Awakening: Fall 2020

AWA K E N I N G

GENERASIAN

FALL 2020

LETTER

EXECUTIVE STAFF

Co-Presidents Morgan Kuin Cheryl Man Editors-in-Chief Kathy Park Chanel Pulido Secretary Naomi Chou Treasurer Chelsea Kwak Public Relations Chair Chelsea Li Art Editors Evonne Lao Cindy Qiang Blog Editors Candice Chiang Phoebe Chuang Media Editors Kelly Sheng Joseph Lee Marva Shi Layout Editor Thea Wang Deputy Layout Editor Marva Shi

FROM THE EDITORS Dear Readers, Welcome to the Fall 2020 issue of the Generasian Magazine.

The circumstances of this year have undoubtedly impacted each and every one of us in unexpected, and often challenging ways. In the midst of navigating a global pandemic, we have had to adjust to new modes of learning, interacting, and living. The making of this semester’s magazine was not an exception – our writers and artists second digital-only launch.

However, the physical distance between us has not diminished our spirit. The unprecedented events of 2020 have prompted us to examine ourselves and the world that surrounds us in newly rigorous and conscious ways. Under the thematic umbrella of “Awakening,” defined as “an act or moment of becoming suddenly aware

cover art

2

letter from the editors

4

Evonne Lao

and staff/credits

recent experiences have facilitated a shift in their perspectives and shaped their engagement with the Asian American discourse.

The recent months have been overwhelming to say the least. Yet, we hope that in

6

18 20

seasons Ting Shing Koh

mirrors Claudia Shao

works that embody the crucial role storytelling plays in getting through difficult times.

Thank you for your continued readership. We wish you safety and good health. Enjoy!

P E R S O N A L E S SAYS

22

9 10

25

masks off

artwork

28

artwork

the asian american revolution on fashion

30

being a banana: the asian american dilemma

the past and present of “techno-orientalism”

Jikai Zheng

Victoria Maung

13 Kathy Park

artwork Alex Gutierrez

Chanel Pulido

P O LI T I C S A N D C U R R E N T E V E N T S

cover art: awakening (2020) Evonne Lao Graphite and acrylic on paper The flower is an indication of life and growth of human. This year has been an extraordinary and extra-difficult one for many of us for many reasons. I hope this piece conveys a message that encourages people to express oneself, to show oneself’s true color, and to be awakened by the events happening around us. We are in the midst of darkness, but what we brought with us and what we will bring to the world are not buried. They will transform to bright colors that lead the way.

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surviving the south: from pwi to nyu Annie Jewel Kong

Naomi Chou

reading this issue you find moments that spark joy, solace, and even ones that ignite an awakening of some sort in yourself. We are proud to present these honest and heartfelt

presenting culture on a plate during quarantine Nene Hamada

of something,” our contributors have demonstrated through their pieces how these

CONTRIBUTORS

Artists Alex Gutierrez Claudia Shao Sophie Xu Luc Yokoi Jikai Zheng

1

H I S TO RY A N D CO N T E MP O R A RY C U LT U R E

Your Editors

Layout Kunga Divie Alex Gutierrez Victoria Ng Marva Shi Thea Wang Alicia Zhu

P O E T RY

have contributed remotely from different parts of the world, and this issue marks our

Sincerely,

Writers Naomi Chou Amy Dai Nene Hamada Ting Shing Koh Annie Jewel Kong Emily Lin Michael Lo LeAnn Mai Victoria Maung Chris Tenzin

CONTENTS

14

an honest letter

16

the hong kong way of defeating a virus

Emily Lin

Michael Lo

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Amy Dai

Sophie Xu

Chris Tenzin

32

acts of love

34

artwork

36

blog highlight

39

media highlight

40

meet the eboard

LeAnn Mai

Luc Yokoi

Disclaimer: 2 Letter from the Editors

This publication is published by students at New York University and NYU is not responsible for its contents.

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Table of Contents 3

Image courtesy of SnapDish Recipe and Food.

videos of photogenic food

shaped Totoro using the soba

resembling popular characters

noodles and seaweed pieces,

like Totoro from My Neighbor

while on others, I challenged

Totoro went viral. However,

myself to make a cute soba

Kawaii2 character lunch boxes

seal. The satisfaction of

have long been a part of Japanese

producing these kawaii

culture as a way of turning a

dishes would bring me back

boring old lunch box into a fancy

to the kitchen day after day.

meal that children can have

In fact, I ended up spending

at school. Growing up, I was

most of my quarantine

told that crafting animals and

days learning how to make

characters out of ingredients

traditional Japanese cuisine

like cheese and seaweed is a way

from scratch as well as how

for mothers to communicate

to make the dishes look

their love for their children

artistic and cute.

through food. With the extra

experience to learn about

quarantine, this heartwarming

your culture through

food culture turned out to be the

cooking. Food has played

perfect activity to bring families

a large role in my own

together. The Washoku and cute

quarantine experience; it

food culture trends brought

has prompted me to learn

smiles to people’s faces across

more about my culture and

Japan as the pandemic forced a

has provided me a sense of

new normal upon us.

routine. Faced with the culminating desire

Like many other bored Image courtesy of Moshi Moshi Nippon.

PRESENTING CULTURE ON A PLATE DURING QUARANTINE By: Nene Hamada

A clear light brown broth, a mountain

It is an eye-opening

time people had to spend during

to go out and eat good Japanese food, the

individuals, I decided to follow

pandemic has made me realize how truly

the cooking trend over the

important Japanese cuisine is in my life. Not

summer and teach myself how

only is Washoku my go-to food when I am

to make traditional Japanese cuisine. On a

missing home at college but it is something I

typical day in quarantine, I would start my

Food has played a large role in my own quarantine experience; it has prompted me to learn more about my culture and has provided me a sense of routine.

day before the rest of the city woke up with an early morning shopping spree for my favorite foods. Prior to lunchtime, I would head to the downstairs kitchen – the place

zoom calls, making TikTok videos, salvaging

mirin, miso, wasabi, sushi, and soba just to

that reminds me of my grandmother, whose

of freshly boiled noodles, a few cuts of beef,

and reading a book from the back of a tall

name a few. The increasing awareness of the

cooking had a large impact on my liking of

fresh green onions on top—my summer

shelf, and polishing every corner of the house

relationship between COVID-19 and obesity

Japanese cuisine. I would pull out the pots

2020 was spent perfecting each element of

possible. Busying oneself is the ultimate goal

has resulted in growing acclaim for the well

and dishes I remember seeing millions of

this Instagrammable, beautiful bowl of udon

when one is stuck at home but amidst a global

balanced, healthy, and aesthetic Washoku

times from my childhood when I used to help

grew up with, something that is inseparable

while in quarantine. Around the world, people

pandemic, cooking might be more than your

meals in Japan.

my grandmother cook, and proceed to make

from who I am. Undeniably, the one piece of

found innovative ways to occupy their time

typical activity to kill time.

that perfect plate of soba. First, I would boil

home we take with us wherever we go is the

a pot of bonito flakes and dry seaweed, then

food we grew up eating. Over quarantine,

Bio: Nene Hamada is a sophomore from Tokyo, Japan. She

pop a thermometer into the boiling water to

cooking has become more than just an

majors in Media, Culture, and Communication at NYU

monitor the temperature so that it does not

activity to kill time; it has become a way to

exceed 70 degrees celsius—the temperature

learn more about the culinary cultures that

that brings out the best flavor, umami. After

are unique to the country I was born and

mixing the soy sauce and mirin to finish

raised in. No matter how much I crave the

up the broth, I would quickly boil the soba

occasional pizza, mac and cheese, or fries,

noodles and ready the finishing touches of

at the end of the day, I will always crave a

during quarantine—playing games over

Japanese culinary techniques and cultural foods are regularly praised for their complex flavors, health benefits, aesthetic presentation, and use of seasonal ingredients.

Japanese food, called Washoku in Japanese, has been listed as an Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO since 2013 alongside its spiking global popularity in the last few decades.1 Japanese culinary techniques and cultural foods are

Japanese cute culture in cooking regained popularity as the coronavirus forced people to engage in athome activities.

regularly praised for their complex flavors, health benefits, aesthetic presentation, and

In fact, in the realm of aesthetics,

Image courtesy of Cookpad.

