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Mamas & Papas | May 2016 Cover
Model: Lulu Haangala Fortress Media Photography Styled By: MaFashio Make-Up: TIO of Diamantes Mobile Make-Up Dressed By: Woolworths Zambia
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66 On the cover
Features
20 Understanding UIF Benefits
16 What Is Iron Overload?
30 Learning To Latch For Successful Breastfeeding
24 Things I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Labour And Birth
34 Twelve Months Of Activities For Mom And Baby
40 Nip Bad Habits In The Bud 58 Ending Sibling Warfare
44 Are you raising... An Unattached Child? An Entitled Child? An Abused Child? 55 Diagnosis Dyspraxia Differs From ADHD
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66 Zambian Media Entrepreneur, Lulu Haangala: Passion, Purpose & Perseverence M a m a s & Pa p a s
Contents_May 2016.indd 1
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Mamas & Papas | May 2016 Section guidelines 10 Pre-Pregnancy 11 Pregnancy 24 Labour & Birth 27 Babies 0-1 year 40 Toddlers 2-4 years 52 Preschoolers 5-7 years
66 Working Moms & Dads
Your regulars 11 Preggy Diaries 18 Preggy Fashion 23 Real-Life Story 27 What’s In A Name? 28 Philips AVENT Hall Of Fame 48 Kids’ Fashion
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73 Cancer Column Zoleka Mandela 74 Dr Herman (Gynaecologists) Dr Herman Netshidzivhani & Dr Birgit Katharina Bothner 76 DeConstruct To Construct Fumani Shilubana | FatherFigureZA 94 Motoring Melissa Jane Cook
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51 Gogo’s Advice 71 Parents With Pizzazz
In every issue
78 Exercise: Obstacle Courses
06 From the Editor’s Pen
80 Recipes: Smoothies 84 Décor
08 Contributors’ Page 09 Your Letters
87 Reviews
86 Subscriptions
88 GEMS Baby Shower
96 Stockists List
92 Travel: Mother’s Day Getaway
Your columnists 10 Fertility Dr Antonio Rodrigues 38 Dr Dad (Paediatricians) Dr Ashraf Ahmed 65 Family Law Veerash Srikison
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COVER PHOTOGRAPHY: FORTRESS MEDIA PHOTOGRAPHY/ISTOCK/THE BEAST CHALLENGE/AFRICAN FARM VINEYARD, PECANWOOD MANOR.ROOIBOS COUNCIL.
61 Special Needs
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2016/04/07 4:48 PM
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CEO of Kwenta Media & Founding Editor of Mamas & Papas
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M&P|from the editor’s pen
IT’S ALWAYS GOOD TO BE A MOTHER!
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Lots of love from us…
We want to hear from you! Write to me at nawaal@kwentamedia.com or post a comment on our Facebook page.
IMAGES: ©KWENTA MEDIA, SHUTTERSTOCK.
nless you are superhuman, you most likely still experience great fears and concerns about the special day on which you will become a mother. I think it is safe to say that most women have at some point in their lives dreamed about, or at least thought of, becoming a mother and being blessed with the opportunity to nurture and raise a child of their own. Some women count themselves incredibly lucky to carry and birth their own biological offspring, while others bravely take on the role of ‘heart mother’ to a child born to another woman. Although I can say that being a mother has without a doubt been one of the most challenging and demanding portfolios I have ever had to manage, I can also proclaim that it has been the most fulfilling and rewarding journey I have ever had the privilege to embark on. There is nothing quite like the feeling I get when hugging and caressing my beautiful, sunshine daughter. She is my little best friend and I know that, to her, I am the best mother in the world.
The experience of mothering has most certainly drawn me closer to my own mother, and the knowledge and wisdom that she has imparted during her lifetime has definitely been precious and valuable. It took becoming a mother for me to appreciate my mother and the advice that she has shared with me over the years. Even though we live 360 kilometres apart, not a day goes by that we don’t talk over the telephone. We pray together and provide guidance and support for each other, or she listens to my tales about my singleton and parenting-apart journey. I share all my joy with my mother and vent about my hardships to her. In celebration of Mother’s Day, Mamas & Papas magazine has compiled a list of beautiful travel and tourism destinations that offer not only diverse experiences, but also good value-for-money luxury accommodation. So why not treat your beloved mother to a welldeserved timeout? (Read more on page 92) During this precious month for all mothers and mothers-to-be, the Kwenta Media team urges you all to spend this time with those special woman in your life and we wish each and every one of you a most memorable Mother’s Day.
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M&P|contributors FERTILITY COLUMN
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Dr Antonio Rodrigues MBBCH(Wits) FCOG(SA) MBA(Henley) Infertility
specialist, founder developer and director of Medfem Fertility Clinic, along with fellow directors Dr Johan van Schouwenburg and Dr Johan van Rensburg. Co-author of the book Faster, Better, Sicker and codeveloper of StaminoGro (Georen Pharmaceuticals). The doctor’s special medical interests lie in lifestyle management to improve fertility. Dr Rodrigues is married to clinical psychologist Mandy Rodrigues and together they have six children, ranging from 28 to 6 years in age. Contact Dr Rodrigues on 011 463 2244
FAMILY LAW
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CANCER COLUMN
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Zoleka Mandela Although the unexpected and tragic loss of two of her children surpassed her battle with addiction, her early breast cancer diagnosis catapulted Zoleka from a journey of pain and struggle to one of hope, faith and inspiration. Zoleka is an author, a motivational speaker and founder of the Zoleka Mandela Foundation. Visit www.zolekamandelafoundation.org www.zolekamandelafoundation.org.
DECONSTRUCT TO CONSTRUCT (FATHERHOOD)
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Fumani N. Shilubana Father, actor, producer, social entrepreneur, founder of Father Figure ZA and DeCon2Con Talks If the passion and talent that God gave me won’t make a better difference in people’s lives, then I don’t want to do anything.
@zolekamandela
@FumaniShilubana @FatherFiguresSA
zolekamandelafoundation
FumaniNShilubana FatherFiguresSA
DR HERMAN (GYNAECOLOGISTS)
FAMILY PSYCHOLOGIST
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Dr Sumayya Ebrahim Dr Herman Netshidzivhani & Dr Birgit Katharine Bothner
Advocate Veerash Srikison Advocate Veerash Srikison is an internationally accredited mediator at Fair Practice in Johannesburg. For more information on mediation and how you can benefit from it, visit www.fairpractice.co.za.
Contact the doctors on 011 643 8492 or 011 480 4143
Contact Veerash on 011 046 2644.
DR DAD (PAEDIATRICIAN)
Obstetricians and gynaecologists These two doctors are partners in work and in life. They run a fertility clinic together at Park Lane Clinic in Johannesburg and have two children.
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MOTORING
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Melissa Jane Cook
Dr Ashraf Ahmed Dr Ahmed is a Johannesburg-based paediatrician and father of 5 children, Iman (16), Mehreen (9), and 8-year-old triplets Jazib, Taheem and Alman – conceived naturally! His wife Aneesa is also a doctor. Contact Dr Dad on 011 875 1845 or 011 875 1840
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Bewitched by the magic of France, Melissa Jane Cook is an intrepid explorer. A lover of traversing the globe, she eagerly absorbs different cultures and laps up the magnificent oceanic experiences. Wooed by words and writers alike, her penchant for facials, chocolate, owls and bugs, is surpassed only by her fascination with the stage aglow in lights or bookshelves that heave with stories, where characters invite her along on their marvellous journeys. @jwanderlustmjc
Dr Ebrahim is a registered psychologist in Johannesburg. She holds an Honours degree in Applied Psychology, a cum laude Masters degree in Psychology and a PhD. Her academic interests are Wellbeing, Emotional Intelligence, Positive Psychology, Critical Psychology and Infertility. Dr Ebrahim is both an academic and a practitioner and is the author of Investment in Self: A comprehensive well being construct. Contact Dr Ebrahim on 078 864 2007 or email doctor@psychologiste.com. Visit Psychologistse.com.
ED. PSYCHOLOGIST
Claire Maher Claire works fulltime at a school in Johannesburg and maintains a private practice. Claire is interested in attachment, barriers to learning and fair assessment practices in South Africa. In her free time, Claire enjoys drinking tea, cycling, photography, cooking and spending time with her family and friends. Contact Claire on 071 150 1863 or clairemaher. psych@gmail.com. @Educ_Psych
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M&P|letters
UNEXPECTED AND ACCEPTED Your magazine has given me the opportunity to express how I felt when the doctor told me I was pregnant. My husband and I were using condoms and we made the decision that I will not carry another baby as I am 39 years old. I have always believed that a woman is not supposed to fall pregnant after the age of 35. However, my doctor told me that God chose me to carry this baby. Six months down the line I have accepted my pregnancy, and we are thrilled that our daughter will soon be born. This experience has taught me that our lives lie in God’s hands and, although my husband’s liver is failing and he is on the transplant list, we hope our baby will be born healthy. God doesn’t make mistakes, and this baby is proof that everything is possible if you put your trust in Him. Philisiwe Mvubu Mthatha
Find us on:
We want to hear from you Share your thoughts, opinions, suggestions and touching family stories. Log on to our website www.mamasnpapasmag.com or drop us a mail at letters@mamasnpapasmag.com. We reserve the right to edit all letters for the purposes of publishing.
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M&P|fertility he term ‘hereditary’ implies that a particular condition has been passed down from one or both parents to a child. This in turn implies that the condition is genetic. If the condition is genetic then it can be dominant or recessive. A dominant gene is passed down by one parent and a recessive gene is passed down by the combination of both parents’ genes. If your parents come from big families, and their parents before them, you are not guaranteed to be able to have many children.
FEMALE INFERTILITY
MALE INFERTILITY We are seeing a massive increase in malefactor infertility. This is mainly related to a reduced number of normal sperm and
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ARE FERTILITY ISSUES HEREDITARY? A family history of good fertility does not imply that your fertility will normal, says Dr Antonio Rodrigues.
changes to sperm DNA. Once again our extensive published research has shown that these factors are directly related to excessive stress and poor diets.
TRUE HEREDITARY (GENETIC) CAUSES OF INFERTILITY Although rare, there are true hereditary causes of female infertility: 1. Chromosome abnormalities, such as Turners Syndrome. 2. Hereditary problems with the shape of the uterus that can also lead to miscarriages. 3. Autoimmune diseases, including thyroid antibodies and Anticardiolipin antibodies. Fertility issues in males are generally not hereditary either. True hereditary causes of male infertility:
l It is possible that genetics can lead to low sperm count or low sperm motility or misshapen sperm. Generally speaking, these things are caused by environmental and lifestyle factors. l When the vein that supplies the testicle is enlarged, known as a varicocele, this affects fertility. Epigenetics is the study of genes that are modified by the environment. This may play a major role in the development of lifestyle-related infertility problems in both women and men. Fertility patients need to focus on modifying their lifestyles to reduce the influence that a poor environment may have on their fertility.
IMAGE: istock.
The most common causes of female infertility are Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), endometriosis and blocked Fallopian tubes, which is due to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Women with PCOS and endometriosis do have a higher chance that their mothers had one or both of these conditions. However, the massive explosion of the number of women with these conditions over the last 20 years cannot be explained by genetics alone. PCOS is directly related to the number of eggs in the ovary and insulin resistance or insulin sensitivity. Insulin issues are related to dietary habits, with special reference to excessive intake of carbohydrates. Endometriosis is a condition that occurs due to an inadequate immune system that allows the lining cells of the uterus to grow outside the uterus, on the ovaries, behind the ovaries and deep in the pelvis. Our research over the last 17 years shows that endometriosis is 100 percent related to stress, specifically time-urgency perfectionism stress (go to www.tups.co for more information).
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2016/04/07 5:04 PM
M&P|preggy diaries
BUYI XABA
WORDS AND IMAGE: BUYI XABA.
1st Trimester
am a woman with many titles; I’m a brand manager for Black Opal SA and Ms Plus Size SA National 2016 finalist, and the owner of Amatshesizwe Projects. But most importantly, I’m a mother, blessed with two boys, Tebogo (20) and Jnr (10). A few months ago I started experiencing palpitations and shortness of breath during the night. Worried, I decided to consult a doctor who ran blood tests and to my surprise, the pregnancy blood test result came back positive. I hadn’t seen this coming so I was shocked, but it did explain the eight kilograms I had gained in just one month! When I broke the news to my husband and boys, everyone was over the moon – I can’t explain the amount of excitement that filled our house that day. All my boys came with me for the first gynae appointment because no one wanted to be left out. Having them with me made that day even more special and I will always remember it as one of the best days of my life. If I had any doubts about the pregnancy at that time, them coming with me to the doctor was proof that I had their support and wouldn’t be walking this path alone. Fortunately, the first trimester hasn’t given me too many problems, although my breasts are getting bigger I anticipated they would at this stage. Luckily I can still fit into some of my clothes, so there hasn’t been any emergency shopping trips or wardrobe changes. I have tried my best to eat healthily, but I have to admit that I cannot contain my craving for hot wings! I’ve also noticed that red meat, onions and bread make me nauseous. I think we might be having another boy – at least I’m hoping for another bouncing baby boy – and I already have an idea of how I want to decorate the nursery. I hope and pray that all goes well as we wait excitedly to see what the future holds. #AnExcitedMomToBe M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|preggy diaries
HONEY MALEKANE think it is safe to say that the third trimester feels like the longest of all of them! I’m so happy that there are only a few weeks to go until I welcome my bundle of joy. The kicks have become regular and constantly provide me with the comfort that my baby is alive. I’m honestly enjoying every minute of it in a way it makes me truly aware that I’m pregnant, rather than just looking pregnant and feeling fat. However, I do get annoyed when people stare or smile at me wherever I go – it’s just weird. I know pregnancy is an amazing thing, but it’s disconcerting to have people stare at you. My third ultrasound revealed that we are expecting a little prince! The scan showed everything so clearly and I can already tell that my little man looks exactly like his daddy. On 12 December 2015, my best friend Nthabi Teffu, my sister Yvonne Malekane and, of course, the love of my life Katlego Mabowa threw me a surprise baby shower. It didn’t quite go as they had planned but it reminded me of just how special they are to me and that you have to make the best of every situation. I really enjoyed having my favourite photographer there – Dumi Ndlele – and it was wonderful to be able to indulge my love of having pictures taken. Right now my tummy is so big I think I look like a hippo. And just like a hippo, I feel very lazy but pregnancy is hard work, right? While I wait, albeit a little impatiently, for my little champ to make his debut, everyone has been telling me tales about labour. Needless to say, I am a bit nervous but I know that it will be worth it. I cannot wait for the next stage of our life journey to begin.
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WORDS AND IMAGE: HONEY MALEKANE.
3rd Trimester
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I feel like a YUMMY MUMMY!
ambian media entrepreneur, Lulu Haangala-Wood, simply glows as she shares how proud she is to be pregnant with her second child. “I was strongly advised by my cousin and best friend, Idah, to ‘oil up’ my belly and rub!” Lulu says to help prevent stretch marks. “My husband bought me a variety of products to try and both he and my daughter take turns to apply Happy Event Antenatal Stretch Mark Lotion twice a day to my growing belly. My hair is amazing! It is definitely the best part of my pregnancy as it is thick and healthy.” She adds with a laugh, “I have gone through quite a few body changes – my nose has grown to an extent that I never knew a nose could grow – and thanks to my wonderful make-up artist, Tio, I feel sexy and confident. This has been the best photo shoot.
Brought to you by Happy Event
M&P|preggy diaries
NONTOBEKO NDLOVU travel a lot and now that I am pregnant, people all over seemed to be fascinated with my growing tummy, often showering me with the odd compliments. I am already so in love with this baby of mine who has become my constant travelling companion, and I love reading baby books to him. On one trip to Tanzania, I sat next to an elderly couple. The man told me that he was a medical doctor and his wife was a pediatrician, and that they had just started their retirement. He wanted to comfort me by saying that my twins and I were in good hands should there be an emergency. Horrified, I didn’t waste any time telling him that I was expecting only one baby and they registered their surprise as my tummy was so big. Quite disturbed, I shared the event with my husband via text message as soon as we landed and, like the kind man that he is, he reassured me that he loved me and that pregnancy looked good on me. When I started to suffer with back pain, my doctor advised that I take aqua classes to assist with the weight. So every night my hubby instructor would take me to the pool for lessons, which helped a lot to ease the strain brought on by the baby weight. I recommend it to all moms-to-be. We had a little scare when I returned from a trip to Malawi ,where I had climbed into the pool. I had developed an infection and had to be admitted to hospital for three days. We were terrified when the doctor said if the infection didn’t go away they would have to perform a Caesarean section to prevent any harm from coming to our baby. I found out that our baby weighed only 1.9 kg at that time and became really scared; he or she was just too tiny to be coming into the world. I prayed to God to save and protect me and my baby, and after two days the doctor told us the infection had cleared up and we could be discharged the following day. This time around I have so much energy and I have developed a love of cooking and baking for my family – and of course no one is complaining. My husband and I are still busy decorating the nursery and we still haven’t decided on the colour yet because we’re still waiting for the biggest surprise of our lives. We are very excited to welcome this little person to the world and to have our family grow.
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WORDS AND IMAGE: NONTOBEKO NDLOVU.
3rd Trimester
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2016/04/07 5:06 PM
M&P|pre-pregnancy
THE IRON AGE
We always hear about the importance of iron supplementation for anaemia, but can there be such a thing as too much iron intake? Cathrine Versfeld explores some expert medical opinions.
lthough knowledge of the effects of anaemia can be traced as far back as 4 000 years ago, for many hundreds of years the symptoms were blamed on celestial bodies like the moon, or witchcraft. Like many conditions and illnesses, it was never fully understood until the invention of the microscope, when we could finally see what was going on in our own blood. In the 1820s, a French doctor by the name of P. Blaud de Beaucaire first associated anaemia with a lack of iron in the diets of his patients. In 1831, he produced and prescribed the first iron supplement.
ANAEMIA EXPLAINED Anaemia is the medical term used for a marked decrease in the amount of red blood cells (haemoglobin) in your blood. As red blood cells are responsible for transporting oxygen to all your organs, muscles, heart and brain, the effects of even mild anaemia over a long period can have lasting consequences. Although some cases can be sudden and obvious, like extreme blood loss due to trauma or
surgery, other cases may be a slow onset that take several months or years to show symptoms. “Iron is an essential mineral involved in the production of haemoglobin,” explains Cape Town general practitioner, Dr Michelle Pentecost. In other words, production of haemoglobin in the bloodstream can drop significantly when there is not enough access to iron. This inhibits transportation of oxygen throughout the body, which explains the fatigue that is related with the condition.
COMMON SYMPTOMS OF ANAEMIA Fatigue Dizziness Shortness of breath Difficulty concentrating Hair loss Pale skin Brittle finger nails
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M&P|pre-pregnancy ANAEMIA AND PREGNANCY Dr Michelle Pentecost explains that a healthy, balanced diet should include iron-rich food. When a person eats a good quantity of dark green vegetables, pulses and beans, eggs, lean meat, fish, fortified cereals, and dried fruits (particularly raisins, prunes and apricots) they should cover their iron needs sufficiently. Anaemia tends to occur when these foods are lacking in the diet, or in patients who may suddenly need a lot more iron than usual. The most common cases of iron deficiency are found in rapidly growing children and adolescents, pregnant women, and women who suffer from heavy menstrual cycles. In most of these cases, doctors will prescribe an iron supplement that is specifically suited (in volume) to the needs of the sufferer. Within 6 to 8 weeks, symptoms have usually abated. According to a 2000 paper by John L. Bear titled ‘Effectiveness and strategies of iron supplementation during pregnancy’ the World Health Organization has mandated supplementary intervention for anaemic pregnant women in developing countries. Bear refers to a study revealing that at least 49 percent of pregnant women in Africa are anaemic. In extreme cases, the condition can affect the birth weight of the baby, cause complications during labour and endanger the chances of postpartum recovery in the mother. The paper does, however, point out that these risks only occur in cases of severe anaemia, as most pregnant women will experience a slight but natural rise in iron demand during their first and second trimester. However, supplementing iron can have a lasting effect – when iron stores are high in the mother, the benefits can go as far as to aid her in a second pregnancy, when her body will require more iron again. For all of the benefits of iron supplements, a doctor’s opinion is vital. One of the major problems in self-diagnosing anaemia in pregnancy is that many of the symptoms of the condition are also symptoms that accompany normal pregnancy, such as fatigue. As many pregnancy multivitamins already contain iron, it is important to consult your doctor or obstetrician before buying an over-the-counter iron supplement. Although it is an effective treatment for anaemia, the side effects may include constipation, nausea or diarrhoea. Iron supplements come in the form of pills or syrup, or they can be administered intravenously. (Note: The liquid form of many iron supplements are known to stain teeth. It is therefore recommended that you drink it with a straw.) Because tannin and alkaline inhibits iron absorption, Dr Pentecost warns patients that they should avoid taking their supplements with tea, coffee or milk. “Rather take it with a glass of orange juice, as vitamin C has been shown to help the body better absorb iron,” she advises.
