Island Grandparent

Grandparent I S L A N D

2015

Grandparent Preparedness 101 7 Nature Outings for Grandparents & Grandkids

A Letter to My Granddaughter Making Sense of Social Media

Here & There 10 Things to Do with Your Grandkids

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kidsinvictoria.com

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CONTENTS From the Editor ......................3 This & That .............................4 Words to Live By .....................6 7 Nature Outings ....................8 Grandparent Preparedness 101 ................10 Being There for the Birth .....12 Great Picture Books to Share ................................14 A Trip to the Library .............15 A Grandparent’s Guide to Feeding Babies ................16 Here & There........................18 A Letter to My Granddaughter .....................20 Making Sense of Social Media .........................22 Grandparenting Then & Now..........................24

Island Grandparent Magazine, produced by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is an annual publication that honours and supports grandparents by providing information on resources and businesses for families, and a forum for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher.

No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the Editor. Island Grandparent Magazine is distributed free in selected areas.

Island Grandparent Magazine

830–A Pembroke St, Victoria, BC V8T 1H9 Tel: 250-388-6905 Fax: 250-388-6920 Website: islandparent.ca

Under an hour from Swartz Bay with direct daily ferries to Mayne Island

Island hopping packages now available 9 housekeeping cottages perfect for family getaways

250-539-2463 • 1-877-535-2424 bluevista@bluevistaresort.com • www.bluevistaresort.com 2

Publisher/Owner: Mark Warner Editor: Sue Fast Sales & Marketing: RaeLeigh Buchanan Publisher’s Assistant & Sales: Linda Frear Distribution: Ray Cutts, Ted Dawes (Mid-Island) Production: Eacrett Graphic Design Printed at Black Press Cover Printed at Hillside Printing ISSN 0838-5505 On the Cover: Doug and Deb Hughes with grandsons Nash (on shoulders), Gage and twins Grayson and Logan Cover Photo: Erin Wallis Photography, erinwallis.com

Island Grandparent 2015

From the Editor

If You Think Losing Your Marbles Is Bad... try losing your balloons

L

ike becoming a parent, becoming a grandparent requires no formal training, no certification or licensing, and generally speaking, no proof of any particular skills or abilities. If you have your own child, you’re pretty much good to go. And even if you don’t, there are, occasionally, honorary positions available. So when I found out I was eight months away from becoming a new grandparent, I wasn’t worried.

I’d already helped raise four children—three of my own plus my step-daughter—and they’d survived. How hard could it be?

But not long before the baby’s due date, after I’d stopped at a store to buy three helium balloons for my neighbours’ kids who I’d be seeing later that day, I started to question my competence.

No sooner had I wrestled the balloons into my car and pulled into traffic, when I decided to open the sunroof for air.

Bad idea.

Whoosh…then whoosh…then whoosh.

Just like that, one after the other, the balloons were gone. Gone. Just like my dignity when I returned to the store and had to explain why I needed three more.

This episode made me think: If I can’t be trusted with the safety of three balloons, what made me think I could be trusted with the safety of three children? Or even riskier, a new baby?

But thankfully, unlike balloons, there are car seats for babies—not to mention gravity—so the chances of me losing a grandchild through the sunroof are slim.

We’re lucky, as grandparents, that at a time

in life when our memory starts to fail and our bones begin to shrink, our brains—and, I would add, our hearts—continue to grow. A certain wisdom comes into play, along with a broader perspective that can only come after raising our own children. All of the everyday tensions and expectations of the parent-child relationships seem to vanish, leaving us to discover the joy of grandparenting. Now we can delight in watching our grandchildren grow, all while we marvel at watching our children as they parent.

As much as I’d like to think otherwise, grandparenting is not all just about fun and games: saying yes when the parents say no; serving dessert before dinner; staying up telling stories past bedtime; or cracking questionable one-liners at just the right moment. It’s not just about providing free childcare, RESP contributions, unsolicited parenting advice, the passing down of skills and talents, not to mention tales, jokes, ancestry and embarrassing stories. Grandparenting can be about all of those things, sure, but most of all it’s about unconditional love.

It’s about being allies with our grandchildren as they discover who they are and then go about finding their place in the world.

Here’s to enjoying our grandchildren, to keeping them safe and laughing, and to letting them know, again and again, that they are loved.

Sue Fast

Leave a Legacy for the Ones you Love!

When you invest in The Cridge Centre for the Family, you give a gift of hope, security, and love.

Your gift supports children, abused women, young parents, families of children with special needs, seniors, brain injury survivors and those in need of affordable housing.

Visit cridge.org/give or phone 250-995-6419 to plan your gift.

Serving those in need in Victoria since 1873 … because love is the bottom line. kidsinvictoria.com

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This &That

Grandparent Books …10 Books About Being and/or Having Grandparents (in no particular order): • The Grandma Book by Todd Parr (Little Brown) • Here Comes Grandma by Janet Lord (Henry Holt) • Where is Coco Going by Sloane Tanen (Bloomsbury) • The Hello, Goodbye Window byJuster and Chris Raschka (Hyperion) • Me With You by Kristi Dempsey (Philomel) • Grandpa & Bo by Kevin Henkes (Greenwillow) • Song & Dance Man by Karen Ackerman (Knopf ) • The Bee Tree by Patricia Polacco (Putnam) • Fablehaven by Brandon Mull (Alladin) • Off to School, Baby Duck! by Amy Hest (Candlewick). For the full list of 16 titles, visit grandparents.com

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Support Group

Are you are a grandparent raising your grandchildren? You are not alone. To talk with someone about resources and programs that you may not be aware of, please call the province-wide GRG Information Line toll free at 1-855-4749777. You can also find out about programs on the Island that provide opportunities to meet with other grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, along with information, support and activities. Find out more by visiting parentsupportbc.ca.

Playgrounds & Stroller Routes

Victoriamom.ca has a list of stroller routes that are perfect for grandparents strolling with their grandkids. Look under the “Mom Body” tab for routes, descriptions and maps. Or look for playgrounds under the “Activities” tab to discover great outdoor sites you may not know about. Each playground listing includes a description, location and photo. For best playgrounds and water parks in the Nanaimo region, visit nanaimoinformation.com/playgrounds.php.

A Grandparent’s To-Do’s “You may want to write down a few of your favourite recipes—and what it was like the day your own mother taught you how to make the family dish. You may want to talk about your best friends, and the times you shared together. You may want to let us know, through the prism of your own times, what it was like to see the Beatles in concert, or sign up for the draft, or sell the family farm. Your words will embroider the emotional quilt of your history, and will be handed down with care and reverence. No one will fight over a platter or a set of goblets, because they will be too busy getting to know you and the life you led, in words you carefully chose.”

From Why Grandparents Matter,

by Adriana Trigiani, at grandparents.com

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According to Cangrands, a non-profit organization that provides support to “caregiver families,” some 62,500 children are being raised by kin in Canada, mainly by a grandmother or aunt.

GRANDPARENT NICKNAMES…

Grandmothers: Nana • Gram • G-ma • Gamma • Ne-ma • Ama • Nona • Bama • Grandfathers: • Papa • Gramps • G-pa • Grandad • Pop • • Grand-D • Dabba-Do • Gumpa

Gaga

Papi

The Benefits of Grandparents Children have a better sense of who they are and where they’ve come from. They have roots, a history, and a sense of continuity and perspective.

“

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The benefits to children of a close connection to their grandparents. From legacyproject.org.

How to Set Up an RESP for Your Grandchild According to Stats Can, undergrads in Canada are now paying, on average, $5,959 in tuition fees for the 2014/15 school year that started last fall, or 3.3 per cent more than they were in 2013.

Here, from The Globe and Mail, are personal finance columnist Rob Carrick’s tips for grandparents who want to help with the costs.

1. Obtain your grandchild’s social insurance number.

2. Decide between individual (one beneficiary, who can be anyone) and group RESP plan (multiple beneficiaries related by blood or adoption and under the age of 21 when the account is set up).

