Irm summer 2015 by In Recovery Magazine

Volume 12 Summer 2015

Beyond Growing Pains

Jeremy Miller The Abundant Life of Peter Kuhn By Robert Bush

Making Music By Arnold McCuller

Addiction to Redemption By Frank Ferrante

Directing Butterflies

By Rene Eram

US/CAN $5.99

Pure Grace By Michele W. Miller

Display Until Aug. 31, 2015

Our IndIvIdualIzed PurPOse Learning the importance of responsibility while in our program, we teach young men how to resolve their most problematic challenges in a positive way through those times, communication and healthy relationships. We teach our clients a different way of being, a healthy way out of conflict and turmoil through making new alternative decisions. We specialize in: • Entitlement Deactivation • Affluenza Dissolution • Humility Practice • Goal Accomplishment • Self-Reliance • 5 Year Goal Planning • Recovery Support • Leadership Guidance • Social Justice Immersion • Independent Living Skills

• Practical Life Skills • Financial Competence • Problem Solving • Vocational Training • Work Ethics • Coping Skills • Spiritual Expansion • Self Esteem • Peer Relationships • Urban Wilderness Therapy

After working several years in drug and alcohol addiction treatment, I couldn’t help but realize that the majority of our clients were suffering with severe entitlement issues. These issues were often times more harmful than the addiction itself. I feel that leaving this issue unresolved will result in chronic drug addiction or an insufficient quality of life. Clint Richards

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A place of Hope. A place of Healing. A place of Love. You can begin to heal today… The SkyHouse Way. Our approach to treating addiction and trauma includes: • Somatic Experiencing

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In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Tuesday, June 30 to Sunday, July 5 Located at Rialto Performing Arts & Balzer Theatre at Herrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in downtown Atlanta

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

ome join us in THE celebration of recovery! We are giving a face to this process and a voice to our youth by making sobriety visible, affordable and FUN!! Here are just SOME of the events

you will see... A Conversation with Legendary Broadcaster Pat O’Brien: His Journey Through Getting Sober in Public.

Mark Lundholm Comedian

Alonzo Bodden Comedian

Kasim Sulton Singer

Elizabeth Edwards Singer/Songwriter

Evan Barlow Rapper

Reckless in Vegas Band

Pat O’Brien Speaker

The Way Out

An Evening with Tom Sway Play

Empty Canvas Singer/Artist

The Anonymous People Greg Williams Filmmaker

Bill W. and Dr. Bob

Play by Samuel Shem & Janet Surrey Produced by special arrangement with Samuel French Inc.

Jason Wahler Presenting with YPR

J. Morris

Singer/Songwriter

Our Experience Has Taught US Play

WORKSHOPS • Recovering Messaging Training (Presented by Georgia Council on Substance Abuse)

• Creating Communities that Embrace Long-Term Recovery (Presented by Georgia Council on Substance Abuse)

• H.U.G.S. Line Workshop • Young People in Recovery Workshop • Physicians in Recovery Panel

Also Featuring: A Comedy Jam & other Entertainment to follow. Food prepared by Chef CC.

For more information or to purchase your tickets go to: www.sobrietycelebrations.com Donations at: www.recoveryjourneys.org to support our cause. Contact us at: ticketsofsobrietycelebrations@gmail.com

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Travel Sober Presents

Tour & Cruise of Rome and Greece with

Fr. Tom Weston, Anne Lamott, Fr. Jim Harbaugh & Dr. Claudia David, MFT

8-night cruise & Optional 3-day Pre-Cruise Rome tour Sept. 21 Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines ‘Rhapsody of the Seas’

September 25 to October 3, 2015

From Rome to Mykonos, Kusadasi-Turkey, Santorini, Athens, and Katakolon-Olympia, Greece

Speaker Meetings, 12-Step Meetings, Entertainment, Archeological Sites and Some of the Best Scenery on Earth - Plus Great Cuisine and Lots of Fun & Fellowship! ITL Value Added Private Tours in Rome, Greece, and Turkey

Cruise Prices start at: Interior $989* Includes port charges-tax Oceanview $1,095* & govt. fees, pp/dblocc Balcony $1,999*

Deposit of $500 pp plus *Conference Registration Fee, $165 required to hold your space. Optional Rome tour departs US on September 21, 2015 - Cruise departs September 25, 2015

Exclusive Booking Arrangements made by In This Life Travel, LLC www.travelsober.com 805-927-6910 or 1 800-531-7578 inthislife@aol.com Royal Caribbean International builds ships that are destinations unto themselves! When it comes to pioneering firsts at sea, there is only one rule - anything is possible. Royal Caribbean pushes the limits of imagination to exceed your expectations each and every time you sail. They take you to a destination that can’t be found on any map known as Destination WOW! The incredible experiences you will enjoy will build lifelong memories and keep you coming back! Royal Caribbean has 23 ships sailing to 272 destinations with world class shore excursions to help you enjoy the fabulous ports of call. In This Life’s very first cruise conference at sea was hosted by Royal Caribbean on the Viking Serenade in 1995. The speaker was Dr. Earle Marsh, whose story, Physician Heal Thyself, is still in the AA Big Book. Since then we have had groups with Royal Caribbean to the Baltic and the Caribbean and a special experience to the Holy Land and Jerusalem from Istanbul.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

Table of Contents

Cover Story

14 | Beyond Growing Pains by Jeremy Miller

I spend my days helping people struggling with addiction, just as I struggled. It is such rewarding work. I am happier in sobriety than I have ever been.

Features 18 |

The Abundant Life of Peter Kuhn by Robert Bush Free-jazz woodwind specialist Peter Kuhn has gone from jazz success to armed robber to Buddhist lay priest

22 |

Making Music by Arnold Rufus McCuller Before recovery, there was nothing but the next fix. There was no one looking back in the mirror. During those final days, all I wanted in life was to feel my soul was not dead.

28 | Addiction to Redemption by Frank Ferrante

32 |

Girl on the Edge by Jay Silverman Making a movie was one of the toughest tasks I’d ever undertaken – yet choosing to produce such a personal story about my own daughter was one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life.

34 |

Directing Butterflies by Rene Eram I discovered the Golden Rule of Hollywood. “The more talented and messed up you are, the more they enable and pay you.”

36 |

Getting clean is more than abstinence, more than meetings and accumulating years. It is redemption of the soul and resurrection of the spirit.

Pure Grace by Michele W. Miller Pure grace saved me. I was a Methadonian living on welfare, food stamps and petty theft. I had been disbarred in far less time than it took to get my degrees.

The Creative Arts

Articles

38 | The Hungry Heart by Bess O’Brien

Compassionate Attentiveness by Saleem Noorali Addicts in psychotherapy are often ambivalent about whether they are ready to act compassionately, even if their own recovery depends upon it . . . they feel unworthy or unready to reach out.

40 | A Pulpit for the Muse by Jana Greene

Celebrations of Recovery AAtlanta 2015 by Jana Greene Celebrations of Recovery AAtlanta 2015’s entertainment extravaganza provides festivities during the International AA Convention in Atlanta, Georgia.

The Hungry Heart provides an intimate look at the often hidden world of prescription drug addiction through the eyes of Vermont pediatrician, Fred Holmes, and his work with patients struggling with opiate addiction. I hardly wrote a word during the most active years of my alcoholism. It was as though my disease had me absolutely convinced that I could never live as a sober person – much less write again.

62 | 66 |

42 | What’s Important

by Lindsey Glass By outing myself as a person in recovery, parts of my life have been affected. Because of it, everyone in my professional life knows I am recovering, whether I want them to or not.

44 |

Top Ten Films by Lindsey Glass Can’t decide what to watch? When you want a good recovery film, the options can be overwhelming. Documentary filmmaker Lindsey Glass shares her picks and her pans to make the choosing easier.

46 | Many Faces, One Voice

A behind-the-scenes account of the 10,000-mile, nearly two-year journey across America taken by The Anonymous People crew in their search for the faces and voices of the New Recovery Advocacy Movement.

48 | Between the Fall and Rise by Jenifer Madson

Between the call and wrap of the shooting for Between the Fall and Rise – a story about love, heroin and homelessness – I fell in love with the cast and crew of this film.

52|

The Bill W. and Dr. Bob Play by Glenn Dodson Bill W. and Dr. Bob is a moving play about the triumph of the human spirit, relationships and divine connections.

54 | The Theater of Recovery by Cynthia Wicks

The greatest gift I received in my recovery was the return of my ability to be creative and productive as an artist.

56 |

Hip Hop Brings Joy, Peace and Love by Mario Street It wasn’t until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired that I was ready to put forth the effort to become the man I am today.

58 | I Wanted to be a Movie Star! by Alicia Gargaro-Magaña

Born and raised in Hollywood, movie palaces were my churches and old movie stars, my angels.

60| The Grand Prince of Moscow by Edward R.

Everything was not going to be alright. Everything was alright! I felt joy – joy I had not felt in five long years.

Summer 2015

68 |

Women for Sobriety by Debra Karpek The Thirteen Statements of the Women for Sobriety’s New Life Program became a blueprint for my new life. I felt an immediate attraction to them; I could relate to them. I was in the right place at the right time.

70 |

Men for Sobriety by Scott Stevens A secular program with no fees, Men for Sobriety offers men a chance to get together and talk about the positives of recovery. All MFS requires to join is a desire to stay sober and a Y chromosome.

72 |

Let it Loose! by Jamie Marich A major educational gap occurs when people are not taught to recognize the powerful messages their bodies give them. An even wider gap exists when recovering people are not taught to use their bodies in the service of their recovery.

Recovering Artists 90 | Hello My Name is . . . Project

by Douglas Lail As a portrait artist, I use my skills to extract insight and wisdom from people living the brave and powerful experiences unique to the path of recovery.

92 |

In Sanity and Serenity by Anna Conklin In the Valley of Life and Death, we, who have fallen and have seen so many die who surrendered to gravity, know the poetry of life on life’s terms, in sanity and serenity.

In Recovery Magazine

Columns

30 | The BookStand

Recovery is the subject of countless books. Here are some titles worth a look.

50 |

BodyTalk: Love Your Liver by Victoria Abel You don’t have to love liver; you just have to love your liver.

55 | Meditation: Beneath the Surface

by Michael Lyding Remember, they will know if our walk matches our talk.

64 | Book Review by Lena H.

It is in this author’s bones to be frank, and frank he is. Frank Ferrante is also warm and funny, and he tells a rousing good story in this memoir.

74 | Dr. Deb: New Paths by Dr. Deb Laino

76 | Recovery Tech: A New App by Ashley Loeb

I had to take a good look at my own program, which itself needed some upgrades. To implement these improvements, I used a tech tool called Lionrock App.

78 | Kay’s Kitchen: Recipe by Kay Luckett

Due to cervical spine surgery, Kay is out of commission and has been unable to write her column. She has, however, provided us with two great recipes for your summer enjoyment.

80 | CrossTalk By Mollé

Decades of recovery and its application to life and how to get over it, into it or through it with spunk, levity and a good dose of reality.

82 |

Everyday Miracle: Synchronicity by John Newport I believe there is no such thing as coincidence and that every encounter we have with another person is preordained at some level.

84 | Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls by Terrence Shulman

Today, I am grateful. Therapy and recovery helped me. I learned I had choices about how to live – I was the author of my own future. I wasn’t responsible for my addiction, but I am responsible for my recovery.

86 |

From Peer to Peer: Should I or Shouldn’t I? by Bill W. Taking psychiatric medications can be a complicated issue for the consumer. These are the three basic categories of compliance: take meds as prescribed, take them as desired or don’t take them at all.

78 8

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

At Scottsdale Recovery Center we specialize in Relapse Prevention. Our substance abuse programs are designed to help the still–suffering alcoholic and drug addict Get sober and Stay sober… for life. Discover yourself once again!

Services Offered: • • • • • • • • • • •

Summer 2015

State Licensed Treatment Facility Intensive Outpatient Program Group Therapy Sessions One-on-One Counseling Sessions EMDR (Trauma Therapy) Family Therapy and Process Groups Life / Recovery Coaching Ethics and Anger Management Classes Daily Relapse Prevention Workshops Domestic Violence Guided Meditation Classes

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All Private Insurance Excepted Recovery Based Yoga Classes Equine Therapy Upscale Living Quarters / Recovery Homes / Treatment Facilities • Separate Male and Female Programs • Daily trips to the gym/Healthy meals • Weekly Recreational Outings (Trips to Sedona, Prescott, Flagstaff, Bowling, Boating, Movies, Etc..)

• Confidentiality and anonymity are essential to our program

8706 East Manzanita Dr. Suite #100 • Scottsdale, AZ 85258 888-309-3385 • Info@ScottsdaleRecovery.com • www.ScottsdaleRecovery.com In Recovery Magazine

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

From the Publisher Kim Welsh

P.O. Box 11176, Prescott, AZ 86304 CEO/Publisher Kim Welsh Editor in Chief Janet A. Hopkins Senior Copy/Proof Editor Rebecca (Becca) Fields Copyeditors Peggi Bird Barbara Schuderer Subscriptions John Schuderer Advertising Sales Seth Born Outreach & Marketing Jaye Lene Long Graphic Artist/Ad Design Patricia Mastrobuoni Web Design John C. Hopkins

publisher@inrecoverymagazine.com

ilms, like music, can have a powerful impact on one’s life. For me, a movie, a song or a good book can change my mood, my day, even my life. I am thrilled at the quantity and quality of recovery material in books and on the screen. In this issue of In Recovery Magazine, we share these creative arts to illustrate and celebrate the talent that flourishes in recovered lives. It never ceases to amaze me. This issue is also a milestone for In Recovery Magazine. We are launching a Barnes and Noble front shelf promotion. Hopefully, some of you reading this issue purchased your copy from one of the many stores and newsstands that now carry our magazine. We’ll be attending the 2015 International Alcoholics Anonymous Convention in Atlanta, Georgia, to spread the word that recovery rocks. We’ll be sharing the amazing stories within our pages and providing needed resources so those still suffering can find help. Perhaps you’ll be one of those everyday miracles we’ll meet and then celebrate in one of our upcoming issues. Have a great summer, and please contact me anytime with your comments and ideas.

Kim Welsh

Cover Photo Jeff Wilson Kay’s Kitchen Kay Luckett

From the Editor

Janet A. Hopkins editor@inrecoverymagazine.com

CrossTalk Stephanie Moles Book Review Lena H. Meditation Michael Lyding Dr. Deb Deb Laino From Peer to Peer Bill W. Travelin’ Sober Man Bob Kocher BodyTalk Victoria Abel Recovery Tech Ashley Loeb Cluttered Lives Terrence Shulman

In Recovery Magazine reserves the right to editorial control of all articles, stories and Letters to the Editor. In Recovery Magazine assumes no responsibility for errors within its publication. The opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the policies of In Recovery Magazine and should not be construed as endorsements. Furthermore, In Recovery Magazine will not be responsible for any claims, losses or damages (whether direct or indirect) arising out of or relating to the use of or reliance on the contents of this magazine. No part of this magazine or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted without the prior written consent of the author and/ or publisher, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials. Materials contained in this magazine are subject to copyright and other proprietary rights. The publication of any advertisement is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered unless it is specifically stated in the ad that there is such approval or endorsement.

ummer in Prescott, Arizona, is achingly beautiful . . . as the romantic in me would describe it. The clear mountain air and the stunning scenery encourage me to write and, occasionally, to paint. I spend many a pleasant hour on my porch, my two dogs at my feet and birds twittering in the forest, as I write poetry and prose. This reminds me of what Carl Sagan wrote, “Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other . . . .” This issue is filled with personal narratives by people who followed their dreams and realized their passions in the expressive arts – writing, music, dance, film and theatre. Recovery wasn’t, as several mention, the end of their creativity; it was the beginning of a renewed creativeness of even more depth and feeling. As Jana Greene so aptly described in A Pulpit for the Muse, “Recovery unlocks the Muse.” “When you are faced with yourself for the first time sober, you begin to learn the miracle of who you really are,” says Alicia Gargaro-Magaña in I Wanted to be a Movie Star. I hope each of you reading this magazine will take time this summer to discover the miracle of you . . . celebrate your creativity, practice your art and write your stories, even if you never share them with anyone. Pick a day, pick a passion and involve some friends – whether for an hour, heck, even ten minutes! Let your inspiration and talents be the start of an unforgettable summer.

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Letters to the Editor

A Dog’s Tale – Unconditional Love

In Recovery Magazine rocks! In the Winter 2014 issue, I especially liked A Dog’s Tale. I loved the way Smiley’s unconditional dog love wove the characters together. Humanizing him with his wish to drive added a real smile to the story. It somewhat softened the horrific tragedy that ensued. Every article in this issue touched me in some way. In Recovery Magazine is for everyone. We are all in recovery from something, and this magazine emphasizes hope and compassionate caring for one another as we travel life’s journey one step at a time. Keep up the great work! Judy Petrocy St. Petersburg, Florida

The Stories Are So Valuable!

I just started reading the latest In Recovery Magazine issue and love what you’re doing in this and prior issues. I use these for inspiration and sometimes topics for the recovery meeting I help facilitate in Phoenix. I also pass out copies to some of our meeting attendees. The stories (experience, strength, hope) are so valuable; and I just wanted to say, “Thanks.” Keep doing what you’re doing. So many benefit from the efforts of you and your team. With much appreciation, Michael Fox Phoenix, Arizona

Bringing Us Together

I recently got a chance to read your article on Michael Dadashi (“Michael Dadashi Sizzles,” Spring 2015). I so much enjoyed it. His story is powerful and inspiring. I especially like his statement on service “bringing us together.” It is so true. Peace! Kath St. Petersburg, Florida

We welcome your comments.

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Send them to In Recovery Magazine, P.O. Box 11176, Prescott, Arizona 86304, or email editor@inrecoverymagazine.com. Tweet us at @InRecovery_Mag. Submissions may be edited.

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In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Cover Story

Beyond Growing By Jeremy Miller

ike many alcoholics, I never had an off switch when it came to alcohol. My grandparents told stories of how, after their parties, I would run around and finish off all the beers – at only four years old. I would keep going until I passed out in Grandpa’s chair. Growing up as a child actor on a successful television show, I was often in settings that included alcohol and drugs, though my mom was strict and very good at quickly pulling me out of those situations. I didn’t drink often in my youth; but when I did, I drank to excess. I stayed with some friends in Manhattan Beach, California, to attend an annual professional volleyball tournament when I was twelve. Over the course of the day, I drank nearly a case of beer. I became so sick that I ended up vomiting profusely in some poor guy’s sink. After I finished throwing up, I immediately grabbed another beer. Even then, it was apparent that once I started, I had no control over drinking. Fortunately, my early attempts at drinking hard liquor failed. My stomach would hold only beer – the rest always came right back up. This reaction probably saved me from getting too far into my addiction at those early ages, although alcoholism got me soon enough. Because I grew up working among adults, I always fit in well with people older than I. I felt very comfortable with them. However, when I was with kids my own age, I had no idea what to do. By the age of 18, I discovered that drinking was a great social lubricant; when I drank, I felt comfortable and capable in any situation. As I usually drank prior to most social functions, this was not a surprising discovery. After arriving at an event, I would continue to drink if liquor was available. I could usually maintain my composure in public no matter how much I drank; but as soon as I got home, I would become a staggering mess. By the time I was 19, I began to tolerate hard liquor. I found that not only was I able to keep hard alcohol down, but I also really liked the taste. I began drinking it almost every day. I had money and a taste for the good stuff, so I kept a well-stocked liquor cabinet. In the beginning, I wasn’t drinking all day. As I prepared dinner, I would start imbibing and then continue well into the night. Finally, I would stumble off and collapse on my bed. My drinking quickly began to affect my daily life as

well as my relationships. I’d be so hungover in the morning that it would take me hours to function normally. Despite my love of performing, I was unable to audition and began withdrawing from the world of acting. After losing my fiancée, I began hitting the bottle even harder. Realizing my excessive drinking was becoming a problem, I finally managed to get a small hold on it; I stopped drinking anything during the day. I was ridiculously proud of myself. Hey, this was progress, right? Past sexual abuse began causing me trouble when I was 24. The memories and emotions that surfaced were almost unbearable. I tried counseling, but soon discovered that I would need to actually face what had happened to me. I asked myself, Who in their right mind wants to do that? Then I began drinking with a purpose. I wanted to numb every feeling and thought in my head. I would slam down drinks every time these feelings came up. Drinking soon became my preferred method for dealing with anything painful or unpleasant. When faced with any struggle, I would immediately run to the bottle. In New Orleans in 2004, we begin filming our second Growing Pains reunion movie, Growing Pains: Return of the Seavers. Imagine six weeks right smack in the middle of Mardi Gras. What a great place for an alcoholic! The evening I arrived, I got so drunk that I actually missed our very first rehearsal the next morning. In the following weeks, I was able to be on time for work and to behave professionally. I tried to stay focused on my work and drank only at night. However, slowly but surely my addiction once again reared its ugly head. I began showing up for work with one of those jumbo alcohol-laden Slurpees they seemingly sold on every corner of the French Quarter. My work didn’t suffer noticeably. That drink got me through filming until after work when I could hit the bars. One night in the hotel elevator, I met my fiancée, Joanie, who was in town for a week with her family. We hit it off immediately. She not only saw how much I drank; but, on many occasions, she joined me. However, she was a “normie” – she could take it or leave it. After we finished shooting the movie, I returned to California. Joanie and

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

Pains

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

I did the long-distance relationship thing for about 18 months until she and her boys moved out to California to be with me. I was not the father to the boys that I wanted to be. Because of my drinking, I was not as involved in their lives and activities as I would have liked. I felt disgusted with myself and dealt with it by drinking even more – what a brilliant idea! Thank God, I was never violent with Joanie or the children. Had I been, I don’t know whether I could have forgiven myself.

ate. If it didn’t work, I could say I had tried everything. Although skeptical, I scheduled the procedure. Within hours of receiving the implant, I walked into a gas station to pay for some gas. I blew right past the beer without a second thought, paid and left. For the first time in perhaps ten years, I walked out with no alcohol in my hands. I was shocked. I actually stopped outside the door and thought, Wow, something is different!

Nonetheless, I was an angry, unpleasant person who woke

That was the beginning of my new life. I have been on my journey of sobriety for nearly four years. Today, my life is filled with more joy and satisfaction than I could have

up each morning filled with self-loathing. I was sick to death of Joanie being pissed off. I’d ask the dreaded question, “What did I do this time?” I knew my behavior had to stop.

ever imagined. I have a great relationship with my fiancée, Joanie, and with our sons. When difficulties arise, I am able to face them head on and thank God for yet another day on earth . . . sober.

During the last three years of my drinking, I tried every method of recovery I could find. I did a stint in a 30-day inpatient program; I did a 60-day intensive outpatient program. I tried a Twelve Step program, meditation, hypnosis, herbal therapy, hydrotherapy, the list goes on. Nothing lasted. Nothing worked for me – and things were worsening at home.

