Island Parent Oct Nov 2022

Recharge

Finding Fun

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10 Reflections on Parenting

If you were asked to sum up the 10 most important lessons you’ve learned since becoming a parent, what would they be?

That’s the premise behind illustrator Grace Farris’s recent work, Ten Pithy Reflections on Ten Years of Motherhood.

Chances are, you could add another 10 pithy reflections of your own—beware bare feet and lost Lego, for one, or maybe, the best way to get your kids’ attention is turn off the inter net—and keep on going from there. Learning seems to come with the territory, both for kids and for parents.

Her revelations:

1. Everything is a phase.

2. The sleep deprivation gets better.

3. Beware the library silence of quietly “playing” child.

4. You are not a short-order cook EXCEPT WHEN YOU ARE!

5. Bath time is a gift.

6. Sometimes things just won’t be aesthetically pleasing.

Write the nice/funny stuff down to remember later.

8. Time is precious.

Time is an illusion.

10. Time for a snack plate.

This issue aims to complement a parent’s first-hand, hardwon knowledge. You’ll find information on the importance of friendship, how to help kids deal with anxiety and why classrooms that are “open to all learners” might not suit all students. There’s a guide to help you and your family find fun in fall, a list of autumn nature highlights and recipes for quick healthy oven meals.

Time is precious, especially family time. And when the going gets tough, remember: “Everything is a phase.” Chances are, if the hangries have anything to do with it, it’s time for a snack plate!

Community StoryMap

Participate in Saanich’s Community StoryMap, an inter active online mapping tool to help inform two projects related to the environment in Saanich: the Urban Forest Strategy Update and the Resilient Saanich State of Bio diversity Report. Share what you value in Saanich about biodiversity and urban forests (location and information) and suggest improvements and/or risks to those trees and natural features. Your input will help the district under stand the community’s priorities and issues. It will also help prepare for further public engagement in later proj ect phases. To participate in the Community StoryMap, download a tip sheet at saanich.ca. Deadline: October 11.

Beyond Van Gogh

Beyond Van Gogh will be at Bayview Place in Victoria from October 14 – December 31. Through the use of cutting-edge projection technology and an original score, Beyond Van Gogh breathes new life into over 300 of Van Gogh’s artworks and will make you feel like you’re stepping into a painting. It is the largest immersive experience in the country, offering guests ample room to safely enjoy the exhibit. Comprising over 4 trillion content pixels, this high-resolution portrayal of Van Gogh’s work gives guests the opportunity to become one with his paintings. Purchase tickets online at showclix.com vangoghvictoria.com

GoByBike Week

Register now for GoByBike Week—October 3–16— and start tracking your kilometers biked to see how many kilograms of greenhouse gases you save. Participation is free, fun, helps you stay fit and healthy and it’s great for the environment. Plus you can win great prizes! Getting around on smaller wheels like scooters and rollerblades counts, too, as does taking the bus part way, carpooling halfway or using a car for a portion of a long commute, as well! To register, visit gobybikebc.ca

The Howl: A Musical Masquerade

The Cowichan Performing Arts Centre presents The Howl: A Musical Masquer ade with Juno award-winner Norman Foote on Thursday, October 20 at 6:30pm. Foote brings out the fun and musical side of the Halloween tradi tion with an unforgettable evening of family-friendly song and dance. The Howl: A Musical Masquerade concert brings singers, costumes and Hallow een all together in an awesome event for youth and families. Costumes are encouraged for youths and adults alike at this Halloween spectacle! Family pricing includes two adult and two chil dren tickets and must be purchased by phone or in person only. For tickets call 250-746-2722 or visit cowichanpac.ca.

Cooks Who Feed

Those who cook at home can benefit from wearing an apron, and while they are at it, they can help feed the world’s hungry. The Cooks Who Feed program has pro vided over 542,000 meals to feed the world’s hungry and has supported over 13,369 hours of fair-trade labour, allowing marginalized women in India to safely earn a fair living by creating handmade aprons. With each apron sold, 100 meals are given to those in need. The apron collection includes ones for adults and children. In Canada, Cooks Who Feed has teamed up with Second Harvest to serve meals to help fight hunger. For more information, visit cookswhofeed.com.

We Are Indigenous Program

Indigenous families with children 3–12 years old who are experiencing big worries and fears will have access to free, culturally-grounded wellness practices through a virtual parent and caregiver coaching program. In the We Are Indigenous: Big Worries/Fears Parent/Caregiver Support Program, parents, caregivers and their children will learn about Indigenous-centred wellness practices and strategies to push back against big worries and fears. The program includes short online videos and scheduled telephone coaching sessions. By referral. For information, visit welcome.cmhacptk.ca/bigworries.

Digital Citizen Day

Many of us spend almost 30% of our days online in spaces like Instagram and Twitter. But we’re not always conscious of the impact of our actions online. MediaSmarts is launching a new national awareness day: Digital Citizen Day to remind Canadians that we are all digital citizens and we have the power to improve our online spaces. The first annual Digital Citizen Day happens during Media Literacy Week on Wednesday, October 26, encouraging people to engage on social platforms using #DigitalCitizenDay and share what being a digital citizen means to them. Hosted by MediaSmarts, Canada’s not-for-profit centre for digital media literacy. mediasmarts.ca/digital-citizen-day

The Magic of Mentoring

Youth mentoring matters and is an essential service that can dramatically improve the life of vulnerable children. With Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS) mentoring programs, children receive the personalized support they need to move beyond their circumstance. By pairing a child or youth with a volunteer caring adult in a trusting relationship, at least two people will experience the benefits of mentoring: the mentor and the child mentee. The first step is to have a caring adult step forward and say, “I am willing to try to help.” To explore volunteer opportunities near you, or to enrol a child, visit bigbrothersbigsisters.ca.

The Importance of Friendship

The reasons for child loneliness are varied and many. Some kids spend time between two family homes and with the transitions back and forth, it is more difficult to make time for friends. Some kids are so over-programmed that they have little social time left over. And some kids spend too much time online or hooked up to some kind of device or video game and miss out on real-life relationships.

Developing and nurturing relationships is critical for a child happiness. Children learn integral social skills from childhood friends that last a lifetime. Interpersonal success is also an important protective factor that helps foster resilience—the ability to bounce back from setbacks. In our hectic lives, it is critical that we help our kids become strong and resilient.

One of the things parents can do to combat child loneliness is to prioritize the social relationships of their children. Ensure that your children have time to spend with friends. If your child is not yet able to create their own social life, provide a helping hand by organizing playdates for younger kids or out ings for older kids. Offer to drive your child and their friends to and from activities like movies, swimming or skating. If

you plan to take your children to a hockey game, buy an extra ticket so they can invite a friend. Host a potluck at your home and invite some families from your child’s class. (You might just find that you create new friendships, too!)

Sometimes, parents try all of these things and yet their chil dren are still struggling to connect with new friends. For some people, friendship skills come easily. However, for others they may need some help developing social skills.

Remember: “To have good friends, you must first be a good friend.” This reframes the conversation from a passive one (“Will kids like me?”) to an active one (“What can I do to show that I am a good friend?”).

10 characteristics of good childhood friends:

1. They are able to think of the needs of other people, as well as their own.

2. They are patient, kind and polite—never mean.

3. They know the difference between right and wrong. They help others be the best version of themselves possible.

3. They reach out to new classmates and invite newcomers to sit with them. They are inclusive and embrace diversity.

4. They share, take turns, and invite others into their play.

5. They do not call names or tease or tattle. In fact, they stick up for other kids being bullied.

6. They are open to the ideas of others and are not stuck in only playing what they want to play. They try to not be bossy.