Steinhardt.

use of seasonal ingredients. The arrival of

Japanese cute culture in cooking regained

green onion and seaweed. On some days,

good plate of Japanese noodles, especially if it

Washoku in the international scene is evident

popularity as the coronavirus forced people

I spread the green onions on the plate and

comes in the form of a cute character.

with Japanese culinary terms now making

to engage in at-home activities. On social

the list in English dictionaries: umami, dashi,

media such as YouTube and TikTok, cooking

2 The Japanese word for “cute.”

1 “Washoku, Traditional Dietary Cultures of the Japanese, Notably for the Celebration of New Year.” Intangible Cultural Heritage, UNESCO.

4 History and Contemporary Culture

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Presenting Culture on a Plate During Quarantine 5

THE PAST AND PRESENT OF

“TECHNOORIENTALISM” By: Naomi Chou Cyberpunk is loosely defined as science fiction that juxtaposes “high-tech and low life,” featuring futuristic technology alongside characters who are criminals, vigilantes, or otherwise outsiders to a dystopian society. As a subgenre that was inaugurated, popularized, and legitimized during the 1980s-2000s in response to the Space Race-era’s modernist science fiction, cyberpunk challenged the assumption that technology will usher in a peaceful and enlightened utopia. As “punk” suggests, it has a gritty, subversive feeling, eschewing the sleek, minimalist visual tropes of typical science fiction.

Nowadays, cyberpunk appears in a variety of books, films, shows, video games, and art—some current examples include TV series Altered Carbon (2018-2020) and the novel The Windup Girl (2009). In retrospect, though, the use of Asian aesthetics to create a distinctive, recognizable atmosphere can be attributed to early cyberpunk works like William Gibson’s Neuromancer, which was published in 1984.1 By “Asian aesthetics,”

The opening sequence from Blade Runner (1982) in 2019 Los Angeles. The atmosphere strongly references Japanese imagery, although it is not set in Japan. (Image via Wikipedia)

it is meant that there are visual elements of Asian art and cityscapes, Asian figures, and real or fictional Asian locations, but Asian authorship or Asian voices do not necessarily inform the plot. 2 Neuromancer takes place in a fictional version of a Japanese metropolis, a setting that has become instantly recognizable, even cliché, as the dark and crowded city in the rain lit up by neon signs in an Asian language. Blade Runner, a film from 1982 and the most well-known Philip K. Dick adaptation, has in its opening scene protagonist Deckard ordering noodles from a Japanesespeaking vendor while videos of geisha loop on giant LED billboards. Yet it never explicitly relates to or references Japan at all; there are no particular reasons besides the “atmosphere” that a movie with white characters, white actors, white writers and directors, and some rather Christian themes should include this. In her book Cybertypes, Lisa Nakamura also cites The Matrix (1999), which is also Christian-ish yet features “sensei” figure Morpheus,

Nonetheless, the depiction of Asia and Asians in media of all genres is incredibly racialized, and that’s because the “technoorientalism”—this particular high-tech flavor of aesthetic alongside orientalism— in fiction is pretty much identical to the techno-orientalism of real life. Despite the futuristic feel, techno-orientalism does not contradict the premise of regular orientalism, where the “East” is seen as backwards and overly traditional. Rather, the relationship between “Eastern” societies and technology is painted as dysfunctional, and the dystopian elements of the cyberpunk setting serve as criticisms of Asian culture and society—criticisms that are very familiar, and pertinent to the past and present. Fears of the Japanese auto industry, for example, are very old and certainly predate contemporary Western science fiction. So does the very racist movie Fu Manchu (1932), in which a caricatured Chinese villain plots to take over the world through the power of stolen artifacts.6 These are early examples of techno-orientalism, because technoorientalism fundamentally is a derisive view of Asia and Asian people’s relationship to technology, one that centers Western society, technology, and thought.

The prominence of Japan in early cyberpunk is particularly significant.

Famous cyberpunk works all similarly depict samurai, yakuza, geisha, ninja, and sensei for apparently livttle more than an aesthetic effect. William Gibson, of the genre trope wherein “Japan is the global imagination’s default setting for the future” that he helped establish, says Japan “delights, disturbs and fascinates us today” as “a mirror world, an alien planet we can actually do business with, a future.”

7 “Japanese people “live in the future, but neither yours nor mine, and somehow make it seem either interesting or comical or really interestingly dreadful.” So “why Japan?” can be partially answered with the visually stimulating exoticism of The East, which isn’t realized without a significant dose of othering. (Often, cyberpunk’s 5

How did peripheral Asian-ness come to signify a dystopian tech future as much as robot cops and cyberspace do? and Snow Crash (1992), whose protagonist carries swords and wears a kimono, as examples of seminal cyberpunk where the Japanese-ness is aesthetic and not even particularly futuristic.3 How did peripheral Asian-ness come to signify a dystopian tech future as much as robot cops and cyberspace do?

Many cyberpunk technologies like cyborgs, androids, simulations, body modification, and digitized consciousness seemed, by surpassing geographic boundaries and the physical body, like they transcended the concept of “race.” 4 (Nakamura also considers the multiracial protagonists of The Matrix and Snow Crash as subversions of strict racial boundaries).

1 Nakamura, Lisa. (2002) “Race in the Construct and Construction of Race” in “Cybertypes: Race, Ethnicity, and Identity on the Internet.” Taylor & Francis. 62.

Famous cyberpunk works all similarly depict samurai, yakuza, geisha, ninja, and sensei for apparently little more than an aesthetic effect. villains are Japanese-style conglomerates, but this doesn’t necessarily make the genre anti-capitalist. It just posits a lone heroic individual representing Western liberal humanism against a faceless, homogenous Asian organization).8 However, cyberpunk from the 80s and 90s also embodied an anxiety about Japan’s rising prominence in the global economy. The expanding electronics industry meant Japan could lead the world in tech, and the threat of an upended world order inspired authors imagining an intriguingly, terrifyingly Japanese-dominated future.

But while Japan competed with the US in innovation, China came to compete with

the US in production, and this maps onto a shift in pop culture techno-orientalism when, in the 90s, American anxiety about China’s manufacturing power gave cyberpunk another country to fixate on.9 As an example, in The Diamond Age (1995), the sequel to Snow Crash, in a rather Fu Manchu-like plot, a future Chinese kingdom with goals of world domination searches for a technological innovation that they themselves cannot invent.10 Science fiction isn’t pure fantasy. In cyberpunk, it’s a reallife belief taken to an extreme. The downfall of the Chinese-inspired society in Diamond Age has to do with how Asia supposedly is backwards and filial instead of striving and independent; is misogynist because of the Confucian preference for sons; has no claim to prior technological innovations; is blinded by feelings of their own superiority; sees its people, who don’t have much openmindedness, ingenuity, or creativity, as numbers instead of individuals … In short, it has to do with historically entrenched stereotypes that date back to even before

The Matrix (1999) has the main character, Neo, training inside a Japanese-style dojo with a “sensei”-like figure in the form of Morpheus.

5 Nakamura, 70.

6 De Kosnik, Abigail. (2015) “The Mask of Fu Manchu,” in “Techno-Orientalism: Imagining Asia in Speculative Fiction, History, and Media,” ed. David S. Roh, Betsy Huang, and Greta A. Niu. Rutgers University Press. 91.

7 Gibson, William. (2001) “Modern boys and mobile girls.” The Guardian.

2 Nakamura, 63.w

8 Roh, David S., Betsy Huang, and Greta A. Niu. (2015) “Technologizing Orientalism,” in “Techno-Orientalism: Imagining Asia in Speculative Fiction, History, and Media.” Rutgers University Press.

14.

3 Nakamura, 70.

9 Roh, 4.

4 Nakamura, 68.

10 Niu, Greta Aiyu. (2008) “Techno-Orientalism, Nanotechnology, Posthumans, and Post-Posthumans in Neal Stephenson’s and Linda Nagata’s Science Fiction.” Melus. 77.

6 History and Contemporary Culture

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The Past and Present of “Techno-Orientalism” 7

Fu Manchu. 11 The assumption is that Asia doesn’t have the capacity to invent new technology, or if it does, then that technology will be misused. As Technologizing Orientalism argues, the “Chinese knockoffs” and “outsourcing to India” tropes in economics, news, and popular discourse that developed post-90s reflect the belief that Asians are like machines and their labor output is like that of machines — efficient and precise, but not original or innovative.12 Meanwhile, groups such as Japanese office workers, South Korean celebrities, and Chinese social media users are casually, regularly called “robotic,” which, of course, criticizes less the structures under which these people live and the mechanisms by which they are repressed and more the people and the cultures themselves. Furthermore, the way Asian Americans have been treated, and their labor exploited, in the US since the days of the transcontinental railroad as well as the nature of anti-Asian racism should clue you in that Asian bodies are seen as—feared as— interchangeable, unfeeling machines.13 Of course, cyberpunk has existed in Asia

[G]roups such as Japanese office workers, South Korean celebrities, and Chinese social media users are casually, regularly called “robotic,” which, of course, criticizes less the structures under which these people live and the mechanisms by which they are repressed and more the people and the cultures themselves. for just as long as it has in the West, from Akira (1982) to Waste Tide (2013). And the pop cultures of the world are all intertwined to the point that they do inform each other.

