Journey Made Easy by Uncommon People, A

A Journey Made Easy by Uncommon People is a unique book. It’s not an autobiography; nor a literary novel or an academic study. It is a thanks giving narrative, an expression of gratitude to all those who contributed to shaping the life and career of the author, Dr Kiran Devendra.

Experiencing intellectual bliss at Hawaii University

A Journey Made Easy

by Uncommon People KIRAN DEVENDRA

A Journey Made Easy by Uncommon People

A Journey Made Easy

by Uncommon People

KIRAN DEVENDRA

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© Text and pictures September, 2020 Kiran Devendra New Delhi kirandevendra2@gmail.com

Price: Rs 300 All proceeds from this book will go to Action for Autism, Delhi.

You may order copies from: Midland Book Shop Shop No. 20, Aurobindo Place Market Hauz Khas, New Delhi 110 001 Tel: 011 2686 7121

Cover photo: Bougainvillea at Sultanpur Bird Sanctuary, Haryana Back cover photo: East-West Center, Hawaii University

ISHTIHAAR info@ishtihaar.com 9810018857

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For Papa and Mummy for encouraging me to dream and their effort to give wings to my dreams Bauji and Mummy for their blessings My brothers Anand, Ashok and their families for their continuous unparalleled support Devendra, my husband, for letting me grow with him intellectually and spiritually and for believing in me Munna didi, Ruchi, Narendra, Sudhir, Sushil and their families for their love and respect Divyamanu, my son, and Priyanka for being more than a daughter and for giving me unlimited strength Vaidehi for her unconditional love which gives a new meaning to my life after Devendra

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I wish to share why I chose Bougainvillea picture for the cover page of this book. I discovered that it grows wild on its own – even when no one takes care of it. I enjoy its colours, its expanse, on roadsides and in villages, on my way to Amity University for six years now. I keep getting a strong message from it when I see stretches of it overcoming all kinds of hazards. It keeps giving joy only to those who have the time to look at it and feel its empowering presence.

The back cover picture has a message that I was able to reach far in my personal and professional life because my journey was supported by so many. Even the picture was clicked by an old friend.

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Contents Foreword

3

Prologue

5

My Family

13

My Teachers

77

My Students

85

Doctors

93

My Career

125

Friends

187

Learnings: Public Figures and Bureaucrats

199

Friends in the Neighbourhood

207

Angels in the Sky

213

Epilogue

219

About the Author

239

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Foreword A Journey Made Easy by Uncommon People is a unique book.

It’s not an autobiography; nor a literary novel or an academic study. It is a thanks giving narrative, an expression of gratitude to all those who contributed to shaping the life and career of the author, Dr Kiran Devendra. She learnt the art of ‘Thanks Giving’ from her father who used to send postcards after his every visit and engagement with others. Kiran Ji tried to practice it herself, but could not sustain the practice. This well written narrative is to compensate for that failure. The culture of gratitude for all the support and sympathy that we receive in our lives has also greatly vanished under the burden of our modern lifestyles and globalised cultural infusion. People are obsessively preoccupied with productions and profits at the cost of nature and humanity. Those who help us build our lives and carry forward our endeavours are seen as mere steps in stairs to success and rise, not as contributors and shareholders to our dreams and goals; achievements and accomplishments. The culture of gratitude, indeed needs to be revived, reinforced and sustained. I am sure, Kiran Ji’s narrative will inspire many of her readers.

Kiran ji has been fortunate to have a loving and caring family.

She had the privilege of coming in contact and working with Aruna Asif Ali, an acknowledged freedom fighter, national leader and a social reformist. She was mentored by Prof SR Mehrotra, Prof Ravindra Kumar and Prof Amrik Singh; all tall figures and renowned names in the field of academics. She is sincerely grateful to all of them for protecting and promoting her, for imbibing ideals

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and values of life in her. She has also acknowledged the care, love and affection received from her colleagues, students and doctors.

She has not even forgotten her driver, her pet Rambo and casual fellow travellers in flights and trains. It was a pleasant surprise to see the reference to some of my younger JNU colleagues in this narrative. Prof Sanjay Pandey and Prof Gulshan Sachdeva had fondly recalled Kiran Ji’s illustrious brother Anand Sharma’s visit to Jawaharlal Nehru University for an interaction with the faculty of the School of International Affairs. He has held the positions of a Minister of State in External Affairs as well as Commerce & Industry in the Government of India.

A Journey … narrative is smooth and absorbing. I have had the chance of working with Kiran Ji in the Governing Bodies of some of the Delhi University Colleges. I found her sensitive and accommodative to the issues related to students and the faculties but objective and uncompromising on administrative and governance matters. She has always been fair, just and straightforward. The values and emotional depth of her approach to life gets fully highlighted in her narratives. She quotes Khalil Gibran on parent children relations saying “Children come through us but they are not ours. They have a world of their own which we cannot visit”.

On kindness, she quotes Plato; “Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. It is anything that lifts another person.” Underlining the significance of positive attitude in life, she recalls an Irish belief: “Always remember to forget the things that make us sad But never forget to remember the things that make us glad Always remember to forget the friends who proved untrue But never forget to remember those who stuck by us Always remember to forget the troubles that passed away But never forget to remember that the blessings too have come our way!”

Her narrative is a celebration of this ‘remembrance’.

S.D. MUNI

Professor Emeritus, School of International Studies, JNU, Delhi Former Ambassador and Special Envoy, Government of India

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Prologue

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s children when we were growing up in Shimla in the 1950s, we used to see Papa writing ‘thank you’ letters on his return from tours, and also, after visiting a friend or a relative. He was the only earning member. He supported his sisters, brothers and our education along with responsibilities towards his parents. Later, he helped his sisters get married and settle in life. He would buy ‘post cards’ in those days in large numbers to write ‘thank you’ to all those people who had looked after him during tours and to those whom he had visited alone or with us. After a few years, he would buy large number of ‘inland letters’ to write longer ‘thank you’ letters. He used to write these on the day of his return from a tour or a visit. It would be either before or after dinner, in coldest evenings of heavy snowfall, of heavy rains, deafening downpour or the pleasant summer nights. He maintained a discipline of doing it as a duty of expressing his gratitude.

Whenever during the winters we went to stay with our grandparents, Om uncle’s family or any of his cousin’s, he would write to all of them ‘Thank you for looking after all us’. Our visits used to be brief, not more than two-three days in every home of his cousins and his brother. Only in our grandparents house, we would stay for a week or more. In Om uncle’s house we stayed once for nearly two months when Papa was posted in Delhi. He

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always felt the need to express gratitude for the care and affection which we received as a family.

He did not forget to be in touch with his officers and colleagues, friends, neighbours and relatives till he passed away. He would be in touch with his uncles, cousins, friends to find out what he could do for them when they were sick or feeling low. He would walk long distances after his office hours or on Sundays to reach out to most of them, turn by turn. He never ever said that he was tired and that it was difficult to do so much for so many.

He used to make continuous and consistent effort for those known to us. What I remember so clearly is how he used to regularly visit Prof Brij Mohan Sharma who taught French in SD College, Shimla, when he was diagnosed with Oral cancer. He would take us with him to visit Prof Sharma till the time he was in Shimla. It was quite a long distance to walk from our house but we would visit Prof Sharma every alternate Sunday. Papa gave him and his family strength in their difficult time. Later when he moved to Chandigarh for treatment, he regularly wrote to him and visited him every month till he left this world. Papa continued to provide support to the family for long time. The message, in this, for us was very deep. There were many such friends who received Papa’s care and support.

Greeting cards were introduced to us by Papa when he started sending those to us on our birthdays or to say ‘thank you’, when he visited me in Punjabi University, Patiala where I was working, and my brothers Anand and Ashok in Delhi. He would send a card and add ‘thank you for making your mummy and me so comfortable and happy’. Mummy and Papa stayed with us in Patiala only twice for a day and two and when I moved to Delhi, only once for two days. He would send a ‘thank you’ to me and Devendra to say that the tea and snacks we served were lovely and they enjoyed time spent with our son Manu. Both my brothers Anand and Ashok, with whom they stayed during their visit for a week in October and for three weeks in January when the High Court would remain closed, would receive similar ‘thank you’ cards. He always believed that children must be thanked for their care, affection and time and that parents must never take them for granted. Mummy believed firmly in his thinking and shared his views.

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Anand and I picked up this habit from Papa naturally while Ashok believes in expressing gratitude in person. I picked up the easier version of this habit, buying the cards and write a shortest possible ‘Thank you note’. Anand picked up the original and the difficult version of writing proper ‘Thank you’ letters using cards for wishing Birthdays, Christmas or New Year etc., but adding something special and appropriate. While Anand and Ashok remain sincere like Papa and rarely forget to express gratitude, I began to do it only when I could! I learnt to ignore expressing gratitude, mentally giving myself an excuse, ‘how can I do it with an emotional outburst, a headache, a high fever or a busy work schedule’. Nonetheless, for the past few years in my early 60s I felt the pangs of guilt realising that so many people in family, friends, doctors, colleagues and strangers had helped me. So many are still providing unconditional and spontaneous support. I have been able to say ‘Thank you’ to most of them but only as a ritual. I feel the weight on my soul and wish to share how so many uncommon people helped me to accept the toughest of challenges. The support was uncommon as they willingly gave their time and energy to let me silently know that they were and are still with me.

I also regret not keeping my promise of meeting a few people whom I should have. I became nervous of travelling after Devendra’s leaving this world, during my illness or an urgent situation at home or at work. The more I think of it, the more I realise how Papa overcame his tough health issues, family situations and work commitments to find time for every friend, relative and colleague.

He coped with unbelievably difficult situations, he did not use the word ‘multitasking’ but we actually learnt it from him. He used to tell us ‘do anything to express gratitude and if you ever feel that you can do something for anyone, do it’. My regret is that I could not express my gratitude to many, who have left this world. I could not do it for Papa who supported ‘his ordinary daughter to feel special’. He never ever complained that I did not have time to meet him frequently even when he was critically ill in Delhi for nearly a year. His silent message was ‘parents should never expect anything from their children. They must not lose grace’.

This book is an attempt to express my gratitude to those uncommon people who helped me to face the challenges and give

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a meaning to my life. They never let me give up. There may be some who might have been unintentionally left out. An unspoken and unwritten gratitude would always be felt for them whenever I would think of an incident which would remind me of their kindness. I would feel more guilty of having forgotten them when I was writing this book.

Most of the people mentioned have been guardians Some inspired, some taught me to dream Some encouraged, some supported to help me to keep going Some taught through their own example ‘Never to give up’ when everything turns against you, after a rejection, a defeat, a humiliating experience, while many of you showed a way to bounce back!

All of you held my hand with a smile when I had adversaries!

I wonder would I have been what I am, tough and determined If you did not come in my life!

I humbly accept that I am not a self made person!

My regrets I wish I had more time and patience for our only child Divyamanu (Manu) when he was a child, in school and in college.

He never asked for anything, never questioned anything and did not make close friends who would come and stay with us or he would go to their home to stay. He was constantly thinking of helping us with everything that we did. Even all the Christmas and New Year Eves, till he got married, he spent with us – sometimes at the Delhi Flying Club, mostly at the India Habitat Centre. We never were home for these evenings. I keep telling Manu that I feel guilty for not doing for him what I should have, and at least to let him know that I really love him from the deepest core of my heart.

He always smiles to say, ‘Mom you did what you could. I never felt or even feel it. Don’t upset yourself so much’. My guilt and his

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response becomes an emotional burden which gives me sleepless nights!

I could not spend much time with my parents and could never tell them how much I loved and respected them for my untraditional upbringing, for encouraging me and never comparing me to anyone. For not spending time with my brothers, always giving them a lot of anxiety by loading them with my problems and never finding time to even share their anxieties. I would invariably be busy with my family and work. I went from office to take Dr Khan’s daughter for a checkup at Apollo Hospital. While coming back I had a strong urge to meet Papa. He and Mummy were staying at Ashok’s house which was so close to Apollo Hospital.

When I reached office, my niece, Gauri informed me that Papa had become very critical. She was in touch with Manu, Devendra, Anand and me. Manu had fortunately spent some time with him an hour back. He went to meet him from Teen Murti Library. He came to pick me up to drive me to New Friends Colony, to Ashok’s house. He was sad, anxious that Papa may not pass away before we reached. I was feeling so guilty and shocked, but I told him ‘Don’t worry, if God wants we will see him alive otherwise, not!’ I told him to relax each time a red light came. On reaching there, we found Anand crying, outside. He said, ‘Kiran I came to pick you up last night to ensure that you could see Papa, you did not want to wake up Devendra!’ Devendra never forgave me for my blunder. I can never forgive myself for this. This keeps bringing in me a very strong sense of guilt.

For not having a warm telephonic conversation with Kuttu, Devendra’s youngest brother due to pressure of rushing to work.

I was already very late. How I wish I knew that it was his last conversation with me!

I wish I could avoid writing a candid letter to Kunti Mummy and sending photocopies of it to family members. I had to write this letter as she was staying with Ruchi in Ambala. I always had a beautiful, but frank relationship with her. I never discussed issues indirectly with her. This letter was to share my feelings of getting hurt. I did tell Kunti Mummy that I had a right on her to share something that I wanted to, whether pleasant or unpleasant.

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For my inability to give more time to Kunti Mummy during her last months. Had Devendra not been so ill, I would have liked to look after her better. I also feel bad that I could not get a wheel chair for her during the last one month of her life, when she could not walk. Devendra was in hospital at that time. I wanted her to sit outside, be in the drawing room! When I shared this with my maid Malti, she discouraged me by saying that it was so cold outside, in January and February there was chill in winds. Her room was kept warm with an oil heater. I had a preoccupied mind. I wish I had not listened to Malti!

During the recent visit to Delhi in August 2019, Zenobia shared with me that Gyan had been having severe pain in his back and legs. She asked me to fix an appointment with Dr Gerd Mueller.

Two days had passed when I contacted Dr Mueller, he did not take my calls for the next two days. His secretary informed me that he was in meetings and overbooked. Dr Mueller went to Europe to return on August 23, 2019 the day Zenobia, Azad and Gyan were flying back to London. I have been able to fix appointments with so many doctors for so many friends, family members, colleagues and strangers. My failure to fix it for Gyan will always give me a sense of guilt!!

For not keeping my promise of visiting Prof VC Kulandai Swamy due to my health issues. When I called up to let him know that I had booked my ticket and would be there the next evening, his wife told me he was very critical. He passed away in the morning. I reached in the evening to pay respect to his body.

Rambo’s sudden departure has left a void and a continuous mental and emotional struggle to question the Vet who treated him. Why did I not pay attention to my thoughts to change the Vet? Rambo was very fond of boiled potatoes and eggs, the Vet had put him on a Royal Canine diet. Rambo adjusted to it with difficulty. I wished several times, to give him his favourite food, but, I could never communicate this to my maid.

I wish I could help Anita Gupta, HoD History of a Delhi University College and Naglata, HoD History at the reputed Lion Public School, Gurgaon to continue with their PhD with me. They had done their MPhil in 1986 and early 1990s. They could not

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be given exemption from PhD coursework. I wish my effort to help had been effective. Both broke down when they were finally informed that ‘Amity University Haryana rules did not permit’.

However, a year later UGC rule came to this effect. They could not find time from their busy time schedules to attend the coursework!

Both have remained updated with the latest. They did not actually need the coursework. I felt deeply hurt, because, I still believe that rules need to facilitate and not come in the way to discourage!

I remain in touch with both. Anita Gupta’s message touched me deeply, ‘I respect you a lot and above all I love you. You made me feel important. Thanks a lot. Kindly accept my regards.’ Naglatha still becomes emotional!

All those mentioned in the book and many more whose names have got inadvertently missed gave me strength for my daily needs.

Large number of books that I was blessed to touch, read and feel helped me to learn different perspectives by becoming my teacher, giving me strength, positive energy and engaging meaningfully.

These became my close companions after Devendra’s going away to the better world. The books provided me comfort.

Papa and Mummy passed the value of hard work, positivity, reaching out, staying away from gossip, never to take advantage of anyone’s problems and never feel jealous. We were also taught that it is healthy to compete with oneself and to keep improving by learning from others. They encouraged my brothers Anand, Ashok and me to stay close to nature, keep learning from travels which we did with them. We learnt that people had to be valued whether we liked them or not, we had to reach out when they needed us.

Anand, Ashok and their families provided so much of time, energy, positivity. They have been with us in every difficulty, sadness, illness, not only of my family, but everyone in my big family with a great sense of duty!

Devendra believed in me, had faith in me. He gave me space to grow with grace, time to mature and yet be childlike! He protected me from getting hurt from any unkind treatment with his love and strength.

My son Divyamanu, his wife Priyanka and their daughter Vaidehi have been a constant support, encouraging me to do what

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I wish to by never becoming demanding or imposing. They are my greatest blessing, I have freedom, I am never questioned, my difficulties are understood by both of them. Vaidehi’s love keeps giving me energy.

I have learnt that friends will never misunderstand. My childhood friend Vinoo and her husband Satya have always been generous and kind to me, concerned about my well-being. She had been understanding even when I could not visit her for years.

Vinoo keeps telling me every time I meet her ‘Kiran, not everyone is lucky to have brothers like you!’ The moment we meet, there is so much to share, no embarrassing moment. There are many in the book who are equally understanding, expect no formalities and never fail to appreciate my limitations.

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My Family

I

was lucky to have been born in a family which welcomed my birth as its eldest child. I grew up in Shimla where Papa was posted. A family which believed in me, loved me unconditionally.

My parents, Shri Puran Anand Sharma and Shrimati Prabha Rani Sharma and my brothers Anand and Ashok treated me with love, protected my dignity everyday. The family was special for me as I felt emotionally comfortable with my parents and brothers.

Papa and Mummy took extra steps to allow our childhood to be happy and beautiful, taking care of our sense of wonder. I don’t think families allowed so much of space to children to be happy, to enjoy, to innovate and to dream then, and, even now! For me, my parents and my brothers were my world. There was no fear.

I learnt to be bold along with my brothers. Most of my cousins grew up with restrictions on their freedom, with inhibitions and a lot of responsibility were imposed on them by my paternal and maternal sides of the family. I did not face any of those impositions and restrictions.

My brothers loved me and made me a part of their team.

We laughed, fought, cried, wiped each other’s tears and got back together. My parents encouraged us to enjoy, explore, to spend time with each other and also to be on our own when we needed to. Relationship with siblings is special in terms of growing up together with parents, protecting each other, teasing, covering up

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each other’s mistakes, even blaming the other to save one’s own self. The beauty of it all was that these quarrels were short-lived.

We patched up fast to become friends again and again. There was no bitterness. No one felt humiliated.

My family has been very important to me. As children we felt protected, confident and happy. Papa and Mummy meant everything to us. They protected us, addressed our fears, staying awake when we were ill. Papa did not ever tell us how hard was life for him. He taught us to cope and face difficulties. Mummy looked after us with a lot of courage as she used to be alone with us when Papa went on tours quite often and during his postings in Delhi and Port Blair, the capital of Andaman & Nicobar Islands.

We were given freedom to think and do what we liked. My parents never imposed anything which would make us unhappy.

Papa believed in Khalil Gibran’s philosophy ‘the children come through us, but they are not ours. They have a world of their own which we cannot visit’.

The strong bonds that I developed with my brothers have become stronger because, each one of us is concerned about the other’s happiness and well-being. Whenever anyone faces a challenge of any kind we are all concerned. None of us was or is jealous or insecure when one of us has done well at some point of time. Each one of us becomes the strength of the other.

We emotionally support each other and our families, and are non imposing, non interfering, giving space to each other. We are close in spite of the fact I could never provide support to my parents and brothers when they faced difficult situations. I was never misunderstood. Everyone remained understanding, never became judgemental.

My husband Devendra, our son Divyamanu and Devendra’s family were most important for me. I treated my family as a priority over my profession, compromising with punctuality, taking leave to become a support whenever any member of the big family needed me. I tried to cover up by staying awake to make up for work in office to meet deadlines. I managed due to a strong support from Devendra and Manu. Mummy and Bauji, Munna Didi and Ruchi helped whenever they could.

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I became a part of my husband’s family where I was treated with dignity and was allowed to work after the birth of my son.

My mother-in-law and father-in-law agreed to keep my infant son till I got an accommodation in the Punjabi University, Patiala where I began to teach. The support provided to me by my parentsin-law, brothers and sisters-in-law helped me in different ways. I learnt to take the responsibilities of being the eldest daughter-inlaw along with my work responsibilities. My first job at Punjabi University, Patiala, working with Mrs Aruna Asaf Ali in Nehru Memorial Museum and Library, Department of Women & Child Development in the Ministry of Human Resource Development (MHRD) and later at National Council of Educational Research & Training (NCERT) were all very challenging. I was expected to go on tours frequently. I had to leave for a UNESCO conference in Australia as Government of India’s representative within 15 days of the death of my brother- in-law’s wife. My family understood and allowed me to leave.

I had the courage to accept challenges, never give up because my brothers and their families supported me silently and my husband’s family understood my official responsibilities.

Devendra and Manu have always provided support to keep me going, every moment, everyday and in every situation. It has been quite difficult to keep going after Devendra left for the better world. I have managed because of the continuous support from my brothers and their families. Manu and Priya have always been around, concerned and responsible. Vaidehi creates happy moments for me with her extremely intelligent and sensitive interaction.

What Maulana Jalaluddin Rumi feels with sensitivity about environment, is also true of a family that stays together. Each member needs to make an effort to be like the: Sun for grace and mercy Night to cover other’s faults Running Water for generosity Death for rage and anger Earth for modesty Appear as you are Be as you appear.

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However, with time it generally becomes a habit, if we are not careful, to take parents, siblings and other close family members for granted. It can lead to disrespecting the ones we are closest to, if not checked. The famous painter Vincent Van Gogh survived because of the eternal kindness of his brother Theo. In the materialistic world, we make a big deal of what others were not able to do due to some compelling reason or pressure, overlooking their compulsions. Moreover in personal relationships, the effort made to help generally falls short of the outcome. It is not possible to achieve results all the time, even if one wants to. We need to continue to nurture the emotional bond and remain sensitive to each other to respect everyone’s dignity in our families.

Each one needs to reflect and keep making a continuous effort to be loving and strong to keep the family relationships healthy.

Each one needs to refrain from using unkind words and sarcasm.

Papa You cared for me in special ways. There is so much that I will never be able to forget, incidents after incidents. Your priority was to ensure that I was healthy and confident. As your eldest child, I was born a 9 pound baby. You ensured my participation in the baby show in Shimla and kept my certificate of participation carefully, the first prize and the jhoola (baby swing) till I went to college. You adjusted your office schedule to rush to speak to my School Principal to complain to her that my class teacher had slapped me for refusing to take a bucket home to bring it to school the next morning. You requested the Principal to call the class teacher in her office. You clearly told both of them that no teacher was to ever slap or shout at me and said that the Principal and the teacher must talk to me nicely, convince me to do tasks, which I was not comfortable with. You sent out a strong message that the school needed to do it for every girl. I wonder how many fathers would have had the time and courage to do this! You did it 60 years back!!

You encouraged me to travel in bus as a child of six years to meet my grandparents in Kasauli. I remember you requesting the bus driver to ensure that I had to be helped to get down

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at Kasauli. You informed my grandfather to pick me up in the evening, not forgetting to request the passengers sitting next to me to take care of me during the journey. I had with me a tiffin box and a glass, to have water, in my cloth bag. You had given me Avomine tablet to take care of travel sickness. My initial fear turned into confidence for future travels. I managed to travel alone from Delhi to London and back, stayed with your friend, my Godfather, Derek Harington Hawes and his family soon after my graduation. Not many Indian families would have dared to even think about sending a young unmarried daughter to England in 1973. This gave me an international exposure which helped me later with my official tours, both nationally and internationally. I never ever become nervous because of the confidence you gave me in my childhood. You took a decision to send me to a hostel when I was doing Pre-Medical in Government College, Mandi. I was always sent to colleges which were co-educational.

When I find the present generation of parents imposing themselves on children, disciplining all the time, wanting them only to study hard, I think of you. You and Mummy never did it to us.

I was poor in Maths which always pulled down my performance drastically, but you never felt ashamed of me. When a relative asked you about my performance at school, you informed him that because I barely managed to pass in Maths, my overall percentage came down. I got a third division in school as I failed in Maths and had to reappear in the Supplementary Examination of Class X. You reacted sharply to the unkind comments to protect my dignity and saved me from feeling humiliated. This keeps coming to me as a flash frequently. Most parents today judge their children, give them what they want and feel proud of them only when they do exceptionally well. You were confident that each one of us would find a place and do well in life. Your faith and trust in the three of us helped us to become what we have.

We learnt from you to work hard, never stop reading and learning and to remain committed to our work. You taught us to find time for those who might need us to help them overcome their difficulties, share our time and energy. You never put restrictions on me. I was free to move, visit libraries and old people who needed medicines/food. Three of us had to take turns regularly to

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take these to those in hospitals, to Ms Haridas, her husband Col Haridas had passed away. She was very old and was the sister of revolutionary Madan Lal Dhingra’s father! I was allowed to play all the boys’ games and go sledging in the snow with my brothers.

We would make a snowman and look at the stars in the bright blue sky from all our rooms! You encouraged both Anand and Ashok that I should be a part of their team. You were firm when you had to take three of us to meet your magistrate friend in Hisar (Haryana) as you did not pay attention to my Mami’s (maternal auntie’s) objection that I should not be going to the court. You told her, ‘Kiran will go!’ Anand and Ashok have ensured that I go with them on every family occasion especially, the passing away of your sisters, your brother and our cousin. They ensured that I went with them in the baithak where only men were sitting. This was at Kamla auntie’s place. Women were made to sit separately. I could not go to Hisar when our mummy’s brother, Hari Mama passed away. Anand and Ashok informed our cousins that I could not be with them as I was ill.

Your struggle to perform, walk and continue writing to communicate with us and the doctors in the last one year of your life with Motor Neuron Disease taught each one of us to continue to fight odds and never give up. Your firm belief in ‘Mushkilein aayengee zaroor, par guzar jaayengee aahistaa aahistaa (problems will come but slowly pass away)’ helps us to keep believing ‘we shall overcome problems’. We grew up seeing how you never lost faith during difficult periods. This keeps us going in the toughest of situations. Your messages used to be the great strength for us, ‘we never get baffled!’ You were a member of Shimla Literary Club. You used to write and share poetry with us in Urdu and English. When we were young we could not appreciate the fact that during your matriculation days, you wrote a poem and got a first prize for it. We now feel proud of your intellect. Although a father’s role generally remains unacknowledged the world over, Mummy always made us aware of the great role you played in our upbringing. I tried doing it to ensure that Manu remained close to his Papa!

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You never gave up as long as you lived and practised a value, which is rare that it is not good to expect from children, try not to burden them with your problems. Never tell them what their duties are, focus on what your duties are as parents. Anand and Ashok became good sons and brothers as you were their role model and their families’ support enabled them to do so much for me and many others, relatives, friends and strangers. You taught us that parents must always be gracious and never expect anything from their children except their love, respect and time. You taught us to take a stand, for one’s self respect and for others without worrying about the consequences.

Pradeep Singh, Anand’s friend, shared with me so many examples where you refused to go to the site of our house which was under construction to check the trucks with loads of materials to be used for the house. You felt that you must be in the High Court to argue cases of the government employees. You used to say ‘I do not care if I lose money, I need to respect my work first’.

You passed on this value to us of respecting work with dedication.

Papa, I wish to let you know that you were a positive role model for Anand, Ashok and me. The values of integrity, hard work, commitment and empathy for those who are less privileged, sick or challenged are most precious learnings. Your message ‘be grateful to those who helped you, realise the limitations of those who could not’ remains a guiding principle for me! I wish to thank you for treating me with so much love and ensuring that my confidence level was sustained at any cost!

A very touching incident which I cannot forget is how you used to run with raincoats for Anand, Ashok and me when it rained heavily or whenever there were snow storms. When we were children, we used to feel happy and secure finding you looking for us. Now I realise that your sensitivity and the sense of duty made you rush for us, leaving important work at office, taking permission from your senior, with an assurance that you would complete the work on your return. You would walk with us, all of us holding each other’s hand tightly. The moment we entered the house you would return to your office without coming in. You were

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so committed to your work and family. This has helped us to make commitment a habit! You never encouraged us to miss our school, college or university even in the worst of weather conditions. We could only miss it if ill or when our grandmother passed away. Fun and travel was only during our holidays and vacations.

You found time to read books, literary pieces to us whenever you could. You used to get books issued from the Secretariat Library which housed the best collection of books, encyclopedias, classics, gazetteers, magazines and a number of newspapers. You tried to visit libraries whenever and wherever you could. You introduced me to the beautiful and rich Secretariat Library where I met several accomplished members including the then Chief Minister of Himachal Pradesh, Dr YS Parmar. You introduced me to him, he was friendly, curious and introduced me to works, which helped me understand issues of gender in Himachal Pradesh. I could read Dr Parmar’s outstanding work ‘Polyandry in the Himalayas’. I later presented a paper on the Special Position of Women in the Hills for the Punjab History Conference 1982. It was published in the proceedings and reported in The Tribune. You also introduced me to the Municipal Library, which had a beautiful and rare collection.

I used both these libraries regularly. Your love for reading got automatically passed on not only to the three of us but to Mummy as well. You ensured getting Hindi books for her, knowing her interest in scriptures, you saw to it that she had enough to read. It was because of you that she could read so much – Hindi versions of the Bible, the Quran, Punjabi scriptures – Dukh Bhanjani and Sukhmani Sahib. I doubt if Mummy could have grown without your concern for her limitation of not knowing English language at all. You found magazines, newspapers and classics for her and also the time to discuss with her. This was learning for us as well.

I could not visit you in Shimla to spend time with you and Mummy for six years, but came later on official tours! You were hurt and upset that I never spent time with you as I arrived on the day of the meeting and left the next morning. Yet you never conveyed your anguish. Instead, you conveyed to me that I needed to focus my attention on Devendra, his family, Manu and my work.

‘Don’t neglect your duties ever. Mummy and I will understand’.

You never forgot to do your duty to see me off at Shimla railway

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station, even when you barely managed to walk, you were sitting in the train with me and dozing off! When you were getting down, you saw me getting anxious. You reassured me, ‘I will be alright, have a safe journey’.

Books became our teachers and companions as children.

They showed us the way, found solutions to our problems, made us happy, addressed our curiosities, healed us, comforted us, and empowered us. Books also made us address our fears and anxieties.

They played a great role while we were growing up, now to calm us during stress. Nisbet’s The Railway Children has stayed with me forever.

Your ability to use language beautifully and appropriately to give it a purpose and meaning has been picked by three of us, most

by Anand, he is like you, and has the most beautiful and powerful language. It has been a gift of God to have a father who actually could ‘make day light out of darkness’.

Whenever you returned from your tours you used to get beautiful gifts, sometime for Mummy, the other time for Anand and Ashok, another time for me or your parents. You thought of everyone in the large family. Your uncles, aunts, cousins and your colleagues. These gifts were colourful Himachal woollen shawls, mufflers, caps, socks, blankets, cushion covers, bed sheets and wrist watches. You never came with a single gift – atleast two, three or four. From your trip to Srinagar you got so many beautiful gifts – fur shoes, little embroidered purses, trinkets etc. You encouraged mummy to feel nice as she gave these beautiful gifts to relatives and friends. From Port Blair you got hundreds of small, medium and large sized shells which were given to friends and relatives after keeping a handful at home!

Mummy I remember you as a happy, always smiling and positive person.

You taught us to be kind to those who had no support. We saw you all the time giving whatever you had because you could never see anyone sad, tired or hungry. You were so much in love with nature. You loved feeding birds, dogs and monkeys. You used to feed rice to birds; kala chana (Bengal gram) to monkeys, and rotis

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to dogs. You had the patience to give first to the dogs, then to the monkeys and last to the birds to ensure that dogs did not get after monkeys and monkeys did not disturb the birds. Anand, Ashok and I feed birds in the morning and also remember what you have been telling us, ‘whenever you feel sad, just draw the curtains, look at the flowers, trees, listen to the chirping of birds, look at the sky with stars and moon at night and in the morning to enjoy the snow, rain, mist and the sunshine, your sadness will turn into happiness’.

You always encouraged us to smile. We try to remember it! Your smile and laughter at the age of 86 is so beautiful. Your eternal contentment and goodness is what we try to have in us.

I can realise, after so many years, how you taught us to stay in the present. A month back you said ‘it is no use to keep taking your thoughts to the past or to the future. ‘You can’t change what has happened. The future is not in your hands. Yesterdays took care of themselves, today will take care of itself and so will tomorrows.

We must, however, keep doing, what we must!’

You always connected with the poorest and took care of them.

Many times when just about enough food had been cooked for the family, and, if a poor person came, or the dhobi (washerman) who brought a big bundle of clothes after washing and ironing, or the coolie who brought a heavy load of coal for cooking and keeping the house warm, you would give him your own share of food, biscuits and some used warm clothes. You brought abundance to our home as you used to get restless to find something for everyone with tea, several times in a day. Not only this, you would bring them into the house where the bukhari (coal burning stove to keep the room warm) was in our living room so that they could get a little warm. You used to request us not to let Papa know about it.

Your message was ‘people who are in big positions are brought in with respect and offered the best. Everywhere they will receive the best and will be treated with respect. We also need to think of those who are denied this and yet they look after us’. From you, we learnt how to attend phone calls when papa was out, giving limited information to strangers, never revealing his tour programmes.

You handled the news of Papa’s jeep accident in Mandi by staying calm, immediately requesting his personal assistant to inform Papa that he should call us. I had started crying and was

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sad. When Papa called to say that he received minor injuries and he was having his meetings, you made me speak to him. I was sobbing while talking to him. The moment I kept the phone receiver down, you firmly conveyed to me that I had presumed the worst and disturbed my brothers and Papa. You explained that it was important to ‘first find out, take action or divert your mind. Panic makes one nervous and blurs clear thinking’. This was five and a half decades back but I learnt to handle situations without panic.

You also taught us not to spread tales or gossip. You explained that it was a bad habit which had serious consequences. Your strong message that I cannot forget was, ‘don’t do it at home, in school or when you grow up—at work. Keep doing something meaningful which will never give you a sense of guilt’.

You were married at the age of 14, became a mother after four years. How a young mother taught us to be bold and fearless amazes me! Papa used to be touring so frequently. You were so good in teaching us how to cope, not to panic and never be afraid.

Mummy, you helped us to overcome fear. I was thinking about you during my recent trip to Kasbeshwari (Kasba) a temple of Goddess Kali near Agartala, on Bangladesh border, all by myself with a taxi driver after sunset, returning to Agartala around eight in the night.

Papa had so much of exposure, you kept learning from him, willingly supported our love marriages, Anand’s inter-religious, Ashok’s and mine intercaste. You have been living in Delhi with Ashok and his family ever since papa passed away. You never insisted in the last 20 years to go to Shimla, to stay in your house.

You have only been asking from us if the birds, dogs and monkeys are being fed regularly by Kalyan. He has been with us for 30 years.

The keys of our house have been with him. This taught us that we need to trust people. From you we also learnt that we need to look after those who work for us, their feelings and concerns, be kind to others, even strangers and never take advantage of someone’s bad and difficult situation.

I am often rude to you, but you never take it to heart, always forgive me and this made me pick up the ‘quality of forgive and forget’, I do try to practise it. You explained to us that ‘things said in anger need to be ignored, otherwise they will not let us move forward. We will become, grumpy and negative, if we don’t make

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the quickest of efforts to forget an unpleasant incident, interaction or a meeting’. I was never a good daughter, never did anything as my duty towards Papa, Anand, Ashok and their families and you.

I carry a load of guilt on my soul. I have, for the last two decades, learnt to encourage every daughter to do her duty towards her parents and siblings as well to save herself from pangs of guilt, pain and the feeling, ‘I wish, I had’ which will keep disturbing her sleep as she will begin to get older like me!

I have hardly had time for a relaxed conversation with you.

The recent one in June, 2019 for less than an hour helped me address my mental fatigue with your beautiful language, and, for the first time I realised that you have immense healing power.

You discussed the kind of multitasking my grandmother, Papa’s mother used to do along with taking care of her five children in the absence of our grandfather. He was in Singapore, a Prisoner of War for seven years. My grandmother handled everything with care, ensuring abundance and discipline. You shared with me, that when you were with both of them, and after our grandfather had returned from the World War II, our grandmother shared with him that all his three younger brothers had taken more than their share in the family property. He told her that he was happy that it were his brothers and their children who had benefitted! With his observation, the conversation did not get prolonged. You said to me that from ‘your grandfather to your Papa and Om uncle, no one attached importance to property’. They liked to excel in whatever they did and it was Papa who reached out to so many with everything—his energy, his sense of duty and feelings. You said that you always supported him because he was supporting so many others!

You shared with me that you picked up many things from our grandfather and grandmother. You smiled and concluded, ‘there was abundance in our home’. We had time to see the Sun, the Moon and the Stars. It was so much joy. We faced challenges naturally without feeling the pressure. Life can never be only happiness, fun and laughter. Sadness and sorrows are also part of it. We must take everything in our stride and not feel overwhelmed. Everyone has completed life’s journey, so will we. ‘We have such strong support systems of good values and unconditional love with strong bonds’.

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You have practiced positivity throughout your life. In March, 2020, in the icu of Ashlok Hospital, you never stopped giving smiles to doctors, nurses, the ward staff and to all of us till you could again talk when you were shifted to the room, you began to talk with clarity and recognised Anand, Ashok, Queenie and me.

When a doctor asked about us, you said ‘Jab Kiran aayee to duniya ka andhera door ho gaya, jab Anand aayaa to sansar anandmaye ho gaya or jab Ashok aayaa to duniya ke dukh santaap mit gaye’ (When Kiran arrived darkness of the world disappeared, when Anand arrived the world became happy and when Ashok arrived sadness of the world disappeared). You keep telling everyone that Queenie always looks after you very well.

You never forget to thank and bless doctors, nurses and everyone else as you come out of a hospital. The family gets strength when their loved ones do not scream and cry that they are very ill, or they are in pain. You have a great threshold to tolerate even excruciating pain and physical suffering believing that Ashok, Queenie, Anand and doctors would get worried. Each one of us has partially picked up this quality from you.

Dr MP Sharma and his team brought you out of a very critical condition in 2002 during your 25 days of hospitalisation at the All India Institute of Medical Science with an unparalleled effort and dedication. Dr Ashwani Chopra has helped you to get better during your the three critical ICU hospitalisations at the Ashlok Hospital with a sense of responsibility.

You kept yourself happy by singing film songs and bhajans (religious songs), write bhajans and poetry in Hindi. When a few months back I came to see you I could not believe what I heard, you were orally re-arranging words to make a small poem.

This is what it was: Main duniya mein aayee thee apne liye par, khud ko bhula diya duniya ke liye’ (I came into this world for my sake I forgot myself as I lived for the world)

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Bauji – Shri Satyadev Shastri You welcomed me as your eldest daughter-in-law. With the passage of time you addressed me as your ‘fifth son’, Kunti Mummy also started endorsing that a few years later. You encouraged me to keep working hard, appreciated my simplicity and my academic commitment. You came across as a simple person, you spent most of your time working, looking after your health, reading newspapers.

You could spend the entire day on these two activities. You were the Principal of Sanskrit Maha Vidyalaya, Ganda Singh Wala (near Amritsar) where the former Prime Minister PV Narasimha Rao, a former Education Minister P Shivshankar and a Professor Emeritus of History VN Dutta, Kurukshetra University were your students.

When Narasimha Rao became the Prime Minister of our country, many people in the village told you to meet him. You refused with a sense of self-respect saying ‘a student must look for and find his teacher. A teacher should never go to a student. It is inappropriate’.

You were hardworking and upright, did the most you could for your six children. You had an excellent command over Sanskrit and Hindi. Your keen interest to keep learning English till you became reasonably comfortable, gave me a beautiful message that one is never too old for learning. You never hesitated in accepting that you needed to learn. You used to keep asking Devendra, Manu and me why and how a word communicated different meanings.

There was peace on your face as you had limited desires.

From you I tried to learn the value of eating simple, nutritious food, not having water immediately after meals. Nutritional facts that nutritionists discuss now, you talked about these much earlier.

Your daily breakfast of porridge with sprouts and grated carrots with milk, having green vegetables with chapattis, lots of fruit, mangoes, around a kilo and a half along with a kilo of milk, you used to take half of this quantity in the morning, half in the evening in summers. You used to say ‘one must have adequate quantity of milk after having mangoes’. You used to eat over-ripe bananas, you believed they were more nutritious. You used to have adequate quantity of honey and garlic and litres of water to drink in a day.

Your diet was both adequate in quantity and nutrition. You lived long and were able to walk briskly at the age of 86 from Asian

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Games Village to Yusuf Sarai to bring vegetables and fruit of your choice. In winters, you would eat dates, dry fruit and white butter!

You used less salt and sugar and never had fried food. Your long stays in our house helped each one of us to learn from you. Manu was more of a friend to you, I recall how Kunti Mummy, Manu and you used to play games and none of you had the sporting spirit, when Manu won. You behaved like kids, fighting while playing.

When Manu was to appear for his Class X Board Examination, you fell very ill. Mummy used to look after you with devotion, while Devendra and I provided relief in the mornings and evenings, Manu used to look after you from 10 o’clock in the night to 3 o’clock in the morning to provide relief to his Dadi Ma, paternal grandmother. He used to study at night for his examinations. He ensured that he woke her up with a cup of tea. You and Mummy used to always bless him abundantly. Your support and your long presence in our home every year helped him to grow up with good habits. We realise how blessed we were to have you around.

Kunti Mummy You were full of energy, when I came into your family. I developed respect for you as you were the most hardworking person I had known. Very few mothers would have worked harder than you did to ensure that all her children were looked after well. You were very well organised and were there for each one of us. You looked after Bauji throughout, with his special food habits, ensured that he had his meals on time. I was amazed to find that you willingly did small and big jobs, seldom losing your patience. You never complained that you had to work hard with minimal support of part time workers. You would never grudge it even when all your children’s friends came over. Your standard of hygiene and cleanliness was high. You were regular with your havans (prayers) and dressed smartly almost till the end.

You were a Hindi teacher in Sacred Heart School in Amritsar.

Your job must have been challenging as majority of students came from Punjabi speaking families. You used to take Munna Didi with you in a pram when she was a small baby. You would request a peon to look after her outside the class, in front of the door so that

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you could be sure that she was safe. No mother can think of doing this now because the girl child is no longer safe!

You used to share your life and endless experiences with me every time you came to stay with us. You also told me how you lost both your parents within a month when you had conceived Devendra. You were emotionally strong. You remained calm so that Devendra was born healthy. You also shared with me about life in the hostel of Kanya Gurukul, Khanpur near Sonipat, where you stayed in the hostel from the age of eight and how it helped you to maintain discipline and be organised. You helped both your daughters and all your daughter-in-laws during the deliveries of your grand children. It was very difficult for you, but you made the effort to support each one of us. You were not so young when Manu was born, you looked after him for a year and a half as Devendra and I were working for our PhDs and also working. You made us take him to Punjabi University, Patiala when we shifted from University Guest House to campus accommodation. We did manage to look after Manu. With Devendra’s accident, his 14 surgeries, you provided support by staying with us in Delhi. Ruchi looked after Manu during Devendra’s surgeries. Manu too would come back to Patiala after Devendra’s surgeries and provide all help to Devendra and me in his little, but meaningful ways. You taught your sons to share household work.

I miss our long ‘Tulsi chai’ sessions, when you and I used to discuss issues and enjoy sipping tea. Devendra and I missed your best wishes when we used to leave for tours, for months till Devendra passed away. It was painful for us to look at the door of your room in our house after you left the world. You will never know that I broke down when I saw you in my dream in Ottawa University’s Residences (Canada) telling me that you had come to say goodbye to me. It was on my mind that I could not meet you before you became unconscious and left this world forever.

When you asked for me, Devendra told you that I was in Rockland Hospital, arranging a room for you! I am sure you know, up in the heaven, how close I was to you, respected you and considered the entire family as my own and never differentiated between my parents, brothers and their families. You always advised me to behave better with my Mummy!

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I had been wanting to create ‘Shrimati Kunti Devi and Shri Satya Dev Shastri Book Corner’ in Gurukul Khanpur in Sonipat District, where you studied. I wanted to speak to the Vice Chancellor of Bhagat Phool Singh Women’s University about it.

Much to my surprise, I received a request to deliver a lecture there to 60 Assistant Professors in a UGC orientation programme. It was a blessing. I was overwhelmed during the lecture, felt so proud of you and shared with the participants how you and your two classmates studied there, more than 90 years back when there was no electricity. What a lonely place it must have been. The Gurukul has since grown to an unimaginable extent, it is now Bhagat Phool Singh University! I feel sad that Haryana still has quite a number of girls not going to school and a skewed gender ratio! The Book Corner has not been created as yet because the University wanted the books was not ready to create a special corner in your names.

It has caused me a lot of pain. It is unfortunate that a university has failed to honour one of the three of its alumni who, despite all hardships, had the determination to study over 90 years back. I will keep trying.

Thank you Kunty Mummy for being a friend and supporting me in difficult periods, for agreeing to keep Manu, as an infant for a year and a half and, enabling me to work on my PhD thesis and for sharing your experiences.

Prof Devendra K Choudhry, my husband I met you at an interview for a job in the Department of History, Kurukshetra University on September 10, 1975. You came across as a handsome young person with an intellect and curiosity in your expressive eyes. Your perfect mannerism and helping nature made me like you instantaneously. My younger brother Ashok and I grew fond of you within hours of our meeting. Two days after reaching Shimla, I received a letter from you, proposing to me. You wrote ‘if you are not engaged or in love, I propose to marry you’.

Your simple, candid and decent way has stayed in my heart.

You visited Shimla to meet my parents in the last week of September, 1975. Papa, Mummy, Anand, and Ashok liked you a lot. They all agreed to let me marry you. We were engaged in

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December 1975 and married in April 1976. With you as my life partner, life was filled with unlimited happiness, struggle, pain and tolerance. Together, we enjoyed nature, read books and discussed issues candidly. You gave me space and we did all these things together. You had a lot of curiosity, your eyes would get bigger as you watched National Geographic and History Channels. You used to be fully engaged and engrossed in whatever you did. It is difficult to even imagine a young man meeting with a head on collision with a truck in a road accident. You lost your teeth, fractured your jaw bone and the Tibia. You suffered excruciating pain for two years. You had the endless capacity to bear all this and still work on your PhD thesis and make the effort to tell stories to our four-year old son, Divyamanu, push yourself on crutches to work in the University Library. You had blisters under your arms due to prolonged use of crutches.

You completed your thesis with plaster on your left leg for 18 months and 14 surgeries. You were meticulous, stayed focussed and kept on writing chapters through the night from the notes on the research cards, which you so meticulously prepared everyday in the library. You would work for 18 to 20 hours. Never did you complain about pain or how hard it was to push yourself on the crutches. Your MPhil and PhD thesis on Arya Samaj and The Entrepreneurship among the Khatris of Punjab were both masterpieces, exhibiting your intellect and scholarship. Prof Mehrotra and Prof Ravinder Kumar were proud of your intellectual and administrative skills. I never get tired of talking about these with friends, colleagues and in social gatherings. I am proud of you. I also tried to pick up these qualities from you.

You helped me overcome my fears and recognise my strengths.

We had overcome our issues of ego in the very beginning, each leaving space for the other to become each other’s strength as well as weakness. You allowed me to grow in a beautiful way as your partner – emotionally, spiritually and professionally. It was because of your unquestioned faith in me and your silent support that I could do my duties at home with mental acceptance and willingness. We did not feel the burden of duty, as we were together in spirit in the true sense. We were fortunate to have Manu’s willingness and support in everything we wanted to do.

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I continue to talk about you to help my students, colleagues learn from your struggle and values of reciprocity, gratitude, kindness and reaching out to everyone. I still practise what I learnt from you. Besides many other values, the need to refine what we write, looking for mistakes, gaps, repetitions, inadequacies and continue to address these in subsequent drafts to ensure that our writings become clear and communicate what we wish to. I keep learning from your obsession and effort to find solutions to problems of colleagues and a very large number of students. You never offered a routine answer, ‘sorry, the rules do not permit’.

I too try to find solutions to problems and provide support to colleagues, friends, students and even strangers.

In NCERT, NUEPA and Amity University, I have never come across a person in academia as gentle as you, as well dressed as you, as sensitive and kind as you. You stood out in the crowd with your warmth and smile.

