GRAND Magazine Vol IIII Ed II

grand Vol. IV, Ed. III

grandmag.ca

On-the-Job Training Learning from our grandchildren

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Photo Sharing Apps

Q&A Linda Rogers

Grandparent Giving Financial help that makes a difference

Poet, Novelist, Essayist & Kid-at-Heart

Your donations help Family Services of Greater Victoria provide the following professional programs and services to families in the region.

Family Services of Greater Victoria

Programs and Services Caught in the Middle Counselling/Therapy Services Art/Play Therapy Techniques Facilitated Parent–Child Connection In-Person & Telehealth Services

Mediation for Couples New Ways for Families® Parent Support & Resources Separation Resource Services Support for Grandparents

Learn more about our services and how to donate 2 Grand

250-386-4331 www.fsgv.org

grandmag.ca

C o n t e n ts

4 7 Grand: Ideas + Inspiration 6 Profile: Linda Rogers On the importance of celebrating and

supporting families and why a healthy world depends on healthy children.

On-the-Job Training 10 The lessons our grandchildren teach us.

Rachel Dunstan Muller

Grandparent Giving 12 Financial help that makes a difference to young families.

Lindsay Plumb

Photo Sharing Apps 14 Five for Families

From Keepy to 23Snaps, here’s our round up of the best.

Travel with Grandkids 16 How the planning process can be as fun as the trip.

Cathy Larsen

Things to Consider and/or 18 10Have on Hand Before Your Grandkids Visit

It’s not just the things that count, it’s the thought that goes into grandkid visits, too.

Eva Bild

Kindness Goes 20 Aa Little Long Way

How to encourage a young child’s natural kindness.

Susan Gnucci

Solutions for 22 Sleep Grandkid Sleepovers

How to prepare for a successful sleepover.

Sukkie Sandhu

‘Grand’ Feelings 24 The logistics of long-distance grandparenting.

Allison Rees

Planned Giving 26 How to give a charitable gift after

The Multi-Generational Bucket List

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ade famous by the Hollywood movie of the same name, The Bucket List has become much more than a pre-death to-do list. As a tool for the entire family, the multigenerational goal list—a collaborative endeavour—lets you create a list for a family life of no regrets. Ever dreamed of ‘glamping’ in the Clayoquot sound?

How about heli-skiing the “Island Alps” in Strathcona Park? Snorkelling with the salmon in Campbell River?

Add each to-do to your list and start making plans! And remember: kids make great travel companions—not only do they add an extra level of energy, curiosity and excitement, but they often open up conversations and create social connections that might not otherwise occur.

So gather young and old and write down your top to-do’s. From road trips, day hikes or a trip to the museum, to learning to row, picking blackberries for pie or bike riding along the Trans-Canada Trail, Vancouver Island offers a lifetime’s worth of things to add to—and then check off—your family’s bucket list.

To that end, this issue of GRAND features articles on topics ranging from travelling with grandkids, 10 things to have on hand when your grandkids visit and the five top photo-sharing apps, to sleepover solutions, grand-

parent giving and learning from our grandchildren while “on-the-job.”

There’s 7 Grand, a compilation of ideas and inspiration to help keep you in-the-know and connected to community, there’s an article on the “grand feelings” and logistics of long-distance

grandparenting and there’s a profile on poet, novelist, essayist and kid-atheart, Linda Rogers, on the importance of celebrating and supporting children and families.

We hope this issue of GRAND inspires you to celebrate those you love, to make—and tackle!—plans that excite and inspire you, and to appreciate every moment we have together.

you’re gone.

Janet Gadeski

On the Cover

Jim Schneider Publisher publisher@islandparent.ca Sue Fast Editor editor@islandparent.ca

GRAND Vol. IV, Ed. III

Kristine Wickheim Account Manager kristine@islandparent.ca

grandmag.ca

Carson (6 months) with Linda Rogers

On-the-Job Training

RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager raeleigh@islandparent.ca

Learning from our grandchildren

5

Photo Sharing Apps

Photo by Sofee Rogers

Q&A Linda Rogers

Grandparent Giving Financial help that makes a difference

grandmag.ca

Poet, Novelist, Essayist & Kid-at-Heart

Grand, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a quarterly publication that honours and supports grandparents by providing information on resources and businesses for families and a forum for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the publisher. Grand is distributed free in selected areas.

ISSN 0838-5505

518 Caselton Place, Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5

250-388-6905 grandmag.ca

A proud member of

BC Vol. IV, Ed. III 3

Ideas + Inspiration

7Grand

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Letters to Seniors

Create Your Own Cookbook

Letters to Seniors supports isolated seniors with encouraging, meaningful handwritten letters sent by volunteers of all ages. The program consists of two phases: Phase One: Volunteers of all ages send drawings/short cheerful cards/letters to seniors.

Phase Two: Youth and seniors who are eager to build a connection with one another join the pen-pal format of the program, where they send letters back and forth and discuss their interests and hobbies. Letters to Seniors is seeking seniors to participate.

If you are interested, email info@volunteergrandparents. ca.

A custom cookbook is a beautiful—albeit time-consuming— gift. Several online publishing platforms such as Blurb (blurb.com) and Shutterfly (shutterfly.com) offer a special layout for the project, and it’s easy to upload photos, ingredients lists and directions. Fill it with cherished family recipes and the next time you’re all together, gather your grandkids and make your favourites for a family meal.

What I Love About Grandma/Grandpa:

A Fill in the Love Book The concept of the book is simple: Each page has a prompt that your grandkid fills in, including things like, “I love how you always say __” and “Your __ is the best __ ever.”

It’s perfect for kids who are too young to write long cards on their own, or even for older kids who find communicating hard. And it’s a great project for each grandparent and grandchild to do together as a gift for the other grandparent. knockknockstuff.com.

grandmag.ca

Lifelong Learning

Elders Assistance Pilot Program

Bridges Healing Notebook

Go Big at Butchart this Christmas

Learn about writing, cooking, wellness, sports, business, relationships and more, with each topic taught by an expert. Through programs like Masterclass and Skillshare, you can access thousands of classes about topics ranging from Animation to Wilderness Survival—and everything in between. Both platforms offer per class options along with unlimited access based on membership. For more information, visit masterclass.com or skillshare.com.

Métis Nation British Columbia (MNBC) is launching Elders Assistance Pilot Program to help low-income Elders buy health-related necessities.

Eligibility is based on Elders that currently access Old Age Security (OAS) and the Guaranteed Income Supplement (GIS). The funds can be used to purchase items including hearing aids, dentures, walkers, glasses, and more, totalling up to $2,500. Applicants must be MNBC citizens or be in the application process. Visit mnbc. ca/news/2021/metis-nationbritish-columbia-launcheselders-assistance-pilotprogram.

