island
GRAND parent
S PR i N G 2020
Gone But Not Forgotten
Helping kids deal with the death of a beloved grandparent
Age Is Just a Number
strollers • cribs shoes • books toys • clothing car seats • carriers maternity • sleep aids diaper bags high chairs skincare • bedding 1581 Hillside Ave Victoria
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2 Grand
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Spring 2020  3
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simple Pleasures it’s the simple things that are often most memorable. SUSAN GNUCCI
18
Art With Nature at Heart Accessible to everyone— and outdoors. EMMA JANE VIGNOLA
tA B L e o F C O N t e N t s
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5
Welcome
A Grand Adventure
How grandparents are setting the pace.
Sailing solo around the world…at 77!
SUE FAST
6
RACHEL DUNSTAN MULLER
…so listen hard and have your pen ready.
Gone But Not Forgotten
LORRAINE STEPHENS
Helping kids deal with the death of a beloved grandparent.
Grandkids say the darndest things
7
10
JACQUI GRAHAM
Who said What? tools to record memories.
12
Bridging the Generation Gap
20
Make the Most of Mealtimes
…and smashing stereotypes.
eating is about more than just nutrition.
TIM COLLINS
JANE BARCLAY
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22
Learning through Play
Age Is Just a Number
Setting the foundation for language, thinking and communication.
How grandchildren keep you young. SUSAN GNUCCI
Grand’s cover, shot by Katrina Massey, is of her daughter, Aletheia, and her mother, Debbie Esselink, who sadly, passed away on February 3. The words quoted below accompanied a series of photos Katrina posted on @katrinajmassey in a tribute to her mom.
“M
y mom had a plan. First, my birthday. Then, my sister’s birthday. Then, my brother’s honours ceremony. Then, then it was high tea for my sister and my birthdays. Celebrated in style with our grandmother and Aletheia as well. All four generations. Even though my dad was visibly upset and pacing (and sat in the room adjacent the whole time). Even though it took four people to lift her in her wheelchair up the stairs to the tea room (her head held high, like an Egyptian Queen on her palanquin), even though she barely had sound left in her voice. Even though the whites of her eyes were alarmingly yellow and she couldn’t stand. She put on her finest warmest clothes, she wore her make up (and praised me for my choice in lipstick for her at Christmas—‘wasn’t it lovely?’) and donned a pretty headband. She gave the air that everything was fine. She was not gravely ill. She was just out to tea with her daughters, her mother and her granddaughter. And ‘wasn’t it just perfect?’ And it was. And it wasn’t. We all knew. But we all put it off for just those hours. We talked about the garden, about how delicious the tea was, how beautiful the tea house was, all the new and funny things Sybil was doing. Aletheia made some art. My sister smeared flourless chocolate cake all over her teeth and asked my mom ‘Mom, is there something in my teeth?’ We all laughed. The next day we met for our weekly lunch at my parents house and she smiled and hugged us all and then drifted in and out of consciousness. The ambulance took her to the hospital where we will love on her until the end.” • @katrinajmassey
ONtHeCOver island
Aletheia (5) and In Memory of Debbie Esselink (Dec 5, 1964 – Feb 3, 2020)
GRAND parent
S PR I N G 2020
Gone But Not Forgotten
Helping kids deal with the death of a beloved grandparent
4
Grand
Age Is Just a Number
Photo (of her daughter and mother) by Katrina Massey katrinamassey.com
Jim Schneider Publisher publisher@islandparent.ca Sue Fast Editor editor@islandparent.ca Linda Frear Account Manager/Office Manager linda@islandparent.ca Kristine Wickheim Account Manager kristine@islandparent.ca Katie Derion Account Manager katie@islandparent.ca Grand, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a biannual publication that honours and supports grandpparents by providing information on resources and businesses for families and a forum for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the publisher. Grand is distributed free in selected areas. ISSN 0838-5505.
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Grandparents these Days
N
ot only are grandparents keeping up with their grandchildren these days, they’re often setting the pace. Hike up Mt. Finlayson, grandkids in tow? No problem. Cycle the Galloping Goose? Love to! Skydive over the Cowichan Valley? You betcha! Er, okay, maybe not skydiving. But maybe… Forget rocking chairs and knitting needles, grandparents these days are more likely to reach for their hiking boots or a bike when it comes to spending time with their grandkids. Sure they’d likely be happy sitting and knitting, too, but grandparents now are more active than ever. Take, for example, Guinness World Record holder, Jeanne Socrates, the 77-yearold grandmother who recently completed a non-stop, solo, unassisted circumnavigation around the world (profiled on page 8).
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According to the Statistics Canada report, Family Matters, there were 7.5 million grandparents in Canada in 2017—the highest number since the data started being collected. With more of us, being more involved and active than ever, grandparents and grandchildren benefit. Grandparents can act as “stress buffers, family watchdogs, roots, arbitrators, and supporters,” according to The Legacy Project. “Grandparents can be a major support during family disruptions, such as divorce, illness or death (see Gone But Not Forgotten on page 10). They are also historians—teaching values, instilling ethnic heritage and passing on family traditions. They’re very often role models and mentors for younger generations (see Bridging the Generation Gap on page 12).” According to a 2010 Oxford University study, there is a significant correlation between a grandparent’s involvement and a child’s well-being: A grandparent’s interest in a child’s hobbies was associated with the grandchild having fewer peer problems;
being involved with their schooling was associated with fewer behaviour issues; and grandchildren who discussed future career plans with their grandparents had fewer emotional issues. And the benefits spill over to the grandparents, too. Studies show that having grandchildren can help boost your health in a variety of ways—and keeps you young. In 2014, Australian researchers found that spending time with grandchildren could sharpen cognitive skills. Not only that, but having grandchildren keeps you more active, lowers your risk of depression, keeps you learning, strengthens your immune system, helps you rediscover a sense of purpose, and motivates you to take care of yourself. And they make us laugh (see Kids Say the Darndest Things on page 6). So time together with our grandchildren is a win-win for all of us. Just like the time you spend with your grandchildren, we hope you enjoy every minute—and every page—of Grand.