3. Decide on a financial provider: Banks, online brokers and investment advisers all offer RESP accounts.

4. Decide on investments: Pretty much anything that can be in an RRSP can be used in an RESP. 5. Set up contribution plan: Saving works best when it’s automatic. Consider having money electronically transferred from your chequing account into an RESP every month.

From An Education Tip for Grandparents, The Globe and Mail, theglobeandmail.com Island Grandparent 2015

Wise Words Pearls of wisdom passed on by our grandparents stay with most of us for the rest of our lives, according to a 2013 study.

Gems such as “practice makes perfect” and “never go to bed on an argument” are among the tips retained by two thirds of adults for life.

Researchers said the most common advice from grandparents is along the lines of “good manners don’t cost anything,” followed by “you can only do your best.”

The poll of 2,000 adults revealed that the average person has retained 22 tips handed down by their grandparents.

Other advice came in the form of sayings such as, “neither a lender nor borrower be” and “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

From Granny Really Does Know Best, by Katy Winter, for The Daily Mail at dailymail.co.uk

Grandkids University Bridges the Generational Gap

Car Seat Safety When it comes to car seat use for your grandchildren, you probably rely on the child’s parents to keep you informed, but here’s some general information to keep in mind, especially if you’re a new grandparent.

1. For Infants/Toddlers You must use a rear-facing child car seat until your child is at least one year of age and weighs at least 9kgs (20lbs). There’s no rush to switch to a forward-facing seat—these guidelines are just the minimum requirements. Your baby or toddler can stay rear-facing, so long as their weight is within the specific child seat’s stated limit.

A rear-facing child seat is the safest option for a small child, as it provides better support for your baby or toddler’s head and neck. Ideal placement is in the back seat, centre position. Never install a rear-facing seat on a front seat equipped with an air bag—the child could be injured if the air bag deployed.

2. Toddlers/Preschool When the child is older than one year and weighs between 9-18kg (20-40lbs), use a rear or forward-facing car seat, depending on the child’s weight. Keep your child rearfacing for as long as possible. This is the safest option as long as their weight is within the manufacturer’s stated limit.

Ideal placement is in the back seat.

Forward facing seats must always be used with a tether.

For the latest information on proper car seat use, visit Transport Canada’s website at tc.gc.ca.

Vancouver Island University’s GrandKids University program is a unique way for grandparents and grandchildren to spend two days together on VIU’s Nanaimo campus experiencing university life. The program is now in its eighth year and had close to 100 “students” last year. This year, GrandKids U will be held on July 9 and 10.

Just like other university students, participants get to choose their major from subjects such as chemistry, art, baking, and fisheries and aquaculture.

They also get to experience student activities like a barbecue, organized sporting events and movies.

Enhance your experience by staying in the student residences (single occupancy—you can book two adjoining rooms with a shared bathroom) or share a room (one twin bed with linens supplied—bring a foamy, pillow and sleeping bag for the floor). Rooms have a small refrigerator. Grandkids are paired with grandparents in the rooms and free evening activities are provided.

Make sure you add your contact info to the interest list through the website for updates at viu.ca/grandkids or to register, phone 1-866-734-6252. kidsinvictoria.com

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Rachel Dunstan Muller

Words to Live By I WORKSHOPS CRAFTY PARTIES DROP-IN SEWING LOCAL DESIGN FABRICS & NOTIONS 778.432.2294

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833 1/2 Fort Street Victoria

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Everything for Kids At Abra-Kid-Abra you’ll find “Everything for Kids” along with caring and helpful service from our knowledgeable staff.

We sell a variety of new products including children’s apparel, dress-up, dance, swim and sunwear, hats, shoes, toys, baby layette and much, much more!

Have you checked our consignment section? We have a fabulous selection of gently-used secondhand clothing, baby equipment and toys.

Do you have visitors coming?

Use our rental services for baby furniture, strollers, car seats, etc. Book early to avoid disappointment.

2024 Oak Bay Ave, Victoria, BC 250-595-1613 6

n the space of two years, I lost my mother to cancer and became a grandmother for the first time. I was present for my mother’s last breath and my grandson’s first, and both moments marked me in a profound way.

My mother was only 65 when she died, following her third go-around with breast cancer.

The last months were painful—physically for my mother, and emotionally for those of us who loved her—and yet I think my father and siblings would agree when I say that she had a good death. She’d had a rich life, had no unfinished business, and died at peace in the embrace of her husband of 44 years, her three grown children, and a daughter-in-law whom she loved like one of her own. Her funeral was huge, with family, friends, colleagues, and clients sharing warm memories of a woman who’d laughed easily, and made everyone she interacted with feel safe and welcome.

My mother’s death left a gaping hole. She’d been the centre of our close extended family, organizing and hosting frequent get-togethers, sharing wisdom when we sought it, and listening when that was what we needed. Up until her last months, she was still very much my “mom”—the person I called when I needed parenting advice, or cooking tips, or encouragement. She’d played an irreplaceable role in my five children’s lives as well, and their grief was hard to watch.

In the weeks following my mother’s funeral, it struck me that I was now the matriarch of my immediate family, the oldest woman in my children’s direct line. I had a heightened awareness of what my mother had given us.

Inspired by her example, I resolved to embrace my new status with as much grace and intention as I could. But how to begin?

I fell into a strategy almost by accident. I struggled in those early months, both with grief, and with pain and frustration as the result of a bad knee injury that wasn’t healing. I’d seen how my mother had retained her dignity and even her joy by choosing to remain grateful right to the end of her life. Out of desperation I decided to practice gratitude too, to make it the word I lived by. And it made a difference. The more I looked at my life circumstances through a grateful lens, the better I coped. I took out books from the library, and learned that grati-

tude is a discipline that can be cultivated. My own experience echoed what researchers had discovered: that actively practising gratitude increases life satisfaction, and leads to more fulfilling relationships, greater optimism, hope, and empathy.

Mary Dunstan with her granddaughter, Rebecca.

My experiment with gratitude was so successful, that as a new year began, I resolved to adopt another word. My mother again served as my role model. She was a generous woman in every sense, and so I decided to become a student of generosity. There are many material ways to be generous: donations to worthy causes, gifts to friends, colleagues, or even strangers. But I was interested in generosity’s other manifestations. As soon as I started paying attention, I saw examples everywhere. I saw people who were generous with their words: offering encouragement, sharing sincere compliments, and speaking kindly to everyone they encountered. I saw people who were generous with their time: jumping in when a job needed to be done, volunteering at school Island Grandparent 2015

or in the community, stopping to listen when a neighbour needed a sympathetic ear. I saw people who were generous with their surplus: sharing excess produce from their gardens, passing on outgrown clothes and toys to other families, and donating what they didn’t need to local charities. There were subtler acts of generosity as well: people who let others have the spotlight, or let someone else go first in line.

The more I looked, the more I saw that it was possible to respond generously in almost any situation. As the year went on, I did my best to put what I was observing into practice, in the hope that it would take root and become a permanent way of interacting with the world.

Since January I’ve been trying to live by a new word, again inspired by my mother’s example. This time the word is hospitality.

As an introvert it’s not something that comes naturally to me, but I’m discovering that even hospitality can be learned. To that end I’ve been initiating more conversations, inviting people into my home more frequently, and welcoming the occasional overnight guest.

I’ve even emceed a few public events. To my surprise, I’ve enjoyed pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone—and the new friendships that have resulted. I’ve learned that hospitality is an attitude more than anything else. It’s about making newcomers and guests feel welcome, cared for, and safe. It’s not about impressing, or projecting an image of perfection. Good thing, because there’s no perfection here!

And what will my next word be? I don’t know yet; I’m still focused on this year’s word. Living in the present was another of my mother’s gifts.

My grandson was born at the end of December. When my daughter and her husband first announced that they were expecting a child, they asked me what I wanted to be called. Not “Grandma,” I told them. That was my mother’s title for more than two decades, and out of respect for her memory, I wanted another name.

