Essays of Africa February 2015

ESSAYS A WOMAN’S JOURNEY

OF AFRICA

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

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CONTENTS EOA

Inside ESSAYS A WOMAN’S JOURNEY

OF AFRICA

www.essaysofafrica.com

FEBRUARY 2015

powerhouse Faith History Nsa about building her entertainment brand and family life.

52 WOMEN’S NETWORK: Mixing business with pleasure is Tumi Ntshingila’s favourite flavour of Sorbet.

70 MY JOURNEY: MD of Zanenza Communications, Zandile Nzalo shares the secret of her success.

46

cover stories 22 MAIN FASHION: Lingerie for every look.

HAIR & MAKE-UP: KELE KEGAKILWE. FASHION: D’ORÈ. ACCESSORIES: ZURI.

MAIN COVER: PHOTOGRAPHER: JURIE POTGIETER. STYLING: TUMI MDLULI.

38 PROFILE: Dr Judy Dlamini blazes a trail through corporate South Africa.

46 THULI SITHOLE: Quietly determined and successfully learning to love herself.

54 SELF-EMPOWERMENT: Entrepreneurship 101: Take stock before you quit your job.

people 30 REAL LIFE: Finding life after loss.

32 Q&A: EOA chats to media

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

90 MAN Q&A: Lawyer Peter Tshisevhe reveals his story of rags to riches, with success achieved through sheer will and determination.

columns

features 56 MONEY: Financial fitness in your 30s, 40s and 50s.

66 SEX & INTIMACY: Does size really matter?

74 RELATIONSHIPS: Introducing your new partner to your children.

76 PARENTING: The juggling act of a working mom.

84 HEALTH: Matters of a healthy heart.

80 NEWS REPORT: Polyandry gives me freedom to remain myself.

92 MAN FEATURE: Low libido: In search of the up-side.

18 GUEST BLOG: I’m having an affair... with fashion!

21 READER’S CORNER: Designer Tuelo Nguyuza shares his fashion and beauty tips for 2015.

34 UNCOVERED: Beware of Cupid’s arrow.

94 #GAYBESTFRIEND: The GBF holds the key to his girlfriend’s heart.

136 THE FINAL WORD: V-Day...

Presidential Style!

80

3

FEBRUARY 2015

beauty

130 MOTORING

97 SEXY 7: Best buys this month

regulars

98 BEAUTY MAIN: Dabble in hair roulette as you change your style this month.

99 BEAUTY NEWS 100 BODY BLITZ: Refresh your fragrance with one of these fabulous choices.

134 MUSIC

7

EDITOR’S LETTER

8

ON LOCATION

9

ONLINE UPDATE

10 CONTRIBUTORS 12 LETTERS PAGE 19 EOA SUBSCRIPTION 19 READER’S CORNER

104

132 HOROSCOPES 135 STOCKISTS

122

fashion

lifestyle

16 SEXY 7: Best buys this month

89 TECH NEWS & APPS

20 FASHION NEWS 22

MAIN FASHION: Lingerie for every look.

35 REAL WOMAN: Nteseng Malesa’s 9 to 5 wardrobe look.

40 SHOPPING: Shoe in a new style for any occasion.

104 FOOD & ENTERTAINING: Dorah Sitole celebrates her love for her late husband and African cuisine in her book ‘Cooking from Cape to Cairo’.

116 DÉCOR STYLE FOCUS: Turn your bathroom into a romantic oasis.

59 ITEM OR OUTFIT: Choose between the designer bag and the gorgeous outfit

119 BOOKS

62 INTERVIEW: Fashion icon Anna Getaneh puts Ethiopia firmly in the spotlight.

122 TRAVEL: Royal Madikwe is safari at its best.

64 VALENTINE‘S DAY SHOPPING 86 MAN FASHION: Spoil him with love... and a gift.

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120 DÉCOR NEWS

126 ENTERTAINMENT: Belinda Davids talks to EOA about the dream of a lifetime.

128 MOVIES & THEATRE

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Nawaal Nolwazi Mdluli

Nadia Goetham Tracy Maher Zama Nkosi, Caryn Thandi Petersen, Hayden Horner, Thina Mthembu, Hlulani Masingi, Phindiwe Nkosi Tumi Mdluli Vuyiswa Mothlabane Rhoda Davids Ndoni Khanyile, Tumi Morake, Hayden Horner, Morongwa Makakane Aisha Baker, Russel Brout, Tuelo Nguyuza, Robyn Bloch, Cheska Stark, Neo Maditle, Dorah Sitole Nicky de Bene Lelethu Tobi, Asanda Mazwi Siphokazi Masele Tatenda Zuva, Shelly Mathole, Mpho Mahlo Tumi Mdluli New Business Development Team Mbalenhle Fakude Nuraan Motlekar Antoinett Botha Fazila Bizor, Lindsay Breytenbach, Lindelwa Isabelle, Ndoni Khanyile, Busisiwe Mahlaba, Sen Mdhluli, Moeketsi Mosola, Dr Salifou Siddo, Nthabe Zondo, Sonto Ndlovu Yusuf Msinyi, Gabriel Mashishi

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

ED’S LETTER EOA

KEEP ON WANTING, AND LOVE YOURSELF FOR IT!

PICTURE: KWENTA MEDIA.

A

walk past the mirror confirms that I had done what I’ve feared most of my adult life.

I had shaved my hair… and in the process I had I liberated myself of weaves and chemicals to reveal the African queen that stared back at me. I have to admit that Thuli Sithole, our February cover girl, affirmed my decision. Her story (page 46) of change and embracing herself wholeheartedly was just the nudge I needed to no longer fear that people would see my once frail hairline, or worry what people would say about my pointy ears once they were exposed. I had done it! I had broken the shackles of conformity and emerged in all my splendour.

I have always considered my hairline and weight to be my Achilles heel but now, rather than limiting myself to European beauty standards, I decided to revel in the real me. I’ve never had the pleasure of truly celebrating my natural hair, and I love my new look. Along with undoing the chains of conformity, I’ve also decided to stop beating myself up for wanting and striving for something different.

The reality is that as women we are looking for something that will make us better or improve us.

For example, it had always been difficult for me to imagine going natural and not having to ‘dress up’ my hair to be acceptable to the outside world. Short

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

women long for lean, graceful legs while those with a generous booty would prefer a little less. The quest for change in all spheres of life is ongoing and I am going to unapologetically seek out opportunities for growth and improvement.

With the arrival of 2015, many Essays Of Africa partners, particularly our invaluable readers, have written to me to share their journeys, which range from wanting to save their marriages, have babies or work on their careers to simply making ends meet or even starting a non-profit organisation. I am inspired by the desires of the readers to make changes in their lives, no matter how big or small, and I encourage every woman to keep wanting and to keep moving towards this change.

Don’t be that “I have it all” woman without a vision or a dream. As we embark on the journey that is 2015 together, I pray that we are all blessed with a broader way of thinking and a deeper state of grace so that we can grow into our true selves. Let’s become our own motivation and stop asking others for permission to step out into the world and do what makes us happy. Dare to discover and go after what you want! E

Nawaal 7

FEBRUARY 2015

EOA ON LOCATION

SO MANY OUTFITS, SO LITTLE TIME!

LIGHTS, CAMERA, THULI SITHOLE!

TUMI ENSURING THAT EVERYTHING IS PACKED AND READY FOR THE COVER SHOOT.

WORDS: TUMI MDLULI. PICTURES: NURAAN MOTLEKAR.

No stranger to being in front of the lens, even though she has been firmly out of the spotlight for some time now, former Miss South Africa, Thuli Sithole, was the epitome of cool when she joined the Essays Of Africa team for this month’s cover shoot. “It was an absolute joy to work with Thuli. She was so down to earth and very calm and collected,” raved director of the shoot, Tumi Mdluli.

TUMI MDLULI MAKING SURE THE EARRINGS MATCH THE OUTFIT.

MAKE-UP ARTIST, KELE KEGAKILWE, WORKING HER CRAFT ON THULI’S ALREADY BEAUTIFUL FACE. THULI SITHOLE POSING FOR THE CAMERA.

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

ONLINE UPDATE EOA

DIGITAL SOLUTIONS

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ESSAYS A WOMAN’S JOURNEY

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ESSAYS A WOMAN’S JOURNEY

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Judith DLAMINI blazes a trail through corporate SA

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OF AFRICA

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Judith DLAMINI blazes

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Fashion icon Anna Getaneh puts Ethiopia firmly in the spotlight

www.essaysofafrica.com

Judith DLAMINI blazes a trail through corporate SA

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Fashion icon Anna Getaneh puts Ethiopia firmly in the spotlight

www.essaysofafrica.com

Lingerie

and does size really matter?

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THULI SITHOLE SHARES HER SECRET TO LOVING YOURSELF

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READY TO START YOUR OWN VENTURE?

and does size really matter?

FOR EVERY LOOK

Knockout combinations for the femme fatale!

THE LATEST ON FRAGRANCES, SHOES & HAIR STYLING!

Fashion icon Anna Getaneh puts Ethiopia firmly in the spotlight

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THE LATEST ON FRAGRA SHOES & HAIR STYLIN NCES, Fashion icon Anna G! Getaneh puts Ethio pia firmly in the spotlight

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EOA CONTRIBUTORS

“I love the fact that simple pleasures – such as the morning sunlight on my face, splashing in puddles after a shower of rain, and writing about anything and everything – make me smile.”

– PHINDIWE NKOSI, features writer.

LOVING

your

“What I love most about my life right now is that it’s my own. I’m not tied down by anything. Having a partner who also reinforces my freedom and encourages me to live my best life, whatever that may be, is the very delicious cherry on top.”

LIFE

–

ZAMA NKOSI, features writer.

Our contributors are strong women with a zest for life. They share the simple things that give them immense pleasure.

“Cupid came late last year, but who am I to complain? There’s so much I love about my life right now, but the best part would be the man who is sharing my life. Yes, I know, a bit of a cliché, but he makes me so very happy.”

“Although it is laden with responsibilities, I appreciate my life because of the loving relationships I’ve made throughout the years.

It is the people in my life that make me love everything about my life right now!”

– HLULANI MASINGI, online content writer.

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

WORDS AND PICTURES: EOA TEAM.

– THINA MTHEMBU, features writer.

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EOA LETTERS

Your letters An educational tool

I just want to say thanks for the great magazine. It’s great to see a magazine that finally celebrates the powerful women of our country in a way that supports local tradition and culture in a way that it fits in with modern society. I’m a teacher and often see the young girls of our country becoming ‘Americanised’ because they are not exposed enough to the truly inspiring women of our own country.

As they are exposed to so many celebrities from the states through television and the internet, many of them aspire to be models or reality TV stars and often forget the power and importance of education. I will be recommending your magazine to all the girls in my classes and incorporating your articles in my teaching!

Tessa Harmse Pretoria

AN AWESOME READ!

Wow, what an amazing mag! I read the first issue and fell in love with it. I can’t wait for the next issue; such resilience and determination to most stories here. Well done, Nawaal!

Futhi Mcoyi

What an elegant, classy, awesome magazine. I’m in love with it already. Well done to the team!

Nolitha Mcanyangwa After reading the last page of your second issue, I’m lost for words by the talent and simplicity of your magazine. As a soulful sister, I feel that this is Nawaal’s calling, and as I was going through the pages, the spirit of God filled me and I connected with the content, which has never happened to me before with any other magazine.

Georgina Phoffu

SOCIAL MEDIA Tshego Ramoupi Monyamane This magazine just has something about it – I mean the title says it all. It calls you from the entrance of the shop. Just got my copy and I am loving it – the way it’s presented I think it is what we have been yearning for.

Rebecca Munyuki Reading January 2015 Essays Of Africa magazine I am enjoying the various articles featured with inspiring women. In the books section, I was pleased to see a great book ‘I hope I get inspired’ by Lillian Barnard.

Can’t wait for February’s issue to read more inspiring essays!

Didintle Vanessa Motsuenyane So today while I was shopping, I saw an interesting magazine and bought it [Essays Of Africa].

By the way, I hardly buy magazines – only Runners magazine and sometimes Destiny. Anyhow, there it was, page 58 – interview with Bridget Nkuna about Owami… as if that wasn’t enough, page 78 has a picture of my girl Wezi Muyembe Njovu looking fabulous as always! As I go on and process that payment for our first breakfast on January 31 – have you RSVP’d? [Owami Breakfasts for Women

with Deep Meaningful Conversations].

Fikile Rina Nyaathi-Masuku New you, New year, New Magazine. As African women you will be inspired by Essays magazine. Get yourself a copy or you can subscribe at www. essaysofafrica.com. Well done to our own sis Nawaal.

Tumi Ntshingila I now have my copy and my Sorbet female guests will appreciate reading inspiring stories about women of our continent. @Nawaal, I need a year subscription for my salon – feeling excited.

Rehilwe Mooketsi @ RehilweMooketsi @EssaysOfAfrica A super cool name for a magazine attached with an awesome cover girl.

Mpho Theko @ mphotheko334 @EssaysOfAfrica Was doing my shopping today, n happened to pic a copy of yo mag #loving it – can’t put it down. #wow Stacey G @darrealstacey @HlulaniThabela Just wanted to say I loved your spread in #essaysofafricamag. We need more #plussizefashion showcased in SA #magazines.

We would love to hear your views, news and especially your feedback on the magazine. Email us at letters@ essasyofafrica.com or post your comments on Facebook.com/essayofafrica, @EssaysOfAfrica or Essays_Of_Africa.

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

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dith azes Ju DLAMINI bl

R SECRET TO SHARES HE URSELF LOVING YO

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FRAGRANCES, THE LATEST ON STYLING! IR HA SHOES & light ly in the spot m fir puts Ethiopia h ne eta G na An Fashion icon

• Essays Of Africa print and digital magazine is alive with the bold stories of women who are blazing trails throughout the continent, uplifting not only themselves but their communities and living the message of hope and liberation.

• Essays Of Africa is available anytime, anywhere with instant online access to our digital and social media platforms.

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EOA FASHION

Sexy SEVEN White is so right this February, and these are TUMI MDLULI’S best picks.

6 love! 5 CAT-EYE FRAMED SUNGLASSES, R4 715, SDM EYEWEAR. These sunnies will have you looking cool in no time.

CHUNKY PEARL BRACELET, R140, AND NECKLACE, R200, BOTH FROM WOOLWORTHS. Double the elegance with this accessory ensemble.

7

WHITE DRESS, R1 300, DIANE. Three words… Fun, fresh, feminine!

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NINA WHITE HEELS, R799, FOREVER NEW. Don’t fear the white shoe; you can pull it off.

DAYLOCK WHITE HANDBAG, R1 199, DUNE LONDON, EDGARS. Large and in charge with this oversized beauty.

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EOA BLOGGER COLUMN

! n o i fash Love is in the air or, as in guest blogger AISHA BAKER’s case, it’s on every fashion rail and shoe stand that she claps eyes on.

i

can still remember the moment I discovered that fashion meant more to me than just stuff with which to cover your body.

As a child I was a bit of a lone ranger, playing around by myself, making up tall tales with my seven Barbie dolls (yes, seven!) in tow. I would dress my BFFs (those seven Barbie dolls) in tiny clothes I found in my grandmother’s sewing studio. This was my idea of fun. Yes, fashion was my best friend, my confidant, and that knowledge went with me wherever I went.

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FIND AND FOLLOW AISHA ON: Twitter: @bakedtheblog Instagram: @bakedtheblog Facebook: /Bakedtheblog

AISHA’S FAVOURITE BLOGS Kenzas.se/kenza-zouiten/ Right now, I love international blogger Kenza Souiten. She is really killing it with her on-point trend reports and, of course, it doesn’t hurt that she has a gorgeous face and fabulous opinions to go with it!

Fashionbreed.org Locally, I’m a huge fan of my good friend, Aqeelah Haron’s blog. The content and images are really strong and I love her words, too. E

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

PICTURES SUPPLIED BY AISHA BAKER.

I’M HAVING AN AFFAIR… WITH

I was five years old when my grandmother, a seamstress after whom I’m named, asked me to try on a beautifully hand-beaded flower-girl dress she had made for an upcoming wedding. She needed to fit the dress to ensure that everything was perfect before sending it off to her eager client. The dress, designed by my grandmother and inspired by Dutch colonialism custom, bellowed out from the waist down and featured hand-beaded appliqué lace flowers. Complete with a bonnet and my beaming smile, that was the moment I knew fashion was not just clothing – it was happiness, pride and sheer romance.

It was also at that moment that my incredibly fashion-conscious grandmother noticed that dressing up in something she had meticulously worked on for hours made me happier than playing outside with my cousins. She started including me in her work as a designer and teaching me garment construction. She bought me a pink children’s sewing machine and we would sit together ‘sewing’ side by side like two designers in a studio. She is the source of my aesthetic today and I’m proud to share both her sense of style and her name. At the ripe old age of 83, my grandmother still has impeccable taste in couture, staying up to date with trends by watching fashion TV regularly. Fashion will never leave her.

Today I’m just as in love with fashion as I was that day in my grandmother’s bedroom when she fitted me with that beautiful flower girl dress. I always dreamt of being a fashion designer but my life led me to a new and exciting adventure that my younger self would have never imagined. My blog and various other forms of social networking allow me to share this deep connection I have with fashion with other women. I get to share my love affair with fashion with thousands of people in the most organic way possible, and I love it.

I hope to make my grandmother proud of the gift she has given me – the gift of self-expression. She has taught me that no matter how mundane our lives may become, one sparkly dress can transport us to a new world – if only for a few hours – bringing us a joy within that no one can take away.

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FEBRUARY 2015

EOA FASHION NEWS

TREND ALERT: BANDANAS ARE BACK!

We are loving this ‘It’ accessory – not just because it is so on-trend right now, but also because you can find really cool ones for as little as R100 a pop! Very versatile and the perfect accessory, whether you wear it around your neck or as a headband, the bandana is a wardrobe staple that is making its big comeback this season, especially as we move into the cooler months of the year. A firm favourite among motorcycle enthusiasts, punk rockers, and rock ‘n’ roll icons, this classic printed handkerchief adds colour and fashion flair to any outfit. Go on… try it!

DESIGN INDABA IS HERE

To see the best of global creativity on one stage, the annual Design Indaba Conference in Cape Town is the place to be. If you can’t make it to the Mother City, there will be live broadcasts to several cities in South Africa, too. The line-up includes the usual international speakers who will share their knowledge on design and innovation. Surprise elements of dialogue, performance and music will intersperse the speakers’ line-up for a unique experience that has become part and parcel of Design Indaba’ annual offering. For more information, visit Designindaba.com.

Dates: 25 to 27 February 2015 Venue: Cape Town International Convention Centre (CTICC)

Since the opening of its flagship store in Milpark, Joburg, Freddy has truly grown from strength to strength. In fact, the brand will be opening a second store at the newly renovated Bryanston Shopping Centre. So, if you’re all about embracing your curvaceous self and looking fabulously shapely, Freddy is the store for you. This is also the first Freddy concept store in the world that reflects the brand’s new look. For more info, visit Freddy.co.za.

IN SEARCH OF THE NEXT STAR

2015 started off with a worldwide curve celebration, as fuller-bust lingerie brand Curvy Kate searched the globe for their latest Star In A Bra queen. The Star In A Bra competition promotes a positive approach to body image. Known for their use of non-professional models, the brand shows their fans exactly how their lingerie will look and fit on a variety of body shapes, cementing the message that there isn’t ‘one perfect body’ type. All sizes, ages, frames and heights are encouraged to enter as the brand continues to celebrate the beauty of all women. For more info, visit Kazlingerie.com or call 011 702 3019. E

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

WORDS: THINA MTHEMBU. PICTURES: ©iSTOCK.COM; DESIGNINDABA.COM; FREDDY; CURVY KATE.

FREDDY IS IN TOWN

READER’S CORNER EOA

A LITTLE HELP FROM A FRIEND

PICTURE: SUPPLIED BY TUELO NGUYUZA.

I

t’s not every day that one recognises practical, yet sophisticated style in an Afrocentric, locally produced glossy magazine. I don’t mean the type that you look at and think “hmmm”, but one that grabs the attention of both the layman and industry players.

I don’t normally write in to publications, but after browsing Essays Of Africa with fellow designers and clients, I felt compelled to write in and share my opinions on industry trends with my fellow readers.

Colour blocking is an outdated trend. Don’t do it anymore; dissociate from it completely. It was great in 2014, but let it lie low. My forecast for colours worth exploring is fuchsia pink, electric blue and copper. This is a step away from safe, earthy colours.

While I’m one to advocate clothes that reveal individualised personality, I will never downplay the importance of owning timeless garments and/or artefacts.

The three ‘must-have’ items you cannot go without this year include the classic white shirt, well-fitted blue jeans and a pair of amazing black shoes.

If you want to take that a step further, you may consider investing in box dresses, voluminous midi skirts and a welltailored suit. For those wanting to be bolder in their attire this year, start off by finding a single clothing item and/or accessory that can best describe you. For me personally, that item is shoes, but whatever your thing is, go for it and let it shine.

As for the ongoing battle of art over function or function over art, my priority is always function over art.

Functionality cannot be overstated in whatever you choose to wear. That being said, peep toes are not meant to have protruding toes hanging for centimetres beyond the shoes.

Wear your correct shoe and bra size. If you’re not sure what they are, there’s no harm in asking someone who knows.

Quality, functionality and a good show are the three guidelines I embrace when preparing for any fashion show or dressing A-list clients and other fashion-alert people who opt for my collection. How you wear the clothes and incorporate them is probably just as important. While following trends is cool, don’t be afraid of expressing

E SSAY S OF A F R I C A

Essays Of Africa has scored a fashionable nod from TUELO NGUYUZA, designer and founder of Tuelo Nguyuza Kollectvz, and here he shares his style and beauty tips for 2015.

yourself in a way that is uniquely you. However, guard against ‘cutting edge’ styles and rather ensure your outfit complements your body and personality. Yes, it’s a fine balancing act. We all love a good clearance sale but that doesn’t mean you have to buy it and wear it. Instead, spoil yourself to a signature designer outfit that has been tailored just for you.

Moving on to beauty and all things fashionably bodyrelated. Instead of vouching for weaves or natural hair, I think the choice isn’t as important as ensuring that your hair is clean and well maintained. Remember that the body is a vehicle for style and everything else. Many black women are inclined not to shave or wax their armpits, legs and bikini areas. This is a definite no-no. In my opinion, it really makes a big difference whether or not a lady shaves.

Men and women need to take pride in their appearance and health, and I can’t stress the importance of drinking enough water. It sounds simplistic, but drinking water is a not-so-secret beauty secret that actually works. My other beauty secret that I do religiously is to wash my face before and after I sleep. Apart from cleansing the skin, it calms the face and enhances natural radiance.

This year, think style, beauty and appeal. Take the time to determine what these mean to you. Also, remember you are who you are, and that is more than enough. Stop selling yourself short by trying so hard to fit in with popular culture.

As Africans, we dance to the beat of our own drum. Beat it.

Love your clothes. Love your style. Take pride in how you carry yourself. Flash that brilliant smile, embrace your rich African skin, and value your worth as a woman. E

Tuelo Nguyuza’s list of accomplishments are varied, from studying at Tshwane University of Technology and showcasing at the 2014 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week (Joburg), to winning the 2014 Africa Fashion International (AFI) FastrackTM Award and House of Leisure Rising Star 2014 award.

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FEBRUARY 2015

White Spotlight Bikini: R269.95 Brief: R169.95 Triumph

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

A LOVE affair FASHION EOA

Valentine’s Day is all about loving yourself first and foremost, and what better way than to drape your body in beautiful lingerie.

By TUMI MDLULI.

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FEBRUARY 2015

Freya Hopscotch Bra: R895; Brasilian Brief: R395 Barclay & Clegg

DIAMANTÉ NECKLACE, R390, GOLD BRACELET, R280, BOTH FROM ZURI; GREEN AND GOLD BOOB TUBE TOP, R450, MAROON BALL SKIRT, R750; BOTH FROM AFRICA FASHION HOUSE; PRINTED CLUTCH WITH MATCHING HEELS, R900, BOTH FROM NEEMA COLLECTION.

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

FASHION EOA

Bralette: R385, Barclay & Clegg

G-string: R265, Barclay & Clegg

Sweet pink bra: R299, Truimph, Zando.co.za

Red bra: R799, Calvin Klein, Edgars

Pink & black lace briefs: R219, Truimph, Zando.co.za

SEXY LINGERIE for all types A selection of intimate lingerie to woo your partner this Valentine’s Day.

