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FROM THE BACKWOODS PEW
Forestry Olympics The Olympics just finished. I know while they were in progress, it was keeping some loggers up at night. I am sure the wonder of the luge had them staring at the ceiling…right after wondering if any of his trucks
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will show up in the morning…and if any of his workers will show up to get Antill them loaded…and if the mill will give him any loads this
week…and how many flats his skidder will have…and will he be able to keep the mud off the highway…and where will the weigh-man be parked …and how will he pay for his kids to go to college? I guess maybe the Olympics weren’t high on the worry list for most loggers or foresters. But, if they did have an Olympics for those of us who wander through the
MARCH 2022 l Southern Loggin’ Times
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woods each day, then maybe we could sign up for some of the following events. ONE-HUNDRED YARD DASH: The average distance a forester must race in order to outrun the average ground bee. Competitors must wear boots and jeans. Judges award extra points for style of dance performed over a ground bee’s nest, as well as the rhythmic timing of slapping his or her hat at the bees while dancing. Forester must not fall down, particularly while dashing through the wooded course, nor collide with trees in any manner that would be described as a “face plant.” RELAY: While being pursued by an angry horde of ground bees, the forester runs to others who may be in the woods with him, handing off as many of the aforementioned bees as possible. Each participant then engages in a one-hundred yard dash, or continues the relay. Competitors are disqualified in the event they include their boss in the relay. MARATHON: What the forester passes while driving into a massive expanse of timber, knowing he needs gas, but deciding instead to get some on the way out. He then must hike out to the marathon with a can to get gas to drive his truck and himself home. It also may refer to a series of races between the truck and the woods, if the forester also ate lunch at the marathon. SPRINT: The result of the forester’s smart phone having no signal, and thus his hopes of finding his position on any Google Map and getting out of the woods before darkness falls. Judges award points based on the amount of sweating
