GTW Nov/Dec 2016

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Nov/Dec '16

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Grand Traverse Woman

Grand Traverse

WOMAN2WOMAN WOMAN

By Kandace Chapple & Kerry winkler

Volume 14, No. 2 November/December 2016

Northern Art Photography

the photoshoot

northern michigan’s magazine for women

Grand Traverse Woman P.O. Box 22 Interlochen, MI 49643 tel: 231.276.5105 fax: 231.276.5106 info@grandtraversewoman.com www.grandtraversewoman.com Blog: www.grandtraversewoman.com Facebook: http://companies.to/grandtraversewoman Publishers Kandace Chapple Kerry Winkler Editor Kandace Chapple, kandace@grandtraversewoman.com Account Director Kerry Winkler, kerry@grandtraversewoman.com Account Executives Deb Dent, deb@grandtraversewoman.com Lisa Foley, lisa@grandtraversewoman.com Sherry Galbraith, sherry@grandtraversewoman.com Lori Maki, lori@grandtraversewoman.com Assistant Editor Lisa Maxbauer Price, lisam@grandtraversewoman.com COPY Editor Christine Kurtz Designer Bethany Gulde, bethany@grandtraversewoman.com

Well, it was long overdue. We needed new pictures for GTWoman. We had cherished and nourished our 30-something photos for long enough. Time to wow the world with 40-something photos that would put our 30s to shame.

Enter a week-long tornado of clothesshopping, arguing and returning.

The clothes It’s hard to find an outfit that you like and that you want to use in your marketing material for years to come (if history repeats itself). Now try finding one that you like, that your sister also likes and, one step of agony further, matches the outfit that she likes for herself.

But the outfits can’t match match.

More like they have to complement. Not too “twinny,” but more like you just happened to dress in shades that didn’t clash, in about the same style, with similar flair.

Exactly.

Imagine trying to find this magical combination, not once, but several times, during five hours of shopping over two days.

It was a scene.

The vest First, we wanted a casual photo (pictured above).

Enter the VEST idea. Yes, we would simply wear matching vests and jeans.

Not that hard.

Oh yes, that hard.

The black vest fit her best but Kandy’s dark hair disappeared on it. The cream vest was Kerry’s favorite but Kandy’s hair popped so nicely against it. Small details, you say? Not when you are two sisters in a dressing room fighting over the very limit-

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ed choice of neutral vests sold in America.

(Epiphany: The saleswomen can hear every threat you make.)

But we liked the picture in the end.

You’d never guess we had the sales gal ransack the place for every “Medium” vest she could find, any color, anywhere. Then got her opinion on each one against first Kerry’s hair, then Kandy’s.

The dresses We knew we wanted something sharp and professional for one set of photos. We needed dresses. But we have two different tastes in dresses. It would take more than compromise. It would take heavy negotiating while keeping things light and fun.

In other words, booze.

We hit Macy’s, then Maurice’s, then JCPenney with no luck. We took a night’s sleep and tried again the next day: Younker’s. Kerry had a boatload of coupons to use there, most of which wouldn’t work, but we’d already upended everything at the other mall.

We walked in to find a selection that offered hope. We picked out so many dresses that Kerry claimed permanent injury to her left arm. From there, we took the largest dressing room to share as usual. You might consider that a handicap stall or a family stall. We consider it a “twin stall.”

It’s a good time to point out that our modesty is out the window in a twin stall.

There are bra and underwear and slimmer discussions. There is poking and prodding and blatant vetoing. There is no room for emotion. It is strictly a cold assessment of what works, with a heavy emphasis on how many jokes we can come up with for the duds.

That day, there were no fewer than 15

dresses in the room, none on a hanger and all of them black. We stood in a veritable sea of rejects.

But, suddenly, Kandy slipped on the perfect black dress.

Well, almost perfect. It was a tad snug.

She didn’t want to succumb to the next size up but it was obvious that she would be unable to walk unless she did so.

But when she tried to climb out of the almost-perfect black dress while in high heels, she lost her balance. But, only slightly.

Instead of falling, she let herself sway backwards and lean against the dressingroom door. . .

That turned out not to be latched.

Which is when Kandy went blasting butt-first out of the dressing-room door, all but naked, nearly tearing the dress in half.

Ahem.

There was a moment of silence. Then a moment (or two) of shrieking. Then there was Kerry checking for witnesses she would have to kill and Kandy getting back into the dressing room on her knees.

Followed closely by us both laughing until we cried.

We’d like to say things went better after that. But what followed was a sweat-inducing afternoon of trying on everything we could find that came in two colors but didn’t match.

It was a blur and, in the end, we never did get a drink out of the deal.

Instead, we returned half of what we bought, settled on only two outfits we really liked and swore we’d wait years before trying to find matching clothes again!

cover photo Beth Price, Beth Price Photography www.bethpricephotography.com Jala Wharton is a local model, actress, paddleboard athlete and fitness instructor at Modus45 in Traverse City. She is a social media guru who takes her GoPro camera with her everywhere she goes, all while being a mother to her four children. Follow her inspirational photos and journey @fitnessmodelmom. See her story on page 6.

Photographers Andrea Bogard, Northern Art Photography www.northernartphotography.com Sarah Brown, Sarah Brown Photography www.sarahbrown-photography.com Scarlett Piedmonte, Photography by Scarlett www.photobyscarlett.com Beth Price, Beth Price Photography www.bethpricephotography.com Contributing Writers Lesley Anderson Debbie Craig Heather Harrington Samantha Hoffman Karen Jordan Kristen Lowe Cathy O'Connor Shea Petaja Jala Wharton Emily Wilensky Kara Wilhelm Julianne Will Advertising Kerry Winkler at 231.276.5105 or kerry@grandtraversewoman.com Visit www.grandtraversewoman.com for rates.

Subscriptions To receive GTWoman at home, mail $20 (for 6 issues) to: Grand Traverse Woman, P.O. Box 22, Interlochen, MI 49643 Articles/Press Releases Letters, inquiries, press releases and GTWoman In Business submissions are welcome.

See www.grandtraversewoman.com for guidelines.

Mission Statement Grand Traverse Woman is a bimonthly magazine dedicated to the interests of women in the five-county region. Our mission is to provide women with a publication that is educational and inspirational. We strive to maintain a positive, well-balanced and genuine forum for women's issues. (We also like funny stuff.) © Copyright 2016 Grand Traverse Woman LLC All rights reserved.

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Grand Traverse Woman

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This holiday season, surprise a loved one with a Spa Grand Traverse gift card and give the ultimate gift of relaxation. From manicures to massages, facials to hairstyling, Spa Grand Traverse has everything you need to unwind and recharge. As a part of your Spa experience, enjoy our indoor pools, hot tubs, sauna, and ďŹ tness classes.

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Grand Traverse Woman

Finding balance in

nature

A single mom of 4 builds her life as model, actress and more

By Jala Wharton

Every morning when I wake up—no matter how tired I am—as soon as my feet touch the floor, I repeat a mantra I live by… “Do the best you can, be better than you were yesterday, be grateful, stay humble, love deep, always be kind, treat others how you would like to be treated and, most importantly, smile even if you don’t feel like it!”

This is my lifestyle now. But it wasn’t always that easy.

You see, my life has been full of many amazing chapters of love, loss and triumph, with oh-somany lessons along the way.

My most recent chapter consisted of going from one failed marriage to another within a few years, and one child to four children in less than one year.

Through it all I had to reflect and return to what meant the most to me.

I often thought of a monumental moment from my childhood that particularly shaped who I am. It imprinted my heart deeply at the age of 9.

One day, my parents came home from work and explained to my brother and me that they

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had bought a 52-foot sailboat. It would be our new home and I could only bring a handful of Barbies and toys with me.

I was slightly devastated by the idea of this big change. But we moved onto our boat, named “Bequia Chief,” in the summer of ’89 and left our Northern California life behind for new adventures for the next two and a half years.

It didn’t take long for me to realize what an amazing life experience my parents were giving us. I was catching dinner everyday with my brother as a simple chore and spear fishing off reefs near deserted islands. I was doing everything from scraping and varnishing to swimming with dolphins and seals. Some might have called it “unique” but it was truly amazing.

At one point during our adventure we visited an orphanage in Costa Rica. That experience spoke to me in a way so deeply, from that day I knew I was going to adopt a child. And I eventually did—my beautiful 12-year-old daughter Nevaeh.

That said, this most recent chapter in my life was a major transition time for me: Having a son,

adopting my daughter, then five months later becoming pregnant with twins. Bam! It seemed like blessings were being thrown at me at an accelerated speed.

Although my last ex and I made the decision to end things, we promised to be a great pair of kick-ass parents! (Important note: Every day I’m grateful that my ex-husbands continue to be positive, loving friends in my life and are good buddies as well. Wouldn’t trade them for anything).

How did we reach a new normal that worked for everyone? We came up with an arrangement that many people find to be “unique” (as some have told me), but I completely disagree… My second husband and I kept our home for our kids to continue to grow up in.

We each have our own separate space elsewhere and we switch off according to our schedules. This way, the only people shifting households back and forth are the adults. The kids are at peace, feeling secure and loved more than they could ever imagine! (It’s not life on a 52-foot sailboat but it works for us!)

My first husband lives in NYC and comes to

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Grand Traverse Woman Traverse City every 4 weeks.

My first husband is called "Uncle Josh" by our three other children. He has a close relationship with them as well.

A huge part of this chapter was also finding inner peace for myself: Learning to be OK with the path my life “At 37, a single mom of four, was heading, loving myself with two failed marriages, and finding strength. I had to really understand that life isn’t there were periods of time perfect! when I wanted to cry and not At 37, a single mom of get out of bed. Oh man!” four, with two failed marriages, there were periods of time when I wanted to cry and not get out of bed. Oh man!

That’s where following my passion saved me. Being out in the beauty of nature made all the difference and reminded me of those childhood lessons on the sailboat where I learned what was important and what I wanted for my life.

That’s how paddleboarding became my therapy. Being on the water was my way of healing, growing and learning to love deeper than I could have imagined. In the process, I let go of anything that I was still allowing to hurt or sadden me.

Suddenly, everything came together for me: My love for fitness and health, mixed with the modeling career I’ve had for 18-plus years, and my love of photography. It all led me to start capturing the amazing and healing moments I was having on the water. I even became a GoPro and social media proponent, as well as a sponsored athlete and brand ambassador.

I love sharing my passions with others.

Now I just go with the flow. The key for me has been to absorb the lessons I’ve learned in life and keep the knowledge within me for future reference.

I’d like to blame it on all those darn Disney movies I grew up watching, but the reality is, I’ve lived my life with an open heart, always hopeful. These days, it helps me to be optimistic about everything I encounter.

Everything—being transparent, the love of my children, the friendship of my ex’s—helps me to maintain the level of positive energy I need to replenish my soul. Although I have no idea what the future holds, I will remain optimistic as I keep my goals in sight! Always!

When you create things with love, continue it with love always.

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Christy Petrini Sales & Leasing Consultant

(231) 938-3800 • foxmb.com US-31 South, Traverse City, MI

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Jala Wharton is a local model, actress, paddleboard athlete and fitness instructor at Modus45 in Traverse City. She is a social media guru who takes her GoPro camera with her everywhere she goes, all while being a mother to her four children. Follow her inspirational photos and journey @fitnessmodelmom.

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Mercedes-Benz of Traverse City Nov/Dec '16

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Grand Traverse Woman

life and whim

The urge to project infallibility is strong, particularly for women. Social media—the world of pretty, witty and fun—reinforces the notion that we must only reveal our most perfect selves.

It’s easy to think: Since everyone else has it all pulled together, shouldn’t I, too?

So we soldier on, intent on doing and having it all, while pushing aside the nagging feeling that something’s not right. That something needs to change.

This is where I found myself three years ago. From the outside, my life looked idyllic, even enviable. My husband and I had built and grown our marketing agency. He ran a successful law firm. We made good money and bought a big house. We had three beautiful young girls. We were on the road to success.

And we grew unhappier the farther we progressed down that path.

The success The obstacle to change, in part, seemed to be a refusal to show vulnerability. I draped myself in invulnerability like a suit of armor. I lived my life based on some societal expectation, rather than my own hopes and dreams. I got stuck.

“Success” is a relative term. What we failed to take into account while pursuing traditional notions of success was that with each step forward the path narrowed. We lamented our inability to get ahead of it all, without ever stopping to think what “ahead” or “all” really meant.

I learned that what my husband and I built required more from us. More time, more money and more energy, both mental and physical. We had to move faster and faster just to keep up.

Because we were working so hard, we rewarded ourselves the only way we knew how—with more—and further exacerbated the problem.

The pause

authoring a

new life

By Heather Harrington

Pausing or, God forbid, taking a step back was not an option. Why? Because it felt like failure.

Nagging self-doubt about our approach bubbled just below the surface, but we suppressed it. The only way to get out of the hole was to keep digging, or so we thought.

Then one day we stopped. We simply had to. And we decided to move to Traverse City “on a whim.”

It took a great deal of time, energy and resources to move ourselves and our business to a new place. The investment continues, but it’s starting to pay dividends. The space and time that we desired in our life is beginning to emerge. We’re at a trailhead, with a number of potential paths before us, no longer confined to a single one. These paths are unpaved, but wide and full of promise.

The secret Moving to Traverse City, therefore, was a catalyst for change. We didn’t need to move here to shake things up, but our belief was that Traverse City was the type of place that would empower us to live the life we desired—adventurous, spontaneous and immersed in nature.