Bridges for Women’s 2021 Bridges to Healing Workbook is now available. This selfpaced workbook is for women (transgender and cisgender), non-binary, and two-spirit people who identify as a part of the women’s community and who have been impacted by violence or trauma at any time in their lives. It is full of practical tips and techniques to help individuals understand and overcome the impacts of trauma, and begin to heal and set and achieve personal goals.

For more information and to order a print copy ($32.95 plus shipping and handling), visit bridgesforwomen.ca.

Sample the winter sights and tastes on a tour of the Saanich Peninsula this Christmas.

Travel in a Tesla Signature Model S 85 or Model 3, the world’s first fully-electric, solar-powered touring sedans.

Or, for bigger groups, ride in the Tesla Model X SUV for 6.

Your 4- to 8-hour Tesla Tour will visit Butchart Gardens with optional visits to Butterfly Gardens or your choice of Saanich-area vineyards, honey farms, distilleries and tearooms (tasting fees included, admission fees and meals not included). Admission tickets, starting at $779.49 for groups/ families up to 6, may be purchased online: viator.com.

grandmag.ca

Vol. IV, Ed. III 5

Profile

Linda Rogers

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inda Rogers is a novelist, essayist, journalist, editor and songwriter. She is past Victoria Poet Laureate, Canadian People’s Poet, and President of the League of Canadian Poets, and the BC Federation of Writers. Linda has published 29 books—including poetry, children’s books, fiction, non-fiction—and has been included in a number of anthologies. She has received the Leacock Prize, the National Poetry Prize, the Dorothy Livesay Prize, the Gwendolyn MacEwen Prize and the Milton Acorn Award in Canada, among others. Linda is the mother of three, step-mother of one, grandmother of four and is married to blues mandolinist Rick Van Krugel. She values and celebrates children and families and believes “a healthy world depends on healthy children.” When asked to take part in GRAND’s Q & A being a grandparent, she answered: “…there is NOTHING more important to me. You could give me an option, “…talk about grandparenting or receive the Nobel Prize” and that would be a no brainer. I’d LOVE to answer your questions.”

Q. How many children do you have?

What are their names?

I have a stepdaughter, Eva, and three sons Sasha, Keefer and Tristan, plus a bunch of kids we regard as family who outgrew us in different ways, some of whom revisit with affection.

Others are spirit kids now, the ones who didn’t survive the trauma of colonisation: Tony, Clyde, Russell.

Q. How many grandchildren do you have? What are their names and ages? Where do they live?

Four grandchildren: Sophie, 28, James Sage, 26, Olive, 19, and Isabel, 13, all of whom live in Victoria. Wahoo!

Q. What do you love most about being a grandparent? Least?

What I love most is knowing that child-love is an inherited characteristic. When children are respected, it is learned behaviour. I love watching my family nourish their children the way they grow their gardens, and no matter how embarrassing I may be as a non-adult adult, something has resonated: respect for human rights and especially the rights of children. I love having a hand in the development of

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their passion and watching them grow into themselves.

I least like what I love most, watching them grow, because growth means independence and my ultimate redundancy except the part about retaining the important things, passion for truth and beauty, respect for life in all its forms.

Q. How is being a grandparent different than being a parent?

Not much different except instead of opposing our parents we occasionally oppose our kids who might sometimes feel the temptation think we are inspiring crazy in their precious life projects. One of them mentioned “Undermining authority.” Yes. Right.

Bring it on. That is the job description.

The only rule is kindness, kids.

Q. What was important to you as a parent when you were raising your own children?

It was important to me that my children knew their own worth and respected the value of others. I hoped to lead them into experiences that would give them joy for the rest of their lives and that they would be kind. As a feminist, I realised that what my sons grandmag.ca

observed and experienced at home would affect their attitude toward women. Sometimes that led to some infamous lectures. I admonished them to “behave and respect” in front of girlfriends, who were, I hope, grateful.

One of my favourite experiences was “the Lothario one of infinite charm,” changing a very challenging diaper in front of an old girlfriend, as in old friend, who said. “This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for.” Hahahaha.

I hoped my kids would be good people leading good lives, and so far, so good.

My kids grew up on a sheep farm between two reserves. The benefit of learning about an old, albeit horrifically assaulted, culture from their friends, the honour of being included in ceremony, reinforced their home values.

Q. What is most important to you as a grandparent?

Nothing much has changed. A new child is like falling in love again. This time, your hands aren’t so much on the wheel, so the ride can be even more exhilarating. Almost irresponsible love. My worst transgression as a grandparent is standard grandparent behaviour—babies are to be adored and given in to so long as it is safe. If their parents entrust them to us, they can just forget about their expectations. Mine are that they have a beautiful time. As before, I have one rule.

Be safe and be kind.

The only time I doled out discipline was when my grandson, going through the 10-year-old chubby stage before he went vertical, was called “F*****”—by a FRIEND??? As he got in my car, he yelled back “F*****!” so I dumped him out and suggested he and his friend, the little horribles, could walk home from school and make nice. Luckily, that stage passed.

Recently, when our youngest, Isabel, brought two girlfriends over for popsicles, I started in on a homily about mean girls and exclusion. “We know that,” they replied in unison and rolled their eyes. When I told our grandsonin-law, Sumeet, about this reaction to grandma wisdom he said, in his wisdom, “You’re not 13, Linda.” True. grandmag.ca

Just because I know everything at my advanced age, does not give me licence to rattle on. No one is paying me to lecture anymore.

Q. You have said “a healthy world depends on healthy children.” How can we, as a community/society, help ensure our children—and in turn our world—stay healthy?

It starts in law, in writing like the sermon on the Mount, the lovely beatitudes and in other spiritual prescriptions. The commandment should say, Do unto others, especially babies. The way we nourish children will determine their world view, the way they become custodians of nature and each other. There is enough in this world for everyone. No one needs excess.

We do great harm expecting children to sacrifice childhood to compete for excess. They need to play together and to pass on fair play to the next generation. That is what we owe them. To each according to his need, the justice of moderate need. Sadly, that needs to be legislated because we have not yet as a capital-driven civilisation been

able to absorb the holy laws without twisting them into competitiveness.

Q. It has been said that you and your partner, Rick Van Krugel, are really adult children and that the inside of your house looks like the inside of your brains, very cluttered and whimsical. How do these qualities lend themselves to being a grandparent?

It is true. We are naughty children, sharing a perverse sense of humour and delight in the phenomenal world, most of which we have brought home to the disgust of our children, who foresee our deaths as cleanup jobs and delight of our grandchildren, who will inherit the stuff. We are known as the Honorable Cluttertons in some circles, Rick, who must adopt and fix everything, is far worse than me, and our house is a veritable museum of friendships and enthusiasms. Unfortunately many of our friends have been artists and they are all present on our walls and in the air, constantly chattering, pictures words and music all around us, all the time.

