Island Parent Oct-Nov 2021 by Island Parent Group

o C t/ N o V 2 0 2 1

FRee CoPY

Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 34 Years

Mixing Neurodiverse with Neurotypical Family & Friends

A Weekend Away

Top 5 fall activities for families in Whistler

Simple Strategies to Handle Stress

INSIDE!

2 Island Parent Magazine

IslandParent.ca

October/November 2021 3

Money Matters

the importance of equipping our kids with ﬁnancial know-how. SUSAN GNUCCI

top 5 Fall activities for Families in whister

ways to take in the season on a weekend away. TANIA SEAR

ta B l e o f C o N t e N t s

in Every issue 5

Fast Forward SUE FAST

Need to Know

Moms’ PoV SERENA BECK

6 simple strategies to Handle stress

How to transform our emotions, choose our responses wisely and stay present. LINDSAY COULTER

dadspeak

Mixing Neurodiverse with Neurotypical Family & Friends

GREG PRATT

Family Calendar

the ways of being and diﬀerent needs of families with typical and diverse kids.

what’s for dinner

YVONNE BLOMER

EMILLIE PARRISH

special Feature:

3 Questions

asking questions without interrogating your ’tweens and teens. KELLY CLEEVE

How social Media affects teen sleep

a look at how late-night social media use impacts sleep.

Kids’ Reads

the Pursuit of their own Normal

CHRISTINE VAN STARKENBURG

Helping your kids become the experts on their own ‘normal.’ JENIFER GIBSON

Businesses You Need to Know

Preschool & Child Care directory

the multiple payoﬀs of work experience.

Cut It out!

GINA SAFRANYIK

ALLISON REES

Raising a worker

on the Cover Isla M (8) Photo by Sarah Jane Photography sarahjanem photography.com IG: sarah_janepics

O C T/ N O V 2 0 2 1

FREE COPY

Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 34 Years

Mixing Neurodiverse with Neurotypical Family & Friends

A Weekend Away

Top 5 fall activities for families in Whistler

Simple Strategies to Handle Stress

INSIDE!

Island Parent Magazine

Jim Schneider Publisher publisher@islandparent.ca Sue Fast Editor editor@islandparent.ca Kristine Wickheim account Manager kristine@islandparent.ca RaeLeigh Buchanan account Manager raeleigh@islandparent.ca Island Parent Magazine, published by island Parent Group Enterprises ltd., is a bimonthly publication that honours and supports parents by providing information on resources and businesses for Vancouver island families. Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the publisher. island Parent is distributed free in selected areas. annual mail subscriptions (7 issues) are available for $21 (Gst included). Canadian Publication Mail Product sales agreement 40051398. ISSN 0838-5505.

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Fa stf o rwa r d

How Parenting Needs to Change During the ’Tweens & Teens

y the time our kids reach their teens, many of them will be ready—or almost ready—to fire us as their decision makers and take control of their own lives. And we should be willing to step aside. According to neuropsychologist William Stixrud and long-time educator Ned Johnson, authors of The Self-Driven Child, if we are too controlling, we invite rebellion. Set harsh rules and our ’tweens and teens are bound to break ’em. Cut them some slack—without abandoning the word ‘no’ or your family’s most important rules—and watch them rise to the challenge. Involve ’tweens and teens more in creating the rules, advise Stixrud and Johnson, and then let them make their own decisions—which they are going to do anyway.

“Letting our kids become the primary decision makers does not mean that we become permissive, indulgent, or disengaged,” writes Christine Carter, author of The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction. “It does mean that the quality—if not the quantity—of our support shifts. We give up our role as their chief of staff and become more like life coaches. We ask questions and provide emotional support.” To that end, we hope this issue helps you strike a balance between your roles as chief of staff and life coach. You’ll find articles on topics ranging from six simple strategies to help you handle stress, the challenges of mixing neurodiverse with neurotypical family and friends, and pandemic burnout, to positive body image,

the importance of equipping our kids with financial know-how, and the top 5 activities for a family weekend away in Whistler. Check out our special section, ’Tweens & Teens, starting on page 17. In this 8-page pull-out, you’ll find articles on topics ranging from asking questions without interrogating, helping our youth increase their ‘body literacy,’ and accepting and supporting our child’s gender identity, to the importance of work experience, and ways social media affects teen sleep. No matter what stage of parenting you’re at—a chief of staff with toddlers or a life coach with ’tweens and teens— may you enjoy this stage to its fullest and find balance between hanging on and letting go. – Sue Fast

Skate where the Victoria Royals play! Public skating and lessons are back this fall at the Save-On-Foods Memorial Centre. > Choose group or private lessons > Skate and helmet rentals are available

View the schedule and register: victoria.ca/arena IslandParent.ca

October/November 2021 5

N e e dto Kn ow Fans of Monty Python, Mr. Bean and Dr. Seuss...

Grab your Teacups! British comedians James & Jamesy bring their unique brand of hilarity back to Vancouver Island in their theatrical holiday classic O Christmas Tea: A British Comedy. The spectacle brings people together much like a panto, with interactive elements, yet James & Jamesy’s physical comedy and chemistry provide the real magic of this play. These 3-time London Impresario Award winners are on Island from November 17–21 in Courtenay, Duncan, Sidney and Nanaimo, and returning Dec 19 for two final shows at Victoria’s Royal Theatre. jamesandjamesy.com

The Great Canadian Hike The second annual Great Canadian Hike, running until October 31, is a national challenge that encourages people to get out into nature and embrace their local trails in the company of friends, family and fellow Canadians. This year, Trans Canada Trail (TCT) invites Canadians to disconnect from screens and reconnect with nature and to one another, by collectively spending 28,000 hours on Canada’s 28,000 km national trail. Whether you hike, walk, run, skip, paddle, roll, stroll or bike, the Great Canadian Hike is the perfect antidote to the social isolation brought on by COVID-19. Last year, over 10,000 Canadians collectively hiked the length of the Trans Canada Trail and amassed a combined distance of 108,000 km—equivalent to almost three times the earth’s circumference! For details on how to join the Great Canadian Hike, visit the site at GreatCanadianHike.ca.

The Maritime Museum’s

New Digs

The Maritime Museum of BC is open at its new location at 744 Douglas Street. The new space features a model display that will include returning favourites from the exhibits at the previous location, as well as some new models that will come out from storage to be on display for the first time in years. There will also be rotating featured exhibits that will change out 2 to 3 times a year. The first featured exhibit will be the exhibit titled SS Valencia: “A Theatre of Horror.” This exhibit will run into the fall before a new featured exhibit is installed. There will be a new interactive exhibit space where visitors can enjoy hands on exhibits and learn directly from Museum staff and volunteers. mmbc.bc.ca 6 Island Parent Magazine

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Science in theLive Park It Earth

MediaSmarts

A different sale each week!

Mideer is a world-renowned brand that combines toys, art, games and education for the development of concentration, cognition, observation and logical thinking. Their environmentally-friendly material ensures the safety, non-toxicity and durability of the product with the strictest standards.

Now Offering Curb-Side Pickups Current Hours: Tues–Sat 10am–5pm 3045–C Douglas St. Victoria, BC

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Finlayson St.

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Dedicated to providing Vancouver Island families with high-quality infant and toddler products at affordable prices for over 25 years

Douglas

Live It Earth focuses on making learning fun by delivering programs that are designed to spark conversations and inspire deeper learning. The new tech startup has been nominated as a finalist for 2021 Company of the Year—Startup, by the BC Tech Association. Live it Earth is a subscription-based educational series that connects kids to the real and natural world. It offers a full series of programs throughout the school year that are cross-curricular, inquiry-based and showcase a different topic each month. The new season line-up includes: Farming/Food (Oct), Narwhals (Nov), Space (Jan), Dinosaurs (Feb), Bees (Apr), Climate Change (May), and Oceans (June). Programs are bilingual and include indigenous worldviews, STEAM and more.

The Kiddies Store

Thrifty Thursdays

Larch St.

Entrance off Larch St.

T.J.’s

Give Wonder!

Student Guides For the student in your life, MediaSmarts has two helpful and informative guides to help make the transition easier. The first one, On the Loose: A Guide to Online Life for Post-Secondary Students, supports young adults experiencing both new freedoms and challenges in their postsecondary life. The second, Your Connected Life, is designed to help students who are just entering high school balance the demands of their offline life with their digital one. For more information, visit mediasmarts.ca. IslandParent.ca

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October/November 2021 7

IMAX® Victoria IMAX® Victoria is offering the stories and science of our ocean neighbours in Humpback Whales, narrated by acclaimed actor Ewan McGregor and set in the waters of Alaska, Hawaii and the remote islands of Tonga. In addition, other crowd favourites, including Sea Lions: Life by a Whisker, Turtle Odyssey and Asteroid Hunters, will also be offered upon reopening. Combination passes—admission to both IMAX® Victoria and the Royal BC Museum—are available. Visitors looking to take a deeper dive into the lives of whales on the Pacific Coast can combine their Humpback Whales IMAX® Victoriaexperience with a visit to the Royal BC Museum’s feature exhibition, Orcas: Our Shared Future, and surface with a new appreciation of how whales and humans are inextricably connected. Film schedules, tickets and information about COVID-19 health and safety protocols are available at imaxvictoria.com.

Build Our Kids’ Success BOKS (Build Our Kids’ Success), an initiative of the Reebok Foundation, is built on the science and research documented in the book, Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. BOKS provides free physical activity programs, training and support to communities that want to establish and maintain impactful fitness and nutrition programs serving the whole child. With children stuck indoors during COVID-19, a recent study from Dalhousie University reinforced the positive impact that physical activity and movement have on children’s well-being. Up to 25 grants in the amount of $2,000 each will be awarded to underserved schools in Canada. To be eligible schools must be signed up for the BOKS program. These grants can be used to purchase equipment, provide participant incentives/rewards, to pay trainers a stipend when program volunteers are lacking; or to be used in other creative ways to help overcome barriers to participation. For more information, visit bokskids.ca.

