Island Parent - November by Island Parent Group

Island Parent The Resource Publication for Vancouver Island Parents

November 2011

How to Be a Supermodel Kids & ConďŹ dence Book Recommendations C-Section Survival

Parent Blame

Writing a Will

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Sunday is FUN day! Saanich Commonwealth Place

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Pack up the little ones and drop-in for great family fun each Sunday: Family Swim 10am-12:30pm & 4:30-6pm Everyone Welcome Swim 1-4pm & 6-8pm Kindergym for 5 yrs & under 10-10:45am ��

4636 Elk Lake Dr.

250.475.7600

children’s boutique

Look for

• Shoes • Clothing • Toys

HOLIDAY COLLECTIONS ARE HERE!

Advent Gift Calendars at

DOWNTOWN

624 Fort St 250 360 2570

BROADMEAD VILLAGE

Newborn to 12 years

www.timeenoughfor lovecalendars.com

777 Royal Oak Dr 250 360 2520

The Red Balloon Toyshop www.scallywags-island.ca

The Best Toyshop in the Whole Wide World Downtown Duncan 250-748-5545 redballoon@shaw.ca

You are Invited . . .

to discover why Cathedral may be the right School for your child.

Age 3 – 5 Childcare

K – Grade 8

Open House

Sunday, Nov.

School

2:00 – 4:00

Open House

Monday, Nov.

www.cathedralschool.ca

Junior Kindergarten

21st 1:00 – 4:00

Elementary & Middle School

Christ Church Cathedral School

520 Niagara Street | 250-383-5132 jk@cathedralschool.ca

912 Vancouver Street | 250-383-5125 cathedralschool@cathedralschool.ca

***Spaces Available Now***

Pre-K to Grade 12

Reading

Writing

Math

Grammar

Study Skills

Homework

French

You don’t need a report card to know how your child is doing in school �� doing in school. Oxford Learning academic assessment is a great �� report card—contact Oxford Learning today! We stay in contact with teachers, and we follow up on tests, assignments, and projects. With regular updates, you’ll know how your child is doing every step of the way. Call today, or visit oxfordlearning.com Victoria 250.477.5550 203-1595 McKenzie Ave. Victoria, BC, V8N 1A4 victoria@oxfordlearning.com

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November 2011

Contents: November 2011 Feature Parent Blame ................................................................................................12

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Articles Keeping Cozy ...............................................................................................10 Writing a Will ..............................................................................................16 Parents Do the Darndest Things ...................................................................18 How to Be a Supermodel..............................................................................20 Kids & Conﬁdence .......................................................................................21 Book Recommendations...............................................................................22 Birthmarked for Greatness ...........................................................................26 The Not-So-Simple-Egg ................................................................................27 C-Section Survival ........................................................................................34 8 Tips to Help Kids Who Stutter ..................................................................53

Columns

FREE Cloth Diapering Workshop Nov 18, Please RSVP! Now Open Sundays 10–2, Mon–Sat 10–5

3011 Gosworth Rd 250 294 8978 (between Cedar Hill Rd & Hillside Ave)

WOW! Explore Horne Lake FALL/WINTER • New Cave Open for Self-guiders! • 3 hr. “Wet & Wild” Cave Tour • Lakefront Camping $10/nt. • Canoe/Kayak Rentals • Hotel & Resort Packages Check out the Fall “Eagle Show”

Editor’s Note ..................................................................................................3 Dadspeak .....................................................................................................36 Healthy Families; Happy Families ................................................................38 Just Eat It! ....................................................................................................40 Is There an App for This? .............................................................................42 Book Nook ..................................................................................................44 New Parent Pages.........................................................................................48 Maternity & Beyond ....................................................................................52 Nature Notes ...............................................................................................54 Cut It Out ....................................................................................................56

Departments IPM Notes......................................................................................................4 Party Directory.......................................................................................24, 25 Family Calendar ...........................................................................................28 Around the Island ........................................................................................33 Family Services Directory .......................................................................46, 47 Preschool & Child Care Directory .........................................................50, 51 Business & Professional Directory................................................................53 Island Parent Magazine, produced by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a monthly publication that honours and supports parents by providing information on resources and businesses for families, and a forum for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. Letters (max 250 words) should be emailed to the Editor at editor@islandparent.ca. No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the Editor. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcome and should be emailed to editor@islandparent.ca. Island Parent Magazine is distributed free in selected areas. Subscriptions can be obtained by sending $28.00 (HST included) with your name and address to the address below. Canada Post: Canadian Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement 40051398.

Island Parent Magazine

Suite A-10, 830 Pembroke St, Victoria, BC V8T 1H9 Tel: 250-388-6905 Fax: 250-388-6920 Website: www.islandparent.ca

1-888-285-PARK (7275) online reservations:

www.hornelake.com 2

Island Parent Magazine

Partner Website: www.kidsinvictoria.com On the Cover: Photo by Sheri Jackson Photography in Nanaimo, www.sherijacksonphoto.ca or 250-740-5904

President, Publisher: Paul Abra Vice-President: Anna Abra Director, Production Manager: Mada Moilliet Editor: Sue Fast Advertising Sales: Paul Abra, Glenn Harbison Publisher’s Assistant: Linda Frear Bookkeeping: Elaine Francis Distribution: Anna Abra, Ted Dawe (Mid-Island) Founders: Jim Holland & Selinde Krayenhoff Production: Eacrett Graphic Design Printed at Island Publishers Cover printed at Hillside Printing ISSN 0838-5505

www.kidsinvictoria.com

The Art of Birth

f you’re planning a trip to New York in the next few weeks and are looking for some unusual live entertainment, don’t bother with Broadway. Instead, head to the Microscope Gallery in Brooklyn. Here you’ll find The Birth of Baby X, the gallery’s current show, billed as “an installation/video/durational performance that culminates in an actual birth.” Running until November 7—give or take a day or two, depending upon the accuracy of the baby’s due date—The Birth of Baby X is a month-long performance and installation by artist Marni Kotak, 36, that will feature the birth of her first child. In front of a live audience. At the gallery. The gallery, painted a soothing shade of ocean blue and set up like a “home birthing room,” provides the ultimate exhibition(ist) space. Complete with a double bed, originally Kotak’s grandmother’s (then Kotak’s, and later used to conceive Baby X), a rocking chair, and an inflatable birthing pool, the entire gallery has been given over to the installation. There’s a wall display holding Kotak’s pregnancy test and silver baby spoon, an altar displaying the framed image of her ultrasound (the baby’s gender unknown), two 10-foothigh trophies—one for Kotak for giving birth, the other for Baby X for being born—and photo-imprinted pillows of the mother-tobe. There’s even a never-ending soundtrack of ocean waves. And if that’s not enough, the gallery’s website promises that “remnants from the final days of pregnancy and the birth will be added to the exhibition as it progresses.” I don’t know about you, but I’m sold. The gallery’s hours have been extended to accommodate the unpredictable nature of childbirth and a contact list has been established for any visitors who wish to be alerted when it’s time to return for the baby’s birth. Before the show’s recent media attention—with headlines screaming such things as “Lights, Camera, Contraction!” and “The Audience is Expectant, So is the Performer!”— Kotak had about 20 people a day drop by the gallery to see her free exhibit. Now, like Kotak herself, those numbers are swelling. Despite the growing interest, though, only 15 spectators, plus the birthing team, will be allowed to witness the birth. Kotak doesn’t plan to talk to her audience—which, thinking back to my own labours and deliveries, is

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probably just as well—and only her painterhusband, Jason Robert Bell, will be allowed to document the birth using still photography and video footage. Too bad. Just think of the potential slide shows upon your return home. “That’s the Brooklyn Bridge, and this next one is of…” As a performance artist, Kotak says she’s “most concerned with the question of how one can have and convey a real experience.”

Editor’s Note SUE FAST So far, she’s reenacted her own birth, her grandfather’s funeral, and the ﬁrst time she had sex. With The Birth of Baby X, Kotak continues to present her life experiences as so-called works of art, works in which she strives—according to the gallery’s website—to avoid the spectacle often involved in performance art to reach what is real. Avoid the spectacle? “So often I ﬁnd that people overlook how our lives are full of the most amazing, shocking, challenging, beautiful, and disturbing experiences,” says Kotak in an interview in the Village Voice, “far more interesting than anything anyone could put together as a ‘performance’.” Reactions range from visitors being incensed to intrigued, some accusing Kotak of being exploitative, narcissistic, and even abusive towards her unborn child. And some question the legitimacy of calling childbirth “art.” But she’s not letting that stop her. In fact, she’s already planning her—and her baby’s—next act. The birth will be followed by a long-term piece called Raising Baby X, in which she’ll document her child’s upbringing until college with weekly video podcasts of their daily lives. Kotak describes the piece as “an ongoing performance art project that re-contextualizes the everyday act of raising a child as a work of art.” That’s every day. For 18 years. Better pull up a comfortable chair.

…REMEMBER… And the Soldiers Sang by J. Patrick Lewis

Battle of Britain by Chris Priestley

Canadian Heroes

by Maxine Trottier

Exiles from the War by Jean Little

Hold the Oxo!

by Marion Fargey Brooker

Prisoner of Dieppe by Hugh Brewster

Remembering John McCrae by Linda Granﬁeld

Shot at Dawn by John Wilson

Tunnel King

by Barbara Hehner

Where Poppies Grow by Linda Granﬁeld

The Children’s Bookshop New Books for Preschoolers to Young Adults Beacon & 4th in Sidney (Beside Tanner’s Books)

250-656-4449

Open 8am–9pm

November 2011

IPM Notes Pumpkin Smash 2011 The scariest thing about Halloween is the number of jack-o-lanterns that end up in the landfill. Keep your pumpkins out of the trash and drop by the Greater Victoria Compost Education Centre’s largest event of the year—the 7th Annual Pumpkin Smash. Bring your family and friends, and of course your pumpkins, and try your hand at an assortment of family games to help raise awareness for composting. Since the event started, the Compost Centre has diverted almost 100 tonnes of pumpkins from the landfill. The Pumpkin Smash (by donation) takes place on Saturday, November 5 at the Fairfield Thrifty Foods (1590 Fairfield Road) and Cloverdale Thrifty Foods (3475 Quadra Street) from 10am to 3pm and on Sunday, November 6 at the Hillside Thrifty Foods (1580 Hillside Avenue) from 10am to 3pm. There will be family-friendly games, a raffle for Green Cone digesters, and lots of knowledgeable staff and volunteers to answer your questions or give you advice on the best smashing techniques. The Greater Victoria Compost Educa-

Island Parent Magazine

tion Centre is located at 1216 North Park Street in Victoria and provides composting and organic gardening education to Capital Region residents. The Centre is also your regional “one-stop compost shop,” selling composting supplies and offering free Composting Basics workshops. For more information, phone the compost hotline at 250-386-WORM (9676) or visit www. compost.bc.ca.

The Lighthouse Parent: A Forever Journey Whether we realize it or not, we have learned how to parent from our parents and grandparents or extended family. And since the techniques of yesterday are not necessarily the most enlightened for today’s child, you can ﬁnd yourself dealing with unanticipated and unnecessary conﬂict with your children. From November 14-28 at 6:45-9:15pm, the Single Parent Resource Centre is offering Lighthouse Parent: A Forever Journey (Teen Years), a program to help parents understand how to hold and be the light for their family. Your light will shine brightly or dimly depending on how connected you feel to your own and your family’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual growth.

The Lighthouse Parent will help parents to regain and rebalance their energy and parenting wisdom in line with their child’s age and developmental milestones. In a conﬁdential, small group format, parents will learn about: • theories of attachment (working with healthy attachment and releasing unhealthy attachment) • biological and neurological child development stages (toddler, youngster, ’tween and teen) • historical parenting traps and how to get unhooked from them • realistic stress management strategies that work • the paths to ﬁnding and sharing times of joy, and spirituality in parenting • peer support and facilitator guidance Fees are by donation. For more information, please visit www.singleparentvictoria. ca.

Bear Wear 2011 The holiday teddies are back. Bear Wear, a fundraiser for the Queen Alexandra Foundation for Children, runs from November 24 until January 3, 2012 in the lobby of the Hotel Grand Paciﬁc, 463 Belleville Street in Victoria. Head down to the Inner Harbour

www.kidsinvictoria.com

and visit the best-dressed teddy bears in town. Bears are dressed and donated by local businesses and include many valuable extras such as gift certiﬁcates for vacations, restaurant and activity packages, celebrity memorabilia, toys, athletic equipment and original art. Vote for your favourite ($2 suggested donation), and place your bids. There’s a silent auction where the highest bidder for each bear gets to take home a new best friend. Funds raised at Bear Wear 2011 will support the Queen Alexandra School Age Program. When children enter the school system they often need a range of supports to help them achieve their full potential. The therapists in this program work with the students, education assistants and teachers to develop strategies for success. Last year, 1,868 children were helped. The goal is to raise $30,000 for the School Age Program. For more information, phone 250-721-6855.

New at the Library: Kindergarten Kits Vancouver Island Regional Library is introducing kindergarten kits to help parents, caregivers and teachers of children who started full-day kindergarten this fall. The kits consist of tote boxes ﬁlled with items such as books, felt stories, puppets, puzzles, games, music CDs, DVDs, and an information sheet on suggested uses. The kits are arranged by themes such as animal stories, classics, folk tales, stories about family and school, humorous stories, rhymes and more to instill a love of reading, books and storytelling. Children don’t need to know how to read before they attend kindergarten, but parents and caregivers can help kids develop the skills needed to learn to read. The kindergarten kits are a great resource. Playing with the materials provided in these kits will help children develop curiosity, imagination and conﬁdence in preparation for more formal learning. The books in the kit are selected from the list of 100 Best Picture Books to Read in Kindergarten developed by librarians in North America to reinforce what kindergartners already know and what they will learn in the year ahead. The kits also include a book for parents on a variety of topics such as the importance of play, games, reading magic and others. Kindergarten teachers are welcome to arrange a visit to their local library for a tour and to attend storytime with their pupils. www.IslandParent.ca

WANTED:

Children to see their brains in action!

Dr. Holroyd and colleagues at the University of Victoria Department of Psychology are currently looking for children between the ages 8 and 13 with OR without Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder to participate in a study of ADHD. Participants will engage in game-like computer activities, paper and pencil tasks, and “brainwave” experiments where we will record the electrical activity of the brain! The procedure is entirely safe, non-invasive, and most children enjoy being involved in a scientific experiment! Scheduling is flexible and there is a small monetary compensation. Thank you for your participation! For more information, please contact Akina at 250 853 3837 or uvic.adhd@gmail.com

Nov 2 Nov 9 Nov 16 Nov 23 Nov 30

Fizzlepop Music Corner Poco the Clown Auntie Winnie Tickles & Poco the Clown

Special Christmas Show with Surprise Guest & Treats!

November 2011

VIRL also offers a variety of storytelling sessions for babies, toddlers and preschoolers, and has special events for elementary school children. The 48 kindergarten kits were made possible by a grant from the Times Colonist CanWest Raise-a-Reader program and can be borrowed for three weeks from all 38 VIRL branches.

Find Out About Your Family History The Victoria Genealogical Society has designed a website to help your children learn about the history of their family or to celebrate their ancestors. Genealogy in the Classroom is a new way of introducing kids to the world of genealogy. It is web based and free, with no registration hassles and no passwords to remember. Designed by teachers for teachers and students, the program is fun for everyone. The Family History Club section contains a list of fun activities and projects such as ﬁnding the origin of your surname, making a family history video, going on a genealogical treasure hunt, or taking the youth write-in challenge and becoming a published author. Kids also learn how to use online genealogical research tools to ﬁnd information about our war veterans.

You’ll also ﬁnd articles and online search engines in the Library, videos about genealogy in the Computer Lab, downloadable and printable charts and forms in the Supplies Room, and games in the Playground. Visit www.victoriags.org/school.

Family Literacy Fun In celebration of Family Literacy Day, get together with your family and write an original short story (500 words or less) about how you learn with your family. For each week leading up to Family Literacy Day on January 27, a story will be featured as the “Story of the Week.” Families whose stories are featured on the website will receive a Family Literacy Day prize pack. Family Literacy Day is an annual initiative developed by ABC Life Literacy Canada to celebrate children and adults reading and learning together, and to encourage Canadians to spend at least 15 minutes every day enjoying a learning activity as a family. Hundreds of thousands of Canadians participate in this initiative every year in their homes and communities. According to Literacy BC, children raised in literate households are likely to enter Grade 1 with several thousand hours of one-to-one prereading experience behind them.

To submit your family’s story, please visit www.FamilyLiteracyDay.ca.

B.C. Optometrists Q & A Website The B.C. Association of Optometrists has launched a website to help promote and preserve the eye health of British Columbians. The website features videos of B.C. optometrists answering speciﬁc questions about vision and eye health. Questions include: “Does wearing glasses make a child’s eyes worse?”, “Will sitting too close to the television hurt my child’s eyes?”, “At what age should my child’s eyes be examined by an optometrist?” If your question is not already answered in videos on the site, you can submit your question on the Ask a Doctor of Optometry Facebook page, and a B.C. doctor of optometry will respond, typically within 24 hours. New video topics will be added on an ongoing basis from other eye doctors throughout B.C. The videos—which are also accessible through Facebook, YouTube and other video hosting sites—cover everything from blurry vision to children’s vision problems, age-related eye diseases, eye medications, emergency eye care and more.

Come Experience Our School ��

WHERE GIRLS WHO WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD BECOME WOMEN WHO DO.

w w w.st m a r g.c a | (250) 479-7171 6

Island Parent Magazine

www.kidsinvictoria.com

To ﬁnd a B.C. optometrist in your area, book an exam, get treatment, buy eyewear or Ask a Doctor of Optometry, visit www. bcdoctorsofoptometry.com.

Take a Virtual Tour of BC Children’s Hospital BC Children’s Hospital in Vancouver has launched a new virtual tour for families of children undergoing surgery at the hospital. The tour provides parents and children with an up-close look at exactly what happens before and after surgery. Included in the tour are a look inside the surgical day care unit and operating and recovery rooms. The tour was developed in consultation with families with the goal to prepare young patients and their families The tour includes practical tips, such as bringing your child’s favourite DVDs (the recovery room has DVD players), books, toys, or blanket, and remembering the importance of being calm and reassuring your child that everything is okay. Ideally, parents will view the tour ﬁrst and then watch it with their child. There are photos depicting how the surgeons will be dressed, what Mom or Dad may be wearing, the waiting room, the operating room, and the recovery room. If children are well prepared, they are less likely to be fearful and upset. To access the tour, visit www.bcchildrens. ca/surgerytour.

The Door That’s Not Locked While the Internet is an open door to a world of great information, communication and entertainment, it can also be a passageway to danger. The Canadian Centre for Child Protection helps parents, teachers and anyone else keep their kids safe while they enter “the door that’s not locked.” The online world is far reaching and largely unrestricted, so everyone with kids in their lives needs to know what they are facing as they explore it. They need to better understand the positives and negatives of Internet so they’re better positioned to keep their kids safer online. The Door That’s Not Locked is a comprehensive, easy-to-use, Canadian-content Internet safety site that raises awareness about time spent online, the risks associated with going online, as well as tips and safety strategies to help kids enjoy the many beneﬁts of the Internet safely. The site provides parents with a variety of resources and tools geared speciﬁcally www.IslandParent.ca

Le français au CSF, c’est bien plus qu’une langue !

Depuis sa création en 1995, le Conseil scolaire francophone de la Colombie-Britannique offre des programmes et des services éducatifs valorisant le plein épanouissement et l’identité culturelle des apprenantes et apprenants francophones de la province. Le conseil compte aujourd’hui plus de 4 600 élèves, 36 écoles publiques et dessert plus d’une centaine de communautés réparties dans l’ensemble de la province.

Inscrivez votre enfant dans une école du CSF !

NOS ÉCOLES PUBLIQUES DANS L’ÎLE DE VANCOUVER Campbell River École Mer-et-montagne

250-923-3359 École secondaire Phoenix 250-923-3359 École secondaire Carihi 250-923-3359

1102 South Alder 400, 7th Ave. 350 Dogwood St.

M-6 7-9 10 - 12

Comox Valley

École au Cœur-de-l'île

250-339-1848

566 Linshart Rd.

M - 12

Nanaimo

École Océane

250-714-0761

1951 Estevan Rd.

M-7

Port Alberni

École des Grands-cèdres 250-723-5614

4645 Helen St.

M-6

Victoria

École Victor-Brodeur

637 Head St.

M - 12

250-220-6010

csf.bc.ca

November 2011

towards parents, teachers or others. You can also learn what online activities are popular and how your child might use them. For more information, visit www.thedoorthatsnotlocked.ca.

