Essays of Africa May 2015

ESSAYS A WOMAN’S JOURNEY

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

www.essaysofafrica.com

MEET NAMIBIA’S

Dillish Mathews BBA 2013 WINNER NOW ENTREPRENEUR

www.essaysofafrica.com

EGO IWEGBUDALEY

NAIL-GROOMING HAVENS FOR JOZI’S FLY WOMEN

MAY 2015 • VOL2 • NO6

ONLINE CHEATING INFIDELITY AT THE CLICK OF A BUTTON

WINTER KNITS IN THE WORLD OF FASHION MAY 2015 R30.00 (VAT incl.)

Other countries: R26.27 (excl. TAX)

HOUSEHUSBANDS IS AFRICA FLIRTING WITH A DOMESTIC TRADE EXCHANGE?

Inside ESSAYS a woman’s journey

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MAY 2015

people 34 Real Life: Positive about life.

Living with HIV. 36 Q&A: EOA talks to Deputy Minister Hlengiwe Mkhize, a champion for social justice and women’s rights .

68 my JOURNEY: Dr Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma and her successful journey in the world of politics.

84 Man Q&A: CEO of The Communications Firm, Bonnke Shipalana, shares the secrets of his success in life and business.

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features 38 PROFILE: Zuriel Oduwole talks about her campaign ’Dream Up, Speak Up, Stand Up’.

58 SELF-EMPOWERMENT: An archetype of survival and sacred contract.

cover stories 24 Winter knits in the world of fashion.

50 Meet Namibia’s Dillish Mathews, from Big Brother Africa winner to businesswoman.

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columns 20 guest blog: Thina Zibi reveals the person behind the camera.

60 money: Think like a rich person.

62 WOMEN’S NETWORK: Lindelwa Isabelle speaks on the sisterhood that changed her life.

64 RELATIONSHIPS: Cyber cheating.

66 SEX & INTIMACY: Pleasure yourself with masturbation.

72 PARENTING: From womanhood to motherhood.

62 Ego Iwegbu-Daley: Nailgrooming havens for Jozi’s fly women.

22 Uncovered: Exploring the feelings and fears towards motherhood.

74 news report: Zanele Mji probes the cruelty of female genital mutilation (FGM).

64 Online cheating: Infidelity at the click of a button.

86 #gaybestfriend: A hair-raising experience.

78 Health: Skin lightening under the spotlight.

80 Househusbands: Is Africa flirting with a domestic trade exchange?

128 The Final Word: Tumi Morake celebrates motherhood.

80 MAN FEATURE: Househusbands: Is Africa flirting with a domestic trade exchange?

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SEXY 7: Best buys this month

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FASHION NEWS

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MAIN FASHION: Winter knits in the world of fashion.

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REAL WOMAN: Gugu Dlamini is a soul sister on the rise.

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SHOPPING: A great coat can pull together a winter look.

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ITEM OR OUTFIT: Choose between a leather jacket or a whole outfit for a similar price.

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MAN FASHION: Dress your man in a language he understands.

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HAIR AFFAIR: Cold protection.

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BEAUTY INTERVIEW: Ego Iwegbu-Daley tells us why she made nail grooming a haven for Jozi’s fly women.

100 BODY BLITZ: Say goodbye to dry skin.

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lifestyle

beauty 90

SEXY 7: Best buys this month.

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BEAUTY MAIN: Warm and earthy tones this season.

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BOOKS

102 FOOD & ENTERTAINING: Nothing beats mom’s cooking. Celebs share their favourite recipe from mom.

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LETTERS’ PAGE

108 DÉCOR NEWS

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EOA SUBSCRIPTION

110 DÉCOR STYLE FOCUS: Smoking hot kitchens.

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READER’S CORNER

114 SOCIAL SCENE: essie 115 TECH NEWS & APPS 116 MOTORING 118 TRAVEL: The Boutique Hotel experience.

122 ENTERTAINMENT Q&A: Lebogang Ramafoko and her passion for health edutainment.

125 HOROSCOPES 127 STOCKISTS

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124 MOVIES & THEATRE 126 MUSIC

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EDITOR’S LETTER

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ON LOCATION

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ONLINE UPDATE

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CONTRIBUTORS

HAIR & MAKE-UP: LUCOH MHLONGO . FASHION: THULA SINDI. ACCESSORIES: ZURI.

BEAUTY NEWS

MAIN COVER: PHOTOGRAPHER: GARETH JACOBS. STYLING: TUMI MDLULI.

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Share In The Stories Of the Continent

• Essays Of Africa print and digital magazine is alive with the bold stories of women who are blazing trails throughout the continent, uplifting not only themselves but their communities and living the message of hope and liberation. • Essays Of Africa is available anytime, anywhere with instant online access to our digital and social media platforms.

Start Your Journey Today!

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

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ED’S LETTER EOA

PICTURE: KWENTA MEDIA.

AFRICA DAY: JOURNEYS PAST AND PRESENT ifty-two years ago, African countries and African Heads of States converged in Ethiopia to form the Organization of African Unity (OAU), with the intention to have dialogues on the socio-economic challenges in Africa.

Today, we continue to have those dialogues using many forums, including this magazine.

As we celebrate Africa Day (25 May), we cannot be naïve and turn a blind eye to the realities and challenges of our continent. If you call yourself an African you should be prepared to embrace Africa, even with its uncomfortable issues.

This month, EOA memorialises Africa Day by following the story of our cover girl, Namibian Dillish Mathews, as she shares her journey through womanhood, beauty and how she thrives on the spirit of entrepreneurship (page 50). One of the most influential women on the continent, the passionate Dr Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma joined our discussion on Africa.

She believes that empowerment of Africans, especially women, the youth and children, is possible through education and the allocation of resources. (Read about it on page 68).

We also celebrate unity by looking at three phenomenal women, Ego Iwegbu-Daley, Azania Mosaka and Linda Jangulo, who all come from different environments but have partnered up to run a successful business together.

With Mother’s Day on the calendar too, we thought we would be amiss to not celebrate the amazing food that many of us grew up on.

Celebrities shared how their favourite mom’s recipes always take them down memory lane and we hope they create memories for you too.

The hard part about being embracive of who we are as Africans is acknowledging the negative aspects. In this issue we do that with our News Report that looks at Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), as well as skin lightening – two practices that continue to cause immeasurable harm to our communities. (See pages see pages 74 and 78 respectively)

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With our victories and flaws under the spotlight, it’s important to remember that our continent needs its women to be constantly challenged and pushed to make our mark; we need to strive for power and key leadership roles in business and politics. I invite all the Africans in the diaspora to come back home and add to the African pool of knowledge and create sustainable economic emancipation for Africa.

Today it feels good to be an African in Africa.

Make every day your Africa day. #NoToForeignAttacks! #YesToAfricanUnity!

Nawaal Nawaal@kwentamedia.com

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ESSAYS a woman’s journey

of africa

www.essaysofafrica.com

CEO of Kwenta Media & Founding Editor of Essays of Africa

Managing Editor Deputy Managing Editor Features Writers Fashion & Beauty Editor Admin & Fashion Assistant DĂŠcor Writer Columnists Contributors Online Features Writers Sub-Editors Proofreader Designer Junior Designers Online Administrators Production Manager Sales Marketing/PR & Events Coordinator Operations & Finance Manager Advisory Board

Office Drivers Publisher Physical Address

Postal Address Websites Advertising Editorial Information & Enquiries Subscription Queries Printers Distribution

Nawaal Nolwazi Mdluli

Zama Nkosi Tracy Maher Caryn Thandi Petersen, Hayden Horner, Helen Herimbi, Thina Mthembu, Hlulani Masingi Tumi Mdluli Tebatjo Manamela Rhoda Davids Ndoni Khanyile, Tumi Morake, Hayden Horner Robyn Bloch, Khosi Jiyane, Zanele Mji, Vuyiswa Motlabane, Thina Zibi, Bulelwa Mokori, Lebohang Masango Thina Mthembu, Hlulani Masingi Hayden Horner, Tracy Maher Nicky de Bene Lelethu Tobi Asanda Mazwi, Siphokazi Masele Shelly Mathole, Mpho Mahlo Tumi Mdluli New Business Development Team Mbalenhle Fakude Nuraan Motlekar Fazila Bizor, Lindsay Breytenbach, Lindelwa Isabelle, Ndoni Khanyile, Busisiwe Mahlaba, Sen Mdhluli, Moeketsi Mosola, Dr Salifou Siddo, Nthabe Zondo, Sonto Ndlovu Gabriel Mashishi, Yusuf Msinyi

Kwenta Media (Pty) Ltd. Fourways View Office Park, Block C, First Floor, Cnr Sunset Ave and Sunrise Blvd, Fourways Tel: 011 467 5859, Fax: 011 467 2808 Kwenta Media, Essays of Africa: P.O. Box 4437, Dainfern, 2055 www.essaysofsafrica.com / www.kwentamedia.com advertising@essaysofafrica.com editorial@essaysofafrica.com info@essaysofafrica.com / info@kwentamedia.com subs@essaysofafrica.com

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Essays Of Africa Magazine, Website and Webzine are 100% owned and published by Kwenta Media (Pty) Ltd. The editor and publisher reserve the right to alter copy and visual material as deemed necessary.

Copyright by Kwenta Media (Pty) Ltd. All rights reserved.

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TUMI MDLULI ASSISTING DILLISH WITH A PAIR OF DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS ANKLE BOOTS FROM CASTELOS!

WORDS: TRACY MAHER. PHOTOGRAPHER: GARETH JACOBS.

EOA on location

DILLISH

Unplugged

SOME OF THE TOOLS OF THE BEAUTY TRADE AT A COVER SHOOT.

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MAKE-UP ARTIST, LUCOH MHLONGO, WORKING HIS MAGIC ON DILLISH BEFORE SHE POSES FOR THE CAMERA.

WORDS BY: TUMI MDLULI. PHOTOGRAPHER: GARETH JACOBS.

She’s as delightful off-camera as she is on screen. We captured a few unstyled moments with the gorgeous Dillish Mathews during this month’s cover shoot with the EOA team.

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EOA CONTRIBUTORS

FOR THE LOVE OF AFRICA We asked Essays of Africa contributors what they love most about being an African in Africa right now, and this is what they had to say.

“I do revel in my heritage. The idiosyncrasies that make me the African man I am are traced back to my great-great-grandparents as a child on the Cape Flats. Those nuances are rounded off neatly in my adulthood in the Jozi Highveld, and seasoned vibrantly by way of my travels in the continent. I feel like Africa has sculpted me definitively from a lump of clay. I would say my most favourite thing about being an African in this colourful land of ours is that I get to break through the stereotypes and tear up labels that are placed on me on a daily basis. I get to be an individual; unique in my own way every single day and I get the choice to live a happy fulfilled life outside of the norms and confines that local society places us under! And I get to have fun earning a living, doing what I love to do best!”

Gareth Jacobs – photographer

“What makes me proud to be an African today is that the continent still embraces the spirit of ubuntu. People within the continent have learnt the value of sharing the available resources and are willing to learn from each other’s cultures and languages.

Although the continent is undergoing socio-economic changes because of modern technology, it has maintained its natural resources and unique cultural values. Its people are also determined to achieve and partake in the development of their own lives. There are important lessons to be learnt from Africa as it is a good place to be and always shows a warm welcome to the world.”

Bulelwa Mokori – features writer

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WORDS AND IMAGES: SUPPLIED BY ZANELE MJI GARETH JACOBS, BULELWA MOKORI.

“Being young and African in Africa today feels like an invitation to play a role in imagining and actioning a world I believe in. I feel like I enjoy a special position; with a connection to my people’s ancient indigenous knowledge and the tools needed to shape an equally powerful future. I also love the way Africans get on with it. Whether the circumstances are good or bad or a daily mix of the two, we get up in the morning and do what we need to do. Channelled into the right things, that instinct makes us unstoppable.”

Zanele Mji – features writer

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ONLINE UPDATE EOA

FIND US ON ALL SOCIAL PLATFORMS!

We love to read about what you are up to and engage with you on all levels. Like our page on Facebook, or follow us on Twitter and Instagram where we can check out your style ideas and share your unique tips and advice with others out there… who knows, you might just be the next EOA style guru!

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Are you looking for the latest trends in fashion, finance, health and lifestyle? Subscribe to our online newsletter for your daily dose of fresh content to get in the mood for what the day has to bring!

WHAT’S IN YOUR BAG? BEST ONLINE CAMPAIGN SO FAR!

We recently launched our exciting new #RevealOrConceal online campaign and your responses to our daily #RevealOrConceal requests has been awesome! Our winner walked away with an iPhone 6 and we would like to thank all our EOA readers and followers for taking part! Remember to visit our website and like our social media platforms to win exciting giveaways and prizes in the future!

Share your handbag secrets with us and we will share them with the world! Send a good quality (high-resolution) image of all the contents of your handbag with a list (in case some of the contents are a little overused and not too clear) to editorial@essaysofafrica.com, and you just might see your secrets splashed out on website!

SUBSCRIBE AND GET YOUR DIGITAL COPY!

If you don’t want to stand in a long queue at the shops to get your copy, ESSAYS OF AFRICA is also mobile friendly! Subscribe online and save 35%! Simply visit www. essaysofafrica.com.

SOCIAL NETWORK You will find Essays Of Africa on various social media platforms, including Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

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EOA LETTERS

Your letters I KNEW HER WHEN… I saw the magazine on shelves for the first time yesterday. It caught my eye when I saw the cover with Pabi Moloi – how beautiful she looks. The titles of the inside story also caught my eye. I didn’t know the editor was Nawaal, so when I opened it at home I was so impressed to see her. What an achievement! She was my classmate and friend at Mgwenyane Higher Primary in Kabokweni. I read the magazine until the morning and I took it to work, at SABC Mpumalanga in Nelspruit. I couldn’t stop reading it until I had finished and I enjoyed all the stories that were featured.

Big up to the team members of the magazine! Keep up the good work!

Nomhle Mgwenya

SOCIAL MEDIA Got myself a copy today and I can’t sleep! It’s my second copy and I already feel smitten.

Mookgo Litsoane Thank you for another empowering issue, really enjoying it!

Siyasanga Ngcongca Got myself a copy today. Great work! I enjoyed it.

Yamkela Tywakadi SylviaWithA_Y @The_Silver_One #EOA #EssaysOfAfrica my 1st issue and I blame myself for looking through chocolates and not magazines on shelves #Refreshing #Informative Jolene Martin @_JoleneMartin I have not/am not and will not be remunerated in anyway to say this: buy @EssaysOfAfrica (Vol.1:2) & go to page 57 – READ IT! #YoureWelcome Thebe Ikalafeng @ThebeIkalafeng Wow @PabiMoloi. Reinvented and Ravishing. Excellent life lessons in latest #EssaysOfAfrica Lukhanyo Mpumela @Lukha_M @PabiMaloi, thank you for sharing your story in #EssaysOfAfrica – I believe that many will find solace and take charge of their lives. #POWERPabi

A NEW SUBSCRIBER Wow, Nawaal! I finally subscribed to EOA and I love it!

A great read indeed. I am not big on magazines, but I somehow felt like this one is a must-have, so I took the 12-month digital subscription and so far ke lerato fela, we are in love! Thank you for the great work. Kuhle, kuhle, kuhle!

Sherry Machele GREAT CONTENT I had the time to go through this issue [March 2015] in detail whilst travelling. Well done to the EOA team. Great content! I loved your article about social media [Are you Oversharenting?]

Angie Moyo

MY MAGAZINE FOR LIFE I am so excited! I bought Essays Of Africa magazine for the first time. You are such an inspiration. I love your gift. It is different and it offers powerful conversational content. I feel it in my blood. My magazine for life.

Akhona Mazingisa

TWO FOR ONE I got hold of Essays Of Africa for the first time at CNA in Mbabane and they still had the March 2015 issue, so I bought a copy of that one as well. I was so excited!

Bobo Lukhele SABC Ligwalagwala FM

We would love to hear your views, news and especially your feedback on the magazine. Email us at letters@ essaysofafrica.com or post your comments on Facebook.com/essayofafrica, @EssaysOfAfrica or EssaysOfAfrica.

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ESSAYS A WOMAN’S JOURNEY

OF AFRICA

Women on a Journey

Fashion & Beauty

Relationships & Sex

Nail Art? Nail It!

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Lifestyle

Celebrities & News

Uncovered: Chats

Is Stress Killing You ?

2015's Top Jewellery Trends (So Far)

Joint Home Loans Out Of Wedlock- Yes Or No?

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EOA READERS CORNER must confess, nothing and I mean nothing could separate me from my monthly dose of gossip magazines, even when every bone in my body would scream “lies, lies, lies!” whenever I would read them. That’s until I read Essays of Africa. Before buying the March 2015 issue of EOA, I only followed the magazine on Facebook and I must say, the inspiration I got from the posts was nothing compared to the revelation that would follow after buying my first issue. It was what Oprah Winfrey refers to as an ‘aha moment’.

EOA introduced me to myself. I laughed as I read Nawaal’s editorial where she compared women to denim. Just like denim, I too have evolved with time and faced challenges, and as an African woman I had the power to overcome those challenges. After so much I have, as Nawaal put it “remained resilient”.

Following EOA online and social media I have learned to embrace my African side after having become so westernised. I was struggling to decide on a hairstyle for my engagement day and what dress to have made. It was between a Brazilian weave and having a Beyoncé-inspired dress made, or having beautiful braids and African-inspired dress. Looking at the phenomenal women of purpose featured in EOA, the choice became evident: I decided to take my journey towards embodying all the aspects that make me a beautiful young African woman, inspired by the colours and beauty of our continent and the strength of the women in it.

EOA has been my ‘holy grail’ of women’s magazines and a gift to all women; it is a breath of fresh air, completely different from other magazines on offer. It has not only changed my perspective on society’s concept of beauty, but it is relevant to me as a young woman headed for greatness in a Graduate Program in one of South Africa’s largest companies. The articles about inspirational women such as Zingisa Taho and Dr Nathalie Chinje remind me that there is nothing that women cannot do when we put our hearts and minds to it.

DELI MKHABELA

GOSSIP MAG JUNKIE TURNED EOA READER FOR LIFE! MAY 2 0 1 5

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WORDS AND PICTURE: DELI MKHABELA.

I intend to pass on the knowledge I learn from Essays of Africa magazine down to my daughter one day and, fellow friends. I am proud to say that I am a recovering gossip magazine junkie turned EOA woman. Thank you! I am well and truly inspired, and I look forward to the issues to come. E

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EOA BLOGGER COLUMN

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THROUGH A LENS Thina Zibi’s journey into photography started with a fascination with people and developed into a desire to show Africa through the eyes of Africans.

Follow her: @thinazibi @thinazibi.tumblr.com

WORDS AND IMAGES: SUPPLIED BY THINA ZIBI.

was born, raised and studied in Cape Town and was fortunate enough to live in both the township and suburbs. One of my favorite pastimes was people watching; usually what they were doing or the way they looked, or I would find something interesting about them. A few years after working as an art director I got bored, bought a camera advertised on Gumtree and started hitting the streets and turned my ‘staring at people pastime’ into a proper hobby. People have always inspired me. From their sense of style, to their faces and how they carry themselves as well as the moments shared between them.

I pretty much started taking pictures of anything that came across as cool or inspiring. I enjoyed showing people as they were, at that split second when they were unaware. This ranged from kids smoking before the legal age, random strangers, street style at social events and buildings, as well as portraits of close friends and family members. That’s when I started archiving my work on my blog.

After moving to Johannesburg I started doing a lot of commissioned work on personalities, which involved young artists such as poets, musicians, designers, etc. The inspiring part of that is showcasing South African talent and the popular culture.

I enjoy that even more than I do styling shoots and creating settings for a beautiful image. I tend to lean more towards the honest, genuine moments and portraits.

This has forced me to be much more aware of my surroundings, to be on the lookout for interesting subjects and to always be ready when an opportunity presents itself.

There are many young talented photographers in South Africa and what I find we have in common is this need to showcase our surroundings as we see them.

Whether stylised or raw, there is a level of pride in the images that one can’t miss. For quite a while we have seen a lot of images that painted only poverty and destitution when it comes to African surroundings and subject matter. Even when the images were striking or provocative they always felt negative, which is quite a misrepresentation of who we really are. Yes, there is a lot that is not ideal about our communities but that does not mean constant illustration of sombre subjects.

There is something different about the work of a photographer who tells a story of where they come from. We need more artists who will showcase this in whichever form they can. E

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WORDS: THINA MTHEMBU. SOURCES: &THREADS; RED CARPET FASHION SHOW; GEMBOREE SHOP; HYDEPARKCORNER.CO.ZA

FASHION NEWS EOA

TIMBERLANDS FOR STYLISH WINTER FOOTWEAR

Put your best foot forward this winter with ladies Timberlands!

Don’t let this cold season stop you from going out with your friends; you can still dress snugly with comfortable, stylish shoes from the women’s Timberland range. Visit Hyde Park Shopping Centre and treat yourself to some well-deserved retail therapy! For more info, call 011 325 4524.

GEMS ONLINE

Are you looking for a range of elegant rings, earrings, bracelets and necklaces? Get clicking and check out Gemboree Shop for their collection of semi-precious stone accessories designed for the woman in search of all that is pure and energising. Make a mark with the unique accessories, locally and globally. For more info, go to Gemboreeshop.com or call 011 728 1305.

SAVE THE DATE

The Red Carpet Fashion Show 2015 will be held at the stunning Cassia, at the Nitida Wine Farm, on 8 May 2015. Renowned designers Stefania Morland, Craig Port, Bo & Luca, and Joanna Hedley will be showing their fall collections and there will also be a preview of next summer’s collection by BeachCult, Diesel eyewear and KarenFay jewellery. Live music performances by Nash and The Marilynz will add layers of entertainment. Guests will get to take some of the magic home with gifts from hair and beauty partners, Kerastase and Nimue, as well as Prestige coffeetable collectables. For the extra dash of glamour, FoxBox will be offering an express manicure to those in need of one.

Can be purchased online at Webtickets. For more info, on the Red Carpet Fashion Show, go to Redcarpetpr.co.za.

YOUR 24/7 FASHION DESTINATION

If you prefer online shopping to old-fashioned walking the aisles, & Threads is just a few clicks away! This one-of-a-kind online store makes it their duty to stock the best in local and international clothing and fashion accessory brands! Go to andthreads.co.za or call 021 418 1510. E

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EOA UNCOVERED

“I like the idea that having a baby is as much about giving birth to myself as it is about birthing another human being.”