And our hypothesis proved correct. It’s a place where the vision for our life became a reality.

But despite the personal satisfaction we felt from our life-pivot, our journey felt private and incomplete. It was like we were guarding a secret. We knew, instinctively, that others were seeking what we had found: More space and time to enjoy life’s simple pleasures in a place that allowed easy access to nature’s wonders.

So we decided to tell our story in order to inspire others who may feel stuck in seemingly intractable circumstances. In January of 2016, we launched “Life and Whim.”

The launch

Heather with her three little fairy lovers (Madison, Emma and Kinsey) at the Fairy Trails.

Above, the street piano.

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Life and Whim is one of the most exciting and fulfilling projects we’ve undertaken in our new community. It’s a lifestyle blog and brand through which my husband, Jay, and I can write, design and express our points of view.

We try to capture the essence of the people, places, products and passions that make “Up North”—and Traverse City, in particular—so special.

Above all, we try to share a unique perspective for an authentic purpose: Helping others, and thereby helping ourselves, to live lives full of adventure, discovery, happiness and contentment.

From the beginning, however, we were intent on not confining Life and Whim’s reach to computer screens and social media feeds.

After all, only to make an impact in the digital world is antithetical to everything we believe in. We wanted it to be a vehicle to create experiences in the real world, and in the process to give something back to the community that has given us so much.

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Grand Traverse Woman It’s never too late to identify your dreams, and it’s never too early to start chasing them.

The 4 criteria

So over the course of the last six months we set out to introduce a series of experiences that met the following four criteria: Creative, outdoor, fun and family-friendly.

Our first foray was in May, when we unveiled Traverse City’s new Fairy Trails. It is a magical place for kids of all ages to explore and discover fairy houses built with all natural materials along the Cedar Cathedral Trail at The Village at Grand Traverse Commons.

Next, we set out to bring a public piano to the streets of Traverse City. The idea for the new street piano was met with great enthusiasm and it was unveiled in July. As with all of our projects, the high and meaningful cooperation and collaboration from other Traverse City business and civic leaders helped make the street piano a big success.

Finally, in October, we hosted a downtown Traverse City scavenger hunt intended to help teach kids about their town’s history. At a minimum, we—and our kids who helped us along the way— learned a great deal. It was an incredible event capped by a fun after-party at The Little Fleet, our favorite hangout in town.

The why As I write this (the day after the scavenger hunt), many of the same thoughts run through my mind that also did in the wake of past events. I sometimes question why I’m pursuing what is, at least for now, a time-consuming hobby. And then I remember that the payoff—for me, for my family—is far greater than the investment.

Through Life and Whim, I’ve had the opportunity to meet so many people and have so many experiences that have greatly enriched my life. Most of all, our girls have seen firsthand what it means to lap up all that a community has to offer, and then to do your best to give back and refresh the well.

Life and Whim, therefore, is a love letter to a place that has given us so much. The fact is, while we set out to tell our story in order to help others, the lessons we’ve learned in the process have been the most valuable of all. The biggest one: It’s never too late to identify your dreams, and it’s never too early to start chasing them.

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Heather Harrington is the mother of three young girls, owns a creative services agency that serves a nationwide roster of clients, and spends as much time as she can outside. You can learn more about her and her family at www.lifeandwhim.com or you can contact her directly at heather@lifeandwhim.com.

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Gifts for the person who has everything lifelong learning classes

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Grand Traverse Woman

Women & Money

4 Steps for 40-Somethings

By Debbie Craig

While working late one evening, I took a call from a client’s wife.

She was nervous and scared and asked for an appointment. It was after 7 p.m., but, sensing that something was amiss, I asked her to come right over. I had only met her once. Her husband had been the primary communicator with their joint account for a few years.

The woman’s first words to me (before “Hello”) were: “I’ve been so stupid!” followed by tears. While I could envision lots of interesting scenarios, I pressed her on what could have been so bad.

Her reply: “I let my husband manage our finances including my employer’s retirement account and our investment account with you. He had all of my passwords and he just LEFT me!”

While not optimal, I assured her that we could get this remedied in about an hour. We called the plan sponsor’s toll-free number for her retirement plan and worked with them to have her password reset. Then we did the same thing with her investment account, ensuring both of the owners could access the balances and activity.

I thought that this solved the woman’s immediate issue, but she continued to obsess about her “stupidness,” saying, “I shouldn’t have shared my password. I’m smart and yet I still did what you shouldn’t do. Why didn’t I pay more attention?” It was a litany of self-flagellation that went on and on. I asked her if I could share my perspective. She agreed.

It went something like this: In every household in America there are responsibilities to keep things running like cooking meals, packing lunches, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, taking out the garbage, paying the bills, investing in savings, etc.

I asked her whose chore it was to take out the garbage. “It was his chore,” she replied.

So, I asked, “Did you follow him outside to the trashcan to make sure it was taken out?” Her answer was no.

I asked her then, why should you expect to have to follow him around on the budget and savings? It was just how the numerous household chores were divided at your house.

The past was the past. Now is now.

I’m always astounded by the lack of confidence many women have about money. It’s as if someone, somewhere patted us on the head and said, “Don’t worry your pretty little head about these complex manly things.”

I want you to think, “Really? We’ll see about that non-sense!”

So let’s shed some light on the subject of what women should be doing with their finances to ensure it is a responsibility they aren’t kept in the dark about. All you need to remember is: LAMP!

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1) LEARN something every day Gaining an understanding of investment basics will significantly increase your confidence. It starts simply by learning something new every day. Most of us spend a portion of our day online either on a social media site, news website or search engine.

Consider having one or two of these websites be finance focused such as Investopedia.com or yahoo.finance.com. Better yet, you can even follow these types of places on their Facebook page, via Twitter or a smart-phone app.

Spending a few minutes a day on one of these online tools will build your knowledge of the industry and therefore your confidence.

2) Find an ADVISOR Develop a relationship built on trust with a financial professional. It will be an invaluable resource to you as you establish your financial goals: retirement, college savings for children, a home purchase, etc.

When choosing a financial advisor make sure she or he is a good listener, takes time to answer your questions and can easily explain fees and investment recommendations.

Recently, a client shared that her previous advisor had told her not to worry if she did not understand her portfolio because he did. As a result, she did not understand how much he was charging her or what she was invested in and why. This is not acceptable. A good financial professional will meet with you regularly and talk to you in terms you can understand.

3) MERGE accounts Do you have a 401k account from a past employer, possibly from multiple past employers? Having multiple retirement and investment accounts at different companies means there is less oversight and management, which leads to poor performance. Once you leave an employer, those accounts are no longer being reviewed on a regular basis so they are left vulnerable to the market’s conditions. Merging your investment accounts into one firm will ensure you are looking at all your available funds and making the right investment choices based on all you have to invest, not just the pieces.

Recently I had a friend tell me she and her husband have accounts at their past employer from 10 years ago. No one has looked at them or managed the funds for them for 10 years. Did their investments do as well as they could have during that decade? Do the beneficiaries need to be updated to reflect new changes in their lives?

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Grand Traverse Woman

Check out

4) Sketch a PLAN We all want to retire someday, but most of us spend more time planning a vacation than planning for our retirement. Why? Because retirement planning can be overwhelming (Where do I even start?) and somewhat frightening (I don’t even want to know if I’m behind in my savings plan.)

Certainly, learning about the industry, working with a financial professional you trust and merging your accounts will help assuage some of those concerns. But the final missing piece is having a plan that you can understand and depend upon no matter the market conditions.

Your 40s are the optimal time to consider having your financial professional complete a retirement estimate for you. Understanding how much you need to save to achieve your retirement goals and having a plan in place to achieve it will give you the confidence to say: “No problem, I’ve got this!”

Debbie Craig, CFP, MBA, CRPS is the author of Piece by Piece: A Commonsense Approach to a Secure Retirement. Debbie has been helping individuals with financial and retirement planning for over 16 years. She can be reached at or 231.360.0706 or Debbie@piecebypieceretirement.com.

Debbie’s

new book!

Making the leap from employment to retirement is an exciting time, but it may produce anxieties. In her new book, Piece by Piece: A Commonsense Approach to a Secure Retirement, Debbie Craig reveals her helpful process for retirement planning in easily understood language. Debbie’s step-by-step advice is helping people get on track so that when retirement arrives, they can sit back and enjoy their passions and experience the life they’ve always envisioned. Grab your copy of the book, available on Amazon and at local bookstores. You can also learn more at piecebypieceretirement.com.

SoulWays BODY-MIND THERAPY & INTEGRATIVE ENERGYWORK Deep healing for the whole self Providing an integrative approach to personal growth and healing, incorporating energywork, dialogue, movement, and a range of holistic therapeutic modalities.

Through deeply honoring and addressing your whole self— body, mind, and spirit—it offers a powerful path to lasting growth and change.

Lee Edwards, BCPP, BCST (231) 421 3120 • Traverse City, MI www.soulwayshealing.com

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Nov/Dec '16 13

Grand Traverse Woman

Because they don’t come with a manual….. …..let us help be your guide.

The Magic of Being on

Santa’s Good List

By Karen Jordan

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Karen playing helper to Santa at The Rock of Kingsley.

As a little girl, I was usually on Santa’s ‘good’ list.

You see, all my life Christmas and Santa have been special to me. I even grew up and married a Santa. And when he asked me if I would like to be one of his helpers during visits to various nearby towns, I jumped at the chance. Help Santa? The best job ever!

The Rock of Kingsley—a wonderful youth center in the area—is one of Santa’s favorite places to visit. Founders Diane and Dan Walton were on Santa’s good list when they were little kids. And they, along with all the people who support The Rock, are among the adults on Santa’s list because they give heart and soul to their community. Each of us adults on the list receives a very special gift every year. We get to witness first-hand some of Santa’s magic.

I’ll never forget a little girl who asked for a picture of Rudolph.

Year after year, it was her wish for Christmas. Since she never found one under the tree, the year came when she wasn’t sure she believed in Santa anymore. (What she didn’t know was that Rudolph is very shy, and so there are very few pictures.)

And after talking with every child at The Rock that year, Santa called the little girl back up to explain that he had a very special gift for her and hoped she would forgive him for not bringing it sooner. He pulled out of his bag a rare photo of Rudolph—red nose and all. The girl leapt into Santa’s arms and gave him one of the best and biggest hugs of the night, while all of us adults either laughed or cried with joy.

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Some science behind Santa’s magic: all of Santa's reindeer are girls. Male reindeer shed their antlers in the autumn, while the females don’t shed theirs until late winter or spring. The work of art that ended up in Santa’s bag was undeniable proof of Rudolph’s existence.

One little boy at The Rock, 6 or 7 years old, stole all of our hearts by reminding us that the best gifts in life typically aren’t wrapped. During the boy’s turn with Santa, we saw that the merry old elf had tears in his eyes and was having difficulty maintaining his composure. Why, you might ask? Well, when Santa had asked the boy what he wanted for Christmas, the child said he didn’t want anything for himself. All he wanted was for Santa to bring toys to the boys and girls in foster care.

We learned that, after being in and out of temporary foster-care situations, this boy was finally living happily with a family who loved him. It took quite awhile for my eyes to clear and the lump in my throat to go away after witnessing this incredible gift of love.

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Another time, when one girl asked for a goat barn, Santa admitted he wasn’t sure he’d be able to fulfill this unique request, but a wink and a nod from her dad indicated that Santa could tell her he’d do his best.

Every year, things happen that make us laugh. A little girl asked for a rubber snake for Christmas. Absolutely terrified of snakes, Santa said, “Don’t you think you might get in trouble with one of those?” She quickly replied, “Probably.” The following year the girl told Santa that she had indeed gotten into trouble with the snake, and this year she wanted a doll.

There is a gentle soul whom Santa and I look forward to seeing every year: a young man who suffered a head injury in a car accident. Though we believe our visits mean a lot to him, we can see that he’s surrounded by the love of many at The Rock.

One thing makes me envious of Santa. He gets to hold all those brand-new babies. Fortunately, intuitive parents usually spot my motherly agitation and hand me their infants while waiting in line. (This baby-holding fix is another of my greater job benefits.)

Now, every year, thanks to this special role, I get to feel like a child again—so excited to see Santa charm lots of little ones, as well as adults who, like me, remember him so fondly.

The magic of being Santa’s helper: while I am also Santa’s wife, I do not appear as Mrs. Claus for several reasons. First and foremost, Mrs. Claus bakes, and I do not. Second, and obviously more important, is not to confuse the kids, as my appearance does not change after Christmas. Santa usually shaves his beard, cuts his hair, and goes back to being his alter ego the day after Christmas. In July or August, he puts the razor away, and the transformation begins again.

I’ve served as Santa’s helper during several annual visits to The Rock and always find it a magical experience. One reason is that I sense a similar magic within those walls year-round, not just during the Christmas season.

Karen Jordan is a respiratory therapist in the pulmonary function lab at Munson. She’s been married to Santa for almost 28 years. The Rock is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporation. Its mission is to inspire change in the community through positive interaction, one person at a time. Visit therockofkingsley.com for more information.

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Nov/Dec '16 17

Grand Traverse Woman

Helping others she started as a volunteer… and now leads the gang

By Kristen Lowe

Deb Haase is proud to be following in the footsteps of one of Traverse City’s most well-known and beloved residents: Father Fred. In 1989, he established the Father Fred Foundation, which has been helping individuals and families who have immediate needs ranging from food to boots to keeping the heat on.

Today, “Father Fred” serves about 75 families a day. But at the height of the recession in 2009, they were seeing more than 200 a day.

