2016
The Resource Publication for Parents with Teenagers
Get a Job!
Strategies to Help Your Teen Find Work
Cellphones & Citizen Science Ways Teens Can Assist Scientific Research
Teen Resources
Discover
Your Spark
Montessori for the Adolescent
Experience the precision of customized vision
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Do you have an active teen who complains of their glasses getting in the way especially during sports, the arts or social occasions? If so, contact lenses may be the appropriate vision choice for them. Some important facts to keep in mind when switching to contact lenses: • Contact lenses are very safe, as long as they are used as directed. They can’t be broken or knocked off the face during sports and they provide unobstructed peripheral vision. You can fi nd out if your teen is a contact lens candidate by having a full eye exam with their Doctor of Optometry. • Contact lenses do not replace glasses for all acti viti es and should not be worn by teens more than approximately 12 hours per day. • Beware of buying contact lenses online. Please be advised: Just because you have a prescripti on (new or old) does not mean you will get the appropriate product for your unique ocular characteristi cs, unless you get it from your eye care professional. • Contact lenses are medical devices that sit directly on your corneas and can cause problems if improperly fi t or not correctly monitored.
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Enrolment is limited. For more information or to arrange a tour, visit www.discoveryschool.ca, call Sherri Ko at 250-595-7765 or email principal@ discoveryschool.ca Come and See. Facebook.com/YourPCS
Together w e a re Family
The Cridge Centre for the Family is about people: children, adults, seniors, survivors of brain injury, women leaving abuse, refugees and immigrants, families with children with special needs and young parents. The Cridge Centre for the Family is about connecti on, about building community and partnerships, and about belonging and being valued. The Cridge Centre for the Family is about being at home and feeling safe, about achieving goals and reaching potenti al. The Cridge Centre for the Family is about all of us, working together to care for the vulnerable.
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www.cridge.org or 250 384 8058 1307 Hillside Ave, Victoria BC V8T 0A2 IslandParent.ca
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Contents 3
Welcome
4
The 411
Get a Job!
8
6
Cellphones & Citizen Science
Teen Resources
12
Creating Paddlers for Life Our vision is that every young person can experience the benefits of a lifetime involvement in paddling. The Victoria Youth Paddling Club is a registered non-profit society dedicated to developing, promoting, and running programs leading to fun, fitness, skill development, and competition in kayaking and canoeing. We offer a safe, affordable and fun water sports club for youth ages 9 and up. On-water activities are led by qualified coaches and are held on the Gorge Waterway. We run a year round program with two sessions: Spring/Summer (April through September) and Fall/Winter (October through March) and summer camps too!
See
vypc.ca for details
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10
Games for Change
Helping Teens Understand That Sexuality Is More 14 Than #netflixandchill
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Youth & Mental Health
How to Be an Adult for Your Teen
21
7 Dangerous Apps
What Now?
24
20
22
Talking to Teens About Substance Abuse
Island Parent Teens, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is an annual publication that honours and supports parents by providing information on resources and businesses for families, and a forum for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the Editor. Island Parent Teens is distributed free in selected areas.
Island Parent Teens
830–A Pembroke St, Victoria, BC V8T 1H9 Tel: 250-388-6905 Website: islandparent.ca
Publisher/Owner: Mark Warner Editor: Sue Fast Sales & Marketing: RaeLeigh Buchanan Publisher’s Assistant & Sales: Linda Frear Production: Eacrett Graphic Design Printed at Black Press, Victoria Cover printed at Hillside Printing, Victoria ISsN 0838-5505 On the Cover: Carmen G (15) Cover photo by Ute Muller, Fotoart Photography, fotoartphotography.net Island Parent Teens 2016
Welcome to Island Parent Teens P ush/Pull. Those are possibly the two most fitting words to describe parenting and the teenage years. Combine our instincts to hold our children close and keep them safe with their need to establish some independence and autonomy in their teen years and you’ve got the perfect recipe for the Push-Me-Pull-You dynamic of parenting teens. Add to that our occasional urge to push—er, okay, shove—our teens away, along with their sporadic need to be held close and it’s a wonder we all survive intact. Dubbed by some as the Twilight Zone stage of child rearing, raising teens is no easy feat. But as challenging as it can be at times, it can also be equally rewarding, wondrous and joyful.
Our teens are more than just “toddlers on hormones,” as they were referred to in a recent New York Times article; they are more than just monosyllabic, tech-addicted, eyerolling, door-slamming big kids. Sure that’s all part of it, sometimes what feels like a really big part, but those characteristics don’t complete the picture—a picture, it seems, that is constantly being re-imagined. As a wise friend once advised, hold them close when they’ll let you. Let them go when you can. Invite them along with you whenever it makes sense, even if you know they probably won’t accept. Be there for them even when you suspect they wish you weren’t. Listen. Hard. Bite your tongue rather than wag it. Be the respect you hope to see. And don’t, under any circumstances, sing in the car—especially when their friends are along for the ride.
If all else fails, adopt a dog. As screenwriter Nora Ephron once said: “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” Just remember that your dog will likely be around into its teens, too. This annual issue of Island Parent Teens is filled with valuable information, insights, and resources, along with words of wisdom/ frustration/elation and support. You’ll find articles dealing with topics that range from helping your teen find a job, cellphones and their role in citizen science, and the upside of video games, to teen sexuality, the transition from high school to college or university, and youth and mental health. There’s “The 411”—tips, facts, stats, and inspiration—along with Teen Resources listings, and the article “7 Dangerous Apps… that you—and your teen—need to know about.” We hope that Island Parent Teens helps you in the job of guiding your teens into young adulthood. We welcome any comments or feedback at editor@islandparent. ca. We also welcome your ideas, thoughts, suggestions and stories for our upcoming annual Island Grandparent issue, on stands at the end of June.
I BELONG HERE, BEING ENGAGED. Become involved, get connected ... Find out how through the new Saanich Youth Development Strategy. Create your own community recreation. Find out more at saanich.ca/teen
Cost should not be a barrier, ask how the LIFE program can help you.
IslandParent.ca
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411 The
Writes of Passage
…Teens’ Top 10 books, according to Young Adult Services Association: • The Shadow Throne by Jennifer A. Nielsen (Scholastic) • I Become Shadow by Joe Shine (Soho Teen) • To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han (Simon & Schuster) • My Life with the Walter Boys by Ali Novak (Sourcebooks) • Heir of Fire by Sarah J. Maas (Bloomsbury) • The Bane Chronicles by Cassandra Clare (Simon & Schuster) • The Young Elites by Marie Lu (Penguin) • The Kiss of Deception by Mary E. Pearson (Macmillan) • Since You’ve Been Gone by Morgan Matson (Simon & Schuster) • The Geography of You and Me by Jennifer E. Smith (Hatchette) For more reading ideas, visit ala.org
“When you have teens, the soundtrack of your life is snorts, the backdrop, eyerolls. Get used to it. They’ll come around by the time they’re 25. And like the old joke says, by then, they’ll be amazed at how much you’ve learned in 10 years.” From “10 Things You Need to Know About Raising a Teenager” by Nancy Friedman at fromhiptohousewife. com
Ditch Your Cellphone
“Make glorious, amazing mistakes...Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, do it.”
St. Michaels University School alumna, Ann Makosinski, the teenage inventor who won global acclaim for inventing a flashlight powered by the heat from one’s hand, advises teens to ditch their devices and do something more creative with their time. In an interview for The Independent, Makosinski said that as a child her parents seldom gave her toys or let her watch television. And she was never allowed a mobile phone. As a result, she learned to “invent things.” Her tips for parents who want to bring up potential inven– Neil Gaiman tors include scheduling lots of activities—“sport is one way of keeping kids off their phones”—and limiting screen time; she was allowed half an hour of weekend TV. “And don’t give them The National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) lists the as many things as they could possibly want. Which is hard, following as “appropriate chores for teens”: because I’m sure you want to give your children everything.” Eating & Food Preparation: planning meals, including budgeting and shopping; cooking/food preparation; setting and cleaning table, serving and clean-up. Teenagers’ relationships House Cleaning: cleaning their own room; other public areas the teen with parents, family, friends, and uses, especially the bathroom. This includes straightening up after using peers are in transition. Respect their need the space as well as regular periodic cleaning (dusting, vacuuming, etc). for independence and privacy, while still Laundry: Sorting for colour and cleaning requirements; washing and providing support and boundaries. drying clothes without shrinking them; folding and putting away. Adolescence is the second fastest growth period House Maintenance: yardwork; housepainting; simple home mainteyour child will ever go through. Nutrition and active living nance and repair; car maintenance (wash/wax, change tire). are important for healthy growth. Should you pay for chores? That depends on your beliefs and values, Emotional changes are huge—pay attention. Listen. say the NASP. Some parents see paying for chores as preparing kids for Don’t judge. And don’t take emotional guff personally. responsible wage-earning as adults. Others think of chores as contribuTaking risks is a natural part of growing up. Help your teen tions to family maintenance, not a “job” for pay. Some think of an allowmake informed decisions about tobacco, alcohol, ance as a way to teach their kids about money management, and want drugs and other risks. Talk openly with your teen to avoid confusing this with the lessons of chores. And, many families about sexuality. Believe in and trust your child, assign regular chores that are required without pay as family contribumost teenagers make it through the rocky tions, but then also offer special, elective jobs for pay—over and above terrain of adolescence without serious the regular chores. Whatever you choose, make sure you explain the physical, mental, or emotional harm. system and rationale clearly to your children. For more tips on parenting teens, For more ideas and guidelines on teenagers and chores, visit naspcenter. visit viha.ca/children/youth. org/adol_chores2.html.