THE UNDENIABLE PANGS OF

broodiness

Broodiness has been known to visit many women throughout their lifetime. Ndoni Khanyile looks at her own feelings and fears towards the journey of motherhood. remember the first time I felt it. I must have been 21 or 22. I was a drama student at the University of Cape Town, relishing my newfound independence, and dreaming big and ambitious dreams about my future. Children and motherhood couldn’t have been further away from my mind, but nonetheless, there it was – a yearning so deep that when I looked at a baby, I felt it physically in my gut.

While this almost primal instinct shook me, I kept my eyes firmly fixed on the future that was calling me. When the next bout of broodiness hit in my mid-twenties I was better prepared.

I enjoyed the dreams I had of having a round, ripe belly or holding a small and delicious smelling bundle. I enjoyed them in the moment then packed them away knowing that I had a beautiful experience waiting for me when I had conquered the world and was ready to start a family.

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Do you see a way forward, a way to connect and build a future? Write to us at letters@ essaysofafrica.com or Tweet us #letsconnect @EssaysOfAfrica.

WORDS AND IMAGE: NDONI KHANYILE.

BY NDONI KHANYILE

There are some who think broodiness doesn’t exist or that it is a figment of a woman’s imagination, a way to pressure reluctant partners into domesticity, but fertility expert Dr Sarah Brewer disagrees.

She believes it is the result of complex hormonal interaction with the female part of the brain and that this urge to reproduce is instinctive – the very instinct that has kept the human race going.

A decade has passed since I first felt those urges and my broodiness is stronger than ever. I am older and more secure emotionally and financially and I am married to a kind, supportive man who wants nothing more than to build a family with me. This is the perfect time to launch full-steam ahead into the baby making, right?

While my general enthusiasm for motherhood is still there, I have noticed another feeling take hold.

Fear. Fear of everything: Will my career suffer? Will pregnancy ruin my body? How much will childbirth hurt? What if kids damage my relationship?

Renowned midwife, Ina May Gaskin, gives a mindblowing TED talk on reducing fear of childbirth in US culture. She speaks powerfully on how contemporary life has separated us from the power and purpose of childbirth. She believes that if a woman surrenders to it and embraces it the experience has the ability to connect her to her deepest self, a life-altering experience that makes for stronger, more confident and fearless women. Living in capitalist and patriarchal societies can gives us some very warped ideas of our roles as women and our value. Our bodies and youth are commoditised, while our strength and depth is often underestimated.

I like the idea that having a baby is as much about giving birth to myself as it is about birthing another human being. I don’t know what lies ahead, but for now I have wise women like Ina May’s words to remind me that I need not fear. My body is more intelligent than I know and my spirit is more resilient than I could ever imagine. E

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Winter knits

IN THE WORLD OF FASHION No longer just a gogo’s staple, knitwear has become the biggest winter trend this year.

3/4 KNIT SKIRT, R950, MAXHOSA LADUMA. KNIT SWEATER, R1 300, MAXHOSA LADUMA. GREY SHOES WITH OPEN SIDES, R899, ALDO. KNIT STITCH BATWING, R1 499, MAXHOSA LADUMA. BLACK JAMIE SKINNY JEAN, R779, TOPSHOP. L/SLEEVE CROSS-BACK TOP, R399, GUESS, STUTTAFORDS. RASPY COGNAC BOOTIE, R1 799, STEVE MADDEN.

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YELLOW POP STAR KNIT, R699, MINKPINK, STUTTAFORDS. BLACK GUESS PRINTED SHIRT, R699, GUESS. JET-BLACK MINI WITH LEATHER, R799, GUESS, STUTTAFORDS. GREEN PANZANO BOOTS, R1 499, ALDO. BLACK BEADED COLLAR NECKPIECE, R280, ZURI. FAUX RABBIT FUR SWEATER, R1 099, GUESS. DENIM SKIRT WITH ZIP DETAIL, R1 499, GUESS. BLACK ANKLE BOOTS, R599, CALL IT SPRING.

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FASHION main EOA

CREAM KNIT SWEATER WITH PLASTIC DETAIL, R719, GAP, STUTTAFORDS. GREY TORN JEANS, R829, TOPSHOP. BAGGIE LOW BOOTIE, R1 199, PALLADIUM, STUTTAFORDS

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CARDIGAN WITH FAUX FUR NECK, R1 099, MINKPINK, STUTTAFORDS. S/SLEEVE POLO NECK, R199, TOPSHOP. SILVER BALL NECKLACE, R120, ZURI. BLACK JAMIE SKINNY JEAN, R779, TOPSHOP.

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BROWN CARDIGAN, R799, MANGO. BLACK BEADED NECKLACE, R220, ZURI. BLOTTIE COGNAC CROSSBODY, R899, STEVE MADDEN. FRINGE BOOTS WITH TASSLES, R2 999, CASTELO. BLACK LEGGINGS, R899, GUESS, STUTTAFORDS.

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RED GLOW TOP, R699, MANGO. BLUE JEGGINGS, R899, LEVI’S, STUTTAFORDS. MULTI CREAM BRACELET, R140, ZURI. GOLD MESH PLATE NECKLACE, R150, ZURI. NYRVANA BROWN BOOTIE, R1 499, STEVE MADDEN.

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BLACK SCARF, R189, CALL IT SPRING. GREY BOBBLE STITCH MERINO KNIT JUMPER, R1 499, TED BAKER, STUTTAFORDS. GREY FRINGE JEANS, R1 199, GUESS. BLACK BLOTTIE BAG WITH TASSLES, R399, CALL IT SPRING. BLACK CARAMETO SHOES, R1 399, ALDO. LIGHT GREY SWEATER, R539, STUTTAFORDS. LOW-RISE, LACE-UP JEGGINGS, R1 399, GUESS, STUTTAFORDS. SILVER OXFORD SHOES, R1 850, CASTELO. WINTER BEANIE, R239, TOPSHOP.

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BATWING BLACK KNIT JERSEY, R769, TOPSHOP. SHORT KNIT SKIRT, R850, MAXHOSA LADUMA. MULTI-CREAM BRACELET, R140, ZURI.

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PHOTOGRAPHER: GARETH JACOBS. STYLIST: TUMI MDLULI. HAIR & MAKE-UP: LUCOH MHLONGO. MODELS: CLEDIA TSHUMBA & TSHOLOFELO PHETLA.

FASHION main EOA

BLACK AND WHITE SWEATER, R699, MANGO. CAMRYN WIDE LEG PANTS, PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND, STUTTAFORDS.

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t’s a Saturday afternoon in 1993. Lorraine Mashishi-Raphael is not out enjoying the day, meeting friends for lunch or shopping; she is in an ambulance with her two-month-old son as it speeds away from Florence Nightingale private hospital in Johannesburg, to Tembisa hospital, where the boy had recently spent three weeks. The Tembisa doctors had sent Lorraine home with a note and instructions to show it to anyone else who would treat him. When his condition worsened, Lorraine’s sister-in-law offered to use her medical aid to take him to Florence Nightingale, but even they sent them away.

“It was the last Saturday afternoon of the month. The hospital was chaotic and the casualty ward was full by the time we arrived. After showing the doctor the referral letter, his response, in front of all the awaiting patients was: ‘There’s nothing I can do for this child. He’s got Aids and he’s going to die,” Lorraine shares of that terrifying moment. “I froze in the middle of that big crowd of people. The doctor also said that the mother of the child must be HIV-positive.”

Despite this cold reception from the medical expert, her baby was still admitted.

“Early the next morning I had a dream about my son disappearing right before my eyes and I got a feeling in my heart that he had died. When I called the hospital they told me that they had just finished working on my son and he had not survived.”

TAINTED LOVE The boy’s father was Lorraine’s first love.

They had met when she was a teen and after she finished high school they’d started to talk about him paying lobola so they could start a family. That’s when she discovered she was pregnant. “Added to the trauma of my son’s death, I was so stressed by the thought that I was also about to die,” Lorraine admits. “When my family took me to the doctor to be treated for the stress, I requested an HIV test.

In those days it took two weeks to get results; it was the longest two weeks of my life.” Her results came back positive, with a devastating prognosis. The doctor also told Lorraine she would not live through the next six months. “With that news, I

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POSITIVE ABOUT LIFE Despite being given mere months to live, Lorraine Mashishi-Raphael clung to life and emerged as a ray of hope for scores of people. gave up on life. I dropped out of tertiary education because it felt pointless, like my parents were just wasting money on someone who was going to die. I eventually took a job in retail to pass the time.”

LEARNING TO TRUST AGAIN That was over 20 years ago. Since then Lorraine has come to terms with her condition, while regaining her trust in her relationships and finding reasons to go on living. With the support of her extended family, she was able to rise above the barrage of stigma from the community. “A friend I trusted told everyone my status and I was called vulgar names. My mother tried to join a local society and they rejected her because they’d heard about her daughter with Aids,” she says sadly, “but I took the

time and educated myself. I found strength in my support structure and was finally able to look people in the face and proudly tell them I’m HIV-positive. I was also taking my medication regularly.”

She continues, “My partner passed away in 2001. We loved each other so much.

There are a lot of stories out there about horrible young men who intentionally infect unsuspecting young girls, but I am certain he would never have done that to me.” When Lorraine was ready to start dating again, it was difficult. “I would use my HIV-positive status to push people away.

As soon as I felt like someone was getting too close, I would tell them my status and they would reject me.” Two months into one of her relationships, Lorraine decided to disclose her status to her boyfriend as

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REAL LIFE EOA they were driving home from work. “He kicked me out of his car and left me on the highway in the middle of the night.”

LORRAINE MASHISHI-RAPHAEL

LOVE IN A TIME OF HIV After surviving some horrible dating experiences, Lorraine eventually met her special someone, Sipho Moloi in 2005.

“Considering how my past relationships turned out after I disclosed my status, I ended up carrying around a lot of anger and doubt, but this man was different.

Sipho just wanted to be with me. It was difficult to let go of the anger, but he kept on coming back and here we are today.”

The couple is raising a healthy HIVnegative seven-year-old boy, thanks to the advancements that have been made in preventing mother-to-child transmission of the HI virus.

She explains, “In 2006 my viral load [the amount of HIV in her blood] was so low that it was undetectable. The doctor gave us the go-ahead to try for a baby because the risk of infecting my partner and my child was so low. It’s still my top priority today to keep them safe and healthy.” Lorraine now uses Facebook to raise awareness among her followers, mostly young people, about how to live a healthy and responsible life in spite of HIV. “I especially don’t want young girls to go through what I did, and advise them on how to speak to their loved ones.”

WORDS: ZANELE MJI. PHOTOGRAPHER: GARETH JACOBS.

A BEACON OF HOPE Lorraine is first to admit how far society and the medical fraternity have come in their attitudes about HIV. “There used to be a separate clinic, called Masakhane, at Tembisa hospital, where HIV-positive patients would go for treatment. If you went there everybody would know why.

Now we’re treated like other patients.

The way I found out about my status, that’s not likely to happen these days.

Healthcare workers and organisations are much more sensitive.”

She says the onus is on HIV-positive individuals to continue to advocate for change. “I threw a party to celebrate 20 years of living with HIV, and I stood up and told my story proudly. I haven’t survived 20 years for nothing. It’s time to use the purpose God has given me. I still have more years to come.” E

Should you want to connect with Lorraine, reach out to her on Facebook: Lorraine Lolo Mashishi-Raphael.

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rofessor Hlengiwe Buhle Mkhize entered the political arena during the height of student activism in Soweto, fighting the Bantu Education system whilst a pupil at Morris Isaacson High School. Her activism and profession as a lecturer in psychology and other fields took her to the University of Illinois in Chicago and the University of Mississippi during the 1980s, leading campaigns against apartheid and racism as well as the Release Mandela Campaign.

Since then, Prof. Mkhize has served as a commissioner on the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and an Ambassador of South Africa to the Netherlands, followed by the role of Deputy Minister in various portfolios.

Her advocacy for change has led to her being serving on innumerable coalitions, commissions and foundations in South Africa and abroad.

EOA: You’ve come a long way since the days of fighting apartheid as a young woman in Soweto. Did you ever think your life would lead to such an illustrious career in politics?

DM: No, not at all! You know, the guys who conscientised us were all about one thing in those days: education!

Even my father used to say, “Education, education, education!” I think this is because there were so few opportunities

for us back then. Luckily I felt that was where I belonged: studying psychology and then lecturing.

There were no big dreams though – we just thought we had to change things for the better. Each generation should define its challenges and act decisively; that was all we were doing. And the situation on the ground scared us and kept us on our toes. But when you’re young, you don’t really fear death; you just feel you have a responsibility to do something and do it now! Also, there were no big positions to fight for in those days – we were all in the struggle as equals, which taught me to always uplift others. There’s no point in fighting for a cause if it doesn’t bring freedom to all.

EOA: How has your activism – particularly for women’s rights – shaped the various portfolios within which you’ve served?

DM: I’m still very much influenced by the words of Franz Fanon (Martinique-born Afro-Caribbean psychiatrist, philosopher, revolutionary) and try to bring his revolutionary spirit to all the work I do. What struck me immediately upon taking up my current posting was that the industry is still so male dominated.

When they came to brief me, I thought: “My God, are we back in the old days?” So I started tracing it to understand where it comes from, and I could see many of the

struggles from when I was the Deputy Minister of Higher Education.

Women don’t do as well in maths and science; they don’t take it far beyond high school. This made me realise that the struggles in our education system have long-term consequences. If you end up with the majority of citizens being excluded from critical careers for the future, it’s not good for the country; the majority of the population is being marginalised. In this industry, you don’t hear much about the transformation agenda. Even with talks of enterprise development and BEE, it’s all about men. I saw major loopholes in the system, which I am addressing through my contributions.

EOA: What are some of your plans to address these issues and bring more women into the industry?

DM: My aim is to continue the legacy of Dr. Ivy Matsepe-Casaburrie, who was the Minister of Telecommunications during Thabo Mbeki’s term. She had strong views on how ICT needs to be used for women’s development. So in July last year I formed Women in the ICT Sector, as I felt we needed to mobilise women in order to radically transform this sector. In March we held the Inaugural Ivy MatsepeCasaburrie Memorial Lecture, in order to bring these issues to the fore. What she stood for and campaigned for in 1995 is still relevant today.

BRIDGING THE GENDER GAP The Deputy Minister for Telecommunications and Postal Services makes for a formidable title, and the woman serving in this post certainly backs it up with a powerful presence.

Deputy Minister Hlengiwe Mkhize has been a champion for social justice and women’s rights for over four decades. She spoke to EOA about some of her biggest hopes for South Africa and how she’s contributing to this vision.

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Q&A EOA

WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. IMAGES: SUPPLIED BY THE OFFICE OF DEP. MIN. HLENGIWE MKHIZE.

For me, this is a vivid expression of how we’re not moving forward with an inclusion agenda. I am passionate and adamant about the fact that women can no longer be excluded, as they are the ones who can use technology to transform communities and tangibly contribute to our economy. Thankfully there is a concerted effort on a global scale to ensure women empowerment and gender equality in this sector. We recently participated in the Gender Equality Mainstreaming-Technology programme, as well as the GSMA Women Leadership conference, learning new models for how ICTs can be used to grow the female digital economy. This gets me excited for the future.

Technology needs to be less intimidating – two-year-olds know intuitively how to press buttons and interact with smartphones and iPads. Thus we have to demystify it, as it is an enabler.

Technology is simply a tool for people to connect to each other, to the continent and the world at large. The Information Society is all about inclusion; it’s the digital dividend of the 21st century of which no one should be left out.

EOA: How are you planning on achieving these objectives?

DM: Through bargaining processes with the industry, government has leverage on policy. Our tenders have conditions to get the private sector to focus on poorer areas and to empower more women. We are also spearheading powerful interventions in education; ensuring women get more opportunities and bursaries to study in this sector. No developmental goals can be achieved without meaningful partnerships, which is why we use state leverage to insist on an inclusion agenda.

Without the private sector, things will move at a slow pace. We are constantly monitoring and evaluating the industry, rewarding companies that are including more women in a sustainable way. Many of our recent initiatives include educational outreach programmes that increase digital awareness and access to mobile services for women, as well as initiatives that encourage women to become digital entrepreneurs. Our aim of 100 percent

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PROFESSOR HLENGIWE BUHLE MKHIZE, DEPUTY MINISITER OF TELECOMMUNICATIONS AND POSTAL SERVICES

broadband penetration by 2020 is also contributing to this vision.

EOA: What has been one of the biggest highlights for you so far in this portfolio?

DM: One of the most exciting initiatives was the recent launch of a website (www. lwazi-ict.co.za) that was developed for women in the Tlhabane community in Rustenburg. Through this website, women can include their business profiles, access information and have the opportunity to network in their community. It also acts as a support mechanism for women who have been victims of gender-based violence, with the inclusion of local counsellors and police. We partnered with private companies to achieve this, who are also providing skills training in ICT and access to laptops and tablets for women of the

community. Initiatives such as this are bridging the gender gap from a technology perspective, and it is my aim to replicate this across South Africa EOA: How connected do you feel to younger generations of today?

DM: Well, I’m very active on Twitter – I love it! Social media is transforming our nation; it breaks through barriers and crosses lines like nothing else. This is true multiculturalism in action. It forces people to interrogate issues, to have a voice and take a stand. It keeps me in touch with the biggest issues facing youth today. We haven’t fully exploited the digital dividend yet, but if a teenager in Nkandla can connect with someone in Stellenbosch through social media – that to me is a huge leap forward. E

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NO CHILD’S PLAY

Most 12-year-olds are concerned about One Direction concerts, but Zuriel Oduwole spends her time talking to heads of state and inspiring young people to stay in school. We caught up with her on her trip to South Africa.

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PROFILE EOA

WORDS: ZAMA NKOSI. PHOTOGRAPHER: GARETH JACOBS.

ZURIEL ODUWOLE IS A GIRL WHO KNOWS NO LIMITS

he’s only 12 years old but Zuriel Oduwole is already a documentary filmmaker, has interviewed 14 presidents and prime ministers and is the founder of ‘Dream Up, Speak Up, Stand Up’, a campaign which aims to have all children, especially girl children, educated.

Hers is a journey unlike many and one that stands to benefit the African continent and its children. “I am passionate about making sure that Africa keeps on improving and that the rest of the world sees the many good things that happen here,” says Zuriel.

When we meet Zuriel, she’s in Johannesburg as part of one of her trips around the continent. She’s set to speak to children from Diepsloot Combined School, north of Johannesburg. Most of the kids at the school, like Zuriel, don’t seem at all intimidated. “I love speaking to other kids, it’s actually one of my favourite things to do. I’ve spoken to 21 000 other kids in different parts of the world so I am used to it and it’s something I enjoy,” she says with a smile.

EDUCATIONAL FOCUS Zuriel’s ‘Dream Up, Speak Up, Stand Up’ campaign has a huge focus on education and so do her interviews with the different heads of state. So what does a 12-year-old talk to presidents and leaders about?

“I speak to them about their policies, especially when it comes to education.

What I gain is more knowledge about education in the different countries and

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that gives insight as to how things are there at the moment. It starts conversations about education and opens the door for things to get better with time.”

That’s a pretty serious statement from a child so young but Zuriel says that it is normal for her. “Even though it seems like the things I do are serious, it’s because I enjoy them. Just like other kids have hobbies, this is mine,” she asserts.

So how does she focus on school when she’s travelling the world, making documentaries and meeting with world leaders?

“I am homeschooled and that allows me to study wherever I am. I’m in the ninth grade right now,” she explains.

“I am passionate about making sure that Africa keeps on improving and that the rest of the world sees the many good things that happen here,” says Zuriel.

PLAYING POSITIVELY While in Diepsloot, Zuriel motivated a lot of the young people to commit to getting an education. Most of the kids present at her talk took a pledge with her. When I ask her what that pledge meant, she gets serious. “This was my first time doing a pledge with other kids so it was special for

me. We pledge to stay in school so that we can get educated. Because this was my first one, I still need to figure out something and find a way to make sure that everyone who pledged sticks to it.”

While Zuriel is certainly someone to look up to in terms of the work and message she is spreading, there are real moments when the 12-year-old in her colours her seriousness. At one point during the Diesploot school visit, she makes her way to the gallery at the back of the hall and starts dancing with the choir, in her own zone, being a traditional child.

I ask her how she gets the chance to be laidback and child-like when she is always travelling and doing such important work.

She thinks about it for a bit: “I don’t know, I don’t think about being a kid because I am,” she replies. “I like to play with other kids and I love to play basketball. This is also a hobby for me,” she shrugs.

With the formalities of the day over with, Zuriel really shows her more childlike side. She’s fully engaging with the other children around, moving between snacking and playing on the trampoline, comparing moves with other kids. It’s evident that this girl is special, despite the amazing things she has worked on; the magic of being young still resides in her.

In passing I ask her what she wants to be when she gets older. “I want to be an athlete, a robotic engineer and eventually I want to be the president of the USA. If I’m a president in the USA, I will have impact on the African continent as well.” E

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EOA BOOKS

What About Meera?

ZP Dala R190, Penguin After being attacked at a literary festival in Durban for saying she admires the works of Salman Rushdie, ZP Dala is the newest in a long line of South African authors who refuse to be cowed by those who violently oppress freedom of expression. After naming Rushdie as a favourite author, Dala was run off the road, held at knife point, called ‘Rushdie’s bitch’ and hit in the face with a brick.

Rushdie, who is no stranger to death threats – a fatwa, or death sentence, was issued against him for his controversial novel The Satanic Verses in 1990 and has technically never been lifted – came out in support of the up-and-coming author condemning the attacks. In the midst of the brouhaha at the festival, Dala’s book was not officially launched – which is a shame because it is a good novel.

It tells the tale of Meera Narain, a young woman from Durban, who runs to Dublin to escape her abusive marriage. There she works at a school for disabled children. The story seems to ask: Can a woman rise above her circumstances and change her fate? Though the answer is never really clear, the book crackles with life, colour and a strange humour.

R195, Jonathan Ball Desmond Tutu faced the horror of the stories that emerged at the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and saw the difficult path to inner peace. Along with his daughter Reverend Mpho Tutu, Desmond devised a manual for forgiveness explaining that we are all capable of healing and transformation. Out in paperback.

101 Detectives Ivan Vladislavić R220, Penguin The author of the incredible Portrait with Keys recently won the prestigious international Windham-Campbell Prize, cementing the author as South Africa’s major post-apartheid writer. His newest collection of vignettes is filled with the humour and insightfulness we’ve come to expect. The stories, packed with subtle patterns and clues, make a detective of the reader.

