IN THIS ISSUE... COVER STORY: How To Serve & Grow Rich As A Coach ... Steve Chandler
Stop With The Sales Techniques! ... Amir Karkouti
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There May Be A Thin Line Between Fixing And Serving ... Anita Mathey
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Servitude & Selfishness ... Stacy Nelson
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Service on Purpose ... Jamie Siv Rongstad
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Do Our Children Know How To Get The Service They Need? ... Sharona Sommer
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Service With An Open Heart ... Karen Davis
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Serve From Your Soul & Make A Difference In The World ... Marilyn Rodriguez
A couple of FYI’s... Yes, it’s the small print! First off - none of the articles in this magazine, including the cover, were paid for. This is not and will never be a Pay-To-Pay because I am dedicated to supporting our membership first by promoting their awesomeness and to our readership second by delivering the best content we can. The advertisements on the other hand are either paid for by our sponsors or are affiliate links that will help offset the expense of publishing this monthly Magazine so we can keep it as free and easily distributable. If you have any comments or concerns, please contact our team at Info@iCoachNetwork.com
Serving Together I had an interesting experience with this issue on Service. Normally I have an outpouring of offers for articles, so many that I turn people away. This month however, I kept receiving silence. So I took to the streets and asked a few people I knew who were deeply in service if they’d like to contribute. One coach said he has an article of 12,000 words that would be impossible to pare down to article size. Laughing (and with love) I moved onto the next person. Curious, I started wondering about words, wondering where brevity can be MORE powerful than over descriptive prose. How powerful is paring down something you’re so passionate about to the most critical words, distilling yourself down to your very essence? How can we as coaches learn to use LESS words and more listening? How can we as coaches find instant transformation in a single word instead of long diatribes? AND even better, how can using less words, relying less upon the nature of explaining and expressing and more upon creating an emotional or spiritual place that defies words to come from a deeper place of service. In Amir’s new book he talks about how his coach asked him only one question and what a powerful piece of service that was to him. ONE QUESTION in two hours. That is setting aside your need for words and allowing magic to happen. Steve Chandler models this beautifully - often saying in a simple phrase what some take pages to explain. So this month all I ask is ‘How will your willingness to be of service be changed by a single phrase you are about to read...?’ With Love & Light
Stacy Nelson, Founder iCoachNetwork.com
www.iCoachNetwork.com
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“If you could see yourself as a problem solver you would get clients faster...”
HOW TO SERVE AND GROW RICH AS A COACH Slow down and take more time with the people you are reaching out to with an email.
“Find the problem and get to work on a solution. Otherwise your outreach program will looks like the only real problem is that you need clients.”
Rather than offering free coaching I would instead zero in on a concern of theirs, (have the email be all about them, not you) learn more about their particular challenge so that the email is extremely personally targeted. If you could see yourself as a problem solver you would get clients faster….look for particular problems…..your intense focus on people’s problems will get you clients so fast you won’t have time to coach them all. I promise you that. If someone says “I don’t have that kind of money” I just ignore that and say more about their problem. I get them back to changing their world so that they can live in it without all this fear and worry. Once they get that I am completely focused on their problem, not my own income, then they find a way to keep talking to me. 3
I have no interest in myself. I only care about their problem. My doctor says, “How are those headaches?” the very second he sees me. He never says, “How are the kids? How about those Yankees? How is the traffic in your town?” Find the problem and get to work on a solution. Otherwise your outreach program will look like the only real problem is that you need clients. “When self-promotion is done right, it’s help. Help everyone.” ~ Peter Shankman There is a village and you are its newest resident. You have just moved to this village. You are a doctor. You don’t tell anyone you are a doctor because you don’t want to come across as looking superior to the other villagers. So you settle into your small home in the village. The neighbors like you because you are humble and self-effacing. One night you hear a disturbance in the cottage next to yours. Human voices. Some yells, then silence. You look out your window. All seems quiet. All seems okay. The next morning you see an ambulance pull away from their door. You step outside and ask what happened. A little girl died last night. She had a seizure and no one knew what to do. The nearest hospital is 100 miles away. She died.