“It’s very humbling to think that I’m sitting in the chair that Father Fred once sat in,” Deb said. “It can be very emotional.” But Deb, who is currently the executive director, wasn’t always the boss. She started out as a volunteer.

Getting Involved In 2006, Deb volunteered for a day with her husband at the Father Fred Frostbite Food Drive. That’s where an organizer suggested Deb become a regular volunteer. Deb, who was taking time off from work during her son’s senior year, thought volunteering made sense.

Deb started out greeting clients that came into the Foundation, pointing them in the right direction to get help.

Eventually, she began to fill in for Monsignor Thome, who was the chaplain and client assistance administrator. Deb would meet with any person who came in with a financial issue. She’d listen to their story, and would have to make a decision on the spot on whether Father Fred could offer assistance.

“You would see how hard these people were working to make ends meet and try to provide for their families,” she said. “That was the most challenging part.”

The job eventually became permanent about a year after Monsignor Thome stepped down. Deb worked as the client assistance manager for eight years before being promoted to executive director in 2014.

“I think a lot of people have such misconceptions about people who need help,” she said. “These people are so hard working and experiencing such difficulties, and they make sure their kids have food before they do.”

Deb said most of the people who walk through the Foundation’s doors are working, sometimes more than one job, but still having trouble making ends meet. She points to the high cost of living in the Traverse Area.

“A lot of the folks that visit us are working in hotels and restaurants and shops, typically making minimum wage or just a little bit above,” she said.

“That doesn’t cut it here in Traverse City.”

It seems impossible for some to get ahead. “Many of our folks working the service sector don’t have a benefits package with their employment,” she adds.

“So if they miss work for a sick child or something, they don’t get paid for those days. It doesn’t take much.”

Deb has also seen families who would otherwise be doing fine financially get thrown a curveball. “We

know that cars break, illnesses happen and your world is thrown into turmoil,” Deb said. “It doesn’t matter what your income is on paper, things can get out of control very quickly.”

What They Do

Father Fred’s wide wingspan sets them apart from many local charities. Potential clients come in and sit down with an intake worker who finds out what they need help with. The possibilities are seemingly endless, from the food pantry, to the home store, to financial aid.

The Foundation can work to prevent clients from being evicted, or stop their utilities from being shut off. They help people get prescriptions and doctor’s appointments, or set them up with budgeting classes and job leads.

Deb makes it clear: the Father Fred Foundation doesn’t do things for clients, it walks alongside them and helps them figure it out for themselves.

“Whether that means setting you up with a specialist about job placement or educational opportunities, or maybe going to NMC and talking to the counselors You would see how hard these people about opportunities there,” Deb were working to make ends meet and try to said. “It’s just amazing to be able to offer people hope and a clearer provide for their families,” she said. “That vision for their future.”

was the most challenging part.”

Whom They Serve As client assistance administrator, Deb has seen how hard it can be to break the cycle of poverty.

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The Point of Difference While the Father Fred Foundation does so much to help the community, they’re also dependent on it. Unlike many organizations, they do not accept state of federal funds.

“We’re locally founded, locally focused and locally funded,” Deb said.

“That seems to be unique and it’s something we’re very proud of.”

The lack of government aid gives the foundation freedom.

“When you accept government funds there are always some parameters that have to be adhered to,” she said. “We want to be able to just listen to your stories and care for you to the best of our ability.”

Deb says their freedom is especially helpful when it comes to their eviction diversion program.

“Government agencies can’t offer assistance until the court summons has been issued, meaning a lot of additional fees,” she said. “We’re able to start on a seven-day notice, so the costs come down.”

Feeding a Need Many of Father Fred’s clients don’t qualify for food stamps (or other state assistance) because they’re working. That’s where the food pantry comes in.

“We’re one of the largest food pantries in Northern Michigan,” Deb said.

It isn’t your average food pantry either. The Foundation has a chef who makes sure the food is healthy, comparing brands to get soup with the lowest sugar, and cereal with the most whole grain. You won’t find many chips or fruit snacks on the shelves at the Father Fred Food Pantry.

Lending an Ear While Father Fred’s reach is wide, its focus is specific: listen, care and share. Deb says a lot of times people come in, and they just need to talk to someone.

“Sometimes clients will just meet with our chaplain or the current client assistance administrator and they will figure it out for themselves,” she said. “Sometimes it’s just being able to offer that listening ear that is really important.”

Deb is passionate about her work because of the people, both volunteers and clients.

“They’re just some of the most amazing people you would ever want to meet,” she said.

Best of all, Deb knows many past clients are doing better now because they’ve come back to make monetary donations and pay it forward.

“We were there to help them when they really needed it,” Deb said. “We see that frequently.” She adds, “The stories of courage and drive are just amazing to hear.”

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Deb Haase lives on Old Mission Peninsula with her husband. She also has two grown children. In her (rare!) free time, she enjoys golf and hanging out with her family. Learn more about the Father Fred Foundation at www.fatherfred. org. They are located at 826 Hastings, Traverse City, and can be reached at 231.947.2055. Their hours are Tuesday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 2 p.m. The food pantry/clothing is open on Wednesdays until 7 p.m.

Tune In! Abby Reed Photography

Grand Traverse Woman and 7&4 News together profile some of the most powerful women in Northern Michigan. Look for Kristen Lowe’s reports on 7&4 News and her articles in every issue of Grand Traverse Woman. www.grandtraversewoman.com

Nov/Dec '16 19

Grand Traverse Woman

From one powerful little sticky note, a company was

By Samantha Hoffman

Samantha with daughter Chloe.

Life can be brutal. At least it seemed

empowering affirmations onto sticky notes. I stuck those notes everywhere. My desk, my that way to me at times. As a woman, I felt bedside table and my car were all dotted with judged way too often. By others, and by yellow squares. myself. I was either “too this,” or “too that.”

But one day, after a remarkably rotten expeI went through 10 years when I felt esperience, I found myself sitting alone at the bay, cially insecure, due to a series of challenges contemplating yet another loss. beyond my control. There was my son’s brain Completely out of character, I had just cancer diagnosis. A contentious divorce. And stormed out of an office meeting, surprising losing our newly built home and the fameven myself. Yet, I didn’t feel ily land it sat on due to our bad about it. I knew it meant unavoidable business and perthe loss of a job I loved, sursonal bankruptcy.

“We help others rounded by people I loved.

It didn’t end there. During most when we But to stay under increasingly that time, both my father and uncomfortable circumstances beloved dog died within two the very things with felt worse. It would have meant months of one another. You which we struggle.” dishonoring myself. may think adding the death of I sat looking at the water, my dog as minor. But to me, replaying the events in my head and wonderit was major. Even now, I have to stop and ing how to move forward. That’s when my breathe when remembering all that loss. mind finally quieted, and a voice within me Just when I would think all was calm, whispered, fear less and trust yourself more. upheaval would pop back in again. I figured I I was exhausted, and those words felt like had two choices: to fear or to have faith. I tried oxygen.

I was tired of not fully believing in both. Sometimes in the span of 10 minutes. myself. Tired of having one foot firmly planted During the good times and the bad, I always in faith and one still lingering in self-doubt. had a small circle of fabulous women on whom I was tired of looking outside myself for perI could count. I called them “my tribe.” mission or validation. I was tired of feeling as I also leaned heavily upon my belief that though I would never be good enough or get life was, if allowed, a cooperative, loving force. it all done. I was caught in a cycle of inadverTo remind myself of that, I would scribble

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tently handing my power over to others.

Fear less and trust yourself more.

I knew I immediately had to jot that down on a sticky note.

As I held that freshly penned note, I laughed and thought how I should stick it onto my shirt, so not only I could see it, but others could too. I wanted my daughter Chloe to see it. I wanted my tribe of friends to see it.

I wanted all women to see it.

From that experience my daughter and I formed an apparel company called Rebel Spirit Empowerment from Within. Each design is a wearable affirmation meant to remind and inspire you of your purpose, power and potential. They say things like: “FEARless” … “I AM” … “Trust and Allow.”

Chloe and I are a good team. We each offer our own perspective on the challenges women face. Women aren’t all the same. But we all need support. We all have that little voice in the back of our minds that chatters doubt. It’s a complete waste of energy. I believe that if we’re here, we have a purpose. All we have to do is believe it for ourselves and it will come to life.

That’s where our tees come in. They are like that tribe that sees your value and reminds you of it, especially when you haven’t yet seen it for yourself.

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A turning point Not too long ago, I walked into a local business and saw a woman behind the counter wearing my “I AM” tee. I made a comment and she replied that she saw it and liked it. Such simple words, but they meant the world to me. They meant the message resonated and that I was on to something.

Up until that point, I hadn’t worn that shirt out and about. It felt private to me, like a shirt I wear only to lounge in my own space. Yet, here was this woman owning her beauty and worth for the world to see.

That’s when I realized: we help others most when we share the very things with which we struggle. From that day on, I started wearing that “I AM” t-shirt out and about. I decided: I am what I believe and I believe in me. The heck with others and their opinions.

My daughter wears the designs without a care in the world.

Her views are slightly different than mine—she doesn’t have four decades of judgment to release. But she still has her struggles, as do her friends. She’s watching me overcome, which empowers her. And watching her walk about with confidence helps me release my own fears.

It’s time to stand in our own power, to believe in our own beauty. You are enough. You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are vibrant. No one can take these truths from you—except you.

And Rebel Spirit is here to support you while you do.

What I’ve found: When women band together, we’re unstoppable. In my opinion, the world becomes better when women feel good about themselves. It’s contagious.

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Samantha Hoffman founded Rebel Spirit Empowerment from Within with her daughter Chloe Dutton. In addition to running the apparel company, Samantha is a novelist and children’s book author, and writes the blog, Insanity; A Writer’s Commentary. Chloe attends Traverse City’s Central High School with a focus on all forms of art.

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Grand Traverse Woman

Stepping up one mother is helping at-risk kids after losing her son to suicide

By Cathy O’Connor

Colton with his son Aiden

I have been to many funerals in my life, including that of my first husband, Steve.

He died 17 years ago after a long fight against cancer. So I know the intense sadness and grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one. I just never, ever imagined a day when I would be speaking at my own son’s funeral.

Yet that day came, this past May 25. To make this horrible situation even worse, my son, Colton, ended his own life. It is a gross understatement to say that no parent is ever prepared for something as tragic as losing a child. There really are no words . . . But I have found a way to help me through my loss—by reaching out to other at-risk kids. I’ll get to that in a moment.

Looking back…

From the outside, Colton was a physically strong, handsome and talented 22 year old. But his years-long struggle with addiction—being “high” so much of the time—combined with his inability to properly weigh the risks and consequences of his decisions, led Colton down a narrow path. That path ended with him being prescribed Abilify, a medication that was intended to help him, but instead plunged him into a severe and ultimately fatal depression.

We recognize now that Colton struggled in making a successful transition from middle school to high school. By his sophomore year, he had become increasingly disinterested in school and sports, and he began drinking and smoking marijuana. My husband Sean and I tried everything we could think of to get him on the right path, even using random urine tests to confirm that he was sticking to the program.

I remember how hopeful we were when Colton began to consistently give us “clean” samples, and then how crushed we were to find that he had switched to smoking synthetic marijuana, a.k.a. “Spice,” because it was undetectable in drug tests. It was a long and tortuous road from Colton’s early high school years to his passing in May. I realized the kids that withdraw, feel left behind or don’t have a stable home life—even so many who are couch surfing—are at a higher risk of suicide. Those were the teens I felt committed to help. So out of my own tragic experience, I started a foundation.

The O’Connor Family: Left to right: (Front) Ryan, Evan (Back) Regan, Cody, Grace, Cathy and Colton

How to get involved Step Up Northern Michigan is a 501(c)3 that focuses on helping at-risk youth in our area. Through the use of generous donors and collaborative partnerships with Goodwill’s Food Rescue Program, The Northwest Food Coalition, Plante Moran Cares Program and the national organization Exploring, student needs such as food, clothing and after-school career exploration and life skills will be addressed. One way to get involved this winter is to donate to the food pantry at Traverse City High School, the alternative high school, or to register with the Exploring program to visit students as a mentor to talk about your career. To learn more, contact O’Connor at cathyoconnor86@yahoo.com.

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Moving forward…

Officially, Step Up Northern Michigan began this past April. Unofficially, it began two years ago while I was the PTO president at Old Mission Peninsula Elementary School.

As a community service project, our school adopted the food pantry at the Traverse City High School (the alternative school located on Three Mile Rd.), and over time I developed a rapport with the staff and students there. Many of these students have fallen behind in their academics for a variety of reasons, many of which can increase feelings of hopelessness and depression. This seemed like the perfect population to start serving.

Early on in this work with the high school students and the food pantry, I felt hopeful that we would be able to prevent another young person from experiencing the same difficulties Colton had gone through. At that time, Colton was attending college and working. He seemed to have put the worst behind him. But changes, including a switch to a medication that was a bad fit for him, ultimately made things worse. And though my son was gone, I recognized there were still other at-risk teens I could try to help.

Expanding our reach…

Step Up Northern Michigan has been working to provide students at the alternative high school with the basics to finish high school and make a successful plan for the future. This includes stocking the pantry with portable food, school supplies, warm clothing, and bus tokens for transportation to after-school tutoring and events, items especially needed during the winter months.

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Grand Traverse Woman The mission is to minimize or erase some of the hurdles these teens face. Eventually we hope to provide job-skill training and mentoring that will partner the students with local volunteers and business owners who are willing to take a chance by hiring an at-risk teen.