Spring 2020 5
Grandkids Say the Darndest Things Grandma—or “Mimi”—to seven grandchildren, Lorraine Stephens is always ready with a camera and notepad to record her grandkids’ funniest comments and observations. Here is a small sampling: Noah puts on his flip flops and says “Hey, I sound like mom!” Three-year-old Micah looks at his mom and says: “Your hair is wild—did you have a nap?” I show Micah his mom’s wedding photo and say, “Isn’t your mom beautiful!” He says: “She is there, but not at our house in the morning!” 5-year-old Micah tells me that if I am feeling sad to just look at him or to someone else I love and I will feel better. When Mae first met her newborn brother, she looks him over and says “he got no shoes!” Hollis and I are on a sidewalk and an ant crawls along and touches his bare foot. He puts is hands up and says: “They are trying to kill me!”
Micah always refers to our house as “Mimi’s house.” Papa asks why and Micah very patiently says “Papa, you don’t have a house—Mimi let’s you live with her.” Micah at 7: “I don’t know if I will marry a boy or a girl, I just know they will be kind.” Noah and I are shooting a Nerf gun at targets and I am not doing very well. Noah says: “Watch and learn, sister, I’ll show you how its done!” While driving Lucia says: “Mimi I saw a cop. Good thing I’m buckled in, I wouldn’t want to go to jail…I’m just a kid.” We are in a restaurant and I ask Micah what kind of sundae he would like, chocolate or? And he says: “My favourite day is Saturday, not Sunday!”
Three-year-olds Micah and Logan are arguing. Micah to Logan: “I don’t want to say yes.” Logan to Noah: “Don’t say no Micah—only mommy says no!” Papa is stretching, Micah asks why and Papa says it makes him limber. Micah says: “It makes you a limper, why would you want to be a limper?” 41⁄2-year-old Hollis says “Mimi I’m hungry, I don’t want something healthy, I want a chunk of chocolate.” 5-year-old Noah is listing off everything he does—goes to school, karate, etc and ends with: “I am such a busy man.” I am talking with 5-year-old Micah about my dad who passed way. I put my hand on my heart and tell him it’s okay, I hold him in my heart. His eyes widen in horror and says: “You ate your dad?” I say to 5-year-old Noah and 3-year-old Logan that they are the greatest. Logan stamps his foot angrily and says: “I am not the greatest, I am Logan!” 41⁄2-year-old Logan was cold. He says: “Mimi…I’m a goosebump!” It’s a beautiful sunny day in Vancouver. Hollis gets out of the car, puts his hands on his hips and says “I’m just going to stand here a minute and look at the Alps.”
Lorraine Stephens is a mom of three and “Mimi” to seven grandkids who light up her world with their many antics and words of wisdom. She feels no day is better spent than wandering the trails and beaches with her crew—it’s entertainment at its best. 6 Grand
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Who Said What?
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ne way to keep track of the darndest things our grandkids say is in the journal, My Quotable Grandkid. Filled with roomy pages for grandparents to record the hilarious and unexpectedly wise things their grandchildren say, this keepsake features a photo window for personalizing the journal, and a ribbon marker. Each page has a place for the quote, along with places to enter the grandkid’s name, age, and other details.
Bedding
Entrance off Larch St.
T.J.’s
Classes, Community & More! Another way to keep track of memories and wisdom—yours and your grandkids’—is with 12 prompted letters that offer a way for grandparents to give the gift of a lifetime to their grandchild of any age. Seal your favourite recollections with the included stickers and postdate the letters for future opening. This paper time capsule becomes an heirloom for future generations. • IslandParent.ca
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Retail Store Nursing bras and tops Breastpump sales & rentals Baby Carriers Baby Clothes, Books and Toys 975 Fort Street, Victoria motheringtouch.ca - 250-595-4905
Spring 2020 7
a Grand adventure
j
eanne socrates isn’t your typical grandmother. On September 7, 2019, the 77 year-old retired mathematician sailed past Ogden Point and into Victoria’s Inner Harbour, completing a non-stop, solo, unassisted circumnavigation of the globe. The voyage earned her a second Guinness World Record. In 2013 she became the first woman to sail solo nonstop around the world from North America, and the oldest woman to sail solo nonstop around the world. As of now, she is the oldest person to sail solo nonstop unassisted, eastabout around the world.