RELIEF: A Transformative Journey Through the Rockies To raise awareness of mental health issues around the world and to mobilize efforts in support of mental health, the Bateman Foundation is partnering with other community organizations to celebrate the intersections between the Arts and health. RELIEF: A Transformative Journey Through the Rockies is a new photography exhibit that navigates mental health and iconic Canadian landscapes. Each photograph, accompanied by journal entries, offers a window into the artist’s physical and mental journey. Viewers are invited to slow down, take a breath and enjoy an immersive experience. Photographs from the exhibit will be available for purchase, with the proceeds supporting the artist and the ongoing work of the Bateman Foundation to build relationships with nature. Admission is by donation. batemanfoundation.org

Unbox Your Mind The Unbox Your Mind initiative provides guidance, support, and tools for leaders and parents to become mental health champions. Through this 4-H at Home initiative, you will be able to aid young people in their ability to identify, recognize, and manage stress in themselves and their peers, all while learning about good health and well-being. 4-H Canada has created and collected a series of resources and that are designed to help youth explore, test, and find strategies that can support their mental health and well-being. From resource materials and tip sheets to hands-on activities and strategies, there are a variety of ways to explore and discover what works best for each individual. When it comes to mental health, remember there is no “one size fits all” strategy for support. Diﬀerent things work better or not as well for diﬀerent people and that is okay. As you begin to ‘Unbox Your Mind’ and get to know yourself better, you will find what best fits your needs. Download all resources and activities at 4-h-canada.ca/unbox-your-mind. 8

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Celebrating Community Resilience You are invited to create a selfportrait that reveals your resilience that’s been masked since 2020. This is your chance to consider, share and celebrate your personal strengths and the resilience you have cultivated over the past year with our community. Your artwork will become part of a community art project that will continue over the course of the next few weeks. The project will conclude with a free exhibition of the created artworks at the Bateman Gallery for the community to come and celebrate our resilience together. Download the Activity Sheet at batemanfoundation.org/ learning-resources

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October/November 2021 9

6 Six Simple Strategies to Handle Stress How to build your capacity for lightness

he world is full of suffering which can feel overwhelming. Worry and stress can zap our energy, challenging us to have the courage to be fully present in the world. How can we transform our emotions, choose our responses wisely, and stay present? Gelong Thubten, author of A Monk’s Guide to Happiness says we experience stress when we: 1. Don’t get what we want. 2. Get what we don’t want. 3. Protect what we have. 4. Lose what we love. Sound familiar? How many of those examples can you name from today?! The phrases above are examples of grasping which matters because our minds shrink when under stress. Stress squashes our natural kindness and desire for connectivity. Emotions do have to go somewhere; they are like electricity. Luckily emotions convert to energy and to practice feeling our feels, makes us more human and humane. There many capacities we can build and simple strategies to try:

1. Find beauty and awe.

Get out into nature to realize that life wants life. It takes you out of yourself. You can sit in your insignificance and realize it’s not all about you. Lightness and gratitude are in sight when we stop the profound disconnect felt from our living world. Where is the place you go to experience beauty, awe, mystery, and magic? How could you get more of it and what’s stopping you?!

2. Seek a vista or view.

Walk, climb, or bike to a mountain summit, even a local knoll or viewpoint. Watch the sunrise or sunset over an expansive landscape. Soak up the view and overwhelm your brain with beauty. Our body responds when we experience being a part of something bigger than yourself. Want to learn more? Read about attention restoration theory (ART) which explains how time in nature can replenish us—supporting executive function and self-regulation.

3. Stoke the fire.

ART is also alive when we take time for fireside conversation and connection. Have you spent time starring into a fire?

10 Island Parent Magazine

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Think about the feeling you experience surrounded by darkness. Darkness in this sense can help turn down the volume on distractions, worries and even gently nudge people to speak openly and share or think more clearly. Authors Harper, Rose and Segal of Nature-Based Therapy: A practitioner’s guide to working outdoors with children, youth, and families say “... your ability to think lucidly and share without pretense is heightened.”

4. Start a gratitude journal.

Gratitude is a social emotion. It points to what’s already there. Gratitude also solidifies our relationship with living mystery and enhances our resilience (the ability to bounce back). Grab a journal and jot down three things before bed (when the mind is most suggestive) and see if it helps you build your capacity to face hard info. Express gratitude for things big and small—the moon, stars, friendship, safety or time to enjoy a cup of good coffee.

Stop constantly trying to prove yourself. From here you can relax. Then, watch how easily you can stand tall with basic confidence, find clarity, and find yourself grounded in fearlessness.

6. Celebrate fearless ancestors.

On my son’s birthday I read an excerpt of my grandfather’s life story. It gives great perspective on whose shoulders he stands on! Think of the people in your life who kept going, were tenacious, steadfast, and patient. Recall a mentor, teacher or coach. What do you remember about their stories? How it was to be around them? What were their traits and capacities? Their lives may offer you as a lesson to persevere. You may uncover excellent examples of how to stay on the path and to keep going forward. Which ideas have your attention? Pace yourself, this is not a checklist. Don’t hesitate to contemplate these strategies before diving in!

5. Embrace Vajra pride.

In the Buddhist tradition, pride is equal to poison. Pride’s friends are desire, jealousy, anger and ignorance. The problem with ordinary pride is it focuses on self-importance. You might fixate on proving your status and value. This leaves zero room for humour and lightness! Instead, try vajra pride: • Based on trust in one’s inherent worth and value • Takes courage! • “Primordial self-esteem”

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Lindsay Coulter is a dedicated mother of two, naturalist, community catalyst, soul activist, mentor, writer and horse lover. Find her @SaneAction on Instagram and Facebook. She’s also the Director of Communications, Culture and Community of EPIC Learning Centre, a forest and nature school in Victoria, BC.

October/November 2021 11

Healthy Families, Happy Families

Mixing Neurodiverse with Neurotypical Family & Friends

Child, Youth & Family Public Health M South Island Health Units

Esquimalt Gulf Islands

250-519-5311 250-539-3099

Peninsula Saanich Saltspring Island Sooke Victoria West Shore

250-544-2400 250-519-5100 250-538-4880 250-519-3487 250-388-2200 250-519-3490

(toll-free number for office in Saanichton)

Central Island Health Units

Duncan Ladysmith Lake Cowichan Nanaimo Nanaimo Princess Royal Parksville/Qualicum Port Alberni Tofino

250-709-3050 250-755-3342 250-749-6878 250-755-3342 250-739-5845 250-947-8242 250-731-1315 250-725-4020

North Island Health Units

Campbell River Courtenay Kyuquot Health Ctr ‘Namgis Health Ctr Port Hardy

250-850-2110 250-331-8520 250-332-5289 250-974-5522 250-902-6071

islandhealth.ca/our-locations/ health-unit-locations Changes with BC Medical Services Plan premiums mean that families eligible for partial payment of some medical services and access to some income-based programs now must apply for Supplementary Benefits through the Government of BC. Applications can be done online and take approximately 15 minutes. Families who previously qualified for MSP Premium Assistance should not need to re-apply if taxes are completed yearly. It is advised to confirm coverage before proceeding with treatment to avoid paying out of pocket.

For more information, visit gov.bc.ca/gov/ content/health/health-drug-coverage/msp/ bc-residents/benefits/services-covered-bymsp/supplementary-benefits

12 Island Parent Magazine

y family and friends have made adjustments over the years to ensure my son Colwyn is safe and supported; we have some strange routines in our house. Now with my niece Jasmine living with our family this fall while she attends school, I have started to wonder about families with typical and diverse kids who may have quite different needs and ways of being. First, let me introduce Colwyn. He’s a 15-year-old who was born with a rare genetic syndrome called Prader-Willi (PWS) and was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder when he was in preschool. He has become more and more verbal the last few years but is quiet and uses an iPad to augment his communication. One of the biggest risks with PWS is hyperphagia or an insatiable appetite. Colwyn is more food-focused than typical kids, but he is at lower risk for food stealing compared to many children with PWS. Nonetheless, we have a rigorous eating schedule and watch his calories closely. Colwyn put another way, we number the events of the day: 1) cuddles, 2) books in bed, 3) make breakfast. There may be some foot stomping thrown in due to frustration or dropping something, some yelling perhaps. All good, take a deep breath. Then 4) get dressed (how will Jasmine feel with Colwyn in his undies at this point?), 5) eat, wash hands, then iPad time. Relax for a moment while I pack his school bag (he should do that himself) and Colwyn takes a break. More foot stomping. Toileting. Yelling out “make bread, make bread” negotiate that for after school, and off he goes on the special ed bus. After school, home again for relaxing time, go out with a helper, or piano or Teen Community Connects, play music, maybe only the beginnings of songs,

foot stomping, walk the dog, eat dinner, sing out sing out, exercises. Shower. Bed. The truth is, to Colwyn’s six cousins, he’s just Colwyn. The above routine is totally normal to them. They were all too little to know he was different when he was born, and they’ve all grown up with his differences, so most of our routines are normal. The first thing my sister-in-law Angela Stott said when I asked about adjustments was, “Plated dinners, following the rules of waiting until everyone is ready to eat before starting, and small plates for dinner.” It’s true, we no longer put serving plates of food on the table, nor does anyone else we know when we are around. Everyone gets a plate of food, often a small one. We are okay with second servings, but we release Colwyn from the table as soon as he’s finished. We also encourage him to wait until everyone is seated and ready to begin before eating—he eats fast. So, Angela expected the same from her kids when they were here. After her initial response, she added, “They (cousins Ben and Jasmine) totally don’t remember life without Colwyn.” Mandy Young is the mom of two kids, her daughter Sophie also has PWS, and her son Cooper is typical. At 10, Sophie’s hyperphagia or hunger is much more typical of PWS than Colwyn’s, so their kitchen is locked, as is their bathroom vanity. Sophie will eat toothpaste if she can get to it. Let me just clarify what a driving force hunger is for kids with PWS. They cannot help it. This hunger drive is one of the most difficult things for the uninitiated to understand. At eight, Mandy’s son Cooper has become a picky eater, and is not very independent with food prep, making his own snacks or even helping himself to a glass of milk. He

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needs a parent to let him into the kitchen. On the other hand, where Sophie has little freedom in where she can go, Cooper spends a lot of his time visiting friends and families in the townhouse complex they live. “Cooper goes outside to find someone else to help him or to play with if we are consumed with Sophie. Everyone knows everyone and looks out for each other.