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Q. You jumped off a mountain in Turkey? Why?!

I am not physically brave, but we were travelling with Naomi, the 16-year-old recklessly-brave daughter of the band leader of Sweet Papa Lowdown, and she challenged me to jump “to impress my grandchildren.” So I did. After a scary start (not enough wind) it was glorious. My grandchildren were not overly impressed, but they were used to my impulsivities so maybe it seemed normal.

Q. What part did your grandparents play in your life? What did you learn from them?

I had two grandmothers, one of whom died the week I was born but may have left me with spiritual thirst and flapper gaiety, and the other who was shrouded in the martyrdom of war casualty. Her husband, my grandfather, was a brilliant young man gassed at Ypres and left with a chronic case of TB which didn’t kill him for 40 years, all of which they spent in quarantine.

My grandfathers were wonderful.

The one who was an invalid had every talent imaginable, the delight in which he passed on because we broke 8 Grand

some of the rules of his isolation. He was a phenomenal athlete (and was still allowed to golf) who had played soccer for Scotland and also represented Scotland as a singer at the Chicago World Fair. He was the Seaforth Highlander who sang for the Germans at the famous Christmas armistice.

His life was a tragedy in some sense, but also a triumph over adversity because he passed on his love of art, reading, music and gamesmanship.

My other grandfather, a descendent of the Trollope and Hopkins literary families gave me another sense of the importance of story and love of animals. Two lovely men.

Q. What do you hope your grandchildren learn from you?

I think they have learned to laugh through their tears, to do what they love, to raise beautiful kids and create beauty from whatever is in front of them, whether it is 26 notes, a lump of clay, a 2'x4' or a sidewalk begging for chalk.

Q. How have you passed along traditions and skills, in particular poetry?

Music? Writing? Story telling?

I was thrilled recently when our

granddaughter Olive was told by her lit teacher that her writing was full of surprises. That made me so happy because “surprising” means embracing risk, going for truth and beauty, no matter how elusive. The bonus was that, almost simultaneously, Joyce Carol Oates wrote the same comment about my writing when she was awarding the Carter Vanderbilt Cooper short story prize. I love that Olive is free to express her ideas. I hope I gave her permission.

My husband is a, can I say, brilliant musician. He is very uptight about screwing lids on jars, which makes me insane, but totally reckless when he is playing his mandolin. I love that.

He has passed on that enthusiasm to the kids, one of whom is actively playing. The problem with Sophie, who writes songs, is that she has so many enthusiasms and gifts, encouraged by her parents and grandparents, it is hard to find time for all of them. Now that she is a mother, artist, carpenter, jewelry maker, singer etc she is giving the quality time to her son. No wonder he is in tune already and actually said “Grampa” at four months. Lucky, beautiful boy.

There is a stubborn dyslexic gene in my former husband’s family, which inhibited confidence in reading and writing. My kids spelled phonetically.

Too bad they didn’t grow up speaking Turkish, a phonetic language. My youngest, Tristan, and I co-conspired to write Frankie Zapper and the Disappearing Teacher after a sadistic teacher sent him to the blackboard to spell onomatopoeia. They are all readers now and Olive is one who might be a writer if she chooses.

Of course, they have been exposed to everything we love and they pick and choose.

Q. How did you help your children— and how do you help your grandchildren—find their talents and strengths? To explore their creativity?

My children have warned me not to be toooooo responsive when their kids express enthusiasm or show aptitude because that can be the kiss of death. I grandmag.ca

am liable to jump in the air and drown them in praise and accessories at the slightest provocation. Sage recently told me he has enough art supplies for a lifetime. Okay I get it, no more pastels. I LOVE pastels, the beautiful colours. Creative selves are happy selves.

I love to see kids overcome by joy, but sometimes I have to listen and hold back. They get to choose, not me.

A while back, I was with Kwagiulth artist Billy Cook and his kids while Billy finished a silver belt buckle for my husband. In his culture, kids learn by watching. I jumped in and ran around the studio he shared with his brother Rande, stealing Rande’s coloured pencils and paper. “They want to draw!”

I said. Of course they did. Billy also knew they needed to watch and learn patience. William, who cried that day because he wanted a belt buckle, was told he would get a buckle when he made it himself. Now that is cultural teaching. William is becoming a beautiful artist and his dad will teach him to engrave when he is ready and has promised I can gift him the silver. I cannot wait!

Grandparenting is not only your own family but all the families. I love it when grown-ups I have known all their lives still call me “Gramalinda” although one granddaughter, who will remain nameless, threatened to put her best friend’s cheeks in the toaster for calling me that. They remain best friends and I stole her line for The Empress Letters.

Q. What are some of your favourite things to do and places to go with your grandchildren?

That is the hardest question to answer because, at this time (during the pandemic), the only possible trips are in our heads…no high tea at Venus Sophia (sadly shut), no mucking with germy clay or cooking together, and certainly no concerts, theatre or galleries, no promised excursion to London or elsewhere for the two youngest whose turn it is to choose a destination. I like to go any place with my grandchildren from film to farm, especially the spit on the Armour farm grandmag.ca

at Saltspring Island where extended family also waits for this to be over. At last.

We have had birthday parades, messenger and skype this year, all sadly lacking. I paint cards and order gifts online, catching hell for air transport pollution from one zealot. July was a blessed window before Delta dawn (and yes we are writing a song about that) and we went to Butterfly World and Sea Cider Winery via Tally Ho Tours to celebrate Rick and Sophie’s birthdays. Now we are knuckling down again after a few wonderful hugs for a brutal winter.

This year I hope to publish a book called Mother, the Verb, Swan Sister Treasures, which is a collection of art, writing, photography, music and filmmaking by activist women and allies. My granddaughter, Sophie Rogers Dhaul’s art is on the cover. Youth contributors include Isla Cook and Olive Rogers. We are all mothers of invention and I hope the book will be a celebration of renewed awareness of the value in matriarchy, balanced culture, the old leading the young and the young leading the old, that came out of a very dark time in our shared history.

Q. What do you wish for your grandchildren?

I wish them lives that are as gloriously fulfilling as the one I have had, where, as a feminist, I fought for rights they enjoy and, as a human, tried to live the beautitudes. I wish them luck in finding partners who love them and work that fulfills them.

I hope they are able to give and receive with grace. I hope that they are in the majority of humans who respect other cultures and life forms and strive to protect the planet from greed.