Teen-friendly Chores
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Island Parent Teens 2016
Teen Volunteers @ GVPL
Greater Victoria Public Library loves volunteers. Without them, some services and programs would simply not happen. Register for teen volunteer programs using the online program calendar at events.gvpl.ca. Reading Buddies. For ages 13-18. If you like working with children, enjoy reading, are a fluent English speaker, and want to help emerging readers, GVPL needs you. Reading Buddies volunteers mentor children in Grades 1-4 with reading practice, literacy-based activities and fun. The library provides training and, upon completion, a reference letter outlining your volunteer hours. DigiLab. For ages 13-18. Develop leadership skills, earn volunteer hours and use your creativity and tech skills to help other teens use the new mobile DigiLab. DigiLab equipment will include digital artwork devices, crafts, electronics and more. DigiLab volunteer opportunities and training sessions are posted online at gvpl.ca/audiences/teens/digilab. Teen Council. For ages 13–18. Have your voice heard. Teens looking for an interesting volunteer opportunity are invited to join the GVPL Teen Council. Work on special library projects, meet other teens, have fun, boost your resume, and earn volunteer hours. Teen Council meets once month at the Central Branch, from September–June, and participants also work on special projects and represent the library at community events throughout the year. For more information, contact teens@gvpl.ca.
Bipolar Babes
BipolarBabe.com is an online space for conversation and education. Started in 2010 by Andrea Paquette who, at 26, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, the website now provides programs offering peer support and mental health education. Paquette and staff coordinate and deliver programs that impact many lives. They created the Bipolar Youth Action Project (BYAP) in partnership with the Collaborative Research Team to Study Psychosocial Issues in Bipolar Disorder (CREST.BD), a research network at the University of British Columbia. Biopolar Babes mission is to stomp out the stigma of mental illness through awareness, education and support. Programs include: Stigma Stomp classroom presentations; community presentations, Teens2Twenties support group, Stigma-free Zone Superheroes, along with various adult support groups. The Teens2Twenties support group for ages 15–25 is always accepting new youth, and meets on Thursdays at the Quadra Village Community Centre, 901 Kings Road from 7–8:30pm. The group provides a listening ear, comfort, and an informal and fun place to make new friends with peer support. The group is facilitated by Andrea Paquette. For more information about Bipolar Babes, visit bipolarbabes.com
Media Use by Teens & Tweens
A Few Frustrating Things Today’s Teens Will Never Experience 1. Waiting in line for hours to get tickets to a concert. 2. Taking film to be developed and discovering that 99 per cent of the pictures are blurry and no good. 3. Turning on the TV Guide Channel right after the channel’s listing you wanted to see had already scrolled past. 4. Starting a video and realizing it isn’t rewound. 5. Finally taping that song off the radio only to have it ruined by the DJ who talked through the end. For the full list of frustrating things, visit buzzfeed.com
10 Things You Need to Know About Raising a Teenager 1. They Know Everything, You Know Nothing. 2. They Hate/Love You, and You Love/Hate Them Back. 3. Your Teenaged Daughter Will Think She’s Too Fat/Too Thin/Too Ugly/Too Short/Too Tall/Too Something and it’s not your fault. There is no such thing as an unattractive teenaged girl. They are all gorgeous. Yet practically to a girl, they think they are too (fill in the blank.) 4. They Are Nice to Everyone Who Isn’t You. 5. They Will Make Some Really Stupid Choices (and that’s OK.) The teenager who never makes any mistakes will grow into the adult who never takes chances. 6. No Matter How Much Food You Buy, It Will Never Be Enough. My advice? Clip coupons, and live vicariously. Because if you’re old enough to have a teenaged boy, you’re way too old be able to eat like that anymore. 7. There Will Be Mess. 8. You Will Be Wistful. There will come a time when you walk by a toddler rushing, joy unbounded, into his waiting mother’s arms. And you will tear up. Get over it. Because also… 9. You Will Be Grateful. There will come a time, when you will be stuck at a restaurant/at the grocery store/heaven forbid in a plane, and you will see a toddler having a no holds barred, screaming, hysterical, tantrum. And you will see his mother, incapable of stopping it, humiliated, defeated. And you will think smugly to yourself: been there, done that. 10. This Too Shall Pass. Remember when you had a newborn, and you thought he’d never sleep through the night? He did. From scarymommy.com
According to a study by Common Sense Media, teens use an average of 9 hours of media daily, not including for school or homework. Tweens’ and teens’ media “diets” vary widely, but there are several distinct kinds of media users: mobile gamer, social networker, heavy viewer, video gamer, reader, light user, gamer/computer user. Boys and girls have very different media preferences and habits. The biggest difference is console video game playing: Most boys like console games a lot and play them frequently, and most girls don’t. Teen boys average 56 minutes per day playing video games compared to just 7 minutes for girls. Despite the variety of new media activities available to them, watching TV and listening to music dominate young people’s media diets. Only 10 per cent of teens choose social media as their favourite media activity. Only 3 per cent of tweens’ and teens’ digital media time is spent on content creation. Nearly 2/3 of teens who multitask say they don’t think watching TV (63 per cent), texting (64 per cent), or using social media (55 per cent) while doing homework makes any difference to the quality of their work. For information and to read the full study results, visit commonsensemedia.org. IslandParent.ca
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Kate Wiley
Get a Job!
Strategies to help your teen find work
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et a job! It’s a command we lob at teenagers with some regularity, particularly when the sofa cushions are starting to fray from overuse. Your teen may be equally eager to start earning money and gain the freedom that comes with it. But with no experience writing a resume or networking, she may need a little help. Before the job searching gets underway, you’ll want to sit down together to set some parameters. Youth may legally work in British Columbia from the age of 15 without the consent of a guardian. But while your teen is still in school, there are certain factors that a parent will want to consider: 1. How many hours can your child devote to a job and still keep up with school assignments? Most employment counsellors recommend no more than four hours a day on school days and no more than 20 hours in a week when school is in session. 2. What kind of work suits your child? While serving up Blizzards at Dairy Queen may seem like a breeze to your teen, you’ll want to have an honest conversation about the realities of work in a fast-food joint, including the less savoury tasks like cleaning the washrooms. Food service and retail are sectors which tend to have the most parttime work fit for a teen, but don’t overlook rec centres and tourist attractions. Consider offices too, where basic admin tasks can be filled by entry-level, part-time workers. 3. How will your child get to and from work? If your child is not yet driving, will he be able to walk or bike to work? Public transportation is great, but be sure to evaluate the impact of the commute on your teen’s schedule. Early morning or late evening travel may compromise things like breakfast or homework. Now that you’ve got some guidelines, it’s time to gather round the laptop and start applying. Right? Yes and no. It’s a good idea to see what sectors and businesses are hiring by exploring websites like workbc.ca, usedvictoria.com, indeed.ca, and monster.ca. But even mid-career job seekers have trouble standing out from the hundreds of applicants who respond to these postings. If your teen’s resume is limited to babysitting gigs, it may be an exercise in futility.
Tap the hidden job market
Encourage your child to inquire about employment opportunities with friends who are in the workforce already, as well as with your own adult contacts. In a relatively small town like Victoria, most job openings are never posted. They are filled via word of mouth. This hidden job market can be tapped best by making face-to-face connections. Send your kid out to retail establishments in the mall or downtown core with resume in hand. Or drop by a WorkBC Employment Centre, where your teen can get one-on-one assistance with resumes and job search, including making connections within the hidden job market.
Check with the school counsellor
School guidance counsellors, teachers and coaches are also worth consulting. Many schools have staff devoted to helping students find that first job. These advisors can draw from an extensive database of employer contacts within the community. “Depending on a student’s interest, we’ll partner with something like a grocery store and set them up to do 30 hours of volunteer work,” says Ken Henderson, Careers Teacher at Esquimalt High School. Once the student has proven himself to be reliable and hardworking, the employer will often decide to hire. Henderson says Thrifty Foods has hired several students in this way over the course of the school year.