Children with special needs often have anxiety and aggression due to changes in routine that need accommodating in their families. Sometimes Cooper pushes Sophie’s buttons, so Mandy keeps the kids apart when they are getting ready to go out, so they actually can go out. Colwyn is an only child, but we’ve had friends rearrange their social schedules because he thought they were coming

He knows, if he wants to get out of the house, he can just go,” says Mandy, adding that they are working on independence for Sophie, but she recently broke into a house and stole food. Sophie goes to respite two nights a week, and this allows Mandy and her husband to pay more attention to Cooper, give him some chances in the kitchen to prepare food, and do what he wants to do. “He will often say, ‘why does she get to choose what we are doing,’” says Mandy, “but she’s the trickier kid, and so sometimes her way rules.” We are similar in our house, once something is in Colwyn’s head, it is hard to change his mind. We pick our battles.

for a visit. Angela noted that she and her partner, Jason, are already structured parents, so many of the small modifications went unnoticed by their kids, such as being ready to leave a place if he needed to go. For a while Colwyn always had to wear headphones in public places, no comment from the kids. He wore a Band-Aid on his nose, no comment. She said, “Think about playgrounds and patience and flipping books and dancing to the same song, no comment. The kids were fine.” I recall his stack of Robert Munsch books and his adamant refusal to let his cousins read with him, sometimes Ben would shrug and go find different books, sometimes he’d talk

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Colwyn into it, and they’d sit side by side and share. There are a lot of things we do to support or make things smoother for Colwyn without even realizing it. Small things like putting his shoes out so he can easily get them on, or little constant reminders, or verbal cues. We have signs in our bathroom to remind him of the routines, and I think most who know us barely notice them anymore. Though we have these small visual reminders, I like Colwyn to come and check in with me, especially as he becomes more his own person, doing his own (rather teenaged) things, like watching YouTube or reading books in his room. I wonder how these day-to-day routines will be for Jasmine, especially around hygiene and toileting. A key note on inclusion and neurodiversity is that often kids are quicker to understand the needs of their diverse peer than adults. I can remember Colwyn’s Grade 2 teacher wanting to do a food-based activity at school and we had a long discussion, that resulted in a pared-down party, with a sign-up sheet to limit how much food was brought. One of the kids, who’d known him since pre-school said, as she read it, “But that won’t be good for Colwyn.” Cooper too can be more understanding of his diverse classmates because of his sister. “If a kid is at a playground on their own, Cooper will approach and ask them to join,” says Mandy. “He is emotional and is starting to understand that other kids are like his sister, and then understanding her better too.” Jasmine may find living with us an adjustment, but probably it will be less about Colwyn and our well-established neurodiverse routines, and more about her uncle’s terrible dad jokes. Yvonne Blomer is a Victoria writer and the past Poet Laureate of Victoria. Her most recent books are Sugar Ride: Cycling from Hanoi to Kuala Lumpur and Refugium: Poems for the Pacific. yvonneblomer.com.

October/November 2021 13

M o m ’ s P OV

Much Ado About Midriffs

hen I was 14, I worked in a consignment store as a cashier. One shift, I was wearing a cream-coloured sweater that showed my midriff. While a toddler and her mom were at the counter, the little girl pointed at my exposed belly and said in a cute voice “fat.” Her mom was embarrassed, assuring me that I was not fat. She explained to her toddler that it was just my tummy. Three months after I had my third child, someone I knew told me that it was okay I hadn’t lost the baby weight yet because I am confident. She told me she had to lose the baby weight right away in order to feel confident again. I had no idea how to respond to this half-compliment and possibly half-insult. Even though these conversations have stuck with me, they never affected my confidence or the love I feel for myself or my body. Part of my confidence stems from my parents and how I was raised. I think being a model as a teen also helped. The modeling classes taught me how to carry myself, have great posture, and show my confidence. When I think back to that experience, I realize I was encouraged to be confident. It wasn’t about body size or even body image. It was about how to take care of myself. Now, it’s my job to model and teach confidence and self-love to my children. I feel like as a society we have come a long way with positive body image. I applaud all the advertisements that show women in all shapes and sizes, which helps with my task. Everyone at any size and shape has the choice to wear a midriff shirt. Everyone has the right to feel confident and comfortable in their own skin. This summer, my 10-year-old daughter and I participated in an online Dove Self-Esteem - Confident Me Workshop. It covered body image, social media influencers, self-confidence and feelings. They talked about how a person felt before and after putting on lots of make-up and using filters, and we discussed how we would respond to someone wanting plastic surgery to look like someone else. One of our family’s favourite books is Makeup Mess by Robert Munsch. This book helped me get the message across that makeup is fun to wear to look different, but is never required to look beautiful. During the workshop, we watched a video with various girls describing one thing that they would change about themselves. I teared up when a girl with darker skin said she wished she had lighter skin. It was heartbreaking to hear this and it was a wake-up call for me to check-in with what my children are watching online and how they are feeling about themselves. These conversations are so important to have because of social media influencers on Tik Tok and YouTube. I worry about how my children could compare themselves to others

14 Island Parent Magazine

and that they may place unrealistic pressures and ideals upon themselves. And even though she isn’t online yet, my six-year-old daughter said recently she wished she had freckles like her older sister. For me, it was curly hair and my mom let me use hot rollers to make my hair curly. Do we all just wish for what we don’t have? What parts of ourselves are we okay with changing, and what do we lose about our original self when we do change? My 10-year-old decided to change her style this year. She started wearing cropped tops, which she wears with highwaist pants, so her midriff isn’t showing at school. She told me that her new style is called “softie.” I looked up this style

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online which is described as “cute and feminine and is incredibly popular on Tik Tok.” Possible softie outfit choices include cardigans, wide-leg jeans, T-shirts with butterfly pictures, pleated skirts and those crop tops. Thinking about crop tops and school reminded me of how angry I felt at age 14 when my best friend and I were called to the principal’s office for wearing crop tops. We were made to put on our longer gym shirts so that our belly buttons weren’t exposed. This was my first time getting in trouble at school and it hindered my confidence about my style choices. Now, I feel like I have to censor my daughter’s style choices to shield her from the humiliation that I experienced at school. I also worry about someone pointing out her belly. There’s still bitterness about the lack freedom of not getting to choose what I wore to school. My parents supported my style choice and I could wear what I wanted outside of school. This helped ease that uncertainty and allowed me to find what clothing I liked and felt comfortable wearing. Discussing this crop top subject with my 10-year-old was difficult because I am emotionally distracted by my past-experience. However, together, we decided she can wear the crop tops to school if she wears a longer shirt underneath or wears her high waist pants. This way her midriff is not exposed. She felt it would be no big deal if she had to change her wardrobe to comply with a school’s dress code. She said it is the same as knowing that a bathing suit is appropriate for a pool and not a classroom. At age three, my youngest would have preferred to wear her swimsuits everywhere and all the time because they were comfortable and she loved her swimsuits. She also knows the difference now. My daughters have a better understanding of a time and place for certain attire than I did. Perhaps, these subjects are approached with more open lines of communication nowadays. It’s important to continue to have positive body image, selfconfidence, and style discussions with our children at every age. I am also an advocate for teaching our children to appreciate what they have by focusing on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative (although, it is important to uncover negative feelings too). Last night I asked all my children what they like about their bodies. My six-year-old’s response? “I like that I look like me.” Our conversations are paying off.

Serena Beck works full-time as a Technical Writer. She loves to write, travel and swim at the beach with family and friends.

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October/November 2021 15

Money Matters

ost would agree with the importance of equipping our children with some degree of financial know-how. After all, it is a crucial life skill. My parents, typical of their generation, were both savers. They were careful with their money, but then, they had to be; they were raised during the Great Depression and every penny counted. It wasn’t uncommon back then for children, even young children, to work outside of the. Everyone pulled together for the sake of the family. Nowadays, we are bombarded by advertising, if not on the TV, then on billboards, buses, computers—even in bathroom stalls! As a parent, how do you counteract that?

simply wasn’t worth the effort, so I abandoned the system after only a few exhausting months. When I look back on it, I think the failure was due to the fact that I started far too late with my children. So my advice is to start when children are very young. Initially, they can contribute to the family through simple jobs around the house: taking recyclables to the recycle bin, putting away their coat and shoes when they enter the house, picking up their toys etc. A three-or four-year-old can be taught these tasks. As they grow older, young children can be tasked with other jobs and a monetary reward with rules can be set up around

In this disposable, “I want it all and I want it now” society, how do we teach our children the value of a dollar, let alone healthy financial management? The trick, I believe, is two-fold: 1) start early and 2) be sure to model healthy financial management. When I was raising my own children, I missed the boat. Take chores for example. I didn’t institute household chores and an allowance system to go along with them until my sons were 12 and 10. By then I had lofty goals of showing them how to save their own money. To my dismay, my plan failed miserably. For one thing, it required constant vigilance and supervision to make sure the chores were actually done because half the time, my sons “forgot” or had some silly excuse. The rest of the time, I had to nag them to death. In the end, I decided it

that. I’ve often heard of the “Rule of Thirds”—save 1/3, spend 1/3 and contribute 1/3 to the family. In this way, a child learns to save for big purchases they want and their contribution to the family can go towards things like family movie nights or vacations. This rule of thirds could even be kept in place when a teenager gets their first real job, as by then, they would be used to contributing to the family. Even if a parent doesn’t believe in an allowance system on principle—and I’m sure some parents don’t believe in paying their children for helping around the house—there are still many ways in which children can be taught how to save the money they do receive (for example, birthday or Christmas money). Having them set this aside in their own bank account for example is one idea. Most children love to have their very own bank account