But, because of that, the impact of early cyberpunk on all pop culture is quite indelible.

The point is that techno-orientalism is more than just a superficial peculiarity in a niche pulp-fiction genre. The techno-orientalism in pop culture informs and is informed by 11 Niu, 78-81.

12 Roh, 5.

13 Roh, 11.

14 Roh, 7.

8 History and Contemporary Culture

Concept art for the Neuromancer movie, w hic h was never made but was supposed to be based off of the well-known novel by William Gibson. (Image via Heavy Metal)

Western attitudes towards Asia and thus is often essentialist and xenophobic. It exists in conjunction with a conviction of the West’s centrality, if not superiority. 14

Naomi is a senior from California majoring in SCA & minoring in physics. Her articles on related topics can be found in the S19 issue (“A Goldmine to Be Discovered”) and on generasian.blog (“Ken Liu’s The Hidden Girl”).

OLIVIER WITH CAT An intimate moment between Olivier and his family cat, photograph reference taken from overhead. The resemblances in cat, and in person could be close, but there are still some spaces of white left alone, left to be filled by our minds. He doesn’t show a big smile, but something reassures us that he is content, being there in reclined posture, left hand relaxed around the furry pet.

JIKAI ZHENG

Jikai Zheng is a Senior studying Humanities, Creative Writing, and Chinese at NYU Shanghai.

She works mostly in watercolor.

OFFERING MOM AND RELUCTANT DAUGHTER A mom offers with outstretched arms, but with a firm, stern stare. She’s encouraging her daughter to learn with her, but also to obey her. Mom wants to bring her daughter to her river bank of opinion, beckoning “come here”. The daughter sits with her arms crisscrossed, her hands, left holding a loose leaf piece of paper, and right holding a pen. She’s been keeping receipts. The abstract background is a display of tangled, glassy watercolor, representing the knots in their relationship. The colors of this watercolor string are all over the place, and its black outline delineates the stark separation from the pure white.

The agreement they reach, if they reach, is not soon.

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Artwork by Jikai Zheng 9

THE ASIAN AMERICAN

Although this first wave of New Guard designers do not share much in common aesthetically, they give proof to the idea that there is not one singular mode of Asian expression and not one prerequisite background that grants one entry into the industry.

American designers). Although this first wave of New Guard designers do not share much in common aesthetically, they give proof to the idea that there is not one singular mode of Asian expression and not one prerequisite background that grants one entry into the industry.

The second wave of the New Guard arrived post-2008 recession and brought about a new burst of creativity that

REVOLUTION

ON FASHION

are the pioneers, such as Peter Do, who followed in the footsteps of Lam and Lim in incorporating their creative genius into the otherwise dulling tailoring industry and redefining the landscape of couture.

Others did the same creative handiwork but

from their ethnic and cultural identities.

have long been stereotyped by the West as

various sectors of the industry. There

By: Victoria Maung

Designers (left to right, front row): Vivienne Tam, Derek Lam, Anna Sui, Peter Do, Sandy Liang, Jenny Cheng Designers (left to right, back row): Jason Wu, Alexander Wang, Phillip Lim, Kim Shui, Snow Xue Gao, Thakoon Panichgul, Siying Qu, Haoran Li Asian American fashion designers

catalyzed a stylistic revolution throughout

Identifying as a collective gave power

in the ready-to-wear industry—Thakoon interest in fashion stemming from their

cultural representations in her work and

Panichgul, the Parsons graduated Thai-

mothers, who were both seamstresses they

refined the grunge aesthetic by feminizing it

American fashion designer, for instance,

admired and who inspired their pursuit in

with whimsical Victorian-style silhouettes

reconstructed modern wardrobe essentials

Tam and Anna Sui, who launched their

fashion. They represent two types of the

made of florals and delicate fabrics (an

with deceptively simple basics reminiscent

eponymous labels during the late 80s and

many permutations of Asian American

aesthetic now popularized by the likes of

of Helmut Lang’s artistic ergonomicitry. And then there are the New York cool kids drawing

a stagnant collective body lacking creativity

to Asian Americans and solidified their

early 90s and burst onto the forefront

identity: Sui, born and raised in Detroit,

Marc Jacobs, who is actually Sui’s successor).

and individual agency, but they are in fact like

identity. Immigration laws during the

of the industry when the likes of Calvin

Michigan, eventually studied at Parsons

However, Asian American designers

anyone else: malleable, dynamic and complex

1960s spurred a multiplication of Asians not

Klein, Marc Jacobs, and Ralph Lauren were

School of Design while the Guangzhou-born

(in a modern context, representing

beings. Stereotypes become stereotypes

only in typically concentrated areas, such

simultaneously becoming industry staples.

fashion designer, Tam, grew up in Hong Kong

those born, schooled, and who

because they are ubiquitous and often

as New York and California, but locations

They do not share much besides their rooted

and studied at Hong Kong Polytechnic

express prominent cultural qualities, but are

across the country. Not only were they

University, only moving to America

did not begin to solidify their

detrimental to a culture when they become

geographically diverse, they were also

after graduating college.

status in the ranks of the

warped and displaced from their original

ethnically and socioeconomically diverse;

context. Many artists resultantly struggle

they were no longer solely working class,

opposites. Tam’s work is characteristic

with celebrating their cultural roots while

but were homogeneously distributed across

of incorporating elements of Eastern

graduate, styled Michelle

also separating themselves and their brands

all rungs of the American socioeconomic

culture, namely, Chinese motifs

Obama at Barack Obama’s

ladder. Immigration reform coincided

and themes, while playing on

inauguration in 2009. His

with the professionalization of

Western styles to push towards a

exquisite design work on her

fashion during the 80s through the

feminization of Eastern styles

white silk-chiffon one-shoulder

establishment of fashion schools in

(a notable collection was the

ball gown and the honor’s prestige

New York, specifically Parsons School

satirical Spring/Summer (S/S)

snatched the attention and respect

of Design and the Fashion Institute of

1995 Mao collection, which

of the global industry. Other

Technology.

is considered and shown as

designers who emerged onto

Not only were they geographically diverse, they were also ethnically and socioeconomically diverse; they were no longer solely working class, but were homogeneously distributed across all rungs of the American socioeconomic ladder.

10 History and Contemporary Culture

The earliest Asian American

Aesthetically, too, they are polar

established brands in America)

international landscape until Jason Wu, a Parsons

art in museums today). On

the scene included Derek Lam,

fashion designers, that is to say, the

the other hand,

Phillip Lim, and Alexander Wang

Amy Tans and Maxine Hong Kingstons

Sui shied away

among others (they also happen

of the fashion industry, were Vivienne

from overt

to be a few of the first openly gay Asian

Designers: Vivienne Tam (left), Anna Sui (right)

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Designer: Jason Wu

Designers (left to right): Derek Lam, Phillip Lim, Peter Do, Thakoon Panichgul

The Asian American Revolution on Fashion 11

influence from the 90s grunge style and

They have individually and

the burgeoning reemergence of streetwear

collectively reckoned with

stemming from the African American

the pressure of accurately

hip hop scene, thus adding another

portraying their culture in a

dimensionality to the Asian American

Western hegemonic landscape,

identity. This intersection of influences

while also subverting the

echoes the political collaboration between

conception that the only valid

Asian Americans and African Americans

form of “Asian-American-

in the 60s in the Yellow Peril Supports

ness” exists in those who are

Black Power movement. Alexander Wang

ethnically Asian and born

pioneered the Asian American foray into

in America and proving the

streetwear with his day-to-night cool-kid

dimensionality and flexibility

looks and even paid homage to Chinatown

of Asian American identity.

in his 2018 souvenir capsule. From the

But their work is nowhere

nearby neighborhood of the Lower East Side

near done; the industry

(LES) emerged designers including Sandy

still remains predominantly

Liang, Jenny Chang of Gauntlett Cheng, and

white and perpetuates racism

Siying Qu and Haoran Li of Private Policy.

and type casting, barring

Sandy Liang established her eponymous

many designers of color from

label with shearling fleeces coveted by

entering the industry. These

every downtown fashion aficionado;

generations of Asian American

Gauntlett Cheng, a brand that champions

Designers (left to right): Sandy Liang,

designers have proven that the war on

body positivity, has garnered much attention

Gauntlett Cheng, Private Policy

Eurocentric fashion can be fought with a

for their cheeky draped dresses; Private

And then there are those who toe the

myriad of weapons—ones including, but

Policy is beginning to intersperse the typical

line between innovation and tradition: Kim

not limited to, the employment of cultural

downtown cool kid style with pragmatism

Shui. Her designs are reminiscent of both

motifs without playing into stereotypes,

while also paying homage to the cofounders’

Vivienne Tam’s rebellious spirit and Anna

as well as the establishment of a distinct

shared Chinese heritage.

