4 WAYS TO DEAL WITH BEING LEFT OUT
It never feels good, but does it really have to bother us so much? Here’s how to not sleep over it: Accept that it hurts (a little). Denying that something bothers us only extends its impact. I had a mini-vent to my very level-headed husband, who said, “Who cares? I wouldn’t go to Connecticut for a party anyway. It’s a free pass!”
AUTHOR, TODAY SHOW CONTRIBUTOR, COLUMNIST, CONTRIBUTING WRITER Copyrighted by: Susie Moore
A text from my friend Laura popped up on my screen: “Are you going to Andrew’s party?” I thought, Yes! Probably. Then I returned to my conversation with my dinner date, Ava. As Ava and I were wrapping up, she asked, “Will I see you at Andrew’s party?” and I answered confidently, “Sure thing!” But as we parted ways, I checked my inbox for the Paperless Post invite. Nothing. A Facebook invite, then? I scrolled through my notifications—nope. Hmmm. Could I have been… left out? It sunk in. Yep, that was it.
Ouch. I thought about it for the rest of the evening and the following day. I considered texting Andrew to ask what was up, but my pride wouldn’t let me. It stung, but this happens to all of us at one time or another: We get left out of a party, project, heck—even a group text chain.
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His response landed with me because it was actually true. I probably wouldn’t have really wanted to go anyway or make an excuse as to why I couldn’t. Yes, I was miffed, but in truth — the sting diminished when I actually thought about it. Does being left out of something make you (irrationally) think you want it more than you actually do? Rejection isn’t even always real. One year, I had an intimate birthday dinner and the restaurant’s largest table could only seat 10. So, I chose 10 people who all liked and knew one another. I thought I can see and celebrate with other people separately! A couple of Insta snaps later, I had a couple of snarky texts from friends who weren’t present. Being the “rejector” in this instance, I felt bad but also saw most “rejection” for what it is: Nothing! It’s almost always not intentional or malicious. Life just has a lotta moving parts, and we make many onthe-spot, not-at-all-deep decisions. It’s not always a big deal.