Donate your time
You don’t have to dig very deep to find volunteer work on Vancouver Island. Contributing to the cause of a local non-profit will demonstrate your teen’s commitment to improving the community. Get inspired by browsing the postings at goodwork.ca, where organizations like WWOOF and Habitat for Humanity do their recruiting. Though most internships are reserved for post-secondary students, there are a few available to high school students, particularly over the summer. For example, BC Cancer Agency offers students in Grade 11 a chance to explore cancer research from the front lines.
Island Parent Teens 2016
Pad your resume
Whether the job requires a lab coat or a pair of work gloves, these kinds of experiences look great on a newly-minted resume. Other things to include are any awards your child has received, education, training or certifications (FOODSAFE, First Aid, etc.), and extra-curricular activities like sports. “All of these show your willingness to learn and cooperate with others,” says Jen Harrison, Community Coordinator at WorkLink Employment Society. “Also, don’t forget to include small jobs you may have done, like lawn care, pet sitting or child care. These exhibit your level of maturity and responsibility.” One of the most important skills your child will likely learn in her first job is perseverance. Most entry-level jobs come with a healthy dose of tedium, and you’ll thank yourself later if you insist that Sally stick with it. A good work ethic is among the most sought after qualities in applicants, regardless of the field. Excellent communication abilities and a willingness to learn are also in high demand, according to Harrison. “These are more important, for the most part, than previous work experience,” she says. “Once in the new job, teens will have a chance to test those communication skills in fast-paced environments, think on their feet, and creatively problem solve. These ‘soft skills’ will carry them far into whatever work they pursue in the future.” Needless to say, no test of your teen’s grit should take priority over his schooling at this age. Discuss with your child the importance of keeping up with schoolwork and ask the school to contact you with any concerns that employment is negatively impacting your child’s grades or attendance. Most parents will also want to establish a means of communication with the employer, in the event of an emergency or unexplained absence. No matter the nature of your child’s first job, you can help make his introduction to the workforce a positive one by guiding the way. Perhaps this first job will be a springboard to something more engaging once a degree is in hand. Or maybe your teen will find her stride. “A number of students who might not be great academically, get a job at a fast food restaurant and realise, in environments where they are stimulated, they can be really successful,” says Henderson. “And since they’re successful, they are motivated to continue to succeed.”
KateWileyiseditorofThe LEADSheet,anewsletter distributed by WorkBC Employment Services Centres. She also produces stories for CBC Radio. IslandParent.ca
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Cellphones & Citizen Science Ways teens can assist scientific research
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or some, limiting their childrens’ screen time can be a challenging, if not lofty goal. The same may hold true for educators struggling for a device-free day of learning. What if we accept that devices are here to stay and encourage kids to use them for science? Citizen science allows non-scientists—of any age—to volunteer their time assisting in scientific research or monitoring and it’s never been easier to get involved. A wide variety of projects offer something for every
Ocean Networks Canada (ONC) (oceannetworks.ca), based out of the University of Victoria, runs world-leading underwater cabled ocean observatories. These observatories collect a huge amount of data on the physical, chemical, geographical and biological aspects of the ocean. It is some of this data that volunteers help monitor with Digital Fishers. As Digital Fisher citizen scientists, you’ll analyze deep sea videos, 60 seconds at a time. No experience is neces-
skill level—from beginner to expert—and flexible time commitments—from 60 seconds to once per month or more. What can you study? That too varies and has something to suit every interest—from plants and frogs, to birds and whales and even remote areas of the deep sea. Head out to explore wetlands, lakes, the ocean or don’t go anywhere at all, simply look out the window or stay at your computer. Whether it’s with an app or your home computer, the following projects need your help in the name of science.
sary for this opportunity to contribute to the understanding of environmental factors and biodiversity in the deep-sea. ONC is also looking for Coastbusters. The Coastbusters app was designed with the important task of keeping our coast clean in mind. Upload photos and information to the site when you find large pieces of marine debris and you’ll not only help the health of our ocean and coastline, you’ll contribute to the understanding of winds and currents and how they move various types of garbage around our seas.
vcrc.bc.ca 250-658-5331 vcrcprograms@gmail.com
Does your child have difficulty reading? • can’t read words just read earlier • letter reversal • symptoms of dyslexia • “sounds out” words but can not blend them correctly • confuses similar sounding words • avoids reading/poor speller I offer an effective program that works! Call for more information or to arrange your individualized one-on-one tutoring solution.
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Island Parent Teens 2016
NatureWatch (naturewatch.ca) is “a community that engages all Canadians in collecting scientific information on nature to understand our changing environment.” The Naturewatch program has several streams to participate in: Icewatch, Plantwatch and Frogwatch. Icewatch may not be something us westcoasters can contribute much to, but recording the bloom time of flowering plants is. To participate in Plantwatch, simply keep an eye on specifically selected plants in your community, report when they bloom and help scientists understand how plants are responding to climate change. Amphibians with their thin skin and use of both terrestrial and aquatic habitats are good indicators of pollution and other environmental health changes. Frogwatch teaches volunteers to identify frog and toad species by their distinct spring mating calls. With this skill, you help protect wetlands and “over time, trends in Frogwatch observations may detect measurable climate change in Canada.” Bird Studies Canada (birdscanada. org) has opportunities for every skill level. No bird identification abilities are required to assist with the BC Beached Bird Survey. Simply walk the same designated stretch of beach once per month and look for beached seabirds. If you already have a beach you visit regularly, this is an easy program to assist with; you just need to connect with Bird Studies Canada to receive a survey kit. Seabirds, like amphibians, are good indicators of environmental health. Trends in mortality can help scientists detect oil spills, changes in ocean currents and shifts in prey availability. For those with strong bird identification skills try the BC Coastal Waterbird Survey. The information gained from this study helps determine long-term population and distribution trends along with ecological changes and effects of human impacts. Looking for something a little closer to home? Say, in your own back—or front— yard? Project Feeder Watch and Project Nest Watch may only require you to look out the window. FeederWatchers submit observations on the types and numbers of birds visiting their feeders. This program focuses on winter bird populations so participation is limited to November through April. A bird poster, calendar and handbook are provided to all who participate. If you know of nests in your yard or neighbourhood, consider monitoring and collecting data on nesting bird activity. Your observations can prove
valuable to those studying environmental changes. iNaturalist (iNaturalist.org) allows everyone to contribute to biodiversity science by simply reporting any and all species observations. Using the iNaturalist app, your camera phone and GPS, record encounters with species and connect with experts to identify the organisms. It’s win-win—you build your nature knowledge and scientists use your observations to study when and where species occur. Information collected over several years—or decades—provides data for studies on climate change and other factors affecting changes in biodiversity. eBird (eBird.ca), available for both iOS and android systems, accepts bird observations from anywhere in the world and is even available in eight different languages so you can contribute to science and practice a second language! If you want to report birds in remote areas or abroad with no cell service or internet, that’s okay too; it has functionality to do so. To contribute enter the when, where and how you went birding then fill in a checklist of all of the birds seen or heard. To keep you contributing and engaged eBird has monthly challenges. eBird shares collected data with educators, land managers, ornithologists and conservation scientists. B.C. Cetacean Sightings Network (BCCSN) (wildwhales.org), run by the Vancouver Aquarium, recently launched an app—for both iPhones and androids—to make contributing to their citizen science initiative even easier. This free app provides information on the local marine species of interest for tracking. Once you know what you’re looking for, report any and all sightings of whales, dolphins, porpoises and sea turtles—yes, turtles! Many of these species are listed under the Species at Risk Act and your observations can aid in their conservation. Don’t know what species you’re looking at? Report those too, you could spot a species new to the region. Whether you help researchers discover ecological changes or contribute to climate change studies, your observations can, and will, make a difference. Don’t wait, grab your phone and jump into science—with one project or several. Tina Kelly is the Visitor Experience Director at the Shaw Ocean Discovery Centre and the NatureHood Coordinator for the Saanich Peninsula. In both of these positions Tina actively encourages citizens off all ages to get out and explore nature, with or without their phones.
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students
flourish with improved acting skills,
confidence, CREATIVE THINKING, public speaking
stronger
skills, spontaneity, and versatility in physical & vocal expression.
