Vol. III, Ed. II
GRAND grandmag.ca
Gordy Dodd
Grandfather & Community Superhero
Grandparenting from Afar
Shots in a Snap Photographing Your Grandkids
What you should flush is as easy as…
1, 2, 3 Remember the Three Ps
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DODD’S FURNITURE & MATTRESS
From our family to yours, Happy Holidays!
Dodd’s delivers great gifts for everyone on your list.
DODD’S FURNITURE & MATTRESS www.doddsfurniture.com 715 Finlayson Street, Victoria 4900 Uplands Drive, Nanaimo 825 – 12th Avenue, Campbell River
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CONTENTS
5 A GRAND Debut 6 Profile: Gordy Dodd 8 7 Grand: Ideas + Inspiration in a Snap: 10 Shots Photographing Your Grandkids 12 His Story, Her Story, Our Story 14 Toys That Do Nothing
Guide 16 AtoGrandparent’s Sex Ed
18 Grandparenting from Afar 20 4 Ways to Invest in Your Grandchildren’s Future
22 Sharing Through Cooking 24 Inspire a Love of Reading 26 Face Your Fears & Embrace the Cloud
A GRAND Debut J ust like grandparenting over the years, Grand has changed. This issue marks the start of a new look, a new feel, and a new direction. And just like grandparents these days, Grand is redefining itself on its own terms. Gone are the days of rocking chairs and recliners. Today’s grandparents are more likely to be rock climbing or going for a run than they are to be rocking or reclining. We’re an active and diverse group— an engaged, evolving and powerful force. We’re mentors, nurturers, keepers of secrets. We’re caregivers, child care providers, dessert-before-dinner defenders. We’re historians, spiritual guides and the holders of family stories. Grand celebrates who you are as a grandparent and who you are as an individual. You love spending time with your grandchildren and you’re happy in your other roles: at work, in the community and on your own. Grand acknowledges that you are not one or the other—an “either/or” version of yourself—you are many different things to many different people. And to yourself. With an Island perspective that speaks to an international readership, Grand is the source for on-the-go grandparents of up-to-the-minute and thought-provoking information
and ideas—on everything from having fun, staying fit and things to do, to travel, leisure, health and technology. Think of Grand as a trusted friend who happily shares those “senior moments” (in the best sense of the words!) and keeps you informed and connected to the issues and ideas that really matter. After reading an issue of Grand, you should feel inspired, up-todate, and informed. We’re here for you: from helping you figure out where you fit in to tackling your most perplexing questions, sharing your greatest discoveries and celebrating your deepest joys. To that end, this issue of Grand features articles on topics ranging from the importance of storytelling, cooking with your grandkids and community superheroes, to photographing your grandkids, gift-giving, and grandparenting from afar. There’s 7 Grand, a compilation of ideas and inspiration to help keep you in-theknow and connected, there’s a guide to investing in your grandchildren’s future, and there’s tech support that will help you face your fears and embrace the cloud. Grand is as diverse and engaged as you are. Together, we’re a powerful and positive force—in our grandchildren’s lives and in our communities. A Grand welcome!
Jim Schneider Publisher publisher@islandparent.ca
ON THE COVER Gordy + Ravinder Dodd, with granddaughters (left to right) Avani, Zahra and Amara
GRAND
Sue Fast Editor editor@islandparent.ca
Vol 1, Ed 2
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Grandparenting from Afar
RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager raeleigh@islandparent.ca
Photo by Don Denton Gordy Dodd
Grandfather & Community Superhero
grandmag.ca
Kristine Wickheim Account Manager kristine@islandparent.ca
Shots in a Snap Photographing Your Grandkids
Grand, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a twice-yearly publication that honours and supports grandparents by providing information on resources and businesses for families and a forum for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the publisher. Grand is distributed free in selected areas. Annual mail subscriptions (2 issues) are available for $12 (GST included). Canadian Publication Mail Product Sales Agreement 40051398. ISSN 0838-5505.
250-388-6905 grandmag.ca A proud member of
BC Vol. III, Ed. II 5
ordy Dodd
&
GRANDFATHER Community Superhero
Gordy Dodd isn’t your typical grandfather. Who else do you know that’s just as comfortable playing Super Gordy, Bob Barker and the Incredible Hulk as part of his 40-year TV ad campaign as he is playing with his grandchildren? Awarded the 2019 Lifetime Achievement Award by the Greater Victoria Chamber of Commerce, Gordy Dodd is known not only for his TV alter egos and his furniture store, Dodd’s Furniture and Mattress, but also for his ongoing philanthropy and community work. His Peace Walks have raised money for Victoria Hospice and his annual Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinners have helped feed thousands of people in need. Here are his thoughts on one of his favourite roles of all times—being a grandfather...
What do you love most about being a grandfather?
I take time off from my business to spend as much time as I can with them. They’re going to school now and growing up so fast—so weekends are special. We also try to pick them up from school a few times a week. Sometimes we go to a restaurant, for ice cream or to one of their favourite parks nearby.
What’s the difference between being a parent and being a grandparent?
Parents definitely have the harder job these days with many more responsibilities. Between homework and so many other after-school activities, a child’s life is quite structured. Moms and Dads really have the hard work. Grandparents get to enjoy watching them grow up and play—we play ALOT! That’s the upside and there’s no real downside. We’re all just happy to see each other and be together.
How does it feel, seeing your children as parents?
We remember our kids at that time. My wife will say how they resemble each other—our children and our grandchildren—how my son used to do the same thing or how our grandchildren resemble their parents. 6 GRAND
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What are your favourite things to do with your grandkids?