7. They try not to interrupt or bud into lines or conversations. They have some sense of personal space.

8. They try to resolve conflict peacefully and say sorry when needed, and they also say “I forgive you.”

9. They continuously try to be mindful of creating a genuinely fun and enjoyable play environment.

10. When kids are encouraged to develop the mindset that “To make friends, I must first be a good friend,” they think about their own growth and development. They also position themselves as a leader in the classroom and playground, a leader who is helping make their tiny bit of the world a better place.

With our hectic lives and addictions to screens, it is easy to overlook the importance of real-life connections. The con sequence can be a feeling of loneliness and isolation. We can combat child loneliness by underscoring the importance of friends and prioritizing social times in our lives. We can also help our kids develop friendship skills that will last a lifetime.

Dr. Jillian Roberts Psychology Corporation (DJR) is a dynamic mental health clinic founded in 2003 with over 20 clinicians. DJR has been co-branded as MindKey Health with locations in Victoria and Sidney. E-therapy and e-assessment services are available to families across B.C., with plans to a Western Communities location.

Halloween at the

Neurodiversity Is Also a Diversity

As more and more institutions begin to look at diversity as a part of their plans for inclusion, it is hard as a parent with a neurodiverse child to untangle who or what the language of diversity is speaking to (often LGBTQIA2S, BIPOC and In digenous) and how to find ways and resources to support our children and ourselves. The equivalencies between diversity and neurodiversity include access to community and supports and equality.

A class that is “open to all learners” might suit some diverse learners, but not necessarily all learners.

Not to stir up trouble for schools or teachers, but some stu dents remain unseen, their needs unknown, their teachers and helpers and the work they do often unrecognized by the district and other teachers. Families with neurodiverse children—be cause they have Downs Syndrome, are on the autism spectrum or have other rare conditions—tend to be unseen or unconsid ered. While there may be occasions for other diverse children to form community within the larger school, often special needs kids and families are separate, not celebrated in their schools

for the additions they make and the insights they offer. They are often not a part of the larger school community and can be seen as people who have needs and are, in a sense, a burden.

A shift in thinking could allow them to be seen for the com plexity of their lives, the strength of their perseverance, and what they can offer in the way of diverse ways of being in the world.

My son has a rare genetic condition called Prader-Willi Syndrome and is on the autism spectrum. He is relatively nonverbal and will not likely catch up to his peers in his academic abilities. That said, he can read and loves music, he is curi ous and understands everything that is said to him even if he doesn’t yet appropriately respond. He has a sense of humour and loves people.

Though there are resources for neurodiverse kids, accessing them and advocating is done by family members. Advocating feels much easier and straightforward when our children are little. From preschool to elementary, teachers and staff work to include diverse kids, because their differences, though pres

ent and real and outstanding, don’t seem as immense. Parents of kids in this age group can be hands-on and speak up, attend meetings, and be at the school observing and helping. Teachers, for the most part, are accustomed to parents of small children advocating.

That said, some experience discrimination—“if your son is in my kindergarten class, we will not go on any field trips.” Imag ine a teacher saying this? I know that neurodiverse kids are not the only ones to experience such discrimination.

As neurodiverse kids move through school, the gap between them and their peers grows, and they become more and more isolated from the larger community that they may very much want to be a part of.

Advocating as a parent for a middle and high school student can be trickier as expectations shift from parents to students. High school can present a shift to a more adult approach for the kids. In some ways this can be good and in others quite scary; as a parent how do you know what is being expected of your child at school?

I sometimes feel uncertain if I should step in or not. As his ally and advocate I must navigate this uncertainty. If teacher’s underestimate what my son can do, he will get bored but won’t ask for more challenging material. But when I push for him to be offered more academics, it must also seem to teachers that I’m asking for work beyond his ability. One solution is to ask an external expert to visit, such as a Behaviorist.

Parents want to find that balance between supporting inde pendence and autonomy but also inclusion and a proper educa

tion. You may want to know that your child is being pushed, is learning, is doing academic work and participating in school culture even though they are neurodiverse and would sometimes rather be on their iPad. You want kindness and you want the teacher to have expectations. You don’t want to hover, but you want respect for your son or daughter.

Ideally, my son would be included and seen by all his peers as an equal student in the class, a valued member, a student worth making some adjustments for even if it is hard. In middle school a boy in a higher grade came to the special ed class and invited my son to join a lunch time band session. My son loved this. The more expectations are placed on him to do things, the more he can do. I believe the same could be true of inclusion: the more inclusive we are, the more easily we are inclusive.

If the number one priority is to teach all students, what are the results of that for everyone? Often the argument of acces sible sidewalks is used; if sidewalk designs allow for wheel chairs, all kinds of other users benefit—from parents with strollers to delivery people. I wonder how that might work for neurodiverse kids in school.

Yvonne Blomer is a Victoria writer and the past Poet Laureate of Victoria. Her most recent books are Sugar Ride: Cycling from Hanoi to Kuala Lumpur and Refugium: Poems for the Pacific.

Children’sHealth Foundationof Vancouver Island and Hotel Gran

A Pause in the Middle

Offhand, I don’t know exactly how long I’ve been doing this column for, but I know it’s been many years. As my oldest started high school in September, it made me stop and think for a moment about how much writing this column has helped me kinda figure things out along the way. I’ll stress the “kinda” there, because, I mean, it’s also prob ably sort of a horrible documentation of some missteps I’ve made, but I’m not going back to cross-reference that.

Not that it matters. The missteps are part of it all, and it’s something I’ve always stressed here in these pages. We all make mistakes, we’re all kinda winging it and you can’t really prepare for what’s next.

And what’s next for me suddenly feels big: oldest in high school; middle kid in middle school; youngest, well, just kinda doing his thing, being 3. And we made it. We’re not at the end, there’s never really an end, but we’re at a point where I can sit back and take stock for a second and just say, wow, we made it this far.

And you made it this far, too.

Of course, things are just beginning: high school, good god. I remember high school—sort of. It was the best of times and it was most certainly the worst of times. I feel like I can relate more to my kids than my parents were able to relate to me at the time, but that’s the great generational delusion, isn’t it? I may feel like I’m still 15 at heart, but I’m a million years old in my daughter’s eyes.

It’s a heartbreaking revelation but it’s the nature of things, just one more rude awakening on a path marked with count less rude awakenings, sharp left turns, detours I had no idea were going to exist, ups and downs as dramatic and soulwrenching as tears at an elementary-school track meet, which I recently had the heartbreaking horror of witnessing firsthand.

So I try to push down that bitter pill (beer helps) and real ize that, yeah, I’m not 15 anymore, thankfully. And yes, I am indeed a million years old, as my greying beard, exhausted expression and left hand reaching around and inexplicably grabbing my lower back can attest. I’m a million years old, I’m constantly in three places at once, man, I’ve gotta be hon est with you: I’m barely holding on some days here.

But the fact that suddenly we’re talking middle school, sud denly we’re talking high school, and, yeah, our little guy just being 3, makes me realize, I’m actually in the thick of things right now. It’ll change, it’ll ebb and flow, forever—you never stop being a parent, after all—but this is probably one of the busiest eras I’ll experience. Our calendar pockmarked and destroyed with various appointments proves that, our annihi lated social lives, the twitching eyelids (beer helps), it all con spires to remind me that I’m a million years old, I’m fumbling, I’m in the thick of things and I’m making it work.

And you’re making it work, too.

