Happiful January 2021

THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH

MAKE PEACE WITH

JAN 2021

your body Heal your relationship with your reflection – it's the season of self-love

How to spot a fad diet Nothing tastes better than the truth

Strong.

Sensual.

Empowered.

Bare all to boost confidence

INSIDE

31

ways to look after YOU

• Become a morning person • Address IBS • Introverts assemble! • Embrace intuitive eating •

Empowering reminders that can be worn everywhere.

15% OFF with code: HAPPIFUL15

S O U L A N A LY S E .C O M Changing the way you speak to yourself.

More than skin deep Whether it’s a bad day once in a while, or something deeper, all of us know what it feels like to look in the mirror and hate what we see.

‘Hate.’ Let that sink in for a moment.

It’s a powerful word we reserve for the most extreme circumstances, and yet with our own selves we use it so freely.

And the emotional weight that word brings is a burden so many of us bear.

We avoid cameras, and shun the limelight. We punish ourselves for perceived flaws, feeding into a destructive cycle of mental torment created by an impossible image of the so-called perfection we’ve been told we should aspire to.

Our reflection can emotionally break us. And honestly, it’s exhausting. I’m fed up of seeing and hearing truly miraculous people tearing themselves down. I’m tired of allowing some unknown entity to determine my self-worth. But the good news is, the revolution isn’t just coming, it’s knocking down the door.

More and more, we’re seeing resistance against the toxic culture of fad diets, and narratives that destroy self-esteem. We’re seeing people reclaiming the right to accept and love themselves, unapologetically.

Learning to love yourself is a journey, and you might not be there just yet.

But we want to help you take a step away from the negative self-talk, and towards acceptance. Just think what you could achieve if the energy you use to berate yourself, you instead put towards fuelling things that bring you passion, creativity, and excitement?

Scrap that “new year, new you” mentality, and instead see the value in a new perspective. Feel empowered by the sensual art of boudoir photography, spot the signs of a fad diet, and develop a healthy relationship with exercise.

As Megan Crabbe, AKA Bodiposipanda, wrote: “Hating our bodies is something that we learn, and it is sure as hell something we can unlearn.”

Let’s start today.

W | happiful.com F | happifulhq T | @happifulhq REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR

I | @happiful_magazine

Fresh starts

72

14 What is future shock?

Does rapid change in technology leave you feeling disorientated?

16 Challenge your inner critic Michelle Elman on setting yourself free from self-doubt

32 Become a morning person 57 Choose to move

How exercise transforms our minds

68 Beat brain fog 78 Facing up to the hard stuff Author Uju Asika on having conversations about race

24

Wellbeing 34 What is intuitive eating?

An expert look at the feel-good approach to food

46 Make it happen

How creativity can help you rediscover a sense of joy

51 What is delusional thinking?

Body confidence 18 Where the magic happens What can boudoir photography teach us about self-love?

28 Make peace, not war

For those with chronic illnesses, bodies can feel like battlegrounds

40 Getting busy

Discover the link between self-pleasure and self-care

Four common myths about this deeply misunderstood disorder

65 The hush-hush on thrush Laying the secrets out on the table

82 Reassess IBS

Could hypnotherapy be the key to managing symptoms?

True stories 37 Jemma: turning a corner

54 How to spot fad diets

A passion for travel took Jemma on a journey of self-love

72 Body hangups

95 Elsa: new challenges

Learn how to support a friend with low self-image

Being pregnant in the pandemic has come with highs and lows

Put into practise 24 The power of introversion

How to use it to your advantage

48 Things to do in January 61 Fancy a cuppa?

How the Swedish tradition of taking time for cake and a hot drink can play a role in wellness

86 Health first

Build a healthy, sustainable relationship with exercise

90 Back to nature

Discover the great outdoors, close to home

86

57

Culture 8 News flash

This month’s uplifting news

13 The wellbeing wrap

28

45 Four page-turners 74 ‘Don’t call me brave’

Beauty influencer Tess Daly on disability representation

Try this at home 36 Between the lines

Learn how to spot the signs that someone is struggling

63 Small but mighty

How to support independent businesses

71 One of those days?

De-stress with these tips

81 Five sustainable swaps Go green this New Year

92 Your self-care schedule

74

98 How to set boundaries And keep them up, for good

*

16

Expert review Every issue of Happiful is reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we deliver the highest quality content while handling topics sensitively.

Maintaining our selfconfidence can sometimes be a challenging task. Often it starts with being kind to ourselves – which sounds simple, but is something that we can easily forget.

The article on p16 raises awareness of how we can begin to be more accepting of ourselves, and throughout the edition there are lots of warm examples on how to nurture self-love. By doing so, it will have a positive impact on your overall wellbeing, and support you in day-to-day life. You deserve love, embrace it.

RAV SEKHON BA MA MBACP (Accred)

Rav is a counsellor and psychotherapist with more than 10 years' experience.

Our team EDITORIAL Rebecca Thair | Editor

One undeniable truth is that finding the right help for each individual is a journey – what works for one of us will be different for someone else. But don't feel disheartened if you haven't found your path yet. Our Happiful family can help you on your way. Bringing together various arms of support, each of our sister sites focuses on a different method of nourishing your wellbeing – from counselling, to hypnotherapy, nutrition, coaching, and holistic therapy.

Expert Panel Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue

Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer Katie Hoare | Digital Marketing & Content Officer Grace Victory | Columnist Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

VALENTINA CARTAGO DipION BANT CNHC

Valentina is a nutritional therapist with a interest in cognitive function.

ART & DESIGN Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead Rosan Magar | Illustrator Emma Boast | Graphic Designer

COMMUNICATIONS

ISA ROBINSON

CHRIS MOUNSHER

ANutr, mBANT

BSc PGDip MBACP

Isa is a nutritional therapist and intuitive eating counsellor.

Chris is a humanistic counsellor helping clients break unhealthy patterns.

TANIA GOLDSMITH

MICHAELLA MAZZONI

MSc, MBACP, UKCP Reg

DipCNM mBANT CNHC

Tania is a counsellor and psychotherapist, focusing on curiosity.

Michaella is a nutritional therapist interested in gut health.

Alice Greedus | PR Officer alice.greedus@happiful.com

CONTRIBUTORS

Jenna Farmer, Tania Goldsmith, Michele Scarr, Caroline Butterwick, Jemma Broadstock, Michelle Elman, Sarah Young, Elsa Megan, Tia Sinden

SPECIAL THANKS

Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Valentina Cartago, Michaella Mazzoni, Isa Robinson, Tania Goldsmith, Michele Scarr, Helen Brooks

MANAGEMENT

Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Emma White | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder

SUBSCRIPTIONS

MICHELE SCARR

HARRIET FREW

BA Dip Nut mBANT CNHC

Dip MBACP (Accred)

Michele is a nutritional therapist, health coach, and lecturer at CNM.

Harriet is a counsellor who specialises in eating disorders and body image.

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Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL Email us at hello@happiful.com

HAPPIFUL FAMILY

RACHEL COFFEY

HELEN BROOKS

BA MA NLP Mstr

BA Dip Hyp

Rachel is a life coach, encouraging confidence.

Helen is a clinical hypnotherapist specialising in IBS.

Helping you find the help you need.

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THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH

JAN 2021

£5.99

MAKE PEACE WITH

your body Heal your relationship with your reflection – it's the season of self-love

How to spot a fad diet Nothing tastes better than the truth

Strong.

Sensual.

Empowered.

31

Bare all to boost confidence

HAPPIFUL.COM | £5.99

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ways to look after YOU

01

INSIDE

• Become a morning person • Address IBS • Introverts assemble! • Embrace intuitive eating •

Cover artwork

by Charlotte Reynell

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Prices and benefits are correct at the time of printing. For full terms and conditions, please visit happiful.com

ART

Artist captures cancer journey with more than 50,000 dots

Image | Institute of Cancer Research

The Uplift

Anyone who has experienced cancer, or has gone on the journey with a loved one, knows the road to recovery is not straightforward. And that’s something artist James Cochran wanted to capture in his artwork, inspired by his own experiences.

Titled ‘Cell Defence’, and created using a laboratory pipette to apply more than 50,000 dots to canvas, James wanted to capture the complexity of the disease, and the creativity that scientists use to discover new treatments – often using the same tool that James used for the painting.

In total, the piece took James more than 250 hours to complete, and is based on an image of liver cancer cells, taken by scientists at The Institute of Cancer Research’s newly-opened Centre for Cancer Drug Discovery, in Sutton, London.

But beyond raising awareness and capturing an important experience, James found another side to the artistic process.

“There was a particular meditative quality about this painting, because there was so much detail and precision required,” James tells Happiful, as he explains that using bright, vibrant colours to correspond with the positive aspects (turquoise for the T-cells doing their work for the immune system), was an emotional experience.

“There were many hours spent on the painting, working during the day and into the night, sometimes accompanied by the sound of music, or sometimes the sound of rain outside. What had first seemed like a daunting challenge turned out to be an satisfying and stimulating process.”

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

SCIENCE

When it comes to decision-making, trust your gut, not your memories

CHARITY

The mission to feed 4,000 people in need, every month A grassroots team is reaching out to those who need it most When electrician Dom Warren saw the hardship many families face trying to make ends meet, he and wife Alex decided to take matters into their own hands – and Dom’s Food Mission was born.

What started as a Facebook group encouraging the people of Hastings, East Sussex, to donate essential items to a car park dropoff point so they could be given to a local food bank, is now an award-winning charity, supporting families, homeless people, hostels, ex-service people, and refugees.

But they didn’t stop there, with their latest project seeing children and communities unite to tackle food wastage. As an astonishing 35,000 tonnes of food goes to landfill every year, Dom is on a mission to provide essential food-saving skills to children,

demonstrating that just about anything from today’s leftovers could be tomorrow’s ingredients.

In 2020, many families faced their toughest months, and the charity has seen a steep rise in demand for food packages.

Speaking about this, Dom said: “We will aim to feed as many communities as we can, as we do 365 days of the year. We also teamed up with local radio stations and schools to encourage people to donate toys to children at Christmas. Everyone deserves a special Christmas.”

Looking to the future, Dom says: “We’re aiming to support even more people in 2021, and to show them that kindness is free!”

Visit domsfoodmission.com to learn more about the cause.

Writing | Katie Hoare

Imagine you’re on holiday somewhere tropical (we know, but stick with us here). You’ve had a wonderful week in the sun, but storms rained out the last two days of your trip. When you look back, how will you remember the holiday? Will you focus on the sunny days, or will your memory be marred by the rainy ones?

According to research, it’ll likely be the latter. This is because we overemphasise the ending of an experience when weighing it up.

New research published in the Journal of Neuroscience suggests this phenomenon, known as the ‘happy ending effect’, also interferes with our ability to make decisions in the future.

So, the soggy ending of your trip may impact your decision about returning again in the future.

“If we can’t control our in-built attraction to happy endings, then we can’t trust our choices to serve our best interests,” lead study author Martin Vestergaard says.

So, how should we approach decision-making? Martin recommends a more analytical approach. The next time you need to make a decision, root yourself in the present, be rational, and let your gut feeling override your memories.

Writing | Kat Nicholls

happiful.com | 9

NUTRITION

Is prettier food healthier?

We’re going to break the suspense to tell you that, no, prettier food is not healthier for us. But, according to a study published in the Journal of Marketing, a lot of us automatically assume that food which is better looking, is also better for our health.

In the study, 400 panelists were tasked with assessing the ‘healthiness’ of different foods – some considered ‘pretty’ and others ‘ugly’. In one round, participants were shown photos of avocado on toast. In one photo, the avocado was smashed up and spread on the toast, in the other it was finely sliced and delicately fanned out. The responses showed that the presentation had a significant effect on the perceived healthiness of the toast – the fanned option taking the lead.

Speculating on why this might be, study author Linda Hagen said that classically better looking things tend to be symmetrical, orderly, and with patterns found in nature – and it’s that natural connection that prompts people to associate good looking food with health.

It’s a reminder that truly nutritious, body-boosting foods come in all shapes and sizes. So, learn about food groups, and don’t turn your nose up at wonky veg – that curvy carrot still packs a nutritional punch.

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

happiful.com | 11

Take 5

How d id do? Se you a 'freebi rch e s' at shop.h appifu l.c to find the an om and m swers, ore!

Engage those brains and take a moment for you!

Sit back, relax, and enjoy some puzzling fun

Nonogram

In this test of logic, use the clues at the edge of the grid to complete the picture hidden within. You can deduce which cells should be filled in, and which left empty, by the clues at the edge of each row and column. These numbers represent the amount of consecutive filled cells on that line, with at least one blank cell between each group. It’s essentially a paint-by-numbers puzzle!

Hint: Start by completing any columns or rows that you can be certain of, e.g. where the numbers and minimum empty cells add up to 12. Put a cross in the squares you know should be blank.

1 2 3 4 4 5 6 8 141 11 1111 10

12

2 2

3 2 3

7 2

12

4 2

4 2

8

2 2

2 3

2

1

The Zzz...

Can’t sleep?

Cillian Murphy now narrates a story for Calm to help you snooze – by order of the Peaky Blinders!

For those short of space, a company has designed a bed that converts to a gym.

wellbeing wrap I am Ironman

Chris Nikic, a 21-yearold from Florida, has become the first person with Down’s syndrome to complete an Ironman triathlon.

Chris completed the 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile cycle, and 26.2-mile run in 16 hours 46 minutes and 9 seconds, and was officially recognised by Guiness World Records!

A SURVEY REVEALED THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE PETS, WITH MOGGIE CATS IN THE TOP SPOT. LABRADORS CAME SECOND, THEN BRITISH SHORTHAIR CATS. AND THE MOST COMMON CRIME? DIGGING UP THE GARDEN. BLOOMING TYPICAL.

A RIPPLE OF KINDNESS

A breakthrough study has found animals’ behaviour is based on moods and emotions, much like humans.

Booty boost!

Athletes with a large gluteus maximus run up to 44% faster, a study from Loughborough uni revealed.

A wine company is on the hunt for a new taste-tester.

That’s right, you can be paid to drink wine!

When six-year-old Blake Durham wanted to “do something kind” at a McDonald’s drivethru, he could never have imagined how quickly the gesture would spread. After Blake and his mum paid for the next person’s meal in Stockton-on-Tees, it sparked a chain reaction, with everyone else in the queue doing the same!

With the National Domestic Violence Helpline seeing a 77% increase in calls during June 2020, lockdown brought with it some safety concerns. So an initiative helping victims of domestic abuse move for free is very welcome news! The College HUNKS Hauling Junk & Moving company announced that it is providing free moving support for those experiencing abuse at home in Canada and America, and has already completed more than 100 free moves.

BRITS STRUGGLE TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT, AND 64% WORRY ABOUT THE PAST AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK, ACCORDING TO RESEARCH BY COMPARE THE MARKET. PERHAPS WORTH PRACTISING SOME MINDFULNESS TO RECLAIM THE PRESENT?

Hot to trot

Hot chocolate fans, listen up!

A new study has revealed that flavinols (naturallyoccuring molecules in fruits, veg and cocoa) can improve mental performance – helping you to think faster, and deal with cognitive challenges more efficiently.

The perfect excuse for a warming little brain boost this winter!

Make ’em laugh

While we’ve all felt the positive effects of a good chuckle – proven to decrease stress and increase endorphins – a new study has shown laughter can strengthen workplace bonds, too!

Helping promote creativity and inclusiveness, humour us when we suggest bringing that personality to work.

Breast foot first

A superstar volunteer has earned the nickname the “breast milk milkman” after donating more than 190 litres of her own milk to a local baby bank, and then continuing to collect and drop off milk from others, too! Leanne Forbes, an A&E receptionist, continues her rounds to support Devon mums who are unable or struggling to feed their newborns. We think she’s simply the breast (sorry to milk it).

Keep ‘up’ and carry on!

In an effort to lift spirits, a young football fan found a unique way to raise money for charities supporting key workers, and has inspired thousands in the process. Imogen PapworthHeidel, an 11-year-old from Cambridgeshire, raised more than £11,000 after pledging to do one “keepy-uppy” for every key worker in the UK. She recently hit her target after doing 1,123,585 keepy-uppies herself over an unbroken 195day run, and was supported by sports clubs and individuals all over the country, who “donated” another 5,976,414, including footballers Marcus Rashford and Lucy Bronze. An incredible feat, showing the power of lacing up and getting stuck in.

What is

future shock?

Feeling left behind and overwhelmed by the unwavering forward-motion of technology? You’re not alone. Learn how to mentally log off and reconnect with reality Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

T

echnology: it’s the all-consuming, everevolving, attentionneeding force that rules our lives. And it’s developing at an incredible rate.

Our days are saturated with emojis, browsers, hangouts, hashtags, cookies, clickbait, influencers, passwords, hyperlinks, cyberspace, pins, posts, likes, follows, IMO – AITA? Overwhelmed? You’re not alone, and you might actually be experiencing a phenomenon called ‘future shock’.

The term ‘future shock’ was first coined by Alvin Toffler and Adelaide Farrell in their 1970 book of the same name.

Together, they explore how the concept can impact individuals and entire societies alike, and their own concise description is: “Too much change in too short a period of time”.

“The only constant, is change,” says Chris Mounsher, a

14 | happiful.com

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

humanistic counsellor interested in how technology touches our lives. “But, while this is a truism, it doesn’t make it any easier to manage.”

