February 2019

InJoy

A Collaboritave platform for art, encouragement and loving life in the bay

Life After...

You’ll really want to read this

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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InJoy Magazine

InJoy Magazine is a local independent publication dedicated to real women We feature articles, short stories, poetry, reviews and all around encouragement from local writers like you.

A new theme featured each month: March: ‘What is Love?’

April: ‘Motivate Others’ May: Send us your suggestions!

~ We aim to grow into the largest local publication for women in the region ~ InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Here is our advertising plug...

As business owners, we all consider options for a dvertising…including InJoy Magazine! How do we get the word out there and reach more readers? How do we interact with more women?

As our readership continues to grow, as does our business. Up to this point, InJoy Magazine has been strictly business exchange and unpaid submissions. However, our network is flourishing, and we are seeing a growing need for a small operational budget. We can achieve this goal by offering visibility and partnership for your business.

• InJoy Magazine has carried an average of 3,000 digital downloads each month.

• 98% are women in the local area

• 100% of those are real people in all walks of life

Discounts are available for 3 and 6 months contracts.

Contact me for a copy of our media guide and see how we can support eachother!

Crystal Smith cjsmith@injoymagazine.com

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Contents...what’s inside

8.....It’s About Time for Joy a Poem by Laura Di Franco 10.....Life After...Divorce 12.....Life After...Kids...In the Kitchen 18.....Life After...Sexual Abuse 20.....Life After...Diagnosis 22.....Small Deeds, Great Love

Life after...Life Before by Chelsea Harrison

.....Some Amazing Creative Photography!

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Jamie Hatfield

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Jeanne Burton Fryer

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Haley Hofmann

Cover Photography by Seb Above photograph by Danielle Macinne InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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www.injoymagazine.com

https://www.facebook.com/groups/smalldeeds,greatlove/ https://www.facebook.com/injoymagazine/ www.instagram.com/crystal_injoy_magazine

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Life After...

Chances are if you live in this world and are older than…let’s say, 6 then you’ve experienced a broken heart at some point. And honestly, it doesn’t necessarily happen to be over a boy! For some amazing reason, the theme for this month; ‘Life After…” really resonated with our readers. We received more submissions for this month’s issue than in any other (holy wow). Which could only mean one thing…change is constant! (are you surprised?) Now, change isn’t always surrounded by heartbreak, but oftentimes it is. We’ve all experienced it, felt that awful emotional staggering regret, frustration, helplessness, loss of control, rationalize, trying (futilely) to think of the positive…ugh, I could go on and on. You get the idea.

But get the idea of this issue’s theme. There is Life After, my friend! As we just reviewed, change is constant and this season in your life is NOT going to last. I promise. Every woman who had the kahunas to submit their own emotional journey here is telling you the same thing.

There is joy afterward, there is promise and hope and all the things we aspire to encourage you with here at InJoy, Ok, done with my monthly rant.

Cheers!

-Crystal

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

InJoy Magazine, February 2019 Photograph by Amy at Anchors Aweigh

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RE-START Dreams/Fantasy (how my new life will be)

Action Plan (achievable ways to get there)

In the Meantime... (little things to keep me engaged) Book I would like to read...

New skill to learn...

A good deed I would like to do...

I would like to buy...

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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It’s About Time for Joy

by Laura Di Franco

I watched the room as joy spread like wildfire.

Faces lighting up one by one, their smiles and laughter igniting their neighbors; their neighbors involuntarily combusting, faces contorting, bellies shaking as their mouths opened, and jubilant sounds were set free.

I sat letting the vibrations overwhelm me, fill me, wash out my cells.

This moment as much as the painfully sad ones, was life.

Life I’d have to allow more of.

Juicy pieces I’d have to get used to letting in.

I was great at suffering.

It was time to give myself permission to feel the rampage of joy.

It was about time.

Photograph by Manuel Barroso InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Get rerady to be inspired!

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Life after...

Divorce

By Angelique Mosley

A marriage over for a myriad of reasons...

Hurt, pain, anger, feelings of failure, hopelessness, worthlessness, wondering how to pick up the pieces and start all over again. And that’s before you remember there are children involved and the cycle starts all over again. There are days you don’t eat, you don’t sleep, you barely function. You’re not living, you’re surviving.

You have a support system that rallies around you as you go through the divorce process and all that entails. If they are anything like my family was, your mom cooks your favorite meals, your dad keeps you tucked under him whenever the two of you are together and your sister helps you with all the legal stuff (i.e. holds your hand cause you’re terrified).