“The story seems to ask: Can a woman rise above her circumstances and change her fate? Though the answer is never really clear, the book crackles with life, colour and a strange humour.”

The Buried Giant Kazuo Isiguro R275, Jonathan Ball The Booker Prize winning author of The Remains of the Day has come out with his first novel in a decade – and it’s been worth the wait. Filled with Isiguro’s characteristic strange and lonely landscapes, the story follows a couple as they undertake a journey to find their missing son.

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Mama Koko and the Hundred Gunmen Lisa J Shannon R500, Jonathan Ball Congolese expatriate, Francisca Thelin, along with human rights activist, Lisa J. Shannon, returns to her homeland, which is now terrorised by the militia of Joseph Kony’s Lord’s Resistance Army. A true story of gunmen, loss and human connection. E

WORDS: ROBYN BLOCH. IMAGES: PENGUIN, JONATHAN BALL PUBLISHERS.

Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu

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REAL WOMAN EOA

SOUL SISTER ON THE RISE ugu P. Dlamini, lover of life and music, soulful singer and performer, was born and raised in Belfast, a small town in Mpumalanga, the province of the ‘rising sun’. Gugu juggles two careers at the same time: she is a trade relations officer specialising in marketing for the Mpumalanga Tourism and Parks Agency, as well as a part-time singer performing mainly at gala events and private parties.

As a trade relations officer, she is responsible for selling Mpumalanga as the ultimate tourist destination, both domestically and internationally, and her work has afforded her the opportunity to travel to other African countries, Europe and Asia.

She began her music career at the tender age of 6. In 2004, her passion for music motivated her to enter the Voice of Choice radio music competition in which she won Ikwekwezi FM’s ‘Voice of Choice’.

Gugu has received voice training and mentoring from well-known artists such as Judith Sephuma and Sbongile Mngoma and highlights of her music career include performing with the legendary Ray Phiri and Yvonne Chaka Chaka. Gugu currently owns Gugu D Entertainment and she continues to flourish in her music performances.

Gugu also has a secret love for interior decorating, fine dining and cooking. In her spare time, she unwinds by preparing meals for her family and friends or shopping for little items for her home.

In God she walks and lives. E

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BLACK DRESS, R999, CITY CHIC. YELLOW AND BLACK CARDIGAN, R599, ZURI. BLACK STILETTOS, R2 950, CASTELO. BLACK NECKLACE, R280, ZURI. GOLD EARRING SET, R150, ZURI.

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EOA REAL WOMAN DRAPE FRONT CARDIGAN, R499, CITY CHIC. BLACK JEANS, R699, CITY CHIC. PEEP-TOE ZIP ANKLE BOOTS (BLACK), R2 999, CASTELO. SOLID GOLD AND SILVER BRACELET, R190, ZURI.

DENIM JACKET, R499, FOSCHINI. BLUE VEST, R119, TOPSHOP. BLUE DENIM, R799, LEVI’S. PEEP-TOE ZIP ANKLE BOOTS (BLACK), R2 999, CASTELO. GOLD EARRING SET, R150, ZURI.

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REAL WOMAN EOA PHOTOGRAPHER: GARETH JACOBS. STYLIST: TEBATJO MANAMELA. MAKE UP & HAIR: PRUDENCE SEGAME.

BLACK SUEDE SKIRT, R599, CITY CHIC. BLACK WOVEN CAMI, R200, CITY CHIC. WHITE DRAPED BLAZER, R599, CITY CHIC. GOLD EARRING SET, R150, ZURI. GOLD NECKLACE, R200, ZURI.

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COLD PROTECTION air, like fashion, goes through major transitions based on seasons. So just as you’ve mastered your summer hair and the lotions and potions you need for it, it’s time to change your regime for winter. Because winter is characterised by dryness, your body feels the effects of that and brittle dry hair becomes the order of the day. But doesn’t have to be that way.

Lindani Lufu-Nyoni, a hair care consultant and stylist with Naturalz ‘n’ Mo Hair and Beauty Suppliers in Johannesburg gave us these steps to follow: 1. Sleep well, eat well, and drink lots of water. The water helps to keep you hydrated and that has a positive on your hair.

2. Moisturise your scalp. This needs to be done more so than in the summer months because your hair will be drier than usual.

3. Look after your hairline. Many protective styles require the pulling back of your hair, so ensure that it’s not pulled back too much.

If you thought the last two seasons were harsh on your hair, think again! Winter is the harshest of the four, but with the proper treatment, your hair can be protected.

4. Cover your hair at night. This helps with friction that breaks your hair.

5. Tuck the ends of your hair away if possible. Be it your hair is loose or in twists, buns and tucked up-dos are recommended.

Keeping your ends hidden from the cold and dry air will help reduce moisture loss.

PROTECTIVE WINTER HAIRSTYLES The following hairstyles are suitable for hair that is natural, relaxed and hair with extensions.

Wigs

With the advancement in wig-making technique, this hair protective style is more attractive. Lace wigs have changed the way wigs look, allowing a more natural look. Lace front wigs and hand-woven wigs can be used to protect start-up locks and relaxed hair during winter.

Short Haircut

Hair that is shorter than shoulder length is a partial protective style on its own because it doesn’t rub against clothing, shoulders and chair backs, resulting in frayed and splitting ends. By moisturising and sealing the ends of your hair each day, you can protect your hair from the drying effects of the elements.

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BEAUTY EOA

Cornrows

WORDS: THINA MTHEMBU. SOURCES: SUKISUKINATURALS.CO.ZA, LINDANI LUFU-NYONI, LINDA GIESKES, BRIAN WARFIELD. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM.

They can be accomplished without the highly damaging blow-drying technique used in most of our salons. Your natural hair is perfect for this hairstyle; cornrows work with relaxed hair as well and are protective because most of your hair will not be exposed to the elements.

Braids And Twists

Braids are a popular hairstyle throughout the year, but they are a great choice for winter because your own hair is not exposed to the harshest of the elements.

Ensure that you still moisturise your scalp often because it will be drier than usual.

Weaves

They may not be thought of as a protective style but weaves, like braids, keep your real hair hidden from winter’s harshness. Ensure that you take care of the hair under your weave. Shampoo and condition often, oil your edges and give your hair a break after six to eight weeks.

WHAT THE EXPERTS SAY

Linda Gieskes, the founder and manufacturer of Suki Suki Naturals says, “As a manufacturer of my own hair care range, I always tell my clients to listen to their hair. Ninety-nine percent of the time, your hair will tell you what it needs, be it a trim, a deep treatment or clarifying. I can always tell from the way my hair looks and feels.”

Gieskes added that in winter you should avoid mineral oil because it coats your hair shaft and although it prevents moisture from leaving your hair, it also prevents moisture from entering your hair. E

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Shopping

COLLAR STATEMENT FLOWER NECKLACE, R79.99, MRP.

CLASSIC RELAX TRENCH COAT, R3 199, G-STAR RAW.

PEACOCK FLAIR SCARF, R749, LUCKY BRAND, EDGARS.

Luxuriously Coated

Tumi Mdluli shows you how effortlessly a great coat can pull together a winter look.

CECI LONG BOOTS, R2 299, ALDO.

SCOTTI PATENT BAG, R999, ALDO IN SANDTON, MENLYN, V&A AND ACCESSORY STORES.

BLUE AND BLACK PRINTED GLOVES, R1 299.95, TED BAKER.

BLACK HAT, R549, RIVER ISLAND, EDGARS. SHORT KNITTED PENCIL SKIRT, R259, RAGE.

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FASHION EOA BLACK SKINNY JEAN, R399, ZARA.

DIAMANTÉ NECKPIECE, R399, ZARA.

CHECK MELTON COAT, R330, MRP. NORTHSIDE BLACK LEATHER BOOTS, R2 599, STEVE MADDEN.

PONTERANICA CLUTCH WITH GOLD, R749, ALDO.

FLORAL HAIR BELTS, R549.95, PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND, STUTTAFORDS.

BLACK DORIS LEATHER GLOVES, R745, PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND, STUTTAFORDS.

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Shopping TAUPE BELTED WRAP COAT, R4 599.95, TED BAKER.

TAUPE PONY ZIP DETAIL GLOVES, R1 299.95, TED BAKER.

COLLAR STATEMENT PINK HUE NECKPIECE, R60, MRP.

HIGH-WAISTED PONTI LEGGINGS, R100, MRP.

Make it your signature Don’t compromise couture for cozy comfort.

NUDE HAT, R549, RIVER ISLAND, EDGARS.

NATURAL COMBO SNAKESKIN BAG, R299.95, EDGARS. RIMESSA BROWN BOOT, R2 499, ALDO.

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STUDIO.W WOOL-BLEND, OVERSIZED COAT, R1 500, WOOLWORTHS.

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FASHION EOA STRAIGHT-CUT JEAN, R559, ZARA.

LAYERED NECKPIECE, R399, ZARA.

WORDS: TUMI MDLULI. IMAGES: STOCKISTS.

LORRAINE COAT, R3 400, PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND, STUTTAFORDS.

OESMO BLACK BOOT, R2 299, NINE WEST.

PAUL’S BOUTIQUE BAILEY CORAL HANDBAG, R1 999.95, ALDO.

CRESSIDA FELT HAT, R799.95, PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND, STUTTAFORDS.

MIX UP BORDERS BELT, R849.95, LUCKY BRAND, EDGARS.

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COVER STORY EOA

Dillishiously IN CONTROL

She made Africa fall in love with her when she was on Big Brother Africa and she’s made that love translate into a budding business empire. We spoke to Dillish Mathews about what it means to be a young woman doing it for herself in 2015.

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W

hen Dillish Mathews walks in for our cover shoot, she is the picture of serenity, quiet confidence and striking beauty. The Namibian businesswoman has the rare grace of a woman older than her 24 years, which is part of the reason why she was a firm favourite on Big Brother The Chase in 2013 and ended up winning the grand prize. For those who don’t know any better, Dillish might appear to be just another reality TV star, but for those who have been following her story over the last two years, they will know that she has taken her reality TV fame and is making an empire from it.

BORN FOR BUSINESS Born in Windhoek in 1990 to a 19-year-old mother, Dillish was born into a family of entrepreneurs. “I was highly motivated by my grandfather who raised my siblings and me in his home and took good care of us. He was, and still is, very independent. So from a young age I had that mentality but I obviously didn’t know how to bring that to life until I got older,” she explains.

Prior to becoming a public figure, Dillish had already started her journey towards creating an empire. “Before I came to South Africa for Big Brother, I had a small hair boutique in Windhoek. I sold Brazilian hair and hair products. I was also a third year psychology student at the University of Windhoek.

I had things going for me but because I knew that I wasn’t interested in psychology, I decided to enter the show and see what happened,” she says.

After the show ended, Dillish became a recognisable face across Africa and that came with certain perks. “I will admit that I really enjoyed the attention initially. I was cashing in from appearances and endorsement across the continent and that was something that was fun. I learnt a lot about the continent because I was travelling so much and it made me fall in love with Africa as a whole,” she admits. But Dillish’s dreams went far beyond just being a celebrity. “I put money into my hair company and turned it into a high-end place called High Definition Hair Spa. That was a good investment.”

“I learnt a lot about the continent because I was travelling so much and it made me fall in love with Africa as a whole.

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EXPANSION PLAN

While her hair business was booming, Dillish decided to work on other business ventures. “My boyfriend is in the construction business and I was interested in that. I bought a piece of land with a partner and we decided to build a complex with 12 apartments. That project is almost done,” she says, beaming with pride. But that wasn’t enough for the young entrepreneur and in true form, the universe provided opportunities that would help her expand even more.

In 2014, she collaborated with two brands on beauty products. The first was with a Belgium-based company called NLA. They collaborated with Dillish on a range of make-up brushes. “This was an exciting collaboration because I love beauty products and these brushes are beautiful and classy and sell at a great price,” she admits. The brushes sold out in Europe and are selling quickly in Africa too.

When Dillish got a call from Zimbabwean-born Hollywood make-up artist, Jackie Mgido, who wanted to collaborate with her on a lipstick range, Dillish’s mogul mind went on overdrive.

“I was excited about working with another African woman on a project. We launched 12 lipsticks and 12 lip-glosses in Zimbabwe and Namibia. We also collaborated with Truworths Zimbabwe so that they would be sold in their stores. It’s been another successful venture.” Add a Dillish ice cube range and a Nollywood leading role to all these budding businesses and you get an idea of how determined Dillish is. “I’m a firm believer in hustling; you have to go out there and make things happen for yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself who will?” she asks.

MORE THAN JUST BUSINESS

Dillish says she has plans to start a family of her own. “I’m working very hard this year so that next year I can focus on starting a family of my own,” Dillish says excitedly. She’s been dating Namibian businessman, Stephen Gaeseb, for the last few years and says she’s excited at the prospect of them having a family.

“Stephen is a great man and someone I would want to grow with. We had a short break-up after BBA, but we are back on track and happy.” Dillish says her desire to start a family at 25 stems from having come from a young mother herself.

“My mom was 19 when she had me and we grew up together. I enjoyed that bond and would like the same for myself. I’m not really worried about how motherhood will affect my business side. If Kimora Lee Simmons can do it, so can I,” she laughs.

“I love social media; I’m on there daily and share everything from business stuff to what I’m eating and wearing.”

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SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS

Being 24 means Dillish is totally plugged into social media. It’s no surprise that she says she’s as involved as everyone else. “I love social media; I’m on there daily and share everything from business stuff to what I’m eating and wearing,” she admits.

While she’s no stranger to the meanness and bullying that is part of navigating social media, Dillish finds it more beneficial than harmful. “Look, sometimes I do tell people too much but I learn as I go along. What I have found is that social media allows people to not only know what you’re doing, but it allows them to support your business ventures, which is important for anyone in business.”

With 132 000 Twitter followers and 115 000 Instagram followers when we interviewed her, it’s no secret that social media is working for this business mogul in the making. “What I do warn people against on social media is feeling under pressure, especially young people. People pretend a lot on social media, so you never know what people’s truth is. The way to survive that pressure is to be true to yourself and not compare yourself to anyone else.”

I ask Dillish about her end goal and her answer: “I would like to work hard at creating business throughout the continent and empowering people in the process. I also hope that other women see my story and venture into starting their businesses. I believe in making yourself rich instead of making someone else rich and if we can get into that culture as Africans that would be great. I also want us to continue to unite as a continent; yes, we have differences but they are minimal compared to what our similarities are. Travelling across Africa has taught me that our culture is still very much alive and that is something worth nurturing.” E

Follow Dillishʼs journey: @Dillish_lishy @dillishmathews

“I would like to work hard at creating business throughout the continent and empowering people in the process. I also hope that other women see my story and venture into starting their businesses.”

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WORDS: ZAMA NKOSI. PHOTOGRAPHER: GARETH JACOBS. STYLIST: TUMI MDLULI. FASHION: THULA SINDI. ACCESSORIES: ZURI. STYLED BY: LUCOH MHLONGO. Mkhabela.

COVER STORY EOA

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AN ARCHETYPE AND SACRED CONTRACT In depth psychology, there are four archetypes of survival and we all fall into one of them. Khosi Jiyane explores these archetypes and how they affect how we live, in a three-part series.

F THE PART 1EO PES Y T H ARC IES L A IV SER OF SURV

n this series, we explore the self-empowerment landscape through a road less travelled, as an archetype and sacred contract. It is my hope that we will journey together and navigate this complex but rich terrain, to weave a tapestry of understanding over upcoming instalments.

In this issue we set the scene by defining archetypes and their post-modern guise as sacred contracts. This will allow us to unpack what selfempowerment means and looks like through this lens. With this as the foundation, the next two issues will be divided between the four primary archetypes of survival, which are the child, the victim, the saboteur and the prostitute.

With Black Economic Empowerment being the buzzword, if not a cliché these days, one may very well be forgiven for an ‘allergic reaction’ to the subject of empowerment as a racially-biased dispensing of opportunities and benefits. Equally, the term ‘selfempowerment’ has become part of our everyday parlance, which we use to refer to any number of activities, including studying/ reading, exercise, networking and coaching, that one can engage in to ensure well-being.

While these may very well serve their purpose, from the perspective of depth psychology, true self-empowerment is an ‘inside job’ of much deeper meaning and significance. Depth psychology refers to a school of thought founded on the conviction that there is more mystery and depth to us as human beings, beyond our daily surface existence. It detracts from mainstream traditions in that its character is more an art and philosophy. Rather than being strictly empirical, its applications draw from extensive research, which incorporates other disciplines and is contemplative in its practice. Its main proponent, Carl Jung (1875-1961) parted ways with eminent forerunner Sigmund Freud, to assert that beyond our physiological, social and intellectual aspects, the spiritual dimension is the defining essence of being human.

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THE EVOLVING PSYCHE As a psycho-spiritual paradigm, its point of departure is that life is not just random chaos but an expression of order and purpose.

Therefore, there is purpose and order to every person and our life is a journey of discovering or discerning and living that purpose.

Consequently, human development is a process where the psyche or consciousness unfolds and evolves in order to ultimately come into integrated wholeness. This process takes place because of and through archetypes, which are innate psychic intuitions or predispositions.

As universal patterns or blueprints of experience, archetypes function as a deep-seated extrasensory causal force, which is expressed in individual thought and behaviour. As an example of an archetype, maternal love is a symbol of an inherent predisposition, which prompts universally recognised behavioural expression rather than being acquired by imitation or experience.

Although it may later be textured by an experience of one’s own mother, it nevertheless remains distinct from it. Nguni languages use the word inimba, whereas in the baSotho languages, this predisposition is captured beautifully in the idiomatic expression ‘mme oa ngwana o tshwara thipa ka bohaleng’, which literally translates into ‘a child’s mother grabs the sharp end of a knife’. In this way, it is a symbolic expression of an innate predisposition that a mother will intuitively risk everything, including her own life, to protect or ensure her child’s well-being.

SACRED CONTRACTS Over the years, like-minded Jungians have translated and added a post-modernist flavour to his legacy, which James Hillman sees as redeeming psychology from well-worn and sterile paradigms that trim a life of its essential nature in order to fit their particular frame of reference. Daring to risk a paradigm which asserts that each person enters the world called, and bears a uniqueness that asks to be lived, he refers

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IMAGE: SUPPLIED BY KHOSI JIYANE.

KHOSI JIYANE

to an archetype as the soul’s code or daimon, because it is a message written into the deep recesses of our being.

With the same conviction, medical intuitive and mystic, Caroline Myss, calls it a sacred contract, to signify that as emanations of the life force, human beings incarnate with an ‘agreement’ to participate in the classroom of life, in order to express and fulfil a particular purpose, which is to learn from and teach each other the lessons that are necessary for the evolution of both individual and collective consciousness. Others use the word calling, fate or destiny, to similarly assert that there is a mission we are here to serve or life’s work we are here for.

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Myss draws a distinction between a ‘Sacred Contract’, which refers to one’s highest spiritual potential and a ‘contract’, which is an individual part thereof. This equates to Jung’s distinction between ‘the Self’ and ‘the self’ and so the two groups of phrases will be used synonymously. In its quest for its own realisation, at the appointed, contracted or agreed time, the Self metaphorically activates a trinity of energy guides or messengers; ‘necessity’, ‘choice’ and ‘compassion’.

Through ‘necessity’ or destiny, the Self announces itself in you.

This can be sudden and vivid or it can come in the form of a gentle luring nudge, a still small inner voice. Though it may linger or come and go, it will never leave you. Instead you will, over time, look back on the experience with a clear sense of knowing that there was ‘more to this than meets the eye’. Even this expression speaks to animation; that unmistakable extrasensory and transcendental felt knowing within you. The question at this point in your journey is: are you present enough to hear and, having heard, are you willing to heed the call?

The challenge here lies in the paradox that the call, despite the overall pattern, is not a given one.

Rather, it is unique to each person’s contract, hence for many it comes as an ‘interruption’ because, what you are called to may be nothing like what your worldly-self imagined, aspired to and worked towards. This is because we are born into a societal context where, like dough in the baker’s hands, we are kneaded into one consistency or other, go through the cookie-cutter and come out in a certain mould that society either approves of and rewards you with what are deemed to be worthy bells and whistles, or frowns upon and metes out the necessary punishments.

Does this mean we have no free will after all? This is the interweave with the second energy guide ‘choice’ and where your life can become a battleground. Because the choices of your worldly self are part of your spiritual self, the energy guide of compassion organises the circumstances, experiences and relationships, which are your developmental hurdles or milestones. All of these are choice points that, through the various components of your worldly self or personality, you are destined to navigate in the course of your life journey, for the attainment of your spiritual self or sacred contract.

While they may be daunting, they are, like pieces of a puzzle, nothing but opportunities for your integration.

So, how then does this differ from self-empowerment in the colloquial sense? Though it may be subtle, when fully grasped, it is the difference that makes the difference. As a dialectical relationship, the spiritual self is lived from the inside out, while the worldly, is lived from the outside in. Importantly, this distinction is non-judgemental; it just is. The empowerment lies in the purpose that your choices and actions serve, whether they enable you to integrate this dialectic and to live in alignment with or away from your Self.

Against the backdrop of this somewhat dense terrain, the next instalment will look at the primary survival archetypes of the child and the victim as integral to the self-empowerment roadmap. E

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THINK LIKE A RICH PERSON

Ever wondered what the rich know about money that you don’t? Here’s a roundup of the top tips your financial planner should be sharing with you.

A

As much as we may deny it, money makes the world go round.

Yet for something so essential to our wellbeing and survival on this planet, most people don’t have a clue when it comes to turning their money into wealth. It’s a complicated game: savings accounts, investment strategies, insurance options and cover plans. Having consulted the leading experts on strategies for wealth creation, there are five essential tips to get you on the road to riches.

1

Choose investment options that suit you Each investor comes to the game with a different goal in mind. Your financial goals should be based on a cognisance of your current financial position and a full realisation of what is needed to reach your financial goals.

Wealth growth and creation does not rely on your income, but on how much of that income you put away for saving and investing. This wealth, then, needs to be sustained by growing at a rate that is at the very least on par with inflation, but the ideal investment strategy aims to beat it.

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No matter who you are, any financial adviser will tell you not to put all your eggs in one basket. Diversity is one of the key factors to healthy investment.

This allows you to pull your focus from the performance of one specific part of your investment portfolio and instead to judge success, or failure, based on the performance of your portfolio as a whole.

2

Be smart about YOUR insurance Accidents happen in life, which is why we have insurance in the first place, but some accidents are more costly than others. Of course, the best-case scenario is insuring everything, but for most people this just isn’t feasible. Because of this, you have to prioritise based on where you are in your life. It might be a good idea to eschew insurance for things like cellphones and tablets in favour of a good disability insurance that can pay out monthly for temporary disabilities (for up to 24 months) and then a larger figure for permanent disability once those initial 24 months are up.