The fundamental experience of future shock is a sense of disorientation, and it’s easy to see how that happens. Just look at the iPhone: to date, 29 iterations have been unveiled since 2007, each promising to offer you more than the one before. And social media is the same, with a constant stream of new platforms.

“This change in information and technology has brought huge benefits in communication, medicine, clean energy, and countless other areas,” says Chris. “However, fundamentally we are the same human beings that, a few hundred years ago, spent much of our days farming fields and working the land – we have no natural defence for information overload.”

All this will, of course, impact our mental health. You might feel anxious when faced with new tech, overwhelmed by the constant barrage of notifications, and a sense of never really logging off. Or, Chris points out, you could feel left behind as targeted advertising suggests everyone else is jumping on the latest bandwagon.

“In reality, most of us aren’t early adopters of technology and change,” Chris explains. “We are content with what we have, and don’t feel the need to upgrade until our hand is forced. But a sense of anxiety comes through feeling that you’re not in charge of the process.”

Luckily, there are steps you can take to tackle these feelings, as Chris explains. But what’s vital to know is that you do have a choice, whatever your pushnotifications may be telling you.

No one, save a few dreamers in Silicon Valley, can predict where

fresh starts

A guide to tackling future shock Humanistic counsellor Chris Mounsher shares his top tips: Get to know yourself When the world is hammering on the windows, demanding attention, it can be difficult to focus on you.

But it’s essential. Think about the hopes and dreams you had when you were younger. What dreams do you have now? What’s important to you? The answers to these questions will help you find your own path again.

Find a balance Technology has both benefits and costs, so work out which are the biggest benefits for you, and which are the biggest costs. You may connect with your closest friends on WhatsApp, so that stays, but perhaps flicking through heated arguments and curated lives on social media for an hour a day could be replaced with something more nourishing.

Reach out If you’re struggling, tell someone.

You are not the only one. Friends and family help connect you with your past, and represent a consistency that is sorely needed at times. Being in contact with your support network can help you gain a well-needed sense of being grounded.

!

#

K F

technology will take us in the future. And while it enhances our lives in many ways, if you’re finding tech overwhelming, remind yourself of the things that you can touch, see, smell, and taste in the world around you. Sip on a rich coffee, dance to your favourite tune, and hold a loved one close. Remember that all it takes is a push of a button, and you’re back to reality.

Chris Mounsher is a humanistic counsellor with experience working with anxiety, addiction, depression, low self-esteem, and relationship difficulties. Find out more by visiting counselling-directory.org.uk

happiful.com | 15

Your inner critic isn’t yours

Y

our own personal cheerleader, rooting for you, and boosting your confidence every step of the way – that would be our ideal inner voice, but in reality, more often than not what we get is an inner critic.

According to a study published in Nature Communications, the average person has 6,000 thoughts each day. That’s a lot going on inside our heads, and it would be fair to say that not all of them are going to be positive and productive.

Let’s say you drop a plate and it smashes; what’s the first thing you say to yourself? “You’re stupid. You can’t do anything right. You can’t even hold a plate, so how on earth are you meant to take care of yourself?” Now think back to your childhood; what would the grown ups in your life say if you broke something?

Notice how the words are similar.

Your inner critic is not your own voice – it’s largely formed of your worst critics as a child. But more than that, these incidents can impact how your identity forms,

16 | happiful.com

What does your self-talk sound like? For most of us, it’s focused on negativity and can be destructive to our self-esteem. But, as life coach and author Michelle Elman reveals, there are ways we can reduce its volume...

fresh starts

You don’t need your inner critic to be silent, you just need to lower the volume so if it was always a big deal when you smashed something, and you were labelled as clumsy, you may have formed a hypervigilance around dropping things, and therefore your brain remembers those events more significantly.

Those memories can create an insecurity around clumsiness.

If you were fortunate enough to grow up in a household where mistakes were not a big deal, your inner voice would sound more like what you heard. “Oh well, it’s just a plate.” Or “Let’s sweep this up before anyone gets hurt,” “Oh no, I’m gutted, I loved that plate!” You may be more capable of being disappointed about the damage, without blaming yourself or using the broken plate as proof of your incapability.

Once we become aware that we all have doubts running around our minds, and that most of the time what we tell ourselves isn’t pleasant or helpful, we will seek to address this by trying to fight that thought by attempting to get it to shut up. But that doesn’t work! Instead, what normally happens is that the thought will

get louder. The more you focus on not thinking that thought, the more the thought will exist, and that’s because the subconscious mind can’t hold a negative.

Daniel Wegner, a social psychologist, coined this term as ‘Ironic Process Theory’. Ask your mind to not think of a white bear and in order to avoid it, first your brain has to think of the bear.

The same happens if you say, “Everyone hates me,” and then you follow that thought with, “Don’t think about how much everyone hates you.” The best action against this: stop fighting the thought!

To quieten your mind, you need to let the thought exist, relax your jaw, and look upwards. Want to know who talks to themselves the most? The ones with the most chiselled jawlines. When you relax your jaw, it becomes harder to maintain a conversation in your head.

The reason you look up is because eye patterns are connected to our neurology. In order to talk to yourself (called accessing your auditory digital in life coaching), you need to look down. When you look up, you access your visual pathways, which helps to quieten your mind. You don’t need your inner critic to be silent, you just need to lower the volume.

Let the thought exist as if it’s an item you get to choose as it floats through your mind. You can see the thought, decide “That doesn’t apply to me”, and let it drift out your mind. A thought only exists in your head for a millisecond, but it’s when you attach value to it that it sticks. Instead, realise that just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s not about accurate or inaccurate thoughts, it’s thoughts that serve you and thoughts that don’t.

Paying attention to the thoughts that serve you creates more room for them – and, in turn, pushes out negative ones. The fact that a lot of our thoughts are repetitive, is not the problem. It’s which ones you’re replaying. Imagine a playlist on shuffle; when a song comes on you don’t like, you hit ‘next’. Do that with your thoughts!

Michelle Elman is a five-board accredited life coach, most known for her campaign ‘Scarred Not Scared’. Her new book, ‘The Joy of Being Selfish’, is published

by Welbeck in February. Visit michelleelman.com and follow her on Instagram @scarrednotscared

happiful.com | 17

Secrets from the boudoir Silk, shadows, and silhouettes: we speak to a boudoir photographer to find out what we can learn about body confidence and self-love from this delicate, deeply sensual artform Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

18 | happiful.com

body confidence

I

“

’d be hesitant to put it into Google images. It gets a little bit naughty – not safe for work, as it were,” Johanna Elizabeth says, after I admit I’ve struggled to pin down a concise definition of boudoir photography, prior to our interview.

“You can go from being in a snuggly jumper with a pair of socks, holding a mug of tea, all the way through to real fine art nudes, and even including a little bit of Fifty Shades in there. But you’re in bed – because ‘boudoir’ is ‘women’s bedroom’ in French,” Johanna explains.

And she should know, having been shooting boudoir portraits since 2010, and estimating working with more than 6,000 people.

Women of every shape, shade, and size – dressed in delicate lace lingerie, silk kimonos, negligees, chemises, camisoles, babydolls, or nothing at all – gazing into the camera, or coyly off to the side, sensual and seductive. None of them models, none trained – all of them ordinary women, here to do a boudoir shoot with Johanna for… well, that’s the big question: who, or what, for?

Where the magic happens

“Some ladies think they’re going to turn up here to create a photo for their husband’s 50th, but they leave having had a life-changing experience,” says Johanna.

Done by yourself or as a couple, boudoir shoots are typically done to mark an occasion with the gift of the photos, commonly shared the night before a wedding or on anniversaries. What is worn during the shoot is up to the wearer, but it’s often lingerie, or a strategically draped bedsheet.

It may be easy to think that boudoir shoots are all about the receivers’ pleasure, or that they are, perhaps, objectifying or antiprogressive. But that’s not the way that Johanna sees it.

For Johanna, it’s about the journey to discovering a sense of sensuality and, in her process, this begins from the moment the clients have their first consultation. Getting together with Johanna, and her all-female team, they discuss their needs for the shoot – often the first >>>

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Photography | Johanna Elizabeth

Johanna’s guide to building confidence

indication of the iceberg of emotion that goes into such an intimate experience.

“It’s at that appointment where we find out why she’s turned up,” explains Johanna.

“But we dig a little bit more, and people disclose the most incredible things. It’s not very often, as women, that we get the opportunity to just say what’s going on, you know?”

Johanna suggests that I head to her page to read through testimonials and blogs (“with a cup of tea and a box of tissues!”), which I do. Flooded with emotional stories of body-hating turned to loving, of great life challenges, and of relationships

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healed (relationships with themselves, that is), it’s immediately obvious that something is going on here – something more powerful than overcoming the, contextually, simple challenge of baring all for a few shots. Johanna has stumbled across a real phenomenon.

Let me slip into something more comfortable

Without meaning to sound melodramatic, a colossal shift in our attitudes to sex and bodies is taking place – and boudoir photography, and the women that Johanna works with, are caught in the motion. In their numbers, women are reclaiming their

Look around you Are there people in your life who drag you down? By reducing contact with them, and spending more time with those who care and uplift you, you’ll feel more confident in all you do.

Self care is vital If you feel treated well, you will feel better able to weather hard times, and more confident riding the storms life throws at you.

Reduce your social media scrolling It can cause you to compare yourself with fake images, wear you down, and make you feel like you aren’t enough. If you need something to scroll through, I adore Tumblr. You can follow things you love and be inspired.

body confidence

Learn more about Johanna and her work by visiting johannaelizabeth.com

sexuality, and one way that we can see that happening, is in what we’ve got on under our clothes.

A quick look into consumer trends for lingerie reveals that this move towards a more empowered, self-celebrating vision is happening on a traceable scale. Leaning away from the bust-emphasising pushup bras, popular in the 90s and 00s, retail insight platform Edited marked a sharp increase in the sale of comfortable, functional bralettes, as their padded pals dropped in stock by 36% in the past two years.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with adding a bit of ‘oomph’ to your underwear, but if these market trends – combined with retailer campaigns such as Tu by Sainsbury’s 2019 ‘All Boobs Welcome’ and Dove’s ongoing ‘Be Real’ – tell us anything, it’s that we’re hungry for acceptance, and we’re prepared to go out and get it. And with more plus-size models taking to the lingerie runway, the right to feel sexy and sensual in your own body is, finally, making waves.

So where does boudoir photography come in? Well, centering yourself as the focus point of your sexuality, and expressing your body in a way that feels good to you, is what boudoir is all about. But the

journey to a place where you are able to unabashedly celebrate yourself is immense, as Johanna knows intimately.

We ’ r e d o i n g it to feel sensual – i t ’s a f e e l i n g . I t comes from within Bedroom politics

Our sense of sexuality is irrevocably entwined with our sense of confidence – no matter who with or how we’re having sex – and we face a host of hurdles to get to a place of security.

“I think it’s because it’s intrinsic to us as humans. It’s in our DNA,” Johanna ponders. “We’re sexual beings, but things get in the way – life gets in the way, parenthood gets in the way, being exhausted

gets in the way, being married to the wrong person gets in the way.

“Now, I prefer to say our photos are sensual, rather than sexual.

Because sexual, for me, indicates that we’re doing it to look sexy.

We’re not. We’re doing it to feel sensual – it’s a feeling. It comes from within. I could put anyone in a bra and pants and put them in a glamour pose, but who’s it for?”

Who is it for?

That’s the million-dollar question, and Johanna raises a really interesting point. Take one of her images and put it next to a standard shot you’d find on any adult site. They both might be women in lingerie, but there’s something totally different about Johanna’s photos, and it’s something you might not be able to quite put your finger on.

It may sound very abstract to say that empowerment is >>>

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something that you just sense, rather than are able to check off a list, but it’s true. Through the lense, you can somehow tell that the shots that Johanna produces are centred around the subject’s own relationship with her sensuality, rather than presenting a commodity up for consumption.

“Do it for you” – it’s a phrase we hear over and over again. But what does that actually look like?

How do we know we’re doing it for ourselves?

What we’re doing here, is a celebration of the female form “Of course, there are things that I won’t do as a photographer,” explains Johanna. “I don’t like the thumb under the bra strap, coming off the shoulder. It’s little things that set images apart.

But what we’re doing here, is a celebration of the female form.

It’s her being able to express, and reconnect to, well, herself. She may not have seen her since she was 24 and suddenly she’s like, ‘Oh my God, she’s back.’”

As Johanna sees it, it all starts with the action of prioritising yourself. A boudoir shoot is an investment in yourself, and a luxury one at that, but the principle of investing in yourself, and seeing your sensuality as a serious and important thing that should be celebrated and

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appreciated, is the same whether you’re in Johanna’s studio, or in your daily life. And that, in essence, is what “doing it for you” is all about.

Pillow talk

What does it mean to be sexy in 2021? Or, more importantly, what does it look like to love yourself?

Put simply, it’s different for each of us. Any expression of sexuality comes with a host of social and political tags that a lot of us will spend a long time unravelling. Putting them to one side for a second, when we start to take time to properly

and purposefully tune into our bodies, we discover the strength and beauty that has been there the whole time – enabling that experience is Johanna’s vocation.

It turns out that, yes, boudoir is a style of photography, but it’s also a mindset that honours the body, just the way it is. It puts you front and centre, it not only celebrates your sensuality, but it takes it seriously. And whether you do it in front of a photographer, or at home on your own, there’s something undeniably special about treating yourself to time, attention, and a little bit of lace.

Body confi confidence dence heroes Feel inspired and empowered by the body confident bloggers who will fill your feed with positivity and self-love  @bopo.boy

Stevie Blaine: Stevie’s message is all about tearing down toxic diet culture. He taps into that ohso relatable trap of negative selftalk we all fall into at times, and emphases that no matter what that inner critic may say, we are all truly worthy of self-love.

 pinkmantaray Schuyler Bailar: As an athlete, and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, Schuyler’s social is a safe and inclusive space. He shares his journey to affirm how powerful self-love is, emphatically raising others up: “You and your body are enough right now.”

 hannahtheamputee

Hannah Olateju: After losing four limbs to meningitis as a child, Hannah grew up not seeing anyone like her in the media.

This spurred her on to ensure no other quad amputee has to feel alone, by documenting her experiences on Instagram.

 julesvonhep Jules Von Hep: Describing himself as “the OG of feel good”, Jules is all about empowering us to see beyond our bodies, and instead celebrate our mind, spirit, and actions. And if you’re having a bad day, a good JVH ‘dance it out’ session is just what you need.

 anjalimahto

Dr Anjali Mahto: Dr Mahto isn’t just a top dermatologist, but someone who’s experienced acne herself. So, understandably, her advice is not only professional, but comes with a healthy dose of empathy and relatability, too.

 harnaamkaur Harnaam Kaur: Shattering stereotypical beauty standards, and shaking up gender norms, Harnaam is the body confidence advocate teaching us to embrace every inch of ourselves. She demonstrates the power in accepting yourself, just as you are.

happiful.com | 23

How to use

introversion to your advantage

There are many benefits to different personality types, but one that doesn’t get shouted about enough is the power of introversion. Here, chartered psychologist Dr Audrey Tang shares six reasons to celebrate introverts Writing | Dr Audrey Tang

I

enjoy solitude; it gives me time to re-energise. Like many of you who may feel the same, it’s not that we introverts can’t deal with social situations, rather I can ‘turn on the charm’, but need time to myself to recharge.

The terms ‘introversion’ and ‘extroversion’ are colloquially understood as “extroverts are outgoing and introverts are quiet loners”. This common misunderstanding is an oversimplification of psychoanalyst Carl Jung’s original approach. According to Jung, these two concepts are attitudes: “Each person seems to be energised more by the external world (extroversion) or the internal world (introversion).”

Both can perform well in quiet and busy scenarios, but they are best energised by situations relating to their preference. There are benefits of each, and where the social charm of the extrovert is often celebrated, it’s time we took a look at how the “introvert advantage” can even the score...

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The world is full of ‘social’ and ‘solitary’ situations If you need others to help you recharge after working alone, it’s not always easy to find people exactly when you need them – everyone has their own life. As an introvert, solitary time may be refreshing, and you are likely to be quite self-sufficient in your recharge pursuits.

It may be worth, however, being mindful of the small group of people with whom you do feel comfortable, and try to make plans to check-in with them once in a while – just as an option.

You don’t often need someone else to motivate you If you want to do something, you might find a useful “how to” video or seek out the information yourself. You don’t mind trying things out on your own, you enjoy your own company on walks, and over a meal or a coffee. However, you may find it can be hard to ask for help sometimes. Remember that there is a lot of help out

there, but it’s also OK to choose carefully who you come back to.

You’re rarely lonely Loneliness is sometimes confused with isolation – the latter is being physically alone, the former is a feeling of sadness because loved ones are not there. You may be happy to know friends and family are around, but don’t always need to see them.

Don’t fear telling people that you love them, you think of them, but you don’t always need to see them.

Find other ways of showing you care, such as with a handwritten note or a video message.

You’re less affected by competition It seems everyone is an expert these days, and it can be quite easy for people to be influenced into thinking they need to do things a certain way. But you are quietly confident with what works for you.

However, it’s important to keep an open mind. When you have

put into practise

spot, you can look at your ideas and remain unflustered.

There are indeed advantages if your preference falls on the introversion side of the scale, but as behaviour is so dynamic, the best thing you can do is...