2 sets of black & purple bras: R249, Sloggi, Zando.co.za

Freya Hopscotch Bra: R895, Barclay & Clegg

Freya Hopscotch Brasilian brief: R395, Barclay & Clegg

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Tank and shorts set: P.O.R., Calvin Klein, Edgars

Black négligée: R489, Lisa Rose, Zando.co.za

2 sets of black & purple briefs: R169, Sloggi, Zando.co.za

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FEBRUARY 2015

Freya Oh La La Blush UW Bra & Bikini: R795 G-String: R455 Barclay & Clegg

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

Freya Rio UW Balcony Bra: R810 Bikini Shortie: R385 Barclay & Clegg

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

FASHION EOA

Freya Oh La La Bra: R795, Barclay & Clegg

White Spotlight Bikini: R269.95, Triumph

Red Spotlight Bikini: R279.95, Triumph

Freya Oh La La G-String: R455, Barclay & Clegg

White Spotlight Brief: R169.95, Triumph

Red Spotlight Bikini: R179.95, Triumph

BRING OUT the undies

Add a more dramatic colour to your outfit and take it from daytime romance to nighttime drama. Â 2 Sets of bras: R299 Triumph, Zando.co.za

Black Spotlight Bikini: R269.95, Triumph

Grey w/lace bra: R299, Triumph, Zando.co.za

Black Spotlight Bikini: R170, Triumph

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Grey brief: R219 Triumph, Zando.co.za

2 Sets of briefs: R229 Triumph, Zando.co.za

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FEBRUARY 2015

FASHION EOA Distraction matt sheer padded bra from R240, Woolworths

Distraction matt sheer high waisted from R120, Woolworths

Freya Rio UW Balcony Bra: R810, Barclay & Clegg

Freya Rio UW Balcony Shortie: R385, Barclay & Clegg

Distraction nude tattoo padded bra from R299, Woolworths

Distraction nude tattoo bikini from R110, Woolworths

SEXY

vibes

Black and red are such obvious choices, so mix it up with pure white alternatives for an updated look.

Distraction eyelash lace teddy from R399, Woolworths

Distraction gown from R299, Woolworths

Distraction matt sheer padded bra from R240, Woolworths

Distraction chemise from R280, Woolworths

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

Distraction matt sheer tanga from R99.95, Woolworths

Distraction matt sheer bodysuit from R375, Woolworths

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FEBRUARY 2015

Finding life after FE B RUA RY 2 0 1 5

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LOSS ESSAYS OF AFRICA

REAL LIFE EOA

Despite losing her two sons to a mysterious illness, MELANIE JOHNSON has found the courage to face life again. She tells HAYDEN HORNER her heartbreaking story of loss and finding renewed purpose to carry on.

COMPILED BY HAYDEN HORNER. PICTURES: MELANIE JOHNSON. ©iSTOCK.COM.

I

was a content single mom to my 10-year-old daughter, Alyssa, when I met a man who became my closest friend and confidant. Over time our relationship deepened into a beautiful romance that culminated in marriage. Two years later I gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Michael, who only deepened the bond my husband and I shared.

Our family life was good until shortly before Michael’s third birthday, when he developed flu-like symptoms that resulted in endless hours spent in doctors’ rooms and hospitals, but with no clear diagnosis.

Within a month his condition rapidly deteriorated, and chronic breathing problems had him almost always on a nebuliser. A paediatric cardiologist eventually told us they’d found excessive pressure around his heart valves and that surgery would be the only way to identify the cause of the condition.

After such an invasive procedure, the highly skilled team of medical professionals still had no answers for us. We took our young son home, set up an oxygen tent to help him breathe, and prayed for the best with our family and friends. Michael took a turn for the worse and he was back in hospital again – this time on life support.

It was an Easter Sunday, when most families would be gathering to spend quality time together feasting on a lovely lunch; instead we gathered to switch off Michael’s life support. Long after he’d taken his final breath, I still couldn’t accept what we had been forced to do. I felt my body and mind shut down with emotional anguish, as I began packing his overnight bag and favourite teddy bear. It was the darkest day of our lives.

A FRESH START

Part of our healing process as a family was the decision to start afresh, so we moved into a new home and did our best to be there for each other and Alyssa. About a year later, we were blessed with a sweet baby girl, Kenya, and the sound of laughter filled our home once more. Seeing our teenage daughter bond with her baby sister was like a healing ointment for our wounds. On Kenya’s third birthday, I discovered I was pregnant again and soon Noah, our new baby boy, was born. Not even a major financial slump could dampen our spirits as my husband and I wrapped ourselves in the joy of our three children. However, that feeling was short-lived.

Just before Noah’s third birthday he developed the same flu-like symptoms that his brother had.

Again, for three months we went through the same process

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as we did with Michael during his illness – doctors’ visits, tests and waiting on cold hospital benches almost daily, without any idea why this nightmare had returned. We spent time talking and praying in the hospital chapel. As our support group grew, so did the panel of medical experts who were trying to find answers. We clung to the hope that our boy would pull through, even as his most vital organs fell under siege.

Baffled by what was causing Noah’s little body to turn on him, the doctors tried everything, including dialysis, which made his body swell into an almost unrecognisable shape. The failed dialysis also led to his brain swelling, and this forced the neurosurgeon to make a small incision to relieve the pressure on his brain. The drawback of this procedure was that it could cause brain injury – a chance we were willing to take if it meant saving Noah’s life. The surgery went well, but Noah’s condition worsened.

Although he was a brave little fighter, we were soon faced with the horrible decision again – to turn off his life support. The pain and anger was indescribable as we watched the life fade from Noah. I couldn’t understand why this was happening to my baby boys, and neither could the medical fraternity, who, at this stage, was made up of experts from around the world.

PICKING UP THE PIECES

As the months went by the trauma took its toll on our family and our marriage began to fall apart. My girls were emotional wrecks and had to undergo counselling, while my husband and I mourned our loss in different ways. The sight of each other was a painful reminder of what we had experienced and it seemed to make more sense to be apart. A few months later my husband moved out and we eventually divorced.

It’s now five years later and I have managed to survive the deep heartache this loss has caused me. The wounds have healed, but the scars will always remain. For the sake of our daughters, my ex-husband and I maintain contact and share the responsibilities of raising our daughters. We have each met wonderful new partners with whom to share our respective lives and the four of us celebrate our children’s birthdays and attend school functions together, while still trying to do our best to honour the memory of Michael and Noah.

My journey of extreme sorrow has filled me with compassion for others. Between work and raising my two beautiful girls, I also dedicate my time to working with the Centre for People with Learning Disabilities and assist with feeding needy and destitute women and children. E

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FEBRUARY 2015

NOTHING

faith

BUT

As a well-known TV personality, FAITH HISTORY NSA has built a powerful name for herself in the entertainment business. Having recently moved back to Nigeria from her base in Joburg, she chats to CARYN THANDI PETERSEN about her journey thus far and what’s in store for 2015.

orn Faith Temitope Adepoju, Faith History Nsa is a Nigerian-American TV host, producer, voice-over artist and digital media consultant.

Currently the producer and host of the entertainment series Rolling With Faith History, which airs on DStv Africa Magic, Faith recently launched another reality series HiFashion Afrika on the Fashion One channel, with a global viewership of over 100 million.

With a passion for youth culture and digital media, she has worked at Ogilvy & Mather and consulted on various lifestyle brands, being awarded a Grand Prix at the Loerie Awards in 2009.

Her business acumen has led her to open her own production and digital media house. With other exciting projects in the pipeline, there’s no stopping this fierce powerhouse of a woman.

Was the world of television always something you wanted to get into?

I got into it out of necessity actually. Funny story. When I lived in New York there was a big Nigerian Entertainment Awards show that needed to be covered, so my creative partner and I decided we should do it. She directed, edited and filmed, and I wrote the script and hosted – and so it began. The clip is still on YouTube!

Television requires many long hours and stress, but can also be a lot of fun. I wouldn’t trade it for any other career right now, so when the director yells “Action!” I try to remember that and bring that same energy across to my viewers.

You grew up in Nigeria and America. How did those years shape the woman you’ve become?

It gave me a broader worldview; it shaped the way I create, my

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

Q&A EOA tastes, my outlook on life, and really everything else about me. I’m so grateful that my parents kept me in boarding school until the end of secondary school, before I joined them in America.

This gave me a solid foundation and confidence in myself as an African, which helped keep me grounded once I got to the States.

Getting funding for my productions has always been a challenge, and I’ve mostly had to invest personal funds. But I’ve learnt to never take “no” for an answer.

I kept working at making my dreams a reality, regardless of what anyone told me.

My philosophy is that someone out there wants what you have to give, so find him or her and make it happen.

Give the readers an overview of your academic and career background.

I attended the University of Baltimore in Maryland, Virginia (USA) and worked in several industries from IT to publishing. I finally settled to work in the advertising and entertainment industry before I moved to live in South Africa. These experiences gave me an amazing opportunity to learn firsthand how to work with people from different cultures and backgrounds. Most of all, these experiences instilled in me the vision to return to Africa to be part of a new generation referred to as the “African History Makerz”.

What motivated your move back to Nigeria and how has it been for you and your family?

I decided to move back because it was simply the right time. I’ve lived far away from home for half my life and it seemed like the right time to go back and share every gift I have to give. I love the fact that I’m living fearlessly! My husband and I are both in TV production, so we schedule all our projects around balancing our kids’ needs with our careers. It’s a blessed time right now. I love being a mom and watching my kids grow, while living with the love of my life and seeing my career blossom after all the years of hard work.

PICTURES: FAITH HISTORY NSA.

Why did you want to do Rolling With Faith History and how did it come about?

I was inspired to create it in 2010 by the amazing quality and growth of the African fashion and entertainment industry. I wanted to create a show that would allow viewers to check out the people behind the scenes in the industry. I knew there was a lot of competition and I wanted to do it professionally, so I enrolled in a TV presenting course at On Cue Productions in Randburg, Johannesburg, and the rest, as they say, is history.

You recently got involved in fashion with your new reality show HiFashion Afrika. Is it a passion of yours?

Yes, definitely! Fashion has always been part of my life. I launched my first fashion line FAKT with a friend while I was at university and ran it quite successfully until we parted ways. Then when I moved to New York, I became a stylist and had an image consulting and photography agency, LAUTE, with a partner, which led me to become the associate creative and style director for the AfricanMag in New York.

a production or news agency, and then practise, practise, practise. But most of all just get in there and do it.

What’s next for Faith History?

Oooh… hopefully lots of goodies! I would like to explore more of my talents. Soon I’ll be starting a radio show (although it’s still hush-hush…) and I hope to produce one or two big-format shows here in Nigeria. I’d also like to create more opportunities to give back to my people, especially young women, so I’m working on establishing a secondary school and a motivational tour. Ultimately, I’ll continue to build the Faith History brand across Africa. E

Who is Faith when the cameras are switched off?

Faith is someone who loves reading, and especially spiritually uplifting books that help explain the world we live in. I’ve just finished Manuscript Found In Accra

by Paulo Coelho, and it’s amazing! I also play a lot with my kids, rolling around and having fun. I’m also a social media junkie, so I love catching up on social media when I have free time.

What advice would you give to other women wanting to start a career in the communications industry?

Firstly, get yourself a mentor. It doesn’t have to be a personal mentor; it can be someone whose style you simply admire and from whom you can learn.

Get the relevant training – whether it’s a university degree or an online short course, go for it. Volunteer or intern at

“I love the fact that I’m living fearlessly!”

What have been some of the biggest challenges in your career and lessons learnt along the way?

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FEBRUARY 2015

EOA UNCOVERED

BEWARE of cupid’s ARROW Why do we still see romance as a bigger achievement than career success, asks

I

’ll be honest; I’ve never really understood the purpose of Valentine’s Day beyond it being a marketing exercise to sell romance-related paraphernalia. My first personal experience with this commercial ‘holiday’ happened when I was a seven-year-old in a New Jersey public school in the United States. The whole school was decorated in red and pink hearts, and we all exchanged special cards and sweets. No one was left out of the celebrations, as the card- and gift-giving were mandatory.

This all seemed very appropriate and exciting at the time, as I was in the throes of my first big crush; the object of my affection was my brother’s friend Johnny. Back home in South Africa the occasion was marked by boys from neighbouring schools sending roses to the girls they liked. This, of course, became the ultimate popularity contest because the more roses you got, the more admirers you had and the more social clout it brought you.

Unfortunately, this form of social currency doesn’t end in high school. I have had a disturbing number of conversations over the last few months with women in their mid-to-late-twenties who congratulated me on being married, with approving looks

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that showed that they see it as an achievement on my part.

Marriage an achievement? This thought is foreign to me. I see completing a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree as an achievement; the upward progression of my career is an achievement. Don’t get me wrong, I’m crazy about my husband, but marrying him was a decision, not an achievement. Surprisingly, the women were high-achieving professionals in their chosen fields, but they still saw themselves as lacking or incomplete until they had found the ‘perfect’ partner.

It seems decades of patriarchy-laden, popular culture messaging has firmly entrenched the notion that no matter how smart, successful or fulfilled a woman is, our society will always see her as a failure or deficient because she couldn’t get a man to marry her. That this thinking persists in 2015 and is swallowed whole by women in their twenties is astounding.

Regardless of the nature of the contract, a partnership can be an incredibly enriching experience that will challenge you as it forces you to deal with yourself and your feelings without projecting your fears, or dumping your baggage on your lover.

For it to have any chance at longevity, you have to know yourself and take responsibility for your choices and happiness.

And that’s the scariest part. It’s so much easier to surrender our fate and happiness to someone else – first our parents and then, ultimately, our spouses. We no longer have to make the hard decisions that affect our own lives, our future – or anything at all, for that matter. The hard truth is, you can’t truly share yourself with someone until you fully own yourself, love yourself – and, yes, govern yourself.

LET’S SHARE How do other people’s expectations affect how you feel about your relationship status? Send your thoughts to letters@essaysofafrica.com. E

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

PICTURE: SUPPLIED BY NDONI KHANYILE.

BY NDONI KHANYILE

REAL WOMAN EOA

OFFICE READY, STEADY,

GO!

Monday LOOK

CLIP-ON EARRING, R180, STATEMENT NECKLACE, R290, BLACK BRACELET SET, R250; ALL FROM ZURI; SHEATH DRESS, R1 000, DEFINE AT STUTTAFORDS; BLACK SCORPION SANDAL, R2 250, CASTELO.

TUMI MDLULI styles Nteseng Malesa in five great office looks.

Nteseng Malesa (34) is the quintessential go-getter, who loves her career but also nurtures her spirituality, her friends and family, and her love for fashion. She is single and hails from Mamelodi East in Pretoria.

Her work as a personal assistant to the head of fiduciary advice at FNB Trust Services requires her to be organised, calm under pressure and, of course, to look the part from Monday to Friday.

When asked about her personality and what kind of woman she is outside of work, she responded: “I’m strongwilled, sometimes opinionated, and not afraid to stand up for my rights. I love everything about my life right now – my work, my spirituality and my freespirited nature.” Friends and family are also very important to Nteseng: “I’m a daughter, sister, aunt and a friend, and my family means everything to me.

I’m proud of the strengths that I have, which are enhanced tenfold by the people I surround myself with.”

About fashion, she has this to say: “I love fashion but I’m not obsessed with it. I like to keep up with the trends, but instead of following them like a slave I give them a little ‘Nteseng twist’ to make it my own.

I especially love African prints and bright colours.”

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FEBRUARY 2015

EOA REAL WOMAN

Tuesday

Wednesday

GOLD DROP EARRINGS, R180, ZURI; BLACK AND WHITE SHIFT DRESS, R1 400, STUTTAFORDS; BLACK AND TRANSPARENT STILETTOS, R2 250, CASTELO.

BEATEN GOLD TEARDROP EARRINGS, R90, ZURI; BLACK PENCIL SKIRT, R340, WHITE SHIRT, R380, BOTH FROM TRUWORTHS; BLACK AND TRANSPARENT STILETTOS, R2 250, CASTELO.

LOOK

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LOOK

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

REAL WOMAN EOA

Thursday

Friday

GOLD HOOP EARRINGS, R130, GOLD TRIBAL NECKPIECE, R380, BLACK BRACELET SET, R150, ALL FROM ZURI; BOOB-TUBE DRESS, R440, TRUWORTHS; NUDE AND LEOPARD PRINT SANDAL, R1 650, CASTELO.

CLIP-ON EARRINGS, R180, GOLD NECKPIECE WITH PEARL DETAIL, R150, BLACK BRACELET SET, R150, ALL FROM ZURI; BLUE AND WHITE MAXI DRESS, R380, FOSCHINI; GLADIATOR SANDALS, R1 750, CASTELO.

LOOK

PHOTOGRAPHER: JAMES DEKKER. MAKE-UP: PRUDENCE SEGAMI.

LOOK

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FEBRUARY 2015

Pioneer of the FUTURE

Chairman of Mbekani Group and Aspen Pharmacare, DR JUDY DLAMINI has blazed a formidable trail through corporate South Africa, transforming companies with her insight and passion. CARYN THANDI PETERSEN recaps her illustrious career.

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PROFILE EOA

“It’s easy to become complacent, especially when you believe you’ve fulfilled a dream ... I had to dream bigger.”

ioneers shape history: men and women who have forged new territories, paving the way for others to follow in their footsteps.

In South Africa, innovators such as these, who refused to accept the status quo, shaped the struggle for freedom and it would be no exaggeration to include doctor-turnedentrepreneur, Judy Dlamini, amongst those who are pioneering our future. Indeed, Judy has done more than shatter the proverbial glass ceiling; she has, in fact, redefined the landscape entirely.

One of only a handful of women – and certainly the only black woman – to have repeatedly made it on the top 100 wealthiest people list in South Africa, Judy has risen through the ranks of pale males dominating capital and industry. Although she has publicly disputed the lists as not truly accurate, stating that wealth and rankings don’t drive her, there can be no doubting her status as the country’s top woman in business.

Born in Westville, Durban and raised in Clermont, Nobuhle Judith Dlamini dreamt of being a doctor from a young age. Despite growing up under the oppressive apartheid regime, she learnt a strong work ethic from her parents. “They were both hardworking with a strong value system,” she says. “The way they worked as a team and overcame many challenges as a couple set a good example for me.”

PICTURE: SUPPLIED BY DR JUDY DLAMINI.

The Sky Is The Limit

Her hard work paid off, as she obtained her medical degree from the University of KwaZulu-Natal and ran a practice in Umlazi, the third largest township in the country, for a decade. “I loved being a doctor, and it’s the best thing I ever did,” says Judy proudly. “A successful career as a doctor built my confidence to explore other career paths.”

And explore new careers she did. Staying in the field of medicine, Judy received a Diploma in Occupational Health and began consulting for companies. But her yearning for something more led her down an entirely new path, as she decided to venture into business and complete an MBA. About this decision, Judy reflects: “It’s easy to become complacent, especially when you believe you’ve fulfilled a dream.” She sees her loss of passion for practising medicine as synonymous with the urge to look for new challenges. “I had to dream bigger,” she explains.

With her foray into the business world came a move to Johannesburg, where determination and hard work again paid off, as she eventually became a senior manager at HSBC. Still, her desire to explore new territories only grew and she soon left to venture out on her own. Judy founded Mbekani Group in 2003, of which she is still the executive chair, and since then her credentials have expanded considerably – currently serving as

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

chairman of the board for Aspen Pharmacare and on the board of directors for numerous companies, including Anglo American plc.

She also recently became the biggest investor in Hyde Park’s luxury multibrand store, Luminance.

Rise Above The Challenge

Yet despite her phenomenal capabilities and work ethic, it was not an easy ride to the top. “Being black and being a woman will always offer challenges of prejudice,” she says. “You just have to work hard and smart, develop a thick skin.” She credits the numerous transformation laws in the country with helping to shift this. Considering that white men largely still control wealth, the reality without these laws in place would be quite frightening. “It’s still a patriarchal society, where women have to work harder to be recognised and acknowledged,” she laments.

Having lived through the dehumanising effects of apartheid, Judy is passionate about empowering other black women through her work. “This doesn’t only benefit women, but business as well,” she states. She recently completed her doctorate in Business Leadership, focusing on the intersection of race, gender and social class in the career progression of women in South Africa – finding that race, closely followed by gender, are the two biggest barriers to success. Her company, Mbekani Group, is largely made up of women. “Women have a different approach to life and leadership,” she believes. “Diversity in gender leads to better decisions and improved bottom line.”

Through all of her triumphs and challenges, Judy has had her husband, Sizwe Nxasana, by her side. As the CEO of FirstRand, Sizwe is a powerhouse in his own right. The two met in high school, and despite their busy careers their union is still going strong. “We’ve always motivated each other and supported each other in our work,” says Judy. “While we both work long hours, we make time for each other and our family.”

Theirs is a partnership that has survived the worst of tragedies: the loss of their son, Sifiso. “I don’t believe you can ever get over losing your child,” she reflects. What keeps her going is the gratitude she feels to have been blessed with him in her life, cherishing the many beautiful memories she has of her son. Judy and her husband established a trust in his name and are currently completing a community centre that will be named after him. “It doesn’t bring him back, but it helps keep his memory alive.”

In all of her work, Judy has given back. She is a trustee and founder of Mkhiwa Trust, a family trust for rural development and education of the previously disadvantaged, and her contribution to South Africa is far from over, with professed hopes to be working until her last days. It is clear she feels it a privilege, one that was robbed from generations preceding hers. Judy’s fire and focus is unparalleled, characterised by steely determination and a vision fuelled by true innovation. E

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Shopping

SHOE IN A NEW STYLE Every woman loves a pair of great shoes, whether for comfort or to add a dash of sex appeal to her look. TUMI MDLULI scoured the stores to give you a great selection for the summer.

BLACK WEDGE, R479, BRONX WOMAN. KIKI GOLD WEDGE, R399, BRONX WOMAN.

NUDE WEDGE, R439, MISS BLACK, ZANDO.CO.ZA.

LARISSA WEDGE, R1 249, WOOLWORTHS.

PIPED WEDGE PLATFORM SANDALS, R599, WOOLWORTHS.

Funky wedges

EXO

THEY ARE THE NEW GO-TO SHOE, AND ADD THE PERFECT FINISHING TOUCH TO THE CASUAL LOOK. GREAT WITH LONG AND SHORT DRESSES ESPECIALLY, WEDGES ARE ALSO PERFECT WITH RELAXED CUFFED PANTS AND SHORTS. IF YOU DON’T OWN A PAIR BY NOW, TAKE A LOOK AT THESE STYLES FOR SOME INSPIRATION. FE B RUA RY 2 0 1 5

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FASHION EOA SCRUMMY DEVA, R1 490, CLARKS.

NUDE PINK FRINGED HEEL, P.O.R. RAPHAELLA BOOZ.

RENALLA NUDE SANDBAR, R1 299, VINCE CAMUTO, EDGARS.

Skyscraper sandals ROYAL BLUE SANDAL, R529, URBAN ZONE, ZANDO.CO.ZA.

There’s still a good two months of sunny weather on the horizon, so don’t pack away those high-heel sandals just yet. Perfect for a girls’ night out on the town or to show off a bit of skin with that brand new cocktail dress, these sexy sandals are a must-have in every woman’s wardrobe.

JERIMYA CLOUD CREAM, R1 499, VINCE CAMUTO, EDGARS.

SUSIE DIVA, R1 190, CLARKS.

EXOTIC GLADIATOR, P.O.R. RAPHAELLA BOOZ. BROWN AND WHITE SANDAL, R399, URBAN ZONE, ZANDO.CO.ZA.

TRIBAL HEEL, R1 450, CASTELO.

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Shopping

NET BOOTIE, R1 550, CASTELO.

BELLINI ROSE PATENT HEEL, R1 399, DUNE LONDON, EDGARS.

PATENT STILETTO, R2 800, KAREN MILLEN.

POLKA DOT SLINGBACK SHOES, R399, WOOLWORTHS.

Stiletto stunners

CELENA BLACK, R1 599, DUNE LONDON, EDGARS.

It is never too late to own a pair of these gorgeous stilettos. Apart from adding some spice to your outlook, they make you feel tall, confident, beautiful and sexy.

BLACK PEEP-TOE HEEL, R4 200, KAREN MILLEN.

GOLD HEEL, R3 100, KAREN MILLEN.

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GLAD SQUIG, R2 850, CASTELO.

FASHION EOA

BROWN & COLOURFUL SANDALS, R279, FUNKY FISH, ZANDO.CO.ZA.

ORANGE FLAT SANDALS, R159, UTOPIA, ZANDO.CO.ZA.