If you have young children, chances are you’ll need a lot of life insurance, as daycare costs could be much higher if one parent passes away. Most people think they’re adequately insured, until

disaster strikes. Check your home insurance, your auto insurance and your health insurance to make sure you have the coverage that suits you.

3

Build up an emergency fund Very few things in life are certain.

You should have three to six months of your normal monthly income in a safe, liquid and easy-to-access account.

There’s no right or wrong answer for exactly how much money you should have in reserve, but always be prepared for the worst-case scenario, such as losing your job. Most financial advisers put the yardstick at three months of expenses in reserve for two-income households, and six months for single income households. You should also keep, in the same account, savings for planned expenses. For example, if you know that you’re going to need to replace your geyser in just two years, you should be setting aside money each month for when this comes about.

4

Good investors play the long game Markets are volatile by their very nature. Rich people know not to panic when poor market conditions take hold.

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WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN.

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During market lows, share prices drop and are thus a lot cheaper to procure, which means you can maximise your returns during an upward market turn. The other, perhaps even more significant reason to invest long-term, is compounding returns.

This happens when you get growth on an investment that has already grown, meaning it’s only possible on investments that have been going for a long period of time. Short-term investing seldom yields exorbitant returns, except when focused on high-risk options.

Investing doesn’t have to be like gambling, but it can be. The ‘miracle stock’ might exist, but very seldom in reality, or at least without a catch. And if things are going well for you, keep a level head – there are far too many cautionary tales of wealthy people who lost it all because of greed. Rather be patient, and watch your investment’s compounded growth, year on year.

Understand time horizons and risk.

Every financial adviser is required to tell you that past performance in the stock and bond markets does not indicate future performance, but historical analysis has shown that the degree of risk on stock returns grows smaller year on year, to the extent that over a period of 25 years even

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the average worst return still yields positive growth.

5

Keep good records for tax Tax is an essential, if wearisome, part of life in any welfare-focused country.

It is also an incredibly complex one. The advice of an expert for your specific wants and needs is always advisable but, short of that, the most essential thing you can do is to keep detailed and organised records of your spending. This is, of course, beneficial beyond tax purposes, as it can help form the basis of a realistic budget.

But it is essential for making sure you aren’t being overtaxed and are receiving the right amount of rebate owed to you by law. For some people, this can be a significant chunk of money.

There are five primary areas of focus: car; medical; business meetings or related expenses; research material; and computer and stationery. Keep all your receipts and file them into these respective sections.

It’s also important to keep a logbook of your driving, especially if you have a job that takes you to many different areas. If you pay an accountant to complete your tax returns, you’ll be more likely to get the most out of your rebate. E

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A SOLID

Sisterhood

The desire to nurture female friendships lead Lindelwa Isabelle and her group of girls to start a women’s network that is all about fun, support and a circle of trust.

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“It is really a sisterhood more than anything else… ‘We are brutally honest with each other, something that I find isn’t necessarily present in other friendships. If you are looking for sugarcoated truths, this is not the kind of group you want to be a part of.’”

hen Lindelwa Isabelle and her friends graduated from the University of Witwatersrand (Wits) in 1995, they worried that life and adult responsibilities would create distance between them. “We had become very close during university and we wanted to keep that going. It’s easy for people to lose contact when they no longer see each other daily,” says Lindelwa. It was from that desire to stay connected that their women’s group started.

She continues, “We knew that the intention to stay in touch doesn’t mean that you actually will stay in touch. This is the reason why we decided to add a monetary element to it as a way of making sure we stick to it.” Because they were all starting off in their adult lives, they had one thing in common – needing to furnish their apartments. “To assist each other to get stuff for our homes, we would contribute towards a kitty and buy home things for a person based on the list they provided. We would then meet once a month at that specific person’s house and bring the gifts, as well as hang out. We rotated on a monthly basis to make sure that everyone had their needs met.”

WORDS: ZAMA NKSOSI. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM.

EMOTIONAL INVESTMENTS As the group evolved with time, there was less of a need for buying home furnishings. “There came a time when everyone’s homes had been furnished and we didn’t need the money for that anymore,” Lindelwa explains. “We then changed it to giving each other the money so that we could buy bigger items depending on our needs. By that stage, it was clear like at the start, that the focus wasn’t the monetary stuff, that was the bonus,” Lindelwa asserts.

The monthly meetings worked as a bonding mechanism for the group. The women invariably found themselves sharing everything from the career issues to loads of laughs. So strong was the bond that the need to hang out with each other often extended to meeting more than once a month and continues to do so today.

It is really a sisterhood more than anything else, says Lindelwa. “We are brutally honest with each other, something that I find isn’t necessarily present in other friendships. If you are looking for sugarcoated truths, this is not the kind of group you want to be a part of.”

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She says it’s not uncommon for people in the group to say that their network can be a lot like therapy. “We vent, we laugh, we bring our emotions to the table and most importantly, we don’t have to pretend. There’s something very precious about that and because we know the importance of its role in our lives, we take it seriously.”

BONDS BEYOND GIRLS NIGHTS According to Lindelwa, after 20 years some people have moved on and new people have come in, some finding a permanent home in this group, which is now made up of 11 members who contribute financially and four social members.

The group makes monetary contributions 11 months of the year so that each member gets paid out. “The other members are women who love the support system and fun elements of the group, so they join us,” she explains.

One of the major changes is that unlike postuniversity, some people have settled down and have families and the group makes room for that.

“We spend quite a lot of time with each other, so we figured that it was important for our partners to know each other and know the group. So every quarter we bring partners and that goes a long way in ensuring that they know who you are with when you say you’re ‘going out with the girls’” Lindelwa admits.

Because the meetings are often at someone’s house, the kids are welcome and also create their own bonds. “It really has become like a family, which is more than we had expected when we started all those years ago.”

NETWORKING CIRCLE Outside all the fun elements like the travelling, the hanging out and having a solid support system, one of the perks of having a group such as this one is the ability to network. “We are a very diverse group; we have CEOs, doctors, lawyers and other professionals. This does wonders for the group because we tap into each other’s knowledge and skill base. It’s also great to have a big group of women who also have access to networks that you don’t know about. It helps to grow you in ways that may not be obvious in the beginning,” Lindelwa concludes. E

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According to Chantel Hanzan of Ashley Madison, “Ashley Madison is the second-fastest growing social network site in the world, after Facebook, and there are over 282 000 South African members.” Interestingly, many of its members don’t actually consider their behaviour to be cheating because most of the interactions are in cyberspace. But is there a difference between online and real life cheating?

“Cyber infidelity happens when people in a committed relationship seek interactive contact through electronic conversations that occur through text, chat rooms, emails and dating sites. These contacts may be emotional, sexual or pornographic and they are always secret.”

CYBER CHEATING With cyber infidelity on the rise, we speak to an online cheat, and some experts, to shed light on this new form of unfaithfulness.

“I started going online to have sex because I was desperately unhappy in my marriage. Bedroom passion had all but dried up between my husband and me, but I didn’t want to leave him because of our two kids. Now, when I’m horny, I just log on and find someone who has the same needs as me. I don’t think it’s actually cheating, since most of the time all we do is erotic chat. I have hooked up with a few guys offline, but what my husband doesn't know can't hurt him,” says Mary*, 42.

Three years ago, Mary joined Ashley Madison, the world’s first online cheating site for married people, where she became just one of some 32 million users in 46 countries around the world who are looking for sexual satisfaction outside of their relationships.

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WHAT THE EXPERTS SAY In her soon-to-be-released book, Cyber Infidelity: The New Seduction, Dr Eve, a leading South African sexologist, has used groundbreaking research to describe this new phenomenon.

“Cyber infidelity happens when people in a committed relationship seek interactive contact through electronic conversations that occur through text, chat rooms, emails and dating sites. These contacts may be emotional, sexual or pornographic and they are always secret.”

For many people, the internet, due to its intangible and amorphous nature, has blurred the lines between whether sexual online chatting is in fact cheating. “Infidelity is breaching the principal oaths and vows of sexual fidelity, monogamy and commitment that you have taken. Practise this online and it’s called infidelity. There is no difference,” says Dr Eve. WOMEN AS SEXUAL HUNTERS Being sexually voracious has traditionally been seen as a male domain, but the internet has levelled the playing field and debunked that myth. According to her research, Dr Eve posits: “There is no holding back for women online.

Once the computer is turned on, a whole new sexual script emerges for them. Women are actively searching for satisfying sex – more so than emotional relationships – even if it means committing infidelity.”

Dr Eve found that 92.4 percent of the South African women on Ashley Madison have secretive online contact with someone outside

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RELATIONSHIPS EOA of their relationship, while 42.1 percent send nude pics, and a whopping 76.3 percent move from online to personal sexual encounters. “That’s more than men!” adds Dr Eve. Because the internet is within reach 24/7, relationships in the cyber realm progress incredibly fast. “The rapidity and escalation of cyber infidelity from online to real life is a direct result of the uniqueness of the online environment,” says Dr Eve. “I call it the ‘triple AAA engine’ because it’s affordable, accessible and anonymous. It’s what makes this way of interacting so evolutionary. Suddenly we have 24/7 access to both known and unknown people. Our communication style is in real time, our cues are written with emoticons, rich descriptive language is used and this all leads to an enhanced, accelerated sense of intimacy.” Dr Eve estimates that what can be achieved in 48 hours online, “would take days, or even weeks in real life, hence, the seductiveness of cyber space.”

barriers and making it difficult to stray has never discouraged infidelity; if anything, it simply makes people want to even more,” says Ashley Madison founder, Neil Biderman, in defence of his site. * Not her real name.

“A change of behaviour around your partner’s mobile devices as well as other devices, such as an iPad, is often a good indication of cyber infidelity,” says Dr Eve.

WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM.

CONSEQUENCES FAR BEYOND THE KEYBOARD Of course, like any affair, cyber infidelity can be both dangerous and damaging. According to Dr Eve, some of the greatest fallouts of cyber cheating include sexual health concerns when the relationship goes offline. “But there are also unexpected emotional connections that form. Of course, one of the biggest dangers is being caught. And once this happens, due to the constant presence of digital devices in our lives, it’s hard to escape the possibility of ongoing contact with a lover. Therefore, trust is much harder to re-establish after cyber infidelity is discovered.”

Dr Eve says that a successful online relationship, if it exists, can happen only if there is no secrecy and complete transparency while embracing privacy as a principle. “As in real-life infidelity, secrecy is the killer. With cyber infidelity the pain is intensified as the partner discovers through reading messages, another sexier, raunchier, more romantic persona that has emerged in their partner, which they do not know.”

But can any of this betrayal be justified or healthy?

DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER As popular as Ashley Madison has grown, it has also attracted huge criticism for being a marriage wrecker. “I’m not going to convince anyone to have an affair with my site; they’re going to have an affair because their life isn't working for them.

“Providing a married dating service like ours does not make someone more likely to stray than increasing the availability of glassware contributes to alcoholism. No report or study contradicts this finding. On the other hand, putting up

“… due to the constant presence of digital devices in our lives, it’s hard to escape the possibility of ongoing contact with a lover.

Therefore, trust is much harder to reestablish after cyber infidelity is discovered.”

HOW TO SPOT CYBER INFIDELITY “A change of behaviour around your partner’s

mobile devices as well as other devices, such as an iPad, is often a good indication of cyber infidelity,” says Dr Eve, in her new book, Cyber Infidelity: The New Seduction. “When he or she takes it everywhere, changes passwords frequently and is reluctant about you accessing it, and wants more ‘alone time’ with the device, these could all be good indicators of him or her being unfaithful.”

Other red flags may be a change in sexual activity: he or she could either be more or less attentive than usual. There is also often a general secretive attitude around accountability of movement. E

Cyber Infidelity: The New Seduction by Dr Eve is published by NB Publishers, R289. Available at all good bookstores from June 2015.

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FLYING SOLO May is National Masturbation Month in the USA, so we’re using the opportunity to get the low-down on everything you ever needed to know about this pleasurable act.

rom Madonna to Eva Mendes, Cyndi Lauper to T-Boz, female masturbation has been talked about, written about and sung about for decades.

Yet somehow it’s still seen as a taboo topic. One need only look towards the proliferation of sex scenes in television and film, to which we’ve become quite desensitised, as opposed to the rarity of on-screen masturbation – especially female masturbation – to realise that this is still seen as an illicit act.

Indeed, if I think of all the nights out with girlfriends where we dish the dirt – sometimes in explicit detail – on our sex lives, no one ever talks about the mind-blowing orgasms that can come from solo sessions under the sheets. Yet studies show that more than 65 percent of women masturbate regularly. So why are we simply not talking about it?

greater orgasms through masturbation than sex with their partner. According to McIntosh, “You can use what you learn in your self-pleasuring sessions to show a partner what you like best.”

What’s clear is that masturbation is normal, healthy, and good for your body and your mind. So now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s get to the good stuff. For some women, they’ve yet to try this liberating act. Others have only flirted with it on occasion.

TAKE ME HIGHER

Get Set:

According to sexologist Elna McIntosh, masturbation is universal across nearly all cultures. What’s more, it can have a number of healthy benefits for your life.

“Masturbation can strengthen your pelvic muscles, revitalise body tissues, fight insomnia, reduce depression, lessen period-related discomfort, and release emotional tension and stress,” says McIntosh. “It’s also a way to learn what feels good to you without worrying about what anyone else thinks or needs.”

Research shows that masturbation can help you learn to build your arousal to higher levels, become orgasmic, or intensify your experience of orgasm.

Certainly many women admit to having

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SOME TOP TIPS FROM THE EXPERTS TO GET GOING… On Your Marks:

Begin by taking a tour of your body.

Your whole body is covered in nerve endings ready to be caressed by your sensitive fingertips. Your face, neck, breasts, stomach, thighs, vulva and anus are all sensitive and within easy reach.

Give yourself permission to play and experiment. This is about finding out what feels good and pleasurable, without pressure or expectations. Arousal builds over time; the more time you take, the more aroused you will become.

Find a space that’s comfortable and private. It’s hard to become aroused when you’re worried about being interrupted.

Create a mood; engage all your senses.

Many women like to take a warm bath, lie in a sunny room or snuggle under covers. Others like to select a certain kind of music or light candles.

Lubricant anyone? Keeping things slippery reduces friction, intensifies sensation and moisturises tissues.

You can always use saliva too. Just

don’t use anything that contains oils (massage oil, Vaseline, lotion, etc.), as they aren’t good for your vulva and vagina. Stick with a water-based or silicone-based lubricant for your safety and pleasure.

Go!

Turn up the heat by fantasising while you self-pleasure. If that doesn’t work for you, just focus on the sensations you’re creating in your body.

Fuel your imagination with erotic pictures, stories or movies. Let your mind wander to whatever you find sexually exciting.

Experiment with different kinds of touches on your clitoris. Most find that having a clitoral orgasm is far easier than a vaginal orgasm. Start off massaging it slowly and gently and gradually build up how intensely you touch it as you are reaching climax.

Hitting your G-Spot. The G-Spot only appears and becomes engorged when you’re aroused. Unlike your clitoris, it’s located inside your vagina on the front wall. You can stimulate it by gently massaging, tickling, pressing or rubbing.

Stroke upward, from your vaginal opening to the clitoris.

Use four fingertips or the palm of your hand on your whole vulva. You can press and release, rub in circles or bounce your hand.

Split your fingers into a ‘V’ shape and lay them over your vulva, with your clitoris at the tip of the V. Rub up and down, side to side or in circular motions.

Explore the vaginal opening with your fingers. Try pressing or making circles around the opening.

Touch your clitoris with one hand and use your other hand to explore your nipples, vaginal opening, thighs or anal opening.

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SEX & INTiMaCY INTIMACY EOA

WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM.

“Masturbation can strengthen your pelvic muscles, revitalise body tissues, fight insomnia, reduce depression, lessen periodrelated discomfort, and release emotional tension and stress.”

FUN TIMES AHEAD

Hopefully you’re ready to try out some of these hot tips. And don’t worry, contrary to popular myths there are no health risks associated with masturbation. This is the healthiest and most natural act around!

Besides being a powerful tool for self-exploration and pleasure when single, masturbation is also a healthy and positive part of any relationship or marriage. The fact is most men continue to masturbate once they get married. And indeed, most women do too. The experts agree: there’s nothing worrying about it.

Many married women masturbate when their partner leaves them unsatisfied during sex – a common occurrence the world over and reason enough to start speaking up in the bedroom about what turns you on.

Other reasons include stress relief and the pure pleasure factor: it just feels good! Masturbation can often bring you closer to your partner, as you’re alert and alive to the pleasures of sexual stimulation.

According to McIntosh, mutual masturbation can also be a fun part of sex play. “You can pleasure your body with your own hands when you’re alone, or when you’re with a partner,” she says. There’s no doubt about it, mutual masturbation can help create better intimacy in a relationship or marriage, both sexual and emotional.

It’s a fantastic way to help your partner understand and learn what turns you on – while turning them on at the same time. This can be very erotic, sexually stimulating and a fun way to add some spice to the relationship.

So go on: play, experiment and explore. There’s no greater pleasure around with innumerable benefits and zero drawbacks. E

SEX TOYS FOR SELF-PLEASURE

Vibrators: The ultimate sex toy, vibrators don’t get tired and they provide consistent stimulation that can shorten the amount of time it takes to reach orgasm. Vibrators come in many different shapes, sizes, colours and textures. They can be used externally or internally, and offer a variety of types and intensities of vibration. Don’t be afraid to experiment and find one that’s right for you.

Dildos: Some women enjoy a feeling of vaginal fullness, or internal motion or thrusting. Dildos are non-vibrating, insertable toys. Try inserting it just barely inside, an inch or two in, or as deeply as it can go.

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ranscending limits is what Dr Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma has done throughout her life.

Born in KwaZulu-Natal at a time when black women’s career expectations did not go beyond domestic work, Dlamini-Zuma took up politics in high school. “I completed my high school studies at Amanzimtoti Training College in 1967, and after a four-year gap I enrolled for Zoology and Botany at the University of Zululand in 1971,” she says.

She obtained her Bachelor of Science degree and started her medical studies at the University of Natal, where she says her involvement with the struggle began. A strong and zealous character led Dlamini-Zuma to be an active underground member of the African National Congress (ANC). “I was also a member of the South African Students Organisation and I was elected as its deputy president in 1976,” she recalls. Examining who she’s become, one can easily see her strong character as a woman. Driven by her passion for the political struggle, Dlamini-Zuma fled into exile that same year and completed her medical studies at the University of Bristol in the United Kingdom in 1978.

THE STRUGGLE CONTINUES

DR NKOSAZANA DLAMINI-ZUMA

While helping organise the anti-apartheid movement overseas, she also attained a Bachelor’s degree in Science, with Zoology and Botany as majors. “I continued my studies at the University of Bristol, while simultaneously serving as the chair of the ANC Youth Section in Great Britain between 1977 and 1978,” she says, adding how the structure mobilised the youth in the struggle against apartheid.

Upon graduation, in 1978, she became the house officer for surgery at the Frenchay Hospital in Bristol for two years, followed by another twoyear stint at the Canadian Red Cross Memorial

POLITICALLY SPEAKING Dr Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma believes that the empowerment of Africans, especially women, the youth and children, is a possible solution to problems facing the continent.

She is the first woman, as well as the first South African, to chair the African Union.

We find out more about her successful journey in the world of politics.

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MY JOURNEY EOA Hospital in Berkshire. During this time her steadfast commitment to the ANC saw her elected to the position of vice chair for the regional political committee in Great Britain between 1978 and 1988, after which she took up the position of chair, from 1988 to 1989.

LEADERSHIP PERSONIFIED

WORDS: BULELWA MOKORI. PHOTOGRAPH: THE OFFICE OF DR NKOSAZANA DLAMINI-ZUMA. IMAGE: ©ISTOCK.COM.

Dlamini-Zuma’s political leadership qualities started showing when she was deployed to the ANC’s health department in Lusaka, Zambia, between 1989 and 1990. She played a leading role not only in the healthcare of the exiled communities abroad, but also made a major contribution to the drafting of post-apartheid health policies. “Though involved in political struggle in exile, I was longing to come back home. So much so, that when the ANC was unbanned in 1990, I returned with all other exiled members to help reorganise the ANC legally inside the country,” she says. Dlamini-Zuma played a pivotal role in the talks that resulted in the realisation of a non-racial democracy in South Africa.

LEADING IN SA POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT

After the first democratic elections in 1994, she was appointed as the Minister of Health. “Giving access to health care to pregnant women and children under six years as part of primary health care, recruitment of Cuban doctors to address the health needs of our impoverished rural population, and the acceptance of the first group of South African students to study medicine in Cuba were among the priority list that I managed to achieve,” she says.

Dlamini-Zuma is remembered for introducing legislation that overhauled the highly unfair system and gave the poor access to free basic health care.

In 1999, she was appointed Minister of Foreign Affairs. In this role, Dlamini Zuma has worked tirelessly, as part of the South African collective, in pursuit of creating a better life and a better world for all.

ADVOCATE FOR AFRICAN WOMEN

Twelve years on, Dlamini-Zuma became the first woman and first ever South African to hold the post of chairperson

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of the African Union, in 2012. “Women empowerment is critical to the progress of the continent. African countries must channel more resources towards improving access to health, sanitation and water, and make child-bearing safer for women,” she says. Member states are urged by Dlamini-Zuma to also implement regional and continental agreements that ensure more women are elevated into decision-making positions.

“We must accelerate the implementation of programmes related to the Decade of Women, in our efforts to advance and accelerate gender equality,” she stresses. The years 2010 to 2020 was declared as the Decade of Women, a mechanism to push forward the implementation and attainment of the goals stated in the various declarations, protocols and conventions adopted by the AU.

CELEBRATING WOMEN OF THE WORLD

Dlamini-Zuma is adamant about challenging women to make their mark and to strive for leadership roles.

“Women should be given opportunities in all walks of life, equal opportunities with men. When you improve the lives of women, empower women, educate women, a lot of things change, not only for that woman, but for the family, for the community and for the country.”

Addressing the recent International Women’s Day Conference held in Port Elizabeth, Eastern Cape, Nkosazana said: “It is very important that we deal with empowerment of women, but if we empower women we will also deal with eradication of poverty, because the majority of the poor are women; if the women are poor the children are poor.”

She stressed how empowerment starts with involving women in academia to inspire other young women. She says the judicial system needs more women to increase their participation in policy decisions. ‘This will also ensure a more balanced implementation of policies.’