It is a service for people to know who you are and what you do. It is not bragging. Stay focused on whether something is a service. Not on whether you will be “liked” or not. Figure out a way to get in the water and start swimming. The water is fine. And one doesn’t learn to swim from a book on swimming. In just the same way, coaching wealth comes from coaching. It doesn’t come from “offering” everywhere, although offering is important, people choose your coaching when THEY KNOW it works for them. No other reason. They do NOT want the proffered concept of coaching. When coaching is just a concept (and not an experience), people will always base their decision on whether they want to part with the money. So solve problems for people. Be as enthusiastic and creative as you really are deep down. Talk to them. Tell them what you do. Have fun. Be passionate, and start solving problems. If you were spending your whole day solving people’s problems, you would be as rich as you ever wanted to be. Work with people. Help them out. Then tell other people what you did. Keep this going throughout the day. Here’s a conversation I had awhile ago that led to a $$$$$ six month coaching contract: Me: How’s it going for you? Him: Pretty good!
You could have saved her life. Rather easily. But they didn’t know you were a doctor. Self-promote? I’d rather die. Or let other people die.
Me: Any problems with your transition from the old job? Him: Oh a few. You know.
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Me: Tell me about it. Him: It’s complicated. But I’m just worried that the new work might not be as lucrative as I hoped. Me: How about we sit down and talk that through? Him: You wouldn’t mind talking to me about that? I don’t want to sound like a victim. Me: Victims. I used to be one myself. Besides you’re not a victim, you just have a problem and I enjoy solving problems. It’s what I do. It’s why I’m a coach. So let’s meet at my office. How’s Friday for you? We sat for two hours working on his problem. A week later? Twenty thousand dollars, half now and half monthly for six months. See how many problems you can solve for people this week. Don’t have it be about your approach and your INTRO technique and all that. That’s focused on the wrong person. (You). Focus on the person you are talking to. Find the problem and work it with them. Here’s a question I got from a friend who’s a coach: Steve… what do I do now? My prospect said he was promising me an answer by today, but I’ve heard nothing and it’s midnight. If someone is “promising me an answer,” as you put it, I’ve got everything reversed.
I’m operating from a NEEDY and unworthy position and my professional self-esteem is in the toilet. If your client is not saying to you, “I really want to do this work with you, PROMISE ME you’ll save a space for me” then what has occurred is a sales call in which you are the one hoping to make a sale and trying to sell someone on the idea of coaching. It will never work. Coaching is like brain surgery. Would you call your surgeon and promise him an answer on whether he can operate on your brain or not? He promises you he’ll be your doctor. That’s appropriate. Here’s a possible dialogue: Client: “Jim, I promise I’ll give you an answer next week on whether you can coach me or not.” Jim: “Hold it Henry. You don’t need to promise me anything because I don’t care if you call next week or two years from now. If you are not ready to make a promise to yourself that you are ready to make the changes we discussed, then please do not call me. If you aren’t ready to make a commitment like you’ve never committed before, then promise yourself you will not call until you are. If I receive a call from you next week, next month or next year, I will know you have made that commitment.” You have one river to cross now and it’s called professional self-esteem. Be proud and strong or don’t coach.
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People don’t want weak, insecure coaches. Their lives are at stake. Steve Chandler is one of America’s best-selling authors whose dozens of books have been translated into more than 20 languages throughout Europe, China, Japan and Latin America. His recent titles include The Prosperous Coach,Time Warrior and Wealth Warrior: The Personal Prosperity Revolution. Chandler is also a world-famous public speaker who has been a guest on hundreds of radio and TV shows and recently starred in an episode of NBC’s Starting Over, the Emmy-award winning reality show about life-coaching.
Chandler has been a guest lecturer at the University of Santa Monica, where he has taught in the graduate program of Soul-Centered Leadership, and in the Soul Centered Professional Coaching certification program. Chandler has been a trainer and consultant to m o re t h a n 3 0 F o r t u n e 5 0 0 c o m p a n i e s worldwide. He graduated from the University of Arizona with a degree in Creative Writing and Political Science, and spent four years in the U.S. Army in Language and Psychological Warfare.
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“ Skills and tactics should only ENHANCE your true self and not substitute what you’re lacking in authenticity.”
STOP WITH THE SALES TECHNIQUES! “The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye but found by the heart.”
“It’s only when we are in ‘sales’ training, or when we need to score a date that we come from a place of inauthenticity; where we need to fabricate the right way to move or to talk.”