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Grand
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If the summary of Socrates’ story is impressive, the details are astounding. A year before her most recent departure, Socrates fell 15 feet from the deck of her sailboat onto concrete while she was working in dry dock. She sustained serious injuries to her neck and ribs, which forced her to postpone her launch date by a year. The injuries may have delayed her departure, but they didn’t deter her from her goal. On October 3, 2018, she sailed out of Victoria. The voyage was supposed to take seven or eight months, but the wind gods sent a number of challenges. She’d been at sea for just over 11 months when she finally returned to Victoria, and hadn’t set foot on land in all that time. In fact, she’d only been able to see land for a few days of her journey. To satisfy the official record requirements, Socrates sailed by herself, without any assistance or shore-based support team. Her engine was sealed and inspected upon her return. She carried all the food she needed for the voyage—no provisioning along the way—and her fresh water came from a desalinator which ran off solar and wind-powered batteries. Socrates did her own weather routing, avoiding storms by using information she gained via radio and satellite. When problems arose—and there were many—Socrates had to deal with them herself, using tools and spare parts that were already on-board. A fair bit of improvising was required. By the end of her voyage, she’d seen damage to her mainsail, backup sail, radar dish and steering system, and her solar panels had disappeared altogether. I can’t imagine a more inspiring role model, so I asked Socrates if she’d be willing to be interviewed for Island Grandparent. She had already sailed down to Mexico when I reached her, but graciously agreed to speak with me via Skype.
been completely selfish. I love hearing that I’ve encouraged other people to try to do something.
Q&a…
Do you feel changed by each adventure?
you are a grandmother, and i understand that you keep in touch with your family via satellite phone while you’re away at sea. What do they think of your adventures? I have three grandchildren in England: my grandson is 14 and my two granddaughters are 16 and 18. They came down to help me name my boat back in 2009. It’s the SV Nereida, named after the Nereids, the handmaids of Poseidon (the Greek god of the sea). My son follows my blog and my grandson is interested in what I’ve been doing, but they aren’t sailors so I don’t think they really understand what I’ve been getting up to.
you must be aware that you’re a role model, both as a woman and as a 77-year-old. What role does that play in your decision to take on such big goals? It doesn’t affect my intentions, but it’s certainly very nice. It makes me feel that I’ve achieved something, that I haven’t IslandParent.ca
Were you born brave, or have you become more courageous over time? I don’t feel I’ve been particularly courageous. It’s about experience: the more you do, the more you find you can do. My first solo overnight sail was from Colón in Panama north to Providencia. The conditions were bad and the weather forecaster was telling me to abort and go back, but I was already committed. It was an exhilarating experience to arrive in one piece. My confidence was really boosted by that. Now I’ve come to know what to expect. I have total confidence in my boat; it’s pretty difficult in the middle of the ocean for the boat to sink under you. When conditions are deteriorating, I stay calm and keep safe by doing what I have to do.
you’ve survived a number of serious setbacks and losses along the way: the death of your husband George from cancer in 2003, the loss of your first boat in 2008, and a nasty fall in 2017. Where does your resilience come from? My father died when I was five weeks old, and my mother struggled to bring me up. I was in an orphanage from age five to nine as a result. I learned pretty early on that if I wanted to achieve anything I had to make it happen myself. And I think there’s some determination in my genes. My mom’s sister lived in New Zealand and was a very go-for-it person. And when my mom joined a seniors’ group in her latter years, she would march right at the front, leading.
I certainly changed initially, as I got more confident. Each little step is actually a big step. You find that you’re coping, and so you keep taking bigger steps. Now an ocean crossing is almost nothing. It was a big thing initially, but I don’t really think much about it now.
What’s next? I’ve got a literary agent in London waiting for the first pages of my book. And the Cruising Association of England is flying me back for their 2020 Flag Officers’ Lunch, so I’ll be able to visit my kids and grandkids. But my next big trip is touring Australia for four months in a motorhome.
Where is home now? Theoretically it’s in Britain, but I’ve been in B.C. so much and I’ve got so many friends and so much support here that I call B.C. my home-from-home. I’m happy to be adopted as a Victorian!
Rachel Dunstan Muller is the mother of five, and a children’s author. Her previous articles can be found at islandparent.ca. Spring 2020
9
Gone Forgotten But Not
Grandpa is dead. Our beloved husband, father, and grandfather was stolen from us by a sudden and unexpected illness. A twinge in April. A funeral in August. Half a year later, we are still struggling to accept the reality of a world without “Grandpa G.” This man who delighted in his grandchildren: cuddling the babies, playing “horsey”and “Big Bear” with the toddlers, taking the big kids to cool places like the dump and the driving range, and letting them ride “shotgun” in his classic Corvette. Gone. How can that be? Three years ago my husband and I moved to Courtenay to be closer to our large family—six kids, four spouses, eight grandkids—who all reside on Vancouver Island and in the Lower Mainland. Our eldest daughter’s family lives in nearby Union Bay. When Bill became ill the rest of the family all came to stay, squeezing into our two houses, sharing meals, stories, tears, and laughter. Although we had to cancel our annual summer gathering at a Rathtrevor Beach family camp, those
10 Grand
three weeks together brought us closer than any vacation could ever do. The grandkids, who range in age from 21⁄2 to 13, witnessed their parents dealing with the caretaking, the grieving, the finality of death. They visited their grandfather in the hospital, and later, in hospice. They drew pictures to decorate his room. Our eight-year old granddaughter Maysa, who has cystic fibrosis and is all too familiar with hospitals, made a card that read “Dear sick Grandpa, I love you more than ever now, and I wish you couldn’t die. I hope you are feeling OK, I know how you feel in the hospital.” The day came when, one by one, the children were brought in to say goodbye to Grandpa G. In accordance with his wish to be buried in a simple pine box, two of the uncles built a plain, yet elegant, pine casket. An hour before the funeral, six-year-old Julia asked if we could tie a red ribbon around it “so Grandpa will be wrapped in love.” (This sent her mother on a frantic last-minute search for several yards of three-inch wide red ribbon; a local florist came to the rescue.)