GOLD GLIMMER FLIP-FLOP, R299.

BRONX WOMAN.

BROWN STUDDED GLADIATOR, R499, BRONX WOMAN.

Calling all gladiators These strappy sandals have been around for a couple of seasons, but the look is still going strong.

Stay right on trend and wear them throughout summer, as they go great with everything from jeans to longer length dresses. Always keep them visible so the detail of the shoe is seen.

SIMPLE GLADIATOR, R1 550, CASTELO.

KENSIL COPPER, R1 299, VINCE CAMUTO, EDGARS.

GLAD DIAM, R2 250, CASTELO.

FRINGED SANDAL, R1 779, RAPHAELLA BOOZ.

RAW EDGE TOE BAND SANDALS, R225, WOOLWORTHS.

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Shopping CLASSIC CANVAS PUMPS, R140, WOOLWORTHS.

BLACK AND WHITE SPORTS PUMPS, R1 199, DUNE LONDON, EDGARS.

DUNBAR RACER, R1 390, CLARKS. AMERETTO PINK PATENT, R1 299, DUNE LONDON, EDGARS.

Pump it up

Embellished or plain, pointy or peep-toe, leather or canvas, the perfect pair of pumps is a shopping trip away. So versatile and comfortable, pumps are truly a girl’s best friend – from the more formal ones for the office, to the cute varieties that you can tote in your handbag and whip out if the occasion calls for it.

DALMI STEEL PUMP, P.O.R. VINCE CAMUTO, EDGARS.

BLACK PUMPS, R2 200, KAREN MILLEN.

PATENT NUDE PUMP, P.O.R. VINCE CAMUTO, EDGARS.

GOLD AND SILVER PUMP, R249, ZOOM, ZANDO.CO.ZA.

ROSARIO BERRY PATENT PUMPS, R2 740, PRETTY BALLERINAS.

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Beyond the Blue C49329

Quietly

Determined

& SUCCEEDING

Many know her as a radiant former Miss South Africa, but THULI SITHOLE is so much more than that. She’s a mother, an entrepreneur and a woman who has finally fallen in love… with herself.

ZAMA NKOSI finds out more about her journey since her glory days as the prettiest girl in the land.

t was 2005 when South Africans recognised Thuli Sithole’s face and name as the newly crowned Miss South Africa. A title that had put many before her on the map, Thuli carried out her duties without hiccups or sordid scandals. Unlike some of her predecessors, she was one of the more discreet winners of the beauty pageant title and carried herself with dignity and pride. These days, Thuli is managing her own business, planning on launching exciting new ventures, and immersing herself in her most important title yet – that of motherhood. We caught up with Thuli to find out about her journey of self-discovery and why she’s chosen to live her life away from public adoration.

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LIFE AFTER THE CROWN When her social engagements that came with being Miss South Africa ended, Thuli seemed to disappear from the public eye but according to her she was busy crafting a life she had always dreamt of. “Immediately after Miss South Africa, I went back to Wits to finish my degree in urban planning. I then worked in the property sector as a property developer for a short while.

Since 2008 I’ve been working as a consultant, doing quite a bit of skills development and corporate training. I also had a concierge company which has since closed, so a lot has happened since those days of Miss South Africa,” she explains.

Thuli needed some time to get her bearings after she won the much-coveted crown of Miss South Africa. As one can imag-

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COVER STORY EOA

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ine, the expectations that come with the title can be taxing and Thuli says she felt like she had lost herself a bit in all the excitement. “It’s easy to lose yourself when there is so much being asked of you, but I knew that it was part of my role so I took it on. After my time as Miss South Africa, I focused more on my other aspirations,” she says.

When asked why she was one of the more lowkey Miss South Africa winners, Thuli’s answer comes easily to her. “It was intentional on my part. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to avoid scandals and drama as much as I could. My upbringing had a lot to do with it. As a firstborn, I learnt very early on that one shouldn’t bring shame to their family. I also knew that I wanted to pursue a career in business, so I didn’t want to associate myself with certain things that would negatively impact that plan.”

Even with her pageant-winning beauty and business smarts, Thuli went through insecurities that many women also experience. “I wasn’t always this comfortable in my own skin.

There were times when I constantly questioned if I was still relevant, and that created fear. I’m hard on myself and whenever I felt that I wasn’t where I wanted to be, I wouldn’t take it very well,” she explains.

GROWING PAINS AND LIFE’S JOYFUL SURPRISES When speaking of defining moments in her life, Thuli speaks most proudly about her journey as a mother. She is the mother of two boys, Chawe Thandolwetho Dlamini (4) and Lethokuhle Dlamini (18 months), and she’s completely immersed in that role. “I became a mother unexpectedly at the age of 26. I believe life presents you with challenges when you least expect it, and it’s either you go with the flow or you resist.

I chose to embrace the experience from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I was in tune with my children from the beginning.”

Thuli’s broke up with her fiancé soon after their second child was born, a decision that couldn’t have been easy to make. “I was at a point where I was sure of myself and could trust myself to make things work without him. I always say that people should try making it work before focusing on negativity. It was a painful time for me, but I made the decision that I had to make,” she says.

Even though she’s taken time out to heal, Thuli admits that the break-up was very difficult for her. “When something that had the potential to be so beautiful doesn’t work out, you have to grieve for the future you had planned and hoped for. When it happened, my second son was very young and I knew that I didn’t want to pass on my negative feelings and energy to him, so I had to work hard at being at peace.

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COVER STORY EOA

“I wasn’t always this comfortable in my own skin. There were times when I constantly questioned if I was still relevant, and that created fear.”

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Co-parenting is working for us. Sometimes it’s sad because the children don’t get to see us together, but that’s our story. I’m happy that my kids have a relationship with their father and their well-being comes first.” Just like any other single parent, Thuli has a lot on her plate but she’s determined that her busy schedule won’t take time away from her being a good mother. “I want to be present, which is why I don’t even have a nanny. I don’t want life to distract me; these are the priceless moments,” she says with a smile.

Feet Planted Firmly On The Ground One of the ways that Thuli is keeping herself happy and at peace is by connecting with nature. “I wasn’t always into nature but as I’ve grown older, I’ve realised how healing it is to be connected to the earth. Something as simple as having your bare feet on the grass can help you heal. I also have a love for animals now and spend lots of quality time with my boys and our two Jack Russell dogs.”

“I wasn’t always into nature but as I’ve grown older, I’ve realised how healing it is to be connected to the earth.”

Now 30 years old, Thuli is excited about the decade ahead because she feels she’s finally in a space where she is happy with herself. Very few people get to the age of 30 without having gone through their share of life’s disappointments, hurdles and pains, and Thuli is no exception. “Challenges in life are supposed to make you grow. I’ve learnt that in those challenging times God is saying that we must grow. That’s when things shift for your own growth. Always be open to change,” she advises.

With her two sons her top priority, Thuli’s plans are to continue to live life with grace and humility. “One of the things that changed in me because of motherhood is that I’m not as selfish as I used to be. But in the same breath, I now take care of my best interests first. I think that’s made me a better person and has played a big role in me being happy.”

Asked where to from here, she takes a moment to think about it. “I’m looking into launching my own beauty range and getting into the fashion business. I want to grow an empire and become a strong entrepreneur. I want to continue being a present mom to my kids and make sure that they have the very best of me. When it comes to my love life, I am open to love. When it happens it will find me open. I just want to expand myself, grow myself more and trust that as I grow, other opportunities will come up to meet me at that place. I can tell you one thing, it’s a good place to be in.” E

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PICTURES: BY JURIE POTGIETER. STYLING: TUMI MDLULI. MAKE-UP: KELE KEGAKILWE. FASHION: D’ORÈ. ACCESSORIES: ZURI.

COVER STORY EOA

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Mixing BUSINESS WITH Pleasure FE B RUA RY 2 0 1 5

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WOMEN’S NETWORK EOA

TUMI NTSHINGILA is taking business networking to a new level by promoting her beauty salon as a space for businesswomen to indulge in pamper sessions while building firm business contacts and making deals.

PHINDIWE NKOSI chatted to her about her business.

PICTURE: SUPPLIED BY TUMI NTSHINGILA.

rust. One needs to go about life with some form of trust in self, someone and something greater.

While trust is a vital component in faith and other aspects of life, too much unwarranted trust can lead to detrimental results.

This was the lesson learnt by Tumi Ntshingila (37), owner of the Sorbet franchise in Elridge, east of Johannesburg, who is quick to point it out as her greatest challenge in life. “My greatest failure was to trust in others too much, and I learnt that I had to trust and believe in myself first,” says Tumi, who prides herself on her resilience. She describes her journey as “courageous”, especially with her move into somewhat unknown territory where business is concerned.

“I was in the marketing and communication sector for over 10 years.

My diversion to the business of beauty is rooted in the fact that I always pride myself on how I look and present myself.

Secondly, I wanted a business that I could identify with and that can sustain itself and make a difference in the lives of other people,” explains Tumi. Also, she feels that from a business perspective, the decision to buy into the Sorbet franchise model was a sound one. “The number of women who are committed to looking after themselves has increased immensely.

Women are taking pampering and the concept of ‘me-time’ very seriously. Add to that the element of creating a space for relaxed networking, and you find my salon,” explains Tumi.

COMFORT NETWORKING

Speaking to Tumi, it is clear that she is a determined businesswoman. Her take on ‘mixing business with pleasure’ brings new meaning to the old adage and her business feeds off the latest trend that beauty salons are the new networking utopias. Here women embrace their femininity, and exchange golf clubs for pampering massages and beauty treatments without letting the

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networking opportunities slide. Tumi has embraced this trend and encourages this new way of doing business and exchanging ideas at her salon.

“The environment that you find yourself in, particularly at my Sorbet salon, is very relaxed. The background music is soothing, the ambience is relaxing and our clients love spending time at the salon,” explains Tumi. She believes women are working extra hard these days and contributing to the South African economy is top of mind for many. “The fact that I contribute to job creation and hire seven women on a fulltime basis, and all of them are supporting at least five members in their families, technically means that I’m supporting 35 people,” Tumi explains with pride.

For me it is not just about possessing great power and will as a woman, but also looking out for others and uplifting them.”

Listening to Tumi, it is clear that she has a passion for improving the lives of women. It’s not just a profession, but some form of vocation to give her clients the best her salon can offer. “I love the feeling I get from taking a bit of time out from my busy schedule to indulge in a few treatments, and I wanted other women to experience this for themselves. That ‘feel-good’ feeling combined with possibly making a new contact in your line of business, or even closing a deal is what makes my salon unique.”

“That ‘feel-good’ feeling combined with possibly making a new contact in your line of business, or even closing a deal is what makes my salon unique.”

This sense of achievement is testimony to her belief that if you work hard enough on any project, nothing can hinder you from being successful. Her success today also affirms her decision to move out of executive positions and embrace her entrepreneurial spirit to start her own business. “I once was offered a lower salary than my male counterparts.

Instead of being despondent about the turn of events, I used it to propel me to achieving higher goals.”

INSPIRING OTHER WOMEN

Tumi says she has learnt not to waver and to stick to the core values that she was raised with – one of which is to make a difference in other people’s lives. “My values are cast in stone and I would like to encourage other women not to sell themselves short by compromising their values.

Furthermore, Tumi encourages other women to truly understand and know themselves. “Being truthful to self is not just liberating, but empowering in reaching your goals. No matter where I find myself in life, my goals are clear.

Yes, sometimes I have to adjust the plan of action but my goals remain steadfast,” Tumi explains.

“As a woman, you have to work 10 times harder to prove your worth. My journey has always been the testing ground of my character, and a learning curve in many other areas of my life.

With the drive and determination that I had within myself, I pushed my boundaries and my husband, Khulekani, supported me until I reached my goal.” Tumi’s message of encouragement to other women is clear. “Believe and trust in yourself and God will do the rest.” E

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TAKE STOCK before YOU QUIT It’s never wise to leave your job on a whim to start your own business.

MORONGWA MAKAKANE guides you through the correct process that will increase your chances of making a success of a new venture.

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You’ve reached the pinnacle in your career and feel like you’re stagnating in your job. After identifying a gap in the business market, you feel you’re ready to venture out on your own.

Yes, you feel it’s the right time to start your own business, but take your time before you rush into anything.

Assessing all the angles of the situation, asking yourself important questions and making sure you have the right answers is the best way to proceed.

While the prospect of being your own boss may be exciting, the reality is that running a business isn’t easy, let alone starting one from scratch. As a woman entrepreneur you will probably face tougher obstacles than your male counterparts.

So, how can you be certain that it is the right time to quit your job to venture out on your own?

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

SELF-EMPOWERMENT EOA IS HAVING MY OWN BUSINESS THE ANSWER? • • • • • • • • • • •

Will quitting my job make me happy?

Is my decision to quit my job based on emotion or necessity?

If I’m having problems with my boss, can the problems be resolved amicably?

Can I be the bigger person and try to bridge the gap with my boss?

Is leaving my job going to make a difference in my work situation?

As a mother and a wife, is the decision best for me and my family?

Is starting a business what I really want to do?

Am I going to get satisfaction from being my own boss?

What’s my appetite for risk, and am I willing to lose the benefits of a paying job?

Am I willing to face the possibility of not earning anything for six months while establishing my business?

Do I have enough savings to help me start my own business and sustain me, while waiting for my business to generate my salary?

WHAT IS THE GOAL/PURPOSE OF MY BUSINESS?

Understanding what you are getting yourself into first, and having a plan in place will give you clarity of what it is you really want to do.

• What is the purpose of my business?

• Do I have a sound business plan in place?

• Have I applied my mind about my business idea and the risks involved?

• Do I know if there is a need for the product or service I want to provide?

• Have I taken time to consider if there is someone else providing the same product or service I am?

• What gaps exist in the market that I can capitalise on?

• As the new kid on the block, with no experience of running a business on my own, will customers be willing to buy from me?

• Do I know if what I want to provide will require raw materials to manufacture, and where am I going to get them?

• What are the barriers to getting those materials?

• Will I require finance and what challenges are there to accessing finance?

DO I HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM IN PLACE?

Starting and running a business is like a roller coaster ride; not only do you need to make sure that you have created infrastructure that will help with the daily running of your business but you also have to ensure that you have enough human resources on hand to keep the business running smoothly.

Having a good business mentor, especially if you are new to starting your own business, is vital.

Guidance and encouragement from someone who has experience while you travel this new and exciting journey will give you confidence and help fill the gaps where you lack experience.

As caregivers and nurturers, women are always willing to assist and mentor other women. Identify business leaders in your community and approach them to help mentor you. Another option is also to join business organisations that have a track record in assisting start-up companies in ensuring success.

MAINTAIN AND NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS?

PICTURES: ©iSTOCK.COM.

After considering all these questions and once you decide to start your own business, be sure not to burn any bridges – whether they are relationships with your old employer or new ones that you will make through your business. How you depart from your old employer is important as you could possibly work with the same company or people in future, perhaps even as a service provider. Remember to clear the air of any unpleasant incidents and maintain a good working relationship.

These are truly exciting times for you. However, before stepping out on your own, make sure you have the relevant skills, resources and reliable connections to make your new business succeed. In the event that your business doesn’t go according to plan, make sure that you have an exit strategy or a back-up plan.

Take your time, plan carefully and, most importantly, be responsible. E

IN THE NEXT ISSUE, OUR THIRD AND FINAL INSTALMENT OF THIS ENTREPRENEURSHIP SERIES, THE FOCUS WILL BE ON WOMEN-OWNED BUSINESSES IN SOUTH AFRICA.

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FINANCIAL FITNESS IN YOUR 30s, 40s AND 50s FE B RUA RY 2 0 1 5

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MONEY EOA oney matters don’t necessarily get easier with age. For some people, getting older and learning from past mistakes means getting wiser about financial planning too. Others depend on sound advice from financial experts to help them plan for the future. But even though some people may have enough money saved, they are not always too sure about how to make those savings grow optimally. Here are financial do’s that you should be thinking about in your 30s, 40s and 50s.

IN YOUR 30s Demolish Debt

If you’re still drowning in debt, this is a great time to start paying it off. A study by leading financial services company Momentum showed that a lot of South Africans spend close to 76 percent of their income servicing debt. This isn’t a good spot to be in, so actively start paying off your debt and avoid getting into new debt until your financial position has changed. At this age, your money should be going to saving. To keep yourself motivated to stay out of debt, remind yourself that your 30s are the decade you start building a solid foundation for yourself and bad debt can make that foundation shaky for years to come.

Think Twice Before You Buy A Home

It seems like a logical and even financially savvy thing to do, but it isn’t a one-case-fits-all method. Do proper research before investing in a property. This includes finding out whether or not you can really afford it and if the neighbourhood will hold up for years to come. Being a homeowner is not a cheap exercise and unless you’re really ready for it, it may become more of a liability than an asset for you.

Saving With A Plan

Understanding your current financial position and making sound investments that are age-specific can go a long way towards making your finances work optimally for you in the future, writes ZAMA NKOSI.

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This decade is when most people start families, so having money saved up for everything from a university fund for your children to life insurance in the event something unforeseen happens to you, is vital. It also helps to have a ‘just-in-case’ fund, especially for those instances when something pops up that interferes with your financial stability. Consider alternatives with compound interest; it might seem like irrelevant amounts of money now, but give it a bit of time and you’ll see that compound interest is your friend when it comes to your savings.

IN YOUR 40s

Invest, Invest, Invest

Typically, this decade is your high-earning years so use this money wisely. This is the time to start investing in stocks and truly planning for your future. Invest with a goal and a time frame in mind. Getting an expert’s advice will help you grow your money faster and in more effective ways. This is the time to be investing aggressively.

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EOA MONEY Bump Up Your Retirement Contribution

Assuming you’ve been saving for your retirement, this is the time to relook at your retirement annuity and increase your monthly instalment. Where you can, invest more money into your retirement to ensure that you really have enough money to retire comfortably. If you don’t have your retirement plan in order, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking it’s too late to start. Don’t be fooled, because it’s never too late to start saving.

Make an effort to start your retirement fund as soon as possible and save as much as you can afford.

Leaving A Legacy

There is life after fancy cars and expensive handbags, and in your forties you need to be thinking about that. Is your life insurance solid? Who will pay your children’s university fees if you should die? What would happen if you lost your job right now? Is there a contingency plan in place? These are all conversations that need to be had in great detail and with the right people. If the details of your financial planning didn’t mean much to you before, this is the time that you should start paying attention to them.

IN YOUR 50s Put Yourself First

This is hard for many people to do, but this is the time to stop supporting your grown children and other family members who are emptying your coffers. This is another time in your life where you need to seriously take stock of your finances, decide what kind of retirement you want to enjoy and set the final phase in action to make sure it pans out that way in your latter years. You might think you have enough money saved but if you can save more, do so now.

Invest In Health Care

If your medical needs have been fairly low, you’re luckier than most. Look at the most financially savvy ways for you to have the best healthcare savings for the next 20 years. This can be the difference between being rendered broke by an illness and not.

Most people aren’t retiring in their early 60s anymore. Are you? This is a good time to use extra money you may have to invest in something that could be your second career in your latter years. Note, this does not mean that you can tap into your savings (only do this if there is more money beyond your savings). This second financial wind allows you to find new ways of making money and finding new (and old) passions that you may have overlooked while chasing a career.

There are many ways to make money; you are now in a great position to explore them without taking much of a risk. If you don’t have enough for this plan, take whatever you have and again put it towards those looming retirement years. Making sure your retirement nest is safe and secure means that you can look forward to it instead of dreading it. Your whole financial life has led to this moment; look at it and if amendments need to be made, make them now as there is no other time. E

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PICTURES: ©iSTOCK.COM.

Get Your Second Financial Wind

ITEM OR OUTFIT EOA ROBERTO CAVALLI SUNGLASSES, R4 200.

1 item

IT’S YOUR CHOICE, GO FOR IT! Or 1 outfit

With summer at its peak, you’d be forgiven for wanting to splurge on these amazing designer sunglasses, but how about keeping a level head and spending the same amount on a fab outfit. By TUMI MDLULI.

STUNNING OUTFIT WORTH R4 200.

Sunglasses R299, By Jeepers Peepers, Zando.co.za.

Striped Popcorn Necklace, R140, Woolworths.

WORDS: TUMI MDLULI. PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS.

White Kimono, R299, Utopia, Zando.co.za.

White Fitted Dress, R399, Linx, Zando.co.za.

Gold and White Cuff, R79, Utopia, Zando.co.za.

Black and White Heels, R2 300, Karen Millen.

Neutral Cat’s Eye Ring, R90, Spree.co.za.

Bergeron Clutch, R499, Aldo.

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ADDIS RISING As Ethiopia’s first supermodel, ANNA GETANEH ruled the catwalks of Paris and New York. Now she’s turned her flair for fashion into a renowned designer collective based in Addis Ababa.

She chats to CARYN THANDI PETERSEN about her latest fashion offering and life in Ethiopia.

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espite a wider spotlight being placed on the spirit of creativity that exists throughout Africa, this is often done within a Eurocentric framework, where cultural appropriation holds sway over an authentic appreciation of the continent. Yet there are refreshing examples of those who provide a platform for the multitude of innovations in various industries throughout Africa. And one of the greatest vehicles for this unique expression of identity is undoubtedly the world of fashion.

Born in Sweden to Ethiopian diplomatic parents, Anna Getaneh built her career in the greatest fashion powerhouses throughout the 1990s. Her chiselled cheekbones graced the covers of magazines, as she fast became an icon of Ethiopian beauty, modelling for industry heavyweights like Donna Karan, Christian Lacroix, Ralph Lauren and Yves Saint Laurent.

Throughout her time in fashion capitals New York and Paris, a vision far bigger than the runway took shape. “I had grown frustrated by the weak presence of direct African participation in leading fashion platforms,” explains Anna. This frustration grew to inspiration, as she contacted some of the African designers she had worked with over the years and put together a unique collection of their work. Having convinced the formidable organisers of Paris Fashion Week to give them a slot, free of charge (quite unheard of), other top models such as Naomi Campbell and Carla Bruni came on board, agreeing to do the show pro bono (another remarkable first). Thus, after the final showing of a Chanel collection, African Mosaique was born.

“The media response was unlike anything I had imagined,” Anna recalls. It was this initial success that prompted her to grow the dream-child enterprise into a concrete business, providing a platform for top designers throughout the continent. When Anna and her husband moved to South Africa in 2004, the fashion industry here had grown quite considerably. Yet despite this growth, few high-end Pan-African boutiques existed.

Wanting to find a balance between modernity and tradition in contemporary African fashion, Anna established the African Mosaique boutique in 44 Stanley, Milpark, Joburg.

“The story of African Mosaique is one of celebration, imagination and continental integration,” says Anna. In the spirit of a collective culture, she chose designers from countries such as Ghana, Nigeria, Mozambique, Botswana, South Africa and, of course, her native Ethiopia, to be part of the label. The boutique flourished, with Anna at the helm as the creative director and eventually a fashion designer in her own right, each season developing a collection of contemporary ready-towear items.

RETURNING TO ROOTS

Although the brand reached fruition in South Africa, it was always Anna’s dream to return to Ethiopia. And so, in 2012, she finally took the plunge and moved with her family to Addis Ababa. “You can never be fully prepared for such a transition in life,” she explains. “I had been planning this for over 15 years, so the excitement of finally being home took over everything else.”

Indeed, given that it is Africa’s oldest independent country and one of the founding members of the Organisation of African

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FASHION INTERVIEW EOA Unity, it is no surprise that Anna’s vision for a Pan-African platform has culminated in Ethiopia. “I have been working in fashion for 20 years,” says Anna, “with experience in so many areas of the industry. To be able to bring it all together in such a way in Ethiopia is very exciting.”

Of course, the move has brought with it many challenges: “Traffic is hectic, and let’s not forget the road blocks, power failures and water shortages,” she admits. Yet, to her, this seems a small price to pay for the country’s phenomenal growth in recent years. “People here are very optimistic and resilient, so you tend to get drawn into this sense of national pride. I don’t think I have felt that anywhere else in the world.”

Driven by this sense of optimism, Anna is developing the first fully integrated Design Center in Ethiopia. “This is perhaps the biggest and most ambitious project for African Mosaique, where we will be involved in the conceptualisation, sourcing, pattern development, sampling and production of higher-end garments.” Her aim is to establish it as a successful hub for the region and beyond, giving a wider platform and voice for the continent’s many talented designers.

Her quest to grow African Mosaique into a recognisable brand is already paying off, with many of the label’s luxury designs being featured and sold in international fashion houses and boutiques, including most recently the Boutique Valentino in Paris.