And even though it’s not the ending—people always wait until the ending to say these things—let me say it right now, here in the middle: Thanks to all the readers who have stopped me on the sidewalk, on the schoolyard, in restaurants along the way to say they read the column. It’s somehow reas suring to know these missives don’t just go out into the void unread; it’s nice to know you’re out there.

This isn’t the ending, it’s just a pause to say it’s really ap preciated, and to remind you that we’re all fumbling along the way, and we’re all fumbling together.

So, thanks for reading. Stop and say hello if you see me fumbling through the high school halls this fall, eyes twitch ing, beard seemingly getting saltier by the second, trying to enjoy every minute of it all, the ups and the downs, and every thing in the middle, too.

IMMUNE BOOSTERS ORGANIC PRODUCE and GROCERIES

and BODY CARE

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Greg Pratt is the father of three children and a local journalist and editor. His writing has appeared in, among other places, Today’s Parent, Decibel and Douglas. He is @gregprattwriter on Twitter.

Loved & Lost

The lives of teens and tweens are marked by changes and tran sitions some physical, some mental, some emotional. Sometimes as parents, guardians, or loved ones, we don’t know what to say or what to do to help them. But we can be there for them, we can listen to their interests, and we can help them find a safe escape from reality. As an avid reader, I still enjoy getting lost in stories like these ones (though to warn you, not all of these books are fiction, but they are all good).

Throwaway Girls by Andrea Con tos (Kids Can Press, 2020) is a thriller about one girl’s quest to find her miss ing best friend. But as Caroline search es, she learns the harsh truth about the “throwaway girls” or the young women who are missing who are not daughters of the rich. Young women that the po lice won’t even look for. This book is fabulously written. For ages 14 to 18.

Swallow’s Dance by Wendy Orr (Pajama Press, 2018) is about a young girl who is just on the cusp of woman hood when the goddess causes a violent

earthquake that shatters her home and family. However, the earthquakes don’t stop and Leira is forced to flee across the sea, but there is no refuge waiting for her on the other side. And so, as she cares for her injured mother and elderly nurse, she has to learn to rely on the strength within her to survive. For ages 9 to 12.

Being You: The Body Image Book for Boys by Charlotte Markey, Daniel Hart, Douglas N. Zacher and illus trated by DanTheScribbler (Cambridge University Press, 2022) is a fantastic book for the preteen in your life. It goes over what body image is and how it impacts boys, talks about puberty, the importance of physical activity, eat ing well (and how to spot and avoid food fads) and how to learn to love your body. It also has quizzes, stories from older boys, facts from experts and more. If the young man in your life is worried about how much fat or muscle he has than this book is for him. For ages 12 and up.

Trapped in Terror Bay: Solving the Mystery of the Lost Franklin Expedi

tion by Sigmund Brouwer (Kid Can Press, 2022) is a gripping tale about the Franklin Expedition. A third of the book is an imagined narrative from Captain Francis Crozier’s perspective, while another is based on the historical facts of those left behind in Britain and the final third explains the historical to modern day quest for answers using both scientific methods and the oral traditions of the Inuit. For ages 12 to 16.

Heads Up: Changing Minds On Mental Health by Melanie Siebert and illustrated by Belle Wuthrich (Orca Publishers, 2020) is an easy-to-read

textbook about mental health. This book includes real stories abut teens living with mental illnesses, explains what common diagnoses actually mean and covers different types of treatments (historical and modern) in an attempt to destigmatize mental illness. If you are concerned that your teen might be struggling mentally and emotionally, or if you think they might know someone who is, this is a good book for them to read. For ages 12 and up.

I hope you and your teen or tween find a new favourite book in these reads whether it’s fiction or non-fiction.

Christina Van Starkenburg lives in Victoria with her husband, children and cat. She is the author of One Tiny Turtle: A Story You Can Colour and many articles. To read more of her work and learn about her upcoming books visit christinavanstarkenburg.com. Face book: facebook.com/christinavanstarkenburg and Twitter: @Christina_VanS.

wellSMART

Management

New Zealand

Holiday

Recharge Your Batteries

“W

ill you be back for bed time, Mom?”

“No, Dad is taking care of bedtime tonight. But I’ll give you the biggest hug and kiss now.”

I happily accept a tight hug from all three of my children and then I head out the front door to my friend’s wait ing car. After I close her door, I breathe a sigh of freedom laced with a hint of guilt. I just read Cat & Nat’s Mom Se crets: Coffee-Fueled Confessions from the Mom Trenches.

They go into great detail about “mom guilt” and how their kids re member the one soccer game that they didn’t attend, but of course don’t think about or appreciate how that was the one and only soccer game mom missed but that mom attended all the others.

I know my children will have a great evening and be just fine. They’re just used to the routine of me being the per son who cuddles them and reads them books before bed. Just as they cherish

their one-on-one time with me, they need to see that I cherish one-on-one time with my friends, too.

We arrive for supper—moms only— and hours of uninterrupted conversa tions. We’ll catch up on our passions and parenting struggles and concerns. We’ll talk about anything and every thing. Tonight, we’ll share our concerns about our children starting middle school and how to deal with bullies. Many of us experienced bulling at this age and we therapeutically recount our stories.

Making the time for an evening away is like making the time to exercise. It can be challenging to schedule and to get motivated, but you’re always so glad after you’ve done it. It’s great to connect with other parents and support each other or just complain about your kids sometimes. Everyone needs an out let to vent. Everyone needs support to share the struggle.

Often our nights out start with a few moms inviting other moms and one person coordinating and letting everyone know they can invite other people, too. One evening we real ized a few parents connected whose kids had been asking for playdates. Between all eight of us that night, we had children in every grade from K–5 at our school.

The morning after my night out I am less irritable, more patient and ready to play with my kids again. I also have new parent tips and strategies. It’s always interesting to learn about other parenting styles and how other families spend their time.

The next morning my kids tell me about their fun evening and my oldest even asks how my friend time went. I’m feel ing zero guilt. Even when my son says: “I never want you to go out again.”

I implore you this school year to reach out to other par ents at your kids’ school. Connect and schedule a monthly or quarterly group going for supper, drinks, coffee or even a night out to the ballet or an escape room. You’ll thank your self and maybe one day your kids will thank you, too.

Serena Beck works full-time as a Technical Writer. She loves to write, travel and swim at the beach with family and friends.

Healthy Families, Happy Families

Child, Youth & Family Public Health

South Island Health Units

Esquimalt 250-519-5311

Gulf Islands 250-539-3099 (toll-free number for office in Saanichton)

Peninsula 250-544-2400

Saanich 250-519-5100

Saltspring Island 250-538-4880

Sooke 250-519-3487

Victoria 250-388-2200

West Shore 250-519-3490

Central Island Health Units

Duncan 250-709-3050

Ladysmith 250-755-3342

Lake Cowichan 250-749-6878

Nanaimo 250-755-3342

Nanaimo 250-739-5845

Princess Royal

Parksville/Qualicum 250-947-8242

Port Alberni 250-731-1315

Tofino 250-725-4020

North Island Health Units

Campbell River 250-850-2110

Courtenay 250-331-8520

Kyuquot Health Ctr 250-332-5289

‘Namgis Health Ctr 250-974-5522

Port Hardy 250-902-6071

islandhealth.ca/our-locations/ health-unit-locations

Changes with BC Medical Services Plan premiums mean that families eligible for partial payment of some medical services and access to some income-based programs now must apply for Supplementary Benefits through the Government of BC. Applications can be done online and take approximately 15 minutes.