Q. What would you like your grandchildren to remember most about you?

I would like them to remember that, although I was a person who talked to everyone and dressed the way I felt, sometimes to comic extremes, my intentions were good. I don’t mind if

they have a retrospective laugh about everything but the day I risked my life and possibly his job wearing a unicorn mask into Capital Savings to greet my granddaughter’s then boyfriend, Sumeet. Hey, I wasn’t carrying. I would like them to remember my bread and my lettuce wrap, my frittata and curries, my chutney and trifle, but not the year I made Brussels sprout salad at Christmas.

Q. Do you have any wise words or stories to share with other grandparents to help them in their role raising their grandchildren?

I have the same advice I give about life in general. Be authentic. Kids and cats know the difference. Share your joy and be honest about your sorrows.

Give generously. It is true there is more joy and giving, but also remember to receive with gratitude. They are treasures. Show them the ways in which expectation is the enemy of joyful creativity. The act of creation is its own reward. Show don’t tell. They learn by mimicry. Love them and then love them some more. There is never too much. Don’t be afraid to phone an adult child and leave embarrassing singing messages their friends might hear on their answering machines, “I just called to say I love you,” because those old tapes are your most valuable legacy. IMHO.

Vol. IV, Ed. III 9

GRANDparenting

On-the-Job Training

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inutes after my first grandchild’s birth, I held him with nine parts wonder…and one part trepidation. From the down on his head to his impossibly tiny toenails, Kieran was perfect. It was love at first sight. But would it be mutual, I wondered.

I can laugh now, but at the time the self-doubt was real.

I grew up thousands of kilometres from my own grandparents, so while I treasured our annual visits, they weren’t part of my daily life. On the other hand, my parents and in-laws were all wonderful grandparents to my own brood, so it’s not that I didn’t have good role models. But still I worried. I was young for a grandmother, inexperienced and untrained. How could I possibly live up to such a revered title?

I’d felt the same irrational anxiety 10 Grand

years before when I’d held my youngest child for the first time, my first and only boy. I was a mother of daughters—four of them; I had no experience with sons. Would he see through me? Would he judge me an imposter?

In the end, of course, I learned to be my son’s mother the same way I’d learned to be the mother of his sisters: one day and stage at a time, by trial and error and paying attention—the secret of any good relationship!

In the almost seven years since Kieran was born I’ve been blessed with three more grandkids, and each in turn has taught me something important.

As the oldest, Kieran has perhaps taught me the most. He taught me that if I get down to his level when he’s telling me something, we can see eye to eye—which in turn tells him that he has my undivided attention. He taught me that from that same level it’s easier to see the world from his perspective, and that this has its own rewards, like at the beach when we comb the sand for hermit crabs and tiny sea shells.

He taught me that the more interest I show in his latest Lego creation or bicycle trick, the more he glows—and the more likely he is to show me his next masterpiece. He taught me that a child’s legs are considerably shorter than an adult’s legs, and to remember that when choosing hiking and biking routes. He taught me that even the sweetest children get tired and cranky sometimes, and that’s okay, too.

From Kieran’s little sister Dahlia, I learned a new lesson: patience. Dahlia was a confirmed Mommy’s girl for the first two years of her life, highly suspicious of any other adult who showed grandmag.ca

Healthy Families, Happy Families

Child, Youth & Family Public Health South Island Health Units

her attention. As much as I wanted to take her into my arms whenever I saw her, I learned to wait for her cues that she was ready. The more willing I was to let her make the first move, the more quickly I earned her trust. I no longer have to wait for hugs now that Dahlia is an exuberant 4-year-old, but the importance of being sensitive to a grandchild’s cues has stayed with me.

At three and a half, my granddaughter Rhea isn’t afraid to ask for exactly what she wants. Just the other day I offered to serve her milk in the special “puppy” cup that her own mother had used as a child. To my surprise, Rhea politely declined and asked instead for the orange mug visible in the open cupboard behind my head—orange being one of her favourite colours.

Her reaction caught me off guard; I’d been excited to share something that had been passed down through four generations. But as I handed her the orange mug, I realized that Rhea’s response was something to be celebrated. She knew what she wanted and felt confident and safe enough to ask for it. And isn’t this confidence exactly what I want for her as she eventually grows into adolescence and adulthood? It was the briefest of exchanges and yet it made me pause. How often do I impose my own expectations on the people I love, at the expense of learning what they want? grandmag.ca

Even two-month-old Micah has had something to teach me. I’ve made it a priority to spend time with him as much as possible since his birth, since he’s likely to be my last grandchild for a while. But as often as I visit—at least every few days—he refuses to slow down. He’s a little bigger and stronger each time I see him. His rapid growth has been a reminder that each stage in my grandchildren’s lives is fleeting, and that I need to cherish each moment.

I’m sure there are many more lessons in store as the seasons keep turning; I’ve yet to experience the joys of grandparenting ’tweens or adolescents. Thankfully the role comes with excellent on-the-job training!

Esquimalt Gulf Islands

250-519-5311 250-539-3099

Peninsula Saanich Saltspring Island Sooke Victoria West Shore

250-544-2400 250-519-5100 250-538-4880 250-519-3487 250-388-2200 250-519-3490

(toll-free number for office in Saanichton)

Central Island Health Units

Duncan Ladysmith Lake Cowichan Nanaimo Nanaimo Princess Royal Parksville/Qualicum Port Alberni Tofino

250-709-3050 250-755-3342 250-749-6878 250-755-3342 250-739-5845 250-947-8242 250-731-1315 250-725-4020

North Island Health Units

Campbell River Courtenay Kyuquot Health Ctr ‘Namgis Health Ctr Port Hardy

250-850-2110 250-331-8520 250-332-5289 250-974-5522 250-902-6071

islandhealth.ca/our-locations/ health-unit-locations

Rachel Dunstan Muller is a children’s author, storyteller, podcaster and grandmother.

You can find her two podcasts Hintertales: Stories from the Margins of History and Sticks and Stones and Stories through her website at racheldunstanmuller.com, or wherever you normally get your podcasts.

Changes with BC Medical Services Plan premiums mean that families eligible for partial payment of some medical services and access to some income-based programs now must apply for Supplementary Benefits through the Government of BC. Applications can be done online and take approximately 15 minutes.

Families who previously qualified for MSP Premium Assistance should not need to re-apply if taxes are completed yearly. It is advised to confirm coverage before proceeding with treatment to avoid paying out of pocket.

For more information, visit gov.bc.ca/gov/ content/health/health-drug-coverage/msp/ bc-residents/benefits/services-covered-bymsp/supplementary-benefits

Vol. IV, Ed. III 11

Money & Finances

Grandparent Giving

Financial help that can make a difference

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aising children now is much different than times in the past.

Many families require two incomes along with an income suite just to get by. Real estate prices have been a driver of these changes but there are many other costs that have followed

loan, of a down payment to reduce the financial stress load. This is an amazing and generous offering that allows families to become homeowners.