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The family graveside service took place on a hot, sunny August day. Bill’s best friend, a retired pastor, led a short service. Family members read psalms, played guitar, and sang songs. Two-year-old Charlotte joined in lustily, undeterred by the fact that she didn’t know any of the words. Afterwards, the children chased one another around the huge grassy field, while Charlotte played a game of her own invention: running from one grave marker to the next, then yelling “I win!” The grandchildren were told that Grandpa was in heaven— presumably playing golf with God and hanging out with all the dogs, cats, guinea pigs, and gerbils we had ever owned—and that someday they would see him again. One of the mothers read them a story book about a magic thread that connects us to those we love, wherever they may be. I wondered just how much Charlotte understood of all this, and whether she would even remember her grandfather. I need not have worried. Two months later we gathered at my house for our traditional Thanksgiving dinner. It was a gloomy affair without “the Patriarch” presiding at the head of the table. The eldest son said grace, referring to our dear, departed Dad. In the poignant
silence that followed, Charlotte pointed to the ceiling and hollered, “HEY GWAMPA! GET DOWN HERE! WE EATING!” She could not understand why everyone burst out laughing. After all, people are supposed to come to the table when dinner is ready! The other day I looked after Charlotte and her brother Max while their mother took their older brother Oscar skiing at Mount Washington. Charlotte turned three in December, of which she is inordinately proud. We were eating cereal together when she spotted a framed photo of Grandpa on the wall. “My daddy really misses Gwampa,” she remarked. “I miss him too,” I said, “but I know I will see him again someday.” “Can Gwampa see US?” she asked, looking up at the ceiling.” “What do YOU think?” (My standard response to difficult grandkid questions.) She thought he could. Then came the question I dreaded. “Why did Gwampa die?” IslandParent.ca
I took a deep breath (and a good-sized slug of coffee) and plunged in. “Charlotte, how old were you before your birthday?” She held up her index and second finger. “And how old are you now?” The ring finger refused to join the other two. She surmounted this difficulty by raising her thumb instead. “And how old will you be when you have your next birthday?” “Four!” Up went all the fingers. “Are you sure? Maybe you’ll be two again.” “No, silly Gwamma. I be four.” “You’re right! People grow up, not down. That’s the way things are. And soon you’ll be going to school, and one day you’ll be a teenager, and before you know it you’ll be a grownup, and maybe you’ll get married and have babies.” Her eyes grew wide. “LOTS of babies!” she crowed. “And your babies will turn into kids, and go to school, and grow up and get married and have their own kids, and when they do…” I paused for dramatic effect. Her eyes grew wider. “You’ll be a grandma!” “Like YOU!” “Exactly! And someday, when you’re a very old lady with white hair like Grandpa’s, God will say “Well, Charlotte, you’ve had a good, long life down there, but now I need you up here.” “AND THEN… I SEE GWAMPA!” She tilted her head back, aimed a big smile at the ceiling, and waved. “SEE YOU LATER, GWAMPA!” Yup. She gets it.
Jacqui Graham has six grown kids and eight delightful grandkids age 6 months to 11 years. If she had known how much fun grandkids would be, she would have had them first! Spring 2020 11
Bridging the Generation Gap
“O
Pick up your copy of the Family Resource Guide 2020 12 Grand
K, boomer.” I suppose that I shouldn’t have been surprised when I overheard my 10-year-old granddaughter and her friends use the phrase recently as they discussed a rule that an elderly teacher (actually, one not quite my age) had imposed at school. After all, the refrain had spread like wildfire in our ever-connected world and, given that my granddaughter and her friends are no strangers to social media and are surrounded by older pre-teens and teenagers, it was bound to happen.
The funny thing is that boomers once espoused the same sort of views. We were convinced that our elders could never understand our positions on civil rights, wars (the Vietnam War at the time), women’s and gay rights and, in general, a counter-culture approach to addressing those challenges. As teens (myself included), the boomer generation pushed social conventions about dress, sex, drug use, music, and general decorum to make our point. We questioned materialism and conspicuous consumption, never realizing that
Still, even though I’m relatively certain that they don’t have any deep understanding of the collective eyeroll that the phrase represents, I’m pretty sure that they have an instinctive understanding that it’s a way of delivering a verbal eye-jab to an older generation. And as much as I struggle to contain my innate tendency to step up to lecture anyone using the phrase about their need to respect their elders and realize that they would be better served by listening to some of the experiences of the boomers they dismiss, I realize that initial reaction to be a mistake. I have, instead, been thinking, with a weird sort of fascination, about the fact that our society keeps getting the same things wrong. Today’s youth, at least some of them, are convinced that the tastes, values and lived experiences of baby boomers have little value to their world and that the ills of society—everything from climate change to racial injustice to the unfair distribution of wealth—are the fault of boomers.
it was the postwar economic boom that allowed us the freedom to do just that. But in doing all of this, we made the same mistake that today’s teens are now repeating. Climate change, economic disparity, social and political problems are not the fault of an entire generation. There are lots of boomers (again, myself included) who are just as upset about climate change, for example, as Greta Thunberg and are just as passionate about trying to address that existential challenge to mankind. IslandParent.ca
The real divide that separates society is the same one that separated young boomers from the establishment that they challenged. “The man” of the 1960s wasn’t really everyone over 30. That was never the divide. What we were fighting, and today’s teens should be standing up against, had more to do with power than age.
