F O R S U RV I V O R S
7
What I unearthed — about myself and survivors as a
how I feel about it. My mind no longer feels like an enemy,
whole — was shocking. For example: Survivors of sexual
but a roommate I check in with routinely asks me: How are
assault are highly susceptible to mental disorders such as
you doing? What can I do to help? Having these open ex-
depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Because of the culture of
changes of vulnerability and honesty freed me of the shame
shame around sexual assault, perpetuated by victim-blam-
of hiding in my head. I don’t label myself as weak or strong
ing, survivors are also less likely to seek help for it. Such
anymore — I am just a person recovering from a violence
was the case with me. Such is the case with many other
I never asked for.
survivors. Such is the case even now — at least until we re-
To any survivors reading this: I see you, and I love you.
structure the way we talk about sexual assault as a whole,
Just as much as our assault doesn't define us, neither do
an ambitious mission I undertook with Project Consent for
our mental disorders. Keep moving forward. I’m walking
more than six years.
right beside you.
When I was diagnosed, I was equal parts relieved and embarrassed. Relieved because there was finally an explanation for the sleepless nights, the trauma that would replay on a loop, and the sense of foreboding that followed me constant-
DEAR SURVIVORS, YOU AREN'T ALONE by Sara Li
ly. But I was also ashamed because the stigma around mental health doesn’t just extend to having it — it also rears its ugly head most when one is seeking to break free from it. I tried to downplay my conditions for years, fearing that my diagnosis would weaken me in the eyes of my peers. I didn’t want to be a depressed person, living with PTSD and anxiety, any more than I wanted to be a survivor of sexual assault.
When I was first diagnosed with PTSD at 18 years old, my first and immediate reaction was: What? I haven’t been at war.
But looking back, I’ve never felt weaker than when I was pretending to be strong. In my final years of running Project Consent, I had to
The year was 2015, and conversations about mental
redefine what it meant to live with multiple mental disor-
health and sexual assault were barely breaking the sur-
ders. It was comforting knowing it wasn’t a path I had to
face. I know this because I was running an advocacy or-
walk alone, nor was it my whole journey. I started telling
ganization called Project Consent at the time. Even my own
other survivors that I see them, just as much they saw me.
understanding of trauma was limited by our culture’s un-
We were all parts of a whole, trying to fit ourselves in our
willingness to talk about sexual violence in a way that was
bodies and this world again. The path to healing was never
comprehensive and empathetic. So like many other silent
easy, but Project Consent did our part to make it less lonely.
survivors, I was left to stew in the house of horrors that was
It’s true that I was never at war. But I did experience
my mind until the day I finally saw a therapist.
I don’t label myself as weak or strong anymore — I am just a person recovering from a violence I never asked for. Sara Li is a 23-year-old arts and culture writer in New York City. She's the founder of Project Consent, an award-winning advocacy group for sexual assault survivors. You can learn more about Sara and get in touch at sarali.com.
something traumatic and at the very least, I’m entitled to
HOW TO SUPPORT SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT GO OD
BET TER
BEST
If someone tells you they've been sexually assaulted, it can be hard to know what to say. Read these tips for talking with survivors of sexual assault at rainn.org/articles/ tips-talking-survivors-sexual-assault.
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) is an orgaanization that provides research, statistics, and resources around sexual assault and violence. A donation of only $42 can help RAINN assist one survivor.
Take things a step further by volunteering with RAINN. As a trained volunteer, you'll provide much-needed support to victims of sexual assault and their loved ones. And you'll receive extensive crisis intervention training.