I could see we were helping high schoolers but I still knew there were more kids to reach. So this fall, Step Up Northern Michigan expanded its reach into East Middle School with the intention of identifying and helping at-risk students before they reach high school.

This work helps area youth, and also helps me. Empowering young people today prevents me from falling into a deep pool of sorrow. Sometimes knowing that I have to make a food pantry delivery to the high school is the motivation I need to get up and try to be of some help to another struggling young person. Many times these young people simply want someone not to judge where they are and what they are going through. I can do that for them.

Over the past several months I have searched for the right words, prayers—anything— to soothe my broken heart. I have been unsuccessful. Sean and I do our best to comfort Colton’s five siblings by remembering all the great times we had together as a family. We also cherish the time we get to spend with our grandson—Colton’s young son, Aiden.

However, when my beautiful boy left this world, he left behind a huge hole in our lives that will simply never be filled.

We hope that by telling this story, we might help another family avoid the pain we went through. Colton had a very big heart, and I know that he would want me to help others who struggled like he did. That is what I’m doing, and I welcome and encourage you to do the same.

Cathy O’Connor is the founder of Step Up Northern Michigan, a 501(c)(3) focused on helping at-risk youth in the area. Learn more at the Step Up Northern Michigan page on Facebook or by emailing cathyoconnor86@yahoo.com.

How parents can help their own kids Recognize Emotions “Obviously depression and suicide are closely related. All of our children will experience loss and disappointment throughout their lifetimes. As a parent it is sometimes difficult to discern between a ‘disappointment’ and something more that turns into depression,” said O’Connor. “Seeing your child no longer finding joy in things he once did and becoming even more withdrawn can be key signs that your child is depressed.”

Monitor Medications O’Connor learned the vital importance of closely monitoring the use of a child’s antidepressant medications. She shared, “If your child is under the age of 18 you are automatically included in his care plan. If your child is over 18 it is critical that you are included on the release of information between your child and your child’s doctor.”

O’Connor added, “Often times people do not read the potential side effects associated with a medication.

Colton’s medication had been increased 10 days before he took his own life. Looking back now, we should have questioned why he seemed even more lethargic and depressed. It is one of those painful 'what if's' that will continue to run through our thoughts for the rest of our lives.”

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Grand Traverse Woman

Caring for ‘Grumps’ How my life (and perspective) changed

By Kara Wilhelm Kara and her mother, Pamela.

Traverse City

has always felt like home to me. Even though I grew up in the Lewiston area, I spent my summers here as a child. My entire life, my grandparents’ sailboat was in the last slip on C dock at Clinch Park Marina. And now, I will be the fourth generation in my family to live on Carver Street in downtown Traverse City.

This home has been in my family since my great grandfather built it in 1934. I’ve always had a special connection with my grandparents and that house, but I never knew how that connection would strengthen me later in life.

At 19 years old I decided to take a leap of faith and move to Nashville, Tenn. At that point, I had never taken a road trip more than two hours from Lewiston. So to drop my entire life to move 12 hours away was scary, but exciting.

Fast forward seven years and one degree in Fashion Design & Merchandising later, I reluctantly went on a blind date and ended up meeting my future husband, Steven Wilhelm. While on our date I found out he used to live in Gaylord. We even attended rival high schools (Johannesburg– Lewiston and St. Mary’s).

Leave it to me to fall in love with a Northern boy in a Southern state. But from the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew it was forever.

We began to build our lives together in the little town of Smyrna, a suburb located just outside of Nashville. We had the world at our fingertips.

Working towards our careers was our priority.

I was the inventory manager for a metal manufacturing company by day and managing a highend, eco-friendly fashion boutique and working as a fashion stylist for local artists at night. My husband was fresh out of the Navy after serving four years and was working towards his degree. Life was almost perfect. Our future seemed clear.

Then we got the phone call.

Steven’s grandmother had suddenly passed away.

All of a sudden, our life in Tennessee seemed so far away from home. What good was our “perfect” life if our family was not there to share in it?

Two visits a year with our family just wasn’t good enough anymore. Suddenly, being so career focused seemed silly. Literally one phone call made us realize

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moving back to Michigan was what we needed to do. After many conversations, we decided we were going to head back as soon as Steven graduated.

Unfortunately, one month before we were to embark on our journey home, my own grandmother passed away. Her passing left my elderly grandfather, Charles Nicholson, to live alone on Carver Street. This once strong and unwavering man was in need of assistance as his health deteriorated from blood cancer.

Naturally, it seemed right that we step into the role of caregiver for him. My husband and I found ourselves a little place to rent only five minutes away from Carver Street so we could check on grandfather every day.

Becoming a long-term caregiver for an elderly family member is a very humbling experience.

The time I used to spend working long hours and taking weekend trips was now filled with doctor’s appointments and remembering medication schedules. I made sure “Grumps,” as we lovingly called him, made it to the grocery store, the dogs were fed and the taxes paid. Doing all of this while trying to begin a new career in a new town was exhausting.

Getting used to the role change in my relationship with my grandfather was also challenging. He was not accepting the fact that he needed care. It is hard to tell a sailor that he cannot sail anymore. And the more his illness progressed, the more stubborn he seemed to become.

I will never forget going out in the pouring rain and walking blocks to the House of Doggs restaurant (when they had a location downtown) just because that was the only thing grandfather would eat for dinner.

Grandfather also would never allow me to take full coverage car insurance off of his vehicle. Even though he had not driven in more than two years, he didn’t want to accept the fact that I was now his chauffeur.

Eventually it became apparent that this man’s wellbeing and quality of life were fading. It was at this point we couldn’t care for him the way the wonderful people of hospice could.

It is a bittersweet emotion to experience, but I

wouldn’t trade it for the world. The nine months I spent with my grandfather before he passed were amazing. We finally had that family time and support we were missing from Tennessee.

To become a person’s everything is almost like becoming a mother to a child, I would assume.

It creates a bond that I did not know existed. To know you’ve helped give quality of life and dignity to a loved one on his journey out of this world is a powerful feeling.

Most importantly, my husband and I didn’t have to get the news of grandfather’s passing from a longdistance phone call.

Today, we now care for my mother who will also be living with us on Carver Street. As soon as we discovered she was suffering from a rare autoimmune disease, among other medical issues, we knew what we had to do. It was time again to be there for our family in need.

If you were to tell me five years ago that I would become a long-term caregiver for two family members, I would have called you crazy. I was sure I was going to be the next big thing in the Nashville fashion scene. But, this path has brought a purpose to my life that I didn’t know I needed. A purpose that I did not receive from working long hours and living so far from home.

I know my place is right here in Traverse City... living on Carver Street, surrounded by the ones I love.

Kara’s grandfather “Grumps”

Kara Wilhelm lives in Traverse City with her husband, Steven, and her mother, Pamela. When she is not acting as a caregiver, Kara works in Events & Marketing for Incredible Mo’s. She can be reached at kara@incrediblemos.com.

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‘ Tis the season...

The holiday season brings excitement and commotion associated with shopping, final exams, travel, and other seasonal preparations. With all of the activities of the season, our beloved pets may be exposed to hazards less commonly found at other times of the year. As your home fills with holiday spirit, your pets may be intrigued by the new sights, smells and tastes.

The fooowing are some of the most common health concerns for your pet during the holidays: Chocolate Decorative Lights Human Food Overindulgence Holiday Plants: Pointsettias, Mistletoe, and Lillies Sparkly Things: Tinsel, Ribbon, and Glass Ornaments

IF YOU SUSPECT YOUR PET HAS INGESTED SOMETHING POISONOUS, PLEASE CONTACT US AT 231-276-6361.

“ Enriching the lives of those who bring so much joy to ours” Jennifer Klabunde, DVM, CVCP Hannah Vanos, DVM, MPH

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Brewing something

Beautiful after tragedy

By Emily Wilensky

Emily with her husband, Erik, on their honeymoon in Yellowstone.

Fall

will probably always be a complicated time of year for us.

Mid-September is when both my husband, Erik, and I celebrate our birthdays. In fact, it was on my birthday four years ago when we got engaged, on a trip to the North Shore of Minnesota. It was just one week after we returned from that wonderful trip that we experienced the most tragic and unimaginable day of our lives.

I remember wondering why Erik hadn’t called me that day yet. He always called at almost the exact same time to tell me he was leaving work. But today something seemed off. When the phone finally rang, I was initially relieved.

That is, until I heard his voice. It was panicked and frantic. My fiancé was tongue tied as he tried to describe something—something terrible—that had just happened. As I tried to listen and understand, it was clear that Erik hadn’t fully grasped the carnage yet.

Erik had been changing into his cycling clothes to ride home from work that September day in Minneapolis, when a former employee of the business—Accent Signage Systems—moved through the building with an automatic weapon and fired off many rounds of ammunition at his chosen targets.

The aftermath I will forever be grateful that my husband had ridden his bike that awful day. When things quieted down, and Erik was finally able to flee the bathroom, he stood witness to his fellow workmates, on the ground in the place where they all three had stood chatting only minutes before.

It was way too many hours before Erik and his surviving co-workers were released by law enforcement and allowed to return home. Initially, the shooter was still at large and, with SWAT teams sent in, I was instructed not to drive to his workplace, a company owned by a relative of mine.

At that point, it was not known if my relative Reuven Rahamim had been in the building at the time of the shooting. For many hours I was left to wail and pace through our apartment, alone, waiting for information.

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During those hours, afternoon gave way to evening, and was broken up only with the occasional phone call from Erik to update me and let me know that he was still safe. I hadn’t yet bothered to turn on a single light in the house, and when I finally heard the creak of the front door opening, I quickly made my way toward Erik.

When our bodies found each other in that darkened hallway, every single thing melted away and there were only the two of us. I had never been more grateful for anything before or since.

Many lives were lost that day, caused by what I can only imagine is a deep, aching suffering and sorrow which propels a person to cause that much devastation. Wreckage like this has a super-intense ripple effect of grief that boggles the mind and wrenches the heart.

We attended four funerals over a two-week period. In total, seven people lost their lives in the shooting, including my own relative, Reuven, and the assailant, who ultimately took his own life.

“Our dream was born from tragedy, and in its wake we simply couldn’t take for granted the precious life that remained.”

The change This experience brought so much loss and raw sadness into our lives that for a long time we were just purely in shock. Then we went into auto-mode for a very long time with a numbness that became very challenging to lift ourselves out of.

Eventually we had to start envisioning the future and taking stock of what a future could look like for us. Personally, I’d struggled to find career satisfaction to that point in my life. I’d tried a myriad of jobs: hair stylist, barista, journalist, etc. Finally, I had a chance to get it right.

The thing that stood out to Erik and me after this tragedy was our shared desire to create the life we wanted to live, and to set our own terms. As our vision started to materialize a bit more, we felt sure that starting our own business—around our passion for coffee—was the

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direction we wanted to head.

We also came to realize Minnesota wasn’t the place we wanted to set down roots. Growing up in downstate Michigan, I had always dreamed of living in Traverse City. In the early stages of entertaining a business model, we kept going back and forth about whether we could pull off a mobile operation—a food truck orbiting around the idea of coffee—in such a seasonal place as Northern Michigan.

Yet, as daunting as it was to take a gamble on starting a coffee truck in Traverse City, it seemed trivial when compared to the extent of regret that we might accrue if we didn’t take that leap.

Erik and I are proud to have launched our new business, Planetary Coffee, this fall. I want to go beyond serving a really good cup of coffee. My motivation is to connect with individuals and this community we share, to go the extra mile for every human who gravitates toward what we are doing.

I realized the common thread through all my past jobs has been my passion for connecting with people from all walks of life, sharing stories and genuinely engaging with all whom I had the opportunity to meet.

The dream Our dream was born from tragedy, and in its wake we simply couldn’t take for granted the precious life that remained.

Our tiny coffee truck is our meager attempt to build something beautiful out of the rubble of lives lost needlessly to gun violence.

Photo by Steve Smith

Grand Traverse Woman

The truck: A former San Francisco Examiner newspaper delivery truck.

It can be pretty darn terrifying to put your idea—your dream business—out there in such a public way. There are definitely times where we feel silly or exposed parked in our truck, waiting. But then a customer walks up and it becomes something more. We are so grateful to be able to create a vibrant nexus and to welcome people into our lives, and ours into theirs.

We see our business as not only a way to nourish our own lives, but hopefully also to enrich the lives of those who cross our path, and to help brighten a day if we can.

Emily Wilensky is co-owner of Planetary Coffee, a mobile coffee shop she began with her husband, Erik Harms. You can find more information about their specialty coffee truck, which is often parked on Eighth Street in Traverse City near Press On Juice, at their website www.planetarycoffee.com.

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Grand Traverse Woman

A Whole New Life Kyle Zemsta was so impressed by his wife’s weight loss results one year after surgery, he decided to have the procedure, too. Now they both have much more energy, stamina, and enjoy outdoor activities together.

“It’s been absolutely wonderful,” Katie said. “I’ve lost 120 pounds.

My health is excellent and my sleep apnea is gone. My new addiction is shopping. I can’t find anything I can’t fit into.”

Bariatric procedures are not for everyone. People qualify for weight loss surgery only if it is the best choice for their health and they demonstrate the required commitment, motivation, education, and medical history. Munson Medical Center’s nationally accredited program provides long-term support and thorough follow-up care.

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Grand Traverse Woman

Building a local universe

By Julianne Will

my dreams a reality.