Dlamini-Zuma explains that the control of resources by women will also make them less vulnerable and it is time to see more women in control of resources. “Putting the resources in the hands of women improves the resources of feminist communities, our continent and generally of humanity,” adds Dlamini-Zuma.

“Women empowerment is critical to the progress of the continent. African countries must channel more resources towards improving access to health, sanitation and water, and make childbearing safer for women.”

AFRICA AS ONE

Dlamini-Zuma is very sure of Africa’s success, provided we strive towards the same goals as a continent. “Unity is our watchword, unity is our salvation,” adding that, “we should look at ourselves as a continent, not only as individual countries.” She says Africa has the capacity to achieve socioeconomic growth if member states work together in addressing some of the challenges affecting the continent. “As a commission, we will continue to work with various stakeholders and regional organisations to promote and consolidate the peace in the continent.

The principle of finding African solutions to African problems will always be maintained. There are gaps on the continent that need to be addressed if Africa is to keep growing at the current rate.” We don’t know what’s next on Dlamini-Zuma’s inspirational journey but we do know that it’s impact will be felt throughout the continent. E

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EOA ITEM OR OUTFIT WORDS: TUMI MDLULI. IMAGES: STOCKISTS.

1 item This beautiful leather jacket can be styled any way you want and is a wardrobe musthave, but so is the outfit below for the same price.

Which one would you buy… this dynamite jacket or the stunning outfit?

CARISSA LEATHER JACKET, R7 999, PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND, STUTTAFORDS.

STUNNING OUTFIT WORTH R7 999

Or 1 outfit

BLACK LONG LINE BRA, R229.95, SISSYBOY, EDGARS.

DARK TEAL DOUBLE LAYER DRESS, R1 699, IGSAW FLAGSHIP STORES.

BLACK BIKINI, R119.95, SISSYBOY, EDGARS. TOWLER TAUPE NUDE HANDBAG, R699, ALDO.

ELEGANT BLACK BOOTS R2 699, BOOTS, NINE WEST.

NUDE LEATHER GLOVES SUEDE GLOVES, R2 300, LUISA SPAGNOLI.

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EOA PARENTING t is more like a dance, sometimes slow and deliberate, sometimes painful and exhausting, and sometimes utterly incredible. There are very few predetermined steps to this dance, and there is no set playlist either. This dance is unique to each mother and the beat of her own drum. However, it’s important that mothers don’t embark on their dance alone, but rather welcome others into their space and allow them to take the lead, share new rhythms and steps, and even let mom sit out for a song or two now and again. While the dance is yours to learn and constantly develop, the steps are largely determined by someone else – your baby. There are no hard and fast rules, but there are some guiding lights that can make it easier to become comfortable in the dance of motherhood.

IT’S ABOUT MUCH MORE

Choosing the right gynaecologist or midwife; deciding on a nursery theme; navigating hundreds of names to find just the right one; deciding on a carry bag or car seat; these are things that mothersto-be concentrate on during their pregnancy.

“The natural flow of motherhood has been lost in our consumer-driven, Westernised mind-set and this is compounded by families being far-flung, so a deeper knowledge and understanding of what it means to become a mother has been lost,” explains Colette van Heerden.

FROM womanhood TO motherhood The transition from being a woman to becoming a mother is more than just crossing a proverbial line in the sand. If there are five things to remember, these should be them, says Loren Stow.

As the author of ‘Spirit in Pregnancy and Birth’ and founder of Nurtured Babies, this Durban-based mother of two has a passion for helping women to seek out deeper connections to motherhood. “It is about so much more than the physical process of how the baby is made or delivered,” she says, explaining that the process is not just about growing a baby, but also about growing a mother. Essentially, motherhood is a journey of continually stepping up, understanding more and going deeper into yourself and your role. It is not a line that you cross over, one day you’re a woman and the next you’re a mother – rather, it is a ‘Becoming’.

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YOU’RE NOT IN CONTROL

Perhaps the most surprising part of crossing from womanhood to motherhood is the loss of control, and we don’t mean losing your mind – although at times it may feel very much like it. What we are talking about is the reality for most Western-urbanised women: “These women are used to being in control of everything, successful in their careers and the authors of their own destiny,” explains Johannesburg-based Sally Baker, a social worker in private practice with over 11 years’ experience in the perinatal field and founder of Birth Support.

By this Sally means that the current generation of women are in ultimate control – you decide what you wear, what you eat, when you sleep, when you work, when you play, who you are in relationship with, who your friends are… you control it all, and you’re good at it all. Then your baby arrives and within hours or days you realise that you are no longer in control of anything – not a single part of yourself or your life is under your control.

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PARENTING EOA

As a mother you don’t sleep, eat, make love, socialise or work in the way that you did before, because it’s not up to you. The reality is you may not even find the time to brush your teeth or hair in an entire day, never mind finish a cup of tea or eat, because your baby’s needs come before your own. “These little babies arrive and their moms are sure they can do it all, and when they realise they actually can’t do it all and they really could do with some help, they don’t know how to ask for it, and when it’s offered they don’t know how to accept it,” explains Sally.

WORDS: LOREN STOW. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM.

IT TAKES A VILLAGE

“No mother should do it on her own,” says Sally unequivocally, resonated by Colette who implores mothers to find support. It is great to be in control of your life, career, relationships and the rest, but motherhood is a place where you don’t really want to go it alone. “And yet there is so much focus on the mom, but it takes a village to raise a child,” she says. The in-control woman described above is the reality for many Western-urbanised mothers, regardless of their cultural background. Once baby arrives, mom finds herself in a situation where she feels – maybe for the first time in her life – that she is not coping. “And I want moms to know this is a very normal feeling,” Sally urges.

However, many women don’t want to – or don’t know how to – ask for more support, “And even when help is offered, they don’t know how to accept it,” she adds. The feelings of not coping are completely natural in motherhood, but Sally explains that our expectations as women and the messages we receive from our Westernised societies go against this reality – which is that new mothers are essentially no longer in control, tired most of the time, missing their old lives (yes, it’s true) and living with all sorts of guilt for not feeling totally on top of the world.

STEP UP AND REACH OUT

In an ideal world, Colette explains, the family and community look after the mother while the mother looks after her baby, “But this is often not possible for any number of reasons.”

Sometimes mothers are single; sometimes family are far away; sometimes finances are absent, and even when everything is in place it can be tough. “Becoming a mother isn’t easy. It is a process of stepping up to fulfil a big new role. And this takes a deeper understanding,” Colette shares.

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When the going gets tough – and it will for every mom – Colette urges mothers to remember that they are their biggest strength and guiding light, but even then they need to find support. “Sometimes you have to take a deep breath and understand that ‘You Are It’ – you are your baby’s everything.

But you need to also seek out support.”

Sally agrees: “All mothers need a support system that acknowledges truthfully what it’s like, a place where they can go and be understood and accepted on their journey into motherhood; where they share common values with others and can be honest about their experiences without the risk of being judged.” Sally urges mothers-to-be to really think about how they’re going to ask for support on a practical level. This means preparing to ask for help just like you’d prepare the nursery, your baby’s wardrobe and your birth plan – plan how, when and from whom you are going to get support, and then make it practical.

She suggests asking friends to make you frozen dinners, arranging for people to help you with your housework, and finding someone you trust to watch your baby while you get some needed rest and rejuvenation. “Prepare yourself to seek support, ask for help, be specific and learn how to accept it.”

Sally aptly defines motherhood as a process that has quite an abrupt start with a bouncing baby arriving in the world all wide-eyed and needing undivided attention, but goes on to describe how motherhood is actually a lifelong journey.

“You grow and become more of yourself. It is not just a job that you have to try to get right,” she says, “ but a journey with fantastic moments and difficult moments.” This mirrors Colette’s call for mothers to grasp their roles on a deeper level and to find profound meaning in the job of raising a human being. “Don’t be surprised to find that this meaning changes over time.” Sally smiles as she advises mothers to go about finding other people who have the same outlook and value system as yours, which may even mean finding new friends.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

“I meet many mothers who wonder how it’s possible to feel so terribly lonely when they are never actually ever alone – they always have a tiny little baby attached to them, requiring constant nurture and attention – yet they feel so alone,” Sally shares. “But it is important to know that this too shall pass.”

Sally and Colette urge mothers to avoid comparing themselves to unrealistic constructs of motherhood found in society or the media. Sally urges mothers to only compare themselves and their babies in an environment that tells the truth.

“Find a support group or a nursing sister that you can speak to honestly and who will give you truthful feedback. Do not seek advice or assurances in places or from people who are playing a game of ‘pretending’ everything is perfect all the time, because that’s not real.” And last but not least, remember that the days are long but the years are short. E For counselling and a number of pre- and postnatal workshops in: • Durban, contact colette@star-channel.net or visit www.nurtured-babies.com.

• Gauteng, contact sally@birthsupport.co.za or visit www.birthsupport.co.za.

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Female Genital Mutilation The Cruellest Cut

For all the good that humans are capable of, every so often we remind ourselves of just how brutal we can be. Female genital mutilation is one of the ways in which our brutality rises to the surface.

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NEWS REPORT EOA

“Reportedly, over 125 million girls and women in the world haveendured FGM.”

he transition from childhood to adulthood is profoundly significant to most people of the world. Particularly in our African cultures, this period of imminent sexual maturity is observed through rituals that test the emotional and physical endurance of the individuals to highlight the shift from one state of being to another.

Circumcision is one such ritual and is a rite of passage that separates the men from the boys and the marks the women from the girls. Such practices are usually shrouded in secrecy, both to those within and outside of the group, with emphasis placed on it not being spoken of with those who are yet to undergo the ritual.

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Most importantly, people who are not of that culture may not be privy to such intimate details. First highlighted by the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) and the World Health Organization (WHO) in 1997, female genital mutilation (FGM) is the practice of cutting off or scarring the external parts of the vagina for non-medical purposes.

A MIGRATING TRADITION

FGM is conducted on girls any time from after birth well into their lives and is prevalent in approximately 27 African countries, particularly to the north of the equator, as well as the Middle East and a few South Asian countries. Certainly not confined to those locales, in addition to great migrations to the United Kingdom, the United States and Australia, these customs have also moved with their practitioners.

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Although there are difficulties in compiling conclusive statistics for South Africa, the UK Border Agency’s 2008 working document, states that FGM indeed does occur in South Africa and the legislation enacted against it in 2005, as reported by the Centre for Reproductive Rights in January 2008, is evidence of its presence in the country. Among the migrant population, it is reported that Somalis, Sudanese, Kenyans, Ethiopians and Senegalese people continue this practice, while the indigenous vhaVenda and amaNdebele cultural groups also practise FGM in South Africa.

The deterrent of possibly bringing shame upon their families and cultures, has led to some women identifying themselves as recipients of FGM and then later denying it, creates great difficulty in ascertaining an accurate reflection of how prevalent FGM truly is. According to a 2003 UNICEF report, Somalia is the highest practitioner, with 98 percent, Guinea 96 percent, Egypt 91 percent, Mali 89 percent, Sudan 88 percent and Ethiopia 74 percent.

Reportedly, over 125 million girls and women in the world have endured FGM.

JUSTIFYING THE RITUAL

There are a number of reasons presented for this custom, all connected by patriarchal logic – the desire to maintain a fixed, gender hierarchy in societies – and the denial of the autonomy of women. Firstly, women are regarded as inherently ‘unclean’ due to some religious understandings of menstruation. It is obvious, then, that this belief necessitates ‘purification’, especially of the vagina.

Secondly, the clitoris and surrounding matter is perceived as ‘male’ and may not be present on any individual who is fully (and idealistically) female. Thirdly, men are regarded as the rightful recipients of sexual pleasure and considering that women exist for their utility to this end, it becomes necessary to ‘correct’ their bodies to prevent their ability to experience sexual pleasure.

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Furthermore, any girl or woman who rejects FGM or does not undergo it for whatever reason is ostracised, cannot be accorded full respect as a woman and is ineligible for marriage and motherhood.

AN ONGOING BATTLE

Many women who have undergone FGM have become activists against it, spreading awareness and bravely speaking out about their personal ordeals in order to shed light on the suffering that continues to be experienced by girls and women around the world.

International Somali model, Waris Dirie retired from modelling in 1997 to dedicate her time to the cause.

Having also been a victim of FGM at the age of five, she established the Desert Flower Foundation in 2002 and was appointed as the United Nations’ Special Ambassador for the Elimination of Female Genital Mutilation.

Her foundation does the incredible groundwork of protecting girls from FGM by signing contracts with their parents that bind them to not have their daughters cut. In exchange, the foundation delivers groceries, pays school fees and provides stationery generated from monetary donations. A physician from the foundation conducts regular check-ups to ensure that the girls have not been harmed.

Dirie centres the importance of sensitivity in dealing with victims and their situations. Allegedly, many parents do wish to protect their daughters and this project provides a convincing incentive.

Through the on-going debate about whether ‘hashtag activism’ produces results, it cannot be denied that social media is invaluable in the spreading of information across the globe in minutes.

Accounts have been established on both Twitter and Facebook to send out informative links, podcasts and details of workshops and protests. Anyone wishing to get involved in ending FGM can visit desertflowerfoundation.org to contribute to making a real change.

Another way that people can help in their personal capacities is to become informed and if ever a case of FGM is suspected, consider reporting it to the police. It is clear that female genital mutilation is a violation of human rights. E

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NEWS REPORT EOA

BRUTALITY CATEGORISED

WORDS: LEBOHANG MASANGO. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM,COMMONS.WIKIMEDIA.ORG.

In 2008, the WHO classified FGM into four categories.

They are as follows:

There is a fourth category of FGM called ‘Unclassified‘. This type involves other acts such as the stretching of the labia, piercing, scarring, applying chemicals for tightening of the vagina, or cauterisation (burning) of any part of the genitalia to seal it. The risks are infection, HIV infection, haemorrhage, cysts and infertility. E

E SSAYS OF A F R I C A

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WHO IS THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL? Skin lightening is a controversial issue, not just in Africa but worldwide. We look at how this phenomenon is more than just skin deep. n every township I’ve visited, there’s a wedding song that goes ‘Ngwana otshwana lele coloured’ (the bride looks coloured) which refers to how the beautiful the bride is because she is light-skinned. That’s the description of a beauty,” says Neo Mabita, the cofounder of The Yellowbone Factory in Sandton. She and her partners founded the company in 2009, to offer women a range of skin lightening, whitening and de-pigmentation solutions. “There haven’t been a lot of options available to women who would like to actively pursue that beauty ideal. In my travels I noticed that options for contouring and altering what you were born with are more available in other countries, but in South Africa it’s quite taboo. Skin lightening products have traditionally been black market and underground.”

Also known as bleaching, the use of chemical skin-lighteners is commonplace across Africa, Europe and Asia. According to

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a 2011 World Health Organization (WHO) report, 61 perhaps of cosmetics on the market in India are for lightening skin. A startling 77 percent of Nigerian, and 35 percent of South African women are reported to regularly use whitening products. Such statistics are alarming in the medical world because of the toxic ingredients used in most affordable lightening creams sold by cosmetics stores, markets and informal traders. Unregulated amounts of hydroquinone, mercury and steroids strip the skin of melanin and natural SPF, and have been proven to cause skin cancer, organ failure and skeletal deterioration according to Dr Ncoza Dlova, dermatologist and principal specialist at UKZN dermatology department.

“We manufacture our own products that contain as many organic ingredients as possible, such as retinol and Vitamin C. We use no toxic ingredients. If people can change their weight profile, wear a weave, take it out, grow their hair or shave it, then what is wrong with changing their complexion?” asks Neo.

SELF-LOVE CRISIS

Beyond its medical dangers, skin lightening is a controversial and sensitive issue for many black people. It’s also often problematised as a symptom of deep psychological and social disorders that

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WORDS: ZANELE MJI. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM, www.women24, tashasays.com, yabablay.com

health EOA manifest as colourism: the belief that lighter skin tones are more attractive than dark complexions. Old-world orders of racism and slavery continue to manifest themselves as a global cultural hierarchy that promotes whiteness as superior to blackness. Such ideas are projected onto beauty trends that are produced and re-produced worldwide by Westerndominated media. The overwhelming whiteness of the American entertainment industry is tempered by the inclusion of certain black superstars such as Diana Ross, Beyoncé and Halle Berry who, with mixed racial heritage and/or racially ambiguous features, are celebrated as the pinnacles of black beauty.

South Africa, with a history defined by different limitations and allowances based on skin colour, has its own discourse around complexion marked by certain words.

Umnyamane (black one), ‘dark dindi’ (dark beauty) ‘yellowbone’ are colloquial terms used to describe women according to their complexion. “I’m an ’80s baby and I grew up with the term ‘yellowbone’ being used very loosely to describe a beautiful woman. I feel it’s only recently that it’s been redefined to specifically mean that she is light-skinned,” says Neo. Like Neo, the Cameroonian/Nigerian pop star and owner of Whitenicious skincare line, Denicia has had to defend her business pursuits against derision.

Though the product range is marketed as ‘a 7-day fast acting spot remover’, and before and after pictures of Denicia’s transition from toffee-coloured to a milky tone prompted allegations that she is selling a skin bleach. Whitenicious sold out within 24 hours of launching. Denicia has also declared her range free of harsh ingredients. But many feel that the harm caused by Denicia’s endorsement of skinlightening goes beyond the physical and that she is promoting black self-hatred.

Professor of sociology and specialist in post-colonial race, ethnicity and gender, Zine Magubane, says, “Even white women pursue whiteness. Look at women like Joan Rivers and Jennifer Aniston who are descended from immigrant communities.

They lightened their hair and narrowed their noses for a more Aryan look. And white women who are born looking the right way also starve themselves, elect for surgery and fight ageing to stay that way. It’s important to consider the skinlightening issue within the broader context of the fact that all women have

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been risking their health to be a certain type of beautiful for a very long time.

It’s important not to pathologise black people’s choices within a vacuum.”

She adds that a historical understanding of current cultural practices can offer some perspective. “The term ‘yellowbone’ is a term that originated in slavery, used as a descriptor for light-skinned slaves of mixed racial descent. Because they were usually descendants of the slave owner, they were more eligible for certain privileges, such as their freedom and land inheritance. In South Africa, lighter-skinned black people could sometimes ‘pass’ for coloured and receive better education and opportunities.

It’s not as simple as saying that lightness is more beautiful because of its proximity to whiteness. It’s about the high value of what proximity to whiteness could afford disenfranchised black people.”

Mabita, who uses skin-lightening products herself, says, “I don’t want to look white. I want to look right in the eyes of the world.” Professor Magubane believes that more problematic than the pursuit of a white aesthetic, is the stigmatisation of blackness. “Remember in Good Hair when Chris Rock tried to sell the Afro and nobody wanted it?

That’s disappointing. Only black woman can tackle this and fix our scars internally. Just make the choice to refuse to participate in a culture that tells you you’re rotten for the way you came out of your mother’s womb. Even the black women whom these beauty standards supposedly favour are in a gilded cage.

They are considered objects and trophies by so many.”

“If people can change their weight profile, wear a weave, take it out, grow their hair or shave it, then what is wrong with changing their complexion?”

damage due to high level of mercury used in the creams, and birth defects among other consequences.

There is a belief among many skin lightening cream users that more expensive products aren’t as harmful as those that made the rounds in the 80s. Beauty therapist, Zanele Mbense, disagrees. “I treat people often who have problems because of these products. I try to explain to my clients that we can work on removing dark spots on the skin but we are not in the business of lightening skin. Sometimes the expensive products just take longer for the consequences to show, but I still wouldn’t advise people to use them,” she says.

When we ask if there is anything people can do to lighten their skin safely, Mbense says, “There are products that lighten your skin a little bit; what they do is correct pigmentation that might make you look darker than you are. Chemical peels also sometimes make people look lighter but that’s because the pigmentation is fixed.

Sunscreen also helps prevent sunburn but that’s about it. I don’t in my professional capacity know of a product that can make you four shades lighter in a safe manner,” she warns. E

CELEBS WHO HAVE GONE THE LIGHTENING ROUTE Mshoza

Sorisha Naidoo

Denicia

PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCES

While the mental health aspects that are affected by skin lightening are alarming, the physical damage caused by it is just as alarming. Side effects of skin lightening include skin cancer, thinning of the skin, osteoporosis, neurological and kidney

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WHOSE ROLE IS IT ANYWAY?

As women take up previously male-dominated workplace positions, their male partners are staying home as caregivers. EOA questions whether this domestic trade exchange is sowing seeds of matrimonial disharmony or if the problem is deeper than that. hen Akin Okocha left his job as an aw a r d-w i n n i n g copywriter at an advertising agency in London to help his wife pursue her dream job with a well-known humanitarian organisation in South Africa, it seemed like the logical thing to do.

His wife’s new position would afford her diplomatic status, a six-figure salary, free housing in an affluent Johannesburg suburb and private schooling for their seven-year-old twin girls. However, Akin had no idea how much his life would change once they’d set foot on African soil.

While his wife, Christine*, settled into her new job, Akin went about setting up their new home, enrolling the girls in school and applying to local advertising agencies. He really enjoyed all the time he got to spend with his daughters, but

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unemployment frustration soon got the better of him.

“Four months had passed and I was not even making a dent in the job market. I started to question my own worth, despite my numerous awards. What made matters worse, was that I was only allowed to work a few hours per week under my spousal residence agreement,” says Akin.

Although continuing to drop and collect his kids from school each day and helping them with their school projects and homework, Akin became despondent and started to resent the move. He told his wife how he felt and that’s when she suggested something he’d heard of but never considered. She asked Akin to be a househusband.

BEYOND CAVEMAN STATUS

The number of househusbands, or stay-

at-home dads, began gradually increasing in the late 20th century, especially in developed countries, where women have made strides in the corporate sector and are often too busy to juggle the dual roles of CEO and caregiver.

Janet Winterbourne, a Cape Townbased marriage and relationship counsellor, sees this as a positive shift into equality with gender roles becoming less rigidly defined.

“In as much as women become successful in breaking into hierarchies previously reserved for their male counterparts, men are also breaking out of stereotypical roles and are managing the home and children just as well as their female partners,” says Winterbourne. She says this dynamic shatters the myth that men don’t have what it takes to run a home.

However, in some regions of the world, Africa included, the stay-at-home dad

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WORDS: HAYDEN HORNER AND ZAMA NKOSI. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM.

MAN FEATURE EOA remains culturally unacceptable and their role is subject to many stereotypes, making it hard for them to access parenting benefits and other services specifically targeted at mothers.