School Trafﬁc Safety Tips is hosting their

2012 Second Annual Victoria

DYSLEXIA AWARENESS WORKSHOP MARCH 24, 2012 10am to 4 pm

Dyslexia Victoria Online has been featured on: “The Daily” on Shaw TV CHEK TV “Island 30” and in the Times Colonist Workshop registration and lunch fee: $85 Pre-registration includes a $10 discount! Please pre-register early – seating is limited

This interactive workshop will beneﬁt: Dyslexics, parents of Dyslexics, tutors, teachers, special needs support staff, service providers and anybody curious about why Dyslexics think and learn the way they do. Some of the topics you will learn about: • Why countries like New Zealand, Australia, the UK and other parts of Europe believe Dyslexia is a “learning difference” rather than a learning disability. • How to recognize Dyslexia in children and adults, including checklists and simple screenings. • What teaching methods are appropriate and beneﬁcial for Dyslexics in the classroom and home. • Why learning styles (Visual, Auditory or Kinesthetic) are so important to Dyslexics for successful learning. • How modern adaptive technology can assist Dyslexic students with reading, spelling, note taking and writing.

or pre-register on our website www.dyslexiavictoriaonline.com click on the linak at the top of the home page called: “DYSLEXIA AWARENESS WORKSHOP IN VICTORIA, BC”

Island Parent Magazine

For Drivers • Stop and Slow Down in or near school and residential areas, and always be prepared to stop at marked crosswalks. • Look for Clues such as School Zone signs, BCAA School Safety patrollers, bicycles, and playgrounds, which indicate children could be in the area. • Parked Cars. Scan between parked cars and other objects for signs that children could dart into the road. • Weather. Practice extra caution in adverse weather conditions. • Commute Times. Pay particular attention near schools during the morning and afternoon hours. Reduce speed to 30km/hr in school zones on weekdays, 8am-5pm. • School Buses. Always stop for school buses when their red lights are flashing for loading and unloading students. • Expect the Unexpected. Kids darting out from between parked cars, other vehicles backing up, rolling through stop signs, pulling away without signaling, and making U-turns. For Families: • Walking. ‘Walking pools’ and buddies are great ways to get to school. Parents can take shifts and walk along a prescribed route picking up and dropping off children at designated stops along the way. Friends can meet up the same way and walk to and from school together, and older students can take on the responsibility of walking with younger students on their way to or from school. • Safe Routes. It is important that children travel along the safest routes possible to and from school. Children should walk on sidewalks if possible, cross at light-controlled or patrolled crosswalks, and avoid wooded areas or places where there is very little activity on the streets. • Bike Riding. Helmets must be worn by law. Bright clothing with reflective strips and bikes equipped with front and rear lights add to rider safety. All riders should be properly trained to ride a bicycle and understand and obey the rules of the road. • Public transportation. The above strategies can also be modified with students using transit instead of walking or riding to school.

• Visibility. Make sure children are visible to other road users—wearing light-coloured or reﬂective clothing if they will be out in low light. Make sure that small children understand that they are sometimes impossible for a driver to see. Teach them to make eye contact with drivers before stepping into the intersection. • Know the Rules. Make sure that your kids get proper supervision by an adult who understands the rules and models safe practices. • No Cell Phones or Electronic Devices. Teach children not to use their cell phones while crossing streets, and to give their full attention to the environment around them. For more information, visit www.bcaatsf.ca.

New Multidisciplinary Health Care Centre in Duncan The new Matraea Centre is located in downtown Duncan, opposite City Hall, at 170 Craig Street. Registered midwives Selina Boily and Kate Koyote have transformed the original red brick BC Tel building into a multidisciplinary health care centre catering to the well-being of Cowichan Valley families. The centre is home to Duncan’s only midwifery clinic. Associated family health care practitioners include: massage therapy, naturopathic medicine, Chinese medicine and acupuncture, family counseling, nutritional counseling, serenity house, and building co-owner Nika Stafford’s Natural Hair Salon. The centre also features a teaching space that offers yoga classes, childbirth and new parent education classes and pre- and post-natal ﬁtness classes. For more information, visit www.matcentre.ca.

Matraea Mercantile in Duncan Matraea Mercantile, Duncan’s newest mama and baby eco-boutique, features organic, natural, specialty health products related to family wellness, pregnancy, birth and babies. With a focus on supplying local, handmade and sustainable products, the store sells organic cotton baby blankets made by a grandmother in Victoria, organic cotton baby carriers made by a mom in Saskatchewan, Victoria’s own Baby Kanga cloth diapers, as well as locally manufactured teas for pregnancy and natural skin care products for mamas and babies. DIY belly-casting kits, baby hand and foot imprint kits as well as homebirth kits are available, along with Be Present and Half Moon Yoga maternity clothing and accessories. The Matraea Centre is a great resource www.kidsinvictoria.com

for families in the Cowichan Valley. Stop by 170 Craig Street and take a look.

Glenlyon Norfolk School

Royal BC Museum Family Passes at the Greater Victoria Public Library

Errata In last month’s Family Resource Guide, we inadvertently misspelled the name of writer Jessica Duncan. Our apologies to Jessica.

www.IslandParent.ca

OPEN HOUSE Friday, November 4 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. Junior School (JK to Gr. 5) 1701 Beach Drive Middle & Senior Schools (Gr. 6 to 12) 801 Bank Street

Cathie Ferguson Photography

Greater Victoria families can now borrow one of 20 Royal BC Museum Family Passes from the Greater Victoria Public Library. Each Pass allows two adults and up to three youth free general admission to all galleries and exhibitions at the Royal BC Museum. The Royal BC Museum Family Passes can be borrowed for one week and are available to anyone with a valid adult Greater Victoria Public Library card, from any of the 10 branches in the region. Having the ability to borrow Royal BC Museum Family Passes from the library means individuals and families in and around Victoria will have increased access to the museum and archives that preserve B.C.’s stories and history. Every year, thousands of B.C. students and educators visit the museum, free of charge. And in January, the Admission by Donation week is also popular. The Royal BC Museum Family Pass Program will allow access to all upcoming Royal BC Museum exhibitions including: Wildlife Photographer of the Year, Dec 16Apr 9, 2012. This exhibition focuses on the wonders of nature through a new lens. Dinosaurs: Ancient Fossils, New Discoveries starts on May 17, 2012 and runs for four months. This exhibition shows how paleontologists use new technologies to dig up the long-dead secrets of the dinosaurs and includes life-size cast skeletons of T-Rex and Stegosaurus. Queen Elizabeth II by Cecil Beaton: A Diamond Jubilee Celebration, June 1-Sept 3, 2012, featuring nearly 100 portraits by acclaimed royal photographer, designer and avid diarist Cecil Beaton (1904-1980). The exhibition depicts the Queen in her roles as princess, monarch and mother, and will include a number of previously unpublished photographs, alongside extracts from Beaton’s personal diaries and letters. For more information about the Royal BC Museum, visit www.royalbcmuseum. bc.ca or call 1-888-447-7977.•

Come for a student-led tour. Learn why the International Baccalaureate provides an outstanding education. Hear all about our athletic, ﬁne arts, and co-curricular opportunities. Feel the community that is GNS! Do your best through truth and courage

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Keep the Chrisx in Christmas Celebrate Christmas at St. Andrew’s High School with

The 25th Annual Advent Carol Concert Wednesday, December 14th at 7:00 pm Sacred Heart Church, 4044 Nelthorpe

Readings and Carols for Advent followed by Refreshments

Hire-A-Choir

Fri, Dec 9th, 6–10pm • Sat, Dec 10th, 1–5pm

Invite St. Andrew’s Singers into your home to provide a 1/2 hour of seasonal music for You and Your Guests. Suggested donation: $50.

For further information and booking, please contact Mr. O’Reilly at 250-479-1414 or poreilly@cisdv.bc.ca November 2011

Rachel Dunstan Muller

Musicalia Keeping Cozy

Music Immersion for Babies & Children

here’s nothing nicer than a cozy house on a cold, West Coast day—but that warmth can come at a cost. Roughly 60 per cent of the energy Canadian households consume goes towards heating, which translates to a pretty hefty carbon footprint. As technology improves and we become more energy-conscious, this number should be going down. Instead, it’s increasing, along with the size of our homes. So how does a family turn the tide on high heating bills and still stay snug? Depending on your budget and whether or not you own your residence, there are a number of options.

It takes a little more effort than adjusting a dial, but air sealing is another cost-effective way to cut energy consumption. According to City Green, a non-profit organization that specializes in energy efficiency solutions, the average 20-year-old home has enough leaks to make a 16” hole. Unless you find and seal these gaps, you’re essentially leaving a small window open year-round. The internet has a wealth of great DIY directions for caulking and weather-stripping. If you’d like help identifying the leaks in your home, you can hire a Certified Energy Consultant from City Green to run a depressurizing

The simplest way to save energy is to turn down the heat. A programmable thermostat is a must have, whether you’re motivated by money or energy savings. Environment Canada recommends that families set the temperature to 21 degrees during hours when people are awake and present in the home, and 17 degrees when people are away or sleeping. A lower temperature at night may actually improve the quality of your sleep, provided you have enough blankets! If you ﬁnd that 21 degrees is too chilly during the day, try increasing your “personal insulation.” It’s amazing the difference a warm sweater and a pair of slippers can make as you’re padding around the house, or a throw blanket when you’re curled up on the couch. You might ﬁnd you’re able to turn the temperature down another degree or two.

fan test. Sign up for pre- and post-retrofit assessments with City Green, and you’ll be eligible for generous provincial and federal grants for air sealing upgrades. City Green advisers will travel just about anywhere on Vancouver Island. You can check them out at www.citygreen.ca, or call them at 250381-9995 (in Victoria), or 1-866-381-9995 (toll free from the rest of the Island). Ensuring your home has adequate insulation is the next step in slashing your heating bills. Again, the provincial and federal governments provide significant financial incentives to homeowners upgrading in this area. My husband and I took advantage of these grants two years ago to insulate our character home, which turned out to be surprisingly simple and cheap. Contractors blew cellulose fiber into our exterior walls over a two-day period. After the grants we were only out of pocket a few hundred

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dollars. Our only regret is that we didn’t do it sooner! To ensure safe and energy-efficient operation, furnaces and other heating appliances should be serviced annually and properly maintained throughout the heating season. Furnace and heat pump filters should be changed regularly, while registers, vents, and electric baseboards should be kept clean to ensure that heating elements don’t have to work harder and use more energy than necessary. If you heat with wood, be aware that woodstoves are a significant source of air pollution and smog during the winter. The environmental impact of wood burning is reduced dramatically if you use an EPA certified woodstove instead of a conventional one. Certified woodstoves also consume about a third less wood. Make sure that the wood you burn is dry and untreated, and that fires stay in the optimal temperature zone to ensure clean combustion. (An inexpensive stovepipe thermometer will let you monitor this.) Chimneys should be cleaned regularly to prevent creosote build-up and reduce the risk of chimney fires. Remember to close the damper between fires to minimize heat loss. As traditional appliances become more energy-efficient and new technologies emerge, it may be worthwhile to upgrade your current heat system or replace it entirely. An energy adviser can help you determine the best system for your home and budget. Again, provincial and federal grants are available through the City Green program if you’re ready to make an upgrade. New oil and gas furnaces are up to 30 per cent more efficient than older ones. Replace an electric furnace with an air source heat pump, and your heating bills could drop by up to 50 per cent. Install a ground or water source heat pump (a geothermal system), and you could reduce your heating bills by a whopping 65 per cent. Act quickly if you want to take advantage of the government grants available through City Green. The federal ecoENERGY grant is only available to people who complete the necessary work and have a post-retrofit assessment before March 31, 2012. The LiveSmart BC grants are available until March 31, 2013. Whatever your strategies, I hope you stay cozy this winter!

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November 2011

Catherine St. Denis

Parent

BLAME Parents are typically held responsible for any undesirable behaviour their child displays. In fact, the phenomenon of “mother blame” has been researched by sociologists in recent years. Just watch the faces of bystanders in a busy grocery store as a child has a meltdown; understanding and sympathetic expressions are dwarfed by the mass of annoyed and judgemental looks, and even more so if the parent seems to be struggling to calm the situation. On the other hand, a personable, giggling toddler in the grocery line-up elicits smiles and warm expressions toward both the child and parent. “That parent is doing a good job,” seems to be the common thinking if a child behaves well. This attitude extends into all areas: a good parent’s child is friendly, polite, has many friends, has a healthy body weight, achieves good grades, excels in the arts and/or sports, and makes it through adolescence unscathed by the myriad issues parents fear most. 12

Island Parent Magazine

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Since I became a parent 10 years ago, I have been on the receiving end of a decent sized chunk of “parent blame.” My son was not the personable, smiling preschooler in the grocery line-up. Although he may have been happy, he wasn’t engaging with the customers around him, and was probably constantly grabbing for the candy, magazines, and grocery items as he wiggled incessantly, chanted something about Thomas the Train at top volume, and periodically pressed his head into me with as much strength as he could muster. To many, his behaviour might have come off as bratty and annoying, and therefore they would assume he was lacking proper discipline—that I was at fault. It would not have occurred to them that he had neurological reasons for his behaviour, and simply getting through the grocery store and home again was a monumental task, requiring intense planning, constant redirection and reminders, and periodic sessions of strong pressure to his body to keep him as calm and focussed as possible. After all, my son looked like a typical child. He wasn’t behaving so far out of the norm that people would think he had some kind of condition.

…there are many parents whose children are dealing with much more complex issues than can be seen on the surface, and these parents tend to be judged as ineffective due to the behaviours of their children. Such is the case for many parents of children with “invisible disabilities.” The list is long: Attention Deﬁcit Disorder, Autism, Conduct Disorder, Oppositional Deﬁant Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, Bipolar or other mood disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Learning Disabilities, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and more. I do not mention these labels because they elicit instant understanding or inherently bring the situation into focus for those who would judge, although I would sure like it to be so simple. In fact, many of these conditions hold strong stigmas, and a number of them are quietly assumed to be the result of poor parenting. My point is that there are many parents whose children are dealing www.IslandParent.ca

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November 2011

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with much more complex issues than can be seen on the surface, and these parents tend to be judged as ineffective due to the behaviours of their children. The extent to which I am judged as a parent because of the way my son behaves has become ever more evident over the years. When my son acts in socially inappropriate ways, people turn away from him and me, or look down their noses at me, or raise their eyebrows and widen their eyes in disbelief and disapproval. I’ll never forget the time that, after having a chance to get to know me throughout my son’s kindergarten year, a fellow parent said to me, “When your son ﬁrst started in this class, I kept thinking, ‘What is the matter with this kid’s parents?’ But now that I know you, I realize you’re doing a really good job with him.” She was one of the few people honest enough to admit such thinking so directly, but it is commonplace, and I can sense such attitudes whether or not other people verbalize them. Last year, a neighbour approached me to question why my son had been repeatedly reminding her preschooler not to borrow other kids’ toys without asking. She scowled at me and shot disdainful looks towards my son as she spoke, and I was so taken aback that I didn’t manage to answer her question

about why he was doing it. The truth is that my son has trouble seeing shades of grey in social situations. I taught him to always ask before he borrowed something because he doesn’t understand that there may be some kids who wouldn’t mind the borrowing of their things without explicit permission, but there are others who would mind very much. I didn’t tell her that my son probably saw himself as helpful, a sort of mentor, as he repeatedly explained the “rules” about borrowing to her child. Instead, I babbled something about discussing it with him, and I went home and had a good, desperate cry. Most parents have moments of desperation about their child’s problems and worry about their child’s future. I feel that one of my biggest challenges as my son’s mother is accepting that he is not an instantly likeable kid to many people, and that this colours their view of me as a parent, too. We all know the old clichés about not judging books by their covers, and taking time to walk a mile in another person’s shoes, but rarely do people embody such approaches in their day-to-day behaviour, as far as I can see. It takes time to read a book; it takes effort to walk a mile in another person’s shoes. Having read this far, I’d like to thank you for taking a spin in my shoes for a bit. And

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I’d really like people to know more about what’s on the pages of my son’s book. The cover of his infancy shows a highmaintenance, colicky baby; his pages show him gazing up at me with bright eyes as I nursed him, then grinning spontaneously, milk dribbling from the corner of his mouth. The cover of his toddlerhood shows a child too interested in running and climbing and grabbing things to be able to slow down and charm others; the pages show him gently, reverently singing “Kumbayah,” and long night-time cuddles reading good books. The cover of his childhood shows a boy who talks too loudly, bumps into people, says the wrong things, and doesn’t “listen” the ﬁrst time he’s asked; the pages show a boy who trusts and loves unconditionally, who dotes on his little sister, gives his favourite toys as gifts to his friends, and cries with joy when our new cat curls up in his lap. My son has pages for his fantastic sense of humour, his amazing memory, his love of reading, his passion for history and science and engineering, and on, and on. This book, my son, this person who other people judge so readily, is so beautiful and brilliant that it makes my heart hurt. I truly believe that people, especially children, learn about who they are, what they’re worth, from the mirrors that are held up around them. Those mirrors are in the expressions and words and body language and behaviour of others, everywhere—not just our family members or closest friends, but everybody. The thought that my son’s mirrors—and, because of “parent blame,” mine—are often filled with annoyed, perplexed, rejecting, and contemptuous expressions seems unbearable. No harm can come from treating other people with compassion and unconditional positive regard. The most effective messages about a child’s behaviour are relayed to them in the absence of shame and in a spirit of understanding, and this holds true regardless of the source of the behaviour, be it regular old attention-seeking or a symptom of autism. Let us all, even in the grocery store check-out, aim to remember the old clichés (after all, they’re cliché for a reason): appreciate the contents of the “book” beyond the “cover,” reserve judgement until you have walked in someone else’s shoes, and remember that you have the power to reﬂect strength and acceptance and serenity to those around you, always. Catherine St. Denis is a mother, writer, and educator in Victoria. www.IslandParent.ca

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s the saying goes, two of life’s certainties—along with at least one child waking up at 5 a.m. on the morning after date night—are death and taxes. The Canada Revenue Agency kindly keeps us current with paying the latter, and we hope to delay the former with annual physicals, eating our kids’ leftover veggies and relying on the apparent antioxidants in red wine. The truth is that, at some point, we are all going to kick the bucket, shift from this mortal coil and step on over to the other side. And this may occur at any time. As parents, we are primed to prepare for everything. A perusal of any handbag (or manbag), family van and stroller pocket will reveal wet wipes, band aids and a month’s supply of snacks. However, it has been my experience as a lawyer that we generally fail to prepare for the one thing that can be the most catastrophic to our family: death. It’s not that we don’t think about it—everyone knows that a person, and especially a parent, should have a will. It’s that gnawing reminder that creeps into your head at 3 a.m. as you lie in bed. “Get car serviced and have will sorted out.” However, many of us just do not get around to actually making a will. We procrastinate. We say to ourselves “I’m too young,” “It’s too expensive,” and “I don’t have an estate.” Nonsense. You still need a will. There are DIY will kits available, and I am sure these are ﬁne for some circumstances. However—and I freely admit my bias as a lawyer—investing a couple of hundred dollars to see a lawyer or notary public to assist you with an estate plan is well worth it. Making an appointment to meet with a lawyer or notary public is as easy as picking up the phone. You do not have to have a clear idea before hand of how you wish to deal with your assets, or whom to appoint to administer your affairs after death. During your meeting, your lawyer or notary public will discuss matters such as the appointment of an appropriate person to act as an executor, and who will be the guardian and have custody of your children. You will have the opportunity to discuss setting up trusts for your children to ensure that their ﬁnancial needs are taken care of. You will also discuss how best to structure the ownership of your assets to ensure that

your estate will pay as little in probate fees as possible, and you will get advice about how to structure appropriate insurance. In blended families, you will be advised on how to provide for your particular family’s circumstances. Along with getting a will in place, you will have the opportunity to discuss appointing a Power of Attorney to make any financial decisions on your behalf if you lose the capacity to do so. You can also appoint someone to make decisions with regard to your health care if at some point you cannot do this yourself. Setting these planning documents in place will ease the stress of a traumatic event by providing your family with clear direction to carry out your wishes. In terms of time and money, you will likely spend 45 minutes to an hour and a half in the initial consultation. Many lawyers and notaries have no problem with children attending. Then there will be a follow up meeting to review and sign the documents prepared based on your initial meeting. So, in terms of a time investment, you will be looking at about two to three hours. The cost will range anywhere from a $200 to just over $1,000, depending on the planning set in place for you. It’s trite to say that it’s worth it to have your will done. Although time on occasion seems eternal—“How long will it take for that kid to get to sleep?”—it is not, and we need to plan for this. In my own experience, at the end of a meeting to discuss estate planning, my clients often say that they feel relieved at finally getting their affairs in order. I suppose estate planning is a bit like getting your taxes done. It’s a pain to collect your records and you procrastinate for as long as possible. But once your returns are filed, you feel a sense of satisfied serenity. A state of mind which, of course, lasts until your youngest once again expresses his creativity on the newly painted wall. Paula Bosenberg practices law in the area of Wills, Estates and Trusts in Sidney, B.C. She has worked as a lawyer in South Africa, the UK and Saskatchewan. She is also the proud parent of two children, 5 and 7, who age her prematurely.