As teens (myself included), the boomer generation pushed social conventions about dress, sex, drug use, music, and general decorum to make our point. In fact, by highlighting age we made the same mistake that teens are making today. Make the mistake of pitting one generation against another and the discussion about power will get lost on a narrative about a generational gap. A better approach for teens, and one that’s a lot tougher to understand and act upon, is to realize that the very boomers they dismiss can be their greatest allies. At the end of 2019, Greta Thunberg, did just that when she spent time talking to, and listening to, David Attenborough, the 93-year-old icon of journalism and environmentalism. She realized that it wasn’t an older generation with whom she had a problem, but those in power who were sending us into an unimaginable future if climate change is not addressed. She realized that pegging a problem to a generation alone is misguided and only serves this in power who are contributing to whatever problem we want to address. As boomers, we made that mistake. Ironically, it was Peter Townsend’s ’60s anthem that might still offer the best advise to today’s teens. He sang “Don’t get fooled again, no, no.” Just a little advice from a boomer. Tim Collins is a writer and freelance journalist living and working in Victoria. IslandParent.ca
SUMMER
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Spring programs also available! Visit pise.ca/kids-programs for more information.
Spring 2020 13
Learning Through Play
F
amily members are the first teachers children encounter. While you are spending precious time with your grandchildren, you can incorporate simple methods to help them become familiar with words and numbers. These skills will set them up for success in school and beyond. Below, librarians from the Greater Victoria Public Library share ways you can help young children practice using words and numbers. These tried and true methods—popular at the GVPL’s storytimes and other free programming at the library—set the foundation for language, thinking and communication.
Storytelling
Alphabet Game
Kitchen Time
Take a walk around the block, in the mall or through the library, and, letter by letter, go through the alphabet finding things that start with each letter. Some letters are trickier than others; if you can’t think of a word, look for the letter on a sign or license plate. Not only does this activity build literacy skills, it makes kids more aware of their surroundings.
14 Grand
Encourage your grandchild to create stories with action figures, dolls and puppets. Grandparents can engage in the storytelling using the CAR method: Comment, Ask, Rephrase. Comment on what the child is doing; ask a question about the action; and rephrase what the child said and add something more. “I see you have a toy giraffe and a bird; what is the giraffe doing with the bird?” “What are they going to do next?” “They’re going to the playground? Are they going to use the swings or the slide first?”
Cooking and baking provide myriad opportunities for developing literacy. Following a recipe teaches food and kitchen vocabulary and helps kids practice math concepts while measuring and learning about quantities. They’ll also build fine motor skills by handling utensils and ingredients. Plus, time in the kitchen is time spent building memories and learning about family and nutrition as you
teach your grandchild to prepare food. Make something from a recipe passed down through the generations or borrow a cookbook from the library.
I Spy
This classic game helps little ones notice colours, textures and details in the world around them. When it’s their turn to say “I spy with my little eye,” don’t be afraid to ask for hints to keep your grandchild engaged and talking. Taking turns creates a conversation and gets kids chatting, listening, observing and having fun with you, and all the while, they’re building communication skills.
Counting
Count the boats on the water; the driftwood at the beach; the swings at the park; the roses in grandma’s garden. Compare the quantities and use them to bridge into a new topic of conversation. “Why do you think there is only one slide but there are four swings?” “Why did Grandma plant 12 tulips and only one rose bush?”
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Family Stories
Pull out photo albums and tell stories of the people in it. Young children are especially interested in stories of themselves as well as stories about how they are like or unlike their parents, siblings and other close relatives. Children love learning about where they come from and where they fit in the family tree. Ask open-ended questions: “Why do you think X happened?� “What do you think happened next?�
Sing Songs You Love
“This was your dad’s favourite song when he was a baby.� “I remember my mother singing this lullaby to me.� Sharing songs that are meaningful to you will get you singing together and enjoying each other’s company. Plus, singing builds vocabulary and teaches the rhythm of language, which will help your grandchild read and write.
Write Letters
Become pen pals with your grandchild. Not only will their parents model reading when your letter arrives in the mail, but the kids will also get a chance to interact with words in your handwriting, and then write back, choosing which words and thoughts to communicate. They can practice writing their name at the end of the letter and draw a picture.
Active Reading
There is nothing like cuddling up and enjoying a book. To help your grandchild engage with the book’s content, take your time with reading, and teach through observations: point out features like rhyming words and alliteration; ask your grandchild to identify letters and look for that letter on every page; point out elements of the pictures and talk about them; identify expressions on faces; or imagine what a situation might feel like. Visit a library near you to find new books to love together. A library card is your passport to learn through play with books, movies, games, music and more. You are welcome to join us with your grandchildren for free yearround programming at a branch near you. Visit gvpl.ca today or find a library branch near you at change-your-mind.ca. For Greater Victoria Public Library’s complete list of 100 exceptional picture books for babies, toddlers and preschoolers, visit gvpl.ca/100books. IslandParent.ca
Culture & Recreation Passes In partnership with local organizations, GVPL offers cardholders the opportunity to enrich mind and body with hands-on experiences at the cultural institutions and recreational centres. • Art Gallery of Greater Victoria • Craigdarroch Castle • Maritime Museum of British Columbia • Royal BC Museum • Bateman Foundation Gallery of Nature • Saanich Recreation • Victoria Butterfly Gardens Passes for Craigdarroch Castle and Victoria Butterfly Gardens are offered through an e-pass. Learn how you can use an e-pass, and reduce your wait time to visit these two attractions. All of the passes are very popular, so be ready to wait. For information, visit gvpl.ca.