I am grateful to have had the good fortune to make the transition from child to adult actor and am busy with my craft. I am set to start filming a couple of horror movies, Awakening, and another entitled Fevered Dreams, as well as a romantic drama called Tar Beach. There are some other projects in the wings, but we are waiting for funding on them.

After a particularly nasty blowup with Joanie, I called my mom and begged her to find something different that might help me stop drinking. She came across information about a Naltrexone implant that had been developed in Australia. It was supposed to reduce or eliminate the craving for alcohol for six to twelve months. My first thought was, What BS! There’s no way some little pellet would make all my misery disappear.

I am privileged to work as a patient advocate for Start Fresh Recovery, the company that helped me get sober. I help people who are struggling with addiction, just as I did. This is such rewarding work. In sobriety, I am happier than ever. I truly want this way of life for everyone still in the grip of addiction and looking for a way out.

As I learned more about the Naltrexone implant, I discovered there was a clinic nearby called Start Fresh Recovery that provided the implant and counseling. I was desper16

In November of this year, I am scheduled to be the keynote speaker for the In Recovery Magazine Gratitude Expo. If you are interested in attending, please visit the 2015 IRM Gratitude Gala and Expo website at inrecoveryexpoandgala.com. I look forward to meeting you!

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

Solutions in Recovery 2015 EDITION

Start Fresh Program

See below for clinic locations PHONE: See below for clinic numbers, WEBSITE: StartFreshProgram.com Distinction: With our breakthrough 20-minute naltrexone implant procedure and follow-up support, patients receive effective and confidential treatment.

Beds: Outpatient Gender: Both Age: Adults 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes Hospital Afﬁliated: No Average Stay: Outpatient Price: Call for more information Treatment Focus: Treatment of alcohol, prescription drug, and opiate addiction

Program at a glance:

The Start Fresh Program is a unique outpatient program. It includes a new procedure that places a long-lasting naltrexone implant under the skin. Combined with behavioral support, the program can virtually eliminate physical cravings for alcohol, prescription drugs, or opioids. As reported by patients, many experience relief from cravings for up to a year after undergoing this minimally invasive procedure. With this new treatment, patients are relieved to find that they have the ability to continue their lives without lengthy time away from work or home. Start Fresh Program believes in treating the whole person, so patients also work with certified addiction specialists who provide support in identifying and managing “triggers” to ensure long-term sobriety. Many patients who have been unsuccessful in traditional treatment programs have found success with the Start Fresh Program. This comprehensive approach is defining the Start Fresh Program as a leader in the future of treating addiction.

WHAT IS START FRESH?

With our breakthrough 20-minute naltrexone implant procedure and follow-up support, patients receive effective and confidential treatment. Current Ofﬁce Locations: Midwest: Chicago (847) 410-9777 The START FRESH PROGRAM is a unique outpatient program. It includes a new procedure that places a longOklahoma City (855) 219-3681 lasting naltrexone implant under the skin. As884-1221 reported by patients, many experience relief from cravings for up Omaha (402) Northeast: Connecticut (855) 242-0330 to a year after undergoing this minimally invasive procedure. With this new treatment, patients are relieved to (800)their 533-4040 Northern find California: that theyFresno have the ability to continue lives without lengthy time away from work or home. START San Francisco (800) 614-0123 FRESH PROGRAM believes in treating(770) the whole person, and provides support in identifying and managing Southeast: Atlanta 515-9500 “triggers” to Los ensure long-term sobriety.(800) Many patients who have been unsuccessful in traditional treatment Southern California: Angeles/Orange County 916-1099 Southwest: Phoenix (855) 393-4673 programs have found success with the START FRESH PROGRAM. This comprehensive approach is defining the

START FRESH PROGRAM as a leader in the future of treating addiction.

“A Start Fresh Success Story

”

We are leaders in the future of treating addiction.

My name is STORY Jeremy Miller, and I struggled with alcoholism for over 15 years. Before I SUCCESS found the START PROGRAM, I had tried almost every program out there and Getting Down toFRESH Business I couldn’t make them work. That overpowering craving always seemed to win out. I My name Jeremy Miller, and I struggled Program my life. Within hoursThe of my felt weakisand worthless. I had truly lost hope thatsaved I would ever recover. START with alcoholism for over 15 years. Before procedure, the cravings were nonexistent. I FRESH PROGRAM saved my life. Within hours of my procedure, the cravings were I found the Start Fresh Program, I had was no longer being bombarded with that nonexistent. I was no longer with tried almost every program out therebeing and I bombarded overpowering need I had fought for so long. that overpowering need I had fought for wasto get down to the business couldn’t make them work. That overpowerI so waslong. finallyI able finally ablealways to getseemed downtotowin theout. business mylife for the better with a ing craving I felt ofofchanging changing my weakfor and worthless. I had atruly losthead. hope For me, clear For me, the Start Fresh Program life the better with clear thehead. START that I would ever recover. The Fresh miracle. was an absolute miracle. FRESH PROGRAM was anStart absolute

Contact Start Fresh today!

38 Psychology Today SOLUTIONS IN RECOVERY January/February 2015

SCOTTSDALE/PHOENIX, ARIZONA 855-393-4673(HOPE) www.StartFreshAddictionRecovery.com 86-139 REVISED 120214.indd 80

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Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

12/15/14 11:02 AM 12/3/14 10:35 AM

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

The Abundant Life By Robert Bush

of Peter Kuhn

ree-jazz woodwind specialist Peter Kuhn’s road to San Diego has been long and harrowing. Born in the San Fernando Valley and raised in Los Angeles, Kuhn’s career flourished in the Bay Area and eventually led him to New York at the invitation of Anthony Braxton in the mid-’70s, where he played with violinist Billy Bang, trumpeter Lester Bowie and bassist William Parker. He recorded several albums as bandleader, including the 1981 collector’s item Ghost of a Trance on the Swiss record label Hat Hut. But as his career was ascending, a drug problem threatened to ruin it all. The San Diego Reader sat down with Kuhn to retrace his path of self-inflicted wounds, tragedy and ultimate redemption.

the point where I couldn’t pay my rent; my family had disowned me, where I had no hope of ever holding a job; and I was living in my Pinto. I was in and out of Twelve Step programs and detoxes. Then I heard that my oldest brother, Rich, who was a hero to me, had committed suicide. I kind of went on a last run; I really wanted to die. I was doing armed robberies and hoping someone would shoot me on the way out the door. I started robbing all the dope dealers – I was trying to burn all my bridges or get killed doing it. There was no way to fool myself that it was working anymore.” In desperation, Kuhn turned to a friend from a Twelve Step program. “It was gradual; when I got 30 days clean and sober for the first time ever, I thought I might have a chance. When I got six months clean, I was pretty sure I wasn’t bullshitting. And when I got a year clean, I really got the idea that this was something real that I could keep doing.”

“In New York, I was like a kid in a candy store,” Kuhn recalls. “On the West Coast, you have to know somebody; it’s all kind of done underground. In New York, there’s whole streets where there’s nothing but heroin dealers. I went from being a functioning addict where I’m paying rent, I’m gigging, I’m moving a career, being creative. In the long line of all of my heroes, Peter Lorre and Edgar Allen Poe to Charlie Parker to whoever – the long line of junkie artists, right? But as things started to really break for me – going on tour to Europe and getting strung out there, I was blowing relationships and embarrassing myself in a lot of ways.”

Kuhn got a job in a semiconductor distributing warehouse. “And then one day, the flu hit; and all the sales staff was out; and they needed someone to answer the phones – and, you know, man, I’m a hustler; so I started slinging parts and making good money; but I wanted more; and I went to another company and started making serious money. I moved to San Diego when they opened a branch down here.”

Believing that he had to get away from the ready availability of drugs in the Big Apple, Kuhn returned to California. While cleaning up, things turned for the worse – a 15-month stretch in Chino State Prison. Yet even that wasn’t rock bottom.

By then Kuhn was married with stepchildren and doing well enough to buy a house in Clairemont, a neighborhood in San Diego, California. Still, there was a nagging feeling of unfulfillment. An unbearable tragedy set the stage for another personal turnaround.

“In 1985, the wheels really started to roll off; and I reached

“In 2002, my 17-year-old stepson, who I considered my

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

son, died suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition. I’d lost sponsors and my brother, but this was very upfront and personal; because when someone you love dies, you think about the wasted moments.” Kuhn turned to Zen. “For the first time, I’m reading Buddhist stuff, but it’s not some abstract shit – there’s nothing vague, nothing theoretical, devotional or religious. It was recipes to engage with life. This is what I’ve wanted all my life . . . I became a Buddhist lay priest in the Plum Village tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh.” These days, Kuhn is committed to making a positive difference. He conducts bimonthly visits to Donovan State Prison to teach meditation to inmates. “As people start meditating, they learn to cultivate compassion, how to deal with strong feelings like anger and loneliness and how to feel small acts of kindness and compassion, or even forgiveness. I should also mention that I never had a single visit at any time I was incarcerated and know what it feels like to be disenfranchised. I’m meeting some remarkable men, and I wish I had been exposed to this when I was locked up.”

And then there’s the music. Kuhn has reemerged through local connections, like drummer Nathan Hubbard, and has even toured the state with a group of Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York improvisers under the rubric of Dependent Origination. (Editor’s note: Dependent Origination is a Buddhist teaching on the nature of existence – nothing exists independently of other things). But there is a difference now. “The beautiful thing is that I have a life of meaning and value before I pick up the horn. I’m not living a life predicated on the success of a record or the next gig. My life already has meaning; and when I pick up the horn, I’m picking it up as a whole person; and anything from there is just abundance.”

Robert Bush has been on the jazz scene for more than 30 years, as a musician, listener and supporter. In October of this year he will celebrate his eleventh year of sobriety.

Infinite Recovery provides an unparalleled level of therapeutic support. Our mission is to empower clients to heal, learn, and discover. The primary goal is to help people stay sober and enjoy life in recovery, while integrating into independent living. We provide a variety of continuing care services designed to help those in recovery manage their spiritual, emotional, and social aspects of a sober lifestyle.

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Summer 2015

Oasis Behavioral Health offers a full psychiatric continuum of care including Acute Psychiatric Hospital, Residential Treatment Center, and Outpatient Services to meet the needs of adults and adolescents. Oasis hospital provides a safe, stable, and secure environment for clients to heal in times of crisis so that they may move forward with the recovery process. Oasis residential programs promote recovery using evidence based therapeutic interventions. Oasis outpatient programs provide intensive therapeutic interventions while exercising real world applications as the person maintains routine activity. Oasis staff members strive to offer hope to clients who are often suffering from depression, emotional pain, or trauma. Hope is the recognition that the future can be different and is the fuel for recovery. Oasis works with clients to define their purpose outside of addiction and mental illness and develop discharge plans that emphasize client strengths, goals, and desired purpose. At Oasis we approach each client with optimism about their future and recovery, addressing each roadblock independently and using setbacks as growth opportunities.

Programs ACUTE PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITALIZATION

Oasis Behavioral Health Hospital serves the inpatient crisis and stabilization treatment needs of children and adolescents 11-17 and adults 18 and over who are experiencing psychiatric or substance abuse problems. We provide a safe, stable, and secure environment for the promotion of

stabilization and recovery.

RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT CENTER

Oasis Behavioral Health Residential programs are Level 1 RTC/ BHIF providing services for adolescents ages 11 -17 experiencing emotional/behavioral and substance abuse difficulties. OBH provides a nurturing environment for adolescents to address psychiatric, chemical, trauma, and family issues while working with our highly qualified staff to achieve academic goals and prepare for a successful life in the community.

OUTPATIENT SERVICES

Oasis Behavioral Health Outpatient Services address a variety of psychiatric and substance needs including Intensive Outpatient Programs that address mental health, substance, trauma, and other co-occurring disorders.

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Oasis Behavioral Health is partnered with The Jason Foundation, Inc. to provide free suicide prevention education to teachers, clinicians, and community members. OBH is committed to the education, prevention, and support of community members affected by suicide.

Therapeutic Support Services

Evidence Based Practices

RECREATION, ART, AND MUSIC THERAPY

OBH is dedicated to the development of our clinical programs and practices. We pride ourselves on staff education programs and using current, evidence based practices. All of our programs are based on a person centered approach that includes harm reduction and self-directed recovery practices. Some of our evidence based interventions include Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), Crisis Prevention Intervention (CPI), Living in Balance (LIB), Trauma Informed Care, Trauma Specific Care, and 12 Steps.

Oasis Behavioral Health uses recreation therapy to support the clinical services in our programs. Art expression, yoga, music, team sports, and aquatic recreation are among some of the activities used to promote healing, social and cognitive functioning, build confidence, develop coping skills, and integrate leisure skills into treatment.

OASIS RECOVERY SCHOOL

Oasis boasts an onsite world class learning institution that is proud to graduate many high school seniors and help children in treatment recover credits that they have missed due to legal and health complications. The Oasis Recovery School addresses the special learning needs of our students through individualized curriculum and alternative teaching methods and accommodations.

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1-800-844-6435 • OBHHospital.com Summer 2015

TWO LOCATIONS

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• Residential Treatment • Suicide Prevention

Photos provided by Co. Y? Photography 22

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

Making Music By Arnold Rufus McCuller

At 19 years old, I was about to go off to Kent State University in Ohio. Just before starting school, I received a job offer as, among other things, the voice in a song called “Aquarius” in the first national tour of a Broadway show called Hair. I accepted the job and never looked back. After the tour, I eventually landed in the Big Apple to pursue a theater career. I failed miserably, then met this guy named James Taylor. I have been a singer touring with his band ever since. In 1984, I was home getting high when a dear friend and bandmate saw me packing for another summer tour with JT. After a week of rehearsals in Los Angeles, I was preparing to leave for the tour in my usual fashion. When my friend saw a fresh bag of syringes on my dresser, he realized I’d been shooting drugs at home alone. He refused to let me pack them and said if I needed to use, then just smoke or snort instead. It scared him to think about me shooting up on the road. I imagine he must have envisioned a hotel overdose scandal. I understood his concern because all of us in the band were like brothers. We looked after each other in every possible way. I didn’t take the syringes on the road. I “only” snorted my drugs. Up to that point, my experience was that musicians got high in order to work, got high after work and then did it all over again. It was a way of life for all of us. I was not alone and thought in our industry it was just the way we lived. However, something funny happened during that summer. One of the guys in our band was going to these strange meetings and getting chips for staying clean. What amazed me was that an addict like him could not only get clean, but stay clean for a period of time. He physically looked like a different man during those first six to nine months. I noticed his eyes were getting clearer. It was as though his spirit reawakened inside him. I was impressed, but couldn’t believe just attending those meetings was going to keep him clean. The list of addicts I knew in the industry who got clean was small compared to the ones who used until they became sick, went to jail or had to be institutionalized. After coming off the tour, I again started getting high at home alone. One Thursday around 4 pm, I came to, looked in the mirror and saw no reflection. I scared myself to death and thought I had lost my soul. I picked up the phone, called the hotline for those meetings and showed up the following Thursday. I distinctly remember that it was Thursday because it was very difficult getting through that first weekend. After that, I was in meetings every day. Summer 2015

I didn’t understand what was going on, but I followed every suggestion I heard. I came early, stayed late, cleaned ashtrays and washed cups. I eventually pulled a speaker aside who I thought had an amazing story. He happened to be a professor. I asked him to sponsor me. He said, “Well, let’s go to coffee and talk about it.” That was my first introduction to the Twelve Steps, how they work and how I could begin to do the real work of staying clean. I was right about one thing. Just going to those meetings was not going to keep my friend in the band or me clean. We had to work the Program. I stayed clean. Almost three months later, I went on my first international tour. We went to Brazil, the home of my drug of choice. I had 90 days clean. At the time, all I knew was to go to meetings. I went to a meeting every day and met other people on the tour who also were clean. A few guys from our band and other bands sat around the pool at one of the hotels reading recovery literature and sharing with one another. That’s where I learned that two or more addicts gathered together for recovery makes a meeting. I am among the blessed ones. Some of the people who sat around that pool, including me, have been clean for over 30 years now. Sharing with the band about being in recovery was always easy. The difficult part was sharing about my profession with other people in recovery. I learned to do this first with my sponsor, the professor. He was my first sponsor and helped me work the Steps. In that relationship, I learned how to open up to others in recovery and, more importantly, how to sponsor other men. While I have outlived three sponsors, the consistent thing in my life continues to be the men I sponsor. With them, I get to work the Steps and support their dreams the way mine have always been supported by the men helping me on my path of recovery. I love sharing how the Steps can and do change our lives. That mutual sharing has created a large family of recovering addicts in Los Angeles who want nothing more than a better way of life. Any addict seeking recovery can achieve what we have gained in our recovery. But work is necessary – working the Steps, service commitments and giving back what was so freely given to us when we got clean. Once a month (touring schedule permitting) about 15 guys I sponsor come together for a breakfast in my home. We enjoy fellowship and laughter, then clean up and catch up. In the catch-up portion, I usually express what’s going on with me and how I’ve been affected. We talk about things we haven’t had time to get into or have found too personal to share in meetings. We

In Recovery Magazine

talk without interruption. I try to listen with an open heart to what is being expressed. Unlike a regular meeting, if someone requests feedback or suggestions, we work together to help the person who wants it. Creative solutions are always a by-product of our gatherings. Together we definitely do what we aren’t able to do alone; and, as a result, the outcomes are miraculous. When I’m on the road, we find ways to keep our recovery family connected. Group gratitude lists via email have been very beneficial. We began to circulate a daily gratitude list for a week or more. If we are grieving or working through something challenging, the gratitude list gives us resolve we never knew we had. It is in the spirit of sponsorship which I learned in the Program that I give voice lessons to people with a desire to improve their pitch, performing chops, musicianship and endurance while touring. Just when the app business seemed to be taking off, I saw a need for singers to have something personally focused for them to train with before performing. I created “Vocalease,” a vocal warm-up tool. As a result, I receive letters and emails from artists around the world thanking me for helping them get their confidence back or their career extended for

the better because of the training I provided. This is an example of how the Twelve Step Program expands the power of “one helping another” in all of my activities. Helping others is vital to recovery. Even when I’m on the road, I look for creative ways to be of service. Last year I was blessed to have a very heavy touring schedule. I decided that while I was on the road, in addition to hitting meetings, I needed to write to currently imprisoned addicts who are seeking recovery. Through a Narcotics Anonymous program called “Sponsorship Behind the Walls,” I’ve written to and worked the Steps with four recovering men in prison. Their letters have enriched my life beyond measure. Recovery works one day, one addict, one phone call, one letter and one meeting at a time. Through this simple process, I have learned that anything is possible and dreams do come true – if I am willing to do the work necessary to change my old thinking and behavior. Being in touch with the God of my understanding on a daily basis and through my meditation practice, I deepen my belief system. I can say to anyone seeking recovery that it works if you work it. 24

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

The Twelve Steps and Program do more than just keep me clean. They have given me a work ethic I never had prior to coming into the rooms. I always wanted to be an actor, but using got in the way. I was offered a role in a movie in 1977. That’s actually how and why I ended up in Los Angeles. While the band used a sub for the next tour, I was given a role. All I seemed to learn was that everyone there got high, which is probably why the movie only took four months to finish. My next role with the same team took even less time. I had a smaller part in that film. The party continued, but another role never followed – in retrospect, not a surprise. That was the end of my acting career until 25 years later. I had 18 years clean and did a cameo in The Sum of All Fears. Recovery completely redefined my experience with acting. I finally knew how to show up, be on time, be fit and be teachable in the process. Using the work ethic I’ve learned in recovery over the past 30 years, I have recorded nine solo albums, been in many more films and recorded with some of the industry’s finest artists. I’m a senior member of the band I’ve been with since 1977. Through all of the trials and tribulations, both in and out of recovery, I have continued to show up. Even with years of recovery, I still get to work toward lost, reawakened and newly realized dreams and goals. I get to worry about things like hip replacements and home renovations while preparing to go on international tours. I get to work on recording new songs and writing new material with people I love, while staying committed to the same things that got me to this place in life. After all of these years, I still love what I do. I continue to record and play worldwide with the band and on my own. Recovery is about loving the moment and looking forward to a future that did not exist before becoming clean. Before recovery, there was nothing but the next fix. No one looked back at me in the mirror. During those final days before recovery, all I wanted in life was to feel that my soul was not dead. Today when I look in the mirror, I see more than just my reflection. I see the light in the eyes of all the recovering addicts I have met on this journey, every meeting where I didn’t understand the language and every heart that has reached out to touch my own. Together, we have been able to do what this addict could never do alone. Together, we recover!

Arnold McCuller is what’s going on, that’s always been the case and it always will be. – James Taylor

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

7.5 CEU’s available on the ship! Gigi Veasey, LCSW, LISAC, CCBT, Gigi Veasey is the owner and Executive Director of Alcohol Recovery Solutions, Inc. an outpatient clinic in Phoenix, Arizona that assists adults struggling with alcohol and substance abuse and dependency. Ms. Veasey received her Masters degree in Social Work from Arizona State University and is a Licensed Independent Substance Abuse Counselor, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and holds a national certification as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. Gigi has been in private practice for over 15 years specializing in working with clients challenged by self esteem issues, co-dependency, traumatic history, grief/loss and overeating. She has presented to multiple groups and organizations on the topics of grief and recovery. Gigi is the cofounder of Inspired Life Strategies, LLC which focuses on retreat work; removing clients from their environments to promote therapeutic breakthroughs. She host therapeutic retreats in Bali, Indonesia, Italy, Spain, Greece and local four day intensives. Her philosophy regarding treatment and recovery is to do whatever works for that individual and she employs a multi-disciplinary team and a holistic view for greatest success. She has just finished her first book, Living With A Loss: A Therapist Guide to Helping Clients Move Through Complicated Grief. Her mission statement is “To Create and Inspire Integrity.”