Suddenly one day you notice the blue skies and sunshine. You realize your mind isn’t filled with thoughts of what now? What next? How am I going to get through this? When one of your babies does something amusing, your laughter is genuine. Life isn’t perfect but you realize it isn’t as bad as you thought it was going to be and that’s ok.

Faith and family have carried you this far and deep down you finally realize what everyone around you has known all along. You have it in you to make InJoy Magazine, February 2019

it and you are indeed stronger than you give yourself credit for. The road was rocky, uneven, sometimes dark and depressing but you forged on and now you stand in the clear dawn of a new day.

No matter the reason, ending a marriage sucks plain and simple. You do what you have to do to get through it..scream, cry, rant and rave, eat that pint of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough... because it’s you living it, it’s you going through it, it’s you coming to terms with the realization this one dream has died..you gave it your best shot and it died anyway. Getting over it is a process.

One day, one step, one prayer, one small action at a time. You walk through the fire and come out on the other side.

And then you have the moment when it hits you..yeah..breathe deep and KNOW...there is..

Life. After. Divorce.

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After a horrific snowstorm...

...there is such beauty

Photographs Left, Catherine McMahon Top, Alena Hoeffling Right, Atul Vinayak InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Life after...

Kids...

In the Kitchen!

By Duchess M.E.

F

irst off, let me just say that I have never been like Iron Chef Alex Guarnashcelli in the kitchen. When I was raising my little children, I learned as I went along and most of the time, it wasn’t great: just being honest with you here. Add to that the fact that as a single mother raising her three little ones, I had to be very careful in my meal planning on a budget. So saying, the meals were mostly experimental and if it failed, it was sandwich night. I really like anything on bread so that’s no skin off my nose. Oh, I longed to be a great cook. I really did try. Like once I overheard some ladies talking about how to make tuna casserole, and so I asked them about it. After that, I learned, by experimentation, how to make tuna casserole in no less than 50 ways, which is funny because I don’t think any of my grown children eat tuna casserole today. I also learned that caraway seeds are the key ingredient to any Italian sauce, so I made one sauce and used it for everything: homemade pizza, lasagna, spaghetti, and anything else I could think of to use that sauce on. We may have eaten quite a bit of repeat foods, but we ate and that is what mattered to me. Then, they all grew up and moved out, and I discovered that I didn’t have to cook anymore. Fast food, restaurants, and sandwiches were all my friends, and they were frequent guests. It’s not been until just the past month, that I have had a strong desire to cook again and this time do it well. Before I get in to a grand list of pointers, which as it turns out are also good life lessons, let me just say that you are never too old and never so set in your ways that you cannot make a change. So, let’s get to it.

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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ENDURANCE:

I think I should start my savvy list with this word. You can have all the cook books, and watch all the cooking shows, and buy the food, but you have to have endurance if your plan to change is going to happen. Several nights back, after eating my home cooked soup for the third day, I was done. Most of the recipes I have found make oodles of food and even once you cut the recipe down; it still makes more than enough for one person. I reached for a frozen breakfast sandwich, which I always have on hand, for a quick dinner, and sat down to watch inspirational cooking shows and was feeling quite deflated in my efforts. Some of the recipes worked for me but weren’t great. I had already banned bread in the house because I thought if it’s not here, I won’t be tempted to make a sandwich as a fall back. But then this word, which I have been meditating on, popped up in my head. Endurance. We think of endurance like in a marathon situation, where runners have to push thru the aches and pains and keep on going to get to the finish line. I wondered how to apply the word here, and I realized that I needed to keep going in my efforts of change regardless of a few meals that didn’t turn out like Bobby Flay had cooked them. Even Bobby Flay didn’t become Bobby Flay overnight, but he kept on until he became the most celebrated competition chef in the world. So, I had a little talk with myself which went along the lines of “don’t be a wuss”, and “pull up your big girl panties”, and “straighten that tiara”, finishing up with “and for goodness sake, keep on trucking”! Any change, as we well know, takes endurance to get thru those times when it seems like it will never happen.

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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BE WELL EQUIPPED:

For years I’ve had just one single med size saucepan, and a small fry pan. The saucepan to whip up some boxed mac and cheese for the grandkids and the small fry pan for grilled cheese.

