Five lessons I learned from experiencing burnout Overwhelmed by your workload? Stressed by the smallest tasks? Pushing yourself too hard to reach the top? Maybe it’s time to put your health and happiness above simple success at the office Writing | Fiona Thomas
I
lay in bed, struggling to wake. I was tired from the evening before. Had I eaten dinner? No. I’d had a bottle of wine instead, to relax. A few days earlier during a driving lesson, I had driven on the wrong side of the road. I didn’t know why. On that same day, I had screamed at a work colleague over something insignificant – something about tomatoes – and had to apologise later. I thought about the busy morning ahead. I wanted to recoil from all my work responsibilities, but I couldn’t see a way out. I fantasised about falling down the stairs or being hit by a car. Anything that would incapacitate me and give me some time off work. Two hours later I sat at my desk to work through my list of tasks, but I couldn’t get started. I couldn’t attend the meeting. I couldn’t pick up the phone. I couldn’t face my team. I hid in the toilets and cried for what seemed like hours, then I phoned my GP and made an appointment. It turned out that I been unknowingly living with burnout for more than six months. My symptoms included (but were not
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limited to) agitation, tearfulness, physical and mental exhaustion, frustration, and a sense of hopelessness. But through this difficult time, I can now take some positives in what I’ve learned from living with burnout… 1 Being off sick doesn’t mean you are bad at your job I first started feeling the symptoms long before I asked for help, and the main reason I avoided reaching out was that I didn’t realise it was a health issue – I thought it was a competency issue. I thought that I was overwhelmed and stressed because I was under-qualified. But after taking three months of sick leave, I attempted to return to work and I couldn’t carry out even the simplest of tasks. That was proof that there was something medically wrong with me. I then knew for sure that my brain wasn’t functioning normally, and I found that strangely comforting. 2 You’ve got to vocalise your issues in the workplace During the six months that I was quietly crumbling away, I thought
it was obvious to everyone around me. After an extended period of sick leave, I was asked to meet my employers to discuss what had been going on. It was only then that I realised they had no idea how much I had on my plate. I couldn’t really complain about the lack of support, because I hadn’t given the slightest hint that I needed any. You’ve got to be explicit when you need support, and chase down your employers to help manage your workload. Otherwise, you’re doing yourself a disservice. 3 Work achievements aren’t everything Burnout hit me hardest after I took on a lot of extra responsibility at work. No one forced me to step into the role; I wanted to prove to my employers that I was capable. I pushed myself because I wanted to be a high achiever. When burnout took over, depression and anxiety quickly followed, and I quit my job to focus on recovery. It was only then I figured out that work achievements are no substitute for health and happiness.