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TOO MUCH IRON It is impossible to know how great the effect of de Beaucaire’s discovery almost 200 years ago has been on mankind, and anaemic mothers in particular. As the body of research into the mineral grows, so does the knowledge of its dangers in high quantities. Where Bear’s paper suggests that extra iron in the first trimester of pregnancy may enhance brain development in babies, it also warns that some studies have linked too much iron with various types of cancer. For this reason, doctors and pharmacists are careful to maintain a balance and prescribe smaller doses over longer periods. It is a sobering reminder that although many supplements are sold over the counter, they are often accompanied by risks. In pregnancy, it is always better to seek the advice of your medical practitioner.
“Iron poisoning, or an overdose of iron supplements, can be very toxic and cause death or permanent liver and kidney damage.”
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M&P|pre-pregnancy
“When a person eats a good quantity of dark green vegetables, pulses and beans, eggs, lean meat, fish, fortified cereals, and dried fruits (particularly raisins, prunes and apricots) they should cover their iron needs sufficiently.”
IMAGES: ISTOCK, PIXABAY.COM.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO TAKE A LETHAL DOSE OF IRON? Iron poisoning, or an overdose of iron supplements, can be very toxic and cause death or permanent liver and kidney damage. In many of the cases, deaths occur in children under the age of six, who have found and ingested their parent’s iron supplements. It is important never to underestimate the symptoms of iron poisoning in children or adults. Symptoms of iron poisoning include: Nausea Vomiting Diarrhoea Abdominal Pain Rapid Breathing Low Blood Pressure Restlessness Gastrointestinal bleeding (blood in vomit or stools) If you suspect that iron poisoning/overdose has occurred, do not wait for symptoms but rather go to the nearest emergency room immediately. Take your bottle of medication/supplements with you.
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M&P|preggy |preggy fashion Every woman has a little black in her wardrobe and pregnancy should not prevent you from wearing your favourite clothes. Break the monotony by adding a splash of white.
MONOCHROME
MOM
STRUCTURED BIKER JACKET, R369, C(INCH), SPREE.
RETRO STYLE SUNGLASSES, R449, MANGO.
WORK SHIRT WITH UNDERBUST DETAIL (WHITE), R325, CHERRY MELON.
BOYFRIEND JEANS, CHERRY MELON, R429, ZANDO.
LAPEL LEATHER BACKPACK, R1 199, MANGO.
CUNNICK CLUTCH BAG, R495, ALDO.
SHORT JERSEY DRESS, R229, H&M.
STILETTO SHOES, R699, MANGO.
BUCKLE ANKLE BOOTS (BLACK) , R1 499, MANGO, SPREE.
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DENIM JEGGINGS, R199.99, OAKRIDGE, MRP.
2016/04/07 5:15 PM
M&P|preggy fashion ORNATE TASSLE & BEAD NECKLACE (GREY), R149, STYLE REPUBLIC, SPREE.
WOOL FEDORA HAT, R449, MANGO.
STONE CHAIN NECKLACE, R449, MANGO.
SILVER ART DECO BANGLE, R895, ASHIANA, KAIKA JEWELLERY.
SLEEVELESS BLAZER WHITE, R230, STYLE REPUBLIC, SPREE.
TINA TOP BLACK, R799, DAVID TLALE, SPREE.
WORDS: TEBATJO MANAMELA. IMAGES SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS, PINTEREST.
KIMONO SLEEVE DRESS, R299, SALT, SPREE.
TOTE BAG, R949, MANGO.
LASER CUT TOTE BAG, R279, DAZZLE, SPREE.
COLOR MASSHA JEGGINGS, R699, MANGO.
BROOKE BOOTS, R1 799, WITCHERY, WOOLWORTHS.
ANKLE BOOTS WITH WEDGE HEEL, R599, H&M.
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2016/04/07 5:20 PM
M&P|pregnancy
UNDERSTANDING YOUR UIF BENEFITS Peta Daniel asks the experts to answer FAQs about how women can access their UIF benefits during their maternity leave. regnancy is a beautiful experience, but that doesn’t mean that the changes to your body won’t be difficult, sometimes painful and often an inconvenience to getting on with your daily life. If you work, you will undoubtedly want (and need) to take maternity leave after giving birth, and often in the run up to your big day as well. The Unemployment Insurance Fund (UIF) will assure you of some income while you’re getting to know your new baby, and thanks to agencies like Awesome Moms UIF, you don’t have to worry about the stress and hassle of a confusing claims process.
WHAT IS UIF? UIF is a fund that employees or business owners can pay into every month so that when they become unemployed or have to take unpaid maternity leave, they can receive income to help them get by. For maternity leave, the Department of Labour will pay UIF to an individual for up to four months. According to Awesome Moms, an agency that assists with UIF claims, you can expect to be paid between 38 and 58 percent of your gross salary per month. This means that if you are earning R10 000 per month, you will be paid out between R3800 and R5800 per month. If you are earning R20 000 per month, you can expect to receive between R7600 and R11 600 per month.
WHO QUALIFIES? You can qualify for UIF for your maternity leave period if you are a South African citizen with a barcoded ID, if you have been paying monthly UIF contributions, and if you have a child under six months or if you are adopting a baby under two years of age. Foreign nationals can also claim UIF provided they have a valid passport, are not working on contract, and fulfil all the other criteria for UIF.
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If you get paid by the hour rather than a monthly salary you can still claim. According to Awesome Moms, you will have to add your last six months’ salary and divide it by six, and then do the same thing with your UIF contributions. Use these amounts to fill out the relevant form (the UI-19 and UI-2.7). Although you cannot claim if you have been dismissed, you can claim benefits if you resign while pregnant.
WHEN WOULD YOU NOT QUALIFY FOR UIF BENEFITS? Aside from not fulfilling the aforementioned criteria, you will not qualify for UIF if: l You are on fully paid maternity leave, that is, if what you are receiving while on maternity leave is equal to your normal salary. l You have not been registered for UIF or have not paid your monthly payments.
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2016/04/07 6:40 PM
M&P|pregnancy “The Department of Labour will calculate how many credit days of maternity leave they will pay for based on the last four years of your work record.�
l You have claimed UIF for another reason at some point in the last four years (excluding maternity). l You have been dismissed from your position. l You are the sole proprietor of a company. l Your child is older than six months and is your biological child.
WHAT IF YOU ARE ALREADY ON MATERNITY LEAVE? As long as your biological child is under six months you can still claim UIF.
OTHER POINTS TO KEEP IN MIND You can only claim UIF for maternity leave for one month for every six months you have worked up to a maximum of four months or 121 days. The Department of Labour will calculate how many credit days of maternity leave they will pay
for based on the last four years of your work record. Sometimes you will be paid in one or two lump sums, rather than a regular amount every month. Take note that your first payment may be quite small as it will be calculated from the day you first took off for maternity leave up until the day you handed in your claim. In order for your payments to be approved you must have an active bank account that is in your name and is a personal account, not a joint account. You will need to provide proof of this. Thankfully, no tax is claimed on UIF benefits.
HOW CAN YOU GO ABOUT CLAIMING UIF? If you will be using an agency to claim, which is highly recommended for convenience, you can contact them via their website first. You can usually register for a consultation online or you can buy a Maternity UIF Claims Package, which has forms M a m a s & Pa p a s
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2016/04/07 6:40 PM
M&P|pregnancy “… you can expect to be paid between 38 and 58 percent of your gross salary per month. This means that if you are earning R10 000 per month, you will be paid out between R3 800 and R5 800 per month. If you are earning R20 000 per month, you can expect to receive between R7 600 and R11 600 per month.”
UIF AGENCIES There are agencies that help mothers claim UIF for their maternity leave and act as a middle man between you and your UIF. For an affordable fee, they help you understand if you qualify and provide you with the correct forms. Awesome Moms: www.awesomemoms.co.za Baby Benefits: www.babybenefitsuif.co.za Twinkle Toes: www.twinkletoes.yolasite.com UIF Services: www.uifservices.co.za
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YOUR EXPERIENCES Roxanne Pellew (26) works as an administrative assistant and is a mother of two boys. She claimed UIF while on maternity leave after giving birth. “The process was not that bad,” she says. “I did find having to go back every month with a newborn baby quite frustrating, as I had to take a form to get signed every month to receive my money.” Pellew experienced no other serious problems, except for one or two late payments which she had to phone in to sort out. “Overall I got all my money out of them,” she says. Melissa Havenga (28) is an accounts assistant from Benoni. She has two children aged three and one. Havenga claimed UIF through Twinkle Toes for her first maternity leave and then Baby Benefits the second time around. “I had no hassles at all getting my money and altogether I paid R1 000 for the agencies to stand in line for me,” she says. “They sent me the documents with instructions on how to fill them in and it was smooth sailing from there.” Contact UIF Pretoria on 012 337 1700, the call centre on 012 337 1680 or fax to 086 713 3000. Operating hours: 7:30am to 4pm, Monday to Friday.
IMAGES: SHUTTERSTOCK, @ISTOCK.COM.
and instructions on how to claim. You can only submit your UIF claim on or after your first day of maternity leave and not before; however, you should send your claim in to the agency you are using at least two weeks before you go on leave to ensure that your benefits will start paying out as soon as possible. There are several forms that the Department of Labour requires you to fill out: UI-2.3 Application for maternity benefits UI-19 Employers’ declaration UI-2.7 Remuneration received by the employee UI-2.8 Application to pay benefits into banking account UI-4 Application for continuation of payment.
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2016/04/07 6:41 PM
M&P|real-life story
WORTH THE WAIT
WORDS AND IMAGES: PETER MAPATHA.
Peter Mapatha (42) tells how he and his wife kept their faith that they would have a second child, even after years of trying.
t was in the early hours of the morning of 24 March 2016, the estimated arrival date of my son, OArabile, when I woke up and went to check on my wife, Tshidi (39), and newborn son, who were asleep in the other room. He was born on 14 March via C-section 10 days earlier than expected. While in the room I picked up the February 2016 issue of Mamas & Papas magazine. As I paged through, I came across the reallife story of Ndlilisa and Tumi called ‘No one to blame’ and recognised the similarities to my wife and my story. We always wanted to have a second child after our daughter, Khotatso, was born 14 years ago and it has not been an easy journey. It started with several visits to the gynaecologist, traditional healers and prophets, but we still didn’t fall pregnant. We trusted in prayer, even when the doctor advised us to consider adopting another child given the age of my wife and the cost of in-vitro fertilisation, as well as the large age gap that the siblings would have. But we still held out hope. It was the beginning of July 2015 when my wife called me at work to tell me that she had taken a home pregnancy test and the result was positive. We did a second home pregnancy test, which also came out positive, so we went to the doctor for a thorough examination. The gynae confirmed that there was ‘an object’, but that it was still too early to tell. A routine visit to the gynae followed one month later confirmed my wife’s pregnancy
PETER MAPATHA AND DAUGHTER KHOTATSO WITH BABY OARABILE
“We always wanted to have a second child... and it has not been an easy journey.” and we were given the due date. The pregnancy went relatively smoothly until March 2016, when the gynae advised us that the baby was already 4.1 kilograms and we still had two weeks to go. Rather than risk any potential complications with a natural birth, the doctor advised my wife to have a Caesarean and our son was successfully born 10 days before his due date.
As I read Ndlilisa’s story of how her medical aid had stopped paying for her consultations, I reflected on the fear I had experienced when our medical aid had also ceased paying for the extra consultations the doctor had scheduled, despite these being crucial to monitor our baby’s rapid growth and size. We had to pay cash for every extra consultation, which added to the stress of the period of uncertainty. I looked at our newborn son, grateful that everything went smoothly and that he is healthy. He was sleeping soundly after his first day out of the house after his umbilical cord had fallen off, in keeping with our culture and tradition. Our sympathies and condolences goes to Ndlilisa and Tumi for their devastating loss after trying for 13 years to have a second child. We pray that God will comfort them during this trying period. M a m a s & Pa p a s
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2016/04/07 6:45 PM
M&P|labour & birth
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THINGS I WISH MY MOTHER HAD TOLD ME …
Can we ever really be prepared for the act of giving birth? Nicky Manson takes a tongue-in-cheek look at some of the things women wish they had known before heading into labour. here are few things about labour and childbirth that many mothers would rather forget. And maybe they do forget because I certainly do not remember being warned about any of these.
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The loss of bladder control is something all pregnant women suffer from for nine months, so imagine our surprise that during labour not only does our bladder fail again, but so do our bowels. Completely unexpected and superbly embarrassing. “I had a water birth and at one stage my husband jumped in the birthing bath to assist. Unbeknown to the both of us, the bath was not just filled with water,” Marilyn, mom of two, Joburg. Equally embarrassing and never spoken about is the art of the fart. Your body may let you down in many ways and farting is just another one to throw onto the awful labour pyre. Expect an orchestra. Most novels I read mentioned after-birth bleeding, or lochia, but thanks to preggy brain, I forgot most of what I read. Imagine my surprise when I realised that postpartum bleeding can last up to six weeks.
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M&P|labour & birth The one thing that most moms expect is to be in love with their newborn straight away. However, this sometimes doesn’t happen immediately and it’s perfectly normal. So don’t panic, the feelings will come. “I smiled at my firstborn and then handed him over to dad. And then I felt nothing. It actually took a few days to get excited about the baby. This is down to a roller-coaster ride of exhaustion, hormones and emotions,” Nessie, mom of two, Mpumalanga. Did you know that sometimes a baby will come out covered in meconium? That’s the baby’s first poo. Black, sticky and tar-like, the baby may poo inside the womb for various reasons, including distress. “My baby looked dirty and smelt funny. I had no idea why,” Joanne, mom of one, W. Cape.
“Once I regained the feeling in my legs after my C-section, I stood up – felt a gushing – and bled everywhere – bed, floor and bathroom of my hospital room,” Nicci, mom of two, Pretoria. When I first woke up sweating like a madman in the middle of the night shortly after giving birth, I thought that flu or a tummy bug must be responsible for my extremely high fever. No one had warned me that night sweats are a result of pregnancy hormones and that soaking your bed sheets and PJs are all par for the course. Now that your baby is out, you expect your tummy to go back to normal-ish, with just a few stretch marks as testimony to your triumph. Right? Wrong! Unfortunately it can take weeks for your stomach to deflate, thanks to pregnancy gasses. Even when the bloatedness subsides, you will more than likely be left with a big flabby tyre at the bottom of your belly. “I was horrified when I woke up the day after giving birth and my stomach still looked as big as it did when the baby was inside,” Helen, mom of one, Joburg. M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|labour & birth Never look up at the lights during a Caesarean because they reflect what’s going on down there. There’s a reason the doctor puts up a sheet shielding mom and dad from the action below. “I glanced up and just saw a big, black gaping hole where my stomach was meant to be. Scarred for life!” Amy, mom of three, Joburg. According to Hollywood movies and sitcoms, experiencing your waters breaking is a momentous and usually public occasion. However, statistics reveal that only one in 10 mother’s waters break before labour begins. “I was waiting for the big moment. What if it happened in a shopping centre? Imagine my disappointment when lying in bed I experienced a mere trickle of water – a very undramatic way to signal oncoming labour,” Vicky, mom of one, Cape Town. The pain, oh the pain. Never talk to any mother about the pain of childbirth. Memory is a funny thing and we have a tendency to block out the traumatic and excruciating events in our lives. You will overhear mothers saying, “Oh it’s not that bad, it’s such a beautiful experience.” This is because they have forgotten! Childbirth is sore, agonising, insufferable and severe. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
IMAGES: ISTOCK, DEPOSITPHOTOS.
Now that you are afraid, very afraid, look at the brighter side of things. During pregnancy, your uterus literally stretches to about 500 times its normal size. In fact, it expands from the size of a peach to the size of a watermelon. And guess what? You survived. Labour and childbirth… easy peasy.
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M&P|baby names
CELEBRATING BLACK HISTORY
Black history is rich with imaginative names, so to honour and celebrate our greatest achievers, we have a list of names given to black activists who contributed to the change of the world!
GIRLS
NAME
MEANING One born on Thursday
Akua Lezli Hope
African
Camilla
Free born
Camilla Williams
Latin
Coretta
Maiden
Coretta Scott King
Greek
Della
Noble
Della Reese
German
Ida
Hard working
Ida Rollins
Greek
Jewel
Precious gem
Jewel Plummer Cobb
Old French
Maya
Dream
Maya Angelou
Sanskrit
Nina
Little girl
Nina Simone
Spanish
Rosa
Rose
Rosa Parks
Latin
Susie
Graceful lily
Susie King Taylor
Hebrew
BOYS
MEANING
ACTIVIST
ORIGIN
Azie
Youth
Azie Taylor Morton
African
Barack
Blessed
Barack Obama
African
Colin
Young creature
Colin Powell
Scottish
Ebenezer
Stone of help
Ebenezer Don Carlo Bassett
Hebrew
Hiram
My brother is exalted
Hiram Rhodes
Hebrew
Kobe
Supplanter
Kobe Byrant
Hebrew
Luther
Army people
Martin Luther King
German
Malcolm
Devote of St Columba
Malcolm X
Scottish
Sidney
Wide meadow
Sidney Poitier
Old English
Wynton
Friend’s settlement
Wynton Marsalis
Old English
NAME AFRICAN NAMES
ORIGIN
Akua
NAME
COMPILED BY: THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGES: PINTEREST.
ACTIVIST
MEANING/GENDER
ACTIVIST
Albert
Noble (Boy)
Albert Luthuli
Bessie
God is satisfaction (Girl)
Bessie Head (Writer)
Desmond
From South Munster (Boy)
Desmond Tutu
Elinor
Sun ray (Girl)
Elinor Sisulu
Miriam
Rebellious (Girl)
Miriam Makeba
Nelson
Son of Neil (Boy)
Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela
Nosipho
Gift (Girl)
Nosipho Dorothy Ntwanambi
Steve
Crown (Boy)
Steve Biko
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2016/04/07 7:59 PM
M&P|hall of fame
WIN* WITH PHILIPS AVENT! Send snaps of your picture-perfect baby moments to us at photos@mamasnpapasmag.com to feature on our Hall of Fame. Include your baby’s full name, gender and age, as well as your full contact details, with Hall of Fame in the subject line.
LAST MONTH’S WINNERS... Mamoratehi “Mamo” Zwane Rorisang Trinity Mwale Remofilwe Mahlangu
YOUR BREASTFEEDING Q&A Breastfeeding brings its own unique rewards and like so many aspects of parenthood, it is an art that has to be learned. To some it comes easily, others may need more patience. In an effort to help you get the best out of these precious moments, Philips AVENT answers some of the most common FAQs about breastfeeding that new mothers have. Q. How frequently should the baby be fed? The more you feed your baby, the more your breasts will be stimulated to produce more milk. By feeding on demand, you should produce all the milk they need. Respond to your baby’s needs and feed them whenever they cry. They will soon let you know whether or not they are hungry. It is normal for a newborn to be fed frequently, sometimes every two to three hours, because breast milk digest as such. Frequent feeding the first few days gets milk production going and your baby will soon start sleeping longer between feeds.
Amukelani Daka Delana Wandipa Lotsu
Q. How long should each feed last? Your baby will let you know. Some babies needshort,fastfeeds;othersprefertochomp away slowly. Some babies may be satisfied in a few minutes, others want to suck for 20 to 30 minutes. Q. Should I be concerned if my baby, who normally feeds three-hourly, suddenly starts to sleep for four hours or longer? How lucky can one be! If your baby is in good health, they will wake when hungry. The long sleep indicates that they are still satisfied from the last feed.