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and it is an excellent way in which they can be taught the concept of earning interest. Budgeting is another financial skill that is important to teach our children before they strike out on their own and I’m happy to say I did much better on this subject with my own children. My oldest son enrolled in accounting, so there was no need to help him, of course, but I did take aside my younger son once he landed his first job upon graduating from university. At that point, I showed him how to set up a simple budget—how to lay out all his monthly expenses and how to save towards short-term and long-term costs. He has been on his own for almost a decade now and I was thrilled to learn recently that he still uses the same budget I laid out for him all those years ago! As parents, our own financial management has a profound effect on our children. If we want them to be able to manage their money someday, then we need to make a concerted effort with the example we set. This means taking a close look at what we demonstrate to them, not only in terms of spending, but also in terms of saving and stretching a dollar. There are many easy ways in which we can teach children the value of a dollar— turning off lights for instance to reduce hydro costs, or walking/biking/busing to save on gas, eating out as a treat instead of a weekly occurrence, and buying second hand in order to save anywhere from a third to half the cost of new. And how about repairing/fixing things instead of disposing of them if it’s cost effective? (I remember my grandmother darning socks and my mother ironing on knee patches!) Lastly, and perhaps hardest of all, is simply making do without. All of us want our children to be successful in life and to manage financially is part of that. We strive to equip them with a tool kit that will hopefully serve them well in life and what better tool to have than some financial know-how? Susan Gnucci is a local author and a proud “nonna” to two young grandsons. She enjoys sharing her experiences as a grandparent. IslandParent.ca

TWEENS&TEENS 2021

Raising a Worker

QUESTIONS

The Pursuit of Their Own Normal

The Pursuit of Their Own Normal A

brilliant friend of mine has a magnet on her fridge that looks like an advertisement and it states in bold lettering, “I am the expert in my own normal.” As a sexuality educator, I think this magnet could be the mantra for adolescence. In the classes I am lucky enough to teach, students ask questions in genuine pursuit of normalizing their rapidly changing feelings, bodies and experiences. Whether students are asking questions about crushes, sexual orientation, gender identity, periods or genitals; they’re searching for information to affirm themselves as normal. One of the greatest fears youth harbour is that their feelings, bodies, and experiences are every thing but normal. This is completely understandable when the one constant through this high pressure stage of life is change and often just as they become acquainted with their normal, things suddenly shift and they begin the process again. As adults, one of the most impactful life learnings we can offer youth is to help them develop the understanding of their own normal. Their own normal will evolve as they learn and grow. As adults, we know that learning and trusting your own normal is central to our well-being and connection to others. A simple yet effective practice that will promote expertise in their own normalcy is body literacy. Some of you may be wondering if body literacy is yet another newfangled term straight out of our pandemic vocabulary such as “circle back, pivot, and zoom fatigue?”

It’s not! Body literacy simply refers to being educated about and familiar with your body and its processes. Being body literate involves using observation, knowledge and supporting resources to better understand and accept our own normal and engage in healthful practices for well-being. As parents and adult allies, we can best support our youth with body literacy skills by reminding them to observe their own bodies and take notice of the changes they’re experiencing. We can engage and encourage youth in conversations about the changes they’re noticing with curiosity and without judgement. Are they experiencing a long-hoped-for growth spurt or have they started a cycle bleed/period—what’s different than they expected or it was last year? A curiosity-based approach helps youth to adjust to the changes they experience with greater acceptance of bodies and their many functions as healthy and natural rather than weird and shameful. Observation helps our youth to recognize when their bodies are feeling or working differently than they have before. This recognition helps them to know when they may need more information and when they may need to ask for outside support to manage. These observations will also help a health care provider with follow up care if it’s necessary. Helping our youth increase their body literacy also involves making sure they have a solid level of factual knowledge to understand not only their bodies but the bodies of their peers, friends, and potential partners. When youth hold factual

knowledge, they are better able to compare their observations and follow through any gaps between what they’ve observed and what they understand to be happening. Ensure that youth understand all of the anticipated developments and ways to manage these changes as they present (i.e. pubic hair, chest tissue development, and periods, etc.) whether they will happen specifically to their own body or not. Creating space for community-held knowledge is one of the reasons current school-based sexuality education sessions involve youth of all sex assignments and gender identities together in sessions. Commonly held knowledge encourages responsibility, compassion, and empathy and normalizes all bodies and experiences.

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In order for body literacy to be a useful skillset, we must partner observation and factual knowledge with an inventory of local reliable, accessible community health resources for youth. Offering youth resources such as youth centred websites, texting lines, print materials, and access to community-based clinics for youth will support their factual knowledge and help translate their skills and knowledge into action should their observation and knowledge inform them that they require health services for themselves or a friend. A great place to start for youth-based health resources is an organization called The Foundry (foundrybc.ca) as they offer full service health services for youth in many communities throughout Vancouver Island and elsewhere in B.C. Observation, factual knowledge and knowledge of youth specific resources make body literacy the ultimate antidote to the fears of not being normal can cause. Body literacy reminds youth that they are ultimately the experts of their own normalcy whether they choose to advertise it on a fridge magnet or not!

Jennifer Gibson, MA, is also known as “The Sex Lady”—officially now for over 17 years in Greater Victoria!—to the thousands of amazing youth and adults she is lucky to educate and learn with through her job as the Coordinator of Community Education at Island Sexual Health. She’s passionate about making sexuality education as positive, fun and non-cringe-able as possible.

October/November 2021 19

Raising a Worker

It’s a tough job but we’ve all got to do it

used to work in the IT department at Island Health. We were fortunate to have a collaboration with my alma mater, the School of Health Information Science at the University of Victoria, and one of the best aspects of that collaboration was having a semi-regular, budget permitting, rotation of co-operative education students. I have fond memories of being a co-op student myself and have learned as much, or more, from interacting with co-op students as an employer, as I did as a student. My big take away? Make sure your kids have at least one or two service-oriented jobs under their belts before they leave high school. Think perfect grades, excelling at the top level in sport, or singing the perfect aria is more important than flipping burgers for spending money? Think again. The students I met from the co-op program invariably came in two varieties. Those that got what it means to be a worker and those that didn’t. The ones that got it arrived on time, didn’t abuse the break policies, were eager to learn, and most of all grateful for the opportunity. They were, essentially, workplace ready. The ones that didn’t get it wore entitlement like an ivy league sweatshirt. They expected to be spoon fed every step in every task, they thought their bosses had infinite time to go over partially done or badly done work, and they expected constant praise and accolades. They seemed burdened by office life. Looking back, the difference between the students that got it and the ones that didn’t seemed to be in their work experience. I’m not talking about a first-year co-op student versus a fourth year, but whether or not they had on their resume work places where they might have uttered the phrase: “I can help you over here please,” or, “would you like fries with that?” I started working in the “real world” when I was 12. My first job was berry picking. My dad would drop my friend 20 Island Parent Magazine

and me off at the farm at 8 a.m. and he’d pick us up at 5 p.m. We were the slowest pickers in the patch and there was at least one occasion when we wasted the product in an epic berry fight. But, for the most part, we plodded along, slowly picking our baskets full and bringing them in to be weighed - and to see how much money we’d made. I earned $500 that month, which I spent on a gleeful shopping spree at the West Edmonton Mall on our summer vacation. The funds are long gone but the things I learned from that job are with me for a lifetime. I was humbled to watch the immigrant women we worked alongside. They picked about 10 times as many berries as we did, performing back breaking work in the direct sun, all day long. They didn’t complain, they just got on with the task at hand. Hard work pays off. That was the main lesson I got from being paid by the

pound. That, and some people have to work much harder in this life than others. Working in environments where one works up an actual sweat is one of the best natural motivators for kids to do well in school. It is one thing to hear your parents say that life will be easier with some education or skills under your belt and another thing altogether to experience the daily rigour of real work in a job at the lower end of the pay scale. Kids who work in service jobs are less likely to become horrible customers as adults. They will understand firsthand that store policies are not something the clerk in front of them has control over and temper their behaviour towards service workers with empathy.

Some key learnings kids gain from summer/after school jobs: • Responsibility. If I don’t show up others are impacted.

• Punctuality. If I’m not on time, it matters. • Money sense. I had to work how long to make how much? And those sneakers cost what?? • Communication skills. When I fail to communicate effectively I face the consequences. • Attitude. If I greet my customer with a smile they tend to respond well, if I provide poor service they complain about me. If your child can’t get a job this summer because of fears of Covid 19, no job opportunities, or simply because they are too young, I encourage you to give them a job yourself—otherwise known as chores. With so much more time being spent at home these days and many of the usual kids’ activities curtailed, it is an ideal time to increase kids’ participation in domestic work. Chores can be paid or unpaid but should be work of real value. The goals are to encourage an understanding of what it takes to run a household and to teach important life skills. Growing up, I used to envy my friends whose parents didn’t give them chores. Some parents were perfectionists and believed (correctly) that they could do a better job of the domestic duties. Others didn’t want to burden their children with tedious household tasks. These kids wound up having to learn really basic things like chopping vegetables, washing clothes and doing dishes as adults. I now believe I had an easier transition into household management having learned to cook and clean when my age was still in the single digits. So, what chores should kids do? Plenty!

Age 3-6:

• Stand at sink with dad or mom and “help” with the dishes—this is mostly about playing with bubbles but it’s fun for them and they get to see how it’s done—and the pleasure of their company makes the job fun for mom or dad. • Unload the dishwasher. • Make their bed. • Clean up toys. • Put dishes in the dishwasher. • Set/clear the table. • Help with making school lunches.