Families who previously qualified for MSP Premium Assistance should not need to re-apply if taxes are completed yearly. It is advised to confirm coverage before proceeding with treatment to avoid paying out of pocket.

For more information, visit gov.bc.ca/gov/ content/health/health-drug-coverage/msp/ bc-residents/benefits/services-covered-bymsp/supplementary-benefits

Helping Kids Deal with Anxiety

How can you help your anxious child gain confidence when they’re re luctant or refusing to do something? Is it possible to build their confidence by pushing them to do it? Or do you empa thize and let them off the hook so you don’t ramp up their anxiety?

Some current literature suggests that if you let your child off the hook, you’re coddling them or helicopter parenting, and that it increases their anxiety rather than building confidence. The idea is that pushing your kids will build courage, and if you don’t, they’ll become more and more anxious over time, never gaining the confidence to try new activities or skills.

However, parents with anxious sensi tive kids know, (especially if the kids

have a trauma background), that push ing their child to “be brave” can be ter rifying for them, cause huge emotional meltdowns and ultimately re-traumatize them. And those of you whose kids are spirited as well know that no matter how hard you coax or convince, your child probably won’t do the activity anyways if they’ve said “no,” and in the end, every one will just be upset and exhausted.

Where’s the middle road?

Attuning includes noticing and ac knowledging their feelings and doing your best to understand their experience and figure out what they need.

Attend to their needs, especially emo tional, and then get curious about where their “edge” is, the place where they’re

starting to feel a little anxious, but could possibly go a little further, even if only for a few minutes.

That’s when you can use baby steps.

To help them gain confidence, you and your child will need to gently discover where their edge is and find tiny actions they can take to have “success” by touching into those scary places briefly, as they’re able to tolerate without getting over whelmed.

Building courage requires building capacity in the nervous system—and helping them get used to feeling a little anxious, but not so much that it immobilizes them or sends them into fight/flight.

They build on their successes bit by bit and learn to work gently with their anxiety and themselves.

Finally, based on my own experience, if you have anxiety yourself, you may need to tune into your own anxiety and gain skills for regulating yourself so you can better support your child.

Colleen Adrian, MN, helps parents who are at their wit’s end to deal with their sensitive, spirited child’s challenging behaviors and guides them to use connection to bring the joy back into parenting. instagram.com/ colleen.parentwriter and colleenadrian.com

These local businesses are family-focused and

to our community and helping you.

Piano

Pre-School

St. Christopher’s Montessori School

CALENDAR

For more information and calendar updates throughout the month visit IslandParent.ca

OCTOBER

7 FRIDAY

Friday Night Social: N

Glow in the Dark with Nanaimo Science

5–8pm Country Club Centre, 3200 N Island Hwy

Explore fluorescence, light and colour mixing. All ages, parent participation required. countryclubcentre.com/event/friday-nightsocial-calendar-of-events

8 SATURDAY

Apple Fest V

10am–2pm, Ross Bay Villa

Enjoy home-baked treats and tea under our heri tage apple trees. Stop by our Gift Shop. rossbayvilla.org/calendar/?cid=mc-2439cf3af4 78ac63d8c47a6aea04d28e&mc_id=2280

15 SATURDAY

Port Alberni Halloween Family Event PR

10am–4pm, 4890 Locke Rd

Come in Costume! Halloween photos on site! facebook.com/people/Lisas-Busy-Bees-Child care/100078082459586

Science in the Park: N Marvelous Mushrooms

11am–2pm, Englishman River Regional Park Identify and learn about different mushrooms. All ages. nanaimoscience.org/events/science-in-the-park

22 SATURDAY

Boograss

6:30–9pm, HUB at Cowichan Station

Wear your halloween costume! Prizes for the most WOW costumes. cowichanstation.org

25 TUESDAY

Victoria Tea Festival

11am–5pm, Nootka Court

CV

Halloween Dance N

with the Palace Band

8pm, Errington Hall

Grown-ups, teens, children—join the dance party dressed as your favourite character! erringtonhall.ca

NOVEMBER

V

Celebrate the diverse cultures, customs and tradi tions associated with tea.

28 FRIDAY

Glow Skate in Parksville N

6:30–7:45pm, Oceanside Place Arena

All ages. Enjoy disco lights and pumping music. rdn.bc.ca/oceanside-place-arena

Nanaimo Diwali Celebration N

6:30–11pm, Beban Park Social Centre Diwali in Nanaimo at Beban park auditorium.

29 SATURDAY

Disco Tots – Little Monster’s Ball W 1:30–4:30pm, Juan de Fuca Rec Seniors Ctr Glow sticks, dance music, friends and family. Wear your costume and shake a leg to classics.

1 TUESDAY & 2 WEDNESDAY

Summit Park Pumpkin Parade V

Tues 7:30pm, Wed 3pm, Summit Park

Bring your pumpkin on Nov 1 and stay for a per formance by Fern Burn Club. Come after school on Nov 2 for the Great Pumpkin Roll!

20 SUNDAY

Urban Ecology Walk: Birding V

10am–1pm, Rithets Bog Park

Take in the natural world all around us, with a focus on listening to and identifying birds. cityofvictoria.perfectmind.com

25 FRIDAY

Victoria Chamber Orchestra Concert V 7:30pm, First Metropolitan United Church Live concert. Free admission for music students! victoriachamberorchestra.org

Need help with the Affordable Child Care Benefit?

Looking for child care? Taking care of children?

Need child care training?

Call your local CCRR for free referrals and resources.

Victoria & Gulf Islands: 250-382-7000 Sooke: 250-642-5152 ext 239 West Shore: 250-940-4882

Cowichan Valley: 250-746-4135 local 231 PacificCare (Ladysmith North): 250-756-2022 or 1-888-480-2273

Your community’s best source of child care information and resources.

Funding for the CCRR is provided by the province of B.C.gov.bc.ca/ChildCareResourceReferralCentres

Finding Fun in the Fall

Sure it’s sad to say goodbye to summer but not when there’s so much to do in the fall! Read on for some ways to ease into autumn and find fun in the fall!

3. Express gratitude.

To reinforce the importance of grati tude, find meaningful ways that kids can show appreciation. Lead by example—of fer a genuine “thank you!” to a store clerk, or a helpful neighbour. Talk about gratitude; ask your child how they feel when people say thank you to them for doing something nice, and then how they feel when they don’t. Point out generosity; call attention to it when people—includ ing your kids!—do things that go beyond what’s expected. Find fun ways to say thanks: try giving a smile or a thumbs up if someone holds the. Share the love by delivering cookies or cupcakes to some one who’s gone out of their way for you. Make gratitude a part of bedtime; when you tuck your child in, ask them to tell you three things they’re grateful for.

1. Bake anything pumpkin spiced.

There’s nothing like the scent of pump kin spice to evoke that warm, cozy feeling of fall. But this fall, go beyond pumpkin spice lattes and get baking! Not only will you warm up your surroundings, but you’ll scent them, as well! From pump kin spice blondies with cheesecake swirl to pumpkin cinnamon pull-apart bread you’ll find an endless array of recipes online. For a recipe for fresh pumpkin loaf and/or muffins from Victoria’s Heidi Fink, Red Seal chef, award-winning cook ing instructor, and starting this fall, host of Chek TV’s Cooking on the Coast, visit chefheidifink.com/blog/baking/freshpumpkin-loaf

2. Play in the leaves.

What better way to tackle yard work and have fun at the same time than rak ing up and playing in the leaves? Not only is play the way that kids learn about the world, but it’s fun—and it engages all five senses at once! Pumpkin spice isn’t the only fall scent…think fallen leaves, dewy grass and fresh crisp autumn air. And the colours! When you’re ready to head indoors, round up a few of your favourite leaves and do leaf rubbings, sandwiching leaves between two sheets of paper and rubbing with the side of a peeled Crayon. Voila! Exercise, fresh air, fun and art!