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Tiza Longwe Blake Raphael Swinny Babies must be 0 to 3 years to qualify. Closing date for June 2016 issue Hall of Fame entrants: 31 May 2016. * M&P terms and conditions apply. See page 96. Available at Baby City or online from www.takealot.com. Alternatively all products can be viewed on www.babies.co.za.
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AVENT Hall Of Fame.indd 28
2016/04/07 5:22 PM
Sponsored advertorial
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Great for occasional pumping, the Philips AVENT Comfort Manual Breast Pump features a unique design that gives you a more relaxing and comfortable pumping experience. Assembles and dissembles quickly to fit in a purse or diaper bag. This BPA-free pump includes: A Natural Philips AVENT bottle with a Natural newborn teat. Soft, textured massage cushion that encourages natural milk flow. Ergonomic handle for easy operation with just one hand. The Philips AVENT VIA breast milk containers are perfect for storing expressed breast milk, adapt easily into feeding bottles and are leak proof with a twist on lid, which is perfect for the on-the-go moms. Dishwasher, freezer and microwave safe for brilliant versatility. M a m a s & Pa p a s
AVENT Hall Of Fame.indd 29
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2016/04/07 5:28 PM
Melissa Jane Cook speaks to Erica Neser, a lactation expert, about the importance of a proper latch for a beautiful breastfeeding experience and addresses your most pressing concerns.
LEARNING TO LATC H
M&P|0-1 babies ne of the biggest keys to successful breastfeeding is to be prepared for a learning-curve experience. Learning to breastfeed is no different than learning to swim, knit or sing: there may be bumps along the way, but keep your eye on the prize and before you know it, you’ll be doing great! Although breastfeeding is instinctive, it is still a skill that both the mother and her baby have to learn and master. When a good position and latch is obtained, breastfeeding can be a wonderful experience between mother and baby. Q What do we mean by latch? The word refers to the way a baby attaches onto the breast. Trained counsellor and lactation consultant, Erica Neser, explains, “A good latch starts with good positioning. The baby should be unwrapped, hands either side of the breast, tucked closely into the mom’s body, with their ear, shoulder and hip in line with each other. The baby opens their mouth wide, latches deeply onto their mother’s breast, with their lips flipped back. Their head is tipped back slightly, their chin presses into the breast and their nose is just touching the breast. Some areola may show above baby’s upper lip.” Q Why is latching so important? Neser maintains that a good, deep latch is important for the baby to remove the milk from the breast. “If a baby is not latched well, the mom’s nipples may become sore and the baby may struggle to get enough milk from the breast. A good latch is not painful. It is normal to have some nipple pain/tenderness in the first week (peaking between day three and six) and to have some pain for the first 10 to 30 seconds of the feed (nipple stretch pain). This should get less intense as the days go by. It is not normal to be sore for the entire feed, or to have increasing pain after day six.”
Q Who can show me? Nurses in the maternity wards of hospitals, midwives and doulas have all undergone some training in latching babies. However, many moms receive conflicting and even incorrect advice from these health professionals regarding latching and breastfeeding in general. Neser states that IBCLCs (International Board Certified Lactation Consultants) are specialists in breastfeeding management and are generally considered the best professionals to assist mothers with breastfeeding. “If there are any issues with latching or feeding, an IBCLC should be consulted where possible.” Q What if your baby can’t or refuses to latch? “If a healthy, full-term baby doesn’t latch, the mom is advised to keep her baby skinto-skin on her chest (while she reclines in bed) and to offer the breast every hour or two,” Neser says. She adds, “If the baby doesn’t latch/suckle efficiently, the
mom can hand express some colostrum onto a clean teaspoon and feed that to her baby.” Babies born with tongue-tie and cleft palate, as well as premature babies, can experience complications with breastfeeding. “It is important for parents to get correct advice and support from an IBCLC in these circumstances. Breast milk is even more crucial – even lifesaving – for premature or sick babies. It may take time and lots of patience and practice to get babies with special needs to breastfeed, but it can be done!” Q Can a baby adapt from a bottle to the breast? Neser says that most babies can go straight back to breastfeeding if they have had bottles for a short period. “However, it is important to be aware that some babies do start preferring the bottle and may refuse the breast even after a short period of bottle-feeding. We can never predict if/when a baby will refuse the M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|0-1 babies Q Do the size of a mom’s nipples affect a baby’s ability to latch? Not really. Nipples come in all shapes and sizes and are generally not an issue at all. The only exception here is if the mom has very large nipples and gives birth to a very tiny (or premature) baby, but this is seen very rarely. Nipple size is the one thing that moms don’t have to worry about!
“Nipple size is the one thing that moms don’t have to worry about!”
breast. Where possible, use a feeding cup instead of a bottle to avoid suck preference (that is, nipple confusion).” Q How do my inverted nipples affect my baby’s ability to latch? Neser explains that women with inverted nipples may find latching a little more challenging. “The protruding part of a (normal) nipple triggers the baby’s sucking reflex when it touches the palate. When the nipple doesn’t protrude a lot, baby may have the rooting and gaping reflex but not the sucking reflex, causing her to turn her head side to side ‘looking’ for the nipple, or she may latch on but not suckle.” Neser adds, “Moms with inverted nipples may find it helpful to express a few minutes before feeding in order to stretch the nipple out. A nipple shield may help if the baby still won’t latch. It is a good idea to consult an IBCLC for assistance.”
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Keep Your Baby With You! l Keep any separation from your baby to a minimum. l Hold your baby on your chest as much as possible while you recline comfortably. You can do this skinto-skin or clothed. This position helps to release all the necessary reflexes and instincts in both mother and baby. This is especially important if you have had a Caesarean birth, assisted delivery and/or medicated birth (epidural). Never Force A Baby Onto The Breast l Let your baby set the pace in the first hour or two. Keep your baby on your chest while you lie back and relax. l Pushing your baby’s head towards the breast interferes with his latching reflexes, and causes them to push their head back or flex forward. l Position your baby lying on their tummy on your chest with access to the breast, nose-to-nipple, arms either side of the breast. When their face touches your nipple they may open wide and latch. Respond To Your Baby’s Early Feeding Cues l These include wriggling, opening and closing his mouth, bringing hands to mouth and rooting. l Latching and feeding tend to be easier at these times. l If you wait until your baby is crying from hunger, their tongue will be in the wrong position, and they may become distressed, which makes latching difficult. l Your baby will probably need to feed eight to 12 times in 24 hours. Get Help ASAP If Things Are Not Going Well l Contact an IBCLC for professional breastfeeding advice.
Contact Erica Neser, Trained Counsellor & Lactation Consultant, IBCLC, at ericaneser@gmail.com or visit www.babysleep.co.za.
IMAGES: ISTOCK, SHUTTERSTOCK.
TIPS FOR THE EARLY DAYS OF BREASTFEEDING
Ads.indd 2
2016/04/07 3:13 PM
M&P|0-1 babies
1 3 3
12 MONTHS OF MOMMY & BABY ACTIVITIES
Sometimes we are so focused on our baby’s growth and the meeting of developmental milestones that we forget to actually have fun with them. Cathrine Versfeld suggests activities you can do to enjoy your baby’s first year of life. n those first incredible days and weeks of your baby’s life, it seems almost impossible that such a small, delicate little human will eventually grow to walk, talk, and develop tastes and opinions. The reality is that your little bundle will do an enormous amount of growing and learning before their first birthday. With
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every new experience after birth, a baby’s brain works hard to file the right things in the right place, and create associations – whether these are feelings, tastes, sounds or physical milestones. Here are a variety of fun ways to share and create these precious mental building blocks with your baby.
By allowing your baby to spend time on their strength, and try to raise themselves on their the game whenever you change them. It’s tummy, you will give them the opportunity to arms. Put them on their tummy and dangle a an effective and time-honoured languagelift their head and chest. This is an excellent toy just out of reach to encourage your baby development game. ‘Here are your hands’ to keep at it. neck and chest muscle exercise. In the beginning, your baby might take a while Watch the toy The ‘expressions’ game When changing your baby, pull different Encourage baby to move both eyes at the to realise that their hands belong to them, and facial expressions while making simple same time by holding a toy, getting your are attached to their body. By holding your sounds. The more exaggerated the baby’s attention and moving it slowly from baby’s hands and playing clapping games, or expressions, the more likely your baby will side to side, giving them a chance to practise drawing on the palm of their hands with your finger, you encourage them to discover their coordinated and concentrated vision. begin to try and imitate them. own bodies. Story time Mirror mirror For a long time, faces will be of deep interest Whether it’s a baby book or your favourite Bounce to your baby, especially yours. By placing a magazine, reading to your baby and pointing Place baby’s feet on your lap and hold them mirror next to your face and letting your baby out the colourful images will do wonders for standing up. Bounce them up and down, encouraging them to build leg strength by see their face alongside yours, you will double language and association skills. pushing themselves into the air. Twinkle toes the pleasure. Encourage leg exercises by tying bells to Shake it Smile talking By about six weeks, babies begin to smile your baby’s ankles. Not only does your baby Rattles and toys that make a satisfying deliberately, but it comes from your example. get a good workout, but it’s utterly adorable noise are exceptional opportunities for your baby to practise their grasp. The Smiling while talking to your baby and to watch. greater the variety of size and colour, encouraging them to smile back is a great way The imitation game This is a great game to play while changing the better. to teach them. your baby. Imitate the noises and sounds Warning: Soft rattles are better for babies Catch the toy 1 3 3 7 2AsTyour B O baby T Y 2approaches 0 1 6 A Cthree K P rmonths, 1they2 0 they 1 6 -make, 0 3 -and 1 6byTabout 1 1 : three 1 4 :months 1 9 + your 0 2 : 0 under 0 three months, as they almost certainly hit will begin to show signs of good upper body baby will actively encourage you to play themselves in the face.
M&P|0-1 babies
Months 4 to 7 The rolling game Your baby may be reluctant to roll initially, but the process of gently rocking them from side to side while on their back will eventually give way to showing them how to use their legs to gain enough momentum to roll over. When they get the hang of it, you may find them rolling joyfully without your assistance right under the couch. Introducing colour Give your baby an excellent headstart to identifying colours by grouping toys that are the same colour, or picking them up one by one and naming them. This game helps with language development and forming associations, even if your baby doesn’t seem interested at the time. The ‘name game’ Another surprising fact about your baby is their ability to recognise their own name if you use it often enough. By calling their name when you are approaching them from another room, or pointing at them and saying their name clearly and slowly, they will, over time, begin to respond to their own name. This is an essential game in helping to cement identity. Peek-a-boo There is a good reason this game has stood the test of time and it remains a firm favourite with most babies. By hiding your face behind a blanket and then emerging suddenly, you will find a delighted and surprised four-month-old on the other side. As time passes, your baby will begin to do the same to you with their own face, and eventually reveal the ‘secret’ by pulling the blanket down for you. Exploring shapes Empty cardboard boxes, toilet rolls, balls and soft squares will be extremely interesting to your baby at this stage. They will also tend to put it all in their mouths. As long as they are not able to accidentally swallow or eat the cardboard, the process of ‘feeling’
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with their mouths is an important part of exploration. Practise sitting Your baby should start practising to sit up from about the age of five months, but seldom do it on their own. By holding them in a sitting position on your lap or the floor and making a game of ‘falling’ onto cushions behind them, you give them the opportunity to strengthen those tummy muscles. Don’t despair if your baby isn’t sitting enthusiastically in the beginning. With time, they will discover the benefits of sitting and start trying on their own. Ball play Rolling a ball to your baby, whether they are sitting or still lying on their tummy, helps to develop grasp, coordination and situational awareness. Bubbles Blowing bubbles and allowing your child to pop them is probably one of the most delightful and rewarding games. It encourages them to stretch and follow objects. Beware: Rather use no-tears bubble formula, as soapy bubbles may pop near their eyes. Aeroplane From six months, your baby should begin to explore the exciting world of solids. Don’t get discouraged if they reject everything in the beginning. The ‘aeroplane’ spoon towards the mouth has also stood the test of time and with good reason. Singing along Another great way to multitask while changing or bathing your baby is to sing. By picking a simple song and keeping the lyrics to ‘bah bah bah’ or ‘dah dah dah’ you will be surprised to find your baby eventually singing along, and perhaps even initiating their song when they get into the bath. This is also a handy trick to let them know it’s bathtime if you have associated the song with that activity.
M&P|0-1 babies
IMAGES: iSTOCK.
Pull-ups Anywhere from eight months, your baby will begin to pull themselves up as preparation for ‘cruising’. This starts when they go from a sitting position, pull themselves up on chairs and tables and slowly start walking, while holding onto furniture or walls. A great exercise is to find a solid chair or toy that they can use to pull themselves up and reward them by having an interesting toy on the top. Warning: This age is a good time to remove tablecloths and low, fragile objects that you wish to keep out of your baby’s reach. Packing and unpacking Packing a few items into a box or bag and then unpacking them is an incredibly satisfying activity for any tot. Once they are sitting, simply place the box or bag full of interesting toys, balls and blocks in front of them, and let them explore at leisure. Tip: By keeping your plastic and Tupperware containers in a low cupboard, the packingunpacking game can be a handy way to keep your baby busy while you cook. Warning: Never use plastic bags or leave any plastic packets or wrapping where your baby can reach them. Making music A wooden spoon and a few pots and empty tins are all you need for joyous
drumming. Start by showing them how it’s done, as it is not always obvious to a baby what is expected and you may find them just chewing the spoon and kicking at their drum set. Talking the talk One of the biggest leaps in your baby’s development at this stage associating specific activities like bath time, dinner time or bed time with simple words like ‘bath’, ‘num num’ or ‘doo doo’. These allow them to form the rudimentary building blocks of communication. Let them put their hands on your mouth while you say the words and if it looks like they’re trying to imitate you, repeat it a few times to allow them to master it. Clapping Your baby was only able to clap when you held their hands, but now they will begin to clap their own hands. Clapping hands when they achieve something, like sitting or standing up on their own, will delight them and they’ll be sure to clap for themselves too. Foot walking Another oldie, but goodie. Hold your baby firmly by their hands and wrists and allow them to stand on your feet and practise walking. It’s a great way to encourage them to try on their own.
Texture play Put jelly or dry rice in a bowl and let your baby put their hands in it. Additional textures can include cotton wool, dry macaroni or bread dough. Warning: Make sure you watch your child, as most things will go straight to the mouth. Fine motor Encourage your baby’s thumb and forefinger grip by giving them small objects to put back into a box or bottle. Warning: Do not leave your child alone with any object that they could choke on if they put it in their mouths. Hide and seek A more grown-up version of ‘peek-a-boo’ is calling your baby by name while hiding behind a curtain or couch. Be sure to leave your feet showing, so they know where to find you. This is me Much like the mirror from the early baby days, holding your older baby in front of a mirror and asking where they are by name will produce surprising results. Where some babies will point at themselves, others will look at their own reflection in awe. Another good identity game is to ask them ‘where’s mommy?’ or ‘where’s daddy?’ and let them point to the various family members in the room.
Although there are specific ages attached to all your baby’s major milestones in the first year, it is important to remember that many babies develop at their own pace. Where some babies will be sitting at five months, others will only get around to it at seven months. While there are children who do start walking as early as nine months, most take their first step only three or four months after that. By helping them to explore and experience the world around them, you’re not just aiding them in achieving these important developmental steps, but sharing the journey with them. M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|dr dad
CAT SCRATCH DISEASE
You may find it hard to believe, but a household pet like your furry feline can be responsible for illness in your child. ost of the cases of cat scratch disease, or cat scratch fever, will affect kids rather than adults because they are more likely to play with cats and risk being bitten or scratched. The bacterium Bartonella henselae is spread by fleas and lives in an infected cat’s saliva. The bacteria does not make the animal sick and cats can, in fact, be carriers for several months without showing any symptoms.
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IDENTIFYING CAT SCRATCH FEVER Most children that contract the disease can usually recall being around cats, but they rarely remember being scratched or bitten. Common symptoms include: l A blister or bump that may develop on the skin of a child’s arm, leg or head several days after a scratch or bite. l A swollen gland, called a swollen lymph node may develop in your child’s elbow, armpit, groin, or neck area after a few
weeks, near the location of the injury. l The lymph node may be about one or two inches wide and the skin may be red and inflamed. l Your child might also experience mild fever, loss of appetite, headache, rash or fatigue. l I n rare cases, more severe symptoms such as eye infection, drainage of pus from a lymph node, high fever, or infection of the liver, spleen, lungs, or nervous system can occur, but even these symptoms usually clear up without serious damage.
M&P|dr dad A SCRATCHY DIAGNOSIS Doctors usually diagnose cat scratch disease based on your child’s history of exposure to a feline and a physical examination. During the exam, the doctor will look for signs of a scratch or bite and swollen lymph nodes. In some cases, laboratory testing might be performed, such as: l Blood tests and cultures to rule out other causes of swollen lymph nodes. l A blood test that is positive for cat scratch disease.
NAUGHTY KITTY!
COMPILED BY THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGES: DEPOSITPHOTOS, FUNNYPICTURE.ORG,ANIMALS.HOWSTUFFWORKS.COM.
In most cases, your child won’t need any special treatment, but antibiotics are sometimes used to treat a severe infection. If your doctor prescribes antibiotics, give them to your child on schedule and as many as prescribed, and finish the course! Infected children don’t need to be isolated from other family members and bed rest is not necessary, but it can help if your child tires easily. If your child feels like playing, encourage quiet play while being careful to avoid injuring the swollen lymph nodes.
l Medications for pain, fever or headache: Make sure a professional prescribes these. l Pain relief: Apply heat compresses to the affected area. l Antibiotics: In more severe cases of the disease, antibiotics may be given to reduce signs and symptoms.
KITTY CAUTION
PURR-TY PREVENTION
Cat scratch disease is rarely serious and usually goes away on its own in two to four months without treatment. If your child is bitten or scratched, wash the area thoroughly with soap and water. Contact your doctor for all cat bites, as these are very high risk for a different type of infection. If you see any signs of the disease after contact with a cat, always let your doctor know. Once your child has the disease, they are unlikely to get it again. Treatment may include: l Watching and waiting: In most cases, skin signs will go away within three weeks and lymph node swelling will subside within four months.
Firstly, you don’t need to get rid of your family pet! The illness is not common and is usually mild, and a few simple steps can help limit your child’s chances of contracting it. To prevent cat scratch disease, you can do the following: l Keep your cat free of fleas. l Prevent kittens or cats from licking open wounds. l Wash the area thoroughly with running water and soap right away after a bite or scratch. l Tell your children to avoid stray cats. l Tell children not to play roughly with any cats or kittens and to stop petting them if they see ‘airplane’ or flattened ears.
These are often a warning that they want to be left alone. Unless your child has another illness that weakens their immune defence system such as cancer or HIV, or has had an organ transplant, these precautions should be enough to keep your child safe.
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M&P|toddlers
itting, biting, screaming, kicking and repeating bad language: if your toddler has picked up a bad habit, don’t panic. Most children between the ages of two and four demonstrate unwanted behaviours at some point, and they usually leave parents shocked, exasperated and tearing out their hair. Our expert puts your stress to rest with her tips and tricks on nipping toddler vices in the bud. Around the age of two your child can likely walk and talk, leading to a whole new world of independence. Along with this newfound independence comes a desire to test their boundaries. Although they may be able to communicate, your little one may not yet comprehend the social niceties that structure our social experiences.
WHY BAD BEHAVIOURS BEGIN Behaviours that shock us, like screaming and repeating bad language, don’t ring as ‘wrong’ to most toddlers off the bat. They simply don’t understand the reason behind avoiding certain behaviours, bar your anger
NIP BAD HABITS IN THE BUD Niggling bad habits creep into your toddler’s behaviour for various reasons. Peta Daniel does the dirty work and examines these nasty habits and how to manage them.
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M&P|toddlers swear when you don’t realise they are listening and they repeat it, not knowing that it’s inappropriate. Doing it once is understandable, but you want to avoid it becoming a habit. However, the first reaction to this situation is often shocked laughter. This kind of attention is balm to your child’s ego, and although you may explain immediately that it’s not acceptable, they are likely to seek out the attention the same way again.