Even though we’d been dating for nearly six years, Gregg and I were contemplating one of our first real vacations. He doesn’t fly, and we both have kids, so getaways farther than a three-hour drive had been in short supply up until that point.

But Nashville was on my bucket list, and it was suddenly getting this “hip” reputation. It wouldn’t be that far of a drive, I convinced myself. I wanted to check out the eclectic shops and promised Gregg we would go to the Iroquois Steeplechase—the famous horse race.

As we planned a trip for May 2015, I wondered if it would turn into more than just a vacation. I decided this might be just the opportunity (or kick in the pants) that I needed to give my dream of starting an ethical business a go.

I’d worked for many wonderful organizations over the years that I could really get behind: a college-prep school, a religious book-publishing company, a string of newspapers. The pay typically wasn’t great, but the work was generally fulfilling.

During those years I was advancing my career and balancing daytime responsibilities with mowing the lawn, cleaning the house and my most challenging role—single mom to my daughter.

There wasn’t much time or cause for contemplation.

In June 2012, however, I left my position as an account supervisor at an advertising agency when the onset of fibromyalgia made the demanding daily schedule impossible. I began freelancing, often putting in more hours than my full-time job required, but slotted around my erratic sleep schedule.

Worried about expenses for my daughter and my home without the safety net of a paycheck, I took any work I could round up. I was grateful.

But there were compromises.

I was writing sales copy for a few companies that I wouldn’t personally shop with, based on how their food products were produced. I didn’t feel very good selling stuff that I didn’t believe in.

Further, I didn’t feel I was writing much of true substance. I produced a lot of keyword-enriched web copy that might get a glance at best. I loved helping small businesses and learning about what they did and what made their operations tick but, in the end, was I doing work with meaning?

I was also feeling the passing of time. My daughter would soon be graduating from high school, which meant any financial volatility would have a lessening impact on her life soon. What was my legacy? Was I fulfilling the potential for which I was made?

This was no life crisis; not an existential crisis that could be solved with the purchase of a Camaro.

In your 40s, it’s harder to imagine doing something like joining the Peace Corps, but I wanted to put my energies toward a force for good in the world.

“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,” as the Bible-school song goes.

I’m a writer. I love to travel. What could I do with that?

people who made those products. The kinds of things I love to discover.

I had only scratched the surface of establishing this idea. There was no business credit card, no website, no plan, no logo. Only a name: “Local Universe.”

I would still have to walk through the process of researching and choosing an e-commerce platform; learning how to establish a trademark; securing state and federal permits and sales tax registrations; figuring out photography and pricing and shipping; and a million other all-new details.

It’s a good thing I love to learn.

And that’s exactly what I did in Nashville.

Somehow, the amazing ladies I met at Thistle Farms in Nashville believed in me and my idea.

They were the very first makers to whom I reached out. The residential program of Thistle Farms in downtown Nashville provides housing for as many as 32 female survivors of trafficking, addiction and prostitution.

The organization offers housing, medical care, therapy, education and job training for two years, without charging the women or receiving government funding.

It also provides a workplace where women can learn skills to earn a living wage, making all-natural body butter, shower gel, lotion, candles and thistlebased notepaper, all by hand.

I was honored to be invited to join the women for their morning gathering and a tour before picking up my order. And I was bowled over by the warmth and energy that is Thistle Farms. Walking in was like a great big hug!

Photo by Allison Turcovsky

It wasn’t some sort of early mid-life crisis. It was just time to start making

And that’s where the Nashville trip came in.

As the date approached, a business idea was percolating in my mind: I’d start a boutique featuring products I found on my travels. Products made by social enterprises, benefiting good causes. With stories about the trip and the

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Grand Traverse Woman When I shared with the group my plan for Local Universe and the fact that they were my very first artisans, I was met with so much cheering—I felt light beams coming right out of those ladies.

I went on to meet other encouraging and passionate entrepreneurs on that first trip to Nashville: Luke from the company Eli Mason, who shared the story of his toddler’s recovery from cancer and his advice on web platforms. The guys at Project 615, where making T-shirts seems almost an afterthought to the greater mission of overcoming homelessness and turning lives around.

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This was it. These were the kinds of stories I wanted to tell.

Since that first visit, I’ve spent lots of time in makers’ basements and garages and kitchens, learning about what they do, how and why. They’ve shared their dreams and trials and passions, filling me up with their energy.

And I’ve been able to support their dreams while giving to causes that mean something to me, to the makers and to the communities in which they work.

I get to tell stories about people and causes that I believe in.

Has it been a success? The investors on Shark Tank would surely say no.

I’m still supporting this dream with my day job. But I’m hopeful that one day I might do better by the artisans and nonprofits whom I represent by generating more sales.

This work is feeding my heart and my soul, and I’m going to pour my energy into continuing to grow and evolve the business to do what I’ve set out to do—to make a difference and use my talents for good.

So far it’s still cheaper than a Camaro.

Julianne Will is a writer, editor, social media marketer and now, retailer. You can find her ongoing stories and locally made goods at www.explorelocaluniverse.com.

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Grand Traverse Woman

Being real instead of being good

By Shea Petaja

Some people know when they hit rock bottom; others know that it just got dark really fast.

Going dark wasn’t anything new for me. My life by that point had, as my sister-in-law would say, “many incarnations.” But this darkness was different because this darkness was directly tied to my health and survival.

In 2013, a mystery illness appeared. It seemed to mirror several diseases. Doctors didn’t believe I was ill and some of them suggested that it was in my head. I would wake up each morning wondering which will it be: a good day or a bad day?

I spent evenings self-diagnosing via Google and used work as an escape from that restless search.

The answers weren’t coming nearly as frequently as my symptoms. The health blogs I read blurred together… until one of them stood out.

The question This blog was written by a young man who began by listing symptoms similar to mine, then ended with a question, “What are you living for?”

For him, it was his kids. For me, it was nothing.

Oh sure, people liked me enough. But I didn’t have kids or a husband or a mortgage to anchor me. Think Bridget Jones without the alcohol. On the good days I worked, co-hosted a radio show and socialized.

But on the really bad days I would fantasize about the least painful way to die.

To motivate myself to move through the days, I put notes up around my apartment, inspirational quotes that I found or letters friends had sent, Bible verses and prayers. Next to my mirror in the bathroom was a 4x4 square that read: MOVE FORWARD. It was simple and possible.

One day I came home and saw that someone had written on my MOVE FORWARD note. In lower case it said, “or do the moonwalk.”

I was offended. A mystery person had tampered with my quote and was not taking me seriously.

I left the note up hoping to solve the mystery, but

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also because it was true. During this challenging phase, I could dance through it, or I could carry it like a ball and chain. I later learned that a friend had changed that sign in my bathroom, and by doing so helped shift my perspective.

Back to the beginning I still couldn’t answer the question: “What are you living for?” So I started asking myself a different one: “What story do you want to tell?” I started looking back to the beginning.

My parents met volunteering for a youth organization when they were 18. It wasn’t until their mid-30s (my current age) that my dad—a builder by trade—was asked to be the full-time youth minister for our church. He accepted that position and in his doing so, by default, so did the family.

As the oldest child and natural-born people person, I ran to the front lines of ministry. As my father’s trusty sidekick, I became the poster child for the evangelical movement. No sex?

No problem. No drugs?

Why bother? There was no time for self discovery because I was following Jesus and he had a plan.

I was on the fast track to save souls.

I believed that if I was faithful to God, he would be faithful to me, he would bless me in exchange for being good. But He didn't.

Bible College became the “dark night of the soul” which is an experience defined by the Catholic Church as: “when the believer moves in closer to find God and He isn’t there.” The more I knocked on the doors of my future, the quieter God became.

At 21, I wrote in my journal, “There is agony in the word ‘destiny,’ a lament over the possibility of purpose.”

After one exceptionally hurtful experience, I quit

the ministry. I quit believing. The God I had been seeking was impossibly quiet and I was so tired of being good. I confessed to my father, “If this is who God is, then I’m done.”

What are you living for?

For me, it was nothing.

Choosing real vs. good The cost of losing my faith was steep. It meant that I lost my career. The story I told myself from there on out was that I had nothing to offer because I didn’t have the answers.

Theologian Walter Wink said, “At some point I renounced trying to be good and chose instead to be real.”

In hindsight, that’s what I wanted all along. I finally realized that’s what my “pain body” was asking of me—to be real because there was no room left to be good.

Over the next decade I sought treatment for physical and emotional healing. I started to learn that my body wasn’t to be divorced from my life, but it was to be used as a barometer to measure emotional health. I became a mystic during this time and sought not the right or wrong answers but leaned into the mystery of spirituality.

In 2014, in the middle of my health crisis, I found myself asking: “What story do you want to tell?” I didn’t want to tell the story of lost and found faith or of a broken body. I wanted to tell the story of MOVING FORWARD. I prayed.

Two days later I got the call from Levi, my college friend. He said, “Shea. Listen. I’m going to be getting trained as a life coach and I want you to do it with me. It’s who you are and what you’re meant

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Grand Traverse Woman

Home for the Holidays

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to do. I need your answer by Friday.”

I realized that life A life coach? Why not ask me to coaching was less like become a fairy? Will there be rainbows popcorn and more like and unicorns?

To me, life coaching felt light and taking a couple shots fluffy like popcorn and Levi was asking of whiskey. me to become one? I had been in the ministry for more than a decade, debated among theological giants and spent thousands of dollars on every type of therapy.

How was life coaching going to hold up against the transformational experiences I already had? How was I, the sick hot mess of a person with a shaky belief system, anywhere near qualified to become a life coach?

The invitation was absurd, but the timing was perfect. I said yes. Being stuck wasn’t going to be my story and this was one more way to climb out of the cave. Tony Robbins, best-selling author and life coach, says that life doesn’t happen to us, it happens for us. I was beginning to believe that.

The training During our first training weekend I realized that life coaching was less like popcorn and more like taking a couple shots of whiskey. I began to view people (and myself) differently.

Before, I saw people as broken, needing to be saved and sinfully unable to decide well. As a coach, I saw others as creative, resourceful and whole.

I witnessed their brilliance and ability to decide once they had inner clarity.

Then the unexpected happened. I began to value myself. My hypersensitivity, which had been viewed as a disability, became my superpower.

Unlike years prior, I was no longer searching for the right answer. The right answer was sitting across from me IN my client, waiting to be found and I had the honor of being the one to draw it out.

I’m not a coach because I’m an expert. I’m a coach because it’s who I am.

I get to give people something I so desperately needed years ago, a chance to discover without fear. It’s a sacred place when two or more are gathered and guess what...I get to bring my whole hot mess of a REAL self into it (thank GOD).

As a creative and a life coach, Shea Petaja is a self-proclaimed relational strategist who connects with people for a purpose. Shea is endlessly curious and has dedicated her life’s work to preserving the art of conversation and engagement, which is the foundation of her one-on-one coaching work. She is also the Co-Creator of Fulfillament which is a storytelling event. Learn more at www.fulfillamentstories.com. You can find her at www.sheapetaja.com and find her Move Forward Mugs at EmpireBlu in Traverse City.

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1425 W. South Airport Road • Suite J Traverse City, MI 49686 • 231-944-1868 Nov/Dec '16 39

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New Christmas Event Zonta Club of Traverse City Unveils New Christmas Event The Zonta Club of Traverse City along with Golden-Fowler Home Furnishings is holding a unique Christmas season fundraising event.

The Celebrity Christmas Classic takes place Friday, Nov. 11 through Saturday, Nov. 19.

Inspired by the popularity of a similar event also held inside GoldenFowler Home Furnishings each winter, the Celebrity Christmas Classic is centered on four area Celebrity Designers who compete to create the most popular Christmas dining room display in Northern Michigan.

The winner will be determined with votes from the public at $1 each with 100% of the proceeds to benefit The Zonta Club of Traverse City.

The four designers are: Angela Goodall of Kitchen Choreography, Marty Rhein of BAC Design Group, Meg Whiteford of Whiteford and Associates, and Derek Woodruff of Floral Underground. Other unique features of the week-long event will include: • Hundreds of Christmas wreaths, small trees, and Christmas accessories available for purchase the entire week.

• Area elementary schools will decorate small Christmas trees for display and take votes for popularity.

Here for you at every age and stage.

• A $7,500 Raffle Drawing with 3 prizes; Choice of one Featured Dining Room ($6,000), Jewelry from Miner’s North ($1000), and a Restaurant Package ($500).

When it’s time to welcome your family’s next generation, we are here to keep every member of your family healthy and strong.

• A ticketed Preview Party inside Golden-Fowler Friday, November 10 will be sponsored by Reynolds-Jonkhoff Funeral Home. Enjoy wine, hors d’oeuvres, and music from David Chown along with a sneak preview of the displays in the competition. Hours are from 5:30-7:30pm and tickets are $25 each.

From expert pregnancy care and delivery to newborn and pediatric care, we will share your excitement, answer your questions, guide your care, and celebrate every milestone along the way.

We love families. We would love to care for yours.

For more information or to make an appointment, call 231-935-8000 or visit munsonhealthcare.org/familypracticecenter.

• On Saturday Nov. 12, let your family be the first to welcome Santa Claus during Santa Saturday sponsored by Bill Marsh Auto Group. Christmas requests will be taken along with a free professional quality photo in time for Family Christmas cards. “Elfie Selfies” may also be taken with Santa’s Elves.

• Free daily “Lunch and Learn” features will take place as well as involvement throughout the week from area schools

1400 Medical Campus Dr. Traverse City, MI 49684 After hours, call 231-935-5000

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Nov/Dec '16

For more information, please visit www.zontacluboftraversecity.org.