Don’t fear telling people that you love them, you think of them, but you don’t always need to see them

more choices available, you can be even more effective – so watch, read, and learn, but know it’s OK to still choose a tried and tested path.

You’re not usually bored You’ll often have enough to keep you occupied, but that doesn’t mean you’ll always make efficient use of time. Especially if you have a tendency to get “in the zone” to the exclusion of other things.

Have a routine, and try to stick to it as much as you can – for example if you’re working from home, try to keep relatively set

hours for work and breaks, as well as different locations to separate business and pleasure.

You think things through Often, when others are thinking about what they are going to say next, you are pondering the situation, and so when you make a contribution it’s a good one. The only problem is that, sometimes, the conversation may have already moved on.

Consider using a notepad to write your ideas and thoughts so that you have something to refer to. If you find yourself put on the

Ask yourself: • How am I best energised? (With people I love? Alone? Engaged in a hobby?)

• How often do I do this?

• How can I make more time for it? … and then do it.

Dr Audrey Tang is a chartered psychologist, CPD accredited speaker, and trainer. She is the author of ‘The Leader’s Guide to Resilience’ due out in late 2020.

Follow her on social media @draudreyt

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And I said to my body, softly, ‘I want to be your friend’. It took a long breath and replied, ‘I have been waiting my whole life for this’ – Nayyirah Waheed happiful.com | 27

H o w

y o u r

t o

b o d y

c h r o n i c

l o v e

w i t h

i l l n e s s

a

Although an estimated 15 million people in the UK are currently living with a long-term health issue, and we’re constantly learning more about symptoms and treatments, the mental health impact of adjusting to a new body is much less explored. How can those of us with chronic illnesses learn to love our body, rather than feeling at war with it?

Writing | Jenna Farmer

W

hen I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at the age of 28, my mind was bombarded with information on tests, medication, and side-effects. But it took me much longer to process the realities of life with a chronic condition. I focused so much on trying to feel well that I didn’t realise that my relationship with my body had completely changed.

The ‘broken body’ and chronic illness

In my 20s, my new condition left me with the belief that my whole body was ‘broken’. The diagnosis was an autoimmune disease

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Artwork | Charlotte Reynell

which affected my digestive system, but faulty thought patterns left me feeling as if my whole body had just given up.

I started to scrutinise it for failures: was I underweight?

Surely a signal that my body wasn’t absorbing food properly.

Did I look pale? I must be anaemic. Flaky nails? It must be a sign I’m malnourished.

The rest of my body was working really hard to stay healthy, but a dialogue of blame quickly set in. I felt as if it could do nothing right – every flare-up or symptom meant my body wasn’t working like everybody else’s. I didn’t even want to look in the mirror.

These thought patterns, where we believe our body is against us, can be common but unhelpful, explains body confidence expert Lizi Jackson-Barrett, who was diagnosed with primary immune deficiency at the age of 21, and developed alopecia in her 40s.

“For those of us with chronic illness, it’s important to avoid the trap of lumping everything together, by saying things such as ‘I’m so fed up with my useless body,’” Lizi explains. “It’s crucial to mentally separate the condition from your body as a whole. How can you ever love your reflection if you keep telling yourself your whole body is no good?” >>>

body confidence

happiful.com | 29

5 AFFIRMATIONS TO HELP YOU LOVE YOUR BODY WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS A lot of the problems around chronic illness, and negative body image, are ingrained in negative thought patterns.

If you tell yourself your body is broken often enough, it quickly becomes an unshakeable belief.

Body confidence expert, and author of the book How to Feel Beautiful, Lizi JacksonBarrett shares her five favourite mantras for those with chronic illness. Like any new habit, persistence is key, so practise saying these each morning, or before you go to bed each night.

• I can stop now! (This is about giving yourself permission to not compare yourself to others.)

• I’m perfectly imperfect.

(There’s no such thing as a perfect body.)

• I matter. (To remind yourself that having a chronic illness doesn’t take away from what makes you special.)

• I’m proud of my body.

• I see my true self. (To remind yourself that you can reject society’s idea of beauty.)

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My body may not function the way I want it to, but it does a hell of a lot for me!

Recognise that your body is still capable of amazing things The turning point for chronic illness and my body came when I was pregnant. Since becoming ill, I had believed that my body wasn’t strong enough to grow another life when it barely took care of mine. So then my bump became a symbol of everything my body was doing right. I felt stronger and healthier than ever, and in awe of what I was capable of. I started to look in the mirror with pride, rather than despair.

It shouldn’t take having a baby to be grateful for the amazing things your body is doing. Even if you have multiple chronic conditions, you can still recognise the things your body is doing right.

Jen Parker, who has ankylosing spondylitis, fibromyalgia, and psoriatic arthritis, agrees. “I initially felt like my body had failed me and I’d lost control,” Jen

says. “However, several self-help books encouraged me to realise that my body was amazing.”

In fact, Jen, who runs book publishing services provider Fuzzy Flamingo, believes that if she hadn’t received her diagnosis, she wouldn’t be an multi-award winning businesswoman, because the need wouldn’t have been there to work on herself.

“I ended up modelling in a catwalk at the Mums in Business Association Awards, and felt amazing,” Jen says. “My body may not function the way I want it to, but it does a hell of a lot for me!”

Avoid comparing yourself to other people

The comparison trap of chronic illness is two-fold. We might be encouraged to compare ourselves to others to feel better. Hands up if you’ve heard phrases like: “Just think how people who are worse off than you feel.”

body confidence

While the intention behind these comments is often good, it can dismiss your valid concerns and feelings about your health.

But let’s not forget the comparisons we make ourselves.

I remember rolling my eyes when friends would complain about feeling bloated, or if they didn’t like how they looked in an outfit.

I would think: “Don’t they know how lucky they are to be walking around in a healthy body?”

“I constantly compare myself to healthy friends who could rely on their bodies not to let them down in crucial times,” explains Lizi Jackson-Barrett.

“But in a moment of clarity I saw that no one’s body is perfect.

We all have different degrees of imperfection. If all I could see is the beauty in imperfect bodies, why not mine?”

Integrative therapist Abbey Robb adds: “Comparing ourselves to others is a normal human

activity, but when it comes to chronic illness, those comparisons can become problematic.

“When we look at people who are living the kind of life we want, it can build feelings of frustration and resentment. Even health literature often focuses on people with the illness who are managing magnificently, rather than giving a voice to a range of experience,” Abbey explains.

“Therefore it can be helpful to connect with people with the same condition, so there’s a similar foundation upon which to build comparisons.”

You’ll be surprised at what a difference can be made by simply

changing your perspective, and shaking up the way you speak to, and treat, your body. Even if you don’t believe it straight away, changing that dialogue from the destructive and self-depreciating language, to positive and grateful words, can make a world of difference in the long-run.

Jenna Farmer is a freelance journalist who specialises in writing about gut health. She has Crohn’s disease and blogs about her journey to improve gut health at abalencedbelly.co.uk

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How to become a

morning person Do you struggle to get up and greet the day? We share nine top tips to help you build good morning habits, and start your day the right way Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

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ornings are like Marmite: you either love ʼem, or hate ʼem. As a long-time established night owl, trying to make the switch to become a morning person has been an ongoing struggle for me.

Yet, according to the experts, the earlier we start our day, the more

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

likely we are to see improvements in our sleep patterns and overall mood. But how do we flip the switch and make that change?

Here, we share nine essential tips to help you get started.

1. Follow the rule of 15

Start slowly. Trying to become a morning person often starts with getting an earlier night, so we can still get our beauty sleep – but that’s often easier said than done.

If your body isn’t ready to rest and your mind just won’t shut off, chances are you aren’t going to be able to force things. Instead of shifting the goalposts too much, try to set your bedtime just 15 minutes earlier. Sure, that doesn’t seem like much now, but make this small change just four times over a week or two, and soon, you’ll be getting to sleep a whole hour earlier.

2. Turn down the lights

Between our phones, tablets, smartwatches, TVs, PCs, and games consoles, we all spend more time than we’d like to admit – or perhaps than we even realise – watching screens. While we’re not here to judge, it’s worth remembering that many of the screens we use without a second thought give off an artificial blue light that can disrupt our natural sleep patterns. To avoid overstimulation, switching off at least an hour before bedtime is recommended.

3. Try the five-second rule

While the rule of 15 might help you to get a more restful night’s sleep, the five-second rule is designed to help you push past feelings of hesitation, self-doubt, and fear – but can also be a great motivator for getting started in the mornings. If you find yourself laying in bed feeling exhausted or dreading the day ahead, it can be tempting to hit that snooze button over and over again. Instead, try counting backwards from five, and then get out of bed. The idea

fresh starts

is to give yourself just five seconds before getting on with whatever task has you feeling overwhelmed.

That’s not to say it makes things easier, but it makes them happen.

4. Set a sleep schedule, and stick to it

We all love the occasional lie-in, but even one late start a week can erase the progress you’ve made towards changing your sleep schedule. This can leave you feeling like you’re back at square one when Sunday night rolls around, making Monday morning that much tougher. If you really can’t resist the urge for a lie-in as a weekend treat, try to limit yourself to no more than an hour later than usual, and if possible, try to be more active in the day. This can help to avoid pushing your sleep schedule back too much, so you can still get up at a reasonable hour the following day.

5. Fuel yourself

It’s not just an old adage – breakfast really is the most important meal of the day.

Breakfast helps to replenish

your supply of glucose, boosting energy levels, and helping you to feel more alert. Without breakfast, you’re running on empty, so it’s no wonder you may feel lethargic or have trouble focusing. Ideally, eating within two hours of waking up is recommended in order to help improve our memory, concentration levels, and mood – as well as to help lower stress levels.

6. Exercise early

Research has shown that as little as 20 minutes of moderate exercise can boost your mood for the next 12 hours. What better way to start the day off right? By fitting in a regular workout early in the day, there’s less time to find excuses to skip the gym during your lunch break, or to give your evening walk a miss. Feel energised and ready to face the day ahead.

7. Do something you love

Starting off the day with a task or activity that you enjoy can be a great way to feel more enthusiastic about what’s to come. If possible, prepare the day before so you know exactly what is top of your

to-do list. Make mornings into something you can enjoy, rather than endure.

8. Track your mood

When we try to make big longterm changes, it can be difficult to see our smaller successes and how they are affecting our dayto-day lives. By using a journal or mood tracking app, you can see how changes to your sleeping and waking habits are affecting your mood and energy levels. This, in turn, can help you to recognise the positive effects they have been having if change is slower than you had hoped.

9. Consider your end goal

Why do you want to be a morning person? Is it so you can be more productive at home or work?

So you feel like less of a zombie first thing? To help you spend more quality time with friends or family on weekends? Perhaps it’s so you can ditch that feeling of losing the day to lie-ins. By focusing on the why, you can continue to feel motivated if you find yourself struggling.

happiful.com | 33

Ask the experts Nutritionist Isa Robinson answers your questions on intuitive eating Read more about Isa on nutritionist-resource.org.uk

Q

I keep hearing about intuitive eating, but I’m not sure what it is. Could you explain what it involves?

A

Intuitive eating is an approach that was codeveloped by two US-based dietitians, Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole. It’s about cultivating a healthy relationship with food,

Q

I’m changing my health goals this year and want to work on improving my relationship with food.

Do you have any advice for how I could get started?

A

Unsubscribe from diet culture. Detox your social media feeds, book shelves, and

mind, and body, based on the individual. Blending some objective science with what we know to be true and beneficial for our own unique bodies, intuitive eating is weight inclusive.

It’s based on 10 principles: 1.

Ditch diet mentality; 2. Honour hunger; 3. Respect fullness; 4. Make peace with food; 5.

Challenge the food police; 6.

Pleasure and satisfaction; 7.

Coping with emotions with

kindness; 8. Body respect; 9. Joyful movement; 10. Gentle nutrition.

The principles focus on increasing an awareness of, and attunement to, signals coming from the body, while reducing disruptors to these. This approach is backed up by more than 125 studies, indicating that intuitive eaters have less disordered eating, weight cycling, and lower BMIs, as well as sense of improved self-trust and body image.

email inboxes, from content pushing weight loss, that only considers one ideal of beauty, and that makes you feel bad about yourself, your body, or your food intake. This is about ripping up the rule book of diet dogma, and getting curious about what feels best for you.

Ask yourself what a ‘healthy’ relationship with food would look like for you. For example, does a more positive relationship with

food include nourishing your body more adequately? Does it mean tuning in more to your needs, instead of arbitrary meal times and portion guides? Does it mean giving up weight/diet tracking apps? Does it mean being able to enjoy a slice of birthday cake with your loved ones without guilt or worry?

Whatever it is, I invite you to write it down and keep it close to you.

Nutritionist Resource is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

wellbeing

Q

I want professional support to help me with intuitive eating.

What should I look for when contacting a nutritionist?

A

TOP TIPS FOR THOSE LOOKING TO START THEIR INTUITIVE EATING JOURNEY: 1. I recommend reading what intuitive eating is, as there are a lot of misconceptions. The 4th edition of the original Intuitive Eating book is an excellent place to start. Laura Thomas’s Just Eat It, and workbook, How to Just Eat It, are also useful.

2. There is no right or wrong way to do intuitive eating – essentially you can’t fail. The only caveat

is that intuitive eating doesn’t work if you’re actively pursuing intentional weight loss. Intuitive eating is full of nuance – and my advice is to go slowly, and be compassionate to yourself.

3. I’d love to invite you to consider what you’d like to eat right now. Are you in the mood for something sweet, savoury, sour, rich, or buttery? What’s going to hit the spot, and what’s going to meet your hunger levels? This is the fun part.

Listening in and getting curious.

If your nutritionist specialises in intuitive eating and weight management – run!

It is impossible to pursue the two at the same time.

Intuitive eating is not anti weight-loss per se; it’s anti the pursuit of intentional weight loss.

One caveat – you are perfectly entitled to vocalise a desire for intentional weight loss as part of the process (in a culture that seems to value slenderness above all else, this makes you a human being).

At the same time, intuitive eating recognises that intentional weight loss or dieting is a trust disruptor. If you’re intentionally under-nourishing your body, you are naturally going to begin to feel more hungry, irritable, and experience loss of control eating. A great place to start is the intuitive eating counsellors directory, which is a list of individuals who have been trained and certified by Evelyn Tribole herself.

try at home

Difficulty sleeping

Changes in appetite

Sleeping a lot more

Things that previously brought them joy no longer seem to

Risk-taking behaviours, such as increased alcohol or drug use

I’m not fine

•F ind a time when you can speak freely, without interruptions.

•K eep your questions open.

•U se neutral language to allow them to express themselves.

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Feelings of hopelessness Increased stress

Recognise when someone’s struggling

Irritability Emotional outbursts

How to start a conversation with them:

Be aware of changes in behaviour

• Give them time to reply – in as much detail as they’re comfortable to give.

• Really listen, and repeat back what you’ve heard to show understanding.

• Signpost places of support.

They could speak to their GP, reach out for

Being more withdrawn

professional help, call a helpline, or head to p5 for more information.

• If you’re concerned that they might be in crisis, it’s important to stay calm and reassure them. Encourage them to call their GP or Samaritans on 116 123.

true story

Reclaiming my confidence After a difficult childhood and adolescence, Jemma’s self-belief hit rock bottom. But a passion for travel ignited her confidence, and led her to go all-in when it came to creating the life and career she wanted Writing | Jemma Broadstock

A

t the age of 18, I decided I’d had enough. Sitting alone in tears in my flat, I was done. It didn’t matter how many people told me it would get better, I didn’t believe them. Fast forward six years and here I am (still alive) with a business predicted to make six figures next year. It’s been one hell of a journey!

People often look back on school fondly, remembering the good times and the carefree days. It wasn’t like that for me. I had my first counsellor when I was 13. When I told her about my life, she started crying and I thought: “Bloody hell, if she’s crying it must be bad!”

Over the next few years, it felt like setback after setback, with me gradually losing my enthusiasm for life. From the age of 14 to 16, I ended up spending my time in a room at school called the “pupil referral unit”, run by two women who weren’t teachers.

There was a lot of drama in the unit because it was full of the students that my school didn’t know how to handle, such as pregnant girls and kids with a criminal history. Believe it or not, I quite enjoyed my few years there because suddenly I wasn’t the odd one out. We all had

things going on, and so our ‘issues’ weren’t even talking points. We left our crap at the door, and spoke to each other like ‘normal’ kids – whatever they are!

I might have been OK-ish in the unit, but I definitely wasn’t OK. So when a man five years older than me came along when I was 16 and swept me off my feet, I thought: “Great, I’m loved, everything is OK now!” But I was wrong.

He wasn’t a very nice man, to put it politely.

He threatened to take his own life if I left him, and cut me off from everyone. After two years of that relationship, I was more reliant on him than I ever had been on anyone (which was his plan, of course).

Then he started to act strangely. He bought new aftershave, started doing his hair, and changed the password on his phone. Turns out that the man who didn’t let me out of his sight in case I cheated, had a second girlfriend.

I was living alone at university at this point, which gave me way too much time to think, and too much freedom to walk to the corner shop late at night to buy a bottle of wine (or two). I didn’t realise I was drinking a lot, but when I look back it was daily, and mostly by myself. >>>

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Follow Jemma on Instagram @virtuallydone. To find out more about her services visit virtuallydonevas.com

Alcohol gave me the confidence I thought I needed in order to be liked, and I became known as the girl who loved being around people, and was happy to make a fool of herself.