GIVING BACK

At the heart of Anna’s work lies a passion far deeper than fashion. Since moving to New York for her modelling career at the age of 21, she has been driven by a deeply entrenched desire to place a spotlight on Ethiopia. After visiting refugee camps on the borderlands, she made a decision to dedicate her life to the complex, beautiful and historically ravaged country, forming the Ethiopian Children’s Fund (ECF). Through funds raised from African Mosaique and other organisations, the ECF supports 745 children from Grade One until University.

The holistic village just outside Addis Ababa provides them with education, nutrition and healthcare. “ECF is a life-long commitment,” says Anna. “As long as there is a child in need in Ethiopia, we will be around.”

This year marks its 15th anniversary, a huge milestone for the organisation. “Today we have 52 full-time staff that make sure the needs of the children are met – not just material needs, but emotional support too,” says Anna proudly. Now that she is living in Ethiopia, Anna is able to visit the centre on a weekly basis. “These visits have become the highlight of my week.”

Although continually faced with the challenge of a donorfatigued society, Anna’s indomitable resilience has led her to find creative ways of raising awareness and support. Whilst hardship remains in Ethiopia, the country has come a long way since the famine days of Live Aid – a stigma that still persists despite it being one of the fastest growing economies in Africa.

Anna is thus optimistic about its future: “Hopefully in my lifetime there will be a time we no longer need to raise funds for destitute children.”

As we continue to celebrate the spirit of entrepreneurship and creativity that abounds across the continent, so we move away from a generic and homogenised image of Africa. Thanks to the vision of people such as Anna Getaneh, a modern renaissance of Pan-Africanism has emerged. E

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FASHION INTERVIEW EOA

PICTURES: MICHEL TEMTEME.

Former Ethiopian supermodel, Anna Getaneh’s latest African Mosaique collection is called Addis Rising.

These campaign images were shot on an openroof, double-decker bus with backdrops of iconic landmarks in the Ethiopian capital, Addis Ababa.

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RED FITTED DRESS, R399, LINX, ZANDO.CO.ZA.

OVAL BEADED BRACELET WITH RED DETAIL, R490, NOBLE THE COLLECTION.

Be My

VA LEN TINE...

Love yourself and splurge on one item that’ll make your day even more amazing. By TUMI MDLULI. FOLD-OVER HANDBAG, R320, SPREE.CO.ZA.

CAGE CORAL SANDALS, R330, ZOOM, SPREE.CO.ZA.

whe at w

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FASHION SHOPPING EOA GEM DROP EARRINGS, R850, NOBLE THE COLLECTION.

LUV SUNGLASSES, R200, SPREE.CO.ZA.

RED SUN HAT, R199, XOXO, ZANDO.CO.ZA. WHITE PRINTED SHIRT DRESS, R699, MICHELLE LUDEK, ZANDO.CO.ZA.

BLOOD RED HAND BAG,

R4 200, KAREN MILLEN.

RED BANDAGE DRESS, R3 600, KAREN MILLEN.

RED WITH GOLD PEEP-TOES, R499, PLUM, ZANDO.CO.ZA.

VALENTINE RACEBACK PJ’S, R250, WOOLWORTHS.

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DOES SIZE REALLY MATTER?

Some questions never get old; no matter how much we think we evolve. Whether penis size matters or not is one of those questions, and ZAMA NKOSI went looking for the answer.

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here’s something about sizes in general that fascinates humans. Whether it’s the size of bodies, cars, homes or even egos; the knowledge that there is a scale when it comes to size gets people comparing. The one that is often discussed over champagne and girls’ nights out is the size of a man’s penis.

Small, big, short, long, skinny, that’snot-going-near-me big, and even the oh-my-gosh-is-it-even-in small are all part of the scale of penis sizes. This is also one of the few times in sex when size isn’t related to women’s bodies and body parts.

The topic causes a lot of anxiety for men because everyone at some point wonders, does size matter?

“First, even if you think you’re small, odds are that your penis is a normal size,” says sexologist Elna McIntosh.

“The average erect penis is 12cm to 15cm long with a circumference of 10cm to 13cm. There is more variation in the size of flaccid penises. But that just means that a guy who looks well hung in the locker room isn’t likely to get much bigger when erect; conversely, a guy who looks small will grow quite a bit,” says McIntosh. But before you whip out your ruler to measure your partner, here are a few facts on whether or not penis size matters as much as we think it does.

SEX & INTIMACY EOA

“A good sex life is made up of more than just the size of people’s genitals.”

EGO TRIP?

Judging from the number of penis enlargement advertisements around South Africa, one has to wonder exactly what men are so worried about when it comes to the size of their penises. Men are generally concerned with their penis size because it is one of many things that society has emphasised as a sign of masculinity, says Welile Khumalo, a relationship counsellor. “The obsession with size is often related to the notion that women prefer men with bigger penises. Since most people want to add ‘desirable and satisfying lover’ to their list of traits, it’s no wonder that we see so much emphasis on the topic,” she says.

While ego may play a big role in this perception, it can’t be underestimated how much societal pressure can cause anxieties that can be crippling. “I often explain to my clients that the same way being self-conscious about your body can affect your sex life, being overly

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conscious about penis size because of media messages and general societal perceptions is something that brings many men anxiety and stress that can heavily affect their sense of selfworth and how they see themselves.”

WHAT WOMEN SAY

A study done at the University of the West of Scotland in 2012 showed that women who had vaginal orgasms had a preference for longer penises. “This might be due, at least in part, to the greater ability of a longer penis to stimulate the entire length of the vagina and the cervix. Male anxiety about penis size may not reflect internalised, culturally arbitrary masculine stereotypes, but an is accurate appreciation that size matters to many women,” writes Stuart Brody, one of the psychologists who conducted the research, in an interview with The Daily Mail.

Ntokozo*, a 32-year-old woman from Johannesburg says that size isn’t a big concern for her. “I’ve never come across a man with an alarmingly small penis. I also think I care more about other qualities than penis size, and I believe it’s something that can be worked around,” she says.

Ntokozo’s friend, 34-year-old Lulama disagrees. “I think size does matter because it directly impacts your sex life. As I grew in my sexuality, I learnt that I have a preference for medium-sized to big penises as it heightens the enjoyment of sex for me. If a guy had a small penis, that would be a deal breaker because I would always miss the feeling of a decent-sized penis,” she laughs.

“… a guy can have the perfect-sized penis for you but if he doesn’t know how to use it, your sex life will be unfulfilling.”

While personal preference plays a role in whether penis size matters or not, Khumalo says other factors also play a role. “Someone might have a small penis, but if you have amazing chemistry and he is able to sexually please you, it might become less of an issue. The converse is true, a guy can have the perfect-sized penis for you but if he doesn’t know how to use it, your sex life will be unfulfilling. A good sex life is made up of more than just the size of people’s genitals,” she adds.

While bigger is better for some, other studies show that there is such a thing as

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too big. A recent Canadian study found that women preferred men who were tall, athletic and had bigger penises but beyond a certain size, bigger wasn’t better. “Males with a larger penis were rated as being relatively more attractive, but the proportional increase in size begins to decrease in attractiveness after a certain size,” said the report. *Not her real name.

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SEX & INTIMACY EOA

WORKING WITH WHAT YOU’VE GOT

Ladies, you can’t control the size of your man’s penis but you can work with whatever he’s got, and keep the fun going in the bedroom. Here’s how…

FOR SMALL PENISES

• Opt for sexual positions that will be fulfilling for you. Positions such as your man entering you from behind (a.k.a. doggy style) and variations of that allow him to enter you deeply.

• Get your man to put more focus on your clitoris, as this will give you clitoral orgasms that will leave you more than satisfied.

• Find positions that will stimulate your G-spot.

Since it’s only two to three centimetres inside the top of your vagina, size shouldn’t be a hindrance to exploring this option.

FOR LARGER PENISES

PICTURES: ©iSTOCK.COM.

• Foreplay is a must to ensure you’re well lubricated, but if you need a bit more help in this department invest in a good lubricant.

• Opt for positions where you are on top so you have more control over how deep inside he gets.

• Communicate with each other so he knows what works for you and so that he stops if he’s hitting your cervix – that is no fun. E

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THE MARK OF A REMARKABLE WOMAN

As the founder and managing director of Zanenza Communications, Zandile Nzalo has come a long way from her rustic childhood days in Swaziland. She sat down with CARYN THANDI PETERSEN to talk about her life’s journey.

inging along to her favourite R&B tracks, Zandile Nzalo was a performer from the youngest age. With her innate confidence and strong sense of self, Zandile believed she was destined for stardom as a musician and entertainer. Although she eventually grew out of this stage, her love of music and entertaining did not die. Indeed, it is at the heart of her career trajectory – from radio to television production, event management and business leadership – what connects her path is a passion for uplifting others through her powerful voice and inspiring vision.

Growing up in the village of Tshaneni in Swaziland, Zandile’s childhood memories are filled with warmth, where her loving parents encouraged her and her siblings to work hard during the school term so that the holidays could be filled with endless play. “I remember long hot summer days spent at the local swimming pool playing for what seemed like forever,” reminisces Zandile. “We’d come home wrinkled, ashy grey and famished from all the fun in the sun and head straight to my mom’s orchard for paw-paw, banana or my favourite, fish mango, so named because of its unique fish-like shape.”

Her richly vivid childhood is coloured with adventure and play, along with a strong sense of duty to others, with her family heavily involved in the church. These core values and the freedom to explore one’s strengths shaped the woman Zandile is today. With radio a big part of her teenage years, it was a dream to begin her career in the industry: “I figured if I couldn’t sing then, I’d at least play music to people who cared enough to hear my voice and dance to my beats.”

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MY JOURNEY EOA Her career began in the late 1980s at Radio Bop. “It was a real breakthrough that set the foundation for my life’s journey,” says Zandile. It was also a surreal experience for her, being only 18 at the time and already living her dream: “I had my own apartment and drove my first car at 20.” Her talent for radio paid off as she rapidly grew in acclaim, making a name for herself on the airwaves. Of course, it was a time characterised by political turmoil and strife. “DJs weren’t allowed to mention anything about the political situation at the time, including words like apartheid, Mandela or even Robben Island,” she recalls. “I remember I got into trouble once for playing a track by Nona Hendryx – Winds of Change – and spoke my mind afterwards. Boy, was I in hot water after that!”

With stints at other stations hosting shows on radio and TV, Zandile’s big break came in 1997, when she was approached by M-Net to become part of a team that would set up Africa’s first 24hour music TV channel. As Zandile describes, it was an exciting yet daunting task: “I knew I was up for it; however, the real challenge was in visualising the blank ‘reserved for future use’ channel going live with content and music.”

Fortunately, her team embraced the vision and began the work of bringing Channel O to life.

“I’ll never forget our first broadcast on 17 October 1997. It was truly amazing.”

Zandile was eventually appointed as the General Manager of Channel O – a big responsibility that brought with it much power and prestige. “It was challenging and exciting at the same time,” she recalls of that time. “We’d established a solid brand, signed on several rebroadcast deals with other African networks with many international trips.” It all seemed like the perfect career, one that would keep most quite satisfied. But this wasn’t enough for Zandile: “I felt like I’d hit the glass ceiling; like I was no longer growing.”

PUSH THROUGH THE FEAR

Yearning for a new challenge, she decided to leave her cushy job in 2002 and establish her own business. Birthed in her backyard cottage with just one telephone cum fax machine and a handful of contacts, Zandile fully surrendered to the world of PR with her company, Zanenza Communications.

Despite her fierce determination and years of success in the industry, the sacrifices that came with starting afresh were innumerable.

“I had to make adjustments both financially and mentally,” says Zandile. “I no longer enjoyed the comfort of a PA and the usual frills that come with high corporate positions.” Another challenge came in the difficulty of not being able to determine exact revenues. She credits her husband at the time, radio personality Bob Mabena, with supporting her during this transition.

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Today, Zanenza Communications deals with everything from PR, event management and stakeholder management to sponsorship facilitation and media coaching. The 100 percent black woman-owned agency has a diverse clientele ranging from the private sector, government and state-owned enterprises to non-profit organisations. “It hasn’t always been easy; we’ve weathered our fair share of storms over the years,” she says of her current success.

In 2013, Zandile again took the plunge and decided to invest in décor hire – a brand new offering for the agency. Of this decision, she says it started with a vision and the need to fill a longstanding market gap, whereby most eventing companies outsource all functions from marquees to sound and décor, retaining only the coordination aspect. She realised that they thus owned no assets and remained reliant on third parties – mostly white-owned companies. “I wanted to break that cycle and create a more sustainable and scale-able business model,” she says.

Today, I can reflect on my career with pride knowing that I’ve earned the 12-year track record. It’s taken a lot of hard work, perseverance and dedication.

The investment was high and required an extensive makeover for the company, with the acquisition of new business premises to host a showroom, warehouse facilities and offices for the existing communications division. Ultimately, this gutsy expansion is reaping rewards for the business.

“Fear is inevitable, it’s what you do with it that counts,” Zandile surmises.

It’s no coincidence that Zanenza is predominantly run by women. “Women empowerment is an important aspect of my own personal growth; when you grow others you also grow,” states Zandile. “This doesn’t mean that I prefer to hire women over men,” she clarifies.

“Things have always just worked out better with a women-strong team.” Of her own experiences with prejudice as a black female professional, Zandile believes that her proven track record speaks for itself – and is the best approach to countering racism and sexism. “Today, I can reflect on my career with pride knowing that I’ve earned the 12-year track record. It’s taken a lot of hard work, perseverance and dedication.”

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SA Minister of Water Affairs and Sanitation, Nomvula Mokonyane.

The Zanenza Communications team who work with Zandile are a dynamic bunch of individuals.

From left: Thango Gombiza, Kedibone Mogabe, Nomcebo Dlamini, Marcia Mogale and Siyabonga Maseko, with Zandile Nzalo seated in front

Zanenza Communications coordinated The Thought Leadership luncheon at the exclusive Le Chatelat boutique hotel in Sandhurst, Joburg on behalf of the National Empowerment Fund and Business Women's Association.

This prestigious luncheon was attended by over 150 guests, including politicians, business leaders and female CEOs. The event culminated in a cocktail dinner, which proved to be the perfect networking opportunity for women in business.

From right to left: Thami Ngubeni, Johanna Mukoki, SA Minister of Water Affairs and Sanitation Nomvula Mokonyane, Barbara Lombard and two invited guests enjoyed the event that was organized by Zanenza Communications.

Philisiwe Buthelezi, CEO of the National Empowerment Fund, was one of the keynote speakers at the event.

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MY JOURNEY EOA Beyond her role as the managing director of Zanenza, Zandile serves on the councils for the University of Johannesburg (UJ), Gauteng Film Commission, Bokamoso Investment Trust and Indalo Yethu Trust, amongst others. She has been named as the Top Female Entrepreneur and Top Woman in Business. Yet it is her work of motivational speaking and youth empowerment that Zandile finds most rewarding.

PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY ZANDILE NZALO.

PURE MOTIVATION

The journey towards her role as a motivational speaker culminated in a profound aha! moment, as Zandile realised the power her words could have with the youth of South Africa. Whilst working on a project for the Centre for Economic Development Population Activities in 2004, the interactions she had with young people shed light on how disillusioned, demotivated and highly pessimistic they were. “I felt I couldn’t do much with them unless I helped redefine their outlook,” she explains. “I started each session with a motivational talk and soon got them thinking differently.”

Once she realised she was onto something, she began to hone her public speaking skills – taking her into a new field of self-discovery. This eventually led to her establishing FindYoFayah, a youth development programme featuring motivational talks, mentoring and achievement initiatives. “Today we continue to work with a wide spectrum of young people and have partnered with the City of Joburg on several projects such as New Venture Creation and enterprise development initiatives,” says Zandile.

Her passion for youth empowerment extends to her home life as well, being a dedicated and highly involved mother who aims to give as many opportunities as possible to her children. “I believe our parental responsibilities go beyond just paying fees at private schools. Parenting calls for us to be present in our children’s lives, too.” Zandile describes her proudest “mommy moment” as helping her son, Reneiloe, get his sci-fi book published at the remarkable age of 17. “It was a very rewarding experience,” she describes.

“It brought us closer and helped me understand who he really is.”

If one were to ask Zandile the secret behind her success, a multitude of truths would surface – each playing a powerful part in her journey thus far. It’s clear

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First page and above: Zandile Nzalo, managing director of Zanenza Communications.

that her drive and belief in herself has allowed her to surmount many obstacles along the way. Her passion for constant self-improvement is infectious, with self-help books a particular source of inspiration. Her home life is abundant with love and nurturing, shaped by a desire to remain fit and healthy. “I enjoy running because of the physical and mental benefits,” she explains. “During my runs I can plan, strategise and even find solutions to some of life’s problems.”

So what’s next for this visionary and passionate social activist? “I plan to solidify the décor hire division and get the brand fully entrenched in the marketplace, so that hopefully by the last quarter, we’ll be able to conclude our 360-degree offering and increase our footprint across South Africa.”

Besides this, Zandile intends to “love more, strengthen my personal growth points, enjoy my children and live an even fuller life.”

Though it may seem a tall order, nothing is impossible for this remarkable woman. E

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THE BIG INTRODUCTION Knowing when to introduce your kids to your new partner is one of those decisions that could have long-term implications. ZAMA NKOSI consults a social worker on how to best prepare you and your children for this big step.

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o you’ve moved on from your ex and no longer feel the emotional hangover of a broken heart.

In comes a new love and after some time, you start wondering if you should introduce him or her to your children. Hold it off for as long as possible, advises Sowetobased social worker, Sikazele Khumalo.

“Introducing your partner to your children is best done after much consideration and once you actually know where the relationship is going,” she says.

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RELATIONSHIPS EOA On the other hand, there’s a school of thought that disagrees about holding off on this momentous occasion, and with good reason too. “There are people who believe that as soon as you’ve realised you are in love and that person feels the same about you, you should get introductions out of the way so that if your new love and child definitely don’t get on, you can cut ties before the relationship grows any further,” says Khumalo.

“I, however, don’t agree with this because that means your children will be exposed to a host of boyfriends or girlfriends and that can be damaging to some children.”

“A new love doesn’t necessarily mean a lasting relationship or a future family, so it’s important to not get caught up in the fantasy of a new blended family.”

RIGHT ON TIME

While the timing of when the big introduction takes place is very person and situation specific, there are a few issues to keep in mind before that day dawns. “A new love doesn’t necessarily mean a lasting relationship or a future family, so it’s important to not get caught up in the fantasy of a new blended family,” says Khumalo. “Know that while your child or children might be benefiting from your improved mood, thanks to your new relationship, it doesn’t mean that person has to be in their space and lives.”

Time doesn’t only play a role when it comes to when the introduction should take place, but the way you allocate your time between your family and the new relationship will affect how your children react to this new person.

“It’s easy to want to spend all your free time with your new partner but if quality time is being taken away from your children, they will have feelings of insecurity before they even meet your partner. This could mean that he will receive more hostility when they do meet him because they will know he is the source of you being away from them. It then becomes your responsibility to ensure that you monitor your time and your kids remain the top priority,” she explains.

PICTURE: ©iSTOCK.COM.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Before you take the leap of making introductions, you and your partner need to have serious conversations about your relationship. “You cannot be afraid to have those serious talks with someone you want around your kids.

Some of the hard questions include: if he is interested in being a present stepfather; if the two of you have intentions to be in the relationship long term, and how you both see the situation of a blended family working out. If for any reason he isn’t ready or keen to have those conversations, he isn’t ready to meet your kids. This doesn’t mean the relationship is over; it just means the relationship needs more time to evolve and develop and that is to be expected,” says Khumalo.

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The other relationship status you need to look at is the one with your children. Are you and your kids in a good space? Have they settled down and accepted your split with their father? “Kids take a while to recover from things such as divorce or the loss of a parent. You need to make sure that your children are feeling loved and very secure when you finally make that introduction. They will also need constant reassurance that they aren’t losing you, too.

You know that you would never desert your children, but they don’t necessarily know the same,” warns Khumalo.

KEEP IT LOW KEY

While your friends may be happy to hear you gushing about your new love, your children, especially if they are young, are not interested. “Before making the introduction, consider where and when you will do it. It needs to be in the most comfortable place for your children and it needs to be laid-back and quick. Having your boyfriend come over to a braai where there will be other people is a good idea. Introduce him as your friend and leave it at that for the initial meeting. Make sure your kids aren’t forced to be stuck with him the whole day because their comfort comes first,” advises Khumalo.

Keeping the relationship low key at this point may seem a bit weird, but this makes the transition smoother for your children. “Kids don’t want to see you kissing your new man when they haven’t even accepted him yet. Things that are overt can do more harm in the long run, whereas small steps can lead to a smoother transition over time.”

“You need to make sure that your children are feeling loved and very secure when you finally make that introduction.”

SECURITY CHECK

You might feel safe in his arms but that doesn’t mean he is someone worthy of being around your children. Make sure you really do your homework before bringing any man around your children. “The number of men who sexually and physically abuse their girlfriend’s children is alarming.

In my line of work, we see that there are predators who specifically look for single mothers so that they get easy access to children,” warns Khumalo.

Ensure that he is more than just a good lover and boyfriend; how he is with other people’s children and his own kids, if he has any, is a good indication of how he will be with your children. Is he a trustworthy person? Are there any danger signs that you are missing because you’re in love? These are all important questions that need to be answered, says Khumalo. “It’s a good idea to introduce your new man to your friends and siblings before the children.

They are people who love you and your children, so let them vet him before he gets the honour of meeting your children. It’s a huge decision, so do take all the time you and your kids need.” E

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The GREAT JUGGLING

ACT

Finding an even keel between parenting and working can be quite the task, and every woman has her own way of maintaining this unique balance.

CARYN THANDI PETERSEN speaks to two women about how they embrace and succeed at both these roles.

s any parent, or anyone who was raised by a responsible, loving caregiver knows, parenting is a 24/7 job – one that requires an endless supply of patience, sacrifice and hard work. And one that can reap the richest of rewards. Being a mother is life changing, and for the early years of a child’s life, all-consuming. While at work, your thoughts are with your child and their wellbeing. Juggling the many different roles in your life can indeed be a challenge. In the quest to find that mythical balance between career and family, certain truths have emerged to help mothers along the way…

LET GO OF ‘MOM GUILT’

When promoting her film Maleficent last year, Angelina Jolie told media that she doesn’t feel guilty about juggling the demands of her career with the needs of her family.

Of course, she went on to say that she is not like most moms.

Indeed not! If all mothers had at their disposal an endless supply of nannies, housekeepers and chefs – not to mention a fulfilling career where their kids can travel with them and be provided for, as well as a supportive partner who equally provides so amply – the question of guilt would become redundant.

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According to clinical psychologist Vossie Goosen, all women feel a certain amount of guilt or anxiety when returning to paid employment. “Leaving a young infant to go to work is not an easy thing,” she says. “As we are wired to have them in mind, work will be different from before.”

Of course, this need not be an obstacle to having a career.

Goosen recommends, “Having good childcare can go a long way to assuage our concerns at this time.”

As a single mom with a two-year-old daughter and a thriving career as a Regional Strategic Services Manager at Population Services International, Ghairunisa (Nisa) Galeta feels that guilt is never enabling. “It’s an unnecessary feeling,” she says. “I never beat myself up for doing what is right for my daughter or myself.” She adds that she has confidence in her support system at home – a key factor in being able to return to work with peace of mind.

IT TAKES A VILLAGE

Entrepreneur and mother of two sons, Lydia Phala, says that the support and partnership she has with her husband has allowed them both to achieve fulfilment in their careers. Running her businesses, LP Dining and Confectionery, and MDP Marketing, which specialises in sports event management, can place huge demands on her time. “I’m fortunate to have a husband who supports me in

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PARENTING EOA

my ambitions and plays a very active role in our children’s lives,” she says. “This is very important as our children can learn and bond with both parents, minimising any chances of feeling neglected.”

As Goosen points out: “If both parents work, they should both shoulder the work at home, and raising children is not women’s work, it is a shared responsibility.”

For single parents, the burden can become overwhelming, which is why caring support systems are imperative – having good childcare, as well as the support of family and friends. Beyond anything else, it’s crucial for a child to be attached to the person who takes care of them. They need to feel safe, loved and nurtured, so that you can feel relaxed when at work.

LEARN TO SAY “NO!“

As women, we are often socialised to be people pleasers, trying to fulfill the needs and desires of all those around us. The

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life of a parent changes according to the developmental needs of a child. Parents with infants have very little free time, so it’s important to select carefully when committing to social or other engagements.