I love setting up games for them in the backyard. Whether it’s volleyball, badminton or soccer or blowing up balloons. It’s really nice, for myself and my wife. We forget all the stress and just get to spend time with them.
How have you handled the pandemic and social distancing with your grandchildren?
It’s a concern, especially now that they’re back in school. But we keep reminding them to keep their distance, wear a mask and wash their hands. All of Dr. Bonnie’s advice is good advice of course.
What do you wish for your grandchildren?
I wish for them much happiness. They always say: Grampa everyone knows you! All of our friends say: “You’re the famous Gordy Dodd!” Now they don’t have to be like me, but I want them to be happy and successful.
What do you hope they have learned or will learn from you?
I hope they’ll always be proud to be my granddaughters and strive to do great things in their life as I have. They have their dreams and they’re already learning to give back. I’m proud to take them with me to help serve Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners at Our Place. They need to know that not everyone is as fortunate as we are. We all have to do our part to help those in need.
You’ve dressed up as so many characters What do your grandkids think of your antics? Do they have a favourite persona?
Superman is pretty famous in their eyes. They’ve enjoyed all of my characters over the years. They know my name is recognizable. My grandaughter calls me my name sometimes, “Gordy Dodd” just for fun.
Advice for your grandchildren?
Times are tough and it’s easy to get down. The only way to make things better is by getting a good education. My middle granddaughter wants to be an eye specialist—the first in our family. That goal may change but with the right education, kids can do anything. Do something to keep the tradition of helping others. They’re trying.
Ravinder + Gordy Dodd with granddaughters (l-r) Amara, Zahra + Avani
1Advice for other grandparents?
Love your grandkids and cherish every moment. Once they become teenagers, they’ll have their own friends and be making their own way into the world. You want to be part of that for as long as possible. grandmag.ca
Vol. III, Ed. II 7
Ideas + Inspiration
7Grand
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Calling All Bakers
Self-Management BC
3 Have-to-Haves for Techie Grandparents
Do you like to bake? Would you like to meet with others who enjoy baking and try new recipes every month? Then join Vancouver Island Regional Libraries’ Virtual Baking Club. Each month will have a theme to inspire you to make different baked goods. Try a new recipe or make one of your favourites and then join the Zoom session at the end of the month to share the recipe and what you made with everyone else. November’s theme: No Butter Recipes. December’s theme: Holiday Treats. All ages are welcome. Space is limited and registration is required. To register or for more information, email kparker@virl.bc.ca.
Self-Management BC offers free health programs for British Columbians online, by telephone, and by mail. The programs are for adults of all ages living with one or more ongoing health conditions and there is no cost to participate. The University of Victoria’s Institute on Aging & Lifelong Health aims to help improve the health and quality of life with an increasingly diverse population of older adults, and to assist their families, health care providers, and governments in meeting the challenges and potentials of an aging society. For information, visit selfmanagementbc.ca.
1. Aura by Carver Digital Frames. See the people you love—on rotation!—and invite them to add photos, too. Smart digital frames provide crisp details, full light, and great quality. With social distancing, photos are the next best thing to being together. 2. Apple iPhone SE. Sure most iPhones are notoriously complicated, but the SE has basics including email, texting, video chatting and watching videos. The camera is excellent and includes portrait lighting. 3. Muse S Brain Sensing Headband. Stressed Out? This soft band meditation device is easy to put on and the app is easy to install. Together they help to calm your mind and help you relax.
grandmag.ca
Read ‘A Story Before Bed’
5 Styles of Grandparenting
Babysitting the Grandparents
FYI Grandparenting Stats
A Story Before Bed lets you record a video of yourself reading a children’s book to be played back any time. Some grandparents want to be able to read books to their grandkids live. A Story Before Bed lets you read in realtime, too, using a Google+ Hangout. Grandkids in multiple cities? You can read to all of them at once using the app. And it’s completely free. astorybeforebed.com
According to research conducted by two University of Chicago social scientists, there are five distinct styles of grandparenting. The Formal provide special treats and indulgences for the grandchild, but they maintain clearly defined lines between “parenting” and “grandparenting.” The Fun Seeker plays with the child and has a good time. The relationship is one in which “authority lines are irrelevant.” The Surrogate Parent is found only among grandmothers, “when the young mother works and the grandmother assumes the actual responsibility for the child.” The Reservoir of Family Wisdom. The grandfather who dispenses “special skills or resources.” The young parents are usually in a “subordinate position”—which they may or may not resent. The Distant Figure. The grandparent who “emerges from the shadows on holidays and special ritual occasions” like “a somewhat intermittent St. Nicholas.”
Two of Jean Reagan and Lee Wildish’s bestselling books are available in one adorable boxed set. From making a pirate cave fit for a Grandpa, to planning a sleepover with Grandma, each book is chock full of tongue-incheek tips and ideas for enjoying time with the grandparent in your life.
