I'm not even gone yet

i’m not even gone yet! ishani jasmin

so…where ya been?

i’ve gotten to the point where i just let it go like standing in a heavy, sweaty crowd, you just let go and would be okay with the idea of slipping to the floor, but rely on those around you to keep you upright, even if you don’t know them. you can trust it like walking, only using your momentum, or losing yourself in the middle of your own sentence you can trust it

i need a rest so badly, i think, maybe i am running out of affirmations for myself

so like i live my life in this weird state of concern have you ever seen arrested development? have you ever heard of michael bluth syndrome? i just googled it and apparently it’s not a thing, but i swear to god it was at one point. the point is, michael bluth is a horrible person, and people forget he’s a horrible person because he’s a main character and the story follows him around. and i’m not saying i’m a main character, because that’d be conceited and this isn’t an anime, but, i do live in the constant fear that i’m actually a horrible person and no one has noticed, or people forgive me for no good reason i’m scared

turns out i was right here all along!

a really lovely policewoman called althea walks up to a sobbing me in the park and asks me what's wrong and i tell her i don't know i think i left parts of myself somewhere and they were the best bits of me and now i'm just a bunch of remnants she talks to me for a while and i bawl and she tells me how things are hard and she lives for her daughter she tells me i'm gonna be great and lets me charge my dead phone in an office i’m gonna send her flowers one day i didn't even know parks had offices

i smile sadly to myself about things that aren’t even gone yet!

see you around!