It also gives you the opportunity to evaluate who and what drains you, as well as what lifts you. “Listen to your gut, your heart and your child in all decisions,” says Nisa, “including how you manage what your child is exposed to, what you choose to expose yourself to and how you are constantly take the temperature to regulate those things.”

… AND WHEN TO SAY “YES”

Whether raising kids on one’s own or in a partnership, offers of help can be a lifesaver – from family members babysitting so you can have a night out to sharing lift duties with other parents. As Nisa learnt very quickly, “Don’t ever be afraid or hesitant to ask for or accept help for specific things

you need.” Especially when navigating the work terrain, it’s important to be open to new possibilities and ventures.

After having her second child, Lydia left her job as a flight attendant at SAA so she could have more time with her family.

But instead of this meaning an end to her career, it became the start of something new. “Being a career woman and mother fulfills me in more ways than being a stay-at-home mom ever could,” she says.

“Deciding to venture into the corporate environment and be self-employed grants me the freedom to be able to spend maximum time with my family whilst sustaining our financial stability.”

FORGET SUPERWOMAN

The notion that women can have and do it all has probably left most of us feeling inadequate. As Deborah L. Spar argued in her book Wonder Women: Sex, Power and the Quest for Perfection (Sarah Crichton

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EOA PARENTING DON’T APOLOGISE

“When it comes to career, I do not apologise to others for putting my family first,” says Nisa, who excuses herself well in advance for any commitments or doctor's appointments.

She won’t apologise for having to pick up her daughter from school, because “it's something to celebrate and not something to apologise for.” At the same time, she is cognisant of the fact that having a child and balancing that is never an excuse for not being accountable for her work or performing at her best. “Sometimes that means working a bit later or catching up on things from home, but I try not to make that a regular thing,” she says.

GET THE HELP YOU NEED

PRIORITISE YOURSELF

“No one person can take responsibility for a child around the clock without any respite,” cautions Goosen. “We need to recharge ourselves, to relax, to get time out to be the carers we want to be.”

Nisa has found it’s essential to take time for doing things on her own, having a ‘Nisa night out’ once in a while: “This helps me remember that there is a me that is separate from my job and my role as a mom. There’s something unique that is fed by both and that contributes to both – but also that’s separate from both and worthy of being nurtured, explored and celebrated independently.”

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GET OFF THE SEE-SAW

Instead of trying to separate the different aspects of ourselves, and roles we play each day, a more holistic approach is key. “I have definitely found that the balance of parenting and office life makes for great conversation and connection with colleagues (male and female) of all different backgrounds,” says Nisa.

“It's a conversation starter, great networking tool and a coping mechanism in itself.”

Likewise at home, it can be beneficial for children to get a sense of what their parents do in the workplace, says Goosen. “It is important to say goodbye to a child when you leave the house and as soon as they can listen to you, you can start explaining just what it is that you are going out to do.”

From early on, she says, children play out what it means to work. “Having a picture of just what it is that their parents do can aid this.” Lydia’s sons have certainly been imbued with their mother’s entrepreneurial spirit, starting their own businesses such as selling homemade rings and bracelets to family members. Indeed, we are never one or the other. Finding fulfilment in the different roles we play lies at the heart of a more balanced life. E

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PICTURES: SUPPLIED.

Books, 2013) feminism was meant to remove a fixed set of expectations; instead, we interpret it as a route to personal perfection. Because we can do anything, we feel as if we have to do everything.

The expectations placed on women today are staggering – not only do we need to be perfect career women, wives, mothers and daughters, we also need to be gourmet chefs with rock-hard abs and a rich social life. No wonder we’re burnt out!

In rejecting these superficial expectations and finding what authentically fulfils and sustains you most, you are able to build a life that is ultimately much more rewarding. The path towards balance is accepting that certain areas may suffer as your attention is placed on what is most important at the time. As Lydia has learnt: “There are times when I have to give slightly more effort and time to working in order to get things done and secure our livelihood. This could mean that I want to be at home with my sons and yet still have a number of tasks to complete before I head home.”

According to Goosen, if there is not enough support for a mom in her home, family and at work, it can be a potentially damaging time for her, especially if she is suffering from postnatal depression that doesn’t get treated. “It needs to be remembered that a mother with a small infant feels particularly vulnerable, that she needs encouragement and support.”

Thankfully, there are organisations devoted to moms who have just had babies and need to get help, such as the Association for Infant Mental Health in Gauteng and the Western Cape.

“These organisations believe that laying down a strong bond between parent and child in the first three years of life paves the way for healthy child development,” she says. “We can change the prospect of any society with this kind of focus.”

Tu Nokwe

“POLYANDRY GIVES ME FREEDOM TO REMAIN MYSELF” Until recently, polyandry – the practice of being with many men at once – was thought to be something extremely rare, practised by only a few remote tribes around the world.

But new research suggests it’s more common than we think. In fact, it’s practised right here at home. In an exclusive interview with ROBYN BLOCH, TU NOKWE speaks about living her life as a polyandrist. eople consider it dark and evil, not Christian, a sin even,” says musical superstar Tu Nokwe.

“But in fact it empowers women.” Tu is talking about polyandry, something she has been practwising since she started dating as a teen. In its official definition, polyandry is the practice of one woman taking two or more husbands. This is a form of polygamy – which means any marriage to two or more partners – and its opposite is polygyny: many wives.

But Tu doesn’t have many husbands – a practice illegal in South Africa – nor does she have many sexual partners.

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Hers is an emotional polyandry. “It’s not a sexual thing or a money thing,” says Tu. “All relationships should be free. No one should feel intimidated or trapped. Everyone must be free to love fully and unconditionally.”

Tu believes a real relationship is about being truthful and completely sharing yourself emotionally with anyone – man or woman. “For me, the greatest achievement is to be able to maintain true freedom, freedom of choice, while striking the balance by being responsible enough to love unconditionally while living my truth.” From when she started dating, Tu felt the need to feel true emotional intimacy – especially with men, with whom she feels something special can be shared. She wouldn’t have sex with other men, but would be very intimate friends with them while having a boyfriend.

“I started from my first boyfriend. Anyone jealous was out!” laughs Tu.

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NEWS REPORT EOA The men Tu shares extremely close bonds with now used to be her suitors. Each had approached her romantically, but, as time went by, a relationship developed between each of the men and Tu – something that was romantic in the sense of gaining and sharing an emotional depth with each other, but just without the actual sex. They take care of each other in a way that is respectful.

That doesn’t mean, however, that there isn’t trouble between the men at times. There is one man in her circle of male relationships that still holds out hope that they will enter into a fully romantic relationship. He is jealous of her other relationships – one in particular. “There is one man who is very close to me,” says Tu. They go on holidays together and share what Tu calls “a sacred connection”, providing each other with emotional and spiritual support. Tu describes how her jealous partner calls this man “a door”. He just stands there blocking the jealous man’s way. But generally everyone seems to get on harmoniously.

AS OLD AS THE HILLS And why not? After all, this way of living is nothing new. The popular Hindu epic poem Mahabharatha – which dates back to around 800BCE – tells the tale of a woman who has five husbands, and there is ample evidence that suggests polyandry was a way of life for many north Indian tribes. In fact, polyandry is still practised in India today, mostly in the northern regions bordering Tibet, where it is also practised (though in Tibet, the Chinese government has made it illegal) – and for good reason.

In northern India and Tibet, the land is mountainous and very difficult to farm. You need large plots to keep any farm sustainable. To avoid splitting up the farms – and to help work the land – one woman will marry several brothers in a family. The land will not be divided among the brothers but will be owned and worked by all of them. The children of the woman recognise all the men as fathers and are protected and taught by each of them. This is classic polyandry.

A non-classic form of it is practised by the Inuits (previously called Eskimos). A husband would arrange another husband (usually his brother) for his wife to protect her and the family while he was out hunting, and in case he was killed. This way, the husband has arranged for and approved his stand-in/ successor beforehand.

A similar situation can be found in the Bari people of Venezuela. Though a woman does not officially marry or live with several men, two men can be socially recognised as the father of one child.

The society believes that a child in utero is fathered by whomever the mother has sex with during her pregnancy. Children with two fathers are more likely to survive to the age of 15 than those with only one because of the extra protection and support offered to the child.

But anthropologists have known about these cases of polyandrous societies for years. What is surprising is that, until last year, it was thought polyandry was restricted to these few obscure tribes. But American anthropologists Katherine E. Starkweather and Raymond Hames’s recent study shows that at least 53 societies recognise and socially sanction polyandry, and that includes African societies.

While there is some evidence that the Masai people have permitted polyandrous relationships, by and large it is practised in Nigeria.

Dominican scholar Nkuzi Nnam, who focuses on the role of women in African societies, writes about the Igbo people, who are a matrilineal tribe in which the women are allowed to take one or more husbands. Plus, the women can marry other women, while men aren’t allowed to marry other men. American anthrolopolgist Walter H. Sangree found that the Irigwe

“My freedom helps me to remain myself,” she says. “I enjoy my life and don’t depend on things outside myself for happiness.”

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people of Nigeria, also practise polyandry, though – unlike the North Indian and Tibetan societies – it is forbidden for brothers or close family members to be co-husbands.

Here at home polyandry is uncommon. This is probably why it’s not protected under the constitution, which protects the practice of polygyny as a traditional African rite. Only those who practise or are a part of that culture can take many wives – Joe Smith from Sandton, for example, can’t legally marry several women. So if there is no tradition of polyandry, it can’t be constitutionally protected.

But in South Africa there is in fact one society that does sanction polyandry – though not in any of the traditional senses. The Balobedu people of Limpopo are headed by a queen, the Modjadji or Rain Queen, who is said to have power over the rain. The Modjadji throne is passed down the matrilineal line – no male can sit on it. It is passed on to the Queen’s eldest daughter. The Modjadji had several wives (they were more like handmaidens and were usually the daughters of the surrounding chiefs) but no husband.

Her ‘mates’ were chosen by her council – so the line can remain royal – but the Queen was not expected to be exclusive to any one man. She could have several partners at once.

There is no reigning Rain Queen now. The last Queen, Makobo Modjadji, died in 2005, but left a daughter who will take the throne when she comes of age.

So perhaps the concept of polyandry is not so very strange in South Africa after all. Nonetheless, people, especially men, generally don’t take kindly to the concept of polyandry – or to Tu’s polyandrous philosophy. During one interview, a man being interviewed with the musician got very emotional and worried about what she was saying about her choice to practise emotional polyandry. He wanted her to shut up. Another man jokingly said he wanted to hide his wife before she heard what Tu was saying. “It’s worrying that women aren’t free,” says Tu. She believes that men here feel so alienated by the concept because we are a very patriarchal country. “They react that way to me because men are considered the head of the house. Polyandry unbalances the very structured power relations in South Africa between men and women. But in fact it empowers women to be emotionally free.” But this freedom finds its opposite in ownership, something she feels commonly happens when people marry.

“You marry as a form of ownership. You want this thing that is so precious to you, but once the woman commits the man looks outside the relationship. It is not about love – and certainly not about unconditional

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A woman of the Balobedu, a tribe of the Northern Sotho group, whose Rain Queen, Modjadji, is entitled to many wives.

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NEWS REPORT EOA

PICTURES: BAFANA MAHLANGU/SOWETAN. ANDREW BANNISTER, COURTESY OF SHEER SOUNDS. ©iSTOCK.COM.

A woman from the Inuit tribe, where non-classic polyandry is practised.

love – it is about power. The love is very contingent and conditional.” According to Tu, each person in a marriage should have their own personal boundaries to maintain a certain autonomy and freedom. “My freedom helps me to remain myself,” she says. “I enjoy my life and don’t depend on things outside myself for happiness.”

Tu will marry one day but not in the conventional sense and not for the conventional reasons. It will have to be with her perfect partner, with whom she shares a mindset. So the marriage would happen only for practical or legal reasons. It will have no other real bearing. They will already be connected physically, emotionally and spiritually. But even in marriage, Tu will remain an emotional polyandrist. “With some men I enjoy travel, with others I enjoy making music, with some climbing mountains, engaging in spiritual discourse, helping the world. I cannot imagine myself living a full life at optimal level without that kind of freedom.” E

The Tibetan tribes practise classic polyandry to prevent the division of land.

The Maasai people of Kenya, Africa, are known to have practised polyandry.

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MATTERS OF THE HEART

As we immerse ourselves in the month of love, protecting our hearts must be foremost in the minds of all women. This time, however, it’s not about romance, but rather your health, writes CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. ardiovascular disease – heart disease and stroke – is the biggest killer of women globally, killing more women than all cancers, TB, HIV/Aids and malaria combined, according to The World Heart Federation.

Just think about that for a second.

Think of all the awareness around HIV/ Aids and cancer that exists in South Africa – rightly so, of course. But if one considers how little awareness there is around heart disease and stroke for women, it becomes quite a dire matter.

Recent studies have shown the lack of

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awareness amongst women has become a major contributing factor to heart disease prevalence here and elsewhere.

According to Johannesburg cardiologist Dr Yasmin Bera, this is largely due to it still being thought of as a male disease.

“Women don’t perceive cardiovascular disease as being the greatest threat to their health; they think they’re more at risk of cancer.” Although more men have heart attacks than women, according to Dr Bera, once women reach menopause they are equally affected, and it’s on the rise in South Africa, with one in four women before the age of 60 having some form of heart condition.

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HEALTH EOA “Women tend to leave it too late, not taking care of themselves and ignoring warning signs,” explains Dr. Bera. “By the time it hits, it’s usually more lethal than it is for men.” So much so, that more women die from heart disease and strokes than men in South Africa. And even for those who do survive, the repercussions are often worse for women. “After a stroke, women are more likely to develop serious complications and disabilities,” says Dr. Bera.

This is compounded by the fact that warning signs for women are not always the same as for men – even though most of what we hear about the disease relates to men. The typical heart attack symptoms for women tend not to be the classic ‘tightness’ and discomfort or pain in the chest. Women are thus far more likely to end up with a diagnosis of heartburn or gastro-oesophageal reflux disease, or even stress or depression. Moreover, women are less likely to be prescribed aspirin in prevention of a second attack, less likely to receive sophisticated pacemaker models and less likely to be recommended for potentially life-saving cardiac surgery.

KNOW YOUR NUMBERS

Cape Town cardio thoracic surgeon Dr Susan Vosloo challenged the medical community about this a while back, citing numerous studies and statistics to prove that women here don’t receive the quality of heart care that is usually afforded men.

These discrepancies in care claim the lives of many women, who should receive better treatment sooner.

PICTURE: © iSTOCK.COM.

“Women don’t perceive cardiovascular disease as being the greatest threat to their health; they think they’re more at risk of cancer.”

Whilst we may not be able to control these factors, we can do much to protect ourselves from this disease – and knowledge is the key. “Know your numbers!” says Dr Bera. “Women need to have blood pressure, cholesterol and glucose levels checked regularly, as high levels can place them at greater risk.” In fact, 80 percent of deaths due to cardiovascular disease can be prevented through a healthy diet,

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MINIMISE YOUR RISK • • • • • •

Stop smoking: A smoker’s blood pressure and heart rate only start returning to normal levels twenty minutes after their last cigarette.

Exercise regularly: The minimum amount should be the equivalent of brisk walking for 30 minutes five times a week.

Maintain a healthy weight: Obesity can lead to diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, each of which boosts the risk of heart disease. Keep your body mass index (BMI) below 25.

Eat healthy: Maintain a balanced diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables, few fried foods, and less salt and refined sugar.

Control high blood pressure: Exercise and eating healthily, particularly lowering salt intake, can help. Medications can also be used to lower blood pressure.

Manage diabetes: Adults with diabetes are two to four times more likely to have heart disease. Type 1 diabetes can be controlled with insulin. Type 2 diabetes and prediabetes can be controlled through proper nutrition and exercise.

“… it’s on the rise in South Africa, with one in four women before the age of 60 having some form of heart condition.” physical activity, avoidance of tobacco and moderate alcohol use, according to World Heart Federation research.

Which brings us to the heart of the matter, so to speak. Why are more South Africans dying from cardiovascular diseases than ever before? Dr Bera points to an increase in urbanisation, which leads to changes in health and diet. “Urban lifestyles mean people aren’t as active; they’re moving less and eating more processed foods and takeaways,” she says. Obesity is a major factor, affecting two thirds of South African women and almost a quarter of the country’s children. “Women need to know their BMI (Body Mass Index) and take care not to have so much saturated fat and salt in their diet,” she says. Smoking and alcohol consumption certainly play their part too, with the risk of stroke being doubled for those who smoke.

What’s clear is that cardiovascular disease is not a disease of old men, as has commonly been perceived. It affects women of all ages, including those in their twenties and thirties. It accounts for a third of all deaths in women worldwide, and yet, quite unbelievably, this is almost entirely preventable. If we give ourselves one gift this Valentine’s Day, let it be to love and respect our bodies, taking charge of our health and protecting our hearts. E

SYMPTOMS OF HEART ATTACK IN WOMEN

• Discomfort or pain in the chest.

• Pressure or pain in the upper back, shoulders and neck.

• Abdominal pain • Dizziness • Nausea • Sweating • Heart flutters • Anxiety • Fatigue • Shortness of breath • Jaw pain

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SPOIL HIM WITH LOVE‌

AND A GIFT Golf shirt, R400, Kapa.

Antonio Banderas King of Seduction Eau de Toilette 100ml, R495.

FitBit Charge HR, R1 899, iStore.

Swim shorts, R1 550, Garwood & Grace.

Sneakers, R700, Superga.

Active Ball Bottle Opener, R235, Le Creuset.

Bollinger Special Cuvee Brut NV Champagne, R879.

U Automatic Espresso Machine, R1 650, Nespresso.

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Blackcurrent, cherry and strawberry sweets, R65 for 280g, The Treat Company.

Sunglasses, R3 625, RayBan at Sunglass Hut.

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MAN SHOPPING EOA Printed shirt, R1 500, Ted Baker.

Beats Solo, R2 499, Beats by Dr Dre. Cased 4-piece BBQ set, R499, Yuppiechef.com.

Prada Luna Rossa Eau de Toilette 100ml, R1 150.

Lindor Heart Truffles, R80 for 160g, all leading retailers.

Paugus watch, R1 950, Timberland at Edgars.

Cap, R399, Pringle of Scotland.

Etnies sneakers, R799, Edgars.

Knomo Henderson 15� (31cm) bag, R1 999, iStore.

Wallet, R700, Ted Baker.

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EOA MAN SHOPPING Knit, R1 795, Gant.

Shave Ease Oil, R255, Clarins.co.za.

Sunglasses, R2 277, Persol at Luxottica.

Bathrobe, R249, Linen House.

Underwear, R249, Pringle of Scotland.

Marshall Acton speaker, R3 999, iStore.

Barrett’s Ridge Beer Bread Kit in Olive and Rosemary, R59, Spar.

Fan di Fendi pour homme Aqua Eau de Toilette, R1 115 for 100ml, Red Square.

Shirt, R399, River Island.

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PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS, ©iSTOCK.COM.

Whiskey & Drinks Stones, R250 for set of 9, Sagaform.

TECH NEWS + APPS EOA

Up your selfie game

HTC is taking selfies to a whole new level with its Desire Eye smartphone, boasting a 13-megapixel front-facing camera for high-quality selfies. The unit has sensors to snag sharp images in low light, and when the light gets too low, intelligent dual LED flashes on both front and rear cameras will brighten things up. The phone comes with the HTC Eye Experience – an advanced software suite that allows you to touch up a face with live skin smoothing and trigger the front camera’s shutter with a voice command.

PICTURES: CARBUYER.CO.UK; DAILYDOT.COM; FANAPPIC.COM; MOTIONMATHGAMES.COM.

CAUTION: Virtual Driving Ahead Jaguar Land Rover is developing new ways to give drivers higher quality, life-like graphics and information that offer an enhanced ‘virtual’ view of the road ahead. The Jaguar Virtual Windscreen concept uses the entire windscreen as a display, with hazard, speed and navigation icons projected onto the screen together. Along with this, Jaguar researchers have developed an innovative 3D instrument cluster, which uses the latest head- and eyetracking technology to create a natural-looking 3D image on the instrument panel, replacing the rearview mirror.

RUN YOUR HOME from THE ROAD

Panasonic and Toyota will soon make it possible to avoid those “oh-no” moments after leaving home, such as forgetting to switch off the oven or leaving the iron on. The companies are cooperating to create a cloud-based in-car system that allows people to monitor and operate home appliances from the wheel of their car. What a nifty idea!

ANALOGY:

In a very straightforward manner, this app presents your child with things that are different and then challenges him or her to point out the relationship between those things. Often used in IQ and school placement tests, the puzzles and activities on this app enhances analytical thinking, problem-solving, perception, spatial skills, and memory and creativity.

TELLING TIME – PHOTO TOUCH GAME:

‘APPY TIME! [FOR THE KIDS] Give your child the edge at school by downloading these cool apps.

ALPHA WRITER:

This fabulous app from Montessorium teaches children to read, write and spell phonetically, while composing words and creating stories. In addition to teaching the basics of language, children can also work their way through the app to identify consonants and vowels. Also check out Montessorium’s Intro To Letters app for more fun activities.

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There are many apps that teach kids how to practise telling time, but this is hands down one of the better ones on the market.

Visually streamlined and straightforward, the graphics make the learning process as simple as possible. You can even record your own voice or take a snapshot of your child’s clock to personalise the experience.

MOTION MATH:

Elegantly simple, Motion Math turns fractions into a game that is easy and fun to learn. Players move fractions to their correct places on the number line in order to return a star that has fallen from space to its rightful spot in the sky. The app is designed to help your child further grasp the concept of fractions and estimate fractions in multiple forms. E

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SHOES WORTH WALKING IN

PETER TSHISEVHE credits growing up in poverty with his academic achievements that led to him becoming one of the best mergers and acquisitions lawyers in the world. He chats to HAYDEN HORNER about his continued rise to success.

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MAN INTERVIEW EOA Q You had a tough upbringing and grew up in poverty. Tell us about that.

Jordiat at the Wits Law Clinic, I joined Edward Nathan Sonnenbergs, the largest corporate and commercial law firm on the continent. However, I consider myself a human rights lawyer who specialises in corporate and commercial law. I feel that until the majority of South African citizens freely participate in the mainstream economy, our rights as guaranteed in our Constitution, will only then be formalised. It’s my responsibility to advise clients who participate in commercial transactions to be legally savvy and understand their matters.

Growing up in Tshakhuma in rural Venda (Limpopo Province), I remember my parents working hard and yet we barely made ends meet. I always did very well academically, which placed me in the spotlight. While this was good in that it afforded me many friends, it also attracted its fair share of detractors and mean comments about my family’s financial situation. Poverty taught me perseverance and I used it, and the painful remarks, to keep me academically focused.

Q How is corporate and commercial law different to other forms of law?

Q I heard that you got your first pair of shoes at the age 16. What was the significance of those shoes?

Not having shoes because of poverty was always one of the many talking points about my abilities and me. But my school achievements finally paid off when I was able to secure a bursary from the Lutheran Scholarship Fund for my last two years of high school. I used part of the money to buy my first pair of shoes. The day I got those shoes I couldn’t sleep because finally I was going to wear them to school like the other children.

Q What were the main driving forces that kept you going academically and eventually graduating from Wits University (in Johannesburg)?

PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY TGR ATTORNEYS.

Despite the deprivation, I believed in my abilities and myself. I’ve always known that working hard and staying focused can deliver the desired results.

If you are driven and you persevere against all the odds, you will triumph, both professionally and financially.

Q Why were you so determined to study at Wits University?

I heard about it from one of my friends, Aifheli Netshivhodza, who went to school at one of the best government schools, Mbilwi. That school was better equipped than my school and they knew everything about career

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It is different in the sense that it focuses on matters that drive the economy, whereas other branches of law focus on the social aspects and liberties.

Q Tell us about TGR, your law firm, and what made it different to other companies?

guidance. Through Aifheli, I heard about career choices and the top universities. I discovered that Wits was the best university with the best law school in the country and, for me, it was important to learn amongst the best. I understood that by associating with people who inspire me, and who are doing better than me, that I would also grow academically and professionally.

Q What or who inspired you to pursue law?

My experiences and curiosity as a child steered me towards law. I always wondered why white people had such privileged lives compared to black people.

I remember being told, when I asked about it, that the situation was regulated in the big law books that were kept in Pretoria. I wanted to read those books, and so my passion for law took shape.

Q Where does your interest in corporate and commercial law come from?