• The average age of Canadian grandparents has jumped from 65 to 68 in a single generation. And the number of grandparents over 85 has nearly tripled since 1995. • Life expectancy has increased so much that an average 65-year-old today can expect to live 22.1 more years if she’s a woman, and 19.3 years if he’s a man. • Seniors comprise twice as big a slice of the work force today (14 per cent) than they did in 2003. • Grandparents have fewer grandkids (down to four from five, since the 1990s), and have them later. But grandparents get to know their grandkids (and vice versa) way better, and for way longer. Source: Globe & Mail
Source: New York Times
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Vol. III, Ed. II 9
Shots in a Snap Photographing Your Grandkids
Get lots of photos together. Is grandpa sitting at the table playing cards with his grandson? Grab the camera! Is gramma reading a bedtime story? Grab the camera! You will never regret having photos with your grandkids. And they will be some of the kids’ most treasured photographs. – AM
To see more photos from each of the featured photographers, visit Kimberley Kufaas (kimberleykufaas.com), Ashley Marston (ashleymarstonbirthphotography.com) and Erin Wallis (erinwallis.com). 10 GRAND
W
e asked three Island photographers— Ashley Marston, Erin Wallis and Kimberley Kufaas—for tips on how to best “capture your kids.” Here are their answers…
Get down to their level. If they are playing cars, or crawling down the hallway, make sure you are down there too. Not only will they think its so fun that you are right there with them, but it will likely also get you a few good smiles so be ready. – AM
Find an environment the kids love, whether it’s a forest walk, baking cookies, you name it. Finding a comfortable area for them creates those moments where you can follow their lead. Get to their level and think about your surrounding and most importantly the lighting. I use natural light 90 per cent of the time. If you’re indoors make sure that light source is nearby. If you’re outdoors just watch for the sun to be behind or directly in front of your subject(s). They don’t always need to know you’re planning on taking a photo. – KK grandmag.ca
“
Everyday life with kids is typically chaotic. Adding a camera to the mix to capture memories of your visit sometimes takes some patience and extra bribery. That’s not always what it’s about to get the perfect photo. It’s not just about smiles. My take on photography is capturing moments that are actually happening at that time. I do prompt some posing, but usually some silliness and being playful I can get the kids working well with me. – KK
”
Take it outside! Head to a field or a beach without a lot of people or distracting elements. Take a stroll along a trail and snap a few images as they are walking towards or away from you. Make a game of it—if it’s fun, your results are guaranteed to be better! – EW
Don’t make taking their photo a chore. Have your camera out and handy when they are having fun or when they are in the moment. Don’t fight them to get the perfect shot. – EW
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Take them outside to an evenly lit spot. Avoid harsh, bright sunshine or super dark spots. If you’re using your phone to take their photo, remember you can touch the brightest or darkest part of the screen to lighten/darken the image properly. – EW
Remove busy or unnecessary elements —any cords, garbage or clutter. Better yet, take them to a place they don’t usually get to play (or, as above, sleep) in: Your freshly made bed! – EW
Vol. III, Ed. II 11
Family Stories
The Importance of Storytelling
His Story, Her Story, Our Story
“
Tell me a story, Grandma,” says five-year-old Kieran, as he pulls up his chair in front of me. It’s summer, and we’re taking advantage of relaxed COVID restrictions to camp together. “What kind of story?” I ask. “A new one!” says Kieran. I think for a moment, then launch into an improvised tale about a boy who wants to be a squirrel. All three of my young grandchildren love stories and I love telling them, so it’s a match made in heaven. As it turns out, the role of grandparents as storytellers is as old as language—and continues to be important even in these media-saturated times. A good story isn’t just entertaining; it’s a shared experience between teller and listener, an opportunity to give each other undivided attention. The stories themselves may pass on values or information, or offer glimpses into our collective cultural heritage. Storytelling is certainly more challenging when distance or COVID restrictions prevent us from being together in person, but with a little creativity, we can still keep this tradition alive.
Family History
Rachel Dunstan Muller is a grandmother of three, a children’s author, and a professional storyteller to audiences of all ages. You can learn more about her work at racheldunstanmuller.com.
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Grandparents are often the unofficial historians of their families—a most important role. In a 2001 study by Drs. Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush, children who knew the most about their family histories scored the highest on tests for self-esteem, resilience, and social and academic competence. The researchers concluded that the family stories they’d heard had given these children a sense of security and rootedness, and taught
them that they belonged to something bigger than themselves. They’d learned that setbacks and obstacles were part of life, but that they could be overcome. Since we carry them around in our memories already, family stories are often the easiest to tell. Young kids love to hear about the humorous misadventures of their parents and grandparents when they were young, while older kids may be interested in the more serious trials and triumphs we’ve experienced, as well as those of more distant ancestors.
Fictional Stories
There’s a wealth of fictional stories worth sharing as well, stretching from the present back to mythic times. As I write this the library can only be accessed remotely, but the library’s online catalogue is still a great place to search for and request wonderful materials, from the world’s great myths, to collections of folk and fairy tales, to contemporary picture books that can be either read-aloud or learned and shared orally. Alternatively, visit fairytalez.com to browse a collection of more than 4,000 stories from around the world.
Made Up Stories
Preparing your own original stories in advance or making them up on the spot can be a wonderful creative exercise—and especially fun if you involve your grandchild in the story-making along the way. Depending on their age and enthusiasm, they can contribute a name, setting, character or even significant plot development. Creating an original story or “customizing” an
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existing one gives you the opportunity to make story time especially meaningful to your grandchild.
Tips for Telling
The stories we tell and how we tell them will be determined in large part by the age of our grandkids. Young children have short attention spans and will be most entertained by very short stories and rhymes. Interactive finger plays, felt boards, or puppets can help keep them focused – and are especially helpful if you’re sharing stories remotely via Zoom. Older preschoolers and primary students will enjoy longer stories, especially when they include humour and/or suspense. To keep kids of any age engaged, allow your own inner child to surface by being playful as you tell, using different voices for different characters, varying your volume, and using pauses for dramatic effect. If you’re able to tell in person, gestures can add impact. Storytelling becomes a more informal process as our grandkids get older, often evolving into personal or family stories recounted on hikes, long car rides, or while engaged in a shared activity. Even teens aren’t too old for stories; in fact if anything they need them even more. As they navigate the turbulent adolescent years, our grandkids need to be reassured that they aren’t alone, that other family members have taken risks, made mistakes, and suffered setbacks. Some family stories will encourage and inspire, while others may serve as cautionary tales. All are important.