Classes • Workshops • Private Coaching Fall, Winter, Spring & Summer Terms
Register Now
Kate Rubin
Theatre & Drama Studio
IslandParent.ca
in
CHILDREN, YOUTH, and ADULTS. Within a professional, for
250.386.8593 • KateRubin@telus.net www.KateRubinTheatre.com facebook.com/KateRubinTheatre
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Teen Resources Dance/Drama
Kate Rubin Theatre & Drama Studio offers young people with a dramatic interest or passion, special courses and programs which run fall, winter, spring and summer. The studio is highly regarded in Victoria for running quality theatre programing for youth. There is something offered for all levels and each term, students will have an opportunity to perform their work for an audience at the end. Groups are small for quality instruction. For more information, call 250-386-8593 or email katerubin@telus. net. katerubintheatre.com. Victoria Acade my o f B a l l e t (formerly Island Dance Studio) was established in 1990 by Christine Richardson F.C.S.C – C.I.C.B., ARAD. Now under the ownership and direction of Bleiddyn Del Villar Bellis, FCSC- CICB, The Victoria Academy of Ballet offers specialized dance instruction for children ages 3 through to Professional level. Victoria Academy of Ballet is a registered Vocational Institution. The Post Secondary Diploma Program is registered with PCTIA —Private Career Training Institutions Agency of BC. 716 Johnson Street 250-590-6752.
Distance Education
WestShore Centre for Learning and Training is part of School District #62, providing education and training opportunities for youth and adults on the WestShore and Sooke area. Open twelve months a year, we offer programming from morning to evening, striving to meet the diversity of needs required by our students. WestShore Centre’s Family of School’s offer a variety of supports and programs to help students and their families design a personalized educational pathway to graduation. 250391-9002. westshorecentre.com.
Family Fun
Games2u Victoria offers exciting one of a kind mobile entertainment. Choose from a variety of activities; Human Hamster Balls, Bumper Balls, Video Game Theatre, Foam Party, Inflatables and more. You, the host, 10
can choose your location and we’ll look after the rest from set up to take down. Whether you’re planning that milestone birthday, grad party, or looking to fundraise, we will entertain you and your guests, guaranteed. 250-661-2219. g2u.com. Winner of BC’s Remarkable Experience Award, the Horne Lake Caves is a natural jewel and one of the coolest family adventures on Vancouver Island. This park has wild adventure both above and below ground. Start with a video in Canada’s only Cave Theater and then hike and explore the crystal-filled caverns. Tours depart every day, year-round. Prefer your adventures above-ground? Try a rock rappelling session designed for beginners. Lakefront camping and canoe rentals are also available within walking distance.
Schools
In many ways, Discovery School is like any other school. We are Ministry inspected and have bright cheerful classrooms where children study the BC core curriculum. What makes us unique is that we are dedicated entirely to helping students with learning disabilities. Here elementary, middle and high school students work at their own pace in small classes under the direction of skilled, experienced teachers. For more information, please visit discoveryschool. ca, or call 250-595-7765. Dwight School Canada. You are powerful, but how can you build the confidence and skills to realize your potential as a young leader? The Global Leadership Academy transforms proven methods of leadership development into this life-changing twoweek experience-based summer program. Last summer, 94 teens from 17 different countries were challenged, inspired, and changed by our unique approach to real world learning. Discover the passionate leader within you. Special offer of $1,425 for B.C. residents. Apply now at dwightcanada. org/summer. Get school credit for what you are interested in! At Hands-On Home-Learning High School, we value how each individual’s interests can be applied to the BC high school curriculum—for credit. This new homelearning option is an extension of Oak and
Orca High School’s inquiry-based program, where students and teachers work to cocreate a program unique to each individual. Bring your passions and together we will create a high school experience where you can explore what you love. The Individual Learning Centre (ILC) is a high school of choice for students who find the neighbourhood school is not the right fit. Our greatest strength is the flexibility we can offer including continual entry, continuous progress, flexibility and duel credit college level programs. The Individual Learning Centre is: a small and quiet environment where students and families take an active role in building the educational plan, where students are valued for their differences, where there is one-on-one time with teachers, not chaotic and stressful and where anxiety might not interfere with education. For more information, please visit ilc.sd63.bc.ca. Pacific Christian School invites you to come and explore “Educational Excellence to the Glory of God” from pre-school through grade 12. We strive to nurture students in Christ-like living, critical thinking and joyful service to be faithful citizens in God’s world. Call us for a tour today. PacificChristian.ca. 250-479-4532. West-Mont Montessori’s Middle School helps students learn how to learn and trust their own ability to discover and think logically. Fostering curiosity and self-motivation, we challenge students to think for themselves, to think deeply, and to think about others. West-Mont’s Montessori Middle School program ignites the spark in today’s adolescent. Visit west-mont.ca, or better yet, come past our beautiful campus on Thursdays to see our program in action. 250-474-2626.
Learning Centres & Tutors
Sylvan. Learning should be personal. As the leading provider of supplemental education services in North America we have been serving the Island for 28 years. Our exciting new system Sylvan Sync combines 21st Century technology with our established individualized learning programs and the expertise and professionalism of our certified staff to provide each student with a unique personalized learning program to meet his or her specific needs. When your child just isn’t getting enough out of the classroom, you need someone knowledgeable whom you can trust to help guide and engage your child— someone with insight and experience. You can count on Sylvan. sylvanlearning.com. Island Parent Teens 2016
Total Learning Services (TLS) is a unique tutoring service in Victoria. TLS is dedicated to improving quality of life through effective clinical reading programs for children, teens and adults (age of clients—five to 50). The reading process can be a frustrating struggle for my clients; most times it is affecting their daily lives. As a reading specialist, I use strategies that make the reading process fun and easy. Achievement testing is done to determine the areas of the reading process which are of the greatest concern. My programs have changed the lives of many. Pediatrician recommendation. For your free consultation, contact Brenda Osadchy, B.Ed. M.SpEd. 778-440-0997 or totallearningservices2014@gmail.com. Tutor Doctor provides one-on-one in-home tutoring for all ages and in all subjects. Our tutors are subject experts, with BC teacher certification or degrees in their subject specialty, and training in our supplemental academic support programs Tutor Doctor 24/7 and TD Academic Game Plan. Tutor Doctor prides itself on creating a magical match with tutor selection made according to the unique learning style, personality and academic needs of the student. Call today for your free consultation. 250-802-5256. vancouverislandtutors.com.
Parent Support
Annabelle Gilham Family, Adolescent and Child Counselling and Therapy. Annabelle Gilham MSc, RCC, CCC Family Therapist. Professional, confidential and caring counselling for all ages. Support with parenting and behaviour challenges, anxiety and stress and mental health concerns. I welcome your enquiry and opportunity to create conversations in therapy to bring forth positive change for your family. Hertford Therapy (established 2007), 778350-0774. annabelle@hertfordtherapy.com, hertfordtherapy.com. The Cridge Centre for the Family is a place where people can find hope and direction when they are the most vulnerable and in need…a community of caring individuals who believe there’s more to social services than providing programs…because love is the bottom line. 250-384-8058. cridge.org. Life Dances Counselling The struggle in parent and teen relationships often creates a ripple effect of wide reaching consequences. Strengthening that relationship is a critical step in navigating teenagehood successfully.
IslandParent.ca
Life Dances Counselling is a Private Practice specializing in critical awareness, tools and practical resources for struggling parents and their teens. Join us for a free webinar for parents of teens on March 8 at 7:30pm or book a free Skype or in person consult by emailing: leanna@lifedancescounselling. com. Being a youth in today’s world is challenging. There are times when we require extra support to cope with stress. Stress can be related to school, family, peer relations, life transitions, trauma and substance use. Counselling can assist youth and families in learning healthy coping strategies for dealing with life’s challenges. Maxine Fisher RCC has experience working with youth and families for over 18 years. Contact Maxine at 250686-7582 or victoriafamilycounselling.com
Party Planning
Victoria Bug Zoo. Welcome to the amazing world of insects and arachnids! Discover roughly 50 species of many-legged critters. Knowledgeable tour guides provide a fun, safe, hands-on experience. Do not miss this unique adventure when in downtown Victoria! Party room rental available. 250384-2847. victoriabugzoo.ca.