Gigi will be presenting on the following topics: 1. Stress Management and Laughter Therapy 2. The Four Gifts of Grief 3. Balance/Time Management

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Summer 2015

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From Addiction to Redemption

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

By Frank Ferrante

e shed our addictions in the order in which they’ll kill us. That’s what I heard in 1989, and it turned out to be my experience. At 16, I was already using hard drugs. I was cooking and injecting powders before I ever smoked a joint. So much for the gateway theory. Like many of my generation, I spent the 1960s experimenting with every drug that promised a rapid departure from my unbearable reality and a shortcut to nirvana. Not everyone who has experienced trauma turns to drugs, but nearly all addicts and alcoholics have had traumatic experiences. Drugs promised relief from the snakes and scorpions lacerating and poisoning my soul and my psyche. For awhile, getting loaded worked; the venomous invertebrates were kept at bay in a covered basket. I would spend the next quarter century scrambling to keep the lid on. Addiction is an indicator of deeper underlying conditions. The booze and drugs are neutral; my relationship with them is not. Getting clean and sober is like getting divorced. I knew it was over long before I was ready to turn the page. Navigating the misery and demoralization of the familiar was preferable to stepping through the portal of the unknown. I knew I couldn’t go on living this way. But the idea of not using was unimaginable. It was a circle of Hell that Dante overlooked. In February of 1989, I walked into my first Twelve Step meeting. I had no idea what was going on. How in the world could a meeting in a poorly lit, dreary, smoke-filled room packed with people compulsively drinking all the coffee a body could absorb in an hour possibly help me? Miraculously, I sobered up and learned how to live life on life’s terms without getting loaded. I watched people just like me living their lives one day at a time. I did what was suggested and listened to the contemplative and happy people. When I stopped drinking and using, I fantasized that my life would spontaneously adjust and self-correct. I envisioned something akin to the transmutation of the Wizard of Oz from black and white to color. I thought by abstaining from booze and drugs, I would effortlessly ascend to a state of emotional and spiritual transcendence. I was horrified to learn that the chemical detoxification was merely an introduction to the deeper experience of recovery. In other words, the problem wasn’t the booze or the dope. The problem was me. The blessing and the curse of life is that the future is unknown. I had no idea that cleaning my body of booze and drugs was merely an invitation to the journey. I stood at the foot of my spiritual Everest. The blizzard kept me from seeing the full scope of the daunting task ahead. Fortunately sherpas appeared to guide me through the storms. During the next 17 years of sobriety, my addiction changed form. I used sex and money instead of cocaine or booze. After that phase ran its course, I started on food. I became a regular at buffet restaurants. I was particularly fond of an Indian buffet restaurant on Fillmore Street in San Francisco. I’m surprised they didn’t post a guard by the door with an AK-47 to block me from entering! Before I picked up a tray, I inspected the steam table. If the items I wanted were on the sparse side, I would promptly inform the waiter to replenish them.

Summer 2015

By the end of my assault, there was a stack of empty plates on my table. As I wiped my hands, the remorse and disgust began to spread like black ink in a glass of water. I swore I would never do this again. The next day I would not eat all day to compensate. By evening I was inspecting the steam table . . . again. It was a familiar dance, just with a different tune. This choreography would expand my weight to 300 pounds. My life was characterized by the transference of addictions – from smoking cigarettes to speed to heroin to booze and cocaine to sex and money and finally to food. I had reached another plateau. I was stuck. My health was on yellow alert. I was pre-diabetic; my cholesterol was in the 400 range and I was always tired. If these medical issues weren’t enough, I was being treated for hepatitis C with interferon, ribavirin and a host of other meds. The colors were fading, and the lights were getting dim. Life felt like a dreary film noir. Something had to shift, but I didn’t know how or what the shift would look like. After 17 years, I felt as if I were back at my first Twelve Step meeting. I didn’t know what to do or how to start. I felt as though I had reached that part of the climb where you need oxygen. Unbeknownst to me, the Universe heard my plea. Be careful what you ask for. Help arrived from an unlikely source – a trio of young 20-something, raw-vegan hipsters, skinny jeans and all. Gratitude is a central theme in the Twelve Step world. It is said that a grateful heart will not drink. One foggy night in San Francisco, I saw a sign in the distance – Café Gratitude. I imagined that a clever member of a Twelve Step program had opened a coffee shop geared toward the recovery crowd. I strolled toward the place. What I thought was a coffee shop turned out to be a vegan and raw food restaurant. Instead of a bunch of recovered dope fiends, I found a community of health-conscious and spiritually-inquisitive people. Like my first Twelve Step meeting, I was desperate and open-minded enough to take suggestions from people I had never taken seriously and at whom I had always poked fun. I came to scoff, but was offered an opportunity to begin a path that would lead me into an unimaginable depth of redemption. The tragedy of addiction is that it robs you of all your best intentions. It blinds you from the poetry of life. Grandeur has its place, but the joys of life are nestled in the nuances. It is from the subtleties that the fragrance of joy emerges. Getting clean is more than abstinence, more than meetings and accumulating years. It is redemption of the soul and resurrection of the spirit. Getting clean is just that – removing barriers that inhibit the expression of a courageous heart and a restoration of ethical living that fosters a peaceful mind. I have come to believe that what people really want is peace of mind and a loving heart. Frank Ferrante has been, in no particular order, a New York City cab driver, scrap metal hauler, dishwasher, census taker, mail boy, ditch digger, bouncer, general contractor, actor, radio announcer, carpenter, avid reader, seeker of God, weight gain and weight loss aficionado, recovered alcoholic/ junkie, cocaine crazy, smoker, speed freak, raw foodist, vegan, BBQ connoisseur, lover, hater, father, husband, author of the new book May I Be Frank and subject of the award-winning documentary of the same name.

In Recovery Magazine

The Bookstand

Recovery is the subject of countless books. Below are some titles worth a look. If you are an author and would like us to include your book, contact me. — Editor, editor@inrecoverymagazine.com

Miss Fancy Pants (Alicia Gargaro-Magaña, Pictures of Los Angeles, 2015). With an imagination that swings from a chandelier, a daydreaming, selfappointed concierge in Los Angeles meets a stranger who sets her life in motion. This begins with erotica, swirls with adventure and glides into intention. It is a vibrant romp through a visionary universe of spies who sleuth for love and purpose in the world.

Every Silver Lining has a Cloud (Scott Stevens, XLIBRIS, 2012). Nine out of ten sober alcoholics relapse at least once. Why return to the misery? This book for drinkers, ex-drinkers and loved ones of alcoholics combines the science of alcohology (what alcohol does to you, not for you) with practical solutions and a stunning personal story.

The Praxis of Recovery: A New Vision for Success in Addiction Treatment (Alex Brumbaugh, Recovery Learning Services, 2014). William White calls Praxis “. . . a loving critique and transformative vision that seeks to reconnect addiction treatment with the larger and more enduring processes of personal and family recovery.” It answers the question, “What would treatment look like if we did it right?”

Good Things Emotional Healing Journal: Addiction (Elizabeth Davies, Morgan James, 2011). This workbook offers 15 practical strategies that reinforce recovery. Chapters include thought-provoking questions that provide journaling opportunities to deepen understanding and problem solving. Symptom inventories at each chapter’s end allow you to monitor your progress toward addiction-free living.

Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending and Hoarding (Terrence Shulman, Infinity, 2011). This book updates statistics and theories, contains new stories and interviews with experts and new revealing material on hoarding disorder. It is written for people with these disorders, loved ones, therapists and others interested in these prevalent, but misunderstood, disorders.

Sitting in Pictures: Vision Meditations for Addiction Recovery (Illustrator Christine Sundly, Day By Day, 2012) is a meditation book based on the Hopi tradition of visualizing your desire, sitting in that vision and creating the reality. Each page contains a 12 Step principle, an illustration and the wisdom of an indigenous saying that corresponds to the principle. It is a fresh look at an old classic.

Finding Peace Amid the Chaos (Tanya Brown, Langmarc, 2014). Tanya Brown experienced devastating losses in her life . . . most significantly the murder of her sister, Nicole Brown Simpson. Years later, Tanya had a mental breakdown and near-fatal suicide attempt. This inspiring book offers self-care tools for those living with addiction, mental illness, loss or struggles of any kind.

Trauma and the Twelve Steps: A Complete Guide to Enhancing Recovery (Jamie Marich, Cornersburg Media, July 13, 2012, Amazon) A guide for counselors, sponsors and those who help others in recovery. The book endorses the merits of Twelve Step recovery, yet points out some of the drawbacks when working with traumatized clients. Learn some simple accommodations based on the latest traumatic stress knowledge that can enhance the Twelve Step recovery experiences of trauma survivors.

Pocket Sponsor, 24/7 Back to the Basics, Support for Addiction Recovery (Anonymous, Day By Day, also available as an app or ebook). This 31-day recovery meditation book, put together by those who created Day By Day for Hazelden, has a reflection and affirmation for every hour of the day. Compiled from the wisdom of the old-timers and meant for those HALT moments, you don’t want to be without this one. Contact PocketSponsor.com.

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Summer 2015

With Vigilance: A Woman in Long Term Recovery (Christine Campbell, Smashwords, 2014). A raw and honest story of struggle, abuse, family insanity, life in the music industry fast lane and, finally, surrender after numerous consequences and treatment centers. A spiritual – not biological – family was the key to finding and maintaining this addict/alcoholic’s sober life, as well as love of self and others.

Mountain Air: Relapsing and Finding the Way Back (Holli Kenley, Loving Healing Press, 2013). Based on personal experience and professional insights, this book explores relapse as it applies to many aspects of our lives. Using a sequential therapeutic narrative with interactive exercises, it engages the reader in the process of healing and allows time for reflection and release.

Lead With Your Heart (Regina Cates, Hierophant, 2014). Marianne Williamson says, “This book is like a note from a close friend, reporting on her spiritual journey from lovelessness to love. By walking you through her experiences, she casts light on your own. And not just her life, but yours too, begins to change.”

Drugs, Food, Sex and God (George Baxter-Holder, Influence Publishing, 2015). Living on the street, Dr. George ran a prostitution and drug dealing business that helped support his addiction to sex and drugs. His life spiraled out of control, leading him to a prison cell. Dr. George guides the reader through his personal story and how he used the power of intention to change his life.

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Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

By Jay Silverman

rowing up in California’s San Fernando Valley in the ‘60s was just like in the movies – sunshine and rock ‘n’ roll. My favorite subject in high school was photography; and luckily for me, my teacher was passionate about his job. He introduced us to some of the most famous photographers in the world, those whose iconic works were featured in LIFE Magazine, National Geographic and The New York Times. By the tender age of 16, my goal was to become as successful as these historic photographers – telling stories through images became my calling. It was after working for over 35 years shooting both print advertisements and directing commercials for major brands that I decided it was time to realize my true dream. A friend recommended that I peruse a story on a subject about which I was passionate. As a result, I began developing a TV show that eventually became A&E’s The Cleaner. This one-hour drama starring Benjamin Bratt was based on a real-life interventionist who uses unorthodox methods to save the lives of those battling addiction. The Cleaner not only received critical acclaim, but also helped many viewers who related to the issues addressed in the show.

I had no idea how close to home this subject would hit. I was unprepared when I discovered my own daughter was struggling with alcohol and substance abuse problems. Like most parents, I did not recognize the signs. I had assumed that while I was at work, everything at home was fine. I couldn’t have been more wrong! My new film, Girl on the Edge, is loosely based on the journey my daughter and I took to restore her health and help her find inner peace. The film explores how sexual trauma and the subsequent shame can haunt a child into adulthood – then lead to self-medicating and other poor coping strategies. Girl on the Edge was also inspired by two adolescent treatment centers that employ unconventional and innovative approaches to healing and recovery. Pacific Quest, a remarkable wilderness program in Hawaii, specializes in horticultural therapy. The Uinta Academy in Utah is a therapeutic boarding school that utilizes equine therapy. Both are very effective programs. I had absolutely no knowledge of such unconventional approaches that could help kids who are using drugs and alcohol to cope with post-traumatic stress. Had we not been introduced to an educational consultant who directed us to these unique programs, I’m not sure what path we might have taken with our daughter. Making a movie was one of the toughest tasks I’d ever undertaken – yet producing such a personal story about my own daughter was one of the most fulfilling events of my life. I knew if I could share my family’s experience, we could help many others going through the same challenges.

The last thing I was prepared for was learning that my own daughter was struggling with alcohol and substance abuse problems. We began the script development by hiring renowned Blue Valentine cowriter, Joey Curtis. I shared the script with my daughter so I could recreate her experience as truthfully as possible. Because this was an independentlyfinanced project and funds were limited, we had to be resourceful during location scouting. We found places in California that could mirror the actual locations in Utah and Hawaii. 32

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

We were able to keep most of the production in Los Angeles by combining the equine therapy program and the wilderness program into the one featured in the story. Local resources greatly benefited the film, including a great crew, the stages in Hollywood and an exceptional cast of leading talent. We would not have been able to secure all these resources had we filmed in another state. After many rewrites were completed, casting the lead role of Hannah was first and foremost on our agenda. We wanted an actress who could convincingly portray a 15-year-old, but was still mature enough to carry our film. After weeks of auditions, we chose a remarkable young woman by the name of Taylor Spreitler. Early in the casting process, we were quite fortunate to have Peter Coyote join the project. Filling other roles were two stars from The Cleaner, Gil Bellows and Amy Price-Francis. We were graced with other talented individuals: Mackenzie Phillips, Amy Davidson, Entourage’s Rex Lee and the late Elizabeth Peña, in her last movie role. We felt someone was watching over us every step of the way. Our treatment center location was a rustic ranch just outside of Lake Sherwood, a well-known property used in many great Hollywood films. The ranch’s owner asked us to consider hiring his young granddaughter, who had a real passion for working with horses. When we saw a YouTube video of her with her horse, we were impressed with her talent. I was moved to tears by the unspoken bond she and her horse displayed. She proved to be a master of Liberty Horsemanship, a discipline for training horses without ropes, halters, saddles or any physical contact. She also happened to be the same height as our lead actress; so without even searching, we found the perfect stunt double. From concept to script to screen, making this film was an all-consuming and deeply cathartic process. No longer was I just talking about my lifelong dream, I was actually living it. Working a tight, 18-day schedule around our actors and their other commitments meant that we had to be efficient, often shooting out of sequence and toiling long days and late nights. At times, we were forced to shoot exterior night scenes in the studio using a projection backdrop, as well as building the ranch interiors on the stage.

Summer 2015

As the executive producer and director, one of the most daunting challenges was to remain true to my heart in how this story would be told. An important contemporary issue I wanted to address was that today’s teens are placed under a lot of pressure to grow up too fast. They also have access to powerful technology, but often have little understanding of the consequences of its misuse. My purpose in making Girl on the Edge was not only to entertain, but also to provide alternatives for healing and recovery for families in crisis. If we help even one family, our efforts were not in vain. After prescreenings, so many young people have come up to me with tears in their eyes and confided in me that – like the protagonist – they were sexually abused. They would say, “That was my story.” One 19-year-old boy told me that this film helped him understand what his parents went through during his challenging teens. After watching the film, a 13-year-old who was selfmedicating after a date rape finally consented to her parent’s wishes that she accept professional help. I want parents of troubled kids to know that there is no shame in asking for help, even when you have no idea of the pain they’re secretly harboring. Had I known then what I know now, my daughter may have been spared so much unnecessary anguish. It is my hope that this film will inspire anyone who has gone through a traumatic experience to find the inner strength and outside assistance to not only survive it, but to come through it a happier, healthier person. For over 30 years, Jay Silverman has excelled as a leading producer, director and photographer specializing in award-winning television, digital and print campaigns. He has worked with renowned celebrities such as Denzel Washington, Beyonce, Quentin Tarantino and Ray Charles. In 1980, he founded Jay Silverman Productions in Hollywood, California. His advertising clients include Disney, Budweiser and Apple. Jay was the co-creator and executive producer of A&E’s The Cleaner. Jay lives in Santa Monica, California, and continues to be inspired every day by his daughter’s recovery.

In Recovery Magazine

By Rene Eram hen I was ten years old, I directed and filmed my first amateur Super 8 movie. I discovered that filmmaking gave me my first high – the same high I would experience by snorting cocaine off glass-topped, preproduction tables later in my filmmaking career. During my teens, my dreams of making movies and becoming a writer/director became my great obsession. They were my E-ticket out of Low-self-esteem-ville. Filmmaking was my magic hiding place where my talent was honored and my weaknesses and shortcomings were dismissed or enabled. It allowed me to run the show and control all the elements, or at least gave me that illusion, all while avoiding my own out-of-control world. By the time I was 23, I was a heavy user of alcohol, drugs and sex. These numbing agents helped me escape the obsessive fears, thoughts and feelings on the endless spin cycle inside my head. Unfortunately, filmmaking quickly became just another revolving door “fix” and a temporary high that segued into an empty low while mimicking the insidious patterns of my other addictions. I was a very busy commercial TV director making $10,000 a day balancing the visual relationship between a glass of orange juice and a bowl of cereal. I would sometimes do 30 film takes – adjusting the glass of OJ by millimeters, just so it would not steal the cereal’s thunder. A whole day became an absurd exercise, as I listened to and obeyed the commands of ad people with clients huddled in video village staring at a monitor and analyzing each camera angle and performance. The ad people and their clients could bicker for hours about the cereal and glass of OJ feng shui and completely lose themselves in ridiculous details, which no viewer would ever notice. In my mid-twenties, I directed a TV commercial in which a butterfly had to land on a rose, flap its wings once or twice and fly away. In those days, there were no computerized special effects; we had to use our collective ingenuity. Filming that butterfly debacle was the day I decided to add rum to my can of Coke and drink on the set. My primary concern was not to interfere with

the butterfly’s approach and landing; I could care less if the ad people and clients smelled alcohol on my breath. I had discovered the Golden Rule of Hollywood very early – “The more talented and messed up you are, the more they pay and enable you.” This dysfunctional Hollywood formula has led many great actors, filmmakers and musicians to an early death. The tall, burly, unshaven, butterfly wrangler (or as he liked to call himself, the BW – only in Hollywood) adjusted his Harley-Davidson belt buckle and explained how he was going to help facilitate my award-winning shot. He bragged and took great pride in his expertise, and told me he had spent many years (probably two weeks) perfecting his work to a calculated, NASA science. I slowly sipped my rum and Coke as I listened to the six-foot-three, 230-pound butterfly wrangler discuss his game plan. The BW explained that the butterflies were kept on ice, frozen in an insect coma; and timing would be critical. He would unseal one frozen butterfly, gently hold it by its wings and wait until it awakened from the heat of his burly fingertips. He would position himself off camera and on cue would toss the butterfly like a pub dart toward the rose. By the BW’s brilliant calculations, the semi-comatose butterfly would land on the rose, flap its sleepy wings once or twice and create movie magic before heading off to a 10,000-watt studio film light hanging overhead. Going into the light would not be a spiritual experience for these butterflies. I sat in my director’s chair, drank my rum and Coke and called “Action!” 22 times and watched 22 dart-tossed butterflies dodge the rose and fly directly into the 10,000 watt light. Each butterfly was zapped and came down like a World War I biplane. As each smoking butterfly spun and crashed onto the studio floor, the crew would groan, “Awwwww.” After 75,000 feet of film, we finally captured the shot. The whole experience of directing these rebellious butterflies was cruel and humiliating for me. I believed I was wasting my precious time and should be making feature films starring Robert De Niro and Meryl Streep. By the age of 32, my addictions had progressed and destroyed most of my life. I had sabotaged my filmmaking career, relationships, family and friendships. I remember one day having the horrifying realization that there

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

would never be enough directing jobs or paychecks to mend my drunken and shattered Humpty Dumpty inner child. No filmmaking job or line of cocaine could ever magically morph Humpty back together again. My addiction to more had run its course and the tsunami of pain could no longer be stopped or even paused by any of my euphoric numbing agents. Insanity was the next scene in my internal movie; killing myself became a daily fantasy. It would take just one call of “Action!” in my own personal movie named Get off the Planet. “Action!”, “Cut” and erase. In July of 1987, everything stopped working. I had three choices: get sober in a Twelve Step program; whiteknuckle it and, once again, go it alone; or kill myself. I decided to go with choice number one. I wasn’t ready to die and knew I could not stay sober alone. I quickly discovered that I was still playing the game of What Could I Get Away With . . . how far I could go before I destroyed myself. I was sober from alcohol and drugs; but codependent relationships, nicotine, coffee and sex were still under the Twelve Step radar and were not considered destructive. Even today, those four “fixes” are still prevalent in many Twelve Step meetings. I found a sponsor, limped along with a dubious Higher Power and worked the Twelve Steps. Despite my rebellion against the “God” word, life was better. Today, I have been sober over 27 years. During my first five years of sobriety, I had several odd jobs. I missed the big money of filmmaking, but did not want to return to my career. I knew how my brain was hardwired. My new sober rule of thumb was stay away from anything that attempted to elevate me above my “I’m a piece of crap and have no control” inner monologue. I could talk about my crappy fears and feelings, write about them, pray to my dubious Higher Power about them, but not attempt to fix them and recreate the addiction roller coaster ride.

I had discovered the Golden Rule of Hollywood very early. “The more talented and messed up you are, the more they pay and enable you.” After several years of sobriety, I admitted I missed the creative process of filmmaking and storytelling. I also realized that spiritual progress must come first – material progress would follow. If I were not spiritually and emotionally prepared, my hardwired “-isms” would, once again, sabotage my career. During my seventh year of sobriety, I ran into a producer with whom I had worked when I had first arrived in Hollywood. He wanted to know why I had vanished. I openly explained my addiction and my path to sobriety. He gave me his card, which I set on my desk and glanced Summer 2015

at every day for a month. If I were to return to filmmaking, I wanted to be grateful for each opportunity, have fun and enjoy the creative process, still push the creative boundaries, but not be a doormat. I wanted to work with a collaborative team and create the best commercials. The only way to test whether I could function as an emotionally-sober filmmaker was to just dive in, and so I did. Also during this time I looked around my Twelve Step home group and thought, There is a lot of information missing about the psychological patterns of addiction. My obsessive mind began a search for the mechanism behind addiction that would explain the mystery of the obsession of the mind and the “-ism.” I began researching what I believed to be the culprit . . . unconscious codependence. I had watched this destroy many addicts. I went back to school and researched all addiction models. Over the years, I designed and facilitated workshops that taught the counter-conditioning of codependence. I discovered that the person most codependent in the addiction family system is the addict. The addict inherits two unconscious (no awareness) codependent roles that I named the controller and the dependent. One role is usually dominant. The addict unconsciously attempts to enable his own entitlement and recreate the codependent relationship dynamics himself. I became obsessed with uncovering and describing the core causes and interrelationships of biochemical addiction patterns and unconscious codependence. I believed that somewhere in the addict’s subterranean caverns, the two held hands and fueled the destructive dance of addiction. In 2009, I wrote a feature length, dark comedy screenplay, Shrinking Charlotte. A producer optioned it and put it on a fast track. The lead actress, Brittany Murphy, was a rebellious butterfly. I ignored the warnings about her from other executives, filmmakers and producers. I thought I could be an example for her. However, during preproduction and one month before turning the cameras on in Atlanta, Georgia, she died. Her death devastated me on every level. She was a talented sweetheart. After Brittany’s death, I put my screenplay on the digital shelf and began writing. Over the past two years, I have created a website about unconscious addiction and codependence, and have focused on creating tools and solutions for both codependents and addicts. My personal quest, including my sobriety and counselor training, led me to the development of what I believe is a new and easy-to-understand model of addiction and codependence. This model is explained in depth in my new book, The Addict’s Loop. For the past 15 years, writer and filmmaker Rene Eram has focused on researching the root causes of addiction and codependence. Rene has taught his addiction and codependence model and solutions in a series of original workshops in various recovery environments. You may visit his website at theaddictsloop.com.

