PHOTO © CHRIS JEPSON (WWW.CHRISJEPSON.COM) FOR GMFA
22 Scene
“Chems skews your idea of what you want and who you are attracted to. At a party, half the people there are sitting on their phone scrolling through Grindr waiting for the next big thing to walk through the door. It’s selfgratification but with a lack of self-respect” on drugs, but I would question what intimacy they are really achieving as it’s chemically induced. Does chemsex feel different to sober sex? Sober sex is more real, and you can perform properly! There is more of a real connection with people sober than when under the influence of chems. You could be at a chillout and say there are three or four men there, but these are people you wouldn’t touch with a barge pole if you were sober. Chems skews your idea of what you want and who you are attracted to. At a party, half the people there are sitting on their phone scrolling through Grindr waiting for the next big thing to walk through the door. It’s self-gratification but with a lack of self-respect.
From Top to Bottom
Rory Finn speaks to a former chemsex partygoer and a health worker about their reflections on the allure of drugs and sex and why so many gay men are drawn to this lifestyle ) What is the attraction of chemsex?
Whole swathes of gay people experience loneliness. In a time when we’re meant to be more connected than ever, finding that connection is hard. Drugs with sex creates a perception of intimacy. There is also a camaraderie about it. That you’re part of a sub-group with a common aim and flouting convention. It attracts people with a hedonistic streak, who like to push boundaries, and people who are trying to find more intense ways of finding sexual pleasure. In the gay scene we have always done things differently, and outside the norm of expected behaviour. We’ve always had cruising and cottaging. Anything new and exciting is going to be jumped on. This is like a new club, the new cool place to be, but it feels safer as it’s done in private, in people’s homes. Whereas they might have gone to cruising in the past, now they can be
in someone’s home. I think the people doing it have very low self-esteem and low respect for themselves and others. It attracts people with addictive personalities. Some people would class sex as their addiction. It comes from a place of loneliness first. You look online and see PnP and HnH, it’s a shorthand; ‘party and play’ and ‘high and horny’. It cuts out the crap as you know what you’re walking into, a room of naked people and you know the score. Although it has to be said, this is not true of some of the young lads there for the first time. It’s code for the perceived intimacy and pleasures to be had. But that intimacy is false. G is supposed to loosen your inhibitions. But how inhibited do you want me to be if I’m already turning up to a sex party?! It’s an illusion for people who feel unable to be themselves sober. People talk about f***ing for hours and hours
You’ll see all kinds of people, ordinary and lonely people. The age range is vast; guys in their twenties to fifties. People out of longterm relationships who are struggling with adapting to the way people meet now. You used to meet people in clubs and have more of a social interaction. But now it’s more appbased. And even more so with Covid. If you are managing a sex ‘addiction’ anyway, this is just an added opportunity. How do people get involved in the first place? Perhaps you’re at a party and a pipe [for Tina/crystal meth] is going around. If you’ve had a [cannabis] joint already, or in the past, then why not give it a try? As they say, when in Rome. People might be offering G with a bit of cola – it tastes disgusting so needs to be mixed.
PHOTO © CHRIS JEPSON (WWW.CHRISJEPSON.COM) FOR GMFA
There is an immediate sensation of a loosening, a fuzziness, a sense of relaxation. With Tina there can be an intimacy of blowbacks – where you are inhaling and exhaling to and from another person’s mouth. If you continue finding yourself in these situations, then you need to take control. By this I mean dosing yourself rather than accepting premixed from someone else. You don’t know what people are putting in their glasses. It’s really easy to overdose with 1ml/ 2ml, so it’s wise to take some control. Ask to see the drug being added if possible. You can have the false belief that other people are looking after you, that someone is being mum. And someone is, but they could be evil mum. What are the psychological factors? For whatever reason gay men have always done it. We’ve never really looked after ourselves or our peers. I don’t know if