Going to hundreds of personal development and business success trainings, it’s always interesting to see what kinds of programs and seminars are being sold. One of the more interesting seminars that I have been fascinated with in the past is persuasive body movements and the art of using language to persuade your audience; either for sales, personal connection or for social situations. For years I went to classes and seminars where we were told that the way you sit down, cross your arms or tilt your head makes a tremendous difference when it comes to persuasion. Add subtle language patterns and you’re on your way to becoming a master persuader. Matter of fact, the term Master Persuader or Neuro Semantics specialist is a title in many circles to hold high esteem.
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As I went to these seminars, the only people that seemed to get persuaded were the ones attending the class. The reality is; I never really “felt” the persuasion and I kind of went along with it because, after all, I was persuaded enough to attend the class, so something must have worked to get me there. Looking back, I don’t think that body language and language patterns have as much power as I once thought they did. I’m going to go on a limb and speak my opinion on this matter. I don’t ask for much but an open mind and heart to hear me out. What I have grown to realize is that the more authentic you are, the less important are the words and body movements. The more you speak from your heart and soul, the more people connect with you, the less your contrived movements someone else taught you have importance. Right off the bat, I can tell you where this idea shines. Animals and babies. Without and prior knowledge of the scientifically proper body language or verbal structures, babies and animals can speak louder than words and move people in ways that the best orator would dream to be able to do on stage. Animals and babies speak from a place of authenticity. They don’t think about what they are doing or what they want to say, they just say what they feel. They don’t have a filter. It’s when we become adults we start to become afraid of speaking from our hearts. It’s when we
are adults that we feel the pressure of judging and being judged. So what do we do? We move away from being 100% from our heart and a place of authenticity and instead learn “how” to be more “real” by using techniques and calculated language patterns. The reality is; our natural state of perfect connection and conversation is what we do when we are not judging and just being present and authentic. People who are truly in love don’t need body language school. People who are truly angry never studied a course in semantics. People who haven’t seen each other in 10 years know exactly what they need to say and do, from the moment they see each other. It’s only when we are in “sales” training, or when we need to score a date, that we come from a place of inauthenticity; where we need to fabricate the right way to move or talk. I want to propose something new and different. The funny thing is: it’s not new and different at all. It’s been a part of you the whole time, but most of us have been too busy covering it up with artificial naturalness and sugar coated language patterns. It’s called being vulnerable, real, authentic, loving and understanding. The side effect of being real, vulnerable and loving is that you’ll naturally come up with the exact body movements and language patterns that your body is supposed to come up with. That’s what we are born to do. 8
The idea of artificially figuring out the “proper” language and body movements reminds me of some of my friends who buy a fancy car or nice watch to “artificially” impress the opposite sex. I’m not saying it doesn’t work, but we all secretly know what’s going on.
So I invite you to try something new. Remove the watch off your wrist and impress someone with your heart. Stop the seminars to learn the “Ferrari” style language and body movement tricks and techniques and show up 100% with the person in front of you…and see what opens up.
There are people that “naturally” have charisma.
Take a look at speaker Nick Vujicic, a man with no arms or legs, who speaks 100% from his heart. See what that sounds like and you’ll quickly see where I am pointing to.
The key term is NATURAL! That’s right, no learned skill, no seminars on the proper language pattern, just good old authenticism (not sure if that’s really a word). I want to make it clear that learning tools is not a bad thing to do. No, Not at all. It’s not a REPLACEMENT for Authenticity or being 100% Present. Skills and tactics should only ENHANCE your true self and not substitute what you’re lacking in authenticity. If you’re covered in shit…adding cologne masks the smell…it doesn’t get rid of it… In other words…Get rid of the shit first… If you are inauthentic and learned contrived ways to be real vs. being real and using skills to communicate your authenticity; well those are two completely different things. One is trying to cover the fact that you are unsure of yourself and don’t trust in your human capabilities. The other one is enhancing and learning ways to have your humanness shine; just the icing on the cake to how awesome you already are!
The minute you believe you “need” charisma, language skills or persuasion is the day you are going farther from your authentic self. Take a look at why you believe you need it and you’ll see that you’re not missing anything. When you solely focus on so called techniques, you’re only taking away from the fact that you already have what you need (charisma, love, connection) and you’re too busy trying to find it outside yourself; where it doesn’t exist. Just be present with the person that you are serving, in your life, your business or anywhere and you’ll be surprised that there is nothing more needed. And when you become wholly authentic, loving and understanding from a place bigger than any scientific or persuasive model, nobody can stop the natural connection we already possess. About Amir Karkouti: Amir Karkouti realized that coaching is similar to what he does for his father at least twice a month. Every once in a while, Amir’s father spends at least 10 minutes looking for his glasses. He looks and looks and looks, and I show up and remind him that it’s been on his
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head the whole time. My job as a coach is to remind you how amazing, brilliant and special you are. At times we can feel like we’ve lost those qualities. I get the pleasure of reminding my clients that they’ve never lost their true idea of themselves and to stop searching for them.