In Recovery Magazine

By Michele W. Miller

hear a rasping sound, something scraping across the kitchen floor. It’s the spaghetti pot left there for lack of a better place. When you’re an addict, items tend to permanently stay wherever they land. I rise from the mattress on the floor; it’s where I slept. A light bulb dangles from wires above me, and plaster hangs in strips from the walls and ceiling. I know there’s a rat in the kitchen. Mice go around obstacles. Rats just move them. I have a cat by then. The only happy thing that happened to me as a heroin addict was finding that calico cat with a black-fur mask around her eyes. “Go get him, Bandit,” I whisper, hoping she’ll take care of the rat. In the hallway Bandit jumps behind my skate bag and hides. I’d once been an accomplished roller-disco performer, but the skate bag is nothing more than a monument to the loss of every positive activity I ever loved. I have no time to skate in between shoplifting, copping drugs, nodding out, fighting with my boyfriend, shoplifting, copping drugs, nodding out. “You gotta be kidding,” I say to the hiding cat. Nearing the kitchen, I raise my voice and stomp my feet, trying to scare the rat off myself. At 22 years old, I had graduated from an elite law school and had worked as an associate at one of the most prestigious law firms in the world. But by the year of the rat, I had been automatically disbarred for a narcoticspossession conviction and had been locked up on Rikers

Island twice. I was a Methadonian living on welfare, food stamps and petty theft. I had been disbarred in far less time than it had taken to get my degrees, and I spent years fighting a 15-to-life sentence under the Rockefeller drug laws. Pure grace saved me, aided by my cousin’s persistence at Twelve-Stepping me. I knew where to go when I was ready to stop. Like most addicts lucky enough to get clean, in early recovery my mind zoomed in on “getting my stuff back.” For some, that means a driver’s license, housing or marriage. For me, it was my law license. I did the right things – practicing spiritual principles, doing service work, staying clean. Representing the drug program where I worked for the first six years of my recovery, I’d joined the substance abuse committee of the Bar Association. I met an attorney there who took my case pro bono, although he normally charged hundreds of dollars an hour. Friends broke their anonymity testifying at hearings on my behalf. Although it is nearly impossible to be reinstated to the bar in New York, it actually happened for me. Since then, I’ve been practicing law for almost 20 years. Addiction left me with a great deal of post-traumatic scarring. After jails, abuse and frequent danger, I had an ingrained habit of being terrified of what might come around the next corner. Addiction has a unique knack for warping an already-warped personality. So I had much healing to do.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

While I waited for two years to hear about my readmission to the bar, writing fiction provided healing and catharsis. My first piece of fiction pitted recovering addicts against an evil entity who would drag them back to the horrors of addiction or worse. To defeat this evil, the heroes had to face their deepest inadequacies and work together. My novel based on this story will be released soon. My published novel, The Thirteenth Step: Zombie Recovery, is about a group of addicts, alcoholics and adult children of addicts seeking a second life worth living in a decimated world. The destruction – wiping clean and rebuilding that would happen in a zombie apocalypse – is symbolic of the process of recovery. Immersing myself in an imaginary apocalyptic world confronted my old sense of impending doom, so typical of an addict’s thinking. This theme certainly put into perspective all my worries about “not having enough and never getting enough . . . me, me, me.” In reality, I have so much to make me deliriously grateful. Writing The Thirteenth Step: Zombie Recovery gave me the opportunity to also laugh. There are many controversies within the Twelve Step rooms that I wanted to explore in a fun way, providing an opportunity to laugh at ourselves a bit – the way we do in meetings. For instance, there’s controversy about whether one should talk about drug use in AA meetings. We have a nearly epidemic-level problem of members relapsing after taking prescribed medications for legitimate conditions. Yet, there are still groups that forbid talk of drugs. So, if there were a zombie apocalypse, would they allow members to talk about zombies? Just wondering.

Pure grace saved me . . . I was a Methadonian, living on welfare, food stamps and petty theft. I had been disbarred in far less time than it took to get my degrees.

Another interesting issue I enjoyed exploring was the relationship between addicts/alcoholics and those whom they affect. In Al-Anon, one sees occasional flare-ups between the “double winners” (addicts and alcoholics who are also members of Al-Anon) and the members who are there because they were traumatized by their “qualifiers” (i.e., us addicts and alcoholics). I thought it would be fun to see how a couple of characters like that would fare together in a zombie apocalypse. Twelve Step issues are a central theme of my book. I wanted to convey that Twelve Step programs are broad and loving enough to embrace and welcome all manifestations of the recovering addict or alcoholic. I dislike dogma and always celebrate the person who honestly states his or her truth in a meeting without regard for what the “political correctness police” might think. I celebrate the non-conformists, the agnostics and those who talk about their real story even though others want them to stick to a specific formula. I have swum against the tide many times in my 25 years in recovery. There was a time when I was unpopular because I thought my home group needed to be non-smoking – this was only after I quit smoking. Prior to that, as the only Jew in Harlem meetings, I joined forces with the Muslim members because we felt uncomfortable when meetings closed with the Lord’s Prayer, which we viewed as a Christian rather than universal prayer. A few years later, the World Service Organization of that particular fellowship decided that the Serenity Prayer would be the only prayer used in meetings. The Thirteenth Step: Zombie Recovery salutes the free spirits within Twelve Step programs because I believe it is unhealthy for everyone in a meeting to think and share the same way. My book also has an underlying message that Twelve Step fellowships are not cults, should reject cult-like tendencies and avoid dogmatic interpretations of the Programs and deification of anyone. So no, I haven’t resigned from the debating society. But I have lived a clean, happy, joyous and free life for 25 years. I never get everything exactly the way I want, but I have a great life anyway. I practice law, write novels and live in Manhattan with my husband and twin twelveyear-old sons.

A former urban desperado, Michele W. Miller has settled into a “happy, joyous and free” life over the last 25 years. Married to a New York City high school chemistry teacher, mom to twelve-year-old twins and black belt in the Jaribu System of Karate, she practices law and lives in Manhattan. She is also the author of The Thirteenth Step: Zombie Recovery and a forthcoming novel, which was selected as a Semi-Finalist in the 2014 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards.

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

By Bess O’Brien

e i v o M The

y name is Bess O’Brien; and I made the documentary film, The Hungry Heart, two years ago. What a ride it has been!

The Hungry Heart provides an intimate look at the often hidden world of prescription drug addiction through the eyes of Vermont pediatrician Fred Holmes and his work with patients struggling with opiate addiction. The idea for the film came to me through Fred and his long-time patient, Katie Tanner, who both wanted to raise addicts’ voices and help erase the stigma that many folks struggling with addiction carry with them. We thought making a film that would tell the stories of Fred’s patients and then touring the film through their home state of Vermont would raise consciousness and create change. It did! Fred is the quintessential country doctor, beloved by his patients and community, often known to make house calls, a jokester, an avid fan of the Red Sox and an old-fashioned guy who tends to use phrases that date back to the 1950s – including his habit of calling ornery teenagers “squirrely youngsters.”

After 35 years of taking care of kids with coughs, colds and appendicitis, Fred discovered that a number of his young patients were addicted to painkillers. At age 65, he decided he needed to step up and help these desperate kids with this debilitating disease. Fred became licensed to prescribe Suboxone (buprenorphine), a drug used to help stop the cravings addicts have for opiates. He also became affiliated with the Howard Center, a local outpatient treatment facility that provided counseling and services to the folks he treated.

documented the many faces and diverse populations of addiction and their continued search for a life of recovery. On the Road! On September 21, 2013, The Hungry Heart premiered in Fred Holmes’ hometown of St. Albans, Vermont, to a packed house of 500 people. The following week the film had a grand premiere at the Flynn Center for Performing Arts in Burlington, Vermont, for an audience of 1,500 people. We then toured with the film to 37 towns across Vermont, and people from the film toured with us. Small towns, cities, church basements, school auditoriums, movie theaters, opera houses and town halls – we were there, rolling into communities, setting up our projector, showing the film to crowds that averaged 100 people and grew to as many as 500 by the time we were done. After each screening of the film, we had a conversation with the audience that was powerful and meaningful for both the viewers and us. The conversation around opiate addiction swept across Vermont. People were finally talking about this disease. Family members, addicts, folks in recovery, lawmakers, educators, doctors and business people were seeing the film, participating in the audience conversations and sharing their stories with others.

As I made the film, I began to better understand the simple but profound connection Dr. Holmes created with each patient. The film illuminates the healing power of conversation and the need for connection that many of these young addicts yearn for, but do not have in their lives.

In January of 2014, The Hungry Heart was honored by Vermont Governor Peter Shumlin during his State of the State address. His entire speech was devoted to the opiate epidemic in Vermont. As a result of the Governor’s ambitious initiative to deal with the rising prescription drug and heroin addiction in the state, The Hungry Heart has been featured in numerous national press and media outlets including ABC Evening News, The New York Times, Al Jazeera Television, The Boston Globe, NPR’s On Point, WBUR’s Radio Boston and MSNBC. Since the film’s premiere and the Governor’s call to action, Vermont has taken the lead as they moved away from a criminal focus on drugs to a more progressive focus on addiction recovery.

We interviewed a number of older addicts, juxtaposed to Fred’s patients, who also described their recovery process. The road to recovery is paved with success stories and strewn with relapses, downfalls and tragic losses. We

The Hungry Heart has since toured throughout New England and into the rest of the United States. The film has screened at least 150 times in cities and towns across Vermont, Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts and

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

upstate New York. In addition, The Hungry Heart was presented in Washington, DC, by Senator Patrick Leahy to legislators and policymakers. It has played at many national conferences including the Arkansas Attorney General’s Opiate Summit in Little Rock, the American Academy of Pediatrics conference in Boston, Massachusetts, and the Rural Health Care Conference in Westford, Massachusetts. As part of an educational package with an extensive study guide, the film has also played in many middle and high schools in and beyond New England. In addition to these public screenings, The Hungry Heart has been booked by hospitals, universities, libraries, police departments, social service agencies, treatment centers, healthcare agencies, medical schools, community action groups and policymakers. The film has been lauded by many professionals and writers, including bestselling author David Sheff, who wrote Beautiful Boy, a book about his own son’s addiction. Sheff wrote, “The Hungry Heart is a brilliant and beautiful film that captures the true lives of people in recovery.” The film has great potential for continued success in many new venues across the country and into Canada. Opiate addiction is unfortunately everywhere; and communities and cities are searching for ways to generate dialogue, open discussion and create change around this challenging issue. The Hungry Heart provides a perfect starting point for discussion and action steps that many of our communities need. Start the conversation in your area. We’d love to come to your town and share this film. Give me a call at 802.357.4616 or email me at bobrien@pshift.com.

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Bess O’Brien cofounded Kingdom County Productions with her husband Jay Craven in 1990. She is also the director/producer of the highly acclaimed feature film Shout it Out based on the lives of Vermont teens and the original Voices Project live musical. O’Brien coproduced the feature films Where the Rivers Flow North and A Stranger in the Kingdom. For more information about The Hungry Heart and to see a trailer of the film, please go to thehungryheartmovie.org.

the the ground-breaking film on prescription drug addiction and recovery.

WINNER OF THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF ADDICTION MEDICINE MEDIA AWARD FOR PUBLIC SCREENINGS, EDUCATIONAL USE GO TO: www.thehungryheartmovie.org

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By Jana Greene

hardly wrote a word during the most active years of my alcoholism. It was as though my disease had me absolutely convinced that I could never live as a sober person – much less write again. Writing and art had been such a part of who I was growing up – a coping mechanism, really – but in the throes of alcoholism, I’d forgotten how to do me. Art brings others into our world with a sensory invitation. We want others to know how we are feeling – and there are so many feelings, so much of the time. We are a sensitive bunch! How could I invite others to share my life with a sensory invitation when at the same time I was numbing my senses? Have you ever forgotten how to do you? A Muse is the inspiration or influence for creation – often through music, poetry, writing and other artistic forms. It is the narration in your head that you simply must put on paper. It is the painting that is in your spirit and must be released onto the canvas. It is the prose deep within you that longs to become a poem. It is the comedic and the tragic in the words of a song. It is the still, small voice that implores you to “Make your mark on the world. You are worthy to do that!” The disease of addiction convinces many creative minds that they must drink or use drugs to unlock the creative force. It had me fooled for years. I actually believed, “Take away my drink, and you take away my Muse.” Nothing could have been further from the truth. To the active addict, substance takes precedence over sustenance. I know that was the case for me. Recovery unlocks the Muse.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

I hardly wrote a word during the most active years of my alcoholism. It was as though my disease had me absolutely convinced that I could never live as a sober person – much less write again. To my mind, God may have created the forces of science to make life possible; but, He created the poignancy of art to make life tolerable. We are given the Creative Force – and we all have it to some degree – to speak our lives to others in a way they might understand. Or to speak your life to yourself, which is a good enough reason to create! The drug is not your Muse. The Muse was there before you took that first drink or smoke, before you first used. It isn’t in the glass or bottle or pipe or in endless chocolate chip cookies or in a slot machine or in porn. When you surrender and put down these things, that’s when you learn how to do you. A healthy recovery program can guide you through a process of fanning the divine creative spark, because art is a spiritual pursuit. Ask God to help you do it, and He will extend a sensory invitation to you through the beauty and poignancy around you. Your Muse – your artistic God Particle – is a spark endowed by your Creator to enable you to create. It’s where surrender-to-the-HigherPower rubber meets the road aesthetically and musically. What is sobriety from chemical dependency? Clarity to hear the Muse. What is recovery? Giving the Muse a proper pulpit. Make your mark on the world. You are worthy to do that. Jana Greene is a Jesus freak, wife, mother, recovering alcoholic, author and blogger at thebeggarsbakery.com. In 2001, she surrendered her will to Jesus and is still surrendering daily. She writes to let others know where to find the Bread of Life. She lives with her husband, daughters and kitty cats in North Carolina.

What’s Important?

By Lindsey Glass

n 2007, I entered recovery; and this time it stuck. I was overjoyed. After a few years sober, I made a decision to include pieces of my story in a documentary about recovery called The Secret World of Recovery. The point of the film was to educate and help remove the stigma of the disease of addiction. I believe it served its purpose and educated a few people, but it also definitely put the stigma of the disease on me. At the time of filming, a friend in recovery who had done something similar warned me about putting my private struggles out there for the world to judge, applaud or condemn; but I wasn’t concerned. I have always believed that I survived my nine lives so I could be of service to the world. Making that film led me to recovery advocacy – one of the best parts of my life – and for that, I’ll always be grateful. But the documentary is also a reminder of a different time and a different young woman. Perhaps a young woman who was impulsive about putting so much of her personal life in the public eye in her very genuine attempt to do something good for the world. I have nothing but pride for my second documentary, The Silent Majority, which made it to PBS this past fall. I profiled teen addiction treatment programs and loved every second of it. I met amazing young people and the remarkable adults who run those programs. I’m so glad I put that information out into the world – letting teens and young adults know help is available, and they’re not alone. I’m proud of The Silent Majority and can and do re-watch it. I’m also proud of The Secret World of Recovery, though in a different way; but I never re-watch it. 42

By outing myself as a person in recovery, parts of my life have been affected. Because of the movie, everyone in my professional life knows I am recovering, whether I want them to or not. When I walk into meetings with strangers, I often think they probably already know everything there is to know about me – though I’ve not even spent five minutes with them. It probably isn’t the case at all, but it feels that way. More importantly, though, over the years I have had the honor and the life-changing experience of having people tell me something I said or wrote or filmed helped them to make it through another day. Those moments take my breath away. At one screening, I had a mom tell me that because of watching The Secret World of Recovery, she was able to intervene in time to save her daughter’s life. As this woman hugged me, thanked me and cried, I knew the power of film and the power of service trumped everything else. I love movies, and I love social activism; but I do urge you to take seriously the decision to be public about your recovery. It is tough to face the fact that we still live in a world full of prejudice and ignorance. I was fortunate – with those two documentaries I was able to combine my two loves – film and recovery. Years later and beyond my wildest dreams, today I write screenplays. I believe it is one of my Promises come true – health, recovery and good old-fashioned movies.§

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

In Recovery Magazine’s

recovery films

the best and worst

Can’t decide what to watch? When you want a good recovery film, the options can be overwhelming. Documentary film maker Lindsey Glass shares her picks and her pans to make the choosing easier.

Top Five Best Movies

FLIGHT I wasn’t excited to see this movie; but boy, did Denzel Washington prove me wrong. This movie is fantastic. The emotional pull, the moral dilemmas, the acting – it’s all first-rate. There were some unexpected moments; and in a few scenes, everyone in the theater was holding their breath. This is a brilliant recovery movie for so many reasons. You have to watch it to see why. PULP FICTION Not only is this one of my favorite movies, but one of the very few movies with drug use in it that doesn’t trigger me at all. Maybe it’s the brilliance of the script, the story or the banter between the actors; but the drugs are just a subplot and have never bothered me. This is a movie I watch over and over again. It prompted my desire to go into the movie business. SCARFACE This may seem like an odd choice for a top recovery movie. It’s about drug trafficking; it’s violent; the anti-hero is a drug lord; and the female lead is the gorgeous Michelle Pfeiffer who is an addict. The movie takes you through the whole story – from the glamour to the sordid end. No matter how great Pfeiffer and her clothes look, in this movie she plays someone I would never want to be. NEW JACK CITY I thoroughly enjoy this movie. As it follows a gangster in his travels, New Jack City depicts the beginning of the crack epidemic in New York City. It shows the crack world at its best and at its worst. With an accurate portrayal of the depravity of crack addiction, the director and writers take the viewer on a journey of high highs and low lows. Though recovery is not at its core, this morality tale teaches some important lessons. 44

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

LESS THAN ZERO Less Than Zero is not a movie in which the characters end up in recovery programs and sober. Instead, the movie delves into the personal emptiness that can lead to addiction and then into the resulting despair and degradation. I really like this movie because it looks at a world riddled with addiction and alcoholism, one not often depicted this way in media – the world of the super rich. It exams the neglect of children in some of those families and illustrates that even the rich are not immune to addiction and its ultimate consequences.

Top Five Worst Movies TRAINSPOTTING Seeing this movie once was quite enough. I love director Danny Boyle – he’s an absolute genius at seamlessly taking us deep into different worlds in his movies such as Slumdog Millionaire or The Beach. These films aren’t horrifically painful; to the contrary, they’re worlds I like to get into over and over again. But for me, Trainspotting, Boyle’s harrowing depiction of heroin addiction, was unwatchable. The acting is phenomenal, and everything about it is true-to-life – from heroin addiction to the addicts’ behaviors to the sick places they go to the addicts themselves – but too real for this addict. REQUIEM FOR A DREAM Requiem for a Dream is wrong on every level. Okay, I know it’s a cult classic and the ultimate in cautionary tales; but describing it as brutal doesn’t even come close to the truth. I don’t want to give a spoiler alert, so I won’t divulge much; but my recommendation is “don’t watch it unless you need a very big reminder of why one should never do heroin.” BLOW If you’re trying to stay off blow, don’t watch Blow! This movie’s first 45 minutes are the fantasy of anyone who’s ever been seriously into cocaine. This is the dream of every cocaine addict – the money, the life, the glamour, the clothes. Even though the movie doesn’t end well, the place it takes your mind in the first hour is not a place for anyone in recovery. SID AND NANCY When I was younger, Sid and Nancy was one of my favorite movies. That says a lot, yes? It is a cult classic that depicts sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll in a sick, debauched way. Unfortunately, many recovering addicts are still a little sick and debauched – sometimes even in a good way. However, don’t let that get out of hand by thinking some of these scenes look good. I have never gone to the Chelsea Hotel; and, because of this movie, I never will. PARTY MONSTER This lesser-known movie starring McCauley Culkin is based on the real life of Michael Alig, a club kid and party promoter who ruled Manhattan’s downtown club scene in the early 1990s. The movie takes place in clubs such as the Limelight and The Tunnel, and that’s the problem for me – because I was there. I was a club kid during those years, and I went to those same clubs. I was just getting into it as Michael was getting out. I certainly didn’t hang in his crowd, but I was there. The realism makes this movie unwatchable for me. On a lighter note, Culkin gives an amazing performance.

MANY FACES ONE VOICE I

f you are in recovery and haven’t heard of Faces & Voices of Recovery (F&V), you need to. In the Spring 2015 issue of In Recovery Magazine, we ran a story about the recent F&V reorganization, partnership and merger with Young People in Recovery, the national movement with the mission of “[changing] the world so all young people in or seeking recovery are given the opportunity to become empowered.” For far too long, those most affected by alcohol or drug problems have been absent from the public policy debate. F&V’s groundbreaking training, Our Stories Have Power Recovery Community Messaging, has been used by tens of thousands of advocates to sharpen their skills as recovery communicators and to deliver strategic messages through the media, to both policymakers and the general public.

has been filled by sensationalized mass-media depictions of people in active addiction, which perpetuate a lurid fascination with the dysfunctional side of what is a preventable and treatable health condition. Just as women with breast cancer or people with HIV/AIDS, courageous addiction recovery advocates are starting to come out of the shadows to tell their inspiring stories. The moving message of The Anonymous People was told through the faces and voices of the leaders, corporate executives, celebrities and volunteers, who laid it all on the line to save the lives of others who are just like them. No member of a Twelve Step fellowship was identified as such in the film, and no footage was taken inside Twelve Step meetings. The Anonymous People team showed deep respect and admiration for the long-standing, beautiful Twelve Step Tradition Eleven of “. . . anonymity at the level of . . . film.” The project used lessons learned from The New Recovery Advocacy Movement to uphold this sacred trust, while presenting various perspectives of what this tradition means for people in recovery. It is an undeniable fact that recovery is bigger than any one particular pathway, and the issues that must be overcome together are bigger than any single component of recovery.