SOCCER CAMP
Spring 2020  15
Simple Pleasures
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recently baked a birthday cake with my four-year-old grandson, and after we had iced it, I offered one of the beaters to him. Because he has always been on a sugar-restricted diet, he gave me a quizzical look as if to say, “Really?” I had cleared it with his mother of course, so when I told him that, he readily accepted my offer and trotted off with his treat as if he couldn’t quite believe his good fortune. He sat with that beater for the better part of 15 minutes, his little tongue manoeuvring in exquisite concentration. When he returned it, it was spotlessly clean and he beamed at me with an icing-rimmed mouth. He did not ask for the other beater; he was satisfied just to have experienced one. The contented expression on his face as he scooted off made me think that every little kid should enjoy licking a beater at least once in their 16 Grand
childhood! I have no doubt he will remember the experience for a long time. As I have aged, I realize it is the simple pleasures in one’s childhood that come to mind the easiest and still hold meaning even after many decades and life experiences have passed by. In my own childhood, I vividly recall diving and huddling under my bed covers listening with a mixture of both trepidation and awe at the frequent thunderstorms that seemed to shake the entire house. I can still feel the goosebumps that rippled my young flesh just thinking of the power the heavens released during those storms. I can also easily recall riding my bike for the very first time without training wheels, my dad jogging alongside just in case I toppled over. It felt like a moment of profound accomplishment IslandParent.ca
to a seven-year-old child, and I can still savour the sense of pride and accomplishment I felt that day. And how could I ever forget our annual family road trips? Our trusty station wagon was packed to the brim with books, games, blankets, and pillows with which my siblings and I spent hours amusing ourselves. Perhaps my fondest memory is that of cuddling with my mother; I can still recall the sense of warmth and security I sought from her and the feeling of belonging her closeness instilled in me. I would often interlock our pinky fingers—I remember that distinctly. With my own children, I’m sure they can easily recall our own family camping trips where they learned the art of toasting a marshmallow over a campfire without torching it, or how to fashion a walking stick. Equally memorable, I’m sure, were all the camping weekends when we played board games hunkered around a picnic table in inclement weather! No doubt, my sons can easily call to mind all the afternoons we spent feeding ducks at Beacon Hill Park—and how to do so without getting mobbed, no less. Perhaps one of their most enduring memories is picking berries in the long, lazy days of summer vacation. As I’m sure they can attest—I took berry picking season very seriously as I stocked our freezer for the winter months with what we picked. Equipped with an ice cream bucket that they were supposed to fill, my sons spent their time instead eating their fill of berries, playing tag or hide and seek amid the rows of bushes, or pelting each other with the berries they found on the ground (as boys are wont to do). In short, they were no help at all, but they loved those outings in the countryside as much as I did and they eagerly agreed to “help” me every year. The universality of favourite childhood memories is not surprising. Who could forget tossing coins in a fountain and then pestering a parent to empty their pockets for more change? Or splashing in puddles—with or without boots on?! Or jumping on the bed despite parental admonishment not to? It’s hard not to think of these memories without the tug of a smile. They are so simple and yet so memorable. It is the time we invest in these simple pleasures that make them so precious; IslandParent.ca
time with our children, grandchildren and loved ones. A good friend of mine who ran an in-home daycare for many years, told me once about a little boy who upon learning that his grandmother was going to pick him instead of his father, asked: “My grandma who buys me things or my grandma who plays with me?” When my friend told him which grandmother was coming, he was happy it was the grandmother who played with him. So when I think of all the things I’d love my grandson to see and do, I try to
keep in mind that it is often the simplest of pleasures that will truly hold the most meaning for him in the years to come. I have no doubt he will fondly reminisce about his sleepover weekends with Nonna (complete with pancake making), afternoons spent at the beach digging for buried treasure, and visits to the library for that next favourite book. Susan Gnucci is a local author and a proud “nonna” to an adorable five-year-old grandson. She enjoys sharing her experiences as a firsttime grandparent.
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Sing with us!
Prelude Choir
Ages 7–9
Non-auditioned, fun and engaging. Registration opens April 1
Recital Choir
Ages 10 – 12
Sing great music and build wonderful friendships. Auditions May 2 & 9
Concert Choir
Ages 11 – 17
Share your singing passion in rehearsals, camps, performances & tours. Build lifelong friendships. Auditions May 2 & 9
CONCERT
Glorious World of Song: Best of the VCC Monday, June , 2020 • 7 pm Alix Goolden Performance Hall Join us as we celebrate the best of the VCC from the past 19 seasons under the leadership of Madeleine Humer.
Registration opens April 1: 250-721-0856 VictoriaChildrensChoir.ca
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art with Nature at Heart W
hen you think of art, you likely think of paintings in an expensive gallery or sculptures that have taken hours to make, but art can be accessible for everyone when it’s made outdoors. Art can be about connecting to your surroundings in a new way and slowing down to notice things you might have otherwise overlooked. A fun, easy, cost-effective and environmentally-friendly way to incorporate art in you and your family’s life is to make art in nature, using materials you find outside. Not only will you be able to express your creativity, but you will also get outside and connect with your natural environment, which has been shown to have numerous physical and mental benefits. Making art in nature also allows you to see familiar places with a new lens. Here are some activities that focus on shape, colour and texture to get you started.
