and foreign, these visuals counterproductively divert attention away from the music, with the American audience more obsessed with the “Asian look” than their music. The fetishisation of the K-pop genre and the artists within the genre creates

where do we go from here? idols—it just may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Whether

not

Asian

and

Asian

American artists are accepted in the American community depend on so much beyond race. With deep-rooted cultural differences and concerns in addition to modern orientalism in consumers’ biases, Asian American artists may have a long way to go before truly integrating themselves into the American mainstream music industry. However, they should first ask themselves: do they want to change their art, just to ‘fit in’? Why should art suffer? Or perhaps, is art suffering? Many people may claim that the lack of acceptance of Asian and Asian

Image Courtesy of Koreaboo

American artists is hurting their music. But to

the culture of modern orientalism within the

distinct skills and personalities. The trainee

what extent is that true? It’s up for the artist

music industry, pigeonholing Asian artists to

culture in K-Pop demonstrates the distinct

and listener to decide. I don’t know about you,

the K-pop genre and aesthetics.

foci of the two industries. With different

but I like to appreciate art with no strings

However, with the perception of Asian artists as exotic and foreign, these visuals counterproductively divert attention away from the music, with the American audience more obsessed with the “Asian look” than their music.

artistries and emphasis in training, it is

attached once in a while.

understandable why the success of K-Pop artists may not necessarily transfer to the American audience. K-Pop music could also

Ting Shing Koh is a freshman studying Media, Culture, and Communication at New York University.

sometimes be perceived as lacking content or significant messages. After stripping away its extravagant visuals and production, music created by former K-Pop idols themselves may not always have much to say, often turning to the traditional pop route that could reflect a sense of superficiality. This is not to discredit all music created by current or former K-Pop

Image Courtesy of K-POP EXCITING

the cultural divide Nonetheless, there must be more to this than race. The content of the music should be equally analysed with the source of the music. Is it possible that Asian and Asian American artists are not accepted in the American music industry purely due to the quality of their art, particularly the inability for their art to connect with American audience? There are undoubtedly cultural differences in the discussion between Asian and American music communities, with American works often more explicitly touching on sensitive and

controversial

subjects.

Perhaps

this

difference in perspective is acknowledged by the artists themselves, as the lack of Asian representation in the industry is also partially due to the shortage of artists entering the scene. In contrast to content-heavy American music,

K-Pop

emphasises

eye-catching

visuals and coordination of members, with idols taking part in not only singing and dancing classes, but also in developing READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Beyond Coloured Shades: Struggling Asian American Artists 13

SHIFTING THE COST:

FAST FASHION CASH OUTS IN SOUTH-EAST ASIA

Artwork by Joanna Feng

By: Michelle Zhang “There is a joke in China that you can tell the ‘it’ color of the season by looking at the color of the rivers.”1 In an interview as

the pervasiveness of the industry’s practice in

empires point to these companies for “using

all aspects of life.

prison labour in China, employing children

Workplace abuse in overseas textile

in Myanmar, [and] firing Cambodian women

publicity for the documentary RiverBlue,

factories has always been at the back burner of

who got pregnant.”2 While these workplace

fashion activist Orsola de Castro shares this

our national conscious. Accounts from workers

abuses show a blatant lack of respect for

anecdote not as a glib joke, but rather to show

who are subcontracted by large fast fashion

fundamental human rights, there are even

1 Webber, Emily. “How Fast Fashion Is Killing Rivers Worldwide”. Ecowatch. March 27, 2015. 2 Kong, Lee Lian. “Why fast-fashion brands like H&M are losing millennial customers in Malaysia and Singapore”. South China Morning Post. June 28, 2018.

14 Politics and Current Events

more pernicious ways that these fast fashion

recent years had skin discoloration and severe

cancer” in “both factory workers and people

empires can impact the local communities

developmental problems.5 In an interview

living near viscose plants.”7 The Changing

from which they source their labor.

with

environmental

Markets Foundation cited evidence that this

Twenty years ago, China had an

activist and author, she explains that these

type of unregulated viscose production has

estimated 50,000 rivers. As of today, more

effects are not only inconsequential for

heightened the pollution of Poyang, China’s

than half of these rivers have disappeared.3

companies but beneficial. A constant need

largest freshwater lake, and other major

Of the ones that remain, those in proximity

for jobs prompts a new, healthier population

waterways in Indonesia and India, destroying

to replace them so there is never a shortage

a crucial water source for local communities.8

of labor. At the same time, communities are

What’s environmentally sustainable for those

unable to distance themselves from the toxic

who are privileged enough to live next to a

chemicals being pumped into their blood.

park can be devastating for those who live

These companies tether these communities

next to these plants.

Vandana

Shiva,

to poverty with the promise of livelihood. The cyclical nature is so pervasive that upward social mobility becomes a fleeting dream. So when the communities “get cancer, there are more profits. Ultimately, [these parents] have accepted the death of their kids.”6

So when the communities “get cancer, there are more profits. Ultimately, [these parents] have accepted the death of their kids.”

What’s environmentally sustainable for those who are privileged enough to live next to a park can be devastating for those who live next to these plants. Fashion comes at a cost that the consumer must be willing to pay. In contrast, fast fashion comes at a cost that the consumer pushes onto others with less power, money,

In this past decade, there has

and agency. Before ready-to-wear became

been a resurgence of environmentalism,

the standard and e-commerce revolutionized

with more people than ever attempting to

the expediency of output, fashion was an

live “sustainable” lifestyles, especially in

investment that demanded longevity. The

Western countries where it is less costly to

current rate of fashion being mass produced,

do so. Brands like Reformation and Patagonia

sold, and sent to landfills demands the

pride themselves on having dignified labor

consumer to question if affordable fashion is

laws, being carbon neutral, and promoting

worth the human cost we shift onto those in

the responsibility of the consumer. However,

South and East Asia. Shima Akhter, a young

to textile factories contain increasingly high

this trend in sustainability can simply serve

Bangladeshi garment worker interviewed in

levels of pollution as clothing dye treatment

to alleviate the guilt of the Western consumer

The True Cost, looks at the camera instead of

of synthetic and natural clothing materials

at the expense of the workers forced to bear

the interviewer when she says: “I don’t want

leak into the waste runoff from the factories.

the brunt of the cost. In one striking example,

anyone wearing anything which is produced

EcoWatch, an environmental watchdog news

a material hailed as “sustainably chic” has

with our blood.”9 We shouldn’t want it, either.

group, estimates that around “70 percent of

a much higher cost than marketed. Viscose

the rivers and lakes [have been] contaminated

is a new trend in sustainable fashion, as it is

by...wastewater

produced

the

I don’t want anyone wearing anything which is produced with our blood.

textile

a natural, biodegradable fabric made from

industry,” which has increased incidences of

wood. Compared to cotton, which takes

cancer among the communities that depend

an incredible amount of water to produce,

on these rivers and streams for hydration

and polyester, which is synthetic and non-

and sanitation.4 The True Cost, a 2015

degradable, viscose has seen a surge in usage.