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Grand Traverse Woman Grand Traverse Woman Magazine

GTW asks readers: What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Cheryl Ozanich: “Gathering at Grandma Kalnbach’s for the day-after-Christmas ‘cookie bash’ with all the cousins! Wishing those days were still here...”

Andrea Meeder Kandal: “After the Thanksgiving dishes are complete—taking a walk through the woods with the female cousins and offering our thanks and wishes for the next year up through the trees. And sharing a bottle of bubbly gives us a good case of the giggles!”

THE LION, THE WITCH & THE WARDROBE Saturday, November 26 | Tickets: $9

This enchanting musical and wondrous tale is faithfully translated to the stage by Theatreworks USA and is the family event of Thanksgiving weekend!

Suzanne Moore Kaberle: “Stocking stuffers. I learned from the master, my mom, Joyce Moore, um, I mean Santa.”

April Ann: “Does not counting calories count as a ‘tradition’?

Seems to happen every year!”

Sherry Taylor-Galbraith: “That palpable sense of relief from ‘expectation stress’ that I feel on Dec 26! OK, seriously though...

Christmas hymns and monkey bread.”

Katie Seekamp: “Christmas morning we wait for Mom to fill the house with smoke while she bakes/burns our Christmas egg bake breakfast (every year). And then we watch A Christmas Story all day long on TBS!”

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Jenny Reno Walter: “Cookie bake-off day with my three girlfriends, our nine kids (this has been fun to watch our group grow over the years, cookie-stealers and all), 16-20 different types of cookies/bars, mimosas, coffee, oatmeal bake, countless sinks of dishes, soup in the crockpot, six-pack exchange, white elephant for the kids, a kid craft to make gifts for their peers, sledding hill fun, usually at least one puking kid, and a babysitter for sanity. The day starts at 8 and lasts until the last of the cookies are bagged and boxed for local charities and packed into the cars with sugar-comatose children who, hopefully, pass out before the car turns out of the driveway. Cookie bake-off day is coveted, every one of us makes it happen regardless of life. The kids beg for us to have cookie bake-off day throughout the year and secretly we would love to do that too. However, this sacred event is limited to once a year, the first Saturday of December.

Teaching our children the importance of friendship, giving back to the community, making gifts instead of buying and how to find joy in doing things for others! Cookie day teaches me something new each year too: parenthood, friendship, the chemistry of baking, and giving part of myself to everything I do.”

Eva Lockwood Bramer: “For Thanksgiving my husband and I make a traditional turkey dinner and all of our kids come home.

The house smells amazing from the food and we have the best family time!”

Tawney Chichester: “Nothing beats Thanksgiving! Love Thanksgiving more than anything. It’s not just the food. It’s also the only time of the year I get to see all of my family. I have family in Ohio and downstate Michigan. This is the only day we all come together. The best feeling of all.”

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Nov/Dec '16 41

Photography by Scarlett

Grand Traverse Woman

GTW

Girls Night Out September 29

Over 120 women gathered at our Sept. 29th GTWoman Girls Night Out. The annual event hosted 30 vendors and this year’s theme was “Red Lipstick.”

We had wine by Black Star Farms and Bonobo Winery, along with Fab Fresh food and cheesecake from, where else, The Underground Cheesecake Co. Oh Brother Big Sister! played for the night and the event was at The Corner Loft in downtown Traverse City. What a cool venue!

Plus it was GTWoman’s 13th Birthday. Here, top left, is our traditional birthday group shot. Thanks gals for celebrating with us!

You can see all of our event pictures on GTWoman's Facebook page.

Come like us and tag yourself and friends!

Book your for ay tickets tod th Nov 9 e Nit Network 12th b e F or our !

Luncheon

GTW

Luncheon It was a full house at the Hagerty Center when Angie Morgan (pictured at right), founder of Lead Star, came to speak at our Oct. 12th Luncheon. We had over 150 women and 30 vendors. What a full house!

Angie has worked for some of the biggest businesses out there – Google, Best Buy and Facebook. She spoke on how leadership has nothing to do with positional authority and everything to do with confidence and everyday actions.

She gave the example of once being the only (young) woman on a committee of (older) men. The question posed by the group was how do we stay relevant? And Angie’s answer was, “diversity” – pointing out that she was the only woman in the room. The men were quiet. She worried she’d said too much. But, later, one of the men approached her and said that they were quiet because she gave them something to think about, in a good way. Angie said that that one bold moment led to more opportunities in the future. Awesome! Her advice? Speak up!

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Sarah Brown Photography

October 12

Get your next event tickets today at www.grandtraverswoman.com! www.grandtraversewoman.com

Grand Traverse Woman

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Nov/Dec '16 43

Grand Traverse Woman

I finally said, ‘No more!’

How a 'Single MOMM' started over

By Lesley Anderson

When I made the decision

struggled to make even the most minor decito stay in sions. I felt like I lost more than a decade of my Traverse City with my two sons (ages 8 and 10), I life and wasn’t sure what the future held for my was fully aware that the decision would mean the sons and me. end of everything I dreamed of for me and my I looked normal on the outside, but all that children. I realized that another move and a new emotional pain I was holding in was hurting home wasn’t going to change my reality. me. I suffered from insomnia and severe physiThe reality that I struggled to name and cal pain in my legs, back and stomach. In both comprehend for years and my body and mind, years was that I’d been in I had internalized an abusive relationship for the name-calling, the Opening up was a 12 years. When I lived in turmoil, the attempts starting point of owning Virginia, I was told by my at peacekeeping, the my past and looking at my “mentors” at my church loneliness and devstrengths. I seriously didn’t that it wasn’t abuse unless astation.

Nobody think I had any!

I was hit. I was told to try understood my life. harder, to pray more, and But the ladies in my But reVIVE gave to submit. That message group gave me new names: me the physical and added to my confusion creative, resilient, emotional space to over the years, but I never advocate, nurturer, faithpause and think about lost my faith in God. my life. (That’s hard filled, researcher, deterThrough a mutual to do when you’re mined, giving, adventurous friend, I became connecton the front-line as a and passionate for others. I ed with Jennifer Finnegan single mama!) was stunned!

Pool here in Traverse A pivotal point City. She is the founder in the program was and executive director of going on a retreat Single MOMM, a non-profit community that at the Grand Traverse Resort and New Hope helps single moms through mentoring and prochurch. I had to share my story with my small gramming. I called Jennifer with questions, desgroup. (That’s what they call “story-based curperately seeking someone to help me understand riculum.”) my life.

When I saw the other women nodding their I realized all the drama—the constant blamheads and shedding tears, I too, felt like I had ing, holes punched in the walls, being locked in found my release. They understood me because the bedroom and screamed at, being told that I they’d treaded though similar murky waters and wasn’t enough, that my efforts were not enough, wanted to feel clean and refreshed. And that’s that I was a quitter and stupid, and that I was what happened. replaceable—WAS abuse.

Opening up was a starting point of owning Through Single MOMM, I signed up for my past and looking at my strengths. I seriously reVIVE, a 12-week intensive course. By the time didn’t think I had any.

I started attending meetings I was immobilized.

But the ladies in my group gave me new I had lost all my confidence and value as names: creative, resilient, advocate, nurturer, faith-filled, researcher, determined, giving, a woman. I constantly doubted myself and

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adventurous and passionate for others. I was stunned!

When I left the retreat, I realized that I wasn’t really lost: I’d just been buried for a long, long time. The real me was starting to emerge slowly.

I knew that woman was going to be a stronger, healthier version because of all the support I received. Being a part of an authentic, loving community of other women is vital for wounds to heal.

After the retreat, I had to take a look at my sticking points. I had to make a conscious decision to let go of the names I'd been labeled with and put on the new names with which my group crowned me.

I would get triggered at work and was terrified that I upset someone. I was afraid that I would be told that I was stupid or that I would get fired for making any small mistake. I dealt with this by being honest with my boss. She reassured me and reminded me of my strengths.

Healing is a lifelong process.

To overcome more ghosts, I had to discover what filled my heart with joy. I used to like hitting the track and running, but now it was too painful. So, I decided to try swimming.

Get involved! reVIVE is a 12-week intensive course offered by Single MOMM. If you are a single mom looking to identify your unique strengths, establish stronger life skills and chart a course for your future, learn more and apply for an upcoming course at singlemomm.org.

Single MOMM—where connecting changes everything!

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Grand Traverse Woman

I was at the Civic Center one morning when I saw a sign for “Masters Swimming.” I laughed to myself and thought: I want to do this! I contacted the coach, Kathy Coffin-Sheard, and that was that.

I started getting up at 4:30 a.m. and going to practices. I currently live with my parents, so my boys were in their care.

The buoyancy of the water, learning something new and being around people was a better remedy than any prescription could offer.

I wasn’t very good at the beginning, but I loved the workouts and the people.

I’ve kept at it for a year and I’m completely hooked!

Gaining physical strength helped me deal with all the emotional turbulence.

Court appointments, mediation and parenting solo didn’t seem so overwhelming. There is a quote that says: “When our containers are strong, there’s space for the spirit to heal.”

Learning patience—how to wait

well—was an enormous shift in my thinking, too. I had to learn to say, “I don’t know”… where my kids would attend school or what I would do for work. I still don’t know when we will move into our own home. But I do know that living with my hands wide open— instead of gripped with fear—led to answers. There was freedom and joy in not knowing the future and just focusing on right now.

I came to Single MOMM desperately seeking help and clarity. I truly found that and so much more. Through reVIVE, I learned that I am enough.

When Jennifer offered me a position working at Single MOMM, I was beyond excited. Now I get to help other women.

What I tell them: By sharing your stories, you see your strengths, as well as areas to grow, but the best part is you get to write your own ending!

Lesley Anderson is the proud mama of two amazing boys, Garrett and Ian. She can be reached at lesley@singlemomm.org.

Join in Nov. 12th, 5 to 7pm Single MOMM hosts event nights for single moms on the second Saturday of everything month. Check out the next event, "Calming the Chaos," on Nov. 12 from 5-7 p.m.

Learn more at Facebook.com/SingleMOMM or call 231.944.1710. Founded in 2008, Single MOMM is a community on a mission to ignite hope, healing and confidence within single mothers so that they can recognize themselves as important, contributing members of society.

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Grand Traverse

WOMAN in b u s in e s s NEW Pink Anchor, a women’s boutique in downtown Traverse City, is relocating to a building with three times the retail space directly on Front Street this “Black Friday.” “It is what I had dreamed of when opening the small 580-square-foot location inside the Front Row Centre building this summer,” said Jennifer Burns, owner.

“The response from the community has been amazing; people here truly support their local businesses, which has been instrumental in the success of my business thus far.” Pink Anchor is moving to the decades-long location of Kay’s at 219 E. Front St. “We intend to keep some of the [Kay’s] customers’ favorite brands. People have been shopping there for years and I would like to earn their loyalty by continuing to carry some of the styles and designs they have grown to love,” said Burns.

The opening is Friday, Nov. 25 at 9 a.m. at 219 E. Front St. Due to the holiday, the official ribbon cutting with the Traverse City Chamber of Commerce will take place on Monday, Nov. 28 at 10 a.m. www.pinkanchor.net Century 21 Northland has named two new agents.

Realtor Lauren Petz and her husband, a commercial food broker, bought property in Suttons Bay with the idea of someday building a retirement home there. That plan changed.

“We decided we didn’t want to wait that long,” she said. “We wanted our two children to grow up in paradise.” Petz is a former high school chemistry and physics teacher.

Her new career as a Realtor at Century 21 Northland’s Traverse City office gives her a chance to help other outof-towners find a home in the Grand Traverse region. Northern Michigan native Kara Emerich said her career change from working at a veterinary practice to becoming a Realtor at Century 21 Northland fulfills a lifelong interest in real estate. “I talked to a friend of mine who works at Century 21 Northland and it was clear it was

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the right fit for me,” she said. Emerich and her husband, Jason, who sells boat insurance, are raising their two children just outside of Traverse City. “We love this area, all the places to go, and all the activities,” she said. Petz can be reached by cell phone at 231.714.7246, at the Traverse City office at 231.929.7900 or at lauren.petz@c21northland.com.

Contact Emerich at the Century 21 Northland office in Traverse City at 231.218.0075 or by email at kara. emerich@c21northland.com.

Three Century 21 Northland agents, Connie Kroll, Luba Childs and Kellie Sergent, have been recognized as “Resort and Second Property Specialists.” As one of only a handful of Realtors with the RSPS certification, Kroll said it puts her and her colleagues in a position to understand and respond to the needs of a large pool of clients who buy secondhome properties in Northern Michigan for vacations or as an investment: “We help them understand everything that is special about buying a second home.” conniekroll@c21northland.com, luba.childs@c21northland.com, kelliesergent@outlook.com.

PB&J has hired Betsy Lindeman as associate creative director. In her new role, Lindeman is responsible for concept development and design execution on agency projects, as well as helping to maintain the creative quality standard for PB&J and its growing client base.

Prior to joining PB&J, Lindeman worked with Clockwork Integrated Marketing, Traverse City, as an art director. Previously she worked with Greenlight Marketing, Traverse City, as a graphic designer. She received her Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree from Kendall College of Art and Design

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Grand Traverse Woman in Grand Rapids. Her work has been recognized by the American Advertising Federation. PB&J is an award-winning Traverse City-based ad agency serving local, regional and national clients.