Amir Karkouti realized that coaching is similar to what he does for his father at least twice a month. Every once in a while, Amir’s father spends at least 10 minutes looking for his glasses. He looks and looks and looks, and I show up and remind him that it’s been on his head the whole time. My job as a coach is to remind you how amazing, brilliant and special you are. At times we can feel like we’ve lost those qualities. I get the pleasure of reminding my clients that they’ve never lost their true idea of themselves and to stop searching for them.
GRAB AMIR’S NEW BOOK! Is it possible to make money as a coach without resorting to discounting, bargaining, internet marketing or sleazy tactics? Is it possible to love enrolling clients as much as coaching clients? Join Amir Karkouti, author of Do NOTHING to Get EVERYTHING, as he explores unorthodox methods to make you become an extraordinary coach and to attract extraordinary clients. This book is meant to not only be informational but more importantly transformational. Whether you are a new coach or have a six figure practice; Lessons From My Coach is a must read! You don't have to be a struggling coach. Find out how in Lessons From My Coach.
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THERE MAY BE A THIN LINE BETWEEN FIXING AND SERVING
The origin of the word ‘service’ is rooted in the Latin word ‘servitude’meaning: slavery, condition of a slave, servitude.
ent service to those we love most. This is what is required if we are going to step up and do the work that is urgently needed in the world today.
I believe, as a coach, that there is real value in knowing the root of the word ‘service’. The darker shadow-side of service is ‘fixing’ and many of us will ruefully admit to playing the role of ‘fixer’ within our families and friendship groups.
If your choice to be of service is costing you more than you can afford – whether that cost is emotional, physical or financial – then it’s time you made different choices. Over-giving can be a sign that we are not getting our own needs met.
It’s like standing at a gas station pump filling up everyone else’s tank. You realize that you’ve used up all the gas and there is none left for you. Everyone else is ok, re-fueled, and back on the road. Nobody noticed that you didn’t get any – you own the gas station, they all assume that you know exactly what you are doing. The worst part is you will do it all again tomorrow. I would argue, that for many of us coaches, the hardest lesson to learn is how to remove ourselves from the ‘fixing and caretaking’ roles we have taken on within our families so that we can fully grow into the role of providing deep congru-
We are here to do powerful work in the world. There is much that needs to be done. If just reading this makes you feel exhausted then it’s time for a much-needed pit stop. Let everyone else fill his or her own tank this time. Anita Manthey is an Executive Coach based in the UK providing on-to-one deep coaching with high performing executives in the corporate world. She specializes in working with women who want to achieve authentic success in their lives.
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“True service is powerful. It’s fearless. It’s strong and messy. It’s loving and honest. It’s filled with passion and compassion.”
SERVITUDE AND SELFISHNESS
“My doubt and my fear is a statement of my doubt and fear of the source’s ability to create. Feeling or living with the belief that I must do it myself.”
At the time of this writing you could find me in tears. I’d been having a major breakdown for days as decades of over-serving others seemed to crash down upon me. Waves of regret and self judgement, waves of anger and resentment, waves of feeling like a little girl, lost and afraid. This article here... this isn’t the article that comes from a place of power. This is the article that comes from complete and total vulnerability. I’m not going to sit here telling you how magical coming from a place of service is... because frankly, sometimes it just isn’t - especially being of service hasn’t come from a place of power. I remember being at an event with Lisa Nichols a couple of years ago and she grabbed a saucer and an empty tea cup. She started pouring water into the cup. When the cup was halfway full she said something to the effect of... “This is where people usually serve others from, we give them our half filled cup of joy or energy or whatever it is and then our cup gets emptied out”.