I realized that I needed to invest in a set of pots and pans, and some basic cooking utensils. The money spent is like an incentive to actually use them. I also bought some good cookbooks to get me going on the journey. I will say that having some of these basics has been wonderful in helping me fulfill this goal and I didn’t have to spend mucho money on it either. Maybe someday, I will invest in a large and beautiful yellow kitchen aide, but for now, the hand held works. I also bought a spice rack, which had a bit of variety, but so far I have only used the garlic powder and cinnamon. About the cook books. To someone who is not familiar with cooking and certainly rusty on what I had known before, some of them seem very technical and complicated. I certainly haven’t even heard of many of the ingredients or spices in them. I passed those right on by for the beginning of my journey and opted for “The Betty Crocker Cooking Basics; Recipes and Tips 13

to Cook with Confidence” and the “Magnolia Table” by Joanna Gaines. The Betty Crocker Cookbook is very user friendly, and actually had spices and flavorings I have heard of. Plus, it’s a great resource for anything to do with your food, storage and care. I liked Magnolia Table for its great recipes that I thought were easy to use, but be warned… even cutting them down produces mass amounts of food as they were created for a large family. And, just in case you didn’t know, there really is a reason to use unsalted butter in a recipe. I had never thought it mattered. I did buy another cookbook on cooking for one that I thought would help, but it’s a bit more advanced, time consuming and complicated, and makes way more than one serving of food. The two I have mentioned above are right on point.

can take the time to make your dish pretty and appetizing. Food is more than just feeding us, as we all know; it’s also about feeding the soul and being pleasant to look at. Appealing food is more desirable food. I encourage you, if you are eating alone, or even if you are fixing for a family, take a moment to artfully arrange your food on a plate. Even a tv dinner can look more appealing when served up on a plate instead of the plastic tray it comes in.

Nothing brightens up a space and says “cared for” like some fresh flowers

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PRESENTATION:

Many years ago, when my kids were younger, I came across a book by Edith Schaeffer called “The Hidden Art of Homemaking”. As a book lover and collector, I have to say this is one of the few books I have had that you can open to any page and be encouraged. My copy is many years old… to give a reference, my youngest is 30 this year and the book’s copyright is 1971! In this book, among other things, are her ideas about the presentation of the food we eat, no matter how simple or complicated. She writes on page 123, “There is no occasion when meals should become totally unimportant. Meals can be very small indeed, very inexpensive … but they should be always more than just food. Relaxation, communication and a measure of beauty and pleasure should be part of even the shortest of meal breaks.” She goes on to encourage the reader that when serving up the food, you arrange it artfully and with thought on your plate. If you watch the cooking shows, as I have been doing lately, or even see the fine way food is served in a restaurant, it’s never about slopping it onto a plate. Even if you are by yourself, you

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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SET THE TABLE:

Along in this same vein comes setting the table. I used to set the table as part of my family dynamic following the inspiration of Edith Schaffer when my kids were younger. But somewhere in the “after kid” phase, I opted for eating in front of the tv or standing in the kitchen. In my new plan of cooking and preparing my food here at home and nixing fast food and sandwiches, I realized I also needed to change where I ate my food. I bought some pretty placemats and have been making every effort to sit down at the table… without my phone… and enjoying the meal. I will confess that I originally bought only one placemat since I am only one person. But it looked too sad with just one placemat at the table, like it was broadcasting that I was eating alone.

So I bought a set of placemats and set them around the table and then I can choose which one I want to sit at. Another fine idea is to put some flowers on the table. I have a nice bunch of fake ones right now on the table since we are in the middle of winter and they seem to do the trick. But it’s a worthy expense to purchase flowers and place them not only on your table, but also perhaps your desk, or in your living room. Nothing brightens up a space and says “cared for” like some fresh flowers. Last month’s issue of InJoy was about self-care, and this is one of those small ways you can invest in self-care. It certainly doesn’t take much money to purchase a bunch of flowers from the grocery store, but you are welcome to spend as much as you like. Decorating your plate and your space by making it pleasing to your eyes really speaks that you are worth it. And you are.

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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DON’T BE LAZY: My goal here is get out of my fast food, restaurant, and sandwich ways… and so just this morning I was reaching for the frozen breakfast sandwich, and it came to me to just take the time to make an egg and put it on the very nice cheddar biscuit I had made the night before. Cooking does take time and cooking well takes time. It takes thought and preparation to make food in your own kitchen. Perhaps, my sandwich and fast food ways had spoiled me to quick and easy. Certainly not more healthy but certainly quick and easy. How really determined am I to make a change? Determined enough to take the time to cook real food, and determined enough to not just grab the quick and easy way out. All the things I was considering for this article came to me, and I thought, “don’t be lazy” is one I need to add to this list. Taking the time and enjoying it, and not rushing the process will be key to long term success. In quite a few of the cooking shows, the competition ones like “Beat Bobby Flay” or “Chopped” on the Food Network are my favorites; they are always talking about the flavors getting married. It takes time to marry the flavors together and it’s probably why my spaghetti sauce always tasted better the next day. Taking the time, or better yet, making the time. I’m not in such an all fired rush to get my day going that I can’t stop and make an egg.