Michelle is a senior studying mathematics and economics.

documentary on the fast fashion industry,

However, viscose production is extremely

Her life ambition is to have an empty inbox.

features interviews of multiple people in local

heavy in chemical processing; it contains

communities in India that have been directly

a key byproduct called carbon disulphide,

affected by these toxic runoffs. In one village

which has been “linked to coronary heart

shown, over half of all the children born in

disease, birth defects, skin conditions and

3 Hsu, Angel; Miao, William. “28,000 Rivers Disappeared in China: What Happened?”. The Atlantic. April 29, 2013. 4 Webber, Emily. “How Fast Fashion Is Killing Rivers Worldwide”. 5 The True Cost.. Directed by Andrew Morgan. Life is my Move Entertainment, 2015. 6 i.d. 7 Hoskins, Tansy. “H&M, Zara and Marks & Spencer linked to polluting viscose factories in Asia”. June 13, 2017. 8 i.d. 9 The True Cost. READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Shifting the Cost: Fast Fashion Cash Outs in South-East Asia 15

PERSPECTIVE BEYOND BORDERS: POLITICAL SOCIALIZATION OF CHINA AND THE US By:OnEric Wu June 4th, I was eating breakfast with

in Beijing while visiting family. I had only the

value individualism, democracy, and personal

my mom when I mentioned that day marked

faintest idea of why that event was significant

responsibility, but I would consistently get a

the 30th anniversary of the 1989 Tiananmen

because I was only eight at the time, but the

different message at home.

Square protests. I understood that the protests

spectacle still captured my attention. This

ended in a bloody crackdown and have since

brings me to the primary matter at hand:

been scrubbed from textbooks by the Chinese

political

government, but I was surprised to learn

develops their understanding of politics and

that my parents were actually also at those

of how the world is or should be organized.

protests. At the time, they were in college,

Like many other American kids, I held my

more or less the same age as me, and were

hand over my heart and pledged allegiance

on break. To them, the politics of the protests

to the flag every morning without totally

were not important; they just went to check

understanding the implications of the pledge.

it out for themselves and they left before the

If anything, I was annoyed because my section

Communism fell apart in Eastern Europe,

tanks began rolling down Chang’an Avenue. I

always faced the sun. School taught me to

Francis Fukuyama marks the moment in his

was told that many of the students that were arrested were not allowed to return to school or to graduate. Some weren’t even allowed to hold jobs simply because they protested against the government. My parents escaped punishment and went on to graduate and later emigrated to the U.S., but this story compelled me to think more deeply about my family’s experience of history and how that experience continues to color my perception of our ancestral homeland. Politics has always interested me. Back during the 2008 presidential election, I would see campaign signs along the roads or in front of people’s homes. In January of 2009, I watched Barack Obama’s inauguration on TV

16 Politics and Current Events

socialization,or

how

person

School taught me to value individualism, democracy, and personal responsibility, but I would consistently get a different message at home.

Democracy

complicated.

Is the adoption of an authoritarian regime a price worth paying for quick government action and economic prosperity?

Having traveled all around the

country, from Beijing to Shenzhen and Chengdu to Guilin, China is still an endlessly fascinating place in my eyes. Even though I grew up on the opposite hemisphere, I still feel an intangible connection. The fact that generations of people that came before me toiled and rejoiced on that land makes me feel

Xiaoping with raising the standard of living

inextricably linked to it. I think it’s important

for hundreds of millions of people, but he is

to think deeply about that link. That history,

the same person that oversaw the crackdown

that long chain of causes and effects, has

at Tiananmen Square. Above all else, it is a

defined my present. Even though my passport

matter of perspective. After several decades of

has an eagle on it, my understanding of

violence, deprivation and chaos, China finally

America has been enriched by perspectives

was able to achieve stability and growth. My

from beyond its borders. Looking at where we

family benefited enormously from China’s economic reforms, linking the opportunities I have today to what the Communist Party was able to achieve.

I was always taught the conventional

wisdom to not bite the hand that feeds you.

Even though my passport has an eagle on it, my understanding of America has been enriched by perspectives from beyond its borders.

1989 article “The End of History?” as “the

When I read about the draconian measures

end point of mankind’s ideological evolution

the Chinese government is taking to suppress

and the universalization of Western liberal

dissent in Tibet or Xinjiang, I feel a mixture of

democracy as the final form of human

disappointment and horror. There is mounting

stand today, a little self-reflection can help us

government”.1 Needless to say, this was

evidence that China is potentially attempting

define a path for the future. How should we

not the case. Although we tend to associate

to assist other authoritarian regimes, such

respond when American companies practice

prosperity with Western democratic states,

as Uzbekistan or Zimbabwe, by helping them

self-censorship on behalf of the Chinese

China has become a massive exception to this

develop their surveillance infrastructures.3

government? How should America react when

rule. The fact that 730 million Chinese people

Another particularly concerning trend is how

a rising superpower with vastly different

have been lifted out of poverty over the course

American companies are beginning to censor

ideals is expanding its influence around the

of four decades is nothing short of astounding.

themselves in order to maintain business ties

globe? I may not have definitive, actionable

However, the actions of the authoritarian

to China. South Park was banned on Chinese

responses to those questions, but I feel that I

regime that is responsible for this growth

websites after releasing an episode critiquing

can now look at the argument from any angle.

challenges what I was taught about the

Chinese censorship. After the ban, the show’s

importance of democracy.

creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone issued

My parents would often tell me that

a tongue-in-cheek apology that reads “We

a good byproduct of China’s authoritarianism

too love money more than freedom and

is efficiency. The gridlock and bickering we see

democracy”.4

Eric is a CAS Sophomore studying Politics and History.

in Congress would never occur in China. If one person says something must be done, then it’s done. Oftentimes the roadwork in Vegas would drag on for months, blocking off lanes and creating traffic. My dad would say that the Chinese would be able to finish that work in two weeks. However, the question that must be asked is if that is a deal worth taking. Is the adoption of an authoritarian regime a price worth paying for quick government action and economic prosperity? Sure, we can credit Deng 1 Fukuyama, Francis. “The End of History?”. The National Interest #16. 1989. 2 Diallo, Fatoumata. “China’s Anti-Poverty Efforts: Problems and Progress”. Institute for Security and Development Policy. March 2019. 3 Mozur, Paul; Kessel, Jonah; Chan, Melissa. “China’s AntiPoverty Efforts: Problems and Progress”. April 24, 2019. 4 Brzeski, Patrick; Parker, Ryan. “‘South Park’ Scrubbed From Chinese Internet After Critical Episode”. October 7, 2019.

READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Perspective Beyond Borders: Political Socialization of China and the US 17

DISSECTING “DIASPORA” By: Daniel Kaifeng Liu

had

immigrants and the recently arrived under the

rise in anti Chinese sentiment, the situation

connotations with the refugee experience,

Historically,

“diaspora”

has

same ethnic group inevitably arises certain

of Chinese Americans in particular seems to

whether concerning Irish mass emigration

differences that set the two sub demographic

grow ever more tenuous. As an indication of

following the Potato Famine, the Armenian

cohorts almost worlds apart.

potential future restrictions, the decreased

exodus in wake of the Armenian genocide, or the worldwide Jewish populations. For a people living in a foreign land, their ties to their homeland via the preservation of cultural traditions pervades through their interaction with their surrounding societies. Looking back as a member of the Overseas Chinese demographic (海外，华侨), what I have seen is a peculiar divide both between the diaspora and overall American society, between other “Asian-American” diasporas, and within itself. For both first generation immigrants and American-born citizens, the

trend in the granting of H1B1 visas to Chinese

As a result, the classification of descendants of the late 19th century immigrants and the recently arrived under the same ethnic group inevitably arises certain differences that set the two sub demographic cohorts almost worlds apart.

challenge of straddling two worlds amid the process of cultural assimilation continue to

citizens with prospects of immigrating and the statements of the FBI labelling Chinese students as a “National Security Threat” are worrisome indicators2. Such suspicion was not always the case, as it had been ever since the rise of the PRC, which had represented the most pivotal moment in American foreign policy adopting a strict containment doctrine throughout the rest of the Cold War. among

In fact, there is historical precedent the

overseas

Chinese

diaspora,

including North American populations, in maintaining close relations with their ancestral

Reactions

the

growing

homeland. Prior to the Xinhai Revolution of

serve as the dividing issues, usually also split

international stature and military might

1911 that toppled the moribund Qing Dynasty,

along generational lines. Such a contrast is

of the People’s Republic of China generally

ethnic Chinese scattered across Chinatowns on

typical for a community that is divided both by

elicit concern among foreign audiences1, as

all continents made significant contributions

custom and by the time of arrival, when taking

well as endanger a certain segment of their

to the anti-Imperial Revolutionaries, as well

into account the Chinese Exclusion Act, which

population as a potential fifth column, with

as harboring prominent anti Qing agitators

had effectively prevented large scale Chinese

some Overseas Chinese populations more

from persecution. Sun Yat-Sen, for instance,

immigration until the unilateral lifting of

so than others on the receiving end. Caught

had taken refuge in the United States while

quotas in 1965. As a result, the classification

between the political sabre rattling of both

gathering support for the Tongmenghui, the

of descendants of the late 19th century

Washington and Beijing, as well as the gradual

organization that would play a pivotal role

1 Silver, Laura; Devlin, Kat; Huang, Christine. “People around the globe are divided in their opinions of China”. Pewresearch.org. September 30, 2019. 2 Feng, Emily. “FBI Urges Universities To Monitor Some Chinese Students And Scholars In The U.S.”. June 28, 2019

18 Politics and Current Events

in the uneasy transition from the Dynastic

later manifest in later decades among Chinese

in the late 19th century, refugees escaping

age into Modern China. When China fell into

on the Mainland and Overseas, alongside

the implementation of Communist rule in

chaotic Warlord Era, diaspora communities

within the diaspora itself, first took form.

Mainland China, and those with University

across continued to look after their relatives

What followed would be decades of effectively

degrees from Mainland Chinese universities

trapped in the midst of the calamitous

“frozen” relations between the newly formed

now saw themselves classified within the

turmoil, alongside patriotic youth seeking

People’s Republic

opportunities to serve their ancestral home.

and much of the

During the Second Sino Japanese War, ethnic

Western

Chinese

significant

led by the United

fundraising for the Chinese war effort through

States. When the

the gathering of collective solidarity against

policy of “opening

the Japanese invasion, with the contribution

up” in the late

of volunteer pilots and sabouters. Such

70s

marked

support would sometimes result in mass

the

entrance

reprisals, with the Sook Ching massacre

in Singapore carried out by the Japanese

China

into

in retaliation for the Singaporean Chinese

world

economy,

community providing aid to their compatriots

the

dynamics

in the Mainland.

worldwide

conducted

World

Mainland

the

Chinese

All would change with the aftermath

diaspora

would

of the Chinese Civil War, with Mainland

undergo

another

China coming under the rule of the Chinese

significant

Communist Party and the formation of the

both

People’s Republic. It was in this wake that

and mindset. 3

shift makeup

many Chinese with the means to do so fled

During the late 20th century, fresh

same ethnic background, along with the

either to Taiwan, where the Nationalist

waves of Asian immigration into the US

general term of “Asian-American.” Behind

government had relocated with the Mainland

took place due to the passage of the 1965

the general grouping conceals a world of

coming under the Communist control, Hong

immigration

contrast

Kong, or overseas. Much of the influx of

removed

Chinese immigration during this time period

system. Such an unprecedented influx of

refugees harboring strong ties to the Republic

consisted of refugees fleeing the impending

new

substantially

of China and the Nationalist cause, and the

persecution of the proprietor classes, notably

influence the dynamic nature of American

wave of well educated Mainland Chinese

landlords. With the vast majority of overseas

demographics, alongside additional challenge

families with varying degrees of sentiment

Chinese staunchly in support of the Republic

for existing diaspora communities in the

towards the People’s Republic. Even more

of China on Taiwan, the divide that would

US. Chinese immigrants that have arrived

recently, the stream of Chinese students

the

arrivals

reform, previous continues

which

effectively

national to

quota

mostly

between

multigenerational

Cantonese)

Chinese

(and

Americans,

entering American Universities shows no sign of halting4, with a good percentage expected to settle in the United States as permanent residents, although the escalating tensions between the two economic giants only further complicate affairs. Daniel Kaifeng Lu is a first-year at New York University’s Leonard N. Stern School of Business, and part of the Business and Political Economy Program. He is Chinese.