Storyboarding or story mapping can be an effective way to commit all the necessary elements to memory. Both involve recording the story in visual form, either sketching individual scenes in sequence on a paper divided into boxes, or by drawing a rough map of the story which includes all the key elements. Stick figures are fine in ei-
tening to your voice as they go to bed at night! Collect some favourites tales or write your own, and then record yourself with an app on your smart phone or a digital recorder. If you don’t know how to transfer the recording to your grandkids, ask someone more technologically savvy for help. This can be a wonderful way to collect
ther case. This is a mnemonic device, not an art project!
and preserve family or personal stories for posterity as well. Finally, keep in mind that the most important element of a good storytelling session isn’t how polished or prepared we are, or even the content of the story. What our grandkids will remember most is the gift of our presence and our wholehearted attention.
Learning a Story
Preparing an engaging opening or first line can be a good way to draw young listeners in, but the rest should flow naturally when we’re telling in-person or on Zoom, allowing us to be present and spontaneous in the shared moment. But even if we don’t memorize every word, keeping track of a story’s characters and plot developments can be challenging.
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Recorded Stories
If you can’t be together and Zoom storytelling doesn’t feel like a good fit, pre-recorded stories can be a wonderful way to stay connected. Imagine your grandchild or grandchildren lis-
Vol. III, Ed. II 13
Happy Families, Healthy Families
Toys that Do Nothing A gift-giving guide for your grandkids this holiday season
A
s a pediatric speech-language pathologist, I frequent toy stores looking for the next amazing toy. As I wander the aisles I often find myself attracted to brightly-coloured electronic toys that make lots of noises, have all sorts of buttons or moving parts, and serve some ambiguous play function. If you have ever seen these toys, I’m sure you’ve also thought to yourself, “I wonder what this one does” as you look over the pictures on the box.
Caitlin Bittman is a pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist with Island Health. 14 GRAND
It’s so easy to get drawn in by these flashy and visually stimulating toys! They are, after all, designed to achieve this purpose. When choosing a toy for your grandchild, it’s natural to pick a flashy toy you think will get a big and excited reaction from your child, which is often a ‘busy’ electronic toy. However I have a different suggestion—get your loved one a toy that does nothing.
I know this sounds underwhelming, but allow me to explain! Simply put, my definition of a toy that does nothing is one that has no batteries and that easily allows for interactive and/or pretend play. This may sound boring, but it’s these kinds of toys that allow for the most creative and active play. After all, if the toy does nothing, then the child must do everything! Generally speaking “toys that do nothing” end up being more traditional toys, such as simple farm sets, dollhouses, play kitchens, blocks, or puppets. Combined with a willing play partner, these traditional toys support responsive interactions that help build children’s language, communication, and play skills. Think about the last time someone tried to talk to you while you were watching your favourite TV show or movie. Did it take several attempts before you noticed the other person? If they launched into a conversation (like my partner does!), did you catch everything that they said or did you need them to repeat themselves? Did you feel a little annoyed that someone was interrupting you? Do you think it would be easy to have an extended or meaningful conversation while the show was still playing? When we are absorbed in something that is both motivating and extremely stimulating, it can be difficult to share our attention. It’s the same with our grandkids playing with many of these “busy” toys! All the lights, sounds, and moving parts are appealing and are great at getting children’s attention, but they can also be attention hoarders, monopolizing the child’s attention and making it difficult for them to notice you in play.
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Have you ever noticed how quiet children get when they become absorbed in high-tech toys? Likely that is because they are tuning out everything around them. To many, this may not feel like a big deal. After all, don’t we want our children to enjoy the toys we give them? All children should be able and expected to play on their own sometimes; however it is important to recognize all the benefits that come from active play with another person. Research shows us how important quality interactions are between caregivers and children in supporting language development. When children engage in back-and-forth conversations with adults, they receive good language models and also have the opportunity to practice what they’ve learned and receive natural feedback as a part of the conversation. Recent research shows that engaging in conversations with young children works to strengthen the areas in their brain associated with language. And one of the best ways to have conversations with children is to participate in their play. Regardless of how a child plays with a toy, there are many opportunities for adults to model language and for children to practice using language as you talk about what you are doing together, or perhaps what you plan to do next. Engaging in conversations during play is a great opportunity to link experience to word meanings in that the children are experiencing something as it is happening (even if it is just pretend). Play is a child’s work. Children learn about the world and develop all kinds of skills through play, such as fine and gross motor skills, personal awareness, emotional well-being, social skills, creativity, logic, and problem solving, to name a few. Play and language skills develop hand-in-hand, and each supports the development of the other. This is especially true when children start engaging in pretend play and role playing. Here, children learn to use their imaginations, and they grandmag.ca
need language to create and enrich their play when they engage with others. This includes using language to decide what they will play, who will play what role, and what each person will do as part of their role, as well as what happens in the “story.” Language development is most likely to happen when the toy is not monopolizing the child’s attention, or if the toy is doing all the playing by itself with the child as a passive observer. Busy toys are not detrimental to children’s development, but more traditional toys tend to support interactions that will have a positive impact on a child’s development. When we use toys that “do nothing” to play with children, adults and children are more likely to be tunedin to one another. This sets the foundation for interactions that include more conversational turns and more opportunities to support language development. When the toy does less, it’s easier for the child to pay more attention to you and less attention to the toy. It is not the toys that are so important; it is the interaction and conversations we have while we play with those toys that are critical. So it is important to choose toys that will not undermine the interaction and distract children from communicating with us or engaging with what we say or how we say it. If you are thinking about getting your grandchild something special, consider the benefits of a toy that does nothing. Try not to be drawn in by the toys with all the bells and whistles! Remember that the flashy, high-tech toys do not allow much space for interactions that will support your child’s development. Find a more traditional toy that you would enjoy playing with your grandchild, such as blocks, role-play/dress-up toys, puppets, or pretend food. The best toys are simple and come with a willing and attentive play partner! I am certain that the gift that keeps on giving will be the toy that does nothing.