However, there are many grandparents who are not in the position to bestow such a gift who still want to help.

Save for Education

The responsibility to save for postsecondary education weighs heavily on parents. While children are allowed to have more than one Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP) open at a time, this option adds additional confusion around grants and bonds especially during the withdrawal period. You could encourage the parents to open the account as soon as possible and remind them that the BC government currently offers an additional $1200 grant if applied for between the ages of 6 and 9. Monthly, annual, or one-time contributions can be sent to the parents with the understanding that these funds will be deposited into the RESP.

Lindsay Plumb is a financial coach and founder of MOOLA Financial. Download her free budget template at pretty moneyclub.com.

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closely behind. It is not uncommon for groceries to add up to over $1000 each month, childcare costs are often $900 or more per child and gas has risen to several hundreds of dollars just to get to work and back.

This current reality means that when families are discussing their finances, it can be a stressful situation with feelings of overwhelm, regret and hopelessness. There is no wonder why money has become the number one stressor and cause of marital breakdowns.

We have seen an increase in grandparents helping parents with a gift, or

Help with Extracurriculars

Playing multiple sports along with learning an instrument and swimming all in the same season is common these days. This comes along with significant costs, often into the thousands of dollars, for each child every year. When grandparents offer to pay for a class or summer camp they not only help with the parents’ budgeting they also provide a skill your grandchild will cherish into their adult years.

Invest for the Future

Teaching the next generation to invest in their future allows them to

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learn while the mistakes have little consequence. Include your grandchild by discussing the investment options based on your experience and knowledge, choosing the best fit, and regularly reviewing the progress and objectives. With your support, your grandchild will feel comfortable to ask questions, make mistakes and learn valuable lessons that will pay dividends in perpetuity.

Share Your Stories

History is the best teacher. Sharing stories of your first paycheque, how you saved for a house, what pension plans were offered or the cost of groceries when your kids were young give perspective to the current reality.

While they may not be able to follow in your footsteps they will find their own path easier.

Give Experiences

During the long, wet, winters on the island parents are often looking for activities to fill the weekends.

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Unfortunately, indoor activities often come with a large price tag like those at museums, movies and trampoline parks. Many of these establishments offer annual passes and gift cards which make wonderful Christmas and birthday gifts.

Buy the Equipment

If your grandchild is in extracurricular activities like sports and music, they likely need new equipment on a semi-regular basis. Before their next season starts, take them shopping for their new baseball glove or hockey skates and consider making this an annual event for the two of you.

Offer to Babysit

Babysitters can quickly double the cost of a night out for a couple looking for some time alone. Either a sleepover at your house or a visit to theirs can mean that mom and dad get to have some fun and the kids eat ice cream and stay up late creating memories with their grandparent.

Any grandparent who wants to help can find a way that works with their financial situation, location, and schedule. Raising children feels harder now than it used to be so this help can make a real difference. Regardless of how you choose to pitch in, please keep in mind of the additional stress parents are facing and do your best to help without judgement of the differences.

Vol. IV, Ed. III 13

Media & Technology

Five Photo Sharing Apps for Families Keepy

Ever wondered if there was a way to keep up on and see your grandkids’ artwork, photos and schoolwork? Well wonder no more. Keepy helps connect families so they can share pictures, video clips and mementos. When you upload pictures, you can include short video clips and share memories with family, who can become “fans” of your child. Reply with video, voice or text comments. You can also order prints, canvases, photo books and other keepsakes. For iOS and Android.

Family Album

This all-in-one resource provides a secure, private, and easy way to share your photos with your whole family— even those who aren’t very tech-savvy.

And it files photos and videos by date taken in easy-to-navigate digital albums. FamilyAlbum offers unlimited photo storage, accessible only to you and your family, compilation videos that automatically assemble 1-second clips of top memories and easy sharing. There is a browser version, so anybody with internet access—and your permission—can join in. For iOS and Android.

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Tiny Beans

Tiny Beans is like a digital baby book that lets you track your grandbaby’s milestones through pictures, videos, heights, weights and more.

With unlimited photo storage that’s automatically sorted by date, you get a digital family journal and a way to remember all your grandkids’ memorable moments. Set up automatic email notifications so you know any time your kids post new milestones, photos or videos. For iOS and Android.

Google Photo

Okay, so it’s not an app, but Google Photo lets you sign in on any device to start sharing photos so is great for even the not-so-techy. Make collages, animations, movies, albums and photo

books and organize all of the above by people, places and things—using facial-recognition technology.

There’s also a search feature that lets you locate photos—even if they aren’t tagged with a description.

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23Snaps is a photo-sharing app and web service that lets you share family pics in a private and safe way. Like a digital photo journal, it can be viewed by as many friends and family as you choose. See all of your grandchildren’s photo-worthy moments. Add captions and stories to photos and videos or try the photo filters and frames to add a little more fun. Share a single connected account through the mobile app and online or via e-mail. For iOS, Android or Windows.

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Vol. IV, Ed. III 15

Road Trip

Travel with Grandkids

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any of us have not only missed seeing our families during the past year and a half, but we’ve missed travelling with them as well.

As domestic travel opens, what better time to combine the two!

Cathy Larsen, co-owner of Departures Travel Sidney, is passionate about sharing her love of travel—even after 35 years in the industry. She enjoys life and sees travel as more than a stamp in her passport! Find her at departurestravel.com, facebook.com/DeparturesTravelSidney and linkedin.com/in/cathylarsen.

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Multi-generational travel has been popular for some time and now there is an increase in skipgen or “gramping” travel, when grandparents travel alone with the grandkids, leaving Mom and Dad behind. It’s a great opportunity to get to know the grandkids, create lifelong memories and travel experiences for your grandchildren. My kids fondly remember those day trips up to the BC Forest Discovery Centre in Duncan, because, who doesn’t love a train?!

The planning process should be as fun as the trip itself and when all involved participate it is sure to be a hit.

If you want to get really creative, how about a mystery trip? With hidden clues along the way and the destina-

tion a surprise, it is sure to keep everyone interested and engaged in the trip itself. If the thought of the planning is just too overwhelming, there is always help by way of your local travel advisor.

To make the most of your trip, here are a few tips and ideas to get you started.

Hold a family meeting. Gather the troops together and ensure everyone is on the same page. Are you looking for an action-packed or relaxing getaway? Being in agreement from the beginning will help avoid disappointment and conflict. You may have an aspiring marine biologist that would love a trip to the Shaw Centre for the Salish Sea in Sidney or perhaps for the animal lover stop in at the Pacific Northwest Raptor Centre in Duncan.

Plan Together. Once you’ve agreed on the overall concept, plan together.