3 Misiuna, J. (2019). “The Impact of the Chinese Diaspora in the U.S. on the American View of China”. Interdisciplinary Political and Cultural Journal. 2019. 4 Chen, Te-Ping. “Why So Many Chinese Students Come to the U.S.”. Washington Street Journal. May 01, 2018. READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Dissecting “Diaspora” 19

Lily Kim Qian is a junior pursing a BFA in Illustration. Her body of work focuses on exploring the transient and surreal, often with a dreamy blend of eastern influence and natural motifs. She specializes in digital illustrations, watercolor paintings and intricate ink drawings. Growing up shuttled between Canada and China, her â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;East meets Westâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; perspective influences her work where ambiguous narratives portray a sense of cultural ambiguity and displacement.

20 Creative Fiction

Whale Skeleton Waves

LILY KIM QIAN

Clouds, Buildings, Planets

Butterfly Father Son

Whale Teacup

Two Tigers

READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Artwork by Lily Kim Qian 21

By: Ryan Yi After their mother was admitted to the hospital, Tomoya’s little brother stopped going outside.

fetch him. Meanwhile, Tomoya visited his mother at the hospital every day after work to look after her.

Nestled deep within the entertainment district was a 24/7 net cafe

When Tomoya was in university he went on a fishing trip with

that his brother Aki frequented throughout high school. Rather than

a friend, spending the night on the water far from shore. The moon

return to their cramped apartment after class, Aki would spend all his

was waning and the waves were still; nothing but a flat black expanse

money on a room and stay there for hours, doing homework or killing

stretched out in every direction. In that moment Tomoya felt that there

time on the computer.

were no walls, only an infinite stretch of forever with no beginning or

Tomoya had been forced to go there multiple times to drag his

end.

brother home. It was a tiny place buried in a narrow alley bristling with

Those winter days reminded him of that fishing trip. By the

signs advertising everything imaginable. The neon lights cast an alien

beginning of February his mother could only muster one sentence

glow at night, adamant in their artificiality.

per day. One morning she gripped his hand with withered fingers and

Tomoya never understood what drew his brother so strongly to

The neon lights cast an alien glow at night, adamant in their artificiality.

croaked, “Where is your brother?” He set out that night to visit Aki once more, leaving with a promise from his mother’s nurse that she would call should anything occur in his absence.

that place. Aki claimed it had everything a person needed to live: food,

The net cafe was so far from the main street he could barely hear

drinks, a reclining chair, and a computer. Tomoya had stood inside one

any other pedestrians. The gaudy neon signs out front didn’t feel

once and thought it felt more like a prison than anything else; just a long

inviting to him at all. Rather they seemed to ward him away. There was

hallway lined by tiny cubicles of no more than fifty square feet. Though

something ominous about the place, unnatural; an aberration in the

according to Aki, that was the appeal.

fabric of reality.

Their mother moved permanently into the hospital at the beginning

The man behind the desk let him pass without a word, aware by

of January. Two weeks later Aki rented a room at the net cafe, spending

now that Tomoya hadn’t come to rent a room. Only one of the tiny

whole days there and refusing to emerge even when Tomoya came to

cubicles down the hall was occupied.

22 Creative Fiction

Reaching out, he knocked. “Aki.”

walls. Only so much can happen in this place.” With that he closed the door. As it shut Tomoya saw a beaten up

He heard a start, then a brief rustling noise. But his brother said

reclining chair and the sick glow of a computer screen. Aki’s entire

nothing. A guilty silence joined the faint hum of computer hard drives

world, captured in a fraction of a second.

and ceiling fans. Tomoya wondered if time existed at all inside that tiny

At a loss, Tomoya left the cafe.

ten-by-five foot square on the other side. Perhaps even their mother, and Tomoya himself, didn’t exist either.

The night air was frigid when he stepped outside. Tomoya took in a shuddering gasp and exhaled, his breath billowing up the alley.

“Aki, you can’t keep doing this,” he said. “You have to see mother.”

He walked without knowing where he was going. He just wanted to

He tried to open the door but it was bolted. He was locked out,

get away from those haunting neon lights. He found himself at a large

barred; fifty square feet the universe belonged to Aki and Aki alone. Desperate, he raised his fist and pounded on the door as hard as he

Fifty square feet the universe belonged to Aki and Aki alone. could. It rattled loudly on its hinges but held fast.

intersection at the heart of the district, crossing alongside a thousand other pedestrians. A thousand other people whose lives and hardships he could hardly fathom. When he was halfway across his phone rang, stopping Tomoya in his tracks. He knew without looking that it was the nurse. When he looked up, it felt like the city stretched on forever no matter where he looked.

“Aki, your mother is dying!”

And it was then, at the heart of that intersection, that Tomoya finally

There was no immediate response. Disgusted, Tomoya turned to

understood why Aki had hidden away from a world of endless possibility.

leave when he heard Aki rise from his chair. A moment later the lock turned, and the door opened a tiny fraction.