As Akin embraced his new role in the family unit, he soon discovered that for all its advantages, such as more time with his kids and getting to complete a degree in video and digital art, his househusband status provides its share of disadvantages.

“I wasn’t exactly welcomed into a mums’ coffee morning in the park when I took my kids to play. There were even times when I’d get funny looks from the moms there, as if I was a paedophile,” says Akin.

Living up to his Yoruba name, which means ‘brave one’, Akin refused to let the other caregivers get him down and set up a network of stay-at-home dads in the area.

“We were only six, but we arranged play dates for our kids and served as a support group for each other, over a beer of course.

The support boosted my enthusiasm and made me proud to be a househusband.”

Akin soon discovered his wife did not share his sentiment. Almost a year into his new role, Akin realised that his wife no longer invited him to work functions.

When he asked her about it, she said she was loath to admit to her colleagues and friends that her husband was really the one minding the home.

She started travelling more with her job and the communication between us all but disappeared.

I realised that I had become my mother all those years ago when my dad would stay out all weekend whenever he was paid. So, like my mother, I turned to the bottle for comfort after I’d tucked my girls in for the night.” The notion that all men feel emasculated when they take on househusband role is not true, says psychologist Thabile Donga.

‘In Akin’s case, the issue was between him and his wife more than the role of being a househusband. Just like people don’t want to talk about mothers who hate the job of mothering, they refuse to acknowledge that sometimes the father is a better caretaker than his partner. When that’s the case, isn’t it logical that whoever is best at it does the job?” she asks.

A HAPPY MEDIUM

For 36-year old Puseletso* and her husband Musa*, having the man at home hasn’t been a problem. “When we decided that Musa would stay at home, it was because

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we wanted someone to be involved with the kids. It so happened that at the time, my career prospects were more lucrative, so Musa is the one who stayed at home,” she explains. It seemed like a simple enough decision but Musa says that there was a shift in how their families and their peers saw him.

“Because I was viewed as successful before, I noticed that some people started having less respect for me as a man.

Because society generally doesn’t respect women, the jobs they traditionally did are also looked down upon, so when I signed up for that, there were instances where I experienced being looked down upon.

Many men warned me that my wife would want to control me, but I think that’s mainly because some men use money as a weapon to control their women so they expect the same to happen when the tables are turned. I hadn’t realised how much weight is put on your career being the cornerstone of your self-worth.”

When asked if she felt that Musa being a househusband has made their marriage harder, Puseletso sighs. “The only part that was very difficult in the beginning was the weird looks and comments from people.

I even found myself getting embarrassed about it, but once I realised that societal pressure was actually something outside

Musa and my relationship, we were both back on track.”

Musa has been a househusband for two years now and is looking to get back into the work force fulltime as opposed to on a consultancy basis. “My wife and I agreed that we would take this in turns; we both want to work and we both want to be involved parents. As I get back out there, she’s going to study part-time and be at home with the kids,” he concludes.

The recurring theme in many articles and studies done about househusbands is that the men feel unappreciated and the women lose respect for the men.

That issue is no different when the women are the stay-at-home-moms and the men the breadwinners. “If you look at this scenario, it is less about gender roles and more about how people perceive their role in a relationship.

The men and women who stay at home have the same complaints, so do their working counterparts. The issue we need to critically analyse is why we as a society look down on running a home and raising kids. That, plus the issue of how couples communicate or fail to communicate once the realities of adult life become real,” says Thabile Donga.

Not real names

*

“…in some regions of the world, Africa included, the stay-at-home dad remains culturally unacceptable and their role is subject to many stereotypes, making it hard for them to access parenting benefits and other services specifically targeted at mothers.”

WHAT DO THE EXPERTS SAY? Cape Town-based marriage and couples counsellor, Janet Winterbourne, offers this bit of advice for couples’ difficult situations:  You have to work with what you have, and be adaptable. In order to make the business of running a family effectively, we sometimes need a key ingredient for a good relationship compromise to be in place to facilitate teamwork.  Good communication is critical and any issues around what may be viewed as unconventional choices need to be addressed at the outset and resolved. This will clarify roles and reasons, and should facilitate smooth implementation.  Irrespective of who works and who runs the home, respect for the other’s input needs to be acknowledged and validated. Check in with each other as to how you are doing and what are the challenges you each face, and view these with a problem-solving mentality so that you don’t derail and disconnect.  Keep in mind your strength as a couple and what you are working towards in order to stay focused and on track. E

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CORE SKINNY JEANS, R139, RT, MRP.

BLACK LEATHER BAG, R2 499, SALSA, EDGARS.

CEDRIC FORMAL BOOT, R2 499, PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND.

fashion, THIN STRIPE SWEATER, R779, RIVER ISLAND, EDGARS.

AN INSTANT LANGUAGE

and EOA knows just the right language for the man in your life.

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ESSAYS OF AFRICA

#Annouce #Afrocentric #Authentic #Aggresive

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WHITE SWEATER, R649, RIVER ISLAND, EDGARS.

TRAPPER, R79, MRP.

BROWN AND BLACK BAG, R1 199, SALSA, EDGARS.

GARBER FIELD TRENCH, R3 999, G-STAR RAW.

BACHELOR BOOT, R1 999, SALSA, PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND. FISHERMAN BEANIE, R49, MRP. BLACK MELTON PEACOAT, R349, MRP.

WORDS: TUMI MDLULI. IMAGES: SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS.

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POWER OF ONE

As CEO of The Communications Firm, Bonnke Shipalana has positioned the company as the leading integrated marketing and communication solutions agency. He chatted with Caryn Thandi Petersen about the motivation behind his success and some lessons learnt along the way.

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MAN Q&A EOA

pioneering force in the business world, entrepreneur, Bonnke Shipalana was not content to leave it there. He is a profound motivational speaker and has dedicated much of his time to challenging and guiding South Africans to understand and believe in their purpose. Bonnke founded the leadership organisation, Power of 1, with a mission to bring out the leader in us all. As chairman of the organisation, he carries this work through to other fields, giving motivational talks to thousands of people across the country.

Having hosted youth life skills shows on SABC, Bonnke now has a weekly radio show on Capricorn FM, where he aims to change and improve the lives of those who are willing to listen. He has also co-written two inspirational books with businessman and friend Simphiwe Mdlalose.

CREDITS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN IMAGES: SUPPLIED.

Q. You have led an impressive career thus far, with previous positions as the Marketing Manager for Cell C and Brand Manager for Pepsi Co and SAB Miller. Tell us how you got to where you are today.

I was very fortunate to have parents as great role models. From a young age I saw how hard my parents worked in order to maintain and grow what they have. Their motto has been a central focus in my life: work hard to maintain what you have while growing towards your dream or vision.

In short, I had my first business when I was in Std. 3, owned four shops while at university, launched Power of 1 when I was 19, and am currently CEO of The Communications Firm.

Q. What is your main area of focus at The Communications Firm?

My role is to manage the company’s strategy and make sure that each division contributes towards a set strategy.

Q. Why did you feel compelled to start Power of 1?

I strongly believe that any company or organisation can only succeed as far as the leader’s vision/dream. Regardless of how wealthy a family, country or continent is, under bad leadership you are guaranteed long-term failure. From a biblical point

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of view, Proverbs 29:11 says that “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”

When I realised this challenge, I decided not to wait for someone to do something; I decided to do something. Change does not start with group thinking (even though it is implemented by a group) but it starts in the mind of one person, and that is why the business is called Power of 1.

Q. What have been some of the biggest failures and lessons for you along the way?

My first biggest and public failure was when I got kicked out of university in my first year. Having not passed my Std. 10 Mathematics, I was admitted to study for a B Comm degree with a condition to supplement my high school mathematics.

Unfortunately I failed my supplementary exam and passed my university courses, and I was nicely asked not to come back for the second term.

My lesson from that particular experience was not to allow any challenge to define my future. To cut a story short, I was back at varsity the following year, and three years later I graduated with a B.Comm degree.

Q. What would you pinpoint as the main traits that lead to success?

First and foremost is to know your God birthed purpose. I simply define purpose as your original intent of being on earth.

Once you have a clear understanding of your role on earth – that is the direction you need to follow; the next move is to step on the accelerator. It is pointless to have the speed but no direction.

Q. Who keeps you motivated?

If I did not believe that God is the author of my life, then I would have given up a long time ago. Regardless of how motivated or demotivated I am, I believe in placing God in his rightful position, always leading me to victory.

Q. What do you see yourself in the future? What are some of your longterm goals?

My long-term goals are to speed up what I am currently working on and to elevate my work to a high dimension. The Communications Firm will expand its business offering outside South Africa and Power of 1 will expand its offering

through continental television and radio coverage.

Q. What personal qualities do you most treasure in yourself and others?

I believe in knowing what one is working for and whom you are working for. As for me, my family comes first. Whatever I get involved in, the sum of it must strengthen my family. Each day I work on my purpose of building leaders, and the reward of that work benefits my family.My current circle of friends is made up of people who believe that one has to be a good leader at home before going out to influence and change the world.

Q. As a husband and father, how do you maintain a work/life balance?

I still don’t believe in the theory of work/ life balance. My leadership principle is that family comes first and the rest needs to fit within your family structure.

Family is primary and everything else is secondary. In my life I have rejected many business proposals that did not fit in with my family structure. So, instead of work/life balance structure, I believe in knowing the difference between what is Necessary (Family) versus what is Important (Business).

Q. How do you feel black professionals are doing in South Africa? Are you positive about where we’re at as a nation and where we’re headed?

I have so much faith in this country, especially in up-and-coming black professionals. We have great role models in people like Herman Mashaba, Given Mkhari and Andile Khumalo, just to mention a few. These are individuals who built businesses from the ground, and ended up owning a sector in the market.

If I had one piece of advice for aspiring black professionals, it would be to spend more time learning and less time chasing after opportunities. In business, if the foundation is not strong, when the storm comes everything will be destroyed.

Q. Lastly, who is Bonnke when the pressure is off? How do you unwind?

There is no better feeling than seeing my wife and two daughters smile. I spend the majority of my free time at home with my family. E

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EOA #GAYBESTFRIEND

ello again, darlings.

Ruth and I agreed a long time ago to never shy away from telling each other the truth, especially when it comes to how we look before leaving the house. The reason is that, very often, what we see in the mirror is not necessarily what the rest of the world sees. And the world, as we all know, can be full of scams.

Luckily Ruth and I have each other’s backs, which is really useful when we are not sure about a new look. I mean, how many times have you noticed a poor soul strutting about wearing eyeshadow that looked as if it had been applied with her left foot, or a piece of clothing that could only have been bought at Baby GAP? However, there are those times when even your BFF won’t be around to give your outfit or hairstyle the final go-ahead. It’s at times like these when you need to summon your inner fashionista, the latest style blogs or, in Ruth’s case a reputable hair salon.

As fate would have it, I was away in Kenya to do some work for the United Nations, when Ruth decided to get her first weave.

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She had saved up for some time and found a ‘good deal’ on some Brazilian Remy hair. She was over the moon about getting her weave on and I was in no position to expect her to wait for two weeks till I’d return from my trip. Besides, she had golden circle tickets to the Rihanna concert and wanted to look fab.

Little did she know she would be getting a golden synthetic weave to go with those golden circle tickets. It turns out that her ‘reliable’ weave source was nothing more than a scam artist. His work was easily spotted within a 10km radius of his salon – all of them looking atrocious.

Of course Miss Ruth was in a state as she called me from the salon. All I could say was: “Bright red dye, tease until it looks like a bird’s nest, clip a mantilla top hat fascinator to the front of the weave and wear with black fishnet stockings, ox blood Dr Martens, denim shorts and a black corset. It’s a Rihanna concert, sweetie-darling, not The Three Tenors!”

Needless to say, she rocked the look, had a fabulous time and even made it into the ‘scene about’ page of a local fashion blog.

And the moral of this story, ladies: if you aren’t sure about the quality of the weave you’re about to get, rather weave it alone! E

WORDS: HAYDEN HORNER. IMAGE: ©ISTOCK.COM.

A HAIRRAISING EXPERIENCE

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EOA BEAUTY & HEALTH NEWS

THE BEST WAY TO CLEANSE YOUR PORES

Does your daily facial cleanser clear and clean the skin at the same time? If not, we suggest you try a cleanser that does! Suitable for both men and women with normal to oily skin and darker skin tone, DEEP PORE CLEANSER by DMK leaves the skin thoroughly cleansed and fresh without drying. It contains herbal properties that loosen and eliminate pore-blocking material like dead cells, debris and greasy residue. It is the perfect cleanser to abolish blackheads and skin eruptions. For more information, visit dmkskincare. co.za. on Corlett Drive in Sandton, Johannesburg.

Not only are blueberries and raspberries delicious topping for your muesli or super smoothie ingredients, but they are also both rich in vitamins and minerals. Dr Graham Duncombe, a health expert from Skin & Body Renewal, says berries are rich in antioxidants and are believed to fight the ills of ageing. Research revealed that women who ate more than three servings of blueberries or strawberries a week had a 34 percent lower heart attack risk than the women who ate less. The high level of antioxidant compounds known as anthocyanin found in berries help to lower blood pressure and improve blood vessel function. Moreover, research also revealed that when women eat more berries, they experience slower mental decline.

UNVEIL YOUR NAILS

Does your nail colour chip quickly? The new UNVEIL Peel-Off Basecoat (available in stores from June) is the perfect base for glitter nail lacquer that easily peels off without remover.

Yes! Now you can wear your favourite SpaRitual glitter nail lacquer for a day or two, then quickly ‘unveil’ your nails to change your colour without damaging your nails. Simply apply a thin layer of the UNVEIL Peel-Off Basecoat, followed by two coats of your glitter nail lacquer and let your nails dry completely. Simply peel off to remove and change your colour! E

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WORDS: HLULANI MASINGI. SOURCES: RED MARKETING, FREEBIES PR & MARKETING, DR. GRAHAM DUNCOMBE, BEAUTYSOUTHAFRICA.COM. IMAGES: RED MARKETING, SPARITUAL, ©ISTOCK.COM.

FIGHT AGEING WITH BERRIES

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RADOX TRANQUILITY BATH SALTS, R39.99, DIS-CHEM, CLICKS. A soft, sensuous, lingering bath salt relaxant that contains Ylang Ylang.

POND’S GOLD RADIANCE YOUTH REVIVING EYE CREAM 15ML, R189.99, SSLECTED RETAIL STORES NATIONWIDE. Refreshes tired eyes, to help visibly minimise the appearance of fine lines, wrinkles and dark circles.

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TRESEMMÉ 24 BODY BLOW DRY STYLING SPRAY, R79.99, DIS-CHEM, CLICKS AND SELECTED RETAIL STORES. The dry styling spray provides the perfect touchable hold – and keeps your hair protected in even the fiercest humidity.

DMK DEEP PORE CLEANSER, R400, DMK. A daily wash with herbal properties that clears pores whilst cleansing the skin at the same time.

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DOVE DRY OIL POMEGRANATE, R179.99, DIS-CHEM, CLICKS AND SELECTED RETAIL STORES NATIONWIDE. Contains pomegranate seed oils to revitalise dull and dry hair, deep down. Experience extraordinary nourishment in every drop with five times silkier hair.

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Sexy

SEVEN

This months products will keep you hydrated from head to toe.

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CATRICE ALL ROUND COVERSTICK, R52.95, DIS-CHEM. A true all-rounder: the creamy, long-lasting texture with Vitamin E blends easily and reliably hides skin impurities, redness, dark circles under your eyes.

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VASELINE HEALTHY HAND AND NAIL LOTION, R26.99, CLICKS, DIS-CHEM OUTLETS. Clinically proven to hydrate dry hands and strengthen brittle nails.

Specifically developed to make nails 30% stronger.

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main BEAUTY EOA

Brows Brows are subtle, yet expressive and perfectly sculpted. Your make-up around you brows must not be too dark. A soft arch on your brows will add a feminine touch

FOR THE LOVE OF NATURAL BEAUTY The art of beauty is tested through the use of warm and earthy tones.

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Lips to kiss Lips are the season’s focal point. We use matt and satin textures to make them bold and beautiful.

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MAIN BEAUTY EOA

EYES

JET LASH SPEED VOLUME MASCARA, R79, CATRICE, DIS-CHEM STORES AND SPREE.

Eyes can be contoured to give them shape and detail. They are not the main focus this season, and the subtle use of mascara and eyeliner will be enough to give them an elegant, soft look.

LIPSTICK, R135, HANNON.

BLACK SUPER LASH MASCARA, R185, HANNON.

BLACK GEL EYE PENCIL, R105, HANNON.

VELVET MATT SMOKEY EYES PENCIL, CATRICE, R45, DIS-CHEM STORES AND SPREE.

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MAIN BEAUTY EOA

COMPACT FOUNDATION, R195, HANNON.

HIGHLIGHTS Blush must not be too pink or too bright. Sun-kissed bronze, peachy and golden tones must be softly applied and well blended for a natural appeal.

SUN KISS BLUSHER, R175, HANNON.

ILLUMINATING BLUSH, R69, CATRICE, DIS-CHEM STORES AND SPREE.

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SHE’S NAILED IT

EGOAGWEU (EGO) IWEGBU-DALEY, CEO OF MISS SALON LONDON

Great-looking hands and feet are big business, but Ego Iwegbu-Daley has taken it to another level by creating a salon setting that is as comfortable as it is aesthetically pleasing.

She tells us what it took to make the Miss Salon London concept work.

MISS SALON LONDON: MORNINGSIDE (ABOVE) AND PARKHURST (BELOW)

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goagwu IwegbuDaley’s Miss London Salon may be the name on everyone’s lips at the moment and, umm, fingertips, but it’s only because of her hard work and determination that the business is what it is today. Fondly known as Ego, the CEO of consultancy nail and beauty business, Miss Salon London, in Johannesburg’s Morningside and Parkhurst suburbs, was born to a Jewish-Russian mother and BritishNigerian father in Russia’s port city of Rostov-On-Don some 40 years ago.

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BEAUTY INTERVIEW EOA Although she lived in Nigeria from the ages of 9 to16, the United Kingdom is where she has lived for most of her life.

It was here that she discovered that she could supply the money-making women who wanted to look ‘fly’ in London’s West End with a luxury she’d seen on a visit to America in 1998.

So, with her maths degree from King’s College, Ego left her 9-to-5 job and opened Nail Haven, her first salon, inside the prestigious Top Shop in Oxford Circus in 1999.

EOA: You worked for Ford Motors before you launched Nail Haven.

What made you start your own business?

EGO: For a long time I thought that people who unhappily stuck to their 9-to-5 jobs were just weak or lazy. Now I understand that there is actually an ‘entrepreneurial passion’ that pushes you to start your own business. You have no choice but to start, and even when all those negative voices try to discourage you, you still carry on. The urge will not let you rest until you do what you must.

EOA: By 2005 you had closed Nail Haven and opened salons in five other locations. How did you manage this?

EGO: Entrepreneurial passion! I had no choice but to keep pushing on, solve the problem and find another way.

EOA: Following a call to be a part of Superdrug’s London Fashion Week outing, Miss Salon London was born in 2006. What drew and kept you in the nail business?

EGO: Of all the types of beauty salons – hair, face, body – nails are the most sociable and I am a social person. I like people and loved the idea that we could all get together to be groomed and have a fun time doing it.

EOA: Miss Salon London is described as ‘more of a luxury girls club than just nail bar’. How difficult is it to find investors in luxury?

To get someone to part with their money and trust you with it requires vision, a unique selling point and a good business plans. A well-put-together business plan makes it clear that you are serious and that you are taking their money seriously.

EOA: In 2010 you moved to South Africa with your husband and two children. Which team were you backing during the FIFA World Cup™?

EGO: Ha! I don’t watch football but I always watch the World Cup! In this order, I always support: Nigeria, Ghana and England. We moved to South Africa because it is a unique place, especially Johannesburg, where there’s just the right mix of Africa, Europe and America. The weather is awesome, people are friendly and opportunities are plenty.

EOA: You started Miss Salon London in Morningside, Johannesburg, four years ago and partnered with Linda Jangulo. How did this come about?

EGO: I met Linda at our sons’ school.

She expressed an interest in the salon business during one of our lunches. When the Morningside opportunity presented itself, Linda was the first person to whom I proposed a partnership. Having owned six salons in the UK, I wasn’t prepared to do it alone again, especially now that I was a mother of two. As the most experienced salon owner in our duo, Linda has allowed me to make most of the decisions for the business. She’s a great business partner and I’m lucky to share the business with her.

EOA: In July 2014, you opened a Parkhurst branch and brought TV and radio personality Azania Mosaka on

as a partner. Tell us about that?

EGO: Running a salon is one of the most difficult businesses. It’s all about people and their needs and wants. It appears that South Africans like to see an owner on the shop floor. Without business partners this need would not be met. We all try very hard to be in the salons most of the time. Azania has great people skills, is hardworking and enjoys the business. This makes also her a great business partner.

EOA: With a celebrity client list that includes Minnie Dlamini, Somizi, Terry Pheto, Ursula Chikane, Thandiswa Mazwai and David Tlale, does Azania’s own celebrity help the business?

EGO: Certainly! However, we certainly did not partner for that reason. The crucial success factors of this business are not based on popularity. We attract clients in a variety of ways, but we keep them because we perfect the service and the experience.

EOA: What motivated you to write your books, Open Your Own Salon…

The Right Way and KickStart Your Salon Into Profit?

EGO: My failure! I wished I had had a mentor specific to my industry aspirations.

There was no one there for me at the time and a lot of the mistakes I made in the early stages could have been avoided.

I was also motivated to write the books by the number of people who approached me for advice.

EOA: What’s your advice for getting one’s business off the ground?

EGO: Just do it with love.

“Miss Salon London…more of a luxury girls club than just nail bar!”

Miss Salon London is located at the Morningside Shopping Centre on the corner of Rivonia and Outspan Roads as well as in 4th Avenue in Parkhurst, Johannesburg. Check out their awesome work on their Instagram page @misssalonlondon. E

EGO: It’s always difficult to find investors.

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EOA BEAUTY

Say goodbye

VASELINE ADVANCED REPAIR BODY CREAM, R34.99, DIS-CHEM, CLICKS AND SELECTED RETAIL STORES.

TO DRY SKIN IN 1-2-3...

OBEY YOUR BODY SHEA NUT BODY BUTTER, R449, ZANDO.

We have a variety of rich lotions to nourish dry and flaky skin.

DAWN COCOA BUTTER CREAM, R18.99, SELECTED RETAIL STORES NATIONWIDE.