After completing my B.Proc and working under the supervision of Prof. Peter

We are an African firm with unique insights, in that we understand the challenges that the majority of citizens face on a daily basis. We have practical experience and we see our clients as people we share the same vision with.

Q With both you and your wife running your own law firms, how do the two of you balance your careers with family life and parenting?

It’s not easy but we share the responsibility of raising our children. I drop our daughter off at school in the morning and my wife picks her up in the afternoon. Unless it is absolutely necessary to work, weekends are exclusively reserved for family.

Q How do your parents feel about your success?

My parents never speak about my achievements, but I know they are as proud of me as I am grateful for the values they instilled in me during my formative years. They still live in Venda, but now it’s in a beautiful home that I built especially for them. E

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LOW LIBIDO:

alome Tlale, 39, a selfemployed mother of two, was convinced her husband, Prince, was having an affair. All the signs were there – he would always be tired; he would repeatedly turn down her sexual advances; he would barely touch his dinner, and be irritated by simple questions their children would ask him.

This went on for almost three months and, at first, she blamed herself because she was usually still in her greasy chef’s outfit when he got home. “So I made an extra effort with my appearance. And that wasn’t easy since my food truck only stops serving at 4pm and then it’s a long, traffic-jammed commute home, which leaves me with about an hour to prepare dinner for my husband and children,” explains Salome.

In search of the up-side Male erections are like the South African minibus service – they’re usually on time, will get you there quickly, and the ride leaves you breathless. But when they’re on strike, you know it means trouble for everyone, writes RUSSEL BROUT. FE B RUA RY 2 0 1 5

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SOURCE: WEBMD.COM/SEX-RELATIONSHIPS. PICTURES: ©iSTOCK.COM.

MAN FEATURE EOA She says she barely had time to get out of her work clothes, so she’d just prepare supper as she was. “Then I decided to close the food truck an hour earlier, which meant some money lost, but it was worth it if it meant looking good for my Prince when he came home from work.” Salome recalls how she and Prince have always been attracted to each other. “From day one, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and he would stand at attention just from me smiling or winking at him. We were in our late teens and sex hungry for each other, and that sexual energy and love lasted all the way into our early thirties, which was a good indication that we were meant for each other.”

She says that even when she was pregnant, her husband couldn’t keep his hands off her. What would start out as a foot massage often led to passionate lovemaking. “After our second child, Prince took a new job with longer hours but better pay, and I opened my food truck business. Everything was good. Our boys were growing and would soon be in school.

And so, again, Prince changed jobs for more money. That’s when he changed.”

At first she attributed it to the longer and more demanding work hours but, by the third month of going without any sexual intimacy, she started suspecting there was another woman. She did all she could to find out if he was cheating on her, but all along the problem was something she had never even gave a second thought to.

The truth was that Prince had not turned away from her, but rather he had turned into himself because he felt increasingly unable to cope at work. Needless to say he wasn’t feeling very lustful either, leading to Salome drawing the incorrect conclusion.

THE HARD FACTS

The common perception is that men constantly think about sex and are always ready to make love. However, a survey for Ukmedix.com, an online British pharmacy, found that 62 percent of men turn down sex more frequently than their female partner, with a third admitting they had lost their sex drive. Dr John Demartini, an American researcher, best-selling author and public speaker on human behaviour, says online that the causes of libido dysfunction are many and varied in both sexes, and can involve psychological as well as physical factors.

In Prince’s case, it turned out that the demands of his new boss were the cause of

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

his low libido. “We’d always been honest with each other and even swore that we’d be open about having affairs or not wanting to continue in our marriage,” explains Salome. “But these things are always easier said than done. “You could only imagine my relief when he finally broke down and admitted he was incredibly unhappy in his job. He has always been a proud man and just wanted the best for our kids and me. So when he started feeling useless at his job, that feeling spread to our sexual relationship, where my Prince ruled like a king and I was his queen,” Salome says with a giggle, quickly adding how the situation wasn’t funny when she didn’t know why he was acting so strangely.

DOCTOR, DOCTOR

Salome and her husband agreed to see their family doctor who, after running a series of tests, discovered that Prince’s testosterone levels were almost nonexistent. In addition to playing a critical role in a man’s life experience, testosterone (a hormone produced primarily in the testicles) is also believed by scientists to drive the male libido.

Although testosterone levels naturally fade as men age, usually around their fifties, it’s not uncommon for it to happen to younger, more virile men in the presence

of some physical change due to illness. As a result of being constantly stressed out by his job, Prince’s immune system also diminished, leaving him open to recurring colds and flu which, their doctor says, could have hampered his body’s ability to produce testosterone.

“Luckily it was reversible. Our doctor placed him on a course of three-monthly testosterone injections and by the second month his mood started changing, and his spirit and ‘other things’ began lifting,” says Salome. Prince has since left his job and now does contract work on oilrigs. He is away for weeks at a time, but Salome says absence really does make the heart grow fonder. “The kids and I miss him when he’s away, but he is happier than I’ve ever seen him and the money and sex is better than ever.”

Salome advises couples to speak openly about their problems and to seek counselling and medical intervention where it is needed. “Low libido was not even something I’d considered. I imagine most women, like myself, will also leap to the conclusion that their men are unfaithful were they confronted with this problem. I know so much more about it now and even understand, and have prepared myself for the possibility that it could happen again when we hit our fifties.”

HYPOACTIVE SEXUAL DESIRE DISORDER Doctor Irwin Goldstein, director of sexual medicine at San Diego’s Alvarado Hospital and editor-in-chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, says about one in five men have such low sexual desire they’d rather do almost anything other than have sex – these are men who suffer from hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), which can be the result of:  Psychological issues: Stress and anxiety from the strain of daily life, relationship or family problems, depression, and mental disorders are among the many factors that can affect sexual desire.  Medical problems: Diseases such as diabetes; conditions such as obesity, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol; and HIV drugs, some hair-loss remedies, and other medications can negatively affect sexual desire.  Hormonal causes: Low testosterone levels usually mean low sexual desire. Levels dip as men age; other causes include chronic disease, medications, and other drug use. Other hormones can play a role, too, such as low levels of thyroid hormone or, rarely, high levels of prolactin, a hormone produced in a gland at the base of the brain.

Dr Goldstein, like many experts, agrees that open and honest discussion is the first step to seeking a solution. As with all illnesses, they point out that early detection can almost always result in effective treatment. E

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EOA #GAYBESTFRIEND

LOST IN TRANSLATION One girl. One gay best friend. One fine young Italian soccer player. Mama mia! Things are about to get messy...

R

uth and my 15-year-old friendship has been a long and fabulous honeymoon.

But even honeymoons can experience a little bad weather, as I discovered during our recent trip to Mauritius.

Aaah, Mauritius… That’s all I can say, darlings, as this is not a travel column commissioned by the Mauritian tourism council. What I can say, though, is plan ahead or end up stuck in a resort hotel (which I’m still convinced was an association for the aged) on the boring part of the island, like Ruth and I were.

With only a week to spare, we decided to languish on the beach, enjoy the free spa and drown our sorrows at the free bar, where even the barman looked like a retired Vietnam

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War veteran. We tried to deal with the absence of eye candy, but by the second day, all of our fabulousness washed out to sea with the high tide, and we were ready to turn on each other like those backstabbing Survivor contestants.

And then it happened. As if Pope Francis himself had witnessed our rapid descent into savagery, a busload of Italian soccer players arrived. All was forgiven as Ruth and I felt like the Survivor contestants who always win the food challenge.

Can you say party in Italian? Well neither can I, darling, but the days that followed were some of the best rum-filled, broken English parties we’ve ever had.

Amidst the brouhaha, I was approached by one of the bestlooking players in the team, who was also number one on Ruth’s kiss list. He ushered me aside and started whispering in my ear. He’d just about finished professing his undying love, when Ruth dashed over and told us both off. Between her tipsy slurring and the Vietnam veteran cranking up the volume for the Macarena (for the seventh time in a row), I was able to hear: “I hate you. Our friendship is over. You’re a tart!” before she exited.

The next morning, I woke her up with breakfast, lots of water and Number One’s name and room number. As it turned out, Number One was besotted with Ruth and was too shy to approach her. Because his brother is gay, he could see that I was her GBF and understood that the GBF is also the guardian of his girlfriend’s heart – and so he had to get my approval first. And he checked out okay.

Even with the nastiest hangover she’s ever had, Ruthless still managed to give her signature shrill nervous cackle (I’ve given up working on that cackle) and gave me a peck on the cheek to show all was forgiven. The moral of the story: friendship is a learning adventure, and we’ll be learning more about each other when we visit Number One in Italy. E

E S S AYS OF AFRICA

PICTURE: HAYDEN HORNER.

BY HAYDEN HORNER

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Roulette ESSAYS OF AFRICA

BEAUTY MAIN EOA

JUST RELAX

Choosing relaxed hair doesn’t mean that you need to always style your hair in a boring bun. Take a different approach to your relaxed hair by cutting it in a medium bob to give you a fresh, new look. You’ll score points for this chic style, especially because it’s so on-trend right now.

WAVES OF WEAVES

Weaves are the best way to add length to your tresses. The trend for 2015 is to go for a more traditional style, such as soft curls or a slight wave using a hot iron and flicking the hair to the side for a touch of glam, especially this Valentine’s Day. Longer hair is sexy, but be careful not to go too long as it can look messy if not maintained correctly.

SEXY SHORT CUTS

PHOTOGRAPHER: JUDD VAN RENSBURG.

The short bob is making a huge comeback, so if you have a round face this is the style for you. Be daring and take the plunge but remember to keep it clean, sleek and chic.

WINNING WIGS

Available in synthetic or human hair, lace-front wigs can be a convenient way to cope with those bad hair days. These hair wonders give you true versatility as you can sport a new hairdo every other week. You’ll be the talk of the town as you wow everyone with your adventurous spirit and great sense of (hair)style.

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Readers' Questions

Q How can I maintain my hairline, keeping it healthy and restoring any damage?

Akosua Boitumelo Tseleng

A Lace wigs can damage your hairline if they are not fitted correctly. The lace wig glue should not be applied at the actual hairline, but rather just after the hair where there is no hair. A wig should only be worn for two weeks at the most. Wear a wig for two weeks at most and to avoid hair thinning, sometimes the cause of extensive lace wig application, use Redken Cerafill Retaliate products, from R530.

A Choose between a semi-permanant or a permanant hair colour. Dark and Lovely Color Intensity Anti-Dryness Permanent Colour (R19) has a range of hair colours that are great for natural hair! Try the Amber Blonde if you want to channel your adventurous spirit this summer.

Q How do you avoid your weave from becoming frizzy, especially in the Highveld’s rainy summer season?

Marcia Ncokazi

A Pureology Super Smooth Smoothing Cream (R323) is great for weaves because it controls the frizz and that unruly volume that makes a weave look old. It also helps to retain the colour of weave and the shape of the hair.

Q What is the best product to use on relaxed hair without making the hair too oily? Nosipho Hlathwayo

A Mizani Coconut Soufflé Hairdress (R182) is a great product for relaxed hair. This hairdress is a light formula that won’t clog the pores in your scalp as it infuses hair with moisture from root to end, providing protection against hair loss and dry brittle hair.

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

PRODUCT IMAGES: STOCKISTS.

Q I’m planning to colour my natural hair this summer, but I’m afraid of using just any hair dye. Which one would you recommend? Zoleka Roche

BEAUTY & HEALTH NEWS EOA Beetroot is not only delicious but also filled with a variety of nutrients that are great for your skin’s health! So next time you do your weekly shopping, stock up on this versatile veg that can be used as a condiment with curries and other stews, or as a main ingredient in refreshing salads.

High levels of antioxidants assist in fighting free radicals that break down collagen, and improve the elasticity of the skin.

As a natural detoxifier, beetroot helps cleanse your blood and improves circulation, giving your skin a healthy glow.

The powerful combination of nutrients such as potassium, iron and vitamins help treat and prevent breakouts.

For more info, go to Beautysouthafrica.com.

LANGARO LIFESTYLE CENTRE, CAPE TOWN PICTURES: SAUDI.TERRA.COM, LANGARO LIFESTYLE CENTRE.

WORDS: HLULANI MASINGI. SOURCES: BEAUTY SOUTH AFRICA, MANDY FRANCIS; LANGARO LIFESTYLE CENTRE.

Benefits of BEETROOT

Put back the moisture

The sun may be a source of vitamin D, which is really good for your skin, but it also strips your skin of moisture. Langaro Lifestyle Centre recommends a thorough full body exfoliation to slough away all the dead skin cells, followed by a wrap to seal moisture into the skin. Finally, indulge in a massage that will restore the skin’s moisture, and relax the body both physically and mentally. For more info, go to Langaro.com.

DON’T BIN YOUR SCRAPS Before you throw out those food leftovers, take a minute to consider whether they can be used for anything else, including effective beauty treatments. Mandy Francis, who writes for the Daily Mail, highlights the beauty secrets hiding in everyday food that we eat. l Broccoli helps smooth skin: Indulging in plenty of dark green vegetables such as broccoli florets and leaves will help boost the condition of your skin. l Used teabags to deflate puffy eyes: Make your own caffeinated eye-booster by squeezing the excess fluid out of two used teabags, chilling them in the fridge for 10 minutes and then placing them on your closed eyelids. l Tinned fish bones for strong nails: Don’t pick the bones out of tinned

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

fish, such as salmon, pilchards and sardines. These bones are soft and easily digestible and a great source of calcium. l Avocado skin for a radiant complexion: Rub the inside of the avocado skin over your face.

Leave any pulp on your skin for 15 minutes and wash off the residue with warm water. Pat your skin dry. l Coffee granules for cellulite: Use coffee granules to make the perfect caffeine-rich body scrub.

It has amazing effect on cellulite, making it appear less visible to the naked eye. l Tomatoes protect your skin: The protective antioxidant in the red pigment of tomatoes has been shown to boost the skin’s natural sun protection factor. E

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SCENT of a WOMAN There’s one for every mood, every occasion and every woman. Pick the fragrance that best suits your personality. By VUYISWA MOTHLABANE. GIORGIO ARMANI SÌ, R1 185.

Sì is for the woman who has natural elegance. The touch of blackcurrant nectar, modern chypre and light musky wood delivers a fresh, enticing scent.

DIESEL LOVERDOSE, R745.

Seductive and sexy to its core, the name says it all. Its woody notes have a base of amber and vanilla, just to lighten it slightly.

A GIRL’S GUIDE TO PERFUME TERMINOLOGY

The more expensive a fragrance is, the longer it will last.

EAU DE PARFUM: Is an alcoholic perfume solution that contains 10 to 15 percent perfume. Will last 4 to 6 hours.

EAU DE TOILETTE: Is an alcohol/water-based perfume solution that contains three to eight percent perfume.

Will last 2 to 4 hours.

PERFUME: An alcoholic perfume solution that contains 15 to 30 percent perfume. Will last 6 to 8 hours.

VIKTOR & ROLF BON BON, R1 345.

We love the beautiful packaging of this fragrance and it perfectly expresses its sweet notes of caramel and flowers. Sweets for my Sweet!

KIEHL’S MUSK EDT SPRAY, R595.

We all know that good old musk scent, but this refreshingly modern take on the familiar has a creamy yet fresh citrus scent of orange blossoms. This one will last the whole day and then some.

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LANCÔME LA VIE EST BELLE, R1 035.

This fragrance unleashes a blend of vanilla and tonka beans with waves of jasmine and orange blossom – a true expression of French happiness.

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

BEAUTY EOA YSL BLACK OPIUM, R995.

Mysterious yet feminine, Black Opium is described as “glam rock” in a bottle for the daring woman. Look out for its addictive coffee-like notes with a touch of vanilla for sweetness.

BEYONCÉ HEAT, R495.

SCENTSATIONAL TIPS

1. Moisturise your skin as an oilier skin ensures that your fragrance will last longer.

2. Apply on the pulse points and never rub the fragrance into your skin.

3. Layer your fragrance by applying a perfumed body lotion of the same fragrance and then spraying the perfume over it.

4. Store your fragrance away from direct light and humid places to prevent it from evaporating.

5. Counterfeit fragrances don’t undergo the same safety standards as the true brands and can be harmful to your skin.

PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS. SOURCES: ABOUT.COM; BEAUTY.ABOUT.COM, EBAY.COM.

bea’us ty ed

! k c pi

This fragrance captures Beyoncé sexiness in a young, fresh and joyful way. The top note is passion fruit, blood orange and Brazilian cherry – doesn’t that just sound young and sexy?

EOAloves

MY BURBERRY, R890.

Using the iconic Burberry trench coat as inspiration for its packaging design, this fragrance is reminiscent of a London garden after a rain shower. Think sweet pea and bergamot. The EOA team totally loves this one!

“Where should one use perfume?” a young woman asked.

“Wherever one wants to be kissed.”

- Coco Chanel JOUR D’HERMES ABSOLU, R1 980.

This perfume is ‘fragrance sophistication’ with hints of lilies, roses and jasmine just like a beautiful bouquet of flowers with a mix of your favourite blooms.

GUESS GIRL BELLE, R650.

FIRST, R795.

Inspired by a pendant in the Van Cleef & Arpels jewellery collection, First is an unmistakable jewel with notes of jasmine and blackcurrant.

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

Described as the irresistible, mysterious character of female seduction, Guess Girl Belle combines fruity and floral notes, with seductive blossoms of Arab jasmine and violet forming the heart of the perfume.

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EOA BEAUTY

NAILENE FING’RSPRINTS REBEL ROCK/URBAN CHIC NAILS, R120.CHEEKY AND PLAYFUL, THESE PRESS-ONS WILL LET YOU FINGERS DO THE TALKING. (PACK OF 2)

2

7

ELIZABETH ARDEN EIGHT HOUR® CREAM INTENSIVE LIP REPAIR BALM, R185. HEALS SUN DAMAGE AND DRYNESS IN A JIFFY. A WINNER EVERY TIME!

EUCERIN COMPLETE REPAIR MOISTURE LOTION 5% UREA, R140.

THE ULTIMATE ANSWER TO DRY SKIN.

Sexy SEVEN

PHYSICIAN’S FORMULA OOOH LALA SEXY EYES TRIO, R199. SULTRY EYES FOR THAT SPECIAL OCCASION.

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3

YARDLEY OATMEAL EVEN SKIN REJUVENATING MOISTURISER TUBE, R80.SOFTENS AND MOISTURISES THE SKIN IN NO TIME.

LAMELLE CORRECTIVES RA CREAM, R560. FIGHT FINE LINES AND DULL SKIN WITH THIS AGE-CORRECTION CREAM.

5

4

NIVEA Q10 PLUS RANGE: ANTIWRINKLE ENERGISING DAY CREAM SPF15, R149.

ANTI-WRINKLE ENERGY EYE ROLL-ON, R149.

ANTI-WRINKLE ENERGY SERUM, R149.

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS.

6

Take a look at VUYISWA MOTHLABANE’S top seven picks this month.

SOCIAL SCENE EOA

BACK LEFT TO RIGHT: AGATHA KATEBE MUIMUI, NANCY MUSUKWA, MIRRIAM MWANZA, GIVEN LUNGU, WEZI NJOVU, NANCY MULENGA, MAINZA MICHELLO, PRECIOUS MANDA, LISA MUYA, NAMONDA SILUNGWE, MALILWE SILUBANJE. FRONT LEFT TO RIGHT: STELLA KALUBA, PATIENCE PHIRI, CHANSA KAPAPULA, TEMWACHI CHISUNKA, GRACE KAZABU MBAO.

LADIES GATHER AT FASHION AND PROACTIVE DINNER IN ZAMBIA

WORDS: WEZI MUYEMBE NJOVU. PHOTOGRAPHER: PAUL KABUNGO MFULA.

WEZI MUYEMBE NJOVU

Fashion and image consultant, Wezi Muyembe Njovu, was thinking ahead of the curve when she ended 2014 off by hosting a fashion and networking dinner on 20 December in Kitwe, Zambia. The focus of the event was to gather young women together to discuss topics of importance to women, ranging from the beauty-centred fashion and make-up trends to those with a more community focus, such as how they could make a difference to their community by helping out other women and children. This event provided the platform for networking amongst women from different spheres who could collectively share their skills and knowledge for a greater good, and provide their sisters with strength and support the way a community should.

LEFT TO RIGHT: GIVEN LUNGU, BACK:- NAMONDA SILUNGWE, TEMWACHI CHISUNKA, WEZI NJOVU, GRACE MBAO, AGATHA MUIMUI, MALILWE SILUBANJE, NANCY MUSUKWA.

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

WEZI NJOVU WITH MIRRIAM MWANZA.

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A TASTE OF LOVE

Seasoned food writer, Dorah Sitole, celebrates her love for her late husband Archie Sitole, and of food in her renowned cookbook, Cooking From Cape To Cairo.

Dorah And Archie’s Love Story

Thoughts of good food always set my heart racing, and losing myself in my kitchen while preparing a meal relaxes me completely. I suppose this is what passion for food is about; it is love. I love food and every little thing that has to do with it. Paging through recipe books and food magazines, watching food TV shows, and discovering great restaurants just warms my heart. This feeling is similar to the warm feeling I experience when I think of my late husband, Archie. It’s been a year since his tragic passing due to a car accident.

On my birthday in September 1977, Archie bought me my first recipe book, Cook And Enjoy It by S.J.A. De Villiers. On the first page he wrote a simple message: “I thank God for our relationship, which exists because we know Him. My one wish is that the Lord would preserve you until we are finally settled in our new home.”

This was seven months into our marriage and soon thereafter we moved into our lovely home, where I started experimenting with the wonderful recipes from Cook And Enjoy It. Little did I know at the time that my career was going to be in food.

Good food always was and still remains an integral part of our home. Archie was my biggest fan, and he really loved good food. He was big in stature, which matched his big heart. It was so easy to love him and also to forgive him. His absence over the last year has left a hole both in our home and in my heart.

How do you forget or let go of a person who was so full of life, love and laughter?

When I’m home alone I sometimes find myself staring at his favourite couch and hoping that he’ll appear. I so miss our

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Cooking From Cape To Cairo, R175, Amazon.com

Sunday afternoons spent lounging at home – me reading the Sunday papers and him listening to his favourite music and occasionally dozing off. We always had so much to talk and laugh about, and yet we were also very comfortable in the silences we shared. He thought I had a wicked sense of humour and to my surprise he found me funny, yet he was the true master of funny in our household.

These memories of him have kept me going since his passing, and I feel his presence so strongly. Sometimes it is manifested in the glowing light I see emanating from our garden, and more recently in a beautiful butterfly that gently fluttered into my room on our daughter Ayanda’s birthday. It feels to me as if he hears all my thoughts. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by some household maintenance dilemma, I ask myself what would Archie have done and, in those moments, I always find an answer as if it came straight from him.

As a result I believe I have managed to keep our home in a good state. The things that he loved the most – a pristine garden and a sparkling pool – are now my pride and joy.

Strolling through or digging in our garden makes me feel closer to him and I often find myself thinking: “This is how Archie would have loved it.”

My first Valentine’s Day without him will be just fine. I am surrounded by love and comforted by his memory, our son Sibusiso, his wife Nhlanhla and our grandson Sifiso; and our daughters Ayanda and Phumzile – all are my pillars of strength.

I see something of Archie in each of them. He is gone from our everyday lives, but is closer to my heart than ever before.

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

FOOD & ENTERTAINING EOA

AN AFRICAN FEAST

Compiling the recipes for Cooking From Cape To Cairo was a true labour of love and an amazing opportunity to explore iconic dishes from several African nations, says author DORAH SITOLE. Here is a selection of Dorah and her late husband Archie’s favourite recipes from the cookbook.

Morocco

BABA GANOUSH

Morocco

Ingredients

(Serves 4-6) § 1kg eggplant § 30ml (2 tablespoons) lemon juice § 125ml (½ cup) sesame oil § 125ml (½ cup) yoghurt § 30ml(2 tablespoons) chopped parsley § 1 garlic clove, crushed § 30ml (2 tablespoons) olive oil § Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Method

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees C. 2. Prick eggplant with a fork and place on a baking sheet lined with foil. Bake the eggplant for about 20 minutes until it is soft inside. Alternatively, grill the eggplant over a gas grill for about 10 minutes, turning it occasionally until the skin is completely charred.

3. Allow eggplant to cool. Cut the eggplant in half lengthwise, drain off the liquid, and scoop the pulp into a food processor. Process the eggplant until smooth and transfer to a medium-sized bowl.

4. Add the rest of the ingredients to the eggplant and mix well. Place mixture in a ceramic dish and garnish with grilled eggplant slices.