Age 6-12:

• Wash laundry, fold it and put it away (or any portion thereof). When my daughIslandParent.ca

ter’s Grade 5 teacher asked the class who did their own laundry, my daughter was the only one to raise her hand—this is not a hard job, kids can, and I believe should, be participating in it. • Wash cars. • Vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms. My rule is if you use a toilet you should know how to clean it, my kids have both done this chore (only one time each, but, hey, it’s a start). • Make school lunches independently. Kids are more likely to eat what they pack and most parents hate this chore— I’m not sure why, but then, I haven’t done it in a while. • Kids cook dinner night. We like to have a night once a week where one parent and one kid are responsible for the dinner and don’t have to help clean up; the kid picks the meal and is responsible for making it—or learning and helping alongside the parent. • Care for younger siblings. • Help in the garden, mow the lawn. • Paint a fence or participate other in other small household maintenance jobs. • Help out at the grandparents’ place. A great way for a kid to show they care

and usually well rewarded with accolades, cookies and cash. • Volunteer to do something for a neighbor. Will your kids thank you for giving them chores to do? No Way! Probably never. I have not sat my parents down and said “hey, thanks for making me do all those dishes,” that would just be weird. But your job as a parent—and by the way, parenting is a job—is not to make your children happy at every given moment. It is to teach them morals and how to make their way in the world. Raising your children to be a worker by encouraging them to get a summer job and by giving them chores to do at home will enhance their self-confidence and ultimately lead to their happiness and satisfaction in knowing if there is a job to do they have the ability to do it well.

Gina Safranyik is an IT Consultant and the mother of two children—when she isn’t busy working or wrangling kids, she enjoys reading, cooking, yoga, writing and going on walks with her husband and the family Border Terrier. October/November 2021 21

Mama Gets to Ask 3 Questions I

once read an article about raising teenagers which suggested that while parents believe asking questions is a sign of interest, teens find it annoying, an intrusion of privacy. It felt like a lose-lose situation. If I ask questions, I am not respecting my teenager’s right to privacy. If I don’t ask questions, it shows a lack of interest in them. Does anyone else long for the days of tiny hands and squishy faces? Life was much simpler then. Not knowing what to do, I decided to go directly to the expert on teenagers in my house—my 14-year-old son.

have affectionately named “Mama Gets to Ask You Three Questions”. Here’s how you play: 1. My son has the right to pass on a question, if he feels it violates his privacy. 2. Answers must be truthful. 3. I only have 3 questions to ask but may request permission for clarification questions if necessary. Let me illustrate how this works. Recently, in casual conversation, my son mentioned the name of a girl at school. This

“I ask you questions because I care about you and I want to know what’s going on in your life.” “I know, Mom. I actually don’t mind your questions. It’s just annoying when you ask too many. It feels like an interrogation.” (Truthfully, it kinda is an interrogation. It’s so strange to be on the periphery of your child’s life, not knowing the ins and outs of every moment of his day.) My son and I worked together to create some ground rules so that my questions are less overwhelming. It’s a game we

name was new, one I had never heard before, so I asked him about it. “It’s a girl in one of my classes. We’re hanging out.” Now I initiate the game, with his permission. “Can we play Mama Gets to Ask You Three Questions?” “Sure,” he answers, with less enthusiasm than his mama, who is trying to harness her curiosity. First question… “How did you approach this girl?” My son went on to share that he walked up to her in the hallway, after class one day. He saw the girl standing with her friends and asked to speak to her for a moment. Then, he pro-

22 Island Parent Magazine

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ceeded to tell her that he thought she was beautiful, smart, and funny and wanted to spend more time with her. (What a ballsy move! I love that he complimented her personality and brains as well as her looks. I am raising a good, confident man!) “I have some follow up questions about that, but I don’t want them to count towards my 3. Is that okay?” With his permission, I proceed to ask how he felt about being so forward. Was he nervous? What was her reaction? I also compliment him on approaching her in person, instead of just texting her. He laughs, “Ya. That threw her off! But I don’t think you should ask a girl out over text.” (Again, proud Mama!) Second question… “I am happy that you are hanging out. If, at some point, it starts to feel more serious, will you be comfortable sharing that with me?” My children and I have spoken a lot about sex. We’ve spoken of the emotional complications of sex, the possible consequences of, different kinds of sex. I began that dialogue years ago, in hopes that we could remove the discomfort and normalize the conversation. I was wrong. It’s still awkward for all of us, but regardless, I think I have created an environment of honesty. (Side note: Talking about awkward topics in the car is helpful because the driver must keep eyes on the road. It removes the discomfort of intense eye contact. I’ve also invited my kids to text me any questions they have. It works!) I wanted to use the second question as a reminder to my son that I am always here for him if he needs to talk. Chances are that he will not take me up on this offer, but I feel the need to make it, just the same.

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I preface my third question with a disclaimer. “The next question is going to make you roll your eyes and say ‘Jeez, Mom!’ but I am going to ask it anyway. What is your understanding of consent?” As predicted, he did roll his eyes, however, after he answered, this question led to a conversation about consent within the dynamics of marriage and marriage in general. And, it wasn’t just me doing the talking! My son was asking questions and sharing his reactions. Here’s the thing, this game works for us because my son feels has control of the conversation. He has the right to pass on a question or limit the number of questions I ask. (He can turn down my request for follow up questions.) To this day, he has never passed on anything I ask and, more often than not, the game leads to a bigger conversation, one he may not have been open to if I just started peppering him with questions. I have used this game to talk about sex, parties, drugs, pressure of school and sports. You name it, we’ve talked about it! This game works well for me and my son. I’m not saying it’s a sure-fire way to talk with your teenager, but it may be worth a try. Kelly Cleeve is a best-selling author and an educator. More importantly, she is the proud parent of two amazing sons. Visit kellycleeve.com or follow her on Instagram @resilient_kel and Facebook – Raising Resilient Children/Radiant and Resilient.

October/November 2021 23

How Social Media Affects Teen Sleep S

leep experts have developed a new tool to help more accurately measure young people’s ability to disengage from social media before bed. The University of Glasgow researchers who developed the Index of Nighttime Offline Distress, or iNOD, believe it is the first psychological measurement tool of its kind, which reflects the realities of how young people interact with each other in an online world. The 10-point questionnaire, developed after consultation with 3,000+ young people, aims to equip clinicians, teachers and parents with accurate measurements of the impact of late-night social media use on sleep.

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Previous research from the group has shown that teenagers who use social media for five hours or more a day are more likely to report problems with their quality of sleep. The development of iNOD is outlined in a new paper published in the journal Sleep Medicine. Dr Holly Scott, a lecturer at the University of Glasgow’s School of Psychology, is the paper’s lead author. “It’s not unusual to hear parents and teachers expressing concern about the amount of time that young people spend on their mobile phones,” says Dr. Holly Scott, a lecturer at the University of Glasgow’s School of Psychology and the paper’s lead author.

“As young people move away from their families and begin to strike out on their own, staying in touch with friends becomes more important, as does maintaining a feeling of connection,” adds Scott. “No one wants to feel they’re missing out … phones and social media give them an unprecedented ability to extend the feeling of face-to-face connection.” In developing iNOD, the research team set out to create a measurement system which was built from the ground up to reflect the real-life experiences and opinions of modern young people. The aim was to get a truer sense of the tradeoffs young people make between social

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connections and night-time social media use, and to determine where it can begin to impact on young people’s sleep. While a considerable proportion of respondents claimed not to have difficulties in disengaging from social media, the responses also showed that extended wakefulness in bed before attempts to sleep was a typical experience for many. Those young people who did spend longer than they intended on social media at bedtime were also more likely to report delayed sleep onset, short duration and poor sleep quality. The researchers used the survey responses to develop the 10-point iNOD questionnaire, which allows young people to self-report on their experiences of social media and sleep.It captures feedback on two factors that respondents reported as particularly important – “staying connected” to peers via social media and “following etiquette” by continuing interactions into the night. Those who scored higher on Staying Connected and Following Etiquette tended to get into bed later, took longer to close their eyes for sleep at a later time, but did not differ in their wake times. They also tended to use social media for longer in bed and after the time they felt they should be asleep. They tended to have shorter sleep duration and poorer sleep quality. “Young people need quality sleep,” says Dr. Heather Cleland Woods, senior lecturer at the School of Psychology and co-author on the paper. “But they also need the interactions with peers that social media provides, especially during a pandemic. Our aim is that iNOD will be widely adopted as a tool to help parents, teachers and other adults with caring responsibilities have informed conversations with young people and each other about device use and sleep.” “We’ve already done some work with government to help develop better evidence-based policy for young people, and we’re keen to explore further how iNOD can be integrated into high-level understanding of the lives and concerns of today’s young people.” To read the paper, ‘Nodding Off But Can’t Disconnect” visit sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/ S1389945721001453?via%3Dihub.

If a night is not sold out, we will accept “walk-ups,” however, when buying tickets at the box office BRING CASH. IslandParent.ca

October/November 2021 25

DAD S PEA K

We’re Getting There

t feels like, in 2021, we no longer live in reality and time is meaningless. It’s also really hard to be a half-decent parent when those are the best words I can use to describe life right now. But we’re all managing, aren’t we? We survived March 2020; we survived lockdowns, false starts, more lockdowns, general confusion about if we’re locked down or not... And here we are, squinting at the sun while wondering if we should stumble outside and try it one more time, unsure if we feel safe or in danger, and still just trying to be a good parent throughout it all. Draining, isn’t it? Yet we go on, because as parents, there’s no other option. Resilience is sort of our thing from the get-go. Which reminds me, I need to respond to about eight different emails from my kids’ schools, cut some fingernails and toenails (mental note: I should probably check my own at some point here), and good god is it safe to leave the house yet or not? Who knows? Everything is just a big ‘who knows?’ as we navigate what feels like Year 30 of the virus, as we do weird dances to indicate that we can wear a mask if you feel it’s okay but we’re okay if you don’t if you’re okay with that and are okay with us being okay with that, and here I’ll place my big toe—ignore the long nails, I have children—inside your

26 Island Parent Magazine

doorway as a polite way of saying do we go inside each other’s houses anymore? Draining.