4. Visit a Pumpkin Patch.

From one end of the Island to the other, there’s no shortage of pumpkin patches, u-picks and corn mazes. And depending which one you end up at, you’ll find at tractions including farm trains, haunted houses, hay rides and corn mazes—along with pumpkins in all shapes and sizes! In Victoria there’s Galey Farms and Michell Bros Farm. In Nanaimo there’s McNab’s Corn Maze. In Port Alberni there’s Naes gaard’s Farm & Market. For a complete list of u-picks and farm stands, visit bc farmsandfood.com.

5. Celebrate Halloween—Backwards.

Deliver Halloween treats rather than collect them! Have a favourite neighbour? Mail carrier? Teacher? Friend? Why not trick them with an impromptu treat?! As the expression goes: It’s better to give than receive. And who doesn’t love a snack-

sized Halloween treat when it comes to getting into the spirit of the season?!

6. Getaway for a Day.

One of the many advantages of liv ing on Vancouver Island is the number of stunning road trips just outside our front doors. Some possibilities: Whiffen Spit, East Sooke Park or Mystic Beach in Sooke. Hand of Man Museum, the Raptor Centre or the Totem Trail in Duncan. Eng lishman River Falls, Coombs Market or Rathtrevor Beach in Parksville/Coombs. Maffeo Sutton Park, Newcastle Island or Petroglyph Provincial Park in Nanaimo. Mt. Washington, the Courtenay Dino saur Museum or Campbell River Pier in Comox. Remember: Getting there is half the fun so factor in enough time to make stops along the way.

7. Get together.

When the days get longer and the nights get shorter, brighten them up with a cel ebration or two. Gather friends and family and host a potluck. Or pack a picnic and meet at a covered picnic area like the ones at Saxe Point (Esquimalt), Beaver and Elk Lakes (Saanich), Island View Beach (Saanich), Goldstream Provincial Park (Langford), French Beach(Sooke), Co wichan Bay Marine Gateway (Cowichan Bay) Bowen Park (Nanaimo), and Robert V. Oster Park (Campbell River). No mat ter what you choose, keep it simple. Even a quick kids-and-coffee meetup between preschool drop-off and pick-up or a movie night on the weekend is a chance to reconnect and unwind.

8. Take a Hike.

There’s no shortage of hikes on the Island. Some good ones include: Gowl

land-Tod Range (Saanich), Mt. Finlayson (Langford), Cathedral Grove Trail (Parks ville/Qualicum), Carmanah Walbran Provincial Park (Carmanah Valley), Rain forest Trail (Tofino), Wild Pacific Trail (Ucluelet) or Paradise Meadows Loop Trail (Mt. Washington). Be sure to dress and pack accordingly and check the trail’s rating—easy to near-impossible!—before setting off. For more details, consult a good guidebook like The Best Hikes and Nature Walks with Kids in and Around SouthWestern BC by Island Parent con tributor, Stephen Hui. 105hikes.com

9. Stroll through a cemetery.

We know, it sounds morbid—or with Halloween on the way, eerie—but few things are as peaceful as a stroll through a cemetery, especially if you take time to read a few of the epitaphs and reflect on lives lived. With Remembrance Day around the corner, now is a good time to think about those who have come before us and about all we have to be thankful for—much of it because of the actions of others. Be prepared for some pretty big questions from the wee ones but don’t feel compelled to answer. Instead, wonder aloud together.

10. Hit the trail.

The Galloping Goose, Lochside, and Trans-Canada Trails and only three of many cycling and walking paths on Van couver Island that lend themselves to a family peddle or walk. And it just so happens that they’re three of the most colourful this time of year with the chang ing leaves. Not only that but depending which trail you choose, you’ll pass fields of golden corn, parks and forests, and even pumpkin patches! Make sure you’ve got a basket or panniers to carry home your haul if you make any shopping stops

way!

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progression

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age 6 months,

Fall Nature Highlights

There are many benefits to getting out in nature, and one of them is its positive effect on our mental health. Nature can provide us a place to relax, learn, be mindful, get exercise or socialize. It can help us feel grounded, present or playful.

This fall embrace the changes in weather and experience the many health benefits of nature exploration by looking out for these nature highlights in regional parks.

If you’d like to see raptors, fall is the time to do it. Raptors are predatory birds who have talons, keen eyesight and a hooked beak for tearing meat. Some examples are falcons, hawks and eagles. Usually solitary, these birds gather in large groups to fly high on currents of warm air, getting ready for fall migration. This is called “kettling.” You can often see this amazing behaviour from the Aylard Farm parking lot at East Sooke Regional Park in mid-September to early-

October. For the best hawk-watching, hike to Beechey Head in the same park.

Seeing these birds soar is sure to boost your mood and give you a sense of won der.

While the raptors are leaving for warmer climates, other birds will be ar riving. A fun species to keep an eye on in fall is North America’s smallest div ing duck, the Bufflehead. These amazing birds nest in empty woodpecker holes near ponds in the Canadian interior, parts of Alaska and the western United States. Some of them come back here every year to spend the winter on Van couver Island. Over the past 23 years they almost always arrive on October 15, so that day has been designated “All Bufflehead’s Day.” To spot them, look for crow-sized ducks who dive underwater for up to 12 seconds to feed. Males have a black back and head, with a large white patch behind the eyes. Females are brown with a white cheek patch behind the eyes. While exploring for water birds, breathe

in that salty air and listen for the calming sounds of ocean waves.

Another awe-inspiring fall phenom enon are the annual salmon runs. Pacific Salmon return to the streams they were born in to spawn. This brings nutrients from the ocean into the forest because animals like gulls, eagles and black bears feast on the returning salmon but leave their leftovers behind. The salmon car casses break down and nourish the soil and trees in the forest. To see spawning salmon this fall, check out the lower portions of the Sooke River at Sooke Pot holes Regional Park or nearby Charters River. Use your senses to focus on the present moment (but watch out for fishy smells) to maximize those mental health benefits.

Fall is also mushroom season, and a great time to go exploring for these fascinating “fruits.” Like molds and yeasts, mushrooms are a type of fungus. But mushrooms are just the fruit of the fungus. Most of the fungus lives under

ground as threads called “mycelium.”

With over 1,600 different kinds of mushrooms in BC (and possibly thou sands more that have yet to be identi fied), there’s plenty of variety to admire. Although some mushrooms are edible, many are not, and some can be toxic. Use extreme caution and do not pick or eat a mushroom you find in regional parks. Instead of collecting, try counting how many different kinds you can see. Mush room seeking can be a playful group ac tivity or a quiet, introspective time to be with your thoughts, depending on what you need.

Mushrooms aren’t the only ones “wak ing up” in the fall. On rocks, tree trunks and branches, look for the many kinds of lichen and mosses we have in the region. Don’t be fooled, lichens aren’t plants! They are basically a fungus and an al gae living together. Mosses on the other hand, are plants that do not have roots. Instead, their leaves are often only one cell-layer thick so each cell can absorb water and nutrients from contact with the air. Focusing on little details in nature like lichens and mosses can help you ap preciate nature’s beauty and quiet your mind. It can be very soothing to know we are surrounded by so much life.