You had beautiful ways of taking care of everything when we travelled, carrying a bag with ‘what might suddenly be needed’, munchies, medicines and the camera were never missing. You carried it yourself, never allowing me to carry it. I had to pick up vegetables for home only when you used to be on long tours, otherwise you never let me. Whenever you came to pick me up from my office, you always picked up my bag in which I carried my lunch and water bottles, I never liked it, I hesitated but you insisted.

You made me feel very special by celebrating my birthdays in your office. It used to be on your notice board ‘Kiran’s Birthday’.

You invited me to join you and your colleagues for these most aesthetically arranged and served lunches! After your departure, your absence hit me hard. Ashok and Queenie invited me for lunch.

Anand and Zenobia invited me for dinner. I broke down. Manu and Priya have taken over completely to make me feel very special on my birthdays after your departure. Priya plans it with lot of care and love. Manu has his silent but beautiful ways to express.

Vaidehi makes every effort to make me feel good and happy. She holds my hands saying ‘Dadi, you hold my hand and don’t worry!’

When we were at Tonino for my 2018 birthday dinner, I was showing her trees in the beautifully lit area, I said to her that the

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tree looked beautiful as it had lights on it. She said, ‘No Dadi, it’s the shadow. Look up, the lights are over there!’ I was so happy to discover her observation and that she knows, at her age of four years, what a shadow is!

When I was on a tour to Port Blair and was having lunch in the Circuit House, a senior Police official approached me, saying, ‘Ma’am, we are taking you to Ross Island. We need to leave’. This was a surprise for me from you, as you were in Delhi at that time.

You knew it so well that I was fond of picking up small but beautiful and inexpensive things to keep and collect to use as ‘thank you gifts’. You willingly let me do it during our travels and our visits to Delhi Haat. You used to bring most beautiful things from wherever you went.

You always called to confirm whenever I was going on a tour that I had reached the airport, boarded, landed, the state staff car had come, and I had checked into the hotel or the State Guest House. You would then be relaxed. You were happy that these were taken care of by the States/UT because I was working in NCERT. IGNOU took care of these logistics for you. It would be the similar effort from you on my return. I miss you so much Devendra. You would be happy to know that our son Manu does it now. This he does with a sense of duty, even when international flights land at midnight. He tracks all my flights. Priya is always concerned. I feel overwhelmed all the time.

You were clear that we would never combine official tours with personal trips. You never came with me on my tours, I never went with you on yours! Whenever, wherever we wanted to go with Manu, we would take leave, use the weekends and avail the ltc offered by the government. Only you claimed it. We had both decided never to become an examiner for undergraduate or postgraduate levels of any university. We only accepted to prepare Question Banks for important universities when unavoidable.

There were rare occasions, when we agreed to be PhD examiners.

We never thought of making money from academic institutions, we stayed away from places where education was getting commercialised.

Devendra, I was moved to find Mr Chandra Vallabh in the Registrar’s room of National University of Educational Planning &

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Administration (NUEPA), talking about you with reverence about your commitment to address everybody’s problem. Your requests on phones were taken so seriously and solutions were invariably found. You never let rules come in the way of solutions, for students, academics and staff, at head quarters, at regional centres and study centres. Your solutions matched with the high standards you set for maintaining efficiency with quality and sensitivity. It is going to be ten years since you left, but people who worked with you want to talk about you for hours when they meet me. Chandra Vallabh and his wife Veena had worked with you.

You kept in your important papers, all the passes for the Parliament, Vigyan Bhawan and other places where Anand’s swearing in ceremonies and functions were held. You considered these to be of historical importance and felt happy when you occasionally glanced through those. You used to convince me that Anand needs to be in the category of a statesman, not a politician.

I often think of what you felt about many people who can bring tears into their eyes without feeling the emotion, which they express. I remember something you had come across while reading and used to often quote, ‘sentimentality is not an indication of a warm heart, nothing weeps more copiously than a chunk of ice’. I continue to talk about you, even after ten years of your departure, as if you have not left this world. The moment I feel your absence, I breakdown. I was always able to let you know that you were my life and that how much I loved you. You must know that I have not been able to forget you. I continue to love you and respect you years after your departure to the other world. I still look up to you and hope to see you when I leave for the better world!

My brothers Anand, Ashok and their families A letter I wrote a year back to both of you expresses my feelings for you and your families. I had handwritten it for you both, a photocopy was never ever imagined. It is this: ‘I have been wanting to share with you something, which is becoming a weight on my soul. It is a mental and an emotional load which is becoming heavier everyday to carry.’

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Brothers like you are difficult to find, who, even though younger, stood by me and my family, reaching out on your own on a regular basis. The kind of difficulties we had for decades could have never been faced without your support. It was your will to help us out every time, at every cost. This must have exhausted you several times long ago, but you never let me feel that you were tired. Providing regular support meant that you had to give us your time, feelings, energy and positivity. Both of you did it as a team, your sensitive and understanding wives, Zenobia and Queenie and extremely sensitive children Gauri, Gayatri, Azad and Gyan supported you. Zenobia, you have had lot of pressure of dealing with Gyan’s severe autism, you always encourage Anand to keep reaching out to me and the family. Queenie has always been with you in doing whatever was to be done, many a times, ignoring Gauri’s and Gayatri’s needs as little girls!

I can recall only a few incidents where your own work and duties were compromised because you had to make things work for us. No younger brother or his family could or would ever be able to do so much for an older sister on a regular basis!

When Devendra met with a near fatal accident in 1981, Anand stayed back in Delhi to arrange for his admission in All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), kept the doctors waiting.

You waited on the roadside for hours till Devendra arrived. You also managed to send a message from the PMO to Vice Chancellor of my University to arrange to send me to Delhi without losing time. Ashok, you rushed with Chattar Jeejaji to get Devendra from Sonipat and you got his car tank filled. Anand, you travelled in Kalka Mail at night without reservation and then from Kalka to Shimla in a bus to get the certificate of your blood donation, only two units were used out of 11 issued for Devendra from AIIMS Blood Bank. The rest were used for three more patients in ABI Orthopedic ward where Devendra was admitted.

After Devendra’s several operations, when we returned to Patiala, Ashok and Queenie transferred their gas connection in my name realising that Devendra was suffering, I was working and Manu was small. It involved a lot of formalities. Papa came from Shimla to Patiala with papers for formal transfer as formalities had to be carried out at Patiala as well. You also arranged to send

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a black and white television in a tempo from Modi Nagar. This helped Devendra to keep his mind off pain and tension. After Devendra’s surgery in July 1981, we went to Shimla for six weeks.

While Mummy and Papa were always there, Queenie took a lot of care of Devendra (when you were completing your MBA).

When I look back, I realise that I eternally loaded you with my problems. Anand and Ashok, it was not your duty to do what you did for me for decades. Anand, when Devendra was in the CCU of Ram Manohar Lohia (1989), you postponed your visit to London by a week. You ensured that food and water was sent to the hospital three times a day. You also ensured that it was sent with the same regularity when you were away to London. You used to call the CCU everyday from London to find out how Devendra was for the next 10 days till the day Devendra was discharged.

Ashok and Queenie took Manu to their house till Devendra was in hospital. When Devendra was in CCU of AIIMS (1990), Ashok and Queenie provided all the support. When Devendra was unwell in 1993, Anand disconnected his cooking range to send it to me within minutes of leaving Asian Games Village. When Devendra was in AIIMS in 2004–05 Queenie and Ashok provided support of every kind, Anand used to visit late in the evenings after the Parliament debates were over. A professor and HoD Paediatrics of AIIMS told me one day that I was blessed to have such responsible younger brothers who visited regularly. Her mother was admitted in the room next to Devendra’s. She said that her brother and his wife occasionally peeped in, only to say ‘Mama just peeped in to say hello, we are going out for dinner’.

In 2008–09, when Devendra had a surgery in Rockland Hospital, all support came from Ashok and Queenie with Anand’s visits getting less due to his frequent international travels. Zenobia ensured that she visited with Azad and Gyan, whenever Devendra was admitted in AIIMS or Rockland Hospital.

Zenobia, you have always looked after me whenever I was in London for work or when I stayed with you. When you took me to visit London Eye, you purchased an expensive ticket for me, realising that I would not be able to stand for a long time in the long queue. I was touched. It was a beautiful experience to go with you to Covent Garden. You took me to a beautiful South

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Indian restaurant. I loved the food and the coffee! You used to bring home food for me and my colleagues, and a lot of things for me whenever I stayed in Russel Hotel. Both of you, Zenobia and Queenie, ensured that your children gave respect to Devendra and me and they have lot of love and affection for my family. When Gayatri and Queenie went to Mount Kailash in June 2013 they brought a tiny Buddhist prayer wheel and a tortoise saying ‘Didi this is for Manu’s and Priya’s baby. We have prayed at Mount Kailash’.

Ever since Devendra left this world, Ashok, Queenie and Gayatri have given me so much of time. Mummy has been around for silent support. Anand has visited me many times in Gurgaon and does everything possible to ensure my comfort with dignity.

Your visits have reduced due to Queenie’s major spine surgery in March 2015, Ashok’s two major hospitalisations (Gayatri’s marriage was possible with Ashok getting permission of doctors to leave AIIMS for 2-3 days), Anand’s pressures of work, unspoken stress of Gyan’s and Zenobia’s health issues. Anand, Ashok and Queenie still make an effort to visit me periodically and keep in touch with me almost everyday. You now want me to spend more time in Delhi. When I vacated the NCERT accommodation to move to Gurgaon, Queenie said ‘Didi, you have a home here, walk in whenever you feel like!’ Ashok’s house has always welcomed my stays and visits. After dinner or lunch, Ashok, you offer me a piece of dark chocolate or a bite of sweet, dates or gur (jaggery), together we watch television drinking cups of green tea. Anand, you make cheese-toasts for me, even packing some for me to have when I visit you or when you notice that I am low on energy and feeling unwell.

Both Ashok and Queenie kept awake on March 3, 2019 when I vomited throughout the night. With medicines and your presence, I got better in a day. Both of you, and your families, have never failed to ensure my well-being. Anand, you are so sensitive to my physical condition, on a Chandigarh–Delhi flight when I felt choked due to extreme dryness of throat, you gave me water to sip slowly and began to talk to me to distract my attention. I began to feel better. In a prayer meeting of your close friend, which was heavily attended, you had to wait for more than half an hour.

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You asked me to move in front of you and said, ‘don’t worry, I am here with you!’ You have never hesitated to provide support to me and my family for decades in so many beautiful and silent ways to ensure comfort and dignity. You never talk about these incidents ever.

It was so nice to spend time with Ashok and Queenie in London and several times in Bombay. Ashok made a lot of adjustments with spontaneity in London. Both of you took care to make me comfortable.

Gauri, when I visited you in Chicago in 2010 with my 20 colleagues, you got food packed for all of us. It was so thoughtful and generous of you and Sudin. Going around Chicago with you was so much of fun! Gauri and Sudin always give so much of love and respect, Gayatri and Anand do the same. Sudin’s and Anand’s families treat me with so much of warmth.

Gayatri, you call me several times to find out where I am when I get late for your family functions. You come out to hold my hand each time you invite me in to your house or functions at hotels or India International Centre and drop me back. This you did even in your ninth month of pregnancy. It is a joy to see Aadya grow beautifully. She is such a joy!

It is a beautiful experience to interact with Shaan. She is so affectionate and adorable. A few weeks back she got up from sleep worried about me saying that ‘Nani Bua has got pain’, the second time, she was upset seeing me scared by scary pictures in a book.

For me it is a feeling, inexpressive with the weight of emotions, to be in a two-year-olds’ dreamworld! I am happy that Indira has a beautiful caring sister in you! It is a burden to accept loads of beautiful and expensive gifts from you Gauri and Gayatri!

Azad, you are very caring and loving. When you are in Delhi you take care of me in small but meaningful ways. Uncle Devendra, and I have been very proud of your values and intellect. In London, you took the responsibility of looking after me. You gave me your room to stay in 2015 during my visit. You said, ‘auntie Kiran, make yourself comfortable, take out any book that you wish to read, shout for me whenever you need help!’ You did not leave the house while I was with you for a week. Zenobia, you used to make khichri for me as I was not well. You made special effort,

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even though you were so busy with Gyan’s issues, mentally and physically. We watched the film Selma together at home, you found time for me and took me out, which was not at all easy for you!

I keep wondering at your and Azad’s depth of understanding and devotion, the way you take care of Gyan like an elder, Azad you keep telling us ‘he is my baby, I have to take care of him’. You have been managing your studies, at one point of time you were working on music to give concerts and helping out your Mom with Gyan’s care. Without your continuous care and effort Mom would be so helpless and exhausted. You were in school then! Everything about you makes me feel proud of you. We know you have had a difficult childhood, you never talk about it. There is so much to learn from you. You gifted me a beautiful book by Virginia Wolf, making an effort to ensure that Gyan could also write along with your note!

Ashok, one evening you literally forced me to watch a dance programme on TV to ensure that I could watch and listen to beautiful experiences of Helen, Waheeda Rehman and Asha Parekh, the legends of our film industry. I was in for a great learning, each one was well spoken, genuine in their friendship and passed on beautiful messages, the most important was ‘never ask personal questions, never get curious to know what the other person is doing, who is she meeting. Listen patiently to what the other person wishes to share!!

I firmly believe that one should avoid sympathy for those in difficult situations as it is a mere formality. Empathy towards a friend, relative or even a stranger gives strength and hope to a young person, child, old, sick or unhappy.

I am proud of your first book of poems, Against Frame, published in 2017. It is profound and deep. It has maturity and a feel of sensitivity and of being aware. I felt so proud when Yuyutsu Sharma, a renowned poet appreciated its depth and uniqueness at your age of twenty five! My colleague Hemant Jha, Professor of English, appreciated it so much that he reviewed the book on his own. It has been received well by academics and intellectuals. Your three poems have been published in Pratik 2019 an International Journal of Poetry. The recent review by a renowned scholar and an interview at the prestigious School of Oriental and African Studies,

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London University makes each one in our family proud of you. I know about it because my teacher Prof SR Mehrotra taught there for years.

Ashok, Queenie and I have experienced Zenobia’s and Azad’s effort to pass on information to Gyan for preparing him for everyday, especially during his visits to hospitals for checkups and procedures. Everything is written, explained and drawn. The kind of effort it requires can never be imagined, short messages, drawings, brief explanations, repeating and re-repeating several times. While Anand provides support with dedication, commitment, concern and a sense of duty; Zenobia and Azad coordinate everything even when they are exhausted. The seriousness of stem cell treatment is not understood by most people. Gyan needed anaesthesia for his PETSCAN and other tests first at Apollo Hospital and later twice on the day of his treatment at Neurogen Hospital, Navi Mumbai. There is a lot of discomfort for Gyan, anxiety and running around for Anand, much more for Zenobia and Azad.

Anand, you organised everything, accompanied them to Navi Mumbai for Gyan’s stem cell treatment. We feel happy whenever you go out as a family. We also realise that each such visit also has a hidden anxiety all the time. Devendra always appreciated and admired that the family has tried to cope so well, trying to behave normally and put up a brave front. Ashok, Queenie, Gauri and Gayatri remain concerned, but never show it. Anand tries to be in Parliament and meetings even when his family is here, many a times missing to pick them up or drop them at the airport. Zenobia and Azad understand this.

Anand, you have made us feel proud all the time with your speeches, statements, books which you edited, your humanity, your sensitivity, kindness and a dignified way of conducting yourself in Parliament, remaining civilised. You never fiddle with your mobile.

You reach out to your workers and so many underprivileged. My friend, Minoo Nandrajog, shared this with me as both of you had common gardener. I always have something to learn from you. I do wish to let you know how overwhelmed I was when during Gyan’s treatment in Navi Mumbai, you and I had gone for a morning walk on December 30, 2017 at Rajiv Gandhi Joggers Park in Vashi. It was a humbling moment for me to find you surrounded by so many

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admirers. The youngsters were taking Selfies with you, the number kept increasing while three senior citizens waited patiently. The moment some youngsters spotted you, they started informing their friends on WhatsApp to reach Joggers Park to see you in person.

Dr Manoj Upadhyaya handed over his card to you informing you that he was the CMD at Balaji Multispeciality Hospital in Dadar and that it would be a matter of satisfaction for him if he would ever be able to provide you and family any medical help or support. You thanked him profusely. On being asked ‘what brings you here Sir’, you humbly said, ‘some personal work’. You didn’t share anything about Gyan. You were actually quite anxious. The three very senior citizens introduced themselves as superannuated Senior Scientists, Dr Dave, Dr Singh and one more, whose name I cannot recall, from Bhabha Atomic Research Centre where they had worked for 37 years. Dr Dave discussed Dvaitwad (duality) and Advaitwad (singularity) with you. They were amazed about your knowledge. They said that they were surprised but extremely happy to find you there. They had decided to talk to you as they found in you a decent, dignified and knowledgeable person with sensitivity and high intellect. They had the patience to wait till the young crowd dispersed. They parted by saying “it is rare to find public figures who conduct themselves with dignity in Parliament.

In the House, you don’t look at your mobile, you are focussed, taking notes while listening to other Parliamentarians, speak extempore and flawlessly. It has been a rare moment for us to have met you personally. We will treasure it”. Zenobia and Azad were happy to learn about it, so were Queenie and Ashok when I shared it with them.

Months ago, I met Prof Sanjay Kumar Pandey of Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) at a Mrignayani outlet of Madhya Pradesh in Bhikaji Cama Shopping Complex in South Delhi. Prof Pandey discussed with me for a long time about your three hour long interaction with the entire faculty at School of International Studies, JNU. He said, ‘Mr Anand Sharma has deep knowledge and understanding of International Relations, Commerce and so many related issues. The faculty appreciated his deep knowledge and understanding and also his sensitive way of respecting the presence of every faculty member. We all discussed this after Mr

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Sharma had left.’ He did not know I was your sister till I smiled.

The manager of the outlet, Kishan Rao, who was carefully listening to our conversation, added ‘Anand Sharmaji is like the Sun which has to invariably come out as the clouds keep disappearing’. His Assistant Manager, Rajesh Sharma, expressed his regard for you.

He has worked with Mr Rao for thirty years with a strong bonding.

Recently I learnt that all his three sons are doing exceptionally well in Delhi University. The eldest one is preparing for PhD in Mathematics from Delhi University. Rajesh, you could never afford any tuitions for them, they have done so well travelling from Ghaziabad to Delhi University regularly and with minimum facilities at home. This was on November 17, 2018. I am so proud of you, Anand. Ashok and Queenie felt happy when I shared this with them.

Prof Gulshan Sachdev of JNU talked about your deep understanding of international affairs and also your patience to listen to so many experts in JNU with rapt attention.

It was academically and intellectually rejuvenating for me to participate in a seminar on Foreign Policy of Eurasian countries and Russia. I went back to my student life. There was so much to learn from everyone, Prof Gulshan Sachdev, Prof Sarkar, Prof Preeti Das, their depth of understanding. Prof Phool Badan was running around with Prof Sanjay Pandey to ensure that everything went off well. The research scholars were good in their presentations and also when they responded to questions or comments. I feel sad when casual comments are made about this institution, which has turned academicians into intellectuals. One needs to be there to experience it!

My colleague at Amity University, Dr Jyotsna Thakur shared with me that her parents-in-law appreciate you a lot and wanted me to meet them. I met them recently, I did not realise that I had been there for two hours. They appreciated your goodness and the help you provide to so many without talking about it. They said that they look forward to listening to your powerful speeches.

They feel proud that because of you, Himachal Pradesh is known the world over. Mrs Thakur taught Hindi in Government College Sanjauli, Shimla, where you were a student. Your Hindi teacher, Mrs Tuli, who taught you in Central School in Class IV was full of

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praise for you and extremely proud of you when I met her in Shimla during my 2018 visit. She is now a neighbour in Shimla. Both Mrs Thakur and Mrs Tuli feel proud that you have a clean image which is reflected on your face. Mr Mukesh Agnihotri and his wife Prof Agnihotri invited me over, gave me so much of respect because they respect you for your maturity, for your efforts to contribute to the development of Himachal Pradesh and for your clean image!

Both felt proud of your high intellect and that you never asked for any favour in your sixteen year old relationship with them. Prof Agnihotri shared with me that you honoured Prof SR Mehrotra during a seminar on Gandhi in Shimla. She was amazed at your knowledge and clear communication. Ved Garg, owner of Shivalik Hotel on Dharampur-Kasauli Road called his staff and son to meet me only because I was your sister. He appreciates your image, knowledge and kindness, even for those who have not been kind to you. You believe in being good for the sake of goodness. I stop here for a tea break on my way to and back from Kasauli every year.

When I went to Vishakhapatnam as a Keynote Speaker for an International Conference on School Psychology, I was in for a beautiful surprise. Dr K Shanti first shared her happiness of knowing you and then gave a letter to me the next day: Dear Prof Kiran Devendra I was nominated as a member for Hindi Advisory Committee, Ministry of External Affairs when the Minister of State was Honourable Anand Sharmaji who chaired the different meetings and headed the prestigious world Hindi Conference held at New York (USA). I attended and participated in the meetings in Delhi and in the US. We were taken by a special flight, made to stay in a good hotel and were looked after well! I experienced Sri Sharmaji’s dedication towards propagation of Hindi at global level. Sharmaji is not only a political figure but also a great intellectual and true Hindi lover who works for Gandhiji’s dream for the propagation of Hindi not only in India but also at global level. Gandhiji strongly believed that ‘It is also the responsibility of the citizens of India to propagate Hindi and to implement Hindi

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as common language at global level as well’. In his meetings he gave space to each and every member and listened to their problems in propagating Hindi in A, B, C regions of India.

He encouraged all members to discuss the solutions with him and his team. He adopted the resolutions suggested by the members and implemented those for the propagation of Hindi in India as well as at global level.

I felt blessed during Mr Sharma’s tenure in the Ministry of External Affairs, a minister who respected the academicians and scholars!

Yours sincerely K Shanti, Assistant Professor in Hindi, Gayatri Vidyaparishad Colleges for Degree and PG Courses, Vishakhapatnam An equally proud moment has been to listen to your recent lecture at FICCI, your argument about intellectual morality in politics and administration is so much the need of the time!

On my return from Chennai on November 12, 2017, I had a strong urge to visit Ashok’s house. On reaching there I found my chair, which is generally in Ashok’s and Queenie’s room, kept in the living room. Ashok asked me how my trip was, asked me to sit and have water. He told me that Mummy’s sugar level had dropped drastically. Queenie is used to handling this, Ashok panicked but did all that he could. Queenie, who had gone to the market, told him to give her three spoons of honey and other sweet things and she herself rushed back without picking up anything from the market. What moved me was, that Ashok had put his mobile close to Mummy with a loud volume so that she would listen to bhajans and relax. Queenie and he were constantly standing there to monitor and watch her condition. Mummy felt a little better and then Ashok brought sweets for her and with a faint smile said, ‘Mummy it has been a feast for you to have so many sweet things!’

This he said to lighten the tension for each one of us. There have been several such episodes but the most beautiful part is Ashok and Queenie never let me or Anand know about these, to save us from anxiety! They are the youngest but very responsible and sensitive.

Mummy has been with Ashok and Queenie for 21 years. She was

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twice in icu in 2013–14. Ashok, Queenie and Gayatri did not go to the factory at all till Mummy recovered. Queenie herself monitors Mummy’s condition to adjust dose of Insulin injection and observe her directly, indirectly every morning and evening. She had trained Gayatri to do it. The maids have instruction to keep going to Mummy’s room every hour to ensure that she is alright. When Queenie had her major spine surgery in Chennai, Gayatri took over, as Ashok was with Queenie. In Queenie’s absence, Ashok looks after me so caringly and ensures my comfort whenever I stay back or visit.

Anand, Zenobia and I are always sensitive to the continuous pressure on Ashok and Queenie as they feel responsible for Mummy’s well-being. It is not easy to look after old people as they have health and emotional issues. The elderly lose their confidence fast, become nervous. Zenobia you know it, as you took care of your mother with Gyan’s problems. I know it, as Devendra, Manu and I took care of Bauji and Kunti Mummy during their illnesses.

We were lucky to have support from Munna Didi, Ruchi, Manu and Priya.

I recall Anand feeding Ashok like a child, just a bite or half a banana, sometimes full, because everyday he diverted Ashok’s mind to make him have a small bite. He used to come several times in a day. In June 2015, when Ashok was rushed to the emergency of Ashlok Hospital, while Queenie, Gayatri and I were waiting in the lounge, I informed Anand who reached the hospital within minutes, and reassured us, ‘he is alright, don’t worry’ and then walked into the Emergency. Queenie, Gayatri and I realize that Anand conducts like a mature and responsible ‘big brother’, to save us several times from worrying and getting anxious.

Ashok was on a liquid diet through the drip for days. Still, he ensured that tea and snacks were ready for me when I visited him in the hospital. He used to tell everyone that I travel long distance to see him.

Anand’s love, care and concern for Ashok was silent but overwhelming. Azad was taking care of Gyan but was very concerned about Ashok. Zenobia became very emotional when Ashok kissed Gayatri during her wedding and, when she was being sent off after marriage. Azad went to leave Gayatri at her new

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home. They did all they could, and what they had to while rushing to attend to Gyan and remaining concerned about Ashok as well.

The beauty about my relationship with both of you and your families is that we have frank discussions, arguments without an ill will. We rush to provide love, care and support, there has never been a second thought. Ashok, Queenie, Gauri and Gyatri are constantly worried about pressures on Anand, Zenobia and Azad due to Gyan’s severe autism.

There can be occasional arguments and different point of views in raised voices but every such incident loses significance, the moment we say goodbye. Each one appreciates the strengths, pressures and goodness of the other. None wishes the other ill or has a bad feeling for the other. Each family member’s well-being is the strength for the three of us. This has been possible with Queenie making positive effort frequently and Zenobia making similar effort when she is around.

Queenie, you motivate me to write, travel and monitor my health, blood pressure on a daily basis. Zenobia and Azad, you keep giving me strength to publish. I keep getting a message that one needs to go on. Zenobia, your commitment for Gyan, pushes you to keep finding the latest medical development for Gyan, discussing it together as a family and with doctors, hoping all the time that he would get better. The smallest and the biggest of effort matters, and even a very little improvement in Gyan makes you stay positive. All of you overlook when many do not understand your anxieties, your health issues and keep going for Gyan along with concern for each other’s health!

Ashok touched my heart when he said, ‘Kiran, we are brothers and sister in this life only. We should never allow anyone to spoil our beautiful relationship’. Anand keeps reinforcing this silently with his concern for Ashok, me and our families. Ashok has taken strong stands, he cannot listen to anything against Anand and me.

The 2018 Rakhi had been unique. Anand was not in town. He called from London. Ashok realised my difficulty of tying Rakhi on his wrist. He gave me his glasses, held one side of the Rakhi to help me put the hook in the loop. I missed it several times due to extreme pain in my right hand. Ashok kept on helping till I managed. It eventually made me feel good and happy. His patience

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was remarkable! He has his ways of letting me know that he cares.

He keeps reminding me to visit him on a Sunday so that Anand and I can also meet. He does not stop worrying about my hair fall.

He forgets I am older than him. Thank you Queenie for baking sweet bread for me with oats, raisins and nuts and also sweets made of almonds, walnuts and honey.

Ashok and Anand are concerned about my dignity, respect and well-being. They are supported by their families. Ashok and Queenie keep collecting loads of beautiful things for me, like the best teas of the world. Ashok keeps telling me to pick up what he feels I have liked. Queenie occasionally gives me a huge packet of gifts for myself and my friends. Anand gave me a Pashmina shawl, two single weave shawls, a small beautiful carpet and many more beautiful things have been passed on to me by Anand and Zenobia.

Anand has never talked to us about his back pain, his difficulty to straighten it when he gets out of the car, and then begins to walk, taking small steps. I have always seen him walking briskly. He rarely talks about mental or physical fatigue.

I was taken aback on Delhi-Toronto flight on October 8, 2019 to find your ardent admirer Jayant Rao Lakhe, a steel businessman in Toronto. He said that he had immense respect for you, your contribution in the Ministry of External Affairs and Ministry of Commerce & Industry. He shared that he has been following you for the last 15-20 years and his respect and admiration for your knowledge and intellect has been always there. Prof Baldev Kumar’s sons Gaurav and Punit have been following you. Both admire you.

Anand and Ashok, you have respected me like a mother but protected me like a daughter. You make me feel beautiful by making me a part of your families, ensuring my comfort when I visit you or I travel with you. Ashok and Queenie, you never get tired of picking up a comfortable chair for me from living room to your room for several years. Anand, you never forget to come out to see me off. Queenie and Gayatri have done it for years, if Queenie is out, Ashok does it. It was beautiful to experience Anand’s care with love and sensitivity in Shimla and Chandigarh.

All your friends have always given me a lot of respect.

Zenobia makes every effort to hold small musical concerts

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of Gyan and exhibitions of his paintings, mainly cards and uses the money for charity! The effort is immense, every card has this message at the back: ‘this painting has been done by Gyan, an autistic person, with the help of his art teacher!’

Azad, thank you for choosing gifts of a precious books for me The Silk Roads, A New History of the World by Peter Frankopan.

It is useful for my teaching.

Ashok, you ensure my comfort by your thoughtful care, ensure that I can rest, and instruct the maids to cook for me only after asking what I will eat in Queenie’s absence. In case both of you need to go, instructions remain the same.

Anand, I went to your house after a meeting at India International Centre. You were in the Parliament, I did not go in, your staff requested me again and again to have tea etc. I suddenly was numb as I walked away quietly thinking how you gracefully manage loneliness and so many challenges silently. I suddenly recalled your conversation with Zenobia ‘I am waiting for the day when we can take Gyan to a restaurant’. You have waited for years. Gyan has himself been waiting to go!! You know Gyan gets uncomfortable seeing a crowd, it is not the same for him when you take him to a room in a hotel where he is relaxed. Next day you called me up to say ‘never go back even when I am not there. Treat my house as yours, have food, rest and then go’. Anand, when you came to know that I like garlic bread, you told me that you bake it for yourself. You promised to bake it and send it for me every week. I was so happy to get it (in the third week of July 2020). I wish to tell you that I had never had such a delicious garlic bread.

Thank you so much for finding time to do it for me.

I am indebted to you, Anand, Ashok and your families for being so good to my large family and me. However, I leave this to be judged by the family!

You make every effort under the sun with a sense of duty and affection to ensure my emotional well-being.

Manu, Priya and Vaidehi Manu, our only child, you have been a source of strength, joy and pride to us ever since you were born. From the age of four,

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you helped me look after your Papa, who had met with a serious accident, leading to a year and a half long period of hopitalisations and 14 surgeries. It was at this time that you started your first school in Patiala city. The University bus used to take you and bring you back to our Campus residence. You have been a child who never had tantrums, never got spoilt and never made any demand. You understood that Papa was passing through a difficult period. You used to sit with him, talk to him and listen to his stories. Both of you used to sing and enjoy being together. A close bond grew between Papa and son, I was happy and proud of it.

I encouraged it as I was sure that you would silently pick up the qualities of hard work and perseverance when you will treat your Papa as a role model.

You learnt to spend more time with us, enjoy interactions with our colleagues and their children. You also grew close to Prof Owen W Cole, a British historian who remained our good friend till he passed away in 2015. He had dedicated his book on Hinduism to you as he was impressed by you, your way of talking, your good manners. You were only seven years old then. I have passed on the first copy of this book to you, which Owen had sent with a letter, wishing that you too would treasure it.

Manu, I have so many beautiful memories of you as a child.

You never got used to pampering, always cooperated. It is a joy to share your childhood memories, which I treasure and keep close to my heart. When you were four years old, Papa was on bed after his surgeries. You used to go on your cycle, to the campus market to get small things which we needed at home. Papa and I were proudly overwhelmed when Ms Singh, wife of HoD Mathematics, shared with us that she was in Manjit’s shop, when some children took out toffees from the jar as Manjit turned to pick up articles for customers. When these children tried giving you a few toffees, you refused by saying, ‘I will not, my parents will ask me how I got these! I will not have any answer as you stole these!’ I experience moments of bliss seeing Vaidehi, your daughter, growing up so well, happily with Priya’s great effort and your exceptional participation in her upbringing. I keep going back in time when Papa did so many beautiful things for you!

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Your sense of responsibility, closeness to your Papa and your paternal grandparents who stayed with us for months every year made Papa and me happy. Seeing you play with them, fight on losing a game made us experience how the generational differences melted effortlessly!

Thank you son, for helping us perform our duties and for your eternal support which was spontaneous throughout. We never had to go to your school or college Principals to listen to complaints.

You ensured by your good behaviour that your parents never had to experience embarrassing situations.

You helped us not only to look after your paternal family but also Papa’s IGNOU colleagues who faced problems. You made us feel proud of you when, you alone, shifted our neighbour Uncle John Chauhan to AIIMS casualty, consoled auntie Chauhan and waited till his office people (from CISF) reached. He was the Joint Director of CISF. You provided a lot of support during your Nanaji’s (maternal grandfather) illness, visited him regularly and went with him to Shimla on his last trip. When you learnt about your Dadaji’s (paternal grandfather) passing away, you and your Nanaji returned to Delhi immediately. You came to our native village and performed the duties of a grandson, providing all support in the village and later in Delhi.

We often wondered what we would have done without your love and unparalleled support! We are happy about your choice of Priyanka as your life partner. We felt that a daughter stepped into our home. Priyanka made a genuine effort to adjust with us.

Papa and I enjoyed going out with you and Priyanka because she knew what we would like to eat, where we liked going, even to new places that you both took us to, were chosen with sensitivity, keeping our taste and comfort in view.

Priya, you willingly supported Manu in giving Papa and me an international holiday to Singapore and Bintan Islands in Indonesia. We enjoyed thoroughly as we had never gone out of our country together. We felt blessed, were touched finding ourselves in Orchard Hotel on the Orchard Road in a beautiful suite, and, a limousine taking us around. It must have cost you a fortune but both of you considered our comfort as most important.

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After Papa’s passing away to the better world, Priya and you make regular effort to ensure that my well-being and comfort level is never lost sight of. You also made initial effort to take me to social gatherings where I needed to go to save me from getting lost.

Priya always kept coming to me, ‘Mom are you okay?’ You used to get something for me to eat as you knew well what I could eat.

You now understand my emotional difficulty to attend marriages and parties. You have beautifully taken over the responsibility of representing Papa and me. You never forget to pick up beautiful comfortable shoes and handbags for me so that my back is comfortable. I have never had to pick up shoes for the last 13 years. You choose light weight bags with good number of pockets.

Priya you understand my needs well. You keep offering to buy gifts for friends and strangers whenever I am travelling. You appreciate that I need gifts even for strangers. You keep asking if you can send me groceries and willingly give what I like in your house, keep things ready which you feel will be useful for me. I am touched!!

Priya got Manu to order four sets of special glasses for me.

These were glasses with green tea already in them, only hot water needed to be added. These were of different flavours, Tulsi, Honey Ginger, Jasmine and Mint. Priya said these will be convenient for me to use in office, at home or when I travel. Manu religiously passes on a message with Priya to keep doing those things which give me happiness. He gets ball points for me which help me write with less pressure on my hand!!

You keep picking up things which I very much like and need.

Both of you work hard to ensure that your daughter Vaidehi has a beautiful bond of love and affection with me. I am overwhelmed each time I leave your home. It is a joyful experience and I get a unique sense of satisfaction. It is satisfying for me to see that both of you give your love, time and energy to ensure that Vaidehi grows into an emotionally strong child. How I wish Priya, I could do for Manu what you do for Vaidehi!

Manu, you got me a dependent credit card with a limit of five lakh rupees. You keep reminding me to use it, Priya you insist that I use it. I keep assuring both of you that I will, when I need to. It is such a reassuring feeling of being cared for! Both of you took leave from work during my hospitalisation to look after me. Your

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concern during my illness overwhelmed me. You and Priya make me feel how my presence is needed in your and Vaidehi’s lives.

When I was very ill, Priya’s message moved me: ‘Dear Mama you are very important to us and always will be... there is so much more we all have to experience as a family and for that you need to look after yourself always as we will need you more when Vaidehi is in college…then we can all just sit around, sip cups of tea and share stories of her growing up years. Stay strong. We are always here. Love always.’

When I was ill for months in 2017, both of you insisted that you would accompany me to AIIMS and Mahajan Imaging Centre for my checkups, investigations and procedure. I had great difficulty in dissuading you. You were so anxious. I kept assuring you that I would take you with me when I feel that I cannot manage. As long as I am mentally alert, I can manage as I can explain my problem to the doctors whom I have known for so long. The doctors are so good to me. Priya, you made Manu come all the way for my dental procedure. Manu thanked Dr Major Meenaxe and made the payment too. It was a Saturday, a day which he needs to spend with Vaidehi and you. It did give me a sense of guilt.

I feel that children should not be loaded with information, incidents which can easily upset them. Parents need to realise that children have their work pressures, the anxiety of taking care of their family and ensuring the smooth running of their homes. I wish to save you from anxiety as much as I can.

I was moved when Priya and Manu forced me to stay with them for the weekend to overcome the grief of Rambo’s sudden passing away. You were sure that sharing with both of you and playing with Vaidehi would help me. I was happy to spend so much time, which was full of Priya’s care, Manu’s meaningful discussions and Vaidehi’s love in abundance. She used to come to me the moment she got up, listen to bhajans, kept talking to me and looked forward to listening to stories from me. Priya, you would give me all my medicines and tell the maids to be around to help whenever I needed, even at night. Days later, you insisted on coming to Gurgaon in very heavy rain to take me out for dinner

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on my birthday. I failed to dissuade you. It was a great effort in the heavy downpour but both of you made it. It is God’s greatest gift to have children who remain sensitive and go out of their way to do so much for their parents. Priya and Manu you make me feel cared for, go out of your way to make me feel comfortable. Priya, you keep packing food and other beautiful things for me each time I come to visit you!!

I have had moments of countless joy when I get pictures from Priya of Vaidehi wearing new dresses, playing with a balloon or eating from a tiffin. There has never been anything given by me for Vaidehi, which, Priya and Manu have not used for her. Whatever I pick up for her, Priya always sends a message ‘thank you Dadi’ with a picture of Vaidehi. Priya and Manu have branded dresses, shoes, toys, bags for her, what touches me is that they respect whatever I take for Vaidehi. I get emotional when I recall that Priya asked for Papa’s kurta before Vaidehi’s birth. Rashmiji got a frock made out of it from Lucknow and this is what Vaidehi wore on the first day of her life! When she was in your arms Manu, you quickly opened Papa’s picture on your mobile and put it on her forehead!

You wanted your Papa to first bless Vaidehi. Manu you have been taking her every morning to the ‘pooja room’ where your Papa’s photo is kept, to seek her granddad’s blessings. Vaidehi has now got used to it. Priya encourages it.

Priya and Manu, you celebrate Vaidehi’s birthdays in special ways. Both of you plan it together – Priya puts in a great effort to see that all goes well, children have fun and meaningful return gifts.

This time Priya picked up beautiful woolen mufflers and caps from a Women’s NGO that supports education of children in the hilly areas. She feels that even when these would get passed on after use, these would be used by the under privileged children. I am happy that Priya is so sensitive. Manu never forgets to complement her by doing many other beautiful things! Vaidehi is turning out to be a sensitive child.

Vaidehi was going to be four years old, it was so touching when last week she got a framed picture of Devendra and me saying ‘Dadi hamare pas aapki photo hai aur yeh mere Dadu hain’ (Grandma, we have a photo of you and my grandfather).

I feel happy and satisfied that Priya ensures that Vaidehi is

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not only good in studies but also in dancing, music and picking up social skills. I feel good that Vaidehi has picked up both Hindi and English so beautifully, pronunciation and diction! Vaidehi gave a group dance performance at Kamani Auditorium. She actively participates in her school functions. I feet proud that you are members of the Round Table, an organisation which supports education of the underprivileged school children. I am happy that you take Vaidehi with you to occasionally distribute food to patients in Safdarjung Hospital and AIIMS. You ensure that all of you have the same food with other members of Round Table!

Manu and Priya got me a cushion for Mothers’ Day which said ‘100 Reasons why I Love My Mom’. Priya got the lovely red cushions with owls. I love these. These are on my bedroom sofa so that I see these when I get up every morning. Vaidehi got a yellow duck (in picture section) as a gift for me when she visited me. I love it. It is on my bedroom book rack. I can see it every day. All these gestures motivate me to keep going! Priya has encouraged Vaidehi to share her toys, games, storybooks and her cycle with her friends.

Thank you Priya and Manu for proudly introducing me to your friends. Each one I meet for the first time already knows a lot about me, letting me know ‘Priya keeps talking about you’. I was happy meeting Dr Mekhala Krishnamurthy of Ashoka University who has degrees in Sociology from Cambridge and Harvard Universities. Her daughter Akhila is Vaidehi’s best friend. It was a beautiful interaction. Priya, it was equally beautiful to interact with your old friend Shiva, a 2009 batch IAS officer!

Thank you Priya for always receiving me in big functions, holding my hand and taking me in, looking after me and then both Manu and you seeing me off, realising all the time that I won’t be able to manage on my own!

Priya and Manu had been wanting me to shift to their house during the Covid-19 lockdown. Vaidehi took a promise from me that I had to come for two days. I went, but Priya, Vaidehi and Manu did not let me leave even after a week that too with a condition that I would come back the next week. I was looked looked after so well, Everyday Priya would ask me what would I want to have for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Priya had entrusted the maids to look after my needs and they did take care of me all

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the time! Vaidehi kept me busy with her activities while I did my morning walks in the driveway.

Vaidehi did cycling, played with football, fed the neighbour’s two big dogs. Having ‘Tea Party’ everyday was a special evening ritual to which we both looked forward to while Priya got the snacks ready. Manu and Priya used to walk every day to the market to get vegetables, fruit, milk etc. They did not use their car or take a maid. While looking after the house with three full-time maids, Priya had to keep Vaidehi busy. She would make sure that Vaidehi attended her online classes and did her home work. Manu also spent a lot of time with Vaidehi. Priya has been taking painting classes online. Many have joined her classes.

Manu used to be on his computer preparing articles, writing notes and be in regular touch with his office. I realised how committed he is to his work. He writes flawlessly and finalises a script in two-three hours. His writing is mature and powerful.

I make at least ten drafts if I have to write something! Priya appreciates his writings and keeps telling me ‘Mom, Manu really writes very well’.

Munna Didi, Narendra, Sudhir, Sushil and Ruchi It has been a beautiful experience to be friends with you for so many decades. We shared jokes, had arguments and laughed together. We had strong emotional bonding. I never differentiated between my brothers and you. You were good, caring and concerned when I was carrying Manu and after I delivered him.

Sudhir, you used to take me for my medical checkups. Narendra, you bought me a beautiful red cotton suit with white polka dots.

Ruchi, you used to accompany me on long morning walks, even though the youngest, you and I shared so much. You provided a lot of support to bring up Manu as long as he was in Amritsar. You willingly looked after Manu during Devendra’s 14 surgeries. Sushil kept Manu busy by playing with him. Each one of you were and still are fond of Manu, Priya and Vaidehi. We got close to Munna Didi during her family’s stay with us in our Asian Games Village house. Aparna stayed with us for a year. In the two bedroom house, there were times when we were so many of us, Sudhir’s

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family, Kunti Mummy, Munna Didi’s family, Sushil and the three of us. Once all of us celebrated Diwali together in Asian Games Village, it was fun.

When a large number of family members used to come to our house for happy or sad occasions, it was manageable because both Munna Didi and Ruchi used to help out. Kunti Mummy was always supportive. We managed these family get-togethers in our small campus flat of Punjabi University, Patiala as well. We were able to manage acute water shortage in Asian Games Village due to Sushil’s hard effort for hours everyday. He would ensure that ample water was stored. Munna Didi, you always helped in every possible way. Both Munna Didi and Ruchi have been hardworking and organised like Kunti Mummy, never shirked work, never considered any work small or big. Both were able to provide support with their understanding husbands Col Chahar and Group Captain Sudhir Verma. I love to talk to Colonel Chahar to learn about his difficult posting, specially Srinagar and Kargil, his participation in 1965 Indo-Pak War. Group Captain Sudhir Verma has been a Test Pilot of Indian Air Force and also Chief Test Pilot of Hindustan Aeronautics Limited, Ozhar, Nashik (Maharashtra). Both have been committed to their profession and have passed these values to their children. Their children Aparna, Vivek, Gautam, Tarannum, Kanishk, Sanam and Vaijayanti provided support to every member of their maternal family. It was, and still is difficult, for a married daughter in India to do so much for parents and siblings in the absence of support from her family. Munna Didi and Ruchi, you have been fortunate to provide enormous support to your parents and brothers and their families. We were blessed to have Munna Didi’s and Ruchi’s support in times of difficulty. Rekha, Nirmala, Rano and their children Vikram & Anjali, Arjun & Pushpa, Preeti, Dhananjay & Hanah, Surabhi & Manuj, Shreshtha & Amit have been respectful to everyone in the family and I am happy that all children have done well and worked hard to stay together. Chattar Jeejaji you touched my heart when you recently called up to say ‘Kiran, I apologise for not remaining in touch as often as I should have! You and Devendra have always been so good. Stay happy and healthy. God bless you.’

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Thank you Nanha for letting so many in Gohana know on your grandson’s birthday in January 2020, how Devendra and I looked after Mummy and Bauji, sent a big TV, fridge and our car to ensure their comfort. You spoke so respectfully about my parents and brothers who, you said, always provided support. You also shared how hard an effort it was for me to keep everyone in the family together, you did not hesitate to share that Mummy and Bauji used to stay with us every year for more than eight-nine months every year, ‘they liked to stay with Dev Bhaiyya, Kiran Bhabhi and Manu!’

Ruchi’s sister-in-law Sandhya and her husband Shailendra remained close to us for years. We respected them for taking care of their daughter Sunanda, a Thalassemic child, her medical needs with focus and undivided attention. Her academic achievements were encouraged. She was given space to nurture art, I saw her work exhibited at her Prayer Meeting, at the age of 32. Beautiful paintings, each with a message, a poem!

Rashmi and Pawan Agarwal Devendra and I were happy (I continue to be happy) that Manu chose Priya as his life partner. Both of you never get tired of giving love and blessings to Manu.

I need to thank you for all the support that you provided in our periods of bereavements, of Kunti Mummy and Devendra. You were in Delhi visiting and sharing our grief of loss for more than 10 days. Both the times it was difficult to travel from Lucknow, as the two of them left this world in the morning and their cremations were within three-four hours! When I had my gallstone surgery, you were there for more than a week. I do realise that each time you came, you had to leave your work. I was not able to thank you for your gestures of genuine support all the time, but I have been touched and overwhelmed each time. Thank you for giving respect to us, looking after me so well each time I come to visit you and during Rohit’s wedding.

Thank you for inviting me to Mussourie with Priya and Manu when you were holidaying there. I was able to relax and feel good.

Thank you for your valuable support during and after Vaidehi’s

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birth and for so lovingly looking after her in Lucknow, whenever she is there or in Delhi during your visits.

Rohit, you are like a son to us. Papa and I have been, and I still am, very fond of you and your wife Snigdha. You are affectionate and respectful to me. I want both of you to know that I appreciate all the little and big things that you keep doing for me.

What has touched me is your empathy for stray dogs, Rashmiji.

You have a huge room for 30 or 40 of them and two workers to take care of them, taking them to Vets for regular checkup and treatment. You did not mind making a small arrangement for stray dogs on the side of the main entrance to your house. Priya is like you, equally passionate about stray dogs. She goes out of her way to cover many with blankets during winter nights and gives food to many of them every morning and evening throughout the year.

Thank you for all the expensive and beautiful gifts which you regularly send with Priya, often bring them with you when you come to Delhi and even when I visit you in Lucknow.

Rashmiji, I am grateful how you and Bhai Saheb take care of me during big functions. You looked after me during the marriage of Snigdha’s brother and at Sugandha’s wedding in Aligarh. Sanjeev, Chhaya, Sawan and Sugandha have always been respectful. You ensure that I sit with you! Rohit is always around, Snigdha looks after me silently. You have always worried about my comfort.

Om Uncle and family You were Papa’s younger brother. We have been fond of you, Mithlesh auntie, Jolly, Tincoo and now are fond of Sushil, Ronnie, Vikram and Ratin. When I came to work in Punjabi University, Patiala, I became close to each one of you. Devendra was working for his PhD thesis on his crutches after his accident. Tincoo, you got Manu admitted to Our Lady of Fatima Convent School, one of the best schools of Patiala. Both Jolly and Tincoo had studied in this school. Tincoo, you used to pick up Manu from school initially whenever I got late due to traffic jam. Mithlesh auntie, Om uncle, Jolly and Tincoo, you ensured that Manu did not feel out of place.