Recreation
Saanich Recreation’s new Youth Development Strategy focusses on enhancing opportunities for youth (11–18) to become involved in creating community where they live. We will achieve our outcomes by engaging with Saanich youth, co-designing Parks and Recreation programs and services which meet the diverse needs of this age group through our six strategic priorities: increase participation; collaboration; risk and outdoor play; social well-being; youth spaces; communication. To find out how you can become involved, visit saanichrec.ca/teen. Victoria City Rowing Club: Row for fun, Row for fitness. Introductory rowing programs for Youth (ages 12–18) and Adults. No experience necessary. Learn the basics of safety, boathandling and rowing technique in a fun, safe environment. Youth programs run M–F throughout the summer. Join us for the full day Summer Camp or the 2 hour/ day Introductory program (Beginner and Intermediate levels). Experienced rower? Get ready for the Fall High School season in a VCRC Rowing ReBoot camp. VCRC also offers evening Introductory programs for Adults—suitable for all ages and fitness levels. Enjoy the peacefulness of rowing on beautiful Elk Lake as part of a warm, welcom-
ing community. vcrc.bc.ca, 250-658-5331, vcrcprograms@gmail.com. The Victoria Youth Paddling Club is a registered non-profit society dedicated to developing, promoting, and running programs leading to fun, fitness, skill development, and competition in kayaking and canoeing. We offer a safe, affordable and fun water sports club for youth ages 9 and up. On-water activities are led by qualified coaches and are held on the Gorge Waterway. We run a year round program with two sessions: Spring/ Summer (April through September) and Fall/Winter (October through March) and summer camps too. vypc.ca. Westshore Motocross Park offers dirt bike rentals and lessons for all ages. Learn to ride programs range from $35 to $50 and include bike safety gear and lesson. Kids and teens are known to love this sport for its adrenaline pumping excitement. Groups, birthday packages, summer and spring camps. Open year round. TuesdayFriday, 11am–8pm or dusk, Saturday and Sunday 10am–5pm. 2207 Millstream Road. westshoremx.com. 250-590-8088. West S hore Parks & Recreation offers wide range of programs for all ages. If you are looking for quality youth programs check out the teen section of our Activity Guide. Get your babysitting credentials, update your resume or take an Aspiring Artist workshop. There is always something fun happening in the West Shore. For information on teen programs and Friday Night Drop-In email acooper@westshorerecreation.ca or call 250-478-8383. Find us on Facebook; facebook.com/westshorerecreation. West Shore Parks & Recreation, 1767 Island Highway, Victoria BC.
Retail
Dr. Joslin, Dr. Morin & Associates. For over 26 years we have provided comprehensive eye health and optical services to the growing West Shore and Sooke communities. Our team of Doctors of Optometry and Certified Staff work together to provide patients with an exceptional experience in a caring environment. We believe that preventative eye care is an important part of total health care, starting with an infant’s first eye examination at the age of six months. #105-814 Goldstream Ave. 250-474-4567. Also in Sooke #5-6726 West Coast Rd. 250642-4311•
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Fashion Camp at The Makehouse
David Leach
Games for Change M
Sewing • Fashion Design • Upcycling Fashion Illustration
y parents might disagree, but I feel lucky that I grew up during the Dawn of the Great Age of Video Games. I had an early black-and-white Pong console before I graduated to floppy-disc text adventures on our Apple II, handheld LED games every Christmas and joystick battles on the Atari. As a teen, I misspent many afternoons and more quarters at the local arcade with Frogger, Q*bert and other digital and nondigital friends. So it seems strange to me that video games have earned a bad rap as anti-social brain drains. The outdated stereotype of the “gamer” remains a skinny, pimpled teenaged boy with thick glasses, hypnotized by a glowing screen—me at 15, in other words.
like I’m crazy: Duh, obviously. When I pose the question to colleagues and parents my age or older, I see the same puzzled expression—but for different reasons. If we want to understand the Gamer Generation, we need to play games with our kids and teens and then talk about our mutual experiences. At least that’s my excuse for booting up the PlayStation instead of doing chores. Some of my favourite moments with my son are when we team up for nine innings of Super Mega Baseball, a cartoony yet challenging game by a Victoria studio that includes a subtle message of diversity. That isn’t to say games are uniformly positive either. I’ve played enough Grand Theft Auto V to know the notorious gang-
Over the last few decades, video games have become more diverse, more social, more portable—hundreds can fit into a smartphone—and more sophisticated than a yellow puck munching pills and dodging ghosts. Games are now used for education, motivation, expression, competition, persuasion, even medication, and, yes, also diversion. Teenagers know that, of course. When I ask, “Can games be art?” in a class of university or high-school students, they look at me
ster simulation is a wildly creative social satire—and that I won’t let my kids play it until they’re 30. (That’s when I might also allow them to start dating.) “Game-based learning” and “gamification” have started to make inroads into education, too. At Quest to Learn, a public school in New York City, students master subjects by both playing and creating games. Jane McGonigal, the author of Reality is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World, urges teachers, parents
Ages 12–17 Camps offered in downtown Victoria during spring break and summer months.
Photos by Pamela Bethel Photography
themakehouse.ca
833 1/2 Fort Street (Between Blanshard & Quadra)
778.432.2294
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Island Parent Teens 2016
and game creators to tap into the billions of hours of collective digital play to motivate teens (and others) to achieve higher goals. Her dream is for a game designer to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Three years ago, I co-organized Games Without Frontiers, a free event at UVic’s annual IdeaFest, which explored the social power of video games. It was inspired by Dr. Jim Tanaka, a colleague in Psychology, who runs a lab that designs iPad and online games to help kids with autism recognize
If we want to understand the Gamer Generation, we need to play games with our kids and teens and then talk about our mutual experiences. facial patterns and social cues. Listen to Jim talk about the impact of his research and then try to convince me games don’t matter. This March, our “pop-up idea arcade” returns with hands-on demos by local gamemakers, MinecraftEDU Super Mario Maker rooms, plus panel discussions about games for learning, health, and art, as well as the future of virtual reality. I can’t wait to be inspired again. In fact, “game” seems like the wrong word for many of these new interactive experiences. I’ve been moved by the mythical dreamscapes and Grammy-nominated soundtrack of Journey. I’ve been touched by the mysterious coming-of-age tale in Gone Home. Recently, I downloaded That Dragon, Cancer, a haunting game created by an American dad to confront every parent’s greatest fear: a child’s diagnosis with cancer. I’ve only been able to “play” the first two chapters without… uh, something getting in my eye. Even in my late-forties, it seems, there are games I’m not quite ready to play. Such emotional depth only proves that video games have matured, too, and that both their designers and their young players deserve more respect than they often get. David Leach is the Director of the Technology & Society program at the University of Victoria, the father of two kids, and the co-organizer of Games Without Frontiers 2.0, March 12 (gameswithoutfrontiers.uvic.ca and uvic.ca/ ideafest). IslandParent.ca
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Jennifer Gibson
Helping Teens Understand That
Sexuality
Is More Than #netflixandchill
E
lvis’s gyrating hips. Madonna’s cross adorned bodice. Nikki’s ode to the anaconda. Decades apart yet these media moguls all share the same thing; a real-time illustration that oversimplifies and objectifies the complexities of sexuality. Who receives the bulk of this exposure? Our youth. Day in and day out, they’re relentlessly bombarded with images and messages that often depict sexuality as a simple act or performance. Exposure to these messages happens at the same time that their natural awareness of and curiosities about sexuality also begin to occupy more time in their full lives. For the past several years, I have watched as the media has taken up more and more space in shaping the sexuality of our youth. Every week, the majority of questions I am asked in workshops and through our youth texting help line can be connected back to the influence of the media on sexuality. Questions and concerns about the size, appearance, and function of genitals and whether everyone else is actually #netflixandchilling (having sex). These concerns are often prefaced by, “I read on this website…” “a movie I was watching…” or “my friend saw…” The motivation for these questions is often rooted in the media and the messages that simplify and portray sexuality through a very narrow lens. Whether it’s popular media, social media, or restricted-content media intended for adults—aka pornography—we’re receiving information that has the potential to diminish and limit positive definitions and understandings of and experiences with sexuality, if we let it.