Hopefully, you have been fortunate enough to have seen the movie, The Anonymous People, released in 2013. This documentary film struck a deep chord with the recovery community. It is a groundbreaking movie about the 23.5 million Americans living in long-term recovery from addiction to alcohol and other drugs. Together with filmmaker Greg Williams, F&V launched a new campaign, ManyFaces1Voice.org, to advance the recovery movement. To this end, a new book has just come out called Many Faces, One Voice: Secrets from The Anonymous People, For decades, deeply entrenched social stigma and written by Bud Mikhitarian, a key member of Williams’ discrimination have kept recovery voices silent and documentary team. Published by Central Recovery Press, recovery faces hidden. The vacuum created by this silence Many Faces, One Voice is a behind-the-scenes account of 46

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Summer 2015

the making of Williams’ award-winning film and describes the 10,000 mile, two-year journey across America taken by the film crew in their search for the faces and voices of the New Recovery Advocacy Movement. The book has received high praise since its publication in May. Patrick Kennedy, former Congressman and founder of The Kennedy Forum, called it, “A moving, challenging and revealing portrait of the world of recovery today – and tomorrow.” Greg Williams, Bud Mikhitarian and Craig Mikhitarian, Director of Photography, captured over 110 hours of video, including exclusive interviews with more than 60 celebrities, politicians, recovery leaders and many other extraordinary individuals. The book gathers up the outtakes of the edited film – gems from the dark of the cutting room floor – and brings them to light, creating a compendium of stories and experiences that give added context and meaning to the film, The Anonymous People. Many Faces, One Voice is a vital record and testimony of the lives of brave people in recovery who have exposed their secrets to the light and are fighting to erase stigma and discrimination by publicly advocating for the millions of Americans suffering with addiction. Their inspiring and intimate stories are brutally honest, often breathtaking, and essential to understanding the success, the hope and the power of recovery. The book reveals some surprising discoveries the filmmakers made about addiction, recovery and themselves. Bud Mikhitarian describes what everyone, including so-called “normal” people, can learn from those who have achieved successful long-term recovery. He says, “The redemption, the values and accomplishments of these once-suffering people are to be admired; but beyond that, their recovery can inspire and teach all of us life-changing perspectives that have profound implications for broad social good.” Many Faces, One Voice is a collection of insights illuminated by vibrant faces and voices of recovery, which takes us along a journey of individual growth and, hopefully, to world change. Please join In Recovery Magazine and all the amazing folks who are excited about recovery in sharing, empowering and educating those who don’t understand this disease. Together, we will overcome the stigma! For more information on The Anonymous People movie and the book, Many Faces, One Voice, please visit manyfaces1voice.org/ about-the-film.php. Many Faces, One Voice: Secrets from The Anonymous People, published by Central Recovery Press, is available in paperback online and wherever books are sold.

A Journey of Mind, Body & Spirit Transforming Early Sobriety into Life Long Recovery p 90 Day Extended Care p Relapse Prevention p 12-Step Based p Co-Occurring Disorders p Trauma/PTSD p CBT/DBT/MI p Evidence Based Therapeutic Interventions p Physical Fitness and Outdoor Activities

CARBONDALE, COLORADO

970-445-0320

www.aspire-recovery.com

By Jenifer Madson

etween the call and wrap of the shooting for Between the Fall and Rise – a story about love, heroin and homelessness – I fell in love with the cast and crew of this film. In 2012, I started a nonprofit, Impact First Films (IFF), to provide grants and business coaching to filmmakers who were using their talents for social good. I never imagined that my first opportunity to do so would be with a group of people as gifted, focused and determined as the ones connected with this film. David Marroquin is both the director and one of the lead actors in the film. He began his acting studies as a young man, which eventually took him all the way to the prestigious Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London – a journey twice interrupted by bouts with cancer. After his second round of treatment, he sought a new career path and joined the Los Angeles Police Department. As an officer for the LAPD, David worked a regular beat on Skid Row. Each day he was face-to-face with the heartbreaking effects of substance abuse, homelessness and suicide. On patrol one day, he met a beautiful young woman named Ashley. He soon discovered she was addicted to heroin. Each time he saw her, his heart broke a little more. She had no place to live, and her body was showing the effects of her addiction. This and other interactions with people on Skid Row touched his heart and inspired him 48

to use his talents as a director and actor to draw greater awareness to these difficult subjects. With this vision in mind, David set out to assemble the funds, a cast and a crew to begin shooting the film. He found his leading lady, Mary Morales, who is a wonderful actress, singer and songwriter. Mary Morales relates that, “Our initial meeting stretched from two hours to almost nine; and at its conclusion, his short film had become our feature. My role expanded from actor to include writer/producer/casting director/composer and anything [else] within my ability . . . I was and remain all at once overwhelmed with purpose, anxious to provide my absolute best and privileged to be a part of this film.” Mary soon enlisted the help of her great friend, Dave Frederick, a veteran director of photography and camera operator for major films and television work, who quickly agreed to bring his exceptional skills to the table. And they told two people, who told two people, who told two more . . . and the project was born. While David was busy gathering his troops in Los Angeles, I was 1,000 miles away in Denver. I had no sooner launched IFF when my dreams were interrupted. After 20 years of marriage, my husband and I were getting a divorce.

The last thing I was prepared for was learning that my own daughter was struggling with alcohol and substance abuse problems.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

However, you know how it is with a dream; when it’s deep and real, you can’t really shake it. I knew I had to be content to let my dream for IFF lay dormant for a while. I had faith that when I was ready to pick up the mantle of that vision again, I would be led to do the next right thing. I had just pulled myself up and recommitted to my mission when my long-time friend, Dave Frederick, the aforementioned camera professional, told me about Between the Fall and Rise. Soon after researching the project, I connected with David Marroquin. We began to explore the possibilities of collaboration. Struck by David’s sincere resolve to tell this story, I became very excited to help with this project. All the while, I knew IFF had next to no funds to offer. However, I also knew that finding this project was no accident; I would just have to figure out how to fund the project and to at least get them through the final filming and editing phase. I reached out to my Facebook community and invited people to join my coaching group in which I would, for a fee, shepherd their amazing personal stories into book or blog form. This approach raised half the money needed to complete the project. The other half came through donations from exceptionally generous people in my network and beyond – people who have also been moved by the vision for this film. Fast forward one short month . . . I found myself on the set for the final filming of Between the Fall and Rise. I had awarded them a financial grant and project coaching as IFF’s first grantee. From the moment I hit the set, the entire cast and crew embraced me as one of their own, as though it had always been so. They allowed me to help in whatever capacity I could. They made countless decisions each step of the way to ensure a perfectly-captured shot. When one shot was

completed, they started the process all over again as afternoon turned to evening, evening into night and on into the wee hours of the morning. The crew was determined to do the job well, for all the right reasons. The heart they put into their artistry and their craft captivated me. We filmed right in the middle of downtown Los Angeles. This area provided a steady parade of people suffering the ravages of addiction, mental illness and homelessness. As I viewed so many people in so much pain, I became very mindful of how my own past abuse of drugs and alcohol could have easily taken me down that same devastating path; I was overwhelmed. We wrapped filming at 2:00 am. It took about two more hours to settle down and decompress. The effects of the day finally caught up with me; I slept like a baby until it was time to fly home. Dragging myself into my apartment, I felt more physically spent and emotionally fulfilled than I had in a very long time. The day after wrapping up the film, I was more determined than ever to help this project cross the finish line and succeed — not only for our sake, but for the sake of those we might serve in the process. This extraordinary group of people took on very difficult subjects, treated them with utmost respect and with the knowledge that any awareness raised through watching Between the Fall and Rise could change someone’s life for the better, forever. I know it changed mine. Jenifer Madson is an award-winning author, speaker and success coach who has helped people from all walks of life – from at-risk youth to Fortune 100 executives – awaken to their highest potential. Her books include A Financial Minute: From Money Madness to Financial Freedom, One Minute at a Time, Living the Promises: Coming to Life on the Road to Recovery and Head to Heart. You may contact her on her website jenifermadson.com. To learn more about the movie, visit BetweenTheFallAndRise on Facebook.

“It has been my experience in getting to know many homeless and addicted individuals that everyone has a story to tell and desperately wants to be loved, validated and accepted. My hope is that this film will bridge the gap that keeps the marginalized in the blind spot of our communities. I hope to inspire people to give back by volunteering their time at local homeless service programs, [to] donating money to programs that have permanent supportive housing and to increase education about addiction, homelessness, suicide and the importance of seeking help.” – David Marroquin

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

BodyTalk: By Victoria Abel

Love Your Liver

ou don’t have to love liver; you just have to love your liver. The liver is one of the organs in the body most damaged by chronic drug and alcohol use; the impact is immense. But the good news is that the liver is very forgiving.

of the liver. If you smoke, the body needs extra vitamin C. You can eat whole foods high in vitamin C such as red bell peppers, broccoli, kiwi, dark leafy greens like kale, cooked tomatoes and citrus fruit. You can also take a high quality vitamin C supplement.

The liver is one of the most important organs in the human body. It detoxifies, helps break down fats, helps in the production of hormones and so much more. Many people know the liver is responsible for cleansing the blood, an essential job during detox – at any given time, ten percent of your blood is actually in the liver itself.

Glutathione is one of the most important detoxifying amino acids in the liver. Supplements are available, but it is more beneficial to eat foods that supply a natural form of this amino acid. Asparagus, avocado, walnuts, meats and fish are rich in glutathione. It is recommended that you eat good quality red meats – spend the extra money for grass-fed beef.

One of the tasks of the liver is to produce bile, dark green to yellowish-brown fluid responsible for the breakdown of fats. If treated well, the liver generates bile which is then stored in the gall bladder. After eating fats, bile breaks them down so they don’t become stored in the liver or the body. It is easier to maintain overall health and a healthy weight without excess bodily fat. The liver is located under the right rib. For many alcoholics and addicts, the liver can be so damaged that it is sore to the touch. Each time alcohol or drugs are consumed, a tiny bit of scar tissue is produced. In people who abuse substances, the liver can be overwhelmed and can become inflamed. This inflammation may lead to cirrhosis and liver cancers. However, for most people, the liver can be healed and fortified by eating proper foods and using supplements. Drinking water is one of the most powerful practices we can implement to clean up and clear the liver. Help your liver by not adding toxins to the water, such as artificial flavorings and colorings. Many believe that drinking up to one gallon of water a day will flush toxins from the body and maintain overall liver health. Adding a slice of fresh lemon or another citrus fruit is a simple way to add flavor to water and improve the production of bile, especially first thing in the morning. B complex vitamins are quite important to the liver. These particular vitamins help detoxify the body from alcohol and caffeine. Examples of vitamin B rich foods are nutritional yeast (try it on popcorn – trust me!), dark leafy vegetables, organic dairy products, lentils, nuts, whole eggs, chicken, fish and meat. Vitamin C is also essential for overall health and support 50

Cruciferous vegetables such as broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts and kale are very helpful in detoxing the body. These vegetables may be easily consumed in stir-fry dishes, salads or daily smoothies. Fresh parsley and cilantro cleanse your blood. Add both to guacamole or even use the stems in your juice or smoothies. Cranberry and pomegranate juice help your liver metabolize fats effectively. Cranberry juice cocktail is not the same as plain cranberry juice. The cocktail version has a very high sugar content and often contains other fruit juices. Pomegranate juice, such as the POM brand, is actually very good for you and tastes great when added to any sparkling mineral water, such as Pellegrino. Beets, too, are very helpful for the liver – try them juiced, grated raw in a salad or roasted with olive oil and garlic. Dandelion root and green tea are also beneficial to the liver. Remember to exercise; sweating releases toxins and encourages bowel movements. Skin brushing with a natural bristle brush allows the skin to shed these toxins more easily. During the first year of recovery, avoid cleanses and fasts. Detoxifications that are too rapid can actually cause damage to a vulnerable liver. If you incorporate some of the foods that are mentioned above, your liver may regenerate and heal along with the rest of you. Victoria Abel, MA, MNT, is the founder and owner of the Center for Addiction Nutrition. She has worked in the addiction counseling field as a family, primary and trauma therapist for 20 years. She is also a nutrition and eating disorders therapist working with people healing from addiction, mood disorders, cancer and other chronic illnesses. She lectures nationally on addiction nutrition and teaches at Prescott College in Prescott, Arizona.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

“Healing relationships with food.” Develop and present nutritional programs and educational lectures at treatment centers. One on one nutritional consultation, meal planning, weight management, and assessment for disordered eating. Nutrition and supplementation to ease detox, stabilize mood and reduce cravings. Instruction on budgeting, shopping and cooking.

TESTIMONIAL

“Victoria helped me to manage the daily struggles of meal planning and grocery shopping - the mundane tasks we all must do. I am grateful for those things but am mostly grateful for the caring way in which she operates. I have lived in so much shame for as long as I can remember regarding anything to do with food. Victoria let me cry and was always genuinely interested in what was going on with me. We would talk about the things that seemed to have nothing to do with food but in fact were leading me to binge, purge, or starve myself. Victoria has been an incredible light in my life - she was always so accepting of me - no matter if I had a good or bad food week.” See the last February, 2014 issue of the New York Times and the Summer, 2014 issue of In Recovery Magazine for more informaton on CAN Nutrition and Recovery.

Victoria Abel MA, MNT, CAN

vabel@cannutrition.com www.centerforaddictionnutrition.com

Bill W. and Dr. Bob Play By Glenn Dodson

t is difficult to imagine trying to get sober with the support of only one friend or acquaintance who has been through it. And with a support group that is totally religious (the Oxford Group) – well, that’s not always something an alcoholic can stomach. No Twelve Step-based treatment centers, no Twelve Step meetings and no halfway houses to be had, and few, if any, other recovering alcoholics for support. This was the experience of both Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith as portrayed in the play, Bill W. and Dr. Bob, by Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey. Many people in the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program know the story, but seeing it come to life on stage is a new experience. The play enacts the story of Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith and how they went from addiction to recovery. It reveals how Bill W. was introduced to sobriety by Ebby Thatcher and his involvement in the Oxford Group, how Bill met Dr. Bob and helped him get sober, and how the two of them tried to help other alcoholics. Bill W. and Dr. Bob eventually met Billy Dotson, who later became the third AA member. Bill W. and Dr. Bob is a moving play about the triumph of the human spirit, and about relationships and divine connections. As the two actresses playing Lois Wilson and Anne Smith pointed out to me during our first production, it is a love story. Through these two characters, we catch a glimpse of how Al-Anon may have started. Like so many AA meetings, this play gives viewers a chance to laugh a little at themselves, perhaps to cry a little, but most of all, to feel. There are many touching moments – from Bill’s helpless, desperate admission to Lois that he doesn’t know why he can’t just stop drinking to Dr. Bob’s amends to Anne for all the pain he’s caused her. My favorite scene is of Bill W. at the Mayflower Hotel in Akron, Ohio. He’d been in town a few days; his business deal had gone south; and he was just about to take that first drink – yet again. But God gave Bill what I believe God gives us all – a moment of clarity. In that moment, Bill realized he had to talk with another alcoholic in order to stay sober. Instead of drinking, he made some phone calls; much like my sponsor has so often reminded me to do. Only Bill wasn’t calling other alcoholics in recovery, he was

trying to reach out to another drunk. As a result of those calls, he ended up meeting Dr. Bob; and, as they say, the rest is history. In 2012, I had been sober eight years. Since 2002, I’d been acting and involved in all aspects of theatre in several venues around Houston. I began directing in 2012, and that’s when I found the Bill W. and Dr. Bob play. I had known the basic story about how Bill W. got sober and then how he helped Dr. Bob get sober, but I didn’t know a play had been written about their story. I ordered the script from the publisher; and when I read it, I immediately felt a strong calling from God to produce the play. Somehow, I knew God had been preparing me for years to produce a play about recovery. With encouragement from my wife and my sponsor, I set out to do just that. It was difficult, challenging, time-consuming; and there were times I didn’t think I’d get it done. But in my mind I kept hearing the words, If not me, then who? If not now, then when? Six performances were planned over three weekends in June 2013. We rented a small Houston theatre that seats about 130 people. Ticket prices were kept low in order to attract many people through the doors. We had a great opening weekend, and by the next weekend the remaining four performances were sold out. We contacted the publisher and got the rights to do one more performance, which also sold out. The audience responses were tremendous. We received many requests to do the play again the following year. As I had not broken even on the first production, I wasn’t sure about doing it again; however, we decided to go ahead and produce the play this past May. We held ten very successful performances in the same theatre; this time we made a profit. We were pleased to donate our proceeds to The 24 Hour Club and A Way Out Women’s Center, two local nonprofit detox centers for indigent people. Today, I am humbled; and I consider it a real privilege and honor to have been asked to produce the Bill W. and Dr. Bob play for performance in Atlanta, Georgia, during the week of the 2015 International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

Our acting company and crew are very excited about this opportunity. If you appreciate a moving, poignant and at times humorous story, or if you just want a glimpse of what it was like for these two men during the early years of AA, come and see our play. To produce Bill W. and Dr. Bob in your city or country, contact the authors at sshem@comcast.net. Glenn Dodson developed his passion for the theatre in high school. He lives in Houston, Texas, where he is a theatre actor, director and producer. He has had many different roles in over 40 theatrical productions and has been directing plays since 2012. During the AA Convention week of July 2-5, the Bill W. and Dr. Bob play will be performed in the Rialto Theatre near the Georgia Dome and the Convention Center in Atlanta, Georgia.

Did you know that . . . Ebby Thacher was sober only six weeks when he made the Twelve Step call to Bill W. while staying at Reverend Shoemaker’s Calvary Mission? He had only 20 cents – the subway and pay phone were a nickel each, as was a beer. Thacher was well read, a fact that is often overlooked. He spent a great deal of time with Bill W. from December 1934 through April 1937, even staying in Bill’s home at times. He shared several books with Bill, including William James’ Varieties of Religious Experience and The Common Sense of Drinking by Richard Rogers Peabody. Thacher had been active in AA in Texas and had seven years sober. Then he relapsed over a relationship and a job. He first sought help at the High Watch Farm, which was founded in 1940 and was the first alcoholic rehabilitation health farm in the country. He later moved to the McPike Farm in upstate New York. He had two years sober when he died from severe emphysema.

Restoring Men’s Lives Since 1988 Our commitment is providing a nurturing and therapeutic environment to our clients compounded with clinical care and services that serve to build a foundation for long-term recovery. This commitment comes with a firm foundation of belief in recovery of the mind, spirit, and body.

Learn More | 1.866.425.4673 | prescotthouse.net 214 N. Arizona Ave, Prescott, AZ 86301

The Theater of Recovery

he greatest gift I received in my recovery was the return of my ability to be creative and productive as an artist. I began writing as a youngster and continued throughout my teens. I lettered in high school drama and received a senior theatre award; I was a theatre major in college. All the while, I wrote poetry and short plays. At age 19, I wrote my first script, which I entered it into the annual Utah Sundance Young Playwrights’ Competition. I was too old to win, but was invited to visit the 1988 playwright workshop at Sundance. It was thrilling, and I looked forward to a career in theatre and dreamed of Broadway. I wrote seven or eight scripts during my early twenties. A few of them were produced locally. One play, Ritual Killings, was about recovering from child sexual abuse and was produced at the University of Utah Lab Theatre. But alas, alcohol and drugs were beginning to tighten their grip around my throat, and my talent waned. Eventually my addictions stole it all away. My creativity vanished for 15 years. I vividly remember lying by a pool in Maui at age 36 with my mixed drink, thinking of Tennessee Williams’ essay called “The Streetcar Called Success.” This essay was about living to create art, while not allowing money and fame to corrupt the artist. I wasn’t rich or famous, but I already felt the failure of not using my gift; and I prayed to get it back. That was two years before it occurred to me to get sober. As with many women, I had hit bottom fairly quickly and painfully. I began my recovery on November 14, 2005. My writing instantly became a recovery tool. I wrote in journals for the first two years, hoping to someday have a computer and a real life. I am blessed with a psychiatric diagnosis. During my active addiction, my diagnosis was suicidal depression; in recovery I am labeled with schizoaffective disorder. The difference is that today, as a sober woman, my diagnosis is just part of my creative artistry. 54

By Cynthia W. In 2010, when I had five years sober, I published my first book of poetry, Kindergarten for Grown Ups, under the pseudonym Pinuppoet. My second book, The Smoke of Surrender, was published in 2012 using my real name. Unfortunately, because I made the mistake of allowing it to be published at no cost to me, the publisher kept all the profits. Without any material success, I still felt like a creative failure. Despite this feeling, I continued to work on a third manuscript, as well as on my play, Waiting for the Pizza Guy. I also completed a play called Higher Powers and Privilege. This play was so gravely personal that I knew I would have difficulty seeing it produced. In 2013, I thought about entering it in a local new plays competition, but I decided to move to Oahu, Hawaii, for an opportunity to further my career. A month later, I was assaulted; and my life was filled with tremendous emotional turmoil. I believe artists are given especially interesting lives to draw upon as they create. I clung deeply to my Higher Power during this difficult time. Based on this personal experience, I conceived of a new play with allusions to Harper Lee’s famous novel, To Kill a Mockingbird. It was to include a civil rights trial of the rape of a white disabled person by a black disabled person. In my play, the system of care for mentally ill people is the entity on trial. Also on trial is the prevailing societal attitude that people with psychiatric diagnoses cause harm to the innocent and deserve the crimes inflicted upon them, if one presumes a link between mental illness and violence. After regaining my sanity a year later, I entered my play Waiting for the Pizza Guy in the Leeward Theatre PlayBuilders’ 3rd Annual Festival of Original Plays. I was privileged to have my play selected for a staged reading performed in May of 2014. Though I felt the play still needed additional work, this strengthened my belief that I was on the right path.

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As it is said in the last line of Waiting for the Pizza Guy, “All things come in time.” This is both fortunately and unfortunately true. As I look toward the future and continue my creative work, I write my truth through the utilization of metaphors – I live in Metaphorville. I will continue to write as my creativity unfolds. I attend Twelve Step meetings regularly, have a sponsor, work the Steps and keep busy with service work. I am the literature chairperson and secretary of a beginners meeting. I am a Certified Peer Specialist, which allows me to work in the mental health field, particularly with people who have experienced trauma. I am truly blessed. Yes, all things do come in time.

Meditation

Beneath the Surface By Mike Lyding

I was the best mom my disease would let me be. Rita T. Consider the iceberg – only about ten percent of it is visible above the ocean waves. It is not the ten percent above the waterline that sinks ships. The Titanic went down because the hidden 90 percent of the iceberg below the waterline ruptured the ship’s hull. Imagine that our relationships before recovery were like the visible ten percent of this iceberg. However, unlike the Titanic iceberg, what was beneath the surface was not harmful – it was our true self, the truth of our being. In this 90 percent resided our self-esteem and the sense that we were precious to our Creator. When we make amends in Step Nine, we tend to believe we are somehow atoning for the negative actions we have taken, for the hurt we have caused our loved ones. This is an important aspect of this step – the relationship is improved by our frankness, and the process likewise improves us. However, let’s also consider another possible facet of making amends. What if we have the image of the iceberg in mind as we approach a loved one with our amends? Part of our amends may then include telling this person how, in learning more about the part of us that “lies beneath the waves,” we have come to appreciate our relationship with this person in a deeper way. We now see them and our relationship from the perspective of self-esteem and preciousness – both our own self-esteem and preciousness, but also their esteem and preciousness. The more we are able to impart our awareness of their preciousness, the more meaningful the amends process will be.