Sui’s whimsical yet rocker florals through

stylistic aesthetic. Within a system that

her integration of Western seductivity with

weaponizes people of colors’ cultures against

Eastern cultural motifs—two forces that are seemingly dissonant, but successfully inform one another in Shui’s designs. She plays on qipao styles and other Chinese patterns

must continue to rebuke the West while remembering that their ethnicity and culture are not the only defining traits of their creative and personal identities.

and motifs as a nod to Eastern

Victoria is an aspiring fashion journalist but hates being

culture, but her Westernesse

called a “journalist” so any other words, like “writer” or

designs flaunt a more overt

“enthusiast” will do. She has a deep appreciation for a pair

and comfortable sexiness fitting of the contemporary era. Chinese American Parsons alum Snow Xue Gao flirts instead with melding comfort and business as well as deconstruction, especially with her latest S/S 2021 collection, and her pragmatism is reflective of the COVID-19 work-fromhome era; stylistically, her grunge florals nod toward her fellow contemporary Shui and her predecessor Sui. Designers throughout the 20th and 21st centuries have shunted the Western gaze and claimed ownership of the history and future of Asian Americans.

12 History and Contemporary Culture

them, designers of future generations

Designers: Kim Shui (left), Snow Xue Gao (right)

of well-tailored trousers, avant garde art, and stand up comedy. Her aesthetic is perpetually flirting between colorful and achromatic. Talk to her about your favorite designer.

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Alex Gutierrez is a Senior at NYU studying film and animation.

She loves working with different textures and color patterns.

G U T I E R R E Z Artwork by Alex Gutierrez 13

To my Dear Asian Americans,

about the conversations felt different this time around—like a feeling of solidarity,

Image courtesy of Tina Gong.

Hate and despair have filled the 2020

as if our collective voices refused to readily

year, so the thought of embarking on a new

escape into the void. Our commitment to

year comes almost as a relief. When the

embracing our voices in these absolutely

pandemic started, I thought that the only

necessary times gave birth to a hope in the

way we could escape all of its resulting pain

most devastating of times possible.

and grief was if everything simply returned

Hate is everywhere, but love is slowly

to the way that things were, that we could

yet surely growing in its place. It’s in

somehow forget as if we never experienced

the form of empathy for the trauma the

any of it at all. I kept urging myself on,

Black community has been experiencing

hoping that sooner rather than later we

repeatedly; it’s in the form of the protest

could embrace the old times again. With

held for the 89-year-old Asian woman

everything back to “normal,” perhaps

who was set on fire in Brooklyn; it’s in

humanity could be restored.

When students from universities all over the country were sent home, I returned to my small corner of the world in Maine.

I didn’t always feel safe there growing up as an Asian American in a predominantly white community, so I was incredibly

The more our voices occupy the spaces they are meant to occupy, the more imminent real change becomes.

worried that someone might direct hate towards me or my family; I would not let

the form of wearing masks and limiting

my parents go to the grocery store alone out

social interaction to protect others. It’s

What if 2020 isn’t canceled?

of the fear that their lack of English fluency

this shared feeling of togetherness despite

What if 2020 is the year we’ve been

would make them prone to harassment

being physically isolated that made me

from people who had no place in letting us

wonder if I had mistakenly overlooked the

feel less welcomed. Fear consumed me to

value and importance of making ourselves

the point of thinking that the only way to

be heard.

waiting for?

A year so uncomfortable, so painful, so scary, so raw — That it finally forces us to grow.

be safe in this world was to go unnoticed;

This year has broken us and it has

A year that screams so loud, finally

I believed being unseen wouldn’t be such

mended us at the same time. It has forced

a bad thing if the xenophobia and racism

us into despair, but it has also given us

could then simply be avoided. However,

immense hope. For the first time, we

I realized as of late that being seen is not

are re-envisioning the future instead of

as much the cause of the problem as being

discounting our experiences and settling

unseen is the root of them.

to move in the same direction. The Asian

AN HONEST LETTER

awakening us from our ignorant slumber

-Leslie Dwight, writer

By: Emily Lin

I believed being unseen wouldn’t be such a bad thing if the xenophobia and racism could then simply be avoided.

American voice is now louder than ever as we battle with a history of being unseen.

The more our voices occupy the spaces they are meant to occupy, the more imminent real change becomes. To my fellow Asian Americans, this year has challenged us in unimaginable ways, but with hope, I would

When Black Lives Matter protesters

like to leave you with one last message:

stormed the streets beginning in early June,

be unafraid in the face of discomfort and

I had an awakening of some sort. As I began

unapologetic in making your voice heard.

to challenge the beliefs of close friends, family, and myself in response to the

Yours Truly,

racially-motivated murders of a disturbing

2020

number of Black Americans, something Top: Image courtesy of Make Our Voices Heard.

Bottom: Image courtesy of Shirley Chen.

14 Politics and Current Events

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An Honest Letter 15

THE HONG KONG WAY

Photo courtesy of South China Morning Post.

Many businesses continue to operate as normal. While it’s nice to still be able to enjoy the city, I still feel an underlying anxiety when I see the case numbers.

Western cultures place a heavy emphasis on individualism and the values of selfreliance and independence. People have the right to make their own decisions, but sometimes this comes at the expense of the community’s well being.

I am not advocating for one system over the other. As someone who was born in Hong Kong but went to high school and is now attending college in the United

OF DEFEATING A VIRUS

Navigating a pandemic takes the effort of everyone to make small sacrifices for the benefit of the community. result of many citizens returning from abroad, the government instantly reverted to their earlier shutdown policy. In a city of over seven million people, there were never more than 150 cases per day, and Hong Kong’s total case count stands at just over five thousand as opposed to the United States’ 11 million.

By: Michael Lo

Photo courtesy of Time.

“Come home,” my mother urged, “it’s not safe anymore in New York.” I hastily packed my bags and booked the last seat on a plane to Hong Kong. As I boarded my 16-hour flight wearing a mask, I entered the flood of passengers, many of whom were students returning home like myself.

Upon arrival in Hong Kong, I was thoroughly questioned by a customs official and was given a blue bracelet that I had to wear for 14 days, the mandatory quarantine period. The government was able to track my movements through

As I boarded my 16-hour flight wearing a mask, I entered the flood of passengers, many of whom were students returning home like myself.

16 Politics and Current Events

the bracelet. If I ever left my house, they would immediately call my number, and if I didn’t answer, police officers would soon arrive at my doorstep. The tracking technology was so accurate that it measured altitude: when I went downstairs to my kitchen during my first night back in Hong Kong, I had to explain to the officials that I was simply eating dinner at home.

Hong Kong is no stranger to pandemics. In March 2003, the SARS pandemic began rapidly spreading through the city. SARS, or severe acute respiratory syndrome, has extreme genetic similarities to COVID-19, but a fatality rate of 11 percent which is eight times higher than the coronavirus. Hong Kong’s government acted immediately; through educating the public about the virus, contact tracing, isolating potential exposures, shutting down schools, and collaborating with China and the World Health Organization

(WHO), the virus was dealt with by June.

The government’s decisive measures prevented a catastrophic outbreak in the city and likely prevented the deadly virus from spreading around the world.

After the 14 days, I was finally allowed to venture into the outside world to share a few meals with friends and family.

However, I was still very cautious, not leaving the house more than two or three times a week and always wearing a mask when I did. From March until June, Hong Kong had set severe restrictions on social activities. Restaurants opened for lunch at half capacity, crowded public areas closed, schools shut down, and businesses transitioned online. Quickly, the number of new cases began to drop. By June, after a week of zero new cases, the government felt comfortable loosening restrictions, and life resumed a sense of normalcy.