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Island Parent Teens 2016
IslandParent.ca
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As adults, the messages we receive may cause us to laugh, shake our head in disapproval, flush with embarrassment and sometimes, yes, even be turned on. The key difference between us as adults and our youth is that most adults have developed maturity and the skills to understand, accept, challenge or as the youth often say “un-see” these messages. I believe that our youth hold the same capacity but they haven’t had the life experience yet to fully realize this. This is where our role as the supportive adults around them cannot be underestimated. Without a guide on the side of these messages, there is a real potential for the media to become a trusted and reliable source of (mis)information and education for youth. This is especially true for youth who lack strong connections to family, trusted adults, and community resources. So how do we work with youth to challenge these messages and help them realize the potentially joyous experience of the puzzle we know as sexuality? My experience as a sexual health educator and the youth I educate tell me that the answer lies in conversations focused on what they are not seeing in the media. They know all too well what’s not being left to the imagination! These conversations will assist and empower them to practice critical thinking skills as they begin to sort and place all of the developing pieces of their own sexuality puzzle. Youth tell me there are four major puzzle pieces most commonly absent in the media: communication, consent, comfort, and care. The first missing piece is communication. Our biggest skill when it comes to exploring, understanding, and sharing our sexuality is communication. Yet when sexuality is portrayed, there is often little to no communication between friends, partners, or families unless it’s in the context of ridicule or humour. The very act of speaking with and listening to our youth about big life topics
is modelling engaged and active communication. Sexuality and the decision to share your sexuality with a partner require strong, assertive, and intentional communication. An opportunity to practice communication not only helps youth to communicate in the relationships they may choose to have but also for their sexual health care. The next missing piece to the the puzzle is the real life use of sexual consent. An essential factor in healthy sexuality and sharing those experiences with a partner is consent. One of the incredibly articulate youth I work
a major reason why young people choose to delay sex (according to the McCreary Centre Society, the majority in BC are delaying!) is because they aren’t comfortable enough. When I ask them to explain what being comfortable means, they candidly speak of ideal body image, competing family and societal values, narrowly defined orientation and identity and privacy concerns. The images we see in media rarely represent, validate or celebrate the natural physical, emotional and cultural diversity that is us. Understanding the role of comfort in sexual-
While we have good reason(s) to be concerned with the multitude of explicit images and messages that our young people are being exposed to in the media, it’s really what isn’t being shown that holds the material for genuine conversations with our youth. with recently defined consent as a “positive and free agreement to share yourself and experience physically and emotionally in a sexual way with another person.” Active and enthusiastic consent is sadly rarely ever shown between sexual partners in current media—it is implied and assumed through gestures, disrobing, and action. Now more than ever, we must chat realistically with our youth about when consent is legal and how to give and receive consent in a natural and comfortable way with respect. It is too important to assume that we all have the same understanding of consent. Consent is not implication and assumption; it’s a positive and free agreement that will only work to support our positive experiences if we understand and use it. Missing piece number three is comfort. Very few things will require a more personal level of mental, intellectual, emotional and physical comfort with oneself throughout our lives. Youth in my workshops tell me that
ity is a great opportunity to remind youth of their established self knowledge and the value of checking in with themselves to know when they are comfortable and the power of using this knowledge as a guide in sexual decision making. A youth recently asked me “Is sex really just as simple as #netflixandchill? Where is the care?” What a great question! It’s a challenge to think of the last time care was genuinely exhibited in the mainstream media’s portrayal of a sexual relationship (maybe the Fault in Our Stars?) We must chat about what caring means in a sexual situation. What does a person need to care for the physical and emotional components of sexuality? Why do the media rarely show methods to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and/or pregnancy? If a person is sharing their sexuality with a partner, are they prepared to take on the individual and shared responsibility of sexual health care? Things such as testing, consistent barrier use
Maxine Fisher M.Ed., RCC, MTA
Counselling for Children, Families & Adults Over 20 Years Experience (Music Therapy Also Available)
Stress & Trauma (Acting Out) • Parenting • Family Transitions Physical & Learning Disabilities • Relationships • Individuals Skype & Phone Sessions Available M.Ed. | Registered Clinical Counsellor | Accredited Music Therapist
Call Today for a Complimentary 10 minute phone consultation Call 250-686-7582 maxinefisher@shaw.ca victoriafamilycounselling.com 16
Island Parent Teens 2016
(condoms, gloves, dams) and, potentially, birth control. Challenge your youth to think about how they would expect to be cared for before, during and after sharing a sexual experience with a partner. How would they show a partner that they care for them? This conversation prepares them to develop the skills to balance expectation with experience if and when the opportunity presents to have a partnered sexual experience. While we have good reason(s) to be concerned with the multitude of explicit images and messages that our young people are being exposed to in the media, it’s really what isn’t being shown that holds the material for genuine conversations with our youth. These are the conversations that will help them understand your values, expectations and hopes for them and their sexuality and will help them more easily choose which pieces of their puzzle are the most important. So next time you’re rushing your kids to school or hockey/dance/riding/lacrosse/piano lessons, turn on the radio and ask your kids what Nikki is not saying about the anaconda! Therein lies the solution to the puzzle. P.S. Youth tell me that it works best when adults wait for the song/TV show/movie to be finished before engaging them in a conversation about the missing puzzle pieces.
Hands-On Home-Learning High School Program
What are YOU passionate about?
Students and teachers work together to cocreate an individualized, inquiry-based program based on student interests.
This new home-learning option is an exciting amalgamation of Oak and Orca's unique High School Program and Hands-on HomeLearning K-9.
A program of Oak and Orca Bioregional School oakandorca.ca ~ 250-383-6619 ~ 1-888-383-6619 Get credit for exploring what you're interested in!
Online Sexual Health Resources
Looking for the most current and relevant sexual health information to educate yourself and share with the youth in your life but afraid to type youth and sexuality into a search engine? Here’s a current listing of Safe, reputable, and useful online resources for youth and their adult allies around the many topics of sexuality: islandsexualhealth.org beyondthetalk.ca yesmeansyes.com smartsexresource.com scarleteen.com sexualityandu.ca teenhealthsource.com mcs.bc.ca nativeyouthsexualhealth.com alterheros.com
Jennifer Gibson, MA, has been privileged enough to be a sexual health educator or “The Sex Lady” for the past nearly 12 years with Island Sexual Health. When she isn’t being educated by youth, you’ll find her taking photos, hiking or consuming media. IslandParent.ca
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Lorna Mace
Youth & Mental Health The challenges and complexities
T
here are several terms that are used in society regarding mental health difficulties. According to the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA), “Mental illness is the term used to refer to a variety of mental disorders that can be diagnosed. Mental disorders are health conditions that are characterized by alterations in thinking, mood, or behavior (or some combination thereof) associated with distress and/or impaired functioning.” Mental illness/mental disorders are interchangeable terms in the sense that they both imply a diagnosis. There can be both positives and negatives to a youth being formally diagnosed. On the one hand, the youth can feel validated in having a name to put to her emotions, and help reduce the feeling of isolation (“there are others out there like me…”). On the other hand, mental health diagnoses can be stigmatizing and can follow a young person through life. There are debates around whether or not youth can even
be formally diagnosed before their brains have finished developing (which can be up to the age of 25) and given the hormonal shifts occurring during puberty. According to Dr. Kristen Korol of the Victoria Youth Clinic, assessing youth for mental illness can be challenging. “It can be difficult to identify what is within the realm of normal teen behavior and what is due to mental illness or behavioral problems. Through adolescence, teens are experiencing physical, social, and hormonal changes and are developing their independence and their identity,” says Korol. “As such, it’s important that a comprehensive mental health assessment be performed to understand behaviors and emotions within the youth’s developmental and social context.” If it looks as though a child or youth is struggling with a mental health difficulty and/or substance use issue and has a family doctor, this is the most logical place to begin.
PARENTING PROGRAMS Life with your pre-teen or teen getting complicated?
If you feel unsure at times on how to support your teen or pre-teen and worry about their choices...
WE
UNDERSTAND!
We have programs and workshops that can help! For more information please contact This group has been a lifesaver. I have never participated in a group and I think it has been so helpful and beneficial. The philosophy makes so much sense.
250.384.9133 ext 222 or email parentingprograms@bgcvic.org A full description of Parenting Programs can be found at: www.bgcvic.org
Our Parenting Programs have been developed by staff and parents throughout BC and are administered under the auspices of Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada - Pacific Region.
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Recently there has been more of an initiative for community general practitioners (GPs) to stay current with mental health diagnoses so that they can treat some situations without having to refer along. For those in the community—and there are many—with no GP, they are directed to a walk-in clinic, either the regular variety, or a specialized clinic such as the Victoria Youth Clinic, which works with people between the ages of 12 and 24. If the child or youth requires support beyond a general practitioner, the youth can access more specialized child and youth mental health and substance use services in Greater Victoria. The mental health and substance use services in Greater Victoria are divided into youth services and adult services, both of which can be frustrating to navigate. To further the confusion, different agencies have different age cut-offs based on an assumption of when adult services become more appropriate. The Ministry of Children and Family Services (MCFD) provides treatment and support through Child and Youth Mental Health (CYMH) to youth up to the age of 19 who are dealing with severe mental health issues (CYMH.ca). Treatment and support includes a variety of services including dropin intake days to psychological assessments, counseling, and groups. Specialty services are provided for youth at risk of harm by suicide, and youth living with an eating disorder. Island Health holds the contract for youth substance use services, in a program called Discovery Youth and Family Substance Use Services, also providing counseling, education and groups for substance-using and/or substance-affected youth up to 19, and their affected families. There are gaps in our system when working with complex youth. We need more access to youth-centered services, more early intervention, more mental health promotion, says Korol. “We also need to do a better job addressing poverty and health inequities.” There are many passionate not-for-profit agencies in the greater Victoria area that work to reduce those gaps and support families in navigating the system. Contact the Victoria Youth Clinic for more info regarding services or look online. School counselors often have lots of info regarding resources and services in your neighborhood. Lorna Mace is the outreach worker at Victoria Youth Clinic, located at 533 Yates Street. She works alongside a diverse youth-focused team who are dedicated to providing comprehensive healthcareinasafe,judgement-freeenvironment. Island Parent Teens 2016
Where to Find Help
We bring the Fun2U!