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Then she starts pouring more water into the cup until the cup is running over and the saucer it is resting upon is also filled. Now she says, “This is where you’re really supposed to serve people from - from the saucer, not the cup. That was your happiness and joy is never given away, but your reserves, the extra ju-ju in the saucer? Give that freely without over depleting yourself.” Give from the overflow. I was like yeah, I get that. And that’s how I operate anyhow so cool - I’m on the right path. Honestly though, I don’t think I ever really truly understood. I’m sitting on a coaching call asking for advice on solutions that would create a win-win for everyone involved. My coach, never interested in the surface question, takes a deep breath and with a quiet voice asks “Where in your life are you feeling responsible for every one else’s happiness?” I see it everywhere. I solve problems before anyone even knows there was a problem. I direct the energy flow away from confrontation so that there is peace. I take on everyone else’s emotions and try making them all feel better. I am constantly in a state of fixing.
flame of passion and purpose, to the point where I’m not even sure I have that fire anymore. I have been giving away my power my entire life. In trying so hard to please others, of being responsible for their well being I gave them all of me. My cup? The only reason I ever filled it was so that I would have energy to give away to others. The irony there is that my whole life, I never knew myself as anything but selfish. I laughed as my coach and I dug in deeper. I look at the repulsion I always feel when personality tests come up with things like an Enneagram of 2 - The Helper “Their primary concern is giving and getting love, their life's focus is on the needs of other people, often ignoring their own” or an archetype of The Caretaker, like some nurse sitting at someone’s bedside without taking bathroom breaks. I read these and I think “These tests are all wrong - I am the most selfish person I know!” When I take time alone I’m being selfish with my time.
And I wrap it up in a bow and call it service. Here’s the thing though, this over-responsibility, this people pleasing mentality? This isn’t service. This is servitude. This is me working my ass off to make sure everyone around me is okay. This is me ‘helping’ others expand by doing the heavy lifting. While all I’ve ever done is make peace around me, there was very little internal peace. I shoved down all of my stuff into a little compartment for the greater good. I stamped down my internal
When I buy books or courses or even coaching, I’m bring selfish with my resources. When I don’t want to meet my friends for drinks I’m being selfish. When I don’t want to listen to the people I love go on and on about their problems, I’m being selfish. When I feel bad about myself I’m being selfish. When I talk about myself I’m being selfish.
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My coach gives this ‘Yeah, I see that. You selfish bitch, always giving to others and never yourself.” Where was I in this equation of making life so much easier for everyone else? It gets better in my spiral as I realize that because of my supposed selfishness, I go out to prove that I’m not with even more vigor. I’ll give more and defy my selfish nature. And I give more and more until my cup is filled with cobwebs. The whole time thinking I’m selfish and that I’m serving the world so that people don’t see how self serving I am. Shoot! Right now I’m feeling selfish, writing a whole article about me, thinking I need to link this to you, the reader so it can be of service to you. Why would you be interested in reading a personal rant about my breakdown? I have the eyes of thousands of readers and I’m using it as self-therapy. I might be rambling. Today I’m going to be okay with that. I might have lost you in the depth and breath of my internal struggles... and that is harder for me to accept. I’m wanting to make this okay with you, wanting you to say, ‘hey, I’m still here and you’re not being selfish right now’. I want you to grant me permission to do this. I want to give you my power even as I struggle to reclaim it. It’s me who needs to create this space right now however. I’m not responsible for what you get out of this article. It’s actually none of my business if you glean one ounce of inspiration form my personal situation.
What I realize is that I’ve been going about this whole idea of being of service all wrong. My spiritual coach weeks ago looked at me and said “It is not selfish to expand yourself. It is in fact the most selfless thing you can possibly do. In order to truly serve the world you must first expand your consciousness as fully as possible. You must first dive into the powerful resources of spirit and combine your soul with the greater flow of energy. If you choose to change the world and be on this path of service you must first start with yourself, otherwise the path is empty and your impact will be minimal.” I heard her. But it wasn’t until today that I truly HEARD her. True service comes from a place of defined boundaries. True service comes from a place where you are attended to first. True service means allowing the full nature of who you are to come through. True service means to open yourself up and allow others to be as responsible for their own shit as you are for yours. True service is POWERFUL. It’s fearless. It’s strong and messy. It’s loving and honest. It’s filled with passion and compassion. True service can never be wrapped up in a neat little package - because it’s not solving, it’s creating new possibilities. True service is a balance of giving and taking.
And so I keep writing....
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True service isn’t forceful, it’s showing up and allowing the energy to unfold. True service starts internally. I told you I was going to be vulnerable so I cannot say that in this moment I’m serving from a place of overflow. I cannot say that in this moment I’m feeling all badass powerful. I’m not - I’m feeling quite small. I’m slowly redefining what service means to me, changing my story of servitude. It’s a process that begins by drawing a line in the sand in the recesses of my consciousness.