My daughter felt differently—she wanted the title to continue so that what it represented would live on for her own children. In the end, I acquiesced. When my grandson begins talking, he’ll call me Grandma after all.

I am not my mother, nor am I trying to become her. But she left a legacy of kindness, generosity and wisdom that I would love to pass on to my own children and grandchildren.

I don’t know if I’ll ever catch up, but I’m working on it, one word at a time.

Rachel Dunstan Muller is the mother of five, grandmother of one and a children’s author. Her previous articles can be found at kidsinvictoria.com. kidsinvictoria.com

Seek culture, creativity, community. Find it at the Farquhar Auditorium.

Join us for our 2015-16 Season

Peking Dreams

Featuring the National Circus and Acrobats of the People’s Republic of China.

September 5 at 2:00pm

The Comic Strippers

The Kingston Trio

Male stripper parody & improv comedy show.

No nudity, just extreme hilarity!

See the folk trio that launched the folk revival of the 1960s, live!

Oct. 4, 7:30pm

Nov. 14, 7:30pm

International Guitar Night

The Paperboys

Vancouver-based folk band with Celtic and world beat fusion .

Join the world’s foremost acoustic guitarists. A magical night of guitar mastery.

Feb. 13, 7:30pm

Jan. 17, 7:30pm

The Glenn Miller Orchestra

De Danann

Legendary Irish folk music featuring founding member Frankie Gavin!

The original world-famous swing/jazz big band.

Mar. 20, 7:30pm

tickets.uvic.ca

Mar. 23, 7:30pm

250-721-8480

Changing Places Creating Your New Home

Serving Victoria & the Island Since 1991

Sorting & Packing • Downsizing & Organizing Moving & House Emptying Unpacking & Settling In Call Jane: 250-721-4490 jane@changingplaces.com changingplaces.com 7

Join us in the Galleon Room at Juan de Fuca Recreation Centre for this drop-in program where your grandchild can ride the ride-on toys, climb the kindergym, and bounce in the bouncy castle plus crafts, games, and circle time.

Tuesdays & Fridays

September 18 to December 18* $3 Child & $2 per sibling

0-2 Years 9:30-10:15am 2-4 Years 10:30-11:15am * Program does not run on Pro D Days October 23 and November 20.

Laurie Sthamann

7 Nature Outings …for grandparents and grandkids

To everything there is a season when you’re exploring nature with a grandchild in hand.

Blessed with a mild climate and year-round access to 33 regional parks and trails in the Capital Regional District, there’s no better time than the present to grab a map, a small backpack and your grandchild(ren) to explore nature. Here are a few of the popular short outings to regional parks and trails that you and your grandchild will enjoy.

Photo: Capital Regional District

Toddler’s Social

www.westshorerecreation.ca

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This artist didn’t receive the support he needed in his lifetime… ensure that the arts in your community are supported during yours Remember the Community Arts Council of the Saanich Peninsula in your estate planning To leave a lasting legacy: 250-656-7400, cacsp.com

Victoria to Sooke or Sidney

Steam along the Galloping Goose or Lochside Regional Trails.

Watch for birds and other marshland creatures from the Swan Lake, Todd Creek or Blenkinsop trestles, and imagine the trains that used to blow their whistles here. Every visit, explore an urban or rural section of the more than 80 kilometres of mostly level trail on these former railway lines.

Saanich Walk under towering trees at Francis/ King Regional Park.

Listen for the tap-tap-tap of pileated woodpeckers or the scurrying of red squirrels in the leaves from the accessible Elsie King Trail, an interpretive boardwalk loop through the forest. You can warm up by checking out the Nature Centre displays.

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We acknowledge the assistance of the Town of Sidney, District of North Saanich, Municipality of Central Saanich and the Province of British Columbia through the British Columbia Arts Council

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Traipse the trail at Elk/Beaver Lake Regional Park.

Search for ducks, great blue herons and mink along the shoreline or look around the forest to spot woodpeckers, squirrels or maybe an owl. The 10 km lake loop trail is level and accessible to strollers. Pick a section to explore and come back to one of the many picnic areas at Beaver, Hamsterly, or Eagle beaches.

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North Saanich

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Ramble from forest to ocean at Coles Bay Regional Park.

Look for wildlife on the 10-minute trail through the forest to the beach at this quaint little park. The cobble beach is home to shore crabs, moon snails, and you might even spot seals bobbing in the waters offshore. Picnic at the beach or at the grassy picnic site near the parking lot.

Island Grandparent 2015

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Central Saanich

Watch the birds at Island View Beach Regional Park.

Explore along the scenic loop trail at this premiere bird watching site along the Saanich Peninsula. Head north down the beach, then join one of the access trails through the foredunes. Return by way of the inland trail through the old salt marsh and backdunes, and stop at the picnic shelter for a snack.

Metchosin

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Listen to the Water Roar at Witty’s Lagoon Regional Park.

Once the fall rains start, Sitting Lady Falls crashes into the lagoon below. Gaze down at the rushing water from the viewing platform after a five-minute stroll, or continue on the Lagoon Trail for 15 minutes to reach a vantage point across from the falls. What a sight! Though this is not a level trail and requires a bit of an uphill climb on the way back up from the waterfall, it is well worth the effort. Don’t forget to visit the Nature Centre.

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A visit to this must-see mini zoo offers visitors an excellent opportunity to view and experience live tropical bugs from around the world. Discover over 40 fascinating species including giant walking sticks, beautiful praying mantis, glow-in-the-dark scorpions, hairy tarantulas and Canada’s largest ant colony. Knowledgeable tour guides will introduce you to the wonderful world of bugs, give a wealth of information about the animals on display, and provide a safe bug handling experience for the more adventurous.

Be sure to stop by while in Downtown Victoria!

631 Courtney St Victoria, BC 250-384-2847 victoriabugzoo.ca

Birds Up Close

East Sooke

Discover the Beach at East Sooke Regional Park.

Whether you’re searching for shore crabs hidden beneath rocks or enjoying the views over the Strait of Juan de Fuca, the white sand beach at the beginning of the Coast Trail is a place you’ll want to return to again and again. Picnic on the sand or in the picnic shelter above the beach after a 10-minute walk through open fields along the accessible trail from the Aylard Farm parking lot.

So load up the young ones, and head out to the parks. Or join CRD Regional Parks interpreters on one of the many free nature outings, guided hikes and drop-in events offered year ’round. They are guaranteed to pique the natural curiosity of both adults and children, of all ages and abilities.

Download “A Guide to User-Friendly Trails” from the CRD website. There you will also find park maps and brochures, as well as the calendar of nature events at crd.bc.ca/parks.

Flying daily March – October www.the-raptors.com 1877 Herd Rd. Duncan BC 250-746-0372

Laurie Sthamann is the Regional Parks Communications Coordinator at the Capital Regional District.

kidsinvictoria.com

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Grandparent Preparedness 101 ​ elcoming your grandchildren for a family visit is exciting, but getting prepared for their arrival W can be a daunting task. This checklist was supplied by Lyra McLean, co-owner of Momease Baby Boutique and avid baby product researcher.

Feeding Time • Portable or slim-folding high chair. Having a portable or slim-folding high chair is a great way to incorporate your grandchild into family mealtime. Look for a chair that is easy to setup, clean and store. Check out the Perch portable high chair

from Canadian company Guzzie+Guss, which al s o wor k s wonders in restaurants or attached to a picnic table for that trip to Willows beach.

• Feeding Utensils. Equip your little one with some child-friendly utensils. The Boon Serve silicone spoons are a great way to introduce those first solid foods.

• Table (and floor!) ware. For an older toddler, check out the Sugar Booger Suction Plates and Bowl Sets to help avoid the ‘food-

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dumping Olympics’ in your dining room.

Laying the Sugar Booger Splat Mat under your grandchild’s high chair is also a great way to enjoy a mess-free family mealtime and it wipes down easily with a damp cloth for a fuss-free clean up.