“Because children learn by watching mom, dad and the other people in their lives and copying their behaviours, certain bad habits could be learned via mimicking.” FIGHTING TANTRUMS This is another difficult habit to deal with. Mother of two girls, Kate Fourie (28) from Cape Town, has battled with both her daughters’ tantrums. Her eldest daughter (4) has now stopped, but her youngest has just started. When her children start to throw tantrums, Kate and her husband Ian simply allow the child to finish (usually in another room) and then go and talk to her when she has calmed down. An explanation of why the behaviour was unacceptable follows and this seems to have worked well for them.
COMBATTING NASTY HABITS in response. As they get older they may learn that certain things are wrong and other things are right, but by that stage they may have learnt that their bad behaviour gets them the desired response – most often attention. Bad habits also develop so easily at this age because your toddler exists in a world that they believe, quite simply, revolves around them. Their needs and wants come first and trying to make them understand an
abstract idea of selflessness is very difficult. Hitting and biting out of anger or frustration because they are being denied something that they want is common. Getting them to see and understand another person’s needs and views can be a challenge. Because children learn by watching mom, dad and the other people in their lives and copying their behaviours, certain bad habits could be learned via mimicking. For example, your toddler hears you
The first step is to avoid allowing them to develop. This is, of course, not always possible. Ensuring that you don’t expose your child to bad language, hitting and other undesirable behaviours is tantamount to avoiding these habits forming, but sometimes you can’t always control where the behaviours are picked up. Solving the problem is the next step. Parents try everything from ignoring the behaviour to crying, shouting, explaining and even giving the child a taste of their M a m a s & Pa p a s
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own medicine. Suzanne Mostert (26) is a mother of two boys from Umkomaas, KZN. Her 19-month-old son developed a habit of biting people. “I started biting him back but it never worked,” she said. “Luckily he seems to have just stopped on his own now.” Consistency is key. If you’re going to make a threat, follow through on it, says Melanie Daniels, a preschool teacher at St Cyprians school for girls in Cape Town, with two boys of her own. “Sometimes children act out or throw tantrums because they are merely lacking boundaries,” she explains. When girls in her Grade 000 class smack, bite or push each other, Daniels goes down to their level and calmly but firmly explains that the behaviour is unacceptable. “I usually give a warning first and if it happens again I take them
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to the ‘think about it’ chair,” she adds. Daniels recommends making your toddler sit on the chair for one minute for every year of their age followed by talking the child through the experience. She recommends reiterating what happened, then explaining that it was unacceptable, and finally discussing how the toddler feels after their time out. According to Daniels, children soon learn how far they can push an adult. They pick up on your tone of voice, body language and other cues, verbal and non-verbal to working out just how far you will allow them to go before they are taken to task for their behaviour. This is why it’s important to set firm boundaries for behaviours that are acceptable and those that are unacceptable early on.
IMAGES:depositphotoS, istock.
“Bad habits also develop so easily at this age because your toddler exists in a world that they believe, quite simply, revolves around them. Their needs and wants come first and trying to make them understand an abstract idea of selflessness is very difficult.”
M&P|gogo’s advice
A BIT OF EVERYTHING
When you or your children get sick, there’s this old lady who has treatment for just about everything and her name is Gogo. Like always, she has tips up her sleeve to make all your ailments go away!
COMPILED BY: THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGES: SHUTTERSTOCK, WIKIPEDIA.
WHAT IS CAMOMILE GOOD FOR? Gogo always makes her comforting chamomile tea that soothes frayed nerves and promotes sleep, but the benefits don’t end there. It also helps with treating the following ailments: l Boils l Conjunctivitis l Foot pain l Gum problems l Hives l Teething l Stress l Menstrual problems
SPLINTERS – TRY THE TAPE TRICK If part of the splinter, however small, is protruding from the skin, try using some tape before you dive in with tweezers and a needle. Put adhesive tape over the splinter and press down gently so the adhesive catches it. Lift the tape and the splinter might come with it. This is particularly effective if you have a number of tiny splinters that aren’t very deeply embedded.
COOL A SCALDED MOUTH Just like a burn to the skin, the best thing you can do with a scalded mouth is to cool it down. And the easiest way to do that is with cold water. Spend 5 to 10 minutes simply rinsing, spitting and gargling with cold water until the pain in your mouth eases. The fastest and sweetest most enjoyable way to cool down, especially if you’re eight years old, is with a scoop or three of ice cream.
BREASTFEEDING – LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT To make sure each breast is doing its share, start each feed with the breast you ended with at the previous feed. If you are so tired that you can’t remember which breast that was, fasten a safety pin to your bra on the side you need to begin next time. By switching the breast you offer first, you give each one a chance to get completely emptied.
COLD SORES – DON’T CRACK UP After the sore has crusted over, coat it with some petroleum jelly to prevent it from cracking and bleeding. When you do this, make sure you don’t transmit the virus to the stuff in the jar. Instead of using your finger, apply the petroleum jelly with a cotton bud. Remember to use a clean bud every time.
Remember that, although you trust Gogo’s advice, it’s always best to ask your doctor or nurse at your local clinic first!
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M&P|toddlers
THE UNATTACHED CHILD
Loren Stow spoke to Pretoria-based counselling psychologist, Anjenita Hugo, to find out more about how attachment develops, or stalls, and what can be done about it.
rom the moment a baby is born they start to get feedback about the world and their place within it. Every cuddle and soothing lullaby, changed nappy and satisfying feed shows a baby that they can trust their parent to always meet their needs and that they are well and truly safe. And so the seeds of their social and emotional attachment to others are sowed; however, there may be times when these seeds do not germinate or grow. In this instance a young child with attachment issues may grow into an adult with lifelong relationship challenges, or worse.
WHAT IS AN ATTACHMENT DISORDER? Hugo explains that attachment disorder can occur on a continuum from minor difficulties in attaching at the one end to a serious condition called reactive attachment disorder (RAD) on the other end. To understand an attachment disorder it is important to recognise what a secure attachment looks like. Hugo explains, “This is where a child’s connection and relationship with a parent is secure, trusting, strong, affectionate and flexible.” This kind of relationship between parent and child has a quality that Hugo
calls ‘attunement’, where the pair is literally in sync with each other – much like a dance where neither steps on the other’s toes and there is little confusion at the other’s direction and rhythm. “An insecure attachment on the other hand is where there are difficulties in forming lasting connections and where a genuine compassionate, trusting and comfortable relationship is difficult for the parent and child to experience.”
FOUR ATTACHMENT STYLES Hugo describes the four kinds of attachment styles that carry over from child- to adulthood: 1. Secure attachment is characterised by a child who is responsive, curious, happy, and interactive, has appropriate emotional responses and social engagement. types of insecure 2. Three attachments that could be: o Avoidant – A passive attachment style where the child does not explore, and is distant and withdrawn in social interactions. o Ambivalent – An anxious attachment style in which the child is anxious, insecure and can be angry. o Disorganised – The most disturbing of the insecure attachment styles where the child’s behaviour and M a m a s & Pa p a s
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“Children are also at higher risk of experiencing attachment difficulties when their mothers are depressed, if they’ve experienced a trauma, early separation or in the absence of a stable and predictable caregiver.”
reaction is unpredictable and chaotic, they are often depressed and uninterested in their surroundings, have angry outbursts and may be nonresponsive or passive.
WHEN DO ATTACHMENT DISORDERS START? The first and most important psychological developmental task, or milestone, for a baby is to experience a sense of being connected to their parent in a safe and trusting way, Hugo explains. This is achieved in the early days when the parent soothes their newborn, who is of course unable to soothe or calm themselves. When the parent helps their newborn to calm down when they’re uncomfortable or upset by a wet nappy, are tired or hungry, and when they’re scared, Hugo explains that this constant calming parental presence helps that child to develop a trust that their parent and the world around them is safe and trustworthy. This predictable interaction – baby cries and parent arrives to calm them – is the first stepping stone in a child
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developing something called ‘Basic Trust’. Hugo adds that it’s important to note that this basic trust occurs on a sensory rather than logical – or cognitive – level. “Through the physical closeness of the important other (parent), the skin (comfortable touch), calm tone of voice, loving gaze and movement of the parent, the child starts to attune to the parent. Therefore attachment is established – or not – before the child develops language.” When this attachment process is disturbed for whatever reason, a child will have difficulty in developing predictable, safe and comfortable relationships, which will then influence the way in which they approach other people and relationships.
IS THIS HEREDITARY? There are different views on whether attachment disorders are inherited from previous generations and Hugo explains that some research points to the possibility of a hereditary link. It seems that if parents experienced their own attachment difficulties, where they didn’t receive the support with this in order to work through it, they may have their own difficulties forming secure and close bonds with their own child. She continues, “The intergenerational patterns, or hand-medowns, of attachment are often found when one has a closer look at the quality of the bonds in previous generations.” Children are also at higher risk of experiencing attachment difficulties when their mothers are depressed, if they’ve experienced a trauma, early
M&P|toddlers separation or in the absence of a stable and predictable caregiver. Severe attachment difficulties, or RAD, may often be found with adopted, abandoned or abused and socially neglected children.
IDENTIFYING THE DISORDER The signs and symptoms may differ depending on how severe the attachment disorder is. Hugo describes the following: For the more serious reactive attachment disorder: l A consistent pattern of inhibited, emotionally withdrawn behaviour toward adult caregivers – in other words, a child who rarely seeks comfort or responds to comfort when distressed. l A persistent social or emotional disturbance with at least two of the following: Minimal social and emotional responsiveness to others; limited positive outlook, and episodes of unexplained irritability, sadness or fearfulness even when there is no threatening interactions with adult caregivers. For less serious attachment disorders, when the child has difficulty with the attunement in the relationship: l Withdrawal, irritability or fears that have no obvious cause. l Not seeking comfort; unresponsive when comfort is given. l Failure to smile. l Not engaging in social interaction as one would expect. l Failing to ask for support or assistance. l No interest in playing peek-a-boo or other interactive games. l Avoiding eye contact.
IMAGES: ISTOCK.
WHEN AND HOW TO SEEK EXPERT HELP “Early childhood attachment forms the foundation for all other relationships and we live in a relational world, so it is crucial that parents find help for themselves and their child if they are concerned,” Hugo advises, emphasising that this is about relationships, and both parent and child
should be in therapy if attachment problems are present. Hugo suggests it would be best to work closely with a mental health professional who intimately understands attachment, with the know-how and tools to guide the parent through re-attachment therapy. “The good news is that the plasticity of the brain allows for the possibility for attachment wounds to heal; the bad news
is that if it is not addressed, it may form long lasting and destructive patterns into adulthood to be passed on to the next generation.” She adds that because attachment is an experience and not only logical or cognitive, the support should be aligned with this so that the child can fully ‘experience attachment’, and so an experiential approach is best.
“This predictable interaction – baby cries and parent arrives to calm them – is the first stepping stone in a child developing something called ‘Basic Trust’.” RECOMMENDED READS Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel A Hughes (Jason Aronson Inc, 2006) The Whole Parent: How to become a terrific parent even if you didn’t have one by Debra Wesselmann (Pgw, 2003) Everyday Blessings: The inner work of mindful parenting by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn (Hyperion, 2009) Toxic Parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life by Susan Forward (Bantam, 2002) Trauma-Proofing Your Kids. A parent’s guide to instilling confidence, joy and resilience by Peter Levine and Maggie Kline (North Atlantic Books, U.S., 2008) For more information or advice contact Anjenita Hugo on info@anjenitahugo.co.za or visit www.anjenitahugo.co.za.
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M&P|kids’ fashion ANIMAL KNIT BEANIE, R249, COUNTRY ROAD, WOOLWORTHS.
FROZEN BEANIE, R59, MRP.
ANIMAL KNIT SCARF, R299, COUNTRY ROAD, WOOLWORTHS.
HAT WITH EAR FLAPS, R129, H&M.
Keep your kids warm with these classic winter accessories.
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CAMEL BOOTS WITH STUDS, R455, RAGE.
2016/04/07 7:02 PM
M&P|kids’ fashion KNITTED HAT, R79, H&M.
HAT AND MITTENS, R199, H&M. SNOOD SCARF, R89, H&M.
GLOVES/ FINGERLESS GLOVES, R79, H&M.
KNITTED MITTENS, R89,H&M.
KNITTED BEANIE, R150, NAARTJIE.
KNITTED SNOOD, R160, NAARTJIE. CERISE FLOWER APPLIQUÉ SHORT BOOT, R289.95, ACKERMANS.
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M&P|kids’ |kids’ fashion SPIDER-MAN KNIT BEANIE, R99.95, WOOLWORTHS.
STRIPED KNIT BEANIE SET, R99.95, WOOLWORTHS.
SPIDER-MAN KNIT GLOVES, R79.95, WOOLWORTHS.
HAT AND MITTENS, R149, H&M.
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BOYS’ ANKLE BOOTS, R435, RAGE.
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2016/04/07 6:51 PM
M&P|kids’ fashion KNITTED HAT, R89, H&M.
KNITTED BEANIE, R150, NAARTJIE.
STRIPED BEANIE, R249, COUNTRY ROAD, WOOLWORTHS.
WORDS: TEBATJO MANAMELA. IMAGES SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS.
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STRIPED KNIT SCARF, R299, COUNTRY ROAD, WOOLWORTHS.
BOYS’ ANKLE BOOTS (NAVY), R275, RAGE.
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M&P|preschoolers
THE ENTITLED CHILD Some children are overly demanding and needy. If this behaviour is not checked or outgrown, Mary Moore suggests that a lifelong pattern can be formed, which is detrimental to a child’s overall development.
he age of enlightenment has become the age of entitlement. Instant gratification is the norm and parents often give in to the demands of their children who have the idea that they should get everything they want when they want it, even if they haven’t worked for it. Educational psychologist, Claire Maher, says we live in a culture that encourages young people to get all they can, so we need to watch out for entitled behaviour in our children. During certain developmental stages children are naturally egocentric, which means that they cannot understand how others feel and do not factor others into their decisions. In layman’s terms, they believe that ‘the world revolves around them’. This is a healthy and appropriate developmental stage, as children need to
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M&P|preschoolers feel important. However, Maher cautions that it is important that we recognise that when this egocentrism and selfishness goes beyond the age and stage of about seven, there is cause for concern.
CHARACTERISTICS OF ENTITLED BEHAVIOUR Maher gives the following examples of characteristics of entitled behaviour: l Pushing in front of somebody in a shopping queue because you have fewer items. l Expecting special attention because your parents know your teacher. l Demanding bail because you’re a wealthy celebrity. People who have a strong sense of entitlement think that the world owes them something. They generally think of themselves and their well-being before that of others and will go to any lengths to succeed. They feel hard done by when things don’t go their way and may punish those around them. Maher states that the entitled person will have a tough time seeing things from another person’s point of view and will generally be more of a ‘taker’ than a ‘giver’ in relationships. She adds that the cause of this sense of entitlement can be familial, religious and financial history, as well as a history of mistreatment or perceived mistreatment.
“During certain developmental stages children are naturally egocentric, which means that they cannot understand how others feel and do not factor others into their decisions… they believe that ‘the world revolves around them’.”
BELIEF SYSTEM In her article titled ‘Practice What You Preach Raising Responsible versus Entitled Children’, Marsha B.Sauls, Ph.D, (a licensed psychologist in private practice and the Director of the Atlanta Institute for Individual and Family Therapy) says that an entitled child may have the following beliefs: 1. My life should consist of the pursuit of happiness, pleasure, and fun. 2. You owe me what I need to have a pleasant, fun life. 3. I can and should be angry when I’m requested to do something to earn what I believe is owed to me. 4. I can and should be angry when privileges are taken away because they belong to me.
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M&P|preschoolers PARENTING FOR RESPONSIBILITY
Children deserve and have the right to be happy all the time.
Parents do not have to ensure that their children are happy all the time.
Parents need to protect their child from experiencing natural consequences that result from irresponsible behaviour, for example, not sticking to promised consequences for action.
If natural consequences occur as the result of a child being irresponsible, such as missing an important event or being embarrassed in front of friends, it’s okay.
The only way to judge a child's responsibility level is to listen to what the child says or promises he or she will do in the future.
It is important to communicate with their children by reading their behaviour rather than only listening to their words.
When children reach a particular age they have rights to certain privileges. The right can be taken away so that the child understands that they need to work to earn privileges.
Children are learning and will make mistakes; therefore, rewards are given only after repeated consistent behaviour rather than after one good deed.
Children do not have a personal understanding of what it means to do something, like chores, so they do not appreciate the efforts of earning something.
Children have age-appropriate chores such as matching socks, cooking meals, doing laundry, making grocery lists, mopping the floor and feeding the pets.
Parents fear making mistakes or experiencing failures will damage their child’s self-esteem.
Mistakes happen and children learn how to rectify these in a way that builds selfesteem.
Parents do not filter out the marketing aimed at children, and often give in to their children’s demands.
Parents distinguish between their child’s needs and wants, and set boundaries on items purchased.
According to Maher, parents need to encourage self-esteem instead of selfimportance. Parents need to show their children that they respect their needs, so in turn children will respect the needs of others. They need to find a balance between their needs and desires, and those of others. Parents need to be careful not to spoil their children with treats at the store every time they visit, or a new tablet when their friend gets one. “There need to be boundaries,” she says, adding, “Don’t be your child’s best friend, be their parent.” For more information or advice, contact Claire Maher BSocSc (UKZN), BSocSc Hons Psych (UKZN), PGCE (UKZN), MEd (Ed Psych) (Wits) Johannesburg at clairemaher.psych@gmail.com.
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“There need to be boundaries… Don’t be your child’s best friend, be their parent.”
IMAGES: ISTOCK, DEPOSITPHOTO.
PARENTING FOR ENTITLEMENT
M&P|special needs
DYSPRAXIA: GIFT IN DISGUISE M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|special needs Fulvia Stolz talks to experts and parents to better understand dyspraxia, a condition in which messages between the brain and the muscles don’t get through. ’ve accepted that my son is not a product of me, that my story for him is not his story. We all face this, as parents, at some point. For many of us, it’s probably when our children hit their teens. I had to face it when my son was just three years old. But that’s my gift: I get to know the real him and not my construct of him,” says Briony. Briony’s story for her son did not feature dyspraxia, a speechmotor disorder that started becoming apparent in Josh when his baby brother started out-talking him. “It was only when my younger son, Ethan, started counting out loud at 18 months of age that I realised the extent of Josh’s speech problem,” she admits. “In retrospect, the other things I’d previously brushed off – the fussiness as an infant, the trouble with feeding that resulted from his poor oral tone – started becoming terrifying.” A neurodevelopmental (NDT) physio and speech therapist first assessed Josh when he was three and couldn’t vocalise more than two words together. Some time later, Briony decided to have Josh attend occupational therapy as well. “There’s nothing wrong with the brain or the muscle, but the nerve doesn’t always fire,” explains Barbara Bennett, the principal of The Talk Shop (a preschool for children with speech and language development needs based in Johannesburg). Initially, dyspraxia affects the production of single sounds but, over time, it affects the sequencing of sound movements – something that’s integral to speech. “If left untreated, it has a devastating and cascading effect on the development of language,” says Bennett. Yet it wasn’t just the speech problems that troubled Josh. As is often the case with dyspraxia, he also showed signs of having co-existing Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and/or Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). Dyspraxics frequently develop dyslexia too. Their coordination is usually poor, as are their gross motor skills.