Shape: Nature Mosaic
Explore shape by using natural items around you to create a mosaic on the
ground. Create images of animals, places, a favourite cartoon character, or even a self-portrait. Breaking the items into pieces allows you to isolate what shapes go into making an image. If you want to create something more abstract, arrange objects in a geometric pattern while experimenting with repetition of similar shapes and objects of different sizes. Use your imagination and the opportunities are endless!
Colour: Value Bar, Colour Wheel & Colour Hunt
Make a value bar, a gradient of the same colour from light to dark, by arranging natural items in a line. If there are a lot of different colours around, make a colour wheel by arranging objects of every colour of the rainbow in a circle and transitioning gradually between shades. If there aren’t many items on the ground that you can pick up, try doing a colour hunt. Bring some small pieces of coloured paper (paint colour samples from a hardware store work IslandParent.ca
well, or you can make your own with coloured markers or construction paper) and try to find items in nature that match the shade on each piece. Repeat these exercises at different times of the year to experience the seasonal changes in colour.
Photo: Emma Jane Vignola.
Texture: Crayon Rubbing
Document the variety of textures in nature by making a rubbing. All you need are some pieces of printer paper cut into whatever sizes or shapes you would like and a few wax crayons (with the paper removed). Simply place your paper over the item and lay the crayon flat over the paper. With firm pressure, rub the crayon over the paper and watch the textures emerge onto the page as you go. Good items to make rubbings with include dead leaves, tree bark, western red cedar branches, fern fronds, or anything relatively flat. Nature rubbings make great cards or decorations for recycled giftwrap. With these activities in your arsenal you’re sure to experience nature in a new way, express your creativity, and connect with your family at the same time! Please remember that you can help ensure our natural spaces stay healthy when making art in nature. Please stay on designated trails to protect habitat. When looking for materials to use in your nature art, use loose items you find on the ground and avoid picking living plants. Instead of removing items from nature, you can take a picture of your creations to take home. The best approach is to take only memories and leave only footprints. Looking for nature programs the whole family will enjoy? Join CRD Regional Parks naturalists for free guided walks and drop-in events for all ages. For more information, visit crd.bc.ca/about/events.
KALABANTE: AFRIQUE EN CIRQUE
A stunning evening of extraordinary Guinean drumming and acrobats, suitable for all ages. “Amazing and breathtaking.” “A real crowd pleaser!” kalabanteproductions.com
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Shopping for Winter Fun! Toys, games and puzzles for all ages
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Emma Jane Vignola is a CRD Regional Parks naturalist. IslandParent.ca
#102 – 2517 Bowen Rd, Nanaimo 888.390.1775 Spring 2020
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Make the Most of Mealtimes
Healthy Families, Happy Families
Child, Youth & Family Public Health South Island Health Units
Esquimalt Gulf Islands
250-519-5311 250-539-3099
Peninsula Saanich Saltspring Island Sooke Victoria West Shore
250-544-2400 250-519-5100 250-538-4880 250-519-3487 250-388-2200 250-519-3490
(toll-free number for office in Saanichton)
I
f you have ever watched babies eating their first foods, it’s clear that eating is about more than just nutrition. It is about smelling, feeling, tasting and experiencing the food for all its sensory glory. Babies explore the food unhurriedly, eating what they want and leaving what they don’t. Offering first foods is a developmental milestone that parents and grandparents anticipate with excitement. If we could just retain the joy of those early meals through our lifetime! Too often, as children get older, meals become an inconvenient need that takes a back seat to other priorities in a busy and hurried life.
strong connection with family. Grandparents, who may have more time than harried parents to spend preparing and eating meals with their grandchildren, can play an important role in maximizing mealtime opportunities. Grandparents can help to keep culture and food traditions alive by sharing them across generations. Talk about your own experiences with food and memories from your own childhood. Have your grandchildren help you prepare a traditional dish or family favourite meal. Talk about where foods come from and where you can get them. Invite other family members or friends, set the table and
The Canada Food Guide expands the definition of healthy eating to include the where, when, why and how to eat. It urges us to take time to eat, notice when we’re hungry and when we’re full, to enjoy our food and to eat meals with others. Mealtimes should be about more than just staving off hunger. Making the most of mealtimes can have a life-long impact on a child’s wellbeing. Mealtimes offer children a chance to develop a healthy relationship with food, be heathy eaters, learn social skills, improve language skills, and build a
sit together. Not only does this expose children to new foods, it helps them learn about family history and fosters a sense of belonging. Meals can be a chance to learn literacy and social skills. Studies have shown that children who eat together with their family have improved language skills in the preschool years and improved school performance in the school age and teenage years. Family meals can include a grandparent eating with their grandchildren. Use mealtimes as a time to communicate. That means turning off the TV, put-
Central Island Health Units
Duncan Ladysmith Lake Cowichan Nanaimo Nanaimo Princess Royal Parksville/Qualicum Port Alberni Tofino
250-709-3050 250-755-3342 250-749-6878 250-755-3342 250-739-5845 250-947-8242 250-731-1315 250-725-4020
North Island Health Units
Campbell River Courtenay Kyuquot Health Ctr ‘Namgis Health Ctr Port Hardy
250-850-2110 250-331-8520 250-332-5289 250-974-5522 250-902-6071
islandhealth.ca/our-locations/ health-unit-locations Changes with BC Medical Services Plan premiums mean that families eligible for partial payment of some medical services and access to some income-based programs now must apply for Supplementary Benefits through the Government of BC. Applications can be done online and take approximately 15 minutes. Families who previously qualified for MSP Premium Assistance should not need to re-apply if taxes are completed yearly. It is advised to confirm coverage before proceeding with treatment to avoid paying out of pocket.