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HUMMUS Ingredients

(Serves 4-6) § 250ml (1 cup) chickpeas § Water § 250g sesame seeds § 1 clove garlic, crushed § Juice of 1 lemon § 1 garlic clove, crushed § 15ml (1 tablespoon) olive oil § Salt and pepper to taste

Method

1. Soak chickpeas overnight in water. Drain water. Pour fresh water into a saucepan and cook chickpeas until almost tender. Drain water and add sesame seeds and garlic.

2. Blend into a thick purée, adding a little cooking water if needed. Add lemon juice, salt and pepper to taste.

3. Place hummus in a bowl, make a hollow in the middle and pour in a little olive oil.

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TAMIA

Egypt

Ingredients

(Serves 4-6) § 250ml (1 cup) chickpeas or dry beans § 15ml (1 tablespoon) chopped fresh coriander § 15ml (1 tablespoon) chopped dill § 15ml (1 tablespoon) chopped parsley § 5ml (1 teaspoon) ground cumin § Salt and pepper to taste § 4 spring onions, chopped § 2ml (¼ teaspoon) bicarbonate of soda § Oil for deep frying

Method

1. Soak the chickpeas or beans in water overnight. Drain water and crush chickpeas or beans in a blender.

2. Mix chickpeas or beans with fresh coriander, dill, parsley, ground cumin, salt and pepper.

3. Add spring onions and bicarbonate of soda.

Form into patties and deep fry in hot oil.

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Botswana

OSTRICH KEBABS Ingredients

(Serves 4-6) § 500g ostrich fillet, cubed § 2 onions, cut into chunks § 3 green peppers, cut into chunks § 65ml (¼ cup) olive oil § Salt and pepper to taste § 250ml (1 cup) store-bought pepper sauce § 250ml (1 cup) store-bought cranberry sauce, optional

Method

1. Thread the ostrich fillet, onions and peppers onto skewers. Drizzle with olive oil and season with salt and pepper.

2. Grill the kebabs under medium heat for 10 minutes each side.

3. Mix the pepper sauce and cranberry sauce (if using) together and spoon over kebabs, serve with rice.

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Mozambique

CAMARAO GRELHADO MATAPA (MOROGO WITH PRAWNS) Ingredients

(Serves 4) § 1kg matapa/morogo, rinsed and chopped § 100g peanuts, chopped § 250ml (1 cup) coconut milk § 4 tomatoes, peeled and chopped § 1 onion, chopped § 500g dry prawns or shrimp (or fresh prawns in shells)

Method

1. Mix all the ingredients in a large saucepan. Bring to boil, turn down the heat and simmer gently for about 20 minutes or until cooked through.

2. Serve over nsima, the Mozambican version of pap.

CHEF’S NOTE:

Use spinach if you can’t find the morogo version of pap.

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FOOD & ENTERTAINING EOA

Zanzibar

LOBSTER MAYONNAISE Ingredients

(Serve 2) § 2 lobsters § 500ml (2 cups) water § Juice of 2 lemons § 2 onions, sliced § Salt and pepper to taste § 125ml (½ cup) mayonnaise § 90ml (⅓ cup) water § Freshly ground black pepper

Method

1. Remove the tails of the lobsters.

In a saucepan bring water to boil, and add the lobster tails, lemon juice, onions, salt and pepper. Simmer gently for 10 minutes.

2. Remove the lobster meat from the shells and keep warm.

Return lobster shells to the stock and boil for 5 minutes.

Remove and rinse under cold running water.

3. Place the shells on individual serving plates, slice the lobster flesh and spoon into the shells.

4. Mix mayonnaise with water and spoon over the lobster. Sprinkle with freshly ground black pepper before serving.

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Nigeria

FISH AND EGUSI STEW Ingredients

(Serves 4) ยง 45ml (3 tablespoons) palm oil ยง 1 onion, finely chopped ยง 4 red or yellow peppers, deseeded and finely chopped ยง 4 okra, sliced ยง 2 tomatoes, grated ยง 1kg white fish portions (such as hake) with skin ยง 250ml (1 cup) ground egusi ยง 2 vegetable stock cubes ยง 500ml (2 cups) water ยง Salt and black pepper to taste

Method

1. Heat palm oil in a saucepan and fry onion until soft. Add peppers, okra and tomatoes. Cook for 3 minutes.

2. Add fish, ground egusi, stock cubes and water.

Season to taste. Simmer gently for 30 minutes.

3. Garnish with whole pumpkin seeds. Serve with pounded yam.

CHEFโ S NOTE:

ยง Egusi seeds are the fat protein-rich seeds of the egusi melon (a bitter West African melon).

Only the seeds of the melon are eaten. ยง Pounded yam is a popular West African staple; it is similar to mashed potatoes, but a heavier consistency.

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Ethiopia

DORO AND SHIRO WAT (Chicken and vegetable stew) Ingredients

(Serves 4-6) § 1 chicken, cut into portions § 65ml (¼ cup) lemon juice 5ml (1 teaspoon) salt § 45ml (3 tablespoons) butter § 2 onions, finely chopped § 1 clove garlic, crushed § 15cm piece ginger, grated § 45ml (3 tablespoons) berbere spice § 1 can (115g) tomato paste § 65ml (¼ cup) dry white wine § 180ml (¾ cup) water § 500ml (2 cups) frozen or canned mixed vegetables § 6 hard-boiled eggs, shelled

Method

1. Rub chicken pieces with lemon juice and salt, and pierce all over with a fork. Allow to marinate for 30 minutes.

2. In a large saucepan, melt butter, sauté onions until soft, add garlic, ginger, berbere spice and tomato paste, and stir over low heat for 5 minutes.

3. Add wine and water, bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer gently for 5 minutes, until liquid is reduced.

4. Pat chicken dry and place in simmering sauce, turning until well coated. Add mixed vegetables. Cover and simmer over very gentle heat for 15 minutes.

5. Gently stir in eggs, cover and cook for a further 15 minutes. Serve on a large platter over injera bread.

CHEF’S NOTE:

§ Berbere spice and injeera can be bought from Ethiopian restaurants. § Berbere is a very hot Ethiopian spice blend made by mixing together ground spices like ginger, garlic, coriander, fenugreek, nutmeg, cloves, cinnamon, allspice, paprika and red chilli flakes. It is an integral ingredient in Ethiopian cuisine; every Ethiopian cook has their own version of berbere.

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EOA FOOD & ENTERTAINING

WORDS: DORAH SITOLE. RECIPES AND PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY COOKING FROM CAPE TO CAIRO RECIPE BOOK.

Morocco

PASTILLA WITH MILK Ingredients

(Serves 6-8) ยง 500ml (2 cups) milk ยง 30ml (2 tablespoons) cornflour ยง 30ml (2 tablespoons) sugar ยง 5 to 6 sheets phyllo pastry ยง 250ml (1 cup) chopped mixed nuts

Method

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees C. Combine milk, cornflour and sugar, heat gently until boiling, reduce the heat and simmer, stirring until thickened.

2. Cut the phyllo pastry into circles. In a shallow round dish, layer phyllo pastry sheets alternately with milk sauce, ending with pastry.

3. Sprinkle with nuts to cover, bake for 20 minutes until golden. E

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SOCIAL SCENE EOA

“IT TRULY WAS

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ” When ANDRÉ CHARLES first laid eyes on KISSMEA NAUDÉ, he instinctively knew that she would become part of his life in an extraordinary way, and she certainly did by becoming his beautiful bride recently.

KISSMEA AND ANDRÉ CHARLES, THE HAPPY COUPLE.

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

hen the happy couple met, André was living in Los Angeles and Kissmea in Cape Town, yet the connection they felt with each other was unbelievably strong. “We were not searching for love,” explains Kissmea. “We had just gotten over failed marriages and had somewhat given up on finding that kind of love again after being single for several years.”

André left Cape Town at the age of 21 to study and pursue his dreams in the United States, and he is now also the proud father of three beautiful daughters, who live with their mom in California in America. After a six-month courtship across the Atlantic, André and Kissmea pledged their love and committed to each other in front of family and close friends at an intimate wedding ceremony at the fivestar One & Only hotel in Cape Town.

Their message to those who have given up on finding love is very simple. “Never in a million years did I ever think that I'd end up with a girl from Cape Town, says André, smiling broadly.

“I had made my life in California, yet here I was

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back home starting my new life with this gorgeous woman who has brought me so much joy. Love finds you when you least expect it. The Universe has smiled on us. We are so thankful for everything and everyone in our lives.”

The couple are both successful business owners who will travel between Cape Town and Los Angeles overseeing their business operations, which include real estate development, commodity trading, fashion and entertainment. One of the projects that they are particularly excited about in 2015 is a new, exclusive partnership with the New York-based Universal Hip Hop Museum.

“Music has always played a big role in both our lives,” explains the couple. “We are thrilled to establish a museum in Cape Town that will be a cultural and educational experience for people across the globe. It’s our way of giving back to our community and to leave behind a legacy for the youth and our family. We’re just getting started and the future is bright and full of possibilities, says André.

Essays Of Africa wishes them all the success and happiness that this life has to offer! For more info on the Universal Hip Hop Museum Africa, visit their Facebook page: www.facebook.com/uhhmuseum. E

LEFT TO RIGHT: CHANTEL CHARLES, ANDRÉ CHARLES AND RENE.

ASHUR PETERSEN STRAIGHTENING TAZ EDDERICKS’S TIE.

SHAKIR EDDERICKS ESCORTS THE BRIDE DOWN THE STAIRS.

FRONT: ROSHANA JANSEN ASSISTING THE BRIDE WITH HER WARDROBE. BACK LEFT TO RIGHT: LEE OPPEL AND MELANIE LE.

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LEFT TO RIGHT: ANDRÉ CHARLES, CARMEN CHARLES AND SANDRA CURRAN.

GUESTS CELEBRATING THE NEWLYWEDS.

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SOCIAL SCENE EOA

THE BRIDE AND GROOM WITH GUESTS.

WORDS AND PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY ANDRÉ AND KISSMEA CHARLES.

LEFT TO RIGHT: TAZ EDDERICKS, KISSMEA AND ANDRÉ CHARLES, WENDY EDDERICKS. SHAKIR AND SHAHEEDA SMITH, KISSMEA AND KISSMEA’S GUESTS.

DOREEN AND SHAKIR EDDERICKS.

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KISSMEA, LISA DE VILLIERS, JOY KUHN AND MICHELLE.

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BATHROOM

BLISS

Experience the ultimate in relaxation and intimacy by turning your bathroom into a romantic oasis for you and your partner. Just a few key items and fixtures will do the trick, writes RHODA DAVIDS.

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DÉCOR STYLE EOA Colour Palette

Opt for a neutral colour palette such as grey, in all its shades, which will work well with any accent colour. Add rich creams and shades of ivory for a luxurious look and feel. Texture complements a neutral palette best, so add that with finer details.

Fixtures

Consider changing taps, mixers and showerheads to create either a vintage look or something more modern – both these choices can work to create a romantic look. Larger fixtures, such as stylish stand-alone bathtubs and twin basins will also help to create the look you’d like to achieve.

Walls And Floors

Using the same design and/or colour in large tiles or slabs on both the walls and floor offers a seamless look, and feels good underfoot compared to a space with smaller tiles. Here the tiles are taken up against the wall to create a space for the bathtub, making it the focal point in the bathroom. With the ‘partition’ in place, the back wall is painted in a muted cream that still enhances the focal point in the room. From a practical point of view, larger tiles are easier to maintain and keep clean.

CREATE THE PERFECT GUEST BATHROOM We spoke to Tile Africa to get a few expert tips.

There are no absolute rules when it comes to bathroom design, but clever planning and the correct accessories make it easy to have a visually appealing, practical guest bathroom that still blends in with the rest of your home. n Storage is an important element, especially if guest bathrooms have limited space. Clutter can make the space feel restricted. A mirror will make the space appear bigger as it reflects both artificial and natural light. n Enhance the serenity theme by adding plush towels, fragrant soaps and pebbles in glass vases. n Bring in some colour with mosaic tiles – small mosaics can also make the space appear bigger. n Add water-saving showerheads and taps.

Soft Furnishing

Yes, you can have drapes in a bathroom, and bed crowns are not restricted to bedrooms. Here a crown/valance has been installed over the Victorian tub, with opulent plush fabric strategically draped, adding to the romantic ambience. Ceiling-to-floor curtains in perfect symmetry, leading in from the bedroom to the en-suite bathroom make the space more inviting.

It’s All In The Detail

Finer finishes are the key to the perfect romantic bathroom, but can also serve as practical elements. For example, towel rails can also serve as storage space to hang towels – heated towel rails are even better for cozy winter nights. Other items to consider include ornate mirrors, soap dishes and robe hooks. Also try to create a ‘me station’ to house all your fizz balls, bubble baths, body scrubs and other pamper products.

Last but not least – don’t forget about plush bath sheets to wrap up in after that long soak with your partner.

MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR ROMANTIC BATHROOM ü Timing is everything, so make sure guests or the children won’t interrupt you. ü Add some fragrant bath oils or bubble bath to the water. ü Rose petals scattered on the floor or on the water will add to the romantic atmosphere. ü Turn off the lights and set the scene with candles for the perfect ambience, and make sure to stock up on your favourite fragranced candles in different sizes. ü Don’t forget to have a tray of champagne with longstemmed glasses at hand. E

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EOA DÉCOR STYLE

GET THE LOOK Black Metro subway tile, R279.99/m²; Decorative tile inset on the floor under the bath is a Cubicle Cube Mosaic Mix, R119.99 each; White floor tile Arctic White 600x600, R279.99/m², all from Tile Africa.

Athenna Bath, R18 999.99; Thin Rim Oval Basin, R1 999.99 each.

Mirror 600x900, R1 199.99; Garda Light High Basin Mixer Chrome, R799.99.

Lesina Freestanding Bath Mixer Chrome, R5 999.99 (prices include VAT).

Items available to order at selected Tile Africa outlets.

Beautiful velvets from the Bolzano collection, from Halogen International. Approximately R820/m (excluding VAT).

Mirror with frame in carved detail, R10 995, from Weylandts.

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Shades of grey – colour card from Prominent Paints.

Ask for colours by code.

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS, ©iSTOCK.COM.

Vanilla-scented candle in tin holder, R39.99, from Pick n Pay.

BOOKS EOA

AFRICAN LEADERSHIP EXPLAINED

WORDS: ROBYN BLOCH. PICTURES: PABALLO DIBOKE, UMUZI, RANDOM HOUSE STRUIK, PENGUIN, STRUIK LIFESTYLE.

Norman Moyo has worked across the African continent and the Middle East as a successful business executive growing various business entities to become giants in their respective fields.

His book Rumble In The Jungle: Leadership From An African Perspective (Porcupine Press, R255) has been described as offering a “unique and fresh Pan African perspective to the effect of leadership at both corporate and national level,” according to Tito Alai, chief commercial officer for Celtel International.

Told from an African perspective, the stories and case studies in this book are revealed by the deep practical experience that Norman gained from working and operating in different markets such as Tanzania, Zimbabwe, Kenya, Zambia and Nigeria. “I experienced first-hand how a few good people have come together and brought positive transformation to businesses, creating excellent shareholder value, money for the community, and income for the employees and government. I am convinced that finding the right leaders in communities, societies, companies, and countries is the fundamental difference between prosperity and poverty. It’s the difference between greatness and mediocrity, and the difference between successful and failed states. By making different choices in leadership and putting the right people in the right places, we can lead this continent to achieve its full and glorious potential for the next generation – not the next election! This is now a leadership call to action!” Rumble In The Jungle: Leadership From An African Perspective is available on Amazon.com and at Exclusive Books.

THE BEST OF AFRICAN FOLKLORE

By Phyllis Savory

(Struik Lifestyle, R120) This rich collection of fun, short folktales explores stories of how the world came into being, the relationship between animals, humans and the environment, and the life lessons we get from passing on experience between generations.

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ESTER’S HOUSE

By Carol Campbell

(Umuzi, R180) After waiting for a government house for 20 years without success, Esther Gelderblom’s makes a choice to take a house when her shack burns down one bitter winter day in Oudtshoorn, setting in motion the events that will tear her life apart.

HOW TO BE NORMAL: A GUIDE FOR THE PERPLEXED

By Guy Browning

(Penguin, R230) This tender, funny and oddly wise book answers all sorts of very normal questions, such as, is it normal to be afraid of aggressive hand dryers?

Or to wonder what coconut milk is actually for?

THE STRANGE LIBRARY

By Haruki Murakami

(Random House Struik, R285) A trip to the library and a search for knowledge leads a boy to very odd rooms filled with a crazy array of characters. The book’s dizzying illustrations add to Murakami’s hallmark magic-realism as he weaves together this dark fable. E

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NEW EXHIBITORS AT DESIGN INDABA EXPO

The annual Design Indaba Expo takes place at the Cape Town International Convention Centre from 27 February to 1 March and boasts an inspiring array of new exhibitors.

Look out for Durban-based concept Rollin Vintage, with its intricately crafted pieces and the limited edition tableware of Afro Delft, while in the fashion and accessories sector Love, Africa Studio, featuring the work of jewellery designer and self-taught graphic artist, Friedel Harmsen, is sure to be a favourite. Newbies to notice in the furniture and homeware sector are Leg Studio and The Block Shop. We can’t wait!

WHAT’S NEW?

RHODA DAVIDS rounds up this month’s latest décor and design news from Cape Town.

GUILD IS BACK

Having attracted worldwide acclaim and over 8 500 visitors during the inaugural fair in early 2014, GUILD – Africa’s only international design fair – returns to Cape Town for the second time. Art and design aficionados will be able to view pieces at this prestigious design fair from 25 February to 1 March at The Lookout, V&A Waterfront. Acclaimed furniture producer Peter Mabeo from Botswana will exhibit in SA for the first time, while South Africa’s own Southern Guild – the gallery behind GUILD – will continue breaking new ground by introducing the public to the most exciting collectable design that their country has to offer. For more information, visit Guilddesignfair.com

A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

The latest in innovative bathroom design is a literal breath of fresh air. Geberit Monolith sanitary modules are simple, stylish and effective odour extraction units, with a discreet orientation light and electronic actuator buttons. The beautifully designed module fits most standard toilet ceramic appliances, making it convenient to use while the components are easily accessible and the ceramic filter highly durable. In addition it boasts a slender LED light bar that provides discreet, indirect light as soon as someone approaches the toilet.

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DÉCOR NEWS EOA

SCULPTURE OFFERS A BEACON OF HOPE

A 24-metre high sun-shaped sculpture, called SunStar, was unveiled at the top of Signal Hill in Cape Town recently. The sculpture was conceptualised and designed by Cape Town artist and founder of the Robben Island Art Company and Trust (RIACT), Christopher Swift, and is also a showcase project for Cape Town: Design Capital of the World 2014. The SunStar is a temporary art installation and was constructed in large part from the steel from the original fence that once surrounded Robben Island. The sculpture has been approved

by SanParks, the Robben Island Museum, the City Of Cape Town, and the Department of Public Works.

A watershed moment

One of hottest spots this summer is the Watershed at the V&A Waterfront. This spacious street-styled market is home to a talented group of artisans and designers, all under one roof. The market space is perfectly designed to showcase the quality of the beautiful handcrafted pieces, comfortably on show alongside artwork, superbly made furniture and fine jewellery, rich textiles and breathtaking ceramics.

BMW GOES TRIBAL

Tribe Coffee Roasting has set the pace with an uber-stylish concept café in Donford BMW Motorrad in Buitengracht Street in Cape Town. Jade Easton, Kate Nero and Bradley Juter were looking for an iconic space and found it in one of the world’s leading motorcycle brands, which complements Tribe’s rising lifestyle brand. In the new space, Kate and Jade collaborated with interior designer Michelle Trimborn of Design Quarters to conceptualise the café. The café interior is finished in deep leathers, smoky colours, and dark and raw wood to give it a sexy, masculine effect. The use of natural materials, particularly glass, metal and wood, and the incorporation of hanging plants by Opus Studio, softens the mechanical emphasis that would otherwise dominate. For more information, visit Tribecoffee.co.za

CELEBRATING AFRICA WITH CERAMICS PICTURES: SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS.

Ardmore Ceramic Art will be hosting its annual Cellars-Hohenort Cape Town Exhibition, themed Animal Botanical, and will be on show from 19 to 22 February. In addition to the Ardmore Animal Botanical Exhibition, four of Ardmore’s artists will be in residence over the threeday period, giving those attending the exhibition the chance to see the studio’s working process up close as well as interact with some of Ardmore’s finest sculptors and painters. Ardmore collectors will also be able to bring in their artworks for restoration with restorer Christopher Ntshalintshali on site for the duration of the event. E

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ROYAL

SAFARI

AT ITS BEST!

PHINDIWE NKOSI heads to North West province in search of bushveld exclusivity, and she finds it in abundance at Royal Madikwe.

I

t is all about personal touch says Cherié Whitfield, Reservations and General Manager at Royal Madikwe, when asked about the five-star malaria-free luxury lodge.

The back-to-back awards this establishment continues to scoop up, reinforce that there’s something special about this place and support her words. “What sets Royal Madikwe apart is an incredibly dedicated team that attends to every request of our guests with charming smiles and a friendly attitude. A very special attention to detail in every aspect, from a warm welcome, a different setting for each meal time (mostly outdoors if the weather permits) and an experience of a lifetime with awe-inspiring game viewing both out in the bush veld and from the viewing decks overlooking the waterhole,” says Cherié.

According to Cherié, it is not just the bag of pleasant surprises such as unique outdoor meals, but the entire visit, which is tailor-made to please their guests. Visitors are elevated and

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treated very well and made to feel as though they are at home away from home. There’s a personal touch that characterises the professionalism. It is more than a luxurious outing, but the home of all comforts. “We treat our guests like family with a flair of elegance and a respectful demeanour. Our flexibility ensures that at Royal Madikwe guests will receive only the very best,” elaborates Cherié. It is about selecting the best of the best and offering it to guests who have a heightened appreciation for the finer aspects of life. Royal Madikwe is not just a name but also a call-out to everything that characterises royalty. The word that comes to mind is dominion and rulership. It is the place where the visitor is more than just a vital stakeholder inthe organisation, but the heartbeat and apex of their existence.

It is the location where nature and humankind unite to work together to entice guests.

THE PERFECT CHOICE

“For the reasons just mentioned,” Cherié states and continues without flinching, “Please enjoy our Trip Advisor comments

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

TRAVEL EOA how all Royal Madikwe visitors and guests are treated, I can understand why their visitor book reads like a fairytale. Cherié explains that everyone, from media to guest, is invited to share their opinions across all their platforms, including online, for all to see.

The reccurring words one sees are ‘intimacy’ and ‘luxury’.

Cherié elaborates on this: “Being a small lodge, sleeping a maximum of 10 guests, Royal Madikwe’s offer is an intimate and private luxury safari experience at a very competitive rate.”

It is not just on a high level of entertainment that one can find joy, but even in the seemingly ordinary activities offered.

“Enjoy cocktails by the poolside while watching animals at the waterhole bases in front of the main residence; participate in a boma dinner with traditional singing, or cosy up to a wood fire in winter and enjoy decadent sherry/port,” entices Cherié.

THE BEST OF THE BEST

for your own reassurance – straight from our guests.” Unlike a host of accommodation establishments that go out of their way to isolate guests from travel writers, this institution boldly dares to refer one to online comments by guests who voluntarily commented on their experiences there. It is a brave move from people who are confident and know their story, but they deliver above and beyond every time. It just takes one glance through their guest book to see the power of positive feedback, these past visitors are like praise poets chanting about the royal treatment they have received, raising the spirits of the staff who treated them to unforgettable experiences. The waiting list for guests extends to the media as well, and while I had to patiently wait for my interview with Cherié, I was constantly kept in the loop regarding the arrangements of our impending appointment resulting in my experience being more than what I had anticipated.

I was a satisfied agent and converted into a royal fan, based simply on the reassuring messages and interaction I had received in the prelude to our eventual meeting. If this is

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

Cherié referred me to the international site tripadvisor.com with confidence. Out of the 38 reviews of Royal Madikwe that had been posted, everyone rated the luxury lodge as a 5-star experience. A reviewer from Santiago, Chile, rated Royal Madikwe as the “best of the best… Royal Madikwe is intimate.

In a very discreet and unassuming way, you leave knowing you were treated like Royalty. Five days went by too fast. You will not be disappointed if you choose Royal Madikwe.” Another guest by the name of Bert had described his experience as a ‘fairytale’. This seemed to be the general perception of different reviews from guests from all over the world. “If you are in doubt, stop! This lodge is absolutely amazing. Every detail is taken care of. Curious? Just book.