• Bibs. Keep clothes clean with a smockstyle bib to catch those stray peas or messy bananas. Canadian-company Goo Goo Baby makes a unique laminated bib with sleeves that pulls double-duty as an awesome craft smock once your little one discovers the paint brush.

• Sippy cups. For a spill-free beverage experience, the WOW Cups offer an innovative 360˚ drinking surface with a leak-proof design that will have you raving.

• Ice Pop Molds. If family is visiting in the summer heat, consider picking up the Silicone Ice Pop Molds from Kinderville. This set of child-friendly popsicle molds turns any homemade fruit puree or juice into a cool treat on a hot day.

Reusable cloth wipes. Natural options include bamboo and organic cotton and both wash up well for long-term use.

Sleep Time • Portable bed, playard or cot for nap time or sleepovers. ​Having a portable bed at the ready can be a huge lifesaver for weary travellers and also saves the expense and hassle of transport. The well-designed playards of

Island Grandparent 2015

today (formerly called playpens), feature easy one-step set up and take down, and often come equipped with great extras like bassinets for infants or change pads for diapering on the move. Dutch-company Nuna offers both a mini or a full-sized version of their popular Sena playard which features a simple fold-up and lightweight design for the ultimate in portability.

• Night light and white noise machine.

Help create that comfortable home-awayfrom-home environment with a night light and white noise machine. The Tranquil Turtle from Cloud b is a popular option for doing both. Tranquil Turtle turns any room into a serene sleep space with it’s gentle ocean sounds and soft blue wave patterns that it projects on the ceiling. The Tranquil Turtle is a hit with parents and children alike, and works beautifully as a relaxation tool for all.

Bath Time ​When it comes to bath time, there are a number of handy products to make this a fun and enjoyable experience all around.

• Baby bathtub. If you’re in need of a bathtub for a baby or younger toddler, the collapsible Boon Naked is the perfect option. With settings for newborns and toddlers, the Boon Naked also folds flat and comes with a hook for easy storage between baths.

Free of parabens, sulfates and other harmful additives, the entire Original Sprout hair and skin care line is a natural solution for bath time that the whole family can feel good about.

• Bath toys. Keep the little ones excited for their baths with playful bath toys from Boon.

Take a whimsical fishing trip with the Boon Cast bath toy, or navigate the bubbly waters with a convoy of ships using the Boon Fleet stacking boats.

• Towels. Cap off the whole bathtime experience with a hooded terry towel from Canadian company 3 Sprouts. Available in popular animal characters like Blue Walrus, Purple Hippo and Orange Tiger, the 3 Sprouts Hooded Towels are sure to put a smile on everyone’s faces.

Travel Time • ​Car seat. If you’ll be transporting a baby on a regular basis, you may want to invest in an infant car seat or even just an extra base

• Natural skin and haircare. For a simple all-in-one cleansing solution, check out the safe and natural Hair and Body Babywash from Original Sprout.

that stays in your vehicle and can be used as needed with your grandchild’s main infant seat. For an older child, the made-in-Canada Clek Olli backless booster seat makes install a cinch by easily locking into place using your vehicle’s UAS anchorage system. Removal is also a breeze with the Quick Release System located on the front of the booster seat-just tug the strap to release.

• Lightweight stroller. ​A compact and lightweight stroller can make travel time with grandchildren a whole lot easier to handle.

There are a number of fabulous lightweight options out there, including the award-winning Mountain Buggy Nano stroller. This ultra lightweight umbrella-style stroller boasts a simple fold, built-in suspension for a smooth ride, and an ingenious design that allows it to be stored in overhead airplane compartments.

It also comes equipped with a universal car seat adapter for use as a travel system with an infant car seat.

Momease Baby Boutique is located at Mattick’s Farm, 5325 Cordova Bay Road.

kidsinvictoria.com

11

Mada Moilliet

Cowichan Aquatic Centre 2653 James Street 250.746.7665

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12

Being There for the Birth W hen my daughter Shannon asked me to be present for the birth of her second child, my first thought was: Of course, I’d love to be there, what a treat to witness a new little being entering the world and to be a part of this experience with my own child.

But I also wondered what it would be like to watch her endure pain and not be able to alleviate it. I wondered what my role would be and whether I’d instinctively know what to do to help her.

My daughter and her partner hadn’t taken any structured prenatal courses with either pregnancy, so there were no coaching instructions for me to follow. Yes, they’d already gone through the birth process with their son, but Shannon was a bit more relaxed about the whole thing than I might have been. Her outlook was that it would happen as it happened and if she tried to account for every detail along the way, something was bound to happen to derail her plans. Her one stipulation was that she wanted an epidural when the pain got to be too much for her—that was it as far as a plan.

My final little niggling worry centred around not wanting to get in the way during such an intimate experience in a couple’s relationship.

Was Shannon’s partner Jason fully comfortable with my being there? He said it was okay with him, so I happily accepted the invitation…with the caveat that the baby needed to be born no later than 10 days past the due date as I was leaving on a week-long vacation after that (I know, I know, my husband plans our trips and kept wondering why I was fixated on not leaving before the two weeks overdue date).

So, no birth plan, no Coaching Tips sheet, no clear idea of how to not be a third wheel but be helpful, and a set date after which I’d have to give up my spot by the birthing bed. I supposed I could live with all that.

Shannon’s pregnancy progressed smoothly and her due date approached. Because she’d been on time with her first birth, we expected the same sort of scenario for the second. Beware misguided assumptions. The date came and went and we both started getting antsy as there were no signs of labour. She told me it was fine if I couldn’t be there, she’d manage,

Island Grandparent 2015

but we were now both looking forward to sharing this experience.

As my departure date drew near (with my husband quietly stressing out in the background), I made the two-hour trip to Shannon and Jay’s house for a last overnighter before having to leave. I was madly adjusting my calculations on how late I could stay, but it wasn’t looking like things were going to go my way.

And then, that evening, something started happening, a tiny hint of abdominal tightening (just indigestion?) that made us cross our

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Mada Moilliet is happy to be Granny to Oskar and Thea in Sooke, and to Ellie in Fort St. John. kidsinvictoria.com

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Roald Dahl

By Dramatized by Richard R. George

Illustration by Quentin Blake

fingers. I was happy to be woken up in the wee hours and told it was time to head to the hospital.

I won’t go into the details of the labour and birth—we grandparents all have our own birth stories, our sweet memories of welcoming a new little being into our family. Shannon’s story belongs to her more than to me, but I’m just so grateful to have played a part in it. It turns out that I did know what to do and how to be helpful, and I don’t think I got in the way.

What a thrill to see my little granddaughter make her entry into the world—after making us all wait, she decided to speed things up in the end and take the nurses by surprise, so we had a few minutes of panic and the doctor missed out on the birth.

I’d hesitate to offer any words of advice to other grandparents taking part in the birth of a grandchild—we all do things differently, after all, and we have years of life experience to draw from—but I would say don’t book any vacations until at least three weeks after the due date!

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13

Sarah Isbister

Great Picture Books to Share A

stack of picture books + a small child or two + a comfy couch = a great afternoon spent snuggling and enjoying stories with your grandchildren. Here are some titles you may not have discovered yet. Find them at your local library or bookstore, and settle down to enjoy…

It’s Only Stanley by Jon Agee. This fun rhyming story is the latest from bestselling author/ illustrator Jon Agee. Fans of Jon Klassen and Oliver Jeffers will love this quirky read-aloud about the mysterious noises that keep waking up the Wimbledon family. Stanley, the family dog is very busy fixing the oil tank, clearing the bathtub drain, and howling at the moon.

But what Stanley is actually doing while his oblivious family goes back to bed is much more adventurous and unexpected.

Shh! We Have a Plan by Chris Haughton.

From award-winning author-illustrator Chris Haughton, creator of Little Owl Lost and Oh No, George! comes a hilarious, vibrantlyillustrated story about the secret to successful bird-hunting. Four friends creep through the woods, and despite their perfect plan, they fail every time, until they start listening to their unassuming friend whose simple plan could just be the most successful.