In an emergency (all ages): • Dial 911 or go to your local emergency room (Suggestion: bring those who are under 17 to VGH where there are crisis nurses to support children and youth; bring those who are 17 and over to RJH, where Psychiatric Emergency Services for older youth and adults is located). • Call the Vancouver Island Crisis Line at 1-888-494-3888. The Integrated Mobile Crisis Response Team (IMCRT), or Emergency Mental Health can be accessed through this crisis line. Under certain circumstances, they will send this specialized team to your location to provide support.
• Laser Tag • Foam Party • Video Game Theatre • Hamster Balls • Bumper Ball Soccer • Inflatables ‘Like’ us on Facebook – Games2u Victoria Birthdays, Teen Lounge/parties, fundraising events for school groups, sports teams or Grad.
Alicia 250-661-2219
Seeking mental health support with your child/youth (under 19): • For mental health support, access services at the Ministry of Children and Family Development—Child and Youth Mental Health (CYMH) walk-in clinics. Call ahead to find out more about location and intake services. Saanich CYMH 250-952-5073 Victoria CYMH 250-356-1123 Westshore CYMH 250-391-2223 Aboriginal CYMH 250-952-4073
Seeking substance-use support with your child/youth (under 19): • Island Health—Discovery Youth and Family Substance Use Services. Supporting youth who use substances, and youth and families who are affected by substance use. • Call to learn more about the intake process or to access numbers for Discovery Services that span Vancouver Island. Discovery Victoria 250-519-5313.
Notable Online Supports: • Suicide Prevention Education and Support at Need2.ca. • CYMH, wmcf.gov.bc.ca/mental_ health, includes a BC-wide map of youth mental health and substance use services (MCFD and health authority funded agencies only). • Society for Kids’ Mental Health at forcesociety.com.
Questions? • For information and support, call or visit the Victoria Youth Clinic at 250-383-3552 or in person at 533 Yates St (back of the building), Victoria. victoriayouthclinic.ca.
IslandParent.ca
games2uvictoria@gmail.com www.g2u.com Games2u Victoria
Welcome to the amazing world of insects and arachnids! Discover roughly 50 species of giant walking sticks, alien-eyed praying mantis, huge horned beetles, hairy tarantulas, glow-in-the-dark scorpions and Canada’s largest captive leafcutter ant colony. Our animals are live and you get to hold them in a safe and fun environment!
631 Courtney St. Victoria BC V8W 1B8 (250) 384-2847 victoriabugzoo.ca
Open daily. Located in Downtown Victoria one block North of the Empress Hotel. Gift cards and Party room rentals available!
Horne Lake Caves
Discover the Wild Within!
The Action Plan:
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OPEN YEAR ROUND 19
Allison Rees
How to Be an Adult for Your Teen T eens can go in and out with their desire to connect with their parents. Some of this is the healthy push/pull that must happen in order to move on to the role of an adult. Doesn’t it make sense that they reject you to some degree? While you know this, it doesn’t make it less painful. It’s so hard not to be hurt or take it personally when your teen criticizes you, stonewalls you or shows nothing but contempt. In an adult relationship, these behaviours are a sign of danger and mean that the relationship is in crisis. In fact, these behaviours could lead to separation. When a relationship is in crisis, it is asking for a change, that’s what crisis is, change. That is the natural course of your relationship with your teen, a big change and more separation. Your task is to allow this change but nurture the relationship. Unlike an adult-to-adult relationship, we can’t rely on our teen to step up to the plate and think about our needs and feelings. In fact, they should be somewhat allergic to our needs. Too much awareness of the parent’s feelings and needs can interfere with the necessary task they have of moving forward. If they think that your happiness depends on them or that you can’t be okay in your life unless they change, it creates a trap. In other words, it binds you both. If your relationship with your teen feels strained or too distant you have to take control. That means you embrace the role of adult because your teen can’t.
Healthy adults can identify their own feelings and needs and consider the feelings and needs of others. When dealing with a teen, you must get your needs clear before having difficult conversations. What is important to you? If your need is to have more control by expecting more respect or compliance from your teen then you are out of your realm of control. If that is behind your communication, it won’t go well and your teen will just resist or rebel. If you go beyond this and become focused on your teens well-being, that is probably closer to what truly matters to you. Your genuine need might be to support your teens or contribute to their lives in a meaningful way. What could that look like? Sometimes when you are concerned about your teen’s behaviour, all you can do is express this. “When I see you struggling in school, I feel concerned.” Chances are they already know that and beyond expressing this, you may have to let go. Taking action and punishing a teen or removing all privileges backfires and disregards your teen’s needs. The teen is left to comply, rebel or go underground. So what do you do? Learn to be an emotion coach. We’ve done a pretty good job of learning about feeling words such as overwhelmed, hurt, frustrated and so on, but what about needs? After all, those feelings point to needs. Developing self-esteem means we believe our
needs matter and we create effective ways of meeting them. Let’s go back, way back to when our teens were babies. If they cried, we figured out how they were feeling and then we took care of their needs. If they were hungry we fed them. If they were wet, we changed them. If they needed closeness, we held them. While our teens are capable of feeding themselves and keeping themselves warm, sort of, they still need help with the emotional part of their world. They still struggle with their feelings and aren’t always able to articulate them, like many adults. When starting a discussion with your teen about important issues, enter their world first. When they want more freedom or autonomy, identify what matters to them. Reflect this to them. “It sounds like hanging out with your friends is really important to you and you’d like more time.” You can say, “Help me understand what really matters to you about this.” You can ask for more information by saying, “Tell me more.” Then, you can try summarizing what they have said until you get it right. Watch your body language, try to relax and stay with the intent of wanting to understand them. If you have gotten this far, you are doing well. If they think you understand them, that you “get” what matters to them, they might open up. At this point you might express your feelings and needs which might sound like: “When I think of you going to an unsupervised party I feel nervous, kind of scared.” They might roll their eyes at you but you need to ignore that. Identify your need which could sound like: “I need some reassurance because your safety matters to me.” You can say: “Convince me that you are able to handle this kind of responsibility.” You can make a request: “Can we sit down together and come up with a plan that suits both of us?” Don’t take over at this point. Ask questions: “What could this look like?” “What else could work?” Creating a plan with teens gets them to buy in to the plan and it increases their confidence. If there is a “No” that needs to be in place, you can still give your teen some understanding. All limit setting goes hand-in-hand with empathy. If you understand me and I understand you, we can create a respectful relationship. Within that, we can create some co-operation. When you want respect from your teen, you actually have to give it first. This is giving your child something that their friends or computers can’t give them and they need it from you, their very adult parent. Allison Rees has two books available, Sidestepping the Power Struggle and The Parent Child Connection. See lifeseminars.com.
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Island Parent Teens 2016
Tim Collins
7 Dangerous Apps ...that you—and your teen—need to know about
G
o to any shopping mall food court and I guarantee that you’ll see a group of teens, blissfully staring at their smart phones, oblivious to the world around them. Smart phones. A misnomer, actually. I have seen no evidence that they make their users any smarter…or for that matter that these devices are primarily used to make phone calls. Rather, the attraction seems to be rooted in the ability to access “social media,” although seeing a group of people ignoring one another as they stare at their phones might raise some doubts about how “social” these devices actually are. According to the Pew Research Centre, 88 per cent of American teens, ages 13 to 17 have (or have access to) a mobile phone of some kind. Statistics from Canadian sources indicate that the numbers are similar here. Teens use their smart phones more than ever imagined even a decade ago, with over half reporting going online several times a day and about a quarter of teens reporting “almost constant” use. I’ll concede that smart phones can be truly wondrous communication and information tools. But they also have a dark side. They’ve created a new platform for harassment, pedophilic stalking and scams of every imaginable description and not a week goes by without a report of cyber-bullying, sexual exploitation, or ruined reputations tied to the use of this powerful technology. And the truth is that there are individuals and actual technology companies out there that are constantly coming up with new tools that make a lot of the worst abuses possible. Parents may try to stay ahead of the latest problem apps but, truthfully, it’s losing battle.
Here are some of the current apps that should trigger some concern.