Healthy Families, Happy Families
Child, Youth & Family Public Health South Island Health Units
Esquimalt Gulf Islands
250-519-5311 250-539-3099
Peninsula Saanich Saltspring Island Sooke Victoria West Shore
250-544-2400 250-519-5100 250-538-4880 250-519-3487 250-388-2200 250-519-3490
(toll-free number for office in Saanichton)
Central Island Health Units
Duncan Ladysmith Lake Cowichan Nanaimo Nanaimo Princess Royal Parksville/Qualicum Port Alberni Tofino
250-709-3050 250-755-3342 250-749-6878 250-755-3342 250-739-5845 250-947-8242 250-731-1315 250-725-4020
North Island Health Units
Campbell River Courtenay Kyuquot Health Ctr ‘Namgis Health Ctr Port Hardy
250-850-2110 250-331-8520 250-332-5289 250-974-5522 250-902-6071
islandhealth.ca/our-locations/ health-unit-locations Changes with BC Medical Services Plan premiums mean that families eligible for partial payment of some medical services and access to some income-based programs now must apply for Supplementary Benefits through the Government of BC. Applications can be done online and take approximately 15 minutes. Families who previously qualified for MSP Premium Assistance should not need to re-apply if taxes are completed yearly. It is advised to confirm coverage before proceeding with treatment to avoid paying out of pocket.
For more information, visit gov.bc.ca/gov/ content/health/health-drug-coverage/msp/ bc-residents/benefits/services-covered-bymsp/supplementary-benefits
Vol. III, Ed. II 15
Growth & Development
A Grandparent’s Guide to Sex Ed
I
Jennifer Gibson, MA, is also known as “The Sex Lady”—officially now for over 15 years in Greater Victoria!—to the thousands of amazing youth and adults she is lucky to educate and learn with through her job as the Coordinator of Community Education at Island Sexual Health. She’s passionate about making sexuality education as positive, fun and non-cringe-able as possible.
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t comes as no surprise that in the past few years, as many grandparents spend more time with their grandchildren and often in more carecentred roles, many have started asking how they can best support their grandchildren’s sexuality education. Most commonly, grandparents tell me that the BIG questions their grandchildren are comfortable enough to ask, inspire the grandparents to want to learn more. As our society becomes more open, honest and accepting about healthy sexuality, grandparents might feel that they missed opportunities to speak with their own children while they were growing up, and they want to change that with their grandchildren. Sometimes this openness brings concern that sexuality conversations will create more curiosities and confu-
sion for their grandchildren. I am always thrilled to squash these concerns with the fact that global research has repeatedly demonstrated exactly the opposite! In fact, when children are well informed about sexuality, this information satisfies age-appropriate curiosities and becomes a protective factor for their health and safety. I believe the best way for grandparents to begin to support the growth of their grandchildren’s knowledge is to understand the approaches and philosophies their parents are using. Are they using the “all questions are good” approach and allowing children to guide their conversations through questions? Are they sitting down for more directed chats using books as teaching tools (a personal favourite approach that works great for extended families!)? Or are they utilizing safe and factual websites such as those at Amaze.org to provide information? Knowing the answers to these questions will help you as grandparents to understand both the amount of information your grandchildren have received and, most importantly, the tone in which it’s being delivered. You can then support the information that has already been offered and best choose how to grow their knowledge in ways that respect family approaches. Grandparents often share with me that they are surprised (usually pleasantly!) by the specific language their grandchildren are using. Understanding the language which families are using to describe bodies, identities, and relationships is an integral piece for effective education. Sexuality education begins with simple, intentional use of scientific language to describe all areas of the body equally includgrandmag.ca
ing the genitals. Using these terms at times when you’re caring for their personal needs like during bath time or toilet training situates the language naturally. If you find that you haven’t used such specific language often enough to become comfortable, practice! Practice using the terms (nipples, vulva, testicles, nipples…) while you’re vacuuming. Using scientific language for all body parts teaches children that all parts of them are important and none are shameful or embarrassing. This knowledge and practice helps our children to ask for help, healthcare and/ or support when they need it with less apprehension and more confidence. Grandparents are vital to the understanding and practice of consent. Children (and adults!) shouldn’t feel obligated to offer and accept physical affection. For children to understand consent, we must allow them to witness and practice this skillset in their earliest and most influential personal relationships—with family. This means when you’re so full of love for them that you want to “squish” their face, you ask them first. Again, this may be a new practice that takes some time to feel comfortable and natural. Rest assured that when your grandchildren observe (and they are always watching/listening/absorbing!) a person being invited to share physical affection using language as simple as “Would you like a hug?”, it reminds them they have a choice and to expect that their needs and boundaries will be respected. This will set a solid course for future relationships they’ll be in. For the grandparents, this means accepting their wishes with grace even if it means missing out on the face squish. Whether you’re practicing science terms like vulva and penis at bath time, finding an answer to a BIG question, or asking before you squish their lovable face, you can be assured that your support and guidance will serve them and you well in the future.