Stacy Nelson is the Founder of iCoach Network, an International circle of life coaches coming together to support and inspire each other on a daily basis. Keeping with the theme of ‘As one rises, we lift each other up”, Stacy also publishes this monthly digital magazine for iCoach Network, highlighting the fabulous coaches within the network. Specifically she is a Coach & Trainer helping intuitive entrepreneurs to market with their hearts and tap into their authentic purpose through their businesses.
What I'm present to as I write isn't the decades of giving away my power to others, dimming myself or taking responsibility for the peace and happiness of others around me. It isn't in HOW to fix it, how to reclaim anything or even how to stand up for myself. It's in staying FULLY in the NOW and asking in each moment, how would the most powerful piece of me respond?
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SERVICE ON PURPOSE
Have you discovered your gifts and talents to be o f s e r v i c e ? Or are you prostituting yourself pleasing other people? I’m not proud of it, and I have to admit, that I was prostituting myself for years. Nope, I wasn’t walking the streets, and nobody paid me for streetkinda services. Nevertheless, I was ”selling myself” for a secondary gain. Saying yes, when my whole inner system screamed NO! What I did not realize, was how much time I spent running errands for other people, one way or the other. I did not realize how much energy I spent and how resentful I became. Even when I figured out how tired I was and why, I had a very hard time fixing it, because I did not know how. Once I figured that out, my whole life changed. It was amazing. Are you spending your time pleasing other people on your behalf? Do you have a purpose, a mission that you can’t accomplish because your time is spent doing stuff for other people? Are
you telling yourself that ”there are some tings we just have to do” or ”you can’t be selfish when other people need you”? If you dig really deep, did they ask for your help, and do they really need it? Or are you helping them because you want them to like you. Are you staying in a marriage because you like the money, the security or because you want to avoid conflict at any price? Are you keeping a friendship that came to an end, because you are afraid of being alone? When I stopped prostituting myself, and started doing the things I love to do, I was actually being of service in a much better way. How would that feel? To REALLY be of service? Not for a secondary gain, but because you want to and it feels good. Jamie Siv works together with her clients on realizing their life purpose by finding their gifts and talents. She uses the powerful tool of Archetypes, which, in a high vibration, contain all the gifts and talents that added up, point at the life purpose. Her webpage and Facebook pages are in Norwegian, however, Google is your friend, so Google translate anything you want to know. The sites will be in English before the summer. h t t p : / / j a t i l m e g . n o https://www.facebook.com/jatilmeg.no
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“The problem with the idea of service is that many people are disconnected from their WHY.”
SERVE FROM YOUR SOUL AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD “People who know their value and worth have nothing to hide or prove. The have no sales agenda and no tricks to enroll people into their world... They live on the edge of the next breakthrough and miracle.”
The concept of service seems to be a disconnected thought for many entrepreneurs. If you give in service, then you’ll make more money, feel better and make a bigger impact. It sounds really good and if you’re like me, you have tried that. Maybe every time you hop on the phone, teach a class or lead a retreat you try to be of service, only to find yourself feeling depleted, tired and wondering why you didn’t make the money you wanted to make or help the people you could have helped. The problem with the idea of service is that many people are disconnected from their WHY. They are not connected with why they truly get up in the morning. They think it’s to make a difference or help their tribe or niche with their XYZ struggle so they can get their XYZ benefits. And it is…to an extent.