Gradually Manu’s teachers ensured that they would put him on to the University bus. University bus drivers and conductors were

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very good to children of the faculty and staff who went to the city to study in schools.

Uncle and auntie, you were respected in the academics, as Head of the Department of English in Mahendra College, a prestigious college of Patiala, auntie as Head of the Department of English in the Government College for Women. It made Devendra and me proud. Jolly, you are now teaching in Mahendra College. Your son, Vikram is an Assistant Professor in English Department of Punjabi University. Jolly, I am happy and proud of your family’s academic orientation. Tincoo taught in good schools during Ronnie’s postings and later in Noida. Ronnie is into so many creative things.

Ratin is a senior official in hospitality industry. He published his book years back. Sushil and Ronnie are both retired Colonels from the Indian Army. Both the families give a lot of respect to us and are concerned about our well-being. Meeting both the families is a beautiful experience. It is satisfying to know that you are always there with your concern and affection for us.

Uncle, you could spend your time meaningfully after years of passing away of Mithlesh auntie. You had continuous support and care from Jolly, Tincoo and their families. Your passing away has upset Anand, Ashok and me so much.

Auntie Kaushalya and family Uncle Krishan and you migrated to Canada about 50 years back as teachers when Mukul and Monty were small children.

Uncle, you shared with me later during my official visits to Canada, ‘we decided to come so that our children could do the best in academics’. They actually have done the best with Mukul, Dr Mike Sharma becoming an internationally renowned Neurologist, sometimes leading and other times as team member of large international researches on stroke. Mukul, you have been sensitive to rehabilitation of stroke patients as well, because those who survive need to become part of their family first and then of the community. Mukul, you left your job at Ottawa Hospital to dedicate yourself to research at McMaster University and its hospital. You continue to be Deputy Director of Stroke for Canada.

Monty, you have done exceptionally well in Computers. You have

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discovered so much, for the first time. You are now focusing on educational games. You are considered to be a wizard in Boston for your consistent effort of discovering and sustaining new concepts.

For you auntie and uncle, it was a great effort to adjust, do well, to be recognised as good teachers of History and Hindi. The last time I visited you in 2011, you shared with me how difficult it was to adjust, work harder than the natives to keep going and staying in a system, which was created by and favoured the natives.

You both have a sense of satisfaction and told me once ‘we are respected for our dedication and commitment. Both Mukul and Monty have made us proud by their achievements, sincerity and dedication.’

I get nostalgic about how Mukul, with your tight schedule, came to pick me up from Ottawa University for dinner and quietly picked up my bag, which I was to take to Halifax the next day. I did not want you to be hassled on a Saturday morning. I told you that the hotel would have me dropped at the airport at five in the morning. You spoke to the front desk to cancel the booking for the car insisting ‘it is not difficult, I do it for myself at least twice a week!’ Your wife Doris had prepared Indian meal for me. It was lovely meeting your three children, curious, intelligent and well brought up. Your sons Kurt and Blair made long conversations at the dinner table. You introduced your daughter and said ‘her name is Emily Kiran’, and then pointing at me, you told Emily ‘this is where your name comes from’!

When I got up at five in the morning and went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea for myself, I found Doris had already prepared it for me. I was touched. Mukul, you drove me to the airport, checked me in online, and left by saying ‘when you return, Doris will pick you up as I am on an emergency duty for Air Ambulance’.

Doris, you were at the airport the next day, and you had already collected my bag before I came down to baggage collection area, you took me around Ottawa and finally dropped me at the university residences.

Auntie and uncle, both of you made the greatest of effort in Halifax to make me feel special, taking me around to friends’ houses. I felt proud that your house was most beautifully kept.

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Both of you treated me like a child. Auntie, you brought breakfast for me to eat in the car as we drove home from the Airport when I came to Halifax in 2010. Uncle and I used to sit past midnight, there was so much to learn from him. The last time I went in 2011, the flight landed at midnight. I had informed you that I had booked a car from the airport and that you should not worry as I was used to traveling on my own. You were very anxious, I found auntie in the lobby of her condominium and uncle in the living room watching the entrance gate! On the last night of my stay, uncle, you told me ‘Kiran we are proud that you have done so well, and more than that, you carry yourself with dignity’. I could not meet you again. You were in and out of hospital, auntie you were so hassled, ‘Kiran I am a caretaker, I have to wear several hats in a day. I don’t want you to experience the pain’. I had to cancel my plan in September 2015. I was to visit auntie, Mukul and Monty in June 2017 again but I had to cancel the tickets on the day of travel as I did not feel better after months of ill health. I tried to keep my promise to visit you in 2019! Unfortunately auntie, you were hospitalised and I had to leave for Chicago from Toronto!

The Toronto-Halifax flight ticket had also to be cancelled at the last moment. I had to take a flight to Delhi via Tokyo, a much longer flight!

What makes you both stand out, Mukul and Monty, is how you managed to take leave, adjust your schedules frequently to reach Halifax during uncle’s long illness. For Monty it was not only a drive of 12–13 hours, as changing of flights was more uncomfortable and took longer time, but readjustment, even missing some very important meetings. Mukul, you were in Hamilton, the flight was a short one, but your research schedules, your clinics and meetings had to be adjusted, readjusted repeatedly. When both of you came to India for the immersion of uncle’s ashes, an hour before your departure, auntie was admitted in the ICU of Fortis Hospital, Delhi.

You sat through the night on chairs with your painful backs! You both managed all this because your colleagues understood and the managements respected your exceptional contribution to work in your respective areas. You were still anxious, as both of you missed your crucial meetings on Monday.

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You keep inviting auntie to Hamilton and Boston, but have not pushed her to shift with you or in your cities realising that she has friends and her comfort zone in Halifax where she has been living for nearly 50 years.

There has been a lot to learn from each one of you!

Raj Bhai Saheb You are the son of Kunti Mummy’s elder brother. You have shown lot of respect for Kunti Mummy. Devendra and I have known you as a simple person with good human values. I can never forget your support to bring Kunti Mummy to Delhi when Munna Didi had a heart attack. As your car took a turn for our house, a speeding car hit your car with a severe impact. You informed Devendra, both of us came home from our offices to find Mummy in great pain. We took her to Safdarjang Hospital where Dr Salhan, the CMO provided all support. Mummy’s shoulder had been dislocated. The senior Orthopaedic surgeon reached at midnight to do the procedure for resetting the shoulder at the right position. We were feeling bad as the condition at Safdarjang Hospital was not good, but Mummy was attended to by a very good Orthopaedic surgeon.

You offered to spend the next few hours in the hospital, insisted that Devendra and I should go home to have a few hours of rest. You thought of Devendra’s blood pressure and my spine as well. We came back to pick up Mummy and you around six in the morning. Your concern for Mummy and us has been genuine. You used to come to Asian Games Village, sometimes alone, most of the times with Harsh.

You tried to keep in touch with me since Devendra’s passing away till you had a heart procedure and your wife had serious issues with her kidney eventually leading to a kidney transplant.

I try to remain in touch with you now to find that all is well with you and the family. Each time we meet, you and your wife tell me that I am like a mother to you and that nothing can go wrong in your lives as long as I am around.

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Dr Harsh Bhanwala You are the son of Kunti Mummy’s younger brother Bhadra Sen Mamaji, and, the one who has remained in touch with me on a regular basis after Devendra’s passing away. Your spontaneity to remain in touch in spite of your hectic schedule has touched me.

The gratitude you have for those who supported you, makes me respect you. You got into National Bank for Agriculture & Rural Development (NABARD) as a young officer. I feel proud that you are now its Chairman. The way you conduct yourself in official situations makes me happy. I have visited your offices both in Delhi and Mumbai. I had a great sense of satisfaction observing your professionalism. You have grown in your area of specialisation, multitasking to create space for relationships as well!

I appreciate that you came for my farewell function at NCERT to join Manu on my superannuation. Priya had gone to cover the Prime Minister’s visit, she was working for Doordarshan at that time. Your observations about my work and family ethics gave me a feeling that I had done my duties without ever realising! Only then, did I realise that during my Headship, I had not issued a single Memo, explanation call to my academic, research and secretarial staff. I was dealing with large number of colleagues, never did I think of harming anyone. In most of the significant works of Department of Elementary Education, I used to take away my name to bring in names of younger faculty. I believed that the young colleagues have a future ahead, for which, I needed to step back. At home, you reminded me that I always reached out to every family member who was in a difficult situation with Devendra and everyone’s well-being was my concern. I made an effort all the time to keep everyone together! Devendra never had to worry about my support in his duty of looking after his family, especially when the family faced a crisis, and, these were several!

Thank you for mentioning that I was supported by my parents.

They constantly reminded me that it was my duty to look after Devendra’s family, the support invariably came from my brothers and their wives, especially Queenie as Zenobia was in London, struggling with issues of Gyan. She has always supported me in spirit. That Devendra and I were able to do justice to our duties towards the family is for the family to judge.

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I respect you and your wife Poonam for very patiently looking after your ailing parents. It was not easy as Poonam is a working person, now Principal of Women’s College near Rohtak. The blessings of your parents have stayed with you and the family.

Your elder daughter Stuti is a software engineer in San Diego; the younger daughter Sindhuja is doing her Residency in Delhi after completing MBBS, and your son Devesh is doing Economics Honours from Delhi University. Interacting with him in Mumbai has been a beautiful intellectual experience.

It is a treat to meet Poonam and talk to her about issues which matter in life. Thank you Harsh and Poonam for the regards that you have for Devendra and me, love for Manu, Priya and Vaidehi and respect for my parents, brothers and their families. You appreciate the goodness of my family and were so happy when you attended two meetings in Mumbai presided over by Anand. You called up to share your feelings ‘No wonder he is so well respected.

He conducted the meetings professionally, and so well!’

Harsh, I feel very proud of you when I learn from your officers about the milestones that NABARD has achieved ever since you took over as its Chairman. The bank is making relentless effort in reaching the lowest units to help rehabilitation of farmers, to provide support to them in situations of distress. It was a beautiful experience to learn that NABARD continues to expand, tries to innovate keeping in view the interest of farmers, never losing sight of their struggles. You have also been responsible for documentation of efforts and operationalisation of what has been planned to ensure implementation. I am satisfied because you have brought in sensitivity. I feel so good that you have remained humble and grounded and never let your officers and staff ever feel that you have reached the top. You keep making effort to carry your team with you.

You have gone out of the way to provide support to a driver who served you, passed away a few months back. You ensured by an order that the family will continue to stay in NABARD quarter till his sons graduate. You have got his wife a job as well in some other office!

Thank you Harsh for your respect, concern and your support.

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Papa’s cousins I am indebted to Jaggo auntie, her family, especially, Mauji who is no more, Sushila auntie, her family and Satinder uncle and his family for always treating me with love, care and concern on my frequent visits to Chandigarh and Panchkula. Mauji used to wait for my visits eagerly. He used to spend a lot of time with me.

I miss him a lot! I will never forget how all of you reached Delhi when Papa passed away, when Devendra passed away, and, rushed to Patiala before we reached when Om uncle passed away. Visiting you is a blessing as all of you take us back to our childhood. Aara is simple and spiritual in an untraditional way. I always enjoyed my discussions with her in Delhi Cantt. when Upkar was posted here and later when he went for his Jammu & Kashmir posting.

Meeting Suresh uncle, auntie and the family after years brought in so many childhood memories–Sonu, Animesh, their wives and children, each one touched my heart with their love and warmth.

Hari Mama and his family Hari Mama, you were Mummy’s older brother. The few times we came to visit you in Hisar, everyone in your family took great care of us. Mamiji passed away when your youngest daughter was four years old. Kusum was the eldest, and was married. She had two small sons. Her husband was working on a responsible position in State Bank of India. He was then posted at Sundar Nagar in Himachal Pradesh. He realised that Kusum was the eldest of the six daughters. He encouraged her to visit her father and sisters frequently while his mother took care of the boys. Kusum, you travelled long distances frequently to be a support to the family. Not only this, you and your husband ensured that all your siblings received education. Two of them, Deepika and Shuchi are working as school teachers. Kumud got a job in the State Bank of India, Hisar branch after her husband suddenly passed away at the age of 40. What has given a sense of satisfaction to us is that all the children of my cousins, Rohit, Rahul, Prashant, Rupanshi, her husband Saurabh, Abhishek, Aman, Akash, Utkarsh and Aryan have done exceptionally well. I wish Abhishek finds a way to satisfy his intellect. The family is blessed to have five beautiful and

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understanding daughters-in-law, Divya, Neha and Sonali, I love meeting them because I learn from each one of them! I am yet to meet the fourth one, Sakshi. Meeting the younger Sakshi with Shuchi and family was a joy. I treat all the young nephews and nieces as friends. We have long interactions whenever it is possible.

All my cousins are very hard working and good in many things!

My cousin Suman and her husband died in an accident. The family took care of their two little girls Neeru and Indu, educated them, married them off and continue to treat them well, to make sure that both of them are a part of family functions! Kumud, Prashant and Sonali have been looking after Mamaji till his death and everyone who has been visiting Hisar. Kumud is well looked after

by Prashant and Sonali.

Derek Harrington Hawes, auntie Drucilla, Lucy Didi, Prudence Didi and Richard Bhaiya Uncle Derek, you were posted in Shimla and Delhi before our country’s Independence. Papa worked with you. Both of you had mutual admiration for each other. When I was born, you became my Godfather. We grew up appreciating the huge beautiful carpet that you gifted to Papa and Mummy on their wedding day. It stayed in our drawing room for a very long period. You became very close to our family, your letters to Papa, my grandfather and me came regularly from London and from other cities in the world, where your tours took you. Each letter was full of concern and love. When you came to Shimla in 1968 and learnt that I was to be operated for removal of Tonsils the next day, you were concerned. You said to Papa, “I will have Kiran treated by Harley Street specialists”.

We forgot about it. An air ticket actually came for me with your letter of invitation. I stayed with you and auntie at 42 Clarendon Road, the signature address in London. Lucy Didi, Richard Bhaiya and Lesley kept coming in frequently to take me out for sightseeing and meals. I was young and did not fully realise how tough it was for each one of you to get away from work and routine.

Drucilla auntie, you took me to Madam Tussad’s, the Libraries in London, Kensington and Notting Hill. Lucy Didi, you used to take me to Oxford and Cambridge Universities. You took me to

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Brighton as well, to Sussex University, the Church at Coventry, destroyed but created again with the left overs of World War II, a perfect combination of tradition and modernity, the Brighton Palace and many more places outside London.

Richard Bhaiya, you used to drive me at night. I was happy driving through the beautifully lit up bridges, all the shops and stores used to close by then, but, they continued being noticed as they were all brightly and beautifully lit up. It was an exposure for me as I was used to a life in the hills where people were home bound by 9 o’clock. Only those who had to return to Shimla from Delhi or Chandigarh, would be home by 11 o’clock at the most. I loved London and it has become one of my favourite cities in the world.

Staying with both of you and spending time with Lucy Didi and Richard Bhaiya made me realise how each one had meticulously planned to take me to Harley Street specialists, sightseeing, libraries, long drives and taking me outside London. Uncle Derek, on a Sunday you took me to England’s erstwhile Prime Minister Disraeli’s village to see a friend who was in hospital. I was surprised to see a modern hospital in a village. It was beautiful, clean with excellent medical facility. I was fascinated to see Disraeli’s statue on a horse in the village. I had read about him as a student of History, and had just studied British History. You also took me to Paris for a flying trip! On another Sunday, uncle Derek, you took me to watch Marlyn Brando’s movie. We went for a long drive and discussed so many beautiful books, movies and places. Whenever you went on tours, you used to write short letters to me knowing that I was missing you in London.

Both auntie and you took me to Selfridges, a departmental store, to buy a beautiful wrist watch for me. I had never seen a store like that where so many things were available at one place.

Going again and again by Marble Arch, Piccadilly Circus, Oxford Street was both a joy and an excitement for me. The room in which I stayed was called ‘Kiran’s room’ till you lived at 42 Clarendon Road, I was touched by this generous gesture!

You sent a huge amount of money as my marriage gift. When Manu was born a year after, you sent a very expensive injection as my blood group was RH –ve. More than the money, it was an

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effort for you because of your hectic routine. You were then in your 70s and it was a lot difficult to send an injection in 1977.

With courier services and a large number of flights, things have become manageable now, and the injection is now available in India! With your letter, you sent me a pamphlet of lovely things available in England for newly born babies. I liked the bouncing chair, not knowing and never ever imagining that you would bring it yourself. You travelled from London to Lahore, as Lahore was close to Amritsar. Papa had come from Shimla a few hours earlier to receive you at Wagah Border. You were happy to meet Devendra.

You became emotional as you blessed Manu, met my family. You could spend only three hours with us. You left after a quick lunch.

Papa, Devendra and I went to see you off. The security forces made you rush for your flight to London, you hugged me and left feeling heavy with emotions. Papa felt sad that he could not say good bye to you. He shared it with me for years, whenever I would go to Shimla. It took him years to get over it. He was so fond of you.

Our family found a special place in your heart. It was not easy for us to come to terms when Lucy Didi called up to inform us that you had left for the better world. Papa and I missed your regular letters, greeting cards, little parcels of gifts and most of all your love and concern for us!! Auntie Drucilla passed away a few years after! Drucilla auntie’s contribution to ensure my medical checkups with Harley Street specialists, taking samples to Royal Marsden Hospital, ensuring that I had afternoon cheese and chocolate cakes, making lentils for me frequently, potato and leek soup. I spent time in libraries which helped me to do well academically. Whenever I left for Notting Hill Library on my own, you would affectionately say ‘come back safe darling!’

Lucy Didi and Richard Bhaiya have emotionally and respectfully continued with this 70-year old relationship of the two families. Richard Bhaiya and Lesley, you made a special effort to meet us by taking out time for Delhi on your way to and back from your holiday destinations in North-East and South of India.

Richard Bhaiya, you become very emotional each time you meet us.

Richard Bhaiya, you have been coming to receive me in the early hours of morning or late evening at London Airport. My stay

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once in your beautiful house, with a big garden full of flowers and blossoms of apples, took me to a state of bliss. The way you and Lesley took care of the smallest details at home made me feel so good, staying with you was a blessing. James always had time in the evening for me when we went for forest and lake walks. Richard Bhaiya, I am grateful that you made many things possible during my official visits to London, the toughest was to ensure each time that I met Lucy Didi in the Isle of Wight. You had to leave your house around six in the morning to pick me up from and drop me back to the hotel where I stayed. When I came on tours, sometimes from Zenobia’s place, where I went for weekends to hurriedly get into the 8 o’clock morning Ferry and return around 9 o’clock at night and then drop me to Russell Hotel in London or Beaumont in Windsor where I stayed during official tours! It was so hectic for you, but you never ever expressed. It was slightly manageable time-wise to go to Lucy Didi when I was staying with you in 2015.

All the visits to the Isle of Wight meant booking the tickets in advance. You ensured that we had the best and most comfortable seats. Each time you would bring coffee and ginger biscuits, ‘this will take care of your nausea!’ Visiting Lucy Didi has always been rushed. I would say these were flying visits. Lucy Didi, you showered so much of love and care, taking me for beautiful walks in the Island, to art galleries, to markets and asking me to pick up what I liked as gifts. You always got emotional when I left feeling sorry that we were not able to spend more time. You express your love and care through long mails and phone calls. Philip has always been warm. I feel good to find that both of you are a lovely couple.

Prudence Didi, you have been so warm whenever you spoke to me on the phone. Your film world kept you extremely busy in Paris. You come across as a grounded and humble person. Having Lucy Didi and Prunie Didi as my God sisters and Richard Bhaiya as my God brother is a blessing. It has made me learn so much, feel proud that our family is so close to you. We feel blessed and will remain indebted to you uncle Derek, for pulling out Papa from a burning train at Lahore, bringing him to Amritsar in his car and for being the ‘Guardian Angel’ to the family as long as he lived!!

Each one of you, Lucy Didi, Richard Bhaiya, Lesley and Prudence

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Didi has respected an affectionate emotional bond created and nurtured by our Papas! Your concern for us and our well-being is so genuine. We value this as an invaluable gift!

Vinay Sharma You came to stay in Ivy lodge as a guest of our neighbour Das Gupta auntie, opposite our house which had a common gallery.

You were a young engineer who worked for the electrification of rural Himachal Pradesh. We, as a family, liked you because you were decent, quiet and respectful to my grandfather who stayed with us, to my parents and a friend to my brothers and me. Ashok and I became close to you, Anand remained busy, he met you occasionally. Papa used to come late after his work and evening Law classes. Your interaction with him was limited to taking advice. You gradually became closest to Mummy as she had learnt that you had lost your mother, she was a mother to you. You interacted comfortably with her. You were hesitant to socialize.

I picked up a respectful liking for you for two reasons.

One, that you had done your engineering degree from Jadavpur University, two, that you were a young engineer, doing something meaningful. It was a time when I was very upset about not making it to a Medical College because I was weak in Maths, a subject that pulled down my performance. I always wanted to be a doctor.

I was struggling to find my ropes. I was doing graduation in Social Sciences. In you, I found a friend who would patiently listen to my everyday struggle in academics to achieve something extraordinary from subjects considered ordinary, then and, even now. Nobody understood the academic role and significance of History as a subject! Your patience helped me share whatever upset me!

You left Shimla after two years of your stay to join Merchant Navy. Your sailing to different parts of the world distanced us and we lost touch. You stopped sailing in 1990s and could not take the exam for the position of Chief Engineer due to your difficult circumstances. You left Merchant Navy, resigned from the position of Deputy Chief Engineer due to personal reasons. For sometime, you worked in the Pacific Shipyard and in the Norwegian cruise also. You had to give up your lucrative jobs due to health reasons

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and you took to teaching in a school. It was beautiful listening to your experience of going to Florida to get the Cruise Liner, The Pride of America which takes people from one island to another in Hawaii. A strong message from you is to keep updating yourself to stay relevant and survive against heavy odds.

Your neighbours respect you for your good and gentle behaviour. I was happy to learn that you did Marine Engineering from Bombay, when you joined Merchant Navy, and then Engineering in Computer Science from Finland, after leaving the Merchant Navy. Your mail after two decades and a half took me back to the simple but meaningful sharing we used to have.

You came to meet me in Delhi from Honolulu. You were upset that Devendra’s going away had taken away my happy look and spontaneity!

You are considered as a very good and popular teacher in Honolulu. I felt so happy to find your students who had started working, calling out for you ‘Sharma Sir’ and running towards you to shake hands. We found so many of them in big and small stores, working with doctors. Meeting two of your girl students at Starbucks was a beautiful experience. Their three year old sister so affectionately gave you a high-five, the way her older sisters did. There is something in you, the inherent goodness which only pure and selfless hearts of your students recognise and stay grateful forever for your being there for each one of them. You receive a lot of respect from the parents of your students.

Your remaining in touch with me on a regular basis helped me unload my pain, professional challenges and learn from you that ‘things change from moment to moment’. You introduced me to the works of Chinua Achebe. You believe that thinking impacts, positively or negatively and thoughts keep coming and going. You are a simple but highly organized, upright and meticulous person.

Each time you sent me an old English or Hindi song, it helped me to go back to my college and university days and my life with my closest friend Devendra. Thank you for your effort and sharing your struggles in USA, a foreign land, without compromising with your dignity. I feel good when your son Gaurav, his wife Akhila and their son Arjun try to occasionally remain in touch with me.

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What stays with me is your simple way of explaining complicated science concepts, your readings in literature and your intellectual depth. Your valuable inputs to the two concept papers I wrote in 2014, helped me improve. You are obsessed with integrity and sense of discipline. This has made you rigid. I have learnt a lot from you, the most important is that ‘there needs to be some room for flexibility to keep interaction with loved ones alive!’ Your desire to keep learning and grow in depth with understanding keeps me close to you, I look forward to our interactions, to discuss books, news, poems, values and your experience of large number of countries which you visited during your Merchant Navy career, and, about Finland, Netherlands, Norway and England, where you stayed and worked for long periods. You have handled your major surgeries, cancers and fracture of Tibia on your own. It gives me goosebumps when I realise that you endured so much of pain, discomfort all by yourself. It must have been so tough but you managed because you believed in yourself. You shared with me ‘I decided that I will survive with difficulties, without difficulties and in spite of difficulties. I will keep fighting’. A great learning for me!

You help me address my anxiety by frequently interacting with me. The support and care which you provided during my two visits to Honolulu is unparalleled. Discussing with me History, institutions, your work, the Hawaiian culture, the Pearl Harbour, taking me around while giving me so much knowledge and taking care of every detail has touched me for ever. You do so much silently without ever trying to project it!

You gave me the responsibility of getting your studio built in Gurgaon. It was because of you that I met Shri Ramesh Kumar, an engineer who follows the Gandhian principle to construct no profit buildings using insulated bricks. These bricks save those who live in these houses from extreme weather conditions. He sits in his Laurie Baker Building Centre, New Delhi, to provide service and many a times free consultation and training to young architects and engineers! The buildings built by Laurie Baker Building Centre are beautiful, practical and comfortable. Your studio stood out from the rest of the houses in the area.

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Usha Parashar and Vijay Sharma I met you in November–December of 2013 when Ashok, Queenie and I had come to London to be with Zenobia when her mother Zaineb was critical. She passed away on November 29.

Your several visits and interactions with us during this critical period made us feel close to you with your care and love. It was difficult to believe that the two of you were highly accomplished professionals and yet so humble and warm.

Vijay Bhai, you became so emotional when you said goodbye to us. You and Usha Didi have been wanting me to stay with you for a month in London. I have not been able to do it and I do realise how much I have been missing your love, care and learning.

Nonetheless, I was so happy when we spent a full day in June 2015, a long walk in the Royal Horticulture Garden. The walk was relaxing and leisurely, sitting whenever I got tired to start again.

I did not have to tell you as you observed and notice my fatigue.

Vijay Bhai and Usha Didi, you are both elder to me but Vijay Bhai carried my bag of gifts and Usha Didi, you kept on holding my hand at turns and steps. The ‘English afternoon tea’ at the Fox hills Country Club (Golf Course) was an amazing and beautiful experience. We spent hours there and shared so many experiences.

Usha Didi, I felt choked with emotion when Vijay Bhai shared that soon after your marriage, both his parents died and you took great care of his brothers and sister. You became a mother to them.

Usha Didi, the way you respect your doctor brother’s wife and treat their son, with visual challenge, as yours is so moving. You shared that your brother had passed on to the better world when he was a very young doctor in London. You treat his English wife as your mother and Vijay Bhai very much appreciates her love and care for both of you. I feel good about your commitment to each other, fulfilling your social roles and never neglecting your professional commitment of highly demanding nature. Vijay Bhai, a renowned solicitor and Usha Didi, a Baroness of the British Parliament.

From the Golf Course you took me to your beautiful home for the evening tea. We again discussed books and family relationships.

You took me to a very nice restaurant for an Indian meal for dinner. Our common interest, values and love for books and for each other made us sad when we had to say goodbye. You again

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said, ‘Kiran come for a month. This time you have to stay with us’. It has been four years now but I cherish the time spent with you. Thank you for your time and energy on a Saturday when you had so much to do to keep your home going for the week and for letting me feel like your own sister! I have a strong desire to spend time with both you to feel blessed. It is rare to find people like you in a world where most professionals of your stature have little time for warm and meaningful relationships!

The genuine concern which you have for Anand, Zenobia, Azad and Gyan is truly a blessing. Your concern for Gyan is as genuine as our family’s! You remain concerned and loving for Ashok and Queenie. It is always a treat to be with you! Thanks a lot for everything, your love and your exceptional effort to over stretch and make me feel special.

Rambo Queenie and Gayatri brought Rambo to my house on the night of December 31, 2010, weeks after Devendra had left this world.

Rambo was a beautiful and happy Beagle puppy. Both Priya and Manu were happy to see Rambo. They helped me to manage Rambo for three years as long as I lived in Delhi. With Mahender’s help, I learnt to manage his routine checkups and find a Vet in South City II when I shifted to Gurgaon. I later changed to CP Vet, considered to be very good. Rambo gave me unconditional love, happiness and kept me mentally and emotionally occupied. He helped in my healing and frequent breakdowns as I actually failed to come to terms that Devendra had left this world.

Rambo passed away unexpectedly on August 25, 2017. The night before, he had hurt his paw and had difficulty in putting it on the floor. He was shrieking with pain. He could only sleep with a painkiller. His paw was tender in the morning. Mahender took him to CP Vet. The Vet assured that there was nothing serious.

Rambo walked back, he made an effort which gave me hope, but nearly passed away before entering the house. Rambo went away.

I was shocked by the casual and callous attitude of CP Vet. Rambo breathed his last in the presence of Mahender, Malti who looked after him as a pup and listening to my helpless cry. I miss Rambo

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every minute when I am home! I wish the Vet had not been so casual! It has given me so much of pain. I received a message of ‘Happy Birthday Rambo’ in November when he was no more. The insensitivity of CP Vet make me now believe that their tall claims are actually false.

Rambo taught me a lesson that will help me as long as I live.

His hardest of effort, not giving up, listening to me as I assured him before he went to the Vet, that he would be fine, co-operating with us and the doctor till the last and doing his best to reach home.

He collapsed on the third step. I learnt that life is a continuous struggle. One needs to keep making an effort till the last breath of one’s life and never give up!

When we were growing up in Shimla, we kept dogs at home, it was possible because Mummy was always home and we had two workers. Not only this, Mummy and Ashok were passionate about puppies and dogs. They took care of female dogs which went into labour and delivered puppies. There was no way that Papa would allow them inside the house. Nonetheless, Mummy and Ashok did everything for so many stray dogs from the moment Papa stepped out of the house and before he stepped in. Papa, Anand and I liked only those dogs who were ours, at home, one dog at one time, only once did we have two together, Silky and Peter!! We used to keep them in Wooden Apple Boxes with blankets under and over them to keep them warm. The bukhari was always there to protect them during heavy snow. Whenever a dog passed away, Mummy would say a prayer before sending it for its burial.

Rambo taught me that one can keep a pet with minimal support and that everything can be managed if one has the will.

I never felt helpless while taking care of him. This confirmed our childhood learning from Papa that things happen on their own once we mentally accept to do something to make the effort. I keep realising this each time I face a challenge!

Mahender You have been driving me since June 2011. You understand me and my needs very well. Over the years I discovered not only your sense of duty with devotion, but also your meticulous way of

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doing all that needs to be done at home and at work. In NCERT, NUEPA and Amity University everyone likes you because you wish everyone with respect and a smile. You have utmost respect and commitment towards every close member of my family. You take several extra steps to deliver gifts to close and not so close friends.

The most beautiful part has been the fact that you have never ever brought up the issues of overtime or an increment. You keep telling me ‘Ma’am, there is no end to greed. It is better to find a level of satisfaction as early as we can’. This is what Devendra and I firmly believed in. You go to Nepal every year, to your village to perform your duty as the eldest son of the family, you paid a visit to say goodbye to your mother in 2013 and ever since you go to perform her shraddh annually. You used to go once a year, but when you lost your brother-in-law, your younger brother, you have had to go twice a year. I have never ever felt the need to check you because I realise that you also need to perform your family’s duties to support your old father. Going to Nepal for you is not easy, the three day journey one way is so tedious and emotionally difficult and it costs a lot of money. You always find a substitute.

You ensure that the new driver has good manners and that he will take care of me in your absence.

You have so many diaries with you, you maintain everyday expenditure, the places we go to, the bills of the fuel for the car though I have never ever checked!!! You take care when buying medicines, checking the expiry dates, sending bills with duly filled up forms to IGNOU and maintaining files at home. You ensure that everything is in order, guiding Dinesh, my Private Assistant at Amity University, Haryana. You go to AIIMS and Apollo to get signatures of my doctors. You have never considered any kind of work as a burden.

You and your family took care of Rambo with devotion till I was in NCERT, and later, right from the time when I shifted to Gurgaon, you had been taking him to his Vet regularly for checkups, even on the last day. I can never forget what you said as you took him for a proper burial ‘I am taking my son, Ma’am you stay back. I will do everything for him for the last time’.

You are a happy and satisfied person, sometimes under pressure, whenever you got a little rude or back answered, your

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realisation to ask for forgiveness and letting me know ‘Ma’am, you are like my mother’ has been quick and spontaneous. It was a beautiful experience when, a few weeks back, you made me watch the rainbow after heavy rains.

Thank you Mahender for being good, honest and upright.

Waikiki Beach at sunset

I often stop at the Barog open air restaurant to have tea and watch flowers, green trees and clear skies

A birthday card sent to me by Ashok and Queenie

Azad gifted me this book when I was leaving for Delhi after staying with them in London; and the message inscribed inside the book by Azad and Gyan.

The lush green foliage on way to Kasauli

Spring in New Church, Isle of Wight, England

The flight of a home bound bird captured at the Sultanpur Bird Sanctuary, Haryana

A greeting card painted by Gyan Sharma (a person with autism) and Galina Stefanova

Priya and Manu got this diary for me with Machupicchu motifs when they visited South America in 2012. I love it. It gives me a feeling of having a priceless gift of history.

At Waikiki beach Honolulu, Hawaii

One of the birthday cards conveying our feelings for our son Manu

Open air restaurant at Barog on the way to Shimla

In Ochenfurt, Germany, with Ms Gerdtrude Mueller mother of Dr Gerd Mueller

Entrance to the Basel University, Switzerland

A gift of cushion covers from Priya and Manu

This toy duck was given to me by Vaidehi, my granddaughter, when she first visited our house as a baby

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My Teachers

I

begin by reproducing a letter, which I wrote to an office bearer of Himachal Pradesh University Alumni Association (HPUAA): Dear Prof Thakur Thank you for inviting me to the first meeting of HPUAA. I am happy that a team of professors has taken an initiative of bringing together so many alumni of the University. The first step is always difficult because it needs a lot of effort, determination and positive energy.

I have always felt proud of my University, the vision of its founder Vice Chancellor Prof RK Singh to invite the teachers who were the best in their subjects. I have been a student of History (I continue to be one today). I wish to acknowledge with gratitude that it makes me feel proud that I was an ordinary student of Prof SR Mehrotra and his wife Dr Eva Mehrotra. Many of us might have forgotten that Dr Eva Mehrotra taught with dedication accepting an honorarium of rupee one till her retirement. The department owes so much to both of them. Prof Mehrotra used to carry a number of books for us from the Indian Institute of Advanced Study to ensure that we prepared for the exams from standard books.

HPU was the first university to introduce semester system.

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Prof Mehrotra and Ma’am helped us to accept it mentally and prepare well.

It was Prof Mehrotra who brought Prof Ravinder Kumar to head the Department of History. Both Prof Mehrotra and Ma’am dedicated themselves to teaching and research. Prof Ravinder Kumar was able to provide academic leadership to the department with dedication. I learnt from my teachers to work hard with commitment, the value of participatory teaching and always striving to learn more. They never bragged about their achievements.

I tried to be like my teachers in my different assignments in Punjabi University, Patiala where Prof Amrik Singh and experts selected me for the Department of History, not because I was brilliant but because ‘I was a student of Prof Mehrotra and Prof Ravinder Kumar’. In Teen Murti Library where I worked with Madam Aruna Asaf Ali, in MHRD when I worked for the National Perspective Plan for Women and then for 23 years in NCERT, I was taken seriously because of my teachers, and my training under them.

My national and international exposure made me realise how great my teachers were and that I would never be able to rise to the level of my teachers in terms of intellect and exceptional contribution to enrich the academic world. I feel proud that l am a student of my teachers. I owe a lot to HPU which got the best of teachers for its students and provided a well stocked Library within a year of its inception with an introduction of an Inter Library Loan facility and purchase of the best standard books, journals and newspapers etc.

I am unable to come for this meeting due to my Spinal problem but would like to assure that I will always like to come to do whatever I can for my University. l wish this meeting a beautiful experience of meeting old and not so old alumni.

- Kiran Devendra

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Prof SR Mehrotra I became your student in 1974 to do Masters in the Department of History. You had returned from the School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS), London University. I was totally unaware as to how well accomplished a historian you were. I learnt about you gradually and knew that it would always be a matter of pride and satisfaction for me to be your student.

Teaching was your passion, being well organised was your habit. You encouraged each one of us to do well academically. You never looked tired. You had ‘a typically British Professor’s style of delivering lectures with your research cards’. You never forgot to smile. Each one of us was trying to focus, many a times without blinking our eyes! You never gave notes. We learnt to make our own.

When I joined Punjabi University, Patiala as its faculty, I wanted to be like you, never going to a class without preparing, engaging the students, trying to understand them by maintaining a regular eye contact. I also learnt that as a teacher one needed to have patience with questions from students even if they were irrelevant or untimely, because ‘as a teacher I had just started building up a convincing argument!’ This helped me at a young age of 25– 26 years to understand and get comfortable with participatory teaching, realising that students can contribute to our meaningful classroom interactions, and, build a healthy rapport which is an essential part of teaching learning process and pedagogy.

I remember your concern for my health. You were upset that I had missed my classes for a week. You said to me with a smile, ‘Kiran, you need to be regular, this is a semester system!’ When I informed you that I had very high fever and the university bus had stopped coming to pick up students from Auckland House bus stop, you literally ran to the Vice Chancellor’s office, to question, ‘I want to know whether the university buses are plying for our students?

Your answer should be yes, please instruct your administration that no student should be deprived of his/her right to avail the university transport, with an instruction that my student Kiran Sharma should be allowed to travel from today itself, the bus needs to pick her up from and drop her back at Auckland House stop only!’ It is so fresh in my mind.

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I learnt that one needs to take a stand and be firm about it. I tried doing it for my students in Punjabi University, Patiala, and now do it at Amity University. When I was in NCERT, I never forgot to support my younger faculty and staff.

The difficulty with which you wrote your research based books, considering your recurrent surgeries for Retina detachment and your breathing issues, gives me hope that I too can keep making an effort. You give me strength whenever I feel disheartened. I learnt to publish for intellectual satisfaction, not to increase the number of papers, but was concerned with the quality of whatever I do.

You took pride in telling university people, judges, senior administrators that Anand has made Himachal known in the world. He is not an upstart but has been in politics as a student leader. He used to get emotional narrating visit to his office when Anand was Commerce & Industry Minister. ‘He interacted with me for more than an hour, noticed my nearly torn plastic bag, quietly took it to keep it on the table, put all my papers and books in a new leather conference bag. He folded my plastic bag to keep it in the new bag. I felt so proud and was overwhelmed as he saw me off’.

Every year when I come to see you, you don’t let me go without a warm hug, cups of black tea with orange and honey to take care of my fatigue. I was not able to visit you early last year due to my health issues, but I did manage in September 2017. I prepared myself mentally by thinking that even at the age of 88, you travel to interview people, for getting documents and information and consult libraries in Delhi, Mumbai and Calcutta!

Thank you for being my loving, inspiring and a learned teacher!

I will miss your presence as you are now in the better world.

Prof Ravinder Kumar You took over from Prof Mehrotra as HoD of History Department. I was initially registered for PhD with Prof Mehrotra.

When you came, I became your student. I had known Prof Mehrotra for three-four years before that. I came to your office to know the reason for the change of my supervisor. Prof Mehrotra was sitting in your office. He said ‘Prof Kumar will be the best person

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to guide. He too is an internationally renowned historian. He has come from the Australian National University after teaching there for years. He will be good and gentle to you as you are a very sensitive person’.

Within a month, I was comfortable with you. Prof Mehrotra gradually withdrew from the University’s History Department.

He began to focus on his books, lectures and talks in the Indian Institute of Advanced Study (the old Rashtrapati Niwas). I was getting a University Research Fellowship to do my PhD. My presence in Shimla was mandatory. You realised that after my marriage it was important for me to be with my husband and his family in Amritsar. You found a beautiful way to address the academic issue, keeping in view my situation by suggesting that I could work in a library in Amritsar and visit Teen Murti Library once in six or seven weeks for two-three days.

I came back to the University after six months. You signed my Fellowship bills and ensured that I got a cheque before leaving for Amritsar. Meanwhile, you realised that I was expecting a baby.

You were worried about my travel. You said, ‘don’t travel, no need to go to Delhi or come to Shimla, just be in Amritsar and decide for yourself how to keep working on your thesis. There is nothing to feel guilty about. I will find a way’. What a relief and blessing it was! Without your support, I could have never finished my PhD, stayed in Amritsar with Devendra’s family for so long and had a safe delivery. When you became the Director of Nehru Memorial Museum & Library, Delhi, you called me to visit you. I felt very nice. I was proud of you and continue to feel so!

Whenever I came to consult Teen Murti Library, you always took care of me, my problems, never forgetting to tell me that you will always be there for Devendra and me. There were days and days when I would find nothing related to my thesis in the Library.

You never asked me to look for any particular books, journals, manuscripts etc. However, when you found that sometimes I was taking too much time, you would say, ‘the reading that you do, even if it is not related to your work will help’. You never showed any urgency, you wanted me to discover myself and learn to manage.

When I did, you appreciated. You were against those supervisors who spoon-fed their students. You believed that by doing so, they

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were limiting a students’ ability to explore and learn, and, that their students will remain dependent for everything on their teachers. I learnt from you that giving notes to students should be avoided.

Encouraging them, motivating them, addressing their issues, letting them ask questions, following participatory teaching-learning, all these actually help students. I also encourage all the students to explore, to become confident and be each other’s strength.

My years of long interactions with you made me grow as a teacher with a passion for teaching and my students. I encourage students and believe in participatory learning, giving time to every student who needs it while keeping the others engaged to encourage peer learning. I never give notes to my students, gradually they come to terms and share how they prepared on their own, reading books and noting down my discussions for concept clarity and arguments to support different viewpoints. They tell me that they enjoy their freedom and the fact that I never impose myself. I never forget how you used to allow Devendra and me to borrow your books. I tell my students to pick up books from my room, share them, use them and then keep them back. I am happy that a lot of students from other departments also come to share with me what is bothering them. I feel good as they unload their worries without any inhibition and walkout with the belief that I would be there for each one of them.

You felt proud in introducing me to everyone as your first Indian PhD scholar. You were also Devendra’s PhD supervisor.

However, when both Devendra and I shared our professional anxieties, you would patiently listen, a message you eternally gave to us was that, if need be, you would support us!

You came to deliver the Keynote Address for the Punjab History Conference 1981. It was annually hosted by History Department of Punjabi University, Patiala where I was working as an Assistant Professor. A senior colleague had gone to receive you at the Chandigarh Airport. I was waiting outside the University Guest House with Manu, who was four years old then. The moment you spotted us, you got the car stopped, got down and hugged both of us. My senior colleagues did not, till then, know how much of affection you had for Devendra, Manu and me. Devendra was undergoing surgeries at AIIMS and I used to be travelling in buses

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almost every alternate day from Delhi-Patiala or Patiala-Delhi, coming to finish my courses for MA students. I could not present a paper for the Conference. During lunch, you were surrounded by so many, you sat down with your plate and made Manu sit next to you and helped him to eat. My HoD came to you to complain ‘Kiran Devendra takes lot of leave, teaching suffers’. You were upset. You told him ‘Prof I expect you to see Kiran’s strengths, how effective she is as a teacher. She was teaching HPU’s MA History class as a PhD scholar. Please don’t bring her into the fold of rigid rules to overlook the fact that her husband is having surgeries at AIIMS!’ When a senior colleague got into the car which was to take you to Chandigarh Airport, you politely told him that you wished Manu and me to travel with you to Chandigarh’. We did.

You suggested my name to Ms Aruna Asaf Ali, for her nationally important project, by telling her, ‘she is responsible, committed and academically sound, I vouch for her’. It was because of you that my dream to get a glimpse of her was realised.

I was discussing with you some academic issue when your staff came to inform that Manu got stuck in the lift. You rushed with me, instructing your staff to send for the engineer from Connaught Place. It was 10.30 am. You stood with me for an hour and a half till the lift was opened. You told me later that you were relieved that I did not break down or panicked but kept on talking to Manu, who was then seven years old! I wonder whether a Director would now find so much of time, cancelling an important meeting to ensure that I was not alone. Devendra had this kind of sensitivity!

You were so proud of Anand’s intellect and academic orientation. After listening to his lecture on South Africa at the India International Centre you said, ‘he speaks better than a University professor. He will contribute significantly’.

You came to NCERT twice to deliver lectures, on both the occasions you picked me up from my residence in your staff car.

You introduced me proudly to everyone present there as ‘your student’. You were so proud of Manu when he began to come to you as a student of History at St Stephen’s College.

I am eternally grateful to you for your love, affection for me and my family and for treating me as your third daughter!

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Prof Owen W Cole You visited Punjabi University, Patiala, almost every year for years. You were an accomplished scholar of Sikh History at Sussex University. You were staying in the University Guest House and our house was next to the Guest House. We would often meet at our place. You grew very fond of our son Manu, who was four years old when you first met him. You found him to be intelligent and well-behaved child who conversed with you comfortably. I moved to Delhi in 1984 to work with Ms Aruna Asaf Ali and Devendra moved to Kurukshetra University. You made an effort to meet us in Delhi whenever you visited India. You dedicated your book on Hinduism to Manu. He was seven years old then. It surprised us pleasantly when we received its first copy. You and your daughter Sian visited us at Anand’s house three times where we were staying.

You were happy to meet us and you were always keen to meet my brother Anand. Later, you started visiting us at our Asian Games Village residence. You were touched when Devendra paid for your very expensive medicine and refused to take the money from you.

He ensured that you came over for meals and gave you our car to take you around. You were sad that Devendra left this world untimely.

You remained very ill for more than a year. I kept in touch with you on the hospital phone number. The nurses were kind, they made special effort to connect us, each time I called. Later, when you could not take calls, Sian would. We remained in touch till you passed away. It was a blessing to know you as a great scholar and a great human being.

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My Students

M

y students from Himachal Pradesh University, Punjabi University, Patiala and Amity University, Haryana have helped me grow, accept challenges, given me happiness and a sense of satisfaction. Some of you have done well, some continue to strive for a better tomorrow. Many of you will do well as you keep becoming confident and learn to sustain your confidence. From the time we offered BA History (Hons), each student has helped me accept challenges and learn from him/her.

Prabanch, you did so well, returned with a determination to continue after your father’s sudden death in an accident. You looked after your Mom and sisters and the business till you were sure that they will be able to manage in your absence. You did so well in all the semesters. I am proud of you. Shobha, your continuous struggle with adversaries, your determination to do well at every cost strengthened my belief that challenges can help us when we are determined. Lisa and Bompi, your effort to get punctual and regular, Umed, your determination to excel, Azad Deep your acceptance when things went wrong and your resolve to stand up again, Azad Katiyar, your struggle with your spine, swelling in brain and continuous pain strengthened my resolve that every challenge needs to be addressed. Shilpa and Plabita, I appreciate you for your commitment. Shilpa, I do not want you

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to get obsessed by my presence, sensitivity and knowledge. Your progress will get impeded. Yo will find better teachers than me!

Mudit and Subhash, I enjoy our challenging long debates and discussions. Harkesh, Angela, Rachita, Liz Mary–all of you impress me with your dedication. Kajal, you have been responsible, the rest make me accept a new kind of challenge! You have got three Gold Medals in sports, you have a lot of responsibility at home and have still managed to do well academically. You are now in third semester. Lisa, you made me proud with your Gold Medal in History Honours.

My PhD scholars, Ruchika Sinha, Sangeeta Tomar, Angel George, Sushil Malik, Sube Singh and Rimpy Sachdev, Sheetal and Kim Kum-Pyong from Korean Embassy. All of you add to my intellectual enrichment. I respect all of you, from other schools who listen to me to behave well. Keshav Dhankhar, you were a student of Political Science, you changed yourself completely and never gave me a chance to check you for misbehaviour or something that you should not have done! Your sudden departure, together with Jitendra, another Political Science student, for the better world has brought so much sorrow to me. Meeting your parents and the family was tough for me. All my students are very respectful.

Two students who touched my heart are Supreet Basantani and Neetu Sharma. Supreet, you came to me with a request that you wanted to type the manuscript of this book, while the initial drafts were being typed. You said, you wanted to contribute in some way because you felt I inspired you. Neetu Sharma, you are the daughter of an Indian Army officer. You kept coming to my cabin to talk to me about the books you read. You made me speak to your fiancée who is a young officer of Indian Air Force. I was moved when you showed me your mobile to tell me that my name was saved as ‘Favourite Ma’am’. Supreet and you have done your Masters in English.

There are so many of you who make my day with your smiles, rushing to wish me or stop the lift for me. The 2018–21 batch has Shreyans, a student with special needs. All of us, the faculty, the staff and every student of History Department takes care of him, make sure that he is safe, treated gently and one of us is with him so that he does not feel lost! I am grateful to Director and everyone

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in ASLA for their sensitivity in understanding his special needs! Mr Ali and History faculty appreciate the great effort that his mother and the other family members make in doing whatever they can for Shreyans.

