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Conflict Can Increase Intimacy Most people hate the thought of conflict and yet in healthy relationships conflict is normal and actually, breeds intimacy. When you and your spouse are in disagreement it is important to encourage the conflict and healthy Carol Juergensen Sheets resolution. Here are some tools to help that process. • When in conflict, listen to your partner. Spend more time listening than talking • Validate his feelings. Let him know you understand (even if you don’t agree!) It doesn’t matter who is right. In my marital sessions I teach couples to practice saying four statements that are quite effective in conflict resolution: • You are right. • I was wrong. • I’m sorry. • I love you. These four statements de-escalate a conflict when said genuinely to your partner. Your partner won’t be so defensive and won’t feel the need to convince you that he is right. This allows you to work through the conflicts faster. I also teach couples not to expect an apology. You don’t need an apology to move on. As a matter of fact, if you wait for one, you will stay stuck harboring resentment. Hence, I am saying two things: Apologize to your partner, but don’t expect your partner to apologize to you. • Let your partner know that you recognize and appreciate his strengths. Whenever there is a conflict it is important to remain balanced. When people are criticized they feel put down and begin to question their worth. No put-downs when fighting! Conflict is resolved more quickly when
you balance the conversation with your partner’s strengths and positive qualities (sometimes this takes major thought and rehearsal, but make sure you get it in, because it will make a difference). • Remember when you use reflective listening with your partner, don’t get defensive! Use the statement, “This isn’t about me, this is about them.” Continue to work with conflict by using this technique. It will keep you from feeling attacked, which is a normal reaction in conflict. • Whenever possible and appropriate, touch your partner while in conflict. When there is a physical connection an unconscious connection remains despite the problems. Talk about your disagreements face-toface and rest your hand on their knee or stick your feet under them on the couch. I know you’re thinking that when you fight you don’t even want to look at them, much less touch them. This is a cue for you to know that you need to calm yourself down. Although anger is a normal reaction to conflict, it should not be a roadblock to working things out. • Lastly, after you have discussed the conflict, give each other some breathing room. Go do something that is active. Exercise, clean the house, wash the car, mow the lawn or do something nurturing. Take a bath; work on your sewing, watch some football. Time-outs give the brain time to process the information. Ask your partner if you can table the discussion for an hour or two or a day. When you return you should be calmer and more solution oriented. The toughest part about conflict is feeling confident that you can work things out. It’s important to convey that to your partner. One of the best ways to do that is to resume your normal life and not let the conflict stop you from being close. Couples work through conflict quicker when they don’t hold it over each other’s heads. Conflict is natural so look at it as an opportunity to get closer. It will definitely help you to face it head on.
Carol Juergensen Sheets LCSW PCC is a psychotherapist and personal life coach. She does motivational speaking and empowerment trainings locally and nationally. To find out more about her services--contact her at www.carolthecoach.com or call her at 317 218-3479. You can watch Carol the Coach segments on WTHR’s Channel 13 Wednesdays @ 12:50PM. Please say “I found it in Indy Metro Woman Magazine!” Thanks!
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Business
SPOTLIGHT
Steps to Success
It’s 8:15AM on a Monday. The 40 women who live at Dove Recovery House for Women are in ‘Morning Reflection’. They start every day sharing struggles and successes, and offering encouragement to one another. Case managers challenge them and provide support to prepare the women for the next day of their journey to recovery. There is a close bond between these women who live together, and share in each other’s celebrations and fears. Now in its 20th year, Dove House serves women with Substance Use Disorder in the Indianapolis area. This nonprofit organization is the largest transitional housing and recovery program for women in Marion County. Services include housing, trauma therapy, life skills and job readiness classes, nutritious meals, parenting classes, and family reunification. A critical step to helping women access treatment is removing financial barriers so they can focus on getting healthy instead of worrying about expenses. A growing base of community and philanthropic support makes it possible for Dove House to keep housing and programming free. “Women living with addiction deserve the chance for a healthy, self-sufficient future. More importantly, they deserve someone who will be their advocate and a voice of hope, love, and encouragement”, says Dove House Executive Director Wendy Noe. “This is what drives our staff, donors, and community partners.” Since taking the helm four years ago, Noe is passionate about empowering women and addressing the stigma attached to addiction. “There is an assumption that addiction is a problem of the homeless, uneducated, or someone who doesn’t have a support network. Dove House wants to change that narrative, so the community understands addiction as a disease that can affect anyone – your coworker, a student, your spouse, parent, neighbor
or a friend.”