Ryan is a senior studying finance and accounting. He has never been to a net cafe, but would

A gaunt young man peered through the crack in the door. But it

like to stay in one someday, albeit briefly.

wasn’t his hunched posture or sunken pallor that unsettled Tomoya; it was the utterly empty look in his brother’s eyes, like the sea at night. “Tomoya, I like it here,” Aki said. “It’s quiet, and I can see the Photo by Alex Knight, courtesy of Medium @ agkdesign

READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Like the Sea at Night 23

Image: I Fascimile, and I Fascimile, and I Facsimile by Tommy Kha

By: Hanxi Zhu

My parents used to tell me bedtime storiesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;

shattering

Not of elves or fairies or princesses,

against the impenetrable shield of

but tales of humans,

thousands of years of filial piety.

of cardiomyopathy instead of broken hearts,

I must obey my parents,

of isopropanol instead of witchesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; brews,

keep my head down,

of patients instead of princes.

keep my mouth shut.

They forged my path, and outlined my destiny:

But the more I wrestled with myself,

the more I fought with my parents,

You must be a doctor.

my once-warm home became So I fought

cold, silent, tense.

against the tales,

I battled against the people who raised me,

against my parents.

who made rice porridge when I was sick,

I forged my pride,

who cut fruit for me to show their love.

hard-earned, calloused, bruised,

Our words were loaded,

tempered over and over

tinged with sorrow,

by my motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s piercing tongue.

laced with regret,

But put enough force on the edges,

yet fired mercilessly,

over-stress the pressure points,

aimed to strike where it hurts most.

and it b r e a k s

24 Creative Fiction

Images: Self with Mother by Tommy Kha (top), Headtown V Memphis by Tommy Kha (bottom).

The tense battle was like a tug-of-war, between the old and the new, the past and the present neither side wanting to let go for fear of falling, of failing, of losing. I felt abandoned in this two-versus-one, and I let go. I confess—

I don’t know what I want to be.

My entire life, I’ve been running away from medicine, subverting my expectations. I know where these expectations came from: years of laboring in a laboratory, late nights hunched over medical texts, clawing their way up to fight for their dreams, to give me a better future, to give me a chance they never had. Medicine put food on the table, kept the water running, kept the lights on. “Eat bitter,” they told me, as I opened yet another Kumon packet. “Taste sweet,” they told me, as I opened my NYU acceptance letter. And I realize now, despite the anger, the pain, the tears, all they wanted was for me to be happy. But as I continue learning, exploring new fields, forging my own path, I realize now: Even though that path is unclear,

I don’t have to become a doctor.

Hanxi is a first year in Liberal Studies. She spends too much money on Soylent and time on League of Legends.

READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Eat Bitter, Taste Sweet 25

NEVERTHELESS, SUMMER ENDED. By: Kathy Park It was the tail end of summer. She had

year. Although everything was a distant ache

Although the train travelled fast, she felt

basked in the familiar warmth of June, slept

now, one thing still remained clear and sharp:

stuck in the same place. Doors kept opening

endlessly during July, and begun hobbies that

the perpetual, ceaseless dread that colored

and closing, people kept coming and going.

would be left unfinished in August. Summer

every moment of her life in the city.

But she could not move her body, even when

had felt infinite, and now, staring at her half-

She drew her eyes from the window to her

the doors opened to her stop. She stared

packed suitcase, she felt dread creeping up her

desk. There was a drawing left unfinished, and

helplessly as the door closed and the vehicle

chest. It was still dark outside, but she knew

her new planner sat untouched. Her efforts

ripped her away from her destination. Just

she would remain awake until sunrise. It had

to be enthusiastic about returning were only

like that, the train took her to the outskirts of

been weeks since she slept and woke at the “right” time. Surely enough time had passed for the jetlag to wear off, yet her body refused to adjust to the local time. It was true—the fast-paced, hectic everyday life she led just

the city and finally spat her out into an empty

Piece by piece, she recalled the night she did not wish to recall.

a few months ago was not one to be easily forgotten. But in the heavy silence of the

half-hearted. But worrying her family was not

night, she stayed wide awake, and something

an option. It was too ungrateful, too selfish

about her wakefulness troubled her.

to confess her anxiety. So she swallowed

station. The air was heavy, and nobody was around to see her and to be seen by her. She

The light dyed the sky shades of indigo, then cool hues of blue, and finally yellow. The sun did not hesitate to rise.

She looked out the window. The night

and swallowed, pushing down anything that

veiled the view, but she imagined the distant

remotely resembled concern. She thought

stood there, tears streaming down her face.

of the plane ride back alone—the dimmed

Not out of fear, but regret. Out of self loathing.

lights, the empty aisle, the closed windows.

Out of resentment towards the passivity that

She turned the lights off, hoping the darkness

defeated her. She stood alone into the night.

But in the heavy silence of the night, she stayed wide awake, and something about her wakefulness troubled her.

would send her to sleep.

Her mind returned to the room as the

She blinked hard at the ceiling, still wide

pounding of her heart slowly settled. It was

awake. Her thoughts trailed back and forth,

dawn; the dark gradually lifted and signaled

hesitant to arrive at an unwanted memory.

the morning’s arrival. The light dyed the sky

tall willow trees swaying into nothingness.

Then, the train track near her house started

shades of indigo, then cool hues of blue, and

With no one to perceive them, their existence

to rumble. The sound of the train rushing past

finally yellow. The sun did not hesitate to rise.

seemed to have lost all meaning. Beyond

travelled through the ground and the tiny

She looked out the window and was relieved

the walls of her room, everyone had fallen

vibration that survived the distance quietly

to find the tall willow trees still in place. She

asleep, leaving her behind and alone. A faint

rung inside her body. Piece by piece, she

drew the curtains and laid down on the bed.

memory echoed in the dark of the night. She

recalled the night she did not wish to recall.

She closed her eyes.

remembered the sleepless nights then, and the

That night, the city was damp from rain.

days wasted in slumber. It was the first time

She got on the subway late, around 11 p.m.

she had been on her own. It was not a friendly

For some reason, the stops felt so far apart.

26 Creative Fiction

Kathy Park is a sophomore studying English and Cinema Studies. She enjoys reading and writing short stories.

STUCK IN BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE By: Paolo Nguyen Paolo Nguyen is a Junior studying International Relations at CAS.

READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Stuck in Between a Rock and a Hard Place 27

SWEET-TALKED

AND SWINDLED

By: Thea Wang

The Yan family residence looked just

fake supplements would actively hurt her by

like any other Chinese apartment: family

assuring her regular medicine was useless.

portraits with whitened smiles like a

“But wait, there’s more!” Luna imagined the

toothpaste commercial, little bear-shaped

scammer saying. “We’ll add a gift: this nice

penholders painted by baby Luna and her

toilet seat! Or perhaps you’d like to go with us

cousins, and mysterious unlabeled cans of

on excursions around Beijing? Buy more, get

Chinese medicine. But Luna soon noticed

more!”

something had changed.