www.kidsinvictoria.com

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November 2011

Elizabeth Poppe

Parents Do the Darndest Things T

he old adage “Kids say the darndest things” was particularly true among the ﬁve- and six-year-olds I used to work with in out-of-school care. Bill Cosby would have loved these kids. My co-workers and I kept track of their witticisms in a notebook we titled From the Mouths of Babes. “This sweater comes from a real live dress!” “I can’t remember if it was a long time ago or a while ago. Which is longer?” Little girl #1: “I’m the evil witch and pretend I turn you evil.” Little girl #2: “I don’t want to be evil.” #1: “OK. Pretend I turn you beautiful. But you still have to swab the deck.” Then there were the days when we would

Island Parent Magazine

ﬁnd ourselves saying the strangest things to the children. “Please, take your underwear off your head.” “Please, don’t lick the playground.” And, my personal favourite, “Please, stop dancing on the graves!” We said things so outlandish that I wondered who else would have daily cause to utter such absurdities. Parents, that’s who. Now that I’m “stayat-home-momming it up”—as one friend puts it—the tables have turned somewhat. It is not so much the things I say to my child as it is the odd things I ﬁnd myself doing, all in the name of parenthood. Throughout the day I want to be able to

see, or at least hear, my not-quite-walking son pretty much all the time. And, more often than not, he wants to be able to see me as well. So, I go to the bathroom with the door open. And, not just in my own home, oh no, I’m talking about leaving the stall door open IN PUBLIC. What to do? The stroller won’t fit in a regular stall and I don’t like the idea of putting my son on the floor of a public toilet. I choose the stall farthest from the door and park the stroller directly in front, hoping to provide myself (and others) with a modicum of privacy should anyone else be using the washroom. The first time I had to do this I felt I had achieved a new level of mom-dom. “Do you see, Baby,” I wanted to say, “the lengths to which I will go to watch over you?” Two weeks later the ante was upped when I spent the evening licking—yes, licking—all the musical instruments in my son’s toy drum set. He’d made that face, you see, that face universally interpreted as “Yuck!” when he sucked on the antennae of the ant-shaped jingling instrument. Could it really taste that horrible, I wondered? It could indeed. Startled, I proceeded to taste test the bee-shaped maraca, the caterpillar tambourine, the shaker eggs, the centipedeshaped drumsticks, and the drum itself.

www.kidsinvictoria.com

Elizabeth Poppe continues to say outlandish things, all the while preventing her husband from serious personal injury in the pursuit of laughter. www.IslandParent.ca

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All tasteless to my relief but no amount of scrubbing or cycling through the dishwasher would wash the taste of “chemical” off the jingle-ant. And for the first time, I contacted a manufacturing company to complain about an unsatisfactory product experience. Do you see Baby, the totally bizarre things I will do to keep you safe from potential harm? (The company was fantastic, by the way. The owner herself promptly responded to my e-mail on the Sunday of a long weekend, to reassure me that the cleaning agent, though distasteful, was inert, and that she would send, free of charge, a replacement jingle-ant). I queried friends and family and discovered that after safety, health seemed to be the reason most parents find themselves looking at each other with raised eyebrows and silently asking, “Are we really doing this?” Specifically, intestinal health. And how we keep trackof it. “Chocolate pudding, playdough-like watery mustard…” my former boss wrote in her son’s Poop Journal—marvelling at the many and varied ways of describing poo—when he was having bowel issues. Our upstairs neighbours had to be vigilant about checking the contents of their son’s diapers, sometimes using a chopstick for extra close examination. Others have found themselves throwing their hands in the air and doing the darndest things out of sheer exasperation. My sister, tired of picking up the cat’s dish to keep her toddler out of it and then putting it back down for the cat over and over, finally gave in, exclaiming, “Fine! Eat the cat food!” My niece, now in kindergarten, seems to be no worse for the extra kibble in her diet. And get this, at a dinner party one night, I overheard a friend send her teenage daughter to her room with the admonishment, “And don’t text me while you’re in there!” And what better reason to make a complete fool out of yourself than for entertainment value? Our son shrieks with laughter whenever my husband pretends to hurt himself by falling off the couch over and over again, or throwing a softball at his own head. In the moment-to-moment world of parenting, perhaps the strangest thing of all is how truly natural these occurrences become. And we don’t think twice about it; we’re parents.

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November 2011

Janine Fernandes-Hayden

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Island Parent Magazine

hen I look at my children, I don’t see much of me in them physically—I think they all take after their father in appearance, which isn’t such a bad thing! What is curious to me are their little sayings, expressions and personality quirks that are often quaint and sometimes irritating, those things that initially have me thinking, “Now where did they learn that from?” Often I realize or have it pointed out to me, “Janine, that’s you!” This gives me pause for thought. If my children are picking up my inconsequential tendencies and I don’t even recognize it, what other more imperative lessons am I teaching them without being aware? I am constantly challenged by the question, “What have I taught my children today and what will they carry into tomorrow?” Educational insights have come a long way over the years. Learning can occur as a result of cause and effect actions, and behaviour can be influenced subtly and indirectly. In a famous experiment by Albert Bandura to study patterns of behaviour associated with aggression, three groups of children watched a film showing an adult attacking a Bobo Doll. The film was identical for all three groups of children with the exception of the ending. Group A watched only the doll being hit. Group B saw the adult being praised and rewarded for hitting the doll. Group C saw the adult being punished for hitting the doll. After the children had seen the film, they were then given the same doll with which to play. Bandura observed that groups A and B imitated the aggressive behaviour they had witnessed, while group C was found to be less aggressive. The conclusion: these children changed their behaviour by merely watching someone’s actions, without receiving any type of direct reward or consequence for their behaviour. It is the case for role modeling and the fact that learning can occur through simple observation and imitation. As an educator, I have always believed role modeling to be the most powerful form of learning. Now as a parent, I am forced to “walk the talk” and “walk the walk.” I have adopted the familiar expression, “Lessons are caught before they are taught,” as one of my new mantras. It helps me to check in on

my tendencies and habits and to think about what I am passing on to my children. I also like the saying “Children learn what they live”—and while I appreciate it, it ﬁlls me with a self-consciousness as it means that I have a greater responsibility than simply teaching kids through the things I tell them or show them directly. There is that old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” I, however, have discovered that you can—it’s called having kids and realizing that they are watching everything that you do, your good habits, but especially your bad. I sometimes feel like I am living in a ﬁshbowl with four little sets of eyes constantly following me. My life as a mother has prodded me to become more self-aware and mindful of the fact that some of the most important lessons my children are learning about life actually happen while I am doing things other than parenting. Here is my top 10 list of new tricks that I am working on since having children. I think of it as my investment now, which I hope will pay dividends in the future. • Making my bed in the mornings • Eating my greens • Picking up after myself • Putting my clothes away and not dumping them on the chair in my bedroom • Working on my pleases and thank yous • Saying I’m sorry • Self-checking my own ornery and tetchy tone with my husband and my kids • Catching myself when I say “I can’t” • Setting my priorities straight and being present with my kids instead of being distracted by the computer or the telephone. • Being gentler with my mother I know there is much more work to be done, but learning to take baby steps is a good lesson, too. What does your top 10 list look like? What have you taught your kids today? What have you taught yourself? Janine Fernandes-Hayden is an educator and Salt Spring Island mum of four children, aged 1, 3 , 5 and a newborn. She hosts a parent and kids radio show called “The Beanstalk” on Salt Spring Island airwaves at CFSI 107.9 FM or online at www.cfsi-fm.com.

www.kidsinvictoria.com

Jessica Duncan

Kids & Conﬁdence The Secret Ingredient for Successful Learning

magine your boss expecting you to perform a task that appears easy for your colleagues, but makes you feel baffled and overwhelmed. Your boss has explained what she expects from you, but you don’t quite understand. You attempt to do what was asked, but fail miserably. This episode appears as a black mark on your work record and as a dark cloud over your self-confidence. After a few such events, you are demoted, and your faith in your own abilities plummets. This is a common classroom scenario. Every year teachers delve into their various bags of tricks to demonstrate how to read, write, stick numbers together and think logically. It starts simple at kindergarten and is built upon as each year passes. For many children, this system works beautifully and by the time they leave high school, you’re scratching your head and wondering how your baby got to be so smart. But some children miss crucial steps in the learning process. Maybe they were sick for a week. Maybe your child has suffered hearing loss, or could do with a pair of glasses. Some children (and adults!) just aren’t mathematically inclined and need to physically add one solid object to another in order to get the concept of two. Some children experience some level of dyslexia where words on the page happily dance about and are a general nuisance to the would-be reader. And then there are the dreamers, physically planted in the classroom, yet spiritually a million miles away. With up to 30 children in a classroom, not every child will catch what the teacher throws their way. Some lessons get lost in translation, and thus begins the downward spiral into academic failure and dwindling confidence. Nobody enjoys lagging behind one’s peers, especially children. A child cannot help but feel inferior when struggling with assignments that others seem to manage with ease. Today’s teachers are well versed in recognizing varied abilities, providing differentiated expectations and celebrating effort over outcome, but children know where they stand among their peers, and if they are at the bottom end, it can adversely affect their self-esteem. Confidence really is the secret ingredient to successful learning. Without it, a child’s ability and motivation to overcome hurdles can be almost

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non-existent. A confident child, however, will happily tackle new challenges, enjoying the learning process along the way, as well as the eventual acquisition of new knowledge or skills. This cycle begets greater confidence, which generally results in a lifelong pattern of personal happiness and success. So, what can parents do to support our children to be confident learners? The first, and easiest step is to consistently acknowledge and praise their natural strengths and successes. Comments such as, “What a vibrant picture you’ve drawn!” or “Thank you for using nice manners” slowly seep into a person’s psyche where they quietly transform into pride. But children know that all their nice manners and pretty pictures will only take them so far in this world. Considering how many hours a week they are spending in the classroom, this is often where they really want to succeed. To give children something to be proud of, you will need to encourage them to go beyond their comfort zone, but this should be done in small, achievable steps. Taking risks gives cause for all kinds of celebration—celebrating courage, effort, and hopefully, success. The trick is to keep each challenge small, sequential, and do-able. With every hurdle cleared, your child will feel a greater sense of pride and competence, empowering him to face whatever comes next. If children are struggling at school, they need help on the home front. It is not always easy to find the time or energy to help your child decode the English language or to refigure four piles of five buttons into five piles of four buttons to convey the commutative property of multiplication, but even a few minutes a day can provide the necessary support for your child to make noticeable progress in class. Make it fun, play games, praise efforts and successes. The better prepared your child is for class, the more confident she will feel, and the more likely she will succeed—not just in school, but in life. Jessica Duncan is a professional educator who runs Love Learning Private Tutoring Services. She plays and teaches Celtic fiddle music, and writes a weekly blog (Meeno Nothing’s Book of Perpetual Befuddlement). She is also the mother of two beautiful daughters.

Is Your Child Struggling at School? Do you know a child who, as a preschooler, you considered brighter than average, maybe even extremely bright? Possibly you still see them that way. However, you were surprised to discover that at least some school work is overly difficult for them. They seem to work hard and not find success or maybe they try to avoid it altogether. These children make up a significant portion of the school population. The student struggles and doesn’t get the expected results. Parents and teachers do their best. Something doesn’t feel right but we can’t seem to solve it. If this is your child, there is a solution. These children can learn language arts and/or math. They just need the information presented to them the way they learn best. They need a teaching style that matches their learning style. It is possible to take the frustration out of learning language arts and math. If this is how you feel about your child, give me a call to discuss his or her needs with no obligation.

Karen Murdoch Therapeutic Tutor

778-430-3183 I can help your child November 2011

Book Recommendations T

his time of year is perfect for curling up on a cozy couch with a favourite book. Whether you’re searching for a good read to add to your collection, making your weekly trip to the library or getting a start on your Christmas shopping, here are some suggestions from local retailers to help you pick the perfect story for the kids (and adults) in your life.

Abra Kid Abra

Preschool: Ten Little Dinosaurs by Pattie Schnetzler, illustrated by Jim Harris. An “eyeball” book makes learning to count so much fun along with learning all the dinosaurs’ names. 20 pages. $4.99. Children: Holly the Christmas Fairy by Daisy Meadows. Holly the Christmas Fairy is all in a ﬂutter putting the sparkle into Christmas. Now Jack Frost has stolen Santa’s sleigh. 151 pages. Juvenile/Teen: Triss by Brian Jacques. Brian Jacques looks to the mystery of the Sword of Martin for this adventure and celebrates a new and unforgettable heroine.

Children’s Bookshop

Preschool: The Three Little Pigs by Tina Gallo. A retelling with a twist. Readers can turn the wheel on each page to ﬁll in missing words and images. Sure to keep children laughing. HC. 12 pages. $6.99. Children: When a Monster Is Born by Sean Taylor. An engaging, humorous picture book. Colourful pictures and an over-thetop story line make this a book for multiple readings. PB. 30 pages. $7.99. Juvenile/Teen: Dragon Seer’s Gift by Janet McNaughton. A beautifully written magical fantasy that brings ancient history to life. HC. 282 pages. $19.99.

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Preschool: The Gruffalo’s Child Magnet Book by Julia Donaldson and illustrated by Axel Schefﬂer. Contains over 60 magnets, a special mini-edition of the bestselling story, plus play scenes and exciting activities. The perfect gift for all Gruffalo fans. HC. 10 pages. $19.99. Children: Fancy Nancy’s Splendiferous Christmas by Jane O’Conner, illustrated by Robin Preiss Glasser. What could be fancier than Christmas? In this merriest of stories, Nancy proves once again that a little fancying up can go a long, festive way. PB. 32 pages. $19.50. Juvenile/Teen: Moon Kissed Volume One: Meet Evalena by Annemarie Richmond, illustrated by Tamara Nachtigall. Written as a tool for educators, the central character lives with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). Written by an FASD practitioner and illustrated in Anime style. PB. 130 pages. $18.99. Adult: Beyond Bedtime Stories: A Parent’s Guide by V. Susan Bennet-Armstead, Nell K. Duke and Annie M. Moses. While most parents understand the importance of promoting literacy in their young children, they often aren’t sure how to do it. This book provides guidance. PB. 208 pages. $24.99.

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Island Parent Magazine

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Family Getaways Gift Certiﬁcates IMAX Passes Books, CDs and More

One entry per family per week.

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Mothering Touch Centre

Children: I Was Born to Be a Sister (plus CD) by Akaela S. Michels-Gualtieri, illustrated by Marcy Dunn Ramsey. A warm and friendly chronicle of a girl’s journey into sisterhood and her discovery that a friendship with her pesky baby brother is possible. HC. 32 pages. $24. Children: I Was Born to Be a Brother (plus CD) by Zaydek G. Michels-Gualtieri, illustrated by Daniel Liegey. A refreshingly clear-eyed look at life with a little sister. Although the big brother finds her totally irritating, he also finds he really loves her. HC. 32 pages. $24. Adult: The Grandparent Book by Amy Drouse Rosenthal. This unique keepsake makes it easy and fun for grandparents to share their stories with their children. With prompts for collecting grand memories and pages for grandparents and grandkids to fill out together. HC. 50 pages. $21.99.

Science Works

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• A great selection of books • Dress-up for girls and boys • Shoes…Pedipeds, See Kai Run… and More

New & Used Toys, Clothing & Furniture 2024 Oak Bay Ave • 250 595 1613

• Rainwear and rainboots…TUFFO – MUDDYBUDDY, now up to size 5

Notary Services The Shipley Group

Children: Out-of-This-World Astronomy by Joe Rhatigan & Rain Newcomb. Wonderful overview of the solar system and the mysteries of the universe with many handson projects. 128 pages. $18.95. Juvenile/Teen: Oh Yikes by Joy Masuff and Terry Sirrell. A great book that will absorb the young reader for hours with history’s grossest and wackiest moments. 308 pages. $18.95. Adult: The Beachcomber’s Guide to Seashore Life by J. Duane Sept. This is one of the most comprehensive ﬁeld guides for anyone who enjoys the beaches of the Paciﬁc Northwest. 223 pages. $29.95.

Providing Quality Legal Services to Victoria Families for Over 15 Years • Real Estate Transfers • Mortgages • Wills & Living Wills

• Powers of Attorney • First Time Buyers • Travel Letters

250.592.4342 Tim Shipley, BA, Notary Public 1551 Pandora Avenue, Victoria

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Self Design

Juvenile/Teen/Adult: Learn Your Way! SelfDesigning the Life You Really Want, Starting Now by Michael Maser. Offers guidance and leading-edge insights to help young people enhance self-empowerment and overcome challenges as they merge into adulthood. 170 pages.

For Students in the Primary Grades – Fostering Numeracy For Students in the Intermediate Grades – Fostering Numeracy For Children Ages 4 to 7 – Nurturing Growth (with Jennifer Thom)

Werner Liedtke

Adult: Making Mathematics Meaningful for Children Ages 4-7. A compendium of strategies and practical ideas designed to foster the development of young children’s conceptual, ﬂexible and creative thinking in mathematics. 170 pages. $25.•

An excellent resource of activities and assessment strategies for anyone interested in helping children reach the goals and critical components of the new mathematics curriculum. Available from: • School House Teaching Supplies Ltd, 2014 Douglas Street, Victoria, schoolhouse@shaw.ca • UVic Bookstore • The author at dliedtke@telus.net • The publisher, www.traﬀord.com

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November 2011 4A25CE43-630A-08A1F1.pub page 1

Tuesday, June 02, 2009 18:15 Composite

Party Directory FUNTIME INFLATABLES 250-474-0597

Largest selection of inﬂatable fun on Vancouver Island ASK ABOUT OUR REFERRAL PROGRAM • 18 bouncy castles to choose from, detachable raincovers available • Obstacle courses • 10 interactive games for youth and adults • Combo bouncers • Carnival games and party packages • Fully insured Professional balloon decorating service now available

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Pool, Skate, or Soccer parties at Oak Bay Recreation Centre!

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Island Parent Magazine

3655 Shelbourne Street, Shelbourne Plaza

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Bring your Grubs andparty Larvaeof Grubs and Larvae for a for a Bugtastic Adventure Bugtastic Adventure at the Bug Zoo! at the Bug Zoo! Party Room available!

Call for Details: (2847) Party Room384-BUGS Available! or check the website: www.bugzoo.com www.bugzoo.bc.ca

631 Courtney St. 631 Courtney St 384-BUGS (2847) (Downtown ininNootka (Downtown NootkaCourt) Court)

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Party Directory ctoria Gymnastics Birthday Parties

Your child and 9 of his or her friends will have an absolute blast at one of our action packed gymnastics parties. What’s included? • We supply hats, napkins, table cover, streamers and balloons • Two Certified Instructors • Invitations • Trampoline • Foam Pit Fun • Gymnastics Games • Fun Music • NEW: 40 Foot Long Trampoline! Saturday & Sunday Afternoons

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Par-T-Perfect is pleased to introduce our newest indoor party theme!

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Other great indoor parties available: Par-T-Bear, Par-T-Spa and our great Rec Centre packages. Don’t forget to book your Halloween or Christmas packages with us!