Prof Amrit Varsha Gandhi Amrit, you were one of my MA students at Himachal Pradesh University in 1975–76. I always found you struggling with something or the other with a smile. Your sense of responsibility and determination amazed me. I was happy that you did your PhD and succeeded to work in Nehru Memorial Museum & Library, Teen Murti, Delhi. You learnt to do your job very well. You and I are from Shimla, we share our teachers and our values. I feel proud that you could become a Professor and Head of History Department of Himachal Pradesh University where both of us studied. I was happy to observe how much you had grown professionally and command respect from your students and colleagues. You have also contributed to research. I am satisfied that you have helped so many to do well academically. I was touched by your letter which I am purposely reproducing so that younger generation might like to pick up the habit of remembering their teachers. This habit has actually disappeared in the fast paced life.

Your letter has given me confidence that I can keep climbing the ‘so many stairs’ to the Department of History with your spontaneity to ensure that students help me during this ordeal to address the students and faculty of History Department of my University where I can continue to learn from you, your colleagues and students. Thank you for your love and respect, Amrit which you have given to me for the last three and a half decades.

Respected Prof Kiran Devendra, I, on behalf of the Chairman, Faculty Members and my own personal self express sincere ‘Thanks’ to you for having accepted our request to be a Visiting Fellow from 3rd to 7th October, 2016.

We all were enriched, enlightened and delighted throughout your visits and enjoyed the special lectures delivered so

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beautifully. It was a pleasure to be with generous and caring person like you, who unselfishly support the educational endeavours of students. Your help and support enabled us to expose our students to an intellectual mind that was an update on issues you addressed so diligently. Your insight into the experience at NCERT was very helpful.

Your scholarship was greatly appreciated by one and all.

Thank you once again, With best wishes and sincere regards, Amrit Varsha Gandhi I am shocked to learn of your sudden departure from our world.

Prof Sukhmani Bal You were my student of MA in History at Punjabi University Patiala. You did MPhil and PhD from JNU. I was so happy when I learnt that you were heading the History Department of Punjab University, Chandigarh. Some of my students have joined services, many of you have become entrepreneurs. One of you has a big automobile workshop in Chandigarh. You did not take money from my brother-in-law, Sudhir saying ‘you are my ma’am’s relative, I can’t take money for getting your car repaired’. I was touched when I learnt about it. I feel nice when my old students make an effort to meet me or get in touch!

Kabom Lego You were my youngest student at Amity University, Haryana.

Your email left me speechless and overwhelmed. How could you write so much, so beautifully at a time when you were struggling to cover all that you needed to for your medical entrance examination, which was, only a few weeks away. You also needed to arrange for your food. You were surely missing home and your people. Thank you Kabom for your thoughtfulness of sending this long mail, without using short forms at a time when people of my age have taken to SMS and emails using shortest forms in the rush to save time without a thought whether what is being sent is communicating what they wish to!

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Your email, I wish to reproduce as an example of patience, gratitude and beautiful expression. It could be a motivating factor for young boys and girls, for people of my generation to ponder over many things that we need to: Dear Kiran Ma’am I wrote this e-mail originally to inform you that I would be missing most of my classes this semester as the Medical Entrance Tests are approaching, and given the vastness of the medical syllabus, it would impossible for me to study, sit for the tests, and attend the University classes at the same time.

However, I’ve re-written the same email as a “thank you” for your understanding of my situation, for making me feel so welcome at Amity, and for everything that you’ve done for the sake of keeping me happy and comfortable.

At the outset, I’d just like to say that this is my first experience of life in the North and living here, frankly, is a little outside of my comfort zone. I have trouble interacting with people here. Although I believe I speak Hindi, at least the version of Hindi spoken in Arunachal. I never seem to be able to get my message across and often times I have felt overwhelmed because of this. Thanks to you, however, I was able to adjust to the environment here. Suffice it to say ma’am, I honestly don’t think I would have been able to survive in this place without your help and enthusiastic support. Or without Chandni ma’am’s guidance.

Ma’am, I want you to know how much I appreciate you, as a teacher and as a human being. Inspiring. Compassionate and Kind. These qualities are just a short sample of the many you demonstrate with your students. All of my time spent learning history with you, all of your classes have been an incredible experience. The excitement you expressed to co-learn with me rather than teach me, made me feel like having a partner in my learning experience. I know you have so much to share but I also love how you constantly articulate on how much I have to share as well, and how much you learn by engaging with me. Most of all, you’ve been nothing but supportive and

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encouraging of me. When I told you that I was appearing for medical school entrance exams. You made me feel genuinely supported when you said, “please let me know how I can be helpful”, and for that I’m eternally grateful.

I’ve come to a realisation that kind hearted people are actually the richest, because they are giving away kindness; something that can never be taken or stolen. Thank you for always being so kind, ma’am. Last year when demonetization struck the country and I was running around with no cash, you made sure that I was fed and lent me plenty of money to get by. I’ve recited this act of your kindness to my mother and she says she is endlessly grateful to you for that. She had actually sent you a Nok Sondrong (it’s a necklace made of beads worn by the women of our tribe) as a token for our gratitude. However, while I was returning, it was confiscated at the airport. I’ve been meaning to get it back for you, and when I return to Arunachal, I’ll surely bring it back.

Lastly, I hope I’ll be able to incorporate your kindness and your teachings into my daily life, and become the good person you always make me out to be. I might not be at Amity the next semester as I’m pretty confident I’ll be able to secure a medical seat this year, and might pursue medical studies elsewhere. Despite the rudeness of some teachers and the crude behaviour of some students within the campus, my time at Amity overall has been incredible because of you, and Chandni ma’am and Sanjeev sir.

Thank you for being genuine ma’am. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being one of the greatest teachers out there and thank you for being my teacher.

Kabom I am happy for you. You made it to a Medical College.

Ruchika Sinha You are my PhD scholar at Amity University Haryana. For me, your mails are a priceless gift. These give me hope that when young

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persons like you believe in themselves and value hard work and commitment, society can look forward to better times. Your mails have moved me and give me a reason to meaningfully work with my students. Thank you for finding time to write. Here are a few: Dear Ma’am, I could read your poems just now ... Was just waiting for some silent moments because I knew I would love them, even before I could see them. In the silence of this midnight, nothing could be so soothing than words of wisdom.

Conversing with you has always been enriching and I wish I had met you earlier in life—nevertheless, I don’t want to waste any single moment to appreciate your being.

Ma’am, you are a beautiful soul and I can relate so much with your thoughts. Your poems stirred my deepest emotions.

They echoed my thoughts towards similar situations in life.

Your bond with your life partner, your love and understanding of your children, your honesty towards your work and your deep understanding and sensitivity towards human beings is commendable.

I wish to keep learning from you. Please share your thoughts more often. I would be glad. Thanks for coming in my life.

Love, Ruchika You sent the following mail when you were preparing for your interview with Noida International University: Dear Ma’am, This mail is just to express how grateful I am for having you as my mentor. I felt like expressing my feelings for you and so writing it down. I was preparing for an interview at one of the private universities tomorrow but couldn’t stop myself letting you know what I am feeling. There are days, when we feel lost and want someone to just listen us and say... “it’s okay.” You have been that one person in my life, ever since you came into it. As you guided me to be true, to what

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I know and just be confident and move ahead, I would never let myself get affected by so many noises around me to say what they want to listen. Thanks for being my inspiration. I might not get a certain job or a position being my true self, or not falling perfect on certain standards, but I will definitely do something much better in life, if only I be courageous enough to face my failures and lags, head on. Thanks a lot Ma’am... for always guiding me. Much regards, Ruchika Another mail expressing your feelings is: Dear Ma’am, I have been thinking of writing to you since sometime now but as you know, I am not very good at multitasking. I wanted to thank you for bringing such motivation in life... motivation to be good, motivation to work hard and motivation to walk the toughest roads with dignity. Thank you Ma’am for your kind gesture for letting the world know that I have you as my mentor. Your call to the senior person at my new work place is something only few can even think of. How beautiful this world would be, if only we have few more people like you in it. I do remember your generosity when you had deposited money on your own for my re-examination and how upset you were because I could not clear it by just marginal marks as Ruveer was just few months old. Thanks Ma’am. Thanks for coming into my life.

Hope my journey into this academic research and personal life would always be guided under your blessings. Loads of love and good health to you Regards, Ruchika I am happy that you got selected as an Assistant Professor of History! You are busy adjusting to a new job which is challenging and Ruveer who is three years old. You have to manage the house as well. I did meet similar challenges when I was new to my job.

You will be successful in meeting these as well. Thank you Ruchika for finding time to send long mails. These are overwhelming.

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Doctors

A

s children whenever we were unwell or ill, doctors who were known for their healing touch, fairly senior, Dr Tajveez Singh and Dr RM Bali used to come home. It was simple, they would check the pulse, body temperature, briefly ask the symptoms to prescribe medicines. Hardly any tests were prescribed, yet we would begin to feel better. They became close family friends as they also listened attentively and were concerned about our well-being.

They would ask us how we were doing at school, later at college and university and bless us to do well.

I had good doctors in Amritsar. Bauji knew the Principal of Medical College, Prof Philips. She looked after me during my pregnancy and delivered my son Manu with lot of care. I had developed acute breathlessness in the seventh and eighth month, Prof Harcharan Singh, the medical specialist helped me out.

In Punjabi University, Patiala, Dr Thapar, the university doctor was motherly and helped out each time we needed her. At AIIMS, we found the best of surgeons and physicians to deal with Devendra’s critical issues after a major accident.

Subsequently, we needed doctors to deal with health issues of the family and we were fortunate to find so many. Each one of them helped my family and me, not only when any one of us was unwell, but also gave us confidence as healers, listening to what

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bothered us. They have always been there, responding each time I called. They are always there for us!

Without their care and concern, I could not have managed my family’s or my own health concerns. Doctors became our guardian angels, our friends, our support by understanding what we needed to address, emotional pain, physical discomfort and much more.

They never hesitated to accommodate us by adjusting their very hectic schedules, professional pressures and whenever they could not take the calls, they would send an SMS, confirming they would call back soon, and, they do. Each one of them treated me and my family like their family which made us confident to deal with challenges of health, profession and take up the tasks which required long hours, undivided attention and travel. They continue to give me hope to continue to contribute meaningfully!

Prof Dr SM Tuli I had a difficult time getting an appointment with you. You are a senior consultant of Orthopedics at VIMHANS hospital. I was told that a slot was available after three months. I had joined back my work after six months of bed rest. I was finding it impossible to sit for more than an hour, I was fatigued with excruciating pain in the spine. When I personally spoke to you, you gave an appointment for the next day. I waited for two and a half hours outside your room, which was full of patients, sitting and standing. You noticed me and smiled looking at my heavy spinal belt. I did manage to sit after sometime. I observed that you were giving more time to those who were old, illiterate and helpless. You kept your conversation simple and let each patient leave with hope. You were quick to recognise and remember names, even of your very old patients.

In the last 18 years, I have spent hours in your OPDs only to learn from you, your passion, compassion, patience to deal with crowds of suffering humanity, in pain with worried and sad faces.

You have never raised your voice at anyone. I have still not fully learnt this from you. Your message ‘never look down upon people while going up, you cannot stay up always, you will meet these people when you come down’ and ‘we should not be like a pond, where water is stagnant’. Your message that stagnation in our

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learning, thought process and skills will lead us nowhere. We will learn to over-project ourselves. We will forget to think of solutions, address challenges and will forget to serve humanity in whatever way we can! You feel sad with compromised values of doctors and the disappearing bed side etiquettes of doctors, prescribing medicines and treatment without even examining patients.

You are blessed with a calm of an unusual kind, a spark in your eyes when you share with me your papers, your keynote addresses and a visible sadness when you discuss your patients’ unending pain and suffering and your determination to do whatever you can as long as you can! You and your wife (whom I lovingly call Mom) have been like parents to Devendra and me.

I have silently drawn strength from you to keep going during frequent spinal fatigue. You and ‘Mom’ helped me during a trying period when Devendra was in Escorts Hospital for ten days with his fluctuating blood pressure. The attendant’s bed in the private room was low and soft, I could not bend to reach it. You suggested that Manu could stay there during the nights and I should stay with you. You assured Devendra, Manu and me that in case of any emergency, you would drive me to the hospital, even in the middle of the night. I could share with you so much, address my anxieties while ‘Mom’ looked after me so well, ironed my clothes every morning, made me have proper breakfast and dinner. Even today, I know I can walk into your house anytime without informing and if you are in, you will look after me.

You motivate me to eat something, you peel almonds for me, make me have mangoes which I had given up eating. Your message is ‘moderation is all that we need Kiran’. You know I love walnuts, you never forget to give me a packet of walnuts each time I come to see you. You also make a packet for Mahender, realising that he drives me safely. You have never given me a feeling that I should not have come unannounced. Thank you for treating me like your daughter and never refusing appointments for my friends, colleagues and family in spite of your hectic, overbooked schedule.

You are 80 plus but you never let your patients feel how exhausted you get with your 10-11 hours of OPDs or long surgeries, and then coming home to take patients’ phone calls of anxiety, pain and fear. You keep giving hope!

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You have authored two books, five editions of Tuberculosis of the Spine, a lot of articles, have been the Editor of the Journal of Orthopedics. On your 75th birthday, your students who are now Professors and HoDs brought out a felicitation volume as a mark of their respect with a message on how you guided their lives. Your third book, Guidelines for Ageing with Health, Grace and Dignity is so meaningful.

Thank you for listening to me patiently and giving me the strength to carry on!

Prof Dr MP Sharma When I met you for the first time, you were the HoD of Gastroenterology and a pioneer in this field at AIIMS. It was a humbling experience. You came across as a happy doctor with professional depth and patience to listen to your patients’ stories of pain and discomfort. Your bedside etiquettes, your clear and meaningful discussions with your team were a learning for me.

While you would know how serious a patient was, you remained calm, to avoid passing on anxiety to the patients or their families.

You do not believe in making patients a part of the treating doctor’s worry and anxiety. You have passed on this value to your teams, the value of working with dedication for every patient, even for those patients, who you feel are not going to make it. You always enter the private and general wards with a smile and leave the patients with hope.

All the serious discussions about patients are carried outside the rooms/wards with great respect for space, discussing slowly, keeping in view the rounds of your colleagues.

As a teacher, you always find time for your old students from AIIMS who have become HoDs or senior consultants. You have never taken anyone for granted. You feel proud of your students and are ready to provide support or advice to them for their patients, families and colleagues. You do this quietly, without letting anyone know how hard it must have been for you to take so many extra steps for so many.

You greet patients with a smile and let them leave by saying ‘look after yourself’ to sick patients and ‘don’t worry, we will look

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after you’ to serious patients. You avoid using ‘I’ as you practice a strong team spirit.

You also find time for your academic commitment. You never talk about your achievements. You shared with Devendra and me how nervous you became as a young doctor in Harvard Medical School when your Professor told you that he would have lunch with you because you used to have limited amount of money. Your anxiety disappeared when the Professor said ‘we will go Dutch’.

This was when you were beginning your training as a doctor!

You provided all support during Devendra’s and Kunti Mummy’s hospitalisations with an unparalleled professionalism and sensitivity. You had respect for Kunti Mummy. You addressed her as ‘Mummy’ as you felt she was a mother to you as well.

Devendra and Mummy were simultaneously admitted under your care in March 2010. It was tough for you and your team, but you looked after both very well. You were sensitive to Devendra’s falling Haemoglobin levels, blood transfusions, his anxiety and pain about Mummy’s illness. You comforted Devendra when he used to get upset about Mummy. You were touched that he used to forget that he himself was ill. You realised that it was an emotionally difficult period for him!

You took great care while informing Devendra about Mummy’s passing away in the ICU. You came in with your usual smile, found out how he was, and waited to let him finish his breakfast. You began talking to Devendra, ‘you know Mummy was in the ICU, it was difficult for her to make it, she has just passed away. I will come with you to the ICU’. Devendra refused to go, he started crying. You held his hands and left after letting him know, ‘you don’t worry, one of the doctors would accompany you to the ICU only when you are ready. I will take care of all formalities’.

You realised that Devendra was ill and shocked. When we went to the ICU, there were instructions for Kunti Mummy’s body to be released without any delay, ‘payment to be settled later’.

You allowed Devendra to leave the hospital for cremation, but to return in the evening. He was discharged after a day to enable him to take Mummy’s ashes for immersion to Haridwar.

You ensured that I went to my office for an hour or so every day. You would say ‘I am here, don’t worry.’ You arranged a typist

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for me who would come to me around 10 pm, when Devendra would sleep and be there to work on the lobby computer of the private ward on second floor for two-three hours. You helped me meet my professional deadlines as well.

You reached within half an hour from Gurgaon on hearing about Devendra’s passing away. You spent some time with Anand, Ashok, Manu, Priya, and then rushed to Rockland Hospital for your duties. It was not easy for you. You were upset as you liked Devendra so much. You appreciated his values, his devotion to his mother, his caring sensitivity for his colleagues. You admired him for his sense of duty, professional commitment, and discipline, not forgetting to take your permissions for holding meetings with his Directors in the hospital.

I keep wondering how would I have looked after Devendra and Kunti Mummy, work and home without your sensitivity and concern. You made my routine and duties manageable by stretching your energy and professional commitment. I remain indebted to you for your generous support.

You always have kind words for Ashok and Queenie because you feel that they look after Mummy with a sense of commitment and for so many years. Mummy was your patient in 2002 at AIIMS. You find Anand to be grounded and respectful. You often tell me ‘Anand is so well respected. He is a very good human being’.

Dr Acharya It has been a blessing to know you as one of the good Gastroenterologists of our country who took over as HoD of Gastroenterology from Dr MP Sharma. You treated Devendra, and, years later, my brother Ashok. Thank you for your support and respect for our family Dr Acharya.

Dr Ved Gupta You have provided support and looked after our family with an unparalleled commitment and devotion for more than three decades. You have often taken risks, rushing Devendra in an ambulance from Parliament Medical Centre to Ram Manohar Lohia Hospital, getting and pushing the stretcher yourself to the

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Coronary Care Unit (CCU) to ensure that he was saved. You did not leave till he was better. You had left patients waiting, mostly Members of Parliament! When I had Herpez Zoster Ophthalmicus (of the eye), you held meetings with Dr Goel, the ophthalmologist who was looking after me to decide how safe would it be to put me on steroids. I was put on those orally to which both of you mutually agreed after hours of discussion. You respected Dr Goel’s decision of not using the steroid ointment or drops in the eye. In 1986, you handled my very severe attack of Vertigo till 8 o’clock in the night, in the medical center of Parliament Annexe, requesting Dr Hans to stay back. You ensured that a nurse stayed with me at Anand’s house, requested doctors in AIIMS to be ready in case my condition became more serious.

You stayed with me for two nights when I had surgery for removal of gall bladder in Apollo Hospital, helped me to walk in spite of excruciating pain after the surgery. Your concern was palpable when you discussed with the doctors about my huge discomfort due to my spinal issues! You were so happy that Manu and Priya had taken leave for my surgery.

You respond to all my calls to ensure that all is well with me.

You are an excellent doctor. I remember you preparing long notes for doctors as you referred your patients from the Parliament Medical Centre to AIIMS, Ram Manohar Lohia Hospital and GB Pant Hospital. You spoke to doctors to explain and religiously fixed up appointments for regular follow ups with specialists. You used to also write a detailed referral note for every patient. I do not find this kind of rigour in doctors anymore. This meant a lot of responsibility, a load on your time and energy. You have always been so focussed and concerned to ensure every patients’ wellbeing.

You could have gone in for private practice after superannuation, but you did not. You are still busy driving many of your old patients to hospitals yourself. These are the ones who have lost hope and need your medical advice along with emotional support!

You have always make me realise how blessed I am to have brothers like Anand and Ashok and their nice families. You never forget to convey that how dignified Anand is as a Parliamentarian even during his low period of 14 years when he did not have any

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position. You find him to be generous, helpful, knowledgeable, and an intellectual of high order. Your recent message ‘Anandji is superb. Controlled and dignified. There is always substance and clarity. He is actually a statesman. Congratulations for his brilliant political innings and many many more in the future!’ You have conveyed it several times to me that although he is younger to you, you respect him like an elder.

You keep letting me know that ‘Shri Anand Sharma is actually a statesman, not a politician. He is respected across party lines. In my years of service at Parliament Medical Centre, I appreciated his good manners, never opening the door and enter which most Members of Parliament would do. Anandji would always come after fixing up an appointment. He has been helpful, but never announces, I learn from so many about the help they received. He stands tall, never stoops low.’

You feel that Ashok and Queenie have taken good care of Mummy for more than two decades.

Dr Pramod Kumar Julka You were our neighbour in Asian Games Village, your wife was my colleague at Central Institute of Educational Technology of NCERT. You were Professor of Oncology and Dean at AIIMS Cancer Facility. I had heard of your kindness from so many friends and colleagues. You liked Devendra as he was an effective and sensitive President of the Resident Welfare Association of Asian Games Village. I could never meet you, just spoke to you hundreds of times to request you to help so many patients suffering from cancer. You were always polite, never said no, gave an appointment and actually reached out to each one of them. You handled everything with so much of sensitivity. After superannuation, you are now Director of Max Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi. You continue to help cancer patients.

Your mother was a generous person. She was not able to walk, your wife and you would never forget to keep biscuits and other snacks in four or five big plastic jars on the dining table so that she would find it easy to give those to many children, maids, friends, neighbours and even strangers who asked for help while looking

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for an address. Water was invariably offered to everyone. She would request everyone to come in and sit for a while. Whenever I met her, she reminded me of my Mummy who was like her in Shimla. You appreciated that her simplicity and blessings helped you and your brother Bimal Julka, an IAS officer.

Each time I left your house, I took with me a message to respect the dignity of our old parents who gave us all strength to grow strong, but with age have lost their own.

Thank you for your support, for taking my requests seriously and providing endless and selfless support.

Dr Ashok Khurana We have known you for decades as a happy and energetic Radiologist with positivity. Each meeting with you helped me learn about your goodness and depth. Your sensitivity to pain, emotional and physical, helps you to become a part of the healing process of so many. This makes me respect you. Devendra trusted you, for everything he would tell me to check with you. The support you provided during our critical and difficult periods for years continues to touch my heart. You never told me that you did not have time. Whenever you were busy with a patient on the table, doing an ultrasound, you would ask ‘can I call you back’ and you always did. You still do! You have been a constant source of strength to me. You helped me and Devendra handle Bauji’s health issues for a year, you gave him and Kunti Mummy respect and an assurance by saying ‘I will always be there’. You knew Bauji had led a healthy life, did not like to go to doctors. His blood pressure was very high, you suggested that he should be on Daflon, thrice a day to stop his nasal bleeding. It did help. You sent the Life Line Lab Technician home to get his blood samples, Dr Rahul Gupta and Dr Girish Raheja home to see Bauji. Both of them were good to Bauji. They are both very good doctors.

When Kunti Mummy was ‘terminally ill’, you followed up with the latest on her condition by talking to me and Dr Sharma.

When Munna Didi was in hospitals after her heart attacks, first in Noida Medical Centre, in Apollo Hospital for a procedure, and in Escorts, you were constantly in touch with the doctors and with

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Devendra and me. When Sudhir was in Escorts, your support and concern was with us. When Papa had Motor Neuron Disease, you offered that you would look after him! He met you only once but during the few months he survived after meeting you, he frequently remembered your extremely good bedside manners, lamenting that this essentiality was fast becoming only a formality. You have been providing loving support with spontaneity to our children. While you appreciate Queenie so much for her goodness, she addresses you as the family’s ‘Life Line’. I have not forgotten how good and respectful you were to Devendra’s and my PhD Supervisor Prof Ravindra Kumar, when he came to see you with his daughter.

Mummy keeps remembering you for your goodness and kindness ever since she first came to you in 1988 and again in 1992 for her ultrasound before her gall bladder surgery at AIIMS. When Devendra called you up in the middle of the night to tell you that Dr Rakesh Khurana, your cousin and his wife had met with an accident. You reached the accident spot so fast where Devendra was waiting. He was Devendra’s colleague in IGNOU. You brought them to AIIMS, you are an alumnus of AIIMS, you had cordial professional relationships, all medical help was provided!

You were there till six in the morning. You rushed for a shower to be in your clinic, Devendra rushed home to be in his office. You remained in touch with doctors and kept Devendra informed as well about their medical condition. They both gradually recovered with your support.

Your wife Sheenu and you took care of your grandmother and mother. They stayed in your house till they left for the better world.

I did not come to know when your mother passed away, I need to ask for forgiveness that I came to you after a month or so! Thank you for relieving me of guilt by understanding that I was out of Delhi and missed seeing the announcement! I regret it Ashok.

I respect you for the tough struggle you went through. You were in the first or second year of your MBBS at AIIMS when you lost your father, who was a Brigadier in the Army. Your sister was studying in JNU and younger brother was also studying! You had to vacate the Army accommodation, all of you learnt to survive with minimum furniture in a house which you never thought you could live in. You did find time with the greatest of difficulty to interview

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eminent people at All India Radio station, Delhi. You shared with me that the twenty five rupees which you got every week for each interview you conducted, was a great help to you. You also found time to drop your mother to a bus stop at Punjabi Bagh to find a bus to Rohtak and picked her up on her return. You did this for years, travelling from one bus to another, adjusting with the heavy load of medical studies. You have not become bitter. You and Sheenu continue to provide support with spontaneity. Your sons Kabir and Arjun have also done well. It is a blessing to know you Ashok and be close to you!

Devendra proudly shared with me an incident to convey that although you have been in private practice you are upright. One of his officers had gone to you for an ultrasound, the moment you discovered that one of his kidneys had been removed, you called up your front office to instruct that half of the charged amount be returned to him! All the poor patients we sent to you, so many, you never charged. You still do it for our family and friends and the poor patients I send to you. You find time to serve the suffering humanity.

Devendra and I often shared how you balance, doing ultrasounds by creating comfort for every patient, guiding every patient, writing papers, books chairing sessions nationally and internationally at conferences and helping relatives and friends without losing your patience and smile!

You believe that Manu has good values, he was always running around to provide support to his paternal family and during his father’s hospitalisations at AIIMS. Manu and Priya together provided a lot of support during his later hospitalisation at Rockland Hospital, Delhi. You have lot of affection for him, Priya and Vaidehi.

You shared with me, with a sense of satisfaction, that Gayatri has been donating large amount of money to support treatment of the poor. You call her ‘an angel’. You happily added ‘it is their upbringing’, because you know that Gauri also donates a big amount on her birthday every year, to support the treatment of children with leukemia and protection of stray animals. You have often appreciated Ashok and Queenies’ beautiful upbringing of their daughters with values of kindness.

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You often share with me that Anand has got so much of intellect, integrity, clarity and understanding of national and international issues. He is capable of contributing to the system much more. He actually deserves a lot more. He is so well respected in society, even by those who have never met him. Your New Year message has touched my heart ‘looking back at the year gone by, and, relishing my finer moments makes me sentimental and grateful. Thank you for your regard, your warmth, your generous gifting and your wishes. Deeply touched Warmest wishes’.

Dr Randeep Guleria You are the Director of AIIMS. My brother Anand keeps talking about your depth of knowledge. We feel proud that you stay calm, composed, balanced and never give a feeling that Covid-19 is something to be scared of, of course, physical distancing is important and a few precautions need to be taken like wearing a mask and frequent hand washing. The changing season makes so many of us have fever, cough or cold but everyone is not going to get Corona. You uphold the spirit of AIIMS’s academic acumen and continuous research. You never give false hope that vaccine for Covid-19 will become available for treatment very soon. You inform about protocols of trials and robust data before a vaccine can be given to the patients. We actually listen to you frequently to educate ourselves. It is a treat to talk to you. You were kind to ask me to visit your home. I am looking forward to visiting you once things settle down and the lockdown is lifted.

You pass on a message of essential patient care. You are blessed to have an understanding wife who is herself a renowned Gynaecologist at Safdarjung Hospital. Both of you stay grounded.

Dr Vineet Ahuja You are a professor of Gastroenterology at AIIMS. You have been looking after the health issues of our family for years, without causing a panic. You have respected each one of us. You keep remembering Manu as a son who was so concerned about his father during his hospitalisation at AIIMS and behaved with a great sense of duty and responsibility even though, he had joined

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his first job in CNN-IBN. You do talk about his sense of duty and maturity which you feel is a rare quality in the present times. Each time I visit you, you make sure that I am escorted to your office and back. I will never forget your warm and long hug when I came to meet you after Devendra’s passing away. You ensure that your OPDs, meetings and classes are adjusted so that you can spend time with me. I feel good when you make cups of green tea and serve in beautiful tea cups. Whenever a call comes, you direct a colleague to handle a patient and tell me ‘nothing to worry Ma’am, the patient is being taken care of’. Professionally you are very competent and as a human being you are compassionate and caring.

It is satisfying to find young doctors of your age in AIIMS where hundreds of patients are attended to with the doctors missing their lunch and tea in the congested OPDs/wards, almost running to save critical patients, never losing time to wait for the lift, no matter which floor they need to go. I observe how doctors manage so much with inadequate facilities for such a large number of patients.

Over the years I realised that it was and still is the commitment of the doctors to their profession with a passion. I love your paintings in your office in AIIMS. You are soft spoken and never brag about the depth of your knowledge. You could be an example of a very sensitive professional for many of us!

Each meeting with you makes me feel good, learn something and look forward to the next. Vineet, you stay in Gurgaon in the house of your parents. I felt good when you said, ‘Ma’am, my parents are young.’

You get uncomfortable the moment I begin to appreciate you by saying, ‘it is not an effort for us in AIIMS. All of us, doctors and staff are committed and passionate about our profession. We feel satisfied when our patients feel better, and, we contribute to research. We have never felt suffocated in our congested OPDs with patients pushing in. We have, over the years, learnt to stay focussed during trauma and pain of our patients, addressing their anxieties and giving treatment for cure and relief. We never feel the need to leave AIIMS for more money and flashy life!’

Your concern and support for days during my illness and excruciating abdominal pain has touched me. Your rushing to be there with me for endoscopy and ultrasound, holding my hand, and

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rushing with my bags of investigations to see me off. Your effort of fixing up appointments and ensuring your presence is something I admire. This value would have disappeared if doctors like you did not push hard to keep it alive! You rushed from Gurgaon for me. You were on vacation when I was to have a procedure EUS (Endoscopy with Ultrasound). This was a little tedious for me as anaesthesia had to be given. When the anaesthesia was to be given, you handed over my hand to Prof Pradeep Garg who was to do the procedure. Mahender told me that you came in three times during the procedure and ensured that I be taken to the ward till I fully recovered and later to your office to have biscuit and tea and to be carefully taken to the car later.

It was a learning for me to observe you in a meeting with your colleagues from another department. Your colleague was very loud and over assertive but you firmly stood your ground and explained why it was medically not sound to agree. You did not raise your voice even once respecting the fact that she had come to your office with her colleagues for this meeting!

You proudly shared with me that Gayatri keeps donating large sums to AIIMS for the treatment of poor patients, especially children and cancer patients. Vineet you made me feel so good when you shared with me that you respected both Anand and Ashok. You shared, that a former Finance Minister who was your patient, had shared with you, ‘Anand Sharma is one of the most performing and honest person.’ During my recent checkup, you didn’t hurry up when a relative of a very senior politician came in.

You requested her to wait. You came out to see me off. I was so touched.

Dr Jitendra Maheshwari You were in the Department of Orthopedics at AIIMS. You ensured during Devendra’s long hospitalisations that you took Manu and me to the cafeteria when we used to come to AIIMS from Patiala for Devendra’s surgeries. You made sure that there was milk for Manu, sandwiches for both of us and a cup of tea for me. Jitendra, you changed after the loss of your three-year-old son and your wife in an accident. We still remain in touch.

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You passed on a great message when you said, ‘I cannot be emotional. I have a small daughter, my parents and family to take care of. My emotional weakness will negatively impact my surgeries. I will lose my patients’ faith in me. I will have to be strong’. Jitendra, I am happy that you manage with tough emotional difficulties and also managed to give strength to your daughter to become a dentist. You turned her marriage to a celebration of a special kind at Gymkhana Club. You are now the Director of Orthopedics at Max Hospital, Saket, Delhi. I do try to remain in touch with you! It is a joy to talk to Parul who is a practicing dentist in South Delhi.

Brigadier Sandeep Thareja You were on training in AIIMS during Devendra’s hospitalization in 2004-05. You went to Research & Referral and Army Base Hospital at Delhi Cantt. You provide support even after years of our meeting. Sandeep, you pass on a message of professionalism with commitment. Your father stays with you. We share a warn bond of respect.

Dr Kaushal Madan You used to quietly provide support during Devendra’s hospitalization in AIIMS in 2004-05. You are now Director Gastroenterology at Max Hospital Saket and Gurgaon, you spend three days at Saket and two days in Gurgaon. I felt blessed when you responded, years after our last meeting, to my requests to help my neighbours and colleagues.

Dr Mukul Varma My long association with you makes me respect you for your patience with which you listen to your patients to address their anxiety and give them an assurance that they will manage to get by, get better and they should never give up!

You were Papa’s neurologist when I met you first at Apollo Hospital, Delhi. You were frank, polite and soft spoken while conveying to us that no treatment was available for Motor Neuron

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Disease without severe side effects. The available medication would damage Papa’s kidneys and liver. You were surprised when we, Anand, Ashok, Queenie, Devendra and me came back to you, to let you know that we would not go in for that kind of treatment. We would, however, keep bringing him to the hospital in case of any emergency, only to make him feel comfortable. Anand conveyed the decision to you with the rest of us remaining quiet and calm to support him. Papa passed away months later in 1999.

When I came to you after Devendra’s passing away in 2010 with violent headaches, you were caring, supportive and concerned.

You shared with me that you were touched when in 1998, you received a touching ‘thank you note’ from Anand within three days of meeting you. He realised that the bill was only for investigations and you had not charged your consultation fee! You feel that there are very few who think of thanking for somebody’s time and right medical advice!

You were upset that I had paid my consultation fee, you wanted it to be given back to me at that very moment. I promised you that I will not pay the fee next time. There was however, an incident when I paid. The moment you saw the slip, you were terribly upset, looking into my eyes and wanting it to be reimbursed. On my letting you know that your PA wanted me to, you were more upset. You reminded me that I did not keep my promise, you did something totally unexpected. You opened my bag, took out the amount of the consultation fee from your wallet, put it in my bag and closed it. I have been sharing it with so many to let them know that in private hospitals, one rarely come across doctors who will be so detached with money matters, will spend so much of time to respect an old relationship. I have seen you scores of times in the past few years, your support, warmth and respect touch me deeply.

Each time I enter, you come up to the door, each time I leave, you come up to the door, the hug is always there and you never forget to tell me that I must spend more time, come as a last patient, ‘I need at least an hour to talk with you. I can also relax’.

You came to see me on both the days during my surgery for removing Gall Bladder at Apollo Hospital. I understand how difficult it must have been for you to leave your busy OPD. Thank you for always responding to my phone calls, your concern even at

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a time when you were having a procedure for your ‘very fast pulse rate’. Later, Dr Sardana told me that you asked him ‘is she okay’?

You could not pick up your mobile then! I am eternally grateful to you Mukul.

I respect you for sensitizing your team for not charging visiting fee from poor patients as you respect your father’s principles. Both your parents were working in medical colleges. Your father gave up the specialisation of his choice, Master of Surgery (ms)when he was about to complete it. This has stayed with you. Your father did it to let his HoD know that it was unfair to do a surgery on a patient who was very poor and was not going to survive. He would have to sell the tiny piece of land, his only possession. He was not going to live in spite of the surgery and his wife and very small children would have nothing to survive on. You feel proud that your father had the courage to give up a specialisation which he loved, when he had almost completed, acquired finer skills of surgery by assisting in HoD’s private surgeries. As a resident doctor in surgery, he had the courage to change his field of specialisation!! He quietly sacrificed his choice and passion for surgery, even the time and energy spent for a cause that he believed in, never exploiting the poor patients. He started afresh in another field, Anatomy, worked hard and eventually became Principal of Kanpur Medical College.

Your mother was a professor of Physiology in Kanpur Medical College. Your father passed away, your mother and you stay in the same house, but on different floors, respecting each other’s privacy and space. You are proud that she is very independent. I feel good that I know a well respected Neurologist who has not forgotten the values of his father in the name of professionalism, who has stayed away from becoming materialistic and reaches out to patients with sensitivity. I do learn a lot from you Mukul. I love the way you follow your passion for birds, photography, scuba diving and travel!

While waiting for my appointment with you I had a long conversation with an old couple from a village in Madhya Pradesh.

I learnt that the husband had a follow-up check up after his heart surgery at Escorts Hospital, a day before, and, he had brought his wife to you to be examined for spinal pain. He shared with me that he had retired from a Class III government job from a Tehsil and

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was getting a monthly pension of Rs. 20,000. He also said that he was paying for medical expenditure from his own pocket as there is no provision for medical reimbursement. I was feeling bad, but he immediately added, ‘it is not difficult, I stay in my own house in the village, my two married sons stay with me. They are working as guards, we all eat together, the third son is studying. The daughter is married. We manage everything because we lead a simple life.

When I asked him as to where they stay in Delhi, he showed me a pamphlet of an organisation called Jeevan Ashraya in Noida which charges patients per bed very reasonably, gives three free meals, provides transport for patients to reach different hospitals for their appointments and bring them back. The charge is nominal. Every patient and attendant is taken care of. I was happy meeting this couple as I found them to be satisfied with what they had and were grateful for the affordable and clean place to stay.

I kept wondering about the management of this institution which thinks of so many under privileged patients and their accompanying attendants/family members. I always keep talking to people sitting next to me in hospitals, shops and while travelling, to enrich my life from the experiences of those whom I meet. I have a similar feeling each time I cross AIIMS when I observe three four vans bring morning tea, breakfast, lunch and dinner for large crowds of patients and their attendants/family members. This has been going on for a number of years. Both of these humane efforts are managed beautifully, organised well because they are carried out from the heart and soul! This strengthens my belief that peace and happiness come to those who think about others and are not self-centered.

Dr Rajnish Sardana I have known you as a good cardiologist since the year 2000, when my brother-in-law Sudhir had his first heart attack. You were in Escorts Hospital then. You used to come with Dr Kler to provide updates on Sudhir.

Devendra and I used to interact with you to discuss Sudhir’s medical condition. Unfortunately, he passed away after two years.

Munna Didi began to have problem with her heart, she survived

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the first attack but not the second, she was on life support system in Escorts for five days. Although you were not involved in her treatment directly, you were constantly providing support to us, talking to doctors and pushing them to do what needed to be done.

We developed a lasting relationship with you and your family. You always make me feel welcomed in your Out Patient Department.

On the first Diwali after Devendra’s passing away, you specially called up to say that I must come to be with you and your family.

It was so thoughtful. You appreciated it when I informed you that Manu and Priya wanted me to be with them.

I am satisfied that I am close to a trusted cardiologist. Most patients, who come to you for a second opinion after having been diagnosed with a heart condition, get shocked and disbelieve when you tell 95 per cent of them, that they do not have a heart problem.

You guide those carefully, who you feel, have a problem. Those who visit you for the first time are nervous. You address their anxiety and tell many that they do not have to worry as everything would be manageable! You do not easily prescribe procedures and medication unless actually required. You have been raising issues and have been able to resist greed to save patients from implants which they do not require. You are professionally good and strongly believe in your principles. You are not greedy. Your consultations at your home clinic are never for money. You have never allowed me to pay at Apollo Hospital, at Jaypee Hospital and now at Manipal Hospital.

Each time I visited you in Apollo Hospital, where you worked for years, you would share your lunch with me, discuss my medicines, see me off. You have done so at Jaypee Hospital and do it now at Manipal Hospital. When I got my stress test done, you stood behind me and saved me from falling when I became wobbly. For every investigation, you have been personally present.

You got my appointment fixed with Dr Handa, Director ENT Medanta Hospital with the help of Dr Dubey, your cardiologist friend at Medanta Hospital. You kept in touch with me till I got to see Dr Handa, when you had shifted for a year to Jaypee Hospital in Noida. I was very unwell. I wanted to come to you.

You dissuaded by saying that I could come home knowing that the distance was too much for me. I did make it to Jaypee. You

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kept guiding me with your continuous calls to ensure that I did not get lost. When I reached I was overwhelmed to find you near the elevator to take me in. You got some investigations done to rule out a heart condition after a careful examination. You offered me tea when I reached, you were there for the simple investigations to ensure that I got support and I remained relaxed. Your presence, your genuine concern gives me so much of comfort Rajnish. You saw me off, pressed a barbed wire with your feet so that I did not hurt myself while getting into the car. You had your own heavy bag to carry to your car! Thank you for your love and respect!

You stand tall among those who have compromised on professional ethics. It is so good to remain in touch with you and everyone in the family. I am always welcomed even when I reach unannounced. Your parents keep telling that I must visit more often. Your wife Samita, who too is a medical doctor, is very warm and good to me and so are your children, Pragya and Nayasha.

You have been staying with your parents in their house! You keep sharing with me how your parents struggled to keep a large family together and are happy that they are respected by all the brothers and their families.

Dr Randip Wadhawan I know you as Devendra’s surgeon. Prof MP Sharma’s faith in your skills made us respect you. Within days of the surgery you became our young doctor friend and by the time we left the hospital you began to respect Devendra for his capacity to bear pain and his co-operation for the treatment, his knowledge and pleasant mannerism.

When Devendra came to see you in Modi Hospital, he told you that with your excellent professional skills you needed to move ahead in life. He believed that you needed to lead a team and stay at one place. He felt it was not good to go from one hospital to another as it involved a lot of travel and anxiety. You had received an offer from Fortis Hospital, Vasant Kunj to join as HoD, Surgery Department. Devendra motivated you to join and stay there. You respected Devendra’s advice. During my several meetings with you at Fortis Hospital, I liked the way you treat your patients and their

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relatives with sensitivity. My friend Sandhya’s husband, Pankaj was your patient for more than a year, in and out of ICU. I was concerned about the expenses, although his sister who was a doctor in the US called you up almost every day and helped Sandhya to pay large amount, you shared my concern for the bills which were huge as Sandhya was also managing payments.

You rush from meetings, operating theatre to meet me and never let me feel how busy you are with critical and emergency surgeries. I love when you say ‘it is a routine Ma’am. We will finish tea, have nuts and then only will I leave. Keep coming Ma’am, we need to catch up’! Your mastery of high order skills help your patients. You stand out as a surgeon. You are sensitive to patient’s discomfort, needs and family’s anxiety! You feel good that you live with your parents and all of you share a beautiful relationship.

Your wife is a Professor in Maulana Azad Medical College, one of your sons is in Maulana Azad college, the second one is about to choose a career after he finishes school. You confess that you do well because of your family, which understands your pressures!

You excel in your surgeries, you have time for your patients and their families. You do not rush to make money. I respect your faith in the ethics of your profession, as Devendra and I too believed in this value. Your concern about the hurry and anxiety that the present generation goes through in their first medical training, MBBS is so genuine! You rightly observed that students cannot give their 100 per cent as they are all the time worried about their coaching classes which will help them get a seat for a specialisation, MD or MS! You lament that students in medicine have lost the joy of learning!

You shared with me your own experience of MBBS and MS at Post Graduate Institute of Medical Studies, Rohtak where your teachers assured you ‘do your best in the first training, you will get a seat for the second’ and when you were doing your MS and senior residency, your teachers assurance and concern for all students got each one of you jobs. Your way of expressing gratitude for your teachers is so beautiful! You find time to teach, deliver lectures and attend conferences. Your online CV is so meticulously prepared.

It reflects the patience you have for everything you do! Devendra liked you. I love to meet you whenever I can.

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Dr Rajiv Mirchia You are a renowned Eye specialist in private practice at Chandigarh and Panchkula. I met you in 2010 when I was there to attend a meeting of General Council of Haryana Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan which was chaired by the State Chief Minister. I started to have a severe pain in my left eye, two hours before the meeting.

It became very severe when the meeting was about to begin. The State Project Director, Mandip Singh Brar fixed my appointment with you for six in the evening. The meeting finished late, but, when we reached your clinic, I observed that you had created a system where no patient felt stuck or tired, with every patient moving from one room to another to reach you.

What touched me was your low consultation fee, affordable for so many, your healing touch and your respect for elderly patients and loving care for all your patients. I have remained in touch with you for the last ten years. You respond to all my calls to guide me whenever I get worried about my eye. I love to see you whenever I come to Chandigarh to learn from your professional richness of values and your desire to reach as many patients as possible with your updated knowledge and skills. I respect your humility Dr Mirchia.

Dr Naveen Sakhuja You provide support for frequent pain in my left eye, swellings, violent headaches involving mostly the left, sometimes both. You are meticulous, good and reassuring, never create a panic, are caring and compassionate. Your clinic is aesthetically beautiful.

You are grounded. You are blessed with special talents, your photography is unparalleled. So many photographs are put up in the entire clinic. The little collection of beautiful butterflies are kept very nicely on a small panel on your table, your daughter’s photograph is so beautiful. You have made her look so happy and special. I love the lawn that is outside the waiting room, lot of flowers, birds coming to get feed from the lovely ‘bird feeders’.

The little Buddha sits peacefully. Your photograph of ‘Vision and Values’ needs to be mentioned. It speaks of all that you believe in!

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Dr Harsh Mahajan I met you first in 2001 when I came to have an MRI done of the Lower Spine. I had never got an MRI done before and never ever thought that its sound could be so deafening and unnerving.

I had been having Vertigo for years. I managed to have the MRI with the greatest of difficulty. I spoke to you about it, after it was over, to explain my discomfort. You promptly assured that this would be taken care of in future, by the doctor, by announcing each time different loud sounds were to come due to magnetic resonance. I never experienced any discomfort at your centre. I ran into difficulty after losing my consciousness in the car for a few seconds and was disoriented for quite some time on 16 July 2016.

I knew I needed an MRI of the Brain and the Carotids urgently. Dr Mukul Varma wanted to see it the same evening, as investigations carried out by my Cardiologist Dr Rajnish Sardana had indicated minimal thickening of the left and right Carotids. It was a long wait. You were spontaneous, assuring me that the front desk will do the formalities for the MRI on a priority and, that I must reach Mahajan Imagining Centre, Defence Colony. Dr Mukul Varma discovered minimal thickening of left and right Carotids. He and Dr Sardana decided to put me on a blood thinner and added Rousovas as well, to take care of the problem.

You have always responded to all my urgencies with concern and spontaneity. You also informed me that I need not worry as you were soon to open a Centre in Gurgaon. I had beautiful experiences there. I love the beautiful lounges and the green tea.

Thank you Dr Harsh for your support!

Dr Umesh Gupta I met you in Rockland Hospital in 2008 as Devendra’s doctor.

You came across as a sensitive doctor. I was overwhelmed when you touched Devendra’s feet during your visits and would spend time with us talking about treatment with medical ethics and we loved your values, which many older doctors are conveniently giving up.

I met you after nine years in June 2017. I came to your house to discuss my ultrasound and MRI, which showed a kidney stone

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and a cyst. Your warmth and respect moved me. It was lovely to discover that you and your wife Richa encourage creativity in your two beautiful children Pranav and Nandini. The card made

by Nandini has touched my heart. A six year old has expressed gratitude to her Mom on Mother’s Day. You did not keep it casually. It is stuck on your fridge to let Nandini know how much you appreciate her feeling and effort. You are proud of their paintings. These have been framed to put them up in your dining space. It was nostalgic for me as Devendra and I got our son’s paintings framed to put them up in our house. He participated in Shankar’s painting competition as a child and got the first prize.

He was good in sketching too! He had received three Diplomas for his paintings and good discipline in Czechoslovakia where he participated in an International Camp in 1986, as a child below 10 years. You are proud that Pranav is getting good at playing guitar. I am happy to know a doctor couple who has time for their children, taking care of not rushing in a race to make sure that their children’s creativity is respected.

In you I discovered peace, the need to be close to the place where you grow up, your trips with your group of friends to travel to Leh and other beautiful places. You emphasised the fact that the other three families who join you, none of them is a doctor.

Both of you are working in private hospitals as doctors, Richa as a Radiologist and you as Nephrologist.

You shared with me that your father does not want to leave Jamshedpur, the place where he has worked for years as he has his friends there. You are concerned about your mother’s loneliness.

You were, however, a little consoled as your brother’s posting in Jamshedpur will help your Mom to share her feelings and have the comfort of having one of the two sons around. You send across a strong message for the need to respect and understand those who are getting old, give space to children to be creative and happy and find time for family outings for creating strong bonds. You also demonstrate the need to have patience for your patients!