The agency has received more than 20 awards from the American Advertising Federation in the past two years. www.pbandjmkt.com Grand Traverse Pavilions announces that Amy Coneset has been named Wellness Center Director for the Pavilions.

Coneset brings 16 years of experience in physical therapy, the last five of those as a physical therapist at the Pavilions. She replaces Gretchen Fraser, who retired in June after 17 years of service. Coneset believes in a holistic approach to healthcare and wellness that fits in with the Pavilions’ philosophy of providing a continuum of care. Her focus is on neurological rehabilitation and manual therapy.

She is a graduate of Grand Valley State University with a Master of Science Degree in Physical Therapy. She and her husband moved to Traverse City from Southern Michigan and enjoy cycling, running, paddle boarding, kayaking and hiking. Grand Traverse Pavilions is the region’s first and only nonprofit continuum of care, providing services for more than 300 residents and 100 daily program participants.

A recipient of the Governor’s Quality Care Award, The Pavilions is owned by Grand Traverse County and governed by the Grand Traverse County Department of Human Services Board. www.gtpavilions.org Coldwell Banker Schmidt Family of Companies has named Tracy Bacigalupi as vice president of marketing for Michigan, Northeast Ohio and Southwest Florida.

Bacigalupi will develop and execute the real estate company’s annual marketing strategy with the goal of impacting business growth, brand awareness and recruiting across all markets. She will plan and administer the marketing operations budget, lead the marketing team, manage marketing and media suppliers and negotiate agreements, oversee business development activities and corporate communications.

Bacigalupi brings 20 years of strategic sales, marketing and management experience. Most recently, she was with the resort and residential community, Bay Harbor, for seven years. Prior to moving to Northern Michigan in 2008, she lived in New York City working in technology, most notably at Microsoft.

Bacigalupi studied Liberal Arts at NYU

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and volunteers her time in the greater community. She is active in the arts community and is an executive board member at Crooked Tree Arts Center. www.cbgreatlakes.com Northwood Obstetrics and Gynecology announces the launch of their new website. Northwood Obstetrics and Gynecology was established in 1989 and continues to offer standard of care in women’s health and wellness. Northwood has grown to five physicians who stress individual care for their patients. All of the physicians at Northwood are board certified in Obstetrics and Gynecology and have active privileges at Munson Medical Center. 3960 W. Royal Dr., Traverse City, 231.947.0404, www. northwoodobgyn.com Rebecca Yodzio has purchased N o r t h w o o d s Business Forms and TC Office Express (the former Cartridge World) located at 3311 S. Airport Road West and is incorporating both businesses under the new name, Northwoods Printers, LLC. Raised in Western Michigan, Yodzio left the area to go to college and work for major corporations all around the United States, but returned home with her husband to raise their sons. With more than 20 years in management for major retail firms and a couple of non-profits along the way, Yodzio has turned her attention to her own retail office supply store and high-quality commercial print house. The store will serve both corporate customers and personal home office and social printing needs.

Rebecca Millican has joined the Traverse City law firm Olson, Bzdok & Howard, P.C., as an associate attorney.

A Midwesterner, Millican previously practiced law in Chicago and Seattle, representing small businesses and non-profits in litigation, international and maritime matters. In her new position, Millican will contribute towards Olson, Bzdok & Howard’s long tradition of advocating in the public interest and protecting Michigan’s natural resources and environment. www.envlaw.com, 231.946.0044 Sweet Themes, a Traverse City-based event design, décor and rental company, has re-branded and changed their name to 307 Events. They will host an open house at their studio, located at 3470 Veterans Dr., Traverse City, Thursday, Nov. 17 from 4-7 p.m. “We’ve drastically increased our inventory and expanded the scope of our services in order to

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The Grand Opening of Hang Workshop is Nov. 19 from 2 to 5 p.m. with free giveaways. Hang Workshop will host entertaining and instructional workshops of painted signs and other trendy home décor items. During the interactive experience, patrons will distress wood, assemble and paint in a relaxed and fun setting. Owner Viki Simons said, “Great for a girls’ night out, party, special event or simply to create that personalized item to compliment your home. It will be the ideal place to hang out and create beautiful decor to hang in your home.” 743 Woodmere, Traverse City, 231.620.5797, www.hangworkshop.com Traverse City Eye Consultants, PC, has welcomed Kristen Chippi, O.D., to their staff of eye healthcare professionals.

Chippi is a boardcertified optometrist who will practice at both Traverse City Eye clinics located in Traverse City and Kalkaska.

Chippi completed her training at the University of Houston College of Optometry in Houston, Texas. She did her undergraduate coursework and received her degree from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, where she was a University Honors recipient all four years. Chippi will work closely with Carl Erickson, O.D., who is leaving Traverse City Eye to open a private optometric practice in Midland, to ensure a seamless transition of care for the patients of Traverse City Eye. www.tceye.net Jennifer LaCharite of LaCharite Properties has launched a new fullservice brokerage firm. LaCharite has been in the real-estate business for more than 17 years, beginning in 1998 working as an office manager for a real-estate company. “The fact that my clients put so much trust and

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confidence in me is what motivated me to rise to the challenge that would enable me to represent sellers, buyers and investors with one of the biggest investments they will make in their lifetime,” she said. LaCharite represents clients who are looking to purchase real estate in addition to residential and commercial listings, vacant land, waterfront and resort properties. She also offers a property management service. 231.645.2257, info@lachariteproperties.com Options for Senior Living, LLC, locally owned and operated

by Kim Bauml. has welcomed Michele Gentry as their new senior care consultant. Gentry has more than six years of experience in the senior care industry. Options for Senior Living is a free service to seniors and their families offering guidance and support through the often emotional and confusing process of finding a safe, comfortable senior living community. 231.935.4553, Michele@options4seniorliving.com, www.options4seniorliving.com Nicole Ball, MSW, has joined Mental Wellness Counseling in downtown Traverse City.

Ball specializes in anxiety, particularly pregnancy and health-related anxiety, healing from trauma associated with surviving domestic violence or sexual assault, post-separation adjustment issues, depression, assisting clients with personal and career goal setting and life transitions. She is accepting new clients: 231.714.0282 ext. 708, nicole@mentalwellnesscounseling.

Casey Kiley, BSW, has joined Mental Wellness Counseling as the intake coordinator. She is assisting clients with scheduling, pairing with the appropriate counselor, and helping to start the counseling process. Kiley is also a life consultant with Mental Wellness Counseling, where she helps young adults launch into adulthood through case management, individual planning and career goal setting. 231.714.0282 intake@mentalwellnesscounseling.com EXIT Realty Paramount welcomes Maribeth Kinsley.

Kinsley specializes in working with buyers, specifically first-time home buyers, and said she thoroughly enjoys experiencing the excitement alongside her clients. 13919 S. West Bayshore Dr. Ste. 104, Traverse City, 231.946.4404, TCEXIT.com

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meet the ever-growing event industry in Northern Michigan,” according to Kate Walski, owner and principal event designer. The name “307 Events” is representative of Lake Michigan, which is 307 miles long, as well as Walski’s birthday, anniversary, and even the address where the company’s studio is located. As part of their re-brand, 307 Events has evolved into a full-service event design and décor company now including floral design and customevent décor, in addition to their growing inventory of event and wedding rentals, allowing them to fulfill all their clients’ needs for corporate and social events.

Walski has increased her staff with Meaghan Jameson, formerly of Events North and Active Marketing, to assist with marketing, sales, event set-up and design. The open house will feature other local vendors and is free to attend.

231.486.5307, www.307events.com.

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Nov/Dec '16 49

Grand Traverse Woman

Holiday Open House Tour the

Perry Hannah House Decorated for the Holidays

Saturday, December 10, 2016 • 4 pm to 7 pm Enjoy music, flowers, trees, refreshments, books and more.

You are invited to bring a pantry food item or unwrapped toy for Toys-For-Tots to place under our main floor tree.

Established in 2005, our business is a local family owned company with over 10 years of experience. We love what we do! Call us for all of your household needs and we’ll make it sparkly beautiful for you!

• • • • •

GENERAL CLEANING OFFICE CLEANING POST CONSTRUCTION PARTY PREPPING MOVE IN - MOVE OUT CLEANINGS

For more information visit www.reynolds-jonkoff.com Reynolds-Jonkhoff Funeral Home 305 Sixth Street Traverse City, MI 49684

Bonded & Insured

Through the Cleaning For Reason Foundation, we are pleased to donate up to four free cleanings for women undergoing cancer treatment. Visit www.cleaningforareason.org

• BUDGET CLEANING • VACATION RENTALS & REAL ESTATE • HOME STAGING • COMMERCIAL CLEANING • NEW! MAINTENANCE SERVICE!

www.aysupnorth.com • 231-735-1094 Proudly serving the communities of: Traverse City, Glen Arbor, Cedar, Frankfort, Suttons Bay, Kalkaska, Kingsley and the counties of: Leelanau, Grand Traverse, Benzie & Antrim

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KUDOS Garbage Bag Suitcase, by Shenandoah Chefalo, has been named Best Memoir by the National Association of Book Entrepreneurs (NABE) in their Summer of 2016 Pinnacle Book Achievement Awards. Imagine a desolate childhood with drug- and alcohol-addicted parents, numerous moves in the middle of the night with just minutes to pack, multiple changes in schools, hunger, cruelty and loneliness. This was Chefalo’s life, and for the first time, she is sharing her personal story in Garbage Bag Suitcase (Mission Point Press), a memoir that reflects on her turbulent journey through foster care and bravely presents grass-roots solutions on how to revamp the broken system. Despite heartbreaking circumstances, Chefalo overcame adversities and became part of three percent of all foster care children who get into college, and the one percent who graduate. Despite becoming a successful businesswoman and having a daughter of her own, she still suffers the long-term effects of her neglectful childhood. In Garbage Bag Suitcase, she shares her story in hope of spurring immediate change that needs to take place within the system, and what can be done to help these children.

Chefalo is a graduate of Michigan State University, holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in social science with a major in interdisciplinary studies.

Traverse Dental Associates has earned a spot on Fortune Magazine’s list of the “100 Best Workplaces for Women,” ranking No. 70 in the country. The list is based on employee surveys and highlights companies where women have high representation in the total employee population and in management positions. For the full list of “Best Workplaces for Women” visit: http:// fortune.com/best-workplaces-forwomen/ Local author, and GTW assistant editor, Lisa Maxbauer Price, was honored recently by winning two international awards for her new children’s book, Squash Boom Beet: An Alphabet for Healthy, Adventurous Eaters.

The book earned the silver medal from the 2016 Moonbeam Children’s Book Awards in the category of health.

The book also won the bronze medal for children’s non-fiction in the 2016 Readers’ Favorite International

Book Awards competition. You can buy Price’s book, which features beautifully photographed food from more than 50 Northern Michigan farms and gardens, in Traverse City at Horizon Books, Brilliant Books and Press On Juice, as well as on www.Amazon.com.

Through an application and review process, TBA Credit Union has awarded nearly $5,000 in Classroom Improvement Grants to educators within the five-county area over the past year. Karen Nelson, a fourth and fifth grade teacher at Eastern Elementary School, received a Classroom Improvement Grant to purchase programmable robots.

Danelle Brostrom of the TCAPS Technology Department received a grant to purchase five Breakout EDU boxes. “Breakout EDU challenges students to work together to complete a series of puzzles (usually designed around the teacher’s curriculum) in order to open the locks and break into the box,” said Danielle. TBA Credit Union awarded the final Classroom Improvement Grant of the year to Amanda White of Courtade Elementary School. Their Spanish classroom now has a space for every student to sit, stand, move, dance and learn comfortably. Educators within the five-county area (Antrim, Benzie, Grand Traverse, Kalkaska and Leelanau) are eligible to apply for TBACU’s Classroom Improvement Grants. Those interested in applying should visit tbacu.com after Jan. 1, where they will see past grant recipients and review the application process. 231.946.7090, tbacu.com

EVENTS Anne Stanton, executive director of the National Writers Series, has announced the launch of the second annual Battle of the Books competition. The Battle of the Books is a book-based quiz competition open to all fourth and fifth graders living in the Grand Traverse region.

Kids prepare by reading pre-selected stories together in small teams of four to six members over several weeks and then engage in a competition on March 11 at Northwestern Michigan Community College. Four semifinalist teams will emerge from the competition and compete in the final battle March 19 at the City Opera

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Grand Traverse Woman House. The winning team will be presented with the grand prize— trophies presented by a “mystery guest” (Think: a New York Times best-selling author) and will then be whisked away in a limo for a Victory VIP Tour. Teams can begin registration on Nov. 10 on a first-come, first-served basis for the 48 available team spots.

Each team will be required to have a parent or volunteer “coach” to help students prepare for the competition.

Once registered, each team will receive a free set of books in December to use prior to the competition. Battle of the Books is a program of the National Writers Series, which is dedicated to supporting young readers and writers.

“Thanks to our generous sponsors, the event and books are free to all the kids who want to participate,” said Stanton. For more information, visit www.battleofthebooksgt.com or contact Anne Stanton (NWS) at 231.631.1551 or Lisa Maxbauer Price (volunteer) at 917.518.4345.

Plein Air Painters of Northwest Michigan will be exhibiting more than 100 paintings during November/ December at The City Opera House.