A DIAGNOSTIC RIDDLE The co-existence of all these conditions makes it difficult to diagnose dyspraxia. Many families visit specialists, receiving diagnoses that don’t quite describe the affected child, until eventually they find a therapist who has the know-how to identify and diagnose dyspraxia accurately. In Josh’s case, it was only a full year after his language delay was diagnosed, that therapists correctly diagnosed his dyspraxia. Occupational therapists assess dyspraxia by looking at three elements of ‘praxis’ – or the ability to plan movement in new situations. “There are many tests which can identify a praxis problem, but it’s often the clinical observation used while the child is performing the assessment tasks, rather than the results of the assessment, which
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will assist in a diagnosis,” explains Michelle Kasier, an occupational therapist. But herein lies the rub: based on the therapist’s clinical abilities and experience, this can be open to interpretation. “This is why it is often best in situations such as these for a therapist to observe your child in free play or to conduct ‘diagnostic therapy’ whereby they can observe your child once your child has had a chance to get to know them and feels comfortable with them. This can also assist in eliminating doubt about whether the child is struggling with the elements of praxis or whether the task is difficult due to elements of a condition such as SID and ADHD, as well as autism (which Josh does not have),” elaborates Kaiser. A further issue with the diagnosis of dyspraxia is the fact that the condition is poorly understood by the therapists. Your average occupational therapist has graduated with basic training. “If you suspect dyspraxia in your child, ensure that you use a therapist who is sensory-integration trained or at least has relevant clinical experience with paediatrics and has worked with other children with the diagnosis.
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M&P|special needs A therapist who is sensory-integration trained can also use the SIPT (sensory integration and praxis test) which is an in depth (though expensive) test that can assist the therapist in identifying praxis problems related to sensory integration deficits,” says Kaiser. A further stumbling block in the diagnosis and treatment of dyspraxia is that therapists aren’t always equipped to treat young children. “That is probably the responsibility of the universities training speech and language therapists,” Bennett adds, admitting that she didn’t learn anything about connecting with and treating a toddler when she was at university. “I studied preschool teaching after my speech and language degree and it was in my preschool experience that I learnt how to interact with little children.”
TREATMENT CHALLENGES There is the difficulty of getting the right
“I had to face it when my son was just three years old. But that’s my gift; I get to know the real him and not my construct of him.”
treatment for the condition and any coexisting issues. While there isn’t a blueprint for the ideal treatment plan, Briony is quite clear that a long-term vision is critical, because often, a lot of complementary therapies are necessary, including physiotherapy, occupational therapy and, play therapy. Without the right treatment, the child is left with a language gap that affects his learning and academic development. “In its most severe form, dyspraxia may prevent the child from ever learning to speak, making him reliant on the use of alternative and augmentative communication. While this should not be so, this may affect a child’s entry into the job market,” says Bennett. Needless to say, the treatment can be overwhelming for the child and stressful for the parents, not to mention its prohibitive cost. Medical aids do offer some cover for the condition, but this may be limited. Bennett says that parents don’t have to break the bank with therapy. They can, with the guidance of
a professional therapist, carry out a lot of the therapy at home and still get great results.
LEARNING TO LOVE DYSPRAXIA It’s easy to see why so many parents of dyspraxic children regard their journey into the condition and its diagnosis as one fraught with anxiety, sadness and frustration. “Josh was cognitively normal. But because he couldn’t express himself in a way others could understand, he experienced a huge amount of frustration,” Briony says. She adds, “He was very angry and I relied on parenting techniques I wouldn’t normally use, out of extreme desperation. It was a very difficult time for our family.” Today, Briony doesn't despair. She knows the dyspraxia is just another part of her child. And that the condition has made him more determined than a regular kid. Shoelaces and puzzles are a huge challenge, but Josh refuses to give up.
DYSPRAXIA IN A NUTSHELL Dyspraxic children understand language at an age-appropriate level but have few or no words or sounds. There are also commonly inconsistent vowel production errors, oral groping, difficulty with production of longer words, and incorrect and inconsistent stress on the wrong syllables. Parents often report that they hear a word sometimes and they never hear it again, despite how hard they try to elicit it. There is some debate about its prevalence but the research suggests that it affects between one and five percent of the speech therapy population. “Generally boys present with a much higher rate of speech and learning problems than girls do. There are about 75 to 80 percent of boys presenting with a range of developmental problems. I run a remedial preschool and our stats reflect that 10 percent of the total are girls,” says Bennett.
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ENDING THE WAR BETWEEN SIBLINGS One of the toughest challenges parents face when raising more than one child is the fighting. The irony, though, is that they will defend each other with their lives if someone interferes with their brother or sister. Sameerah Karolia asks why siblings fight and what parents can do about it?
atricia Coombe (71) a sessional facilitator at The Parent Centre in Cape Town, describes sibling rivalry as the competitive struggle that exists between brothers and sisters because of their desire to get their fair share of parental approval, attention and love. Sibling rivalry is normal in households with two or more kids and has been evident since the days of Adam and Eve. “Problems often start right after the birth of the second child and usually continue throughout childhood, which can be very frustrating and stressful to parents,” says Sharifa Suliman (57) an educator
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and Head Of Department at Koster Intermediate School in North West province. Kids typically present with either verbal fighting or physically hurting one another, whilst older children may also be emotionally cruel to one another by making hurtful remarks and comments, adds Dr Jo-Marie van der Merwe-Bothma (38), a clinical psychologist and play therapist from Harrismith in the Free State. “A certain amount of sibling rivalry is healthy,” the doctor says, “as children learn from their siblings how to deal with disappointment, how to take turns, support, share and deal with others’ needs.”
M&P|preschoolers UNDERSTANDING WHY CHILDREN FIGHT Adults fight so why do we expect our children not to fight? It is human nature to go on the defensive when we feel threatened, and when we do it is often difficult to express those emotions rationally and calmly. The only way to get your kids to stop fighting is to try to understand why they are doing it to begin with.
COMMON REASONS SIBLINGS FIGHT Parents often say that they treat their children equally. Stop fooling yourself! It is impossible to treat our children all the same. Therefore it is not about treating them the same, but about giving each one the attention they need. The arrival of a new baby can stir feelings of jealousy in an older child, who may feel that their relationship with their parents is threatened by the demanding newcomer. Also, the closer in age the children are, the more likely they are to fight. Children in large families may feel unheard or unnoticed which leads to the development of low self-esteem. Pitting your children against each other in seemingly innocent instructions like ‘who can get to the bath first?’ creates an environment of comparison and competition, and parents should refrain from labelling children as ‘the clever one’ or ‘the difficult child’. Be fair and always make time for both sides of a situation. Each child is born with unique personalities and abilities. Sharing a room with a disorganised sibling can be frustrating for a neat child and the talented child that receives more praise can make the lesser able child feel resentment towards their sibling. Children love to be acknowledged and shown affection, and this should not change as they age or when they get a younger sibling. The home environment significantly impacts how the children will relate to each other. The violence, yelling and arguments
they witness or experience trauma, tragedy and loss will play out in their behaviour. Remember, children seldom listen but they never fail to imitate! “It is important for parents to really listen to their children, both what is being said and what is not said,” says Coombe. “Adults argue and fight when we are feeling threatened, unnoticed, unconfident or neglected. The same applies to children.” She suggests taking time to connect with your children and really try to understand them, and know as much as possible what is happening in their lives.
“Adults argue and fight when we are feeling threatened, unnoticed, unconfident or neglected. The same applies to children.” YOUR ROLE AS REFEREE Children of different ages fight for different reasons, so use age-appropriate methods when trying to end the war. 0 to 2 years “Children of this age mostly compete for toys, love and attention,” says Dr V.D. Merwe-Bothma. “It is important to realise that they are not developmentally ready to share and play ‘nicely’ together. That is a skill that comes with age.” She suggests that parents try to model the correct behaviour by talking nicely, asking for things, touching softly and showing them how wonderful it can be to play together. 3 to 7 years At this age, Coombe says that language skills are still developing and kids cannot reason very well. Their behaviour is often a result of their feelings and can
result in physical fighting, hitting, biting and scratching. “They do, however, have a better understanding than younger children, so communication is key,” adds Dr V.D. Merwe-Bothma. “Explain to them in simple words what is expected of them.” Appropriate rewards and consequences should also be discussed. It is important to tell them what they should not do, why they should not do it (they do not always know) and also the consequences should they continue to do it. Again, the consequences should be immediate and practical.
8 to 12 years According to Suliman, schoolchildren often have a strong concept of fairness and equality, so they might not understand why siblings of other ages are treated differently – they may feel that one child gets preferential treatment. Communicating with all kids regardless of their ages is very important so that they can understand the reasons behind your decisions. Bear in mind that the first assumption kids automatically jump to when they feel as if they are being treated unfairly is that you love the other sibling more. Dr V.D. Merwe-Bothma, however, warns parents not to attempt to make everything fair or equal all the time as this can lead to more sibling rivalry. Children should learn to tolerate differences and accept that inequality is a part of life. Coombe reminds parents that it is also around this age that kids start to realise their weaknesses, which causes self-doubt to creep in. Clearly communicate that bullying in any form will not be tolerated. Teenagers Coombe further adds that the safest place for a teenager to fight is at home. Teens quickly realise that a sibling will remain your sibling forever no matter what you do or say, whereas friends can M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|preschoolers abandon you very quickly. While home may be a safe place to vent their frustrations, do not let it be at the expense of the rest of the family. In addition to this, teens also want more privacy and space than younger kids and so parents should acknowledge this and try to accommodate them.
BE PROACTIVE RATHER THAN REACTIVE l Everybody needs to work together. Make the kids aware that everyone has an input to ensure that peace, respect and love prevail in the home. l Explain to them that fighting makes everyone unhappy. l Children who are taught how to manage disagreements in a constructive manner will grow into adults who are skilled at resolving differences and are better at managing relationships with others. l Give older kids important roles in the house and praise them for helping out. l All children need one-on-one quality time with each parent. It does not need to be very long, but it should be without any interruptions and judgement. l Spending time together as a family is equally as important as spending time with each child. Parents can use this time to teach kids how to interact socially by respecting and valuing each other.
REACTING TO AGGRESSIVE FIGHTING When things start to get ugly our experts suggest you: l Walk in as calmly as you can and use an assertive voice to acknowledge what is happening and say that this is unacceptable behaviour. l Separate them first and give them five minutes to calm down before trying to deal with the situation. Never try to reason with an emotional child. l Once they have calmed down, try and understand what happened. Ask them to each tell you the reason for the conflict and they may not be interrupted by the other child. l Never take sides as we seldom know the full story. l Do not add fuel to the fire by shouting or displaying any aggressive behaviour on your part. l If it is clear who was at fault then make that child ask for forgiveness. If it is not clear, then let both kids ask each other for forgiveness. l Instead of pointing fingers, ask the child who committed the offence if they behaved correctly. More often than not they will admit that they were wrong. l Always teach kids to respect all members of the family regardless of their ages. l Depending on the children's ages they can then be left to come to an amicable solution. If they are too young you can help them come to one.
FIGHTING IN PUBLIC Coombe says that parents probably find this the most challenging, as they do not want to be judged on their parenting skills. Fighting often occurs in public when children are over-stimulated, tired or hungry. Therefore, avoid going shopping with children straight after school or when you know they are tired. Explain to your children how you expect them to behave when in public and follow through with consistent discipline. Never make empty threats, as they will learn to not take you seriously.
Coombe suggests using the three levels of sibling rivalry as a guide: Level One: Nuisance Fighting No one is being hurt and there is no intensity to the fight. No adult intervention is necessary, and it is generally better to ignore it. Level Two: Heated Discussions And Arguments The intensity increases, but as long as no child is being ridiculed and the same child is not always losing an argument, this sort of rivalry can be beneficial. We can teach children to disagree without violence and rudeness. Level Three: Physical Fighting And Abusive Comments Tempers have flared and parents need to intervene at this stage, as this sort of bullying behaviour is not acceptable.
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Note: If toddlers and little children are fighting we have to intervene straight away as they do not have the ability to resolve their conflicts. Sibling rivalry has potential to continue into adulthood if parents do not deal with it while their children are still young and in their care. Parents are urged to remember that love is the glue that binds brothers and sisters together. After all, they have the same blood. Sibling fighting is inevitable – what you can do is teach them how to handle conflict, forgive, and carry on.
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WHEN SHOULD PARENTS INTERVENE?
M&P|special needs
PROTECT OUR CHILDREN Sexual abuse has been as much a constant feature of South African schools as it has been of society in general. Bulelwa Mokori looks at what the country does to combat this crime.
recent study sponsored by United Nations Children’s Fund (Unicef), titled ‘A Study of School Response to Violence and Harassment of Girls’ shows that the sexual abuse of children is not limited to ‘dysfunctional’ schools, but cuts across society. It further states that it is found in former Model C schools, as well as in schools in poor communities. The report also captures the very real fear with which many of the children go through at schools.
A GLOBAL PHENOMENON According to Melonie Gobel of Living Waters, a rape crisis centre in East London, many of South African schools have become violent and unsafe environments, particularly for the girl-child. “It is also unfortunately a matter on which there has been a resounding silence from society. Recently the abuse of children has captured the country's imagination in a way that very few other issues have,” she adds, saying that this is not a new phenomenon. South Africa is not alone in the challenges that it faces in this regard.
SCHOOLS AS VIOLENT DOMAINS During public hearings about school violence based on a report by the South African Human Rights Commission (SAHRC), the commission heard from Community Action towards a Safer Environment (CASE) that games indicate how violence had become part of children's identities. The report said the school was the ‘single most common’ site of crimes such as assault and robbery against pupils. According to a study conducted by the Centre for Justice and Crime Prevention (CJCP), young people were twice as likely to become victims of crime than adults. They specify that just over two fifths (41.1 percent) of the young people interviewed had been victims of some form of crime. M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|special needs “… many of South African schools have become violent and unsafe environments, particularly for the girl-child… Research indicates that learners perceive school toilets as the least safe areas, as are grounds and playing fields.” The CJCP also found that toilets were an area of the school feared most by pupils. ‘Research indicates that learners perceive school toilets as the least safe areas, as are grounds and playing fields,’ the report said. These areas were a haven for bullies, which is the most common and well-known form of school violence.
SEXUAL OFFENCES COURTS In response to the problem of sexual offences, special sexual offences courts were set up across the country. “They are built in a way that children and victims get the necessary care, respect and support at the court,” Gobel explains. “There is a waiting room to make sure that the woman or child, who is a victim of rape, does not come in contact with the accused.” She adds that toys are also available to make sure a relaxed atmosphere is created for a child and, in some cases, television is used to make sure that evidence by the victim is given in a comfortable way.
“It is important that parents, family members, teachers and community leaders are familiar with the role that they play in exposing any suspected child abuse or exploitation.” NATIONAL REGISTER FOR SEXUAL OFFENDERS The National Register for Sexual Offenders (NRSO) gives employers in the public or private sectors such as
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schools, crèches and hospitals the right to check that the person being hired is fit to work with children or mentally disabled people. The NRSO is not open to the public and is kept confidential. The South African Police Service (SAPS) has called on the community to work together to keep children safe and for parents to be more vigilant when it comes to their children’s whereabouts and activities. “As SAPS, we are committed to ensuring the safety of our children. It is important that parents, family members, teachers and community leaders are familiar with the role that they play in exposing any suspected child abuse or exploitation,” says Major-General Yvonne Botsheleng, National Head of the Family Violence, Child Protection and Sexual Offences (FCS) unit in the SAPS.
EDUCATE CHILDREN “It’s crucial for all these role players to also educate children on their safety. It takes a village to raise a child – it is the whole community’s responsibility to take ownership of ensuring the safety of our children,” says Major-General Botsheleng. Also, the Department of Basic Education (DBE) and LEAD SA have launched the Stop Rape Campaign, which seeks to raise awareness and educate 10.2 million learners on issues concerning rape and gender-based violence. “Special assemblies are held in schools nationwide, as requested by the DBE, whereby scholars are addressed for 15 minutes about rape and sexual crimes. There is a general perception that students do not know what rape or sexual harassment is,” says Basic Education Minister, Angie Motshekga.
M&P|special needs RESPONSIVE MECHANISM The Minister of Social Development and Chairperson of the Inter-Ministerial Committee (IMC) on the Root Causes of Violence Against Women and Children, Bathabile Dlamini, has called on South Africans to use the successful Gender-Based Violence Command Centre (GBVCC). “Government has invested a lot of resources in setting up this world-class call centre that our citizens can call to get help when faced with violence, whether at home or in schools. The GBVCC is not only a responsive mechanism, but can also be a preventative measure for those who feel they might be in danger of being abused,” says Minister Dlamini.
“If you suspect any abuse is happening, don’t keep quiet. Report it to your nearest police station or the various call centres that have been set up.”
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BE ALERT The SAPS provides the following tips for keeping children safe: 1. Many incidents occur while children are outside playing and parents are inside, so always be aware of your children’s whereabouts and ensure they have adequate parental supervision at all times. 2. Keep a close eye on your child’s cell phone and Internet usage and who they’re communicating with. 3. Do a background check on any childminders that you employ and ensure that any daycare facilities you send your children to are registered with the Department of Education. 4. If you can’t fetch your children from school, make sure the teachers are aware of who will be collecting them. Teach your child a safe word so that they know it is safe to go with that person. 5. If abuse is happening within the family unit, don’t ignore it or try and manage it internally. Reach out for professional help from the SAPS or other welfare or social institutions. 6. Children are also advised to be honest to the parents so that they can be able to help them or pick it up easily in case of any form of abuse. 7. Parents need to know and understand their children and be able to talk openly to them about abuse and their protection.
BREAK THE SILENCE SURROUNDING CHILD ABUSE “If you suspect any abuse is happening, don’t keep quiet. Report it to your nearest police station or the various call centres that have been set up,” says Major-General Botsheleng. To report any suspected child abuse, neglect or exploitation, you can contact any of the following hotlines – anonymously if you are concerned that the perpetrator learns your identity. SAPS Crime Stop: 08600 10 111 SMS Crime Line: 32211 Department of Social Development 24-hour Command Centre: 0800 428 428 (toll-free) – callers can speak to a social worker for assistance and counselling. Callers can also request a social worker from the Command Centre to contact them by dialling *120*7867# (free) from any cell phone. Child Welfare South Africa: 0861 424453 / 011 452-4110 / e-mail: info@childwelfaresa.org.za. M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|kids’ voices
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“We love her, so we give her cards and chocolate.”
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“We celebrate Mother’s Day to appreciate mothers and to give them love, grace, food and protection.”
WORDS AND IMAGES SUPPLIED BY PARENTS. image: vectorstock.
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6) Because we love our mothers .
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2016/04/07 7:57 PM
M&P|family law Do you ever wonder if you are doing enough, or if you’re a good mother – or are your children happy? Advocate Veerash Srikison looks at circumstances that may cause you to evaluate your method of motherhood.
THE GOODENOUGH MOTHER
esearch shows that caring for your child is based on your own circumstances, their needs, and your ability to evolve into motherhood. So many mothers (in this case, any woman who cares for a child and conducts the act of ‘mothering’), face the anxiety and worry that they may not be making the right decisions for the child(ren) in their care. Society places too much emphasis on judging mothers on whether or not the job they are doing in caring for their child is the right way based on someone else’s opinion. This factor of outside influence only raises the countless moments mothers have where they feel inadequate, pressured to appear perfect, and to think they always need to be following the crowd to be seen as keeping up.
HOW TO DETERMINE CHILD CARE
IMAGE: @ISTOCK.
The law contained in the Children’s Act 38 of 2005, has been kind enough to offer guidance in terms of caring for a child and divides care into basic requirements that all parents/care-givers (anyone who factually cares for a child) should ensure they are fulfilling. Here are a few excerpts from the Act where it defines ‘care in relation to a child’, which includes: 1. Providing a child with a suitable place to live, with living conditions that are conducive to the child’s health, well-being and development and the necessary financial support. This provision does not say, you need a seven-bedroom home, with the latest technology and air conditioning throughout the summer season. So if you are able to provide a suitable place for your child to live that encourages a healthy development and within your financial means, you are already on a great start to ticking off a basic requirement. 2. Protecting your child from maltreatment, abuse, neglect, degradation, discrimination, exploitation and any other
physical, emotional or moral harm or hazards. Remember that feeding your child cereal for dinner two days in a row does not raise an alarm for any of the concerns in this category. It does give you the go ahead though to get involved in your child’s life to ensure that no person takes advantage of them, even if it means you being labelled as a ‘helicopter mum’. This category is what gives mothers many sleepless nights because protecting your child is your instinct and belief that keeps you sacrificing so much of yourself. 3. Guiding, directing and securing your child's education and upbringing appropriate to your child's age, maturity and stage of development. No harm is done when you insist homework is completed, assessments are studied for and that manners are adhered to at all times; in your defence, it’s because the law said so. 4. Guiding, advising and assisting your child in decisions to be taken by your child in a manner appropriate to their age, maturity and stage of development. When you stop what you are doing, regardless of its importance, to assess life and its complications with your child and hold their hand with the utmost patience of understanding, you are indeed a good-enough mother. These moments of tender care will be captured in the memories of your child and, as they grow older and your guidance becomes so important to them, their cup of gratitude will overflow. To you, the mother who protects and nurtures the future, with all else that you have to endure, you have my deepest respect and admiration because you are doing the most significant deed possible with your life. Your circumstances do not matter; if the law believes you are ‘maintaining a sound relationship’ with your child, you are indeed doing more than enough. The answer to your questions above is yes! Happy Mother’s Day this month, and every day of your years to come.