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Kids Say the Darndest Things I cherish the memory of an incident that took place many years ago when I was the exhausted young mother of a challenging three-year-old girl and her lively redheaded infant brother. On this particularly chaotic day, I reached breaking point. Loudly asserting my need for “just a little peace and quiet,” I popped the baby into his crib and marched sassy Sarah to her room for quiet time before collapsing on the couch with a magazine and cup of tea. A few minutes later Sarah crept out of her room, cradling in her hands her most precious treasure: a tiny gilded cardboard gift box. Tiptoeing up to me, she proffered this peace offering. I opened it to find…nothing. Just an empty box. “What’s this?” I asked. Smiling softly, she whispered “It’s a piece of quiet.” Jacqui Graham
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Staying Connected
Grandparenting from Afar
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s the proud grandmother of a six-year-old grandson (my older son’s little boy), I was thrilled recently to learn that I am to be a grand-
Susan Gnucci is a local author and a proud “nonna” to an adorable six-yearold grandson. She enjoys sharing her experiences as a first-time grandparent.
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mother for a second time, this time with my younger son and his wife. My joy with this news, however, was tempered by a sobering fact—though I live in the same city as my first grandson, I live 3,000 kilometers away from my younger son and his wife. When my first grandson was born, it was so easy to be present at his birth and help out in those early days when sleep for new parents is such a precious commodity and home-cooked meals are much appreciated. And I was always eager to provide babysitting at every opportunity. I’ve been lucky to be able to spend every occasion with him: birthday
parties, Easter egg hunts, Mother’s Day picnics, Thanksgiving turkey dinners, and a host of activities every Christmas. I realize, however, that I will only see my second grandson—yes, it’s another boy!—at best twice each year because I still work full-time, and even more daunting, because the distance separating us is so great. I wish my own parents were still alive so I could commiserate with them; they lived 600 kilometers away from my sons as they grew up, and even though this distance isn’t that far, we still only saw them twice each year. For one thing, it was expensive to get on and off the Island, and flying a family of four simply wasn’t in our budget. For another, my parents also both worked so it wasn’t easy for them to get away either. Until now, I didn’t fully appreciate how difficult it must have been for them to be so far away from their only grandsons. I remember we packed as much as we could into every one of their visits, making a concerted effort to enjoy every moment together. As my sons grew older, my parents would gift each of them with a crisp $100 bill on every visit (in lieu of treating them throughout the year). I can still picture their eyes, wide with excitement, as they held their new fortune. To them, it was a windfall. I realize I will have to make the most out of every visit with my new grandson. What I lack in quantity, I will have to make up for in quality. Time together will be such a precious commodity. When I was raising my family, I would phone my parents every Sunday. My sons rarely came to the grandmag.ca
phone; they were usually too busy with all their activities or off with their friends. It was only on special occasions when they would spend a fleeting minute or two in conversation with their grandparents. Nowadays, modern technology such as FaceTime, Skype, Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook will allow me to play a greater role in my new grandson’s life. I will still be living at a distance, but technology will help narrow the gap. I hope through the use of such technology, we can become well acquainted, so we won’t have to waste valuable
time getting to know one another at the start of every visit. And I will prepare myself for those inevitable late night phone calls, the same ones I made to my own mother when my sons had a fever that wouldn’t break, or a suspicious rash, or a cough that just wouldn’t settle. I’m sure I must have driven my parents crazy with my worries, especially with my first child. This was back in the time before the internet; instead of a wealth of information at our fingertips with which a person can often self-diagnose nowadays, we turned instead to the wisdom and experience of people like our parents and grand-
parents. Even with the resource of the internet, there’s still nothing like practical experience, so despite the time difference, I fully expect to receive those phone calls, and of course, texts. I find it interesting that much of the ‘old-fashioned’ parenting wisdom provided by our previous generations now seems to be back in vogue! No doubt the birth of my second grandson will be both exciting and bittersweet. I’ve decided I want to be the type of grandmother who flies in for a visit carting treats and bearing gifts, fully prepared to win over her grandchild(ren). After all, I won’t have time to waste!
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Vol. III, Ed. II 19
Money & Finances
4 Ways to Invest in Your Grandchildren’s Future
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he bond between grandparents and grandchildren is special. You get to share your wisdom and stories with eager listeners and occasionally, you get to treat them to ice cream before dinner. If you’re able, you may want to plan to leave a legacy for your grandchildren. One of the best ways to set them up for a successful future is to contribute to their education savings.
Four strategies that can help you make smart investment choices for your grandchildren: 1. Coordinate RESP contributions with your adult children Registered Education Savings Plans (RESPs) are specifically designed to help parents and grandparents save for a child’s education. They offer opportunities for: • Government matching. Canada Education Savings Grants (CESGs) match 20 per cent of your contributions up to a maximum grant of $500 each year • Tax-deferred investment growth. No tax is due until your grandchild starts withdrawing money to pay for post-secondary education A child can be named as a beneficiary on more than one RESP. However, there is a lifetime contribution limit of $50,000 per child and this can get complicated to track across multiple plans. Find out if your children have opened an RESP for your grandchildren, and then coordinate your contributions with theirs.
For more information visit Manulife at manulife.ca.
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2. Consider giving your adult children the money to ontribute Rather than contributing directly to the RESP, you may want to give your children money so that they can contribute more to their child’s RESP. This can protect you from taxes if your grandchild decides not to pursue post-secondary education.