The public is invited to an opening reception Wednesday, Nov. 2, from

5 to 7 p.m. Featured artists are Sue Bowerman, Julie Braverman, Pat Dixon, Linda Goodpaster, Michelle Jahraus, Judy Kelly, Ruth Kitchen, Sherry McNamara, Dorothy Mudget, Marilyn Rebant, Ann Robinson, Laura Swire and Linda Tyson, who paint with a variety of mediums: oil, acrylic, watercolor and pastel. Paintings will be priced for holiday shopping. A percentage of sales benefit the Opera House. Hours of the exhibit are 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

The public is invited on Saturday, Dec. 10 from 4 to 7 p.m. to tour the Perry Hannah House, (the ReynoldsJonkhoff Funeral Home) for the Annual Holiday Open House. The historic home will be decorated for the holiday season. Visitors are invited to bring items for a local food pantry or an unwrapped toy for Toys for Tots. Twenty trees in various sizes and themes will be located primarily on the second and third floors. Visitors will also enjoy special music, floral demonstrations and arrangements, local authors signing books, refreshments, Hannah Bear and more during this unique opportunity to tour the historic city landmark.

LESSONS TRAINING BOARDING

Come join our team.

G I F T C E R T I F I C AT E S AVA I L A B L E

2455 Five Mile Rd, Traverse City, MI 49686 231.392.9517 • By appointment only www.ridgebackstables.com

Grand Traverse Woman

events GTWoman Network Nite- Wednesday, Nov. 9 Incredible Mo’s, 5–7pm It’s a Tailgate Party!

Get out your favorite team jersey for the Nov. 9th Network Nite at Incredible Mo’s. Enjoy a tailgate party with food, cocktails and laughter – and none of the work! Come ready to make new friends and catch up with old ones.

FOOD: Assorted Artisan Pizzas, Italian Kabobs, Jalapeno Pinwheels, Lettuce Wraps, Cheeseburger Egg Rolls w/ Fancy Sauce and Mini Cannolis. They will have the popcorn going also! Plus an awesome cake from the famous Aunt B!

SPECIALTY DRINKS: The Benchwarmer & The Starting Lineup WEAR: Your favorite team jersey—Titans, Trojans, MSU, Michigan, etc. Our photographer for the evening is Andrea Bogard with Northern Art Photography.

She will capture all the rivalry. We will also have DJ Tim Davis from Executive Sounds playing music!

Start creating the

smile of your dreams today!

Featuring the Damon System, Clear braces and Invisalign for fast and comfortable treatment.

Complimentary consultation.

PRIZES: Incredible Mo’s will give away a $200 Grand Prize: A full party package for one lucky winner. Attendees are also welcome to donate a prize.

Put a face to the name of your business. Limited to 10 women. To be on the giveaway list, email kandace@grandtraversewoman.com.

LOCATION: Incredible Mo’s, 1355 Silver Lake Crossings Blvd., Grawn, www.incrediblemos.com TICKETS: Your ticket includes wine, food and laughter. Tickets are $15 each or 2/$20.

Thank you to our Corporate Sponsor Credit Union One and Supporting Sponsors Precision Plumbing & Heating, GT Resort & Spa, Deerhaven Dentistry, Z93 and TV 7&4. Visit www.grandtraversewoman.com

Traverse City 231-929-3200 Charlevoix 231-237-0955

www.schulzortho.com

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Nov/Dec '16 51

momma 1412 A train comes through Traverse City a couple of times a week, at most. For rail fans, that isn’t enough.

And my son, Nelson, age 12, is a major fan. For two years now, we’ve tried to get a glimpse of the train. He wanted videos, pictures, the whole package to post to www.railfan.com.

Then, this fall, we had a break in the case. We heard that the train came through on Tuesdays for sure.

So we went.

The first Tuesday, we spent 4 HOURS sitting by the tracks, walking the tracks, biking the TART trail next to the tracks. We did not see a train. But we made friends with the gal at The Filling Station and explored a stretch of tracks by 14th Street covered with broken glass and loneliness.

Nelson was thrilled. He looked at the line switches, the ballast, the rails, the ties. And after four long hours, he was ready to come back the next Tuesday.

I tried to say no, but (as he reminded me), I had promised him that this was the year we would see that train. No matter what.

The next Tuesday morning came and Nelson gave the war cry: It’s 10 a.m.! The “ghost train” (as I fondly think of it) supposedly came between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m.

Grand Traverse Woman

By Kandace chapple www.kandacechapple.com

this on his iPhone including all of the colorful language I was using to will traffic out of our way.

“Delete that,” I said with steel in my voice. He didn’t argue.

Down we went, careening around the corner and parking at the plaza. The children leapt out of the car and the train came roaring up the moment we got out.

It was, without exaggeration, a vision.

The train blew its horn for the road crossing and Nelson shook with excitement (we have a blurry

THE end game

THE near miss There was a mad scramble and by 10:30 a.m., we made a frantic exit.

Only to arrive and find out from the gal at the Filling Station… that the train had just gone by.

“Like five minutes ago.”

Well, that was a challenge if I’d ever heard one.

“Get in the car!” I roared. One of the boys wasn’t even in yet when I threw the car into reverse. We knew the train was taking its weekly delivery of lumber to Amerhart in Williamsburg. (This was confirmed by a very confused man who answered the phone at Amerhart on the prior Tuesday.)

So I knew we were headed east. The train could only travel between 10 and 15 mph (yes, more research that was paying off in spades). We figured we could catch this thing before Acme if I disregarded most traffic laws.

One look at Nelson’s hopeful face, and I peeled out onto Woodmere Avenue and turned down Eighth Street. This train would be mine.

I got onto Grandview Parkway and turned right.

That train was somewhere big and blue, and chugging quietly behind a full thrush of trees, taunting me.

Finally, we saw it! A flash of blue. It was behind the Dairy Queen and, if we hurried, we could catch it crossing Four Mile Road.

I didn’t realize that Kendall was recording all of

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Nelson) Another video! Another wave! The engineer was growing weary but he seemed resigned to our everlasting presence.

This was where my mind began automatically Mapquesting roads I’d never been on. We hung a left and caught the train chugging through some fields.

The engineer saw my black Jetta before he even blew his horn. I didn’t wave this time. It was getting awkward.

Next, the Big Daddy: Amerhart.

Nelson with the gLC TRAIN.

video to prove it). The engineer waved at us. Success, I thought, with relief. A mother’s ode to her trainloving child. One and done.

THE CHASE But when we climbed back in the car, Nelson shouted the words that I feared most: “Chase him!”

I wanted to say no, but my killer instincts took over and, in my mind, I masterfully charted every RR crossing between Don’s Drive-In and a lumberyard in Williamsburg I’d never even seen.

I was in rare form.

We soon caught the train lumbering along the bay next to Five Mile and just about to cross the TART trail. We climbed out. We took another video. The engineer waved again. Yes, I was using the kids as my cover, but I was getting caught up in this whole railfanning thing.

Next, we went up Bunker Hill Road for a rarely seen “signal crossing with flashing red lights.” (per

We pulled into the lumberyard to wait. I steeled myself for some more awkwardness as we parked in the middle of the stacks of wood and waited for a forklift to approach.

“Can I help you?” asked a leather-skinned man on a Bobcat.

Nelson slouched down in his seat and let me take the heat solo. I went into a fumbling explanation about train hunting. I could tell by the look on the man’s face that he couldn’t see what my point was.

“Well, I’m not liable for you!” he finally bellowed in response.

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t liable for him either.

I held my breath and used silence as my defense.

“You’ll have to park over there!” he said, after a long (again, awkward) pause. He spun on his zeroradius machine and left us to it.

Which is when the train came rolling in.

Again, it was a vision.

More video, back to the waving.

But, it wasn’t over.

I know, how could that be? But it wasn’t.

The train had to return to the depot in TC and switch to another set of tracks to head back to Cadillac.

I gathered what was left of my pride and we headed back to The Filling Station. We waited for the train man to arrive yet again and ordered lunch.

By 1 p.m., he was there, the pizza was gone and Nelson was reviewing video of “the best day of his life.”

When it was over (for real), we found our flattened pennies on the track and watched our man drive off into the sunset. It was then that Nelson asked: “Can we come back next Tuesday?”

And so it’s been. That Tuesday was the start of several rail-fanning trips—to Cadillac, to Grand Rapids, to the U.P. Turns out, anywhere you go, you can tack on a rail-fanning side trip, much to Nelson’s delight. (And maybe, just maybe, mine too.)

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Grand Traverse Woman

trouble (in the) hood 1511

By Kerry winkler

Middle School: Daughter vs. Son When middle school rolled around this past fall for Brook, I only had my experiences from Max four years earlier… little did I know it would be a totally different ride!

The Bus Ride Max tolerated the bus. Brook thrives on the bus.

She began gathering friends from Day 3. But Days 1 and 2 were spent sitting alongside her brother who simply listened to (political) news on his headphones. In other words, she could take a hike.

And she did. Four rows away with a new friend.

And then six rows away with another new friend.

She had not realized with several different ages on the bus, there were endless possibilities (and swear words). That cooled her heels a bit and she moved back to only two rows away from Max. But still, Brook loved her bus ride and new friends.

The Lockers Max calmly learned his locker combo on Day 1 and I never heard about it again. It was just housekeeping, something to get done. However, Brook tried twice at the open house and said @#$ it. Well not quite, but you get the picture. She said she’d

Brook with the perfect bandana. Finally.

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learn on the fly, which threw me for a total loop.

How could you be so cavalier about the No. 1 fear of middle schoolers? (I’m sure I’d read this somewhere authoritative.) The school actually had volunteers specifically assigned to save the students from their lockers –the “National (Mommy) Guard.”

But Brook was undeterred. She came home day after day with still NO CLUE (and no worry) on how to open her locker. I was sweaty, envisioning mass chaos in the five-minute turnover between classes. For a week, I badgered her to figure it out…Finally on Day 5, I threatened to come to school and watch her do it digit by digit. While we did Snapchat so all her friends could witness us.

She begrudgingly succumbed to society standards and finally turned one full turn to the right, two to the left and back to the right just so.

The Outfit You already guessed it: Every night the plan was laid out. Every morning, it was scrapped…. because of a simple oversight. “Was that bandana pink? I thought I chose purple in the dusk of the evening!” And a small faithful volcano erupted (me) at 6:32 a.m. every morning with the bus due to arrive in less than four minutes. Brook would stroll out with the 5th change of the morning, which was inevitably the original from the night before but had instead crowned it with the blue bandana (and my disbelief).

Max on the other hand? Pretty much wore the same three outfits rotated all year long. Shorts in the dead of winter? Check. T-shirt whether it was 80 or 20 degrees? Check. Same favorite shoes with the small hole rubbed through on big toe of the left foot? Check. Mom attempting to layer things on him all the way out the door? Check.

The Lunch Room Ding! A random 10:32 a.m. text appeared: “Hi.” The next day at 10:43, a selfie with her friends.

Two days later a pic of Brook biting into her chicken sandwich. Not a lot of information, but my momma radar was happy. It was communication.

(Nothing like Max at all.)

I had snapshots of her days. In fact 999 words better than “fine.”

Brook with face paint, but thankfully no cig pack, during lunch.

I could look at the background (were there clean tables or filthy graffiti? Don’t worry, clean-ish tables.)

I could look at her friend’s outfit (was that a cig pack rolled up in her sleeve? Just kidding: that was a Grease flashback from that weekend’s Netflix.)

Did Brook eat all of her food? (No there was clearly an untouched banana on the tray. Which led to a full disclosure when she got home that it had, God forbid, a brown spot on it. Lecture ensued. Yes, brown spotted bananas will be eaten or at the very least cropped out of next pic sent to Mom.) Max’s lunchroom communication? None.

In fact, it’s the BLOCK (MOM) CALLER part of his day because he’s busy with his friends.

So the first few months of middle school are done and now it is almost the holiday break. I’m sure I’ll learn more…like how will Brook handle her separation from her friends for a whole 10 days?

Will she send them selfies of her spotted banana and a PB&J with her mom’s (not-so-clean kitchen counter) behind it? Will she forget her locker combo and start all over Jan. 2? And will she ever chose that pink bandana and wear it for realz?

Nov/Dec '16 53

Grand Traverse Woman

EXPERIENCE INTERLOCHEN

Dec. 1 Canadian Brass

Join us for a special holiday concert with one of today’s most popular brass ensembles.

The hallmarks of any Canadian Brass performance are entertainment, spontaneity, virtuosity and most of all, fun!

Dec. 8-10 The Sleeping Beauty Just in time for the holidays, Interlochen’s Director of Dance Joseph Morrissey creates an all-new interpretation of the classic storybook ballet featuring the Interlochen Arts Academy Dance Company.

Dec. 15

Sounds of the Season

Interlochen’s much-loved and highly-anticipated holiday showcase is presented

by Interlochen Arts Academy students and faculty. The family-friendly matinee features the Interlochen Arts Academy Jazz Ensemble and Choir—and your favorite holiday tunes!

tickets.interlochen.org 800.681.5920 54

Nov/Dec '16

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Our Holiday Area Rug Sale

20% to 50% Off Our Last Advertised Sale Price!

Find the perfect area rug for any floor in your home during our biggest sale event of the year. The huge variety of sizes, patterns, styles, and colors availale at Carpet Galleria can help you make your home feel new, all over again.

From handknotted rugs with handspun yarns to hand tufted and machine made choices—you’ll find exactly the area rug that best fits your lifestyle.

Enjoy shopping in our state-of-theart showroom, you’ll find choosing the perfect rug is a pleasure… at Carpet Galleria.

Sale ends December 30.

561035 Nov/Dec '16 S. Garfield Ave, Traverse City

www.grandtraversewoman.com 231-947-4808 • carpetgalleria.com