The Girl and the Bicycle by Mark Pett. This wordless picture book tells a classic and heartfelt story of generosity and kindness. It is filled with beautiful, sepia-toned illustrations that add an old-timey quality to the story. From the

creator of The Boy and the Airplane, this book celebrates different virtues with the story of a little girl, a shiny bicycle, and the how her hard work pays off. This would be an excellent book to read with young children as you predict together what she will do next.

Henny by Elizabeth Rose Stanton. Henny is a chick who is different from the other animals on the farm. Instead of wings, she has arms!

While she often likes being different, sometimes she is less confident about her uniqueness. Through Henny’s mother’s unconditional love and acceptance, she learns to embrace her special gift in this funny, whimsical and charming picture book debut from author/ illustrator Elizabeth Rose Stanton. This warmhearted story is well told and illustrated with watercolor and pencil illustrations that are fresh and expressive.

George in the Dark by Madeline Valentine.

All children and adults will be drawn to this heartwarming tale of bravery and adventure.

George is a little boy who must overcome his fear of the dark in order to rescue his

beloved teddy bear. This picture book is a Junior Library Guild Selection and will help provide extra reassurance to all little ones as they bravely face their own fears. This book is perfect for fans of Lemony Snicket and Jon Klassen’s The Dark.

More Great Picture Books to Share: If You Happen to Have a Dinosaur by Linda Bailey Sam and Dave Dig a Big Hole by Marc Barnett; illustrated by Jon Klassen Open Very Carefully: (A Book with a Bite) by Nick Bromley Children Make Terrible Pets by Peter Brown Dinotrux Dig the Beach by Chris Gall It’s An Orange Aardvark by Michael Hall This Moose Belong to Me by Oliver Jeffers Paul Meets Bernadette by Rosy Lamb It’s a Tiger by David LaRochelle Love is Real by Janet Lawler A Perfectly Messed-Up Story by Patrick McDonnell Say Hello Like This! By Mary Murphy Oliver and his Alligator by Paul Schmid Unicorn Thinks he’s Pretty Great by Bob Shea Oliver by Birgitta Sif That is Not a Good Idea! by Mo Willems Slug Needs a Hug by Jeanne Willis Hippospotamus by Jeanne Willis Bear Counts by Karma Wilson Early Bird by Toni Yuly Sarah Isbister is a Public Services Librarian at the Greater Victoria Public Library. Her favourite children’s picture book is Bark, George

by Jules Feiffer.

A Trip to the Library There’s more going on than you might think

I

f you’re a grandparent, chances are you already use your local library to make sure you’ve got books or children’s DVDs on hand for little visitors. However, you may not know about the vast array of lending materials, resources and programs that are perfect for book lovers of all ages.

Here are some of the treasures you can find at the library. Help establish an early love of books and reading in your grandkids, all while spending quality time together—and giving Mom and Dad a break. Visit gvpl.ca or virl.bc.ca/kids.

Greater Victoria Public Library’s Website Resources

Did You Know…? French Collections for Kids & Teens

Kids Games Online are available at gvpl.ca, including CBC Preschoolers, CBC Kids, Fun with Spot, Family Channel Games, Playhouse Disney, NASA Kids, National Geographic Kids, Tumblebooks, Sports Illustrated Kids, Funbrain, and Physics Games.

Enjoy a great selection of French books, CDs and DVDs for kids and teens. Check out the latest French additions to library collections plus the staff booklists of Funny French Picture Books, Easy to Read French Books, and Bilingual Picture Books (English and French).

GVPL’s 100 Picture Books to Read Before Kindergarten

Borrowing Materials at the Library

Did you know? Experts say that children need to hear at least 1,000 stories before they begin to learn to read. GVPL’s Children and Family Literacy Librarians have selected a list of 100 exceptional picture books to share with the children in your life. Ask for a copy of the list at your local branch while supplies last.

Or download the GVPL’s 100 Picture Book brochure PDF.

Your library card isn’t just for borrowing books. You can check out DVDs, Blu-Rays, music CDs, video games, eReaders, story time kits, and even special passes to the Royal BC Museum, the Robert Bateman Centre, Saanich Recreation Centres and the Victoria Art Gallery. Most items can be borrowed for three weeks and returned to any of the 10 library branches. For details, visit gvpl.ca.

Library Programs for Children

Booklists for Various Ages, Stages & Interests

Programs for kids are varied, inspiring, fun and ongoing. You can give your grandchild’s parents a break by joining Babytime programs, Toddler Time, Family Storytime, Preschool Storytime, and more. Or you might bring your grandchildren to any of the many programs offered for older children. Check out the calendar at gvpl.ca, then register online or call your local branch for more information.

Is Your Grandchild Getting Ready for Kindergarten?

The Welcome to Kindergarten staff booklist is filled with books to help with each child’s transition to school. The Welcome to Kindergarten (WTK) program, developed by the Learning Partnership, offers exciting resources and experiences that will get preschool kids ready for kindergarten. Visit LearnNowBC (learnnowbc.ca) or call your neighbourhood school for more information.

kidsinvictoria.com

The library has numerous booklists for the children in your life, including our Booklists for Talking, Singing, Playing, Writing and Reading, Get Started Reading: Beginner Readers, Let’s Go to Preschool: Picture Books, and more.

Nanaimo's downtown destination for Children’s Toys and Books

Specializing in books for babies, toddlers, easy to read and kids to 12 years!

Playmobil, Melissa & Doug, Brio Trains, Folkmanis puppets.

Toys from Baby to Tween!

Especially for Toddlers Toddlers are at that stage where they want to move around, so Toddler Time programs and Family Storytime programs are designed with lots of movement in mind. If you’re expecting a visit from your toddler grandchild, check out a few titles from our Great Picture Books for Toddlers booklist.

Stories to Go Boxes It’s storytime in a box! Stories to Go are great for grandparents to use with young children.

Filled with books, music CDs, rhymes and puppets, each box focuses on a theme for babies and toddlers or preschoolers.

www.childrenstreehouse.ca 306–60 Commercial St, Nanaimo

250-714-0026 childtreehouse@hotmail.com

15

Eileen Bennewith & Anthea Kennelly

Healthy Families, Happy Families

A Grandparent’s Guide to Feeding Babies

Child, Youth & Family C Public Health South Island Health Units Esquimalt 250-519-5311 Gulf Islands 250-539-3099 (toll-free number for office in Saanichton)

Peninsula 250-544-2400 Saanich 250-519-5100 Saltspring Island 250-538-4880 Sooke 250-642-5464 Victoria 250-388-2200 West Shore 250-519-3490

Central Island Health Units Duncan 250-709-3050 Ladysmith 250-755-3342 Lake Cowichan 250-749-6878 Nanaimo 250-755-3342 Nanaimo Princess Royal 250-755-3342 Parksville/Qualicum 250-947-8242 Port Alberni 250-731-1315 Tofino 250-725-4020

North Island Health Units Campbell River 250-850-2110 Courtenay 250-331-8520 Kyuquot Health Ctr 250-332-5289 ‘Namgis Health Ctr 250-974-5522 Port Hardy 250-902-6071

www.viha.ca/prevention_services/

16

ongratulations on becoming a grandparent! You have an important role supporting your family as they raise the next generation.

Parents and grandparents have always helped babies to learn to trust and to love—this will never change. However, what has changed over the past few decades is how babies are fed.

When your children were born and as they grew up, you wanted the best for them. You probably followed the advice of the day about feeding babies, advice based on the latest scientific evidence. Over the past few years, new evidence has emerged and the advice for feeding babies will have changed from when your children were born. The following is up-to-date information on feeding babies and young children with ideas on how you can support your children as they parent their baby.

The first thing to remember is make sure your children are open to your support and advice. New parents can be sensitive, so make sure your offer of advice is welcome.