If you’re interested in getting out and experiencing nature this fall, go prepared with warm layers, rain gear, snacks and water. That way, you can experience both the physical and mental health benefits of nature connection in comfort, no matter the weather. For other great places to ex plore, check out one of 33 regional parks in the CRD region.

Emma Jane Vignola is a park naturalist at CRD Regional Parks. She invites you to free nature programs and events in Regional Parks to learn more about the fascinating topics dis cussed above. You can find a list of scheduled programs atcrd.bc.ca under “Events” in the “Parks, Recreation and Culture” tab.

Healthy & Quick Oven Dinners

Oven dinners are a simple way to cook a healthy meal. Just chop everything up, pop it in the oven and you’re done! No stirring over the stove or fussing about cook ing times. Oven-roasted meals are very forgiving. As long as you aren’t cooking meat, it doesn’t matter if you take them out five minutes early or leave them to cook for an extra ten min utes.

Best of all, oven meals are ideal for quick, after work din ners.

The ingredients can be prepped ahead of time, so all you have to do pop them in the oven when you get home.

Usually the food prep is simple enough that older children, tweens and teens can help out. Getting your kids to help in the kitchen not only makes meal prep easy, it also teaches them important life skills!

Most ovens have a start timer, so you can have it set to pre heat before you get home.

Pasta with Oven-roasted Vegetables

(Total time: 30 minutes)

Oven roasted vegetables make a simple and delicious pasta dish. If you really want to save on time, use a package of gnocchi instead spaghetti. Gnocchi don’t need to be boiled. Just toss them in with the vegetables and they’ll be ready in 20 to 30 minutes!

3 coloured peppers

Tex-Mex Pie (Total time: 30 minutes)

This Tex-Mex pie is something I ate growing up. It definitely has that 1980s cuisine vibe to it. However, it’s also simple and delicious.

Refried bean crust:

1 can of refried beans 1 egg

1 cup of flour

Toppings

4 Roma tomatoes

2 medium-sized zucchinis 1 small eggplant

1 large onion 4 cloves of garlic

1 package of spaghetti (454 g)

1⁄2 cup olive oil

1⁄2 tsp ground black pepper, to taste 1 tsp salt, to taste

1⁄4 cup of freshly grated Parmesan cheese

1. Preheat the oven to 400˚F.

1⁄4 cup of butter

2. Chop the peppers, tomatoes, zucchini and eggplant into bitesized pieces. Slice the onion in half, then chop it into 1 cm slices. Finely dice the garlic.

3. Toss all the vegetables together with the olive oil on a sheet pan. Sprinkle on the salt and ground pepper. Pop the vegetables in the oven and bake for 30 minutes, tossing halfway through. This will form the pasta sauce.

4. Meanwhile, cook the spaghetti according to the directions on the package. When the spaghetti is cooked and drained, toss it with the butter. When the vegetables are nicely roasted, add them to the pasta. Be sure to scrape out the baking pan so you get all the deli cious oil and liquid that forms the pasta sauce.

5. Toss everything together, taste and add more salt if needed.

6. Serve with freshly grated Parmesan cheese.

11⁄2 tsp baking powder

Ground beef (or veggie ground round) 1 medium-sized onion

1 package of taco seasoning 1⁄2 red pepper

1 Roma tomato

For serving Salsa

Sour cream

1. Preheat the oven to 375˚F.

1 cup of grated cheese

Guacamole

2. Mix together all the ingredients for the refried bean crust in a large bowl. Grease a 9-inch pie plate, then spread the mixture evenlyto form a crust

3. Cook the ground beef and onion in a frying pan over mediumheat. Stir occasional and cook until the beef is brown. Drain off the liquid, then stir in the seasoning mix.

4. Chop the red pepper and tomato into bite-sized cubes

5. Spread the ground beef over the refried bean crust. Top it with the pepper and tomato. Then cover it with grated cheese.

6. Bake the pie for 30 minutes, until the crust is set and the cheese is melted.

7. Serve hot with salsa, guacamole and sour cream.

There’s really no need to buy frozen pizza crust, when a thick pita or naan bread works just as well. Best of all, they are naturally individualsized, so everyone can decorate them how they want!

I decided to play on the Mediterranean theme for this recipe. How ever, feel free to use all your favourite toppings. Pita pizzas definitely work with the usual tomato pizza sauce, pepperoni and cheese. Just don’t use any ingredients that need to be cooked with the pizza crust. These pizzas are heated just enough to melt the cheese, but they won’t necessarily cook raw onions.

1 package of pita (get the thick, pocket-less pitas typically used in Greek cuisine)

1 jar of pesto

1 bunch of fresh spinach

2 Roma tomatoes

Black olives & artichoke hearts

2 cups of grated mozzarella cheese

1. Preheat the oven to 400˚F.

2. Wash the spinach. Dice the tomatoes, olives and artichoke hearts.

3. Place the pitas on a baking sheet. Spread pesto on each of the pitas, getting as close to the edge as possible. The oil in the pesto will help keep the pita from turning into a crouton.

4. Cover the pita in a layer of spinach. Top with the tomatoes, olives and artichoke hearts. Then cover with grated mozzarella.

5. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes, until the cheese is melted.

Emillie Parrish loves having adventures with her two busy children. You can find more of her recipes in her recently released cookbook Fermenting Made Simple. fermentingforfoodies.com

Mediterranean

At My Wit’s End

Talk it out? Really? When you are six or eight or 40?

Many adults don’t know how to talk out issues effectively! So how do we support our kids when they struggle with peers? It’s hard being a kid at school. You are surrounded by a bunch of egocentric, immature, ummm…kids.

It’s a given that children will feel left out, hurt by teasing and embarrassed

What to do:

1. Listen to your child first with em pathy (not sympathy) and reflect feelings and needs. Be supportive, safe to talk to, soothing and understanding.

2. Ask your child to describe a couple of scenarios that typically happen at school.

3. Teach snappy comebacks, which is saying something funny that doesn’t put

your child or the friend. Practice, prac tice, practice while having a bit of fun. This will give them the tools they need in the moment.

6. If they need to tell someone, they can use a polite threat. “I’d hate to tell our teacher about this. I’d prefer you just stop what you are doing. Okay?”

7. Keep it simple. These skills need to be accessed during difficult exchanges.

by taunting. When they go to seek help, they get different messages. One parent might say, “Fight back.” Another parent might feel sorry for their child but offer no skills. Some take over the problem and call the school, the friend’s parents or talk to the friend directly which can make matters worse. Then, there are the well-meaning mediators who get the kids together and force an apology.

How confusing. Be your child’s emo tion coach.

the other person down. It might sound like, “Hey stupid.” Snappy comeback: “I’ve been working on my stupid skills, and I think they are improving.”

4. Practice body language. What does passive body language look like? What about aggressive? Now, what does con fident body language look like? If your child decides to walk away, get them to practice doing that with confidence. A game face comes in handy at the right times.

5. Take turns playing different roles with your child. Get them to play another child, a teacher, a parent. You can play

8. Use strong and clear body language behind a good I-Statement. “It’s not okay to pull my coat. Please stop now.”

Empower your child with relationship skills and the schoolground may be a little more enjoyable.

Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator, counsellor and coach at LIFE Seminars (Living in Families Effectively), lifeseminars.com.

Parenting On a Hope & a Prayer

I

was a fantastic parent when my kids were young.

Okay, that sounds egotistical. What I mean to say is I felt confident in my choices. I knew exactly how I wanted to raise my babies—love them, provide structure, feed them nutritious food, expose them to new adventures and teach them to be kind.