It’s life on planet COVID, where everything is just a bit vague, a bit uncomfortable, a bit new. A bit uneasy. And a bit crappy: the family restaurant downtown that’s been there for-

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ever and my two older kids grew up in during regular visits shut down (cheers to the Island Parent-reading waitress there) weeks ago and I’m still sad over it. Like all parents, I spend a lot of time wondering how the past 18 months are going to impact our kids. My youngest is barely over 2; he doesn’t know a world where we don’t wear a mask to go inside the library. He loves strangers but rarely gets to see their smiles. It’ll happen, I tell myself, this isn’t forever. But it also isn’t easy. Parents trying to keep it together through all these additional strains know what I’m talking about. The clerks who probably see me a bit too often at the liquor store get it; they probably see a lot of people a bit too often these days. Hey, we’re all doing what we can to get by, as we send our kids off to a pretty scary new school year, sort of half-happy that they’re even going back, everything just one big ball of mixed feelings, reality this forward momentum of getting-there shouldershrugging combined with sympathetic smiles and half-hearted sentiments of encouragement. “We’re getting there,” I mumble to other parents walking past me on the street, and they half-smile, not even making eye contact, shoulders relaxing almost imperceptibly upon hearing those three words. It’s draining, but we’re getting there. One day, our kids will look back on all this and laugh, in that awkward way that we do when something is horrible and unreal. To all the parents out there, keep powering through, keep navigating the confusing mixed messages, the clear-asmud directives, the sense of ennui that is so easy to fall into right now. Two weeks to flatten the curve a year ago; it’s hard to stay positive some days. But you know what? Our kids need us to—full stop. So grab your kids today, give them a hug, and look right at them with an intensity that blocks out the rest of this bizarre time we’re living in. After all, we’re getting there.

A WHALE OF A TIME

Save when you purchase a combo ticket to experience both the Orcas: Our Shared Future feature exhibition and the IMAX film Humpback Whales

Greg Pratt is the father of three children and a local journalist and editor. His writing has appeared in, among other places, Today’s Parent, Decibel and Douglas. He is @gregprattwriter on Twitter. IslandParent.ca

October/November 2021 27

OCT/NOVFamilyCalendar V P W

For more information and calendar updates throughout the month visit IslandParent.ca

October

Victoria & Area Peninsula Westshore

CV Cowichan Valley N Nanaimo & Area CX Comox Valley

23 Saturday & 24 Sunday

2 Saturday

Wonder Weekend Activity Tour

21 Sunday V Family Sunday

Various times, Royal BC Museum Once Upon a Story Walk V Join this tour of Old Town. The first half of the hour will be a walking tour of the gallery with 1-3pm, Courtyard Central Branch Library mysterious and engaging stories told, while the Join us for a StoryWalk®, where individual pages second half hour of the tour will be a hands-on of a storybook, mounted on sign posts, are activity to get us ready for Halloween. placed outdoors in a circuit. gvpl.ca royalbcmuseum.bc.ca

Relief: A Transformative Journey Through the Rockies

10am-4pm, Bateman Gallery Public exhibition opening of Relief, a new inhouse exhibit that explores the magic of nature through a spectacular collection of images. batemanfoundation.org

10 Sunday World Health Mental Health Day Bug Pinning V

27 Wednesday

Happy Halloween

NOVEMBER

13 Wednesday O

11 Thursday

11–11:30am, Online The Maritime Musuem of BC celebrates the nautical culture of British Columbia, through exhibits, collections and programs. And recently they’ve moved to a new location. royalbcmuseum.bc.ca

Remembrance Day

RBCM@Home Maritime Museum of BC

17 Wednesday – 21 Sunday O Christmas Tea

Various times; Courtenay, Duncan, Sidney and Nanaimo (Returning Dec 19 for two final shows at Victoria’s Royal Theatre) Sunday British comedians James & Jamesy bring their Family Sunday V unique brand of hilarity back to Vancouver Island in their theatrical holiday classic O Christmas 2–4pm, Art Gallery of Greater Victoria Tea: A British Comedy. It’s unlike anything you With special guest, Staches and Lashes. Staches have seen before. The spectacle brings people and Lashes is a collective of drag performers in together much like a panto, with cleverly crafted Victoria who host queer arts events with a focus interactive elements, yet James & Jamesy’s specon LGBTQ2 kids and youth programming. tacular physical comedy and endearing chemistry aggv.ca provide the real magic of this play. jamesandjamesy.com

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2–4pm, Art Gallery of Greater Victoria Featuring Coup des Déesses (Strike of the Goddesses)! aggv.ca

20 Saturday & 21 Sunday Wonder Weekend Activity Tour

Various times, Royal BC Museum Roam the Natural History gallery and look at RBCM@Home O animals as big as a mammoth and as small as a moth. In the second half hour of the tour there will DIY Halloween Decorations be a hands-on activity that will help us connect 11–11:30am, Online deeper to the natural world. What you find in your home, in your craft box or your recycling bin, can be just the thing you need royalbcmuseum.bc.ca to decorate your front porch/ kitchen/ bedroom for the season. Gather up whatever you can find and get ready for some spooky and creative fun. Ongoing royalbcmuseum.bc.ca

31 Sunday

Noon-3pm, Victoria Bug Zoo Pretty Dead Taxidermy is bringing Bug Pinning Workshops to the Bug Zoo. victoriabugzoo.ca

PR Pacific Rim G Gulf Islands O Online

Museum Tots

Saturdays, 11am–12:30pm, Maritime Museum This weekly program introduces children ages 3–5 to the fun world of museum learning. Each week’s program revolves around a new theme, encouraging children to learn through crafts, play, song and dance. mmbc.bc.ca/events

Junior Nature Sketch

Saturdays, 10am–noon, Oct 2–Nov 13, Robert Bateman Gallery For children 5 to 12. No previous drawing experience is required.

Nature Sketch Saturdays, 1–3pm from Oct 2–Nov 13, Robert Bateman Gallery For teens, adults and seniors, from 14 and up! No previous drawing experience is required.

Outdoor Family Storytimes

Tuesdays, 10:30–11am, various locations Fun-filled stories, songs, rhymes and puppets for young children and their families. Children must be accompanied by an adult. Drop-in. COVID-19 protocols will be in place. gvpl.ca IslandParent.ca

Pumpkin Carving Contest

Daily until Oct 30, Online Carve up your best book- or library-inspired pumpkin and send us a photo for your chance to win a prize. Email entries to kparker@virl.bc.ca by Oct 30. virl.ca

Nature Art Challenge

November 7 @ 2:30 pm Farquhar at UVic

Daily until Oct 18, Online Gather natural materials like leaves, nuts, cones, sticks, rocks, shells…whatever you can find…and get creative. Snap a photo of your art and send it to sidney@virl.bc.ca with “Nature Art Challenge” in the subject line. Every entry earns a ballot in the Hibernation Kit prize draw. virl.ca

Halloween Scavenger Hunt

MIGHTY MAESTRO RETURNS

Mighty Maestro returns to take you on a tour of the instruments in the orchestra to discover magical music musicians create. Join us for a fun, interactive journey through the world of the orchestra and don’t forget to come dressed as your favourite superhero! Tickets can be purchased by calling Farquhar at UVic at 250.721.8480 or online by visiting victoriasymphony.ca

Teen Spooky Art Gallery

• before and after school care

Open House

Daily from Oct 12–30, Online Stop by the library anytime this month to participate in our fang-tastic Halloween Scavenger hunt. Find all 8 hidden items and enter for your chance to win a spook-tacular prize! virl.ca

Saturday, January 22 10am–1pm

• small class sizes

Daily from Oct 18–30, Port Alberni Branch Library Submit spooky or Halloween-themed art pieces to be displayed and be entered into a draw to win a prize. All submissions must include a short description, the artist’s name or initials and be appropriate for public display. All mediums are welcome. Drop off submissions at the library between Oct 12–16. virl.ca

• supportive and caring staff • excellent academic foundation

A local non-profit for all children (Since 1973) 5575 West Saanich Rd info@islandmontessori.com 250 592 4411

www.islandmontessori.com

• Kodaly music program • lovely rural location connecting children to nature

South Cowichan Family Storytime CV Mondays, 10:30–11am, Mill Bay Branch Library Bring the whole family for stories, songs, and fun at the Mill Bay Centre playground, rain or shine. For ages 0–5 and their adults. Each Monday until Nov 1, except for Oct 11, Thanksgiving. virl.bc.ca

Mother Goose Goes Zooming

Wednesdays, 11–11:30am, Duncan Branch Library Parent–Child Mother Goose Goes Zooming will still be a playful, experience for birth to 2 years, but we will be on our computer and you will be on yours. Facilitators will do 30 minutes of program and then there will be time to visit with families online. virl.ca www.nicoledurkanphotography.com | Instagram @nicole.durkan.photography | Facebook Nicole Durkan Photography

IslandParent.ca

October/November 2021 29

w H at’ sf o r d I N N e R

Healthy Halloween Fare

alloween celebrations are often synonymous with candy. But they don’t have to be. Leave the candy for the trick-or-treats and serve some ghoulishly healthy food instead! These recipes are perfect whether you’re throwing a Halloween party or wanting to fill your kids up with something a bit healthier before they head out with their treat bags.

Monster Pizza Faces (Prep time: 5 to 10 minutes, Bake time: 10 minutes) Mini pizzas are fun for kids to make and decorate themselves! Oﬀer a bunch of diﬀerent ingredients and a choice of orange or white cheese. You may even find them choosing to try something new, just because it was the right colour for their monster face. Tiny pizzas can be made using small portions of pizza dough. However, this recipe is for English muffins, because they’re so much easier. Perfect when you need a quick meal. If you want to use pizza dough, form pizzas using about 1⁄2 cup of dough per pizza. Then bake for 20 minutes instead.

Orange Pumpkin Hummus (Total time: 10 minutes) Everyone loves to dip vegetables, pitas and corn chips. This pumpkin hummus is great way to fuel your little ghosts and goblins. 1 can of chickpeas 2⁄3 cup of pumpkin puree 2 Tbsp water 2 Tbsp olive oil 1 Tbsp tahini 2 tsp lemon juice 1 tsp garlic powder 1⁄2 tsp salt, to taste 2 Tbsp toasted pumpkin seeds 1. Drain and rinse the chickpeas. Place them in a food processor or blender with the pumpkin puree, water, olive oil, tahini, lemon juice, garlic powder and salt. Pulse until smooth and well blended. It might take a bit more water to get the chickpeas to fully blend. 2. Taste and adjust the salt as needed. Spoon into a bowl for serving and top with the pumpkin seeds.