When another, more severe wave of the virus hit in the middle of July as a

This is the value of the collectivist approach in East Asian societies: people are willing to accept temporary sacrifices for the safety of their family and community.

governments to put tracking devices on its citizens to enforce quarantine, it has proven effective in preventing imported cases, and thus I willingly complied. When called to action, Hong Kong’s residents united under the guidance of their government with the understanding that this was the only way to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

I currently live in New York, where the pandemic has continued to produce hundreds of new cases in the city after more than seven months of the initial wave of cases. In New York and other parts of the United States, mask wearing is encouraged but not strictly enforced.

States, I understand the benefits of both systems. Yet, when it comes to dealing with a pandemic, collectivist societies have conclusively shown better results. Because I am young and healthy, I am relatively safe from the dangers of the virus. But I also know that my actions impact my family, my neighbors, my friends, and the businesses in my community. Navigating a pandemic takes the effort of everyone to make small sacrifices for the benefit of the community.

Michael is a sophomore at CAS majoring in East Asian Studies. Living in New York with a cuddly but mischievous cat, he has mastered the art of cooking for one.

Photo courtesy of New York Times.

Hong Kong is a city of resilience.

Its people knew the dangers of the deadly disease and willingly worked with the government in eliminating it. Like other regions in East Asia such as Singapore and Taiwan, this same philosophy of strict governance combined with universal citizen cooperation has produced impressive results in coping with the pandemic. This is the value of the collectivist approach in East Asian societies: people are willing to accept temporary sacrifices for the safety of their family and community. People respect authority, deferring decisions to policymakers and experts who are better suited to address the task at hand. For example, while it may seem shocking for READ OUR BLOG

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The Hong Kong Way of Defeating a Virus 17

A

S

E S

may

O

approaching the end

june

the finish line she looks to the white string

she ventures into the foreign land

keep running

fire, water, earth, metal, wood everything’s there

the clock strikes one

N

but her

she wakes up hair messy, eyes blurry

she picks up a piece of silver

what happened?

shining, gleaming, calling out her name a gust of wind leaks through the chilling door

almost there

no, thank you

if only too delusional

she steps away from the minefield

as if

many days later, she would return only to leave once again

By: Ting Shing Koh march 1…2...3.......19...20.

empty-handed

S

july in the midst of something

turn it off

she can feel it

she stared at her reflection in the mirror

unaware of what’s passing

how did i end up here?

through or under, she’ll choose

steam from the shower fogged up her vision

gazing out at the blazing sun

she looks to the puddle of water by her feet

how can it still shine

the scent of floral shampoo hits her without warning

when everything’s so dark

lost

lend me a light

it’s all a blur

she told herself

taking out, taking off, taking in

soon

the terminal lights flashed in a moment of inhalation

she lied to herself

taxi!

she knew august it’s hot outside

april

september

she slouches it’s spring

on the balcony looking down

back where she started

a season of life and rebirth

she sighs

but not how she started

thirty-one days

skies a little wilder

she had it on countdown

clouds a little further

time / reversed

thirty-one days

eyes a little darker

thoughts / revised

where did summer go?

mind a little clearer

looking out the window

she looks up at the mirror

what for?

nothing much has changed

but this year she’s greeted by withering flowers unsure to bloom or to stay enclosed

things / rediscovered slow-ly glueing them together piece by piece

yet everything has changed

her mind has lost its structure fallen, sunken, shrunken

Ting Shing Koh is a sophomore at New York University studying Media, Culture, and

she’s still trying

18 Poetry

Communication. She hopes to provide inspiration and comfort to those in need.

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Seasons 19

CLAUDIA SHAO

“Mirrors� (gouache on paper) is a series of illustrations that depicts the same space in different dimensions.

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SRORRIM

20 Poetry

Claudia is a Junior at Tandon studying Integrated Digital Media. She loves making artworks that convey stories.

Mirrors by Claudia Shao 21

SURVIVING SOUTH UTH: THE SO By: Annie Jewel Kong Are there alligators? Confederate flags?

Rednecks? How’s the iced tea? When I tell people I’m from the South, I usually receive wide-eyed stares and a series of questions about everyday life there. Most people’s perception of the South is all country and little-to-no ethnodiversity, but I didn’t realize how relatively diverse my hometown of Johns Creek, Georgia was until I started attending a Christian (PWI) in Georgia. Suddenly, I was one of maybe 10 or so girls of East Asian descent in my grade

22 Personal Essays

FROM PWI TO NYU

of over 200. Growing up half-Chinese and half-Korean, I already had difficulty trying to feel like I was “enough” of either side. Transferring to and graduating from a school that was 63% white came with additional challenges.

Growing up in this environment felt isolating and draining. Although many classmates and teachers tried their best to understand the experiences of students of color, this place where I spent most of my formative years was still teeming

Growing up half-Chinese and half-Korean, I already had difficulty trying to feel like I was “enough” of either side. with microaggressions that made it difficult to gain a sense of belonging and recognition. These occurrences varied in creativity. Teachers would often mistake me for another Asian girl. In junior year,

one teacher felt so guilty that she nearly started crying in front of the whole class while I profusely forgave her. It seemed like the incident felt more embarrassing for me than it did for her. Girls would go to class with chopsticks in their hair and caption Instagram posts about how they wanted to be Korean. Because I was often the only Asian or even person of color in a classroom, I was occasionally asked to speak on issues about being a minority. I was never ashamed of my identity, but it felt alienating to be targeted in these ways.

Beyond the students and faculty, there was the institutional racism that manifested in a lack of anti-racism curriculum, diversity and inclusion training, and teachers and advisors of color. Every February, the Black affinity group on campus held a Black History Month assembly. During my senior year, their presentation covered the same issue as the year prior: media representation in Hollywood. They addressed the history of blackface and the need for diverse representation of Black lives. While this presentation was informative, the students felt discouraged that they couldn’t address what were deemed more controversial topics. Despite students’ requests, the administration told them to stick to the topic of representation in the media because it was safer and more palatable than issues such as police brutality or the prison system for the majority white audience.

The Black affinity group’s insistence on the necessity of stories told by and for Black people that were not solely centered around their identity resonated with me the most, the implications of which were prevalent in the very school we attended. It oftentimes felt like the students, teachers, and administration couldn’t see people beyond their race or religion. One of my friends, who was the sole member of the Middle Eastern affinity group that she founded for the Upper School, received belligerent emails about participating in photoshoots for school pamphlets and magazines. I was once interviewing a history teacher for a newspaper article on U.S. relations with North Korea when he asked me what my family thought of North Korea, as if our conversation necessitated the input of my family who may or may not be Korean. (They are, but he automatically assumed).

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This constant struggle between people wanting students of color to “assimilate” while still viewing them as tokens forced me to reevaluate the roles I had in what felt like two separate identities. I wasn’t sure how I was expected to act, but my surroundings inevitably influenced me and I adopted the style, mannerisms, and slang of my peers, while wondering if any of it made me less Asian than the people I knew from my hometown in Johns Creek and those that I saw living in cities that were densely populated with Asian Americans.

By belonging to a predominantly white environment, I felt like I was missing out on common Asian experiences: I never had DECA or Key Club—clubs that Asian American students typically participate in—and I learned what Asian glow was from a Buzzfeed video.

This constant struggle between people wanting students of color to “assimilate” while still viewing them as tokens forced me to reevaluate the roles I had in what felt like two separate identities. in Hong Kong, eight thousand miles away from Atlanta, but we order the same things at dimsum. Another one of my good friends at NYU was born in Malaysia and grew up in Connecticut, yet is one of the few people I know who’s both Chinese and Korean.

I was so excited to finally have a community, especially one composed of other Asian Americans. However, I had failed to realize how being surrounded by

Johns Creek is a peaceful city located just north of Atlanta, Georgia. Ranked third in 2017 for “50 Best Cities to Live In” by USA Today, Johns Creek also boasts a relatively diverse population. (Image via Georgia AsianTimes)

Once it was time to start applying for colleges, I knew diversity was a major factor in my decision. After being surrounded by so many people who took classes with the same people their whole lives and viewed foreign language classes as just another gen ed, I wanted to finally meet people with different backgrounds and interests.