Little did they know it was a sham. In reality, I was surrounding myself with people because I couldn’t be alone – I feared what I was capable of. I was drinking daily, and making risky decisions. One night, I even tried to take an overdose.

That summer, things started to change. I got a job at a summer camp and worked with a wonderful bunch of kids who made me feel like I had a purpose. I was meant to support them, but I feel like they changed my life. The small bit of confidence they gave me led to me booking a trip around Europe by myself. I was ready to start living.

Not only did I have the best month of my life, but I met people from all over the world who I created amazing memories with. After three years of travelling, and 16 countries explored, I figured I should probably ‘settle down’ and get a ‘proper’ job, so I moved to London and started working with exoffenders, and children with various difficulties.

I loved what I did, but I was still constantly being put down. One manager observed me for a day, and then told me the reason for this was because they were confused at how I’d been doing so well

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in the job. I wanted to grow with the company and work my way up, but it became clear that this wasn’t going to happen. I was tired of being underestimated, and tired of not being able to do what I loved: travelling.

My journey has taught me that when times get hard, something amazing could be around the corner I thought back to when I made and sold handmade gifts when I was younger to earn some pocket money. If I could make money from home at 16, surely I could do it now? I began using a freelancing site to write some articles for some extra income. It wasn’t a lot of money, but it showed me that I was right, it was possible.

When I was made redundant in 2019, it was the nudge I needed to start my own business.

My boyfriend told me: “You can’t put 50% into looking for a job and 50% into starting a business, because then neither is getting your full effort.

true story

You need to pick one, give it 100%, and forget the other is an option.” So that’s exactly what I did.

After doing some research, I decided that being a virtual assistant would be a good fit for me. Over the next six months (and lots of hard work), I built up my client base and reached full capacity. I even took on my first member of staff so I could continue expanding.

When I started being asked what my “secret” was to securing so many clients and keeping them happy, I created an Instagram account to share my tips. I use my account to be open, honest, and vulnerable. I regularly talk about my mental health journey, and receive messages from people thanking me for sharing a story similar to the one they’re not ready to share yet.

Now, we’re a team of four, I run courses and 1:1 mentoring with those on their virtual assistant journey, alongside the business itself. I’m even a finalist for two business awards, and our second year in business is set to reach six figures!

Every day, I receive messages from clients whose lives I make easier, and people who appreciate my advice. I’m a far cry from the girl who thought she would never be ‘enough’. My journey has taught me that when times get hard, something amazing could be around the corner.

I now have a wonderful relationship, a business I love getting out of bed for every morning, and I’m able to travel and work from wherever I want.

If I’d have ended it all that day in my flat, I would never have experienced the level of happiness I now feel on a daily basis.

Unfortunately, mental health problems don’t just disappear, but whenever I have a bad day, I try to remember how far I’ve come, and if all these amazing adventures can happen in the space of the past year, imagine the incredible adventures I still have to experience!

OUR EXPERT SAYS For Jemma confidence is about having a sense of purpose, and making a difference in the lives of those she works with. It’s doing her own thing in her own way, being brave enough to go out there and get it.

As a coach, ‘more confidence’ is almost always top of the list for new clients. Identifying what that actually means for you, and how you’ll

know when you have it, makes it so much easier to achieve. Then you can get a plan together and, like Jemma, start to become that happy, confident you!

Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr Life coach

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S O L O “ S E L F ” C A R E Doing a little DIY TLC. Buttering your muffin. Having a ménage à moi. There’s hundreds of ways to say it, but could adding masturbation to your self-care routine give your sense of wellbeing a serious boost?

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

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Artwork | Charlotte Reynell

body confidence

74% of us consider masturbation to be a form of self-care

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elf-pleasure. It’s not really something we talk about, is it? Sure, it’s a completely normal and extremely common act that people of all ages take part in, but for some reason, we still see it as taboo – despite its numerous, documented benefits.

In the largest ever study of its kind, the TENGA 2019 SelfPleasure Report surveyed more than 10,000 people across nine different countries (including the UK) to see just how we masturbate, and the role it plays in self-care. Unlike other research, the Self-Pleasure Report sought to look at the link between pleasure and the impact it has on our physical, emotional, and societal wellbeing.

According to the stats, an overwhelming 91% of us in the UK have masturbated. Our most common reasons? Well, a third said to satisfy urges, a quarter to achieve pleasure, as well as a fifth to relieve stress. What may come as a surprise is that 37% of

women prefer solo masturbation while 33% prefer sex. But in contrast, a staggering 50% of men would rather have sex than masturbate (21%).

And what is really intriguing is that a surprising 74% of us consider masturbation to be a form of self-care, while more than half of us think it improves our overall wellbeing. But is there any truth behind the statistics? We spoke with Dr Elesha Vooght, a sexual wellness doctor at Kandid, to delve in and find out more.

Looking after yourself in body and mind “Solo-sex comes with a multitude of health benefits, making it a key component of any wellness routine,” Dr Elesha explains. “First and foremost, regular masturbation activates the brain to release our store of ‘happy hormones’. These include oxytocin, dopamine, prolactin, and endorphins. These hormones act in a variety of ways

including blocking the actions of cortisol, our ‘stress’ hormone, reducing blood pressure, and generally lifting our mood.

“Masturbating proves to be a great mindfulness activity, as you have to empty your mind completely, and focus on a repetitive action to be fully consumed by your own pleasure.

This combination of mindfulness, and the biochemical cocktail that masturbation and orgasm release, leads to improved sleep.

Better sleep makes for reduced anxiety, and better mental wellbeing.

“Interestingly, regular masturbation is also associated with an increase in self-esteem.

The better you get to know your body and the amazing things it can do for you, the better you feel about yourself.”

A match made in heaven Self-care is all about making time to look after yourself – mentally and physically – no matter how busy you may be. Many of us >>>

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benefits, what better way to reconnect with yourself than a little TLC between the sheets?

worry that self-care is selfish; between friends, family, work, and day-to-day responsibilities, isn’t making ‘me-time’ a bit of a luxury?

It’s easy to feel guilty about spending our time relaxing or doing things we love at first, but self-care is an essential part of life. Getting wrapped up in caring for others can result in always putting ourselves last.

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No matter how much you love those around you, without taking some time for selfcare, you can risk becoming overwhelmed, burning out, or harming your overall wellbeing.

In essence, self-care is about listening to ourselves – body and mind – and understanding what we really want and need.

Spending quality time alone, reconnecting with yourself, while looking after your physical and emotional needs, can be a great way of doing this. And with so many physical

Why should masturbation be in your self-care routine?

1. It can improve your chances of orgasm According to a 2015 survey of women aged 18–40 by Cosmopolitan, just over half (57%) of women orgasm most of the time they have sex. By learning what turns you on, and taking time to explore what makes you feel good, you can not only enjoy some solo TLC, but can show your partner all the right buttons to push.

2. It can help you get a good night’s sleep Stress can leave us feeling frustrated and struggling to switch off. Many men and women find that masturbation can help relieve tension, while producing happy and relaxation hormones. Instead of resorting to counting sheep, next time you find yourself lying awake, it could be the perfect time for some solo-fun.

body confidence

Is masturbation safe?

Yes! According to the NHS, despite urban myths, masturbating doesn’t cause acne, strange hair growth, reduced sperm count, or blindness. Solo self-pleasure involves no risk of pregnancy or STIs. Just be careful to keep any sex toys clean by washing them between use and using a condom on them if you’re sharing with others.

3. It can improve your confidence and self-esteem Everybody knows: confidence is sexy. Who should know you better than, well, you? The better you get to know your body, the better you feel about yourself – and the better able you are to show your partner what you enjoy. It’s a win-win.

How to make self-care pleasurable As with so many areas of our lives, it can be easy to get stuck in a rut. Try these simple tips to keep satisfaction front-and-centre.

• Ditch expectations. When we’re having sex, be it by ourselves or with someone else, what’s our main goal?

Many of us may have said “to orgasm”, but that’s not the only thing we can achieve.

Despite more women achieving satisfaction through masturbation than sex, just 42% achieve orgasm every time. Masturbating more mindfully can help you to feel more present and grounded in the moment, while taking the pressure off. Just lay back and enjoy the moment.

• Set the stage. Let’s just say it: interruptions aren’t sexy.

If you struggle to get into the mood or are feeling a bit nervous, the last thing you want is a call interrupting or someone barging in. Try to pick a time where you should be able to get half an hour (or more) to yourself. Switch off all distractions, and leave your phone on silent. If you can, try lighting a few candles or using aromatherapy oils to help you relax and set the mood. Just

Many men and women find that masturbation can help relieve tension

because you’re playing solo, doesn’t mean you aren’t still worth the effort.

• Be daring. Treat yourself to a new toy, explore your fantasies with some erotica, or try something completely new.

There’s no one there to judge if your first time trying something outside of your comfort zone doesn’t end in fireworks. And who knows? You may find something totally unexpected that rocks your world.

For more sex and relationships advice, visit counselling-directory.org.uk

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www.theholistichealthcaregroup.com 44 | happiful.com

Happiful reads...

From tales of a historic presidency, to reminding ourselves what it is to be human, we share four reads you won’t want to miss this month Writing | Katie Hoare

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“

ecause adults need picture books too”, Be Wild Be Free is an illustrated guide to life, serving as a reminder of what it is to be human: to listen, to look, to feel, to love, and to go forth. A collection of poetry, fables, and watercolour illustrations guide the reader on what it is to be wild and free again. Through the tales of characters ‘bear’, ‘sloth’,

‘manatee’ and more, author Amber Fossey encourages the reader to take stock of the beauty in our surroundings, and to find love, extended towards ourselves and one another.

Now an Instagram artist (AKA @zeppelinmoon), Amber champions those who feel excluded by society, using her work as a former NHS doctor and forensic psychiatrist as the

inspiration behind her debut book, sparking the message that hope can be found amidst adversity.

The Contented Vegan

by Peggy Brusseau Out 31 December Combining 30 years of vegan family-kitchen philosophy with delicious recipes, Peggy Brusseau’s The Contented Vegan is the essential guide to making the transition to both a vegan diet and lifestyle. Bringing together tasty recipes with practical advice and reassurance, discover pages of information on shopping for the seasons and gearing up for a nutritious vegan kitchen.

A Promised Land

by Barack Obama Out now In the first volume of his presidential memoirs, the 44th President, Barack Obama, recounts his story from a young man seeking identity, to making history as the first Black President of the USA. From explorations of life behind the cameras, to frank accounts of landmark moments in his presidency, Obama welcomes us inside the White House for a candid insight into the “president of democracy’s” historic and eventful terms in office.

Be Wild Be Free

by Amber Fossey Out now

Must reads Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli Out now A tale of teenage love, friendship, identity, and freedom, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda follows the journey of a young man’s hopes, dreams, and obsessions as he follows his own hesitant path, toward sharing with the world that he’s gay. Quirky, touching, endearing, and relatable, Becky Albertalli’s debut novel is a masterpiece of contemporary young adult fiction.

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Rediscovering joy: how creativity can help Are there activities you look back on fondly that you’ve lost touch with over the years?

With so many responsibilities on our plates, often the hobbies we used to take pleasure in fall by the wayside. But, as psychotherapist and counsellor Tania Goldsmith shares, embracing our creativity could be the secret to finding joy once again Writing | Tania Goldsmith

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ask all of my clients the same question – what brings you joy? For too many, at the start of therapy, the answer is ‘nothing’, or even ‘I can’t remember’. A hallmark of low self-esteem and being ground down, they may not even want

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to look for joy right now. And I don’t blame them; it often feels safest to stay still and not tempt a positive feeling to come for a while, only to feel it go again.

But stillness isn’t fruitful, and for those entering therapy, there is a desire to begin to grow and move

again, no matter how slowly.

That is where creativity can be helpful in rediscovering joy.

For me, it’s origami. For you, it could be painting, crochet, upcycling, or colouring. The list is endless, and it’s a unique choice. The craft you choose to be

wellbeing

creative in could be a throwback to a childhood experience, when it seemed we had time, and when your desire to be creative – even if it came with a bit of mess – was met with positivity and praise.

Or it could have been a way you sought peace and quiet – to find calm in a busy world. It could be something you’ve longed to try, but considered unimportant or too difficult.

For some reason though, lately, you’ve put aside the colours and patterns. You decided that you wouldn’t be good enough at it, or couldn’t find the time. It may have been an insignificant choice at the time – just another thing that fell away when the pain began – but I never see that choice as insignificant.

I see creativity having a powerful link to joy – in its simplest form. Being creative is a way of taking up space in the world, of declaring that you and the things you make, have a right to existence. It is a way of seeing what you do, and possibly yourself, as being a source of beauty and colour. It can distract you or calm you, provide you with a sense of order and space for what you love and value.

Most of all, in the completion of a project, there comes a sense of achievement.

You might have a stressful work project looming over you, and an important phone call you didn’t make today, but, nonetheless, you knitted a hat, and that feeling of accomplishment multiplies.

Suddenly, the joy serves a greater purpose; as fuel for a

change in the way you see yourself. And in the created object you have abiding proof – there is a reality to the idea that you ‘can’.

By claiming time and space for your creativity, you practise claiming space and time for your needs. By valuing what you have made, you value the creator. By gifting what you have made, you honour your relationships, and spread the joy beyond your own experience.

I encourage many of my clients to consider the sources of past or present enjoyment, especially creative ones, and to try re-engaging in them as a way to practise self-care and rediscover joy.

Creative activities to try • Origami • Crochet • Painting • Upcycling • Colouring

It doesn’t end there though.

This is advice I have learned to follow myself. I have always been creative, but origami is a special kind of creativity for me – one that symbolises my own journey through therapy, and out into my professional life as a therapist. It is about bringing beauty out of pain, and restoring order.

When I can’t think or process, I fold. When I feel too much or too little, I fold.

When I am lost, I fold. When I need to make something right, I fold. Then what I fold is admired, is acknowledged as beautiful, and that’s how I feel, too. Disorganised and painful thoughts become the reason for creating a beautiful object, something ordered and harmonious, and in the act of creating those, thoughts are transformed. I feel calm, I take pride, I feel achievement. It reminds me to see my difficult moments as part of a moving stream that will pass on, even if for now the journey is frustrating and complicated.

The repetition in the folding is soothing, but there is an endpoint – until the next time I begin a new project, a new journey, and I learn something new about myself.

I am no longer in therapy, but it’s still important to ask myself that same question – what brings me joy? I wonder what your answer could be.

Tania Goldsmith is a psychotherapist and counsellor, working with adults on a range of issues, blending curiosity and compassion to help clients begin to grow again.

She is currently working online-only, able to support people from any part of the country. You can contact Tania, by visiting counselling-directory.org.uk

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HAPPIFUL TOP 10

January

Start this year as you mean to go on – by looking after you. Discover the power of mindfulness, create a spa experience in your home, and shift your focus on fitness

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‘Untangle’ From the creators of the Meditation Studio app, ‘Untangle’ is the podcast where real people share how mindfulness practices have changed their lives. Each episode includes expert insight on how self-compassion and meditation can help us to overcome anxiety and stress.

1

(Listen to the podcast on iTunes and Spotify)

PAGE-TURNERS

No Such Thing As Normal One in four of us experience mental health issues every year, so why do we still shy away from the conversation? Author of Mad Girl, Bryony Gordon shares practical advice, covering subjects such as sleep, self-image, and therapy, to help us feel a little bit less alone.

(Out 7 Jan, Headline Publishing Group, £14.99)

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LEND US YOUR EARS

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TECH TIP-OFFS Hub of Hope

Taking the first step to talk to someone about your mental health can be hard, but no matter what you’re going through, you should never have to face it alone. The Hub of Hope app is here to help you find support close to you, by bringing together NHS, Samaritans, Mind, and more than 1,800 registered national and local mental health support services.

(Download from the App Store and Google Play)

OUT AND ABOUT Star gazing

Studies have shown that being in awe of something, such as looking up at the stars, makes us kinder. ⁣It helps us feel “diminished in the presence of something greater than oneself”. Grab a blanket, lie down to wonder at the stars, and see if you can spot any seasonal constellations.

(Find tips for stargazing at nationaltrust.org.uk)

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5

PUT ON A SHOW Spectacular self-care

Create your own spa day at home for ultimate relaxation.

Set the scene with some soothing candles, essential oils, and a hot bubble bath. Try out DIY treatments, including a face mask and self-massage, before getting stuck into your favourite book… (or magazine!)

(Download our free DIY self-care booklet at shop.happiful.com)

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PLUGGED IN Feel Good Club

The Feel Good Club is about exactly that – feeling good. Kiera and Aimie founded the club to empower people to invest time and energy into the things that bring us joy, and cut out the negativity that can often come from comparison on social media. Follow the page for gentle reminders that you are enough, and you deserve to be happy.

(Follow @wearefeelgoodclub on Instagram)

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Tally Rye It’s all too common for us to set ourselves ambitious fitness goals in the new year, only to lose motivation after the first month. Tally Rye shares how to build a healthy relationship with exercise, and take part in accessible workouts that leave us feeling full of joy.