Meerkat/Periscope. These apps enable users to stream live video to Twitter (and elsewhere). The apps’ terms of service notwithstanding, users are known to produce images with nudity or pornographic content—images that are then captured and redistributed. MeetMe. There’s no age verification on this app and the account is linked to Facebook. The app uses GPS to allow users to meet “new
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people” who live nearby. What could go wrong? There’s a popularity rating that gives the app a game-like characteristic. The app allows users to identify each other’s location. Skout. This “flirting app” is designed to let the user meet new people. The teen version of the app leads users to believe that they are interacting with peers but this safeguard can be easily bypassed by entering a false birth date. Users can private message and exchange photos—with total strangers who can also see their location. Chat Roulette. Here’s a video chat site that randomly matches users with someone around the globe to video chat. (The roulette moniker seems fitting). Nothing prevents the person you’re chatting with from recording your video chat and posting it elsewhere. Private Photo (Calculator). This is one of many apps that are designed to hide photos, chat logs, and other files from prying (parental) eyes. The app looks just like a calculator except that a secret code unlocks stored files that are otherwise undetectable. It’s one of a series of private file systems with the express purpose of hiding information. Tinder. This app is designed to be used to find dates and “hook-ups” using GPS tracking. There is no age verification system and it makes it easy for adults to stalk minors while posing as teens themselves. The “rating system” attached to the app makes it an ideal platform for bullying. Snapchat. This photo-sharing app allows users to send photos to specific people while assigning an allotted time before the photo “disappears.” Popular for sexting because of the myth of the disappearing images. In fact, images can be captured, reposted and distributed. Not to alarm parents, but by the time you’ve read this, new apps will have appeared to perform these functions, and worse. It’s a struggle, to be sure.
Tim Collins is a writer and freelance journalist living and working in Victoria.
What Parents Can Do OK, so you’ve given in and gotten your teen a smart phone (or lap top or tablet…the platform really doesn’t matter). They’re thrilled and seem to understand the technology on an almost innate level. But you’ve read news accounts of how teens have become prey to online stalking, harassment, bullying and the destruction of their reputation—all as a result of the same sort of technology you’ve just given your child. To make it worse, your teen doesn’t even answer your calls when you try to use the phone for what it was intended for. So what’s a parent to do? If you’re like one mother, Sharon Standfird, you devise your own app (called “Ignore No More”) and install it on your teen’s phone. Now she can disable her recalcitrant daughter’s phone remotely, allowing only emergency calls and a call home. Another app, Phonesheriff, allows parents to monitor their teen’s phone activity and limit screen time. Qustodio is another app that sets time limits and can monitor up to five devices simultaneously. In truth, the technological battle lines have been drawn between parental concern (some may say snooping) and the desire by teens to keep their activities private. New apps are appearing daily and the arms race can be exhausting. The best advice, however, is still to talk to your kids. Tell them that as long as you are paying for their phone, you have the right to look at it at any time. Then do it. Take your time and check call and text logs and inspect apps that you find troubling. Remove the ones that you feel are inappropriate after discussing your reasons with your child. The best defense against the dangers of online activity is to inform your teen of the dangers and, together, set out agreed upon expectations for safe behavior. Real life examples of consequences to teens that have strayed into dangerous corners of the net are easy to find and should be discussed. And it’s OK, again together, to set some limits and rules and to have consequences for breaking those rules. The answer isn’t spyware. It’s communication. TC
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ublic high schools try to give teens an idea of the working world by introducing them to programs like WorkSafeBC, for example, or Planning 11, a class that lets them browse possible career choices and receive a list of results based on a multiplechoice quiz. Finding a career and planning a future is a monumental task for one student
my take on the transition from high school to college or university. We as young people realize in the first few months of freedom that we may lack critical knowledge about the adult world. Some young adults will be more likely to turn to Google instead of their friends or family to find ideas of the possibilities that lie ahead. Google may have some answers, but it doesn’t filter information posted on the internet, and some of it may be incorrect. I have had to ask my parents questions where
alone, but for 25 to 30 students in a half-hour class once a week for the last two years of high school, I’d say it’s nearly impossible. One reason students don’t want to think about life as an adult is simply because, well, the unknown can be terrifying. Even now, three years after graduating from high school, I don’t feel like I have my future or career mapped out. Sadly, I am among the majority of young adults. So what can parents expect when their children graduate from high school? Here’s
the answers should be obvious: “How do I fill up the car with gas?”…“How do I format my resume?”…“How do I write a cheque for rent?” and things like that. Remember that you have the gift of hindsight. You can look back at your past anxieties and laugh. You can ask yourself “Why was I so worried? It all worked out in the end.” Those problems you had when you were young can seem so menial compared to the issues you face today. Well, remember that your child, now a young adult, doesn’t have
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22
Island Parent Teens 2016
the gift of hindsight when stepping into the adult world. They don’t know what lies ahead of them and even if they think they do, their lives may take unexpected turns that they are not prepared for. As a result, young people can experience anxiety and depression within the first few years of independence. I have suffered from both. It’s a feeling of isolation, one that seems as though no one understands and/or can help you. There is an immense fear of failure that I think is common among young people today. When we graduated high school, we listened to speech after speech about our boundless potential, and how it was time to go out into the world and make a difference. With that comes the fear that we may not make a difference after all. This transition into independence is not all just anxiety, however. My first year of university was great. Everything was new and exciting, and there was a refreshing sense of freedom: I could go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted (within reason), and I was in control of my own life. My classes opened my eyes to a world of knowledge that was actually of interest to me, and I met many people who enhanced the experience. Indeed, my first year at university was the most exciting. It was in the years following that the anxiety and depression set in. I’d advise most new students to live in residence for the first year of their schooling, simply to get a taste of post-secondary life and to meet new people. True, there are wild parties as many young adults experience total freedom and a lack of restraint for the first time in their lives, however the social benefits of living in residence will likely give your child a boost and help them avoid a feeling of isolation and loneliness. (Living with roommates also helps, but it also comes with its own set of challenges.) Another thing to expect during the first year of post-secondary education is a drop in grades. Your child is likely to see their marks fall. I cannot stress enough that this is completely normal. The expectations in university and college are much greater than high school. It takes time to adjust. Give your child room to grow, but try to help them when they need it. The road to adulthood can be a bumpy one but with any luck, it will eventually get smoother and they’ll cruise into life as an adult. Emily Collis is a fourth-year writing student at the University of Victoria.
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Stephanie McCune
Healthy Families, Happy Families
Child, Youth & Family Public Health South Island Health Units Esquimalt Gulf Islands
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Talking to Teens About Substance Use
A
dolescent substance use is a topic that often provokes tremendous concern, especially for parents and caregivers. Although many teens experiment with substances without experiencing significant challenge, substance use can be a risk for any youth, and serious consequences can occur. This potential might cause parents to draw from fear-based or scare-tactic approaches when talking with their teens about substance use. However, current research suggests that scare-tactic and fear-based conversations have little to no effect on an adolescent’s decision-making. One reason fear-based approaches aren’t effective is that they tend to assume that substance use and risk-taking is an expected part of adolescence. In fact, not all youth fit this assumption and might hold strong ideas about substances and the role they play in their peer group and social circles. Another reason is that fear-based approaches are often only focused on “information giving.” This approach provides information without actually identifying how to use it. In order for teens to make informed decisions, they need to be included in a discussion that explores how, when and where substance use information can be applied. Parents can move beyond a “just say no” approach and encourage their teen to talk about “why.” For example, it is important to talk about the reasons why a young person might have a difficult time saying no, and thoughts about why they might be engaging in substance use and/or trying to refrain. Some youth develop relationships with alcohol and/or other drugs as a means to cope with emotional, mental health or relational challenges. Understanding such challenges will allow parents to be in a position to support the development of alternative means for coping. Substance use is a complex topic influenced by historical, social, familial and cultural perspectives, values and beliefs. As a result, talking about substances, substance use and ideas about dependence and addiction can bring up strong emotion, differing
viewpoints, and tough questions. Finding ways to connect on a relationship level prior to moving into a discussion about substances can be useful in navigating this potentially difficult terrain. Once engaged in conversation parents can offer generous listening by maintaining a genuinely curious stance, asking open questions and providing simple encouragements like head nods. Should the conversation derail or move into a direction of conflict or frustration, parents and teens can agree to take a break and come back into dialogue at a mutually agreeable time. Willingness to re-enter into conversation sends the message that talking about substances and substance use is important and ongoing. The following are additional tips and ideas as you enter into conversation with your teen about adolescent substance use. • Connect on a relationship level. • Invite teens to talk about their opinions and perspectives, the benefits and risks of use. • Demonstrate your belief in your teen’s capacity to problem-solve and make informed decisions by inviting them to discuss their boundaries and plans for maintaining safety. • Focus on wellness versus problem. • Pay attention and affirm the positive behaviour that you would like your son or daughter to do more of. Communicate hopes and expectations rather than disapproval and disappointment. • Do research together and explore multiple theories and perspectives on substances, substance use, dependence and addiction. • Trust your instincts. If you would like more information about talking with your teen and/or supporting a son or daughter actively involved with substances, visit viha.ca/youth-substance-use/ and scroll to “Is your teenager using drugs?” Stephanie McCune, PhD, is the Substance Use Knowledge Exchange Manager with Island Health and author of Recognizing Resilience: A Resource for Parents and Caregivers of Teens Using Substances.
Island Parent Teens 2016
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