Lao lao then began detailing her “health

That year’s visit had started just like it always did, lao lao and lao ye* had greeted them excitedly in their handme-down Crocs. As lao ye hurried back to the kitchen, lao lao encouraged Luna to make herself comfortable

lessons” hosted by supposedly certified

Lao lao, like many other elderly Chinese, was being targeted as a victim of an intricate medicine scam.

doctors. After rattling on about health issues and solutions, eventually, these “doctors” would segue into the real point of the lecture: recommending

in the living room area and began to talk.

products targeted towards specific diseases,

Throughout their conversation, Lunafound

using personal information they’d gathered

herself noticing the household’s new

about their victims. “If you buy it with the

additions, like a fancy toilet seat lao lao had

packaging, it’s more expensive.” Naturally,

recently been obsessing over. They seemed

lao lao would feel inclined to buy it without

functional. But with the products piling up

the packaging. This way, it would be

every summer, Luna eventually realized that

impossible to track the scammer — how

these items indicated a larger problem: lao

could she track a company she didn’t know

lao, like many other elderly Chinese, was

the name of?

being targeted as a victim of an intricate medicine scam. Lao lao was talking about doctors now. It

The whole family was most definitely aware of the scale of this scamming problem, but there was nothing they could do about it.

was the same story Luna had heard over and

Luna’s uncle tried telling her how he saw it.

over again. Lao lao was in her mid-seventies

“This’ll happen to me when I’m old, too,”

and had health problems for as long as the

he joked. “Because there’s some merit to the

family could remember. “Years ago, they told

scams. If lao lao believes the scam medicine

me I only had one more year. But I’m still

is keeping her alive, maybe it is, by placebo

alive, because of my own will to live. Other

effect. Everyone has something they like to

people die when their wills aren’t strong

buy, even if it’s not necessarily beneficial.

enough. They just give up.” This hard-willed

But the effect it has on your spirit makes it

and optimistic woman, though, was also

worthwhile.”

quite self-righteous. Unfortunately, this selfrighteousness made her an easy target. She already saw the doctors as untrustworthy, and would rather support anyone who reaffirmed her beliefs concerning her health.

If lao lao believes the scam medicine is keeping her alive, maybe it is, by placebo effect.

Luna was more skeptical. She tried to picture a typical encounter with a scammer. “Both Western and Chinese doctors say they have no method of curing one of your

Luna didn’t want to buy into this narrative, but there didn’t seem to be a clear

diseases that won’t make another worse? No problem. Just take this; it’ll cure you.” Lao lao probably didn’t realize that taking

28 Creative Fiction

Fake medicine bottle. Artwork by Thea Wang

alternative. Was that it, then? They would let the scammers continue doing this until lao lao died, and then move on to their next victim? Her relatives seemed to have

In any relationship, the most important thing is not always being right.

accepted the situation; it was fine as long as lao lao was happy. “We have to be lenient when they do something wrong,” Luna’s mother said. “In any relationship, the most important thing is not always being right”. Maybe all they could do was listen to lao lao and make her feel loved, even if she didn’t understand the gravity of the scam. Luna was still coming to terms with that, but she realized that she wasn’t the only person whose opinions mattered. And though lao lao’s understanding of the ways these scams’ inner workings was limited, she knew enough not to buy the same product again. While it wouldn’t solve the essential problem behind the scams, it was a start. Thea Wang is a freshman from Northern Virginia. She is currently studying MCC at Steinhardt.

Hand-written “receipt” for the scam medicine transaction. Translation: In receipt of payment from XXX for Lingqian (name of the fake medicine “brand”) for the amount RMB 62,000 yuan (approx. 8,850 USD), with RMB 9,760 yuan (approx. 1,400 USD) to be paid. Jun Wang. May 19, 2018. Mobile number: 130 21000 2967. Elderly Chinese attending a scam lecture/seminar.

READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Sweet-talked and Swindled 29

IN BETWEEN

So Yeon Kim is a sophomore studying Game Design at Tisch. She has worked as a Graphic Designer for various organizations.

SO YEON KIM

LUOPEIWEN YI Luopeiwen Yi is a sophomore majoring in economics and international relations.

30 Creative Fiction

An intimate, fleeting moment between lovers.

CINDY Cindy Qiang is a junior studying biology (BA/DDS Program).

QIANG

JOANNA FENG

Joanna Li Feng is a sophomore studying anthropology.

Growing up in Louisville, Kentucky, I have always felt stuck in between two worlds:

my Chinese family and my American Southern surroundings. After moving to New York City, a third world was affixed to my identity. Often times, I fight to keep these three influences separate because when mixed together, my identity feels almost senseless; I do not fully fit into any of the worlds I am apart of. However, I understand that each of these worlds are interconnected - they bleed into one another, to where the distinction line is not visible. My cultural identity is a blend of my Chinese heritage, my Southern upbringing, and my New York coming-of-age. READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

Artwork by Joanna Feng and Cindy Qiang 31

MOTHER KNOWS BEST

By: Chanel Pulido Anyone who says that the Chinese

Three generations of women in Chanel’s family: Chanel, her mother, and her grandmother. Illustration by Kevin Tu

“I heard he’s a good student. He was the

practice of matchmaking is obsolete hasn’t

top of his class in high school. Is he nice? Is

met my mother. However, as a modern

he good-looking?” she asks, scanning for any

woman, she has adopted more advanced

hint of interest in my tone.

techniques of coupling than Tinder: the unofficial WeChat Matchmaking Service for Chinese moms. As an avid member, my

“Take initiative,” my mother tells me

Mommy, literally nothing I said has to do with dating. Plus, he has a GIRLFRIEND. Of course, her knowledge of this does

mother, those conversations went differently. Instead encouraging my mother to openly

mother will make it a point to turn any phone

not prevent her from sendingthe screenshots

date and look for a compatible partner, my

call conversation into a dating lecture.

of my Instagram photos to his mom. While

grandmother was taught to accommodate

my other Asian friends share embarrassing

the men that came into her life. She was told

to listen attentively and resist the urge to

stories of their mothers, none have had their

that when women go about in the world, they

cringe, hang up, and tell her that I lost signal

mothers be as blatant and deliberate as mine

must have the mindset that a man should

in an elevator and will call her back later.

in giving dating advice. She doesn’t even

always approach them first and that they

After all, mothers know best, right?

attempt to segue segue into the topic; no

must not dare act too eager or desperate to

I question the validity of this cliché

matter which way I steer the conversation,

get with him. That was what my grandmother

when I have to explain for the fifth time in a

I always end up in the awkward position of

decided was best in a world where so much

week that no, I am not interested in your former

talking about boys that I am not interested in.

of a woman’s future depended upon her

Each time this happens, I try my best

classmate’s son who happens to go to the same school as me.