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I used to think that if I gave in service that I would be giving away my services, my time, my energy, and my valuable, life-changing gifts. So I struggled deeply with the idea of service and what it meant even though I excelled in sales for 15 years. On the outside, I could sell anything. On the inside, I felt like a fraud. The true meaning of service never made sense to me in my bones until I discovered and felt the true reason why I am here. Service is when you give your heart and soul to your reason WHY. I would like to invite you into a new world of thought for a moment. What if your why ran deeper than serving your niche? What if the reason you are here is so deep and profound that you feel it pulling you out of bed in the morning and it has nothing to do with a step-by-step system that outlines something you can do for your clients? I remember for a long time struggling with that. I didn’t feel anything pulling me out of bed and that was both frustrating and scary. Why the hell was I really here? Because I’m a healer and I can help people heal what doctors can’t even figure out in a few hours? It sounds good, but no. Everything I came up with sounded good but it didn’t make me feel alive. In fact, I discovered that my why had nothing to do with what I do. Your why usually has nothing to do with what you do. So put aside for a moment all of your titles, certifications, steps and systems that are tied into who you are and what you do. Let’s take those away for a minute. What if you just showed up with no titles, no certifications, no agenda, no system
and you decided to just serve someone today with all your heart and soul? What would that be like for you? How would that make you feel in your body? What would it feel like to just show up with only one desire: to help someone change their life and be a witness to that? Who are you without your titles, certifications, roles, steps and systems? It is so important to dive into these questions because who you are at your core is directly linked to your reason why and when you tap into that, you move mountains. Service is how you move the mountains. This may challenge the idea that you are not supposed to give away your services because you are more valuable than that. Or that clients should be able to pay you high fees after a 30 minute breakthrough session with you. The truth is that when you know your value and who you are, all you want to do is deeply serve others. You will want to know who you are working with and that takes more than 30 minutes. The idea and illusion of giving away your services is a mindset that is not sustainable when you know your value and worth. People who know their value and worth have nothing to hide or prove. They have no sales agenda and no tricks to enroll people into their world. In fact, they are very aware of who they serve and easily create the opportunities to do that. They live on the edge of the next breakthrough and miracle. They express themselves fully. They are who they are. All they want to do is serve, serve and serve some more. Their only desire is to make a difference and help change lives. They wake up in the mornings and decide 18
what they will do and who they will serve. They live in the moment. And when you come from a place of service and love, speaking your truth and knowing your power, you will never find yourself without money or clients. This is the new era of spirituality where love and true service is the way to making a massive difference in the world. Be interested in the miracles you can help others create. Love and serve the people in front of you like they have never been loved and served before. Knowing your personal, soul-driven power and purpose is the pathway to embracing the true meaning of service. Service is the pathway to prosperity.
Marilyn Rodriguez is “The Soul Compass Rose Coach� specializing in guiding thought leaders and visionaries to their TRUE purpose. She has shared the virtual stage with Marianne Williamson, Lisa Nichols and Marci Shimoff as well as other spiritual leaders. A third generation healer, Marilyn discovered her gifts at an early age and continues to transform lives with her gifts. Marilyn is available for one-on-one transformational soul compass rose coaching by application, media interviews and speaking engagements. For more information, contact Marilyn Rodriguez atmarilyn@themarilynrodriguez.com or 256-2589357.
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DO OUR CHILDREN KNOW HOW TO GET THE SERVICE THEY NEED? The first step is to identify one particular issue or problem. Once a problem has been recognized, the next step is to come up with 2 supports needed to help with that issue. The third step is figuring out 3 ways to obtain these supports. Here is an example: 1 Problem: I’m getting bullied at school 2 Supports: Guidance Counselor, Mom 3 Ways to obtain supports: Speak to guidance counselor, speak to Mom, Have Mom speak to guidance counselor. Parents are a special group of people. Who else goes to such great lengths to protect and shield our young from pain and suffering? We love our children but are we really serving their needs? How much “service” becomes too much? As any parent knows, there are times when we feel like our children’s servants, drivers, managers and personal assistants. We make sure they get everything they need but there is a fine line between serving our children and enabling them. Are we really preparing our children to serve themselves? How do we teach our children to be resourceful and find the services they need outside of the family? The best gift we could give our children is the ability to advocate for themselves and live a life of independence. A positive approach is best and having a process in place could ease the transition so that our children can achieve the level of growth that we all hope for them. The process is simple, yet effective. You could go through this exercise together with your child or you could guide them and have them do it on their own. I call it the 1-2-3 support model.
As parents, we guide and teach our children to make positive choices. We serve our children in the hope that that they could learn to serve others as well as be able to get the service they need from others. Once we know that our children are self- sufficient and resourceful, we could breathe a little easier and know that all will be well. As a professionally trained energy life coach, Sharona partners with parents that are dealing with the various personal issues surrounding raising children, teens & young adults with Asperger’s and Learning Differences. She offers a highly personalized approach tailored to each individual. In a supportive atmosphere, Sharona helps clients attain the family and personal growth they’re striving for. Sharona also has presented several interactive workshops, educational presentations and is available for speaking engagements.For more information or to schedule a free powerful coaching session, email sharona@sharonacoaching.com, call 321-2414 6 5 4 o r fi n d o u t m o r e a t 20 www.sharonacoaching.com
“It’s all about how, when and why you give that determines whether your generosity is appreciated or exploited.”