You touched my soul when you came down to see me off, touching my feet in spite of your back issues, your spine fractured in an accident, its surgery and the everyday need to adjust.

I came away reassured that I need not worry as long as you

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are there responding to all my calls, helping a family friend by examining him at his house. I never expected you to do so much!

Dr Harsh Dua I know you as Devendra’s consultant doctor in Escorts Hospital where he was admitted for fluctuating blood pressure. You were totally professional. We visited your clinic at South Extension, on the ground floor of your house. When we were leaving after the consultation, Devendra was about to pay your consultation fee, you held his hand to say ‘you are not a patient, you are a friend’.

Devendra and I were touched.

You remain very busy, the best part is that you respond to my requests all the time. When Devendra and I were travelling to Gangtok, Darjeeling and Kalimpong for a holiday – with Devendra’s falling platelets – you assured us ‘you go ahead, relax, I can have platelets arranged in any city or town of our country’.

You guided me through Kunti Mummy’s terminal illness as you are a Haemotologist and an Oncologist (cancer specialist). I came to see you when you lost your mother, you had lost your father long time back. I was touched when you shared with me that both, your wife and you, left your jobs of doctors in London because you were the only child of your parents. You did not want your parents to feel insecure and live with a feeling that they were by themselves as their son was in a foreign land. You stayed with your parents, in their house, a huge one, built long time back. You never expected them to modernise it. You said it was possible because your wife Madhu, also a medical doctor, supported you and your parents – and that your children were always taken care of. I will never forget what you shared as I was leaving ‘how can our parents die as long as their children are alive. Children can never forget their parents’.

You don’t call me, but when I do, you respond warmly and help me whenever I need your advice, taking care of family, friends, colleagues who get admitted in Apollo Hospital. You came to see me when I was admitted for my Gall Bladder surgery! You never forget to call back when you see my missed call. You never fail to recognise my voice. Thank you for your caring support!

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Dr Rajiv Khosla Dr Rajiv Khosla, you are a renowned Gastroenterologist who has never taken my calls casually. There is always a warm response, even recently when you were arranging a help for your seriously ill father (also a renowned physician). I am touched.

Dr Vaibhav Gupta I have known you as a young team member of Dr MP Sharma at Rockland Hospital. I wish to let you know that I felt confident and reassured when you handled critical patients when Dr Sharma was out of the country. You did your duty with a high sense of responsibility and coordination which helped patients to get better till Dr Sharma returned.

You treated Prof Choudhry with a lot of respect for his knowledge, his intellect and he also respected and trusted the young doctors. I was moved when you rushed with Dr Anurag Sharma and Dr Pankaj Sahu to pay your last respect to Prof Choudhry. I am grateful to you for treating him so respectfully.

You respond to my calls whenever I have needed your help.

You provided a constant support during critical moments when our family friend Mr Uday Abhyankar was in Medanta Hospital, Gurgaon where you are now working as a Senior Consultant.

You kept informing me about Prof PB Sharma and Dr Ranjeet Brajpuria when they were admitted in Medanta in 2018 and 2019. I feel proud of your commitment to your profession with responsibility. I see hope in you, a doctor who would save patients from the anxiety of unnecessary tests and investigations, and, who still get better!

I also admire you and your wife Pooja, a doctor at Safdarjang Hospital, for your passion for travel and beautiful things. Pooja and you provided support to Mahender’s brother- in-law in the Trauma Centre. He could not make it as he had alarming parameters due to his head injury and excessive bleeding. Your calls kept me updated till the very end in Kavarati, the capital Island of Lakshadweep, where I was on tour, were a great help to keep Mahender informed!

My recent visit to Medanta for an emergency ent consultation made me realise your hectic schedule as a Senior Consultant in a

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large private set up. I was touched when you made two calls to me while I was there, and, once I was finished, you escorted me to your room in the opd. You did not forget to touch my feet. It was a good feeling to spend half an hour with you, you did not make me feel that you were pushed for time!

Thank you Vaibhav and Pooja for the respect you have for me and responding to my requests each time I need your help.

Dr Anurag Sharma You were in Dr MP Sharma’s team at Rockland Hospital. You used to be on night duty during my husband’s hospitalisation for a surgery in 2008. You handled it with sensitivity, consulting the surgeon, Dr Wadhawan, even at midnight. You had high regard for Prof Choudhry, his scholarship and goodness. You were doing a course in Geriatrics from ignou. You were impressed how quietly he sorted out your problem that was coming in way of your completion of this course. When Dr Pankaj Sahu and you went to see him in the University, he had ensured that your certificate was ready as you had cleared it. Dr Sahu had not been able to clear it. He first spoke to Dr Sahu ‘it is just a matter of another semester. Your duties at the hospital are very difficult, the course is not difficult for you. You will clear it’. He kept discussing many other issues while you both had tea with him and then handed over your certificate to you with a warm handshake without uttering a word. He was sensitive to Dr Sahu’s emotions.

You did a lot of running around for Kunti Mummy during her two hospitalisations in Rockland Hospital for her terminal illness. You had to rush to us, hesitatingly, to update us on her condition realising that Prof Choudhry was also very ill himself.

You still keep on remembering vividly how bold he was and how he respected the medical ethics of taking her to the ICU. It was very tough for him, he had convinced himself that he could not let her gasp for breath when the next option was available. I supported him, knowing in my heart that while groaning with excruciating pain, Kunti Mummy always said that she wanted to live and that she should be saved.

You remained in touch with me and provided support to me

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with my check up with Cardiologist Dr Balbir Singh at Medanta Hospital, where you were a consultant. Your wife and you were a great support when I shifted to Gurgaon in South City II. You came home to assure me ‘Ma’am, please call me up any time in an emergency. I will come running’. You were upset when I did not, and, you learnt when you came to see me that I had hurt my knees during morning walk. I fell down as my foot got entangled in the water pipe in the park which had been left carelessly after use by the gardener!

You have shifted to Dubai. I wish that you remain as sensitive as you have been. I feel blessed to know very young doctors like you who have not given up beautiful values of care with concern.

Dr Pankaj Sahu You were a team member of Dr MP Sharma at Rockland Hospital, Delhi. You were respectful to my husband Prof Choudhry and me during his hospitalisations in 2009–10. Years after when I contacted you to help in the treatment of my critically ill, young neighbour Amit, you provided all support, answered all the calls in two days with your hectic schedules at Medanta Hospital, where you are a consultant. You helped Dr Ranjeet Brajpuria for days, sometimes alone and many a times with Dr Vaibhav Gupta.

Thank you for your spontaneity to respond, help and also for your concern for my health.

Dr Gerd Mueller I was uncomfortable and hesitant to see you when Queenie fixed my appointment with you. I did not want to leave my coping mechanism, which I had developed over the years.

I did come to AktivOrtho to see you, only to realise that you are a grounded, practical and a mature doctor who has a lot of experience in Orthopedics, Orthopedic Rehabilitation, Sports Medicine and Medical Fitness. You pursue this as your passion.

You encourage patients to take informed decisions when they need surgery, in spite of all the available graded exercises and treatment programmes. You assure them that they can again join AktivOrtho (now Aktiv Health) to get mobile and maintain fitness.

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I was very frequently getting cramps, excruciating pain in the spine, stiffness, high level water retention and vertigo. I had learnt to deal with all these by developing a coping mechanism at mental and physical levels, compromising with faulty posture, which would somehow let me read, write, sit for long hours painfully in office and frequently take short and very long flights for official tours.

You helped me let go my fears and convinced me that an attitude of positive thinking, which I have was good. It is good to count one’s blessings but this was not enough. I needed to understand that it is not right to think that ‘even with so much of pain, I am able to do all my tasks, tours, long sittings in office’, at a time when so much is available to make one feel better. You said that because of my fear, mental acceptance and capacity to tolerate pain, I had forgotten to use my abdominal muscles. I was overusing my back muscles, which was not going to help me as eventually, this would incapacitate my functioning. I began to become confident, managed to stand without fear as you and the physiotherapist encouraged me by repeating ‘all the muscles which need to work to help you remain stable will gradually begin to work’. I became aware of my abdominal muscles. I also learnt to bend forward sitting on a chair to use the abdominal muscles.

You were sensitive to the sudden loss of my husband and many related issues which used to frequently upset me. You always found time for me. There have been several such occasions when your talking to me with reassurance, concern and ways of finding solutions to my problems relieved me of immense emotional and physical pressures. You found Dr Maria Allegier, an extremely good and sensitive psychologist for me. She helped me address issues which were bothering me. She used to say about you ‘he is a doctor and a good doctor. He is not only good professionally but in ethics as well’. Both of you are fond of books and literature and found time to discuss books even in your brief meetings. This decent behaviour of the two of you reminds me of Prof SM Tuli and Prof MP Sharma who appreciate all their colleagues, their strengths, never speak ill of anyone. It is a great value, which needs to be picked up for healthy professional relationships. The beautiful

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learning is ‘never judge, blame or gossip as a professional’. A value like this helps us to stay focussed.

I keep discovering your depth of understanding human issues.

You speak little but are fully aware and highly evolved intellectually.

You come across as a well-read person when discussing larger issues and concerns. I was happy and surprised to discover that you found time to read aloud books like Richard Bach’s Jonathan Livingston Seagull to your small children, Charlie and Ava. Each one of us in the academic world dealing with children’s education at schools, young persons at college and university levels need to make an effort to keep updating our knowledge. This value is unfortunately getting lost.

You keep counting your blessings. You are a positive person.

Your mother, Gertrud Mueller, you adore and revere. You are proud that she is highly motivated and hard working person with high intellect. She not only takes care of herself in her late 80s, but is able to show many other gestures of kindness to those around her in Ochsenfurt, a town near Frankfurt where you were born!

Your eyes brighten up when you talk about her. Your father, who is no more, you respect. A clear message for everyone to pick up from you is ‘be proud of your parents’.

It was a learning experience to observe how you ensure discipline by checking loud laughters of patients and physio therapist by gently reminding them ‘we need to focus, which is possible, only when we are serious’. The subtle message has stayed with me. I keep this in mind.

I am reminded of an incident when you were discussing my problems with me, your friend called from Germany to inform you that his kids had met with an accident. You were upset and wanted to immediately call back to speak to a surgeon in the hospital. You saw me struggling to stabilise after sitting for long, you waited till I stabilised and then ran to your chamber to attend to your friend’s children by getting in touch with an Orthopaedic surgeon there.

Your contribution of creating a team which has sensitivity and empathy for every patient is of a rare kind. When I had episodes of fluctuating blood pressure and palpitations, you were always there to guide. Once when it got worse, you were in constant touch with Christina. You assured me, ‘I will arrange everything to help you

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come out of a difficult health situation. Your call, I will always answer.’ You guided Christina gently without creating panic.

My belief gets strength from you that every student, colleague and friend has the potential to improve. Your philosophy that every patient has the potential to improve and participate in his/ her treatment and well-being is transacted in its true spirit. This should be a message for every good teacher, doctor, parent and administrator!

I have known you for eight years but it is like we are very old close friends. You respond spontaneously when I am in pain or sad. There is some kind of telepathy. Our meetings have become rare but I know you will always be there and reach out whenever I will need your goodness and your strength to overcome difficulties of health and emotions.

Thank you for being a loving friend Gerd, for your assurance and for your quiet messages that you care!

I would not have known you if Queenie had not insisted that I meet you and supported my treatment in every way!

Dr Sumiran Passey Ever since you took over as incharge of AktivHealth, Gurgaon Centre, there is a positive energy and genuine concern for patients.

Your presence brings in a message that you care for every patient.

It is a good feeling to realise that you remain grateful to your elders, to those from whom you learn and find the books to read to learn even more!

I am touched by your warmth each time I visit the Centre, always finding time to address my pain and discomfort even before I can tell you. Forgetting many a times that you have to leave, you put your bags back to give me a feeling, that you can wait and that there is no rush to leave. Thank you Sumiran for your loving care.

Physiotherapists at AktivHealth Christina, Harikant, Sandeep, Sourav, Akshay, Praveen, Roshan and Gargi – each one of you have gone out of your way to address issues of my excruciating pain, fatigue and imbalance. You are sensitive, observant and think of ways to make me feel better.

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Each has her/his own way of addressing the issue, nonetheless, there is definitely some relief after the session gets over. I need to thank Ben, Taranjit and Ritika who remain concerned about my well-being. Azeem, you impress me with your good values. Kriti, Anugya and Keyur, I love your smiles and concern for me. I might have inadvertently left out names of many, but I appreciate each one’s respect and regard for me and their skills. Panchali and Harmeet, I feel the warmth of your hugs.

Each one of you pass on a strong message of respecting your patient’s needs, never imposing. Whenever the designated Physiotherapist is not there due to leave or illness, the one who takes over remains informed about the patient through records, files and the treatment last received. Each one of you is positive about the strength of the other. You pass on a lovely message of the need to build team spirit which has been conceptualised and implemented by Dr Gerd Mueller and encouraged in all the ActivHealth clinics everyday in spirit.

Dr Amit Sachdev I will ever be grateful to you for holding my hand to address my fears of having difficult dental procedures soon after Devendra’s departure. Everyone in your team was so good. I managed because you kept assuring ‘Ma’am, I am here, don’t worry!’

Dr Abhinav Sharma You are an orthodontist at Clove Dental Clinic, Gurgaon. You helped me overcome my fears of a difficult long dental procedure by giving me space to walk in between and your hand to help me get up and settle back again and again with my painful spine!

Thank you for your care and for finding Dr Mayank Sharma to deal with my dental issues with patience, making them almost painless! Thank you Dr Reshu Garg for your caring treatment and Dr Radhika Raval for your support.

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My Career

I

was blessed to work in good institutions which were well recognised, created systems as honestly as possible and were known for their good practices, rigour in every academic endeavour. Each institution I worked with helped me grow as a better professional and enabled me to accept several challenges which were initially daunting for me!

Punjabi University, Patiala

P

unjabi University, Patiala, for the first time for me was an exposure to such a huge campus with well recognised departments and Research Centres. A well equipped Central Library and a number of equally well equipped libraries for every Department and Research Centre encouraged, enriched intellectual interactions and teaching-learning processes. It had a big residential complex with a good health centre and a reasonably big market for daily needs. There was a fleet of university buses to take children of every faculty member and staff to schools, colleges in the city and to help families to reach railway station, bus stand and all important parts of the city. The University was about 14 kilometers from the city.

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Prof Amrik Singh You were the Vice Chancellor of Punjabi University, Patiala. I had applied for a post of Assistant Professor in the Department of History. The interview was held in UGC building in Delhi. Out of 21 candidates from JNU, London School of Economics and other Universities, I was selected. I had done my MPhil and was working on my PhD thesis with Prof Ravinder Kumar as my supervisor.

Prof Kumar wrote to me after a week that he learnt from one of the experts that I was selected as number one, another candidate was also selected. I did not get the appointment letter for weeks.

Suddenly a letter came from the University asking me to reappear for an interview in Delhi, in the UGC. The moment I entered, I asked, ‘why have I been asked to reappear before the same selection committee!’ You were taken aback, but you did not feel offended.

You said, ‘the interview is being held again as one of the candidates had intriguingly not received the interview call last time’. I now wonder, will any Vice Chancellor ever care to reply to a question of a candidate who comes for an interview! I was again selected as an Assistant Professor in the Department of History, Punjabi University, Patiala, this time I was at number two.

You made 60 appointments. There were allegations by members of Sikh community that you had appointed 48 non-Sikh faculty members out of 60. You replied with a sense of humour, ‘if I cannot find a Sikh as an expert of Tamil, I will have to appoint a non-Sikh’. You used to demonstrate your secular belief while striving for academic excellence of the University by setting standards of excellence.

You used to interact with the faculty during evening walks, check the quality of food served in the hostels, tasting it yourself during surprise visits. Devendra and I were once walking with Manu, when you heard us scolding him, you stopped and said, ‘is this the way to talk to a small child?’ You sent us a book on child psychology with the intention of making us treat our son gently. You came home after a week, to discuss the book. I was the youngest faculty in the university, Devendra and I never expected you to visit us so often. You did not believe in formalities.

There was a lot of political pressure on you to do things which you did not believe in. You resigned. Devendra and I came

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to meet you at 7.30 in the morning. You said, ‘you are the only ones to come and see me after my resignation’! As years passed by, Devendra and I learnt how people wanted to get close to the new person in position and to let him/her know how bad or incompetent the previous person was! It pained us to find people changing themselves for petty gains. We could not change. Our relationship with you lasted till you passed away months before Devendra in 2010.

You were a Godfather to us, stood by us like an anchor to let us know that you were there for us. You visited AIIMS to see Devendra during his surgeries in 1981–82, were proud of his immense will power, his strength and commitment to finish his PhD thesis despite him being on crutches. You particularly liked Devendra’s book reviews which he did for the Indian Book Chronicle, single handedly brought out by you. You were so happy when Devendra could steadily reach the position of a ProVice Chancellor at IGNOU, a National University, where he had contributed in different capacities with his heart and soul for twenty four and a half years.

Ammee and you had been coming forward on your own to provide comfort and support to us when we had problems.

You brought a chair to my office, as you thought it would be comfortable for me when I had problems with my abdominal muscles. You were standing with me outside the lift with the folded chair, the moment Director NCERT saw you, he rushed and offered to carry it. You did not give it to him. Every Director, most Heads of Institutions were in awe with you around as they respected you as an intellectual of high order with simple habits. You knew most of them.

You admired Anand for his keen desire to understand issues and then speak. You always said, ‘I feel good, he has so much of depth and maturity and conducts himself with dignity even when he is passing through a low phase’. Ammee, you keep appreciating his speeches, interviews even now and keep letting me know how proud you feel.

From you we learnt to stand up, to take a stand and never worry about consequences. Devendra and I were known for taking a stand on issues, in meetings and through official notes. We

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never stepped back out of fear. I have not forgotten an experience you shared with us, our learning to overcome fear. You admired Mahatma Gandhi as he never feared the might of the British!

Thank you for giving us strength in our weaker moments. Thank you Ammee for giving us so much of love and care!

Prof Baldev Kumar You were a big brother to Devendra and me. Sarlaji and you provided unconditional support to us when we were trying to settle in the University. For years, you never let us leave without dinner.

You used to take us for dinner to your house in the campus for a year and a half and also walk back with us till Devendra was on crutches. I made it a point to visit you in Patiala from Chandigarh during my tours, you were so warm, both of you telling ‘please, bring Devendra and Manu next time’. Your sons, Punit an accomplished scientist and Gaurav, an accomplished professional, both in Canada, used to play with Manu. They are so affectionate and respectful. Losing both of you has saddened us. I went to meet your sons in Toronto and stayed with Gaurav in October, 2019 for nearly two weeks. Gaurav and Nidhi invited the entire family for dinner to meet me. I met your two brothers, their wives and your sister at the dinner. Punit made an effort to meet me a day before the dinner. Punit and Shashwati invited me for lunch at their place.

I was treated with lot of respect and love. Both Punit, and Gaurav said, ‘we follow Uncle Anand. His speeches are so good. Gaurav is Anand’s admirer and keeps recalling his meeting with him in Toronto. He felt proud that when so many slips were sent in and so many people were waiting to meet him, Anand called him first and spent at least fifteen minutes with him.

Prof Mohinder Singh Meeting Prof Mohinder Singh at the Institute of Punjabi Studies, Bhai Veer Singh Sadan, Delhi for a book discussion on Jallianwala Bagh (Hundred Years After the Massacre) was academically enriching and full of memories. Meeting his wife Mona later, was an experience which was painful. They both remembered Devendra so warmly, talked about Manu. We were colleagues at Punjabi

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University Patiala. Mona and Mohinder found it so difficult to talk about the passing away of their younger daughter, Rubina in the US, it made three of us so sad. I realised that old friends are there to share joys and sorrows, sometime without words, just expressions!! To remember Devendra and Rubina was so painful.

Meeting the older daughter, Gina was a treat. She is a responsible young person who tries to maintain a balance as a professional, with her duties towards family and friends with a smile.

Nehru Memorial Museum & Library

N

ehru Memorial Museum & Library, Teen Murti is a library which is massive in terms of its collection, the ongoing research, expansion, additions to enrich, beautiful lounge for interaction with scholars – well known, not so well known and young. The young scholars never felt out of place as the seniors made each one of them feel comfortable in their presence. The Microfilming and Manuscript sections are amazing. The Oral History Section has developed very well. I was a witness to so many celebrities, in terms of their contribution to our country’s freedom struggle, when they walked in for interviews. Teen Murti Library allowed me to go into a state of bliss with hundred of flowers, trees, birds and peacocks. I often went out to be with nature, take walks and have tea in the cafeteria.

I had worked in this great Library for my PhD thesis. My level of confidence was high here with my supervisor as its Director. The space I got as a scholar was immense, no accountability of what I did for months as Prof Ravinder Kumar was confident that I would manage. He did not believe in guiding to spoon feed. He would address my anxiety by saying, ‘you will, on your own, learn how to begin writing your chapters. All the reading that you have done, though, not directly related to your work, will rescue you’.

It was an equally satisfying and enriching experience for me to have worked here for a reasonably long period with the legend Aruna Asaf Ali, who was not obsessed with punctuality and

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number of leaves. She was satisfied that Prof Ravinder Kumar had faith in my commitment.

Mrs Aruna Asaf Ali I had only read in books about your fearless and daring acts during the Quit India Movement. You were so strong in your resolve and would not give up at any cost. Gandhiji had to appeal to you to surrender. You did, respecting Gandhiji’s appeal. I admired you for your courage, love for our country and your guts to marry Asaf Ali Saheb at the age of 18 when he was 42 years old. You had created a flutter as it was impossible for our society to imagine or accept a young Bengali Brahmin Ganguly woman marrying a much older man who was not from her religion. Both of you managed well because you were deeply devoted and dedicated to our country’s freedom struggle and to each other!

It was a dream come true when I got an opportunity to work with you on an important project, Resurgence of Womanhood in India. While reading about you, as a student and teaching about you as the youngest Assistant Professor of History at Punjabi University, Patiala, I always wondered how I could just have a glimpse of you. I was excited realising that I would get to spend two years and another six months with you when the project was coming to an end. I thanked Prof Ravinder Kumar for this. It was a blessing to have worked with you, so much of learning for me.

You were in your late 70s then, but when you talked about your experiences of our country’s freedom struggle, your eyes used to light up with a beautiful smile and a sense of satisfaction. You made sure when you came to Anand’s house, Ashok’s house and to my house in Asian Games Village, to let all our friends, who came to meet you know ‘I was not alone in such daring acts, I was one of the many’. I learnt from you that there was no need to project or over- project contribution of one’s work.

You gave me so much of space and freedom to work, without imposing yourself. You allowed me to travel to Panipat on the day we were to start our Project. You said, ‘we will start after two days. You need to meet your mother-in-law and father-inlaw’. Manu needed to be admitted in a school in Delhi, you had

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the patience to tell me, ‘don’t worry, your son’s education is more important’. During this period, I was ill for nearly a year, and could come to the library for a short duration, after a week or two’s gap you appreciated even that, and never got me worried! You were confident that I would deliver. We were able to finish the project with a six month’s extension. We were supposed to bring out one book, with Mr Raghavan’s support, we managed to bring out two.

The Private Face of a Public Man, Life of Jawahar Lal Nehru came out first. And then came Resurgence of Indian Womanhood. Both these were brought out beautifully by Radiant Publishers.

You made me contribute fully with my limitations during the period I worked with you. It was a learning that work gets done, even if there is a delay, if those who work with us are encouraged and trusted! I feel inspired by your exceptional courage during Quit India Movement, which has been recognised as an important phase of our country’s freedom struggle. Each time I read about you in books or talk about you during my lectures to post graduate students in Himachal Pradesh University, Punjabi University, Patiala, and now to History Honours graduate students at Amity University, Haryana, I feel a special kind of energy. I admire your courage to dare!

Thank you Ma’am for reposing so much of faith in me, your affection, care and blessings.

Department of Women & Child Development, MHRD

M

y work in the Department of Women & Child Development in the Ministry of Human Resource Development (MHRD) was a unique experience. I was in a comfort zone as I knew how to go about doing my work as a Consultant for a nationally important project, National Perspective Plan for Women: 1988– 2000. Nonetheless, I did notice for the first time how the meetings were conducted in a big group of IAS officers, practitioners and subject/area experts and how they were in awe in the presence of the Minister, Margaret Alva. I learnt the art of giving dictations and

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drafting letters, the earlier experience of my father dictating long judgements, running into so many pages was something I admired as a great quality. Later, I saw Anand having a powerful way of dictating. Devendra for decades gave me a valuable exposure to notings and dictations! This was in the year 1987–88. Later, when I joined NCERT, I was fortunate to be a part of such meetings several times in a year – for many years as a representative of NCERT. I began to respect the seriousness and substance of meetings with the bureaucrats, experts and representatives and heads of many other institutions, state officials and the officials working in MHRD. State or UT meetings were held with similar seriousness.

The academicians were always treated with respect and dignity.

National Council of Education Research and Training

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had an opportunity to work in this great institution, which has no parallel, for 23 years. It provided me endless opportunities, exposed me to issues of national importance in School Education, a continuous interaction with Ministry of Human Resource Development, to State Education systems, to Curriculum Development, preparation of textbooks and supplementary materials. It trained me to cross subject boundaries by giving me opportunities to work in different, unfamiliar, new and emerging subject areas like environmental issues! NCERT taught me to tolerate work pressures, to cope with urgent matters like replying to the Parliament questions, preparing replies to the letters and mails from the MHRD and many a times from the Prime Minister’s office or the office of the President. These were sent by the Director NCERT to HoDs of different departments who assigned the task to the faculty. The HoDs first discussed and then finalised the draft replies for the Director. We got exposure to International Conferences, preparing and presenting the Country Papers and had occasions to visit foreign universities, World Bank headquarters in Washington DC, Ministries of Education of the UK and the USA. My colleagues in NCERT, everyone I worked with for 23 years

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helped me in many ways. When I joined NCERT, I found myself at a disadvantage, I did not have a degree in Education. I soon realised that there were few others who did not have this degree, but were heading departments, doing well and contributing. My first posting was in the Department of Women’s Studies. I had worked for my PhD thesis on Status of Women in India. This gave me some confidence. Many Directors had effectively administered and delivered with exceptional contribution without a degree in Education. These seniors became a source of comfort for me. I listened carefully to my colleagues with these degrees, tried to pick up as much as I could, read books to be able to perform in a prominent national institution!

In the learning process, I never hesitated to tell myself and my colleagues that I needed their help. Some helped, which gave me confidence, many were sarcastic. They helped me to accept an academic challenge. Gradually I became confident, became part of Research Studies, Training Programmes, Curriculum Development, Textbook and Supplementary Material Development, Evaluation and much more. Learning continued till the last day at NCERT. I wish to share the strength, which my colleagues in my department gave when Devendra left suddenly. I am grateful to each and every colleague and staff of all the 14 departments. During the 13 days, when I was at home, almost everyone came. Those who were on tours or on leave, came for days to my office to express their condolence. I was able to once again perform because of the strength which each one of you gave me in my ‘low’ period. I could take over the Headship of Department of Elementary Education (DEE), a huge Department, travel in the country and outside because you let me know that you cared.

Rakesh Aggarwal you still provide constant support, Shakambar Dutt, Pushpa, Suresh, Sunita, Mrs Sharma, Saxenaji, the Research Staff, Kabutri, Mahendri and others (in big numbers) in the Department worked hard. Many of you sat in the office even after ten at night to wait for me to return from the Ministry’s meetings or to answer the large number of Parliament questions, the Programme Section of Elementary Education managed huge budgets especially with the Technical Support Agency which was housed in the department. It was already too much of work for

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the Department in Prof Vashishtha’s time. It was not that I did it alone, everyone worked to make it possible. I was blessed to have a faculty and staff who shared my load with commitment at every step!

Prof Sandhya Paranjpe, Dr Swarna Gupta, Prof Manju Jain and Prof Usha Dutta, you were my friends and colleagues in Department of Elementary Education. Prof Paranjape, I knew you from the Department of Women’s Studies of NCERT where we first worked together to become good friends. Ila Varma, you worked with me in this department. You joined UNICEF after a year. You have been warm and concerned during UNICEF meetings. You stay in touch and keep telling me to visit your beautiful home in Bhopal.

Sandhya, you helped me during long international tours by helping me wear socks, without your concern for my spine, I could not have left the hotel room in the piercing and biting cold, for days and months! Our families were close. I learnt to ask for help from the Front Desks of the hotels later. Pankaj, Sandhya’s husband and I were very fond of each other. His passing away has hit me!

Swarna, Manju Lata and Usha, you were always ready to help, appreciate my sensitivity to help everyone who needed help.

Manju, you made every effort to force me to save money. You used to actually open my bag and take a small amount every month to keep it in an empty box of tea bags in which Daljitji used to keep small amounts to deposit in the Public Provident Fund account.

You took over with a sincere effort, changed the box when it wore off. You spent time on counting the money and depositing it with the help of Rakesh. All of you provided willing support to me to rehabilitate after my six months of being bed ridden, rushing to stop the lift, helping me to get into the lift with care!

Interactions with Hemant Kumar from the Publication Department have been intellectually meaningful. Hemant, your effort to go through the manuscript and your comments helped me to go ahead with publication. You also got me in touch with Mr Mathew, a fine proof reader. I wish to acknowledge and express my gratitude to all the staff car drivers for driving me safely, waiting for hours when flights got delayed especially in winters and finding way in the heavy fog. Each one of you was devoted, never grumbled or complained. For decades I learnt from your lives, your struggles,

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your sense of duty towards your families. I remember Labh Singhji’s effort to go to Chandigarh with regularity to provide support to his growing children and later to give confidence to his mother in her nineties. I learnt how difficult it was for Anup to encourage his two school going children, with duty even at odd hours, feeling proud of them, going in for a major surgery, passing away fighting cancer. Anup, your one sentence keeps coming back to me, ‘Ma’am, I keep telling my children to do their best and not to worry as I will provide for everything and their mother will look after them’. Each one of you made me learn something invaluable. I cannot forget the guards, the lift operators and the Safai Karamcharis, each one greeting with a smile, respect and spontaneity.

Dr PL Malhotra You were the Director of NCERT when I first joined on Deputation. I was absorbed after a year. You were very strict but helpful and caring. Many senior colleagues shared with me that you would be strict about punctuality of colleagues and staff, but you found time to talk to those who would get late. You ensured punctuality by providing solutions, understanding personal difficulties. I felt a little confident when I learnt that you were a PhD in History. You liked my discussions and the fact that I had worked with legendary Aruna Asaf Ali and had the experience of working in the MHRD’s Department of Women & Child Development. (It is now a Ministry.)

There was a commotion when I was nominated to UNESCO’s Conference on Gender Stereotyping in School Resources in Monash University, Melbourne, Australia. I was to present the Country Paper as Government of India’s nominee. You convinced the faculty that I would manage it well with my years of teaching experience in a university and a PhD on the Changing Status of Women in India. You were happy when you learnt that I acted as the co-chair of the conference and was a part of the committee for drafting the report.

You protected my job when I faced an ‘insecure senior’ who would everyday create hurdles, to the extent of getting sarcastic about young deaths in my family, not letting me go to AIIMS for

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half a day for Papa’s surgery! I remained committed, met deadlines, coordinated four Annual Training Programmes on Methodology of Women’s Education and Development. You questioned my senior as to why my work should not be evaluated with objectivity when I completed all the assigned tasks, keeping in view, the quality.

Thank you for taking a strong stand at a time when I was new to NCERT. You helped me to perform against odds and eventually settle down.

Dr K Gopalan You were NCERT’s Director who was bold and stood by those who needed support due to personal reasons. I had been suffering due to a rupture in the Rectus Muscle of the abdomen. I needed to go to the Parliament Annexe for physiotherapy, but faced a lot of difficulty, leaving the office for two to three hours every day.

You called me to your office, talked to me as an elder of the family to know details about my family and my health issues. After talking to me for more than half an hour, you assured me that I could go for my physiotherapy. You used to talk to me warmly each time you came to the Department of Women Studies or in other meetings of NCERT. You were kind to me because you realised that I actually needed support to look after my family and myself. You were happy each time I made a presentation. You had a meeting organised with all HoDs where I had to share the Country Paper that I had presented in Melbourne University in 1989.

You were very fond of Devendra, respected that he was a good human being, professionally good and a loving husband and father.

We remained in touch with you for more than a decade-and-a -half after you retired from NCERT. You were so happy when I visited you in Trichur in 1993. You came to pick me up and also dropped me back at Ram Nilayam Circuit House. You were happier when Devendra visited you. You called me up to say ‘your boy friend was here. My wife and I were so happy. What makes me happy is that there is mutuality in your love for each other. We have taken a picture with him, it will become a part of our family album. I will send you a copy!’ You did.

You visited our house when you came to Delhi for a meeting.

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You shared with us your experiences of Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Boston, USA, from where you received your degree in Engineering.

An incident that left a mark on us was your courage to get an examination conducted for one student at the School of Architecture, Vasant Kunj. You called the Director of the School to your office in the MHRD where you were the Additional Advisor.

The Director informed you that he respected the official protocols, and the examination was already over. You retaliated by telling him that ‘knowing that the student had lost his father a day before the examination, you should have sent a request to me to allow the student to take the examination. You were not sensitive. I am issuing an order now that the examination for this student has to be conducted tomorrow at 9 am.’

You heaved a sigh of relief as you let us know that the examination was conducted, the student’s one year was saved. We felt so proud that you were not only sensitive, good and caring but also daring as an administrator.

Both Devendra and I learnt from you that help needs to be provided at every cost. I respect you for taking a stand for me and allowing me to grow and contribute.

Prof AK Sharma As Joint Director, and later as Director NCERT and; years after you retired, official, academic and social interactions with you have been fulfilling. Your command over languages, content, the seriousness in meetings with a large measure of objectivity and fairness has amazed me. You came across as a very simple person with sensitivity for your colleagues. I was touched by how you would rush during meetings to take calls from Chandigarh when your father was critical. You used to receive calls in your office only after letting us know that you had to, as it was from your sister or mother to update you about your father’s medical condition. Your secretary used to share with us that you used to get dropped at the Interstate Bus Terminal to take the ‘Night Bus’ to Chandigarh. The Director’s staff car would only be used in your personal emergencies for dropping and picking you up from the

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bus terminal. You used to occasionally share personal issues in meetings to pass on a message. The official work never suffered as you would do all the urgent files each time you had to rush to Chandigarh. Your father passed away. You looked after your father’s treatment and then the rituals without neglecting work.

This was a learning for me that one needed to attend to personal responsibilities as well along with professional, and, when needed the family should be given priority.

Your academic inputs in the annual meetings of Programme Advisory Committee of the NCERT, used to be practical. The MHRD’s UNICEF supported District Primary Education Programme assignment led NCERT to take up the initiative with an excellent team spirit! We were exposed to internationally important issues, data, and Focused Group Discussions in early 1990s.

You protected your colleagues from the unfair treatment of some HoDs. You never failed to convey your displeasure to the HoDs whenever you found them imposing and unjustified, without raising your voice or using harsh words. You transferred me to Department of Education in Social Science & Humanities (DESS&H).

The NCERT faculty missed you in 2009–10 when it failed to get the age for superannuation raised to 65 years! I remember your silent but effective effort to get NCERT faculty’s age raised to 62 years for superannuation! It has now been raised in 2017 with NCERT being declared as an Institution of National Importance (It already was!). I am happy for my colleagues.

The message I picked up from you was that we don’t have to be loud, to get a difficult task done, which, would benefit the academic community and keep it motivated. We need to take a stand, which must be firm but polite!

Prof JS Rajput You became the Director of NCERT in 1999. You were the strictest Director, your focus was on punctuality and deadlines, although you knew yourself that NCERT had been delivering what it had to! You transferred me to the Department of Elementary Education (DEE) from DESS&H after months of your joining. I was bed ridden for nearly six months. When I joined back in 2001, you

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were shocked to see me, making a great effort to sit on the chair, not able to carry my thin file in the interview for a professor’s position. When the interview was over, I asked you if you would have the file sent to me in my department, you said, ‘you don’t worry, it will reach you’. You stood up and opened the door for me, saying ‘I am upset to see you in such a heavy spinal belt. I have learnt that you used to rush so many sick people to hospitals. You are very brave’. I was selected as a Professor from July 1999. This was in spite of the fact that I had an academic argument with you in a big meeting!

When I look back, I realise you transferred me to a department where I had opportunities and experiences to keep accepting challenges. Due to four deaths in the family, Bauji, Papa Sudhir and Munna Didi, I used to be late for office. I used to find memos frequently on my table to explain my coming late to work. Each time I told you the reason, you would be like an elder, sympathetic and compassionate, but the memos did not stop. In the large NCERT meetings you appreciated my comments, observations and inputs. You were aware that I was doing a paper from AIIMS where Devendra was admitted after Sudhir’s death. You had assigned this paper to me for NCERT’s Journal of Indian Education. This was on ‘Implications of the National Curriculum Framework 2000 for the Girl Child’. You appreciated when I submitted it on time. I did go through a tough time due to large number of Memos! When you were leaving in 2004 after completing your tenure, you called me to your office, to let me know ‘Kiran, I respect you because you are committed, well read and speak with clarity, but I had to do certain unpleasant things as Director’. I did not have any grudge against the memos. I forgot about those. I was, however, shocked to find how quickly the NCERT academicians changed with the coming of the new Director. They had no hesitation in criticising you to get close to him!

When a member of CIET’s team suddenly died in Port Blair, you ensured that all support was provided, asked the team to return by air, though some were not entitled to air travel. You kept in touch with the team, went with the body of this colleague to his residence! I still occasionally meet you and talk to you in meetings and on social occasions.

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Prof G Ravindra I knew you as Joint Director and later as Director of NCERT. Your simplicity, smile, academic depth and a firm way to communicate, impressed me. You tried to convince in meetings that love was an essential aspect of every relationship, even in professional situations. You believed that most professional problems could disappear if this aspect could be incorporated as a way of professional life. An NCERT evaluation team was to go to the US and Canada, however, last minute questions were raised by the Ministry. Everyone used to feel that you were very mild and could never take a stand. You surprised everyone as the issue was resolved by your meeting with the Secretary, MHRD within minutes. We left as per the schedule. The Senior Management Team again went to the UK and the US as you took all precautions to avoid last minute issues. You were to accompany the team as its leader in the capacity of Director.

You were unaffected when you were asked to stay back due to the forthcoming Parliament session. You made me the Team Leader as I was the Member Secretary of the NCERT-MHRD-TSA and Cambridge Consultants Evaluation Initiative, in the capacity of HoD of DEE. You stepped back quietly.

The moment you were informed about Devendra’s passing away, you rushed to my house early morning with colleagues who stayed on the NCERT campus. You used the Director’s discretionary power to allot an accommodation to me on the campus as I had to vacate my husband’s official accommodation in Asian Games village within six months.

You motivated me to take over as HoD of NCERT’s big department. I was not ready as Devendra had passed away just six weeks back. You appreciated my contribution in every meeting, presentations and discussions. This gave strength to me in weaker moments and helped me to remain committed professionally.

Laila Tyabji When NCERT was developing its National Curriculum Framework, 2005, it had created 21 Focus Groups. You were the Chairperson for the Focus Group on Heritage Crafts. I was its

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Member Secretary. You are known for your contribution to the creation of Dastkar and protection of Indian crafts and artists.

Devendra and I had been a regular visitor to Dastkar, but I had never met you. I learnt that you are the granddaughter of Badrudin Tyabji, the third president of the Indian National Congress.

You and I used to have discussions on this important period of Indian history.

It was a blessing to have worked with you, listen to you, see you interact with artists and learn from you many beautiful things about the struggle of the artists. You have been appreciative of their art, guiding them gently with sensitivity, while respecting their knowledge. I appreciate your grace and elegant dress sense.

It was a happy experience to interview you at Central Institute of Educational Technology, NCERT. This was something I did for the first time. It came up beautifully because you spoke not like an expert but as person who has learnt so much to nurture your own talent and passion. It was a humbling experience for me.

Prof Usha Nayyar You were my HoD when I first joined NCERT in 1988 on Deputation. You made me tough by giving me difficult situations to face. You were a hardworking and a pushing person. You exposed me to handling a fairly large data and its analysis, when you assigned me the role of member of the National Gender Studies Team and State Coordinator of Kerala. Meeting you after a decade made me feel your warmth and affection of your husband Brigadier Nayyar. You have not been in good health, I stay concerned and make an effort to stay in touch with you and family.

Prof Arjun Dev You were my HoD when I was in Department of Social Science & Humanities. Devendra and I were actually friends with you and your wife Indira. While I worked with you, Bauji was ill. He was staying with us for treatment and Papa was also ill in Delhi.

He was with my younger brother Ashok. I was anxious. I would be frequently late for work. This was an emotionally stressful period. Bauji passed away in December 1998. Papa passed away

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in October 1999. You were extraordinarily sensitive. You would ask me every day about the health of both, made me part of big projects of the Department, sent me on tours till I expressed my inability due to compelling personal reasons. Never did you ever make me feel guilty for coming late to work. It was because of you that I participated in all the activities and was able to bring out a revised edition of Class VIII History Textbook in 1998. It was supposed to be ‘Annual Reprint’ with minimal essential changes.

You sent it to the Publication Department with a note that it had to be treated as a revised edition. You acknowledged my contribution in the Preface. I was an active member of Hindi translation group of Source Book on Human Rights, NCERT’s monumental work, An Album on History of Freedom Struggle. I was able to work with Aditya Narayan Singh, nephew of the famous Hindi poet Ramdhari Singh Dinkar. I was a member of the Project on Some Aspects of Curriculum, managed to travel to eight states. You saved me silently from carrying a sense of guilt. You have been an example of a very sensitive and concerned HoD. When I met you at India International Centre at the wedding reception of Prof AK Sharma’s son, I could not have stayed if you and Indira had not taken care of me with so much of affection. You realised that I find it difficult to be part of weddings without Devendra. You felt bad that I was there for a very short time. You made a special effort to see me off. I was moved. Thank you Arjun and Indira for your kindness. You are so caring when I visit you in Noida.

Visiting you in PSRI Hospital in Delhi was sad. You were talking to yourself. You were talking a lot about Anand and were sad that it had been long since you met him or even spoke to him

Prof KK Vashishtha We were colleagues in DEE in the NCERT in 1999. Later you became the HoD. It was during this period that my husband’s younger brother and elder sister, Sudhir and Munna Didi passed away. The family was shattered. Kunti Mummy tried to be bold, but it was very tough for her. Devendra’s youngest brother had already passed away in 1993. All these were sudden deaths, due to an accident and heart failure. They were all young people. Devendra

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found it hardest to mentally accept the loss of his siblings. His health got affected as he missed each of them so much. He was lost, as every morning the moment he got into his staff car, the first call he would make from his mobile was to Munna Didi, he could not adjust to her loss emotionally. Manu and I shared his loss. We were also having great difficulty in adjusting to shocks and Devendra’s health.

In you, I found an understanding HoD with sensitivity and concern. You could sometimes be very angry, even sarcastic, but ready to provide all support when anyone of us faced problems, at home or with our own health. You would tell us to forget about work and focus on the personal problems. This could also mean cancellation of tours and missing deadlines. You would find solutions, assign task to some other colleague till things became normal or take over the responsibility on yourself. You could provide support to me ungrudgingly at the cost of official risks because you believed in me.

You were always objective and fair which enabled each one of us to contribute in states and UTs to provide academic support, in Delhi and in other countries. You would never say that you were the first to reach the department, driving for more than an hour from Ghaziabad and mostly the last to leave trying to answer the parliament questions. You appreciated that I used to frequently stay back to provide support. I was supported by Devendra and Kunti Mummy at home for professional commitments.

I could work as a Member Secretary for development of History Curriculum (Classes VI–XII) and Heritage Craft & Development of Textbooks because you gave me space. It was a blessing to have worked with Prof Anil Sethi who was so good in subjects knowledge. You looked after your critically ill mother who was in the ICU with a great sense of dedication for months at the cost of driving for months, three times more than your normal distance, increasing work load and emotional pressures. You used to react violently when some colleagues suggested that the Ventilator had been there for months, and that it was of no use. You used to retaliate, ‘should I tell the doctors to stop my mother’s breathing’.

You used to get upset over the insensitivity of those colleagues who would suggest that there was no point in prolonging treatment.

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This made you cry so many times. I respect you for your sensitivity.

I can always relate with you as we share similar sensitivity and values. I thought about you so much finding, Devendra in similar situation when Kunti Mummy was in ICU (for less than a week).

She passed away eight months before Devendra.

During our long tours to the UK, US and Canada you and your wife actually looked after me. We used to have evening tea and dinner together, shop together and what was most beautiful was that you used to take care of my money, balance and keep warning me that I needed to check my shopping. Not only this, you always created space in your suitcases, many a times adjusted your own shopping everyday. The effort was immense but not even once did you tell me that it was difficult for you. You appreciated that I was picking up small but beautiful gifts to say ‘thank you’ to every one who was or would be kind to me. You would tell me that you were worried because I spent all that we got as official allowance and the amount that I had carried with me. You were worried as to how would I pay for my international usage of mobile which would be a huge amount.

When I called you up at 6.30 in the morning to inform about Devendra’s passing away, you reached at 7.30, stayed for cremation in the afternoon, went back to Ghaziabad to get your wife in the evening. You had retired by then. I was touched by the effort you made to let me know that you shared my grief. It was difficult for you in terms of time, distance and fatigue.

It is a treat to visit you in Ghaziabad periodically. Your warmth is overwhelming. Both you and your wife treat me with so much of love and care. Thank you for finding ways to help me contribute in spite of so many difficulties.

Prof Daljit Gupta You were my senior colleague in NCERT. I worked with you in DEE after I was transferred from DESS&H. We worked together on a nationally important programme of community singing. I enjoyed working with you. I travelled to Shimoga in Karnataka and Sarnath in Uttar Pradesh for the two inter-state programmes where I was able to experience the beauty of children learning music together,

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picking up each other’s language and learning from each other. In Sarnath, two brothers from Maharashtra were participants, the teacher who accompanied them was their father. Each child was to talk about himself or herself before the performance. The elder brother was confident, he could introduce himself well. When the turn of the younger brother came, he was nervous, he could not speak at all. His father got angry, blamed the child for letting him down. He started comparing him with his brother and shouting.

I got up from the dais, brought the child with me and made him sit next to me. He was only 10 years old. I began talking to him, asking him about his family, his likes and dislikes. Within a few minutes, I went with him holding his hand and asked him to share what he shared with me with everyone in the big hall. He did it beautifully. I requested the teachers to give space and confidence to every child to enable him/her to perform. Belittling makes a child nervous and he or she will never have the courage to be a part of any activity, be it writing, speaking, painting, dance or singing.

It gets difficult for a child if the child’s parent happens to be his/her teacher. As I was getting into the car to leave Shimoga, many children came to say goodbye. A boy, Kamran came forward, holding my hand, he cried and said aap mat jayeeye (please don’t go). I am sharing this to express my concern that each child has strength and potential, provided the parents and teachers recognise and encourage their ability, capability and aptitude.

I loved the way you wrote for children for the EVS textbooks for Primary level children. Your expressions used to keep the children’s curiosity in view and I am confident that if the teacher would transact it beautifully, the teaching learning process would become joyful.

I learnt so much from you, about your struggle, your efforts to educate your younger brother and sisters as the eldest in the family. Your national and international travels helped you grow in NCERT and you did not believe in pushing beyond a point. You helped the boys who worked in your husband’s chemist shop to build their small homes. You lent them money one by one, took it back when each came to return on his own, you never bothered about the amount they returned. You used to be happy that atleast each remembered to do it as a part of his duty and was responsible.

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Your husband, Dr Gupta, had got this shop to keep himself busy after retirement. You used it just to keep yourself busy, not to make money. Daljitji, you taught me to start saving every month. You started my PPF account. You used to get angry and push me to become regular. Till the Sixth Pay Commission, our carry home salary was very low. We became comfortable after some arrears came in 2009 and the rest in early 2010. We were all so happy when the teaching community was respected and given salaries almost at par with the bureaucrats.

Devendra and Manu respected you. You too were fond of them. Thank you so much for being there for me Daljitji and never forgetting to enquire about me, Manu, Priya, Vaidehi, Anand, Ashok and their families periodically.

Prof GC Upadhyay My room in DEE was adjacent to yours. I used to come frequently to your room as I discovered your high intellect and commitment to work. Your interactions during meetings were always meaningful.

We travelled together for conducting workshops in States/UTs and for international meetings, your inputs during each meeting helped address important issues. You are a very sensitive person.