Involve the grandkids! If they are old enough to research, have them look into activities and points of interest along your route and at your destination. This way they are invested and you never know what they may find! Need a theme? How about a farm tour, totem discovery tour, cycling tour or see as many waterfalls as you can tour.

Consider Everyone’s Needs. Are there special requirements for accommodation and restaurants? Separate bedrooms for the snorers in the group? Restaurants that offer a menu to suit everyone’s taste, including accommodating any food allergies or preferences. Did you know your grandson is afraid of heights or your granddaughter is a vegan?

Having some options in advance will grandmag.ca

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Plan for Meltdowns. Adult or child, there will be at least one. Plan your day to include some down time, respect each other’s pace while doing activities and keep to familiar schedules. Stopping for meals before everyone (including grandpa) is hungry.

Stop at the local deli for a picnic lunch on the beach, stop at the local food truck or farm-to-table restaurant. And remember to always have a plan B! Appoint a Trip Photographer. Perhaps the most important job of all!

Designate someone as the trip photographer. To appease multiple volunteers, you may want to alternate days.

If you have younger grandkids, pick up some disposable cameras. It’s always fun to see what has sparked their interest. If it is a special trip, you may want to consider hiring a professional photographer for a couple of hours or for the day. Either way, you want to capture those family memories.

We have so many beautiful and wonderous places to visit on the island, in the province and across Canada. Take time to enjoy it with your grandkids and spend some quality time together.

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GRAND Vol. IV, Ed. II

Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 33 Years

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Grandfathered An excerpt

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Resources to help in your planning: tourismvictoria.com vancouverisland.travel hellobc.com grandmag.ca

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Victor & Edith Vol. IV, Ed. III 17 Newman Master Carver & Textile Artist

GRANDparenting

10 Things to Consider and/or Have on Hand Before Your Grandkids Visit

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isclaimer: I am not a grandparent—yet! But I have worked with new parents for 30 years, and they have confided in me about the joys and struggles they have with their kids’ grandparents. To help grandparents adapt to their new role in a way that is satisfying to everyone, here are some things to keep in mind, tailored, mostly, for those with grandchildren ages 2–5.

1. A Car Seat

This is one of the aspects of childcare that has changed the most in the last 30 years. It is now recommended to have children in a car seat or booster seat until they are about 9 years old, depending upon their weight and height. The law states that car seats should stay rear-facing until children are one year old, but it is safest for toddler and pre-schoolers to remain in a rear-facing car seat for as long as possible. (bcaa.com/community/childcar-seat-safety). Having a proper car seat will make your visit with your grandchild easier and more fun. So will knowing how to install and use it.

There are so many beautiful places to

explore and adventure on our beautiful Island!

2. A Yes-Zone

Grandparents’ houses are good places for children to learn how others live, and how to behave in a home that is not their own. It is a good idea to set boundaries about what kids can touch, where they put their shoes, and which rooms they can go into.

But it will make your time together so much more pleasant if there is also a yes-zone: a part of your house or apartment where nothing is off-limits.

Perhaps declutter your living room so that everyone can hang out together without anyone being worried about the kids getting at your priceless Ming vase or original Rembrandt. When the adults can relax, the kids have more fun, and you can all work on developing a real and meaningful relationship.

3. Outdoor Time

One of the best ways to deal with kids who are getting a little grumpy is to take them outdoors. But do a little reconnoitering before-hand. Find the best parks, beaches, and playgrounds near you. If you are living in the home where you brought up your kids, you may know some of those destinations.

But some may have changed! And if you are living in a new place, you will need to start from scratch. Chat with some new parents in your neighbourhood to get their recommendations.

4. Bath Time

The other best way to cheer up a grumpy child is to put them in water.

Of course, you might take them swimming, but that’s a lot of work—and

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during COVID, it’s a little scary. But a bath in the middle of the day, with exciting new bath toys, or just some yogurt containers, a little shampoo, and an old hand-cranked egg beater, can be really fun. Drops of food-colouring added to the bath add interest. Check out bath crayons. Kids can draw on the walls and then it all washes off.

5. Snacks

Check with your grandchildren’s parents about what foods they might not be allowed, or are allergic to. And then, within those boundaries, stock up on snacks. A grandparent who pulls out cookies or cherries or cucumber slices at just the right moment is a hero! Remember how your kids always had tantrums in the late afternoon? It’s usually because they are hungry, and we are making them wait for supper. Plan for some fresh fruit and veggies that the kids can nosh on while they wait for the evening meal.

Then, when dinner is served, they’ve already eaten their vegetables!

6. Cooking and Baking

Cooking and baking with a grandparent is often one of kids’ best memories! Plan a simple baking project. Buy a little apron, perhaps a small rolling pin, some fun cookie cutters.

Be aware that for preschoolers, cooking is a rich sensory process. They need to feel, grab, taste, smell, clutch, smear everything! It’s not going to be tidy, so relax and explore with your grandchild.

Smell the cinnamon, taste the sugar and the salt, and the baking powder (yuck!). Focus on the process, and don’t worry too much about the product. Enjoy!

7. Toys

You may be tempted to get a whole bunch of toys to amuse your grandchildren while they are visiting. Be careful! A few toys go a long way. And they make less mess. Building toys (blocks, Lego, Duplo) are versatile and fun for all ages. Puzzles are great, but make sure they are age-appropriate and not too frustrating. Think about

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toys that encourage interaction and playing together. It’s fun to pull out the toys your kids played with—if you still have some of those. Check them out first. Make sure they are clean, and complete, and that they meet current safety standards. A grandparent I know lays out a Brio track every night after the kids are in bed, and the kids come down in the morning to discover it. They are harsh critics: “Great track Grampa! But yesterday’s was better!” A grandmother I know bought a beautiful tea set for her grandson, because she had always wanted one as a child. They had lovely tea parties together, with the burnt cookies they had baked! Make sure you have a place to put all the toys away at the end of the day. A big toy bin will make cleanup easy.

8. Gardening

If you like gardening, and have a garden, think about how you can share that pleasure with your grandkids. Can you give them a little spot they can dig in? A few seeds to “plant?”

A little apron, some tiny gardening gloves, a small trowel and bucket.

Make sure the tools are real. Plastic tools are often disappointing. My children’s grandmother taught them a lot about the names of flowers and plants, and weeds, too. That’s a way of sharing a love of plants even if you don’t have a garden.

9. Outings

Grandparents have always been important in teaching children about

their culture and heritage. Taking your grandchildren to museums, community festivals and events, concerts and movies is a great way to do that.

Don’t expect too much of the kids’ attention span though. Be prepared with a lot of snacks and a really good attitude yourself! And be prepared to bail and go home if it just doesn’t seem like the right day for this outing. Try again next year!