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�� OB 4357 R1 Oak Bay Marine Group Island Parent Magazine 4.625" x 2.75" revised December 10, 2008

November 2011

Erin Skillen

Birthmarked for Greatness T

hough the doctors have different opinions about what it actually is—a café au lait spot versus a flat mole—the bottom line is the same. My handsome baby boy has a birthmark that stretches from his left eye to his left ear. When I first saw it, amidst the haze of raging new mommy adrenaline and post-labour exhaustion, I immediately wondered if I’d caused it somehow. Did I eat too many nuts while I was pregnant? Carry my cell phone too close to my bump? Take too many vitamins? Or not enough? The questions were not only irrational, but irrelevant. It had nothing to do with me or my pregnancy—it was just something that came about for no particular reason. As I looked down at my adorable little guy, I couldn’t help but be upset about the mark. Not because he had one, but because it might be used against him by some nasty people in his future. And that was like a punch in the flabby postpartum gut. I felt absolutely sick with worry as I imagined the names people would call him. And then I got over it—somewhat. It’s been nearly nine months since our son was born and my husband and I don’t really see the birthmark anymore. The only time I remember it is when other people bring it up. Their reactions are always interesting. Some people are quite taken with it. Others aren’t quite so tactful. The most irritating thing people ask is “Will it fade?” No matter how politely the

question is posed, it’s obnoxious. Implicit within it is the assumption that the mark is unattractive and the best thing that could possibly happen is that it disappears. In the early days I’d respond with an awkward, stumbling “Maybe, I don’t know” or something like that. Now—empowered

by mama bear instincts and sleep deprivation—I say, “Actually, it might get darker. Isn’t it gorgeous?” One relative, who shall not be named, dared to ask the “Will it fade?” question and got the well-deserved, snarky response in return. She then felt she had to console my mom after I was gone and reassure her that it would all be OK when his hair grew

in fully, as it would cover up the birthmark. Note to self: ensure that all future pictures sent to said relative are of his left profile with hair cropped or pulled back. My favourite reaction to the birthmark is no reaction at all. My second favourite is a sincere and enthusiastic “That’s beautiful!” Because it is beautiful. We call it his “Superhero Swoosh.” When people recognize the mark’s beauty, they’re let in on this and informed that, like flames painted on the side of a car, it makes him go faster. The best advice we got about the swoosh, which we are fully embracing, is to raise him to own it. If he’s embarrassed about it and sees it as a flaw, then the cruel kids and adults out there will take it and run with it. But if he loves it as much as we do, and sees it as something cool and special, it limits anyone’s ability to make him feel bad about it. Especially if he pretty much forgets it’s even there most of the time, like I’ve forgotten about my freckles (aka “angel spots” when I was little). The theory is solid, and though living it out in practice will be tricky at times, it’s entirely doable. It’s possible that my son will grow up hating his mark and want to remove it at some point. I truly hope that is never the case, but obviously it will be up to him. The naïve part of me wishes that the idea will never occur to him, because as he gets older the world will become more tolerant of differences and just let people be who they are. Lady Gaga has made millions with her anthem “Born This Way.” Hopefully the message has sunk into some heads. Maybe we can all give the movement a boost by being parents that lead by example and admire the beauty in the unique, rather than asking “Will it fade?” Erin Skillen is a writer and TV producer in Victoria who’s proud to be the mom of a future superhero.

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BORN TO BE WILD SEA REX: JOURNEY TO A PREHISTORIC WORLD CONTAGION: THE IMAX EXPERIENCE (PG-13) IMAX 2012 L PASS A ANNU le Nov 15 on sa

Island Parent Magazine

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Jill D. Hirschbold

The Not-So-Simple Egg T

o see how complicated the world has become, you need look no further than the local grocery store. I don’t remember when it happened, if it was a gradual or sudden change, but one day I found myself standing in the grocery store transfixed by the array of choices. More specifically, the array of choices of eggs. I’ve been shopping for myself for, let’s say, at least 25 years, and choosing eggs used to be a relatively simple decision: big or small, white or brown, should I buy six or 12? Now we have white eggs, brown eggs, free run eggs, free range eggs, organic eggs, omega-3 enhanced eggs, vegetarian eggs, vitamin-enriched eggs, extra large, large, medium and small eggs, dried eggs, eggs in cardboard, eggs in plastic, eggs without shells, eggs without egg white, eggs without yolk, eggs without eggs. Standing at the grocery store transfixed by the choices, I try to figure out the difference between the different varieties of eggs, how to make the best choice for me, my children,

CANADA’S

my family, the chickens, the environment. Luckily I spot a handy legend posted close by aimed at helping consumers decipher each type of egg. Are you lacking in omega3 fatty acids? How is your cholesterol and blood lipids? Do you need more protein in your diet? Do you want to improve overall brain function? Do you need vitamin supplements? Or are you trying to help your children build strong bodies? What about the welfare of the chickens? Are you more comfortable buying eggs knowing that the chickens never go outside or are able to run free within their enclosures? Do you care if the chickens are free range or they eat only organic food? Are you going to purchase a cardboard container or the triple plastic cover that is great for crafts, or the plastic coated cardboard? Which resource is more expendable, forests or petroleum? Which container is more easily recyclable… paper or plastic? Just as an aside, did you know that there is no nutritional difference between brown

L ARGEST

PRIVATE

and white eggs? I just assumed brown eggs were better because, well, because they are brown, not white. It turns out they’re just produced by different types of chickens… that’s it. Eggs represent just one small decision that we need to make on an hourly, daily, and weekly basis. If there is this much choice, availability and variability surrounding every decision we make, how are we ever going to have any time left to… oh, I don’t know, make an omelet? But then do you use a stainless pan or Teﬂon? With butter, margarine or oil? And what are you going to add to the omelet? Local vegetables, organic vegetables, hot house vegetables from Mexico, cheese wrapped in plastic? I know, it never ends. Maybe with all my free time I could just build my own coop and raise my own chickens! So just when you think you are done and have reached for your egg of choice, you take two steps, glance at the dairy case and… Oh no. Yogurt. Jill D. Hirschbold, after being at home with her kids for the last eight years, has started a photography business at www.jhirschbold. com and volunteers at her kids’ school as PAC president.

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Family Calendar For calendar updates throughout the month visit www.kidsinvictoria.com WED 2

FRI 4

Children’s Fun Hour at Hillside Centre. 10am at the Food Court. Free. With special guest Fizzlepop.

Skippyjon Jones and His Fabulous Feline Friends at Saanich Centennial Branch Library. See THURS 3 for details. For young children and their families; children under 3 must be accompanied by an adult. 10:30-11:30am. Register at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-477-9030.

Chess in the Library at Juan de Fuca Branch Library. Do you enjoy playing chess but have nobody to play against? Come on down to play casual chess. Many people know the rules of chess but have never had the opportunity to play a real game. This program intends to encourage and enhance the opportunities available for these players. Players of all strengths welcome. Chess sets provided. For ages 8-18. 6:30-7:45pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-391-0653.

THURS 3 Preschool Storytime at Nellie McClung Branch Library. Fun and interactive storytime that will help foster early literacy development. We’ll share enriching stories, sing songs, learn rhymes, and have fun playing with language. Parents and caregivers are welcome to participate. For ages 3-5. 10:30-11am. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-477-7111. Skippyjon Jones and His Fabulous Feline Friends at Nellie McClung Branch Library. Bounce on down to the library to enjoy a purrfect selection of cat tales featuring Skippyjon Jones and other cool cats. Create a kitty craft to take home, too. For young children and their families; children under 3 must be accompanied by an adult. 1:30-2:30pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-477-7111.

First Friday Book Club at Sidney/North Saanich Branch Library. Discuss great books, meet new friends and enjoy snacks. For ages 11-14. 4-5pm. To register and ﬁnd out the current book selection, please call 250-656-0944.

SAT 5 Annual Bazaar at St. Aidan’s United Church. Jewelry, linens, books, baking, handcrafted gifts and more. Silent auction & coffee shop. Thrift shop open. 10am-2:30pm. Free. Richmond & Cedar Hill X-Rd. Manga and Anime Club at Nellie McClung Branch Library. Calling all fans of manga and anime. Join us for a club and connect and share related interests with other fans. Read and discuss manga and anime and participate in activities such as manga-style drawing, Japanese-style crafts, cosplay discussion, the sharing of tips, trivia challenges and more. For ages 10-18. 2-3:30pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-477-7111. Crafts for Tweens with Renee: Felted Hedgehogs at Central Branch Library. Using coloured wool and basic materials, learn how to create your own needle-felted hedgehog. Easy to learn and fun to do, you will be inspired to continue

making creatures at home after this workshop. For ages 10-12. 2:30-4pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-413-0365.

SUN 6 The Other Side of Witty’s at Witty’s Lagoon Regional Park. Most people are familiar with the trail to Witty’s Beach. Join a CRD Regional Parks naturalist for a look at Witty’s Lagoon from a different point of view. Wear sturdy hiking shoes and bring a lunch. Meet at the Witty’s Lagoon nature centre off Metchosin Rd at 1pm. 8+ years. 250-478-3344.

TUES 8 Guys’ Night Out Baby Time at Saanich Centennial Branch Library. Calling all babies and the men who love them. Join us for ﬁngerplays, puppets, stories and songs. For dads, stepdads, fosterdads, granddads, uncles, and male caregivers with babies 0-15 months. 6:30-7pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-477-9030.

WED 9 Children’s Fun Hour at Hillside Centre. 10am at the Food Court. Free. With special guest Music Corner. Skippyjon Jones and His Fabulous Feline Friends at Central Branch Library. See THURS 3 for details. For young children and their families; children under 3 must be accompanied by an adult. 10:30-11:30am. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-413-0365.

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Island Parent Magazine

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Baby Signs with Layla: a Baby Sign Language Program at Juan de Fuca Branch Library. Participants will learn the basics of using nonverbal signs with children 0-24 months. Beneﬁts of signing with your baby or toddler may include fewer tantrums, greater cognitive and language development, and improved communication. For parents, educators and children aged 0-24 months. 10:30-11:30am. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-391-0653.

SUN 13

Chess in the Library at Juan de Fuca Branch Library. See WED 2 for details. For ages 8-18. 6:30-7:45pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-391-0653.

MON 14

THURS 10 Preschool Storytime at Nellie McClung Branch Library. See THURS 3 for details. Parents and caregivers are welcome to participate. For ages 3-5. 10:30-11am. Register online at www.gvpl. ca or call 250-477-7111.

FRI 11 Remembrance Day Ceremony at Saanich Municipal Hall. Mayor Frank Leonard and Council extend an invitation to attend the District of Saanich’s annual Remembrance Day Ceremony. 11am at the Cenotaph in front of Saanich Municipal Hall, 770 Vernon Ave.

SAT 12 Marvellous Mushrooms at Francis/King Regional Park. For the novice mushroom explorer, join a CRD Regional Parks naturalist to discover more about fungi in the forest. There is no fee for this program, but you must preregister as space is limited. To reserve a spot, call 250-478-3344. 5+ years. 10:30am-noon. www.crd.bc.ca/parks. Annual Education Symposium at Mary Winspear Centre. With keynote speakers Dr. Riya Manjoo, Endocrinologist, speaking on how lifestyle changes positively impact diabetes and Dr. Dave Docherty, PhD, speaking on the role of physical activity in weight management. 12:454:30pm. $10 ($15 after November 4). Register by emailing victoria.reception@diabetes.ca. 2243 Beacon Ave, Sidney.

Raucous Raccoons at Elk/Beaver Lake Regional Park. These masked bandits are curious and interesting and have certainly earned their “stripes.” Drop by the nature centre at main Beaver Lake parking lot with the family any time between 1 and 3pm to discover more about these fascinating creatures of the night. All ages. 250-478-3344. www.crd.bc.ca/parks.

Author-Storyteller Michael Kusugak at Oak Bay Branch Library. Michael grew up living in igloos, travelling by dogsled, catching his food to eat, and listening to his grandmother’s stories. Join us as the award-winning author weaves these experiences into his storytelling. For Grades 1-3 and great for homelearners. 1:30-2:30pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-592-2489. Victoria Children’s Literature Roundtable at Nellie McClung Branch Library. Michael Kusugak, an award-winning author and storyteller from Repulse Bay, Nunavut, writes ﬁction for children. His body of work ranges from his most recent book The Littlest Sled Dog, to his ﬁrst book A Promise is a Promise, co-authored with Robert Munsch. Doors open at 7pm. Browse the Tall Tales Books table before the meeting begins at 7:30pm. Open to the public. Members free; $5/drop-in/ $4/students. Info, 250-598-3694.

TUES 15 Author-Storyteller Michael Kusugak at Juan de Fuca Branch Library. See MON 14 for details. For Grades 1-3 and great for homelearners. 1-2pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-391-0653.

WED 16 Children’s Fun Hour at Hillside Centre. 10am at the Food Court. Free. With special guest Poco the Clown. Chess in the Library at Juan de Fuca Branch Library. See WED 2 for details. For ages 8-18. 6:30-7:45pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-391-0653.

THURS 17 Preschool Storytime at Nellie McClung Branch Library. See THURS 3 for details. Parents and caregivers are welcome to participate. For ages 3-5. 10:30-11am. Register online at www.gvpl. ca or call 250-477-7111. Baby and Toddler Basics at Bruce Hutchison Branch Library. Parents, babies and toddlers are invited to a visit from Cindy, the Peninsula Health Unit nurse. Cindy will answer all your questions, measure and weigh your baby or toddler, and discuss topics such as immunization, growth and development, and successful nursing. No registration required. 11:30am12:30pm. 250-727-0104.

FRI 18 Lego at the Library at Bruce Hutchison Branch Library. If you like stories and building with Lego, join us for a storytime that’s sure to put a smile on your face. We’ll supply the Lego, and you can use your imagination to construct your own creation that we’ll display in the library. For a project that you can take home, please bring your own Lego. For ages 6-10. 3:30-4:30pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-727-0104.

FRI 18 – SUN 20 All Sooke Arts and Crafts Fair at Sooke Community Hall. One of the longest running and best on the Island. All items are handcrafted by local Island artisans. Fri: 1-8pm; Sat & Sun: 10am-5pm. 2037 Shields Rd, Sooke.

Nestle in Comfort Fresh ingredients to keep you cozy all winter.

For comforting recipes visit thriftyfoods.com www.IslandParent.ca

November 2011

SAT 19 Christmas Craft Fair at Cloverdale Traditional School. Over 45 local artisans and crafters. Stop by Mrs. Clause’s Kitchen for a hot meal and some delicious baking. Crafts, games, a cup cake walk and a white elephant sale. Facepainting on Candy Cane Lane. Admission by donation. 10am-4pm. 3427 Quadra St. Ha-bat-itat at Francis/King Regional Park. Where do bats live? What do they eat? How can you attract bats to your neck of the woods? Join a CRD Regional Parks naturalist to ﬁnd out on this exploration of their weird and wonderful world. Meet at nature centre off Munn Rd at 1pm. All ages. 250-478-3344. www.crd.bc.ca/parks. Manga and Anime Club at Nellie McClung Branch Library. See SAT 5 for details. For ages 10-18. 2-3:30pm. Register online at www.gvpl. ca or call 250-477-7111. Skippyjon Jones and His Fabulous Feline Friends at Emily Carr Branch Library. See THURS 3 for details. For young children and their families; children under 3 must be accompanied by an adult. 2:30-3:30m. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-475-6100.

SUN 20 Mystery Creature at Matheson Lake Regional Park. “Riddle me, riddle me through the park. Find the answers before it gets dark!” Solve the riddles to ﬁnd the clues hidden along the trail with a CRD Regional Parks naturalist. At the end, we’ll piece the puzzle together to discover who the mystery creature is. Meet at the info kiosk in the parking lot at the end of Matheson Lake Rd at 1pm. All ages. 250478-3344. www.crd.bc.ca/parks. Family Sunday at Art Gallery of Greater Victoria. Join us for a day of hands-on art-making and performance inspired by the contemporary South Asian art in the Collected Resonance exhibition. 2-4pm. 250-384-4171 ext. 0. 1040 Moss St. Family Art Discovery at Cedar Hill Rec Centre. Families are invited to explore hands-on artmaking activities through drawing, painting, collage, print-making and sculpture. This is a fun and engaging opportunity for children along with their parents to learn about elements of art such as line, composition, shape, texture and colour while working with a variety of materials. Children and adults must register and attend together. $3/person. 2-4pm. 250475-7121. www.recreation.saanich.ca.

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Stories at Fern. Children’s stories featured in the ﬁrst hour. All welcome. 7:30-9:30pm. 1831 Fern St. $5; $3/students (includes tea and goodies). 250-477-7044. www.victoriastorytellers.org.

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WED 23 Children’s Fun Hour at Hillside Centre. 10am at the Food Court. Free. With special guest Auntie Winnie. Lucy’s Animal Adventures: Four Puppet Plays at Saanich Centennial Branch Library. Join our resident puppet, Lucy, and some of her favourite animal friends for a boisterous puppet show. Traditional stories will come alive with some unexpected twists. Enjoy an underwater tale about three little ﬁsh, a “badtempered braggart” who meets his match, and surprises hidden in a series of mysterious packages. For young children and their families; children under 3 must be accompanied by an adult. No registration required. 3:304:30pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-477-9030. Chess in the Library at Juan de Fuca Branch Library. See WED 2 for details. For ages 8-18. 6:30-7:45pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-391-0653.

THURS 24 Preschool Storytime at Nellie McClung Branch Library. See THURS 3 for details. Parents and caregivers are welcome to participate. For ages 3-5. 10:30-11am. Register online at www.gvpl. ca or call 250-477-7111.

FRI 25 Storyoga for Kids at Bruce Hutchison Branch Library. Join Vanessa Braun, Early Childhood Educator and Children’s Yoga Instructor for a unique program designed to embrace body, mind and spirit through children’s literature and the art of yoga. A blend of story, yoga, songs, rhymes, games and visualization exercises will engage your child’s creative energy. Taking inspiration from traditional yoga practices, children will be introduced to a variety of postures and focused breath work. Mats provided. For ages 7-11. Parents are welcome to participate. 3:30-4:15pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-727-0104. Story Club at Central Branch Library. Listen to stories, talk about your favourite books, and enjoy fun activities. Snacks included. This club is for kids who love stories regardless of reading ability. For ages 5-8. 3:30-4:30pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-413-0365.

SAT 26 Kids Mega Sale at Pearkes Rec Centre. Gently used baby and children’s clothing, toys, equipment and maternity. 9:30am-12:30pm. 3100 Tillicum Rd. Info, 250-642-4735. Forever Green at Francis/King Regional Park. Winter may be approaching, but the forest is still a vibrant green. Join a CRD Regional Parks naturalist on a walk through towering giants. Learn more about the lives and uses of

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our evergreens and warm up with a sip of forest tea. Meet at the nature centre off Munn Rd at 1pm. 8+ years. www.crd.bc.ca/parks. Christmas Craft Fair at Doncaster School. Over 60 tables of handmade crafts by local artists. Prize draws, interactive craft room for the kids while you shop. Free entry. Food hamper donations welcome. 10am-3pm. 250-383-9378 or email Polinsky@telus.net.

SUN 27 Winter Birds of Witty’s at Witty’s Lagoon Regional Park. While some birds ﬂy south, many spend their winters in our balmy climate. Join a CRD Regional Parks naturalist to ﬁnd out who’s who at the lagoon, a favourite bird hangout. Bring binoculars if you have a pair. Spotting scopes are provided. This event is suitable for birdwatchers, too. Meet at the nature centre off Metchosin Rd at 10am. 9+ years. 250-478-3344. www.crd.bc.ca/parks. Slug at Swan Lake Christmas Hill Nature Sanctuary. Licorice or banana? Which is your favourite slug? Join us in a celebration of all things slimy. Crafts, songs and a slug safari. Fun for the whole family. Noon-3pm. Admission by donation. 3873 Swan Lake Rd. 250-4790211. www.swanlake.bc.ca.

WED 30 Children’s Fun Hour at Hillside Centre. 10am at the Food Court. Free. With special guest Tickles the Clown. Lego at the Library at Esquimalt Branch Library. See FRI 18 for details. For ages 6-10. 3-4pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-414-7198. Chess in the Library at Juan de Fuca Branch Library. See WED 2 for details. For ages 8-18. 6:30-7:45pm. Register online at www.gvpl.ca or call 250-391-0653.

ONGOING BABIES, TODDLERS & PRESCHOOLERS Drop-in Storytimes for Babies, Toddlers, Preschoolers & Families at the Greater Victoria Public Library. Caregivers are welcome and encouraged to participate. Storytimes are free and drop-in. Please come early to ﬁnd a space. For a complete schedule of drop-in programs, visit www.gvpl.ca or call your local branch. Parent/Tot Drop-in at Gordon Head United Church. A safe place where young children can play while parents in the community connect with each other. Lots of space and toys. Tea or coffee is available for caregivers, and a healthy snack for the children. Parents are responsible for the care of their own children. Mondays 10am-noon. Info, call the church ofﬁce at 250477-4142, or Maisie at 250-477-0388.

November 2011

Kindergym at the Burnside Campus Gym. Join us for a half-hour of free play in the gym using child sized sports equipment, balls, hoops, climbers and slides. Following free play is 15 minutes of organized game or physical activity based on LEAP/HOP and then 15 minutes of circle time. For toddlers (walking) to 5 years, their parents or caregivers. Drop-in program; parents do not need to register to attend. Tuesdays 9:30-10:30am. 250-388-5251. www. burnsidegorge.ca. Parent Tot Drop-in at the Burnside Gorge Family Centre. Come and enjoy a nutritious snack (coffee and tea for the parents) and free play and time to socialize in the family centre. We have lots of toys, books, dress-up clothes, puzzles and more. For infants birth to 5 years and their parent/caregivers. Parent participation required. Free. Tuesdays & Wednesdays, 10:30am-noon and Thursdays 6-7pm. 471 Cecelia Rd. 250-388-5251. www. burnsidegorge.ca. Toddler Art at the Burnside Gorge Family Centre. Come and get creative in the family centre. Crafts are designed speciﬁcally for toddlers and preschoolers. We provide the supplies, smocks and lots of soap—your child provides the creativity. Parent participation is required. Wednesdays 9:30-10:30am. For toddlers up to age 5 and their parents/caregivers. $2/family. 250-388-5251. www.burnsidegorge.ca.