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3. Complement RESP savings with your TFSA Let’s say you plan to contribute a specific amount to a grandchild’s education savings—for example, $30,000—and you have the money available now. To maximize CESGs (assuming no one else is contributing on behalf of your grandchild), you can: • Contribute $30,000 to your TaxFree Savings Account (TFSA), if you have the contribution room available • Move $2,500 into the RESP every year That way, you’ll benefit from a TFSA’s tax-free investment growth while the money is waiting to go into the RESP. This can make a significant difference to the amount your grandchild has available to pay for his or her education. 4. Top up education savings in your grandchildren’s TFSA When your grandchildren are 18, they can open their own TFSAs. If their education savings need a topup, this can be an excellent place to do it. Beyond offering tax-free investment growth, TFSA withdrawals can be used for any purpose—unlike RESP savings, which must be used to help pay for education-related expenses. That makes them a flexible source of extra money while your grandchildren are studying. What if your grandchildren don’t need their TFSA money for school? You’ll be helping them start a lifelong habit of saving and investing—and that’s a legacy in itself. grandmag.ca
Sign up for a
GRAND Digital Subscription
and you could win a selection of children’s books sent to your grandchild every month (3-month subscription) courtesy of Marmalade Books. Every month they will receive recently published books appropriate to their age. These books have been curated by a trusted children’s bookseller. Marmalade Books is a monthly book subscription company located in Victoria for children aged 0–12.
Subscribe now at
grandmag.ca Vol. III, Ed. II 21
Cooking with Grandkids
Sharing Through Cooking
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hough I grew up far from my grandparents, I was adopted by an elderly neighbour when I was eight years old. I would go over to her
Emillie Parrish writes from Victoria and Saturna Island. She is the author of the Pacific Northwest lifestyle blog: BerriesAndBarnacles.com.
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house on the weekend and we would take walks in the nearby woods, looking for birds. She gave me a set of pastels so I could sit and draw. But mostly we cooked together. She started by teaching me to bake simple things like cookies and muffins. Then we moved on to pie crust and simple loaves of bread. As the third child in a family of four children, it was hard to mark my place between two older brothers and an adorable younger sister. Baking became a way to distinguish myself. I made a lemon meringue pie for my parents’ anniversary. Cakes for birthdays. Cookies at Christmas.
My interest in cooking only grew, and I was subsequently adopted by several other women with a passion for cooking. I learned how to can peaches, salsa and pickles. The best way to pull dough around the filling of a homemade peirogi. How to chop cabbage for borscht. And toast spices for curry. All of these particular cooking skills were better learned in person than from a cookbook or a YouTube video. Cooking is not just a process of following the steps in a recipe. It is an artform that involves intuition. And an understanding of how something should look, smell and feel. For an experienced cook, that sort of understanding is second nature. For a child, it is something that needs to be demonstrated. Connecting with your grandchildren through cooking is a special way to teach them about themselves. Recipes are a part of your family history and heritage. So why not invite your grandchildren into the kitchen! • Toddlers and preschoolers can help with measuring and stirring. They can also use a butter knife to slice soft foods like mushrooms. • School-aged kids are ready to learn how to cook. They love undivided adult attention and learning new skills. • Tweens and teens might be reluctant to get started, but they really enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes with showing off new skills and talents. Try to find out what might interest them, then build on that. Don’t be surprised if their interests cause you to also learn some new cooking skills, like making sushi or frying donuts. grandmag.ca
Boston Brown Bread My parents were both from New York State. Here is a traditional New England recipe that my great-grandmother and grandmother both used to enjoy making. Boston brown bread is a cross between a dense loaf of bread and a steamed pudding. It can be served plain or toasted. We often eat a slice as a hearty afterschool snack. However, it’s classically served with beans and franks for dinner. The most traditional way to make brown bread is to steam it in a large coffee can (6 inches tall and 4 inches wide). However, I recommend using a glass loaf pan, since coffee cans may have a plastic liner and aren’t necessarily designed for reusing in this way. Dry Ingredients ½ cup all-purpose flour ½ cup rye flour ½ cup finely ground corn meal ½ teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda ¼ teaspoon salt Wet Ingredients ½ cup molasses 1 cup buttermilk ¼ cup raisins 1. Start by preparing the steamer. Either use a large pot on the stove that will fit a loaf pan, or use a slow cooker. The loaf pan can sit on the bottom of the slow cooker. However, if you are using a pot on the stove, then you need a metal rack to keep the loaf pan off the bottom of the pot. 2. Grease the loaf pan with butter. 3. Bring a large kettle of water up to boil while you prepare the batter. 4. Mix the dry ingredients in a small bowl. Then mix the wet ingredients in a larger bowl. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and stir to combine. 5. Pour the batter into the loaf pan. Make sure the batter doesn’t fill more than two thirds of the way up the sides of the pan. Cover the loaf pan tightly with tin foil. 6. Place the loaf pan in the slow cooker or large pot. Add enough boiling water to come 1/3 of the way up the side of the loaf pan. Bring the water up to a gentle boil, then steam for 45–60 minutes. If you’re using a slow cooker, set the temperature on high and cook for 2–3 hours. The brown bread is ready when a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. 7. Let stand for 10 minutes before removing from the loaf pan. Enjoy!
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BUILD A LEGACY AND HELP TRANSFORM LIVES Consider giving a lasting gift to help local families build a strong foundation for a brighter future.
For more information, contact giving@habitatvictoria.com 250.480.7688 ext.103 habitatvictoria.com
Vol. III, Ed. II 23
Books & Literacy
Inspire a Love of Reading
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he Greater Victoria Public Library has put together programs and suggested activities you can undertake with your grandchildren to help develop a special bond and set up the kids in your life for a love of reading and learning. Programs and services offered by GVPL have changed during the COVID 19 pandemic, how-
Once Upon a StoryWalk
Join us for a StoryWalk®, where individual pages of a storybook, mounted on sign posts, are placed outdoors in a circuit. Children follow the narrative by visiting each sign post in sequence. Rain or shine; please dress appropriately. Check-out gvpl.ca for upcoming dates. Everyone welcome; children must be accompanied by an adult. Or set up one of GVPL’s StoryWalk® kits in your own backyard. Pages from a picture book are placed around the yard in a circuit. Kids and adults go from page to page in sequence, reading the book and discussing characters, illustrations, themes and vocabulary. To find out more, visit gvpl.ca/storywalk.