32 Personal Essays

While my mother had similar conversations about boys with her own

husband. “Take initiative,” my mother tells me.

Cut-out photograph of Chanel’s grandparents when they were younger.

presence of a male but tower over my mother at the dinner table. How she shed not tears of joy, but fear when she lost her virginity on her wedding night. How she gave up her own religion to accommodate my grandfather’s steadfast atheism. How she gave up herself to accommodate a man. After my older sister dated a guy who mistreated her, my mother finally began to reflect. “It’s the way I was raised,” she still tells me. But perhaps somewhere in the process of reflecting, she called, “bullshit!” She decided that it is better for women to choose who is good for them, rather than limiting their options by waiting for men to make the first move. So she became a blip in the lineage of women in our family and changed the conversation with me. “As a woman,” she always starts, “it is very important to take initiative and approach the guy you think is good. Because when you let guys approach you first, there’s a good chance he just wants to have fun with you and then leave. But remember, you have the power to choose who will be best for you, and above all, don’t sell yourself short.” Meaning, don’t let your gender define your self-worth.

She became a blip in the lineage of women in our family and changed the conversation with me Despite the unwanted suggestions of potential partners, perhaps my mother does know what is best for me. Unlike the way my I can imagine a younger, harsher version of my grandmother looking down at her with brooding eyes. While

Those were her duties, and she did not question them then, so my mother is questioning them now, forty years later

my only memories

cooked, cleaned, and

grandmother raised her, my mother taught

silently acquiesced

me to seek someone that sees the value in me

to his opinions and

as I see in myself.

demands. Those were her duties, and she did not question

She is planning on pursuing a major in Global Liberal Studies with a concentration in Politics, Rights, and Development.

them then, so my

of Grandma are of her innocent, rosy-

mother is questioning them now, forty years

cheeked, smiling face, I’ve caught glimpses

later.

of her other facets from my mother’s

Because my mother had watched—with

stories. Around my mother, she was the

a hint of resentment and disgust—her own

relentless tiger mom. Around her students,

mother blindly obey the demands of her

she was an esteemed professor at China’s

father, she realized how my grandmother

prestigious Zhejiang University. Yet, around

had sacrificed her own free will in the

my grandfather, she was simply a wife who

household. How she could be so meek in the

READ OUR BLOG

Chanel is a freshman in the Liberal Studies Core program.

generasian.blog

Mother Knows Best 33

THE LANGUAGE CONSTITUTING MY WORLD(S) By: Nene Hamada History homework is so mendokusai, can we do it atode? Demo our deadline is raishuu. I know but I’m so nemui kyou because I all-nighter shita.

number of mandatory hours spent on teaching

is a concept I have long questioned as I began

English in elementary school.2

identifying myself as a mediator of Japanese

As someone who is able to juggle both English and Japanese simultaneously, I find

and English. I

greatly

detested

untranslatability

that the English language has transformed

because this linguistic issue led me to nearly

Japanese society by fully integrating the

losing fluency in both my languages. I may

Foreign terms floating in the middle

language into different aspects of everyday

speak for many people when I say the mixing

of English sentences, words sprinkled into

life. From the booming Western music from

in English words into a conservation carried

Japanese conversation—phrases like these

the commercials at the Shibuya Crossing to

out in any different tongue, is a common

were common if not a daily standard. Growing

translations of traditional Japanese cuisine on

way of filling in linguistic gaps. The hybrid

up with one foot in Japanese society and

menus—seeing English used in both Japan’s

“Japanglish” language I used back in high

another in a Western one, has been a peculiar

historic and contemporary cultural scenes are

school was an original language that enabled

and unique journey.

more prevalent than ever. However, such acts

smooth communication between those with

sometimes produce unfavorable outcomes due

familiarity to both the Japanese and English

What is certainly visible in many Asian countries and notably Japan, is how language acts as a dominating influence on cultures. The environment of speech in Japan today versus the time when Commodore Matthew Perry first opened up the isolationist Japan to the outside world in 1854, differ in significant ways. Currently, Japan is ranked 11th out of 21 Asian countries surveyed on the EF English Proficiency Index, the lowest it has ever been placed in the past eight years.1 However, in recognition of the growing need to adapt to globalization, especially with the island nation’s preparation to host the 2020 Tokyo

language. Nonetheless, using the lexical gap

From the booming Western music from the commercials at the Shibuya Crossing to translations of traditional Japanese cuisine on menus— seeing English used in both Japan’s historic and contemporary cultural scenes are more prevalent than ever.

Olympics, Japan is undergoing change. Shifts

as a reason to depend on this new “language” distanced me away from both the Japanese and English speaking community. In many cases, language acts as a bridge over cultural differences. Yet, the opposite is equally possible as with my experiences— language, used to facilitate communication amongst elongating

different the

individuals,

distance

may

between

those

involved in the exchange. In Japanese, there are a set of pseudo-loanwords called “waseieigo” which translates to “Japanese-made English.”

These

are

English-like

words

in the teaching requirements of the English

to the issue of “lexical gaps” in linguistics. The

which the Japanese people have created, that

language are of national focal interest, as the

fact that I find words that are hard to translate

are either misleading or do not hold a direct

Ministry of Education plans reforms on the

between my two languages in everyday use,

meaning in the native English language.

1 “EF EPI 2019 - EF English Proficiency Index.” EF EPI 2019 - EF English Proficiency Index, EF.; “EF 英語能力指数国別ランキング発表！日本の英語力は世界で何位？.” 読んで身に付く英語勉強法マガジン. 2 “English Education Reform Plan Corresponding to Globalization.” MEXT, International Education Division, Elementary and Secondary Education Bureau.