When they turned 13 and entered high school, everything shifted. Instead of being a hands-on parent, I am relegated to the role of guide. I have to step back, loosen control and let them make their own mistakes. It’s terrifying because I’m never sure if I’m making the right choices.

Let me give you an example.

My oldest son’s bedroom has the best cell phone reception in the house. Thus my choices when I have an important or work-related call are to stand in the middle of the backyard or enter the odorous confines of my teenage son’s bedroom. On rainy days, I choose the latter.

My son knows I use his room as an office space occasion ally and trusts that I respect his space and his “stuff.” I don’t snoop. I swear. However, there was one day when I plopped down on his bed, only to sit on something hard. When I reached down to retrieve the item from under me, I was ab solutely shocked to find a vape pen.

Starting when my boys were toddlers, I made a point to nurture an open dialogue about anything and everything. For years, we’ve discussed sex, love, relationships, drugs, drinking and even vape pens. As a result, they’ve been open with me about their struggles, their friendships, their wor ries, and their experiences. I know about the fights they are having, when they’ve been drinking and when they’ve skipped school. Our policy is open honesty and transpar ency. No lies.

The fact that he had tried vaping wasn’t surprising. I know that part of a teenager’s journey is to experiment, to find their boundaries and define their values. What shocked me was the fact that he hadn’t told me about it. My naivety suddenly became undeniable. How foolish of me to believe I was privy to it all!

After finishing my phone conversation, I walked down stairs, placed the vape pen on the kitchen table and waited for my son to return home.

As he walked through the front door, I sat him down.

“We need to talk,” I said. “I know you are going to try things as you get older, but I thought you knew how bad vaping is for your body. I’m curious why you tried it.”

“Mom, I just wanted to know what it was like. Sometimes I’m a dumbass and make stupid choices.”

While I asked a few questions—What did he like about it? How often did he smoke?—my son actually did the major ity of the talking. He knew all the right things to say. He spoke about the repercussions to his athletic potential. He acknowledged the fact that addiction runs in our family and that he, himself, has an addictive personality. He liked the “community feeling” of smoking with his friends but men tioned that he wanted to stop. At the end of the conversa tion, he asked me a question I hadn’t been anticipating.

“What are you going to do with the vape pen?”

It felt like a lose-lose situation. If I held onto it, he could simply buy another one, but it didn’t feel good to give it back to him either.

After sharing this moral dilemma, I told him I needed time to think about the options.

While driving home from soccer practice the next evening, he brought it up again. “Have you decided?”

“Well, I’ve always said that I wouldn’t try to control you. I am here to educate and to guide, but ultimately, your life and your choices are yours. I think vaping is dangerous and stupid, but if that’s what you choose to do with your friends, you will have to live with any potential consequences. I

guess what I’m saying is that I’m going to give it back to you.”

Once home, he walked in the house and retreated imme diately to his bedroom. As I passed his doorway on the way to my own sanctuary, I overheard him on FaceTime with his girlfriend. So, I stood at the door and listened like a ninja. Wouldn’t you?

I could hear his girlfriend asking, “So…. she just gave it back to you?”

“Ya.”

“She doesn’t care if you smoke?”

“Well, she said that she hopes I make the right decision,” he explained.

“Huh,” the confusion in his girlfriend’s voice was palpable (and laughable).

“Ya,” my son answered.

Then, there was silence as they both digested this unex pected outcome.

I giggled quietly to myself as I walked away. At least I gave them something to ponder!

In truth, I don’t know if this was the right parenting choice to make. I wonder if I give my boys too much leeway to make mistakes. I wonder if I should impose consequences or react in anger or disappointment. I wonder if I should send a stronger message of unacceptance. At the end of the day, I want to preserve my relationship with them. I want them to know I will always try to reserve judgment about their choices, so that if (and when) something truly problem atic or tragic occurs, they will feel safe in coming to me for help or guidance. I suppose I’ll find out the consequences of my parenting choices, whether they were nurturing or naive.

Parenting teenagers is a crapshoot. It’s a toss of the dice and crossed fingers, hoping for the best possible outcome. All I can do is hope, pray, and wait.

Kelly Cleeve is a best-selling author and an educator. More importantly, she is the proud parent of two amazing sons. Visit kellycleeve.com or follow her on Instagram @resilient_kel and Facebook –Raising Resilient Children/Radiant and Resilient.

Staying Afloat in the Social Media Shark Tank

We’re habitually distracted with internet and screen time filling our waking hours and defining leisure time. Our youth are stressed, anxious, experiencing stronger emotions and suffering from the burden of being so interconnected.

Participating in social media can feel like we’re swimming with sharks. And being bitten can look like:

• Dreading checking your device (afraid of what you may have stirred up)

• Obsessing about who liked or noticed a post, picture or video

• Allowing responses and feedback on social media to dictate mood

Six ways to avoid getting bitten and meet the world without losing yourself:

Be less reactive.

Reacting puts you in survival mode. Respond instead by:

• Reading the full article or post before you share it or com ment

• Checking the source to avoid the spread of fake news, con fusion and aggression

• Not having an opinion. Take breaks from posting, sharing and commenting. Even when someone asks for your opinion, you can say you don’t know

• Noticing if you are seeking more places to shout your opin ion

• Watching for the trap of individualism. When you realize how attached you are to “Do you like me?” it’s time to take a

social media break. Tracking friends, followers, likes and com ments shouldn’t be a full-time job and it’s hard on the heart.

• Know you don’t need to fix, save or convince people. Those are all forms of aggression.

• Finding more silence. Breaks from social media will im prove your relationship with it!

Be less distracted.

When you’re distracted day-to-day, you risk going numb. You’ll also lose connection to yourself, others and our living world. Distraction fuels reactivity and leaves zero time for wis dom, insight or compassion.

• Don’t text for one day, set up rules for phone use, and try do one thing at a time.

• Set boundaries and say “no” more often to curb restless ness.

• Reflect on how distracted we are as a culture.

Have you witnessed how much personal business people now conduct in public spaces? People talk about their private relationships, finances and more—right beside you on the bus or in the grocery store lineup! (They may assume you’re equally distracted.)

Take a device break in the next line up, waiting room, res taurant or soccer practice and see what you notice. Collectively we’ve done a lot of damage because we’re not being pres ent. It’s a simple change and can be contagious.

Make time for conversation.

Phone or drop-in on a friend or relative. It’s a simple way to

feel more connected and less lonely. Maybe text less? Did you ever consider that texting your friends or family is regularly distracting them from their relationships, time in nature, their ability to be present and enjoy silence? What’s the true cost of more online versus in-person relationships? Do you book times to talk to people? Are people surprised when you call out of the blue?

Share less.

Social media is about self-promotion. You build an identity and brand yet it’s all manufactured. Think about the risks of constantly telling a story about yourself instead of just living it! Could you post fewer updates and keep more to yourself? Try it. The benefits are an increase of living in and savouring the present moment. In the present moment there is no fear or anxiety.

Relax.

This doesn’t mean taking a nap or watching TV. Relaxation is free from strain. Check in with your body right now. Where is there tension? Can you soften? How are the muscles in your face? In this moment, put a smile on your face but without

smiling. Next put a smile into your palms, then into an ache or pain and finish with smiles in your feet (smile at the Earth). Your mind can create a different sensation. This is a lovely practice to start each day.

Find ways to get together.

People need to feel they belong which can’t be achieved vir tually. (Popularity isn’t the same as belonging.) We need each other and time to comfort, console and support our communi ties. Find grounding and connection in taking on a local paper route, helping neighbours with pet sitting or child minding, cut ting lawns or helping with an elder’s garbage and compost bins.