Disclaimer: The contents of this article must not be construed as legal advice. Please seek the help of a professional for your particular circumstance.
M&P|cover story
LULU HAANGALA: PASSION, PURPOSE & PERSEVERENCE Lulu Haangala was named for success. Christened Luyandolupatilwaleza, meaning ‘God’s Great Love’, this ambitious young woman has made it her life’s purpose to spread as much love as she can to the world’s most vulnerable: the youth. Tracy Maher spent a few hours getting to know what drives Lulu to strive to laudable entrepreneurial and humanitarian heights. hirty-two-year-old Luyando Haangala-Wood, better known to many by her stage name Lulu, wears many caps: daughter, sister, mother, wife, media entrepreneur, businesswoman and humanitarian. She eases into our interview with confidence and sincerity, and our conversation flows without hesitation. She is dressed in a bright outfit with a matching head wrap that speaks of her Zambian heritage and it becomes clear from the get-go that her country is top of mind.
BORN TO DREAM Lulu is the firstborn of four children and at the time of her birth in 1984, her parents lived on an uncle’s farm without running water in a semi-urban farming area in Lusaka. After they moved from the farm where they had worked as farm hands, her father, Victor, was employed
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M&P|cover story as a handyman/driver for the Seventh Day Adventist Church (their church) and her mother, Shelly, was a receptionist. Lulu explains how, when it was time for Shelly to give birth to her, Victor pedalled with his wife on his bicycle for eight kilometres on a dust road to get to the main road, where they hitchhiked to the hospital. Her brothers, David and Leon, and sister, Delight, followed three, six and nine years later respectively and despite some rivalry when they were younger between David and her – mostly because she was often absent – the siblings have always been exceptionally close. Victor and Shelly were mentored by a couple in their church and advised that they could rewrite Grade 12, even though they had three children at the time. The couple passed and when Lulu was eight years old, they moved to Zimbabwe to pursue tertiary studies (Victor in theology and Shelly in accounts) with only one year of school fees for the both of them; later they were both awarded sponsorship for the remaining three years. Lulu had shown a passion for entertaining from the age of four, and to help make ends meet, her father would take her with him on the weekends to churches across Zimbabwe and even cross the border into Zambia and Botswana, where they would perform, sing and sell cassettes. With the benefit of their further studies, life for the family steadily improved and her parents moved to a rural mission hospital in Zambia, where her father became the pastor and her mother worked on the church’s accounts. Thirteen-year-old Lulu worked as a housemaid for an American missionary couple for pocket money for her family, doing light chores like dusting, sweeping and ironing.
THE GIFT OF LEARNING The couple took a keen interest in their talented helper and quizzed her on her hopes for her education. The young dreamer told them of the Anderson Adventist Secondary School in Zimbabwe that she longed to go to and it wasn’t too long before her wish was granted. Her employers knew a couple in the United States that would sponsor her education at the school, a carpe-diem moment that Lulu did not overlook. She admits that it wasn’t easy at first watching the other children arrive at the school in cars, while she came along in an old bus, but this did nothing to deter her spirit. Two years later, Lulu’s parents were called back to the university, but she remained at boarding school. She describes herself as a creative student, who had to work hard to achieve academically and needed encouragement to pass. Upon matriculating, she spent one semester at Baraton University in Kenya to study for her bachelor’s degree in corporate business and media studies, before moving to Helderberg College in Somerset West, South Africa, for four years. Her dream of owning a media and communications agency one day led her to seek volunteer work at Hope Channel, where the young student eventually got her first presenter role.
MEETING THE MEDIA After graduating in 2005 at the age of 21, Lulu chose to return to Lusaka and after featuring in several shows, she landed a prime presenter role on the Muvi TV show, Money or Box. Her flirtatious, crazy personality earned her the affectionate media name of ‘Lulu’ and her use of English with touches of vernacular garnered huge interest in the show, despite mixed reviews. She became a change agent for Zambian media and, more importantly, for the youth of the country. However, Lulu realised her need for personal growth and she left the TV station show three years later to work for Citi Bank for three years.
#WEKEEPMOVING Her pregnancy at the age of 24 set in motion a course of events
M&P|cover story that would reveal God’s greater purpose for Lulu’s life. The father of her daughter advised her early on of his intentions not to have any claim to their child, Asante Gabasiane Haangala, and she realised that this was a journey she would have to face as a single mother. Pregnancy out of wedlock is still a taboo in Zambia and despite being a grown woman, Lulu quickly learned the power of public opinion. Not only was she pulled off television shows and excommunicated from her church due to the shame of the pregnancy, but she also carried low and had to spend a lot of the time at the hospital to make sure that everything was progressing smoothly. Fortunately, Lulu knew she could rely on the support of her close-knit family to help her through this challenge and she had the example of her parents to look back on. “I would feel insecure to walk down the streets of Lusaka alone, so my mother would accompany me, thus showing her acceptance of my pregnancy. She would always be there at my side when I needed her,” Lulu recalls, extremely thankful for her strong support system. Driven by a personal motto, ‘We Keep Moving’, the controversy created by her pregnancy and Asante’s birth alerted her to the need for positive change in Zambian society, and society at large. She began to engage audiences on social media platforms about her life experiences and projects she was involved in, using the hashtag ‘We Keep Moving’. Her parents began to experience marital problems around the time she had her daughter and this opened her eyes to just how strong her mother was. Her own situation of being a single mom without any form of support from her daughter’s father, made Lulu more adamant to encourage change in the cultural mindset that women do not need to sit back and rely on a man. She realised that there was a desperate lack of intervention and expert guidance in the lives of the youth and she founded the #wekeepmoving mentoring school programme targeting the youth, more specifically young girls.
PRESIDENTIAL GRACE It was a dream come true when she was accepted, out of 50 000 applicants, to the White House Mandela Washington Fellowship 2014 for the civic leadership track of the programme. “It was mind-blowing, as only the best of the best were selected!” Lulu says, the delight still evident in her voice. “I felt I had something to give back in terms of the #wekeepmoving foundation and that I could learn a lot from US mentors,” she adds. Five hundred people attended the summit in Washington, and she was one of the 100 selected to remain in the States for an additional two months’ experience. Lulu shares how excited she was when she received an invitation to attend the Presidential dinner. It is clear that this experience was a life-changing event as she tells how she danced with the South African President, Jacob Zuma, and his wife, who called her their ‘Zambian Granddaughter’. She also met Patrice Motsepe and Dr Precious Moloi, who gave her the greatest praise with words that Lulu will never forget: “You worked the room and used this chance of a lifetime.” Dr Moloi has been admired for many years for her strides in fashion and her consistency, so to hear words of praise from such an icon humbled Lulu to the point that she cried when she returned to her hotel room later that evening. “She is one woman in South Africa that I looked up to!” Lulu emphasises, and it is clear that this meeting had an even more profound impact on her than meeting President
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M&P|cover story Obama. She is aware of the rare opportunity she was given and uses everything she learned to sow positivity into the lives of those she mentors and leads today.
A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN Being an untraditional woman with interests that reach far and wide, Lulu says that it is difficult not to emerge from relationships without having scars. Her husband’s aunt heard about Lulu through Lulu’s cousins and begged the young woman for her number, believing that she would be a perfect match for her nephew, William Lubinda Wood, General Manager Protea Towers Lusaka. It wasn’t long before Lulu and William began texting one another and they met in Lusaka a month later. Lulu says with a laugh, “I almost walked right past him because he was way hotter than his photograph!” The couple had an instant connection on their first date and got together one month later, meeting one another’s parents at the same time. “He gives me balance and brings me back to earth, while supporting my crazy,” Lulu says happily. So convinced was she that this was a love that was meant to be, Lulu introduced her six-yearold daughter, Asante (Asa) to William on their second date as well, and it was a match made in heaven. William and Lulu dated for two years before tying the knot, with her daughter’s profound blessing. “You make Mommy happy and you make me happy,” Asante says to the man she now chooses to call Daddy.
PREPARED FOR PREGNANCY With her second baby due around May 2016, Lulu explains that this time around she is respected because she is a married woman. “I also have the invaluable physical and emotional support of my husband,” she says, her voice becoming thicker with raw emotion when she explains how special it is that William and Asa are able to experience the baby’s kicking with her. In keeping with her trend of using social media to engage with people, she announced her pregnancy in a tasteful way that complemented her role as brand ambassadors for Pizza Hut and Samsung in Zambia. “For example,” Lulu says, “I posted ‘Can’t blame my Samsung S6 Phone for the rounder face or Pizza Hut food for the wider waist anymore. We’re expecting!’” She admits that this did not meet the approval of more traditional audiences, as according to Zambian culture, pregnancy should be hidden with clothing. However, she felt it necessary because of her role in the media – and the younger set has shown their support, validating the impetus behind the #wekeepmoving foundation, which is knowledge and empowerment. Despite a first trimester of morning-noon-and-night sickness, along with severe reactions to certain smells – including her daughter’s hair – Lulu believes that pregnancy should not slow you down as a woman, mother and wife. To keep fit, she takes long walks
with her husband and these have helped bring them even closer. She also watches her weight gain by snacking healthily on muesli with granola, for example, and drinking milk when she wakes up hungry at night. She credits her stylist, MaFashio, for finding a way to dress her that has boosted her confidence and makes her feel sexy. Up until then she had worn big ‘preggy’ dresses, but with her wardrobe rearranged, she could combine her old clothes and wear styles that complement her.
“As a single mom, I have had to learn that William has a right to say and do things and to grow as a father, which creates for a very interesting dynamic.” BREAKING FROM TRADITION Both William and Lulu come from close-knit, loving backgrounds. His parents have been married for more than 30 years and her parents separated recently after 30 years of marriage. Lulu says that she respects both her parents for the way they handled their separation, considering their status in their church. She also admits that both William and her respective mothers are equally traditional, which she admires, but that the couple have chosen their own path to raise Asa and their baby. The couple still has to reach some compromises around big decisions, like education and boarding schools, religion and what traditions they want to observe, but will cross these bridges when they get to them. At the moment, Lulu explains how she values every moment they have together. As her husband doesn’t move around as much as she does during the day, the family does the school run together and she drops everyone at their destinations. It has become a family tradition during the school run for her to ask each one to reveal what they are grateful for and if she forgets, she is quickly reminded! “As a single mom,” Lulu admits, “I have had to learn that William has a right to say and do things and to grow as a father, which creates a very interesting dynamic.” When asked how her family would describe her, Lulu says, “William would describe me as one of the most loving people he has met; what you see is what you get. Asa says I am a fun mom. Her friends say we are different and we are cool parents!” The most important thing that Lulu and William agree on is that they will raise their children with open hearts and teach them to love abundantly, as they were. She wants her children to know that their parents are their first port of call in any situation, that there isn’t anything that they cannot discuss, and that they will always be their children’s first friends.
AN ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT “The #wekeepmoving Foundation began by using storytelling as a simple tool for mentorship,” Lulu explains, adding, “Who are the Zambian Bill Gates’ of the world and how can the youth identify with them?” The foundation is invited to high schools, churches, and women and men’s gatherings, where they use stories as a vehicle to inspire, educate and inform their audiences. Lulu shares, without a hint of self-importance, how their audiences have grown from 20 to 1500 students in some sessions and, according to their latest statistics (available on her facebook page Lulu Haangala) their original target audience of 18 to 35 has shifted to an active engagement by ages 24 to 35. Understanding the importance of partnering with business, they have part-sponsored the Next Generation Campaign, sponsored by Pizza Hut and Pepsi. “Through these partnerships, we can mobilise; we can move around, talk, engage, encourage and bring hope to a much broader audience,” Lulu adds, explaining how her knowledge of the production aspect of business has allowed her to partner with investors who have recognised her potential. Dagon Holdings, the company that owns Pizza Hut in Zambia, approached her as the brand ambassador for the franchise to assist them with media strategies. Dagon Holdings saw an opportunity for partnership with Lulu and established Dagon Media, with Pizza Hut as their first client, and now the agency has three notable clients in Zambia. “We need to create meaningful connections between the corporate global brands and local markets. It’s no longer just about sales for corporates; it’s about making emotional connections and establishing brands as citizens,” she says passionately.
CHANGING PERCEPTIONS Lulu emphatically states that women can do more than be homemakers. Lulu uses the example of one of her friends, who lost the opportunity for promotion because her employers believed that she needed to spend more time at home. “Our roles go beyond the home, being mothers and caregivers,” she adds, saying that she is actively working to get more Zambian women involved in the political, entertainment and corporate sectors, as these are still not adequately represented. “There are global issues that impact women and, as such, women have a role to play in policy-making,” she says wisely. “The mindset must change. There must be equal opportunities for women putting in the same hours as men.” It is this impassioned statement, along with her foresight and fortitude, that makes it understandable why Lulu has achieved so much in her relatively short life. She is determined to keep on moving, sharing messages of love along the way, and it is impossible for the world not to move with her.
WITH LOVE FROM LULU… Career: Have a plan and work towards it. Marriage: Marry your best friend and love. Pregnancy: Try to enjoy it and don’t try to be a Superwoman. Motherhood: Be the best example of who you want your child to be. Success: The ability to get where you want to be in life and be happy.
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PHOTOGRAPHER: FORTRESS MEDIA PHOTOGRAPHY. STYLED BY: MAFASHIO. MAKE-UP: TIO OF DIAMANTES MOBILE MAKE-UP. CLOTHING SPONSOR: WOOLWORTHS ZAMBIA.
M&P|cover story
M&P|parents with pizzazz
JENNA RICHARDS Lactation Consultant & Social Media Manager
Name one childhood moment that you would like to relive and why. When I was 12, I visited Disneyland Paris; it is something I often long to do again and for my children to experience too. Describe any family tradition that you particularly enjoyed as a child? I have always had an infinite love for Christmas and all of the family traditions that went along with it. Christmas carols, big family meals with Christmas-specific foods and an outrageous amount of excitement.
COMPILED BY THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGE: JENNA RICHARDS.
What does a perfect Mother’s day entail? Lunch! I LOVE lunching out, so we usually find a quaint little spot and enjoy a meal together. Who is your biggest inspiration; describe the influence they’ve had on the choices you’ve made? Definitely my Ouma, she has always managed her home with such patience, grace and love. She is someone I often turn to for advice and I am so very grateful for the ‘old-school’ influence she still has in my life. What parenting methods have you copied from elders in your family? My husband and I grew up with very similar family and discipline values and these easily followed through as we became parents to our own children.
What values would you like to instill in your children? Simple, to love God and to love others. Parenthood comes with a lot of challenges, how has it affected you and your partner? Parenthood has taught us to better serve one another, to communicate more efficiently and to always put each other first. It’s so easy to get caught up in the demands of children and we need to constantly be aware of that. What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given? To ‘sleep train’ our children and get them into a routine. What advice would you like to give to other mothers? To limit the amount of advice you take on, the world and all of it’s advice can be terribly overwhelming. Put ‘advice filters’ in place, choose a couple of trusted sources that work for you and stick to them. How do you ensure that your family lives a healthy lifestyle? We made a major change last year when we cut out all refined sugar and carbs (yes it is possible with children) and it has made the most amazing difference to our family’s health. Because of this, I spend a lot of time in the kitchen preparing and planning fresh meals, snacks and treats for us all.
RAPID FIRE What song are you currently listening to? Livin’ on love by Alan Jackson. Your favourite dish? Seafood, particularly prawns. Your most prized possession? A TV unit that my Oupa made and passed on to us when we got married. Favourite getaway spot? We’re still searching, but we generally love being amongst mountains or lakes.
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M&P|parents with pizzazz
DEIDRE LINDEQUE
Paediatric Dietician
Who is your biggest inspiration and how have they influenced your life choices? As a Christian, I have to say Jesus. Many individuals and authors have challenged, inspired and influenced me along the way, but the Bible remains my ultimate go-to guide for inspiration, correction and direction in all areas of life. Name one nostalgic childhood moment that you remember. My first encounter with falling snow at the age of 16 years. The best thing about motherhood is… Bedtime! Just kidding, although it does feel that way at times. The best moments are the seemingly insignificant ones, like when your daughter, Isabella (2 years and 8 months) cuddles up and in her soft voice whispers ‘my mom’.
What values would you like to instill in your children? To raise them to have a very high CQ (Cultural quotient/ cultural Intelligence), a term referring to the ability to relate and work effectively across cultures. I believe that the ability to function effectively in multicultural situations and engage appropriately in cross-cultural interactions defines success. It encompasses tolerance, understanding and love of people – ALL people.
If you could choose another career, what would it be? Teaching. It has always been a passion and I am fortunate that the career I am in allows me to teach often, just not in the conventional classroom manner. Describe any family tradition that you enjoyed as a child? Holidays! We didn’t grow up going on extravagant overseas holidays, as my parents believed that ‘local is lekker’ – something I aspire to recreate in my children. I have many fond memories of playing ‘rock, paper, scissors’ with my sister over whose turn it was to put down or lift up the caravan’s stabiliser legs.
How do you ensure that your family lives a healthy lifestyle? Lead by example! I frequently identify that the easiest way to manage a fussy toddler who refuses to eat vegetables, is to manage a fussy parent. Children grow up modelling our behaviour, so a healthy, active parent raises healthy, active children.
What’s the best parenting advice you’ve ever been given? Remember, children don’t read parenting manuals so their nonadherence to the ‘rules’ laid out in a particular book does not make you a bad parent. It makes them an illiterate infant.
How have the challenges of parenthood affected your relationship with your partner? I am very fortunate as my hubby, André (32) is, ‘that guy’ who would have adopted children as a single father if the opportunity to have his own did not come along. We have a toddler and one on the way, due in June. Parenting is a one-hundred-percent joint effort in our home. The blessing of watching him as a dad negates the end of the era of long, lazy Sunday brunch outings and spontaneous ice-cream adventures at 9pm.
Song you are currently listening to: Adele 25 – the entire album, on repeat. Your favourite dish? Lamb shank cooked in red wine – I insisted on having it at my wedding, white dress and all. Your most prized possession? Bella’s MaClaren Stroller. Favourite getaway spot? I love travelling! Italy is definitely my favourite (my hubby is Italian so I am potentially biased), but nothing beats a few crazy days in New York City.
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RAPID FIRE
COMPILED BY THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGE: DEIDRE LINDEQUE.
What is your ‘parenting mantra’ for this year? ‘She is kind. She is smart. She is important!’ – an adaptation of ‘You is kind. You is smart. You is important.’ written by Kathryn Stockett of the life-changing book and movie, The Help.
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M&P|cancer column
WHEN RADIATION BURNS!
WORDS: ZOLEKA MANDELA. IMAGE: ISTOCK.
Zoleka Mandela looks at radiation burns caused by treatments used to shrink tumours. urns Awareness Week (BAW) in May promotes the sharing of messages on burn awareness and prevention within communities. Radiation is a treatment that kills cancer cells and it is for this reason that almost half of all cancer patients receive one of the following forms of radiation: External Beam Radiation Therapy, which uses a beam or several beams of high energy X-ray machine to reach the tumour. Internal Radiation Therapy, where radioactive materials are placed in the affected area. Systemic Radiation Therapy, which involves radioactive drugs travelling through the bloodstream to reach the entire body.
it was administered in the initial phase. This form of treatment not only kills cancer cells, it damages normal cells such as reproductive organs, testicles and ovaries that are more sensitive to treatment than bones.