Island Parent Magazine

Ghoulish Guacamole (Total time: 5 minutes) This ghoulish guacamole is packed with healthy fats, vitamin and minerals. To turn it into a meal, serve it with simple quesadillas made from ﬂour tortillas stuﬀed with refried beans and cheese. 4 avocados 1 Tbsp lime juice 1⁄2 tsp salt 1⁄4 tsp garlic powder 1⁄4 cup of sour cream 2 Roma tomatoes 1. Remove the pit and scoop the avocado out into a medium sized serving bowl. Use a fork to mash the avocado. 2. Add the lime juice, salt and garlic powder. Stir to mix all of the ingredients. 3. Spread the sour cream around the edge of the guacamole dip. 4. Finely chop the tomato. Drain any liquid from the tomatoes. Spread the tomatoes out on top of the sour cream. 5. Serve with corn chips.

4 English muffins 1 small can of pizza sauce 1 cup of grated cheese Other toppings 1. Preheat the oven to 400˚F. 2. Prepare your pizzas while the oven preheats. Slice the English muffins in half, so each English muffin makes two monster faces. 3. Spread the cut side of the English muffin with pizza sauce. Then encourage your kids to make monster faces from whatever you happen to have in the kitchen. If they are old enough, they can slice and dice everything to exactly the shape they need. Younger children may need a bit more help with their monster creations. Oﬀer ingredients like mushrooms, peppers, tomatoes. Get creative with frozen peas or corn, sliced olives, or pickles. Even sliced fruit can make fun and delicious pizza toppings. 4. Place the pizza faces on a cookie sheet and bake for 8 to 10 minutes, until the cheese is melted.

IslandParent.ca

Dill Pickle Popcorn (Total time: 15 to 20 minutes) Popcorn is an easy, healthy and delicious treat! Stove-top popcorn is also zero-waste! Here’s a simple recipe for stove top dill pickle popcorn. Yum! Probably the hardest ingredient to find is citric acid. It provides the tanginess in this recipe. If you don’t have it in your cupboard, leave it out along with the coriander and mustard seeds, for a ranch ﬂavoured popcorn instead. Spice mix 11⁄2 tsp coriander seeds 1⁄4 tsp yellow mustard seeds 1⁄4 tsp dill seed 1⁄2 tsp dried dill 1⁄4 tsp garlic powder 1⁄4 tsp onion powder 1⁄4 tsp citric acid 1 tsp salt, to taste Popcorn 2 Tbsp of vegetable oil 1⁄2 cup of popcorn kernels 6 Tbsp melted butter 1. Mix the seeds in a spice grinder and grind to a fine powder. Mix the freshly ground spices in a small bowl with the rest of the spice mix. Set aside while you make the popcorn. 2. Place the vegetable oil in the bottom of a large pot with 3 popcorn kernels. Put the lid on the pot and place it over medium heat. 3. When one of the kernels pops, the pot is hot enough to make popcorn. Add the rest of the kernels and gently shake the pot over the burner. Get your older kids to help! It’s fun to listen to the popcorn pop! 4. Once most of the kernels have popped, dump the popcorn in a large bowl. Melt the butter and drizzle it over the popcorn. Toss to mix, then add your spice mix and toss again. 5. Serve immediately or store in a zip-top bag for up to two days.

supportssupports quality summer programming for families with children quality programming facing disabilities within your community.

for families with children facing disabilities within your community.

Have you ever wondered about the future and gifts promotes being kids summer! whatYou it might bring tokids families withthis family members with a disability? You can make a diﬀerence by designating Community Options for Children and Families as your charity of choice when considering leaving a gift through your will or any other gift planning instrument (gifts of stock). Community Options has supported tens of thousands of families in the community over the past 30+ supports quality summer programming for families withfor children years—supporting a better quality of life facing disabilities within your community. families on Southern Vancouver Island.

supports quality summer programming for families with children disabilities within your supports qualfacing ity summer programmi ng forcommunity. families with children

facing disabilities within your community.

information, YouFor giftsmore promotes kids being please kids thiscontact summer!

Kathleen Burton, Executive Director 250.380.6363 You gifts promotes kids beingext kids205 this summer!

You gifts promotes kids being kids this summer!

Emillie Parrish writes from Victoria and Saturna Island. She is the author of the Pacific Northwest lifestyle blog BerriesAndBarnacles.com. IslandParent.ca

October/November 2021

Top 5 Fall Activities for Families in Whistler F

all in Whistler offers an abundance of activities, wide-open spaces and a unique, laid-back pace. It is important to plan ahead and the Doors Open Directory (whistler.com/doors-open/) shows you what’s open in Whistler and how businesses are upholding the highest of standards in health and safety for all. Here are the top 5 ways to take in the fall season with your family.

1. Arts and Culture

Fall is the perfect time for exploring new things like arts and culture. Whistler’s Cultural Connector (cdn.whistler. com) is a scenic pathway and bikeway that links six significant cultural institutions in Whistler and identifies noteworthy points and anecdotes. It is a chance to learn about the community’s cultural evolution over time. Not only can you discover BC art at the Audain Art Museum and learn more about Whistler’s indigenous heritage at the Squamish Lil’wat Cultural Centre but you can also discover art in some unexpected places such as Whistler’s Train Wreck Hike. Train Wreck features graffiti train cars and spectacular views of Cheakamus River.

2. Whistler’s Valley Trail

Enjoy Whistler’s fall colours by exploring Whistler’s Valley Trail (whistler.com/ activities/valley-trail), a car-free, paved trail and boardwalk network connecting Whistler’s neighbourhoods, lakes, viewpoints and picnic spots. Discover the spectacular scenery and beautiful natural surroundings by biking, walking

running, cycling, skating or rollerblading with over 40 km of trail to choose from and best of all the family dog can come along, too.

3. Explore the Wilderness

Explore Whistler’s Wilderness with an off-road buggy experience (canadianwilderness.com) with Canadian Wilderness Adventures. Climb rugged mountain roads and forested single-track trails up to scenic mountain viewpoints on this epic journey. Power through creeks and over boulders, watching for wildlife along the way. Alternatively, take in a bear tour with Whistler Photo Safaris (whistlerphotosafaris.com. These one of a kind educational expeditions take place on 2010 Olympic ski trails in a 4x4 while accessing the most spectacular features of the Whistler Olympic Park.

4. Family Mealtime

Eat, drink and embrace autumn with special offers available (whistler.com/dining/) at some of Whistler’s top restaurants from September until late November. Mealtime is a great opportunity to share 32 Island Parent Magazine

IslandParent.ca

your favourite parts of the day and plan your next adventure. Whistler has many family-friending restaurants; a few trusty ones for kid-approved food at a good price are Old Spaghetti Factory, Hunter Gather and Caramba. There are also plenty of grab-and-go options if you need something a bit quicker and if you’re staying in a vacation rental you can even take advantage of the Whistler Cooks Fridge Full service and eat well without the hard work.

5. Sightseeing on Mountain in Whistler

Visiting mid-week? You can still get up the mountain on a Canadian Wilderness Blackcomb Glacier Safari Jeep tour (canadianwilderness.com/whistler/4x4tours/). No two tours are the same as the changing mountain colours and wildlife create new paths for exploration. Ascend from Whistler Valley past glacier fed rivers. View bears and other mountain wildlife on the way to the snow-capped Horstman Glacier.

Reducing holiday food waste starts with rethinking how we shop. Turkey leftovers are only loved for so long, so size your bird accordingly—and your sides, too! LET’S STOP WASTING FOOD.

Tania Sear is the Manager of Travel Media for Tourism Whistler. IslandParent.ca

crd.bc.ca/lovefood October/November 2021 33

K i ds ’ R EADS

Halloween & Stories for the Night

fter a delightful summer getting to know my new baby girl, I am back to reviewing picture books for you. This time we’re going to enjoy some spook-tastic stories in honour of Halloween. I was considering giving them a scare rating, but that really depends on your children. For example, I asked my two sons if they wanted to hear any of the scary stories and the oldest one flat out refused because they were too scary while the younger one

animal or fantasy creature? And what scares monsters? This hilarious textbook of Monstronomy is fabulously illustrated and when you’re done reading it, you can walk away with a super serious diploma and the title of monster scientist. For ages 3 to 7. One of the first things you should know about Owling: Enter the World of the Mysterious Birds of the Night by Mark Wilson (Storey, 2019) is that the cover glows in the dark. And if your

you will also be entertained. For ages 8 to 12. In The Babysitter from Another Planet by Stephen Savage (Neal Porter Books, 2019), Mom and Dad go out to the movies and leave their two children in the care of an alien. It’s a little weird at first, but in the end, the two siblings would never want another babysitter. This is a good bedtime story for days when you don’t want to talk because not every page has words on it, so you can

was super excited and a little upset that he couldn’t hear these stories every day. But in case you do have a more easily frightened child, know that not all books on this list are scary. In fact, I would argue that none of them are, but I will leave that up to you to decide. In Monsters 101 by Cale Atkinson (Tundra, 2020) you and your children can learn everything you ever wanted to know about monsters: where do they sleep? What do they like to eat? What makes a monster a monster instead of an

children love glow-in-the-dark items the way mine do, that is a huge selling feature. The next thing you should know is that the photographs in this book are stunning. Wilson is a wildlife photojournalist and he has been caring for owls and teaching people about them for more than 25 years. And while some non-fiction books may be boring and feel like you are reading a school textbook, Owling is nothing like that. Wilson interweaves facts and humour, so while you will learn a lot about owls,

let them enjoy the images and giggle at the silly things the babysitter does and save your voice. For ages 3 to 7. The Bat (Tundra, 2016) is part of Elise Gravel’s Disgusting Critters series, where she teaches children about different animals or insects with her characteristic comic book style artwork. In this short book, children can learn about echolocation, what the bat’s scientific name means, how they use their hands to fly, and many other tiny tidbits. For ages 3 to 7.

34 Island Parent Magazine

IslandParent.ca

The final book is In the Dark: The Science of What Happens at Night by Lisa Deresti Betik and illustrated by Josh Holinaty (Kids Can Press, 2020) teaches children about the night. Betik explains what happens when children don’t get enough sleep, moon gardens, light pollution and so much more. For ages 8 to 12.