(Follow @tallyrye on Instagram)

TREAT YOURSELF Aya Aromas Nostalgic Soy Candle

Brighten your home and your spirit with a luxury candle from Aya Aromas. Sisters Georgette and Sophinne began making candles as a form of therapy during the first UK lockdown, and before long decided to turn their hobby into a business. Their goal is to spread the message of self-love through their candles and the affirmations that come with them. (£20, shop online at ayaaromas.co.uk)

About Time

Ever wished you could redo a whole year?

In this heartwarming film, from the writer of Love Actually, Tim learns that the men in his family can travel through time. After going back to fix a New Year’s fail, and experimenting with his past and future, Tim realises that although things might not always go right the first time, we can learn a lot from even the smallest challenges.

(Watch on Amazon Prime and Netflix)

GET GOING

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SQUARE EYES

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THE CONVERSATION Veganuary

Why not try going vegan for January? Including more plant-based meals in your diet is a great way to be kind to your body, and the planet. If you’re not ready to take the plunge, how about dipping your toe in the water by going vegan for two days a week? It could be a great way to freshen up your recipes, and be more green.

(January 2021, find out more at veganuary.com)

Win a Nostalgic Soy Candle from Aya Aromas For your chance to win, simply email competitions@happiful.com with your answer to the following question: What year did the first Times Square ball drop take place? a) 1900

WIN!

b) 1907 c) 1911

*Competition closes 21 January 2021. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck!

happiful.com | 49

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The magic in new beginnings is truly the most powerful of them all JOSIYAH MARTIN

Photography | Rosan Harmens

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wellbeing

What is delusional thinking?

We look at the facts behind this complex psychological disorder, bust the myths surrounding it, and give tips on how to help someone who is struggling Writing | Katie Conibear

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he concept of delusions is a scary and confusing thing for many people, and as such they are an often-misunderstood symptom of mental illness. They can provoke harmful and stigmatising reactions, which may leave those who experience delusions feeling isolated and victimised. This is why it is vital to educate ourselves on what it really means to have delusions, break down the misconceptions, and understand how we can better support someone who is struggling.

What is delusional thinking?

Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of the Chelsea Psychology Clinic, says: “Delusional thinking is

often a symptom of delusional disorder, and it is characterised by a person having strong or unreasonable beliefs that are out of touch with reality.”

Delusional thinking can be a symptom of schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, postnatal psychosis, severe depression, and bipolar disorder.

To get to the nitty gritty of what delusions are, it helps to break it down. Delusional thinking is one side of psychosis, the other is hallucinations (hearing, seeing, feeling things that aren’t really there). Delusions appear in two ways – paranoid delusions and delusions of grandeur.

Paranoid delusions include feeling like some unknown force is out to get you, or that everyone

is watching your every move and is against you – you may believe the government is spying on you. Delusions of grandeur include feeling invincible and/ or all-powerful. People have described believing they are God, or are the only person who can stop a disaster from happening.

I’ve experienced delusions since my teens. I also live with bipolar disorder, and during a manic episode I may hear voices or have outlandish thoughts. For me, delusions come in the form of believing I’m invincible.

I’d be walking on a busy street, and believe if I stepped into the road, I wouldn’t be hurt. I’d truly believe that the traffic would stop for me, because I was so important, I couldn’t be harmed. >>>

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These beliefs can seem outlandish and totally unbelievable. It’s difficult to understand how someone who is usually level-headed can suddenly be so detached from the real world. But this is why it’s important to clarify that delusions can’t be changed with facts. To the person experiencing them, it’s as much a fact as the sky being blue.

This is why it can be helpful to recognise behavioural changes as a sign, as there will be an obvious and significant change in the way a person acts when they’re delusional. Someone experiencing delusions will feel distressed and frightened, or elated and reckless.

38% of people recover after their first psychotic episode Mythbusting common misconceptions 1. It isn’t just an opinion different to your own. I often hear people describing someone they disagree with as “delusional”. It’s typically a throwaway phrase people use in arguments, without thinking about the repercussions. By using it this way, it insinuates that those who do experience delusions are deceitful, in the wrong, or are bad people.

Instead, try to use ‘inaccurate’, ‘false’, ‘unbelievable’, ‘fantasy’ or ‘pipe dream’.

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2. Delusions don’t automatically make someone dangerous to others. People who experience delusions are far more likely to be a danger to themselves than others. In fact, delusional thinking can make people extremely vulnerable. It can cause them to be physically hurt – as I’ve experienced myself. People experiencing delusions are also often taken advantage of, and can find themselves in dangerous situations. They can’t rely on keeping themselves safe in daily life, because their view of the world is temporarily skewed.

Psychosis typically first appears in people aged 15–30 3. It’s not an isolated symptom.

Delusions are usually a symptom of a wider mental illness, that someone has been diagnosed with. One person may only experience delusional thinking once in their lifetime, while another might have numerous instances where they become unwell.

wellbeing

4. People with delusions are not a lost cause. They don’t need to be constantly hospitalised, and can often be treated as an out-patient. With the right diagnosis, treatment, and therapy, people who experience delusional thinking can lead healthy lives.

How to help “Delusional thinking is a complex psychological difficulty, and often part of a severe mental illness,” Dr Touroni says.

“Therefore, if you believe a loved one is experiencing delusions, it’s important they seek professional help as soon as possible.”

If you experience delusions personally, you might not realise you’re unwell as it’s happening.

It’s therefore important to plan for when you might become poorly in the future. Make sure loved ones are aware of the signs and symptoms, and how to get in

If you are in crisis and are concerned for your own safety, or you are worried about someone you know, call 999 or go to A&E

touch with medical professionals if they’re concerned for your welfare. It might also be helpful to carry a crisis card, which can be carried in your pocket or wallet, and explain who to contact when you’re experiencing a crisis.

Someone experiencing delusional thinking won’t usually ask for help because what they believe, their words and actions, will all seem completely natural, to them. They might instead express to you that they’re frightened and anxious.

It might, for example, be that they feel they can’t go outside because they’re being spied on.

This is where you can help practically. Ask them if they need groceries. Ask them if they’re eating and getting enough sleep.

Encourage them to take a shower and look after themselves.

It can be difficult to see past what someone is saying when, to you, it seems ridiculous. Shutting them down and telling them so will only push them away – it won’t snap someone out of the delusion. The opposite is also true, so it’s important not to feed the belief by asking questions, or playing along.

What you can do is focus on their feelings. If they’re scared, worried, angry, elated, then talk about it and identify what you can do to help. Try to stay calm, and be gentle with any suggestions or questions. You could also try to distract them from their delusion – but make sure they still feel listened to and reassured.

Usually a person who experiences delusions will already have a diagnosis of a mental illness. In this case, they may have a crisis plan in place, including who to call (such as their psychiatrist), the treatment they have agreed on, and what helps them during this time.

Katie Conibear is a writer who blogs at stumblingmind.com. Her first book, ‘Living at the Speed of Light’, about bipolar disorder, is due out in March 2021.

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How to spot a fad diet Don’t be taken in by false promises! Learn how to spot an unsustainable diet, and prioritise your health and happiness this New Year Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

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e all know the drill. The New Year comes around and suddenly we’re bombarded with ‘New Year, new you’ ad campaigns, promising that the latest diet is guaranteed to transform your body, and your life.

The hard truth is that the majority of diets just don’t work.

Not just because they may be factually inaccurate or designed for mass consumption rather than individuals, but also because they tend to prioritise self-punishing, short-term visions over long-term happiness and sustainability.

With the help of registered nutritionist Michaella Mazzoni, we explore four ways to spot a fad diet, so that you can save your time and money, and make real, long-lasting positive change – the right way.

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The unreliable source

The quick fix

In this age of information, we have access to a wealth of knowledge at our fingertips.

And while this empowers us to find the help and support we’re looking for, it can also be a pitfall when it comes to dieting.

“Consider the source of the information,” says Michaella. “Is the person behind the dietary advice you are about to follow qualified? Is an influencer or company trying to sell you a magic tea that they are going to profit from?”

Spend some time looking into the diet that you’ve just come across, and you may find that all is not exactly as it seems. And although sponsorship deals can be a great way to learn about new products, be wary of hype and overpromises.

“If a diet is promising that you’ll lose more than two pounds per week, close that tab and move on!

It’s simply unhealthy to lose large amounts of weight in a short period,” Michaella explains.

It’s something we’ve all come across: the miracle cure that will transform your body in just a few simple steps. But that’s rarely the case. Long-lasting change happens gradually, and is usually tied up in the habits that we drop and embrace in our daily lives, rather than a sudden change.

At one end, ‘quick fix’ diets can result in disappointment and lack of motivation as we don’t see the results that we’re expecting.

At the other end, we can verge into unhealthy territory, and put our body through stress that it shouldn’t be under.

body confidence

change them not only lack a basic understanding of biology, but also perpetuate beauty standards that, in a few decades, will be a distant memory.

Beware of ‘bad’ foods

Promising body shape changes The ideal body type changes constantly – just have a quick flick through the history books to see how bodies have been celebrated and demonised in turn throughout time. That said, it seems as though there is no stopping diet campaigns from promising to give you whatever shape is in fashion right now – a feat that is simply not possible.

“In my book, any diet that encourages negativity around particular foods is not going to be helpful for your mental health and relationship with food,” says Michaella. “Demonising particular foods only encourages feelings of guilt when you eventually do eat a brownie (you’re only human!) which perpetuates diet culture, and makes losing and maintaining a healthy weight difficult.”

And not only that, but different bodies need different things.

Rather than following strict rules about what you can and can’t eat, research food types – nutritionist-resource.org.uk has hundreds of expert-written articles for precisely this purpose – and discover a plan that works for your lifestyle, and your body.

“While we can change our body fat composition, and work on strengthening particular body parts, there is no magic diet that can dramatically change your body shape, which is determined by your skeletal frame and not your diet,” says Michaella.

When all is said and done, our bodies aren’t fashion accessories, they’re vital vessels that carry us through life, and diets that promise to fundamentally

Michaella is a nutritional therapist, supporting gut health and offering a practical and realistic approach to nutrition. Connect with a nutritionist at nutritionist-resource.org.uk

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fresh starts

Movement in mind

2020 has taught us that exercising, and having access to the great outdoors, can fundamentally support our mental health and wellbeing.

As Team Happiful pledges to take part in RED January, we explore the evidence behind the feel-good factor we get from movement Writing | Lucy Donoughue

W

hile it’s often difficult to imagine a list of positives from the events of 2020, if you were to write one, would your relationship with exercise be on there? Have you been inspired to workout at home with Joe Wicks, to get out in nature more, or try Couch to 5k for the first time?

If the answer is yes, you’re far from alone, as the need to move

for wellbeing has become central for many, and one of the reasons we’re taking part in RED January and moving every day. In March, the news that we would need to stay in our homes and leave only once a day for exercise, brought about a collective realisation: our ability to get outdoors and the freedom to exercise is more precious than many of us could have imagined in our former fastpaced, corona-free lives.

And so, we set about moving.

Not just for our bodies, but for our minds, too. Research by Sport England revealed that at the start of lockdown, many of us wanted to break into a sweat to support our mental wellbeing. A huge 63% of people surveyed after the first six weeks, shared that exercise was important for their mental health, with 45% of respondents opting for home-based workouts, while 63% were walking for daily exercise. >>>

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Austin’s story

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Sign up tod ay and let’s get rea dy to start 2021 as we mean to go on. He ad to redtogethe r.co.uk/ happiful

Our ability to get outdoors and have the freedom to exercise is more precious than many of us could have previously imagined Physical movement is good for us, and when it’s restricted or taken away, we can suffer. The converse is that when we add or increase exercise, whether it’s walking, cycling, gardening or Zoom Zumba, we can improve our mental wellbeing. The possible impact is so profound that the NHS rolled out “exercise on prescription”, where GPs can signpost the best movement for individuals. Additionally, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) recommends that people with mild to moderate depression take part in three sessions of exercise

a week, lasting up to an hour, for 10 to 14 weeks.

It’s perhaps obvious why healthcare professionals would prescribe movement for mood management. Exercising produces natural endorphins – a chemical responsible for making us feel good, triggering feelings of positivity. And if you’re exercising with a friend, say jogging in the park together, the benefits increase as socialising with other people is one of the ‘5 Ways to Wellbeing’, according to the mental health charity Mind.

Connecting, staying active, being mindful of your surroundings,

Photography | Joel Devlin

In December 2017, I realised that my weight had ballooned, and I was becoming increasingly concerned about my longterm physical and mental health. As a dad, I had always envisioned being active with my kids, but I’d slipped into a sedentary lifestyle filled with unhealthy choices.

A friend told me they were taking part in RED January, and I knew straight away it would be the perfect challenge to get me started.

I began with the obligatory hangover and forced myself around four very difficult miles. I felt a million dollars afterwards, and I loved having the challenge to keep me going when things got tough. By the end of the month, I felt so good.

After my first RED, I just kept running. Somewhere along the way I stopped running for weight loss and I started to develop a real love for it.

In 2019 I took the plunge and entered my first marathon.

I ended up completing four marathons, including three of the world majors!

I say with absolute honesty that signing up for RED January was one of the best choices I have made, certainly for my health, both physically and mentally.

fresh starts

Mandy’s Story After struggling with my own mental health, and subsequently receiving cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), I heard that a friend was taking part in RED January. I was in awe of what he was doing, and that he was raising awareness around mental health. That inspired me and stayed with me, so the next year I took a leap of faith, joined up for RED, and I haven’t looked back since.

I felt every emotion possible during that first January. It was tough, but I knew how important it was to me, and to raise money for a mental health charity – and the support of the incredible online RED community spurred me on. I made some amazing friends, and even though some days were hard, just knowing there were others out there doing the same thing made me all the more determined.

For anyone who is unsure about signing up, I’d say that there’s never been a more important time to look after your body and mind. RED January is the perfect way to kick-start the year, and in turn raise money and awareness for Sport In Mind. You won’t regret it.

Signing up for RED January was one of the best choices I have made, certainly for my health, both physically and mentally learning and giving to others, are all evidenced ways to improve your wellness. So, if you’re learning to run or ride a bike, with a friend or family member, outdoors in a beautiful park, while raising money for a charitable cause? That’s your wellbeing five a day right there!

Getting started One thing we know at Happiful, is that it’s not always easy to start to move more, especially if you’re struggling with your mental health. That’s one of the reasons we love RED January, and why we’re taking part this year. The challenge, to move every day, is supported by an extensive online community, and champions the idea of simply putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, for mental health benefits.

Now in its fifth year, there is real evidence that RED January is a truly beneficial initiative. Oxford University research, conducted in 2019, revealed that 50% of RED participants experienced less stress and reduced signs of

RED founder Hannah Beecham

depressive symptoms as a result of taking part. And in terms of encouraging people to get up and moving, 32% went from being inactive to fairly active, while a phenomenal 54% of those taking part moved from being fairly active to active.

So, whether you choose to join us on 1 January at the virtual RED starting line, or make a commitment to walking outside on your lunch break every day instead, know that when you move, you are doing something wonderful for yourself – for your mind, body, and soul.

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Happiful Partner

Championing mental health in the workplace

Why become a Mental Health First Aider?

•J oin a growing community of amazing people supporting the conversation around mental health •R ecognise the symptoms of mental ill-health • Help to improve awareness and break down stigma and discrimination • I mprove your own mental health and self-care •V irtual courses mean you can train from the comfort of your own home Plus our readers enjoy an exclusive £10 discount off all Happiful MHFA courses when you book through training.happiful.com using the code HAP10 You can hear more about the impact of MHFA training on Happiful’s ‘I am. I have’ podcast, featuring Happiful’s MHFA instructor Matt Holman. Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

Here’s what our delegates say: A course that really made me reflect. Delivery was excellent, and the instructor makes you feel valued and listened to. They make the course interesting and inclusive by sharing their own experiences. – Sol

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The instructor was amazing – so open and personable, and really made the tough subject matters digestible.

It was really engaging, and they created a wonderful space for us to share openly. The course has enthused me even more to shout about mental health, and I feel extremely proud to now be a Mental Health First Aider. – Emma

How to find

your fika

An integral part of Swedish culture, fika reminds us to slow down and connect. But what exactly is it, and how can we bring more of it into our lives?

Writing | Kat Nicholls

A

s I write, I’m sipping on coffee and nibbling a blueberry flapjack. If I wasn’t also working, I’d be enjoying fika – translated as a coffee and cake break.

But fika is so much more than eating baked goods and drinking hot beverages. Originating in Sweden, fika is a mindset, a ritual, a moment of pause.

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

In their book, Fika: The Art of the Swedish Coffee Break, authors Anna Brones and Johanna Kindvall describe fika as: “Functioning as both a verb and a noun, the concept of fika is simple. It is the moment that you take a break, often with a cup of coffee, but alternatively with tea, and find a baked good to pair with it. You can do it alone, you can do it with

friends. You can do it at home, in a park, or at work. But the essential thing is that you do it, that you make time to take a break: that’s what fika is all about.”

The aim is to step away from work for a moment, socialise with others, and enjoy all the benefits taking a break gives us. And, dear reader, we need to be taking more proper breaks. >>>

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A 2017 study by Total Jobs revealed that one in three of us don’t leave our workplace during the day, with 56% of us never taking a full lunch break.

I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that not taking breaks is bad for our health – it can increase stress, and even lead to burnout. Plus, it’s bad for the economy. According to the Health and Safety Executive (HSE), more than 11 million working days are lost every year due to stress.