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That’s the end of my list of helps. You can see that any of these topics are good life lessons as well, as in anything you want to do, or change in your life will take endurance and the keeping on keeping on. So, really, and in all seriousness… “don’t be a wuss”, “pull up your big girl panties”, “straighten that tiara”, and don’t give up. Whatever you are working on right now, wherever in your life you are, no matter what, never ever never not ever give up. You really are worth it. Now just believe it. You will reach your goals.

Easy and quick Cheddar Biscuit recipe; for beginners

Use any kind of biscuit mix, or even the canned variety.

Make an indentation in the top of each Put a bit of cheddar in the indentation Cook as normal according to the directions They are super yummy and look fancy.

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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What shall I create today in my life after?

I can imagine some amazing things...

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Life After Sexual Abuse

by La-Anna Douglas

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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...I began the slow process of forgiving...

When I was 11 years old, my family and I visited close relatives. I found myself in the back room of the house alone when one of the young men entered the room and sat me on his lap. I didn’t think anything of it because I knew this family member very well with no prior issues. He proceeded to cover my ear and stick his tongue in it while touching and rubbing on me inappropriately.

Instantly I became numb, and I felt ashamed and afraid. It lasted about 5 minutes, but it seemed like forever.

After this encounter, I could not comprehend what happened to me. I didn’t know what to do. I felt frozen in fear! At that moment, I decided not to tell anyone. I just kept it to myself. Before particular incident happened, I had already been sexually abused at the age of 5 by other young men. When I was older, I was ashamed and felt like I did not belong. I was angry at my abusers and wanted to know why they would do this to me. Why would they violate my body?

As a young woman, I searched for validation. I eventually told my parents and my family even though these conversations were hard for me.

With their support and time, those conversations became easier. Then I met and married my husband, and also shared my past with him but I still carried this burden and the shame.

By the grace of God, I began the slow process of forgiving each one of my abusers. I needed to let go and move forward. Forgiveness was my path to healing my hurt and pain as a result of the abuse.

Today, I am no longer a victim. I AM A SURVIVOR! I have been transparent by sharing my story with other survivors. Through this new process, others have celebrated my courage and have been inspired to find healing for themselves. I have a new purpose in life.

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

My journey from Hatred to Hope is my brand statement that I have created and have been using to uplift others through my passion for modeling. I have also, through radio interviews and magazine publications, seen my purpose in inspiring others to never lose hope. In finding peace, I have gained a source of strength that no one can take away. I hope that I can share that peace with others who may still live in silence and fear. My life is looking brighter than ever, and I want to shine that light to empower others. v

Instagram: @HopeStillStands_LLC Design Layout: IAmSarahMatthews.com Photo Credit: Bunmi groovykodaks@gmail.com

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Life after...

Diagnosis

By Alena Hoeffling

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t came one warm September weekend in 2015, a little zing in my arm that was just not right. I assumed I hurt my neck and made an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon. Pushing through the normal routine the following week, I noticed myself not being able to manage tasks as easy as before.

I remember it was a Monday when I woke up because my feet were on fire. It was such an indescribable pain and when I tried to stand, I had to look at my feet to see if they were there. I could walk, but not well, and I couldn’t feel myself doing so.

And then I knew.

At 47 I finally had the answer to all the odd things that happened to me. Several different doctors have said the word “MS” to me throughout my life but dismissed it. There was never that one defining moment until that day. I stayed in bed and cried.

As my ability to talk started diminishing that week, I had my son take me to an ER. Thinking I was a stroke victim they rushed me to MRI. I remember clearly the doctor coming in and saying, “Why didn’t you tell me you have MS?” and then went on to tell me about “Transverse Myelitis”, the mean crazy thing in my neck that was trying to kill me.

One would think this tragic news would be frightening, but for me it felt like a giant weight had been lifted. I wanted to celebrate because the mystery had been solved. “Get up”, “you’re such a klutz”, “Stop being lazy”, “what’s wrong with you” had made such an impact on me growing up and now I knew I would never hear them again. I had a reason, I had an answer.

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

Life after the diagnosis has been amazing.

I have a renewed interest in showing my daughter amazing things, as I did her much older siblings. My adventuring had stopped prior to this and upon hearing stories about me showing her siblings the Redwood Forest, the Yukon Territory, Washington DC and many places in between before she was born, my young one asked “Why can’t we do that?”. “Someday” I replied, knowing that it may never happen.