Upon hearing stories of how almost every student in any given NYU classroom is from a different part of the world, I knew it was the perfect place for me to meet new people both with whom I shared interests and with whom I had virtually nothing in common— and this did come true. For example, one of my closest friends went to high school

so many Asian people would actually make me feel more alienated and whitewashed.

It was so refreshing to find others with this common identity, to have clubs to join, people to chat with about Asian language, food, and holidays. Yet at the same time, I felt like I had to catch up on everything I had missed out on, like the latest Asian music and trends. Being stuck in this state of limbo had me questioning what I knew about my own cultures. Although I’m semi-fluent in Mandarin as a result of my upbringing, I can’t understand any of the jokes my Korean friends make. Although I have listened to 88rising and Red Velvet, I don’t recognize most of the songs people

Surviving the South: From PWI to NYU 23

However, I had failed to realize how being surrounded by so many Asian people would actually make me feel more alienated and whitewashed. share on Spotify. I haven’t visited China since I was four and I’ve never even been to South Korea.

Though I know there’s not one way to be Chinese or Korean or American, the abrupt shift in my surroundings has made me reassess the ways I can continue connecting with my culture. The communities at NYU will undoubtedly have an impact as I continue navigating my identity as both an Asian American and a Southerner.

Annie Kong is a freshman at CAS studying politics. She’s from Atlanta, Georgia and has a background in journalism.

24 Personal Essays

MASKS OFF

By: Amy Dai

Image Courtesy of NBC News.

I remember the way I used to feel coming

shrunk itself away for school, success had

with a twisted pride: someone who never

home from elementary school: eager and

to lie somewhere not too far down this road.

stepped out of line yet won the love of all.

always searching for the day’s “exciting”

Of course I found it overwhelming at times.

As Asian Americans, we are smart, easy, and

news to report back to my mom. I was told

When my envy for my white peers became all

without complaint. Have us on speed dial

I was gifted, I was the first to finish the

too much, the inner critic would creep in—

for when the computer is running slow, pay

multiplication test, I scored a point higher

back to work, Amy.

us in boba for forgotten physics homework,

than her…I was raised to think that I was lazy

By third grade, my mask had fully stitched itself

system as I knew it was infallible, and one

from seeing what I wasn’t supposed to

that I wielded just as much control over as

see, this mask filtered out any parts of life

anyone else. Unable to fit into this was failure,

that weren’t related to family or school. It

and failure was the stupidity that I swallowed

strained my eyes open in the thick lulls of

alone. There was no better explanation for it.

2 AM geometry and turned up the corners

As America liked to say, my bootstraps were

of my mouth when I was put in a room of

come to deduce the model minority down to

waiting for me to pull.

white gazes. My mask wired my brain to put

a systematic people-pleaser. White America

Life made a rhythm of its own then.

others before myself: prioritizing my parents’

lauds us for our undying persistence in our

It sounded like this: coffee after coffee to

dreams before my own, putting my teachers

careers; medical and computer science fields

compensate for last night’s overthinking and

and friends’ expectations over gut instinct,

are our exclusive spaces. Dragons and exotic

camaraderie with those who foamed at their

and looking at other East Asian girls as mere

spices are always a great conversation starter

mouths for teachers to dole out the A. Between

projections of what I wanted the future Amy

with us. But ask us anything about politics

eyebags that started to make their permanent

to look like.

or what we think of this country and a polite

homes on my face and a personality that READ OUR BLOG

generasian.blog

together. Shielding my eyes

and use our “exotic” cultures as the butt of

unless I excelled academically. The school

I offered myself to the model minority

jokes when it’s just one of those days. I’ve

I’ve come to deduce the model minority down to a systematic people-pleaser.

smile is the most you’ll get. I was told it was

Masks Off 25

Image Courtesy of NBC News.

a coincidence that we are the “Nice Asians”

thought, and Subtle Asian Traits proved it so.

infographics, “not your model minority”

only until we talk back. Using the buzzwords

Originally coined by @diaspora_is_red

t-shirts, and public trophies like Andrew Yang,

“diversity” and “freedom” were fine, but in no

on Twitter, boba liberalism is “a type of

Constance Wu, and Awkwafina. We’re not

shape or form was the truth ever tolerated. It

mainstream liberal Asian-American politics” in

too Asian like our families and not too white

took four years living in repressed denial of the

which Asian Americans consume materialistic

because we consume the material products of

model minority and going through a pandemic

Asian goods to show they are in touch with their

our culture. This mentality points right back to

for me to finally understand that in a country

heritage. The problem of this mindset is how it

the model minority stereotype of Asians being

are our exclusive spaces. Dragons and exotic

fundamentally anchored in the enslavement

conflates materialistic consumption of “Asian

inherently disinterested in matters relating to

spices are always a great conversation starter

and ongoing slaughter of Black and brown

culture” with steps towards real change. Boba

the larger society, only focusing on the tangible

with us. But ask us anything about politics

people to see the truth; no more hope can be

liberalism and obsession with representation

commodities society can offer instead, such as

or what we think of this country and a polite

cast towards surface-level “reform.” And

in white spaces centers this assimilationist

employment and education status.

smile is the most you’ll get. I was told it was

White America gets this, because here’s when

mindset. It has left a residual anger in me that

The onslaught of the COVID-19 pandemic

Gaslighting becomes normalized when education is the label slapped onto it.

I remember the way I used to feel coming

from seeing what I wasn’t supposed to

okay though. I couldn’t explain what my place

the model minority comes in. We play the part

my existence could never amount to anything

should be the last sign we need that when

home from elementary school: eager and

see, this mask filtered out any parts of life

in society was, but America would still love

of the awkward in-between: not white but not

more than dragon and lantern aesthetics to

times are desperate and a scapegoat is

always searching for the day’s “exciting”

that weren’t related to family or school. It

me, right?

like the other POC community. We take shelter

show off to the white gaze. The heritage-as-

needed, us Asians are not exempt from the

The mask started to slide off as I entered

in the comfortable STEM fields, fill the spots

clout strain of boba liberalism reduces the East

white finger. The coronavirus is now forcing

high school’s rank and file of born-and-bred

in top colleges, and can be found in the plush

Asian diaspora to an existence meant to serve

us to take more seriously the issues that our

overachievers. It was in my gut—swallowing

suburbs all across America, seemingly never

white enlightenment. Even more chilling are

immigrant parents and families abroad face.

back the gnawing when white people spoke

giving a second thought about those actually

the methods with which boba liberalism wants

As our homelands halfway across the world

news to report back to my mom. I was told I was gifted, I was the first to finish the multiplication test, I scored a point higher than her…I was raised to think that I was lazy

I gave up everything to stand on society’s 2nd tier.

unless I excelled academically. The school

strained my eyes open in the thick lulls of

freely about my homeland and nodding along

suffering in this country. We’re a convenient

to bring about change. Rather than probing

are dangerously battling it out with the U.S.’s

system as I knew it was infallible, and one

2 AM geometry and turned up the corners

when white teachers taught us about racism in

third party in the political theater around

deeper into history, boba liberals feel the need

arm of imperialism, it’s okay to acknowledge

that I wielded just as much control over as

of my mouth when I was put in a room of

this country but told us to nevertheless have

race, helping guide the attention away from

to create something of their own—awareness

that solidarity is difficult—especially when

anyone else. Unable to fit into this was failure,

white gazes. My mask wired my brain to put

compassion for all. If the model minority was

the original perpetrators of violence while

in the form of cultural show-offs, Instagram

it’s the least convenient. However, taking off

and failure was the stupidity that I swallowed

others before myself: prioritizing my parents’

the systematic people-pleaser, white people

distancing ourselves from the rest of the POC

the masks of boba liberalism and the model

alone. There was no better explanation for it.

dreams before my own, putting my teachers

were systematic narcissists. I’d run out of the

body. But it didn’t take long to realize that this

minority stereotype that white America has

As America liked to say, my bootstraps were

and friends’ expectations over gut instinct,

building bearing the weight of their words

third party role doesn’t exclude us from racism.

tied onto us will bring us one step closer to the

waiting for me to pull.

and looking at other East Asian girls as mere

only to walk back into an echo chamber of (you

When whiteness started to get under our skin,

real change we’ve been looking for.

projections of what I wanted the future Amy

guessed it) whiteness. My parents had a funny

boba liberalism seemed like the solid route to

Bio: Amy Dai is currently a first year student in the Liberal

to look like.

way of repackaging it into something they

go. It makes sense on surface level. Consume

Studies Core Program. Originally from Northern Virginia, she is excited to see what kinds of conversations Generasian is

Life made a rhythm of its own then.