CHILDREN Sea-Shirt Sundays at the Shaw Ocean Discovery Centre. On the ﬁrst Sunday of each month, create your own ﬁsh fashion. Be sure to bring a pillow case, cloth bag or T-shirt (or purchase a T-shirt from the centre) and your creativity. $2 donation for fabric paint. 1-4pm. 250-665-7511.

YOUTH Advance Reading Copy (ARC) Club at Greater Victoria Public Library. Be the ﬁrst to get all the new books. Get an exclusive copy before it comes out in stores or hits the library shelves. Review it online and you get to keep the free book. For ages 13-18. Info, teens@gvpl.ca. Friday Night Drop-In Night at “The Scene” Youth Centre. Come register for a planned activity with old and new friends. Bring your ideas, we’ll help you carry them out. 6:30-9pm. Free. For info, email youthrec-bgca@shaw.ca or call 250-388-5251 ext. 254. 471 Cecelia Rd. Reading Buddies: Teen Volunteers at Central, Juan de Fuca and Nellie McClung Branch Libraries. If you like working with children, enjoy reading, are a ﬂuent English speaker and want to help emerging readers, we need you. Mentor children in Grades 1-4 with reading practice, literacy-based activities and fun. We provide training and, upon completion, a reference letter outlining your volunteer hours.

First-time volunteers need to complete a Big Buddy Referral Form at www.gvpl.ca. For ages 13-18. Saturdays October 22-December 10, 1:45-3pm or 3:15-4:30pm. Central: 250413-0365; Juan de Fuca: 250-391-0653; Nellie McClung: 250-477-7111.

FAMILIES Geocaching Adventures with the Geocaching Families of Victoria. Join us at www.meetup. com for details of our upcoming meetups and to RSVP. There is a small annual membership fee to help cover costs. Harmonious Family Singers & Choir. Multicultural, inter-generational singing community welcomes individuals and family groups. All voices and ages welcome. First-timers are invited to try a no-audition session any Monday afternoon or evening. 250-385-SING (7464) or www.harmoniousfamilychoir.com. The Victoria Good News Choir, directed by Louise Rose, welcomes new and returning members to the start of its 2011/12 season. No auditions or age requirements. Info, 250-6581946 or www.victoriagoodnewschoir.com. Hillside Partners with Women in Need. Pick up a complimentary Women in Need (WIN) clothing bag at Customer Service and ﬁll it with your gently worn clothing or fashion accessories. At your convenience, return your WIN bag to Hillside Customer Service.•

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Island Parent Magazine

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Around the Island

Visit www.IslandParent.ca for these and other events and resources for families from Cowichan Valley north to Campbell River and west to Toﬁno TUES 1 Glow in the Dark Skate at Frank Crane Arena. Skate in our atmosphere of dimmed lighting and special effects. 6:30-8pm. Regular admission rates. Glow necklaces available for $2. 250-756-5200.

SUN 6 Free Family Skate at Oceanside Place. Free admission and skate rentals. Children under 19 years must be accompanied by an adult. Pond hockey is not available. 12:15-1:45pm. 826 W. Island Hwy. 250-248-3252.

SUN 13 Free Family Skate at Oceanside Place. See SUN 6 for details. 12:15-1:45pm.

MON 14 Girls Nite at Oliver Woods Community Centre. Want to hang out and talk girl stuff? This will cover topics from healthy lifestyles, girls’ fashions and everything else you are into. Come out and meet new friends. 9- to 14-year-olds. 7:30-9pm. $6. 250-756-5200.

TUES 15 Glow in the Dark Skate at Frank Crane Arena. See TUES 1 for details. 250-756-5200.

SAT 19 Annual Christmas Fair at Sunrise Waldorf School. Dip beeswax candles, paint a silk scarf, make a wreath or a clay sculpture; there are seasonal crafts for all ages. Enchanted Forest, Cookie Cave, artisan marketplace. 10am-3pm. Free admission to the fair and marketplace; nominal fee for the children’s activities and crafts. Donations for the Cowichan Valley Cowichan Basket Society appreciated. 4344 Peters Rd in Cowichan Station.

THURS 24 Ladysmith Festival of Lights in Downtown Ladysmith. Spaghetti dinner, Light-up Parade, family entertainment, ﬁreworks, craft fair and much more. Along 1st Ave. 250-245-2263.

SAT 26 AND SUN 27 Christmas Magic Weekend in Downtown Courtenay. Entertainment in the plaza, minimagic shows, carollers and dancers, Frosty the Snowman with his Christmas Elf helper handing out candy canes, kids’ entertainment at Sid Williams Theatre, live nativity, petting

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zoo and more. SAT: 5:30pm, lighting of 5th Street and 5th Street Christmas Tree. SUN: 1-2:30pm, parade.

SUN 27 Free Family Skate at Oceanside Place. See SUN 6 for details. 12:15-1:45pm.

ONGOING PRESCHOOL LaFF at the Aggie. Drop-in family & friends resource program for children ages 0-6 and their caregivers. Play area, free clothing exchange, food programs, free coffee and tea. MondayFriday, 9:30am-noon. $2 suggested donation. 250-210-0870, www.familyandfriends.ca. Benny’s Buddies Drop-in & Play Group at Woodgrove Centre for kids under 5 yrs. Tuesdays near the food court. 9:30-10:30am. Family Frolics at Frank Jameson Community Centre in Ladysmith. Bring your parent or caregiver for open gym fun during this drop-in family fun hour. Soft toys, mini-trampoline, ride-on toys, hula hoops and more. For children 1-6. Tuesdays 5:45-6:45pm until the end of March. $1/child. 250-245-6424.

CHILDREN Parent & Child Hockey at Cliff McNabb Arena, Nanaimo. A fun, non-competitive hockey time for children where their parents can play, too. Please bring your own gloves,

stick, and helmet with face cage. Pre-registration required. Sundays 2:15-3pm. $4. 250-756-5200.

YOUTH Spare Blox Youth Drop-in in Nanaimo is the ultimate place to be. This is a supervised space to hang out and chill. Open to those 12-17, it offers regular gym activities, video games, movies, foosball, air hockey and much more. Free, but you must register. 7-9pm. Mondays, Nanaimo District Secondary School; Tuesdays, Oliver Woods Community Centre; Wednesdays, John Barsby Community School. 250-756-5200. Rec Room at Frank Jameson Community Centre. Play pool, ping-pong, air hockey, foosball, surf the net, watch TV or listen to music. Tuesdays 3-6pm features interactive events and Fridays 6-10pm is a drop-in with different activities planned. For 13- to 18-yearolds. 250-245-6424.

FAMILY Free Sewing Classes at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church, Nanaimo. All skill levels welcome, from beginner to expert. Experienced volunteers are invited to come along to help newbies or just sew in a fun, friendly group. Lots of materials and ideas. For more information, email Val at vfroom@shaw.ca search Facebook for Nanaimo Sewing Mamas. 6-9pm. 4235 Departure Bay Rd. Paleontology Exhibit at Qualicum Beach Historical & Museum Society. A peek at the past featuring a world class collection of fossils as well as the 70,000 year old Ramblin Rose—a complete ice age walrus. The museum also showcases pioneer history and artifacts, photos and an operational Vivian Diesel engine. 587 Beach Ave. 250-752-5533. www. qbmuseum.net.•

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Alisa Harrison

C-Section Survival M

y second child was born in October 2006 by emergency c-section. Although the surgery was necessary and my daughter was born healthy, it was a terrifying experience. My husband and I had planned a home birth, and I’d already given birth once without any complications. Although I was well aware that no birth is without risk, I also knew that for the vast majority of women birth is a healthy, normal event. I had no doubt I could labour and push my baby out without intervention; I never even considered the possibility that I would end up having her delivered surgically. The first year of my daughter’s life was a blur as I tried to understand how I had ended up on the operating table and struggled to recover physically and emotionally from the event. I loved and was grateful for my daughter, and I was devastated by the circumstances of her birth. I’d been anticipating the same kind of calm, powerful birth I’d had with my first child. Instead, there was only confusion, chaos and fear—intense, all-consuming fear, which I couldn’t seem to shake off even after she was born. I wondered if I had done something to cause the problems we experienced, and reviewed the most minute details of her birth over and over again, desperate to find an explanation and to figure out what we could have done differently. The fact that there was no clear explanation only made things worse, and left me feeling depressed and ashamed. In the words of another c-section mom, I felt like my body was broken and I was a failure. In those early postpartum months I felt very alone. Other than my husband, no one seemed to understand or even want to acknowledge how traumatic the birth had been. My physical recovery posed another challenge, and I learned how hard it is to care for a newborn while also healing from major abdominal surgery. So I lived my life on autopilot: I went through the motions, getting through each day on sheer will, doing everything I could to ignore the pain around my incision and the constant intrusive thoughts and flashbacks to the birth. Then a friend I’d met while we were both pregnant suggested I come to an In-

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ternational Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) support group meeting. The closest chapter was in Victoria—a fair distance from my home in Cowichan Bay—but I went. I could hardly believe it when I got there. I was surrounded by women who got it: women who didn’t dismiss my struggle, who didn’t look at me quizzically and say, “But what’s the problem? You have a healthy baby,” or tell me that I was lucky to have had anaesthetized surgery so I didn’t have to experience the pain and work of labour and birth. I was too raw to really participate in the meeting;

I’d been anticipating the same kind of calm, powerful birth I’d had with my ﬁrst child. Instead, there was only confusion, chaos and fear—intense, all-consuming fear, which I couldn’t seem to shake off even after she was born. mostly, I just listened and took in the fact that there were people out there who not only had been through what I’d been through, but had gotten better. They had gone on to give birth again—some had had VBACs (vaginal births after cesarean)—and all were ﬁnding ways to integrate the experience of major, usually unexpected, and sometimes emergency surgery into their lives. ICAN’s mandate is to provide support for cesarean recovery, assist women in making informed choices about how they give birth, and improve maternal and child health by lowering the cesarean rate through education and promoting VBAC. C-section rates are at an all-time high in Canada, around 30 to 40 per cent in many B.C. hospitals, despite the World Health Organization’s statement that rates above 15 per cent do more harm than good. While cesareans can sometimes be life-saving surgeries to which

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all birthing women must have ready access, like any surgical procedure, it is vital for women and healthcare professionals to understand when they are indicated and avoid them when they are not. ICAN’s Victoria chapter has now been running for approximately seven years, and ICAN Cowichan Valley formed this past April to bring support to women in mid-Island communities. ICAN chapters welcome a range of participants: women who are recovering from c-sections, wishing to learn when a c-section is and is not indicated, or seeking support as they plan VBACs or subsequent cesarean births, and birth partners and professionals, who can come and hear what cesareans are like for the women who experience them and learn how to support us before, during and after. Most importantly, ICAN’s Vancouver Island chapters are places where women can come to be heard. Participants talk about how important it is to have found a group of peers who listen to and can understand each other. Sometimes it only takes one or two meetings to feel an enormous difference. As one Cowichan Valley woman put it, “Speaking to other people who had similar experiences and emotions gave me the courage to face my own feelings in a matter of hours…I was broken, and now I am able to become the mother I dreamed of being.” ICAN leaders in Victoria and in the Cowichan Valley hold monthly support group meetings and provide one-on-one peer support by e-mail and telephone. Both chapters also host guest speakers and special events to raise awareness about cesarean birth and recovery, and improve women’s experiences during the childbearing year. ICAN is a non-profit organization run entirely by volunteers, and support group meetings are free to attend. If you want to help, you can; if you are struggling, you are not alone. To get in touch with an ICAN leader or join a group in your area, please e-mail icancowichan@gmail. com or icanvictoria@gmail.com, or check the Facebook pages at www.facebook. com/ICAN.Cowichan and www.facebook. com/ICANofVictoria. Alisa Harrison, PhD, leads ICAN Cowichan Valley; maintains a research consulting and writing practice; and is a pre- and postnatal ﬁtness specialist. She blogs about pregnancy, birth, ﬁtness and parenting at www.thejugglingmatriarch.wordpress.com.

www.IslandParent.ca

November 2011

What’s Empathy Got to Do With It?

was at a luncheon in the early summer, surrounded by an interesting mix of people, a mix that made for good conversation. Before long, we were talking about fatherhood. Of course any time the subject of fatherhood comes up, the subject of men and women usually follows. As the father of two girls, and as a husband, I am always interested in these types of discussions. I am rather atypical as a dad. I tend to overlook some of my daughters’ concerns. I assume they are looking to me for solutions rather than a sympathetic ear. When my solutions aren’t met with enthusiasm, I sometimes get frustrated. Why would anyone take so much time explaining a dilemma to me if they don’t want the perfect solution? I do the same thing with my wife. I don’t understand much of the female process; I am used to it, but I don’t really “get” it. I have been married for 14 years, a father of

Island Parent Magazine

two girls for 10 years, and younger brother to an older sister for 38 years, and I still really don’t get it. I think that’s OK, though. I try…most of the time. As I got involved in this lunchtime discussion, I reﬂected on my “maleness.” I always self-reﬂect when I hear opinions on what a good dad is from other people. One of the people involved in the conversation is a family therapist. Repeatedly, the word empathy came up. My wife and I have used this word, and I have used this word in previous columns. Many “Men vs. Women” debates use this word, as do the millions of manuals on man-woman relationships. It is an important word, dads. The therapist at the luncheon explained her take on empathy. More than understanding, empathy refers to the patience it takes to reach that great level of understanding necessary for a strong relationship. She ex-

plained it perfectly. My argumentative self couldn’t do much but nod in agreement. I left the lunch thinking about this discussion in relation to my parenting skills. I kept asking myself if I empathize. Part of me became stubborn. “If I am required to empathize with the girls, which is what they want, why can’t they use their innate empathizing skills to empathize with the fact

Dadspeak FRANK O’BRIEN that I don’t want to empathize?!” This thought actually made me laugh. I knew that this attitude would not work at home with two young girls who were simply asking me to “get it.” Was that so bad? I think I empathize with my daughters, but I know that I am not always successful. I keep getting better, though. The question I keep asking myself recently is: As a father, is there ever a time when I should consciously not empathize with my

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child? Although this may seem like an easy question to many, I was actually puzzled. You see, empathy is the ability to share feelings with another. I’m not sure this is something I always do. This brings us back to the “getting it” thing. It’s very hard to empathize when you don’t understand the emotions being displayed by another person. This doesn’t mean that there is no intent to empathize or effort being put forth to understand, it just means I don’t understand yet. Sometimes, an eight-year-old girl has a hard time explaining her emotions. We dads wrestle with being empathetic, or at least are told to. There are times when I don’t really want to share my daughter’s feelings. I’m afraid I will lose my perspective, or my manliness. I need to come up with solutions. Sometimes I like simple solutions, and sometimes I like elaborate solutions that do nothing but solve a simple problem while at the same time showing off my brilliant talents as a ﬁxer of everyday things gone wrong. My girls don’t really care about this. They don’t have the wherewithal to begin to comprehend that I want this. There are times when I have selﬁshly believed that my daughters and my wife simply do not care what I want, that they just want my ear. I have been thinking about this since that lunch at the beginning of the summer. I’ve read some articles on empathy, fatherhood, and man-woman relations as they pertain to fatherhood. Trying to understand this topic can be a little overwhelming. Looking back over my years as a dad, I realize something very important. There have been times when I have empathized. There have been times when I sympathized. There have been times when I did neither, but I listened. There have been times when I did not listen, empathize, or sympathize. There is one indisputable fact, however. The times I felt like I was being the father I could be and should be, was when I was fully present, patient and engaged. I am not always going to get it right. Sometimes I am going to get it very wrong, but I can always strive for better. Every day is the chance to be the dad I want to be. That is what makes a dad great. We might not get it right on day one, but if we keep trying every day, our daughters and sons will have the dads they need and deserve.

CHALLENGE PROGRAM Victoria School District’s Challenge Program is designed for intellectually gifted, creative and talented students. We welcome interested parents/guardians and students to attend a meeting on:

Thursday, December 8, 2011 at 7:00pm Mount Douglas Secondary School Gym APPLICATION DEADLINES: Mount Douglas & Esquimalt Schools

January 13, 2012 (Part 1, Application Forms)

January 19, 2012 (Part 2, Portfolio & Testing)

APPLICATION FORMS

For prospective candidates will be available at the meeting or can by picked up at: Esquimalt High School, 847 Colville Road or online at www.esquimalt.sd61.bc.ca – or – Mount Douglas Secondary, 3970 Gordon Head Road or online at www.mtdoug.sd61.bc.ca *Please note: This is a joint meeting hosted by both Esquimalt High School and Mount Douglas Secondary School. Applications for grade 9 classes are now being accepted at both schools.

Frank O’Brien is the father of Aideen and Megan, and husband of Amanda O’Brien. He is currently working on a book about his experiences in the restaurant industry. www.IslandParent.ca

November 2011

Dental Health Basics for Your Child Child, Youth & Family Community Health South Island Health Units Esquimalt Gulf Islands

250-519-5311 250-539-3099

(toll-free number for ofﬁce in Saanichton)

Peninsula Saanich Saltspring Island Sooke Victoria West Shore

250-544-2400 250-519-5100 250-538-4880 250-642-5464 250-388-2200 250-519-3490

Central Island Health Units Duncan Ladysmith Lake Cowichan Nanaimo Nanaimo Princess Royal Parksville/Qualicum Port Alberni Toﬁno

250-709-3050 250-755-3342 250-749-6878 250-755-3342 250-755-7855 250-947-8222 250-731-1315 250-725-2172

North Island Health Units Campbell River Courtenay Kyuquot Health Ctr ‘Namgis Health Ctr Port Hardy

250-850-2110 250-331-8520 250-332-5289 250-974-5522 250-949-3100

www.viha.ca/prevention_services/

Island Parent Magazine

hen should my child first visit the dentist? When should I start brushing my baby’s teeth with fluoride toothpaste? Depending on where and who the answers come from, parents may receive different advice about basic oral health care for children. Information from sources outside of B.C. or Canada may not apply to the area you live in. As well, misleading information may be given when products are being promoted. The answers to the following common questions on basic dental care for your child are based on professional recommendations and scientific research.

When should children have their ﬁrst dental check up? • The Canadian Paediatric Association, Canadian and BC Dental Associations recommend six months after the ﬁrst tooth is in the mouth or by one year of age. A dental professional will look at your baby’s teeth, teach you how to take care of them and discuss habits that may cause cavities. • Some dentists prefer to wait until children can sit in a dental chair on their own. Fortunately, paediatric dentists, family dentists and community health dental hygienists will see babies and young children before then.

Why are baby teeth important when children are just going to lose them anyway? • They need teeth for eating, talking, looking good, and proper jaw development. • Cavities that are not ﬁxed can get infected, cause pain and affect children’s ability to eat, grow and develop healthy self-esteem. • Baby teeth are needed until they are replaced by adult teeth. This can be until children are 12 to 13 years old!

Are teething products safe? • Offer your baby something cool to chew on: a teething ring or a face cloth wet with water that has been chilled in the fridge. • Use pain medication that your physician recommends; always check the label carefully so that you give the right amount.

• Homeopathic remedies for teething are not recommended because of lack of proof of effectiveness and quality control of ingredients. Hyland’s Teething Tablets have been voluntarily recalled by the company because they contain trace amounts of belladonna, which can cause harm to children if not carefully controlled.

Healthy Families; Happy Families CHILD YOUTH & FAMILY COMMUNITY HEALTH

DENISE BAILLET

• Teething gels carry a Health Canada warning. There is a small risk that the anesthetic ingredient can reduce the blood’s ability to deliver oxygen. Parents should speak to a healthcare professional before using this type of product. • Amber teething necklaces are popular teething products, but they also have a Health Canada warning. They pose a choking risk if worn around the neck or if any beads come loose. At this point, there is no scientiﬁc support for their use.