Now, I’m not saying fika can solve all our work-related woes, but there are some powerful stressrelieving benefits to these mindful breaks.

To start with, the whole point of fika is to slow down. We move at such a fast pace, it’s hard to catch our breath. Slowing down gives us the chance to check in with ourselves, ask ‘What do I need?’ and gain perspective when we’re stressed.

Taking the time to sit down away from work, with a mug full of freshly brewed coffee and a baked snack, gives us the time to do this. Sip your coffee slowly, press your thumb into the crumbs on your plate, and enjoy every minute. Put all thoughts of work to one side, and let your mind settle in the present moment.

While you can enjoy this glorious break alone, for many, a key aspect of fika is socialising (vitually still

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Sip your coffee slowly, press your thumb into the crumbs on your plate, and enjoy every minute

counts). Indeed, connecting with others is great for our wellbeing.

According to research by Steve Cole, professor of medicine, psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences in the UCLA School of Medicine, the genes impacted by social connection also have a role in our immune function.

This means socialising more could help to strengthen our immune system. Those who feel more connected also have lower rates of anxiety and depression.

So why not use your fika time for a catch-up? Perhaps make a regular mid-morning ritual for your team to chat about nonwork related matters. It can be easy to feel consumed by work and forget about all the other facets that make us, us.

Chatting about relationships, hobbies, even the latest TV series we binged, provides a moment of light relief.

James Lintern, cofounder of rota planning and software company RotaCloud, tells me they introduced fika in 2018.

“Fika has definitely had a positive effect on the wellbeing of our team,” James says. “Having this time set aside is important because it creates an environment of sharing and learning, and to some extent, helps employees build a support system in the office.

“Creating a fika-based culture has helped us to improve the quality of our employees’ days.

Fika, for us, isn’t just about having a break, it’s about fostering a mentality that makes it OK to stop, to slow down, and to reflect.”

It’s this mentality that makes fika special. And remember, what you eat and drink doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you’re taking time for yourself. So next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, call a friend, head to your nearest cafe, and enjoy a fika moment.

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wellbeing

Do you keep getting thrush? The secret could be in your diet Thrush is a common issue that many women keep under wraps, and yet the real cause could be hiding in the food they eat Writing | Michele Scarr

A

round 70% of western women will experience vaginal thrush at some point in their lives. This very common issue, often seen as taboo or embarrassing, can be a silent source of anxiety, low mood, and frustration, with seemingly regular activities triggering the uncomfortable and downright disruptive condition.

But what exactly is thrush, and could we subconsciously be consuming modern foods that are fuelling this itchy inconvenience?

With 40–50% of women having more than one episode, and 6%

repeatedly experiencing a yeast infection, these uncomfortable figures aren’t often front page news, but thrush can be highly detrimental to the sufferer’s mental health and quality of life.

Thrush, or candidiasis, is caused by a kind of yeast called candida albicans, which is able to grow on the skin, and in the vaginal, oral, or gastrointestinal tract. There are many fungal species that inhabit our bodies, but candida albicans is responsible for more than 80% of yeast infection cases.

Under normal circumstances, candida can be a harmless part of our gastrointestinal environment,

which is a healthy melting pot of more than 100 trillion bacteria and microbes, making up your microbiome. Together with a healthy immune system, they keep any overgrowth in check. However, candida is an opportunist, and given the right circumstances will mutate into a long-armed fungus, allowing it to spread to multiple organs throughout the body.

What puts us at risk of candida overgrowth?

Both physical and mental stress can put a strain on your internal resilience, leading to a weaker >>>

happiful.com | 65

This very common issue, often seen as taboo or embarrassing, can be a silent source of a n x i e t y, l o w m o o d , a n d f r u s t ra t i o n

immune system. This, coupled with a diet high in alcohol or processed foods, can encourage thrush. Some other common triggers include a history of antibiotics, diabetes, high oestrogen levels, and the natural ageing process – the friendly gut bacteria bifidobacterium bifidum decreases with age.

But, thrush isn’t just limited to the vagina, and if left untreated, can cause full-body infections – you might have itchy armpits, skin rashes, or recurrent cystitis.

But the less obvious signs of a larger-scale infection include haemorrhoids, brain fog, joint pain, and cravings for sweet foods and carbs.

How your diet can help

Evidence has shown that changing your diet to successfully manage thrush will depend on the severity of your symptoms, but there are some general rules you can follow, and number one is avoiding sugar.

Candida feasts on sugar, so it’s advisable to avoid processed

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foods (often full of hidden sugars) and read food labels carefully – look out for anything that ends in ‘ose’, e.g. glucose, lactose, and sucrose, as these are common sugars. Keep an eye out for nasty sweeteners too, such as aspartame or sucralose.

The best way to manage thrush through diet is to avoid those processed foods and refined sugar foods altogether. That means skipping the pastries, biscuits, or chocolate bars. If you are in need of a chocolate fix, opt for a bar with high cacao content (more than 85%). If you need sweetness in your tea, or for baking, swap in healthy stevia instead, which is a natural anti-fungal and anti-inflammatory, too.

Choose low-sugar fruits

Fruit is full of natural sugars, so select antioxidant-rich, low-sugar fruit varieties such as berries and

wellbeing

citrus, over tropical or stone fruits, like pineapples, peaches or mango. Choose green over yellow bananas, as they contain beneficial prebiotics (food for your friendly gut bacteria), rather than the yellow and spotty ones, which are much sweeter.

Go gluten-free

Not only is this beneficial in terms of the yeast content, but there is some evidence that the presence of candida may be behind gluten intolerance or even coeliac disease, so it could help symptoms by removing gluten from your diet.

Choose nuts wisely

Avoid mould-prone nuts, such as peanuts, cashews, or pistachio, and instead focus on almonds, walnuts, and pine nuts, alongside healthy seeds including pumpkin, sesame, sunflower, and hemp.

Opt for non-starchy veg

Eat plenty of non-starchy vegetables, such as rocket or kale, and cruciferous vegetables, like broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, and cauliflower. Do also try to avoid mushrooms, as these are fungi.

Anti-fungal foods

Garlic is a superfood, antifungal, antibacterial, and antiinflammatory, so enjoy raw in salad dressings, or on vegetables or meats, where possible.

Beans are also anti-fungal, but consume in small quantities (1/2 cup) and no more than three times per week, otherwise they can cause wind, gas, and uncomfortable bloating. “ T h e b e s t w a y t o m a n a g e thrush through diet is to avoid processed foods and refined sugar foods altogether”

Avoid wine and beer

I’m afraid alcohol often contains sugar and yeast, so it is best to avoid – especially culprits such as wine and beer. For a healthier alternative, switch to clear alcohols like gin with coconut water, or a vodka bloody Mary with tomato juice. But alcohol weakens your immune system, so don’t overdo it.

Eat fermented foods sparingly

If you have a taste for fermented foods such as miso and kimchi, do approach with caution, as

they can cause a flare-up of symptoms. Apple cider vinegar is anti-fungal, so is safe to have with salads, or instead opt for healthy lemon juice for dressings.

Persistent thrush can be debilitating and frustrating, particularly when the underlying cause can be so ambiguous. But with good nutrition, support, and guidance from healthcare professionals, evidence has shown that there is hope.

Restricting the food source of thrush may starve the yeast, but if you are going to make changes to your diet, it’s always important to discuss this with your GP first, or a registered nutrition professional.

Michele Scarr is a nutritional therapist, health coach, and lecturer at the College of Naturopathic Medicine, specialising in gut, immune, and hormonal health. Learn more about Michele and find a nutritionist at nutritionist-resource.org.uk

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Eat to beat brain fog We’ve all had those ‘where on earth have I put the keys?’ moments, but for some of us continually struggling to process information and constant forgetfulness can be signs of brain fog... And after how stressful the past year has been, it’s no wonder that more of us than ever may be experiencing these symptoms.

But can anything be done to help us think clearer in 2021?

Writing | Jenna Farmer

I

magine going about your day with a mist swirling around in front of you. You’d probably struggle to concentrate or think clearly. Well, that’s what living with brain fog is like. There might not be an actual fog around you, but it certainly feels like there is. You might find yourself

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desperately searching your brain to locate information you’re sure you knew yesterday. Or perhaps at work, you find yourself struggling to take in a presentation, or grasp lengthy instructions.

There are many reasons for brain fog (which is a collection of symptoms rather than a medical

condition), so it’s important to speak to your GP, who may do some tests to see if it could be caused by other issues, such as thyroid problems, anaemia, or autoimmune disease.

However, once those are ruled out, it could certainly be worth looking at your diet, too.

wellbeing

While brain fog can’t be cured just by the foods we eat, nutritional deficiencies can cause similar symptoms, so addressing them can really make a difference. In turn, certain foods and supplements may help with things such as memory, clarity of thoughts, and dealing with stress – which can exacerbate your symptoms.

THE SUNSHINE VITAMIN In the winter months, with fewer daylight hours and chances to soak up the sun outside, the NHS recommends that everyone take a vitamin D supplement to compensate for the lack of sunlight.

“The current government advice is to take 400mg vitamin D between October and March to keep bones and muscles healthy, but some individuals may need higher doses,” explains registered nutritional therapist Valentina Cartago (theitaliannutritionist. com). “Low vitamin D levels are common in those who spend a lot of time inside, which could certainly apply to many of us at the moment! The sun is our best source of vitamin D, but potential food sources include oily fish and egg yolks. Those on a plant-based diet may want to consult a practitioner to find a suitable supplement.”

A 2019 study from Rutgers University, New Jersey, found that those who supplemented vitamin D noted an improvement in their memory, so it is well worth considering.

If you suspect you’re low in vitamin D, your GP may be able to test your levels or, alternatively, try BetterYou’s postal vitamin D testing service (£32.95, betteryou.com) which matches your levels to the right supplement.

TUCK INTO OILY FISH Oily fish are packed with omega 3s and fatty acids, yet many of us – an estimated two thirds in fact – fall short of eating the recommended two portions a week. But if you’re not tucking in, you’re missing out! Studies have shown that the omegas found in oily fish are crucial in helping with things such as mild cognitive impairment and memory loss.

“Our cells’ membranes (including in our brain) are made of fat, and omega 3 can help to keep them healthy, optimising cognitive function as a result,” explains Valentina.

To get the most benefit, it’s best to opt for wild oily fish (such as trout and salmon) but there are vegan sources, too. Valentina suggests trying seaweed, algae, walnuts, linseeds, hemp seeds, and chia seeds, among others.

COULD YOU BE B12 DEFICIENT? B vitamins are really important for our nervous system, so low vitamin B12 can leave you struggling with extreme fatigue (which can contribute to symptoms such as poor concentration), along with problems with your memory and understanding. It’s relatively rare to be B12 deficient, but it does get more common as you grow older. B12-rich foods include red meat, poultry, and eggs, or nutritional yeast, and fortified cereals for vegans.

UP YOUR HYDRATION One of the simplest things you can do for brain fog is to make sure you’re well hydrated.

When you’re dehydrated, it can even impact your attention span and cognitive ability.

“Your brain is around 75% water, and dehydration has been linked to issues such as fatigue and brain fog to name a few, therefore ensuring that you are keeping hydrated throughout the day is key,” Valentina explains.

“As a general rule though, it can be useful to monitor your urine colour throughout the day, ensuring that it is pale yellow.”

It might surprise you to know your morning cup of coffee doesn’t have to go out the window; some studies have found that caffeine can actually have a positive effect on energy levels, concentration, >>>

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and cognitive ability – but drinking more than a few cups a day could be detrimental.

“Caffeine can have some benefits if used responsibly, such as increased alertness and cognitive ability. However, for sensitive people, and those constantly relying on it throughout the day to keep going and stay focused, this could lead to issues including sleep disruption and anxiety,” advises Valentina, who suggests avoiding coffee after 4pm.

Herbal teas can be a great alternative, and they have their benefits, too. A study at Northumbria University found peppermint tea actually enhanced cognition by helping to improve both memory and alertness. Perhaps you could try THEENK TEA – a 21-day herbal tea programme specifically designed to support brain health (£39.00, theenk-tea.com).

TRY A MEDITERRANEAN DIET Most people will have heard that a Mediterranean diet – which includes a lot of fresh fruit, vegetables, wholegrains, and fish – can be good for your body. But did you know that it can be good for your brain, too?

“I’m Italian, so when I was young we would snack on olives and raw vegetables dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar; not knowing we were fuelling our bodies with the healthy fats and anti-inflammatory compounds that support brain health!” says Valentina.

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There’s plenty of science behind this, too: sticking firmly to the Mediterranean diet has been associated with a slower cognitive decline, as revealed by a study published in the journal Current Opinion in Clinical Nutrition & Metabolic Care.

Diets that focus on vegetables and wholegrains, could help support your blood sugar balance as well. “Following an anti-inflammatory Mediterranean diet could also help support blood sugar balance due to its fibre, protein, and healthy fat-rich meals, which help keep blood sugar balanced as the body takes longer to break them down. As a result, focus, mood, and energy can also be balanced for longer!” adds Valentina.

Whether you opt to cut out the caffeine, stock up on fish, or ditch the sugar, the important thing is to find a solution that works for your

body and your mind. Since we’re all so different, working with a qualified nutritionist or dietitian can be really helpful to figure out what triggers your brain fog, and hopefully help it become a thing of the past.

Jenna Farmer is a freelance journalist who specialises in writing about gut health. She has Crohn’s disease and blogs about her journey to improve gut health at abalencedbelly.co.uk

Valentina Cartago is a nutritional therapist, specialising in gut and brain health. Find out more at nutritionist-resource.org.uk

try at home

*

Feeling stressed?

When you’re overwhelmed and having ‘one of those days’, try some of these ideas Phone a friend Cuddle a pet Eat something nutritious Find a comforting smell – a candle, perfume, clean towels Say “no” when you need to Write down your thoughts, fears, and feelings, without judgement Celebrate the small wins Accept that things may go wrong, but they can be lessons learned Take things one step at a time Allow yourself 10 minutes to worry, then move on

Take a moment to just breathe

Get an early night

Dance it out

Play a game

Go for a walk

Do a workout

Make a hot drink

Have a hug

Get some fresh air

Make a to-do list, and break it down into manageable chunks

Organise your space and declutter

Think about how much you’ve achieved, and how far you’ve come

Close your eyes and focus on the sounds around you

When a loved one is struggling with the way they look, it can be difficult to know what to say. So, with this in mind, we share essential tips for supporting someone who’s experiencing body images concerns Writing | Becky Wright

W

hen we talk about self-image, we’re generally referring to how someone sees, and feels about, their appearance. This can be not only what they see when looking in a mirror, but also any assumptions about how their body looks, or is perceived, by others.

As someone who’s battled with body image issues themselves, I know how hard it can be to focus on anything other than how you look. And, often, it can find its way creeping into our everyday conversations.

If someone you love is struggling with self-image – talking negatively about their body, saying they need to lose weight, or refusing to have their photo taken – it can be difficult to know what to say. But here we

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Illustrating | Rosan Magar

share some simple tips to help you navigate the conversation.

1. Avoid talking negatively about your body This can be hard if you also struggle with body image issues. But, although it might be tempting to talk about your body hang-ups with your loved one, this is detrimental.

You may think you’re providing them with comfort – proving that other people struggle with the way they look, too. But, in reality, you’re feeding off each other’s negative energy, and are encouraging negative self-talk.

Also, pay attention to how you talk about other people’s bodies.

Avoid making negative comments about anyone else’s appearance, as this feeds into the culture of body-shaming.

2. Compliment them on something other than their appearance “When someone talks negatively about their body, it can be tempting to step in with reassuring comments, or appearance-related compliments,” says Harriet Frew, a counsellor who specialises in eating disorders and body image.

It might feel natural to say things like, “Don’t be silly!” or “No, you’re beautiful!” However, it’s unlikely that this will have much impact. Negative body thoughts can feel powerfully true, so even the most wellintentioned comment might be dismissed.

Instead, help them to see what you value about them, things that are unrelated to their appearance.

body confidence

“Get the conversation away from body-bashing by focusing on other, uplifting topics.

Compliment your friend on their thoughtfulness or sense of humour, and direct the selfworth away from aesthetics,” says Harriet.

This can encourage them towards a mindset of body neutrality and hopefully, over time, they’ll recognise that so many things about them matter more than their reflection.

3. Help them to express and unload their feelings It might feel hard to believe, but negative body image isn’t usually about the body.

“A difficult phone call, work stress, or relationship conflict may have triggered feelings of anxiety, guilt, or overwhelm.

These emotions get unconsciously projected on to the body when it’s about something else entirely,” says Harriet.

Encourage them to open up and talk about what they’re struggling with. What is going on in their life that’s contributed to a difficult day?

It might be helpful to have a signal. A friend and I have a common language we use when we’re struggling.

Rather than “I hate [x body part]”, we say: “I’m having a bad body image day.” This helps to emphasise the mental load over a physical problem, while still recognising there’s something going on.

4. Encourage self-kindness “Self-compassion helps tremendously to improve body image and wellbeing,” says Harriet. “If your friend berates their body, gently acknowledge the harsh self-judgement, and suggest that they could be kinder.”

“You would never talk to [me/a friend] the way you do to yourself,” is a great example of how to put this into context.

Encourage them to prioritise acts of self-care that make them feel great – wearing their

favourite outfit, or doing exercise that feels good, rather than an act of punishment.