10. Downtime

When your grandchildren come to visit, things can get intense. There may be too many people, too many family events, too many outings.

Make sure there is a quiet time every day, when you and your grandchild can cuddle and read books or watch a movie. With any luck, that will turn into a nap! What a delight! If there have been several high-energy, eventfilled days in a row, declare a hang-out day. Stay home. Wear pyjamas. Eat cereal. Make playdough (thebestideasforkids.com/playdough-recipe). Build a blanket fort. Those memories are golden!

Eva Bild is the owner of the Mothering Touch Centre on Fort Street in Victoria. She teaches many of the classes there, including the popular Grandparenting Class. Visit motheringtouch.ca, instagram.com/motheringtouch975 or facebook.com/motheringtouch.

Vol. IV, Ed. III 19

GRANDparenting

A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way

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any years ago, when my sons were in grade school, much to their displearsure, I ran an errand after picking them up at the end of the school day. All they wanted to do was get home and relax. The fact that I dragged them along on my errand didn’t sit well with either of them, so they both moped and brooded in the back seat, their silence a clear indication of their annoyance.

While waiting at a red light, my attention was drawn to an old man who was crossing the street in front of my car and going at an agonizingly slow pace. He was thin and hunched over and reminded me of a bent stick. I was amazed he could walk without toppling over!

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I could see he was struggling with two bags of groceries and I saw that the direction he was headed in would take him up a hill. Thinking about how difficult that would be for him, I pulled my car alongside and offered him a ride. He gratefully accepted even though it was apparently only a few more blocks to his apartment.

After we dropped him off, my sons asked why I had picked him up. They were impatient to get home and were in no mood to share their ride with a complete stranger. They knew I had a soft spot when it came to elderly people, but rather than remind them of that, I replied, “Because when I’m a hunched-over old woman, I hope someone will stop and help me.” That not only stifled their complaining, but it also gave them something to think about on the ride home.

Fast forward 25 years to when I found myself standing on a street corner this past Christmas, supporting my six-year-old grandson as he belted out Christmas carols by himself from a songbook in an effort to raise money for the local food bank. His desire to do something for all the families affected financially by Covid-19 far outweighed his natural inclination to avoid attention. Watching him screw up his courage and perform such an act of kindness warmed my heart.

In an hour of non-stop caroling, he raised $273 for the local food bank. His efforts were rewarded with a tour of the food bank where he saw firsthand how the money he had earned would be used.

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I have always found that young children tend to be naturally kind.

Fostering and encouraging that is our job as parents and grandparents. You just never know how much a simple act of kindness may mean to another person. It doesn’t have to be anything big—it could be something as simple as a smile, a compliment or giving up one’s seat on a bus. If someone is at an emotional low, a kind act may mean everything. It may mean the difference between a miserable day and a lift to someone’s spirits, even if that lift ends up being the only bright spot in their day.

Showing kindness can also motivate the recipient to do something kind in turn for someone else. A “Pay it Forward” sort of thing. And remarkably, a kind act is not only beneficial to the receiver, but to the giver as well. One can’t help but feel a mixture of pride, accomplishment and usefulness. It’s almost like a natural high.

The Covid-19 pandemic has created extraordinary challenges for all of us.

It has brought to light the importance of being kind to others, especially during such trying times. Dr. Bonnie Henry summed it up aptly with her request to “Be kind. Be calm. Be safe.”

It’s no surprise that Be Kind was a cornerstone of her message. After all, a little kindness can go a long way.

flexibility for different learning styles optional hands-on learning activities support from a certified teacher gentle and constructive feedback

Susan Gnucci is a local author and a proud “nonna.” She enjoys sharing her experiences as a grandparent. grandmag.ca

Vol. IV, Ed. III 21

GRANDparenting

Sleep Solutions for Grandkid Sleepovers

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he day has come when Mom and Dad need a break. Grandparents having been anticipating and looking forward to the day where they can have their grandbaby overnight.

So much excitement in the air for both the parents and grandparents. Parents get a night out and grandparent finally feel helpful. This sets the stage for such great feelings doesn’t it? Until it’s time to sleep….

diaper bag and off you go. However, if your baby is highly sensitive to their environment they will most surely protest a night at grandparents but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen or be successful, it may just take a bit more preparation.

There are many things grandparents and parents can do to prepare the baby for a successful day and night at grandparents’ house.

Create the most conducive environment for sleep.

If grandparents have a room that they can set up similarly to the baby’s room at home that would be a great start. Doesn’t mean you need to redo the guest room by any means but having the correct “equipment” is salient.

This can include a “pack and play” to be used a crib, a sound machine and portable black out blinds. When the visit is over, these item can be easily put away in the closet or go home with the baby. Also don’t forget the baby’s sleep clothes and favorite blanket or stuffy. These transitional objects will help the baby drift off to sleep more easily.

Follow a schedule and routine through the day.

The baby’s personality will mostly dictate whether or not the night at grandparents is going to go well. If your baby is easy going, “goes with the flow” and will sleep anywhere, then little preparation may be needed for a parent’s night out. Drop off the 22 Grand

I know that grandparents want to be fun and spontaneous and they should!

But only if it’s not time to sleep. Trust me, if you want to have fun with your grandbaby, you don’t want to miss the sleep cues or veer too far off schedule. This will not be fun for anyone. A baby that doesn’t sleep, can be cranky.

Keep in mind that an overtired baby is grandmag.ca

MORE difficult to get to sleep. Sure, if your grandbaby is a little older a little shift here and there in the schedule will not be detrimental but if your grandbaby is under one years old, then let’s stick to their sleep schedule, it’ll be much more pleasurable.

Napping is important!

Don’t forget that babies need to nap. We can forego a nap because adult sleep needs are not as high as a baby’s sleep needs. And if a baby is well rested through the day, then the baby will be more fun though the day and easier to put down for bedtime.

The idea “let’s get them tired and they will sleep through the night,” doesn’t apply to babies. Again, trust me, it’ll only backfire on you to not nap the baby. It’s ok to do an on-the-go nap in a stroller or carrier if you just can’t seem to get them down in the crib. Just try not to abort the nap altogether.

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Respect the parents’ hard work.

For many grandparents, their ideas differ greatly from the baby’s parents.

It may be hard for you to let go of your ideas and apply the ideas of the parents. Remember everyone has the baby’s best interest at heart but nobody wants to make an already stressful situation (leaving the baby overnight) for the parents more stressful.

Likely it has taken a lot of work for the parents to set up sleep routines and schedules. As a sleep consultant I know how anxiety provoking changing sleep habits can be! So why not just help the parents keep to their routine as best as you can? It may also help with you getting another chance at watching the baby overnight…wink, wink. It will also help the parents anxiety of leaving the baby with you. We want the parent to enjoy their night off, not be worried that their baby is not sleeping.