Should my baby use fluoride toothpaste? • According to recommendations from the Canadian and BC Dental Associations and World Health Organization, most children on Vancouver Island should use fluoride toothpaste because fluoride is not added to the drinking water. Call your local municipality to find out if fluoride has been added to your water. If you are on a well, your water can be tested to find out if there is fluoride in it. • Brush twice a day with fluoride toothpaste when your baby’s first tooth starts coming in. Until then, wipe the mouth with a damp face cloth to help your baby get used to having his or her mouth cleaned. This can make tooth brushing easier when the teeth come in. • As soon as a tooth is in the mouth, the appropriate and safe amount of fluoride toothpaste is: www.kidsinvictoria.com

– For children under three years: a grain of rice sized amount of ﬂuoride toothpaste. – For children over three years or those who do not swallow toothpaste: a green pea sized amount of ﬂuoride toothpaste.

How can I get my child to cooperate with tooth brushing? • Make it positive, interesting and an enjoyable part of the daily routine. Try singing a song, brushing in the bathtub, using music or a video as a distraction, or make it a game by using the toothbrush to ﬁnd all the “sugar bugs” that are hiding on the teeth. Give lots of encouragement! • Have your child sit or lie comfortably and safely on your lap, couch, bed, change table or ﬂoor. Avoid brushing when children are tired or hungry. • Let them try brushing on their own before or after you help them brush. Children like to be independent, but need an adult’s help to brush their teeth twice a day until they are eight years old.

Hands-On Home-Learning for a Sustainable World

K-9 Distributed Learning

What about flossing? • Flossing can be introduced when tooth brushing and healthy eating habits are well established. • Floss the teeth that are touching one another. You can use floss sticks or string floss, whichever is easier for you and your child. • Have an adult floss for young children since they can hurt their gums if they do it themselves.

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Where is the best place to ﬁnd information if I have questions about oral health? • Dental hygienists in public health or private practice • Your dentist • Canadian Dental Association: www. cda-adc.ca • British Columbia Dental Association: www.bcdental.org • Canadian Academy of Pediatric Dentistry: www.capd-acdp.org • Canadian Paediatric Society: www.cps. ca/english/index.htm • Health Canada: www.hc-sc.gc.ca/index-eng.php If you have any questions or need help ﬁnding a dentist, please call your local Health Unit. Denise Baillet, RDH, is a dental hygienist with the VIHA Children, Youth and Family Dental Program in Victoria. www.IslandParent.ca

250 383 6619 (1 888 383 6619)

http://oakandorca.ca 250 383 6609

Introducing our new program for home learners: new es only l moduear $70 all y

Garden Learners s

e i r : e e l t odu n Mys m t nex Garde

er 0 t n i W 6-1 Ages

Call or email for more information or to register: outreach@compost.bc.ca (250) 386-WORM

Be detectives and uncover the mysteries of the winter garden!

Friday mornings: 9:30am - 11:30am Nov. 18, Nov. 25, Dec. 2, & Dec. 9

Is there life hiding in there somewhere? Where did the worms go? November 2011

Souper Trooper

oup: Recipe Friday to the cooks of the world. Soup is there when we’re feeling cold in body or spirit. Soup has our backs when we come up against all of those nasty colds and ﬂu bugs, unleashed on us just when we’re feeling most vulnerable. It’s dark later in the morning and earlier in the evenings. Chill, grey, and fog have settled over this part of the world and will likely be around for the next few months—so we need all of the weapons in our arsenals to keep the sunshine burning within. If you need more points in praise of soup, consider that soup is generally a concoction of relatively inexpensive ingredients, and can be made in large batches and frozen for future meals. Rules for soup are rarely hard and fast: if you happen to have some leftover mashed potatoes or roasted veggies in the fridge, they can be tossed in to add body, depth and nutrition. Simple meals in no time, by simmering a pot of vegetable or chicken broth, stirring in a variety of steamed veggies and some udon noodles, and placing slices of grilled chicken or tofu over top. Easy peasy, and deliciously soul-warming, to boot. Get out your ladle: soup’s on!

Miso in Minutes This is a nourishing broth to make any time you’re feeling under the weather! 4 cups water 2–3 Tbsp bonito stock (substitute chicken stock if you like) 1⁄2 cup miso paste, to taste 175 grams extra-ﬁrm tofu, cut into bite-sized pieces 2 green onions, chopped 1 cup fresh spinach leaves, washed and chopped In medium saucepan, bring water to boil. Stir in stock. Simmer. Add miso paste, stirring thoroughly, ensuring the paste blends evenly into the simmering stock. Simmer 10 minutes, to allow the ﬂavours to meld. Add tofu, green onions and spinach. Stir for 3–4 minutes, until spinach is wilted. Enjoy!

Red Lentil & Carrot Soup 2 tsp vegetable oil 6 small carrots, scrubbed and sliced 1⁄2 onion, chopped 1 small red pepper, chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced

2 tsp ground ginger 6 cups chicken or vegetable stock 1 cup red lentils 2 tsp lemon juice 1⁄4 tsp salt Heat oil in large saucepan over medium heat. Cook carrots, onion, red pepper, garlic and ginger powder, stirring often, for 5 minutes or until tender. Add stock and lentils, bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer until carrots are tender (15–20 minutes). In immersion blender or food processor, purée soup. Return to simmer. Add lemon juice and salt to taste. Serve.

Sweet Potato Soup 1 pound yams, peeled and cubed 1 onion, chopped 2–3 Tbsp butter 1 clove garlic, minced 1⁄2 Tbsp ground cumin 4 cups chicken or vegetable stock 3⁄4 cup natural crunchy peanut butter 2 tsp chili sauce salt to taste Heat heavy, medium-sized saucepan over medium heat. Add butter. Toss in onions and cook over medium heat 10 minutes or until golden brown. Add garlic and cumin; stir-fry for 30 seconds. Add yams. Cover, reduce

At Kumon, we do more than help your child gain a mastery of reading and math; we create a lifelong love of learning. Our specialized learning program is the catalyst for growth marked by self-confidence, motivation and an insatiable passion for learning.

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Academic Enrichment Pre-K – 12th Grade

Island Parent Magazine

www.kidsinvictoria.com

heat, and cook 10 minutes, stirring often to reduce sticking. Pour in stock and bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Add peanut butter and chili sauce. Simmer

Just Eat It! KATHY HUMPHREY

�

Preschool to Senior School Please call or email for a tour

��

• school programs uniquely designed to deliver solid academic foundations, as mandated by the BC Ministry of Education

Mushroom Barley Soup

Kathy Humphrey lives in Victoria with her husband and two children. She tries to see cooking for a family not as a chore but as a creative outlet.

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• an educational environment that cares for the whole child • specialized, aged appropriate materials in multi-sensory learning environments

gently, uncovered, for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Salt to taste. Serve, sprinkled with chopped peanuts and chives.

1 ounce dried mushrooms, optional (shiitake, chanterelle, or porcini) 4 carrots 8 cups regular mushrooms 2 Tbsp vegetable oil 2 onions, ﬁnely chopped 3 cloves garlic, minced 1 tsp dried thyme 1⁄2 Tbsp tomato sauce 2 Tbsp soy sauce 1 Tbsp balsamic vinegar 1 cup barley 6 cups vegetable stock 3 cups water 1 package chopped frozen spinach (or 4 cups chopped fresh spinach) If using dried mushrooms, place in small bowl. Pour in 1 cup boiling water and let sit for 20 minutes, until softened. Drain, reserving liquid. Scrub or peel carrots and slice on the diagonal. Set aside. Slice regular mushrooms thickly. In large saucepan, heat oil over medium heat. Cook onions and garlic, stirring often, for 5 minutes or until softened. Add carrots and roughly chopped mushrooms. Cook, stirring often, for 15 to 20 minutes, or until mushrooms are lightly browned and liquid is evaporated. Stir in thyme, pepper, salt, tomato paste, soy sauce, vinegar, and reserved soaking liquid. Add barley and cook, stirring, for 1–2 minutes or until liquid is absorbed and barley is well coated. Add stock and water; bring to boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer, stirring occasionally, for 50 minutes. Uncover and cook for 20 minutes, or until slightly thickened. Stir spinach into soup. Simmer for 5 minutes, or until heated through. Serve.

Maria Montessori Academy offers:

• extensive community learning opportunities and outdoor education

1841 Fairburn Drive, Victoria BC Phone: 250-479-4746 E-Mail: mma@montessori.bc.ca Website: www.montessori.bc.ca

• well-trained and compassionate staff • all grade levels support the multi-age learning philosophies of Maria Montessori • Grade 9 commencing Sept. 2011

Duncan’s newest mama & baby eco-boutique!

Organic

Sustainable

Natural

Local

Matraea Mercantile is the place to find all things natural for pregnancy, birth and babies. The store’s shelves are filled with organic, natural, specialty health products related to family Gift Regi stry wellness. Come visit us at 170 Craig St, Avai lable Duncan, in the new Matraea Centre. home birth kits * hospital birth kits * tens machine rentals * pregnancy teas 170 Craig St, Duncan ~ 250.597.0085 ~ info@matmercantile.ca ~ www.matmercantile.ca

November 2011

Theories for the Third Time Around

am about to enter a life of total insanity. Our home is crazy as it is, what with a five-year-old and a three-year-old running the show—but I’m 39 weeks pregnant with number three, and things are about to get worse. In the haze of the past weeks (did I mention we just moved house?), I have come to realize that the large bump on my front will soon result in an actual baby, requiring feeding, cuddling, and changing. It’s been quite awhile now since I dealt with one of these tiny people, and in trying to remember how it all works—which pacifiers were the best, effective swaddling, and so on—I can’t help but compare my haphazard preparations to the more organized methods I employed back when expecting my first baby. My perspective has changed—for better or worse, time will tell.

Re: Preparing baby’s clothing First baby: Receive dozens of trendy baby outfits from multiple baby showers. Sterilize each outfit and cleanse with organic, all-natural detergent which costs $24 per gram). Press and hang each outfit on designer hangers—which, of course, match designer crib bedding. Third baby: Locate boxes of well-worn baby clothing in basement. Toss all outfits with fiddly buttons or fancy doodads, and any that require four hands to dress baby in. Stuff remaining pre-stained sleepers in a drawer or plastic tote. If time permits, launder. Past experience dictates that all items will promptly be dirtied, anyway.

Re: Preparing meals in anticipation of baby’s arrival First baby: Prepare two months worth of gourmet meals for the freezer, such as Braised Artichokes with Lamb Shank and ShrimpAsparagus Tarte. Take this opportunity to experiment with new recipes and ingredi-

Island Parent Magazine

ents, balancing each meal’s components for ultimate post-partum nourishment. Third baby: Scrape together a short list of casseroles for the freezer, including only those tolerated by the children. Go to store for ingredients. Regretfully, children in tow will likely eat shopping list and cause distraction; cart will end up full of ice cream, jam, and goldﬁsh crackers. After remedial shopping trip to purchase actual casserole ingredients, make casserole. As afternoon has been consumed entirely with making casserole, and family needs feeding, eat casserole for dinner. Repeat.

Re: Handling public attention during pregnancy First baby: Revel in maternal status and the attention it attracts. Feel glowingly responsible for continuing the human race. Smilingly tolerate strangers offering pregnancy advice in grocery store. Enjoy stylish maternity wardrobe and go for pedicures regularly. Third baby: Review list of maddening things people say to pregnant women, including: “So, do you know what you’re having?” and “Whoa, sure you don’t have twins in there?” Practice achieving inner Zen state to avoid blurting out nasty comebacks. Better yet, stop going out in public, period. Belly will not ﬁt behind a steering wheel anyway, and staying home minimizes risk of hormonal melt-downs.

Re: Preparing family members for baby’s arrival First baby: Bring spouse to all doctor’s appointments; share tears over baby’s heartbeat. Post ultrasound pictures on Facebook for Grandma to show her cronies. Consider establishing a “visiting schedule” ensuring all relatives get proper bonding time with baby. Third baby: Grandma and all other relatives blasé about babies by now, and busy with cruises

and golf tournaments. Instead, brainstorm ways to make three-year-old son more favourable towards babies—Velcro Oreo cookies and toy trucks to baby’s sleepers, leading him to associate baby with pleasant activities? Also, purchase strategic gifts for children “from baby.” This will establish baby’s benevolent nature, and they will be too stunned by their coveted Playmobil sets to question where baby got the money.

Is There an App for This? SARAH MILLIGAN

Re: Choosing a name for baby First baby: One minute after pregnancy test, begin poring over name books. Consider all meanings, family history, and potential nicknames. Try making up names based on pleasant phonetics, favourite literary characters, and dream sequences. Finally, compile a short list and wait to see which name baby “chooses.” Third baby: Discuss name selection with older children and explain why their top suggestions, Titzel Witzel and Rainbow Strawberry Cream Puff, though phonetically dynamic, will not make the ﬁnal cut. Narrow down list of previously favoured names, crossing off those poached by family and friends. From remainder, choose based on what sounds best with names of older children. Clearly, my third child is already deprived—my standards have slipped pathetically over the years. But perhaps not all is lost; gourmet meals are nice, but braised artichokes gave me indigestion and grilled cheese sandwiches are quicker than defrosting a casserole anyway. Baby won’t miss the designer hangers, and the stained sleepers are deﬁnitely the soft and comfy ones. I think we’ll be OK—boxes, crazy names, and all. Sarah Milligan lives in Sooke. She is grateful to her children for the joy they inspire, not to mention the endless writing material they provide.

www.kidsinvictoria.com

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Morning Glory School Preschool to Class 8

★ Balances Academics with Art, Music, Nature & Outdoor Activities ★ Blends the best of Waldorf ideals with BC Curriculum

SUNDAY, NOV 20 Family Frolics 2–3pm Free Swim 3–5pm

Games, refreshments and fun for all ages! …all at the Ladysmith Community Centre. For more info on activities for children and families:

www.familyandfriends.ca www.ladysmith.ca

www.IslandParent.ca

★ One of the most affordable independent schools on the Island!

CHRISTMAS FAIRE Saturday, Dec 3, 10 to 4

Children’s Activities ★ Local Vendors

250-752-2722 861 Hilliers Rd. Qualicum Beach mgs@shawcable.com www.morninggloryschool.ca November 2011

Bright Books for Dark Days

h, November. The days are growing shorter, the nights colder, and Vancouver Island is doing its best to deserve its share of the nickname Wet Coast. Without doubt, this is the perfect time of year for curling up with your family under a cozy blanket with steaming mugs of hot chocolate (with extra marshmallows, of course) and a big stack of brilliantly coloured books to chase away the wintery blues.

marvel, Picture a Tree (North Winds Press, 2011). What do you see when you picture a tree? Leaves, branches, a plain brown trunk? Look again—there’s much more there than you think. Whether playing ship to your pirate or thrilling you with its riot of autumn colours, trees are an endless source of inspiration and delight. The sky is quite literally the limit, and Reid’s characteristic Plasticine illustrations perfectly capture the pleasures of imagination and invention in this bright book for 3+.

book guaranteed not only to transport and delight those 2+, but to foster lively discussion about everything from gender roles to favourite colours. For the more tactile in your household, why not try the wonderful, whimsical Press Here (Raincoast Books, 2011) by Herve Tullet? Simply follow the instructions given, then watch and wonder at the power in your hands! Adults and children alike will delight in the magic that results from pressing, tilting, and ﬂipping this enchanting and interactive title for those one to 100.

Speaking of bright, have you seen the Man in the Moon (Simon and Schuster, 2011)? William Joyce’s newest picture book is one of those rare and precious reads that you know, the moment you see it, is destined to become a classic. A fairy tale of the ﬁrst order, Joyce’s richly coloured, elegant illustrations evoke a world of “Once upon a time” aboard the celestial ship Moonclipper,

And where better to start than with winter itself? Seasons (Enchanted Lion Books, 2010), by enigmatic French artist Blexbolex, is a dazzling trip through the months unlike anything you’ve seen before. Featuring a single scene and one-phrase description on each page, this 180-page wonder evokes the magic of the seasons more powerfully than you’d have thought possible. At once simple and extremely complex, Seasons should be shared with the whole family from 2+. Of course, once you’ve been captivated by the magic of Blexbolex, you’ll have to go ﬁnd a copy of People (Enchanted Lion Books, 2011). Winning Best Book Design in the World upon its release, People is a

Island Parent Magazine

Lane Smith, author of the literary triumph It’s a Book, has produced another masterpiece. Grandpa Green (Roaring Book Press, 2011) is a funny, moving, fertile tale of life, love, loss, and gardening. Grandpa Green wasn’t always old, you see. Once, he was a young boy who got sick, went to war, fell in love… and through it all, he gardened. Gorgeous green topiaries illustrate Grandpa’s adventures with whimsical and leafy eloquence, taking the shape of everything from a child in bed with chicken pox, to a ferocious dragon, to a forest full of grandchildren. Perfect for anyone from three to 103, Grandpa Green will make you laugh, make you cry, and foster a love for things that grow. Another choice sure to “leaf” you with a new appreciation for the greener things in life is Canadian artist Barbara Reid’s newest

where the infant Man in the Moon, or MiM as he’s known, is rocked to sleep every night by his beloved Guardian, Nightlight, who protects him from bad dreams. Of course,

www.kidsinvictoria.com

no fairy tale is complete without its villain: Pitch, the Nightmare King, is literally the stuff of nightmares, and with his army of Fearlings and Nightmare Men, he sets out to destroy the beautiful, glowing world of MiM and his family. With his gentle, evocative text and magical illustrations, Joyce offers protection from childish terrors in the shape of a celestial nightlight and a host of magical Guardians who protect the dreams and wishes of childhood. The ﬁrst in the Guardians of Childhood series, this is a

The Victoria School for

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Book Nook MADDY SMITH dazzling choice for 5+. The series continues with a wonderful illustrated chapter book for 9+, Nicholas St. North and the Battle of the Nightmare King, in which we learn the origins of one of the best-loved of all Guardians: the one and only Santa Claus.

• After school care 2820 Belmont Ave vsie@shaw.ca

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An enchanting Christmas delight for the entire family

Dec. 27 + 28 + 29 - 7:30pm Dec. 30 - 2:00pm

Royal Theatre, Victoria Tickets: 250-386-6121 | rmts.bc.ca

Ballet Victoria P D - A D - ..

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This November, whether you’re young or young at heart, celebrate the brilliance of autumn and embrace a panoply of colours, characters and truly wonderful tales.

��

Maddy Smith is a children’s bookseller and an Islander born and bred; she reads, writes, and believes in the magic of a great book.