Breast milk is the best first food for babies.

Today’s recommendation is to give nothing but breastmilk for the first six months. Breast milk gives a baby all the nutrients and immune factors that they need until they are ready to eat solids at about six months of age. The best thing you can do for your grandchild is to support their mother in breastfeeding.

By six months, the baby’s digestive system has matured enough to take on new foods in addition to breast milk. The gag reflex, which protects baby from choking until they are able to move food around in their mouth, has matured and the immune system developed enough to make allergies less likely. Baby has been practicing by putting fingers and toys into their mouth and now has the hand-eye coordination needed to pick up food and to eat without much assistance from parents.

A six-month-old is ready to eat solid foods mashed with a fork. Caregivers can cut up meat with a small knife and mash other food until it is a chewed consistency. From the

very first feeding, caregivers are encouraged to allow babies to touch the food and to feed themselves. Spoons are optional.

Breast milk and mashed foods from the family table are all that a baby really needs to learn how to eat solids. As baby becomes efficient at eating mashed foods, the texture can become lumpier, gradually progressing to cut up pieces. By age one, babies can eat everything that’s served at the family table.

Grandparents have an important role by supporting parents to breastfeed exclusively for the first six months then helping to introduce mashed foods from the family table.

Another important role is helping the infant and toddler develop a healthy relationship with food.

A healthy relationship with food is one of the best ways for a child to learn to eat a variety of healthy foods which will help them grow into a size and shape that is right for them. This healthy relationship with food is based on trust. It begins at the first feeding and continues through life. Children learn trust around food when caregivers respond to their cues. This includes offering food when they are hungry and letting them decide when they have had enough.

As children grow and start to eat family foods, serve small portions and allow plenty of time for you and your grandchild to notice when you feel full. It’s better to ask for more food than to be given too much to begin with.

Allow children to decide how much food they want to eat or whether to eat at all. A healthy relationship with food means we trust children to know how much they need to eat to feel comfortable.

Offer meals and snacks at about the same time every day so children know what to expect. If they did not eat well at the last meal, they can wait until the next planned meal or snack. A little hunger is not harmful and the child will likely eat better the next time food is served.

Island Grandparent 2015

A caregiver who bribes, threatens, forces or plays games to get children to eat is not respecting the fact that the child knows how much they need. This destroys a healthy relationship with food and usually leads to fussy eating and mealtime battles. Making a child finish their food by offering a reward of dessert actually teaches children to ignore their own feelings of hunger and satiety. This can lead to excess weight gain in a child. Food should never be given as a reward for good behavior or achievement.

The best way to model healthy eating is to enjoy family meals together. Studies show that children who eat meals with an adult

Sharing meals with grandparents is a great way to pass on family traditions and to share stories from the past. are healthier, learn better and have better vocabulary and social skills. Children learn to eat what their parents eat by enjoying family foods together.

Making different foods for children prevents them from learning to eat the same variety of foods that adults eat. To give children an opportunity to learn to like a food, it is important to keep offering foods even if they say they don’t like it or refuse to eat it. Children may need to try a food up to twenty times before they eat it. Eventually, they will learn to enjoy family foods.

Family meals enhance family relationships and the relationship with good food. This is not the time to discuss behaviour or to criticize how children eat.

Offer family meals in a quiet place with few distractions. Turn off the TV, the phone and the computer and limit noise to promote conversation. Talk about your day, joyful events or family stories.

Sharing meals with grandparents is a great way to pass on family traditions and to share stories from the past. Children learn about life by what’s discussed and modeled at the family table—and that hasn’t changed.

Eileen Bennewith, RD, and Anthea Kennelly, MSc, MSc (PH), RD, are both registered dietitians working for Public Health Services for Island Health in Central and North Vancouver Island.

kidsinvictoria.com

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beginning July 2nd, Panorama staff will facilitate fun for the whole Vick Siufamily through interactive play, face painting, group games, and of course, inflatable fun on our giant 50’ obstacle course! Grab the whole family and unplug, unwind and come play! Did we mention that Play in the Park is offered free of charge?!

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17

Here…

North Island W

ens Butchart Gofasurd gardens, en nk gardens, rose

ildlife Recovery …is nestled in the Centre district of Erringt on in a park like se peaceful rustic atm tting with a osphere. View eagle s, several species of falcons, hawks, rav owls, ens, and black bear s. Live raptor pres place during the su entations take mmer. The centre is a world class wi tation facility spec ldlife rehabiliializing in raptors and black bear. W one-way glass in th atch through e largest flight cage if its kind in Canada . niwra.org

…offers 55 acres ng with a Italian gardens alo Japanese gardens, There’s a el. us n & Rose Caro Children’s Pavillio at tour, bo a , alk W , a Family Living Fossils Walk er on Saturs and, in the summ Night Illumination lay. You’ll sp di ular fireworks day nights, a spectac perfect s, th pa en worth of gard also find 55 acres grandur yo of e m so expending after for exploring and op sh ffee gy. Stop by the co kids’ endless ener to re-fuel.

Royal BC Museum

…offers interactive, learning-based activities at Wonder Sunday on the last Sunday of each month (excluding July, August and December).

Each theme, based on ideas inspired by the museum’s current exhibitions, is offered through activities and lively presentations. Make crafts, join special tours, and let your imagination “wonder” away with you. Suitable for children 3-12 years old and is included with admission. royalbcmuseum.bc.ca

Saanich Fair

’s Farm Beacon Hill Children is fun for all ages. The farm’s

…is a great outdoor activity that pigs, horses, guinea pigs goats, bunnies, peacocks, potbellied urites. Kids especially love and other animals are perennial favo 0am and 5:10pm. The the renowned goat stampedes at 10:1 Hours of operation are er. ctob farm is open from March-mid-O ission by donation.

Adm g. ittin perm 10am-5pm daily, weather beaconhillchildrensfarm.ca

10

18

…is a must for the whole family on Labour Day weekend, Sat Sept 5 – Mon 7. Drop by the Saanich Fairgrounds, where fun, food and fantastic meet. There’s a variety of things for people of all ages to see and do including 5,000 exhibits, dog and horse shows, concessions with an ethnic flair, carnival and games, pumpkin and duct tape contests, and live entertainment. This year the Fair has added 30 free attractions.

Admission is $11, kids 6 and under are free. saanichfair.ca

Things to Do With Your Grandkids For more ideas and a fun map of the Island, pick up a copy of the Kids Guide to Vancouver Island at Tourist Info Centres or at your local recreation centre.

Island Grandparent 2015

arbour. l d Esquimalt H Fort Rodthde laHteil1890s to defend Victoria anflo ar wers and le n ild …was built in ugh fields of w ms. Fola naturalist thro ry oak ecosyste ar G — es ap Tag along with sc nd la tour. st o re di ra au anada’s ies on an about one of C eir personal stor cnics. th pi g in ily ar m sh fa r es ic s, perfect fo ea ar low histor y’s vo sy as gr d st, beaches an Enjoy the fore m co fortroddhill.

AGGV Family Sundays

…on the third Sunday of the month (from October-June) are inspired by the current Art Gallery of Greater Victoria exhibitions.

Bring your grandchild and join this afternoon of artmaking for the whole family. 2-4pm. The program is included with admission. aggv.ca

Mt. Washington

…offers as much fun in summer as winter—for all ages. You’ll find year-round mile-high experiences including, in the summer, a scenic chairlift ride to the summit of the mountain, alpine hiking, a bungee trampoline, mini golf, disc golf and, in the winter, skiing, snowboarding and tubing. Go for the day or stay overnight at one of the many accommodation options. mountwashington.ca

Parksville Sandcastle Competition …draws world class master sand sculptors wh o create incredible works of art.