Prior to treatment, radiation oncology will establish the location of the tumour, the amount of radiation required for treatment and how to safely deliver the treatment. Unfortunately, should one area of the body have been treated with radiation therapy, a cancer patient may not receive treatment in the same area depending on how much of
RADIATION BURNS
KNOWN SIDE EFFECTS OF RADIATION THERAPY l Diarrhoea l Loss of appetite l Nausea l Tiredness l Discomfort when swallowing l Hair loss l Effects on sex and fertility in both women and men l Stiffening of muscles and joints l Changes to the skin.
Radiation burns from cancer treatments are known as radiation dermatitis and occur within one or two weeks of treatment. The degree of symptoms depends on the type of radiation used, the total radiation dose and cellular fractionation (a separation process). Radiation dermatitis causes the skin to peel
and become red and irritated, but the effect normally resolves itself over time and once the treatment has run its course. In more severe cases, radiation must be abandoned until the skin heals, although that alone may compromise the treatment. Symptoms Of Radiation Dermatitis: l Hair loss l Oedema (fluid retention) l Dry or wet peeling skin known as desquamation l Bleeding l Decreased sweating l Ulceration (the forming of an ulcer) l Skin cell death.
CARING FOR YOUR SKIN DURING RADIATION THERAPY Keep your skin clean by bathing or showering daily. Do not use a washcloth or harsher material like a scrubbing brush on the area, and stay away from alcohol swabs or pads. Moisturise your skin often, at least twice a day. Ask your doctor or nurse to recommend a moisturiser and do not wash this off before treatment. Avoid irritating your skin. Be gentle and protect your skin by wearing loose-fitting cotton fabric around the treatment area. Do not shave the area or apply make-up, perfumes, aftershave or powder. You should not place any adhesive tape over the region and avoid tanning or burning your skin during and after you have completed treatment. Also, don’t let your skin come into contact with extreme temperatures.
REMEDIES TO TREAT RADIATION DERMATITIS To soothe the skin irritation, your doctor may suggest one of the following: l Tea tree oil l Hyaluronic acid l Aloe vera l Silbecor cream l Calendula ointment l Silver sulfadiazine cream l Low-dose topical corticosteroids.
This column is dedicated to the late Feziwe Radebe, the courageous cancer fighter who died in October 2008.
M&P|dr herman
uring your monthly cycle, the lining of the womb gets thicker as it gets ready for pregnancy. A menstrual period occurs when a pregnancy hasn’t taken place and half of the uterine lining that is shed consists of blood, which varies from bright red to dark brown. After each period, the cycle starts again.
ABNORMAL VAGINAL BLEEDING
INTIMATE BLEEDING Bleeding between your periods or ‘spotting’ can occur for many reasons. With the help of Dr van der Westhuizen, Dr Herman tells women what they need to know about irregular vaginal bleeding.
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Menstrual cycles that are longer than 35 days or shorter than 21 days are abnormal. The lack of periods for three to six months (amenorrhoea) also is abnormal, and bleeding in any of the following situations is considered abnormal: l Bleeding between periods l Bleeding after sex l Spotting anytime in the menstrual cycle l Bleeding heavier or for more days than normal l Bleeding after menopause.
CAUSES OF IRREGULAR BLEEDING In many women, the cause of their irregular bleeding is not easily determined, while others may know it is due to their age or the actual site where the bleeding begins. Once pregnancy has been ruled out, some of the known causes include: l Miscarriage l Ectopic pregnancy l Use of some birth control methods, such as an intrauterine device (IUD) or birth control pills l Infection of the uterus or cervix l Fibroids l Problems with blood clotting l Certain types of cancer, such as cancer of the uterus, cervix or vagina.
M&P|dr herman
DIAGNOSING THE CAUSE A medical history and physical examination by a healthcare professional might be enough for some women to be given a diagnosis, but others may need to undergo further testing, such as: l Cervical smear and swabs l Pregnancy test l Blood tests l Ultrasound l Dilation and curettage (D&C), which involves gently widening the cervix and scraping away the uterine lining.
“See your doctor immediately if you’re pregnant and having vaginal bleeding.”
SEEKING MEDICAL ASSISTANCE You should consult a doctor any time you experience abnormal vaginal bleeding, as it may be a symptom of a serious problem. If you have other serious symptoms such as pain, fatigue, dizziness or fever, in addition to the bleeding, you may need emergency medical attention.
TREATMENT OPTIONS
COMPILED BY: THINA MTHEMBU. IMAGES: ISTOCK.
The treatment depends on the cause, but may include the following: l Anti-inflammatory drugs l Antibiotics l Change of contraception l Hormone therapy l Anti-bleeding agents l Surgery to remove fibroids, cysts or cancers l Treatment for any underlying health problem.
POSSIBLE COMPLICATIONS OF IRREGULAR BLEEDING This kind of abnormal bleeding might resolve by itself; however, for some women the underlying cause requires medical intervention. Ignoring the problem and failing to see a doctor can lead to a worsening of the problem. If the cause of the bleeding is an infection, cancer, or another serious disorder, the consequences could be life threatening.
PREVENT VAGINAL BLEEDING BETWEEN PERIODS You may not be able to prevent it between periods depending on the cause; however, the following preventative measures may help: l Maintain a healthy lifestyle and a normal weight because being overweight can lead to abnormal periods. l If you’re taking birth control pills, do so as directed to avoid a hormonal imbalance. l Avoid taking aspirin, because it may increase your risk of bleeding.
HOME CARE It is important to eat a well-balanced diet, do gentle exercise and get plenty of sleep. Keep a diary of your symptoms so that if you end up at the doctor, you have a record that the doctor can use to help make a diagnosis.
PAIN-RELIEF METHODS If you experience pain associated with
your bleeding, you can try curling up your knees to your chest and lying on your side. Rest is important, but a little exercise might also help relieve the pain. A warm bath or hot water bottle placed on your abdomen can bring some relief. Wear loose clothing and rub or massage where it hurts. Relaxation techniques may help and be sure that you increase your intake of magnesium and vitamin B1, which help reduce cramps.
THINGS TO REMEMBER Irregular vaginal bleeding is any bleeding from a woman’s vaginal area and usually refers to bleeding that is not part of a regular period. On-going bleeding problems must be assessed by your doctor, who will check for other underlying causes. The cause of the bleeding might not be determined in some cases.
Dr Herman and M&P would like to thank Dr van der Westhuizen, an Obstetrician and Gynaecologist in private practice at MediClinic Morningside based in Johannesburg, for his contribution to this column.
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THE RISE OF THE PATERNAL INSTINCT Fumani Shilubana contemplates the mystery of the human condition as it pertains to parenting. he contentious issue of absent fathers is something that not only affects South Africa, but also the rest of the world. I find it difficult to understand what motivates certain fathers to abandon their homes and children when they don’t have to. I understand the challenges of being a father and the tenuous relationship with your child’s mother, but none of these would prompt me to walk away from my son. The absence of a father figure in the home has a lasting impact on children and their potential relationships. Don’t just take my word for it – there is plenty of research available should you wish to engage in a meaningful debate. In February this year, I was invited to be a guest speaker at the launch of Tina Hamstone’s book, The Anti Fluffs Revolution in Polokwane, Limpopo Province. In her book, Hamstone shares her true-life story and the hardships she experienced as the wife of a suspicious husband. He accused her of being unfaithful to him during her pregnancy, ended their marriage and wants nothing to do with his child or her.
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Hamstone explains how she applied to the maintenance court for child support and that after a protracted battle, the father of her child agreed to pay R500 per month despite his vast wealth today, which Hamstone had a role in securing as she encouraged him to be an entrepreneur. I was privileged to meet Hamstone’s young daughter after the launch, and I was charmed by her ebullient nature. I couldn’t understand why a man wouldn’t want to be around this beautiful child and contribute to her development. Our legal system needs to take a serious look at the issue of maintenance and stipulate that the father’s role is not just to foot the bill, but to be present in their children’s lives. As fathers, we have to remember that the children are innocent of any perceived injustice or disappointment caused by our partners or spouses, and put our own selfish feelings aside. I struggle to understand what goes through a man’s mind to bring them to the point of detaching so completely from their own flesh and blood. I also contemplated the nature of a woman, a mother, who will fight and go
to the ends of the earth for her children, regardless of their circumstances. Rich or poor, employed or unemployed, married or unmarried, mothers selflessly prioritise the well-being of their children. Is this protective maternal instinct only ingrained in women? My answer to that is simple: no it isn’t. Most of us are born out of love and it is refreshing to note the paradigm shift in society that salutes the rise of the paternal instinct. Men are stepping up as fathers, involving themselves in not only the financial support of their families, but also in the development of their children. There are fathers out there who love their children unconditionally and who participate in their lives as a parent and a role model. We do not have to remain in the past, where the men provided and protected, while the women nurtured and loved. Instinct is an inborn drive to do something and it isn’t the exclusive domain of women. Sadly, this instinct is often absent in those who themselves have come from broken or abusive homes, without a suitable gender role model. On the other hand, I look around and see some fathers openly displaying affection to their children and immersing themselves in their role of co-parenting. The truth today is that there is a silver lining to the dark cloud of absent fathers, but we need more evidence to be disseminated into society so that the mindset can change. Where are the books and movies that talk about supportive, loving fathers and leaders? These are too few and far between the ones that speak of injustices and hardships inflicted upon mothers. Literature and information can be the key to activating a man’s paternal drive as he realises there is no shame attached to being a hands-on dad. I do believe that once this instinct in men is recognised and released, when we DeConstruct old stigmas and entrenched gender roles, men will develop the empathy to fulfil all their fatherhood obligations. It will take a conscious effort by all to Construct a platform for the paternal instinct to thrive so that we no longer have to refer to fathers as absent.
IMAGE: ISTOCK.
M&P|deConstruct to Construct
HEALTHY LIVING
THE
KIWI WAY!
Kiwi is an exotic fruit that originated in China, with a fuzzy outer skin and juicy flesh. Rich in trace elements, minerals and vitamins, the kiwi quickly conquered the global market with its unique, exceptional sweet and sour taste! Why introduce kiwi into our daily diet?
How to enjoy kiwis
It is rich in vitamin C. Consumption of a single kiwifruit can cover the human organism’s daily requirement in this vitamin. It is also an excellent source of vitamins A, E and B complex, and it contains potassium, phosphorus, and magnesium.
There are several dierent ways to incorporate kiwis into your vdaily diet: • Serve your friends a refreshing fruit drink made with kiwi and melon. • Make delicious and healthy kiwi-based smoothies. • Enrich your breakfast by adding freshly cut slices of kiwi to yoghurt or to your cereal. • Enjoy chocolate kiwis! Cut the kiwis in slices and dip them in melted chocolate. The taste is a revelation! • Simply add kiwi to your favourite green salad.
European kiwis conquer the global market! European kiwi stands out for its quality, both in taste and in nutritional value, because it is harvested by hand. Kiwis are placed in suitable refrigerated storage areas within 24 hours from harvesting, thus guaranteeing that all of the fruit’s nutrients are preserved. European kiwis stand out and are sought after in many international markets, and are exported to over 51 countries in Europe, Africa, Asia and America.
www.hellokiwi.eu
mamas_papas_KIWI210x275.indd 1 Ads.indd 16
So let your imagination run free and pleasantly surprise your friends and family, by using kiwi in various recipes. The results will amaze you!
PROJECT CO-FINANCED BY THE EUROPEAN UNION AND GREECE
5/4/2016 12:38:34 2016/04/07 7:13 PM
M&P|exercise Push your personal limits, boost your stamina and test your determination in an obstacle course that promises programmes suitable for everyone at all ďŹ tness levels and experience.
ADVENTURE IS NOT AN OBSTACLE he Beast Challenge might remind you of the veld schools of old or leadership camps during school, and with good reason. The only difference is that you choose to participate. If you and your friends or family are in the mood for an adrenaline rush, The Beast Challenge is a adventure race with crazy obstacles along the way that are both natural and man-made. Become a fierce competitor or enjoy a great workout, depending on your reason for entering; the choice is yours.
CAN I PARTICIPATE? Whatever your fitness level, there is a challenge suitable for you. You can be a serious contender and try to beat your latest time and your friends or colleagues, race against your loved ones for a fun-filled, bonding experience, or enter as an individual. Taking everyone’s experience into consideration, the challenge comprises three levels and the obstacles and
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IMAGES: THE BEAST CHALLENGE, THE GRIND.
M&P|exercise course routes vary in difficulty with each level, ensuring a new, exciting adventure. Tame Beast (approximately 5 kilometres) is suitable for ages 10 and up who want to ease in to it gently. Wild Beast (approximately 10 kilometres) suits those aged 14 and up who need a little more of a challenge, but are not quite ready to go for gold. Savage Beast (approximately 15 kilometres) is the ultimate experience for ages 16 and up that will test your limits.
MAKE A DAY OF IT
PAY AND WIN
If you’re in the mood to have fun, get dirty and sweat it out, grab some old clothes and supportive active shoes and get to The Beast Challenge – the perfect, fun way to get everyone moving.
The challenges range from R340 to R370 per participant, with an additional R60 charge for a timing chip if you don’t already possess a Fitbit. If you would like to make it more of a challenge, for example between colleagues or family members, they do offer an inviting monetary prize to those who place first, second and third. For those who want to look like their inner beast, there is also a prize for the best costume prize along with other product prizes. Parking is free along with storage for tog bags, while spectators enter the venue free of charge and can watch from spots along the course.
It’s not all grit and grind, and you can take a hot shower so that you don’t have to slip into your vehicle dripping in mud afterwards. Share your stories with other competitors or spectators in the beer tent area, comfortable in the knowledge that your young children are being well supervised in the play area. Located at The Wedges on Beyers Naude Drive (Muldersdrift, Johannesburg), visitors can also enjoy the 4x4 track and golf driving range.
MORE OBSTACLE OFFERSMy My
RUSH INDOOR TRAMPOLINE PARK
Rush is the ultimate indoor trampoline park, located at Stadium on Main, 109 Main Road, Claremont, and Greenstone Mall. The expansive freestyle court is lined with angled trampoline walls; there is a foam pit with a variety of launch techniques, slam dunk lanes, a vertical walking wall, extreme dodgeball courts, plus a few innovative surprises. Suitable for individuals, corporate events or birthday parties. For more information, email infojhb@rushsa.co.za or infoct@rushsa.co.za, www.rushsa. co.za. Twitter: @RushSAofficial. Instagram: @rushsa. The Grind Obstacle Course Race offers a unique spectator-friendly experience for everyone from corporate fun seekers to fitness enthusiasts and elite athletes. We like to keep things simple, fun and challenging so we have three race options that cater to all. All 2016 events will be hosted in the Western Cape. For more information, visit www. thegrindrace.com. Twitter: @TheGrindRace. Instagram: thegrindrace.
For more information and upcoming dates and events, email info@beastchallenge.co.za or visit beastchallenge.co.za. Twitter: @TheBeastZA. Instagram: beastchallenge. #UnleaseTheBeast
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M&P|recipes
8 ROOIBOS POWER SMOOTHIES
Get a much-needed nutrient boost with any of these delicious, antioxidant-packed Rooibos smoothies.
ROOIBOS, STRAWBERRY AND ORANGE SMOOTHIE Makes 1 serving Ingredients 1 to 2 rooibos tea bags 125 ml boiling water 225 g frozen strawberries ½ orange, peeled and chopped 125 g silken tofu 1 tbsp. vanilla protein powder 1 tsp. liquid honey, optional Method Put the rooibos bags in a teapot or heatproof jug and pour over the water. Steep for 8 to 10 minutes; then remove the bags and leave to cool. Put the tea, berries, tofu and protein powder into a blender and process until smooth. Sweeten to taste with honey and pour into glass. Serve immediately. Handy tip: Silken tofu adds a lovely creamy richness. Replace the rooibos tea bag with a redberries rooibos tea bag.
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M&P|recipes BLUEBERRY POMEGRANATE ROOIBOS ANTIOXIDANT SMOOTHIE
10 to 15 ml lemon juice 2 to 3 bags of rooibos tea ½ cups boiling water plus 1 cup ice
Makes 2 medium servings
Method Put the rooibos bags in a teapot or heatproof jug and pour over the water. Steep for 8 to 10 minutes; remove the bags and leave to cool. Put the remainder of the ingredients and the tea into a blender and process until smooth. Sweeten to taste with honey if necessary and pour into glasses. Serve immediately.
Ingredients 1 banana 1 cup fresh pomegranate arils ½ cup frozen blueberries and/or strawberries 1 tbsp. ground flaxseed 1 tbsp. whey or hemp protein 1 tbsp. honey 1 tbsp. flaxseed or hemp oil
ROOIBOS, YOUNGBERRY AND BANANA SMOOTHIE Makes 1 serving Ingredients 1½ bananas 1 to 2 rooibos tea bags 125 ml boiling water 1 /4 cup frozen berries (youngberries or raspberries) ¼ cup milk 250 ml plain yoghurt Chia seeds or sunflower
seeds Goji berries Method Put the rooibos bags in a teapot or heatproof jug and pour over the water. Steep for 8 to 10 minutes; remove the bags and leave to cool. Combine all ingredients into a blender except the chia seeds and goji berries. Blend until creamy and top with chia seeds and goji berries. Serve immediately.
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M&P|recipes GREEN ROOIBOS SMOOTHIE Makes 1 serving Ingredients 1 small apple, cored 5 cm piece cucumber 1 stalk celery, including leaves ¼ cup flat-leaf parsley, including stems 1 cup baby greens, your choice of spinach / chard / kale 1 4 / slice of lemon, including rind 10 ml lemon juice 1 kiwifruit, peeled ¼ cup raw almonds 1 tbsp. chia or sunflower seeds, optional 1 cup brewed green rooibos tea, chilled 6 to 8 ice cubes
Method Combine all ingredients except for the ice cubes in a high-powered blender. Add ice cubes one at a time until fully crushed and mixed. Serve immediately. Handy tip: Add an extra peach or lemon-flavoured rooibos tea bag.
GRANADILLA, PEACH AND CITRUS ROOIBOS SMOOTHIE 4 medium servings Ingredients 500 ml boiling water 2 to 4 rooibos teabags 2 oranges / grapefruit / naartjies, peeled 2 peaches, rinsed and cut up 500 ml plain yoghurt 115 g granadilla pulp 10 ml lime or lemon juice Honey as needed
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Method Add boiling water to the teabags and remove them after 7 minutes. Set aside and let the tea cool down. Purée the citrus, peaches, yoghurt, granadilla pulp and tea in a blender until thick and smooth. Add honey and stir. Serve chilled.
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M&P|recipes ROOIBOS NUTTY SMOOTHIE Makes 1 serving Ingredients 2 to 3 rooibos tea bags 1 to 2 bananas 250 ml almond milk 1 tbsp. smooth peanut, cashew, or almond butter 1 tbsp. vanilla protein powder 1 tsp. liquid honey, optional 10 to 15 ml lemon juice Cinnamon to sprinkle, optional
RECIPES CREATED BY THE ROOIBOS COUNCIL. IMAGES: MEROPA COMMUNICATIONS.
Method Put the rooibos bags in a teapot or heatproof jug and pour over the water. Steep for 8 to 10 minutes; remove the bags and leave to cool. Put the tea, bananas, almond milk, peanut/cashew/almond butter and protein powder into a blender and process until smooth. Sweeten to taste with honey and pour into glasses. Serve immediately or transfer to a thermos.
THE NUTRITIONAL VALUE OF ROOIBOS NUTRIENT
FUNCTION IN THE BODY
PER 200ML
Iron (Fe)
Essential for transportation of oxygen in red blood cells; combats fatigue.
0.7 mg
Potassium (K)
Essential part of the body’s metabolic processes.
7.12 mg
Zinc (Zn)
Plays a vital role in growth, resistance to disease, healing 0.04 mg of wounds and health of skin and hair.
Copper (Cu)
Another vital component of the body’s metabolic processes.
0.07 mg
Calcium (Ca)
Essential for strong bones and teeth.
1.09 mg
Sodium (Na)
Responsible for maintaining fluid and acid-base balance.
6.16 mg
Magnesium (Mg)
Important for a healthy nervous system and for other metabolic processes.
1.57 mg
Fluoride (F)
Essential for healthy bones and teeth.