DOVE INTENSIVE NOURISHMENT BODY LOTION, R46.99, DIS-CHEM, CLICKS AND SELECTED RETAIL STORES.

WORDS: TUMI MDLULI. IMAGES: SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS.

DMK MAXIMUM MOISTURE, R802, DMK.

DR ORGANIC MANUKA HONEY BODY BUTTER, R239, ZANDO.

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Real women don’t fake it.

Nothing makes it easier to keep it real than Black Like Me Perm. My curls are well defined and nicely coiled. It’s the real deal for real women.

Contains silicones and glycerin to give shine, moisture and conditioning. www.facebook.com/BlackLikeMePerm

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NOTHING BEATS MOM’S COOKING Many memories can be attached to meals. Here, celebrities get nostalgic about their favourite food made by their moms.

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f music be the food of love, play on.” The words of Shakespeare, but he must never have eaten a sevencourse meal on a Sunday, because on the African continent homemade food often embodies love. This Mother’s Day, TV and music personalities celebrate the women who gave birth to them by sharing their mother’s signature recipe that continues to makes them go ‘yum’ well into their adult years.

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FOOD & ENTERTAINING EOA

SIBA MTONGANA, Food Network Chef My favourite recipe by my mother is without a doubt, uMfino (wild leaves). She used to serve this as a midday snack when I was a child. People who grew up with it can appreciate it. I made it on my show, Siba’s Table, but gave it a twist by making it into fritters and used polenta instead of maize meal because the show is aired all over the world and you don’t always find maize meal if you’re not in Africa. Without the knowledge that my mother passed onto me, I’d never have the love for food that I have today. I love my mom so much and she is one of my heroes. She inspires me in so many ways and I thank her because I see a lot of her in me.

UMFINO Ingredients

2 tablespoons of olive oil Half a red onion finely chopped 2 spring onions, finely chopped 2 garlic cloves, finely crushed 200g spinach, chop and remove the stalks 3 tablespoons of coriander 2 tablespoons of thyme 110g maize meal or polento Salt and freshly ground black pepper 60ml water

IMAGE: SIBA.

Method

1. Heat the oil and sauté the red onion, spring onions and garlic for one minute.

2. Add the spinach and herbs.

3. Add maize meal (or polento) and stir.

4. Pour the water into the mix, add salt and pepper to taste and stir all together until spinach is wilted and the maize meal resembles mashed potato.

5. Remove from heat.

6. Once cool, use teaspoons to shape the mixture into mini balls using your hands.

7. Ensure the balls are firm by squeezing them.

8. Place a teaspoon of butter into a heated pan.

9. Fry the balls for a minute on each side et voila, you have your fritters.

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UPHUTHU BRIAN BALOYI, Former Bafana Bafana Goalkeeper Growing up, we used to eat uPhuthu every Tuesday. We always had structured meals – certain food on certain days – and I never asked why. Many people make uPhuthu differently, but I just love the way my mother makes it and I learned how to make it from her. If we each had to make our own uPhuthu for other people to taste, hers would definitely win, but I love cooking and I live in the kitchen so maybe with other meals, she’d lose (laughs).

UPHUTHU Ingredients

1 cup of maize meal 250ml water 5ml salt

Method

UPHUTU BY CALVIN MASHEGO, HEAD CHEF AT CASAMBO EXCLUSIVE GUEST LODGE, WWW.CASAMBO.CO.ZA

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IMAGE: CALVIN MASHEGO- HEAD CHEF @ CASAMBO EXCLUSIVE GUEST LODGE WWW.CASAMBO.CO.ZA.

1. Pour the water and salt into a pot and bring to the boil.

2. Slowly add maize meal. Do not stir.

3. Boil for 20 minutes.

4. Use a wooden spoon to stir the mixture until soft, yet crumbly.

5. Reduce heat and allow to simmer.

6. Serve hot.

7. uPhuthu can be served with meat, but a popular choice is also eating it with milk or Inkomazi.

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FOOD & ENTERTAINING EOA

CHAPATI LIZ OGUMBO-REGISFORD Musician

Growing up in Kenya, we had a lot of influence from Indians.

Saturday was our chapati (Indian flatbread) night and any other day that did not go as per the week’s menu was also another chapati day. I never follow my mum’s recipe to the T because I am a creative. I love chapati with a good curry or stew.

IMAGE: ©ISTOCK.COM.

CHAPATI Ingredients

A cup of all-purpose flour (depending on amount of chapatis) Warm water 1 tablespoon of salt 1 small cup of sunflower or virgin oil 1 blended red onion 1 tablespoon of sugar (optional)

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Method

1. Pour 2 cups of warm water into mixing bowl.

2. Add 3 tablespoons of oil, 1 tablespoon of salt, 1 tablespoon of sugar (optional) and 1 red ground onion and stir.

3. Pour flour into the solution and knead the dough with your hands for 10 minutes.

4. Use a rolling pin to make the dough into a round, but flat shape.

5. Pat the rolled dough with flour to make sure the dough doesn’t stick to the surface and lightly brush each circle with oil.

6. Cut the dough into thin slices then roll the slices into round balls.

7. Heat a non-stick pan then place the balls in.

8. Check that chapati is golden on one side. This will take less than a minute. Then flip it over so the other side becomes golden.

9. Repeat for each chapati.

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Comedian and host of Our Perfect Wedding My favourite recipe by my mom is easy, it’s Chakalaka. She used to make it for us all the time. It was a part of our ‘5 colours’ on a Sunday. When I was younger, I lived with my grandmother in the Free State province. My favourite thing was knowing when I was going to be with my mom in Mafikeng (North West province). One must make Chakalaka, you can’t just buy it at the store. Especially since my mom has passed away, I make my Chakalaka as though I am making it for her to approve. It’s like I’m channelling my mom.

CHAKALAKA Ingredients 3 tablespoons of olive oil 1 chopped onion

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2 cloves of garlic, crushed 2 fresh green chillies 3 tomatoes, chopped 1 green, yellow and red pepper, all chopped 5 carrots, finely chopped 50g ginger, chopped 400g baked beans A pinch of salt and pepper 2 tablespoons of mild curry powder Method 1. Heat the olive oil in a pan 2. Fry the onion until soft.

3. Add garlic, chillies and ginger and stir.

4. Add curry powder and mix.

5. Add peppers and simmer for two minutes.

6. Place the carrots into the mix and add the tomatoes.

7. Stir the mixture until it thickens and cook for 10 minutes.

8. Allow to cool, add the baked beans and mix.

9. This dish can be served hot or cold.

IMAGE: CULTIVATOROFLIFEBEAUTIFUL.COM.

CHAKALAKA TUMI MORAKE,

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FOOD & ENTERTAINING EOA

LASAGNE K.O, Musician I’ve lived like a bachelor for the longest time so I don’t really get involved in cooking. The only thing I still know how to make is beef lasagne and I learned it from my mom.

I make it my own way, though. I make it like a guy. Ha! It’s not as good as she does it, as I remember trying to make that lasagne while I was at the Vaal University of Technology and my roommates were like ‘what the hell were you trying to do?’ So when I went home to Piet Retief in Mpumalanga for the holidays, I had to ask my mom to help me brush up on my skills.

WORDS: HELEN HERIMBI. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM.

LASAGNE Ingredients 2 tablespoons of olive oil 500g beef mince 1 onion, chopped 1 garlic clove, crushed Mixed herbs 850g tomatoes 1 tablespoon of sugar 1 tablespoon of salt 1 cup of grated cheddar cheese or cheese sauce 3 lasagne sheets or 250g of penne pasta Half a cup of Parmesan cheese, grated Method 1. Heat the oil in a pan.

2. Sauté the chopped onion and crushed garlic in the pan for 5 minutes.

3. Add the herbs.

4. Add the mince and allow to brown.

5. Pour canned tomatoes, salt and sugar into the pan and simmer for 30 minutes.

6. Place a sheet of lasagne in a baking tray.

7. Layer the mince mix on top of the lasagne and add cheese sauce.

8. Place another sheet on top of that layer and repeat.

9. Place grated Parmesan cheese on the final layer and bake for 30 minutes at 180˚. E

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Another luxury boost for Maboneng

DAVID ADJAYE

Over the next year, global architectural icon, David Adjaye who practises in London, New York and Accra, is leading the team to transform Hallmark House in Siemert Road into a stunning glasspanelled tower of luxury residential apartments and an all-suite hotel.

According to Adjaye, Johannesburg’s Eastern CBD regeneration is perfectly in line with what is happening around the world, and points at Hackney in London’s East End and New York’s Meatpacking District as examples.

With floor-to-ceiling views of the iconic Joburg skyline, apartments

will be spacious, highlighting minimalist style with interiorexterior layouts that frame the surrounding cityscapes. Hallmark House will also have an on-site spa, fully equipped gym and swimming pool, and residents can kick back at The Grand Café and Rooftop Bar, situated alongside The Bioscope outdoor cinema. Residential sales are open for what is set to become one of the most envied addresses on the African continent. Hallmark House has been scheduled for completion in May 2016. For more info, visit hallmarkhouse.co.za.

HIGH-RISE, HI-TECH & DÉCOR HIGHLIGHTS

All the latest news, updates and products you need to know about.

TIME TO COSY UP

It may be cold outside but with the right kit in your bedroom, you’ll want to stay in and get cosy. Linen House has just launched its new bed linen collection for winter. Inspired by international trends featuring cool geometrics, linear pattern, vintage looks and oversized florals, you’ll be spoiled for choice. Try the different looks in this eclectic offering. Patterns, colour and texture will all add to the warmth of the winter bedroom retreat. There are also sophisticated jacquard weaves, oversized digital prints and the ever-popular vintage style – all in line with global trends. It’s time to love your space! For more info, go to linenhouse.co.za.

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DÉCOR news EOA

WOOD WORKS

Wood finishes offer a space warmth, texture and character and the new Harvard Cherry Matt Timber finish by Woodbender is ideal for the modern home. The finish is light brown with rose pink undertones. The light colour highlights the natural wood grain and shows the detail of the Ash timber beautifully, while the matte lacquer finish enhances the natural look. If you’re not a lover of dark wood, this is the perfect alternative. For more info, go to Woodbender.co.za.

Concrete design

WORDS: RHODA DAVIDS. IMAGES: SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS.

South Africa’s most creative young design project was revealed at the recent PPC Imaginarium Awards in Cape Town, a modern art and design awards programme aimed at promoting and supporting emerging creative talent in South Africa. The overall winning design by designers Martin Bolton and Craig Tyndall is from the industrial design category. Incorporating acrylic and leather, the design, named Concrete T L Speaker, is shaped like an indigenous African trumpet made from a Kudu horn, which carries the sound toward its audience. Winners in six categories were carefully selected and their work showcased at the UJ Gallery in Johannesburg. Thereafter the exhibition, which was curated by Stephen Hobbs, travelled to the Design Indaba Expo in Cape Town. For more info, go to ppcimaginarium.co.za.

Your hi-tech home at your fingertips

iF Design Award winner 2015, Sense beat over 5 000 proposals in Munich recently to take the Gold distinction in the product category. The new Sense collection is a highly innovative touch interface concept that allows you to control your environment – it can control lighting, air conditioning and blinds in any space. Just by pressing and sliding your finger across the device the user receives a stimulus that confirms that the action is being activated with a vibration, sound or LED light. Sense has flexible solutions to customise each room according to personal preference – lower the light intensity, turn on the music and activate a relaxing scenario. E

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THE MODERN KITCHEN

The modern kitchen is a sleek space with clean lines.

Fittings: Signature elements of this space are flat panel doors and frameless cabinets, thus creating a smooth uninterrupted finish that runs flush with surfaces. Cabinets are often equally proportioned, resulting in an overall balanced style. Handles are often flat and linear, with the horizontal shape being quite prominent. Go for similar lines for taps and mixers.

Minimalism: Whether for ornamentation or accessories, minimalism is the key. The modern kitchen has very little texture, with little to no pattern in floor and wall tiles and a tendency to make use of smooth glass surfaces for the ideal sleek look. The mix of glass and natural materials such as wood has become quite popular, making the natural beauty of the wood a focal point.

Styling: Accent pieces in the modern kitchen as seen here can be the bar stools, lighting (spotlights are quite prominent) and glass bar counters. It’s important that these items are consistent with the clean look and feel of the space. Industrial finishes such as screed floors or even concrete countertops can also work in this environment.

Hi-tech: The ultimate finishing touch in the modern kitchen is the perfect appliances.

They have to be sleek and durable, and be high performance pieces. Integrate lighting, airconditioning, cooking and even cleaning with some of the best home technology.

SMOKING HOT KITCHENS

Kitchens are about so much more than cooking, and updating and revamping yours is always a good idea. Rhoda Davids looks at two popular styles and highlights what makes them work.

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DÉCOR EOA

The Contemporary Country Kitchen

The contemporary country kitchen is relaxed, sophisticated and spacious.

Colour palette: A neutral colour scheme is the foundation for a contemporary country kitchen. White can come across as being sterile, but here white and shades of grey work well. Cabinets in white with elegant black counter tops and an island with a marble top add the touch of sophistication. Natural wicker-seat bar stools provide the country charm.

Fittings: The cabinets are framed with moulded edge finishes and profiled doors, creating visual depth, while shelves and window

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pane units provide space to display personal collections of plates, and cups, etc. so surfaces are free from clutter. The splash-back area has been taken all around the perimeter of the kitchen and is in the same veined marble as the island counter top, making the area appear even more spacious.

Accessories: Lab basins and industrial pendant lights are key to giving the country kitchen a contemporary feel. Ample storage is also a feature, as all your kitchen tools and personal mementos (recipe books, jars, cooking utensils) can easily be put on display to further personalise your space. Stainless-steel appliances also contribute to making this kitchen a luxurious space. E

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EOA DÉCOR

TOASTIES AT THEIR BEST The Diablo Jaffle Iron is perfect for deep-toasted sandwiches and can be used on gas, ceramic and electric hobs – so there’s no need to worry about loadshedding. Get it for R299 at yuppiechef.com.

LIGHTER, TASTIER, HEALTHIER LG’s improved lightwave oven SolarDOM boasts special features such as the Charcoal Heater (which ensures food is crispy on the outside and juicy on the inside) and reduces energy consumption by 50%. Get the SolarDOM for R3 999 at selected key retailers.

All the newest gadgets and gizmos you need to take your culinary experiences to new heights.

BIN IT! The Eva Solo bread bin is a stainless steel box covered with flexible plastic.

It ensures that the crust remains crusty and the bread fresh.

Get it for R1 549 at yuppiechef.com.

ELEGANT IN GLASS Add some chic to your dinner table with the latest addition of crystal glassware range from Le Creusset, Champagne flutes, set of 4, R720.

PERFECT PAIR Stylish two-pack, 165ml cappuccino cup-and-saucer set, R345 from Luigi Bormioli at spree.co.za

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PERFECT FOR COFFEE CONNOISSEURS The Lattissima Touch has feature-rich technology for coffee connoisseurs who enjoy coffee with milk. Ristretto and milk froth are two new features so you can create the ultimate latte or cappuccino.

Available in Glam Red, Glam White and Glam Black fat about R4 500 at all Nespresso boutiques in South Africa.

WORDS: RHODA DAVIDS. IMAGES: ©ISTOCK.COM AND SUPPLIED BY STOCKISTS.

GLAM UP YOUR KITCHEN

THE ULTIMATE KITCHEN MACHINE The kMix Kitchen Machine is a powerful stand mixer that comes with a balloon whisk, K-beater, dough hook, silicone spatula and scraping bowl, R5 579 from yuppiechef.com.

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EOA SOCIAL SCENE ssie reinforced its status as the go-to nail brand for beauty professionals, industry insiders and women of style when it hosted two fun and fabulous events for beauty media and salon owners. Hosted on 25 March 2015 at Beefcakes in Illovo, Johannesburg and 26 March 2015 at Beefcakes in Green Point, Cape Town respectively, both were colourful events filled with great entertainment, mouth-watering food and the best of what the brand has to offer in 2015.

Guests were welcomed into Beefcakes’ retrothemed interior, complete with candy stations, charming waiters and a live act. True to their style, no detail was overlooked, with the menus not only showcasing the food, but also the ‘step-by-steps’ to creating essie’s signature nail art looks, which are as whimsical and fun as each colour’s name. essie showcased their product offering for the year in both the retail and professional spheres, including a sneak peak at the beautiful colour collections for which they are famous. The brand’s gel offering was also reintroduced and two lucky winners walked away free with gel manicures for the rest of the year. E

ESSIE PROFESSIONAL TEAM (LEFT TO RIGHT): KAREN TAYLOR, MIRI SARELI AND KEEGAN CATITO

TUMI MDLULI AND HLULANI MASINGI FROM EOA, AND THE TWO WINNERS OF ESSIE GEL MANICURES FOR A YEAR

GUESTS ENJOYING A COMPLIMENTARY MANICURE BY PROFESSIONALS

ABS GALORE WITH THE ESSIE TEAM!

BEEFCAKES ENTERTAINER CONGRATULATING THE TWO WINNERS KEEGAN CATITO, MARKETING MANAGER FOR ESSIE: PROFESSIONAL DIVISION

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TECH EOA

ALLRECIPES DINNER SPINNER

The Allrecipes Dinner Spinner suggests recipes based on the type of meal you want, ingredients, nutritional information, and even prep time. It’s great for quick meal ideas when you haven’t been able to plan ahead. It’s also extensive, tapping into the website’s member-shared recipes, photos and reviews from a community of 30 million home cooks.

APPS

ENLIGHT

One of the greatest things about the smartphone revolution is the democratisation of photo editing and enhancing. Enlight is a great new product that can house all your editing needs in one place.

It is simple to use, displaying all your photos in a ribbon at the bottom, and all editing features are labelled and accessible, making beautiful images easier to produce than ever.

WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. IMAGES: XXX

SIMPLY BEING

Everyone needs relaxation time – few people know this more than mothers. Simply Being is a well-designed and incredibly easy-to-use app that offers guided meditations and simple breathing exercises, designed specifically to centre your mind and focus entirely on the moment. The app is adjustable to suit your specifications, such as the sounds emitted (music or soothing noises) and the length, meaning you can adjust it to fit perfectly with your schedule. Be it for just five or 30 minutes, allow yourself some time to focus on your mental health; you’ll thank yourself later.

WUNDERLIST

One of the most useful organisational tools around, Wunderlist seamlessly collects all of your lists, allowing you to create tasks and subtasks, tracking the completion of each. You also have the ability to share lists, so if you have a husband, partner or helpful children, you can create group lists and receive notifications when tasks have been completed. You can also create daily and weekly tasks, and split them into simple lists and to-dos.

TECH FOR MOMS ON THE GO

Moms often need assistance to juggle their endless to-do lists and sometimes the best help can come from technology!

SWIMMING UPSTREAM LOSING MY EDGE

The Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge may be grabbing all the headlines, but the Galaxy S6 is equally as deserving of attention. Ditching the Galaxy’s plastic exterior, the glassand-metal exterior of the S6 is sleek and stylish, and it promises to run like a dream.

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Music streaming is still relatively new in South Africa. Deezer has been available in the country for almost two years and rumours have swirled about a Spotify launch for a while. Both Spotify and Deezer host massive libraries of songs that revolutionise how we consume music. If you haven’t given it a go yet, get with the programme! E

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MOM MOBILES As a Mother’s Day special, EOA takes a look at three of the best ‘mom mobiles’ out there to transport you and your kids in safety and comfort.

CHEVROLET CAPTIVA

A true do-it-all vehicle, the Captiva is an ideal family car, boasting bucket loads of space and comfort. With this purposeful SUV, what you see is what you get: no frills or fuss here. But what you get is a pretty impressive all-rounder, with good, sturdy looks, excellent performance and versatility to boot. Its striking fog lamps and LED tail lamps add to its sporty outdoor style. One of its greatest family-friendly features is the flexible seating options. For long holiday drives, just fold the third row of seats down and you’ll get up to 769 litres of trunk space. Fold down the second row too and you have a huge 1 577 litres at your disposal – one of the largest in this SUV class.

And unlike many other SUVs with flexible seating, the Captiva is actually pretty simple to manoeuvre. Chevrolet has ensured impeccable safety standards, with six air bags, three-point seatbelts and ISOFIX anchor points for secure fitting of child seats. Other standard safety features include a Traction Control System to keep you planted, Electronic Stability Control to eliminate over and under-steer, a Brake Assist System as well as Hill Start Assist.

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MOTORING EOA BMW X6

Launched here last month, the new BMW X6 is one majestic beast of a car. Make no mistake; this is the ultimate ride when it comes to luxury, comfort and performance.

The sporting elegance and impressive versatility of this Sports Active Coupe will no doubt satisfy your every whim.

Its spacious interior abounds with features and equipment for which you'd normally have to fork out extra – including bi-Xenon headlights, 8-speed Steptronic sport transmission with steering wheel shift paddles, a leather trim, two-zone climate control, auto-dimming rear-view mirror and BMW ConnectedDrive.

Although it may not come cheap, you’ll at least save on fuel, with a 22 percent reduction on consumption thanks to some cutting-edge technology and enhanced aerodynamics. Its standard – and permanently active – all-wheel-drive system BMW xDrive optimises traction, directional stability and cornering dynamics for superlative control and performance. Allowing you to sit back in style no matter how hectic things get in the back seat!

CHRYSLER GRAND VOYAGER

The most awarded minivan for 2013, the Grand Voyager retains the highest owner loyalty in the segment – a testament to its power as a consistently reliable, safe and comfy ride. Perfect for busy moms on the go, it features the most innovative seating and storage system with Standard Stow ‘n Go Seats. Its 2.8-litre four-cylinder turbo diesel engine is mated to a six-speed automatic transmission for smooth drivability, with low figures when it comes to fuel consumption and CO2 emissions. The Chrysler Grand Voyager LX offers impressive safety features, including advanced brake systems with four-wheel disc antilock brakes and Brake Assist, as well as active pedestrian protection. If quality is what you're after, this is a good safe bet.

PIC, JOMOMAG.BLOGSPOT.COM, MOTORPRESS.CO.ZA

WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. IMAGES: QUICK-

MERCEDES-BENZ VIANO

Although it’s certainly not new to our roads, the Viano continues to sweep up awards as a class leader. Known for its reliability, looks and styling, this MPV offers a superb driving experience. Recently voted as the best Large MPV and People Carrier at the People’s Wheels Awards, the Viano walked away with top honours after receiving more than 60 000 votes from South African drivers – pretty compelling evidence that this is a van to be reckoned with!

