SAHDs and WAHDs
The Next Generation of Dads
By Amy Fardell
“Yeah, I never thought of myself as the housedad-type, but things change,” grins Eric Lindley*, a work-at-home-dad in North Vancouver. Eric’s wife works full-time in a corporate law office downtown. Instead of putting their two children, both under the age of four, in daycare, they decided that one parent would stay home with the kids, and Eric decided it would be him.
“My wife offered to do it, but I knew how much her career meant to her,” explains Lindley, “and my work is done from home anyway, so it made sense for me to be the at-home parent. I schedule my work around the kids’ nap times—thank God the older one still naps religiously— and I do a lot early in the morning or late at night when everybody is sleeping.”
John Leung*, a stay-at-home-dad of three kids under age eight in Surrey, said that making the decision to stay home with his kids was the easiest of his life. “I wasn’t passionate about my job,” say Leung, “it was just a way to earn money, and my wife makes a bit more than I do, so it made sense to keep the higher income. Plus, I really love having this time with my kids. I feel so lucky. In a few years, when they’re a bit older, I want to get back out there, but in the meanwhile…”
With the cost of daycare rising exponentially, and waiting lists of up to two years, examples like these are becoming much more common. Instead of working to pay for daycare, fathers are staying home with their kids, and letting their wives take over the breadwinning duties. But do they take over all of the household management?
“I clean the house during the week,” says Lindley, “do the laundry and all the cooking, plus I drive the kids to their play dates, doctor appointments and activities. On the weekends, my wife does the cooking and takes care of the dishes, but I still do the vacuuming. We both try to give each other time to rest from the kids and each other, so that we don’t burn out.”
“I try to keep on top of the housework,” admits Leung, “but I’m not as good at it as my wife, and my organizational skills could use improvement. If I don’t write it down, it’s gone in thirty seconds, and then I’ll have my daughter yelling at me for forgetting to buy a birthday present an hour before the party.”
All in all, it’s a far cry from the traditional father role that most of us grew up with. Maybe men today are more comfortable with their masculinity or were raised with a more balanced set of gender values, but the result seems to be fathers who find it completely natural to stay at home with their kids and run the household while their wives work outside the home. Of course, not every situation is idyllic.
“My wife is definitely still in charge of organization,” says Leung. “I know it’s a bit stressful for her to manage everything, and I have had to call her about where to find things while she’s away on business trips, but we’re working on it.”
*Names changed to protect privacy.
Money Matters
By Karin Mizgala
Iwas thinking of buying budgeting software in the hopes that this would help us manage our family finances better. My wife thinks it would be a waste of time and money. Who’s right?
Many of my clients and students ask me about the best accounting software packages to create a budget and keep track of their expenses, such as Quicken or Microsoft Money. They’re shocked when I say that I don’t recommend either of them.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a big advocate of having a good handle on your expenses. The trouble is most people don’t use their “money time” wisely—and often focus their attention on the wrong things. Budgeting isn’t about dumping a whole bunch of numbers into a computer and then wasting time juggling those figures. Yes, you absolutely need to gather the critical budget information for a few months to see what your spending patterns have been. But you can use pen and paper, or a basic Excel spreadsheet to track these numbers.
The key is to do something useful with the information you have been gathering so diligently and to figure out what the numbers mean. Most importantly, are you living within your means or not? How can you tell? Well, an easy reality-check is to look at your debts—especially your credit card and line of credit balances. If your debts are going down year-after-year—and not up—then this is a good sign that you are living within your means.
Chef & Food Stylist
Murray Bancroft
What’s the lowdown on you?
I’ve been married five years with two daughters (four and one). As a chef/consultant and food stylist, my career and passions are one and the same.
What inspired you/led you to become a chef/ food stylist?
Paris. I had the chance to go to France on a high school trip and I still remember my first steak frites. After attempting to send it back (thinking they’d forgotten to cook it) I tried it, and I liked it. A summer job went towards going back the next year, then eventually moving to the South of France. In fact, I was working in Paris when I got the call that my wife had gone in to labour early. I missed the birth, but at least I had a bottle of Moët in tow when I arrived at the hospital!
What are some of your biggest challenges in work? In life?
Telling my kids they can’t play with their food when I do it for a living.
What would you describe as some of the biggest rewards of your work/family?
Project3:Layout 1 9/12/07 6:28 AM Page 1
Tasting entire menus in one sitting—and still making it home to cook for the family.
Do you manage to take time-out for yourself?
If so, what does that entail?
I try to get outdoors and exercise when possible— early morning runs. Lately it’s crabbing or tennis. We also have a big vegetable garden that I tend to every day from April to October.
How did your business come about?
I was working in the kitchen at Le Crocodile and got to know one of the locally-based farmers who delivered to the restaurant. He inspired me to start a company delivering farmers’ produce to customer’s homes. The experience of working for myself and discovering other ways of working with my passion for food was exciting. When I met my future wife, I told her I wanted to have dinner with her every night—something restaurant chefs don’t get to do. That’s when I began consulting and food styling.