0.22 mg
For more information about the health benefits of Rooibos, visit www.sarooibos.co.za. M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|dĂŠcor
FOR THE
Kids
Create child-friendly spaces in your home that will make bath and bedtime a whole lot more fun. esigning child-friendly spaces can be challenging for a number of reasons, least of all the fact that they can quickly be outgrown if they are too whimsically designed. These multipurpose tricks need plenty of storage, easy-care surfaces and durable fixtures, while still accommodating your little person.
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BRILLIANT BATHROOMS Liza Watermeyer, Retail & Display Coordinator at Tile Africa (www. tileafrica.co.za) shares a few tips on how to make a bathroom child-friendly: 1. Colour Colourful tiles such as mosaics bring energy to the bathroom, add texture and grab attention. Coordinate the colour scheme with towels, face cloths, bathmats, hooks and toothpaste holders in shades of the same hue as the tiles. 2. Wall-to-floor tiles Tiles are exceptionally hardwearing, hygienic and easy to clean, and add character. 3. A step up Buy a step stool or, better yet, have one built into your vanity for children to be able to reach the tap and other necessities without too much fuss or mess. 4. Ditch the towel bar Hooks are easier than towel bars for the children to hang up their towels and look neater. 5. Two is better than one Two basins with their own mirrors are ideal for a family with more than one child, to prevent squabbles and save time. 6. Keep the toys, not the mess, with clever storage. Aside from installing a practical vanity with cupboard and shelf space, consider adding additional storage baskets and bins to reduce the clutter of bath toys and goodies.
M&P|décor
IMAGES SUPPLIED BY COTTON ON KIDS AND MEROPA COMMUNICATIONS.
DREAMY BEDROOMS Cotton On KIDS (www.cottonon. co.za) shows you how to create a kiddie’s bedroom that echoes their personality and provides a place to play and dream. 1. Sort Go through what you want to keep or can lose when it comes to existing toys, storage and linen. 2. Choose a look that is fun and colourful Play around with mixing prints so that not everything matches. You can build the rest of your room around this. 3. The focal point of the room The bed will draw the eye immediately, so decide on the linens, then mix and match rugs and artwork to continue your style from the floor to walls. 4. Shopping Trip Touch and feel the products and ask the retail staff for advice if you need any help. Style this space and enjoy.
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M&P|subscriptions
Subscribe Subscribe for print or digital online at www.magzter.com and get the 12th issue FREE! **
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BANKING DETAILS: Kwenta Media, RMB Johannesburg, Acc No: 621 181 213 26 Branch code: 26 12 51 Should you require further assistance, please call 011 467 5859 or email info@mamasnpapasmag.com
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2016/04/07 7:55 PM
M&P|reviews HEALTHY FOOD FOR A HEALTHY BABY (6-18 MONTHS) By Monique le Roux Forslund (Struik Lifestyle) R180 As a parent and a teacher, Monique le Roux Forslund has firsthand experience of the effect food has on children. She has seen how sugar and other fastacting carbohydrates can cause them to become over-active and struggle with concentration. In Healthy Food for a Healthy Baby she shows you how to give your baby a healthy and nourishing start to life. In addition to the more than 100 easy recipes appropriate for babies aged six to 18 months, there are tips about natural good food to ensure that your child maintains all-round good health.
EARLY CHILDHOOD DEVELOPMENT CHECKLIST By Carla Grobler (Struik Lifestyle) R120 Parents of babies and young children are constantly watching and wondering whether their children are reaching their developmental milestones within expected time frames. It is important to keep in mind that each child is unique and that no two children will arrive at these milestones simultaneously. Early Childhood Development Checklist aims to guide parents and teachers in the timeous identification of developmental delays a child may display.
IMAGES: PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE, GOOGLE PLAY, ITUNES.
HAPPY KIDS TIMER iTunes Help your child establish a morning routine that doesn’t require your direct supervision. Happy Kids Timer is totally operated by your child and utilises a smart incentive programme, with awards and printable certificates. The app will walk your child through everything, from brushing their teeth, to making their bed, and the appealing animations and uplifting music makes it a great must-have start to every day.
PLAYGROUND BUDDY iTunes and Android A locator app that locates playgrounds and parks all over the world! If you and your family visit an unfamiliar place, you can find the nearest park or playground for your children to burn off some energy. You can also update playground information or add new spots to the map if you spot an unlisted playground.
MAMABEAR FAMILY SAFETY iTunes and Android MamaBear is your all-in-one family safety app that lets you know about your child’s physical and virtual activity. Other than the standard family location alerts and automatic check-in, you can also monitor your child’s driving speed (once licenced) or restricted word alerts for social media and have total online surveillance. Your children can also use this app to let you know when they get somewhere safely, and it has a handy ‘panic button’ feature if they are in trouble or need help.
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M&P|baby shower
GEMS CELEBRATES PREGNANCY Saturday, 19 March 2016 saw the simultaneous provincial launch of the Government Employee Medical Scheme (GEMS) ʻ54 baby showers in 2016’ initiative, with one shower held in Gauteng and another in Mpumalanga.
he baby shower roadshow is scheduled to provide events across all provinces, where GEMS employees in their third trimester are invited to attend the baby shower in their region. Each baby shower will not only provide moms with a celebration of their pregnancy, but guest speakers will address the preggy moms on topics pertinent to health and lifestyle. Some lucky moms-to-be will also receive prizes from our generous sponsors. DESSERT TABLE
MOMS EXERCISING
DANCING COMPETITION
DEBBIE MORRIS PRESENTS A THANK-YOU GIFT TO FERNADO FROM BAYPORT FINANCIAL SERVICES
GRAND-PRIZE WINNER
WINNER OF DANCING COMPETITION
JOHANNESBURG, Gauteng The Johannesburg baby shower was held at the Indaba Hotel in Fourways. Guest speakers included Dr Careen Rasher, a psychiatrist with a special interest in sexual medicine, and Mogie Ariefdien from Bayport Financial Services. The event kicked off with a preggy moms dance competition, after which they engaged in light stretching and physical exercise. Dr Rasher fielded questions and concerns raised by the pregnant moms about their sexual health, while Ariefdien introduced moms to the four steps of better money management and how to plan for the financial future of children. All the moms received great goodie bags containing products sponsored by Purity and Philips AVENT. One lucky mommy walked away with the grand prize of a Chelino car seat, while another three winners received Purity hampers.
DEBBIE MORRIS AND TUMELO RAKGOTLA HAND OVER THE PRIZE TO THE WINNER OF ‘THE BIGGEST TUMMY’
SELECTING THE WINNER OF THE ‘BIGGEST TUMMY’ WITH THE HELP OF THE AUDIENCE.
TUMELO RAKGOTLA, MIDWIFE FROM HEALTHI CHOICES
DEBBIE MORRIS PRESENTS DR CAREEN RASCHER WITH A THANK-YOU GIFT
Indaba Hotel, Johannesburg,
Gauteng
WHO HAS THE BIGGEST TUMMY?
WORDS: WEZI MUYEMBE NJOVU. IMAGES: KWENTA MEDIA.
MOGIE ARIEFDIEN FROM BAYPORT FINANCIAL SERVICES TALKS ABOUT FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT
MC, WEZI MUYEMBE NJOVU, HAS A LIGHT MOMENT WITH THE MOTHERS
LUCKY MOTHER RECEIVES HER HAMPER FOR THE, ‘LOOK UNDER YOUR CHAIR GAME’
MOTHERS LISTENING ATTENTIVELY TO THE GUEST SPEAKERS
VALENCIA SAMBO, EOH PHYSICAL FACILITATOR
MOTHERS DECIDE TO JOIN MC, WEZI MUYEMBE NJOVU, ON THE DANCE FLOOR
M&P|baby shower
TABLE SETTING
Nutting House Lodge, Nelspruit, Mpumalanga
MOMMIES GETTING DOWN ON THE DANCE FLOOR
DOLLY NKOSI
HERBALIFE EXHIBITOR, MICHELLE, WITH GRAND PRIZEWINNER, ZINHLE DLUDLU
SOCIAL WORKER, NOMFUNDO MGWENYA, GIVES ADVICE ON CHILDREN’S RIGHTS
JENNIFER KUBEJANE
DÉCOR AT NUTTING HOUSE LODGE, NELSPRUIT
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NELSPRUIT, Mpumalanga The Nelspruit baby shower was held at Nutting House Lodge. In keeping with the GEMS baby shower itinerary, MC Kholiwe Nkambule kicked off the event with a preggy moms dance competition, after which they engaged in light stretching and physical exercise. The guest speakers were local Nelspruit gynaecologist, Dr Mdluli, and Nomfundo Mgwenya, a social worker who advised parents of the importance of Children’s Rights. All the moms received great goodie bags containing products sponsored by Purity and Philips AVENT. One lucky mommy, Zinhle Dludlu, walked away with the grand prize of a Chelino car seat, while another two winners of smaller contests received Purity hampers. Five moms were also given free subscriptions to Mamas & Papas magazine.
LUCY SHABANE, NURSING SISTER FROM GEMS HANDING OVER ONE OF THE HAMPERS
SAKHILE LEKHULENI
MOMMIES DR MDLULI, LOCAL GYNAECOLOGIST MOMMIES PAYING ATTENTION TO THE SPEAKER
NOMSHADO FAKUDE
MICHELLE FROM HERBALIFE ADDRESSES THE MOMMIES ABOUT HEALTHY EATING HABITS
WORDS: KHOLIWE NKAMBULE. PHOTOGRAPHER: DUMISANI NTSHANGASE.
GOODIE BAGS, HAMPERS AND THE GRAND PRIZE
LUCY SHABANE HANDING OVER GRAND PRIZE TO ZINHLE DLUDLU
GEMS would like to thank the following partners for their support: Chelino, Philips AVENT, Purity & Elizabeth Anne’s. M a m a s & Pa p a s
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M&P|travel
Mother's Day GETAWAYS Whether you prefer the ocean of the Western Cape or the vast landscapes further north, we have selected a few perfect locations where mom can take a little time out. DE HOOP, Western Cape A trip to the De Hoop Nature Reserve is just what the doctor ordered. This World Heritage site forms part of the Garden Route and can be found in the Overberg Mountains, just three hours from Cape Town. Activities range from outdoor excitement such as mountain climbing, 4x4, bird watching and kayaking, to more sedate picnicking and sightseeing. The accommodation also differs to suit your needs, and includes self-catering and camping facilities. This May, De Hoop invites weary moms to their second yoga retreat led by Iyengar yoga teacher, Marianne Wild. The three-day retreat, from Friday, 6 May 2016 to Monday, 9 May 2016, promises to be a combination of fresh air, restorative yoga and nature walks in the meditative space of the reserve. Look forward to yoga workshops, pranayama, asanas and
BEACHFRONT FROLICKING IN CAPE TOWN
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M&P|travel sun salutations on the Koppie Alleen dunes, as well as sundowners with the bird- and marine life in the background. Optional spa treatments at the new Spa @ De Hoop can be booked and paid for separately. For more information, call 021 422 522 or email res@dehoopcollection.co.za. AFRICAN VINEYARD GEUSTHOUSE
WORDS: TRACY MAHER. IMAGES: AFRICAN FARM VINEYARD, ISTOCK, PECANWOOD MANOR, THERESA GIBBON PR.
PECANWOOD MANOR, Northern Cape Go to a better life, as the province’s motto invites, and make your way to Pecanwood Manor in Upington 800 metres from the Orange River. Located on the outskirts of a pecanwood plantation, the renovated old farmhouse was opened in January 2016 and has fast become a sought-after destination. The ideal venue for those in seek of luxury and opulence, co-founders Piet Roos and Ralene van der Merwe claim that the hotel arises from their passion for people, creativity and challenges. With inhouse gourmet meals, small-to-medium size event planning, airport shuttle facilities, and wine-pairing events, as well as the most delicious connoisseur coffee in town, Pecanwood Manor is a cut above the rest. For more information or to make a reservation, visit www.pecanwoodmanor. co.za.
PECANWOOD MANOR
AFRICAN VINEYARD GUESTHOUSE, Northern Cape
DE HOEK COUNTRY HOTEL, Magaliesburg
Uniquely located on a working grape farm on Kanoneiland, or ‘Canon Island’, in the middle of the Orange River, African Vineyard Guesthouse offers visitors life on ‘the island of slow living’: fine country hospitality, countrystyle breakfasts, personalised treatments, tranquil gardens and lush vineyards. It is the ideal stopover en route to some of the province’s most iconic destinations, such as Augrabies Falls and Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park. Their unique African Spa Experience comes with a bouquet of face and body treatments, including full and half-day packages. Owner of the guesthouse, Dr Elmarie de Bruin, says, “Whether you’re looking for a serene escape or a simple stop over ahead of your next destination, African Vineyard offers tranquillity at its finest.” For more information, visit www. africanvineyard.co.za.
For a quick escape from city life, this boutique hotel is conveniently located in the Magaliesburg Mountains and offers the perfect way to celebrate mothers. Different areas of the hotel cater for different occasions: breakfast on the East terrace or out in the gardens under shady bush-willows, karees and wit stinkhout trees; a formal lunch or dinner in the dining room with all the French doors open in summer, or a roaring fire in winter. Enjoy slow-paced guided mountain river walks and hot air ballooning, or try your hand at traditional activities like archery or lawn croquet. Their special Mother’s Day luncheon on 8 May 2016 is prepared by the hotel’s own Chaîne des Rôtisseurs chef and includes a small gift. For more information or booking details, call 014 577 9600, email reservations@dehoek. com or visit www.dehoek.com.
DE HOEK COUNTRY HOTEL
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M&P|motoring f you are pregnant for the first time, it is natural to be concerned about the wisdom of driving with a growing belly. The good news is that, as long as you’re feeling fit and can perform all the obvious functions of a regular driver (reach the pedals, reach the steering wheel, etc.), you should be able to continue with your normal routine for the majority of your pregnancy. Being safe in the car is important at all times, and even more so when you are carrying a baby, so listen to your body, know your limitations and consider the following pregnancy-specific conditions. 1. Seat Belts Although seat belts can be awkward for pregnant women, it is the law of the country that all occupants of the vehicle wear their seat belts. It is important to adjust your seat belt to accommodate your bump. The arm strap should cross over the shoulder, fall between the breasts and cross over above your belly. The hip strap must cross over and fit snugly across the hips below the belly. Never position the strap across your belly as this can put unnecessary pressure on your baby. Make sure the seat belt is as tight as possible and if it cuts across your neck, get a seatbelt pad.
DRIVING WHEN PREGNANT
Travel by car is a good option for pregnant women, says Melissa Jane Cook, but there are a few things to consider to ensure a comfortable and safe journey for both mother and baby.
2. Airbags It is safe to sit near an airbag if you are pregnant, although you may need to move your seat further back – especially when your bump is big!
few months, your growing bump may make it more difficult to get in and out of the car. It may even start to get in the way of the steering wheel. You may prefer not to drive at this stage and should definitely reconsider long car trips.
3. Your Body Always be aware of your nausea and fatigue levels throughout your pregnancy, take regular rest stops and only drive when you feel alert and well rested – or avoid your usual car drive if you don’t feel up to it. In the last
4. Staying Comfortable Sitting for long periods of time can be difficult when you’re pregnant. Your feet and ankles may swell, your legs may cramp and you may get heartburn. Wear comfortable clothes and shoes that don’t restrict circulation or dig
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into you. Simple stretches, both in and out of the car, will help with blood circulation. Whether you’re sitting in the car or standing at the motorway services, extend your leg heel first, and gently flex your foot to stretch your calf muscles. When you're sitting, also rotate your ankles and wiggle your toes – as long as you’re not driving, of course! During the last stages of pregnancy you might feel your baby poking you uncomfortably if you don’t move around – take a rest stop at least every 90 minutes, which will allow you that much-needed toilet break as well!
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M&P|motoring
TOP
3
DREAM CARS FOR MOMS Fortunately for today’s hip moms, the options for safe, versatile and reliable ‘mom-mobiles’ no longer limit them to cars your kids don’t want to be seen in! These dream cars for moms can handle the rigours of family life, without sacrificing fun and style.
VOLKSWAGEN GOLF SV 1.4 TSI COMFORTLINE Premium Feel And Ride Quality Volkswagen’s very practical and stylish Golf SV might be the answer if you need extra space, flexibility and legroom. As one can expect from Volkswagen, driver comfort is excellent, with an airy cabin and a rake/reach adjustable steering wheel and a heightadjustable driver seat being standard. In fact, even the front passenger seat features height adjustment. Rear-seat passengers are treated to flip-up airliner-style trays for those long road trips. Golf SV definitely has design appeal and offers a very safe package that includes the required ESP (electronic stability system), ABS/EBD and six airbags, but goes further by adding rear Isofix child-seat mounts, a driver’s knee airbag and tyre pressure monitoring.
NISSAN QASHQAI 1.5DCI ACENTA Ride Refinement, Exterior Style And Interior Quality The second-generation Nissan Qashqai is already a very popular choice, and this 1.5dCi Acenta model has a good exterior that hides a spacious, feature-packed cabin of excellent build. The ride quality is supple and refined, and the engine delivers a very persuasive power/ economy balance. Now add the interior space, superb seats and a very comprehensive features list. These include rake/reach adjustable steering wheel, dual-zone climate control, height-adjustable driver seat, climate control, cruise control and a comprehensive audio system. The standard package comes with six airbags (front, side and curtain), as well as an electronic stability programme and Isofix child-seat anchors.
IMAGES: BABYCENTRE.COM, QUICKPIC, NISSAN, CITROËN.
CITROËN C4 PICASSO E-HDI INTENSIVE True Individualism Married With Great Practicality The C4 Picasso presents everything that is exceptional about MPV packaging. Not only is the boot big (537 L) with the rear seats moved all the way back, but it can grow to 630 L by pushing the seats forward if rear legroom is not that important. The rear seats are three individual chairs that can be folded in multiple ways to further boost flexibility. Citroën’s attention to detail and generous standard specification levels further contribute to all-round comfort levels. Standout features include very striking 17-inch alloy wheels, LED detailing in the headlamps, privacy glass and even a panoramic windscreen with retractable blinds for the front passengers. The C4 Picasso benefits from most of the modern safety features, such as six airbags, Isofix child-seat anchors and electronic stability control, as well as hill-start assist, front/rear park sensors and a rear-view camera.
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ESSAYS A WOMAN’S JOURNEY
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MAY 2016 STOCKISTS LIST ON THE COVER Lulu Haangala-Wood COVER AND COVER STORY: Fortress Media Photography LULU STYLED BY: MaFashio MAKE-UP: TIO of Diamantes Mobile Make-Up DRESSED BY: Woolworths Zambia
FASHION Ackermans – 011 883 7276 Aldo – 011 884 4141 H&M – 011 592 3200 Kaika Jewellery – Kaikajewellery.com Mango – 011 783 7907 MRP – Mrp.com Naartjie – 011 784 4923 Rage – 011 884 3075 Spree – Spree.co.za Woolworths – Woolworths.co.za Zando – Zando.co.za
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Offer ends 31 May 2016.
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Mamas & Papas standard terms and conditions for competitions, giveaways and promotions 1) Entries are open to South African citizens aged 18 and over only, residing in South Africa (proof of identity may be requested). 2) Competitions, promotions and giveaways are not open to employees of Kwenta Media, their immediate families and agencies. 3) Only one entry is allowed per person, household or immediate family members; no bulk or third party entries. 4) No responsibility is taken for entries lost, delayed, misdirected or incomplete due to server functions, virus, bugs or any other causes outside Kwenta Media’s control. Proof of entry is not proof of receipt. 5) Prizes are not transferable and cannot be exchanged for cash. 6) All prize values are correct at the time of publication. 7) Kwenta Media and promoters retain the right to substitute the prize with another suitable prize in the event that the original prize offered is not available due to circumstances beyond their reasonable control. 8) The winner will be notified by telephone or email. 9) Winners must be willing to be photographed for possible publication in Mamas & Papas free of any fee. In the event of nonacceptance, Mamas & Papas will re-draw and select a new winner. 10) The promoter’s decision is final, and no correspondence will be entered into. 11) Mamas & Papas, its employees, directors, representatives or agents will not be liable for any loss or damages incurred or loss of whatsoever nature however arising. 12) Allow 60-90 days for prize delivery. 13) Winners are not eligible for another prize for 30 days after the previous win.
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