life
just the two of us
Time Spent Apart Can Bring You Closer By lIsa KatZ
her time
.m
his time
When you see a truly happy couple, you just know it. They seem very comfortable with each other and whether they are smiling or holding hands, they seem content. There may even be a gentle brush of an arm as one of them moves to another room. There is a mutual respect between them that is evident to those around them. Being in this kind of a happy and loving relationship is certainly a rare treasure these days. Outsiders may begin to wonder how this couple remains happy. We know most couples spend a large portion of their free time with one another. However, there are many couples who feel the secret to their successful marriage is having separate interests or hobbies. While they do love spending time together, they also enjoy being with friends or doing other activities separate from their partners. This also allows one to pursue an activity that the other might not have any interest in whatsoever. Finding the balance is the key. One spouse doesn’t want to feel guilty about not including the other, and at the same time, really wants to have some time either alone or with friends. That balance comes from the quality of time spent together rather than the quantity of time together.
© 2014 istockphoto lP. all rights reserved
“Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy iggle These G have readers how to learned
work! make it
relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you,” claims Maud Purcell, a licensed clinical social worker. While every relationship is unique, those involved all strive for the same thing…happiness. For some, happiness involves spending all of their free time together. Others, however, find that spending a portion of their free time either alone or with friends can give their relationship an added positive element. What makes a relationship
work is different for different people. If, in the end, you are both truly content and happy in your relationship, then you are definitely one of the lucky couples who has found that perfect balance!
Alisa Bowman, author of “Project Happily Ever After: Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters,” explains “You don’t need to do every single thing together in order to be happy. You don’t need shared hobbies. You just need a good relationship, one that is based on mutual respect.”
“I promote him having his own hobbies (mountain biking, working out or surfing) so he has male bonding time. It makes him feel young and re-energized. Sometimes work and family can be stifling and I understand that.” – Mary Hazan, married 9 years (together 17 years) “I think it is very healthy for couples to have different hobbies. As long as each respects the other’s interests and the time they need to spend doing them.” – Melanie Shore, married 24 years
gigglemag.com | JUNe/JUlY 2014
11