But now, I know what to expect, I am being treated for my disease and I am enjoying 20 life. The summer after the diagnosis, I took

my daughter to Alaska to play in the woods, run in the sand and climb trees like I did as a kid. We have adventured to Myrtle beach and swam in the ocean, to Washington DC and explored our nations capital with dear friends. We took her and a friend to Disney World, have visited the Mall of America to shop, walked downtown Chicago with my greatest Aunt, explored St. Louis several times.

My goal is to show her all the things. Whatever places, and journeys she can dream- I want to do with her while I still can. I don’t want to regret saying no, staying home and being careful. I want to teach my daughter that life is beautiful and how to enjoy even the small things.

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

I want her to know that even though her great-grandmother, great uncle, cousin and mother all had this terrible disease, we are not going to be afraid of the two lesions that showed up on her MRI. We our going to take care of the yucky stuff when we must and move on to enjoying life like it is our job.

Life after the diagnosis has been amazing.

Photograph by Chris Barbalis

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Small Deeds, Great Love Chelsea Harrison

“We can do no great things.

Only small things with great love.”

“We’re all one phone call from our knees.”

-“Closer to Love” Mat Kearney

Life After…Life Before

This month’s theme, “Life After” could be interpreted many ways- life after loss, after illness, addiction, or maybe stories of recovery, phoenix stories. But in thinking about all these after stories, it inevitably reminds us of the “before”- when everything was normal and comfortable.

We’ve all gotten that phone call that stops an ordinary day in its tracks. It turns our stomach, drops the floor out from under our feet, and takes our breath away. Or if it’s not a phone call, then a letter, a meeting, or a conversation.

What we wouldn’t give to get back to the before, right?

That’s what this song lyric is for me -- a reminder of the fallibility of the “before.”

All too often, when things go wrong we want to overanalyze the causes. If I had just…

It’s my fault because…

Me!

And when it happens to other people, that overanalyzing often turns into blame.

Why didn’t she… Well if they had just…

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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This column is an invitation to take back our productivity, in a small but collectively powerful way.

Many thousands of people were affected by the government shutdown recently, especially in our area. Not only the government employees were affected, but also lots of service industry and restaurant/retail employees lost out on income that they will never get back. While it is seemingly coming to an end (for now), perhaps a silver lining of the whole thing is that more people know how quickly that normal, comfortable lifestyle can go south. We’re all just one phone call, or missed paycheck as it were, from our knees.

What I’m asking, in light of this month’s theme, is to think about everyone’s before. Rather than defaulting to judgment, default to love. Be kind to yourself when tragedy strikes. Be kind to others and reserve judgment- maybe they could have prevented their hardships but most of the time it was just that one phone call (or diagnosis or accident or _____) that lead to needing help.

“Always look for the helpers,” is the now-famous quote from Mr. Rogers’ mom- “There’s always someone who is trying to help.” Let’s try it!

SDGL Next Steps: What: Help someone get back to their before.

How: Choose any GoFundMe page and donate $1.

When: Sometime this month.

Where: Gofundme.com Interact!: Share the GoFundMe you chose on our Small Deeds Great Love facebook page! Sharing is another way to be a helper!

Extra Credit: Holy care bear stare, you guys, what if we gave a dollar to the GoFundMe page we choose, and then we give another dollar to each GoFundMe that other people share on the SDGL facebook page?!? The sharing and caring would be, like, exponential!

Why: Because we can be the helpers. Because if we all gave $1, imagine the good we could do!

Because we might need help one day. Because we’re human.

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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For those times you don’t feel inspired... have a glass of wine...or three

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Life after the destruction of lava

Photographs taken by Jamie Hatfield Punaluiui Beach, HI InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Old things are passed away... ...and all things become new

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Don’t feel sorry for yourself...you’ll miss out on life and all the beautiful things around you. When you are focused inward, you are not aware of those around you lifting you up. Instead, you have pushed them away and broken their hearts.

Do not whine in the winter season of your life...after all, it’s certainly not the first winter you’ve experienced. Haven’t there been much colder ones?

Enjoy the beauty around you this winter.

Soon it will be gone forever.

There is hope!

Photographs by Jeanne Burton Fryer Maryland

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“I learned that my sadness never destoryed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found that one little glimmer stored away.”

- Lady Gaga 2014 Harper’s Bazaar

Photographs taken by Haley Hofmann Pensacola, FL

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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Sending you with love

InJoy Magazine, February 2019

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