Remember, they will know if our walk matches our talk. Mike Lyding was born in 1945 in Phoenix, Arizona. Since becoming sober in December 1993, he has been drawn to prayer and meditation. At age 58, while meditating, he discovered he had a desire to write. So far, the result has been two daily meditation books primarily for the recovering communities, Grateful Not Smug (2006) and Gratitude a Verb (2009).

Summer 2015

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y name is Mario Street. Today, I bring a message of recovery and hope to the world with my music. It hasn’t always been like this for me, but I discovered it’s never too late to change – I’m no special case. My irresponsible mistakes ultimately created my testimony. My single mother and my grandparents raised me. I watched my mom struggle to work two and three jobs just to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. As a child, I was surrounded by love and pushed to go after what I wanted. Early on I developed a passion for music. In high school, I wanted to feel powerful. I believe I also subconsciously wanted to fill the empty spot where my father should have been. So I headed for the streets and soon became involved with the Black Mafia where I was introduced to all sorts of crime and punishment. I was arrested over 70 times, shot twice (once dying on the scene), jailed and imprisoned – I went through it all and in the process my music was put on a back burner. As if all that wasn’t enough, I became strung out on the same drugs I once sold. This led me to homelessness and all sorts of unsavory situations. It began with 22 ounces of beer – that feeling of numbness was so addicting, I made it part of my daily routine. I fit in and felt comfortable when I was intoxicated. Of course, that 22 ounces of beer didn’t continue to have the same effect; I had to drink more and more to achieve the same result. I had a long stint of drinking myself comfortable with the street life. I had always turned down the opportunity to smoke weed. Then one day while cruising the town with three other guys in the backseat of a Chevy Caprice, I gave in to temptation and hit the blunt, weed wrapped in cigar paper. This feeling was very different than the beer

buzz I was used to, but I so enjoyed this new sensation that I added pot to my daily consumption. For years I was on the streets getting drunk, high and gang-banging before trying cocaine. I first smoked cocaine in a laced cigarette, then snorted it, then smoked crack cocaine. After that, I was willing to try anything I could get my hands on. I was addicted to getting high, period. Weed, cocaine, crack, heroin, PCP, acid, mushrooms and more entered my system during my active addiction. There was no place for hope or music – my addiction had taken all of that away. It wasn’t until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired that I was ready to put forth the effort to become the man I am today. I was in jail, yet again, on another charge. But this time, I would not be getting out of it as I had several times before. I remember praying in my cell with tears pouring down my face, God, if I have a purpose, please show me! I was at the point of wanting to either do better or die. Lying there that night, I looked at the metal of the bunk above me; I felt a sort of peace I hadn’t felt since I was a child. The next morning everything seemed so different – the conversations I used to take part in now sounded stupid. All I heard were people blaming their circumstances on everybody else, taking absolutely no responsibility for their current situations. Needless to say, my conversations with others in jail became shorter and shorter. I started to read, pray and participate in anything productive that was offered to me. When I received a sentence to attend Drug Court with probation and time served, my time in jail came to an end. I had begged for this chance. Now it was right in

By Mario Street 56

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front of me, so I hit the ground running. I completed drug court without any dirty tests, without any violations and in one year flat – just as I was supposed to. While in Drug Court, I did not surround myself with the people who were in it with me. I searched for people who had what I wanted – long-term clean time. For me that meant multiple years clean. For the first one and a half to two years sober, I attended recovery events and meetings almost every day in search of these people. I involved myself in giving back what I was receiving through the Twelve Steps; that amazing circle of giving and receiving was such a gift. I found a group of people who encouraged me to develop my talents – and my music reemerged as I healed. Today, I continue to give back, keep a strong faith and progress. I have found my worth and my purpose in life. For almost eight years now, I have been speaking R O S E H O U S in E C the O L Onews, R A D Oon .COM T T H E R OinS schools, E H O U Sat E government conferences, the radio – sharing the message to anyone who will L o c a t e d ilisten. n As I bring my story and my hip-hop music to I strive to be an instrument of joy, e r C o u n t y people C o l o r a dworldwide, o peace and love. With my music, speaking engagements 2 0 . 3 5 2 . 1 6and 2 3 a loving way with words on social networks, I am people all over the world with my message of 1 7 . 3 0 8 . 8 6reaching 83 hope. x 303.494.1783 As the owner of IMPACT Recordz, I am leading O. Box 270416 the “Royal Music Movement” around the world. s v i l l e , C OI 8 0am 0 2 7 confident this movement will reach many. stands for Irresponsible Mistakes Proven o u s e c o l o r aI.M.P.A.C.T. do.com As Creative Testimony. My team and I are passionately implementing every bit of our vision. Look for us online, on TV, in movies, on the radio and in shows. If you support change, hope and making a difference overall, please support our movement. C O N TA C T THE ROSE HOUSE We cannot just continue to talk – change takes action. L o c a tto e d make in We are sharing our art with others a positive B o u l d e r C o u n t y Colorado change in the world. 720.352.1623 Stop waiting! It’s never too late to find your purpose 617.308.8683 and achieve greatness. Fax 303.494.1783

O. Box 270416 You can hear Mario Street’s music atP.mariostreet.com.

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Summer 2015

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I WANTED TO BE

By Alicia Gargaro-Magaña

Star

orn and raised in Hollywood, movie palaces were my churches and old movie stars, my angels. When I first saw the luminescent Myrna Loy as Nora Charles open her apartment door to welcome her guests with a tray full of cocktails in The Thin Man, I said, “That’s what I want to be when I grow up!” And so it began . . .

After wrapping the film, I was hired to produce on Deepak Chopra’s early website, MyPotential.com. We had a genuinely terrific year building an innovative and progressive website – but then the dot.com bust happened in 2001, and all these potentially marvelous websites closed. I went bust with them.

I’ve always loved the movies. I started the film club at my high school and later spent a summer at Northwestern University studying radio, TV and film. While working in the publicity department at the renowned Crown Publishers, I attended and graduated from film school at New York University. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my entire life: to write, work in film, be a movie star – never an actress – no, I wanted to be a movie STAR! and a studio head – I wanted it all. I was certainly headed in the right direction.

At age 35, just to make ends meet, I was struggling to write articles on perfect pesto for cooking magazines while all my friends were becoming high-powered studio executives. I drank at night and was hungover during the day, unable to get my feet on the ground. By this point, I saw only darkness; I didn’t care anymore. For the first time, I understood what it meant to want to die, to actually think, If I weren’t on this planet, it wouldn’t really matter.

Over the years, I’ve worked at most of the major studios: Columbia, TriStar, Universal, Fox and Disney. I relished my life in the industry as I partied with my associates after work. It was the 1990s – we went out; we smoked cigarettes in the studio offices; we drank at lunch to relieve our hangovers from the night before; and we did it day after day after day. Then I decided I was going to make documentary films. Only I didn’t. I became what we refer to in this showbusiness industry – a freelance worker. I spent most of my free time drinking with other freelancers like me. I started temping, which thankfully led me to be hired by Universal Studios for three marvelous years. Then a friend of mine suggested I be hired as assistant to the producers on the Academy Award-winning What Dreams May Come starring the incomparable Robin Williams. Making that film was sheer magnificence. Production was on Treasure Island in San Francisco. We had a great crew who liked to celebrate after each and every long, shoot day. We rolled onto the set each morning to film heaven and earth; and we did it for one long, extraordinary summer. 58

On August 22, 2002, after attending a friend’s birthday dinner, I was arrested for drunk driving. As I left jail the next day, I knew I couldn’t drink again. I went to my first Twelve Step meeting two days later and my life changed – forever. When faced with my sober self for the first time, I began to learn the miracle of who I really am. I found I could manifest my true potential. I had direction and perseverance. When I was hungover, I could only hope for shots of tequila to get me through the day. When newly sober, to get through the day I found I could pick myself up by my bootstraps and just keep on walking – even when I couldn’t bear the thought of once more putting one foot in front of the other. All my past experiences have brought me to where I am today. I keep it simple, go to at least four meetings a week, and practice prayer and meditation every day and night. My commitments at meetings and my wonderful sponsor help me keep on track. I am of service to my community and to my three sponsees, who inspire me each time we connect. I stay in action and gratitude. In 2004, a friend from the MyPotential days asked me to

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Summer 2015

join him at the award-winning production company, World of Wonder. Since then, I have worked on many marvelous projects with them and other production companies. I have remained sober and grateful. I was a producer on the documentary, Tammy Faye: Death Defying, about the lovely Tammy Faye Bakker Messner as she battled cancer. I have produced and worked on several well-known reality series, including American Idol and the award-winning RuPaul’s Drag Race. These are documentaries – real life projects. In addition, I started my own production and publishing company, Pictures of Los Angeles, Inc. Each week I write a blog; and I have published my first novel, Miss Fancy Pants, the story of one drunken girl’s journey from darkness into light. My dreams are being realized, and I have only begun to reach my potential. I do not in the least “regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” My time drinking was amusing and adventurous; but in the end it was dark, and I lost my way. Today, I am grateful to share my experience, strength and hope with those walking this path with me. I am not alone. I have an amazing family and a wonderful husband who is a television editor. We are all “free to be you and me.” We are graced with the strength to power-up, suit-up, show-up and stir-it-up. As in the movies, we create magic in recovery by turning the spotlight on and projecting our beautiful lives for all to see – The Best Picture, ever. Alicia Gargaro-Magaña is a writer and producer in Los Angeles, California. Miss Fancy Pants is her first book with more to follow soon. Her blog may be read at aliciagargaromagana.com.

the Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

By Edward R.

uring this past year, I have learned about my power and a power that is greater than myself. Just over a year ago, in tears, I promised my wife I would never touch heroin or any other drug ever again. I meant it with all my heart and soul. A lie detector test would have proven I was telling the truth. I had just gotten out of a detox and had exchanged numbers with one of the other clients. That same evening, he called and asked me to pick him up for a meeting. So, no problem, right? I tell my wife I’m picking up another addict to go to a meeting. The guy gets in my car with loaded syringes ready; and there was no second thought, let alone a first thought. Within moments, I was high – this after truly believing I would never use again. That night, I really learned the definition of my powerlessness. Subsequently, I had two weeks of cheap hotels and living in my car before I ended up in another detox, then two halfway houses. Many of us have been on this journey; this was definitely not my first time. At one point, I had almost five years clean and sober. However, for the past several years I’d been struggling to put together any clean time despite having been in countless detoxes, halfway houses and rehabs. The obsession for drugs always dogged me. It was the patient devil. I could quit, but I just could not stay clean. While I was in the second halfway house, something amazing and profound occurred. I had to sleep on the floor with ten other guys, trying to avoid the roaches – there was a lot to complain about. Yet something struck me. I was in the shower praying because it was the only place

I could find some peace and quiet. I suddenly felt peace wash over me, then felt completely broken. I let all my feelings out – all my sorrow, pain and despair. I gave it all over to God. I stepped out of that shower a free man. Everything was not going to be alright. Everything was alright! I felt joy – joy I had not felt in five long years. This was both a cleansing and an awakening. With proper action, to this day, my obsession with drugs is gone. For the previous two years, I had been working as a film and TV extra. I’d been trying to make it as an actor, but with no luck. As an extra, you are sometimes treated pretty harshly, which can shake your self-esteem; and I was already pretty good at beating myself up. I had to take action if I were to progress in life and in my Twelve Step program. I was at a standstill with acting. I needed to take action – to make a plan. There is a lot of idle time on set during which extras talk, read or text. I realized I had other options; I could be working while working – progressing in some way. I felt I was capable of writing a good screenplay, so why not write during those long hours on set. I wanted to be an actor, so I could even cast myself! Thus my plan was born. I learned how to write properly; it was actually quite easy. The only problem was I didn’t have a story. I wanted to write about something that would make a difference. After several ideas didn’t pan out, I decided to write about something near to my heart. Two words stuck out – recovery and redemption. I started brainstorming my dark comedy, putting characters

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Summer 2015

together while writing both on set and at home. The lead character was easy because he was based on me. The hero would be a guy who had 20 years of addiction and depression and was always getting into some kind of trouble, a man who was always wondering why the hell he was put on this earth during which time he was also numbing himself so as to not have to actually think about it — an existential mid-life crisis. To make my screenplay more exciting, I added the mob, an execution gone wrong and changing identities; but I remained true to the core principles of recovery and redemption. Much of the story is grounded in the altruistic fundamentals I learned in recovery.

Everything was not going to be alright. Everything was alright! I felt joy – joy I had not felt in five long years. After I finished the screenplay, The Grand Prince of Moscow, I began working with a director. Due to the complexity of the story, we decided it should be a series. To shop the series around to the networks, we shot a full episode for the pilot. Unfortunately, the director wanted the focus to be violence and drug use, not recovery and redemption – more like Breaking Bad. I refused to go along with his idea. He was furious; consequently he kept all the footage, and even hijacked and shut down our Facebook page. I was devastated; I’d put a lot of work and passion into this project. Despite the director’s actions, I stood my ground. I pieced together a trailer with footage he had shared with me and put it on the web. People loved it. My script had started quite a buzz in my hometown. Those in the local acting community, particularly the extras, were fascinated; it was unheard of for someone to move out of the background into the production section of the industry. All of a sudden, I found myself being invited to private producer parties and show openings. While working background on a set, I met an amazing guy, Kevin, who agreed to become my coproducer. My new Facebook site was blowing up – hundreds of likes and posts each day. The Grand Prince of Moscow had grabbed people’s attention, and the trailer was quite popular. Meanwhile, I knew I had to find a new director for the series. Kevin and I began scouting through a production site and set up some interviews. We interviewed several experienced and talented directors – directors who were willing to work without pay, knowing the payoff would be a network pickup. We selected a 30-year veteran director, a four-time Emmy award winner and Telly winner. This man was drawn to the production’s theme of recovery and redemption. If I had not stood behind my convictions, this might never have happened. Summer 2015

We finished an eight-minute episodic teaser with a full crew and with the same kind of cameras used on the film Gravity. I made the mistake of holding the shoot on the lower floor of my Twelve Step clubhouse. Due to the raucous applause upstairs, we could only film between chips being handed out. We have recently begun filming a pilot episode; and when it is finished, we will be able to shop the series to networks. The Grand Prince of Moscow now has over 25,000 Facebook likes, as well as 20,000 Twitter and 1,200 Instagram followers. We have had over 1,000 audition submissions, and our email is filled with more. It’s ironic; I’m even getting my own acting auditions and have become quite popular as an extra. Everything is going well, and I’m so grateful to God and the Twelve Step program. For me, the Step Nine Promises are coming to fruition in my life. Even if this project doesn’t work out, I am happy I have had this film opportunity. Many people don’t get this far and sadly, some don’t even attempt to start. Everything is not going to be alright; everything is alright! Edward R. is currently working in the TV and film industry in Atlanta, Georgia. The Grand Prince of Moscow is his first script. He is the writer, the producer and plays the lead role of Abel Vaslov. He may be contacted by email at princeofmoscowfilm@gmail.com, at twitter.com/ MoscowPrince, on facebook.com/grandprinceofmoscowtheseries and instagram.com/grandprinceofmoscow. You may view his project’s information at youtube.com/grandprinceofmoscow.

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By Saleem Noorali We will develop and cultivate the liberation of mind by loving kindness, make it our vehicle, make it our basis, stabilize it, exercise ourselves in it and fully perfect it. Siddhartha Gautama Buddha

ddicts in psychotherapy are often ambivalent about whether they are ready to act compassionately, even if their own recovery depends upon it. I have found in my practice that many clients feel a deep desire to reach out to someone compassionately, but that they are afraid to do so. They are often so engrossed in the shame and self-doubt that have defined their experience that they feel unworthy or unready to reach out. Many feel unsteady and uncentered in the present moment. Because they are keeping themselves under close and constant scrutiny, addicts may feel they do not have the capacity to express true compassion. Recovery can be difficult, and there are often no easy answers. Yet understanding compassion and practicing it every day can have a positive and lasting impact on the lives of recovering addicts. After years of reflecting on my own experiences as a therapist and a human being, I formulated a therapy style called Compassion Attentiveness. This technique engages both the therapist and client in a compassionate process that begins with empathy. The therapist must feel and embrace the client’s pain and suffering as if it were her own. If the therapist does not understand what is compounding her ailing client’s struggles, she cannot provide adequate treatment. The client must also learn to activate her inner compassion by focusing on the struggles of others and, at the same time, taking her focus away from her own pain. Through compassionate attentiveness, the client will learn to be more empathetic. That empathy can create a bridge to her own recovery.

Before moving further, I would like to define compassion as it would be used in this therapeutic approach. Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” More broad definitions include aspects of caring for another person’s happiness and attempting to alleviate another’s suffering. However, I would propose that compassionate attitudes should not be limited to feelings and behaviors that we exhibit toward other humans. Compassion, even if directed toward animals or ghosts of our past, can create inner joy, healing and satisfaction. The Inspiration for Compassion Attentiveness Therapy Those who see all creatures in themselves and themselves in all creatures know no fear. - Upanishads While I have always believed that compassion is an important element of my professional and personal life, there was one specific instance that broadened my perspective on compassion. A few years ago, a bee fell in the pool in which I was swimming. My first response was to move away from it, but I could not help glancing back at the struggling bee. It could not fly because it could not get any traction. It became more and more difficult for me to watch the bee’s struggle. Finally, I scooped up the creature with both hands and let the water trickle down through my fingers. Within a few seconds, the bee found traction and flew away. This was a simple act of kindness. Even though much time has passed, the feeling I experienced that day is as powerful and real now as it was then. My act of compassion instantly lifted my mood. How Does Compassion Attentiveness Therapy Work? Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek. – His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama When clients seek help, I encourage them to embrace their pain and to be unafraid of their suffering. We then begin the stage of the journey that includes small acts of kindness. Clients perform these acts for friends, family members and even strangers. Soon after beginning Compassion Attentiveness Therapy, the clients’ shame and guilt are replaced by self-worth and self-esteem. They now see themselves as helpers rather than victims.

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Summer 2015

Although addiction is traumatic and painful, feelings of loneliness and victimization dissipate after compassion opens clients’ eyes to a new world of empowerment and happiness. When using Compassion Attentiveness, the therapist navigates clients through difficult emotions, encouraging them to see their own loving nature. This approach allows the clients’ outward-facing compassion to reflect back onto themselves. As the process of individuation ensues, clients become more aware of their selfcompassion.

SAVE THE DATE Saturday September 19

EXPO 2015

Addicts in psychotherapy are often ambivalent about whether they are ready to act compassionately, even if their own recovery depends upon it. Although this therapeutic style yields wonderful benefits, many beginning in Compassion At-tentiveness Therapy are very fearful of turning attention away from themselves. However, they quickly realize that this fear naturally falls away in the process. As therapy progresses, the therapist becomes a partner rather than a healer. This aligns the goals of the therapist and the client. They both desire to serve each other and those around them; they become a mirror for one another. Practicing Compassion: The Beginning and the End of the Journey On this path, effort never goes to waste; and there is no failure. Even a little effort toward spiritual awareness will protect you from the greatest fear. - Bhagavad Gita As I watch my clients change their daily habits to support a compassionate lifestyle, I see other aspects of their character developing in a positive direction. Various features of maturity and wisdom arise as they come to understand the suffering of others. They essentially reverse the Golden Rule – they treat themselves the way they have learned to treat others. All in all, practicing compassion allows individuals to understand that their own relief and freedom may come by alleviating the pain of others. Saleem Noorali has been practicing psychotherapy for over two decades. He is currently the Clinical Director and psychotherapist at Addiction Therapeutic Services in Palm Springs, California, where he provides compassionate care to clients suffering from addiction.

Phoenix Convention Center |

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Benoit Denizet-Lewis For nearly three years, Benoit immersed himself inside the lives of eight addicts. AMERICA ANONYMOUS shines a spotlight on our most misunderstood health problem (is addiction a brain disease? A spiritual malady? A moral failing?) and tries to break through the shame and denial that still shape our cultural understanding of it—and hamper our ability to treat it.

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Prevention,Treatment, Education & Recovery Resources for the“Whole Family.” For booth and sponsorship information: Barbara Brown 602-684-1136 Bobbe McGinley 602-569-4328

BOOK REVIEW

MAY I BE FRANK By Lena H.

Izzy deserves a lot more. “This was just a karmic down payment,” Frank writes.

t is in this author’s bones to be frank, and frank he is. Frank Ferrante is also warm and funny, and he tells a rousing good story in this memoir.

Frank is a lonely, obese, 54-year-old recovering alcoholic – “just a dumb guinea from Brooklyn” – when he wanders into the Café Gratitude in San Francisco, and his life veers in a dramatic new direction. Since gratitude is a major component of his Twelve Step program, Frank expects to find fellow addicts hunkered over coffee in this little San Francisco café. Instead, he meets the restaurant’s three hip and friendly young proprietors, purveyors of raw and vegan food. The “three amigos,” as Frank comes to call them, have been looking for an overweight subject to transform, and they want to film the journey for a documentary. They propose an experiment: six weeks on a diet they prescribe, accompanied by spoken affirmations and periodic colonics.