I respect you, your wife and your three daughters for willingly looking after your mother with a sense of duty till she passed away.

All your daughters have done well, the youngest got her degree from London School of Economics. You and your wife do all that you can for your family, brother, sister, nephews and nieces. Ms Upadhyay worked in Allahabad Bank. I still remember you began to write about your mother’s falling health so beautifully, the need to keep her warm and protected. I am grateful to you for your help in drafting replies to Parliamentary questions, when we received those after 7 pm when I was about to leave. I would request you to come back to DEE to prepare replies. One evening there was no electricity in DEE, you and I hand wrote the reply using a security guard’s table in dim natural light. We then rushed to the Joint Director’s office where you typed this on his computer and we sent the reply by 9 in the night. Such emergencies arose frequently, you

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rushed as you stayed in NCERT campus. I could trust you with your intent, maturity and intellect.

Dr Upadhyay thank you for sharing with me beautiful ways in which Devendra helped everyone who went to him.

Minoo Nandrajog Minoo Nandrajog you were my colleague and friend in DESS&H. I have known your father, Dr Pannigrahi, a historian,

since 1979. You impressed me with your preparedness for meetings and your effort to meet deadlines to bring out NCERT commerce books. Minoo shared with me that your gardener used to tell you that Anand has always been helping the poor, their children to study and get jobs as the gardener worked for Anand also. You remained grounded even when your husband Pradeep became a judge in Delhi High Court. You did not live to see him become Chief Justice of Rajasthan High Court, and then Chief Justice of Maharashtra High Court. You bore the physical, mental and emotional trauma so gracefully. In your going away you taught me how to live with dignity when it is really tough, and smile when you want to cry! You had Pancreatic Cancer. Pradeep, I respect you because you did all that you could to give comfort and hope to your wife Minoo. Anand, Ashok and I are fond of you as you, like us, also grew up in Shimla. We share a beautiful bond. You are now retired and settled in Delhi.

Neeraja Rashmi and Rajani Ranjan Rashmi Neeraja, you were my colleague in DESS&H. Your subject was Economics. Within days of your joining, we became close as we shared common values, believed in working hard and meet deadlines. We began to meet as families as Devendra, Manu and I grew very fond of your husband, a senior IAS officer, your children Kanu and Manasi. I am happy that both of them are doing well.

Rajani has been helpful and grounded. He recently retired as Chief Secretary of Manipur. Rajani, you are now working in TERI University, Delhi. Neeraja has been proud of your intellect. I find it so true when I interact with you. Your book of poems Kandhe Par Sooraj beautifully discusses dreams, struggles, desires of youth,

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and the need to feel and understand with maturity as we grow!

Both of you are fond of books. This makes me get along with you.

Whenever we meet socially, our interactions are generally academic and intellectual. You are both children of teachers. You look after your workers’ children. These children are like your grandchildren and you make sure that they are comfortable, educated and play with you in the evenings! There are no restrictions for them. You are careful about their emotions when Kanu’s children come to stay with you from Mumbai, ensuring that they do not feel ignored or left out. I respect you both for what you are and for giving a lot of respect to me and Devendra and appreciating Manu. You had observed him for years from school, college to the university!

Rajani, you have worked with Anand as Additional Secretary in the Ministry of Commerce & Industry during his tenure as a minister. You have high regard for Anand. You appreciate his transparency and his ability to guide with unparalleled intellect, his understanding and knowledge, his exceptional command over English and Hindi languages and his sensitivity.

Prof Lata Pandey You were my colleague in NCERT working in DEE with me.

I was impressed by your dress sense. You stood out as a graceful academician with creative skills and intellect. Whenever we got together you used to read out poems which you wrote in Hindi.

Two of your poems which moved me to tears were Ma (Mother) and Betiyaan Niyamat Hein (Daughters are a blessing). You would volunteer to go through what I wrote for the NCERT journals, the academic reports and even the manuscript of Handbook for Teachers for Art of Healthy and Productive Living. Your inputs helped me improve.

Your appreciation of my content and language kept me motivated. Whenever, wherever I intervened in meetings, whether at departmental level, NCERT, MHRD or meetings at Universities in England, US and Canada, you never failed to say ‘Kiran Di you were so good. I am so proud of your command on both the languages, Hindi and English, and the spontaneity with which you raise relevant issues. You treat it as your academic duty’.

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Lata, you made me write articles in Hindi for the Prathmik Shikshak journal. You were its academic editor. I was the academic editor of the English journal The Primary Teacher. You used to appreciate the cover page and its presentation. You believed that I took a stand and never accepted the routine cover pages. You felt happy that, ‘I got them created in the department, never accepted ordinary academic content either in my writings or in my presentations and had the courage to take a stand, mostly for academic colleagues and staff!’

I cannot forget how you broke down when we were having lunch on the day I was to superannuate. You shared with me several times that you would miss my appreciation of your work, concern for your health and you would be lonely! I promised you that I will remain in touch. You came to meet me in National University of Educational Planning and Administration with Kavita, another bright colleague, who respected your capabilities. I was happy that you would adjust, as with Kavita you would be able to share your writings and your work and you would work like a team. I spoke to you five days before you were taken to the hospital. You were unwell and emotionally upset. I was shocked to get the news of your hospitalisation in the ICU of Rockland Hospital. I spoke to Dr MP Sharma who informed me that you were very critical. I rushed from Gurgaon, spoke to the doctors, Kavita and so many other colleagues were there. I said goodbye to you, you were on ventilator, life support system. You passed away on November 16, 2014. It has been difficult for me to lose a friend who was so genuine, loving and a beautiful human being! I think of you often, the courage with which you faced personal ordeals, without letting these affect your professional commitment, makes me respect you!

Dr Kavita Sharma I know you as my young colleague in DEE. I admire the dignity with which you conducted yourself in meetings, as a member of the Editorial Team of The Primary Teacher when I was its Editor, as member of the Evaluation Team of Tamil Nadu’s SSA initiative, Activity-based Learning with your grasp and ability to understand the finer details. Your commitment to meet deadlines, your effort

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to incorporate the suggested changes to maintain quality impressed me. The fact that you took care of your ailing mother-in-law with your two small daughters touched me. What touched me most is the fact that you provided support to Dr Lata Pandey when I had left DEE. You became her friend. She could trust you when she was lonely and low, and, the last three days of her life when she was struggling to survive. Your husband and you were in the hospital till the last for running around, with the money to pay the bill. You actually paid the heavy bill without letting me share it. You sent me home to save me from extreme exhaustion from emotions and kept me informed about Lata’s medical condition.

My regular interactions and discussions with you assure me that people are still good! My capacity to reach out to many in a day is gradually getting less. On seeing most people as self-centered professionals pains me. You give me hope that the helpless will be taken care of, work will be taken seriously and that one can manage a lot without a fuss. You admired how I used to find satisfaction in finding time for everyone who needed me, and could give a meaning to each day, never compromising with academic standards and commitment. You used to get emotional each time you discovered me taking away my name from documents to bring in the names of young faculty. We can grow by sharing knowledge, resources, time and values! You have been reaching out to me in the last six years, providing inputs to my writings and appreciating it at the same time. Thank you for going through the manuscript of this book as well. Your effort keeps me going academically and intellectually.

Dr Sushmita Dutt I came to know you in 2008 as UNICEF’s Senior Education Expert, posted in Delhi office. I was nominated by NCERT to participate in UNICEF workshops on Alternative Learning in Kolkata, Nagpur, Lucknow and Tirupati. We realised that professionally we could get along well. You are academically sound, very simple and grounded. You were the coordinator of these workshops. You were invited to NCERT’s workshop on Corporal Punishment in Guwahati and to another workshop

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in Kavarati, the capital of the Lakshdweep Islands. You were meticulous and focussed. You and I addressed a joint session to realise that it was beautiful, without any gaps. We had actually not planned it like that, it was spontaneous. What came out was that neither of us kept to our own, gave space to each other. There was acceptance as well as reciprocity. Your husband, Shekhar Dutt, was Secretary of Defence when Devendra and I first met both of you at the At Home function on January 26, 2008 at Rashtrapati Bhawan. When you came to Lakshadweep to be a resource person for our workshop, Shekhar was the Governor of Chhattisgarh!

You remained humble, as simple as you always were. I wish to thank you for taking care of me in all the places that we went to and your invitations to India International Centre for meals. It was lovely spending time with you professionally, and, socially with your husband and you whenever it was possible for him to join us. Both of you let me know how much you admire and appreciate Anand. Shekhar shared with me that he loved Anand’s meetings, discussions and his sensibility to effectively take up issues to find solutions. You always made me feel blessed, ‘Kiran, you have such caring brothers, everyone knows it.’ When I visited you i Ranchi at Raj Bhavan and at your house, you looked after me with so much of warmth and care. While introducing me to your niece-in-law, who was visiting you from Nice, France, you said ‘auntie is an intellectual, she was known as Santa Claus in NCERT.’

Latha We worked together to evaluate Tamil Nadu’s SSA Initiative, Activity-Based Learning (ABL). I visited Chennai and other cities in Tamil Nadu several times. You ensured that all meetings, which continued till late evenings, were focussed and meaningful.

It is your warmth that makes me connect with you occasionally.

I did not expect it from you after my superannuation from NCERT in 2013. I was moved by your gesture of meeting me late in the evening when I was in Chennai in March 2015. You came to meet me late in the evening. You made sure that one of your colleagues received me at the airport and also escorted me for the next two days to fulfill my personal commitments in Chennai.

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My visit to Chennai on December 10, 2016 has deeply touched me. When you learnt about my visit, your spontaneous response was ‘Ma’am, how do I help you’. I did not want to bother you because it was a weekend and Christmas was not far. My hotel was far off from your office and even your residence. You called me up on Sunday morning and insisted on meeting me. My logic of stopping you did not work. I was trying to convince you that you would need to go to the church, spend time with your family and also do some Christmas shopping. Your response has given me sleepless nights ‘Ma’am, the church will be here, shopping can wait, Sundays will keep coming, family is always with me, but, Kiran Ma’am will not come often. My priority is to meet you Ma’am’. I found you waiting for me at the airport to greet me with a smile.

You handed me a beautiful bag containing a silver Ganpati. I told you that I could not take an expensive gift. You took out time to travel a fairly long distance is what I appreciate. You said, ‘I don’t know whether it is silver, iron or anything else, please accept it as my highest regard for you, Kiran Ma’am’. I was speechless. I am still wondering how do you do so much for me. I wish to let you know that I am happy that you are gradually realising your dream. Tamil Nadu is blessed to have a young and dynamic Deputy Director of Elementary Education. Your passion and commitment is bound to bring positive changes to ensure quality elementary education for every child in Tamil Nadu. I respect you for your hard work, the passion that you have for your profession and like your smile and your laughter.

Thank you Latha, for your love and respect.

Dr Jayshree Oza I knew you as the Lead of the Technical Support Agency, of the Technical Cooperation Fund (TCF) to initiate and complete an International Evaluation of Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan State Initiatives in Andhra Pradesh, Himachal Pradesh, Orissa and Tamil Nadu.

You looked after the training, huge data collection and guiding the evaluation from the launch, peer evaluation, visits to universities in the UK, US and Canada; field studies, trials, writing the draft reports and finalisation. This was a great learning for me. The reports

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were finalized after the presentation in each State. States acted as partners and participated fully after an initial hesitation. DEE was the nodal department, it provided all support at every step to TSA. The large Evaluation Team included the NCERT faculty, the faculty of Regional Institutes of Education (RIE), State Project Directors, officials of State’s SSA office, and later, Directors of selected State Councils of Educational Research & Training. The HoD of DEE was the Member Secretary of this initiative. The ability and the intent of Prof Vashishtha was amazing in ensuring beautiful and meaningful facilitation. He was candid but everything became possible by his courage to take positive decisions. The department worked hard to operationalise the required processes, internalisation, liaison with the State institutions and State Governments. The TCA efficiently managed to deliver all the four studies by building strong bonds and rushing to DEE, for advice, permissions, decisions, paper work and discuss logistics.

You were able to do all this by keeping your temper under control during continuous pressure, remain cool and patient during serious discussions which many times, became tense to bring positive outcomes. I appreciated the way you handled the pressures of deadlines, delivering, fixing meetings, organising international travels and ensuring finalization of reports. You could do this by guiding your own team, keeping it motivated. It was a great experience to have worked with you Jayshree.

You were so happy when you visited Ashok’s house. You appreciated Ashok and Queenie’s warmth. You have always conveyed that you find Anand as a parliamentarian who has high intellect, knowledge, and never uses unparliamentary language. He is mature and dignified. Your February 2020 message ‘Speeches by Anand Sharma is taking the country by storm! Excellent, no words to describe. Do give him our compliments and best wishes.’

Prof Stufflebeam It was a blessing to have met you and interacted with you during our visit to Western Michigan University in 2010. You are known for your pioneering and significant contribution to the world of Evaluation. The Wall of Honour has your name as one of

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the Founders with quite a few other scholars, who have contributed in developing the field of Evaluation. What is important is that it does not limit itself, the new names keep getting added by finding ways to motivate young evaluators. You were 85 years old when we met you.

You came to interact with us in the University on a battery driven car, with a bag full of photocopies of your work for each one of us. Your one leg had been amputated, your crutches helped you to reach the meeting room. Once you settled in the chair, the meeting began with a lot of enthusiasm. Prof Vashishtha made a presentation in response to your comments on our studies. You acknowledged his well prepared presentation and our contribution to the studies.

It was beautiful to pick up from you, your courage, positive energy and smile. It was a learning that the work of others needs to be positively viewed and acknowledged. Another learning was that we need to keep working to meaningfully contribute irrespective of our physical challenges.

Prof Jean King Reaching Minnesota from Washington DC in March 2011 is an experience that I treasure. The Air America’s air hostess spotted my spinal belt, came to me with a reassurance ‘come my darling, give me your hand’. During the flight she kept coming to me to ensure that I was comfortable. The flight landed at night in heavy snow. The airport looked beautiful with lights and snow. You had sent your two PhD scholars to receive us. We were taken to Hotel Crowne Plaza for stay. What was unique was that we were first taken to a suite where we were informed that it was for all of us, the key would be with one of us. The kitchen, fridge had been abundantly stacked with milk, cheese, yogurt, fruit, breads, tea & coffee-bags and water bottles on the slab. The first day’s session at the University with you and the Dean was an exceptional experience in a beautiful meeting room with an amazing lounge.

You arrived with your colleague Michael the next morning, the two legendary figures of Evaluation. It was a beautiful experience to see you Prof Jean King with your amazing grace, depth of

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knowledge, sensitivity and dignity, respecting our presence. Your concern throughout was our comfort. During our many visits, we were received, taken care of, but here it was different this time.

You invited all of us to a dinner in your beautiful home. I felt bad that I missed the warmth and hospitality and meeting your dear husband. I had to leave for Halifax to meet Kaushalya auntie and Krishan Lal uncle. Had I known about the dinner before leaving Delhi, I would have booked my ticket for Halifax for the next day.

I treasure my visit to the University, the Bookshop from where I picked up collectors’ editions of some classics. Thank you Prof Jean King for strengthening my belief that sensitivity and care can be a part of professionalism. When it is, it is an enriching experience.

Visiting Minnesota surprisingly made me happy, as the University is situated on the banks of river Mississippi, a river about which I read and wondered about when I was in school. I also looked at this visit as a dream being realised, of actually watching the river in the snowy cold of Minnesota!

Christina Christie It was lovely meeting you in UCLA. Christina, you took us on a tour of the magnificent UCLA campus, a mix of old historical and modern buildings. The campus is full of flowers, water bodies and has a beautiful gift shop. The lunch at the faculty house was amazing.

Our stay in a beautiful hotel in Los Angeles was invigorating, it had rows of ‘birds of paradise’ flowers. I love to see these flowers as I become nostalgic. Manu had first introduced me to these. Each time I see these lovely flowers, I think of Manu. The Hollywood’s Walk to Fame and the long drive through the Beverly Hills was a historical experience.

What has stayed with me is your very beautiful discussion on the Evaluation Tree. We spotted so many evaluators whom we had met and interacted with, especially Brad Cousins of Ottawa University with whom our interaction was for years on a regular basis till the Evaluation studies were submitted. He had ensured our participation in the Canada Evaluation Conference in 2010 at Victoria. The city of Victoria keeps making me feel nostalgic

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about its breathtaking Buchart Gardens. This conference was huge – having 426 delegates. My 15-20 minute observation immediately after the very formal opening of the Conference gave me an opportunity to speak. It made Prof Vashishtha, my HoD, proud as a team leader and my colleagues from NCERT Regional Institutes of Education and the State Government officials happy.

Attending the inaugural session of the 2019 of International School Psychology at Basel University, Switzerland, having 550 delegates, was a great experience. In this university I also attended the first meeting of Asia Pacific School Psychology Association.

Jayson Pennells You were a senior official of the Cambridge Consultants in TSA. We worked together for four Evaluation Studies from 2008-

13. You came across as a gentleman, academically sound, an officer who over stretched his capacity and ability to ensure that TCA performed well, all the deadlines were met with logistics in place. It was a different experience to meet you in Cambridge, your workplace and your home town. You took so many extra steps to ensure that everything went as per the schedule.

We travelled to Glasgow from Cambridge, from London to Washington and then to Minnesota. In Glasgow, the flight landed at midnight due to heavy snow, the stay and the meeting at Jury’s Inn with the Education Board was well organised. We left by the early morning flight to reach London for another meeting.

It was so beautiful to experience your maturity, your goodness in whatever you did. I do appreciate your special effort to take me to the Minnesota airport for my 11 o’clock flight to New York. You used to get such terrible headaches in those days, still you insisted on coming to the airport. Meeting you professionally and socially has been a blessing. You knew Devendra as you had worked for the British Open University. Both of you met in a Conference in London.

Alok Verma You were the Secretary of NCERT when I was the HoD of DEE. Your respect and support helped me in delivering without too

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many administrative delays. Your advice was generally positive.

You tried to be as objective as you possibly could.

We had come close in NCERT on learning that both of us had lost our spouses suddenly. Devendra passed away in sleep in 2010, your wife was 42 years old when she passed away, you were at that time in Malaysia. Your daughter and son were studying in school.

We both lived on the NCERT campus. Our houses were at a short distance. I became close to your daughter and son as I made an effort to talk to them whenever I could find time. You boldly faced an emotionally difficult period.

I superannuated, and you moved away to Haryana to work in different capacities. When I met you in Chandigarh, you made a special effort to meet me, in spite of your busy schedule due to your position as OSD to the Chief Minister of Haryana. I never thought you would make the effort, but you did. Thank you for remaining in touch and for your respect.

Dr Subhas Roy You are Professor and Dean at NCERT’s North-East Regional Institute of Education, Shillong. Interactions with you for years have been a learning experience. Each time I made an observation during meetings in NCERT or in several universities in the UK, Canada, USA and Scottland, you would tell ‘Madam you were your best’. Your spontaneous observations kept me going.

Dr Maninder Sarkaria You are working in SCERT, Chandigarh. I met you in a meeting in DEE when I was HoD. Interacting with you in Chandigarh meetings of Punjab Government is always a beautiful intellectual experience. You love books. It is a joy to discuss these with you.

You make sure that you meet your 84 year old mother every week. She stays in Kasauli. In case you get stuck up, your brother visits her. You are blessed to have a wife who supports you and make sure that your sister, her family and anyone else who visits your house is treated with dignity. She is a Hindi teacher. Your son is doing Mechanical Engineering from Chandigarh Institute of Engineering & Technology. Your daughter is doing graduation

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in Humanities. You are focused and meticulous. Thank you for finding time to go through the manuscript of this book in spite of your hectic schedule of work and travel!

An old woman in Imphal I was in Imphal in May 2012 for a meeting of Manipur Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan. After the meeting, the state officials took me to Kangla Palace and the famous Shri Ram Prabhu Temple. I was about to leave the campus of the temple when I spotted this very old woman sitting on the floor in a space designated for her. I was told that she was about 94 years old. I respectfully wished her.

She noticed I was unable to bend to receive her warm hug. She stood up quickly, hugged me and blessed me. She told the persons who were with me, in her own language that she stood up realising my physical difficulty. I was later informed that she was a very well known actor and singer who had received awards from the President of India for her performances in Manipuri films. I was also given to understand that she now spends her time in the temple, to guide young children and artists.

Unfortunately I could not register her name. I consider this as a unique experience of receiving the love and blessings of a simple but extremely talented and good human being.

Ram Prakash Gauniyal Thank you for typing my manuscripts of papers and books with a sense of commitment and willingness to edit many times to ensure quality and making these almost error free.

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Indira Gandhi National Open University (IGNOU)

T

his University was established in 1986 as India’s largest system of Open Learning. It works under the MHRD. IGNOU is known for making strides for providing quality flexible system of education. It is also a University which has been witnessing young children bringing their parents for registration, retired people going in for higher education, Army, Navy and Air Force officials receiving education through the Single Window Operation, convicts receiving education in IGNOU centres in Tihar and other jails. The inmates feel good when treated with dignity as they go through their education. IGNOU is known for its quality learner friendly materials, its MBA courses and for other nontraditional courses.

I never worked in IGNOU, but tried to understand it through my husband who was in love with it and proud of it as the university provided ‘education to the unreached and to those who had earlier missed an opportunity’. Its programmes exercise flexibility to enable its students to complete courses!

Prof Ram Reddy You were the founder Vice Chancellor of IGNOU. You had a PhD from London School of Economics. You had pioneered the concept of Open University, open learning in India. You were the founder Vice Chancellor of Andhra Pradesh Open University, before coming to Delhi. You introduced the concept that IGNOU will provide all kind of support to every employee if she/he was critically ill and this was extended to the family members as well.

When Prof Goel was discovered to be suffering from cancer, you sent the Registrar to Tata Memorial Hospital, Bombay to book a room, give an advance cheque of the projected hospital bill and also ensured that the University booked the air tickets for Prof and Ms Goel.

You looked after their two school going sons. Such kind of support was provided to the Registrar’s driver as well when he

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suffered from liver cancer. Your daughter Jyoti has been like you.

Your house used to be full with your workers’ children who used to sit on your sofas in the living room to watch TV. Socially you were humble but were capable of taking tough academic and administrative decisions. You were busy, as you were responsible for creating and developing a National Open University from the scratch, meeting the village head, acquiring land, hiring buildings to start the University within a short period.

The University’s Programme in Management became very popular, the materials were in great demand as well. IGNOU study materials are ‘learner friendly’, good in quality and presentation. Initially, faculty was engaged on deputation, Regional and Study Centres began to function within two or three years. You kept your faculty and staff motivated, always giving them space and the credit that was due to them. The University became international in nature within no time, expanded in every area, faculty, staff who were on deputation, were absorbed by the system after interviews! The faculty and staff of operational divisions worked on all Saturdays and Sundays, on national holidays, even on Holi or Diwali. No one felt the burden of overwork. Each one who joined soon after the inception, worked like a missionary.

The University was declared as a Centre of Excellence by the Commonwealth of Learning within a short span of its inception, it still is! During morning walks, you never let anyone talk about IGNOU. You shared incidents, experiences to pass on messages of professionalism with kindness.

Prof VC Kulandaiswamy You took over as Vice Chancellor from Prof G Ram Reddy. I met you during morning walks and looked forward to those, as you had so much to share. You used to put things across in a very simple way which would stay with us and help us to find solutions, receive or provide support, face challenges and enjoy your powerful language and an equally powerful way to communicate.

You were born in a remote village in Tirur District of Tamil Nadu in a farmer’s family. Each interaction made us wonder how you reached Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur to specialise

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in Hydraulics and achieve all that you did! You were also a writer and a poet, fluent, comfortable and creative in both English and Tamil and, fairly comfortable in German. It gave Devendra a lot of strength when you met us after his youngest brother passed away.

You shared with us the sudden deaths of your father and mother within a short period of time when you were studying in IIT Kharagpur. You had a younger brother and a younger sister to look after and also earn to pay back money which many people claimed that your father had borrowed.

You managed to complete your higher education to get a degree from IIT, looked after your brother and sister, educated them, got them married and paid off your father’s loan, which he had not even taken. You did not allow adversaries to come in the way of your progress, achievement and sense of duty.

I vividly remember your strong observation, ‘we expect the politicians to do so much for the country. We never think of what we must do for the country. The fact is that if we have two children at home, it is so difficult to make them agree to accept a plan, programme or a value. Each wants to hold on to his/her own.’

You shared with me that it is your close family members, who will, invariably find something to make you feel small when you achieve heights. It hurts the most when they believe those who believe in carrying tales and not you. I realised that the only way to deal with this was to ignore and not let it demotivate or upset oneself.

For outsiders, it could be professional jealousy or a mindset of enjoying negativity and passing it on to as many as they could!! I fail to understand why our own loved ones hurt us.’

You were upset to see me wearing a spinal belt when you met me after six months during the morning walk. You had come to see me when I was bed ridden. You found it difficult to accept that I was walking with so much of effort, you were sad. You were a very sensitive person.

Once when you were returning from the University to the Asian Games Village, you saw a large crowd at the gate not letting me leave. A cyclist had been touched by my car as I drove out of Asian Games Village. Devendra was on tour. You noticed that I could be in trouble. You got down to ask as to what the matter was and assured me that you were there and that there was nothing

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for me to worry. Fortunately, Devendra’s youngest brother Sushil came and carefully handled the crowd. He said that I should go where I had to and he would see me at home on my return.

You retired from IGNOU in 1993. Devendra and I remained in touch with you regularly. Devendra always visited you when he was in Chennai on his tours. I came to meet you in Chennai twice after my official meetings got over.

You appreciated Devendra for his bold and daring acts, especially when some students hijacked the Lucknow–Delhi flight.

It was later discovered that they had petrol bombs. Devendra’s presence of mind and the co-operation of three other passengers saved the situation. He helped to handover all the passengers to the security from the emergency door of the aircraft, and was the last one to leave. You used to talk about this incident quite a lot.

The last time you spoke about it was when Devendra passed away, you said to me, ‘He did not care about his own life and let every passenger leave before him’. You were so overwhelmed.

I need to apologize to you for not making it to Chennai when I was planning to. I informed you that I will keep my promise definitely once I felt better. When I booked my ticket for December 10, 2017, Dr Soundravalli said, ‘Kiran, I hope he waits for you.

He is very critical’. You passed away in the early hours. My flight reached hours after you left this world. I feel sad as I missed an opportunity to receive your love and blessings. I also feel guilty for not keeping my promise.

Your wife, Dr Soundravalli was Devendra’s colleague in IGNOU. She was the Regional Director of Chennai Regional Centre. Devendra appreciated her sense of duty, working more than others at the Regional Centre. She never misused her position as your wife. She was very fond of Devendra. Both of them got along very well. She has been missing Devendra. She remains in touch with me.

I was in Chennai for your first death anniversary when Literary Awards were to be given in your memory. You had left the ‘eligibility criteria for writers for the award’. It was overwhelming for me when Dr Soundravalli announced my presence as the one who looked after you in Delhi. She also narrated the hijacking of Lucknow–Delhi flight and Devendra’s effort to protect you.

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Thank you for your love and kindness, for believing in Devendra and for spending time with us. I learnt from you that adversaries should not baffle us.

Dr AW Khan We met you and your family in 1987. You were Devendra’s colleague in IGNOU, also a neighbour in the Asian Games Village.

We grew fond of you and your simple family. We soon became close due to our common tastes, values, and depth of conversations. We looked forward to spending our evenings together as there was never a formality coming in way of our relationship. We believed in pot luck and got together either at our place or yours. Our children got along well, Manu, Betu, Rinku and Lily. Ayesha loved spending time with us. You went to Japan for two years, but your family was in Delhi. While you remained in touch with us, we continued our meetings with the family in your absence.

When you went to work for Commonwealth of Learning at Vancouver, we were happy that you took your family. You came back to IGNOU as its Vice Chancellor. Devendra was particular in maintaining a formal professional relationship in official meetings and get-togethers. However, whenever we met as families, the old bond of closeness and affection came back naturally. You trusted Devendra, his professionalism with commitment and assigned him more important duties and responsibilities. You appreciated his sensitivity in administration.

Ayesha passed away suddenly. It was a disaster for you and the children. Each one of you was brave and came out of the shock. It was a loss which none of you easily reconciled to. It hit us as well.

You left for Paris to become Assistant Director General of UNESCO in the year 2000. We have tried to be in touch on almost regular basis. You were shocked to learn about Devendra’s sudden departure. You still have a lot of difficulty in accepting his absence in this world. It is good to know your daughters, Kauser and Shireen, who have been very fond of me. Meeting you in Toronto was a blessing.

We respect and love you for your commitment to profession, relationships, and your kindness. Your struggle from a remote

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village in Basti, Uttar Pradesh to become internationally reognised professional made us often wonder, how you did it alone! It was your determination to face the hardest of challenges, we believe!!

Thank you Dost Bhai for your friendship.

Dr SN Chaturvedi You were Director of Regional Services Division of IGNOU where Devendra joined as Assistant Director. You helped Devendra to settle in his new job, he was on deputation from Kurukshetra University. You found Devendra to be a young promising officer, sent him to Rajasthan, Odisha, West Bengal, Himachal Pradesh, and Haryana to negotiate with the State Governments to open Regional Centers and Study Centers. West Bengal proved to be the toughest, but he managed. You reposed faith in him. Within two and a half years you ensured that he was absorbed in the University as Director of Delhi Regional Centre. He was responsible for the entire North India, till Regional Directors in other states were appointed. Socially you liked Devendra and appreciated his skills, ability and perfect mannerism. He was also made to receive foreign delegations frequently at Delhi Regional Centre and invited to most important meetings at the IGNOU Head Quarters in Maidan Garhi. Devendra always acknowledged that he learnt from you the art of giving long, tough dictations. Mrs Chaturvedi, your parents and your son Vikas were always good to us. We used to meet frequently for formal official dinners and informal dinners at your home or ours. Thank you for being good to us!

Pushpa Goel You were the wife of Prof Goel, Devendra’s colleague at IGNOU. When Prof Goel passed away in 1989, you began to work

at the Delhi Regional Centre. It was Prof Reddy’s decision that only Devendra would be able to take care of your dignity and help you settle down at work. Devendra sensitised all his colleagues that they needed to respect you and give you space to settle down as you had never worked earlier. He was respectful to you and slowly assigned only those tasks which you would be able to manage. He asked everyone at the Regional Centre to help you with your work

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and realise that you had no experience. You were looking after your home and family. You found your ropes with Devendra’s and everyone’s support in the Regional Centre. Your two sons Luv and Kush and their families have made you proud. They have not only accomplished a lot, they are good sons who take care of your physical and emotional needs. Their families are equally good and caring. You have been a close friend and a well wisher of our family. You have faced serious health issues since 2010, but remained bold and faced challenges with strong will power.

I admire you for your courage. Even in the worst of your health, you never forget to remain in touch with me to find out how everyone in the family is. Thank you for your concern for our well-being.

Prof Vijay Kapur You were the Adviser to the Vice Chancellor of IGNOU. Devendra introduced me to you a few months before he passed away. You made sure that you visited me regularly after Devendra’s departure, realising how deep my grief was. You were spontaneous and generous in providing support to me for carrying out all the official formalities. You remained in touch with me. You spoke to me even two weeks before passing away in your office at Faculty of Management Studies (FMS) of Delhi University.

You had to join FMS after you were suddenly relieved by IGNOU. You had a high intellect and vast knowledge, which you acquired as an IAS officer and while you did your PhD from USA, and, during long years of work there. Your pronunciation, diction were perfect, and your vocabulary and the skill of using words and concepts appropriately was amazing.

You resigned from IAS, finding it difficult to work with politicians who never studied or paid attention to details, and decided to go back to academics. You would always give genuine advice and be there to lighten burden of as many colleagues, friends and scholars as you could.

You shared with me the trauma of your mother’s passing away in the US, bringing her ashes for immersion in the Ganges, and the second time, bringing your very ill father to India and looking

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after him till he passed away. You used to say ‘it is not difficult for me to say sorry to resolve a social conflict’. I believe in it myself.

You were proud of your parents and your Army background. Your father was a Brigadier. You used to share the academic strength of your wife Nandini and adored your son Aditya. For both, you had remarkable patience. You were a well spoken and a dignified gentleman. You were able to provide guidance to your PhD students and maintain a good relationship with their families as well.

Several interactions with you made me realise how high you were intellectually, how high your standard of professionalism was and how bold you were to take the risk of leaving the IAS. It was not a calculated risk. Whenever you felt that your dignity was getting compromised, you took bold decisions. Your patience and your desire to relocate to adjust sends across a strong message that challenges need to be accepted and risks need to be taken. Your respect for your parents and taking time off from your demanding jobs in US to fulfill your duties is an example of courage of conviction. You believed that even in the world of professionalism, space needs to be created for emotions! You loved your brother Dr Vikram Kapur who left his years of teaching assignment in the UK to come back to India months before you passed away. He is working in Shiv Nadar University now. I am ever indebted to you Prof Kapur, for providing me support and visiting me with a sense of duty to share my grief. It meant a lot to me as it helped me to move on.

I miss your goodness and kindness.

Parvin Sinclair You were Devendra’s colleague in IGNOU, and for years, our neighbour in Asian Games Village. We had a cordial relationship with each other and concern for our families’ well-being. You took over as Director of NCERT in 2012. In your first meeting with HoDs, you ended the meeting by saying, ‘Prof Kiran Devendra is an old friend’. In a teleconference you noticed that I had suddenly become breathless, when I reached my office, I received your phone call expressing your concern. When I was to go to Andamans on my LTC, before sanctioning my leave, you wanted to know how

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would I manage to be on my own as it was not an official tour.

You were reassured when I told you that the chief secretary there, Shakti Sinha was an old friend. I had known him for years, and ever since, I have had long discussions to get clarity on issues of school education in Delhi, Maharashtra, Goa and the Andamans.

During my gall bladder surgery, you not only visited me but insisted that I rested for a month. During the Annual Programme Advisory Committee meeting, you were concerned as I was indisposed in the middle of the night. You postponed the presentation of my Department to afternoon. The moment you saw me, you asked how I was and appreciated that I made it to the meeting in spite of so much physical discomfort.

Our bond has been strong and healthy. The day I superannuated, you came to my office to take me for planting a Mango sapling.

You were so happy to meet Manu in my office. Your gestures of genuine concern helped me to do well as HoD of one of the biggest department of NCERT which was the MHRD’s Nodal Department for the Government of India’s flagship programme, Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan and later also for Right to Education, Continuous & Comprehensive Evaluation as well as Learning Outcomes programme. The Department’s delivery of International Evaluation of SSA’s State initiatives in Tamil Nadu, Odissa, Andhra Pradesh and Himachal Pradesh with Cambridge Consultants, DFID with the TCA support went on smoothly and on schedule because you reposed faith in me, my work and supported my decisions and, because everyone at DEE worked hard.

You took out time to visit me in Gurgaon. You are always concerned about my well-being. Thank you for your loving concern and care!

Praveen Sharma You worked with my husband, when he was the PVC with a great sense of responsibility. His frequent and sudden decisions to meet students or their parents, all his meetings, extensive travel plans, were meticulously executed. In one of the meetings, a large number of students wanted to meet him after six in the evening.

You tried to dissuade Prof Choudhry as there were a number of files

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which needed his urgent attention. He never used to overlook the needs of the students. He asked you to send students in groups of ten and when three or four groups had met him, he went out in the lounge to address the entire group and had tea and biscuits served.

Meanwhile, he had already sorted out their problem by speaking to the concerned officers on phone. Everyone in PVC’s office stayed late till 8.00 pm, till the students left. You sent everyone home but stayed back till 9.30 in the night till Prof Choudhry cleared the urgent files. This meeting was just one of the several of this kind.

You were disturbed at Prof Choudhry’s sudden departure. You handed over his personal books, pictures, pieces of art and his files to Manu and me from his office in IGNOU. You took permission from the University to help me go through the files for half-a-day for at least a month as so much of action was needed, letters were to be written to inform banks, post offices etc. and, many other issues remained to be sorted out. You helped me stamp all the books belonging to Prof Choudhry, take them to the university where space for ‘Dr Devendra Choudhry collection’ was designated in the IGNOU Library. You offered to do everything to help me out, so many times, it was impossible to move on with my breakdowns.

I was deeply touched when you informed me that the Staff Association will be celebrating Teacher’s Day 2011 by garlanding Prof Choudhry’s photo, and, the book A Life that Touched Many Lives would be kept there for the IGNOU community to have a look.

You wanted me to come but I did not have the courage to enter IGNOU. The function was meant for the administrative staff but a large number of academicians walked in, many stood outside as the office of the Association was not large enough to accommodate large numbers. Everyone offered flowers and remembered Prof Choudhry with respect and love. You had arranged to serve tea and snacks outside the office from the carriers of two bicycles.

Thank you Praveen for the great respect you have for Prof Choudhry and all the support you provided to me.

Amar Singh You came to my office in 2011 to share with me your feelings and respect for Prof Choudhry. You talked about his magnanimity,

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his spontaneity to provide support and solutions, his acts of bravery, his courage to take a stand, ensure that no student or parent was disrespected and his objectivity to be fair to everyone.

You took from me copies of A Life that Touched Many Lives for various schools of the university, the University Library and the Libraries of Regional Centres.

As you were preparing to leave, you assured me that you would provide me all support, as long as you were in IGNOU, whenever I would need it. You respond to my requests with spontaneity.

Thank you Amar Singhji!

National University for Education Planning and Administration

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arlier known as National Institute for Educational Planning and Administration (NIEPA), it has now become a deemed University. It is located on the campus of NCERT. The academic colleagues from both the organisations had known and recognized the work of most of the colleagues. Both are Advisory bodies to the MHRD in the area of School Education and Higher Educational Planning & Administration respectively. We would meet in the meeting of Joint Review, Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan, Mid-day Meals, Right to Education, Planning Commission and Ministry of Women and Child Development. We worked together as teams of two institutions in the District Primary Education Project in early 1990s as well.

Prof Govinda I had known you and your work much before you became the Director Incharge of NCERT. You were then also the Vice Chancellor of NUEPA. I had just then taken over as HoD, soon after Devendra’s passing away. You pushed me to accept challenges.

After my superannuation, you had a discussion with me, offered me the position of a Senior Consultant at NUEPA in the MHRDNUEPA Survey of Educational Administrators. I was expected to

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develop a concept paper on ‘Challenges of Women Educational Administrators’. It gave me a feeling of comfort when you said ‘you should not be gasping for breath to reach at nine in the morning.

You will have six months to develop the paper’.

You did not tell me about rules when I had to go to London to see my brother Anand’s critically ill mother-in-law. You allowed me to travel saying ‘the administrative formalities can wait till you return, just leave an application’. I did submit the concept paper on time in March 2014.

I was taken as a senior consultant for the second time for School Leadership Programme of the MHRD, I had to develop a concept paper on the ‘Effectiveness of Women Principals in Leadership Roles’. I had to vacate my accommodation at NCERT to move to Gurgaon. The moment you learnt about it, you sent a message that I could come to NUEPA once a week and work from home. However, I did come five days of the week as I did not want to take undue advantage of your kindness.

I resigned after three months to join Amity University Haryana.

During our last meeting, you were surprised to find that I had prepared the draft of the concept paper. I assured you that I will submit the paper on the date I was supposed to. I sent to you my resignation and the draft paper. You appreciated when I sent the finalised concept paper on the date that I was expected to, had I continued in NUEPA. I was encouraged to participate in academic activities of NUEPA. I appreciate your effort to protect my dignity with sensitivity and giving me space.

Prof Verghese You are now the Vice Chancellor of NUEPA. I have known you since the District Primary Education Project was launched in early 1990s. Many a times we travelled together for our tours. What we shared in common was an ability to discuss the academic issues with seriousness but also laugh heartily whenever we could before and after the meetings. You went to UNESCO Head Quarters in Paris for several years. It was a pleasant surprise to meet you in your institution when I was working there after my superannuation.

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None of us had changed, nor did our way of discussion, we could still laugh heartily and our warmth and respect for each other was there even after so many years.

Thank you for the joy you share with me.

Basvaraj Swamy I was in the Selection Committee which selected you as Registrar of NUEPA. When I had joined NUEPA as a senior consultant, you gave me a lot of respect in your official capacity.

When your family shifted from Mumbai, you brought them over to meet me at my NCERT residence. It was a pleasure interacting with you at personal level, your six year old daughter took a strong liking for me and I grew extremely fond of her. Renu as a child, has gone through difficult dental treatment at AIIMS. She went ahead with an unusual acceptance without letting it ever affect her happy face. It was a learning for me! Renu began to share her poems, her creations and her experiences with me. It has been a bonding of a rare kind. There is mutuality in looking forward to our meetings.

Rupa, your wife has been very respectful, concerned about my health, asked you to call me up periodically to request me to visit you. I wish to thank Rupa, Renu and you for your unconditional respect and concern.

You introduced me to Chandra Vallabh, Chief Consultant at NUEPA. He spent an hour and a half talking about my husband’s daring acts of courage, ways of finding solutions for everyone and never accepting a ‘no’ because the rules did not permit. He made people realise the need to be flexible, to use the rules for helping and not creating hurdles. You repeatedly said ‘unfortunately, I could not meet him’. The moment you realised that I wanted to meet the new doctor at NUEPA, you offered to walk with me to his office. You were surprised that he knew me so well because his wife had worked with my husband. You were happy to know that Dr Arvind Sharma, was earlier in the Indian Navy. You were taken aback when you learnt that he had to take premature retirement as he had two episodes of stroke. I had not shared this with you.

You were pleasantly surprised that Dr Sharma found time to be happy while pursuing his hobbies like photography, especially of

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birds, long walks and playing flute to experience the joy of playing it for himself!

You are now Registrar at National Institute of Engineering & Technology. My visit to your house in Mumbai was a happy experience in a beautiful Campus. Your respect and care has been exceptional.

Thank you for everything, for making me feel special, like an elder of the family.

Amity University, Haryana

I

joined Amity University, Haryana in 2014. It is a well-known private university. I was not confident that I would be able to deliver as I had never worked in a private setup. I do deliver, with the support I receive from many at the Campus. The University did take into account ‘my not so good health’ and allowed me a bit of flexibility as colleagues recognise my work, teaching, endless interactions with students in the classroom, lift or corridors to gently guide them. I never ever give sermons or hurt their dignity. I had raised my voice on two girls for shouting outside because my class was getting disturbed, and the second time when a girl loudly used abusive language. I noticed the change in their behaviour, as they began to wish me with a little hesitation and later happily.

The University does allow me additional ‘official duty’ to enable me to participate in academic interactions, presentations, seminars and talks at various institutions. I manage to work because I get my space.

I have learnt from PVC, Prof Banerjee and Dr Vivek Ballyan about the sensitivity of Dr Ashok Chauhan, the Founder and Dr Aseem Chauhan, the Chancellor of Amity University, Haryana.

It is significant that so many universities, schools and other institutions have come into Amity’s system of education at all levels. More significant is, to keep these going while striving to expand countrywide and internationally. Dr Ashok Chauhan has the capacity to take unlimited risk each time an expansion is planned. There is need for more energy and resources as the old

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institutions grow to address the needs of a big private education system of our country.

Prof PB Sharma You took over as Vice Chancellor of Amity University Haryana from Prof RC Sharma, the founder Vice Chancellor. I do wish to acknowledge that you allowed me to raise issues, many a times candidly. These were not to your liking, but you never checked me. You appreciated my two papers on New Education Policy and Challenges for Higher Education. Each time I spoke after lectures on Pure Science, you felt happy and proud ‘you speak so well, even in areas which are unfamiliar to a Social Scientist. Your knowledge is updated and your communication is clear. The University is proud of you’. I am mentioning this as I never expect this from you. I always thought I was disrupting your meetings with my observations and reactions so often. I did get restless frequently when these meetings got over stretched. I was touched when you spoke sadly about the passing away of Stephen Hawking. You ended by saying, ‘It is also a happy day because it is Einstein’s birthday today. This was at ASLA’s Amyfest 2018 function. Very few mention sad occasions, many like to avoid.

Thank you for not taking my frequent comments personally and giving me the freedom to speak, never overlooking my need to speak and ignoring formality during the condolence meeting of Ram Dayal to give space to my sensitivity and considering my viewpoint.

Maj Gen BS Suhag You are the Deputy Vice Chancellor of Amity University, Haryana. When I came with PVC to meet the Vice Chancellor, with a warm handshake you said, ‘I knew Devendra very well’.

I felt better. During my five years at Amity University, you have acknowledged my presence, ensured that I do not face difficulty of any kind. When you came to know that I had been sitting in the Faculty Room of Block A for two months, you allotted me a cabin in B Block in a day.

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After a year when I shifted to the basement in another cabin, you realilsed that going up and down the stairs would be difficult for me. You made an exception by allowing the operation of the lift to the basement of Block B. Whenever I have made a request, you have always considered it seriously and given a positive response.

Your going out of the way has made things manageable for me.

Thank you for your sensitivity and for taking my rare but sudden requests seriously.

Prof Padmakali Banerjee You are the Pro-Vice Chancellor of Amity University, Haryana.

You were the first person I met for an interaction when I came to the University. I had never worked in a private institution. I was nervous and apprehensive if I would be able to deliver what I was expected to! You were talking to me with a smile and when I told you that I was getting old, you spontaneously said, ‘you are not, academicians never retire’. The moment you learnt that Prof Devendra Choudhry was my husband, you stood up with a smile and positivity, ‘I knew him’, you said. When I broke down, you left your chair to hold my hands. I started feeling secure in a totally unfamiliar place. I decided to join the University after my interaction with you. You made me sit initially in the faculty room of Block A, close to Prof Bhavna Adhikari’s cabin. You called her to your office to say, ‘please ensure that she is not lonely’. Prof Adhikari since then has always treated me with respect, saved me from getting lost in a new set up by interacting with me frequently.

During my six years of work at the University you have never forgotten to treat me with sensitivity and dignity. I meet you occasionally as you remember my husband with love and respect. I feel close to you and know that you are there for me. This actually has helped me to perform, express my candid viewpoint in meetings and on many other academic occasions. I love your approach of making your talks and interventions intellectually pulsating.

What I like about you is your smile, spontaneity and the ability to take academically sound decisions quickly. You are not mechanical but sensitive to everybody’s difficulties. Anupam Vyas shared with me his relief when you told him to go for a month to

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attend to the medical needs of his critically ill father. What touched him most was that you never asked any questions, did not ask him to arrange a faculty to take his classes. You supported him when he reported back after a month. You have the courage to take decisions to help out staff and faculty.

You live close to my house, I visit you once in three four months. You have been exceptionally good and caring. You hold my hand to help me get down a step, cautious that I might not see it. On my birthday in 2016, you called twice to wish me. I was in my class. The mobile phone was in my cabin as I never take it to my classes. You called up Director ASLA to request him to tell me to speak to you. When I did, you asked me to stop at your house before going home. When I reached, you took me in, made me cut the birthday cake, you sang Happy Birthday, clapped and took a beautiful picture. You affectionately gave me lovely gifts and said, ‘I know you have a loving family. It was a working day today.

I knew you will not to be able to go to Delhi, so, I planned to celebrate your birthday’. I was deeply touched.

I once told you that I was facing water shortage and might have to leave the house. You spontaneously said, ‘you shift to my house’. I told you that it would be a frequent situation, you said, ‘doesn’t matter, stay with me’. When you learnt that I was frequently restless at night and was unable to sleep, you asked me to come to your house whenever I have difficulty in getting proper sleep. You added, ‘I mean it, I am not saying this for the sake of a formality’. Trisha and you have always touched me with love and sensitivity. You made me feel special when you invited me to bless Trisha on her 16th birthday along with your close relatives and Trisha’s friends. Trisha and I share a beautiful relationship.

You asked me to open a packet of your recent book The Power of Positivity, Optimism and the 7th Sense. The packet had six copies, you signed one copy for me, handing over the rest to me, you said, ‘I wanted you to open this packet. I am giving all these to you to do what you wish to with these and I will keep giving you more copies when you feel like taking more. I will never take money for these. I was so overwhelmed. Whenever I face a difficult situation, you take a step of an unusual kind to facilitate my work,

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travel and visit to hospitals! Thank you ever so much! I love to visit you occasionally to feel special. I am looking forward to spending time in your beautiful new house. Three or four hours that we usually get are never enough. We have to leave our discussions in the middle, by saying ‘we will catch up!’ On one of my visits, you were tired but never made me feel so, insisted as always, to see me off, this time in the lift from the seventh floor. It is so beautiful to be with you and Trisha and have brief but meaningful discussions with Baba!