SERVICE WITH AN OPEN HEART
“When we serve others with an open mind and heart we are positively impacting not only them but also the collective consciousness of every other being on the planet.”
I grew up working in a family-owned retail business, an 11,000 square foot variety/drug store. My first job was sweeping the cigarette butts from the red and white checkerboard floors at the tender age of ten for just 25 cents an hour. I soon graduated to running the cash register, doing the bookkeeping and eventually ended up in management. Creating lasting relationships with all of our regular customers came easily to me and I soon knew most of them by name. My father’s approach was that “our customers come first…and second and third.” Our independent store was perhaps one of the last bastions where individuality was still revered and truly personal service was freely dispensed with a spirit of generosity. I left the family business when I moved to Colorado where I began working my way through college as a waitress in an upscale restaurant. Again, my attitude of service with an open heart paid off. Repeat customers requested to be seated in my section and many even left me ridiculously lucrative tips. The $50 and $100 21
tips were a far cry from the quarters I had earned in my early years and I appreciated them greatly. I loved learning about people and bringing a sense of joy and laughter into their world when they entered mine to come enjoy a meal. After college, I was fortunate to move up quickly through the ranks into sales and marketing leadership positions. During my 25-year career, I attended training seminars on every sales process imaginable. While some of the maxims resonated with me and did truly result in meeting customer needs, others simply smacked of lip service. While in some sense I bought into the corporate models of leadership, management and selling, every day I felt like I was pushing an obstinate elephant up a muddy hill. Not only was it physically taxing and emotionally draining – increasingly it began to squeeze my once-open heart closed. For me, the world of business had lost the personal exchange I so enjoyed. When I launched my coaching practice, I was still operating under the ‘old corporate regime models’ and struggled mightily – that is, until I met coaches Rich Litvin and Steve Chandler. Rich and Steve went against the grain of traditional sales and marketing approaches and delightfully delivered me back to my roots – service with an open heart. Here are my top 3 suggestions if you too desire to serve with an open heart: Create an Attitude of Giving I love giving potential clients a free sneak peek of what my coaching is really like. I happily spend two hours with each in a complimentary deep coaching session. They always walk away with at least one new insight and with a firsthand
experience of my approach. I will often follow-up with other information, connections, books or videos that were pertinent to our coaching conversation. I think about whether or not this potential client inspires me and whether or not I’d like to coach with them one day. If so, I continue to serve them. And, when in doubt, I just continue to give. This is what Adam Grant examines in his book, Give and Take. He researched the forces that shape why some people rise to the top of the ladder of success, while others never aspire to a level higher than they could have originally reached from the floor. In professional interactions, as Grant so aptly points out “it turns out that people operate as Takers, Matchers or Givers. The Takers strive to get as much as possible from others, the Matchers aim to trade evenly and the Givers are the rare breed of people who contribute to others without anything expected in return.” His research discovered that the Givers could be found at either the top OR the bottom rung of that ladder. It’s all about how, when and why you give that determines whether your generosity is appreciated or exploited. Be a Bright Light in the World When we serve others with an open mind and heart we are positively impacting not only them, but also the collective consciousness of every other being on the planet. As human beings we are constantly projecting thoughts from our mind and feelings from our heart. Our body language, in and of itself, speaks volumes. All of this creates our energy. Everyone who reads or hears your words will be touched by one kind word, one loving act or one heartfelt touch. Your potential to uplift, inspire and serve countless beings
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knows no bounds. It’s important to be cognizant of your energy as you are serving with an open heart. Craft a Life of Full Authenticity There are so many opportunities to serve others in life, not just through our profession alone. Whether you are opening a door, returning a lost wallet or buying a coffee for the person behind you at the drive-up window, you can practice serving. How we choose to live our lives and show up in the world is of supreme importance because we cannot go any deeper than the intention and consciousness behind our everyday actions. There are so many people in the world that can benefit from the coaching profession. You just have to be authentic and willing to give. Focus
on creating positive energy and light. And pay close attention to your intentions. From there, you simply need to sweep away the ‘cigarette butts’ of pre-judgment and convention that may at times be littered in front of you. Then you can serve and lead with an open heart! Karen Davis is a certified Ontological Executive Coach providing one-on-one deep coaching with high-performing executives and business professionals who are committed to their success, ready to uncover their hidden potential and make their own unique difference in the world. You can reach Karen for a powerful conversation at: 303.665.4301 or learn more by visiting, www.karendaviscoaching.com
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