It sounded like this: coffee after coffee to compensate for last night’s overthinking and

I offered myself to the model minority

thought would be easier to digest. I had too

and

camaraderie with those who foamed at their

with a twisted pride: someone who never

many complaints and too many expectations

otherwise rejects.

mouths for teachers to dole out the A. Between

stepped out of line yet won the love of all.

for others. I was also in no place to protest

I thought of it as a remedy then as well. I

eyebags that started to make their permanent

As Asian Americans, we are smart, easy, and

because there would always be others below

made dumplings, branded Chinese characters

homes on my face and a personality that

without complaint. Have us on speed dial

me. Condition myself into gratitude, they

as my aesthetic, and tagged all the friends I

shrunk itself away for school, success had

for when the computer is running slow, pay

told me, and I’ll be well on the road to the

could think of in the Facebook group, Subtle

to lie somewhere not too far down this road.

us in boba for forgotten physics homework,

Ivy League Dream. I gave up everything to

Asian Traits, in a last stab at cultural awareness.

Of course I found it overwhelming at times.

and use our “exotic” cultures as the butt of

stand on society’s 2nd tier. To my dismay,

I was more than just a spineless overachiever in

When my envy for my white peers became all

jokes when it’s just one of those days. I’ve

white mediocrity always came in 1st place, but

school, and I’d be the one to present my culture

too much, the inner critic would creep in—

come to deduce the model minority down to

complaining also wasn’t in the dictionary of

the right way. In my neverending consumption

back to work, Amy.

a systematic people-pleaser. White America

the model minority. Digress and work harder.

spree, immigrant memes and boba were the

lauds us for our undying persistence in our

Gaslighting becomes normalized when

cures to my inability to fit in at school and

careers; medical and computer science fields

education is the label slapped onto it. It’s not

in society at large. People understood me, I

By third grade, my mask had fully stitched itself

together. Shielding my eyes

26 Personal Essays

advocate

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the

culture

that

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America

able to stir within the greater NYU community.

Illustration by Janet Sung for Eater.

Masks Off 27

S O P H I E X U Tea

Sophie Xu is a first-year studying Integrated Digital Media. She enjoys digital art and chalk pastel drawing.

Chocolate

Pining

Dessert

Feelings

28 Personal Essays

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generasian.blog

Artwork by Sophie Xu 29

BANANA BEING A BANANA:

THE ASIAN AMERICAN DILEMMA By: Chris Tenzin “You don’t know how to spell Liu? It’s literally one of the most common Chinese names. I swear, sometimes you’re such a banana, Chris.” I sat there, awkwardly smiling and laughing along with my friends, despite the sting I felt from her throwaway comment. I had asked her how to spell her last name because I hadn’t been 100% sure how to. Was it Lu? Or Liu? Or Luu? (Believe it or not, those were all last names of three different people in our friend group at the time). At that moment, I honestly couldn’t remember which one was hers.

Rather than try to explain myself, I played along with them, accepting and even encouraging my role as the “banana” of the group. Nevermind that I regularly heard them pronounce my own last name, Tenzin (the most ubiquitous of all Tibetan names), as Tez-een, or they’d asked if the kimbap I’d brought for lunch was “korean sushi.”

I hadn’t bothered to point out or explain any of this because I was too

30 Personal Essays

busy trying to fit in with my fellow Asian Americans, hiding how hurt I felt to be specifically pointed out for not being able to do so. Because “Asian American” was supposed to be the label and identity I fell under, I was willing to overlook their comments and laugh off their repeated “banana” comments as mere banter.

But why did it hurt so much to be called a “banana”? The term “banana” is a slur used to label an Asian American seen as having given up or betrayed their Asian roots and assimilated into American culture—”yellow” on the outside but “white” on the inside. Used jokingly and almost reprimandingly by the young and old alike, the slur has quickly become a part of the everyday Asian American vocabulary.

Daniel doesn’t know how to use chopsticks?

Banana. Jessica never learned to speak Mandarin? Banana. Hannah’s never had hotpot or Korean barbecue? Banana.

Though used as a joke, it points to a very real phenomenon in the Asian American

community of generalizing the identity down to an oversimplified and limiting mold. Yet the Asian American identity is not a singular, one-size-fits-all image; it’s a melting pot of different ethnicities and subcultures.

Yet the Asian American identity is not a singular, one-size-fits-all image; it’s a melting pot of different ethnicities and subcultures.

So, then what does it really mean to be “Asian American?” What behaviors and thoughts must we demonstrate in order to lay claim to this label? The umbrella term “Asian American” came to use in 1968 as the name of a student organization at UC Berkeley, the Asian American Political Alliance. The purpose of the phrase was to unite all students of Asian descent who, at that point, didn’t have a broader overlapping community as we do today. It

The umbrella term “Asian American” came to use in 1968 as the name of a student organization at UC Berkeley, the Asian American Political Alliance. (Image via NPR)

certainly was an ambitious categorization, attempting to capture so much in just two words.

I myself had proudly proclaimed the label “Asian American” as a kid. Having grown up in a small town out in the Midwest where diversity was sorely lacking, it had become especially important for me to have that label to hold on to. If I would never be “American” enough, I could at least take refuge in the identity I was stuck with. Constantly being the odd one out as the “token asian,” was tolerable only because I had many Asian American idols on YouTube—like Nigahiga, Kevjumba, and Lily Singh—to look up to, to claim as hilarious and universally loved figures of my own community. I may not have been “American” enough for the general populace, but I thought I could always count on my Asian American friends to understand what others judged me for, because they were judged for the very same things. This made it all the more painful to grow up and have the phrase “banana” thrown at me from those very same friends.

I realized fitting in wasn’t just about being “American” enough, it was about being “Asian” enough too. And not just that, it was about fitting into a specific image of “Asian American” as dictated by the community you happen to find yourself in.

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As a Tibetan-Korean American with few Tibetan or Korean friends, I’ve gotten a firsthand experience of what it’s like to deviate from that image and to be called out for doing so. I was ostracized at times for the languages I couldn’t speak, the holidays I didn’t celebrate, and the foods I didn’t know about. The fact that I had my own Asian languages spoken at home, my own calendar of holidays, and my own table spread of cultural staples didn’t seem to matter. It felt as though the things that made up my claim to “Asian-ness” were the very reasons I was now viewed as a “Banana.” The label “Asian American”

cultures and create a collective voice that is more powerful than any individual voice.

The idea was not to homogenize cultures or create division, but to embrace individuals with their own unique experiences and backgrounds.

If I could see my old friends now, I know exactly what I’d tell them: No, I am not a banana. I’m Asian American. I don’t have to choose between being “yellow” and being “white” and, besides, there is no single standard for how to be “Asian enough.” You and me, we’re exactly the same and completely different—we’re Asian American.

The label “Asian American” that had once been my safe place and source of pride amidst judgemental stares and questionable comments no longer felt like mine to claim.

Chris Tenzin is a sophomore in the College of Arts and Science majoring in English in the Creative Writing track and minoring in Asian Film and Media.

that had once been my safe place and source of pride amidst judgemental stares and questionable comments no longer felt like mine to claim.

When I think about the origins of the term “Asian American,” I like to think about the main purpose of its coining: to unite people of vastly different histories and

Being a Banana: the Asian American Dilemma 31

ACTS OF

discouraging

and overwhelming. My

mother always

told me that by

ranking top 10 in would get my foot

my class, I through

the door for

colleges.

More than my

mental

health, my

mother was

preoccupied

with

whether or

not I would

get into a acclaimed

highly university.