Have fun!

During wake hours, have a much fun as possible. Enjoy these precious times with your grandbaby. You are a gift to the baby’s parents for taking the baby overnight and a gift to the baby for being at great grandparent.

Sukkie Sandhu of HappyBaby Sleep Solutions is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Certified Baby/Child Sleep Consultant who works with families to create health sleep habits. The cost of a sleep consultation may be covered under your extended medical plan. For more information visit happybabysleepsolutions.com or for a free evaluation call 250-857-1408.

Vol. IV, Ed. III 23

GRANDparenting

‘Grand’ Feelings

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t was July 2020, smack dab in the middle of lockdown, when I received a call from my daughter announcing she was pregnant. Lexy and her husband, Andrew, had just purchased a home—in Oregon. A little bittersweet as I could only enjoy this

Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator, counsellor and coach at LIFE Seminars (Living in Families Effectively), lifeseminars.com.

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remotely. I had the real estate listing of their house locked in my phone, going through the pictures daily. I was so happy for them. I felt like a stalker when I went on Google Earth. There I could walk up and down their neighbourhood like a needy ghost stopping to stare at their front door. I was aching to be there with them.

In December, they braved a border crossing and came to Victoria to spend Christmas with us. It was a delight to walk my grand-dog, Oscar and pick up whatever groceries they needed while they served their time in quarantine.

Looking at them through a glass door

was way better than staring at them on Zoom. Finally, we became a bubble.

This took the term family enmeshment to a new level, especially when we shared Lexy’s food cravings.

Like all of our visits, time went too quickly and once again, we found ourselves saying goodbye. I can usually contain my tears to drives from an airport after dropping Lexy and Andrew off. This time was different; as I hugged Lexy goodbye, I could feel my granddaughter between us. More to love, more to miss and more to worry about.

The third trimester was traumatic.

At 32 weeks, Lexy had complications, scary ones. She was admitted to the hospital, where the doctors were contemplating a C-section. I found this out via text message. While the baby would survive, she would be spending two months in an incubator. And what about my daughter? She was so scared and stressed. How could I help her? Even if I were to fly down there, I wouldn’t be allowed to visit her in the hospital. My only choice was to faint; the helplessness was overwhelming.

Later that day, she called me. She had been discharged under the condition that she would be monitored closely. She was determined to stay pregnant as long as she could. Days turned into weeks, each one feeling like a miracle. While there were concerns, Lexy had the backbone to make tough decisions every day. I tried to keep my anxiety in check, but I would become frozen with fear if she didn’t answer my texts right away. Then I would hear the ding of a message, Sorry mom, Andy and I just took Oscar for a walk. Okay, breathing again.

At 39 weeks, Lexy went into labour. grandmag.ca

I was right there beside them via text. iPhones don’t faint, so I was good with this. The greatest relief and thrill came through a picture. Arlow is her name.

Time to get down there. I thought I could drive down, and that felt safe to me. I even upgraded my car to something more reliable, but the borders were closed. Flying was the only option. Yikes. When I saw all the hoops I would have to jump through, my anxiety said, I can’t do this. For about two hours, I just sat and cried. It is funny what anxiety can do; not only does it shrink our ability to think creatively and rationally, but it tries to stop us from doing meaningful things. Once my nervous system calmed down, the mature and very new grandmother, part of me, stepped up. When that happened, nothing would stop me. I was off.

I was thrilled to see Andrew at the airport in Oregon. We were able to catch up on the last seven weeks, the hospital experience and debrief about the trauma of childbirth from a different angle than the mother. There is so much that we aren’t prepared for when we have a baby. It is something that you just don’t get without the experience.

Arriving at their house was surreal.

I’m here now. I’m going to see my baby and her baby. There are no words, just grand-feelings.

For 12 glorious days, I vibrated with love. I was awed by Lexy’s maternal instincts and moved by Andrew’s care for both his wife and his daughter. I fell in love with Arlow, the most beautiful baby on the planet, who looks so much like me I’m surprised they didn’t call her Allison. ;) Every time Lexy thanked me for cooking or cleaning or doing a baby shift, I told her it brought me joy. She was beginning to understand how wonderful it is for a mother to love her daughter as I was experiencing the grand-feelings of loving them all. grandmag.ca

Vol. IV, Ed. III 25

Money & Finances

Planned Giving

“P

lanned giving” is a phrase that charities use often and donors almost never say! In a nutshell, it means you create a charitable gift now that goes to the organization you love in the future, usually when you die.

It’s “planned” because it takes some thought and preparation, and because you should consult a lawyer and your financial planner about it. The easiest planned gift is part of something you should have anyway: your Will.

Sounds like a lot of work. Is it complicated?

It’s not really a lot of work. Everyone, regardless of income or assets, should have a Will, and everyone should prepare that Will with the help of a lawyer and a financial advisor.

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Including a charitable gift adds a few minutes to those conversations and just a few sentences to your Will.

Why should I consider it?

A gift in your Will lets you make the gift of a lifetime to a cause you believe in—a gift you might not be able to afford while you’re alive.

“People think that leaving money to a charity will diminish what they can leave to their kids,” says Colleen Bradley a specialist in Wills and estate planning at PGgrowth. “But because of Canada’s tax regulations, you can give money to a charity that you would otherwise give to Canada Revenue Agency in taxes. And if your net income in the year of your death is lower than the amount you give, your executor can claim a rebate against

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your previous year’s income and add that to your estate.”

What should I tell my family?

Talking it through with your kids is a crucial step. Explain that your charitable donation will offset taxes on the estate. They’ll be happy to see it go somewhere other than the tax collector.

And even if they aren’t, says Bradley, it’s your money. You have the right to give it to charity.

How does it benefit the charity I care about?

That charity probably struggles to support its current programs, launch new ones, renew buildings and equipment, perhaps take a risk on something promising but untried. When it receives a gift through someone’s Will, the charity can use that gift for something special—something it couldn’t do otherwise. Or it can save and invest the gift so that the yearly interest goes on supporting programs you’ve been giving to year by year. Talk to the charity you love about using your bequest in the way you’d like it to be used.

Anyone can make a bequest. The amount doesn’t matter—but supporting a cause you cherish, leaving a legacy of values as well as financial disbursements, matters a lot. It’s one of the most important things you can do to build the world you’d like to see.

Janet Gadeski is president of Hilborn, a publisher sharing the knowledge that charities and their leaders need to change the world, and editorial director for PGgrowth, a consultancy that helps charities inspire donors to include charitable bequests in their Wills. Reprinted with permission from Canada Helps, canadahelps.org. grandmag.ca

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Vol. IV, Ed. III 27