Lindsay Coulter is a writer, educator, facilita tor, naturalist, community catalyst, soul activist, mentor, and dedicated mother of two. She’s the Director of Communications, Culture and Commu nity at EPIC Learning Centre, a forest and nature school in Victoria. Find her @SaneAction on Insta gram and Facebook.

Fly-by-the-Seat-ofYour-Pants Teen Travel

My

son has just left on an epic backpacking trip through Europe starting in Paris. He’s thrilled. I’ve got that feeling similar to when you binge eat a tub of espresso chocolate-chip icecream—happy, excited and then jittery with a heap of insomnia.

In my pre-COVID career as a film maker, I travelled for much of my work. I was organized, I carried a binder with flights, hotels, directions and often, restaurant recommenda tions. When things got delayed, it was a scramble to make back the produc tion time. I’ve lost luggage (with audio equipment), got stuck in Belize for an

extra week because of snow in Texas (not as fun as most would think), and have been detained in the Philippines. When it comes to travelling, I come with a lot of baggage—literally and figuratively.

My teenager has been insulated from that type of experience. He’s had par ents who have kept the trip organized and him entertained and distracted when things went sideways. Hungry? Mama has snacks. Bored? Here is a movie. He’s had the 5-star bubblewrapped experience.

He’s jumped into this trip with a general plan and a fly-by-the-seat of

your pants attitude that is way outside my comfort zone. Deep down I know that the beauty in his experience is the simplicity and the freedom and I expect that his trip will be a truer cultural ex perience than anything I’ve ever done, but I’m adjusting to this understanding.

Before he launched, I was a very ac tive part of getting him ready. Here are some things that worked well for us:

Travel with a carry-on backpack so you don’t worry about missing luggage. There are good-sized backpacks that will meet airline specs. Start pack ing your new backpack weeks before your travel date and think about how much you really need. Repack several times and evaluate the items. Then, at 11pm before your early morning flight, do one last panic purge and repack.

Get all the apps and put in your information at home. Flight informa tion is often updated quicker in the app than in the airport. Many companies have priority calling through their apps.

Do a trial run with your gear. En courage your teen to practice wearing his backpack and carrying his passport with his wallet and phone with him to get comfortable with the new items. Lack of sleep and jet lag is not the time to start thinking about where your passport is or struggle with how easy it is to carry your backpack through transit.

Research! Things have changed, es pecially with hostels. Read the guides and find out what you need, and don’t need, on a trip.

Ensure that there is at least 1.5 hours between flights. It is not a great time to count on making tight connec tions. You can also call the airport to find out if you have to go through secu rity again or how big of a distance it is between gates.

Pack snacks. There is a lot of wait ing and sometimes food is not readily available. Teens are hungry every 15 minutes, so having something readily available is nice. My teen had a sand wich, but hummus could be confiscated as it is considered a liquid. Fruits and vegetables would need to be eaten or disposed of before landing in an inter national location.

The biggest piece of advice is for parents.

Kathy Peterson, a counsellor at Col laborative Counselling, advises that when empty-nest syndrome hits, to re member your role.

“Remember that parents are the compass that will guide their children back home,” says Peterson. “Sometimes as a parent it is hard to let go but stay grounded in the knowledge that you’ve given [your kids] the skills to handle these challenges and they will come back with a gamut of experiences that will shape their future.”

Letting go isn’t easy, but I’m learn ing to give my teen space to explore without needing to check-in and he is embracing it by only giving me quick one one-line email updates—sometimes one word. I’m working on remembering all the strengths and skills he has, and I am looking forward to hearing his sto ries when he gets back and seeing how travel has empowered him.

April Butler is the mother of three (one teenager and two grown) children and the grandmother of one. She was working as a documentary filmmaker and if her career doesn’t reboot after the pandemic, she will just spend more time sailing.

Choices Aplenty: Choosing Period Products

Several years ago, a friend’s 10-year-old daughter came for a sleepover, carrying two bags. In one bag she’d packed lots of supplies for her period/cycle bleed—and she wanted to talk about all of them! That evening, we explored the large stash of pads and tampons—we unwrapped, examined and compared them—you know just a typical sleepover/show-and-tell session!

gusset of regular underwear. They come in different sizes, co lours, patterns and shapes from a light liner to overnight cover age. They are rinsed and washed as per instructions following use. They are typically changed every 4–6 hours so likely users will have to carry two with them for an entire day’s coverage. With both the underwear and reusable pads, it’s a good idea to carry a plastic pouch for used pads/underwear, another set of underwear or pads and maybe some leggings in case there’s need for back up!

Menstrual Cups. Menstrual cups or discs are worn inside the body in the vagina and rather than absorbing the fluid like a tampon, the fluid is collected by the cup or the disc and it’s either emptied, rinsed and re-inserted if it’s re-usable or dis carded if it’s single use only. Most cups and discs are re-usable although there are a few brands of discs which are single use. Cups and discs are usually made of medical grade silicone and both require the user to be familiar and comfortable enough with their own bodies to insert and remove them with clean hands.

Here’s an overview of the most current and common period/ cycle bleed management options:

Period Underwear. Period underwear come in many dif ferent styles and patterns, from a longer boxer-style short to the cheeky styles that will suit all identities, activity levels and body shapes. While they look like regular underwear, they have a thicker gusset lining between the legs. The top layer of fabric allows the fluid to pass through to the middle layer that absorbs the fluid while the tightly woven bottom/outside layer prevents the fluid from leaking through. Some styles are thicker and can be worn for up to 8 hours which works overnight or for the length of a school day.

The thinner styles can be worn on days with less fluid flow or when a person is awaiting a period/cycle bleed. The thinner styles can be helpful for young people who aren’t yet sure when their period/bleed will begin and feel anxious about being pre pared. To clean them after a single use, simply rinse them and follow the machine wash and dry instructions. Some brands even make bathing suits, bike shorts and leggings with leak proof gussets for more active user options. Typically, a user will need to have 2–3 pairs of underwear in rotation to ensure they have an extra pair or two to use during wash times.

Re-usable Pads. Re-usable pads follow the same idea as pe riod underwear, the major difference being that they are shaped like a pad and they usually use a snap to secure the pad to the

Cups typically sit very high in the vagina and create a suction to the cervix while discs sit a bit lower and have a seal but not suction. Some brands have different sizes for different sized/ shaped bodies and/or heavier fluid flow days, while others use a universal-sized approach. Cups/discs usually only need to be emptied 2–4 times per day depending on the amount of the fluid flow and can also be easily worn during activities that involve water like swimming. Users who like to hike and camp or are planning extended travel often appreciate the ease and freedom of a re-usable cup or disc. At the end of a cycle, the re-usable cup or disk is washed and stored according to the in structions until next use. Reusable cups and discs usually need to be replaced after two years of use.

All of these products are becoming more accessible, afford able and popular. Beyond the obvious benefits of convenience and privacy, many users feel that these products are more envi ronmentally and financially sustainable. Like anything health related, if you or your youth have interest in trying a new method, gather accurate information from reputable sources and choose a product that feels like a good physical and life style match.

These new options will go a long way to support our young people through their period/cycle bleed with increased comfort, privacy and autonomy while reducing stigma and shame and leaving the outdated menstrual contraptions in the past!

Jennifer Gibson, MA, is also known as “The Sex Lady”— for close to 20 years in Great er Victoria!—to the thousands of amazing youth and adults she is lucky to educate and learn with through her job as the Coordinator of Com munity Education at Island Sexual Health. She’s passionate about making sexuality education as positive, fun and non-cringe-able as possible.