Throughout

LOVE

By: LeAnn Mai

To

American friends

In their eyes, I didn’t have the right to feel mentally exhausted because I didn’t go through the same struggles as them.

happiness or financial success,

“allowance” (aka Lunar

these acts of love only further

New Years money) and time

family were the main factors my

pieces of cut fruits placed by my desk at

snacks, such as lychee jelly, and surprised me

family were concerned about.

night. Affection wasn’t shown through hugs

with my go-to frosted coffee from Chick-

The lack of communication

but through the turning off of lights when

fil-A. But even with them, the topic of mental

coupled with differing cultural

I fell asleep midway through studying.

health was never openly discussed.

values made it even more difficult

Though these small gestures showed

The avoidance of the discussion of

to call my home or friends a safe haven.

high school, I took

me that they were doing what

mental health despite the

My parents’ unwillingness to be more open-

the “typical” route an Asian

they could to make sure I was

implicit concerns for my

minded about mental health and my

student would take in my

okay, not once did the topic

mental well-being in these

friends’ lack of sympathy for personal

school: APs to the max, stacked

of mental health come up

acts of love made me realize

mental health problems made it

extracurriculars, and a (somewhat)

in our conversations. I

how taboo the topic really is for

even more difficult to approach them

good relationship with the teachers. I was

knew better than to try

Asian-American families, especially for

about the topic. Expressing care

labeled an “overachiever” for taking AP

and push the topic

immigrant families like mine. Whenever

and thoughtfulness through actions

Physics 1 as a sophomore—which is usually a

after the first

anything related to mental health came

junior course—and for filling my resume with

time I tried

up in conversation, the topic was quickly

various school clubs and activities such as

mentioning

switched around to discuss the latest

FBLA), JCL, and many others. I had a packed

it to my

family drama. When someone in my family

schedule, and in turn, my availability to take

family:

started experiencing the same form of mental

LeAnn Mai is a freshman in LS Core from Atlanta, Georgia. After LS Core, she plans to transfer into CAS to pursue a double major in Asian Studies and English. In her free time, LeAnn enjoys spontaneous boba/ coffee runs, Zoom movie nights, and late night trips to the pier with her friends.

is important, but without verbal communication these acts of love won’t render effective.

care of myself, both mentally and physically,

my mental health declined to the point where

You didn’t have to work double shifts. You

for me. I am one of the firstborns of my

put together portfolios

didn’t have to face discrimination in school

generation and being an only child added

were enough to put me on

or the workplace. You’re living the perfect

to the pressure. My parents are not

edge. Adderall and caffeine

life.” Perfect. This word resonated with me—in

became my best

their eyes, I didn’t have the right to feel mentally

friends, and

exhausted because I

there was never

the same struggles as

didn’t go through them.

In a culture where mental health was never a main factor for happiness or financial success, these acts of love only further proved this case. health issues I faced, they were quickly shot down and labeled as “causing a scene” and “craving attention.” For my friends, mental health was

a moment when

something that “everyone

I wouldn’t be doing

went through,” meaning it didn’t have to

xG

le

be openly

yA

me as “above average.”

tb

work that would label

Ar

It was when my family and

ie

ut

friends noticed this shift in my mood

ez rr

was still

never a main factor for

the limited amount of

pay, and marrying into a good

“You didn’t have to travel across the ocean.

of 700

mental health was

looking my way. They bought me my favorite

manual presentations, and

in my class

In a culture where

My friends did the best with

in class, poking me awake if the teacher was

staying up late to study for exams, prepare for

“standing out”

were done as a “last resort.”

family, affection was instead shown through

This is what my Vietnamese parents wanted

reprimanded for not

thought. For me, they

foreign to me. In a Vietnamese-American

I couldn’t hide it at home. Endless nights of

But being constantly

not valid.

proved this case. Grades, salary

connections, and earn a well-paying job.

to hang out with my friends.

were out of care and

they had. They would let me sleep

daughter. Get good grades, make good

and understand that I need time

view, these acts of love

struggles were

can do it!” remained

During the middle of sophomore year,

tiger parents—they let me go out

someone else’s point of

“perfect” life, my

love you” and “You

became close to nonexistent.

I was raised to become the “perfect”

acknowledged. From

them, in this

received, such as “I

that I first experienced their acts of love.

As I was going through a tough time, it was through actions, not words, that the people around me showed support. The words of affirmation and praise that my non-Asian-

32 Personal Essays

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Acts of Love 33

Children walking to school: (January, 2020)

Children walking to school: (January, 2020)

Manhattan (misc.)

L U C YO KO I Luc Yokoi is a freshman studying Film.

He is most interested in Writing and Photography.

34 Personal Essays

Somewhere in the Night: (September, 2019)

Somewhere in the Night: (September, 2019)

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Manhattan generasian.blog

(misc.)

Artwork by Luc Yokoi 35

BLOG HIGHLIGHT:

generasian.blog SHARING ASIAN AMERICAN VOICES AT NYU

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DECEMBER 7, 2020 Looking back, my tedious daily routine in the South Korean military was only bearable because I could look forward to watching the latest episode of Demon Slayer in my barracks. Without a doubt one of the best anime series of 2019, Demon Slayer is a riveting story that follows the journey of a young boy, Tanjiro Kamado, after a demon slaughters his entire family and transforms his sister, Nezuko, into a demon. Bent on finding a way to cure his sister, Tanjiro joins the Demon Slayer Corps. The best aspects of Demon Slayer are certainly the gorgeously animated action scenes (I don’t think anyone can truly forget that Tanjiro vs Rui scene), the exhilarating background music, and the lovable characters of the series.

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A Guide: Explaining BLM to my Asian Immigrant Parents

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What an interesting request. Where I’m from? Where I’m really from? Are we talking about Madison, the capital city of Wisconsin? Or perhaps you just mean Wisconsin, in the more general sense? Or, even broader, the United States?

No? No, I didn’t think so.

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OCTOBER 18, 2020 Like many other Asian American teens living through this pivotal time in the Black Lives Matter movement, I found myself struggling to talk to my Asian immigrant parents about certain issues. It wasn’t the fear that they would angrily disagree with me, but rather the uncertainty of where to even start such a conversation.

There is no question about the deep, personal struggles both my parents faced from the moment they entered this country. They came in hopes of providing a better future for their children, but moving to a foreign country presents its obvious difficulties. There was this fine line between educating them on a topic they didn’t know much about, and carefully doing so in a way that would also acknowledge their past experiences with racism. But I also understood from the very beginning of these humanitarian issues coming to light, that this was a distinctly pressing situation that needed to be heard and addressed.

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Artist Spotlight: Hana Pak

BY EVONNE LAO AND CINDY QIANG NOVEMBER 21, 2020

“The things that give me the most inspiration are the things that have the most feelings or emotions, like sadness” If I were to be an inanimate object, my friends would describe me as a black marker because i feel like I have a lot of projects going on that I’ll start, and I am a person that doesn’t follow along like I have my day planned and I know what I will do at each hour. I sometimes regret what I do, but I can’t really erase it, so I am trying to live my life without regrets. You have to learn to like whatever you have done.

read more 36 Blog Highlight

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Blog Highlight 37

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FOOD

The Six Bowls of Chinese Noodles That I Crave All Year Long

BY TIFFANY WEI

NOVEMBER 16, 2020 Whenever people talk about staples in Chinese food culture, they always think of rice, while noodles are often left in the shadow.

However, the traditional saying “North Noodles, South Rice” demonstrates the equal significance of noodles in Chinese cuisine.

Growing up in Shanghai, China, I was fortunate to have experienced the extensiveness and profoundness of Chinese food culture, either through traveling or exploring regional restaurants within the city.

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A “Sweet” Trip Down Memory Lane

BY CAROL WU

OCTOBER 23, 2020 When we’re living away from home, those moments of longing and nostalgia are unavoidable, but we can bring back those feelings of home and familiarity through the comfort of foods. As a child, I often took comfort in the soy bean pudding we bought from the street vendor in Flushing and the fried golden buns.

As a college student, I don’t have much cooking experiences, but I did my best to recreate my childhood favorites and would like to share some of the recipes for those with minimal experiences, just like myself.

read more

The Team Blog Editor: Candice Chiang Senior - Media, Culture and Communication Blog Deputy Editor: Phoebe Chuang Senior - Media, Culture and Communication

38 Blog Highlight

Bloggers: Carol Wu Amy Chiang Jack Li Victoria Maung Emily Lin Tiffany Wei LeAnn Mai Khanh Ho Minhee Han

Michael Lo Jaehyoung Ju Alicia Zhu Christina Tenzin Luc Yokoi Kelly Mao Jaime Cao Lauren Cheung Jihoon Yang

MEDIA HIGHLIGHT

check out our videos at youtube.com/nyugenerasian

Level Chef: Making a simple steamed egg dish may be harder than you think! Two pairs of siblings face off in a challenge that tests their Cantonese and culinary expertise.

Fall 2020 media team Media Editors: Joseph Lee Kelly Sheng Marva Shi Media Team Members: Caitlin Chien Kunga Divie Alex Gutierrez Victoria Ng Priscilla Song Annie Williams

Everyday Asian Superstitions: We explored different well-known Asian superstitions through mixed media storytelling the origins of some of these tales may be surprising!

Special Thanks: Carina Chien Anna Ng

BEHIND THE SCENES:

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Media Highlight 39

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