This year’s competition and exhibition takes place Jul y 9-August 16. Once the masterpieces have been completed (from just san d and water, and a lot of ing enuity!) and judged, the site is open to the public . Wander through startin g on July 10 at 2pm (then open 9am-9pm daily, starting July 11). parksv illebeachfest.ca

eatre Chemainus Th zplay, James and the

…presents its 2015 Kid ng and young-atGiant Peach, for the you e together with inheart. Imaginations com denly Roald Dahl’s credible puppeteers. Sud a magical journey of ry classic children’s sto re than fun fantasy into a giant peach is mo begins!July 18– and the great adventure refestival.ca eat August 15. chemainusth

kidsinvictoria.com

&There 19

Tim Collins

A Letter to My Granddaughter T

he other day, I taught my five-year-old granddaughter how to hang a teaspoon on her nose.

We were in a restaurant, and I’d already used the crayons provided by the serving staff to draw her a picture of a unicorn and a dinosaur. And I’d discovered that my magic tricks no longer fooled her sharp little eyes (children become cynical so early these days—imagine her not believing that I could turn a fork into a salt shaker).

But the teaspoon on the nose? It was a new trick and she loved it, to the point of quite proudly leaving it in place on the tip of her nose as she politely placed her order with the waiter.

Alright, I know what you’re thinking, grand-parenting should be more about wisdom and less about silliness. And I do try. Honestly, I do. The problem, though, is that I’m not certain that my 60-some years on the planet have made me significantly wiser than I was when I first learned to balance a spoon on my nose. So that whole passing on of wisdom thing may not be in the cards.

This has left me wondering what I actually have to offer my grandchildren. My review of the online literature on the topic, mostly comprised of about a gazillion articles entitled the “10 Effective Things that Grandparents Can Offer Their Grandchildren” (or some variation thereof ) didn’t help much.

So, in the true spirit of my distinctly personal approach to grandparenting, I’ve written this letter to my granddaughter. The points I’ve listed may not be wise, but maybe, just maybe, they will be a little helpful to her as she navigates her way through life.

9811 Seaport Place Sidney 250.665.7511 oceandiscovery.ca 20

Dear Randi, Sweetie, you are the most beautiful, smartest, and most wonderful little girl I know, and I wish that I could always be around to help you through the challenges that you’re bound to face as you grow up. That might not be the case, though, so I’ve jotted down a few things that you should remember. Grampa isn’t all that wise, but I might have stumbled on some wisdom in these random thoughts. After all, even a blind squirrel will find a nut occasionally.

So here goes.

• If you come across a style or fad today, don’t jump onto that bandwagon right away. Be certain that today’s fad will almost certainly embarrass you within 10 years. Trust me, I lived through leisure suits, mechanical bulls, disco, new-age meditation, and wines named after Island Grandparent 2015

baby animals. As I look back, they all seem pretty silly today. I’m only glad that I matured before the tattoo craze. I was able to move beyond my fads without painful laser surgery.

Be cautious of anything that everyone tells you is really cool.

• It’s okay to be judgemental about some things. The planet is not 6,000 years old, any belief that can’t be tested and challenged isn’t worth having, it’s never okay to hurt or control other people to keep them from having a good life, and Justin Bieber’s haircut looks dumb. Anyone who tells you any differently is a whack-a-doodle. And there is nothing wrong with saying so, and sticking to your guns regardless of whether your views are what other people think at the moment. Trust your instincts and you won’t go too far astray.

• BFF? It would be nice, but don’t count on it. Don’t immediately trust anyone who offers you unconditional love or friendship—except me and your dog. Grandparents and border collies and moms and dads will always love you, regardless of what you achieve or what stupid things you might do. Oh sure, you’ll have friends, and lovers and other people in your life who will tell you that they’ll love you forever, but any one of them might disappoint you. If they do, don’t let it hurt you too much. And

forgive them. Then call your grandparents or your mom to cheer up and move on.

• Don’t be scared. As you grow up, don’t be afraid to explore, try new things, test your limits and discover what truly makes you happy.

A fellow named Oliver Wendell Holmes once said “Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them.” Don’t be afraid to sing your songs, baby girl, or to chase your dreams and take some chances in life. You only get to do this once—be happy with your choices.

• But don’t be stupid. That last bit of advice does not translate into taking a dare to go car surfing, eating spoonfuls of cinnamon, or racing down hills in a shopping cart. It does not mean that you should take drugs, or drink alcohol or do anything that makes you lose control, simply because you’ve been dared to do so by some idiot. Life is precious and there is a difference between being brave enough to climb a mountain, and being stupid enough to jump off a cliff.

• Be nice. Okay, I confess, I’m a bit quixotic about returning to an age when we didn’t ignore our dinner companions to text someone else. And I recall when people didn’t have to be reminded not to talk in movie theatres, and when wearing a shirt with a misspelled swear word wasn’t clever, just vulgar. I’m not sure how you can learn these things since it

seems that you’ll be swimming against a tide of incivility. Maybe you’ll pick up some of it when we talk over the next few years. I hope that you do. If not, watch some old movies, and take some cues from Jimmy Stewart. He always took off his hat in restaurants, and, trust me, that was cool.

• Read books. I’ve used words like quixotic, and referenced Wendell Holmes and Jimmy Stewart, none of which is going to make any sense to you unless you read. Sure, I know that technology is advancing to the point where you’re going to be able to call up random facts at will and books are going to seem pretty lame. But trust me, actually reading books will give you an understanding of the world and its people. Reading will make you even smarter than you are today.

When you grow up, and maybe have grandchildren of your own, it’ll be your turn to teach them all this stuff. Try your best to do so. And, while you’re at it, teach them the words to “Hit the Road Jack” (you really like that song) and, oh yeah, show them how to hang a spoon from their nose.

All my love, Grampa Tim Collins is a writer and freelance journalist living and working in Victoria.

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Camille McFarlane

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Making Sense of Social Media I

still remember the day nearly eight years ago when my dad said he wanted to get one of those new smart phones. I was a bit stunned, as I was still using my pay-as-you go flip-phone.

He had held my husband’s iPhone and my brother’s Blackberry, and thought they were pretty cool toys. The debate raged on about which would be better to get. In the end he purchased a Blackberry, only to switch to an iPhone a few years later. By the time he got his iPhone, I was yet to convert to a smartphone.

Now I don’t know if my dad would have made the move if somebody hadn’t gone with him to make the purchases and teach him how to use the phones. Likewise, my husband went with my mom to get her iPhone. It’s not

do what she wanted it to. And its okay if you still have a pay-as-you-go flip phone, or no cell phone or computer at all. Computers are available at the library and many of the tools I’m going to discuss, can be used there, too.

Technology can be frustrating and intimidating, but it is not going away, and in fact can really help connect grandparents with their grandchildren. Whether you live next door or across the country, the ability to instantly connect with a grandma or grandpa is golden for your grandchildren. The birth of the first grandchild was the impetus for both my parents and in-laws to get high-speed internet connections. Skype made thousands of kilometers disappear instantly. Grandparents

that my parents weren’t more than capable of making the purchases on their own, it was just easier to have someone with them who could make sense of all the technological jargon and rate plans.

I have now finally caught up to my parents—and maybe even surpassed them in many ways—in their technology use. But I’m proud of how they embraced technology, knowing that my mom spent many days sitting at the computer, frustrated, because it just wouldn’t

were able to read books and play peek-a-boo through the computer screen, hear first words and witness first steps. Now my kids can read and sing for their grandparents or show them their latest drawings.

The beauty of technology is that it can be personalized. Pick and choose what will work for you and your family and, if need be, ask your son, daughter, niece, nephew, or friend to spend some time and show you how to use a specific tool. They may say to you, “just play Island Grandparent 2015

around with it.” If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, it’s okay to respond, “Could you please sit with me and walk me through this [tool]? Then make sure I’m using it correctly.”

Don’t be afraid of breaking it by pressing the wrong button. Believe it or not, smart phones and tablets are pretty intuitive, and most actions can be undone.

The following are some of the most popular ways to communicate digitally with family members.

Skype/Facetime Skype and Facetime are video communication tools. Both can be used from laptops, tablets or phones, the difference being Facetime is a Mac application. Within my family we use both. Technology hardware will be the determining factor of which tool you choose to use.