Christina Van Starkenburg lives in Victoria with her husband, children and cat. She is the author of One Tiny Turtle: A Story You Can Colour and many articles. To read more of her work and learn about her upcoming books visit christinavanstarkenburg.com. Facebook: facebook.com/christinavanstarkenburg and Twitter: @Christina_VanS.

Through these times let’s be careful & kind out there

S TAG E S Summer Programs Bus I NJuly e ss&e sAugust Running This yo U N e e dto KN ow

ams will be running (hopefully) in These local businesses are family-focused and committed to our community and helping you. person, or online...

resch Emmanuel Baptist Church For 3 ool D -5 ye Child anCare a Mus r olds in ce Ca icaDay spaces available m B l ThCare eatre allet, Jaz ps daycare@emmanuelvictoria.ca z, & Ta p After School Care for Campus View th Da and Frank Hobbs Schools nWecare ance a waitlist: e Ctaking rs a m 2 ye Hip H 6-1afterschool@emmanuelvictoria.ca ps S T ars op & ld iXnRoad 2121 AcCedaroHill A (by entrance to UVic)

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October/November 2021

PResCHool&CHIldCaRedirECtory ❖ Comprehensive programs for Preschool through Grade 11 ❖ Delivering academic excellence through music, dance, drama and visual arts ❖ Outstanding educators, locations and facilities

www.ArtsCalibre.ca 250.382.3533

Castleview Child Care.......... 250-595-5355 Learning Through Play & Discovery. Licensed non-profit, ECE staﬀ. Since 1958. Morning or full-time care. castleviewchildcarecentre.com

Nightingale Preschool & Junior Kindergarten Ltd ....... 250-595-7544 We offer education through creativity and play, providing rich learning experiences through a well sourced and stimulating indoor and outdoor environment. Early years reading programme. nightingalepreschool.com. Arts/Drama programme. kidsworks.ca

Pre-School Junior Kindergarten

SeeDLiNGS Forest Education

Where nature becomes the Teacher!

PaciﬁcChristian.ca 250-479-4532 Educational Excellence to the Glory of God

Rainbows & Dreams Preschool

Seedlings Forest Education is a Nature based program that includes After School Care, Nature Preschool, Parent Workshops, Saturday Seedlings, Summer Camps and more!

250-880-0660 seedlingsforesteducation.com

Christ Church Cathedral Childcare & Jr. Kindergarten.................250-383-5132 ECE and specialist teachers provide an outstanding all day licensed program for 2.5–5 year olds at our Fairfield and Gordon Head locations. cathedralschool.ca

250-479-1966 4184 Keewatin Place, Victoria

Sir James Douglas Preschool ............................250-389-0500 Fun, creative and educational ECE program for 3-5 year olds to grow and develop life long skills. Come play and learn in our bright and modern centre in Fairfield. sjdoutofschoolclub.com

Island Kids Academy Esquimalt .............................250-381-2929 High quality child care (ages 1-5). Enriched Curriculum. Includes Music Classes and Character Development using the Virtues Project. Wait list being taken. Islandkids.ca

Ready Set Grow Preschool ....250-472-1530 Join our learning through play preschool located in Hillcrest Elem. Our caring ECEs oﬀer an enriched Program for 3-4 hour, 2-5 days a week and help with kindergarten transition. heoscmanager@gmail.com

Victoria Montessori ............. 250-380-0534 Unique, innovative learning environment combining the best of Montessori and Learning Through Play. Open year round. 30mths–K. victoriamontessori.com

La Pré-Maternelle Appletree Preschool...............250-479-0292 French immersion preschool. Group child care programs. 30 months to school age. Christian centre. prematernelleappletree.com

St. Margaret’s School Jr. Kindergarten

Offering small classes, creative 3–5 year and kindie programs. Safe, fun, nurturing environment to learn and grow.

Apply now for our Early Learning (JK and Kindergarten) Programs. Early learning at SMS is a curriculum-based program for 3 and 4 year olds.

St. Margaret’s School 250-479-7171 | admissions@stmarg.ca

722 Johnson St,Victoria,BC

604.366.7080 willowbraeacademy.com

9006admin@willowbraechildcare.com

We implement a play-based curriculum where our trained professionals develop and adapt individual programs by observing and listening to your child.

Call your local CCRR for free referrals and resources. Victoria & Gulf Islands: 250-382-7000 or 1-800-750-1868 Sooke: 250-642-5152 West Shore: 250-940-4882 Cowichan Valley: 250-746-4135 local 231 PaciﬁcCare (Ladysmith north): 250-756-2022 or 1-888-480-2273

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Victoria & Area

Peninsula

Carrot Seed Preschool ..........250-658-2331 Where children can discover, imagine, construct and learn through play. Wondrous natural playground. carrotseedpreschool.com

Island Montessori House ...... 250-592-4411 Inclusive, integrated and nurturing Preschool and Before/After School Care programs. Lovely rural setting with a focus on nature and outdoor environmental activities. islandmontessori.com

Westshore

Cowichan Valley

Sidney Preschool We are a licensed co-operative preschool with a philosophy of learning through play! Four hour program, four days per week, for children ages 2.5-5 years. Celebrating 49 years! sidneypreschoolteacher@gmail.com, sidneypreschool.com

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Exciting new learn-throughplay program in Saanichton, ideal for Peninsula families

Nanaimo & Area

The first steps in your child’s education Call for more information today: 250.746.3654

Queen Margaret’s School .......250-746-4185 Early Childhood Education Program. Co-ed nurturing curriculum to develop the whole child. Healthy snacks and lunch provided. qms.bc.ca.

www.wcelc.ca

• Licensed programs, for children 3–5 years • Flexible part-time schedules • Supported spaces available • 3 and 4 hour morning classes Encouraging your child’s development and learning through play and exploration

Sunrise Waldorf School Preschool ..............................250-743-7253 In a warm environment, this nature and play-based program enlivens and nurtures the growing child. sunrisewaldorfschool.org

Fullobeans.ca 250-360-1148 E: fullobeans@snplace.org

Island Kids Academy View Royal .......................... 250-727-2929 High quality child care (ages 1-5). Enriched Curriculum. Includes Music Classes and Character Development using the Virtues Project. Wait list being taken. Islandkids.ca

Metchosin Co-Op Preschool A Co-operative preschool in the heart of rural Metchosin.

The best place to be. Take a virtual tour today!

metchosinpreschool.com 250-478-9241 metchosinpreschool@gmail.com

Junior Kindergarten to Grade 12

Learn more today! 250-390-2201 AspengroveSchool.ca N A N A I M O’ S J K–1 2 I N T E R N AT I O N A L B AC C A L AU R E AT E WO R L D S C H O O L

Little Star Children’s Centre ..........250-752-4554 Little Gems Infant & Toddler Care..250-228-5437 Mother, Daughter owned and operated. Earth friendly preschool education inspired by nature. Infused with fun and creative daily yoga practices! Licensed group care. Enthusiastic ECE instructors. littlestardaycare.ca

Nestled on 4 acres of lush west coast forest, our Award winning, Nature based program will not disappoint! While firmly embracing the Reggio-Emila (Italy) Philosophy our dedicated team of educators use the environment as the third teacher as we encourage your child throughout their day. Our purpose built facilities have been handmade using the trees from our forest. Come take a virtual tour on our website!

lexieslittlebears.ca

Waitlist: 250-590-3603 Programs for Infants/Toddlers/Pre-school Age. BC Award of Excellence in Childcare & Prime Minister’s Award of Excellence in Early Childhood Education.

IslandParent.ca

October/November 2021

CutitOut!

Healthy Anxiety

hildren need to experience healthy anxiety. Everybody does. Just the right amount of frustration or concern motivates us to take useful action. With healthy anxiety, we prepare for our presentation, study for that test, or put on our seat belt. If we take over our children’s responsibility, we carry their healthy anxiety

for them. We end up worrying about their responsibility, so they don’t have to. When we do this, we rob them of important steps toward maturity. Many people say that when they were kids, they were way more resilient and responsible.

STAGES Performing Arts School since 1980

Come Dance With Us

• Offering classes for Teens & Pre-Teens in Jazz, Ballet, Lyrical, Tap. Musical Theatre, Acrobatics & Hip Hop, in a non-competitive atmosphere. • Not sure which class to take? - Try a Drop-In: No hassle, No Obligation. es lass C l hoo .. e-S c angels. r P e e t im ittl Day or the l f

Why was that? Is it because they were a well behaved, obedient child? I doubt it. That kind of pseudo maturity falls apart when the structures collapse. If mom or dad isn’t there to notice, correct, reward or punish, then why bother? True responsibility comes from the inside. It doesn’t have to be monitored, praised or rewarded although we all like a little appreciation and acknowledgement. Self-discipline is not an act of people pleasing, it is the relationship you have with your values. It’s doing the right thing because you understand why. Of course, this takes time but what sends a child in the right direction is allowing them to face surmountable challenges. We release responsibility to children slowly and with guidance. We teach them how to do a task and watch over them while they put that learning into action (or not). We give them space to struggle and think things through before we give them a reminder. We might even see them struggle, just a little, as we hold our breath before jumping in. Eventually, they learn to pull themselves up into the swing, tie their own shoelaces, take care of their schoolwork, get themselves ready and so on. When the timing is right, we lovingly pull back. How can we nurture the security in our child to struggle just enough, and to ask for help when they need it? Pick up on the signals when a child is seeking more independence. Avoid taking over, you are way too good at doing all these things. When a child has a problem, stand behind them. Pull out their resources – What could work? What has worked before? How can I help? When a child knows we have their back and we believe in them, they are motivated by the hope of success rather than paralyzed by the fear of failure.

STAGES Performing Arts School

#301 1551 Cedar Hill X Rd (behind the Shelbourne MacDonalds)

Call 250-384-3267 Email us at: stagesdance@shaw.ca Or visit our website: www.stagesdance.com 38 Island Parent Magazine

Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator, counsellor and coach at LIFE Seminars (Living in Families Effectively), lifeseminars.com.

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