��

www.IslandParent.ca

June 2011

Family Services Directory Association of Family Serving Agencies (AFSA) is a network of organizations, groups and individuals serving families. All agencies listed are members of AFSA. This directory is sponsored by BC Families in Transition (formerly the Separation and Divorce Resource Centre) is one of three non-profit agencies in North America that offers professional counselling, legal support and education for people who are having problems in their relationships. Each year we help 10,000 adults, children and youth through family changes, separations and divorces, remarriages, and complex family situations. Whether you wish to separate or remain together, call us at 250-386-4331 or visit www.bcfit.org to see how we can help. Some evening and weekend appointments available. Beacon Community Services, a community-based, non-profit social, employment and health services agency, serving Greater Victoria, Saanich Peninsula and the Southern Gulf Islands. Providing these services: child, youth and family services; a drop-in family resource centre; counselling; employment services for adults, youth and people with disabilities; home support; volunteer services and opportunities; community events; affordable, assisted living for seniors; referrals, information and resources; thrift shops. For Home Support information call 250-658-6407, for all other inquiries call 250-656-0134 or visit www. beaconcs.ca. Big Brothers Big Sisters of Victoria provides mentoring programs to children in schools and communities. Adult ‘Bigs’, and child ‘Littles’, build a friendship based on shared interests, respect, trust, and the magic of everyday moments shared with a friend. Everyone needs someone to laugh with, to share a dream with, and just to hang out. No special skills, money, or experience are needed to be a mentor to a child, just a willingness to spend time together, to listen, and to be a friend and advocate—in as little as one hour a week! The positive impact of mentorship lasts for a lifetime. Contact us at 250-475-1117, email main@bbbsvictoria.com, or at our website www. bbbsvictoria.com Boys & Girls Club Services offer after-school and evening social, educational and recreational program-

ming for youth at four locations. We also offer support to parents of teens (Parents Together) and run Adventure Based Learning programs at our Camp in Metchosin. For more information on all our programs visit our website at www.bgcvic.org. For general information on after-school and evening programs at our 4 Community Clubs please call 250-384-9133. Capital Families is a community-based, non-profit charity in the West Shore offering programs and services to children, families, youth and individuals. Programs are generally free of charge and focus on early childhood development, parenting education, counseling, outreach, food initiatives and youth activities. You will ﬁnd drop-in or registered programs at the Family and Early Childhood Centre, REACH Young Child & Parent Centre, counseling services, behavioural support, parenting classes, information and referral, clothing exchange, and a variety of activities. Volunteers are always welcome! For more information call 250-391-4911 or visit us at 2764 Jacklin Road, inside the portable at the back of Ruth King School, in Colwood. www.capfamilies.org. The Child Abuse Prevention & Counselling Society/Mary Manning Centre is the primary provider of therapy and victim support services for children and youth in Greater Victoria who experience sexual abuse, physical abuse, and other serious trauma, or who may be at risk for sexual abuse. Therapy services include individual and group sessions for children and youth and group sessions for parents. Victim services include intake and referral, accompaniment and support for children and youth being interviewed by police, and court preparation and support for those testifying as victims or witnesses in criminal cases. No charge for clients. Contact: 250-385-6111 or admin@ marymanning.com. Community Living Victoria supports people with developmental disabilities and their families by providing residential services, day and community supports (supported employment, parent support and independent

living). Our Host agency provides direct supports for those with Individualized Funding and Home Share service. Our family support program offers advocacy, conﬂict resolution, education, newsletters, workshops, support groups and a resource library. Please call 250-477-7231 ext 233. Esquimalt Neighbourhood House Society. Our Family Services offer family resource programs with a focus on early childhood development and learning, parenting education and pre and post-natal services. Our Counselling Services are free to adults and youth (12-18 years); adult and short term clinical counselling is offered for acute mental health problems. For more information call 250385-2635 or visit 511 Constance Ave. in Esquimalt. Inter-Cultural Association of Greater Victoria (ICA) Is an immigrant and multicultural service agency. Programs offered include cross-cultural counselling, parenting programs (child care available), family violence services, interpretation and translation, diversity workshops and training, ESL instruction, volunteering, BETWEEN youth program and youth tutoring. ICA presents the Luminara Victoria Lantern Celebration. 930 Balmoral Rd, 250-3884728, info@icavictoria.org, www.icavictoria.org. Learning Disabilities Association of BC, SVI Chapter, educates, supports and advocates for children and youth with learning disabilities and related conditions. Services include a public lending library, individual/group support for parents and children, professional/educational workshops for parents and professionals. Child and youth programs include: reading/writing, academic skills, social/ emotional skill development and Fast ForWord. 1524 Fort St. 250-370-9513. www.ldasvi.bc.ca. Military Family Resource Centre (MFRC) provides programs and services to the military family community. Services include: 24 Hour Information Line, Deployment Information and Workshops, Short Term Intervention/Crisis Support, Welcome/Relocation Services, services for families with special needs and responsabilities and childcare services and support to parents. Exciting Volunteer opportunities available! Call the MFRC: 250-363-2640 (1-800353-3329) for information. www.esquimaltmfrc.com. NEED2 Suicide Prevention Education & Support provides www.youthspace.ca. A multi-portal website which offers youth support through live-chats, forums and/or from a professional counselor via e-counselling. This service is delivered by youth and adult volunteers and

Christmas Goody Contest Send us the recipe for your family’s favourite CHRISTMAS GOODY and we’ll enter your name into the draw for a $50 gift certiﬁcate to your favourite bakery. A selection of recipes will be printed in the December issue of Island Parent. Please e-mail recipes (with Christmas Recipe in the subject) to editor@islandparent.ca or mail to: Christmas Recipe, c/o Island Parent Magazine, Suite A-10, 830 Pembroke Street, Victoria, B.C. V8T 1H9. Deadline: Monday, November 14th at noon. 46

Island Parent Magazine

www.kidsinvictoria.com

staff. It is an alternative to phone based service for youth and young adults who are seeking emotional support and information for a variety of issues including mental health and addictions. www.youthspace.ca. Pa r e n t S u p p o r t S e r v i c e s S o c i e t y ( w w w. parentsupportbc.ca) provides support circles, parenting resources and referrals to all in a parenting role including grandparents raising grandchildren. Our training in peer group facilitation is open to the community. Support circles are free with child minding and transportation assistance available. Volunteers are always needed. Call 250-3848042; email parent-support@shaw.ca. Rainbows is a nonprofit society providing support groups for children who have suffered a significant loss in their lives by death, divorce or any other painful life transition. Rainbows is not counselling, we offer peer support with trained facilitators to help children work through a 24-week program. Rainbows is offered without cost to participants and is community funded. For info see www.rainbows.ca or email Rita Henderson at nicrit@shaw.ca or Sharon Tyler at waynetyler@shaw.ca. The Single Parent Resource Centre (www.singleparentvictoria.ca) provides support, education and resources for parents in the Greater Victoria area through free counselling, volunteer training for reception and peer helper positions, a mentoring program for single moms, and a support group for dads. The Centre also offers over 20 integrated life skills and parenting courses which are open to the whole community (fees are by-donation). Child care assistance is available based on financial need. The Centre provides a bread pantry and free clothing for single parents. Donations of gently-used clothing, small household items, books, and toys are very welcome every Monday and Wednesday. Centre hours are 9–4 weekdays. 602 Gorge Rd. East; call 250-385-1114 or info@singleparentvictoria.ca.

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Pre -S for ages 15 months

Parent & Tot Classes Jazz, Hip Hop, Tap, Song & Dance, Combo Classes, and Cre ati ve Dance Even the lit tlest angel can dance

For more information call 250-384-3267 or visit us at www.stagesdance.com

South Island Centre for Counselling & Training is an affordable, non-profit, counselling agency serving individuals and families from all social, ethnic, and financial backgrounds. We help people with a wide range of issues including low self-esteem, depression, grief, marital and family conflict, abuse and spiritual direction. We also offer helpful “life” courses. For more information contact us at 250-472-2851; info@southislandcentre.ca. South Island Dispute Resolution Centre: www.dispute resolution.bc.ca 250-383-4412 Affordable/accessible Family Mediation/Coaching services. Create effective parenting plans, improve communication and understand healthy co-parenting options. Subsidies available. We also offer workshops for all ages on effective communication, anger awareness & conflict management skills. Victoria Epilepsy & Parkinson’s Centre supports families living with epilepsy by providing tutoring and one on one professional consultations to help your child to live up to their full potential. We offer epilepsy education workshops in private and public schools, and keep you up to date on the latest research about medications, lifestyle and safety for your child. Visit us at www.vepc.bc.ca to find out more, and to explore our bursaries for Camosun College. Calls are also welcome at 250-475-6677.

www.IslandParent.ca

November 2011

Pregnant? Pregnancy is a state of health. Midwives recognize what an extraordinary time this is in your life and we are available to support you through your childbearing year.

COVERED BY YOUR BC HEALTH CARE BC’s Medical Services Plan pays for midwifery care, including in-home check-ups in labour and after you’ve had your baby. You can self-refer to a midwife.

QUALITY CARE Studies show that midwifery clients have lower rates of episiotomies, infection, Caesarean sections, forceps and vacuum deliveries and newborns that require resuscitation.

CHOICE OF HOSPITAL OR HOME BIRTH CONTINUITY OF CARE COMPREHENSIVE CARE BREASTFEEDING EDUCATION & SUPPORT

Registered Midwives in Victoria: Michele Buchmann 250-590-7770 Uta Herold (Sooke) 778-425-0780 Deborah Little 250-381-1977 Luba Lyons Richardson 250-381-1977 Lorna J. McRae 250-380-6329 Jody Medernach 250-590-7605 Kim Millar Lewis 250-384-5940 Heather Nelson 250-380-6329 Jill Pearman 250-590-7605 Colleen Rode 250-386-4116 Angela Schaerer 250-384-9062 Valerie Simmons 250-589-3417 Beth Smit 250-384-5940 Ilana Stanger-Ross 250-590-7605 Julia Stolk 250-590-7605 Misty Wasyluk 250-380-6329 Deanna Wildeman 250-592-5407 Heather Wood 250-380-6329 Amy Brownhill 250-386-4116 We would be pleased to schedule an appointment to answer your questions about midwifery care.

Island Parent Magazine

The Days Crawl By, But the Years Fly…

y second child has just entered fullday kindergarten and I am finding myself in utter shock over how quickly his first five years flew by. I am reminded of the advice which I am sure all parents have heard at some point: “Appreciate these moments with your children, they go by so fast.” This is heartfelt and well-intentioned advice, but sometimes it can leave a feeling of unease. Enjoying the moment seems simple in theory, but not necessarily easy in practice. In the seemingly constant daily rush that is life, the nurturing aspects of parenting can easily disappear. Yet one of the most important gifts we can give our children is our undivided attention. When we are truly present with our children, it lays the foundation of security and love and, in turn, allows them to feel understood and cared for. To really appreciate moments with our children, we need to practice mindful parenting: the practice of being present—of being right here, right now. We may think we are “here,” but many times our mind is elsewhere. If we are not open to the little moments, we often miss opportunities to experience the magic in our children’s world. There are many ways to practice mindfulness. Here are a few ways to get you started. Unplug. As scary as it might sound, turn off your computer, TV, and even your phone. I realize that it’s difficult, but e-mail and social media outlets will only pull you away from your play date with your precious little child. Breathe. Nothing brings you in tune with the present moment quite like a full, deep breath. Your body can breathe without your attention (just like your heart can beat without your attention), but when you bring attention to the breath, it connects body and mind and allows you to be aware of the moment. If a situation frustrates you, you can take a deep breath before you respond. If you are late, you can take a deep breath in the car so you drive more consciously. You can take a deep breath as you look at your kids so you fully experience who they are in that moment—their curiosity, their beauty, their

sweet voices and everything else you love about them. Be quiet. We are constantly bombarded by noise—ringing telephones, music or anything that can take our attention away

New Parent Pages DIANA HURSCHLER, BScN from ourselves and our children—so finding quiet has to be a priority. Having quiet time even for five minutes a day can bring you back to a state of calm. You can enjoy quiet for yourself and you can practice being quiet with your children. When you are together, resist the urge to fill up the space with chatter or noise—just be quiet and enjoy the stillness. For some, this initially feels uncomfortable because it’s uncommon, but eventually it becomes a comfortable space. Smile. This simple practice is a mood shifter and can easily bring you back to center. You may be about to scream at the top of your lungs, but a smile can push the energy into a laugh. You may be ready to throw something, but a smile allows you to release what you are feeling in a less aggressive way. Smiling is a confidence booster and it can remind you to reconnect with your joy. And smiling is a simple gift you can offer your children. Smile at them when they walk into the room, smile and look at them as they speak so they know you are listening, smile at them as they attempt something difficult so they feel supported. Smile so they know you really see them and appreciate who they are. It is astonishing how many parents walk around with a scowl on their faces when they are with their children (start looking, you will see). Refocus. Make the conscious decision to reduce what you do and spend time on what really matters. Every additional task you take on means more time away from www.kidsinvictoria.com

your kids. Don’t worry about everything being perfect—nothing ever is. Simply make progress towards what you need to accomplish and be happy with that. There are some days I look around and think, “What did I do today?” when my house is still a mess. Instead of getting uptight about it, try accepting it. Let the laundry sit, let the dishes sit. Your children are only this little once. Play. Play is an amazing way to connect with your children. Have fun. Be silly. Listen to the giggles and laugh with your children. Play outside as much as you can. The fresh air and sunshine can be rejuvenating and connecting. Take time to play with your kids and you’ll be creating a special bond that will last a lifetime. The greatest gift that you can give your child is you. Remember to be present in the moment with them and enjoy the world as they see it.

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The number one rule to enjoying your kids and being in the moment more is: slow down. With so much to do and so many deadlines to meet, we may miss out on the beauty of the journey with our kids. By relaxing and going at our children’s pace, we can sit back and watch how they try and figure things out and see their little faces light up with pride when they discover something for themselves. By slowing down and being more conscious of how you spend your time, you may also find you are less frustrated, irritable and stressed. By incorporating some or all of these tips into your daily life, you will begin the path toward enjoying the everyday blessings that parenting has to offer. You’ll have a happier, more fulfilling and loving relationship with your children. Be in the moment. Moments are what make up the days and years of our lives. Diana Hurschler RN BScN is a perinatal educator and certified breastfeeding counselor and has worked with pre- and post-natal families since 1998. She has just welcomed a third child into her family. Please send comments, questions and story ideas to diana@hurschler.com. www.IslandParent.ca

November 2011

Preschool & Child Care Directory CENTRAL SAANICH

ESQUIMALT

Chrysalis Child Care .........................250-652-0815 A nurturing and stimulating environment for a small group of 3–5 year olds. Qualiﬁed ECE promotes learning through play.

CIARA Early Childhood Centre ........250-386-7369 Education and fun hand in hand. Exceptional care for little ones ages 12 month-5yrs in an inclusive centre with Christian values.

COLWOOD/LANGFORD Almosthome Childcare/Preschool ..250-391-7698 Quality childcare with a preschool curriculum/ kindergarten readiness program. Early Childhood Educators, spacious, natural setting. www.almosthomecare.com Goldstream Co-op Preschool..........250-474-3011 Parent participation preschool for 3 and 4 year olds. Qualiﬁed, experienced ECE. Mornings, afternoons and Tuesday drop-in program available. www.goldstreampreschool.org. HI5 Early Learning Centre................250-474-7324 We have spaces available for September, 2010. http://hi5earlylearning.com.com Jenn’s Little Bears ECE Centre .......250-478-8999 Jenn’s Little Bears provides a safe nurturing environment for children from infancy to kindergarten. We enrich children’s learning and development through a wide variety of activities. Miles of Smiles Licensed Child Care .........................250-298-7374 Dedicated to offering quality care where caring, learning, diversity, guidance and fun are the priority. www. milesofsmileschildcare.com Music Makers Child Care Centre ....250-294-3916 Offering an innovative environment that develops musical abilities and encourages a love of music. Our centre offers group care for children 2–6 as well as infant/toddler care for ages 12 to 36 months.

Simply Fun Childcare Centre ...........250-881-3958 A warm, loving, fun and nurturing place for children to grow and learn. We have spaces available for registration ages 2.5 to 12 in our Licensed Group Facility. We offer extraordinary childcare, before and after school programs and a preschool. Our teachers are extremely qualiﬁed with ECE training and have lots of experience. Call Brenda to set up a tour. Let your child’s light shine bright with us!

HIGHLANDS Lexie’s Little Bears’ Child Care Inc. ..................................250-590-3603 Located only minutes past Costco and Bear Mountain we are a Full day care center with a Learning Naturally Interpretation. 2 centers, 2 acres to play! www. lexieslittlebears.com

Recreation Oak Bay .........................250-370-7200 Fully licensed, qualiﬁed ECE Daycare and Preschool with play based learning. After school care also available.

SAANICH Appletree Preschool Le Pre-Maternelle .............................250-479-0292 French immersion preschool program. Small groups 30 months to school age. Licensed Christian centre/ ECE. 500 Admirals Rd. Arbutus Grove Children’s Centre ....250-477-3731 (Formerly known as Goosey Gander Kindergarten) Playbased, creative, active-learning programs: half/full day Preschool. www.arbutusgrove.ca.

METCHOSIN

Cloverdale Child Care ......................... 250-995-1766 Come learn and grow with us in our preschool, 3-5 year old group daycare and before and afterschool care programs. www.cloverdalechildcare.com cloverdalechildare@shawbiz.ca.

A Growing Place ...............................250-391-1133 Half day program (AM or PM) for 2.5-5 yrs. ECE educator, small class size. Our own petting farm. Summer program for July.

Island Montessori House .................250-592-4411 Inclusive, integrated and nurturing preschool/ full-day kindergarten. Extended day available. www. islandmontessori.com

Metchosin Co-op Preschool............250-478-9241 Great balance of play, structured time, experimentation, art, outside play and more. Exceptional enriching program for 3-5 year olds. Fully inclusive. Flexible participation model. Reg. begins April 1, 8am.

The Kid’s House ................................250-727-9671 Licensed family childcare in safe, nurturing environment with caring, experienced ECE. Full or part-time.

NORTH SAANICH

Pussywillow Preschool ....................250-474-0656 Kindergarten Readiness Program. Ages 3 to 5. ECE staff. Enrichment activities. Est. 1995. www.Pussywillow-Preschool.com

In the Garden Childcare Centre ......250-654-0306 New preschool as well as all day childcare and before and after school care. Amazing staff. A GREAT PLACE TO GROW.

CORDOVA BAY

OAK BAY

Carrot Seed Preschool .....................250-658-2331 Where children can wonder, discover, imagine, construct and learn through play. Spacious natural playground. www.carrotseedpreschool.com.

Emmanuel Preschool .......................250-598-0573 Children learn through play in our non-denominational Christian preschool near UVic. Bright attractive setting. www.emmanuelpreschool.ca.

Cordova Bay Preschool ...................250-658-3441 A bright and cheerful parent-participation preschool with a philosophy of “learning through play.” www. cordovabaypreschool.org.

Gonzales Co-op Preschool ..............250-727-1003 Children explore their imaginations through our varied learning through play environments and large natural playground. Our Reggio-Emilia inspired program focuses on art, nature and music. Join us! www.gonzalespreschool.com.

Lakeview Christian Preschool .........250-658-5082 Nurturing environment for 30 month to 5 year olds in a rural setting. Christian values emphasized. Licensed Cordova Bay facility with ECE teacher.

Oak Bay Co-op Preschool .................250-592-1922 Children Learn Through Play in this parent participation school. Our bright facility is allergy-free with a large outdoor playground. www.oakbaypreschool.com.

Lakehill Preschool ............................250-477-4141 Nurturing, warm environment for children to learn through play, with qualified, experienced ECEs. Different levels of participation available. www.lakehillpreschool.org. Lambrick Park Preschool & Childcare ...........................................250-477-8131 Gordon Head’s only parent-participation preschool and childcare centre celebrating 40 years. Offering morning, afternoon and all-day preschool options, ﬂexible participation model, and allergy protocol. www. lambrickparkpreschool.ca Monkey Tree Daycare ......................250-383-0347 10 mos to 6 yrs. Quality learning environment. Lots of outings. Excellent references. Over 20 years as a licensed family daycare. Montessori Educare .........................250-881-8666 Beautiful learning environments in Broadmead and Saanichton. 30 months – 5 years. Summer program available. www.montessorieducare.com.

Looking for child care? Taking care of children?

Call your local Child Care Resource & Referral for free referrals and resources. Your community’s best source of child care information and resources.

www.islandfamilyinfo.ca www.ccrr.bc.ca 50

Island Parent Magazine

Victoria & Gulf Islands: 250-382-7000 or 1-800-750-1868 Sooke/Westshore: 250-642-5152 • Cowichan Valley: 250-746-4135 local 231 PaciﬁcCare (Ladysmith north): 250-756-2022 or 1-888-480-2273 Funded by the Province of BC

www.kidsinvictoria.com

Preschool & Child Care Directory Neighbourhood Junior Kindergarten .250-479-4410 A morning reading readiness, language development pre-Kindergarten program for 4 year olds in Lakehill School.

Downtown Y Child Care Centre ......250-413-8869 Enriched program, for children ages 3-5 years, supporting healthy child development and future school success. www.victoriay.com.

Oakcrest Preschool ..........................250-472-0668 • Two fully qualiﬁed teachers, AM classes • No duty days, wide variety of parent jobs • www.oakcrestpreschool.org

Footprints Academy ............................ 250-590-5540 Licensed group daycare for 2.5 to 6 year olds. Open 6:30am–5:30pm. Weekly music and movement classes. www.footprintsacademy.ca.

Playtime Preschool ..........................250-383-3101 AM or PM preschool classes up to 20 hrs/ wk. Tillicum. Spacious facility, qualified ECEs. Let’s Talk About Touching Program. www. playtimepreschool.com.

Lansdowne Preschool .....................250-595-5223 A warm, caring and supportive atmosphere for children to play and discover. Parent participation. See our website for more information: www.lansdownepreschool.com.

Puddles & Paints Playschool ...........250-658-6573 “Leading the Way through Play!” ECEs. Near Lochside Elem. Licensed, curriculum/themes. wwwpuddlesandpaintsplayschool.com.

Nightingale Preschool and Junior Kindergarten ..................250-595-7544 – Taking children’s learning forward – One of Victoria’s leading preschools and Junior Kindergartens. Balanced approach to play and education. Programme supports literacy, numeracy. Visit www. nightingalepreschool.com. Fernwood.

Ready Set Grow Preschool ..............250-472-1530 A warm, caring, quality Learning Through Play environment. Gordon Head area with a highly qualiﬁed ECE. heosc@paciﬁccoast.net. Rogers Preschool .............................250-744-2643 Our preschool program supports your child's intellectual and emotional development through a learning through play philosophy. preschool.rcc@shaw.ca. St. Joseph’s Catholic Preschool .............................250-479-1232 ext 120 • A Christian child centre for 3–5 year olds. • A warm nurturing and challenging program • Offered by St. Joseph’s Catholic School. St. Margaret’s Preschool & Junior Kindergarten .........................250-479-7171 Our programme for 3 and 4 year old girls offers a nurturing and educationally stimulating curriculum provided by experienced ECE staff and specialist teachers. Our state of the art facility is located in beautiful environmental surroundings. www.stmarg.ca.

