Prepared. by James Bridges Herbage Magazine
There’s a constant battle within me between my expectations and reality.
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It’s been pointed out to me several moments in my life. It seems as if I want more than what is possible. Even as a child. Not in a direct way. So subtle that everyone can hear it if they simply listen. We know it as resistance. As a child I knew it as, “that’s just the way it is.” Returning from digression… If you’ve ever been “stood-up” you will understand there is a deep gut feeling of loss and near derangement that the “standup” victim must process. Most of us fail to process. But it all comes out in the wash right? That gut-check feeling comes from somewhere. It’s because those expectations were never met. Now amp that up. More... Keep going… In my head I tend to see what is possible by looking at what is physically possible rather than taking into account the mental capacity of those who would be carrying out those tasks. For example as a child I looked at money in chunks. I could not for the life of me understand how my parents struggled. I would compute the math in my head. It was simple moving parts of a puzzle. I traveled down the river of thought flowing through my small head. I never thought of the time it would take to feed and clothe three children. The stress involved. The overwhelming thought of what is coming next cripples some. Yet, my head says it can be done. It’s the same with friends and family. The expectations are there. It makes perfect sense to me. Yet there’s always that something called the human element. If you are like me you have tried to battle this. Constantly. Let me give you a word of advice. Stop. Just stop fighting the fact that you will always have higher expectations than others. The key is figuring out how to recognize when you are doing it and is it being done in a healthy way. In my world it usually begins with the tragic moment right after the initial announcement of any kind of news or change in plans where I panic. Step 1. Step back Step 2. Toss in some meds Step 3. Realize that my expectations are not going to be met Step 4. Figuring out a way to move forward In the past I would drink that away. Bury it down there so I didn’t have to deal with it. Luckily, without that with which my operating system did not agree, I am able to take these new steps to manage those thoughts. The thoughts that become the corkscrews in my head.
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