“We had a great time thanks to all the staff and the fantastic location, Madikwe [park] is a little less touristic, but more relaxed. We saw a lot of animals thanks to the great guides,” Bert has written.

Greg from Toronto, Canada, had an experience that not all guests had in that he took his whole family and booked the entire lodge for their stay. Even though there were different generations whose needs varied, his overall experience was outstanding. Royal Madikwe had somehow managed to satisfy each guest and make his or her visit remarkable. Needless to say, Greg gave the lodge an excellent review, including the value, location, sleep quality, rooms, cleanliness and service. It was nothing short of exceptional.

It is also worth mentioning that according to Greg’s review, he is a seasoned traveller. “Fantastic gem in the bush… I plan safaris for a living and have stayed at 30-50 lodges in South Africa, [and] many further afield. Royal Madikwe hit all the right notes in terms of friendliness, professionalism, atmosphere, guiding and game. Not to mention the food, which was outstanding. We took the whole property with my family of 10 and every generation of us was blown away. Highly recommended,” wrote Greg.

MAKE IT YOUR OWN

Sometimes a writer chooses to use the words of others for fear that their own words may sound sensational or unbelievable.

In this way, the writer lets others share their tale and colour in the words with their real experiences. Despite my limited interaction with the staff, I can vouch for their professionalism.

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TRAVEL EOA They are the type of contacts you will stay in touch with even after the deadlines are over and you decide to visit in a personal capacity. You have heard it from guests who have unknowingly become praise singers in awe of the royal treatment that they have received. You have heard personal comments from the manager whose prime directive is to surpass your expectations. It is all about you, the invaluable guest, and making your wishes come true.

Let this not be another article trumpeting about a five-star establishment, but a living call to action. If luxury safaris are your thing, then this one may just be the epitome of all that you know about them. My desire is for you to make this royal treatment something to tick off on your luxury travel bucket list. You just have to be here to know what the international community is raving about. You are wholeheartedly invited to the very best of the best.

For more information, contact +27 (0)82 568 8867, email info@royalmadikwe.com or visit www.royalmadikwe.com. For reservations, contact +27 (0)82 787 1314 or email reservations@ royalmadikwe.com.

WORDS BY PHINDIWE NKOSI. PICTURES BY CHERIÉ WHITFIELD / ROYAL MADIKWE.

ACTIVITIES IN/OR AROUND MADIKWE • • • • • •

Game drives (dawn and dusk) Guided bush walks Massage treatments Private photographic safari (on request) Exercise (treadmill and light weights) Kiddies activities

ROYAL MADIKWE AWARDS/ACHIEVEMENTS • World Luxury Hotel Awards – Best Game Lodge 2010, 2011 and 2013.

• South Africa’s Wine List of the Year 2012 Medium Wine List (Awarded 3 flutes). E

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THE GREATEST ACT OF ALL As the star of an international smash-hit production, Belinda Davids is taking the world by storm with her mesmerising vocals. But no matter where the limelight takes her, this Port Elizabeth girl stays true to her roots.

TRAVELLING THE WORLD

Since it started last year, the production has taken Davids all around the world, where she has performed to packed venues. “We recently came back from North America, which was very nerve-wracking for me since Whitney was from there. The reception was surprisingly amazing.”

The show has also journeyed to New Zealand and Dubai, the latter of which would seem to take her journey full circle.

The show now finds itself back in South Africa, opening at the Joburg Theatre in Braamfontein where it will remain in residence for a few months. It then moves to the Artscape Opera House in Cape Town from April. After the two South African dates comes perhaps the most intimidating show of all for any Whitney Houston production: Australia. Houston was famously booed off stage in Brisbane two years before her death, with one concertgoer saying: “She couldn’t entertain a dead rat.”

This was during one of Houston’s particularly troubled phases, though Davids hasn’t allowed the dark part of her idol’s psyche to have any effect on her. “When I start the show I have to tap into somewhat of a Whitney mode. She went through a lot after the world discovered her talent. It took a toll on her. I’m okay, though.”

She is determined to exorcise the memory of that night in Brisbane with her performance and restore the memory of Whitney to its former glory. “I need to remind people how great she was.” Although Davids admits that this show is her ultimate career highlight thus far, she insists she still has a lot more to offer, and a lot more to prove. “I’m not Whitney, I am Belinda. I am still determined to show that.” E

The Greatest Love Of All – The Whitney Houston Show opened at The Mandela Stage at Joburg Theatre on 22 January 2015 and will run until 15 February 2015. Then the show moves to Cape Town where it will be staged at the Artscape Opera House from 8 to 19 April 2015.

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WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. PICTURES: THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL – THE WHITNEY HOUSTON SHOW.

P

hrases like ‘dream job’ and ‘opportunity of a lifetime’ are thrown around pretty loosely these days, but for Belinda Davids they couldn’t be more apt. Since the age of 14, Davids has been performing in clubs and bars singing the songs of the late American soul goddess Whitney Houston.

“The Greatest Love of All is the first song I sang of hers, in school and on the streets. That’s when people started calling me Whitney,” says Belinda.

Fast-forward a few years, and in 2013 Davids beat over 15 000 singers from around the world to play the role of Whitney Houston in the international production The Greatest Love of All – The Whitney Houston Show.

It hasn’t been an easy road to success, however.

An early deal with Gallo Records led to a badly performing album of original material and a trip to Dubai when that deal turned sour. After time spent in the UAE and Hong Kong, she moved to America to try her luck there, and had the good fortune to meet Keyshia Cole after a gig at the Sheraton Hotel. Cole brought her in to sing backup vocals on her album. “Keyshia Cole reminded me a bit of home. She is very humble,” says Belinda.

In 2009, she was forced to return from the States when her mother fell ill. Her mother died a few months later. Her professional struggle and personal loss made her eventual success all the sweeter. “I was asked by the director of the show to work with the team in Durban. At the end of that contract, he asked me to have breakfast with him and he laid out books and dates and a set list of Whitney songs. And that’s when I knew I had made it. Excitement is an understatement.

ENTERTAINMENT EOA

“I’m not Whitney, I am Belinda. I am still determined to show that.”

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LOVE SWINGS

If you haven’t made plans for V-day yet, then fret not! Be serenaded by the sounds of award-winning Gloria Bosman and Timothy Moloi, backed by the spectacular 17-piece Johannesburg Big Band, at this special one-night-only performance. Enjoy their renditions of all the romantic classics, including Something Stupid, Misty and, of course, My Funny Valentine.

Love Swings is on at The Lyric Theatre in Gold Reef City on 14 February.

FESTIVAL OF FILM Kicking off the film fest circuit is the fourth annual Jozi Film Festival. Showcasing the latest offerings from South African and international filmmakers, the festival highlights the very best in filmmaking. An exciting line-up from emerging and established filmmakers will be on offer, exploring a broad range of topics that affect our communities and stir our hearts and minds.

Taking place at different venues throughout the city,

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including The Bioscope Independent Cinema in the heart of Jozi, the festival also includes provocative Q&A sessions with some of the filmmakers, as well as workshops and networking events. It all wraps up with a special awards ceremony on the last evening, so don’t miss out!

The Jozi Film Festival takes place from 19 to 22 February. For the full line-up, visit Jozifilmfestival.co.za

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

MOVIES & THEATRE EOA

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Love it or hate it, it’s simply impossible to escape the power of this book, and now the movie remake. Starring relative newcomers Jamie Dornan as the irresistible billionaire Christian Grey, and Dakota Johnson as naïve Anastasia Steele, the film version brings to life every graphic page of the novel. So if the book got you all hot and bothered, grab your girlfriends – or lover if you dare – and head to the movies to catch it on the big screen.

Fifty Shades of Grey opens on 13 February at cinemas nationwide.

WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. PICTURES: STER-KINEKOR; IMPAWARDS.COM, THE LYRIC THEATRE; JOZIFILMFESTIVAL.CO.ZA.

OTHELLO

Shakespeare’s revolutionary masterpiece of love across the colour lines comes to life under the stars in the breathtaking setting of Cape Town’s historic open-air theatre. Award-winning duo Fred Abrahamse and Marcel Meyer bring their innovative flair to this devastating tragedy of jealousy, passion, obsession and betrayal. Featuring a company of Cape Town’s most exciting classical actors, this is one production you don’t want to miss.

Othello is on at Maynardville Open Air Theatre until 21 February.

THE WEDDING RINGER

Sticking with the theme of love, this is one romcom with a difference because it’s all about the ‘bromance’. Josh Gad stars as a loveable but socially awkward groom-to-be with a problem: he has no best man. After paying a visit to the CEO of Best Man Inc, brilliantly played by Kevin Hart, the two try to pull off the big con as a hilarious wedding charade ensues.

The Wedding Ringer opens on 6 February at Ster Kinekor cinemas nationwide. E

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LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT From its exquisite exterior to its sumptuous cabin, the RX350 Special Edition from Lexus is heaven on wheels, writes CARYN THANDI PETERSEN.

s penned by Marlowe and quoted by Phoebe in As You Like It: “Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?” Though Shakespeare immortalised these words in the early 1600s, it is as true now as it was then. Of course, it is also often false. Indeed, many thriving relationships only bloomed into love after many years of friendship and in some cases even scorn. Perhaps another famous line from Shakespeare would be more fitting: “The course of true love never did run smooth.”

But in this case, the first instance applies.

Upon seeing and driving this luxury SUV, I was instantly and irrevocably in love – to the extent where words could hardly describe the matter (thus the need for borrowing from the Bard). Since this is the month of passion and romance, I’m allowed to wax lyrical without

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restraint, and there is no car more deserving of this than the magnificent Lexus RX350 Special Edition. On top of the already well-endowed EX model, the Special Edition gets some superb equipment top-ups, taking it into super luxury territory – much like upgrading from first class to a private jet.

Key additions include a dual-swivel Adaptive Front Lighting system for enhanced nighttime visibility; an electronically adjustable steering column with memory; side monitor with a miniature camera incorporated into the passenger door mirror; and a Heads Up Display, which projects simple navigation directions, audio info and speed onto the windscreen, so you can keep your eyes on the road ahead.

The striking elegance of the RX350 makes it quite the head-turner. And sitting behind the wheel is even more of a pleasure, where every bump and bend in the road becomes effortlessly smooth. In typical Lexus style, spectacular attention to detail is paid to every inch of the interior – from its buttery soft leather upholstery and silky bamboo wood trim, to the heated front seats with integrated seat ventilation, not to mention a superlative 15-speaker Mark Levinson audio system (perfect for setting the mood on a moonlit drive).

Whether you are looking for love or are in the throes of a passionate romance this month, Lexus has designed a car to fulfill your every desire. After all, everyone deserves a little decadence now and again.

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

MOTORING EOA

MZANSI’S BEST ROADSTER IS A JAG

South Africans chose the Jaguar F-Type Convertible as their favourite open sports car in the 2015 People’s Wheels Awards. Voters in the online poll, which had more than 60 000 respondents, selected the F-Type as the best car in the ‘Sporty Drop Tops’ category. Available in three different models, the F-Type delivers a thrilling driving experience. No stranger to winning, the sexy Jag was awarded 2013 World Car Design of the Year and has been widely acclaimed by the motoring media, garnering accolades across the world. E

PICTURES: QUICKPIC.CO.ZA; JAGUAR.

A FIRST FOR MAZDA

Mazda unveiled its first compact crossover SUV at the Los Angeles Auto Show last year, with plans to launch this exciting new car here towards the end of 2015. The stunning CX-3 is suited to a savvy modern driver, with Mazda’s characteristic fun-to-drive responsiveness and handling. Like its new-generation siblings, the CX-3 features the full SKYACTIV technology line-up, coupled with a six-speed gearbox. The new model will be offered with front or all-wheel drive.

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Aquarius celeb JO-ANN STRAUSS BORN: 3 February 1981 AGE: 34

Aquarians like to do things differently. Even when they appear to be conforming, there’s always something unexpected going on. Businesswoman and TV presenter Jo-Ann Strauss is no exception. In the showbiz world she inhabits you’d think tell-all stories would be part of the package, but this smart, sophisticated woman bucks the trend, preferring to keep her private life steadfastly private. This is despite a very public career. In 2001 Jo-Ann represented South Africa in the Miss Universe and Miss World contests. Before long she was fronting the lifestyle show Pasella – perfect for a mediaminded Aquarius – and a life-changing experience built her confidence and sealed her fate. Covering a motivational workshop for the show, Jo-Ann joined in the end-of-workshop fire-walk. “After I’d done it, I could truly do anything!” she says. “I was ordinary, yes, but also extraordinary. But I needed to believe this at a deeper level, not just intellectually but in my soul – or in my soles!”

AQUARIUS 21 January – 19 February Happy birthday, Aquarius! You’re unique and often surprising – especially your knack of saying what others only think. Your key to success now is collaboration. Let others put structure into your wild ideas to help you make them real, in life and in love.

Love: Reinvent yourself, and rethink your values. It’s not about changing to suit others; just being more authentically you opens you up to the right kind of lover.

Career: You’ve put in so much hard work already, but it’s wise to raise the bar and your profile by adding extra talents to your portfolio. Learn all you can.

Money: Finances are less of a sensitive subject for you now, so put some towards attaining peace, pleasure and wellbeing.

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Fashion has been a strong theme for Jo-Ann since childhood.

“I remember a particular blue-and-white dress with chiffon that my mom had worn as a bridesmaid. I’d often pretend to attend tea parties in it.” Jo-Ann even upcycled a pre-loved designer dress from a second-hand store to wear at her matric dance, and both ideas may well have been the inspiration for The Princess Project. In true Aquarian humanitarian style, Jo-Ann spearheads this charity, which has so far given more than 80 girls the opportunity to go to their matric dance in stunning gowns donated by South African celebrities.

Jo-Ann has been seen alongside Naomi Campbell and has also graced many magazine covers. After her baptism of fire on Pasella she presented Top Billing, for which she interviewed everyone from George Clooney to Charlize Theron. She then went on to the beauty and fashion lifestyle show, Glambition.

But her most recent production may be her best yet – playing mom to her baby boy who was born in March 2014 and launching the Modern Mommy (modernmommy.co.za) website that details stylish adventures in new parenthood.

So what's next? For Jo-Ann and all Aquarians, relationships are big news. It’s through partners at work and in love that knowledge, fun and freedom will expand. Venus, planet of love, has a huge influence now too, so romance may be up and down and possibly more public but also ultimately more exciting, life-enhancing and horizon-widening. International connections are also favoured, so trips abroad or links that have a foreign accent may be on the agenda. Jo-Ann has all this at home with her German-born orthopaedic surgeon husband, Michael Held. So what’s next is simple. Keep life ordinary but extraordinary, just on a bigger scale.

ARIES 21 March – 20 April Love: Love is in the air, not like a breeze, like a hurricane. It’s your best time of the year to find new love or put the thrill back into an on-going romance.

Career: The way you work is going through subtle changes.

Dedicate time to acquiring new skills now to put you ahead of the competition.

Money: Restrictions continue to lift, and more money heads your way. You now know how to live well on less, so stay smart with your finances.

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

WORDS: STELLA NOVA. PICTURE: SUPPLIED BY JO-ANN STRAUSS.

HOROSCOPES EOA TAURUS 21 April – 21 May Love: A secret admirer? You might have one or even be one this month! True love reveals itself soon. For now, revel in the intrigue of the unknown.

Career: Recent backtracking or re-doing something you thought was done gets finalised. Reconnecting with old contacts could bring you new work.

Money: You’re a smart cookie with cash these days. If you spend big, do so on what will further your career. It’s an investment in yourself and your future.

LIBRA 24 September – 23 October Love: It’s the most romantic month of the year for you, so you’re totally in your element. Love is all around but not necessarily where and with whom you might expect.

Career: You could reach a career crossroads this month.

Consider taking the road less travelled or the more scenic route to get your creativity flowing again.

Money: With more financial freedom now than you’ve had in years, top up your savings to fund the future lifestyle you aspire to.

GEMINI 22 May – 21 June Love: Work and friendships could be hotspots for romance.

But fickle flirtiness may be why a main attraction is putting you on the sidelines. Make your intentions clear.

Career: You find your voice at work now, and everybody hears you. Speak softly, but make sure your message has weight. It works like a charm.

Money: All maxed out? You might be now. It’s the little treats that add up to big bills. Being more selective will be worth it in the end.

SCORPIO 24 October – 22 November Love: Old wounds, hurts and barriers to romance fade away. This month love has the power to heal your past and brighten your future.

Career: You reach a peak at work now. It could be the successful completion of a project or the end of an era before you take a leap to bigger things.

Money: Instinct tells you there are important purchases ahead. Being canny with your cash now means money in the bank for when you need it further down the line.

CANCER 22 June – 23 July Love: A foreign affair or a work romance may make your heart flutter this month. If you’re already loved up, a romantic trip could make things official.

Career: Lines may get unexpectedly blurry at work. Do you love your job or someone you work with? And what’s more important to you in the long term?

Money: Constant dipping into fund life’s luxuries may have put a dent in your finances. Rethink your spending habits now, and you’ll be back on track by April.

SAGITTARIUS 23 November – 22 December Love: Home is where you’re feeling the love this month.

A sense of security lets you take a chance on romance that could last a lifetime.

Career: Recent communication glitches get unscrambled.

Viewed in a new light, your out-there ideas now get the recognition and rewards they deserve.

Money: The way you handle your finances is changing.

A smarter approach to money also reflects the more cool, calm, collected person you’re evolving into.

LEO 24 July – 23 August Love: Crazy in love? You could be now as relationships mess with your mind as well as your heart. Enjoy the romance but think twice before over-committing.

Career: Working well with others is the way ahead for your career. Remember, you don’t always have to be the star of the show.

Money: Be aware of what you’ve got and where it’s going.

It’s easy to get lost in a financial fantasy now if you just go with the flow, so keep it real.

CAPRICORN 23 December – 20 January Love: Talking about romance is fine, but make your move, and put the wheels in motion. Love blossoms at home this month. Time to make over your boudoir...

Career: You’re extra enterprising now, so schmooze for all you’re worth. If you want to work from home, you have the green light ahead.

Money: Any money muddles you’ve had in recent weeks are about to be resolved. Whatever occurred, call it quits, and start afresh.

VIRGO 24 August – 23 September Love: It’s an amazing year for romance, and this month things could move fast. It’s heady stuff, and after initial doubts or hesitation, you know what you’re doing.

Career: Multi-tasking is your secret superpower, but you’re more easily distracted now, so focus, focus, focus!

Money: Your practical financial streak goes out the window as love comes in through the door. Invest in your relationship or in getting one. It’s worth the expense.

PISCES 20 February – 20 March Love: Your love life has a certain glamour about it now. If you crave romance in the style of old Hollywood movies, you could get your wish.

Career: It may feel like hard work right now, but the ‘no pain, no gain’ theory holds true for your career. The gains are closer than you think.

Money: Your finances are looking good. Being in the right place at the right time could bring a surge in your funds. E

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EOA MUSIC

ONCE UPON A TIME

TITLE

BY MEGHAN TRAINOR (Sony Music)

It’s impossible not to love Meghan Trainor’s chart-topping single All About That Bass, which has united women around the world in a jazzy pop anthem celebrating our curves. Her recently released album, simply called Title, includes that and other sexy hits like Lips Are Movin. This is fun girlpower music to the max – perfect for some self-loving celebrations during the month of love.

LIQUID SPIRIT

BY GREGORY PORTER

THE LONDON SESSIONS

BY MARY J. BLIGE

YOU MAKE MY HEART GO

BY MALEH

This album marks Gregory Porter’s Blue Note Records debut, arriving on the heels of two critically acclaimed Indie label albums that propelled him to the upper echelon of male jazz singers and earned him two Grammy nominations. This is one talent you need to hear.

Her much-anticipated 13 studio album has finally arrived, and oh yes, it was well worth the wait. Taking an entirely new direction on this one, Mary collaborated with the cream of London’s hot new talent, including Disclosure and Sam Smith. A bold move on her part, and one we wholeheartedly approve of!

Lesotho songstress Maleh rose to fame with Afro-pop group Kaya, who won the Best Newcomer Award in 2005.

Winning at the Metro FM Music Awards and SAMAs for her debut album Step Child, she has proven her mettle as a neo-African soul artist, raising the bar yet again with her latest album.

(Blue Note Records)

(Universal Music)

th

(Universal Music)

LIVE AT EMPEROR’S PALACE

BY JIMMY DLUDLU (Universal Music)

Jimmy picked up his first guitar at the age of 13, teaching himself to play by imitating the sounds he heard on the radio. The rest, as they say, is jazz history. He has become one of our most renowned musicians, packing out concerts and festivals around the world. It is his electrifying performance style that forms part of his charm, and on this DVD, fans can appreciate his talent on stage during a special performance he gave at Emperor’s Palace. E

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WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. PICTURES: NDANI.TV; SONY MUSIC: IOL.CO.ZA; TRBIMG.COM.

Some may describe the last few years as a fairytale for Nigerian star Tiwa Savage as her music career is on a steep trajectory to great success. Her recent hit single Eminado, which means “good luck charm”, has certainly brought her a lot of luck lately, with her being nominated as the Best International Act from Africa at the 2014 BET Awards and winning Top Female Artist at the MTV Africa Music Awards, as well as Most Gifted Female at the Channel O Music Video Awards.

This talented singer/songwriter, recording artist, performer and actress was born in Lagos and moved with her family to London at the age of 11. Although she studied abroad at the University of Kent in the United Kingdom and the prestigious Berkeley College of Music in America, she has stuck firmly to her roots, singing in both Yoruba and English. Now back in Nigeria, her debut solo album Once Upon A Time has garnered wide critical acclaim, leading her to collaborate with the likes of Don Jazzy, Mi Casa, and Davido, another rising star from Nigeria.

STOCKISTS EOA

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WORDS: EOA TEAM. PICTURES: STOCKISTS.

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EOA LAST WORD On this most commercial and sickly sweet pink, white and red day, please spare a thought for those who have to spoil not one, not two, not three, but four wives! And if they’re the kind of wives who like to compare notes, he is in even deeper trouble. No one-size-fits-all gift will do because he has four very unique ladies: the older traditional mama, the younger worldly one, the quiet reserved woman and the young ‘turnt up’ wife.

Each come with their own buttons to push and their criteria for brownie points, so if you get it wrong, you’ll need baby oil (for days!) to ease those wounds.

Even with a budget of presidential proportions, he needs to make these women feel like he’s personally handpicked their gifts, otherwise the majestic homestead will be reduced to a tiny hell on earth. Picture this: Wife one checks on the livestock; wife two changes the bedding to something more festive; number three checks on the tuck-shop stock, and number four relaxes by the (fire) pool while shining a machine gun, each one secretly looking forward to the arrival of their not-quite-very-own Valentine.

Watching them on his surveillance camera (another great installation that came with the renovations), he ponders over the four Valentine’s cards in front of him. The first one begins with “You are my rising sun”, the second one reads “You are my sunshine”, the third card says “Oh beautiful sunset” and the last one promises “My night, my mystery”. He chuckles to himself as he adjusts his glasses with his middle finger. The gifts are all lined up and ready for pick-up. A selfie stick and tickets to Phuket in one gift bag; sexy yet slightly conservative lingerie in the second; a slim tablet device in another, and a fancy traditional dress in another.

V-DAY… PRESIDENTIAL STYLE

A

h, Valentine’s Day. It’s the stuff that is made of flowers, dinners, chocolates, and the odd cuddly soft toys… one huge love fest! Sure, some guys get away with no gifts by telling their ladies they love them all year round and they don’t need a day to show their appreciation. Frankly, if my man tried that line with me, I would tell him on his birthday that I celebrate his life every day and I don’t need a day to do so, but hey, I digress.

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Yes, he knows his ladies so well. The tricky part, of course, is how the day will unfold but it all seems to be under control.

Champagne breakfast with Dawn; brunch with Day; high tea with Dusk and, finally, dinner with Night – each one ending with him getting the ‘Best Husband’ title yet again, and possibly even more heirs to this already stretched estate.

So if you are sitting there, miserable about Valentine’s Day, remember that somewhere out there is a man who has to remember to do something special for all his ladies, otherwise he faces four times the punishment. It’s enough to make one wish for a return to the pre-Christian origins of Valentine’s Day, made up of nudity and whipping. E

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

PICTURE: WHACKED ENTERTAINMENT.

BY TUMI MORAKE

LIVE YOUR

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