It’s a slow process, but taking these steps can make a real difference to how your friend sees themself. And you might be surprised at how much your own self-image can benefit from helping someone else with theirs.

For more insight on improving self-image, or to find a counsellor specialising in body image issues, visit counselling-directory.org.uk

You can follow Harriet on Instagram @the_eating_disorder_therapist or listen to her podcast, The Eating Disorder Therapist on Spotify.

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Tess Daly, on being human She’s the beauty influencer with the brightest palette, but Tess Daly’s account is also a space of positivity and conversation, and now the platform where she shares her journey as the UK’s first person to have the latest treatment for spinal muscular atrophy. Here, we catch up with Tess about shielding in lockdown, representation, and why she doesn’t want to be called ‘brave’ Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

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culture

To m e , m a ke u p i s a r t, i t ’s c re a t i v i t y, i t ’s f re e d o m Hi Tess! How has your lockdown experience been so far? I’m classed as a vulnerable person, so I was told to shield, and I was quite concerned initially because I can’t be on my own – I have a team of carers who work 24/7 on rotation. It’s alright me staying in the house, but if I’ve got carers coming in, who also work in hospitals, it’s like living in a colander – there are lots of little holes in the airtight situation. So, I had to stop the carers coming in for a while, which was an extremely difficult decision. And then one of my carers moved in with me.

At the back of my mind, my worry there was that she’s not one of the carers that typically does makeup with me. I thought, for the foreseeable, I wasn’t going to be able to do my makeup or Instagram. I wasn’t going to have that creative outlet.

So, I had a bit of a decision to make in terms of: “Right, you either decide that you’re not going to do content, and what will be will be, or you can learn to do it yourself and try to figure out a way of getting round the things that you can’t do.” I was able to still keep creating content, which I’m super, super, proud of.

Did your relationship with makeup change in lockdown?

For me, makeup isn’t something I wear to go out in. To me, makeup is art, it’s creativity, it’s freedom.

My conundrum at the beginning of lockdown was: “I’m going to have that taken away from me for X amount of time.”

I was feeling quite emotional about that. I’ve definitely got a sense of independence with it now. On days where I do makeup, I just feel so much more empowered.

Do you see a relationship between makeup and mental health? I’ll be totally honest, I never did before. I never realised how key it was for me in keeping me busy. Lockdown has proven to me that without the makeup, and without my outlet, my passion and my creativity, I would struggle.

On World Mental Health Day 2020, you did a post on Instagram about the reality of social media. Why did you choose social media as your focus? I had a look at things and thought: “Is there anything that affects my mood and how I feel?”

For me, and for a lot of people, it’s social media. It affects us without us realising, and that’s why I wanted to say that it really is just a highlight reel of your life.

Most people don’t put their sad or tough times on Instagram.

Granted, there are some people >>>

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Follow Tess on Instagram @tess.daly

who do and are cherished for that, because we need to see more of that.

You tapped into that by then posting a series of behind the scenes photos – images you wouldn’t normally show publicly. Was that difficult to do in front of 200k followers? I literally sat there for half an hour scrolling through my backlog of ridiculous photos and just came up with some hideous examples of real life. I’d say, in the back of my mind, I thought: “Oh, God, you’re putting some really ugly photos up here Tess, what are you doing?” But, I was like: “Do you know what, that’s what this post is about. That’s what you really look like, when you have not got the lighting on, and you’re not posing, and you’re not tucking your double chin away.” I just had to press ‘post’, and hope for the best.

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Recently, you’ve been sharing updates on a new treatment for spinal muscular atrophy you’ve begun. What has the experience of sharing it online been like?

I’m the first person in the UK to be receiving this treatment – so I’ve got nobody’s experiences to draw on. I know that I want to see the people who are a couple

of months ahead of me. I want to see the effects, I want to see the challenges. I originally started filming for people who have the same disability, but now I’m just telling my story. I’ve been laying in bed at night, reading all the comments, and just feeling so overwhelmed by all the support that I’ve had.

culture

Pe o p l e h a ve g o t n o right to assume that o u r l i ve s a re i n h e re n t l y bad, sad, and pathetic At the end of one of your videos, you asked people not to call you ‘brave’ and ‘strong’. Why is that language problematic? It’s reductive in the sense that, I’m just a person with a disability, I’m not an alien. I’m literally just like you, but I can’t walk. When people say things like: “You’re so brave”, I ask people to dig deeper and say: “Why am I brave?” It ends up being: “Well, I just don’t think I could do what you do.” “Right, OK, why not?” “Well, because –” And we get to the crux of the matter, and the crux of the matter is that if you had my life, you would see it as unbearable. I don’t know any different.

We need to stop with the stereotypical, reductive language. Because people have got no right to assume that our lives are inherently bad, sad, and pathetic.

Within your lifetime, do you think general understanding of, and attitudes towards, disability has has improved?

Yes, I definitely think so. When I was younger – and I hate saying this about myself – but I had nobody who looked like me in the public eye.

Now, there’s more disabled influencers than I can shake a stick at! And that’s good, we want more diversity, we are just people. I can’t stress that enough, we’re not special, we are literally just people.

You work closely with the fashion and beauty industry?

Do you think those industries, specifically, are improving?

Definitely. Unfortunately, whether it’s a fad and ticking boxes, I don’t know – that’s the cynic in me. I do feel like people, as in the general

public, are asking for more diversity, and when they see it on a brand’s feed, they praise it, and they say: “This is the type of content we want to see.”

It’s like the chicken and the egg: what came first? Is the brand actually trying to do better, because they know that they need to do better, or is it because it’s ticking the diversity boxes? Because this does happen every couple of years.

We’ll start having TV shows with disabled people in, or we’ll have shop windows with a mannequin in a wheelchair, and then it dies down again. So, ask me again in a couple of years.

That brings me nicely on to my last question: What are you looking forward to in 2021?

I am just looking forward to doing more of what I’m doing now, and creating the content that I love. I just want to be happy, I want to be surrounded by the people I love, and I want to be doing the things that I love. Bottom line, that is all that’s important to me at this moment in time.

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Every conversation needs kindness Writer, creator of the Babes About Town blog, and mum of two football-loving boys, Uju Asika shares thoughts from her new book Bringing Up Race: How to raise a kind child in a prejudiced world, and why she believes kindness is key in every conversation Writing | Lucy Donoughue

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s a woman who wears many hats – including author, screenwriting, blogger, creative consultant, and mum – it’s fair to say that Uju Asika is an incredibly busy woman. When we speak, however, there’s no sense of an overflowing to-do list. Uju is generous with her time, and ready to continue the conversation she

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started with her brilliant book, Bringing Up Race: How to raise a kind child in a prejudiced world.

With a sentiment that is undoubtedly all-too-familiar for a lot of us, Uju shares that 2020 was not the year she anticipated, particularly as a parent, when she first started to write her book in September 2019. However, she has focused

on finding a positive from lockdowns and uncertainty.

“I’ve managed, just like everyone else, one day after another,” Uju says. “Mums tend to have this internal pressure to be all things, and to do everything, and I think that this year especially was a huge wake-up call. It taught us that, actually, a lot of that stuff is unnecessary,

fresh starts

and you just have to focus on what really matters.”

With that in mind, it became clearer than ever for Uju that one of her main focuses is to encourage greater conversations about the prejudice that exists in our society, and how parents, regardless of race or ethnicity, can help children to recognise and respond to racism. Here, Uju shares six insights on how to approach conversations on race:

Speak with other parents

Learning never stops

Disrupt the patterns

I realise that, even as a Black mum, raising Black kids in the western world, I have my lived experiences but in terms of my re-education, that’s ongoing. For example, learning that babies start to notice ethnic differences at an early age – by three months old they’re already taking in race. Babies look to us to make sense of the world, and if parents are “colour blind” and act as though race doesn’t matter, it doesn’t help our children.

‘Messy’ conversations are vital

If you think about when children play, they often make a mess. As a mum, it’s the last thing you want, but actually that mess is crucial for their development. It’s the same thing when you’re having conversations about race; you need to have space for their mess and discomfort so that you can get to learning, understanding and, ultimately, a better place.

I spoke to so many people for the book – Italian, Greek, Polish, Nigerian, Dominican, and more parents, all different ethnicities.

To me, those were essential conversations to have. We need to connect in order to understand each other, and we do this through listening and sharing our stories. There’s always so much more to explore when it comes to race and ethnicity.

A lot of people don’t understand their rights when it comes to racial bullying, especially when it comes to their children and school. If the school isn’t receptive, there are other things that you can do – you can take it to the Board of Governors, or you can take it out to your community and get support.

The most important thing is that you disrupt these patterns of behaviour and look for help, because it is out there.

with kindness, then you’re always going to be hitting up against a brick wall, because people feel resistant and protective of what they’ve experienced, or defensive about what they don’t understand.

Encourage active kindness

Every parent wants to raise a kind child – that’s one common desire for all of us. No matter where you are on your personal journey, you want your child to go out in the world and be a force for good – and that starts with you.

Kindness is quite a profound, almost spiritual quality. ‘Kind’ it’s very much an active word for me – as opposed to ‘being nice’ which is sitting back and being passive.

Kindness really is about going out of your way to do the right thing, and that takes courage, too.

Approach with kindness

Kindness is an essential element that tends to be missing from a lot of conversations about racism and prejudice, especially at the current time, where the world feels fractious. Social media can be very divisive. Discussions can be so emotional and fraught with people’s personal experiences that if you don’t approach them

‘Bringing Up Race: How to raise a kind child in a prejudiced world’ is out now, and available in hardback, audio, and ebook (Yellow Kite, £16.99). Check out Uju’s blog at babesabouttown.com

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“

What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't even happened yet ANNE FRANK

Photography | Daniel J Schwarz

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Five planet-friendly steps to take around the festive period Christmas might be the most wonderful time of the year, but it’s a pretty wasteful time, too. Here are some simple ways to reduce your consumption Writing | Becky Wright

Food waste

It’s easy to get carried away at Christmas, treating ourselves with extra tasty goods or overbuying for fear of running out of food. But, the easiest way to reduce waste is to prevent it – only buy what you need.

Source food locally if you can, too. Support your local farmer’s market, and buy fresh produce that’s in season.

Even with your best efforts, you may still have leftovers. Visit lovefoodhatewaste.com for ideas on how to use them to make something tasty, with recipes including sauces, pickles, and soups – many of which you can freeze and use at a later date.

Wrapping paper

Choosing paper without glitter is a good start, but there are even better, and more easily recyclable options, such as biodegradable paper. Most brown paper is recyclable and compostable, and looks beautiful when tied with string or ribbon. You could get creative by using newspapers, or even your copy of Happiful

magazine – once you’ve finished reading, of course!

Think about what you can reuse, too. Save any tissue paper or gift bags you receive throughout the year, and repurpose them where you can – gorgeous packaging is too nice to use just once.

Christmas cards

From sending eCards to reducing the number of physical cards you send, there are plenty of easy swaps you can make. If you can’t face the thought of a Christmas without posting cards at all, consider a more ethical or sustainable route. Mental health charities such as Mind and SANE have many card designs to choose from on their websites, or you could support a small business that’s local to you.

And, if you receive cards, don’t throw them away. You can cut them up and turn them into gift tags for next Christmas!

Unwanted gifts

Any presents that aren’t quite right, don’t chuck them out.

There are charities who will pass

gifts on to people in need. Head to reuse-network.org.uk to find a local centre who can donate your unwanted goods to vulnerable people across the country. Alternatively, you can head to charityretail.org.uk/ find-a-charity-shop to contact local branches.

Although it can feel controversial, there’s also the option of regifting.

If you know someone who’d love the present, offer it to them. It’s better for it be loved and put to good use than to end up in landfill.

Table decor

No one enjoys doing the dishes, do they? But it’s better to wash up than use disposable plastic plates, cups and cutlery. Encourage everyone around your table to take a turn at helping out.

Or, another option is to source compostable or biodegradable materials. Look out for plates made from recycled waste sugarcane fibres, which are also more rigid than conventional paper plates.

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Mind over matter:

Can hypnosis help with IBS? One in five of us will experience irritable bowel syndrome during our lifetime, yet many of us think medication and lifestyle changes are our only options. But could hypnotherapy be the game-changer?

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

wellbeing

What is IBS? IBS is thought to be the most common digestive system disorder. Symptoms often include crampy abdominal pain or discomfort that may come and go, and abnormal bowel function (diarrhoea or constipation). While anyone can get IBS, women aged 20–40 are the most likely to be affected.

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t some point or another, we’ve all experienced an upset tummy. The discomfort, the inconvenience, the embarrassment – but at least it’s temporary. Yet for those with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), symptoms can be sporadic, leaving many feeling anxious about when – and how – it could next flair up.

What causes IBS? There’s still much we don’t know about IBS. While there doesn’t seem to be a genetic cause, the most common triggers can often be bouts of food poisoning or gastroenteritis. For many, once they have exhibited symptoms, other factors such as stress,

eating at irregular times, or having an abnormal diet can all provoke symptoms. Over time, intense feelings of anxiety or stress can start to worsen symptoms.

What treatments are available?

Managing your diet is one of the most common recommendations made by GPs. By offering advice on what you should eat, or a referral to work with a dietitian, dietary management aims to try to identify trigger foods by removing them from your diet.

As symptoms improve, foods can be reintroduced to your diet, until specific triggers are recognised.

For those experiencing constipation, bulking agents

such as natural bran, cereals containing bran, or natural laxatives such as fibre or senna, may be recommended.

Medication – both over the counter and on prescription – works for a small number of people, helping to reduce bowel spasms or relieve constipation.

However, this can be a case of trial and error.

Self-management of symptoms through the identification of trigger foods, improving your eating habits, and even accessing support groups to learn more about others’ experiences, can all be common ways people seek to treat IBS. But are there other methods out there that could have a positive effect on physical and psychological symptoms? >>>

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Hypnotherapy for IBS Hypnotherapy and relaxation therapy, while less well known, have been shown to be effective for some people experiencing IBS. A 2018 study published in journal The Lancet Gastroenterology & Hepatology revealed that after just three months of treatment, 40% of those who had received individual hypnotherapy, and 33% who had undergone group sessions, reported relief from IBS symptoms, compared with just 17% of those who received supportive care and education.

Plus, these benefits were shown to persist nine months later.

According to the study, those experiencing IBS who underwent hypnotherapy reported the greatest overall improvements with their condition. They felt more able to cope with, and less troubled by, symptoms, however, the severity of the symptoms themselves weren’t reduced.

How can hypnosis help?

Hypnotherapy can be used to help teach relaxation techniques, as well as new ways of managing stress and anxiety. The better equipped we are with tools to help manage our feelings, and

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promote a sense of relaxation, the more we’re able to cope with challenges that arise in our lives.

“Hypnotherapy for IBS is often referred to as ‘gut-directed hypnotherapy’,” hypnotherapist Helen Brooks, also known as ‘the Tummy Whisperer’, explains. “IBS can be caused by miscommunication within the gut-brain axis, which leads to symptoms such as bloating, diarrhoea, constipation, and abdominal pain.

learn negative behaviours or develop reactions to situations – or symptoms – that can cause us further discomfort. With the help of a hypnotherapist, we can access the unconscious part of our mind, making new, positive suggestions that can promote relaxation.

“Stress and anxiety can exacerbate IBS, and having IBS can cause stress and anxiety, creating a vicious circle that’s hard to break,” Helen explains.

Hypnotherapy helps by lowering stress and calming anxiety. It's a lifeline for those who feel that they've exhausted all options

“Hypnotherapy corrects this miscommunication, reducing those symptoms, and also helping relieve non-colonic symptoms such as nausea, headaches, back pain, and sleep disturbances.”

The therapeutic use of hypnosis can have a huge impact, helping individuals to not only lessen symptoms and treat a variety of conditions, but also to change habits or alter automatic negative thoughts. Over time, we can

“Hypnotherapy helps by lowering stress and calming anxiety. It’s a lifeline for those who feel that they’ve exhausted all options.

It’s a well-researched, safe, and effective treatment for sufferers.”

How to get started If you have IBS and are looking for alternative ways to manage your symptoms, here Helen shares three simple techniques you can try right now.

wellbeing

Common IBS symptoms • Gas • Heartburn • Indigestion • Diarrhoea or constipation • Cramping or muscle pains • Pain, discomfort or bloating in your abdomen

7–11 breathing: Breathe in through your nose for a count of seven, inflating your belly.

Breathe out through your mouth as if blowing through a straw for a count of 11. Feel your physical tension releasing.

This helps activate your body’s parasympathetic nervous system, putting your gastrointestinal tract into a state of rest, and helping ease symptoms.

Balloon deflation: If you’re feeling bloated, imagine a balloon deflating. Focus on the sense of relief and comfort you will feel. Imagine knots turning to silk ribbons and unravelling, becoming smooth and untangled.

You can create your own images to match your symptoms. Create a before and after image in your mind’s eye, and merge one into the other.

Listen in: Deep relaxation can be a great starting point. Simple to do by yourself, this also activates the ‘rest and digest’ state. Visit happiful.com to listen to a free hypnotic relaxation audio created

by Helen to get you started.

Finding help and support Depending on your individual needs, a hypnotherapist may be able to help you learn to recognise and cope with any worries or fears that may be making symptoms worse.

Helping you to increase your confidence and overall sense of wellbeing, a hypnotherapist can also assist with setting goals, or use visualisation to decrease your gut sensitivity.