At Home
ever there are still many ways to enjoy the magic of learning together. Don’t have a library card? Get one in two minutes at gvpl.ca/get-a-librarycard/ and start reading, watching, playing, listening and learning right away.
Programs
While there is currently a pause in programs that happen inside the library, outside offerings include monthly COVID-friendly StoryWalks. Details at gvpl.ca/gvpl-programs 24 GRAND
Pop into a library branch to access a small browsing collection or visit gvpl. ca to put some of your favourite titles on hold and then bring them home to your favourite comfy reading spot. Share books you remember from your childhood. Tell your grandchild why you loved each book, what you remember about it and why you wanted to share it with them.
Go Digital
Find a wealth of ebooks, audiobooks, magazines, streaming video and games for children (and all ages) at gvpl.ca/ digital. Highlights include Biblioenfants, an online resource where you can find children’s read-along books in French. Check out Mango Languages for an opportunity to learn a new language with your grandkids. Find the Best of the Best Picture Books on a featured list on Cloudlibrary; you’re sure to find some old grandmag.ca
favourites and some new ones too! For children’s downloadable audiobooks and streaming TV shows check out Hoopla. And for ebooks for all ages, animated picture books, games for kids and more visit Tumblebooks. Grandparents who need assistance with any of GVPL’s digital platforms can visit gvpl.ca/help for helpful Niche Academy tutorials.
Special Items to Borrow
Grandparents can borrow a Climate Action To-Go Kit to explore ways of being energy efficient at home—try out a thermal leak detector, a kill-awatt meter, or a pedometer. Looking for something fun and creative to do together, borrow an easel and head outdoors for some fun painting or drawing together or check out a Puppets to Go Box and put on your own puppet show. Get down and play with a Skill Builders Adaptive Toy kit that include tools and toys to help children aged 3 and up develop essential skills—fine and gross motor, language, hand-eye coordination, focus and sensory processing.
to 10 years old. Pick up a bag of books on variety of topics that are already selected and ready to go by searching for Books to Go—Children’s.
Readers to Go
Readers to Go provide kids learning to read in English or French with a variety of books suited to their reading development. Each bag contains an assortment of short books with controlled vocabulary and related illustrations, plus information on how you can support children learning to read.
Family Picks to Go
With a Family Picks to Go kit, you can dig deeper into a topic with your
Stories to Go
It’s storytime in a box. GVPL’s Stories to Go boxes are a resource for families, caregivers and early childhood educators to use with young children. These theme boxes, available for toddlers or preschoolers, have been designed to meet a variety of interests while helping to develop early literacy skills. Kits include books, music CDs, a rhyme booklet and puppets and include selections in Arabic, Chinese, French, German, Italian and Spanish.
Books to Go
Is there a Lego lover in your family? How about a fairy fanatic? An adventurous astronaut? The Kids Books to Go Bags contain 10 books on one topic to immerse your child in an engaging learning experience. From dragons and dinosaurs to princesses and pirates, the mix of non-fiction and fiction titles will appeal to kids ages five grandmag.ca
grandchild. Choose a light-hearted kit like camping, coding or gardening; or one for more serious times, such as coping with the death of a family member or learning about Truth and Reconciliation. Or, choose something in between like getting ready for kindergarten or learning about puberty. These kits are based on requests from library patrons about what they’d like to see. Each kit contains seven books, making it easy for a grandparent to thoroughly explore a topic with their grandchildren.
For Greater Victoria Public Library’s complete list of 100 exceptional picture books for babies, toddlers and preschoolers, visit gvpl.ca/100books. Vol. III, Ed. II 25
Media & Technology
Face Your Fears & Embrace the Cloud
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any of us without sound technological knowledge worry about storing our files and data on the internet, but the truth is we could be more at risk if we don’t.
stored on a remote database, instead of being kept solely on your device. The biggest benefit of cloud storage is that photos, documents and other files won’t disappear if you lose your phone, or if your computer stops working.
Is it safe?
The level of security depends on which system you’re using, as different companies (Google, Apple, etc.) will have different ways of protecting the privacy of your files. Essentially, as long as your password is unique and secure (as is the case for all things tech-related), then cloud storage is safe. So, don’t be afraid to embrace it as a digital storage option. Certain products, such as Google Drive, allow users to set up mobile login verification, where the user receives a code via SMS, which is entered as an extra security tool, to help ensure the information is not accessed by an unauthorised user. Unless you are one of the few who regularly back up their files, you are only a computer malfunction away from losing most of your important files. Storing your information on the cloud allows you to make sure all your important files avert a hardware or file failure.
What is the cloud? Ben Hocking is digital editor at YourLifeChoices, yourlifechoices.com.au.
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Put simply, the cloud is a storage system that uses an online server, rather than a phone or computer hard drive. This means that your files are
Another advantage
As well as making sure your files are safe from malfunction and misadventure, storing files in the cloud also comes with one other significant advantage: sharing files with loved ones quickly. If you store all images on Google Photos, for example, you can access these images instantly no matter where we are. You can also share the login details with other family members and friends so they can see all the latest pictures of the grandkids, without trawling through the mess of social media. grandmag.ca
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Start a conversation with Beth Cairns today: 250-519-1750 | vhf@viha.ca victoriahf.ca/will-and-estates grandmag.ca
Vol. III, Ed. II 27