Skype and Facetime have allowed grandparents into our house to virtually play with the kids. It’s important to have some sort of “trick” up your sleeve to keep the kids engaged, because kids quickly become bored if they are expected to be the entertainment. Some ideas for grandparents may be to read books, sing songs, play peek-a-boo, hide and seek, wear funny hats, give tours of the house, show the weather outside, or do a puppet show. Imagine yourself as being in the room with the kids, rather than far away.

Texting Texting with cell phones is quickly surpassing emailing as a way to send pictures and videos to family members. Although essentially the same action, texting allows for an immediate response, something parents and children both enjoy receiving from grandparents. Although email is still used and excellent for group emails, many families are choosing to instantly share a video/picture over text.

Facebook Facebook’s demographic has gradually changed over the past decade. More and more grandparents have started a Facebook account, often, at first, as another way to keep in touch with children and grandchildren. One grandparent I interviewed, said that she found she used Facebook to stay in touch with her larger circle of friends and as a source of news and current events, whereas she used Skype/ Facetime primarily to stay in touch with her grandchildren.

Many grandparents have concerns about the privacy of Facebook and this is understandable. If choosing to use Facebook, it is best to do so with these tips in mind:

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1. Only accept friends that you know and trust.

2. Check your privacy settings and change any applicable settings to private. Also, be aware that your profile picture and cover photo are always public.

3. Try to avoid posting your location and whereabouts and any personal information in status updates or messages.

4. Although you have hopefully only accepted people you know to be your friends, be careful to just share photos and information that you are comfortable strangers seeing.

Anything posted to the Internet can easily be redistributed without your permission.

I share these tips to help you safely use Facebook and not to deter you. My parents chose not to use Facebook (although secretly my mom asks to see what’s happening), however many of their friends have a regular presence on Facebook and have found it useful.

Blogging Depending on your comfort level with technology, blogging may appeal to you and enable you to share your adventures with your family. This is especially useful if you are going on an extended vacation. Depending on your Internet connection, you will be able to post a regular journal entry and upload photos or videos. This encourages your family to discuss what you are doing, and grandkids to stay connected with you while you’re away.

Setting up a blog has become relatively easy, with user- friendly sites and easy-to-follow steps. Although there are always roadblocks with technology, blogging is worth exploring if it appeals to you.

You can also alter privacy settings within certain blog platforms. Some blogs allow you to keep the blog private, so that only invited guests can view the entries, whereas others are public to everyone. Many blogs are free to set up. An easy one to start with if you have a Google/Gmail account is Blogger.com; you

can also easily sign up for this free account. This site allows you to go into “Settings” and change the privacy to invited members only. Two other easy to use free platforms with privacy settings are weebly.com and wordpress.com.

What else is out there?

Other social networking tools include Twitter and Instagram. Both Twitter and Instagram can be a lot of fun, but neither are as integral as the aforementioned tools. If your kids and grandkids are regular Twitter or Instagram users, then these are relatively quick ones to sign-up for without much commitment on your part.

Twitter allows users to post 140 character updates and share images instantly with all their followers. By following their accounts, you will be privy to their updates and any interesting media events they choose to share.

Instagram is a photo taking application and social networking tool. Much like Twitter, you can sign up to follow someone’s account. Their pictures will then appear on your Instragram feed (similar to a homepage). You can then choose to post pictures or just be on the receiving end.

Just like Facebook and blogging, it is important to review the privacy settings for both and if you choose to share, make sure you are comfortable with strangers having this information.

When deciding which technology to use, it’s best to take some time to sit down with a family member or friend and find out what’s worked for them. That way you’ll be better informed to decide what will be best for you. Then sit back and enjoy the marvels of technology.

Camille McFarlane is a mom of two kids, a teacher and an educational technologist. Formerly from Alberta, she now calls Victoria home and loves sharing Vancouver Island’s natural beauty via technology with family members living throughout Canada.

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Allison Rees

Grandparenting Then & Now

M

y mother was very involved with my children. She provided quality of life to our family in a way that was both nonintrusive yet highly supportive. She had this ability to be engaged with the kids and make everything a game while she tidied my house and did my laundry. I remember coming home one day from work to find her juggling oranges in the kitchen with the kids laughing so loud they didn’t hear me come in.

I saw things in my mother that I didn’t get to see when I was a child. She was playful, fully engaged and affectionate with my kids. The business of life with work and saving money to buy a house were days gone by for her. Having already raised two kids herself, she seemed to know that the time would go quickly and was too precious to miss.

Now my mom is 93 and my kids are in their mid twenties.

She supported my way of parenting and tolerated my reminders that I would stick on the fridge for both her and my husband to read. TO LABEL YOU DISABLE or SAY WITH AN “I STATEMENT.” Poor mom!

Imagine me trying to teach my mother how to parent. I remember having a talk with her about how communication can impact a child’s self-esteem. Even though she was confused by this concept, she remained open and willing to make changes. Thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes because in reflection, she could have called my kids anything and the love she gave would overshadow any negative impact on their self-esteem.

If you are a grandparent today there is a good chance that you referred to some of the classic books on parenting when you raised your kids.

Dr. Thomas Gordon, wrote Parent Effectiveness Training in the early 70s and Rudolph Dreikurs wrote Children: The Challenge in the 60s back when children were called Betty, Fred or Herbert. I still pull both books off my book shelf when I need some inspiration.

If you didn’t take any parent education courses, you might think your kids talk funny when they talk to their own kids. It can actually be painful to listen to a young parent squeak out an “I Statement” while screaming at her child.

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“MOMMY FEELS SCARED WHEN YOU LET GO OF MY HAND IN THE PARKING LOT!” Or how about hearing your son reflecting his son’s feelings? “You are so mad, mad, mad right now. You don’t want to leave the park!”

There are some basic concepts at work underneath this new way of relating to kids: • Labeling a child’s feelings and reflecting why he might have those feelings builds his emotional intelligence and carves the path to a higher level of moral development.

• If you listen to a child’s feelings his behaviour will often calm down immediately because behaviour is often how he communicates.

• Loving parents accept feelings and guide behaviour. “It isn’t okay to hit but I can see you are really upset.”

• Using “I” Statements takes the negative judgments, assumptions, labels and put downs out of our words. Instead we describe behaviour that we might see or hear. It’s a clean way to give feedback to anybody.

• We can talk about our own feelings of concern or frustration and why we have those feelings. This brings a deeper level of connection to our kids and helps them understand that limits usually have a lot of value and meaning.

• When parents practice healthy communication with their kids, they also teach skills for solving problems and talking about things that really matter. This kind of modeling gives children the ability to have healthy relationships and high self-esteem.

My mom was literally dodging bombs in Scotland during World War II when she was young. She lived through the depression with limited resources of food and shelter. Nobody was using “I Statements” with her and they certainly weren’t reflecting her feelings. But she was loved unconditionally by her mom and I was unconditionally loved by her. Together, Mom and I learned some new concepts, but there was nothing new about the love we felt for the kids.

Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator/counselor and a partner in LIFE (Living in Families Effectively) Seminars in Victoria. For more information, visit lifeseminars.com.

Community Board Making our Community a Better Place to Live

1Up Victoria Single Parent Resource Centre 1-up.ca Art Gallery of Greater Victoria aggv.ca Camp Pringle camppringle.com Child Care Resource & Referral childcarevictoria.ca Farm Fresh Guide islandfarmfresh.com Island Health viha.ca GoodLife Fitness Victoria Marathon RunVictoriaMarathon.com Kaleidoscope Theatre kaleidoscope.bc.ca Phoenix Theatre phoenixtheatres.ca Royal BC Museum royalbcmuseum.bc.ca St. Michaels University School smus.ca Silver Threads Service silverthreads.ca Victoria Conservatory of Music vcm.bc.ca Enquire about non-profit brochure or magazine distribution in Greater Victoria:

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