Durable through any conditions, the Viano boasts top safety and comfort features - not to mention setting a benchmark in reducing carbon emissions. The interior is ideal for long family drives, acting as your home on wheels. Packed with special little treats such as ambient lighting and extra power sockets for convenience, the stylish van can be equipped with a Rear Sear Entertainment system, bound to keep your kids quiet on those long stretches of road. Its reputation as a trusted family car gives continued peace of mind behind the wheel. E

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THE BOUTIQUE HOTEL

experience

CHALKLEY TREEHOUSE IN LION SANDS GAME RESERVE

From luxury lodges to stylish city abodes, we take a look at a few designer retreats where you can lay your weary head for the night. here’s nothing quite like fluffy gowns behind the bathroom door, a chocolate on the pillow and a personal note from the GM to make you feel at home. Whether you’re staying at a luxury urban hotel or a small lodge tucked away in the Timbavati, it’s always about the little extras. Here is our ensemble of some pretty fine establishments, where your name is remembered and your Eggs Benedict arrive, just the way you like them.

CHALKLEY TREEHOUSE, Lion Sands Private Game Reserve

Lion Sands Game Reserve is situated in the Sabi Sand Reserve and when it comes to accommodation options, you can choose from River Lodge, Tinga Lodge, Narina Lodge, Ivory Lodge or Lion Sands 1933 Lodge. Each lodge has its own design language,

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but attention to detail and inspired aesthetics are part of the deal. Wherever possible, nature is given pride of place – and gorgeous vistas surprise and delight. Guests staying at any of the lodges in Lion Sands Private Game Reserve (Sabi Sand Reserve) in Mpumalanga have the unique opportunity of a romantic evening picnic in a treehouse.

Chalkley Treehouse is built around a magnificent 300-yearold Leadwood tree and guests who have booked in for the night can enjoy a delicious picnic while listening to the sounds of nature and drinking in bushveld views that go on for miles. The Lion Sands chefs will create a delectable feast from the menu of the day – or according to guests’ needs – using the finest local produce accompanied by fine wines, or anything else that guests would like to drink. The sunsets from the treehouse bring shivers to the spine, and this luxury bush bedroom is certainly something to write home about. Visit www.lionsands.com.

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TRAVEL EOA

ONE&ONLY, Cape Town

The One&Only Cape Town has spectacular written all over it. As one walks into the main lobby you come face to face with an incredible view of Table Mountain through the floor-to-ceiling windows. That’s the start of it all, and it only gets better from there. The same visual language is on offer from your hotel room as the gorgeous views of the Mother City welcome you. When it comes to rooms, you can choose the Marina Rise option with a more than comfortable king-size bed and a vast bathroom sporting an oversized bath, ‘rain shower’ and double vanity – of course

the views of Table Mountain and Signal Hill just add to the opulent feel.

The Island Rooms and Suites are on their own exclusive island in the heart of the waterway and the suites have private balconies. There is so much to enjoy at this resort city hotel, from the gorgeous spa on its very own island offering top choice treatments, to dining at Nobu or Reuben’s, chatting to the friendly staff and going for a cocktail at The Vista Bar. One&Only Cape Town redefines style without being stuffy, and the result is a ‘home away from home’ feel in unadulterated luxury. Visit www.capetown.oneandonlyresorts.com.

ONE&ONLY, CAPE TOWN AGAINST THE BACKDROP OF TABLE MOUNTAIN

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KASBAH TAMADOT, Morocco

Okay, so everything Richard Branson touches does turn to gold. And that’s evident when it comes to visiting the Kasbah Tamadot hideaway in the Atlas Mountains in Morocco. Branson bought the hotel after first seeing it on one of his hot-air ballooning expeditions. The establishment is located in Asni, a small village in the Atlas Mountains inhabited by the Berber people. There are 27 bedrooms and suites – including nine luxury Berber Tents – if you’re really splashing out, go for the tents with private plunge pools. The rooms, tents and suites are all fitted with gorgeous antiques collected by the previous owner, and no expense has been spared. There are spa treatments on offer – in a traditional Moroccan hammam – as well as tennis, table tennis, a gym and the option of going on walks or heading off into the mountains on a mule, if you are so inclined.

Visit www.kasbahtamadot.virgin.com.

MAJEKA HOUSE, Stellenbosch

South African designer Etienne Hanekom has created the perfect boutique hotel with a beautiful contemporary look with luxurious fabrics and inspired interiors. There are layers to the design of Majeka House, and although the emphasis is on being super-stylish with a vast array of artworks, the homely feel is evident throughout. Start off with cocktails at the chi-chi bar, followed by dinner at Makaron Restaurant. While away the days by exploring the winelands, visiting the Majeka House Spa or enjoy reading around the pool. Visit www.majekahouse.co.za.

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TRAVEL EOA

THE OYSTER BAY, Dar es Salaam

Conde Nast Traveller (UK) gave this Dar es Salaam hotel the thumbs up when it was placed on its Gold Standard List for 2013. This Tanzanian hotel has a mix of colonial attitude and contemporary African style – with French windows allowing views of the ocean. The place is East African chic and is boutique in every sense, with just eight suites on offer. Rooms are a combination of shades of white and African-inspired art and there is a lovely pool area where one can sip G&Ts until the sun goes down.

The feel is family-orientated and the hustle and bustle of this exciting city is nearby. For tranquillity and downtime, there are beautiful gardens and relaxation areas. The Oyster Bay feels like your own private villa, close to one of the continent’s most exciting cities.

Visit www.theoysterbayhotel.com.

SINGITA FARU FARU, Tanzania WORDS: DENISE SLABBERT. PHOTOGRAPHS: Majeka House, One&Only Cape Town , Singita, Virgin Limited Edition, MORE Hotels South Africa , The Oyster Bay Hotel.

The Singita brand is all about letting nature ‘inside’, and Singita has a number of magnificent properties in Africa. Singita Faru Faru does much to uphold this brand that combines the ultimate in luxury with wilderness locations. It may take some doing to get to Singita Faru Faru in Grumeti Reserves, but the effort is worth it, and this riverside lodge is the ultimate in barefoot bush luxury. The language of the lodge was designed by renowned South African designer Boyd Ferguson (Cecile & Boyd) and is the perfect place to get away from it all.

There are eight suites with en-suite bathrooms on offer and Ferguson has used the natural elements of wood, textiles and stone combined with a rugged landscape. The rimflow swimming pool practically spills onto the spectacular bushveld below, and warm nights are spent on the verandah drinking in the stars. Singita does stylish incredibly well, and you might want to consider some of its other lodges, including the Singita Lebombo in the Kruger National Park, and Singita Pamushana in Zimbabwe. Singita Castleton was recently renovated and is the perfect place for a family gathering in ultimate style.

Visit www.singita.com. E

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LEBOGANG RAMAFOKO

SOUL PROVIDER

Soul City CEO, Lebogang Ramafoko, turned her gift of the gab into a helping hand in health edutainment and she shows no signs of stopping soon. talk too much. All the time!” says Lebogang Ramafoko with her infectious laugh.

“My surname literally means ‘the father of words,’ so I always thought I would make a good lawyer.” However, after she matriculated, Lebogang Ramafoko’s career aspirations took a different path. Having grown up in the West Rand township of Munsieville during the height of apartheid, Lebo, as she is affectionately known, recalls her formative years of being a model student at a farm school where her aunt was her teacher and principal.

It was in high school, where she led study groups, that her passion to change her immediate reality through education really surfaced. “Munsieville was in the heartland of the AWB [farright political organisation]. That was a turbulent time, but I think that’s when my leadership skills developed. Till this day, some of my high school friends still call me ‘chief,’” she says.

In 1993, Lebo graduated with a BA in Education from Wits University. “I remember thinking how I didn’t want

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to go into a classroom and teach at that time in South Africa,” Lebo admits, “because the likelihood was I’d end up in a school with poor resources.”

So she became a radio scriptwriter at the Open Learning Systems Education Trust, where working in education in an informative and entertaining way helped her to “absolutely understand that this is what I wanted to do.”

SOUL SEARCHING When the Soul City Institute advertised a vacancy for a life skills materials developer in 1995, she immediately applied. “Soul City merged two of my strongest points; the first is teaching because I love to impart knowledge, and the second is creativity. We were all dreaming about what good life skills education could be and it was great to do it in the new South Africa.” She says satisfaction was what kept her associated with Soul City for so long, a position Lebo occupied from 1995 to 2001, when she moved to the SABC as commissioning editor of education.

“From the outside,” she says, “it looked like it would be a great place to work because SABC education had

gone on to produce some of the most riveting programmes, such as Yizo Yizo.”

However, the following year, she left the SABC job to become a Clinton Democracy Fellow in America, and returned to the SABC again in 2003.

Of that time, Lebo says, “I think from an edutainment production view, we’d done a good job. Tsha Tsha, which was sponsored by Johns Hopkins, and Takalani Sesame are productions one can be proud of.

“I think that some of the shows on TV were also reflecting problems and what was wrong with our education system. The challenges were quite real so, while edutainment advanced, the problems [in society] were still there.”

NECESSARY SACRIFICE After her time at the SABC, Lebo became a recognisable motivational speaker, as well as an expert in the youth sexuality edutainment field.

She went back to Soul City and worked her way up the ranks from executive to senior executive, before taking a break to earn her mid-career Masters in Public Administration at Harvard University.

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ENTERTAINMENT INTERVIEW EOA

WORDS: HELEN HERIMBI. IMAGES: SOUL CITY, LEBOGANG RAMAFOKO.

She was in Massachusetts with her two children from 2009 to 2010, which her then-six-year-old son remembers as ‘that time we were poor and wore second-hand clothes.’ But she believes that necessary sacrifices were made in order to undergo ‘the best dare I have ever challenged myself.’

“I had no money but I managed to get into a far-off, prestigious institution,” she says emphatically. “Getting into Harvard was a big achievement for me as it’s highly competitive. Women across all races are subjected to society expecting a downward trajectory, where we go to school, become childbearers and marriage material and who put their own goals after those of their men.”

The self-described gender activist became the CEO of Soul City in 2011 and she used her position to bring light to the issue of gender equality for almost four years. One of the ways in which she is still doing this is through a talk

show called Rise Young Women’s Initiative, which airs on SABC 1 this month. “The show stems from a Soul City initiative that is financed by the Global Fund in support of the national strategy plan on HIV, which is to identify young women from the ages of 15 to 24 as the people to reach in order to try to stop the spread of HIV,” explains Lebo.

OFF-SCREEN EMPOWERMENT Off the screen, the Rise Young Women’s Initiative is present in five of South African provinces as clubs of about 20 members each. Based on a curriculum set

by Soul City, the young women complete projects and activities around teenage pregnancy, gender-based violence and other issues that affect their respective communities. Lebo says they aim to have 1 800 clubs in the country by 2016.

Hosted by Lebo, as well as TV personality, filmmaker and writer, Kgomotso Matsunyane, and two

young women (Khanyi and Mbali) who represent the demographic in the clubs, the talk show borrows aspects of what’s happening in the clubs to have a broader conversation with the whole nation. “I love the TV show because it has conversations I haven’t heard in a while in South Africa,” Lebo explains, “conversations that you know won’t just end on TV. It’s serious but also fun because it is an intergenerational discussion between women.”

Lebo sees this initiative as another strand in the fabric that makes her who she is. When asked, Lebo doesn’t hesitate to say: “This initiative is a highlight on a number of levels as Soul City calls on you to reflect on who you are as a person. It’s been a place where my whole being, spiritual, social, professional – everything – is involved.

It’s not just a salary but a place where you can make a difference in areas of your gifting and purpose.” E

LEFT TO RIGHT: MBALI MAZIBUKO, KGOMOTSO MATSUNYANE, KANYI QOTYANA AND LEBOGANG RAMAFOKO, FROM THE RISE YOUNG WOMEN’S INITIATIVE

The Rise Young Women’s Initiative will be broadcast from 12 May on SABC 1 at 6pm.

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EOA MOVIES & THEATRE

The Mother of All Eating

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Lost in Translation

Dear White People

After making waves at last year’s Sundance Film Festival, Dear White People has finally hit South African cinemas, and with all the recent dramas playing out on South African university campuses, it couldn’t arrive at a better time.

The film follows a group of black students attending university in America and adds a resounding voice to the filmically underexamined theme of modern race relations. It is a triumph for breakthrough director Justin Simien, as well as the large cast of young actors.

Opens nationwide at Ster-Kinekor theatres on 24 April 2015.

South Africa’s favourite comedian has returned from some epic globehopping to bring his internationally acclaimed show, Lost In Translation, back to our shores. The newest member of The Daily Show With John Stewart and having just sold out a tour in the Middle East, there seems to be no limit to what this man can achieve. He’ll be at Montecasino’s Teatro in Johannesburg for a month – don’t miss it!

The Teatro at Montecasino, 25 May to 21 June 2015

Far From The Madding Crowd

This is the fourth time Thomas Hardy’s 1874 novel has been made into a movie.Famed Danish director Thomas Vinterberg turns his attention to Hardy’s Victorian England.

Carrie Mulligan and Michael Sheen star in a wonderfully-assembled ensemble cast and bring this story, often considered an early feminist text for its portrayal of an independent woman defying convention to run a farm on her own, to life.

Opens nationwide at Ster-Kinekor theatres on 24 April 2015. E

CREDITS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN IMAGES: The state theatre; ster-kinekor; montecasino.

Fishers of Hope

Fishers of Hope is the latest play from the multi-award winning Lara Foot. Like Tshepang, Karoo Moose, and Solomon and Marion before it, the heavily researched play bursts with vibrancy and vitality. Set in Kenya, the production is full of magical realism and a soundtrack woven with Kenyan music. The story deals with the theme of hope, but also looks at greed, both personal and on the larger scale of global capital and multinationals. Starring Mncedisi Shabangu who played Simon the storyteller in Tshepang, Fishers of Hope is not to be missed.

State Theatre, Pretoria 6 to 23 May 2015

In this satire, writer Zakes Mda, explores the culture of corruption in South Africa known as ‘eating’. Directed

by Makhoala Siyanda Ndebele, and starring Mpho Osei-Tutu and Jerry Mntonga both playing ‘The Man’, with Bernett Mulongo on piano, the play deals with the abuse of power by government and the neglect of impoverished communities in our own borders.

State Theatre, Pretoria 7 to 30 May 2015

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HOROSCOPES EOA

PISCES 20 February – 20 March Your love-life looks like a heart-shaped cupcake now and tastes as divine.

Workouts and wellbeing are a pleasure and though Mercury may cause mishaps at home, confusion with friends and rethinks at work, life is halffull not half-empty.

ASTROLOGER: STELLA NOVA. IMAGE:

AQUARIUS 21 January – 19 February You get the opportunity to clean up your act and spend time with the people you love. There’s also a rare chance to sift through old ideas to see what’s worth reviving.

Your body needs love and nurturing now too, and Venus will help make it happen.

CAPRICORN 23 December – 20 January Tempting though it may be to just coast along, things may not go according to plan now that Mercury is in retrograde, so triple check all arrangements, especially with travel and health.

Mercifully, this doesn’t apply to your love life which is getting ever stronger.

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ARIES 21 March – 20 April Whatever you’re thinking of doing, saying or buying, think twice. Changing your mind is certain with Mercury misbehaving until June. You’re better off at home, where love rules the roost, and rethink work options to build funds for adventure.

TAURUS 21 April – 21 May You’re so ready for a fresh start. Pursue your plans, but keep them low key and local to get the kind of appreciation and feedback you need. No amount of bullishness will force financial issues this month, so just don’t go there.

GEMINI 22 May – 21 June If mysteries multiply and travel plans gets trashed now, your ruler Mercury is surely to blame.

Luckily you’ll be able to talk your way out of anything. Use this phase to reshape your plans for the future, because the best is yet to come.

YOUR MONTH IN THE STARS!

SAGITTARIUS 23 November – 22 December Trying to make sense out of anyone now could drive you crazy, so just let a lover, friend or co-worker get on with it. Start a self-care routine you’ll love, and indulge your imagination too as plans could truly work out this year.

SCORPIO 24 October – 22 November You’re at your best when the chips are down and you excel at creating calm out of chaos, so this month choose fight rather than flight. The upside of hanging in there is a relationship revival and the chance to shine at work.

LIBRA 24 September – 23 October Renew your acquaintance with places and people you used to know. Do it differently and you’ll discover things you missed the first time around. Also, put extra care into your career. If you love your work, it’ll love you back in so many ways.

CANCER 22 June – 23 July No one is looking as good as you are this month. Your social circle perks up, something you’ve always wanted to do becomes doable, and finances appear healthier too. The key to improved confidence now? Part hard work, part illusion.

LEO 24 July – 23 August You’re back on form now after a lull, so channel energy into your career. If there’s one thing to note from your downtime it’s to pace yourself socially, so romance may be sidelined temporarily but delaying gratification will be worth it.

VIRGO 24 August – 23 September If frustrations arise at work, don’t get mad or try to get even. It’ll all turn out fine. Instead, nurture friendships and cultivate connections.

Lay foundations for your future too, as a chance to live the dream is closer than you think.

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EOA MUSIC

MUSIC TO YOUR EARS...

TO PIMP A BUTTERFLY

MULTI-LOVE

Unknown Mortal Orchestra (Jagjaguwar Records)

Kendrick Lamar

Unknown Mortal Orchestra began their lives as an anonymous psychedelicinfluenced project, rooted in the conventional structures provided by drums, vocals and guitars. Multi-Love is a clear display of evolution: they stick to their sound with aplomb, but graduate the elements involved in its construction. What it leads to is the most engaged and engaging album of their short career.

(Aftermath/Interscope) March saw the announcement and release of Kendrick Lamar’s hotly anticipated follow-up of Good Kid m.A.A.d City. Sticking with the concept-album format that served him so well previously, Butterfly has Lamar traversing new territory, elevated to the level of preacher and leader, grappling with his internal demons and rallyng against the institutionalised racism that still affects him and his brethren daily.

PARKLIFE 2015

began in March 2013, is set for its biggest year yet with American indie darlings Modest Mouse headlining the show. The band have been in existence for nearly two decades, but show no sign of slowing with new album Strangers to Ourselves released in March this year, and another album announced to follow it soon. The supporting line-up includes local favorites Desmond & the Tutus, Shortstraw, and more.

Cape Town: 2 May, Ostrich Ranch Johannesburg: 3 May, Marks Park

RATCHET

Shamir (XL Recordings)

This young and vital voice first emerged on the scene with the release of his EP Northtown in 2014, and then burst through the seams with the first single On the Regular from this album at the end of last year.

Shamir’s inside-outsider status is explored on the album, and he displays his position as the consummate millennial, both eager and willing to bend the copper wires of genre to suit his whims.

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MY FAIRY TALES Nneka Egbuna

(Bushqueen Music) Nigerian chanteuse, Nneka Egbuna’s new album, My Fairy Tales, was released in March. Egbuna has been amongst Nigeria’s most successful global exports for almost a decade now, and her latest album follows 2012’s successful Soul Is Heavy. Singing in both Igbo and English, her hip-hop infused soul continues to hit all the right notes. E

WORDS: CARYN THANDI PETERSEN. IMAGES: AFTERMATH/INTERSCOPE, XL RECORDINGS, JAGJAGUWAR RECORDS, SONY MUSIC, BUSHQUEEN MUSIC.

The first weekend of May will see Cape Town and Johannesburg host the Parklife festival. The festival, which

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STOCKISTS EOA

words: eoa team. picture: Gareth Jacobs.

ALDO CALL IT SPRING CASTELO CLICKS STORES DMK HEAD OFFICE DIS-CHEM STORES EDGARS ESSIE FOREVER NEW FOSCHINI G-STAR GUESS HANNON MANGO MAXHOSA BY LADUMA PRINGLE OF SCOTLAND RAGE CLOTHING SOVIET JEANS SPREE STEVE MADDEN STUTTAFORDS THULA SINDI TOPSHOP TOPMAN TRUWORTHS WOOLWORTHS ZANDO ZARA ZURI

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may 2015

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EOA LAST WORD

M AY 2015

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BY TUMI MORAKE

CELEBRATING

Motherhood

It isn’t necessarily the most glamorous gig, but it is possibly the most rewarding.Tumi Morake shares her thoughts on motherhood.

IMAGE: WHACKED ENTERTAINMENT.

he Ashanti people of South Ghana believe that before babies are born, they exist as spirits and pick the family they wish to join. Imagine that! That conundrum of a child that has you questioning your aptitude as a mother actually CHOSE you! Greatness has been thrust upon you. You didn’t even have to audition!

People make motherhood out to be this thing that magically transforms you into an ethereal being bursting at the seams with wisdom and love, with boundless energy to keep going without pausing for breath. Heck no! Motherhood is boot camp for learning about your own threshold for patience, unconditional love and exhaustion. It is an opportunity to raise a person. A whole entire person, from scratch! We get to influence and groom these future leaders, followers, game changers and average Joe’s. It can be daunting, but it is amazing.

I can totally understand that some us are made to feel inadequate when we see those Instagram and Facebook moms with their Hallmark kids, homemade cakes and homemade costumes fit for Disney. Focus on you and your own situation – I, for one, lack that domestic skill set of kitchen magic and DIY stuff. It would need to be a wooden toy with instructions, glue and paint for me to make it a success. Instead, I have a library of goto people for all that homemade stuff, and my kids love it all the same. The time I do spend with them is higher in quality than quantity.

I even take time away from work and the kids, to regroup. I find it is so important. Our children need mommy at her best, not ratty, exhausted mommy who screams endlessly at them for (mis)behaving like kids should. And please, my sister, you cannot, as a careerwoman, compare yourself to a stay-at-home mom. She has her own challenges that she keeps off Facebook. My kids have a special mommy hug, called the ‘hug-squeeze’. If I get home miserable and unable to play, I ask my kids to give me my hug-squeeze and a figurine to make me feel better. (I never knew Spider Monkey could be such a comfort).

We are all good-enough mothers because we strive to be. And our children are good-enough children because they are ours. They challenge you, argue incoherently using their toddler logic and they scream because their vocabulary doesn’t quite cover their emotions. Then they snuggle into your arms and just sigh, because YOU are their home, their solace. You created that, savour it. Embrace it.

Motherhood is that spider bite that turned a nerd into Spider-man.

Because when the pawpaw hits the fan, your kids instinctively scream “Mommy! Mama!” Your supersonic hearing picks up these distress signals. You drop everything, fly in – hair unkempt, cape flapping (sure, it’s a blanky) and Supermom saves the day. Motherhood rocks! E

ESSAYS OF AFRICA

2015/04/15 3:56 PM

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2015/04/15 3:07 PM