34 Personal Essays

Japanese people unknowingly using the word “baby cart” in place of “baby carriage,” for

instance,

just

one

case out of many in which Westernization of the Japanese language negatively obstructs communication

amongst

people. People tend to downcast the negatives of introducing Western

culture

Asian

tradition, and to an extent, the slightly wrong introduction of

Language, used to facilitate communication amongst different individuals, may be elongating the distance between those involved in the exchange.

exhibiting how the linguistic interactions

proven advantageous of being bilingual in

across different cultures effectively develop a

my life. Your answer to easing multilingual

new “language” of Japanese-English but with

predicaments may not coincide with mine,

relative accuracy.

but my bilingualism is one out of the many

Reflecting back on my life, experiencing an identity crisis as a result of language

methods I have settled with to understand my environment and cultures I identify with.

barriers, did not have only negative impacts on the way I perceive the world now at

English to the Japanese language as “wasei-

NYU, where cultural gaps are bridged. This

eigo” shows that this is true. Yet, it is not

feeling of being lost between two cultures

wrong to say that comprehensive new cultures

is something I have come to terms with,

are born when people of different backgrounds

because ultimately, there is no answer nor

come into contact, which is a positive

solution to this predicament. The internal

influence in my eyes. For instance, take the

debate of whether Japanese or English is my

words “emoji” and “anime”—these Japanese

mother tongue has positively influenced me

words are absorbed and are deeply integrated

to appreciate that being in between cultures

in modern day English. A few decades

means gaining advantages of both sides. Being

ago, using these words in everyday speech

able to be the intermediary when bridging

would have left questioning looks on those

a conversation between Japanese people

unfamiliar with Japanese culture. Now, I find

and tourists or having a good laugh over

that people who appreciate Japanese culture

inaccurate Japanese-to-English translations

depend on these terms without hesitation,

at Ichiran: countless unique experiences have

Nene Hamada is a freshman from Japan studying Media, Culture, and Communication at NYU Steinhardt.

A photo of Japan’s famously crowded Shibuya crossing, a popular tourist attraction and a place where one can observe the integration of English into contemporary Japanese culture. Image courtesy of Japan National Tourist Organization.

READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

The Languages Constituting My World(s) 35

THE CLAW

JAM DELA FUENTE Jam dela Fuente is a Sophomore studying Global Public Health and Sociology. Born and raised in Metro Manila, Philippines, he began taking up an interest in photography through his schoolâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s photography club and began primarily doing event and landscape photography. Over time, Jam has developed his skills and shifted to more of a focus on portrait and night photography featuring mostly his close friends in his photos.

SUNKISSED

THROUGH GLASS 36 Personal Essays

ALL THINGS LEFT

UNSAID

a side comment that lolo had asked about me over lunch. Even

though

meals

were provided through the university’s meal plan, lola still offered me extra money to ensure I ate well every month. I

was

prompted

look back at all the other times

grandparents

have told me they loved me and didn’t have to utter a single sentence. Suddenly, moments when they’d have food quickly prepared for my visits and when they’d hold my hand in church—these mean more to me now than just passing occurrences. When words failed us,

I’ve learned that love can be found in the silences of long drives out of town, the extra bed prepared for my weekend stay, the sisig

cooked at lunch upon finding out it was my

By: Zoe de Leon

favorite dish. Thinking back to lolo’s random

Every so often, I’ll get a random call

and traditional Catholic upbringing that’s

in the early morning from my lolo. My

still common in the Philippines today. Their

grandfather has recently been able to navigate

doubled conservative attitudes made it hard

his iPad without assistance, so when he gets

for me to understand their affection without

the chance he gives me a call that routinely

it being expressed in full clarity. As a result,

goes a bit like this:

it wasn’t that I didn’t know my grandparents

“O, Zoe, kamusta?1 How is school? Good. Okay. Bye.”

loved me, but I couldn’t interpret how they expressed it.

He’ll abruptly hang up and suddenly the two-minute conversation has ended.

I started to see things differently, I like to believe, when I moved from Manila to New

When words failed us, I’ve learned that love can be found in the silences of long drives out of town, the extra bed prepared for my weekend stay, the sisig cooked at lunch upon finding out it was my favorite dish.

A man of few words, the calls are

York for college. Suddenly, speaking to my

quintessentially my lolo. With his quiet

grandparents became difficult—no longer

Viber phone calls, I realize how they were not

demeanor, he’s a contrast from my lola with

could I visit them every Sunday after a quick

meaningful because of their length or because

her boisterous charisma; she has a lot to

fifteen-minute car ride. Lolo wasn’t yet adept

of anything he said in particular; it was in the

say, usually a remark on my college major,

with technology at that time, and lola’s extent

fact that he made the calls in the first place.

ripped jeans, or poor Mahjong moves. And

with technology still doesn’t go beyond her

He and lola have shown me that I don’t need

so, the relationship I have with my paternal

green-screened Nokia. But even though direct

to keep searching for obvious ways to validate

grandparents is hardly grounded on the

communication was difficult, I was quick to

their love for me—two minute phone calls are

things they’ve said to me, whether words are

realize that they didn’t need to say anything

more than enough.

said face-to-face or through two-minute long

for me to know they hadn’t forgotten about

phone calls. When it comes to them, there are

me: when my dad would video call, he’d make

no frequent I’m proud of you’s or easily dropped take care, I love you’s in a way that I naturally searched for as a kid. Like most Filipinos of their generation, my grandparents come from intensified versions of the strict Asian 1 kamusta = how are you? READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

But even though direct communication was difficult, I was quick to realize that they didn’t need to say anything for me to know they hadn’t forgotten about me

Zoe de Leon is a sophomore studying Media, Culture, and Communication. She was born and raised in Manila.

All Things Left Unsaid 37

BLOG HIGHLIGHT:

generasian.blog SHARING ASIAN AMERICAN VOICES AT NYU

HOME ABOUT ART

CULTURE CURRENT EVENTS NYU THE MAGAZINE STORIES TRAVEL VIDEOS ASIAN APPAREL

FOOD MUSIC LIFESTYLE