317-964-0450
www.doverecoveryhouse.org The impact of Dove House is significant. Last year, 71% of the women were employed, volunteered, or enrolled in training or school. Nearly 80% were reunited with family and children, and 65% successfully completed the program. Yet with the opioid epidemic there is an increased demand for recovery services. In Indiana, opioid overdose deaths have more than doubled in three years. Today at Dove House, 54 women are waiting to get a call that a bed has become available. To reduce the wait time – and to support women on the wait list – Dove House received grant funding for ‘Steps to Success’, a new community outreach and housing initiative. “Now we can start providing case management to a woman when she first calls Dove House. It’s heartbreaking when someone who has the courage to call, hears she has to wait a few months – and then we hope she’ll be there when a bed becomes available,” says Noe. “We need to start working with women when they first contact us, so we don’t lose them while they wait. We’re thankful that funders recognize this need and will provide financial support for a solution.” A groundbreaking part of ‘Steps to Success’ is that a client who successfully graduates from Dove House may receive a rental subsidy for 8 months of housing, which in turn makes a space available for someone on the wait list. “It’s incredible to see clients leave Dove House and flourish as contributing members of society”, says Noe. “We’re indebted to every person who plays a part in helping to empower the women here. With each financial gift or donation of a household good and item, our clients feel the support of others in the community and know that they’re not in this fight alone.”
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August 2020 Tuesday August 4th, Good Bones 1165 Nelson Viewing and Block Party 8:3010:30PM Join us for an outdoor socially distant viewing party to celebrate one of the Big Car Collaborative Artist and Public Life Residency renovation completions by Karen and Mina Starsiak of HGTV's "Good Bones." This first episode features 1165 Nelson St. with Bernie Price of Bean Creek Neighborhood Association and Dee Alderman who served on Garfield Park Neighbors Group Board for several years. The two have advocated tirelessly for their neighborhood for decades. We will have a food truck on site for food and beverage purchases. Masks and tickets are required. The viewing will begin at 9pm. #APLRIndy August 6, Fort Ben Farmer’s Market 2020 Relief Market 4PM – 7 PM 9230 Memorial Park Dr. Indianapolis. Join us for our fourth market season supporting local folks. The market will operate as an essential, outdoor location for local food, information to support struggling communities, and a safe place to find food and resources in the open air and sunshine. This will be a GRAB AND GO MARKET ONLY. No food or drinks are permitted to be ingested on the market site. Vendors will be spread out to encourage safe social distancing of ten feet. We are asking the public to please attend masked and only one person per household if you are able. We encourage social distancing and will have lines marked for your convenience. No pets are permitted unless they are service animals. This is not an event for patrons to socialize. The Marion County Health Department has rules in place so we can continue to serve as a much needed food location for the local community. Please support our requests so we are able to serve everyone and support local farmers. Follow our social media as we share information how markets are the safest choice for in person shopping and how we can all be safe when obtaining our food. Aug. 7th 11 am – 1 pm 2020 500 Festival Kickoff to May. The 500 Festival & Indianapolis Motor Speedway welcome the magical month of May with their Kickoff to May event at Monument Circle. From Indianapolis Colts Punter, Pat McAfee, to the Indy Eleven, to our most lovable mascots, you never know WHO will kick off the Month of May or HOW they’ll do it! Learn more: https:// www.500festival.com/community-events/ kickoff-to-may/ 16
Aug. 8, 2020 Polo On the Prairie at 1 PM Bring a carload of family and friends to enjoy an afternoon polo match. Pack a picnic and participate in a few activities on the sidelines as well. Children are welcome! Hickory Hall Polo Club ,7551 East 100 North,Whitestown, IN.$20 per car plus opportunities to purchase prime tailgating spots. Aug. 8, 2020 Art In Park at Garfield Music Festival 11AM – 8:30PM at MacAllister Amphitheater Indy Parks and Recreation Music Festival Headlines R&B national recording artist Shirley Murdock and Southern Soul Artist Terry Harris performs a tribute to Gerald Levert and The O'Jays..Indy very own Tony Bryant Project and much more..free for kids under 12 yrs of age. enjoy food, vendors, free activities and kids zone. Aug. 8 500 Festival Kids Day 12PM – 4PM on Monument Circle Indianapolis, Hosted by Cookie Dough Bliss. We’re traveling to Indy, to make some cookie dough dreams come true! Aug. 8th, Witch Crafts: Glamour Magick 1-3 PM at Coal Yard Coffee. Join Ginna Galliher for a day of glamour! From spells to enchantments to DIY skin regimens there are lots of ways to enhance the already