With nothing to lose but weight and depression, Frank signs a contract and begins a regime of wheatgrass and raw-food meals, accompanied by affirmations such as, “I, Frank, do love me,” which he has a harder time swallowing than the strange new foods. He also has appointments with hydrotherapists, masseurs, naturopaths, nutritionists and holistic practitioners – all of whom shower him with kind and helpful attention. Over the course of the 42-day treatment, Frank loses a hundred pounds and experiences new joys, such as catching a glimpse of his foreskin for the first time in years. He is also awakened to old emotional pain. When his back hurts during a massage, he remembers once punching his younger brother in the back so hard that it made Izzy fall down crying. Frank is saddened, remembering that instead of being a responsible older brother, he fed Izzy his first drugs and made him his partner in crime. Frank knows he must make amends. He apologizes for his wrongs and gives Izzy a motorcycle he had just purchased for himself. 64

Although the AA Twelve Steps had saved Frank’s life and kept him sober for 17 years, he handily replaces them with the practices of the three amigos’ Café Gratitude program. When this intense six-week treatment ends, Frank is unfortunately left with no debriefing or aftercare – and no program. In short order, he relapses and ends up in rehab, but not before almost dying from an overdose of prescribed pain meds. Back in recovery after rehab, Frank returns to Twelve Step meetings, finishes two semesters of grad school and makes new friends. But he also channels his compulsion back into eating, putting on more weight than he had lost with the three amigos. Serendipitously, Frank meets and makes friends with Robert, who attends his Twelve Step meetings, has a master’s degree in health science and is an amateur athlete. Robert coaches Frank in regular gym workouts and in healthy eating. As with the “Café Gratitude experiment, drug rehab . . . the rigors of grad school and therapy,” Frank again adopts a disciplined practice and becomes accountable to his guides – in this case, the Twelve Steps and Robert. Frank drops 120 pounds and gains lasting friendships – with Robert, but more importantly, with himself. “There is no magic bullet or miraculous shortcut to self-transformation or spiritual growth,” Frank writes. There are setbacks. Frank’s story is evidence of that, but also of the possibility of lasting recovery, given the practice of surrender to powers beyond oneself. The documentary of Frank’s six-week Café Gratitude program was released four years after it was filmed by the three amigos. Frank currently attends screenings of the acclaimed film around the US and beyond, fulfilling the desire to share his experience, strength and hope. You can purchase this very entertaining documentary that bears the same name as the memoir May I Be Frank, or you can watch it on Hulu. But first, read the book. Rolled out in a helter-skelter, free-flowing way, the plot is riveting. And it’s shot through with sparkling gems of wisdom, learned and earned by Frank, mostly the hard way – by being Frank.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

By Jana Greene

he theme of the International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) this summer in Atlanta, Georgia, is “80 Years – Happy, Joyous and Free.” From July 2 through 5, 2015, members and guests from around the world gather to celebrate AA’s anniversary with marathon meetings, lectures, workshops and other events. In keeping with the idea that recovery is an occasion to celebrate, Recovery Journeys, a nonprofit organization that helps local groups create events, is working with Sobriety Celebrations, a group committed to showcasing talented recovering people in local venues. They are planning an entertainment extravaganza, Celebrations of Recovery AAtlanta 2015, for attendees and their guests during the AA Convention. This celebration’s theme of Joyful Recovery is personal for John Groman, the founder of Recovery Journeys. He shares, “The promise [of joyful recovery] came true for me, and this [celebration] is a fulfillment of that promise . . . so others can enjoy joyous recovery.” Recovery Journeys, not affiliated with AA, shares this theme of hope as it encourages recovering musical, comedic and theatrical talents to get into the act; it’s a win-win for both the artists and the AA Convention guests. As Groman explains, “We don’t see the positive faces of recovery enough. These people want to pay their recovery experience

forward, and they are just the tip of the iceberg.” Celebrations’ roster of more than 40 entertainers will showcase the talents of many musicians, actors, performers and comedians – including Mark Lundholm and Alonzo Bodden. The event has intrigued members of the vibrant Atlanta entertainment community – local musicians and performance artists will be performing in support of the recovery cause. “We are overwhelmed by the generous support of the people of Atlanta and by the support of the entertainers,” remarked Fern Sheehy, Project Manager for Celebrations. Celebrations of Recovery AAtlanta 2015 will occur in two impressive venues, the Rialto Center for the Arts at 80 Forsyth Street NW and the Balzer Theater at Herren’s at 84 Luckie Street NW. Recovery Journeys will kick off the celebration on June 29 and continue the festivities through the end of the AA Convention on July 5. The well-appointed theatres will provide visitors and local residents with a welcoming place to hang out with others in recovery and those who support recovery efforts. Celebrations will offer ongoing programs and access to exhibitors and entertainers. The Recovery Journeys Café in the Rialto Theater’s opulent lobby will be open from June 30 through July 5. The café will offer meals and non-alcoholic refreshments. The proceeds from sales of café items will benefit the work of Recovery Journeys.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

Theatrical productions will include the off-Broadway play Bill W. and Dr. Bob that explores the history of AA, Pass it On . . . An Evening with Bill W. and Dr. Bob and Our Experience Has Taught Us by Jackie B., which takes a deeper look at the often comical and sometimes tragic experiences that led to the adoption of the Twelve Traditions of AA. Several screenings of the award-winning documentary, The Anonymous People, will be presented with follow-up panel discussions. Recovering vocalists and a Passing the Message On workshop are also being planned. Tickets may be purchased by visiting SobrietyCelebrations.com and clicking on the tickets tab. For more information about Recovery Journeys and the causes they support, visit recoveryjourneys. org. Donations are a great way to support this and other events. AA Convention volunteers may request complimentary tickets to the Tuesday, June 30 performances by sending an email with their valid convention ID to ticketsofsobrietycelebrations@ gmail.com.

Jana Greene is a Jesus freak, wife, mother, recovering alcoholic, author and blogger at thebeggarsbakery.com. In 2001, she surrendered her will to Jesus and still surrenders on a daily basis. She writes to let others know where to find the Bread of Life. She lives with her husband, daughters and kitty cats in North Carolina.

Mark Lundholm

over Visit Mark's table in the Rialto Theater for a free gift, photo opportunity, and signing! DVDs, workbooks and more will be available at special show pricing!

Addiction, recovery, and self-help focused DVDs, workbooks, and other materials for clinicians, addiction professionals, treatment facilities and those seeking to better themselves!

#YPRVoice

Youth in recovery deserve a voice. YPR is that voice. Support youth recovery by joining our campaign at Â www.youngpeopleinrecovery.org Find us on social media!

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

By Debra Karpek

n March 8, 2015, I celebrated 15 years of sobriety. I owe my sobriety and this new life to Women for Sobriety (WFS), an organization that both saved and changed my life. In early 2008, I made a Lenten promise to give up smoking and drinking. I asked for God’s help because I had failed at this goal in the past. I was so tired, so sick and so ready to let go; yet I didn’t know how – I had floundered so many times before. The last twelve years had been a revolving door of stopping and starting. I desperately wished to be off that rollercoaster! I went to the Internet in search of something, anything, and discovered the WFS online message board. This message board proved to be the strength, support and encouragement that became the foundation of my recovery. The Thirteen Statements of Acceptance of the WFS New Life Program became the blueprint for my new life. I felt an immediate attraction to them; I could relate. Maybe I was just ready – in the right place at the right time. This time everything came together for me. I was sober and rediscovering myself. I checked in daily with the WFS message board, reading for hours after work, soaking up wisdom, making friends and learning how to be sober from other WFS women. These women were generous with their experience and shared freely. They gave me a hand up – they believed in me and saw something good in me before I saw it myself. That message board was a concrete form of support. A meeting was waiting for me whenever I needed it. I’d wake up and go to the board and check in with my sisters. Instead of the debate in my head whether or not to stop after work for wine, I’d rush home and check in again. This was more than friendship and hanging out, although that was certainly part of it. I was learning to work the New Life Program, let go of the past, lose my negative thoughts and take responsibility for my actions. I was learning to allow others to love me and how to enjoy my new sober life. I had been waiting for this help without really knowing it. I jumped in with enthusiasm and was giddy with

excitement about being sober. That’s what was different – for the first time I was actually excited about being sober! I loved my new friends, the online meetings I attended in my pajamas, the email loops with my sober sisters, the daily check-ins, practicing the Statements and really understanding how they related to my life. As I stretch and grow in my recovery, the Thirteen Statements of Acceptance have taken on new meaning. Some of my favorites are: • Negative thoughts destroy only myself.  • Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.  • I am what I think.  • The past is gone forever. • I am responsible for myself and for my actions.

They weren’t just words or slogans to recite; I took them to heart. I was ready to hear them; but more than that, I was ready to take action. In my past attempts at sobriety, it never occurred to me to actually do something, to work for my sobriety. I wanted sobriety; but beyond sitting in a group or a meeting, I really didn’t make much of an effort. In fact, I looked at getting sober as temporary; something to give my body a break, dry out and become healthier so I could go back to a more manageable drinking life. This time was different – I was motivated to change. The women on the message board inspired me, and the Statements provided a strategy of sorts. I realized how negative I was and how everything bothered me. I lived in the past, never once considering that my thoughts created my reality. Being responsible for myself and my actions was off my radar; I blamed my circumstances and everyone else for the negative things that happened in my life. It just wasn’t my fault! In WFS I found a completely new way of thinking. Without the alcohol clouding my judgment, I was able to open my mind and welcome this new approach to life. It felt fresh and freeing! I was participating willingly in my sobriety, making an effort to incorporate new thought processes into my life. My body was happy and relieved to no longer be saturated with alcohol. For years I had been either drunk or hungover. It had been increasingly more difficult to get up for work, and I had begun calling in sick. The weekends found me drinking a beer just to get out of bed, and my husband was weary of picking me up off the

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

bathroom floor in the middle of the night. I was no longer a high-functioning drinker and could no longer excuse my behavior. I had become a common drunk. My new normal, my sober self, is waking up early and going for walks in the park. There I rediscovered God, which added another beautiful layer to my life. I began to bead and create jewelry. I discovered Reiki – my new career path. I was healthier on all levels – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. When Lent ended, I never went back to drinking or smoking; I had no desire to return to that life of lies, illness and self-pity. Armed with 40 days of clean living, the Statements, my sisters and the WFS message board, I had a firm foundation. I moved forward as the caring, capable, competent and compassionate woman I was becoming. I could not have done this without Women for Sobriety. Their program awakened something in me that had long been dormant. It appeared exactly when I needed it and gave me exactly what I needed. Timing was everything. But it was also more than that – more than being ready and wanting it. It was the connection I felt with the women and WFS that took my desire to get better and moved me forward, one day at a time. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me – “had” being the operative word. I will continue to progress if I remain grateful and vigilant. I am happy and healthy in my new life, sharing the gift of sobriety with others, being of service, being the best me I can be – a far cry from the woman who first stumbled onto that message board those many years ago!

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By Scott Stevens

eing sober doesn’t mean being miserable or dwelling on past failures. That’s the basic premise of Men for Sobriety, a logical spinoff from the popular Women for Sobriety (WFS), which was founded in the 1970s as an alternative to Twelve Step meetings. Most self-help groups are not intended to replace recovery resources or counseling. Men for Sobriety (MFS) is just talk for sober men who want to stay sober. In fact, many use MFS in addition to Twelve Step groups as a sort of “sobriety insurance.” Over the past 16 years, MFS has been expanding in Canada and is poised for growth in the US. The first group in the lower 48 met in the spring of 2014 in a space owned by Agape Recovery in Burlington, Wisconsin. MFS is a secular program with no fees, and it offers men a chance to get together and talk about the positives of recovery. All MFS requires to join is a desire to stay sober and a Y chromosome. The group’s men-only format allows participants to open up a little more, recognizing that men have special interests and needs, especially when it comes to relationship and family issues. These are interests and needs men may not feel comfortable airing in a mixed environment. The program’s basic point is that the past is gone forever; and rather than going back and reliving those dark days, it is time to move on, to focus on the present and the future. MFS self-help groups are based upon the WFS New Life Acceptance program of positivity that includes 13 affirmations that encourage emotional and spiritual growth. They’re not steps. They’re not addressed in any particular order. To make MFS effective, men think about each affirmation, and taking each statement separately, use it consciously throughout the day. At the end of the day and in the meetings, men review the use of the affirmation and its effect on their actions during that day. Some men will mistakenly try to compare one program with another program – steps to statements, meeting format to meeting format. MFS isn’t intended to replace a group; it’s just another alternative. The emphasis is on recovering, not on what you’re reading or not reading.

People in recovery face a lot of stress as they deal with living in a society that often seems focused on alcohol. Alcoholics and non-alcoholics drink to relieve stress, but this is not a good option for alcoholics. MFS men talk about that stress, as well as the shame, guilt and stigma of alcoholism. Alcoholism is a disease that is often viewed as a lifestyle choice made by bad people or a dirty secret that people are afraid to admit they have. These ideas stem from keeping a focus on the past; not merely archaic perspectives on the disease, but also an overly-critical eye on past behaviors while under the influence. MFS doesn’t dwell in the past — no drunk-a-logs, no labels on spiritual failings or character flaws. Fix ‘em and move on. Members discuss where they are today, not who they were at their sickest in the past. While the Agape Recovery Center serves as the group’s host, MFS is not affiliated with the Center’s practice or with Alcoholics Anonymous. “Both Men for Sobriety and the Center’s weekly Women for Sobriety sessions are welcoming programs, involving open conversation and not a lot of rules of conduct,” said Sherry Ward, a certified substance abuse counselor with Agape. “There’s not a lot you need to know in order to feel comfortable.” Ward emphasized that both Men for Sobriety and Women for Sobriety are wonderful programs in and of themselves, but also great additions to other programs people may be working. “[MFS] provides additional tools for people in recovery.”

In Recovery Magazine

Author and journalist Scott Stevens, co-chairs the Wisconsin MFS meeting and also chairs a Twelve Step meeting. He is author of the recovery book, Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud, and creator of the Alcohology app for Android devices. His work may be found at alcohologist.com.

Summer 2015

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Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

By Jamie Marich

s a professional with many years of service in the recovery field, I have observed that one of the most significant causes of relapse is the inability to address body-level distress caused by unresolved traumas. When I was getting sober, the initial treatment interventions I received did an excellent job of helping me address my mind and my spirit. However, little was done to address the changing needs of my body. In many treatment and recovery cultures, people are not taught to recognize the powerful messages their bodies give them. This omission is a major educational gap. Dancing Mindfulness is a creation that flows from my own experience with simultaneous addiction and trauma recovery. It provides a meditative experience that can be practiced alone or with others. Dancing Mindfulness can be taught in community settings, such as yoga studios or churches, or within clinical treatment settings. Participants are not required to have any experience in yoga, meditation or dance. Rather, students are simply asked to come as they are with an open mind. A facilitator leads participants into discovering the power of their breath and their own natural movements. Following a gentle stretch series, participants are brought to their feet and encouraged to “let it loose” and dance. When supported by the energy of others taking the same risk, many find this practice an incredibly cathartic experience. Others may find themselves overwhelmed and intimidated. Those who are hesitant to dance are encouraged to acknowledge their experience without judgment. They may instead use their breath and movement to move through their fear, or they may opt out of the dancing. Personal safety is stressed by Dancing Mindfulness facilitators. No one should ever feel forced to participate in any component of the practice. Mindfulness is the practice of being in the present moment and paying attention to one’s feelings, thoughts and sensations without judgment. Although this approach originated as a Buddhist meditation practice, there is 72

In Recovery Magazine

nothing inherently Buddhist about the practice of returning to the present moment. There are many ways to practice mindfulness, including traditional seated meditation or breath work, or through more physical channels such as walking, dancing or creating something. The original Sanskrit word from which our modern term mindfulness is derived simply means to “come back to awareness.” Some people are discouraged because they have difficulty staying in the moment; however, the intent of the practice is to bring your awareness back to the moment, even when you find your thoughts drifting. When Dancing Mindfulness participants allow themselves to be mindful and practice this attitude of non-judgment, they are usually amazed at how easily they can move. Some are initially hesitant to try Dancing Mindfulness because they have a preconceived notion that they can’t dance. Unfortunately, many people judge their ability to “dance well” by what is portrayed in the media. When allowed to come into a mindful place, many people will realize that they can dance.

Any type of exercise can be productive to recovery; however, dance is particularly powerful, especially when it is of the nontechnical “just go with it” variety. Dance allows me to access my own creativity in a very powerful way by increasing my resilience, which then allows me to solve problems more effectively. With twelve years of recovery, these skills are vital in preventing stagnation in my personal program. Some may struggle with the improvisation and creativity of Dancing Mindfulness because they are accustomed to being told what to do with their bodies. In Dancing Mindfulness, personal creativity is an integral part of the healing. Summer 2015

The community Dancing Mindfulness classes I facilitate have always attracted many participants who identify as being in recovery. Mindi B., a woman with seven years of sobriety, shared: â&#x20AC;&#x153;As a recovering woman, Dancing Mindfulness has been a true gift for practicing self-care. I am a recovering alcoholic and a survivor with PTSD. Learning Dancing Mindfulness has reintroduced me to beautiful music, nonjudgmental movement and dance, as well as a gentle, fun way to relax. I continue to heal each time. Dancing mindfully promotes self-care, a sense of belonging with others and taking myself less seriously. Dancing Mindfulness is the piece of my recovery puzzle I needed.â&#x20AC;?

This practice continues to grow as it heals and transforms people throughout the world. Since its beginning over two years ago, more than 100 Dancing Mindfulness facilitators have been certified in the US, Puerto Rico and abroad. It has been implemented in many venues: treatment centers, adolescent residential programs, domestic violence shelters, recovery retreats and community settings, such as yoga schools and churches.

A major educational gap occurs when people are not taught to recognize the powerful messages their bodies give them. An even wider gap exists when recovering people are not taught to use their bodies in the service of their recovery. Embodied dance continues to play a major role in my own recovery and overall wellness. It warms my heart to share the practice with so many other people and to see it branch out into so many different settings. My book, Dancing Mindfulness: A Creative Path to Healing and Transformation, will be published by Skylight Paths Press in the fall of 2015. Jamie Marich, PhD, LPCC-S, LICDC-CS, is the creator of the Dancing Mindfulness practice. She has a private practice and an educational initiative called Mindful Ohio in her home state. She travels internationally training on topics related to trauma-informed education. She is the author of EMDR Made Simple, Trauma and the Twelve Steps and Trauma Made Simple. You may contact her at her website dancingmindfulness.com.

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

By Dr. Deb Laino

client of mine once exclaimed, “I feel stuck. I feel like my mind and body are not connected. It often seems like my mind tells my body to do something and my body does the exact opposite. I just want to feel good.” It was this client and others like her who inspired me to find innovative methods for integrating their minds, bodies and spirits – methods to help them connect with their inner selves, the life they have and the life they can create. This is a profound connection for people entering recovery – or for anyone. It can be difficult to put the pain and the internal and external struggles of addiction into words. Artistic expression is undeniably as stress-relieving as it is reflective – both are cornerstones for healing from addictions. Many recovering people find a need for creative avenues of expression as they discover a new path for their lives. Many struggle to live one day at a time without new techniques to explore themselves and their futures. Retraining to live life as a sober individual is a must, and the arts help us do just that. Art Therapy The artistic expression of human desires, needs and the internal self has been occurring for thousands of years. At one time, artistic expression is believed to have been a primary form of communication. As defined by the American Art Therapy Association, art therapy is “. . . a mental health profession in which clients, facilitated by the Art Therapist, use art media, the creative process, and the resulting artwork to explore their feelings, reconcile emotional conflicts, foster self-awareness, manage behavior and addictions, develop social skills, improve reality orientation, reduce anxiety,

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

and increase self-esteem.” These are skills which can be important for the individual in recovery. While living with an addict and working in the addiction treatment field, two of the most fundamental and eyeopening observations I made were the profound difficulty addicts have expressing feelings and their inability to cope with emotional conflicts. This information has undoubtedly helped me help others. When other forms of therapy such as talk therapy fail, art therapy can be useful in aiding clients in the safe exploration of self. Art therapy can enable clients to communicate their emotions, foster their self-esteem and aid in developing a therapeutic relationship between the therapist and individual. This work not only helps substance abusers, but also those with other problems such as food addiction or sex and love addiction. The creative process may help lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone) as it focuses the mind on a creative endeavor that has meaning for the client. The hand-eye movements work the right side of the brain, helping individuals understand the more complex connections in their lives. This therapy enhances the client’s recovery by exploring new ways to understand, connect and grow.

Other Creative Arts Dance, drama, music, poetry or any type of creative writing can also benefit individuals in recovery. They can be outlets with positive results. Body movement is not something typically associated with addiction. Often people in the midst of addiction are sedentary – looking for their next fix, eating poorly and then sleeping. Not only is there a loss of connection with the body, but also a loss of relationship between mind, body and spirit. Through the movement of dance, addicts may develop a greater union with all aspects of themselves.

professions. It addresses the physical, cognitive, social and emotional needs of individuals through singing, writing and dancing, as well as simply listening. For those who have difficulty communicating during traditional talk therapies, musical expressions can often release the voice of the heart and soul.

Many recovering people find a need for creative avenues of expression as they discover a new path for their lives. Retraining to live life as a sober individual is a must, and the arts help us do just that. Creative writing is a staple in most of today’s relevant therapies. The imagination finds doorways to the inner self through journals, one-to-five year plans, poetry and other types of writing. In my practice, I have discovered that creative writing is vital to the healing process. I encourage clients to write as if no one will ever read their work. In this way, they are able to fully and deeply express their innermost thoughts and feelings. Writing becomes intentional, offering a fundamentally personal language for one’s life experiences. These strategies can increase motivation and encourage a deep engagement in one’s own recovery. If you are struggling in recovery or just interested in finding some options that might open new doors for you, give the creative arts a try. The numerous benefits of taking up any art form may lead you to greater life satisfaction, increased passion, an enhanced sense of well-being and an expanded social community – things an addict needs to be happy, joyous and free Dr. Debra Laino, DHS, MEd, MS, ACS, ABS, is a board-certified clinical sexologist and sex therapist in private practice in Wilmington, Delaware; adjunct instructor at Wilmington and Philadelphia Universities; president and co-founder of the Delaware Association for Sexology; and author of Eleven Reasons Why Women Cheat and other books. She may be contacted through her website, yoursexdoc.com.

Psychodrama incorporates mind, body and spirit as it helps individuals express themselves using their imaginations, their voices and their bodies. I believe the voice is the most important component of drama. Unexpressed thoughts, feelings and behaviors can slowly begin to come to the surface and be released. Music is a well-established therapeutic tool in the helping Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

By Ashley Loeb

hen I got sober, I was 19 years old. I had pink hair, a nose ring and worked at a tattoo shop. During my early years of sobriety, I went to many young people’s meetings and events. I worked very hard just to stay sober one day at a time. Today, over nine years later, I work fulltime in telemedicine. I am also planning my wedding and setting up my life to eventually bring children into the world. My plate is full of very grown-up stuff. I have been able to stabilize my life in a way that I could not have fathomed when I first got sober. However, for many years, I continued to follow the same practices I utilized in early sobriety. To some extent, I had the same program at one year sober as I had at five years sober. In technological terms, this is similar to having an original iPhone and never uploading the latest software updates. To stay sober, many of us simply kept doing the same thing we did in the beginning, assuming “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” As a Certified Relapse Prevention Specialist, I work with people to develop an upgraded recovery plan that fits their current recovery needs. To effectively accomplish this, I had to first take a good look at my own program, which itself needed some upgrades. To implement these improvements, I used a tech tool called Lionrock App. Here are the five recovery modernizations I made: • Exercising burns off the crazy . . . I mean . . . calories: The Lionrock App allows me to schedule my workouts in the calendar with a date, time, location and photo to create a check-in. I schedule my yoga, running or gym workouts on the calendar and receive a text notification ten minutes before my commitment. I then click the check-in link, take the selfie. The app then uploads a geotagged photo of me at yoga, the gym or running. There is also a journal function; I can write how I am feeling as I do the check-in or maybe make a gratitude list. The check-in shows up in the calendar with a little Google map of where I was when I took the picture. 76

• Meeting makers make it: I’ve been getting away with one to two meetings per week, but I really need three meetings. In order to keep me accountable, I pick my meetings at the beginning of the week, schedule them in my Lionrock App calendar and do a check-in using the text message reminder that notifies me ten minutes before the meeting. I can include topics to write about in my app journal. For example, I might write a couple of sentences about my intention for the day or for the meeting. The check-in reminder text message can also act as a mini-step-work session. • Who has time for self care, anyway? If I don’t plan for it, it won’t happen – while working hard is important, so is taking good care of myself. Most of us find this out the hard way. I schedule appropriate amounts of time into my app where I can participate in self-caring acts, like a pedicure, bubble bath, movie or massage. Believe it or not, when I schedule such events and then check in with a photo of the movie or my polished toes, I feel a great sense of accomplishment. In addition, the app allows me to share what I’m doing with a small group of friends who are also using the same app. They can see my check-ins if I choose. That way, I feel more supported. • Sponsorship: Because the Lionrock App allows me to be part of a group of people who can see whatever check-ins I make visible to them, we are able to hold each other accountable to our weekly goals. Our sponsors may be included in the group. If I am putting too much on my plate or if I am struggling with blocks of idle time, my sponsor can call me on it. She can see whether or not I am sticking to my own self-care goals. This has helped me tremendously. • The meeting after the meeting: I have friends in recovery whom I see on social media. However, it’s unlikely they will share the details of their recovery goals and struggles so publicly. Another great thing about the Lionrock App is that it has its own builtin social network. This gives my recovery friends and me a way to support each other without letting everyone on Facebook know that after I ate three cookies, I went to the gym feeling guilty. I might not

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

share that information by texting a group of friends or by putting it on Facebook, but I would write it in the app for my group; so I am able to get support in real time. Knowing that I have supportive friends in recovery who help me stay accountable has increased my recovery progress. Now it’s your turn. Pick five upgrades you are going to make to your recovery this summer and share your experiences with me at recoverytech@inrecoverymagazine.com. I will share one of your stories in the Fall 2015 issue.