Learning self-hypnosis techniques can help you to continue to see improvements between sessions, while audio clips created by your hypnotherapist may also be useful between sessions, to aid with motivation and continued progress. To find out more about working with a hypnotherapist for IBS, head to hypnotherapydirectory.org.uk or visit thetummywhisperer.co.uk for more about Helen’s work with hypnotherapy for IBS.

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How to build a healthy relationship with exercise Exercise is good for us, right? But what happens when we take things to an extreme, and use exercise as a form of punishment? The good news is we can heal our relationship with working out, and reap the benefits in a healthy way Writing | Sarah Young

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xercise is often a big part of people’s lives, and when you look at the benefits, it’s easy to see why. Regular exercise can help lower your risk of many diseases including heart disease, stroke, and dementia, and can relieve anxiety and stress. It can even help with depression. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins, which create a positive feeling in your body, and also reduce your perception of pain. Not bad, huh?

So how can exercise ever be unhealthy?

One instance is where people with eating disorders may abuse

put into practise

Society is obsessed with getting us to burn calories and fat, drop pounds, tighten our bodies, and harden our abs, and it’s toxic exercise in order to lose weight, change their bodies, and cope with negative thoughts and feelings, which is obviously unhealthy. Unfortunately, however, it’s also something that has become a toxic part of many people’s lives in the community at large. Exercise can be used as a coping mechanism, or be fuelled by negativity even if someone doesn’t have an eating disorder.

The issue isn’t with the actual movement of the body, but the way in which many of us exercise – the why and the how. The issues arise when we examine the thoughts and feelings behind what is driving us to exercise, and the outcome we’re looking for. The media is permeated with ‘health’ and fitness adverts and advice, as well as promoting exercise as a means to change our bodies.

Society is obsessed with getting us to burn calories and fat, drop pounds, tighten our bodies, and harden our abs, and it’s toxic.

We force ourselves to aerobics classes to sweat the pounds away. We torture ourselves at the gym in order to burn calories.

We make ourselves run miles in order to ‘compensate’ for that slice of cake we had earlier. We punish our bodies for not being small enough/lean enough/ toned enough. But exercise isn’t enjoyable when it’s used as retribution against our bodies for not fitting society’s idea of perfection. It’s not something we look forward to when it’s fuelled by negativity towards our bodies or ourselves. It’s certainly not healthy when we feel that we need to exercise in order to eat in a certain way, to change our appearance, or to feel worthy, attractive, or ‘disciplined’.

Of course, plenty of people genuinely enjoy the gym, aerobics classes, and running, and pursue these activities as hobbies rather than seeing them as an obligation. Yet there are

many of us who force ourselves to exercise in ways we don’t enjoy (or even hate) because we feel driven to by body hatred, food anxiety, or low self-esteem.

If you can relate to this, you might ask how can you change your relationship with exercise so that you can move in a way that is healthy, both mentally and physically?

Take a break to heal It may be tough, but take a break from exercise in order to work on healing your relationship with your body, food, and yourself. This could include therapy, unfollowing social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself, and untangling the connection between your weight and your worth – because you are worthy, regardless of your weight, shape, or size. >>>

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Explore what feels good for you Take the time to discover physical activities you genuinely enjoy, that are primarily focused on having fun and/or socialising.

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Try it yourself Healthy movement can be found in all sorts of fun activities: -H iking in the hills.

-C hallenging a friend to a badminton game.

-P ractising mindfulness through yoga.

-G etting competitive with a colleague while playing squash.

- Walking in the woods.

- Team sports.

- Swimming in the ocean.

-P laying tag with your kids in the park.

- Dancing in your living room.

Take your time to figure out what feels good for you – there’s no rush. Experimenting could help you uncover something unexpected you enjoy most.

Look at your language The way we think and talk about exercise can contribute towards the way we view it.

You could rename it ‘joyful movement’ to see it in a more positive light. You could say you want to move your body, rather than work out. This could help you view exercise as a hobby, rather than a chore.

Illustration | GoodStudio

Change your perspective Redefine the way you see exercise. Exercise doesn’t have to be an intense cardio session or slaving away at the gym. Exercise is splashing in the pool with your kids. It’s walking in the sunshine with your dog. It’s rounders on the beach with your family. It’s running around the house after your toddler. It’s finding a team sport that makes your heart race and your grin wide. Exercise should be whatever makes you happiest, not whatever burns the most calories.

Exercise is splashing in the pool with your kids. It’s walking in the sunshine with your dog. It’s rounders on the beach with your family. Exercise should be whatever makes you happiest, not whatever burns the most calories

put into practise

Recognise that exercise is individual While the media focuses on intense, strenuous types of exercise, it’s crucial to remember that in reality, exercise has to be tailored to the individual. This is especially important if you are someone with a chronic illness, mobility issue, or other disability that affects movement, because the pressure to engage in activities that aren’t suitable for you can often mean experiencing anxiety, guilt, and shame. Exercise could mean going to the corner shop, gentle stretches, lifting small weights, or pilates. It could just be moving around the house. What exercise looks like is different from one person to the next.

Learn the warning signs Exercise should add to your life, and should never be something that you dread. On the extreme end of the spectrum, exercise can turn into a dangerous addiction, which needs to be taken seriously.

As someone who battled compulsive exercise as part of my eating disorder, I know that it’s extremely difficult to break that compulsion and build a healthier relationship with exercise, especially when the message you constantly receive is that all exercise is good exercise.

Movement should be something that’s driven by positive energy, and focused first and foremost on the pleasure you get from it.

There are truly a wealth of benefits to enjoying physical movement that we all deserve to experience, but in order to ensure your relationship with exercise is a healthy one, really assess why you are exercising. If you’re working out because you feel you have to, then I suggest taking time out to evaluate if what you are doing is actually benefiting you. Your body is incredible just as it is, naturally. Learn to love it, not to wage war on it. Then find movement that brings you happiness: you deserve it.

Sarah Young talks about body image, body positivity, and eating disorder recovery, as well as chronic illnesses, on her Instagram @bodypositivepear

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As the temperature drops, and lockdown restrictions linger, we look at how you can continue to connect with nature throughout the winter months

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Writing | Caroline Butterwick

hether it’s exploring a local park, or finding solace tending to plants in the garden, over the past year many of us have come to better appreciate nature closer to home. According to research from charity Mind, spending time in nature can support our mental health, and anyone who has experienced the feeling of a winter morning’s air can attest to how it can clear our minds.

Here, we explore the ways we can celebrate our connection with nature, and the changing seasons, without having to go too far beyond our front door.

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

LEARN ABOUT NATURE Appreciating what we have close by can help us feel more connected to where we live, and to see the beauty in the world around us. Try taking a mindful, curious approach to your surroundings. What breed is that friendly bird who keeps landing on the windowsill?

Which flowers grow in the local hedgerows? The RSPB and Woodland Trust websites are a great starting point for learning how to identify wildlife.

Next time you go outside, take time to notice what’s around you.

Can you hear any birdsong? The wind teasing the trees? How does

the air smell and feel? Even in winter, there are signs of nature to notice and enjoy.

START A NATURE JOURNAL Keeping a nature journal is the perfect way to track and celebrate nature and the changing seasons.

We can record our thoughts and observations of the natural world, like when we see the first snowdrops of the year peeping through the grass, or a hedgehog rummaging in the undergrowth as it emerges from its winter hibernation.

If you struggle to put pen to paper, try freewriting just after you return from being outside. Brew your favourite hot drink to warm up, then settle down somewhere comfortable and give yourself five or 10 minutes to write uncensored.

You could detail any plants or animals you came across, the weather, the scents in the air, how you feel – anything that captures your experience.

CELEBRATE THE SEASONS Sometimes we’re so swept up in our lives that we forget to pause and notice the world. Celebrating the changing seasons is an easy way to reconnect.

When the days seem dark and long, look to traditions like lighting candles around 1 February to mark the ancient festival of Imbolc, which is the midpoint between the winter solstice and spring equinox. And consider eating food that’s in season, if you can. BBC Food is a useful resource for finding out what’s in season each month, accompanied by delicious recommended recipes.

HELP THE ENVIRONMENT More and more of us are realising the impact our actions have on the planet, and want to make a difference. Growing our own food, whether it’s a potato plot in the garden, or salad leaves on your windowsill, is a great way of connecting with and learning about nature, while also reducing the waste that can be caused by the commercial growing of food.

If you’re able, try leaving food out for wildlife like badgers or birds – they’ll especially appreciate it this time of year, when food is scarcer. Think of other ways you can care for the planet at home, from composting food waste and using energyefficient light bulbs, to getting creative by upcycling old clothes and furniture.

BE INSPIRED BY NATURE WRITING Nothing’s better than snuggling up with a book on a winter’s day.

Nature writing has been around for centuries, with authors capturing the natural world and our relationship with it.

Nan Shepherd’s The Living Mountain is a well-loved example of nature writing. Written during the Second World War, she writes in evocative, poetic prose about her years exploring the Cairngorm Mountains in Scotland.

2020 Wainwright Prize winner Dara McAnulty’s Diary of a Young Naturalist, The Stubborn Light of Things by Melissa Harrison, and the poetry of Alice Oswald, are other wonderful examples of nature writing to relax into and be inspired by.

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Self-care calendar January 2021

Start the year off right, and make more time for you with these daily self-care challenges

1

Each day, say out loud something you like about yourself. You’ll be surprised with all the things you think of by day 31!

8 Schedule a catch-up with a friend. Reminisce and have fun.

16 Put fresh sheets on your bed – there’s no nicer feeling come bedtime.

24 Try some selfmassage. Spend time soothing your skin and enjoying a peaceful moment.

9 Celebrate every win, no matter how small it seems.

17 Learn something new.

It could be how to bake, tips for Excel, or how to change a tyre.

25

Make a budget for next month. Plan for the essentials, your outgoings, and some treats. Being prepared can help you destress.

2 Listen to your body – what key thing is it calling out for today?

10 Unplug for a day. Go tech-free and give yourself a break from scrolling and social.

18 Start the week off right – make a gratitude list to remind you of all the positives in your life.

26

Tick something off your home to-do list – clear out the junk drawer, replace a lightbulb, hang a photo frame.

3

Pick up an old hobby and dive in. Crafting, making music, writing, or sport? Reconnect with your roots and enjoy.

11

Save compliments and positive feedback people give you. It’ll be a great little boost when you need it most!

19 Get in some mindful movement – a gentle walk, swim sesh, yoga class, or dancing around your house.

27 Set aside a few minutes on your lunch break to practise some breathing exercises.

4 Declutter your diary.

Is there anything you don’t need or want to do? Make more time for you.

12 Ask for help. Whether it’s something specific or you’re generally struggling, reach out.

20

Have a deep conversation. Really open up, share your thoughts and feelings – and be sure to listen, too.

28 Go cloud watching.

Look to the sky, breathe and enjoy feeling at one with the world.

5 Go for a walk, with no time limit or destination in mind.

See where your feet take you.

13 Create a home spa experience. Indulge your senses and feel the deepest relaxation.

21 Find an affirmation that really resonates with you. Say this phrase when you need a lift.

29 Start the day by noting down three things you’re looking forward to.

6 Write down your feelings, without judgement. Allow yourself to think and express freely.

14 Think about your boundaries. It’s OK to say no.

22 Watch some stand-up comedy. Smile and laugh until your face aches.

30 Forgive someone who hurt you. Letting go can be a weight lifted.

7 Spend some time just stretching your body.

Feel the tension ease and your muscles relax.

15 Make a nostalgic playlist of all your fave tunes, and dance it out!

23 Get some vitamin D. Explore outdoors and reconnect with nature.

31

Treat yourself. Today is all about you, whether that’s making your fave dinner, reading, or spending time with those you love.

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true story

Pregnancy in a pandemic When Elsa found out she was pregnant in autumn 2019, she never could have predicted the additional set of challenges she’d face thanks to Covid-19. Here she shares the highs and lows of pregnancy in a pandemic, and raising a newborn in lockdown Writing | Elsa Megan

A

fter getting married at the end of August 2019, I began my pregnancy journey in late September. I always knew the journey to motherhood would be an incredible experience that came with many challenges, but I can’t say I was prepared for the global pandemic in the middle of it.

When Covid-19 hit the UK, and pregnant women became a risk group, I was sent home from work. I was able to work from home for a few weeks before being furloughed. My husband, Ian, is a farmer, so he continued to work every day, and I was used to being in a busy office, so this was a major change for me. I struggled suddenly being on my own all the time. I felt I was drifting – my days had no routine. So I had to create my own timetables, and gradually settled into a pattern. In a way there were positives to being home so much, as it forced me to do nothing, just rest, and I think my body needed it.

Up until the virus hit, Ian had come to all my appointments with me, but that was another thing that had to change. I did find going alone a little sad. It was also slightly alarming seeing

everyone around me in PPE, but it’s something you get used to. The thing that I was very nervous about, was whether Ian would be able to come into the hospital with me for the birth.

The morning I went into labour on 12 June, he drove me to the hospital, and was allowed in the building with me, but not to the birthing suite until I was in active labour.

I didn’t want to be alone in the suite, so the hospital staff said we could stay together walking round the waiting areas – we did this all day! Finally, around 6.30pm, I was far enough along in my labour for Ian to be allowed in.

My labour went pretty smoothly (if a bit long!) and for a while I completely forgot about the pandemic. When Oscar was born in the early hours of the next morning, Ian was allowed to stay with us until mid-morning. This is something I am so thankful for – it was such a special thing to have our first morning together as a family.

When Oscar and I were moved to a ward later that day, Ian wasn’t able to come with us.

I found this really hard – it felt so strange to be sitting on my own with our new baby. I just wanted Ian to be there with us. >>>

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I struggled suddenly being on my own all the time. I felt I was drifting – my days had no routine

Oscar is my first baby, so I don’t have another experience to compare it to, but our aftercare in the hospital seemed a little short-lived – although I completely understand why! The medical staff were all lovely, but my impression was that they wanted to do as many of Oscar’s check-ups as possible that day, so we could leave and not come back anytime soon.

To be honest, I was pretty OK with that, as I just wanted to go home. But, in hindsight, it would have been good to have some time with people showing me how to look after a new baby. The antenatal courses we had been planning on doing had all been cancelled. We had done one class over Zoom, but that just covered labour, not the actual baby part… I was lucky though, as breastfeeding came pretty easily for me, and although it’s taking Oscar some time to get to sleeping, he is otherwise a very happy little baby!

I do feel that the virus has robbed me of some fairly key aspects of maternity leave. Having not

96 | happiful.com

been able to go to antenatal groups, or, to start with, any baby groups, I did feel quite isolated, and I worried (and still worry) about Oscar missing out on things.

We are fortunate to live near both sets of grandparents, and this has made me feel less lonely while Ian is at work. When the rules around the virus lifted, I was able to start taking Oscar to some baby classes, which he has loved.

And it has been so nice for me to meet other mums. I started to feel less stressed taking Oscar out, although it is still quite hard work when I am on my own, and not able to let anyone hold him – you learn to do a lot of things one-handed!

With the second wave of lockdown, our little routine has pretty much disappeared. Oscar is now five months old, and really getting into everything. He was starting to be so inquisitive and engaging with all the classes and activities, which makes me feel so sad that it has all been taken away from him. He was especially loving swimming, and I really hope that when we are allowed back he won’t have lost his confidence in the water!

true story

I don’t know if it’s harder being in lockdown with a baby than when I was pregnant, or just different. It is definitely more tiring – although pregnancy did make me pretty sleepy. But Oscar is my reason to get up and do things every day (and night), and for him, I know it is important to try to keep some sort of pattern to our days. One little support group I was taking Oscar to has been allowed to continue, so I am still taking him to this every other week.

He can’t get near the other babies, but he is absolutely entranced just to be able to see other little people – and big people! It’s so good for me, too – we see family and friends over Zoom

and Facetime, but there is nothing quite like seeing people in ‘real life’.

Despite the unexpected challenges, there have been some good things to come from life in lockdown. I have always loved where I live, but not being able to go out every day really makes you evaluate your home – having a happy ‘base’ has such a massive impact on your wellbeing. And I’ve definitely got a newfound appreciation for ours!

I also think lockdown has made me less materialistic; whereas before I might go out shopping for the day just for something to do, now we do all our shopping online, I only buy things I really need. That being said, I cannot wait to be able to go out and see people with Oscar – and for them to be able to have a cuddle! I don’t think we will be able to take Oscar to any of the Christmas fairs or Santa’s grottoes, but I still want his first Christmas to be a special one! The best present will be (hopefully) being able to see all our family.

OUR EXPERT SAYS Elsa’s heart-warming story welcomes a new life into the world, in such uncertain times.

This has brought an unexpected challenge to pregnancy and becoming a mother.

However, the security that family and friends, and having a happy ‘base’, bring has been key. The uncertainty of the external

world is less challenging when we have reliable positive influences in our lives, and this is something that Elsa has cultivated wonderfully.

Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred) Counsellor and psychotherapist

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Take a mental health day

Take a proper lunch break

H OW TO

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BOUNDARIES Express how someone’s actions make you feel

Set an OOO for your email when you leave for the day

Prioritise the things that matter most to you Remove social apps temporarily

Let family know when you have a lot on your plate

Put time aside to enjoy your fave things

Use the ‘do not disturb’ feature on your phone

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