beautiful you! Ginna has been practicing The Craft, officially, since 2000. Ginna dabbles in quite a bit, but specializes in all things kitchen. Welcome to Witch Crafts, an Indianapolis Pagan Community art gathering. Each twohour event consists of everyone bringing their latest art project to work on while hearing a key speaker give a short presentation on an art form they are passionate about. Come together to learn something new, work on your art, and share Aug 13, 5:00 pm A Night on the Bricks, Zionsville Main Street . Grab pie and ice cream at My Sugar Pie Zionsville and gather for a Night on the Bricks on Main Street! Every Thursday This Summer 5-9pm ZionsvIlle Restaurants and shops will be open. Limited tables and parking! Bring your own chairs! For more information www.zionsvillechamber.org Aug 14th Speedway’s Daredevil Brewing Co 5:30PM We roll a rotating selection of Central Indiana's favorite food trucks for a ** ALL AGES AND EVERYONE IS WELCOME TO ATTEND. ** FREE - ADMISSION - PARKING - LIVE BANDS - FAMILY FUN
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Calendar of Events ** Table and chairs are provided, you are encouraged to bring your lawnchairs to hangout and enjoy the bands and our community. Aug. 14, 5th Annual Flap Jacks 5K Virtual Walk /Run The Flapjacks 5K is a community event to raise money to support westside trails. Funds raised helps to support the work of the B&O Trail Association and the White Lick Creek and Vandalia Trail Alliance. Each year, we have had a great partnership with our breakfast spot in town "Flap-Jacks Restaurant". For the 5th year we are joining forces in creating a 5k experience that is rooted in fitness, fun, and most of all celebrating our community on the west side of Indianapolis. Amid these challenging times, we have a creative response and are very excited to be able to offer an amazing alternative to the original event that is safest for our community. Aug. 20, 2020 BourbonQue 2020 6PM at Mustard Seed Gardens Join us for the inaugural BourbonQue fundraiser benefiting the Good Samaritan Network of Hamilton County. BourbonQue will feature a bourbon tasting, bourbon pull, wine pull, silent auction, music, dancing, food and games! This year will feature a chance to win a bottle of Horse Soldier Bourbon Commander Select signed by three of the Green Berets deployed days after 9/11 to northern Afghanistan, famously depicted in the book and movie "12 Strong." August 21, 4:00 PM 2020 Viking Fest Whitestown’s third annual Viking Fest is right around the mead barrel, happening August 21st-23rd! The 2020 Viking Fest is at the newly constructed Anson Park, 4671 Anson Boulevard, Whitestown, IN 46075. The Festival will be open to the public:Friday : 4:00 PM - 10:00 PM ,Saturday : 11:00 AM - 10:00 PM Sunday: 12:00 PM - 5:00 PM The Kid Zone will close at dark both Friday and Saturday. Aug. 23, 2020 summer FUN Craft and Vendor Event 12PM – 4PM at Bartholomew County 4-H Fair Swing into the Community Building Sunday, August 23rd from 12pm to 4pm to shop our fantastic group of craft artisans and vendors! We will have hourly basket drawings, a $5 meal in the kitchen, and a delicious bake sale! Don't miss your chance to grab a sweet treat, fill your belly, and win a basket chocked full of goodies!Come support small business owners and your local kitty rescue!FREE admission and FREE parking.
August 25, 2020 Free HIV and STD Testing 9-12AM at Greg’s Our Place Free, confidential, and judgment-free HIV/STD testing available on the dance floor. A mask is required while testing. If you don't have one, a free, disposable mask will be provided. Aug. 28, 2020 Haunted Indianapolis Downtown Ghost Walk8:30 – 10:30 PM Visit the places and spaces haunted by local early 1900 gangs and ladies of the evening, violence and disasters and more. Hauntings in the oldest bar in Indiana. Learn about the everyday life of ghosts who wander the halls and streets of Indianapolis-- searching for you? Meridian Street and Wholesale District. Reservations required. No ticket sent we put you on our list. Outside Ghost Walks. We will send you detailed meeting location info once you made your reservation. Make sure you can get email from tours@unseenpress.com Aug. 29th Suffragist Celebration Walk at 10 AM Walk Down Main Street Join us as the women of Beech Grove and the Samuel Bryan Chapter, NSDAR commemorates the 100th Anniversary of Suffrage and the passage of the 19th Amendment to our Constitution. Saturday, August 29, 2020. at 10:00 a.m.*Participating women will gather at the west end of Main Street. At 10:30 a.m., women will begin walking east towards Beech Grove City Hall. Upon arrival at the front steps of the building, the group would then stop to listen to empowered speakers. Afterward, we will walk back to the Beech Grove Public Library to attend a reception.
Are you a woman’s organization or having an event just for women? Are you a non-profit organization with a special event? Email info@indymetrowoman.com and send us the details for our monthly calendar by the 5th of each month for the following month’s issue. You can also go to www.indymetrowoman.com and post your event on our community calendar.
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