For more information, visit gov.bc.ca/gov/ content/health/health-drug-coverage/msp/ bc-residents/benefits/services-covered-bymsp/supplementary-benefits
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IslandParent.ca
ting away the phone and talking to each other. Grandparents can use the time to tell stories about their own childhood or ask questions that can get the grandchildren talking about their own experiences. Use fun, open-ended questions and keep the conversation lively and positive. Start questions with “Tell me about…”, “What would you do if…”, “Why do you think…” If you are stuck for things to talk about, there are tools available online to help stimulate conversation. Check out the “Let’s Talk….Mealtime Conversation Cards for Toddlers and Preschoolers” available at BetterTogetherBC.ca. There are conversation starters for older children online as well. You can help bring back the art of conversation before it is lost to the world of technology. Mealtimes offer an opportunity to help your grandchildren develop and maintain a healthy relationship with food, a job that’s easier than it might sound. All you have to do is offer meals and snacks at regular times and offer a variety of foods, including foods they’ve never tried before. That’s it! Resist the urge to coax, bribe or force them to eat or try new foods. Some children will need to be offered a new food 10 to 15 times before they will try it. The best thing you can do is eat it yourself. Children learn to eat and try new foods by watching the adults in their lives. They should have the freedom to choose what they eat and how much. Children are very good at self-regulating how much food they eat. The less we interfere, the better. And don’t rush. Make meal times a pleasant and positive experience. Eating together with family helps children develop social skills and can lower the risk of adolescent mental health problems and addictions. Research shows that children who eat at least one meal a day with an adult are less likely to smoke or use drugs or alcohol. They are less likely to be bullied, and have lower risk of depression and suicide in the teen years. Family meals help children feel more secure and stable, with a greater sense of belonging. A strong bond with grandparents can widen the circle of support and increase a feeling of family connectedness. Enjoy the company and conversation, as well as the food.
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Jane Barclay is a Registered Dietitian and Public Health Nutritionist with Island Health. IslandParent.ca
Spring 2020 21
age is Just a Number O
ne of the funniest recollections from my teaching days goes back to something a little Grade 1 boy named Christopher said to me. He was the type of student that teachers adored, studious, well-mannered, biddable. This child bent to every task asked of him with a single-minded purpose, his little tongue wedged squarely between his teeth in avid concentration. So you can imagine my surprise when he came to school one day with I could only describe as “ants in his pants.” He couldn’t sit still long enough to focus on anything. By the end of the day when he couldn’t even stay in the line-up for dismissal, I finally took him aside and asked him what was up. He beamed at me and answered in a flurry of excitement, the words tumbling from his mouth in one long-winded explanation: “Today is my dad’s birthday and he has the day off work and he’s picking me up and we’re going out for supper and there will be cake and I have a present for him!” I had to suppress the tug of a smile as I nodded. “I see. I see. Well, that answers things then.” The bell rang and as Christopher exited the class, he paused and said, “I don’t know how old my dad is, but I know he’s less than a hundred.” When I saw his father in the hallway, I wished him a happy birthday. “And I hear from Christopher that you’re less than a hundred!” When I asked my little grandson recently how old he thought I was, he pursed his lips in contemplation. I gave him a hint by admitting that I was a lot older than he was. A logical child, he replied with the largest number he could count to: 20. The look on his face as I counted past that to my actual age was priceless. It was a mixture of wariness—was Nonna pulling his leg?—mixed with fascinated disbelief, as I’m sure he had no idea numbers went that high. When I was a young adult, I never feared aging; back then it felt like I had all the time in the world. That was before children. After I had my sons, I didn’t have time to worry, let alone think about aging! Those early years were a blur of diapers, teething, and sleepless nights. Typical of most new parents, I slogged my
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way through, oblivious to the passage of time other than to survive from one day to the next. Once over those initial hurdles, the school years were no less hectic with playdates and a myriad of school functions; my time was taken up with bake sales, costume making, homework checking, lunch packing, and innumerable soccer and softball practices. The years simply flew by, and before I knew it, I was turning 40. Even then, I wasn’t phased; after all, 40 was the new 30, right? Over the years, I’ve come to understand that age is really a relative term—I try to keep in mind that I am older than some and not as old as others. And besides, age is just a number anyway. I may not be as nimble as I once was and I forget the occasional thing now and then, but I still play cars and trucks on my hands and knees with my grandson, run through the sprinkler with him on a hot summer’s day, and toboggan with him on the rare snow days in Victoria—over jumps no less! When I look in the mirror, the face that stares back at me has succumbed to the inevitable ravages of time. I note with dismay the greying hair, the deeply lined furrows, the slackening of muscle tone, and yet despite all of that, I still feel like the same young girl inside. The eyes that look out at me have the same mischief lurking in their depths in spite of the sorrows and burdens they have witnessed. Now that I’ve reached middle age—and then some—I can truly understand and appreciate the old saying that grandchildren keep you young. Their blessing is that they free the young person inside each of us. They remind us of the simple joy of just living, of not dwelling on what has been or worrying about tomorrow, but of living fully and completely in the moment. When I am with my little grandson, I feel quite simply—ageless. Susan Gnucci is a local author and a proud “nonna” to an adorable five-year-old grandson. She enjoys sharing her experiences as a first-time grandparent. IslandParent.ca
has been to the spa and is back refreshed!
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