VICTORIA ArtsCalibre Academy .......................250-382-3533 Comprehensive programs for Preschool through Grade 5, delivering academic excellence through music, dance, drama and visual arts. Outstanding educators, locations and facilities. www.ArtsCalibre.ca Butterfly Corner ................................... 250-381-4845 Licensed family day care in James Bay. Since 1998. ECE. Ages 1–5. Full time. Fun & Educational. http://ButterflyCornerCreativeLearningCentre.com Castleview Child Care ......................250-595-5355 Learning Through Play & Experience. Licensed nonprofit, qual. ECE staff. Since 1958. Preschool and full-time care. www.castleview.ca Centennial Daycare ..........................250-386-6832 Providing quality childcare in the Burnside/ Gorge area for 30+ years. Snacks, lunches, Sportball and Music programs included. www. centennialdaycare.ca. Christ Church Cathedral Childcare .250-383-5132 ECE and specialist teachers provide an outstanding all day licensed junior kindergarten program in our spacious and welcoming facility, where children begin to learn for the adventure of life.

www.IslandParent.ca

Parkdale Early Childhood Centre ....250-382-0512 We offer quality care and positive experiences for children in our diverse daycare and preschool programs. Our rich curriculum includes music classes from the Victoria Conservatory of Music. parkdalechildcare@shaw.ca. Rainbow Express Daycare ...............250-382-2314 Enriched preschool style program in a daycare setting. Visit our website at www.rainbow-express.bc.ca. Ross Bay Preschool .........................250-383-7445 Positive/supportive program motivating children to learn and discover. Curriculum builds on interests of the children. www.rossbaypreschool.com St. Andrew’s Catholic Preschool .....250-382-3815 A place where children learn to love and love to learn. A warm and nurturing environment. A stimulating curriculum. The Sir James Douglas Preschool ..250-389-0500 Fun and creative licensed ECE program offering 3-5 year olds an opportunity to grow and develop life long skills in our supportive and structured environment. Arts and crafts, numbers and letters, snacks and hygiene, play time inside and out, dance, music and much more. Come grow with us in our bright and modern centre in Fairﬁeld. Victoria Montessori ..........................250-380-0534 Unique, innovative learning environment combining the best of Montessori and Learning Through Play. Open yr. round. 30mths–grade 1.

VIEW ROYAL A Secret Garden Preschool .............250-380-8293 Program built on Christian values. Monthly themes, weekly topics and daily activities. asecretgardenpre school@shaw.ca Little Wonders Preschool (VROSCS) ..........................................250-744-2718 A creative and suuportive program that will prepare your child for a lifetime of learning! OSC also available. www.viewroyalosc.com. View Royal Preschool.......................250-479-8067 An exciting inclusive program in an exceptional care environment. Licensed 3–5 year olds. Outside play and themes enrich this program. viewroyalps@uniserve. com.

Whale Spirit Early Enrichment Ctr ..250-590-3653 Providing high quality childcare with a preschool component. Learning through play in a supportive, nurturing and respectful environment. VIHA licensed; beautiful facility; incredible outdoor play area!

DUNCAN Angel Care Christian Preschool ........250-746-5919 A quality, enriched program for preschool children. Located in Queen of Angels Catholic School. Maple Tree Play House Licensed Family Childcare ..............250-746-5060 A daycare program that provides enriched outdoor play time and activities that build on a child’s intrinsic love of nature. Healthy meals and snacks are provided. mapletreekids@telus.net.. Parkside Academy Early Learning Centre ........................250-746-1711 Offering quality, literacy focused childcare for children aged 6 mos – 12 yrs; infant/toddler; 3–5, preschool, and after school programs at Alexander, Bench, Khowhemun and Tansor Elementary schools. Queen Margaret’s Preschool/ Junior Kindergarten .........................250-746-4185 Offering a co-ed enriched curriculum in a friendly atmosphere. Morning preschool/afternoon daycare. www.qms.bc.ca. Sunrise Waldorf School, Kindercottage Preschool Nursery .....250-743-7253 A morning program for 3 and 4 yr olds in a warm natural atmosphere where wonder is nurtured and outdoor play is abundant. Details at www.sunrisewaldorfschool.org. Parent & Child programs also available!

CHEMAINUS Cherry Tree Child Care Centre ........250-246-9195 Preschool program nurturing creative play and engaging learning activity. 30 months to age ﬁve. Qualiﬁed and experienced Early Childhood Educator. St. Joseph’s Preschool ....................250-246-3191 A Christian learning environment for 3–5 year olds. Active participation in the life of the school. Parental involvement.

QUALICUM BEACH Children’s Discovery Centre ............250-752-4343 Our program recognizes the uniqueness of each child and provides a nurturing, safe and creative learning environment. Preschool, Groupcare, Out of School care. ECE qualiﬁed staff. childrensdiscoverycentre @hotmail.com. Little Star Children’s Centre ............250-752-4554 Earth friendly academic early education inspired by nature. Preschool curriculum. Licensed group care. ECE instructors. littlestar@shaw.ca.

NANAIMO Nanaimo Parent Participation Preschool ..........................................250-753-1939 Experienced, caring and energetic ECE using learning through play in an enriched environment. www.nanaimopreschool.com.

November 2011

Be Careful What You Wish For

Victoria & Vancouver Island 1-866-518-7287 Nanaimo 250-756-9794 Or online at: www.welcomewagon.ca

Island Parent Magazine

hen Angus was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), I had a choice: leave him on an IV until I was producing at least two ounces of breast milk per feeding, or take him off and feed him formula to make up the difference. I had not intended for Angus to drink anything but breast milk. I had not intended for his lips to touch a bottle at all for weeks. But the choice was obvious. “Formula” was added to the list of things I hadn’t wanted for Angus but that happened anyway. It was a footnote to a birth story I would have given anything to rewrite. But I couldn’t redo the birth, those first hours without holding him, the days in NICU. There was only one thing I felt I could change—and I was determined: as soon as possible, my son would drink breast milk only. Unfortunately, by Angus’s second week in hospital, I was producing very little. I was barely sleeping. I had no appetite. I forgot to drink unless something was put into my hand and the straw was directed towards my mouth. I had to weigh Angus before and after every feed. And after every feed I had to supplement. When we brought Angus home, he and I developed a rhythm: first breast, second breast, supplemental bottle of expressed breast milk mixed with formula, pump. Then I’d spend an hour or so with my shirt back on before starting all over again. My midwife had prescribed Domperidone—anti-nausea pills with a side effect of increased lactation. I was taking eight a day, but I still wasn’t producing enough for Angus. When we gave him a bottle he’d suck it greedily. We had to pull it from his mouth for burps and he would twist and fuss until it was back in. I was anxious about Angus’s early bottle feedings because I’d been warned of the horrors of nipple-confusion. Angus would realize how easy it was to suck milk from rubber and so he’d shun the real thing. I would be pumping forever. Or as long as I could tolerate it, at which point we’d stock up on Good Start, and I’d go back to being an A-cup. But Angus isn’t confused at all. He’s very aware of the differences between bottle and breast and has developed a definite preference. Except preference isn’t a strong enough word.

Last week, my husband Mike and I had an evening appointment. Angus hadn’t taken a bottle for about a month. He no longer needs to be supplemented after feedings, and we had celebrated this victory by tucking the pump and bottles away. For this occasion, the pump came back out, and when Super-Granny ar-

Maternity & Beyond LAURA TRUNKEY rived, we showed her Angus’s next meal in the door of the fridge. We left. And shortly after, Angus decided it was dinner time. The whimpering that began when Angus got hungry turned to tomato-face screams when Super-Granny attempted the bottle. When, as a last resort, she tried to squirt the milk into his mouth with the syringe used for his heart medication, the screaming hit a fever pitch. Angus wailed for close to an hour, until he exhausted himself and fell asleep. When I picked him up upon arriving home, he awoke with renewed energy. And a ﬁerce appetite. To avoid this situation, once you introduce a bottle, you need to continue to use one every couple of days. This is, apparently, a known fact. But I didn’t know. And now we’re paying for it: with daily sessions of “play with the bottle,” “drink water from the bottle,” “watch Daddy suck a bottle too.” None of these advised solutions have worked. Everything that enters Angus’s mouth through a rubber nipple is immediately spat out. Next week, Mike and I will attend our friends’ wedding. Though this event is only 15 minutes from our apartment, we’ve booked a hotel room upstairs from the reception for our son and Super-Granny—a feeding station. Because our son is a “breast is best” sort of kid. And wasn’t that what I’d wanted all along? Laura Trunkey lives in Victoria with her husband and her son, Angus.

www.kidsinvictoria.com

Ad Directory

Business & Professional Directory

Abby Sprouts ............... 2 Mothering Touch ....... IBC Abra Kid Abra ............ 23 Karen Murdoch .......... 21 Amati Strings ............. 52 Musicalia................... 10 Arbour Counselling..... 22 Oak & Orca................ 39 Ballet Victoria............. 45 Our Kids .................... 27 Bellies in Bloom .........BC Oxford Learning ........... 1 Buddies Toys ............. 14 Paciﬁc Dance ............ 34 Butchart Gardens ....... 13 Pemberton Holmes .... 32 Cathedral School.......... 1 Pollock Clinics ........... 15 Chatterblock ................ 4 READ Society ............ IBC Children’s Bookshop..... 3 Red Balloon .............. IFC Children’s Education

Restart Computers ..... 13

Funds .................... 56 Julie-Anne Richards ... 43 Cinecenta .................. 11 Royal BC Museum ..... 14 Compost Education .... 39 Saanich Conseil Scolaire ........... 7

Commonwealth ..... IFC

Cowichan Theatre ...... 54 Saanich Recreation .... 49

• Dyslexia Assessments with Teaching Solutions • Dyslexia Awareness Workshops for Parents and Care Givers • Telephone Support Service • Tutoring Children, Language Arts For more information please call, email or visit our website.

Phone: Ofﬁce and Evening 250-715-3034 or Cell 250-815-0950 E-mail: thi.sales@dyslexiavictoria.ca www.dyslexiavictoria.ca

Dance Victoria ........... 19 Scallywags ................ 33 Vic Derman ............... 35 School for Ideal Discovery School ....... 11

Education............... 45

Dyslexia Victoria ........... 8 Science Works .... IFC, 32 Early Pregnancy Centre ................... 30

School District #61 Challenge Program . 37

Fiddlesticks ............... 22 Self Design ................ 10 Dean Fortin

Serious Coffee ........... 35

Campaign .............. 16 Sheri Jackson Glenlyon-Norfolk

Photography........... 39

School ..................... 9 The Shipley Group...... 23 Shellie Gudgeon......... 37 St. Andrew’s Hillside Centre ............. 5

Elementary............. 45

Hip Baby ................... 31 St. Andrew’s High......... 9 Horne Lake Caves ........ 2 St. Margaret’s IMAX Theatre ............. 46

School ..................... 6

Island Farms .............. 28 St. Michaels University Island Montessori ....... 55

School ................... 55

Social/Emotional Issues? Behavioural Problems? Developmental Delays? Through The Window Pane

offers one-on-one use of expressive play techniques for children 3–8 years in a safe, developmentally appropriate, holistic intervention program. Sliding scale dependent on need. Quadra & Hillside area.

R. Waddington, BSW, RSW 25 years experience 250-216-3794 or messages at 250-629-6292

JamTots ................... IBC Stages ...................... 47 KIV ............................ 18 Sunrise Waldorf ......... 36 Kool & Child............... 43 TheatreOne ............... 43 KUMON ..................... 40 Thrifty Foods........ 17, 29

Is Your Child Struggling at School?

Ladysmith Parks ........ 43 TJs ........................... 49 Dr. Ellen Laine............ 20 Tom Lee Music .......... 55 Patricia Lane ............. 19 TS Consulting ............ 20 Werner Liedtke .......... 23 UVic Department Little Steps ................ 47

Consignment.......... 30

Matraea Mercantile .... 41 Victoria Midwives ....... 48 McBOP Law............... 15 VIHA.......................... 38 Miles of Smiles .......... 11 Vitamin Shop ............. 27 Morning Glory

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www.IslandParent.ca

• DRAWING • PAINTING • SCULPTURE • CARTOONING • PORTFOLIO PREPARATION Children & Adults • Day & Evening Classes Fabulous Results • Original Art for Sale Christmas Gift Certiﬁcates

of Psychology ........... 5

Lizzy Lee & Me ......... IFC Victoria Kids Maria Montessori ....... 41

ART CLASSES

Artistic Statement Gallery & School of Fine Art

I can help your child Karen Murdoch

Call Joan in the Oak Bay Monterey Mews, #107–2250 Oak Bay Ave, 250-383-0566 www.artisticstatementgalleryandschool.com

778-430-3183 karenmurdoch.ca

Now Registering for Second Semester

Therapeutic Tutor

November 2011

COWICHAN THEATRE PRESENTS

Royal City Youth Ballet

Women Who Swim With the Otters

Friday, December 16 7 PM Saturday, December 17 1 PM

A magical full-length ballet that delights audiences of all ages

Tickets: $23 | Family (2 adult/2 children) $70 Delores Kirkwood OBC, Artistic Director

COWICHAN TICKET CENTRE 250.748.7529 2687 James Street, Duncan BC V9L 2X5

www.cowichantheatre.bc.ca

Island Parent Magazine

icki’s favourite game was to glide down a slick basalt slope on the riverbank. Ricki and his sister Mashie would spend hours gliding and tumbling, faster and faster as the rock got wetter. Hungry and exhausted, brother and sister would then curl up in the sun and wait for their mother to bring in the morning’s catch. After lunch, Mom would take them out for a fishing lesson. Ricki and Mashie, of course, were young river otters and the heroes of my favourite childhood storybook. Their antics—which included chasing each other through the pipes of an old wood-fired stove that had somehow ended up on the river bottom— were way beyond what even a relatively unsupervised child could hope to attempt, and thus irresistible fodder for the imagination. As an adult, I continue to find otters fascinating and rarely miss an opportunity for a dip in a lake or river, even when sensible people are buttoning up their cardigans. But it took all of 40 years to find the Glide. I wasn’t even looking for a swim. We were on our way to Comox from Powell River and stopped at the Nymph Falls Regional Park on the Puntledge River to stretch our legs before pushing on to Comox and dinner. But one look at the falls sent me back to the car for my swimming suit. Nymph Falls is really a cascade of many miniature waterfalls, aglitter with wavelets and eddies flickering in the afternoon sun. Rushing currents swirl around rocks, then resolve themselves into still pools or gather into a steady onward pulse, only to surge and boil again at the first opportunity. “Then, let the water laugh again, throw itself up into the air in joy, exuding rainbows,” sang Clarissa Pinkola Estes in Women Who Run with the Wolves. From bank to bank, the Puntledge resounds with laughter, the highpitched sounds of human young a rightful counterpoint to the murmur of the water and the cawing of ravens.

www.kidsinvictoria.com

I didn’t see the Glide until I had waded quite a bit downstream, past a bend that took me almost out of sight of the falls. There it was, slick with moss and treacherous to step on, but perfectly angled for a delicious slide. The river carries me from pool to pool, through swirls and eddies, past large rocks perfect for nine-year-olds to balance on. Like the mythical rivers of ancient Greece, this river’s gift is forgetfulness and entrancement, so that one rises from the water as if newborn, the whole body streaming with a continuous river of sensation. In praising the joy of the sweetwater river, Estes makes sure to caution us that it can only

Nature Notes

SPACES AVAILABLE Book now for a tour! 5575 West Saanich Rd 250 592 4411 (across from imhs@telus.net www.islandmontessori.com Red Barn Market)

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preschool to grade 1

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before and after school care

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small class sizes

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supportive and caring staff

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excellent academic foundation

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Kodaly music program

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lovely rural location connecting children to nature

ANA SIMEON stay with the people if all learn the proper cleansing practices. In the Comox Valley, this caution is particularly well-placed. The history of mining lies heavily over the area. In 1911 the Puntledge was dammed at Comox Lake to provide hydro power to coal mining operations at Cumberland. The other major river in the valley, the Tsolum, was poisoned at source with acid rock drainage from a copper mine on Mount Washington and ran barren for over 40 years. Thanks to the hard work and lobbying by local residents, gathered under the umbrella of the Tsolum River Restoration Society, the mine site was eventually capped with a waterproof membrane. The copper levels dropped, volunteers worked to restore the riparian habitat, and now the pinks, chum and coho are back. Meanwhile, on the Puntledge, the salmon were enticed back when BC Hydro installed fish ladders after acquiring the power station from the coal company. Yet, just as the land is recovering, the threat of coal mining is rearing its head. The proposed Raven coal mine is only the first in a potential line of projects aiming to exploit the coal reserve stretching from Fanny Bay to Campbell River. All of us who love to swim with the otters will have our part to play in order to keep the joy of the pure, free-flowing waters with us for another generation.

Winter Holiday Programs for all kids in Victoria ages 5–14, including: Sports for Superheroes!

Super-charged, super-power fun

Chocolate Extravaganza

Bake some delectable treats for the holidays

Passion Sports Christmas Slam Camp

A week of intensive basketball skill development Visit our website for information on these and other programs: www.smus.ca/winter, or call the Education Extension ofﬁce at 250-370-6120.

Ana Simeon is a writer and activist in Victoria. She divides her time between working for Sierra Club BC, hiking and birdwatching.

www.IslandParent.ca

November 2011

Cut It Out!

Tips from Parent Educator Allison Rees of LIFE Seminars

Battling Over Homework?

o you experience frequent battles with your child over homework? Do you nag, lecture, correct and blow your cool? If so, you might want to CUT IT OUT! Despite the growing research that shows there is no valid proof that homework is helpful, it should not be a source of negativity in your home. Sending schoolwork home is like sending your child to school with household chores—the laundry basket, for example, so they can fold towels in the classroom. Everyone feels the pressure. Parents see it as their “job” to manage homework and teachers are expected to produce it, even if it is meaningless and repetitive. What about the kids? Aren’t they supposed to be kids somewhere in-between school and their karate or dance lessons? Some kids love doing homework which is ﬁne as long as they aren’t basing their entire self-worth on doing it. Lots of kids prefer

with your child is far more important than that. If it has become a problem, talk to your child’s teacher and look for a creative alternative. Supporting kids through their school experience should be positive. Setting up times of the day that are screen free invites kids to play, read or tackle school work. Provide the supplies, the place to do it and the structure without the negativity. Of course we are going to read with our child or help them if they are struggling. Wouldn’t it be a shame if we didn’t get to do our kids’ science projects for them anymore? We wouldn’t get to ask anymore, “What mark did I get on your project, son?” activities or doing something creative and those children need to have the time to do just that. So don’t let homework become a battle ground in your home. Your relationship

LIFE Seminars has two books available, Sidestepping the Power Struggle and The Parent Child Connection. See www. lifeseminars.com.

Kids Grow Fast. So Do Tuition Costs.

Before your child grows another inch, start saving with Children’s Education Funds Inc. (CEFI). CEFI has the greatest selection of Registered Education Savings Plan offerings. It’s easy and very affordable. You can get started for under $10.00 per month! Keep saving - you’ll be surprised at how much you can accumulate. Add to your savings all the Government Grants, the “cash back” from your CEFI no fee MasterCard and the AIR MILES® reward miles. At CEFI, we are education funding specialists!

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Island Parent Magazine

VISIT WWW.CEFI.CA or call 1 (800) 246-1203

“Parent Tested, Parent Approved” www.kidsinvictoria.com

Reading Writing Math We can help.

250-388-7225 www.readsociety.bc.ca Find out how your child is doing academically with an assessment. New Sooke location! Tuesdays and Thursdays at Edward Milne. Affordable fees and tuition assistance for low-income households. Professional teachers create individual programs. Four locations: Quadra at Hillside; Colwood; Sooke; Sidney. Celebrating 35 years as a non-proďŹ t.

Holiday Dresses & More

available now! Our 5th Birthday Bash is December 2nd! Come in now to pick up your invite

Extended Holiday Shopping Hours! Mondays & Tuesdays 9:30 am – 6:00 pm Wednesdays & Thursdays 9:30 am – 7:00 pm Fridays & Saturdays 9:30 am – 5:00 pm Open Sundays in December 12:00 pm – 4:00 pm 12 Days of Christmas Promotion runs December 2 – 14 Visit www.facebook.com/BelliesInBloomMaternity for details

Shop online anytime at

www.BelliesInBloomMaternity.com

Royal Oak Shopping Centre

250 479 0803

Victoria BC