Ashley Loeb grew up in Silicon Valley during the dot-com boom. She is a cofounder of a tech startup called Lionrock Recovery, a Joint Commission accredited online substance abuse treatment center. In recovery herself, Loeb is passionate about sharing her experience, strength and hope with others. While she enjoys what she describes as “a life beyond her wildest dreams,” Loeb lives in Southern California with her fiance’ and two large dogs.

Call for Stories We fill up fast! While writing, art and photography submissions must be received by the following deadlines, we must assign your work to a specific issue at least one month before the deadline.

Spring Issue (published March 1st) Summer Issue (published June 1st) Fall Issue (published September 1st) Winter Issue (published December 1st)

Deadline: November 1st Deadline: February 1st Deadline: May 1st Deadline: August 1st

Submission guidelines at inrecoverymagazine.net/go/magazine/submission-guidelines. Email queries to editor@inrecoverymagazine.com.

Winter 2015 - Winter Sober Fun

Summer 2016 – Athletes in Recovery

Spring 2016 - International Edition

Summer 2016 – Athletes in Recovery

Do you have some great ideas for sober fun during winter? How about holiday tips and ideas for gifts and parties? Twelve Step craft ideas – in twelve easy steps, of course? Or that all-important exit plan when those holiday occasions become uncomfortable? Send us your Christmas stories and ideas in a 900 to 1,200 word narrative. Deadline: August 1, 2015.

So what does recovery look like in other countries? What are Twelve Step meetings like? What are public opinions and attitudes towards recovery? What treatment opportunities exist in those countries? Do you have an interesting story about recovery in another country? Share your story or information in a 900 to 1,200 word narrative. Deadline: November 1, 2015.

Are you an athlete in recovery? Tell us how you found recovery and what you do to stay healthy, happy and clean. Have you had a sports/ exercise addiction from which you have recovered? Did you become addicted because of a sports injury? Send us your 900 to 1,200 word narrative. Deadline: February 1, 2016

Participate in Recovery Research!

Researchers at the University of Michigan are conducting an exciting study about life in recovery from alcohol and substance abuse. More specifically, the project focuses on the impact gratitude and adult attachment styles have on the daily practice of Twelve Step principles and the individual’s perceived social support within the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). The study also explores the extent to which the Step Nine Promises of AA manifest among people with different attachment styles. If you would like to help by taking a 15-minute online survey, please send an email to lifeinrecoverystudy@gmail.com. A more detailed explanation of the study and a summary of the findings will be published in a future issue of In Recovery Magazine. The University of Michigan and In Recovery Magazine thank you for your interest and support. Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Thanks, Kay. Get Well Soon!

Kay’s Kitchen By Kay Luckett Due to cervical spine surgery, Kay is out of commission and has been unable to write her column. She has, however, provided us with two great recipes for your summer enjoyment.

Summer Slaw

½ head red cabbage ½ head green cabbage 3-4 carrots 3-4 celery stalks ½ medium jicama 4-6 scallions ½-1 cup golden raisins ½-1 jalapeno pepper salt & pepper Poppy seed dressing (Brianna’s is the best.) Grate the cabbages. Dice the carrots, celery, jicama and scallions. Place all the vegetables in a large bowl and add the raisins. Cut the jalapeno pepper in half, carefully remove the seeds and membranes and finely dice half of it. Add to salad and mix. If you like it hot, dice and add the rest of the jalapeno. Salt and pepper to taste.

Grilled Swordfish Steaks 2 lbs swordfish steaks – serves 4-6 Marinade: ¾ cup soy sauce 2-3 Tbs lemon juice ¾ cup orange juice 4 Tbs ketchup 3 garlic cloves, chopped ⅓ cup parsley leaves, chopped 1 tsp oregano 1 tsp pepper

Add poppy seed dressing, toss, taste, serve and enjoy.

Combine ingredients and marinate the swordfish steaks for one to two hours in the refrigerator. Heat the grill and grill the fish. While the fish is grilling, baste occasionally with the marinade. Serve with rice or pasta salad, grilled veggies and French bread.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

TREATMENT PROGRAMS

RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT Intensive Outpatient Program Outpatient Program Aftercare with Structured Residential Sober Living Transitional Sober Living

www.Chapter5Recovery.com Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Cross Talk

CrossTalk is based on the premise that recovery life is polytely: frequently, complex problem-solving situations characterized by the presence of not one, but several endings. This writing represents decades of recovery and its application to life and how to get over it, into it or through it with spunk, levity and a good dose of reality. What? You want more than happy, joyous and free? Get over it. Just sayin’. – Mollé

Hey Ms. Mollé: I have a few years of sobriety and a good job. Over the past few weeks, a 24-year-old coworker has exhibited a drinking problem. He shows up late to work smelling of booze, hungover and basically useless. We work at a resort and interact with guests all day. This guy isn’t pulling his weight, yet my manager just attributes his behavior to age and inexperience. He says we should be more tolerant. My coworkers are aware that I am sober, but my manager is not. How can I address this without jeopardizing my job or appearing intolerant? Help! Dear Ms. Intolerant, Maybe our reasons for being intolerant are valid. But right now, let’s not worry about what others think. First, take your own inventory. Remember, “Whenever we are disturbed, no matter the cause . . .” (Twelve by Twelve, pg. 90), we have a part in it. What is your part? Here are guidelines I use for deciding if I need to open my mouth about anything: First, does it need to be said? Second, is it the truth? Third, can it be said with love and kindness? Fourth, does it need to be said by me? As you can guess, the fourth is usually where I have to let go of my ego and quiet the voice that claims, I shouldn’t have to live with this injustice. Such drama! Are the other employees uncomfortable with your coworker’s behavior? Why do you have to say something? Maybe this would be better addressed by another person. From a distance, the best direction I can offer is to be honest with yourself, check your motives and then try to be helpful. 80

Technically, this is none of your business. This is your manager’s problem. Yes, the issue may affect you, but it doesn’t mean you have to solve it. Try stepping aside and letting it unfold without your input. These situations tend to work themselves out. If all else fails, find a different job. Dear Ms. Mollé: I feel stupid and should know better; but after a year-and-a-half sober, I relapsed yet again. I can’t stop drinking, but I don’t want to go back to AA. I don’t feel like I belong. I’m tired of people seeing my long blonde hair, my skinny body or my mom’s big blue eyes, then saying, “You don’t look like an alcoholic.” They don’t see me puking in the toilet or passed out in public bathrooms, the filth of my apartment or all the money I owe. My dad is famous – when people find out, they think I have everything. I was told to “hang with the women,” but that’s a joke. I called asking for help, but not one of those women came to help me. I’ve been to treatment twice, but obviously that didn’t work. What am I supposed to do? Dear Where-Do-I-Belong Girl,

AA is not the only road to recovery. It is not uncommon for people to come into the rooms an overwhelming load of self-pity, self-loathing, despair – and a boatload of anger. Welcome! I believe you are worth hearing some truth – my truth. Whether you like it or not is beside the point. We all tend to be hypersensitive to everything – especially in the first year of recovery. We are overly sensitive to what people say, how they say it, how they were standing/sitting when they said it; and we assume people are talking about us all the time. Listen, this is important: What people say and what we hear are often two different things. Our past painful experiences bolster our ego; the ego then puts up

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

defensive armor and alters our sense of hearing and warps our perception of events. Just another smart reason to have a sponsor who can help you hear and see the truth. So you don’t like women in AA? Get in line. We often see other women as the enemy, but the truth is we’re afraid of them. Don’t forget – when drinking, many of us burned other women. I am going to take a guess that you were drunk when you called those AA women for help. When sober the next day, did you call back or make any other calls? Did you show up at a meeting (early) and with that same desperation, tell the women you were ready and willing to do whatever it took to stay sober? It is worth trying again, but with a new resolve. Look for women who have Big Book-based recovery. It may take some humbling and persistent action on your part, but you are worth all the effort you can muster to save your own life. Oh, and that whole thing about being too cute? You may be pretty, but there is nothing pretty about being passed out on a public bathroom floor. Nope, not pretty at all.

The viewpoints shared or any implied actions suggested by Mollé are the opinions and ideas of the author only and do not represent those of In Recovery Magazine. The implied action is offered openly and is never intended to replace the advice of a health care professional. You may send your dilemmas to Mollé at crosstalk@inrecoverymagazine.com.

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By John Newport, PhD

ecently, I presented a workshop on counselor wellness at a major addictions conference on the East Coast. While the conference was fantastic, the journey from Tucson, Arizona, to the conference site was a trip from hell; and the fact that my laptop died the day before I left didn’t help matters. The day prior to my presentation, I woke up at 3:30 am to travel 100 miles to Phoenix to catch a very crowded plane. After the six-hour flight, I had to schlep my stuff on a two-hour bus ride to the conference center. That day’s grueling schedule had allowed me no time for exercise – back home I climb the desert hills for close to an hour each morning – so the day of my presentation, I awoke with a serious case of jet lag. The general session in the morning featured a presentation by a nutritionist who mentioned that many folks nod off around 3:45 pm as their blood sugar drops to the day’s all-time low. Just what I need, I thought as I remembered that my workshop started at 4:00 pm. Ironically, the noontime presentation was sponsored by an eating disorders center and featured a lunch consisting of a decent salad, a large slice of cheesecake and a heaping plate of mashed potatoes, overcooked vegetables and two huge hunks of hotel-style turkey. Great, I told myself. With all that tryptophan, I’ll end up falling asleep at my own workshop! I was fortunately able to sneak out, head downstairs to the restaurant and grab a real sandwich. Despite these hurdles, my presentation went quite well. Afterwards, I dragged myself back to my room to crash before catching an evening workshop. The next morning I was up at 5:30 am. I checked out and visited with fellow attendees in the exhibit area before catching a cab to the airport shuttle at the bus depot. After taking a morning walk at the depot, I visited a restroom where a fellow in the adjacent stall was having a rather heavy dialog with himself. I heard him complaining that he needed to go to Boston for detox the next day and bemoaning the $20 bus fare. I called over the top of the

stall, “Guess what – it’s now $26!” He then proceeded to pour out his tale of woe. He had been run over by a motorcycle a few days back and claimed that the meds he was given got him off his program, hence the need to go back to detox. I empathized with him and commended him for taking a very important first step in getting back on track. I asked if he was working a program. He admitted that although he had an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting directory, he had stopped going to meetings. I strongly encouraged him to go to a meeting as soon as he got out of detox and to line up a good sponsor. When we vacated our stalls, I noticed a large recent cut on his forehead and thinking of his recent relapse on pain medications said, “Man, you must really be in a great deal of pain.” He thanked me for my support, and we headed off to catch our respective shuttles. I smiled as he asked me for a dollar to help cover the two-dollar fare for a local trip and politely refused his offer of some of his pocket change in exchange for my dollar. I again commended him on his decision to go to detox, wished him well and knew that I would remember him in my prayers. During my two-hour trip back to the airport, I contemplated my meeting with this chap. In the course of reflection, the words of the renowned Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh came to mind: “We should not underestimate the effect of our words when we use the right speech. The words we speak can build up understanding and love.” I believe there is no such thing as coincidence and that every encounter we have with another person is preordained at some level. I thought to myself, Wow – what a great way to end an addictions conference! I felt privileged to have been in a position to offer a new friend some support in his time of need and continue to hold him in my thoughts and prayers. John Newport lives in Tucson, Arizona, and is author of The WellnessRecovery Connection: Charting Your Pathway to Optimal Health While Recovering from Alcoholism and Drug Addiction. You may visit his website at wellnessandrecovery.com and reach him by email at healingtucson@ hotmail.com.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

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Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls By Terrence Shulman When you write the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.

all my problems. My life was one big story of woe.

Gurbaksh Chahai

But today, I am grateful. Therapy and recovery helped me. I learned I had choices about how to live; I was the author of my own future. I wasn’t responsible for my addiction, but I am responsible for my recovery. I didn’t need to have a grand plan for my life; I just needed to do my best each day, to do the next right thing. Little by little, my life began to improve.

Let me tell you my story . . .

In April 1992 I was a practicing attorney, but knew I didn’t want to do that forever. I took a risk and enrolled in a personal growth weekend called The Forum. This led me to found the support group Cleptomaniacs and Shoplifters Anonymous (CASA) later that year. Starting CASA led me to a therapist and mentor who inspired me to go back to school to earn a master’s degree in social work.

tories – we’ve all got ‘em. We’ve all heard the saying, “Everyone’s got at least one book in ‘em.” Some of us have actually written that book . . . or even several books. Addicts are some of the most gifted people – we are as creative in our recoveries as we were in our addictions.

I grew up in a creative home. My dad was a child prodigy pianist, a writer, a lawyer and an entrepreneur. My mother was an artist and acted in community theater. I have fond memories of listening to my dad play the piano and of going to art fairs with my mom. My dad developed severe alcoholism, and my parents divorced when I was eleven. It’s common for children to think they are responsible for their parents’ problems and breakups . . . and I was no exception. I also believed that my dad became alcoholic because he gave up his music career to become an attorney. I later came to understand that many people follow their bliss, passions and talents and – even when successful – still become addicts. In fact, I have learned this firsthand. As a teen, I had many interests, passions and talents. I excelled at sports, loved music, wrote songs and played the piano and guitar. During high school, I majored in art and won awards. For awhile sports, music and art helped me channel my emotions and energies, built my self-esteem and kept me goal oriented. If I had any trouble, it was deciding which interest to pursue; but as fate would have it, addiction decided this for me. I got hooked – not on alcohol or drugs (which I’d tried) – but on shoplifting. For ten years, shoplifting was my drug of choice. After two arrests and thoughts of suicide, I hit bottom in March of 1990 – in the middle of law school. I came clean with my folks, asked for help and entered therapy a week later. During my year of counseling, I began to make sense of how I’d turned to shoplifting and why it was so difficult to stop. It was my cry for help, my escape, my lift, my stress-release valve, my acting out of anger and my way to make life fair. I had taken on the role of the man of the house at age eleven. I was symbolically stealing back what I felt had been taken from me – my childhood, my innocence, my family. I looked back on my ten-year secret life as lost years – lost time, relationships, direction and higher purpose. I had made up my mind that life was unfair, and I was a victim. I blamed my dad for 84

While in school, I began writing my first book and started a website devoted to shoplifting addiction and recovery. I also developed an interest in addiction therapy. When I graduated in 1997, I found a job working at a chemical dependency clinic. I began receiving media interviews as a result of my website, which pushed me to finally publish my book Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls in 2003. This led to being a guest expert on The Oprah Winfrey Show a year later, and then I launched a counseling practice. Along my recovery path, I also met my wife, bought a home and created a circle of friends who are now my family of choice. Over the past ten years, with the help of my Higher Power and many others, I’ve published three additional books, developed a successful counseling practice, traveled the country speaking at conferences and, most importantly, had the opportunity to help many people. Don’t get me wrong – recovery is no guarantee that life will only give you cherries. I’ve had a number of difficult challenges along the way and the usual ups and downs. Being in recovery has allowed me to discover new creativity and use it toward useful goals. My life now has purpose and meaning. In my wildest imagination, I could not have envisioned writing my story; yet, that’s exactly what I did. I not only authored my own story, but also authored my own life – and continue to do so each day. Life and I are coauthors. Life presents me with material, and I now choose how to respond. This would not have been possible without my addiction . . . and without my recovery. I’m grateful for both. You may see and hear Terry’s story online at youtube.com/watch?v=2rZ4R6JPsRs.

In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

From Peer to Peer By Bill W.

hould I or shouldn’t I? The psychiatric medication compliance dilemma.

Taking psychiatric medications that treat various mental illnesses can be a complicated issue for the consumer. The three basic categories of compliance are: take meds as prescribed, take them as desired or don’t take them at all. I recently suggested a brainstorming session in my community-living support group to discover why people do or don’t comply. This group consisted of a psychiatrist, two case managers and a dozen or so consumers. A myriad of ideas were generated in about 20 minutes, illustrating that the answer to this question is not a simple one. The numerous reasons for choosing not to take prescribed psych meds were the undesirable side effects: dry mouth, drowsiness, stomach cramps, diarrhea, change in menstrual cycles, nausea, insomnia, fatigue, impaired coordination, memory problems, the shakes, dizziness, headache, nervousness, emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, liver imbalance and death. Get the idea? If this list doesn’t scare you, then surely the pharmacy handouts and television commercials for medications will. On a positive note, however, side effects may be rare, may not always affect you and may lessen in severity or just go away over the course of time.

•

For some, the symptoms of their illness may be desirable. The mania and grandiosity associated with bipolar disorder can be exciting, and schizophrenic voices can help a person avoid loneliness.

On the flip side of this issue, we also came up with an interesting list of why to take psych meds as prescribed: • • • • • • • • • •

Meds may significantly decrease negative symptoms such as psychotic episodes, depression, mania, voices and paranoia, reducing worry and anxiety. After going off meds, symptoms of the illness come back and are often more difficult to restabilize and can require increased dosages. Without meds one might experience a decrease in functioning and might lose jobs, relationships and money. Meds can help avoid hospitalizations, trouble with the law, risky behaviors and death. Meds can provide stabilization, thereby providing a sense of control over one’s life. They may allow for clearer thinking. When meds are taken as prescribed, therapeutic blood levels are attained. Conform to pressure to take meds, it helps one fit in better and gets people off their backs. Gain legal support when taking the meds is mandated by the court system. Avoid battles and extra appointments with treatment providers.

Other reasons for not taking meds at all, or taking them only as desired included: • • •

• • • • • • • 86

A fear of becoming overmedicated. Knowing that psych meds are not a cure-all. Past bad experiences with older psych meds such as Haldol, Mellaril and Thorazine. Today, these antipsychotics are rarely used because of a high incidence of negative side effects. “I feel better and don’t need my meds anymore.” Not being willing or able to pay the cost of prescriptions. Not buying meds saves money. The stigma and negative judgments of having to take meds. Having to accept others’ authority. Taking psych meds may require an acceptance of a mental illness and a realization that you are different from others. The meds may be the wrong type for your particular condition. Thinking that they might be part of the small percent of the mentally ill who recover without medication. In Recovery Magazine

Summer 2015

I want to make it clear that I am not giving advice or trying to act as a replacement for mental health professionals. However, speaking from my own personal experience, I know that the psychiatric medications I take have drastically improved and even saved my life. At around age 19, when my bipolar disorder and my associated substance abuse kicked in, my existence was literally a series of jails, institutions and near death. I have a healthy fear of the results of not taking my meds and the possibility of them not continuing to be effective. It has been a long haul to finally have the stable, healthy and happy life I have today. Some meds gave me negative and irritating side effects. Some meds were simply ineffective. For a few months, I had to be patient and give my meds a chance as my body adjusted. It required trial and error before I found an effective combination of medications. Some modern medications have been developed, and I have been able to effectively switch to those new meds. Over the years, fluctuations in the severity and frequency of my symptoms have required dosage adjustments. I have had to modify some life behaviors to counteract side effects. A mood stabilizer I was on for several years suddenly caused my liver enzymes to increase, and I had to change to a different one. This experience emphasizes the importance of having your blood work monitored regularly. After considering all these factors and knowing that each mental health case is unique, I concluded that the benefits of taking my psych meds far outweighed any of the negatives. What do you think about this? Feel free to contact me at peer2peer@irm.com. I appreciate your thoughts and comments.

JORY WISOCKI 928-899-8076

JAY WISOCKI 928-899-3882

WILDERNESS FIRST RECOVERY, LLC • SOBER LIVING FACILITY

2215 East Calvery Lane, Prescott, AZ 86301 Wilderness1st@yahoo.com • WildernessFirstRecovery.com

#YPRVoice

Bill W. brings his life experience to print in a series of articles dealing with the many aspects of recovery. In a sequence of personal reflections, interviews and round table discussions, he shares with the reader, peer-to-peer, his effective and helpful insights into the world of addiction and mental illness recovery. Send your comments and questions to peer2peer@irm.com.

Youth in recovery deserve a voice. YPR is that voice. Support youth recovery by joining our campaign at www.youngpeopleinrecovery.org Find us on social media!

Summer 2015

In Recovery Magazine

Present

2015

Gratitude Gala and Expo

Prescott Resort and Casino November 13th and 14th Comedian Mark Lundholm returns for an encore performance! Friday, November 13

Celebrate recovery with us – masquerade style! Make your own mask for the Best Mask Contest at the end of the evening or enjoy wearing one of ours. Whichever way you choose, join us for a funfilled evening of gourmet food, great raffle prizes and an inspiring reason to get dressed up. • Help us honor members of our recovery community who go above and beyond the call of duty. • Lend a hand as we cheer on the efforts of non-profit organizations that work hard to provide services to those in the throes of addictions as we share a portion of the proceeds with deserving programs. • Encourage our hardworking IRM staff and talented writers as we recognize some of the outstanding people that have helped make it all happen. It really does take a village!

Saturday, November 14

• • • •

Whether a veteran or new to this industry, join us for our First Annual Gratitude Expo located in the Grand Ballroom Room from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm. Free to the public. Visit an array of exhibits and enjoy networking. Don't miss out on this opportunity to pick up tips from the pros! Booth space is limited, so call today or go to inrecoveryexpoandgala.com.

SPEAKERS

Jeremy J. Miller Keynote Speaker Start Fresh Recovery

Rick Baney Premier Recovery Options

Dr. George Baxter-Holder Author