I love you for your telepathy, always calling when I am upset or having a break down! I loved when you shared with me Plato’s thought about kindness. I have always believed in it. I blessed you from my heart when I saw it on my iPad early in the morning: KINDNESS is more than deeds.

It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. It is anything that lifts another person.

Thank you for your special affection and respect for my husband Prof Devendra Choudhry. Thank you for all that you do for me.

Prof Sanjay K Jha You joined Amity University, Haryana as Director of Amity School of Liberal Arts a year after I joined. You are much younger to me, but, professional in your approach and thought process.

With your joining I felt that I could meaningfully contribute not only to my teaching and research in the department of History but, also to the developmental activities of the School.

You have been responsible for my continuing to work with you, in spite of my difficult health condition. I often wonder if I would have continued for so long, travelled on bad roads and patiently tolerated heavy traffic jams if you were not there!

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Your sensitivity has touched me several times. You did not hesitate to provide support to me on the dais when I needed to leave for some time to have a short walk during the convocation.

You realised that long sittings are impossible for me. Dr Bhavna Adhikari also got down with you. She walked with you till I got back to the stage with your support. She handed over a bottle of water to me realising that I was totally exhausted. Getting down and up the long stair was an ordeal, I could have never managed it without your support. You make it a point to ensure my presence in all the meetings and programmes of the School. There is mutuality in our respect for each other and for the growth and betterment of ASLA. It was a beautiful experience to know your depth of understanding about Hebrew and Arabic. I was not even aware of their sub-languages!

In a recent Departmental Research Committee’s meeting, I became emotional when I entered ten minutes late to find every one present standing up for me, the Director, the external expert, faculty members and research scholars. It was an extremely humbling experience which has given me exceptional strength to continue to contribute academically and intellectually! You have always given me respect on every occasion, every meeting and taken my comments and observations with seriousness, never forgotten to offer me a chair.

It was satisfying to find you engrossed while listening to my brother Anand’s speeches on Education & Employment. As a linguist, you appreciate his command on English and Hindi, his diction, his depth of knowledge and his dignified way of communication.

General Mahavir Singh I wish to let you know that I respect you for the dignity you maintain, your humility and the way you take things in your stride.

We get to meet in official gatherings and in convocation procession only, but you silently pass on a message of mentally accepting and taking things in one’s stride, even the most unpalatable experiences. I greatly value your presence in the Medical School of the University.

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Dr Bhavana Adhikari You created a comfort zone for me when I was new. When you came to know about my spinal problem, you said, ‘Ma’am, please consider my cabin as yours. You can rest here whenever you are tired. Be here when you want to focus’. Very few know that you have a degree in Engineering. You are fond of long drives and motor cycle racing with your husband. Both your parents retired as Colonels. Your mother retired as a doctor from the Army Medical Core. I met her when your father passed away. She writes poetry. Meeting her has been a blessing. Your brother Vikram is in the Indian Navy. All of you are voracious readers. Your children Tamana and Anuj have done well.

Thank you, for your love and respect.

Rear Admiral Krishan K Pandey I love offices and homes which are kept beautifully and aesthetically. I had one such experience when I visited your office in our University. A similar experience was there when I visited your beautiful home to meet you and your wife after the demise of your mother. I came back with so much of respect for both of you. You had been looking after the two mothers (yours and your wife’s) for years, taking care gently, providing support with lot of dignity and spending time with them every day and listening to them by bringing them in the drawing room every evening. You used to frequently take both of them to the park in wheel chairs. Both of you had peace and contentment on your faces, it was because you had no regret or sense of guilt. Similarly, you had also looked after two fathers till both passed away in 2003.

Thank you for your respect and spontaneity to provide support.

Yuyutsu Sharma Your visit to Amity University, Haryana, created a connection!

I liked your creative poetry, which you recited with emotions. The backdrop had beautiful pictures of mountains with people and animals. It took me back to my childhood and youth in Shimla,

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my interactions with Papa and his passion for English and Urdu literature. He was a bureaucrat and later in the Judiciary. The book racks at home had English classics, collection of works of poets, works of Shakespeare, Tagore and of so many others.

There were regular additions to the collection. Papa used to share with us all these, reading out the most beautiful and what he felt would be of interest to us, and, when we began to show interest by picking up books to read, Papa was happy. There were frequent intellectual discussions at home. Mummy had no knowledge of English language, but we discovered as we grew up, that she began to make a lot of sense of what was being discussed. She surprised us all by recognising from the hand-writing on the envelope or parcel as to who had sent it and for whom! I began to think about this, and much more after I met you. Our long discussions at India Habitat Centre made me think deeper and during these I tried to find an answer to my curiosity, how can one make an effort to understand and make sense in a language that is totally unfamiliar!

Papa would keep reminding us that we needed to respect and acknowledge Mummy’s abiding presence, remember that she would feel left out if we kept on discussing in English, ignoring her. He made an effort to translate for her in Hindi what we used to discuss. His effort made three of us good in Hindi and gave us the comfort and ability to translate from English to Hindi or Hindi to English. He would not forget to tell us that our translations should never be literal. We would improve ourselves regularly in both the languages. Giving space and recognising the limitation, involving and engaging people with any limitation can help them overcome their inhibitions. Making them conscious would make them withdraw. I kept this in mind when I dealt with my students in Punjabi University, Patiala, took them to the library to guide them, checked their assignments in Punjabi without making them feel conscious. I do it now with my students in Amity University, using Hindi and English to teach so that no one feels left out.

My discussions and interactions with you have motivated me to write poetry, taking the first step, which I wanted to, but hesitated for years!

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I admire you for taking a risk, with your two young children and wife to look after, to venture into uncertainties by resigning from your job at Tribhuvan University, Kathmandu to follow your passion of creative poetry, writing, reciting and conducting workshops in India and abroad along with trekking in the Himalayas. You did not know then that you would become well known!

The anthology, Eternal Snow, of over 125 intersections by the poets from different parts of the world is a tribute to your creativity. I had gone through its manuscript and edited it before it went to the press. I was hesitant but you were insistent that I would be on its Board of Editors along with two well known international poets. I am humbled. You create poetry endlessly, I would not say effortlessly. You do make an effort to participate in many events that make your learning grow, be it book fairs, conferences, workshops or exhibitions.

You also bring out Pratik, a journal, which meets the international standards. You published my response article in Pratik on David Austell’s ‘Poetry and History’. A brilliant article on the making of The Tin Man. I hold him in high esteem for his work. You have got involved in publishing which not only takes you away from creativity but impacts its quality. I love to see the pictures that you click with finer details and listen to you when you share your experiences with poets. I was happy to see your picture at Hemingway’s house. He is one of my favourite writers!

Dr Monica Chaudhry Knowing you in Amity University has been a blessing. You respect my husband whom you met a couple of times in professional meetings in IGNOU, where you also worked after your long stint at AIIMS. You appreciated how Prof Chaudhry reached out to so many and his effort to find solutions. Thank you for your spontaneity to rush to me with a smile to hold my hand. I respect you for facing a personal ordeal so well and your long experience as an Ophthalmologist at AIIMS. I was touched when you addressed me as your mentor in ASLA’s Amifest 2018 debate event.

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Dr Vivek Baliyan You took me around Amity University, Haryana on the first day of my joining. Your mannerism and warmth helped me to believe that I would manage to survive in a private University with your spontaneity in responding to support me in various teething problems. I have completed six years in the University because you never failed to respond to my emergencies. During the first Sangathan (sports function), you realised my difficulty in going up the stairs to take a seat on the dais. The Founder and Chancellor of the University were already sitting on the dais. You gave me your hand and helped me to take my seat in the first row. Once you rushed when I got stuck in the lift on the third floor, you told the operator to start the lift somehow. You took me to my cabin in the basement. You came to see me when I fainted in the University, got the Glass House opened for me to rest and later ensured that there was a sofa in my cabin to straighten my back when it gets fatigued. You have never let me feel that you do not have time to come and see me. There was a time when you rushed a paramedic to my cabin to check my blood pressure, you realised that I was tired and exhausted, you stayed back, warmed my food and stayed till I finished, it was an effort for me to finish it, you kept on telling me ‘Ma’am, you will have to have this for energy, I won’t leave till you do’. I get overwhelmed when I think of your effort to ensure that I am comfortable.

Colleagues and friends at Amity So many of you treat me with love and respect. I feel good when you come to share with me your moments of happiness, joy, anxiety and sadness. Prof RC Sharma you were the Vice Chancellor when I joined, it was a great feeling to meet you. You stay so humble and genuine. I feel satisfied when you occasionally make me realise that you are proud and feel good to find me doing my work well and speaking very well in every meeting or seminar.

Credit must given to the lift, which gives us an opportunity to meet. It is a humbling experience for me. It has been a beautiful learning to experience the grace of Ratni Bhan Ma’am. Col Gulati you were looking after Amity School of Liberal Arts when I joined.

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You gave me space and support to adjust. I was never pushed to do certain things, ‘Ma’am, these are formalities, we can manage these for you’. You acknowledged with happiness and pride you felt when you saw the NCERT History Textbooks for Classes IX and X with me as its Member Secretary. Thank you for the respect, which you never forget to give. Your commitment to work makes me respect you. Meeting your family in your beautiful home was a treat.

I need to make a mention about the spontaneity of Prof Hemant Jha to provide me a number of articles of linguistics and an article of Nirad C Chaudhary’s titled ‘Initiation into Scholarship: A Youthful Testament, The Objective Method in History’, an amazing article written in 1918 when he was only an undergraduate. Prof Jha you are a Professor of English, but we have had discussions on various literary works which are not related to our respective subjects. You are also passionate about reading and teaching.

Esha Jainiti, it is a treat to talk to you. The way you accepted your father’s passing away has been a learning for me. Your father was an Indian Air Force officer. You shared that he used to send money to his family in the village so that his cousins would have an experience similar to his, of studying in a well-known school of the Maharajas. What a beautiful value and a legacy to inherit for you and your brother. You are so dignified. Dr Pooja Rana, thank you ever so much for your generosity to appreciate and regard.

You keep letting me know ‘Ma’am you are beautiful. I want to be like you, grow old gracefully, well spoken and knowledgeable!’

You studied in Shimla’s well known St Bedes College. You are well spoken.

I appreciate your dedication to your family and profession.

Meeting your husband Sanjay, son Divyam and your graceful parents-in-law has been a beautiful experience. They are fully satisfied with their blessings. Prof Rana is a Mathematician retired from Kurukshetra University. He knew my husband. Your family listens to my brother Anand’s speeches in Parliament and on YouTube. Each one of you admires him for his knowledge, language, appropriateness and intellect.

Geesha, I felt happy whenever you rushed to hug me and make an effort to visit me in my cabin. So many of us can learn from

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the depth of your knowledge and dignity. You stay in touch with me from Singapore and Noida after having left Amity University.

Many more of you from other schools of Amity make me feel good with your wishes, smiles and brief interactions. Prof Rishi Pal, thank you so much for always finding time to interact. I love your positivity.

Prof Bhatnagar, you are a senior faculty at ASCO with an international experience, you have been kind to me. I did feel embarrassed in the lift when you said in the presence of many, ‘Ma’am, it is so nice to see you, our rare intellectual’. Thank you, for making me feel worthy of being a teacher.

Dr Chandni Sengupta, your presence has been a blessing. I knew you and your sister Roshni as children. We lived in Asian Games Village. Your father was my husband’s colleague in IGNOU. Mr Sengupta is our Registrar now. Roshni and you have a good upbringing. Both of you have respected, supported and loved me. We could offer BA History Honours course because you offered willing and spontaneous support for long discussions and preparation of courses and brief frequent meetings to ensure that we were on the same wavelength. Roshni helped us too. There is so much that we share – art, music, values, books and institutions.

Thank you both Roshni and Chandni for creating special moments for me to let me know you care! Dr Anjali Verma, it was a blessing to see you happy with lot of energy. You got along well with the students. You have now joined our Alma Mater. It is a blessing to meet you in Himachal Pradesh University, Shimla. You stay in touch to let me know that ‘You are never imposing and that you love listening to my scholarly and intellectual lectures’. Dr Sanjeev Kumar, your depth and understanding of history strengthened your bonding with students. Dr Parul Yadav, I love to share your concern for students. I am happy when students appreciate your teaching. You work hard silently and help colleagues and students.

Mr Ali, Dr Pallavi Beri and Dr Mansimar Kaur, all of you make me feel good with your intellectual discussions. It is nice to share books and values with you. There are times when Ali rushes to help me whenever I request, many a times with spontaneity, even without my asking for help.

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Pallavi, you have been sending beautiful messages like: Beautiful poem Ma’am!! It has compelled us to revisit our life style... I hope the policy makers ensure necessary steps going forward. You have always been caring and kind to all of us, without letting us know what you are going through.

Please take good care.

Dearest Ma’am, It is always pleasant talking to you. It feels that there is someone who cares to call and is concerned about the wellbeing of others… very rare! Love you Ma’am take good care!

Your recent email with Obama’s video on his first online class 2020 was beautiful, but I was moved with what you wrote: ‘Dear Ma’am This is a beautiful virtual address by Obama. Makes me think of your presence in the Department. Take good care.

Love always Pallavi.

Mansimar, I appreciate every effort you genuinely make to enrich my journey by listening to me carefully, making suggestions and supporting my academic and intellectual understanding.

I like Dr Dinesh Kumar and Dr Neelima Joshi, both have PhDs from JNU. You have brought strength to our History Department.

It is beautiful to see the smiling faces of Dr Sapna Sharma, Dr Bhavana Sharma, Dr Supriya Jha, Dr Abhilasha and Dr Alka Dutt.

Dr Sunil Mishra and Dr Vinod Sharma, you make my day with your warm greetings. Dr Varoon Bakshi, I loved interacting with you for hours as you can shift from one area to another, one subject to the other with ease. I love academicians who practice multi- and inter-disciplinarity. Thank you for finding time to go through the draft manuscript of this book.

Priyanka Danny, you touch my heart each time you talk to me.

Dear Ma’am, Please find enclosed a small video of my daughter. She had recorded this message for you the day she received her gift

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but I could not find a way to send it to you. The message is ‘Thank you Ma’am for your gift. I love it.

Ma’am your smile and presence is always so warm and brings so much of joy. Every small gesture and act of yours is so full of love and kindness. I always get to learn a lot from you.

Thank you for your blessings!

Warm regards, Priyanka Danny Dr Ratika Kaushik, it has been a beautiful experience interacting with you. How I wish you had not left Amity University. I loved interacting with you about School of Oriental &African Studies (SOAS) where you were for some time. Dr Jaishree Umale, thank you for your respect and smiles. Thank you Mansi, Roopa, Rakesh, Abhijeet and Dr Ranjan Mallik for your respect. My first recent interaction with Richa Sharma, a faculty at Amity Business School was overwhelming. She asked me the secret of staying beautiful. This made me feel awkward as she was saying this in the Examination branch where we were evaluating examination answer sheets. I had no answer as I never think about my physical appearance. I believe in nature, in human beings, and love beautiful mugs, linen, candles, books, dry flowers, walks and clicking pictures of mountains, oceans, seas, birds and flowers.

Dr Anupam Vyas, you taught me by your own example of hard work, passion for teaching and completing PhD against all odds. You face ordeals with a smile and remain grateful to Prof Banerjee, the PVC who helped you without questioning. You keep coming to me to share and read poems and experiences. Thank you for respect and affection. Dr Rumki Bandyopadhyay, thank you for letting me know that you feel good whenever you can meet me or just have a glance of me because you feel inspired each time I speak in seminars or deliver lectures. It is nice to talk to you Reena Nigam and find you doing well and completing PhD thesis. You have worked hard with your own share of anxiety. Thank you for finding time to come to me occasionally.

I wish to let Dinesh, Manish, Jogendra, Rachna and Akash know that I could not have managed so much if you did not provide support to me. Dinesh, you have picked up a lot with a sense of

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responsibility. Hawa Singh, Barfi, Ram Dayal, Rahul, Prabhati, the safai karamcharis, the marshals and security guards, I thank you all for your spontaneity to wish me with a big smile and then running to talk to me. This keeps me going everyday. Even on days when I am low, you pass on your energy to help me to keep going.

It is a beautiful experience to find so many making me feel special!

I also wish to acknowledge the presence of Dr Kamini Tanwar, Sanjay Tiwari and Yogesh Chand on the campus. All of you had worked with me in NCERT. The respect that you have for me moves me each time you rush with smiles to wish. Sanjay you visit me regularly to find out if there is anything you could do for me! I feel happy and proud that each one of you has been able to significantly contribute to this University with an experience and training you received at DEE, NCERT.

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his is another institution I respect and enjoy going to. Here the quality of debates, talks, discussions is phenomenal, one gets intellectual satisfaction. What I love is the respect that every invitee is given time to give observations, comments or ask questions. It was a nice feeling to observe Pratap Bhanu Mehta’s intellectual depth. The current President Yamini Aiyer ensures that everyone is somehow accommodated. She keeps silently ensuring it by getting space created, adjusting by getting more chairs! She contributes effectively to maintain intellectual standards.

Thank you Yamini for always giving me space to speak. Each time I thank you, you let me know ‘You always ask important questions and make meaningful observations’.

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Friends

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s little children, friends were those with whom we played, laughed, fought and shared stories of sadness and happiness.

We could play with whoever we liked. There was a lot of temporarity in these relationships as small fights could distance friends for life. The parents also took on them to interfere and stretch small incidents to become big, overprotecting their children. It happens even now, in schools, in neighbourhood, in families, among cousins! As children and young persons, you have some of your classmates as friends because you like them, share teachers, travel to your college or university either in buses, trains or even walk long distances from Shimla to Sanjauli in snow or in rain, when I was in college or to Summer Hill when I was at the university.

We used to discuss books, teachers and movies, stopping in small tea shops, on our way back at the Indian Coffee House. It was a mixed group of boys and girls. In spite of the fact that I went to Convent of Jesus & Mary and later to St Thomas School, Papa made sure that I went to Government College, because it was a co-educational institution. He wanted me to have an experience of hostel life also at Government College, Mandi. I made friends but we all moved away. Nonetheless, whenever we meet we are happy and have remained friends.

It was after marriage that I made friends. Devendra was my closest friend, colleagues, doctors, some neighbours and many

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strangers became our good friends as we shared values, anxieties and happiness with them. We received support from them all the time. They understood us well and have been there for us! We did not feel the burden of formalities. Many doctors and colleagues mentioned are close friends, as our interaction with so many of them grew personal as years passed by. No matter how close we are, a certain degree of respect for each others’ time and space is never lost sight of.

Major Pradeep Sawhney We knew you as ADC to the Governor of Punjab. Devendra and I had come to see the Governor in 1980. You were on duty on that day. We were so happy to talk to you as we waited to be ushered in. Though we have not been in touch on regular basis, but we do bond well with love, concern and respect for each other and our families. It is a treat to meet your wife Sujata, who is a Paediatrician. Your son Dhruv is studying in the US. He is affectionate to me. You came after years to meet me in my office after Devendra passed away to the better world. You were sad and found it difficult to come to terms with his going away. You have been in regular touch with me since 2011. You were happy to meet Manu and Priya when you invited them for dinner. It is beautiful talking to you and learn how you work, travel, carry your team with you to bring out issues of Force, a defence magazine produced beautifully, and, on time. Knowing Sujata, Dhruv and you is a blessing. Meeting Mummy after years was a beautiful experience.

She is as affectionate as she has been 35 years back. Meeting you in your house has always been nice except that I worry about your health. You have always led a disciplined life. I pray that God helps you to go on as you have in the past year and a half.

Ram Gopal Bajaj and Rijju Bajaj Devendra, Manu and I have known the father and son for the last 40 years. Bajjoo Bhai, you were my colleague at Punjabi University, Patiala. Rijju you were a small child then. You have grown as a beautiful human being, sharing your father’s values.

You both share passion for acting, reading, directing, travel,

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mixing up well with people of your liking. Both of you are very good to your two part time maids who work in your beautiful house in Karla, a few kilometers from Lonawala. In all my official visits to Bombay or Daman & Diu, you never failed to meet me.

Always found time to pick me up from Bombay Airport, Powai or the Mumbai–Daman & Diu highway to ensure that I visit your house. Sometimes reaching Lonawala after my work, around 11 at night and leaving by 10 in the morning next day to ensure that I reached Mumbai for my meetings on time. I am fully aware that you had to adjust your shooting schedules with some difficulty.

Travelling with you and being looked after with love, care and sensitivity touches me deeply, Bajjoo Bhai affectionately packing food for me, asking me all the time if I had taken my medicines and ensuring everything that would make my stay comfortable.

You both have adjusted with greatest of pressure, your shooting schedules for serial/film without letting me know about it. It is food for my soul to stay with you, have morning tea with hundreds of flowers, trees and chirping birds. Your dogs have become my friends – you adopted these stray dogs. I do my reading and writing in your rich library. Talking to you for hours makes me realise, the heaviest of adjustments, which you have made in life, a continuous struggle, especially for Rijju who finds it so hard to accept that he cannot find ‘out of the box’ projects for acting or directing as he doesn’t like the usual tick in the box films which do not address real issues. Both of you, Bajjoo Bhai and Rijju want each of your work to have an intellect which leaves people thinking on societal issues. Your dedication to your work is what keeps you together.

I like when Bajjoo Bhai tells me how well read Rijju is! You are happy and appreciate Rijju for organising Regional Film Festivals at Pune Litfest for the last three years and also having made a short film. Both of you keep yourselves updated with a keen desire to learn and even unlearn. You do come in films and television serials together! Mango Dream was such a beautiful film.

Bajjoo Bhai, I want you to know that ‘your more than hour long poetry recitation’ at Sahitya Natak Akademi left me speechless, your understanding, depth, literary richness with your exceptional theatre skills of an actor-director made it a ‘heavenly experience’ for me! You never talk about yourself. I respect you for your values

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for sustaining relationships, professional commitment, which Rijju has silently picked up. It is so satisfying for me to find you both admiring each other in an unspoken manner. I see it in the eyes of both of you.

Pavan and Renu Varma Ambassador Pavan Varma and his wife Renu specially flew from aboard to meet me when Devendra passed away. Each meeting with them is a beautiful experience, there is so much of spontaneity and warmth. In our last meeting at the India International Centre, Renu shared with Malvikaji ‘Anand, Zenobia, Ashok, Queenie and Didi are so close and special to us!’ Thank you for your warmth and sharing beautiful incidents with us as we were sipping tea with Masala Cheese Toasts!

Dr Anil Wilson You were from Shimla. We knew you from our childhood.

Your warmth, smile and laughter remained with you even when you were principal of St. Stephen’s College in Delhi University. We felt proud when you took over and gave your best to your students.

Manu always felt that even a brief interaction with you, your lectures and your assembly lectures were so meaningful. I shared meals with you several times, you never knew I was coming, these meals were simple, served with love. Everyone in the family has been so loving; Masiji, Mummy, Rita Bhabhi and your children.

You endured so much of pain by accepting Pancreatic Cancer as ‘God’s will’. Thank you Anil Bhaiya for your love, time, sharing and for letting me know how you loved and respected everyone in our family especially Papa who worked hard relentlessly. You often shared with me how Anand enabled your visit to the US with spontaneity, not following the formality of offering you tea, but requesting the Vice Chancellor to relieve you immediately. You later realised that he did so to enable you to meet Rita Bhabhi’s parents in Faridabad and leave well in time for Shimla to get your relieving orders from Himachal Pradesh University, where you were working.

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OP Singh, IPS You travelled with me on a flight from Delhi to Lucknow in 2008. You were initially reserved but warm with expressive eyes.

We got into a conversation within minutes of the take off. I was reading Richard Bach’s Jonathan Livingston Seagull. During our conversation, I learnt that you are an IPS officer and were posted in Meerut. You asked me ‘Didi, why do children not accompany their parents to social functions? For parents, it is a commitment.

It is embarrassing to find an answer when you are greeted by your host, each time with a familiar question bache nahin aaye! (haven’t the children come!)’. We discussed how children need to be understood from their perspective and I ended the conversation with Khalil Gibran’s philosophy that ‘children are born through us, they are not ours. They have a world of their own.’

During our several years of occasionally getting in touch, I learnt that you belong to Gaya, your father was Bar-at-Law, an accomplished barrister who was blessed with simplicity and sensitivity. Your father was upright and honest. Your mother was a very simple person, who had a lot of love and devotion for her husband and her two sons. After your mother passed away in 2006, you felt all the more that she loved your brother and you immensely. You miss her love and her simple values.

Your brother who is a doctor, used to frequently visit Gaya as he was pursuing his medical studies from Patna University. Your father’s standing instructions to him were ‘have your dinner at the station when you get down the train. The servant cannot be asked to get up from his sleep to give you warm food!’ Your father believed that there was a need to look after those who looked after the family. You believe in the values of your father.

OP, you are married to Neelam, a lawyer at the Supreme Court, daughter of a former Chief Justice and a former Governor. She has no attitude, no airs. She fully supports you to stay committed to work. Your daughter Avni is a lawyer in the Supreme Court and your son Apoorv has a startup. He has degrees in Engineering and MBA. You and I have stayed in touch regularly, Neelam and you give me a lot of respect and regard. Your sensitivity and understanding

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as Director General CISF has been special in providing support to Gyan at the airports. You held meetings with your staff to sensitize them because you believed that support needs to be provided to severe autistic children and young people as they need it. It is not at all a favour. You realised that their baggage would be more due to lot of medicines, special food and articles, which they desperately need. People need to understand in our country, as most of us remain rigid and insensitive. You found out that music and swimming is essential for them as part of their healing process. These help them to address their restlessness. You initiated sensitization programmes at Delhi, Mumbai and Goa airports.

You wanted it at all the airports.

It is always lovely when we meet, which is rare because of our professional commitments. You respond to my phone calls, in spite of your hectic schedule. This has strengthened my belief in the richness of values of sensitivity and dignity! You are now Director General of Police, Uttar Pradesh. You were in an important meeting but you didn’t hesitate to take my call and assure me that all support will be provided to a young boy who was admitted in the ICU of Medwell Hospital, Lucknow. Your team reached the hospital within half an hour and assured the boy’s father Ram Dayal, who worked in Amity University, Haryana, as a support staff. Ram Dayal was so grateful. He brought his son to the University Campus after he recovered. His son’s treatment was being looked after by Safdarjung Hospital, Delhi. Shockingly Ram Dayal passed away weeks after from a snake bite! I regret, I could not do anything to save him. I learnt about his passing away when I was in Chandigarh for a meeting. A strong message from you always is that support needs to be provided while respecting professional commitment. Thank you OP for finding time to remain in touch, for your respect and admiration.

Sheel Vardhan Singh, IPS You are the Additional Director of IB. You and I travelled together in 2011 from Port Blair (capital of Andaman & Nicobar Islands) to Delhi. It was a long flight of four and a half hours. We both started talking and I was taken by surprise, that your father

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Prof Kushwaha was our teacher in Himachal Pradesh University, where my younger brothers and I were students. I remembered with nostalgia how often I met him, although, he was the Head of Economics Department while I was doing post graduation in History. It was a beautiful culture at our university where even those teachers who were not teaching us, would be interested in our well-being and would be happy to see us. Prof VK Mehta, who was Head of Political Science Department, was another teacher who I interacted with. I met him decades later with his wife in Gurgaon. They recognised me and were so good to Devendra and me. Their son Pratap Bhanu Mehta was in school then, meeting him at the Centre for Policy Research lectures has been a beautiful experience.

You so fondly narrated an incident when Anand had visited your house to meet your father, after becoming a Member of Parliament. You shared that your father was touched and remembered with a heavy emotion the visit again and again. Sheel, you like to talk about your father a lot as you spent a lot of time with him in Summer Hill. You also talk about your mother very respectfully.

You addressed me as Didi, within seconds of our meeting, I discovered your passion for reading, writing and travel. There was never a call from me, which had been ignored, there is a warm response always in the form of beautiful messages. Now you have become very busy because of professional pressure.

Thank you for sharing your value that each one of us owes gratitude to our parents who sacrificed a lot for our future without talking about it.

Ms Gertrud Mueller I met you first as Dr Gerd Muller’s mother in his house when I was invited for dinner in 2011. Both of us did not realise that it was past midnight when we said goodbye. You were to leave the next day for Germany.

The next time you came, we spent a whole afternoon together at Select City Walk and another full day travelling to Agra to see the Taj Mahal. We both realised that we share a very beautiful

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bond and could spend endless hours together, chatting, laughing and discussing issues, social, economic and international. You urged me to visit you in Ochsenfurt for at least two weeks. I did visit you in May 2015. It was a treat for me to stay with you for ten days. You came to pick me up at Wurzburg Station, a long drive from your home.

I loved your beautiful house, your rich library with classics and encyclopedias, our discussions and our urge to discover what was right by reading and opening books, and the Atlas till late night. I found a keen observer and an intellectual in you.

I felt special as you drove me every day to your farm house, to Wurzburg University, to small towns around and historical places, holding my packets of shopping and offering your hand to me for support. I cannot forget your effort of carrying a crate of empty water bottles every morning to replace it with new ones so that I could have fresh water every day and my stomach would remain protected. These were glass bottles, much heavier than the plastic ones.

Whenever I went down on my own to the shops to pick up little gifts, you would keep watching from the window, and, on noticing that I was returning back home, you would run down the stairs to bring me up in the lift. Never for a moment did I feel a stranger in your house. Whenever we were in your farm house you encouraged me to pick up whatever I liked. I picked up two elegant angels and coasters. It was the same in your home, I picked up a nice vase. You helped me pack when I was leaving for London. I miss you and treasure your beautiful life experiences which you so affectionately shared with me. These will guide me. I will always remember what you said ‘we all have our own share of problems.

The previous generations have faced, so must the present and future generations’.

I feel as if I have known you for a long time. You begin your day with the Himachal Green Tea that I keep sending for you. You use it meaningfully. I was touched to see that you have it every morning, have translated the information given at the back of the packet in German, made copies of it, to keep small boxes of tea ready to give to those friends who are ill or hospitalised. Your belief that the claim of the manufacturer of its medicinal value has

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helped your friends in their illnesses, touched my core! You taught me how gifts need to be appreciated. I had sent a lamp for you which you have placed on the wall of your dining room! You have specially kept a table in your living room with all the little things which I have been picking up for you, including Devendra’s book!

I keep wondering how in mid eighties you can laugh heartily, be socially relevant, your remarks, ‘you don’t need to do anything special for your health, just work hard and remain happy’. These words convey simply what most of us find difficult to do. You are a happy person with no health issues. You are not on any medication. You never use the word tired or fatigued even after working on your five acre farm, you comfortably drive back after a swim in the pool. In my last conversation with you in July 2020, you shared with me that ‘I have undergone tests. Everything is okay and I am 90 years old.’ There is so much to learn from your life, Gerturd! You always end your conversation by blessing me ‘I wish everything good for you, your son and his family, your two brothers and their families.’ Be around me always.’

Rajinder Arora Rajinder, you established Ishtihaar, a design and advertising firm, which I respect for its focus on values and aesthetics. I met you to get a book published on Devendra. I handed over to you a book, which had already been published. I did not like the way it looked, its presentation. I told you that I wanted the book to be of a good quality, beautiful in presentation. Next day, you called up to say that Ishtihaar would publish it, only on the condition that I would give you all the photographs to rework on. I gave you the pictures which had already been redone from a good photographer.

You still did not approve of the quality of pictures.

I was very fragile emotionally, had heavy work commitments and travel. You came across as a gentle and sensitive person, leaving the discussion on the pictures and the layout of the book till I settled down after an emotional outburst. There were several of these in one year as we worked through the manuscript, the presentation and the pictures. You did not agree to include some of the pictures which I very much wanted to, explaining that those

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were not of good quality! The book came out within a year. It was a limited edition. It was meant to be for family, libraries, institutions and friends. The cost of production and printing was huge as there were a lot of colour pictures, it was hard cover and most importantly it was beautifully produced. It was very well received. I was satisfied as it had been aesthetically produced.

I sent a cheque for its production cost. When I learnt that it had not been encashed for more than a month, I called you up, you said there was nothing to worry. I again called after two weeks and then you hesitatingly informed me that it was held up in my bank because of some technical issue with the bank. I respect you for not embarrassing me. I sent you a fresh cheque. When copies of books were sent to me, there was a packet wrapped aesthetically.

It had a beautiful picture frame and a card saying ‘some people stay in our hearts. You are one of them’. I was overwhelmed, the load of seeing all the books together and the card was difficult to emotionally handle.

Your upbringing has been good. Your mother worked as a school teacher till your brothers, sister and you arrived. She left her job to spend her time looking after all of you with patience, love and passing on good values to her children. She took on the responsibilities of creating a lovely home. She understood that your father’s job as an officer at a private firm was demanding.

Thank you Rajinder for many things. I learnt that we could get along as you come across as a sensitive human being and there is a lot we share. You are a gentleman with professional commitment of a high order. We have remained in touch ever since the book came out in 2012. We have a genuine concern for each other’s well-being, and the families’!

My first visit to your house is an experience I wish to treasure.

Meeting your mother and your wife Rajni was a treat. Both had so much of warmth for me, I felt at home right from the time I entered, both Rajni and you ensured that I was comfortably seated, and you made the effort to get me a comfortable chair. I enjoyed the tea because each and everything in your house was aesthetic and intellectual. I can now consider it a home where I can walk in without any formality, whenever I feel low or just to enjoy the beauty and elegance. I respect both Rajni and you because you

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have the courage, time and intent to stand up for causes which are so important for humanity. Most of us are becoming self centered. Your beautiful relationship and your common interests, the way you support and respect each other and the way you feel blessed with Mummy’s presence in your home gave me a very nice feeling. It was a treat to meet Mummy, very well spoken, peaceful, learned and, even at this age, her ability to restrain to ensure that our conversation was not interrupted. Whatever she spoke had so much of meaning and value. She told me gently that she left her job as a teacher in a Delhi school as there was no one to look after her children. She did not make it look like a sacrifice!

Rajinder, I was happy to read your beautiful book Apni Mummy, which you gifted to me. I have been thinking about these issues for a long time now. I respect you for your commitment, your work culture and your sensitivity. I was happy to learn a new aspect of your personality, your love for nature, your urge to be in mountains, the visible expression of satisfaction and joy of having trekked to Mount Kailash and the Everest Base Camp. My wish for you is ‘may you be blessed to reach the highest peak to experience a state of bliss’.

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Learnings: Public Figures and Bureaucrats

Governors, Chief Ministers and Education Ministers Working in NCERT gave me opportunities to attend several meetings in Chandigarh, Agartala chaired by the Chief Ministers of Haryana and Tripura and Education Ministers, and a meeting in Port Blair chaired by the Governor.

I realised in every meeting that the perception of the public is generalised, which is generally biased. The Governors, Chief Ministers and Ministers cannot be relegated to being ‘incapable’ of taking tough decisions and people with ‘no understanding and intellect’. It is only when you interact with them in meetings, the way these are conducted, they surprise you by letting you know during interactions that most of them are well read and well informed. They conduct themselves with dignity. Many of them have an intellect of a high order. They come well prepared, follow the agenda, question inaction and take important decisions.

Senior Administrators NCERT is the advisory body to MHRD for School Education. It has been an integral part of MHRD’s initiatives, research, training and academic support to States and Union Territories.

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Attending large meetings with senior and young officers with high level of efficiency helped me to come back with learning from each one of them. The meetings used to be conducted with professional seriousness. Many meetings would continue even after 9 at night. We never worried as we were busy reading agenda papers, listening to presentations carefully as we were expected to interact and invariably asked to give observations and comments at the end of each presentation. We had to remain focussed.

The beauty of these meetings was that when new officers joined, they had to participate fully, and never let anyone feel that they were ill prepared, except in one case when a young IAS officer of a State hesitated to present and defend his state’s case for approval of Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan budget. He informed that he had joined only the previous week. The Secretary, who was chairing the meeting said that ‘no officer can ever say that, even if the charge is taken hours before the meeting. Each one of us is capable, we can handle anything any time, it is our training’.

I learnt so much from Ms Kumud Bansal, Mr Champak Chatterjee, Mr Rath, Ms Anshu Vaish, Ms Vrinda Sarup, Mr DK Sikri, Ms Anita Kaul and many other officers at the Centre and States, meetings chaired by Chief Secretaries brought in all the State Secretaries of almost every State Department. Each one came well prepared. The Chief Secretaries conducted the meetings meaningfully. I learnt something from every meeting!

When I was to take over as HoD of DEE at NCERT, I entered my office with an emotional breakdown, missing Devendra, collected the papers for my first big NCERT’s Annual Programme Advisory Committee. The learning from the MHRD meetings, to an extent, helped me to make the presentation in spite of the fact that I had taken over half an hour back.

The meetings of State Secretaries of Education and the Joint Review Mission (JRM) made me pick up so much.

It was a beautiful experience to have been treated with dignity and sensitivity by each one of you. Seniors treated their young colleagues and staff decently and with respect. The meetings in States and Union Territories with senior administrators was also a learning for me. We had to be well prepared and focussed in every meeting.

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Shakti Sinha I know you since 1994 when you were in the Ministry of Urban Development. I used to come to you for discussions on Education. I was doing a study for UNESCO on ‘Rules and Regulations Impeding the Performance of Women Managers in Delhi and Maharashtra’.

You were very helpful, fixed my meetings with Ms Kumud Bansal, Secretary Education, Maharashtra. We have remained in touch ever since. Your spontaneity in providing all support to NCERT team in Port Blair twice rescued us from many difficulties. You were the Chief Secretary of Andaman & Nicobar Islands then.

You invited me to your office to discuss a number of issues related to the Island’s school education. When you came to Delhi as the Secretary Power, you were kind to have got Devendra’s cousin’s wife transferred to a school where she could manage with her kidney problems. She worked in the same school even years after a kidney transplant. You made it possible for her to continue with her job. You are currently Director of Nehru Memorial Museum and Library. I hope that you will be able to bring changes in an objective manner. You might find it difficult to resist the pressure.

I have actually shared my fears with you whenever I meet you in Teen Murti Library. Nonetheless, you are creating an enabling environment for a dialogue among scholars. You are trying to invite the best. I particularly liked ‘The Ambassadors’ viewpoint, followed by ‘The Scholar’s viewpoint on South East Asia.

Thank you for your respect and sensitivity to respond.

Krishan Kumar You were the chief commissioner for School Education of Punjab when I met you first in one of the MHRD’s meetings. I was impressed when I learnt that you come from a very humble background, your father was a small farmer in a village of a backward district, Charkhi Dadri, Haryana. You joined IAS after completing your engineering degree. I was in awe to discover your exceptional administrative skills, your pioneering effort in Nawan Shahar district of Punjab to raise the declining sex ratio. It was a challenge as Punjab had around 830 girls for 1,000 boys. During discussions with you, it was satisfying to know that you geared

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up the entire district administration to create effective positive sensitivity towards the girl child, the female foetus and the mother who was carrying it. Your vision of connecting the community, neighbourhood, families, hospitals and health centres with the district administration to monitor the entire period of nine months, ensured safe delivery of baby girls. You were so passionate and devoted to the cause that by the time you completed your tenure as Deputy Commissioner of Nawan Shahar, the skewed gender ratio improved moderately. You did a paper with me on female foeticide for the NCERT journal, The Primary Teacher.

I used to come for meetings to your office in Chandigarh. I saw groups of teachers, education officers, block development officers, representatives of community, each one coming with a problem or a complaint. By the time these meetings got over, solutions had been worked out. It was good to see the way you handled the Programme Advisory Board meeting in Amritsar with the Secretary, School Education, MHRD, and State Project Directors from other states. It was a treat to see your meticulous efforts – starting with picking us up from the airport. The arrangements, I learnt, were as good at railway station and even bus stand, stay in the most modern hotel of Amritsar, and visit to Shri Harmandir Sahib and Wagah Border were meticulously arranged. You were so much concerned about me especially when Secretary, School Education, Additional Secretary and I came from Delhi in the same flight. You kept waiting for my luggage so that I did not have to wait alone!

The meeting was organised flawlessly. All your meetings, including teleconferences in Chandigarh were focussed and issue based.

You were posted in the Prime Minister’s office when you learnt about Devendra’s passing away. You found time to spend an hour with me in my NCERT office.

I am no longer with NCERT. I superannuated six year ago, but you respond to my calls to still provide support. This makes me feel blessed! You remain humble but effective in everything you do!

You were Secretary Expenditure of Punjab government and now you are back to School Education as Secretary. You never hesitate to provide support when I need it. When I was in Chandigarh in September 2017, you spent almost two hours with me in UT Guest House discussing various social, educational and larger issues. You

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exhibit your exceptional quality of taking tough decisions when it becomes necessary after trying everything! You try to make sure that your decision is not biased.

Your dedication to the causes you take up is unparalleled. You are upright, you do not break under pressure. You take firm stand without worrying about the consequences. Thank you for making me a Jury Member for Punjab State Teacher Awards 2018 and 2019. It helped me to meet Shri Bansal, an Additional Sessions Judge who impressed me by his silence, speaking firmly only when necessary. The Chair was Shri CS Talwar, a retired IAS officer, presently Secretary of Punjab Red Cross. He conducted himself professionally with a purpose to be fair. I often found myself being taken to the world of intellect and scholarship as Mr Talwar came across as an extremely well-read person with a command on English, Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu languages. It was a humbling experience for me which brought in so much of learning. I could feel that Shri Talwar was transparent who would have never compromised with ethics and integrity!

Thank you Krishan for your respect and regard for me.

Mandip Singh Brar For years, I participated in meetings of Haryana Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan as a member of its Executive Committee, General Council and Resource Group for finalisation of state’s materials for Teacher Training (2008–2013). Your professional skills in forming the Committee, giving respect to everybody’s point of view with patience and your inputs made me realise that if State Project Directors would be like you, things would move ahead. I learnt during our personal conversations that you excelled in all the examinations, including your first position in Law. I felt a void when you were posted as Deputy Commissioner of Yamuna Nagar.

I missed your inputs which were meaningful. My association with you continues, discussing human values or issues which bother me.

When I come to Chandigarh, you and your wife Ashima warmly provide support. You have always responded to my phone calls.

You call back, if you are busy and you never forget to say, ‘Ma’am, if something is urgent, I can leave the meeting for five minutes, I

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can go out’. Such assurances give me strength to move on with the hope that young IAS officers like you and Ashima will surely bring sensitivity in administration.

You and I were attending the PAB meeting in Amritsar in October 2010. I was to attend Haryana SSA meeting the next day in Chandigarh. You instructed the driver to drive carefully. Your kind gestures move me deeply. Your message clearly comes across as ‘remain focussed to achieve your goal and pursue all that you need to do by staying calm, and never take advantage of the great reputation of one’s family’.

You helped me in transferring my husband’s share of land to my son. I did not for a moment feel hassled as you had deputed your officer to get the paperwork ready, carry out the essential formalities. You asked me to reach Sonipat District Court to sign papers only when you gave me the mobile number of your officer.

He received me, got everything done without my feeling helpless with the pressure of formalities of being asked to come back again and again, the land was transferred.

My recent visits to your house made me realise how principled you and Ashima are. You are a passionate reader. You stay in your parents home. Meeting your mother was such a beautiful experience. Both the girls are growing beautifully. Both Ashima and you feel blessed as they keep guiding you. You both feel that their presence helps you and your two lovely fairies Shireen and Simran abundantly blessed to learn from their experiences. I came back worried about your health. Do not neglect your health for work. Learn from your seniors how they, somehow, find time to create a balance.

What I appreciate about you is that you remain humble and grounded and never get tired of responding to my phone calls.

Dr Maninder Kaur Dwivedi You were one of the Directors in MHRD. I met you in one of the meetings of MHRD-World Bank and the biannual Joint Review Mission, where a large number of bureaucrats, representatives of World Bank, UNESCO and many other institutions were present.

The representatives reviewed the programmes of School Education

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and the first few meetings of Subcommittee of Central Advisory Board on Education (CABE) on Continuous Comprehensive Evaluation. I remember one wrap up meeting of JRM where the review for NCERT’s International Evaluation Programmes of four States’ SSA initiative had an observation which was professionally not ethical. I requested the Team Leader what was essentially relevant academically and that the casual comments about NCERT’s International Evaluations be reviewed. I felt relieved when the Team Leader asked the member of the World Bank to have a careful relook to incorporate what I had requested as HoD and member secretary of NCERT-MHRD-TSA Evaluations. I had taken a stand for my institution and for the internationally acknowledged standards for Evaluation. I was relieved to find the expected changes made the next day. I acknowledged that I respected the Team Leader for letting me raise the issue, asking for a fresh review and the team member for respecting NCERT’s stand. I realised that no one had ego issues. It was a beautiful learning experience to see the objectivity of the bureaucracy, the academicians and the JRM team. Maninder, you never forgot to come to me after the meetings to say with a smile, ‘Ma’am, you convincingly put across all issues so well. You raise issues which are important and relevant with objectivity’.

You were a medical doctor, but moved to Indian Administrative Service. It is nice talking to you, years after my superannuation.

You remain as affectionate and spontaneous as you were.

Dr Ariz Ahmad You were one of the Directors in MHRD when I was a member of the Central Advisory Board on Education’s (CABE) subcommittee on Continuous Comprehensive Evaluation and its implementation.

In its various meetings you surprised me by your depth of understanding of academic issues of school education. You are an IAS officer with a PhD in Physics. You have a deep knowledge of development in school education. I admired your ability to check the meetings from going out of control, in spite of the committee being a high powered committee with five education ministers of Assam, Bihar, Chhattisgarh and Haryana and selected Directors

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of SCERTs! The State Project Directors joined in the Bangalore meeting. The respect that you gave to Prof Panchpakeshan and me throughout, made us express our views strongly and to express our dissent during meetings and later in writing. We had the courage, we dared because we were always given time. Your administrative skills as a young IAS officer and your firmness in performing a task as daunting as this so well made me realise that the number of people who have the courage is getting less and less.

You always appreciate my brother Anand saying ‘Ma’am, Mr Sharma is an intellectual. He has the courage to raise important issues.’

Thank you for your respect, for ensuring academic rigour and for remaining in touch after the submission of Committee’s report.

Rakesh Kanwar You are Secretary to the Governor of Himachal Pradesh with additional charge of Agriculture. Knowing you for years has been a blessings. I was impressed by your contribution to the State’s SSA as SPD. Your father taught me Political Science in Government College Shimla. He was a simple man and a very good teacher.

Thank you Rakesh for your regard for me.

Rajesh Sharma You were a member of the MHRD-NCERT-TSA delegation to England, Scotland and the US which I was leading. I was impressed by your meaningful interactions during the meetings in London, Cambridge University, Glasgow, World Bank, Washington DC and Minnesota University. You conducted yourself with a sense of responsibility in all the meetings. You provided me a lot of support during this long tour. I am happy that you are now Secretary Finance of the Himachal Pradesh Government.

Thank you for your respect, Rajesh.

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Friends in the Neighbourhood

Vipin, Gitanjali, Vansh and Dev I wish to thank you for looking after our flat in South City II Gurgaon till I moved from Delhi. I appreciate how carefully and beautifully you kept the house for nine years and got it in perfect condition for me to move in. You respected my husband a lot. You have kept his photo in your house. You stay in touch and give me a lot of love and respect! It is a satisfying feeling to find Vansh and Dev grow so beautifully, good in values, academics and with a strong coping mechanism. Gitanjali, you help so many children academically and emotionally when you take special classes in Maths. With a hectic schedule, all of you looked after Vipin’s father till the end, at a time when you hardly had resources to survive. His needs and medicines were always taken care of. God bless you for passing on beautiful values to your children.

Earnest Fanthome You were the first person I interacted with in South City II, when I shifted from Delhi. I was struggling to adjust to a place which was unfamiliar and unfriendly. During the morning walks, it was a blessing to find you sitting under the shade of a tree, reading a book. You smiled when I said, ‘such a beautiful experience to

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find someone reading in the morning’. You talked to me warmly and we began to have a brief conversation every morning. I felt so good that I had someone to talk to in a place where I was gradually adjusting. Meeting Margaret Ma’am, Jerry & George, Roopa and their daughter was a unique experience. All of you became ‘my family in South City’. Your kindness, warmth and effort to reach out to me helped me to survive and adjust. Your concern, for my well-being and safety is something that I appreciate and value.

Your love for books, reading, music, flowers, sensitivity and your meaningful interactions kept enriching my life.

When you learnt that I did not have help as my maid had to leave suddenly, you brought food at 8:30 in the morning. This kept me going for the next two days. Each time I ran into you during morning walks you came up to say Hello. Ma’am, Gerry and you have been warm and generous.

Your concern for my health was always there. You sent me to Dr Major Meenaxe, the dentist in South City II. Your logic was ‘why travel for hours when a good dentist is in our colony’.

You believed that she was good as you yourself went to her. What touched me most was your effort of texting me her phone numbers, coming to my house when I was about to leave to inform that you would speak to her. You left the message with Mahender.

After going through the draft manuscript of this book, you called up to say that you found it beautiful. You sent a beautiful message ‘Life is a severe taskmaster, it goes to drastic limits to make us use the gift or talents—sometimes so hidden that we do not know we have them; given to us by our creator. Use your talents before they are snatched away from us for good. Happy Writing!’

It gave me the strength to keep working to finalise it and resolve a conflict, whether the manuscript was worthy of publication.

I was still in the process of fine tuning the manuscript when you left for the better world.

In your passing away after a brief illness, I learnt something, which strengthened my childhood learning that one does not have to be rich to reach out, to be meaningful and to get the respect of family, friends and neighbours. When your body came from the hospital, almost everyone from our Block came to pay respect. A unique experience was to find quite a number of children, many

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aged below seven years there. You were their ‘Dadu’ who prepared trays of glasses of water knowing that so many of them would rush to your house when thirsty. Jerry helped you in your effort to reach out to every child. It gave you joy. You taught these children patience to wait for their turn. You listened to their stories and helped so many by counselling. When your coffin was being placed in the hearse, a six year old boy sang the National Anthem in a sad and low tone, feeling that this was his way of paying his respect to you, the last time. All these children went for your funeral, some broke down, others watched sadly. Their parents held them tightly to support their emotions. Your goodness in life made you leave the world with dignity and respect, surrounded by your family and many others who respected you!

I was terribly upset. I was going to miss you everyday during my morning walks. It was on this day that George assured me that even after you had left the world Ma’am, George, Roopa and Jerry will continue to be my family.

Thank you for being my family in South City II.

Major Dr Meenaxe It was a relief to find you. You are a sensitive and concerned dentist. You let me reach out to you whenever I have excruciating pain. You address my dental problems keeping in view my other health issues. Your clinic, The Panacea, provides relief to so many ordinary people as your consultation and treatment is affordable.

You left the Army to spend time with your family. It is a joy to visit your clinic and home. Both have focus on aesthetics.

Shishir and Deepika You live in the same block as I do in South City II. Interacting with you gives me a lot of happiness. Shishir, you are a young Economist responsible for Solar Energy Project. Earlier you were on deputation to the World Bank from the Ministry of Finance. I felt good when you shared with me that you had met my brother Anand in many briefs. You said, he is so good to the young people. He ensures that they are comfortable. He is so thorough in his work himself. He has been one of our finest Commerce &

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Industry Minister! Deepika, you work for a private company. You both touch my heart when Shishir and you get out of your car to talk to me in spite of your anxiety to reach your office. Deepika, you always stop to talk me, sitting in your car. Many a times you reverse your car to ensure that you can talk to me before leaving for work to let me know that you are sure to have a good day at work because you have met me!

It is a joy to see your daughter Arna growing beautifully. The presence of your mother is a blessing for all of you.

Thank you Shishir and Deepika for your loving spontaneity to let me know that you care! Shishir, I love your way of making tea, selecting snacks and setting up a folding table for me to ensure my comfort!

Uma, Chandni and Shreishthi There has been a lot to learn from all of you, facing ordeals, maintaining dignity and striving everyday to meet challenges with smiles. Thank you, each one of you, for your concern and respect for me.

Parul It is a beautiful experience to see you during morning walks.

You shared your paintings with me once and told me ‘auntie, you can pick any one whenever you wish to give someone a gift. Parul, you are very peaceful person. Your love has helped me to adjust in many ways.

Mohit and Deepa You leave whatever you are doing, getting into your car, doing exercises in the park or while talking to someone, to rush towards me to find out how I am, and request me that I should call you up whenever I am unwell. Thank you Deepa and Mohit for warmly served tea, snacks and meals. You insist that I join you for these! I love your simplicity, your discussions, how you managed to stay in Chicago to get a degree in Computer Engineering and later to work for seven years. It is a joy to talk to your two beautiful daughters.

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Mona Thank you for your warmth and assuring me that I will always be in your prayers.

Amit Thank you Rosy, Amit, your Mom and, most of all, your fiveyear-old son Akshu for your respect and concern for me. Your visits are always reassuring. I learn a lot from you. You take Mom along with you everywhere, in and out of India. You remained calm even when your platelets dropped to a very low level. Rosy, Mom, Jolly and Rosy’s mom managed with exceptional coordination by staying calm. Akshu was surely disturbed and missed you so much, but cooperated. You shifted to your new house close by only after assuring me that you would be just a phone call away. You stay in touch with me.

Saurbah Bhatnagar Thank you for your smiles during morning walks and finding time to have brief conversation even when you are attending to your business calls. I share a beautiful bond with you.

Anshu Varma You are a friend who has given me a lot of love and affection.

Your sister Dolly, your children Gaurav and his family, Sonu and Nitin give me a lot of love and respect. It was a satisfaction for me to find the whole family looking after your husband from the heart till the last breath he took.

Each time I talk to you, visit you, I feel enriched. I need to thank Chandni for introducing me to you.

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Angels in the Sky

I

have been flying since 1973, my first flight was Delhi–London– Delhi. Over the years I have been observing carefully that the entire crew coordinates very well with a strong team spirit, each realising the pressure of the other. While most of us over-relax, over-expect, there is a lot of tension during the service hidden with a smile. The announcements are made before takeoff, during the flight and before landing, the cockpit service is carried out with a subtle formality which is so beautiful in spirit. Over the years one has also observed rude behaviour of so many passengers. The politicians get noticed, the rest escape. In an Indian Airlines flight from Delhi to Bhubaneswar, several years ago, a passenger in his late 50s shouted at a crew member for more than ten minutes. He was repeating it over and over again, ‘I pressed the bell more than five minutes ago, why did you take so much time to come?’ Many a time, most passengers feel over-empowered to behave the way they wish to, giving the others a feeling that they own the plane!

It was a great blessing to have travelled by the Indigo flight (6E 667) from Delhi to Chennai on December 9, 2017. The cabin crew took great care of me during the flight. I was waiting for the wheel chair in the aircraft, the members of the crew kept talking to me. The captain and the co-captain came out of the cockpit. I complemented them for a smooth landing. The senior appreciated his junior realising that she could not say in his presence that it

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was her effort. The captain pointed at the co-captain, ‘it was her touch Ma’am’. The co-captain shared with me her experiences, ever since she started flying in 2011. Both of them also waited with the crew till the wheelchair came. We all travelled in the coach to reach the arrival hall. I was so touched. Each one had treated me with respect.

I travelled back by Indigo flight (6E 698) from Chennai to Delhi on December 11, 2017. It was an experience which was as beautiful as the earlier one. The members of the cabin crew took care of me, while waiting for the wheelchair, one of the crew members asked me if I was in their profession earlier. I was taken aback and asked her what made her think like that. She said ‘‘Ma’am you are beautiful and positive’. I felt embarrassed.

The fact is that whatever I say or do, it is from my heart. I wish to remain good to as many people as I possibly can. I like to stay away from people who gossip or engage negatively about other people, incidents, etc.

I also wish to acknowledge my experience on a HonoluluTokyo flight on June 27, 2018 which could not land due to high velocity winds. The flight was diverted to Central Japan International airport Nagoya and the flight took off for Narita hours later. I discovered that the connecting flight for Delhi had departed. I admire the silent and efficient management of a massive operation to provide support to hundreds of passengers from so many delayed flights. Immigration, next day’s check-in preparations, transport and stay in beautiful hotels was effectively handled.

I experienced the goodness of an old Japanese lady passenger, and a young Japanese man sitting next to me in the aircraft. Both made continuous effort to provide support to pass on a message to my son in Delhi. Both had the language barrier, they crossed it by using an App which translated Japanese to English. It was important for me to let my son know about the possibility of a delayed departure or cancellation of Tokyo–Delhi flight while we were at Nagoya. I could inform him only due to the goodness of my co-passengers.

I have experienced exceptional care and sensitivity of All Nippon Airlines (ANA), a Japanese airline to the wheel chair

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passengers. I choose ANA because I feel secure in the presence of a highly dedicated crew.

The entire staff of the airline at the airport worked as a team with the airport staff without any noise or fuss. The whole process was so peaceful. The hotel staff was welcoming. I did not feel hassled as a wheelchair had been arranged for me. I was blessed to experience a major operation at the airport without feeling any tension. Later a young engineer Eugene Kurtz provided support in the coach and in the hotel with an affectionate spontaneity.

I have loved my flights with Indian Airlines and Air India, our national carrier. The professionalism of their crew and the pilots has often gone unnoticed. They have always provided relentless support in bringing the critically ill patients, ensuring priority landing and an ambulance ready to transport the patient to a hospital. I respect their service even now, when the future of the airline is so uncertain in terms of its survival. However, when I leave the plane, I do let the pilots and the crew know that I have been praying for long and continue to do so that Air India survives.

Needless to say that it is a learning that even during so much of uncertainly your dedication and spirit during flying is exemplary!

It is Air India that has the daring to pick up passengers from Wuhan, other countries while the private airlines refused to carry passengers during the COVID-19 pandemic I wish the government and citizens of India are able to appreciate and start respecting our national carrier. Arun Sharma, a senior ground staff of Air India has always responded to my requests and helped me for years. He feels proud along with many other colleagues that ‘Air India is what no private airline is’!

I have not forgotten the goodness of many a crew members of Air America and Air Canada flights where they have been very kind to me in so many ways.

The recent October 19, 2019 experience of Air America’s Toronto-Chicago flight was beautiful. The Captain had seen that I was in the wheelchair. He welcomed me with the crew, gave me his hand. On landing, he was leaving, but came back to make a phone call and let me know ‘your wheelchair is coming’. He waited for me to leave and warmly said ‘Goodbye Ma’am’.

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Capt Anil Israni Capt Anil Israni, meeting you was a beautiful experience and an opportunity to learn so much. You showed an exceptional patience as you waited for a number of wheelchair passengers to get into Air Vistara aircraft (UK960, Mumbai–Delhi flight on February 20, 2019).

I was the last to go in, when I asked you if you were not tired of waiting, you replied that passengers are always your priority.

Fortunately, I had a chance to talk to you for more than an hour and a half when my seat was changed, next to yours. I learnt that you were flying to Delhi to fly for the next five days from Delhi to Chennai, Port Blair, Kolkata, etc. You shared with me your experiences of flying nationally and internationally, long flights in South America and to other continents. You worked with Air India for 14 years and had the honour of having a former Prime Minister on-board several times and a former Minister of Commerce & Industry on-board on three occasions. You had several proud moments and challenges during your long years of flying the national carrier. Working with Indigo for seven years was your first experience to fly with a private airline.

During the conversation you remained calm, came across as a beautiful human being and a committed professional. You are well-spoken and well-read person. You discussed the challenges of flying, but added that all those get addressed with years of experience, presence of mind and instant but practical decisions.

You also shared that adequate sleep before the day long flying needs to be ensured by the pilot. Your father, who retired as an engineer, wanted you to become an engineer as well, but you had a dream to fly which was realised with the help of your mother’s sister. You lost your mother decades back. I could feel your sense of loss. You are happy because flying is your passion for which focus and commitment are essential. We talked about books, old English songs and travel.

You shared that you receive weekly manual on every Friday which needs to be carefully read, internalised and followed. You have to be responsible for it. You also have to take an exam every

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six months. The training is an on-going process. I learnt that there is a lot of accountability and responsibility in the job of a pilot.

There are lot of professional challenges and too many formalities before takeoff, mid air and before landing.

I had left my book Happiness by HH The Dalai Lama, my reading glasses, and my personal diary with my poems and articles, in the front pocket of my seat. While the response of customer relations of Air Vistara was mechanical, Captain Israni, you followed it up with the ground staff and the duty manager. You took so many extra steps to ensure that I found my belongings which were precious for me. A great message that you passed on was that professionals can take extra steps to make a meaningful contribution and find solutions. While I begin to get restless after two hours of flying, a little more in long international flights, I do worry about pilots who stay in the cockpit throughout, not having the choice to move out even when there is always a co-pilot! This issue needs to be actually addressed. Long hours of sitting leads to fatigue, back pain and stiffness.

Meeting you, your wife Kavita, Kanishk, your father, Kavita’s parents and her sister on Ganesh Chaturthi in your house was overwhelming with each one’s love, care and respect. I could not meet Jai as he had gone back to IIT Bombay, where he is pursuing his studies in Engineering. Your father at the age of 80 plus is spending time meaningfully. He has been ironing your uniform for years, it is always kept in his cupboard because he is up at 4 am when you leave! You are ever grateful to your father who spent a huge amount on your training to be a pilot. While you were waiting for a job, you set up a class at your house to train 100 young boys to become pilots, and, paid for your younger brother’s fee to become an engineer. Your sense of responsibility and gratitude is great.

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Epilogue

D

uring the course of my journey, I realised that people are generally helpful. I gradually overcame my hesitation of asking for help by admitting my limitations. It was difficult initially, but I overcame my inhibition. I started requesting people to help. The response was mostly ‘spontaneity to help’, while some tried to help even without my asking as they got to know my limitations. Very few refused. Many strangers have also helped.

I experienced that it is good to dream, find some dreams becoming a reality to give you only a momentary happiness. The moment you realise that a dream has become a reality, you need to have a new dream. All dreams cannot become true! There are many dreams which are never realised. With time one learns to accept the reality and move on with the new ones. It is satisfying to help others to realise their dreams by giving your ideas, time and support. It is equally fulfilling. By sharing our own sorrows, problems and pains, we unburden ourselves. We actually experience a relief. And by reaching out, we realise that we have unlimited energy and inner strength! Getting connected to people of all ages, makes us better human beings, as each one has a message for us.

It helps us to motivate others with our experiences. Reading and revisiting happier moments have helped me overcome difficult emotional and professional situations. We need to take away our focus from issues that bother us to think clearly to find a workable

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solution. My parents had passed on this value to me and to my brothers. All parents should help their children by passing on the value of learning to cope and take up everything in stride.

Staying with people who have a positive attitude, reading which makes us feel good, watching the sunshine, flowers, water bodies, the moon and the stars help us to stay happy, contended and find solutions to problems and face challenges. We can overcome all that we need to by staying calm and making an effort. ‘Never to panic or get nervous is most important.’

In the last 20 years of my spinal issues, I discovered that it was a blessing to have witnessed the goodness of so many who gave me a hand, many a times even without asking. I often kept telling myself that I needed to remember those who had tougher physical problems, had less support and yet adjusted to life with dignity!

Each relative, friend and colleague made me learn to carry on and realise the truth and depth of this Irish belief: Always remember to forget the things that make us sad, but never forget to remember the things that make us glad.

Always remember to forget the friends who proved untrue but never forget to remember those who stuck by us.

Always remember to forget the troubles that passed away, but never forget to remember that the blessings too have come our way!

Each human being is a combination of good and bad. No one can be always good or bad. Many a times goodness is judged wrongly. We need to avoid being judgemental, to stay happy and positive. I had colleagues who tried to get my work pushed out to get theirs pushed in. I never ever let them know that I was aware of it or it was upsetting me. I kept up with the team spirit and only looked at the positive side of those colleagues. We remained friends because I realised that they were also the ones rushing to stop the lift, hold my hand, make me sit in the car, helped in my physical rehabilitation when I joined back after six months of being bed ridden, adjusting to severe spinal pain and discomfort. Back home it was my husband and my son who helped me every moment of the day and rushed to provide support. My brothers Anand and

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Ashok, and Queenie were a great support and reached out, as always, on their own. My colleagues helped me to adjust to my emotional pain and grief when I lost Devendra. Manu and Priya never let a day pass without their concern and love. Anand visited me every day, sometimes twice a day! Zenobia kept calling me from London and so did Azad while Ashok, Queenie and Gayatri stayed with me from morning to night for 15 days, they did not even go to their factory in Gurgaon.

I have realised that forgiveness has great healing power. It becomes possible when a partner, a parent, a child or a friend uses the restraint of not using an incident to overjudge, look for the previous ones to overevaluate. In a situation like this, it becomes our habit to keep looking for negative incidents, overlooking the positive ones in a relationship. This causes pain and withholds healing. However, when we make an effort to remember one positive incident, we can think of so many positives of the same person. We all need to heal ourselves.

We need to be cautious of being judgemental. Every human being contributes to one or the other section of society or profession. It is easy to find faults, sit back and criticize, making it a hobby, a pass time! Some feel that only those in politics seek favours. Each one wants to be close to those politicians who are in power, have the right and desire to get the work done. It is alright and natural to forget them once the work is done. We plan for fresh projects. As long as we keep getting favours, the politicians are good, the moment they fail to meet our expectations, they become bad. There have been leaders who contribute so much to raise issues, address issues with dignity, without over projection, who help so many in so many ways. Most of us have been given in to believe that only those who are elected from constituencies, through public mandate are the ones who should be respected.

‘Winning an election is considered to be the greatest and ultimate achievement for people in politics and their families.’

Everyone does not have to be a mass leader. Even Sushma Swaraj and Arun Jaitley, were not (there was a TV debate soon after their passing away), but when they passed away, surge of crowds spoke of their goodness and capability! We need leaders of a country

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in different areas – Diplomacy, International Relations, Foreign Policy, Regional Co-operation, Participation in Parliamentary debates, writing books, Globalisation, Environmental challenges, Cyber and Defence Security etc. Everyone, however needs to stay focussed while keeping in view interconnectivity of one with the other. No subject area or specialisation can survive on its own, multi-disciplinarity and inter-disciplinarity has been the practice for more than two decades now!

It was beautiful to listen to Prof Sugata Bose, Member of Parliament, Lok Sabha, at the Centre for Policy Research. He is a Professor of History at Harvard University. While replying to a question on Parliament not working, members creating a ruckus, he said ‘differences get meaningfully negotiated in Standing Committees of Rajya Sabha and Lok Sabha and also in the Joint Committees of Rajya Sabha and Lok Sabha. A lot of work actually gets done! This is sadly never brought to the notice of the public’. When members walk out, they stay in Parliament for party meetings while some go to the Parliament Library. The media projects frequent adjournments as wastage of public money rather than the members trying to meaningfully work for resolution of conflicts and making an effort to get many Bills do get passed.

Being a student of History and Constitutional Development, I realise that the Upper House of Parliament gives meaning and grace to any country’s political life. Their level of discussions and debates has intellect! However, there is nothing one can do about the casual comments made on members of Upper House. In India, it is Rajya Sabha. Those who come to it are either elected by state legislatures, or nominated. The nominated ones have made considerable contribution to their field. There are exceptions, some of them are brilliant in their understanding, intellect, writing and depth. Their contribution to raise the quality and level of debates is unfortunately realised by very few.

History as a subject is not History alone, which has been ridiculed as a subject for so long by so many in most institutions in the world. A person with Social Science and Humanities background also needs to have a basic understanding of political, economic, social, literary and religious developments in an

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electoral democracy and its challenges in contemporary period.

Equally important is an understanding of international relations and foreign policy, an analysis of trends etc. Students need to be trained in the ability to recognise, acknowledge, analyse and communicate different points of view. History can contribute to understanding how society, economy, education and politics have grown and, how at a faster pace now.

Each one of us needs to exercise restraint when using bad language, getting judgemental about public figures. The tendency to generalise gives a feeling that everyone is bad in politics. The public scrutiny of one section leads to overlooking the crimes, corruption, rude and unethical behaviour of many of us in other professions including academia. Many politicians and academicians need to keep raising issues. Agreeing to disagree needs to be followed by both.

Relationships of all kinds, family, social and professional keep changing. I keep realising that richness is the generosity of a large heart. So, many people do many things for many other people. It is healthy to compete with oneself only. It brings disappointment when one competes with others. We need to realise that most of us have unrealised dreams and a destiny of our own. Everyone cannot do everything or be everywhere. Richness and legacy is not confined to wealth and property. The rich generally have unlimited wealth.

They can plan for generations, but those who are poor, know how to enjoy the weekend by visiting a friend or a relative or inviting someone over. They participate in joys and sorrows of their friends and relatives, manage treatment of a family member with a sense of duty. They know how to enjoy even with the bare minimum.

Some of us accomplish intellectually, others academically, some administratively, some can be spiritually satisfied while others can be in a state of bliss with their books, during walks in beautiful gardens and parks. Some meet beautiful human beings and look forward to spending time with them. Some get uncontrollably excited the moment they see water bodies, listen to the chirping of the birds, listen to the sound of walking on the dry fallen leaves in the forest. I have always felt that I am the richest person, experiencing the state of bliss as I read or write, meet beautiful human beings, spend time with nature and buy ‘not expensive

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but beautiful and uncommon gifts’ regularly, in large numbers, to express my gratitude, wish birthdays, wedding anniversaries and ‘get well soon’ for those who are unwell!

I keep gifts at workplace, in my handbag when travelling and at home believing that I would find someone to say ‘Thank you!’. I only pick up what is beautiful and affordable. Most people in India have started evaluating gifts in terms of their brand or price, etc.

They do not hesitate to pass comments. This is true more for family members. The rest will quietly tell you ‘there was no need’. It is sad to see gifts being disrespected. Most of us do not realise the effort and the feeling that goes in picking up a gift or even repacking what you received because you are occupied with something. Even a repacked gift needs a thought, time and feelings. Disrespect for gifts, freshly bought or received and packed again generally get similar treatment. For me, gifts which are sent unpacked also bring beautiful feelings!

I feel and wish that administrators need to find ways to help colleagues facing difficult situations, their own health or family member’s. Rules, regulations and formalities come in to impede effective performance. These need to be used to facilitate and not hold back performance at work. A young teacher was fully supported to participate in NCERT’s Teachers Training Programme because, the Principal and the entire staff created a protective shield as she faced her kidney failure at a time when her kids were very small. Central School in Delhi Cantonment, where she worked, ensured that her salary was not deducted as long as she survived. This is only possible when we have the will and courage to provide support and not choose the easier option of formalities of following rules to impede participation of our colleagues!

A family with a special child has to meet and accept challenges which are physically, mentally and emotionally very difficult and exhausting. Many family members, friends and colleagues will never understand, not even make an effort to objectively look at the situation of such a family which actually needs understanding, enormous support and empathy. Most of us want to dismiss the level of difficulty of this family. It is more difficult if the family is highly educated, has support structures because it is this family which becomes a target when they need someone to run around,

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to be allowed to carry more luggage, medicines, food and a piano for their severely autistic child, has the biggest difficulty of being punctual. The child, or even an adult, finds it difficult to face crowds, needs to avoid frisking at the airports and loud noises.

Figuring what can upset the child or a young person with severe autism and self injury syndrome is also daunting for the family. Yet the family does everything with an intention which is matchless, a positivity that is eternal and a hope which is endless. The family’s effort to cope with mental and physical fatigue is continuous because each member is focussed and genuine in his/her concern for the special child. It tries to ignore and overlook with a heavy heart the insensitivity of distant, close, and not so close friends or family members. The support is, many times, unexpectedly received from strangers, doctors and security guards. This keeps the family’s faith and hope in goodness of humanity alive and to keep moving on, after every trying and difficult experience.

Richness or high status does not, in any way, impact the dedication of such a family. The rich and high status parents also rush to push their child’s stretcher to the operation theatre, deal with the pain, be with the child for physiotherapy and hydrotherapy.

Friends, relatives and colleagues pay less attention when the family remains without meals, leaves meals in-between to attend to their child. Most will find time to make stories when this family will invite people to their house or get invited by friends or decides to take a holiday or visit a hotel. It is as if they have no right to be happy, to laugh, to have a holiday or to sometimes take time off. What many of us forget is, that even during these periods, the family is still holding on to their child. They do not ever imagine shirking away from their sense of duty with commitment. The family gets to feel the change with an alertness of a unique kind to respond to the needs of their special child. They need to take the child to a room in a hotel. I was so moved hearing Anand tell Zenobia in 2018, ‘I am waiting for the day when we will be able to take Gyan to a restaurant as he wants to go’.

I feel happy observing young parents talking to their children, sharing and making them see birds, flowers, stars, and the sun! Dr Naman an Internal Medicine specialist at Medanta finds time to take his small daughter for walks in the morning to bond with her

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beautifully. His wife Doctor Rashmi has left her job to ensure an emotionally secure childhood of her daughter.

Indian society is generally insensitive to children and persons with special needs, especially Autism. The agony of parents of Tarun Gupta, ever since they lost him in October, 2019 at a Mumbai station, is beyond anyone’s imagination. They keep visiting station after station, ever since a video clip showed him being pushed by Railway Police man into a coach which carries heavy luggage and, second time the insensitivity of a passenger on whose seat, he tried to sit after getting out of compartment and boarding a train!

Dr Neera Nath lost her husband a few years ago. She retired from AIIMS. Her older son is settled in the USA, the younger one is challenged. She broke down during her morning walk that how cruel our own people and society is towards special children. She said she has left her son in an institution as at her age anything can happen to her, ‘atleast my son will be looked after’.

I feel sad when I see the rich bargaining for more concessions.

It saps energy of everyone around, makes one lose the joy of buying something that one likes. I am often reminded of a story that Mummy used to tell us as children that when we are all the time counting what we have, again and again, we lose the joy of having what we have been blessed with. We spend all our time and energy only to check that everything that we have is there, and, think it is never enough. The urge to have more, kills the joy of enjoying what we have.

I have experienced that fashions come and go, and, what has gone comes back in a short span. I never get tempted to go in for the latest clothes, bags, wallets, watches, cars, mobile phones and iPads. I have never had the urge to possess what others have. I feel that I have a dream house, the best of parents, the best of in-laws, siblings and their families, the best children in the world, the best of in-laws, the best uncles, aunties, cousins and their children and the next generation, our grandchildren.

It was a beautiful feeling to be treated with love by Ishani whom I met when she was in Class IX. She is our neighbour in Kelleston, Shimla. A group of six young mothers are staying in six flats to educate their children with a great sense of responsibility.

The husbands work hard on their apple and other fruit orchards to

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provide resources for their children’s education. They ensure that they are there for their children to share their emotions, pressures and happiness. The children too feel responsible to do well. This is what Ishani wrote when she joined her college in first year: ‘Thank you so much auntie Kiran for everything. I am unable to express how happy I am to have an auntie like you. It was really nice on your part to take out time from your busy schedule for me. Interacting with you is always inspiring. The way you admire my parents and me boosts up my confidence and gives me the strength to be always up and running. Your name is just appropriate to your persona ‘Kiran’, a ray of hope for many, I being one of them. You are surely one of my biggest inspiration. Do visit me when you come to Chandigarh. God be with you till we meet again. With love - Ishani’.

From Papa we learnt that we should buy good quality things.

We should never go in for cheap things because these will not last, and will need to be repaired again and again. A good quality shoe, bag, dress would last as it will take care of itself. He always took us for buying everything from Janaki Das on Mall Road, never from Lower Bazar. Janaki Das, I now recall had beautiful, good quality things. It was actually a Departmental Store where everything was available. Fortunately, Devendra and I thought on similar lines till we were in our early 50s. We went for beautiful, good quality things, later for affordable ‘so-called brands, United Colors of Benetton, Woodland, Puma, Adidas, Fab India, Kilol and Hidesign’. We actually believed that unbranded things were more beautiful and practical.

We loved things which looked beautiful and sophisticated.

We picked up so much from State Emporia and Dilli Haat. Gauri and Gayatri gift me expensive branded gifts and bags. I use them occasionally. I feel inhibited in using them as I feel that both my personality and profession cannot carry these! I get uncomfortable.

I have conveyed my discomfort with brands to Rashmiji and Priya as well, both of them have been gifting me expensive, branded bags and other beautiful things. I love inexpensive things which look

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beautiful and unique, even a single coaster of sunset in Hawaii, a Malaysian car perfume with a lovely message, a small clock with roses and butterflies for my book rack!

For me, gestures of warmth and care are invaluably precious.

I feel humbled whenever Nandini, a young artist from JJ School of Art, Bombay and London School of Arts, sees me entering her shop in Courtyard, which is full of beautiful things, she tells her assistant to take care of other customers, ‘I will do everything for Ma’am’. She has been wrapping my beautiful inexpensive gifts with so much of patience and care. Nandini does not mind spending more than two hours for me as I sit in her comfortable chair. She embarrasses me each time by never charging for the beautiful wrapping with ribbons, mostly golden with red and white with a shimmer! It is difficult to explain how overwhelmed I feel as I walk out. This happens during Diwali and Christmas rush as well when a lot of customers are waiting impatiently! I feel blessed when Rabia treats me with so much of respect when I go to her shop in Courtyard to pick up dresses for Vaidehi. It is a similar experience with Prashant, he leaves customers to come out to touch my feet and say ‘you are one of the most positive aunties’.

I write because I want to. It gives me satisfaction to absorb first, internalise to write and then take quite some time to finalise. I have never felt the need to go after numbers with regard to publishing.

I was zapped when a Pro-Vice-Chancellor proudly shared with me that she had hundreds of papers and a large number of books and so did her daughter at a young age. I wondered at the possibility of compromise with quality! Most accomplished scholars get the satisfaction of not compromising with quality, numbers have no significance for their excellence in academics! I am sad that academicians are in a hurry to publish, whatever, wherever.

Over the years, I experienced that History as a subject cannot be understood, discussed or taught as History alone. A person with social science background needs to have a basic understanding of political science, economics, sociology, international affairs, foreign policy – even science subjects and have a scientific temper. Equally important is the analyses of trends etc. Students need to be trained in the skills to recognise, analyse and communicate different points of view with objectivity and rationale. It is painful to find so many

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ridiculing History even in 2019, in spite of the fact that so many with background in History have been able to accept challenges and excel at workplaces which have little to do with History.

The Air Force Officer Wives’ Welfare Association looks after Santushti Complex where I have been going for decades. I am greeted with so much of warmth, each one makes an effort to remove all the price tags, bubble wrap things or gift wrap with a lot of patience and care. A senior officer’s wife, Ms Neeta Chaudhari, who was the Manager there, took extra steps to accommodate me even during heavy rush of customers! Ms Bhageshwari Vidhate is as caring now! YP Singh, Jitender Kumar, Barik Jagbandhu, SP Singh, Manoj Kumar Pal, Aarti Maurya and Seema Devi, all of them go out of their way to help me in many ways.

I have such beautiful experiences each time I visit the Midland Book Shop in Aurobindo Market. Asfar, his son and nephew all know that I will not pick up a single copy of a book! I need multiple copies for gifting. Each one understands what my taste and choice is! The packet becomes heavy and huge, it is sent to my car without my asking. They understand that it will be difficult for me to carry.

Rajeev Sakhuja who has made small investments for me, ensures that the smallest of my request is attended to with a lot of attention and care. He would make his staff rush to Gurgaon from Defence Colony to ensure that my work is treated on priority.

He comes up to receive me, take me to his office and escorts me back to the car after offering me Starbucks coffee. He knows I love it. He tells his clients who invest heavy amounts to wait till he receives, attends to me and drops me back. There are many such places where I receive so much of care and warmth. Why I have mentioned these is because not having financial richness has never made a difference to me. People have been respectful, warm and kind to me, irrespective of my financial status.

Receiving messages from Rani Tokas gives me a sense of satisfaction. I had met her at Bhagat Phool Singh University, as its faculty. She pursued her PhD in Sociology from JNU. This is what she remembers to communicate: ‘Good evening Ma’am, Happy Teachers Day. Thank you so much for kind blessings and support. I feel so

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inspired and peaceful after talking to you. I offer my heartfelt gratitude to you for always being so caring and warm.

Fortunate to have your blessings Ma’am.’

‘With profound regards - Rani’.

Maurice amazed with his positivity and gestures of sensitivity and kindness. He made my stay special at Welcome Grand Bay Hotel in Vishakhapatnam. I met Dr Urvashi Sharma, a practicing Dermatologist in Delhi–Kalka Shatabdi train. Talking to her was a treat, receiving her help with sensitivity and respect as we got down at Chandigarh Station was a blessing. At the station, she kept on holding my suitcase till the driver came running. She came back to India after working for years in Canada to be with her mother after her father passed away.

Participation in an interactive session with Mathew Spacie in Mumbai was a truly satisfying experience. He was calm, did not get excited, had the satisfaction of genuinely helping children with Magic Bus. He is the person who chose to leave his prestigious jobs, COO of Cox & Kings and Founder of Cleartrip. Magic Bus is now a movement to empower children from weaker sections. It sounds exciting that in Mumbai hundreds, thousands of children feel empowered when they play Rugby, Cricket and Football.

Magic Bus takes care of underprivileged children from childhood to livelihood while protecting their dignity. It has spread its reach in India, in 22 States and outside India.

Mathew took me by surprise while answering questions on fund raising. He advised that NGOs should have the courage to return money to the donors if they add their own agenda – like with education expect the NGO to cover other areas like environment, health, etc. NGOs lose their credibility when they agree to do what the donors want them to do and end up compromising with everything! Unlike hundreds of NGOs who make little effort to stop getting pushed by the donors and their additional agenda, Mathew has the courage to say ‘No’, and to return the donors’ money.

He is also an example of how delegation of authority and responsibility is carried out in spirit and action. He has moved away from his position of CEO to create space for the new CEO, his

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focus is on fund raising and expansion of the movement, ensuring quality.

Flying to Mumbai on September 3, 2019 by Vistara’s ‘RetroJet’ was a historical experience. I realized it when Manu expressed his happiness once the flight had landed. I felt blessed.

Devendra and I became professors when we were above 50 years old. We were happy because we still had so many years to go. We felt blessed, but felt sorry, for so many of our colleagues who retired without getting professorship. Both of us were never desperate and occasionally shared that quick promotions make us miss depth, understanding and maturity. We often wondered if one reaches the top too soon, what would be there to look forward to.

What was important for us to ponder over that no one can be on the top all the time, each one of us has to begin from the lowest position, be it a General, a Principal of a school or college, a Vice Chancellor, a Director or a CEO or a top business person. Those who sustain themselves gracefully do have a lot of patience.

I feel blessed to have been able to share what was passed on to me and what I could reflect during my several Keynote Addresses in national and international conferences and meetings. So many made me feel special for not delivering stereotypical lectures, keynote addresses and even writing of academic papers. The effort of so many generous academicians have been responsible for keeping me intellectually alive!

The appreciation by the audience surprises me. One such example is of Mizoram University: Dear Madam, Hearty Greetings! I have attended today’s inaugural program to encourage my colleagues in the Department of Psychology. I was delighted to listen to you on such a contemporary topic relating to everybody’s life in such simple words without using the words of jargon and theories of our subjects. The content as well as the way you presented it focusing humanity, kindness and human relations touched everybody’s heart. I want to listen some of your lectures, may be available in YouTube and also go through your writings for my benefit. Kindly help me. I

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pray to the Almighty to shower you and your family with His blessings!

With regards, Dr NVR Jyoti Kumar, Professor, Department of Commerce Dean, School of Economics, Management and Information Science, Mizoram University (A Central University with Grade A by NAAC), Aizawl Each one of us in our leadership positions need to create an enabling environment for every team member. A leader needs to keep looking for the strengths of each member while addressing the weakness. Something that I appreciate is taking a stand for one’s team member appreciating publicly every member for a task accomplished. Building a healthy team spirit needs to become a priority of every leader, from the smallest to the biggest. Flow of positive energy makes everyone accept challenges for continuously performing to deliver and meet deadlines. Emotional intelligence needs to take over at work place to make everyone feel encouraged in one way or the other. We must ensure that we use mind and heart to avoid mechanical functioning.

Books do become our teacher and companion. They show us the way, offer solutions to our problems, make us happy, address our curiosities, heal us, comfort us and empower us. They can also make us address our fears and anxieties. Books played a great role while we were growing up, when we were young and now when we need them as a habit to calm us. Books still help me to stay calm and maintain my sanity. A book that left an indelible impression was Life of Marie Curie, which Papa brought for me when I was in Class IV. I learnt so much from it and treated Marie Curie as my role model. Each book has taught me to work hard, cope with the worst, enjoy nature, and enjoy sipping tea or coffee in beautiful places.

I have enjoyed works of Ruskin Bond, I still look forward to reading his musings from the mountains. What I like about him is his resolve to keep writing with hand, I do it myself, and many feel that I am ‘old school’. Colleagues and friends tell me with pride that they can type straight on their laptops.

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Thomas Hardy, I learnt to appreciate in my youth. I enjoy works of Somerset Maugham, Pearl S Buck, Mitch Albom, Nisbet’s Railway Children, Paul Kalanithi’s When Breath Becomes Air, Jerome K Jerome’s Three Men in a Boat, works of Richard P Feynman, Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture, Tagore’s Gitanjali, Aurobindo’s Savitri, works of Frederik Backman, Will Schwalbe, most volumes of Chicken Soup for the Soul. Jhumpa Lahiri’s the Lowland, Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love, most books written on Marie Curie especially the one written by her daughter Eve Curie. The book on Kalpana Chawla, works of Premchand, poems of Nirala, Ramdhari Singh Dinkar, Subhadra Kumari Chauhan, Lee Harper’s To Kill a Mocking Bird, Eleanor H Porter’s Pollyanna, works of Chinua Achebe, Barak Obama’s Audacity of Hope and Dreams from my Father, Henry David Thoreau’s Walden, Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Self Reliance and Nature, and others, works of Khalil Gibran, Victor Frankyl’s Man’s Search for Meaning; Arundhati Roy’s The God of Small Things and The Ministry of Utmost Happiness, Sunim Haemin’s The Things You Can See Only when You Slow Down, Oprah Winfrey’s What I know for Sure, works of Antoine de Saint Exubery especially The Little Prince, Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time, works of Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein and many more authors, many poets and their works.

Victor Hugo’s The Hunchback of Notre-Dame saddened and amazed me as he has discussed fire in Notre-Dame in 1830.

Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and other books kept me engaged. I started reading Anne Frank’s Diary as a student, I still read and wonder how she wrote it under the toughest situations of the Nazi concentration camp, at the age of fourteen! Each author, poet and book has helped me to appreciate small things, stay happy and peaceful, sometime sad for days! I am in a state of bliss in parks, garden and hills during my morning walks. I learn to cope and remain grounded.

I learnt from the wisdom of my fellow members in the Governing Bodies of many colleges of Delhi University, from the fellow Jury members of important committees to be a part of collective decision making and rarely dissent on issues which were of academic significance and justice.

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My bucket list includes a visit to Lapland in Europe, to go to St. Nicholas’ village and help the believers of Santa Claus’ philosophy in their mission to take away pain and misery, wash away tears and bring smiles to as many as possible. I wish to carry a big suitcase of beautiful but useful Indian gifts and cards with messages and blessings to be distributed by Santa Claus next Christmas.

I wish to once again visit the Havelock Island in Andamans to experience joy and a deep sense of wonder seeing the army of small and big crabs with shells on their back marching in a hurry of a hurricane! It makes me happy! It is an invaluable gift for me to watch nature to feel my soul soaring!

I have been blessed with the joy and satisfaction to have Manu, Priya and Vaidehi as my children who have given me a feeling of being loved everyday. My birthday in 2018 was special because in the morning I received beautiful flowers, a little later Manu’s call at his usual call time in the morning between 9 and 9.10 am.

The moment his call got over, Priya called up to sing with Vaidehi ‘Happy Birthday’. It was the greatest joy I have ever experienced!

I feel, longevity with fitness makes sense. One can continue to do something for many. I salute the world’s oldest skydiver, Irene O’Shea, who, at the age of 102, has the positive energy to raise money for a charity to support the cause of Motor Neuron Disease. Her daughter had died due to this terrible disease.

I feel that when you think of your loved ones who have left this world, at what age they left is of little significance. You miss the persons, your relationship, their presence. The moment you think of them you feel the loss. The announcements, obituaries, remembrances, had for years been giving a lot of credence to the date of birth and death.

I find it quite unnecessary. It is a relief to find that many have realised the worthlessness of it and we now come across several announcements, obituaries, remembrances without the date of birth and death.

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The other thing that has bothered me is the overdoing of prayer meetings or following a pattern with rigidity. One has come across negative comments and a sense of competition even on such solemn occasions. This gives a feeling that only a few can organise such sad functions lavishly. There is a trend to choose the best service providers and caterers! Most bring in the richness or status to impress. These prayer meetings need to be organised well, aesthetically for the respect and peace of the departed and a sense of satisfaction for the family.

Obituaries, remembrances and prayer meetings have lost meaning with WhatsApp. It is checked by most of those who come to participate and even those who are speaking or singing.

We need to rethink on these issues. Ever since my father passed away, I realised that seeing him suffer was painful. We need to get objective about clinging to a loved one who suffers endlessly.

I wish to request my son Manu and Priya, and both my brothers, not to give an obituary or a remembrance in the newspaper and to skip a prayer meeting. I wish to donate my body organs, if they are healthy, to help those who would be able to use them. I do not wish to be bed-ridden in case of prolonged illness, a coma or a terminal illness, which would only lead to silent suffering. I wish to request Manu and Priya to help me with euthanasia.

I appreciate the courage of Shivendra Sharma’s family to bring him home from the ICU of Fortis Hospital Gurgaon after a month, stop medicines and using the ventilator when needed. The decision saved Shivendra from vegetative living. He passed away on the fourth day to the better word. It was the toughest decision taken by the family, parents, brother, sister. Shivendra was 48 years old.

It was so painful to feel helpless with Kunti Mummy screaming in excruciating pain in the last four weeks of her life. I feel numb whenever I remember this. I thought of Kunti Mummy as I listened to similar screams of Tuli auntie in her last year-and-a-half, each time she stood up to take the walker to move and continuous screams in her last few days. She went through three cycles of Chemotherapy. Her survival for two-three years gave so much of pain to her and an overwhelming emotional pain and helplessness to her husband Prof Tuli, a renowned Orthopedic surgeon and their daughters Dr Neena Bhasin and Dr Varuna Joshi, who came

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from the US for ten days, but postponed her fight, realizing that there was hardly any time left for her mother to leave this world.

I saw her, Prof Tuli and Varuna break down several times and still trying to manage to look after Tuli auntie.

We can never have good relations with our friends, colleagues, neighbours and family when we constantly criticize them, look for their faults and feel happy when they are exposed. We tend to believe that only we are upright and good. This could be partly true. One must refrain from blaming others for one’s destiny when we are at the bottom, and, take all the credit when we are on the top! In order to move on we need to stop thinking of defeats and losses as no one knows when the wheel will go up to lift up our performance and spirits.

One needs to avoid telling others what to speak, what to wear, who to meet and getting curious to get information about others. It is humiliating for people. Over information would confuse, being judgemental would upset the one’s who are judging as well. When we discuss our family members and friends with others or let the others speak about them, it will eventually bring pain to us. We would have a sense of guilt when we are on our own, sitting alone or having sleepless nights!

Nothing can be more valuable for parents than receiving care and love from their children and their families. It was a time spent well and meaningfully when Manu, Priya and Vaidehi took me to spend a weekend at the ITC Grand Bharat. It was an experience which made me feel proud as I silently observed Manu’s interaction with his colleagues at all levels, sensitive, polite and also firm! His colleagues surrounded him affectionately, listening to him carefully, asking for his visiting card. He went back to the room to get his cards! This I thought was a beautiful gesture.

For me Manu is still my child, I never realised the depth of his maturity and professionalism till I experienced it myself. I missed Devendra. He would have been so proud. During the evening Aarti (prayer) on the ghats of Yamuna at the Hotel, Priya lit all the Diyas, Manu protected those from the strong winds. Priya joined Manu throughout the aarti to protect the diyas from the winds while Vaidehi held the bell in her hand to make it ring beautifully.

Devendra would have loved the way Priya coordinated everything.

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I am proud of her. She and Manu ensure that I am taken care of with love and respect even in big social functions where they take me along.

Priya was very sensitive, waiting for me, ordering food and ensuring that Vaidehi spent time with me! As we were leaving, Manu made Priya and me write the feedback, wrote his at the end, he gently asked Vaidehi to thank everyone! Priya has always ensured that Vaidehi learns to share, is good to children younger to her! Priya has worked to take away Vaidehi’s fear of getting into the swimming pool. It was lovely to see her swimming with her parents.

My recent visit to Kuala Lumpur for an International Conference made me nostalgic about the earlier International Conferences in the UK, US, Canada and Australia. Each one was enriching, like the Malaysian one. It was the first organised by the Malaysia School Psychology Association with flawless arrangements from receiving the delegates to dropping them back. Prof Marimuthu, the twotime former Member Parliament and a Minister led his team with his academic acumen, warmth and rigour. It was a beautiful learning to have interacted with him for hours, for five days.

I loved meeting Dr Harcharan Singh Sidhu, the Vice Chancellor of AIIMST University of Malaysia. Dr Balan Gunapathi, Ganeshan, Giri and so many others who were all the time coordinating to ensure my comfort during the academic sessions and the day long sight seeing. The presence of Prof Mehrajuddin Mir and his wife Dr Nighat Basu, Dr Gurmeet Singh, Vice Chancellor of Pondicherry University and his wife Dr Gurmeet Kaur was a blessing, They were all the time with me to hold my hand. All this was possible because of Dr Panch Ramalingam’s persistence to ensure my presence in Kuala Lumpur to be the Keynote Speaker! Dr Gurmeet Singh and his wife were as good to me in Basel, Switzerland; and Frankfurt, Germany and also in Sri Lanka during the Asia Pacific School Psychology Association meeting in Colombo. I love interacting with them.

I was in for a surprise when I experienced the spontaneity, positivity and sensitivity of Dr Harsh Kumar, Principal of Bal Bharti School, Manesar (Haryana) finding simple solutions to children’s and colleague’s difficult situation, giving each one a feeling that the

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entire school family is with them. He has abolished the system of ringing school bell at the end of periods. He feels that it is stressful for children. Teachers are trained to finish their classes on time as there is a wall clock facing them. The school is kept beautifully. It was a joy to visit this school which is stress free!

I am grateful to so many kind and beautiful people who have supported me, respected me, loved me. I never felt ignored or unwanted. Weeks back a young girl Pallavi saw me getting on a ramp, she offered me her hand coming down. She works with JK Tyres. I keep realising that the accomplished, rich or professional, every family has problems of relationships which are so difficult to handle emotionally. Many parents die without meeting their children, it is more painful and unbearable when they live in the same house, even when floors are different or happen to be in the same town, city. Many brothers and sisters do not meet at all. Most accept these bitter feelings and give up after trying for some time. While the poor struggle for survival; the rich, educated people express their helplessness in making the relationships work even at a formal level. The loss of feeling, affection and love brings so much of sadness, but they keep trying to hide their tears with smiles. They still also hope for such emotional turmoils to end so that at least they can wish each other when they run into each other on the road or in the parking lot.

There is so much to learn from the sporting spirit of players and our Bollywood stars where success is celebrated. One can, if one is prepared to, learn how to hold on in success or failure, but never give up giving one’s best. Whenever an actor passes away everyone considers it as a duty to be a part of the funeral or the prayer meeting.

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About the author

Prof Kiran Devendra Prof Kiran Devendra is the Former Head, Department of Elementary Education, National Council for Educational Research and Training, and is currently Head, Department of History, Amity School of Liberal Arts, Amity University Haryana. She earned her PhD in History from the Himachal Pradesh University, Shimla, under the supervision of acclaimed historian, Prof Ravinder Kumar on “Changing Status of Women in India-1947-75”.

She has also been associated with National University of Educational Planning and Administration, New Delhi as a Senior Project Consultant. She began her career as an Assistant Professor at the Punjabi University, Patiala. Prof Devendra has also worked with the Department of Women & Child Development, Miinistry of Human Resource Development, which is now a ministry under the Government of India. She has worked at the Nehru Memorial Museum & Library with Aruna Asaf Ali, a legend of the Indian national freedom movement.

A widely published academician and educational administrator, Prof Devendra has been on the board of several national and international committees. A Jury Member for All India Radio Programmes in the year 2008, she has also been a Jury Member of the Punjab State Government’s Awards for Teachers. She was the Government of India’s nominee for National Teacher’s Awards for Delhi and Himachal Pradesh. Prof Kiran Devendra was Member Secretary of NCERT’s Focus Group on Heritage Crafts and was associated with the Department of Women’s Studies at the NCERT. She has been a keynote speaker and has delivered several keynote addresses at various national and international forums.

Her areas of interest are gender and women’s issues in India and children with special needs. For over 43 years now Prof Devendra has been teaching and guiding, research and educational administration.

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A Journey Made Easy by Uncommon People is a unique book. It’s not an autobiography; nor a literary novel or an academic study. It is a thanks giving narrative, an expression of gratitude to all those who contributed to shaping the life and career of the author, Dr Kiran Devendra.

Experiencing intellectual bliss at Hawaii University

A Journey Made Easy

by Uncommon People KIRAN DEVENDRA