Do you and your partner manage to make time for yourselves? How do you keep your relationship from going stale?
My wife and I are masters of the 48-hour vacation. We get away with and without the kids as often as possible to relax, but also to get inspired by new things.
Any must-haves?
Family, good food, wine.
Next, ask yourself: Am I setting enough money aside for important life goals—travel, retirement, kid’s education, charitable works, making a difference in the world, etc. If you aren’t sure how much you need to save now to reach each of your goals, then have your financial advisor run some projections for you.
If you have a plan in place for saving and investing wisely, if you’re living within your means, if you are working towards your life’s purpose—your dreams—your goals, then it really doesn’t matter how much money you spend in each budget category. Knowing how and where you spend your money is essential—before you put a financial plan in place. Stay on track with your plan by looking at the pace of your debt reduction, the quality of your life on a day-to-day basis, and your progress towards attaining your short, medium and long-term life goals. Spending the time up-front to set up a budgeting system that maintains itself will save you time and money in the long run.
Karin Mizgala MBA, CFP, is a fee-only financial planner and co-founder of the Women’s Financial Learning Centre. www.womensfinanciallearning.ca
Tell us one or two of the most important life lessons you have learned through being a dad/ business owner.
Don’t sweat the small stuff—especially when it’s in the form of a half-eaten piece of broccoli being hurled your way.
Anything else you’d like us to know about you? I taped a cooking show (while partially clad) for CityTV that may still be airing (albeit dubbed) in some South American countries—very late at night, I’m sure.
Adult Events for the Hip Dad Around Town!
Improve Communication and Speaking Skills
Pitt Meadows City Hall, Every Thursday at 7:30pm Toastmasters is dedicated to helping its members overcome speaking fears while building confidence and self esteem. This is for a Toastmasters, non-profit organization starting a new club in Pitt Meadows. Everyone Welcome. 604.465.9699
We Stand on Guard for Thee: Canadian Naval Centennial Vancouver Maritime Museum, Ongoing until September
A new exhibit at the museum recognizes and honours the Royal Canadian Navy’s centennial. The exhibit is supplemented with some rare vintage artefacts including the rare and unusual Mark IX torpedo. It was also the weapon that defined Canada’s role in the war, namely the Battle of the Atlantic. Among the numerous ship models on display will be a large scale replica of a German U-boat 203. vancouvermaritimemuseum.com
Sustainability Community Breakfasts
BCIT Downtown, June 2 & 30, 7:30am-9am
You are welcome to attend our ongoing series of breakfasts to share actions and strategies on building a more sustainable Metro Vancouver. The breakfasts are your opportunity to network with others working in the private, public, academic and not-for profit sectors. For updates, more information and to register, visit our website under “breakfast.” metrovancouver.org
The Challenge of Balance
Granville Island Hotel, June 4, 9am-11am
Momcafé is pleased to present two high profile women in the local business community who juggle multiple roles as moms, wives, business people, community leaders and more. Launi Skinner has enjoyed an incredible journey leading large organizations including Starbucks North America, 1-800-Got-Junk and now First West Financial, while making time for her two young daughters. Cybele Negris is an experienced entrepreneur building two businesses and raising two young children. Childcare is provided so attendees can take some time to linger over a latte, be inspired, and connect with other moms to share ideas and experiences. $37 non-members; $31 members (plus GST). Includes a light breakfast and latte.
604.290.4236 | momcafenetwork.com
Divas to Diapers
2nd Beach, Stanley Park, covered picnic area, June 5, noon-2pm
A family picnic raising awareness for Post Partum Depression. Please bring a blanket or lawn chair and a picnic lunch and join Post Partum Support Society speaker Sheri Brown. There will be children’s entertainment and a demonstration by Salsa Babies. RSVP before the event for a chance to win a gift basket. Donations accepted with proceeds going to the Pacific Post Partum Society. divatodiapers@gmail.com
Parents’ Survival Nights!
The Little Gym, Langley, June 18
Parents, do you need an evening out? Well drop the kids and go out and enjoy yourselves knowing your children are having just as much fun in a safe and nurturing environment with their friends! Call and reserve your spot today to avoid disappointment. These nights are open to the public for anyone between the ages of 3 and 12 years of age. thelittlegym.com
Sunday in the Park
Boundary Bay Regional Park, June 20, 9am-noon
or email
Father’s Day Walk/Run for Prostate Cancer
Burnaby Lake, June 20
Drop in and enjoy this 10th annual Father’s Day pancake breakfast served at Centennial Beach. There will be entertainment by Doghouse Group Celtic Band. At 11am, celebrate the grand opening of the Lions Club playground for children of all abilities. Breakfast: $5/adult, $2/child.
Choose from a 10k run, a 5k walk, or a 2k stroll. There is also a tot run, live music, free barbeque lunch, 100’s of prizes and special guests. It’s a fantastic party that you won’t want to miss. Do it for Dad! Please register online. fathersdayrun.ca | 604.574.4012
2010 Main Street Car Free Day Festival
Main Street, June 20, noon-8pm
Celebrate Father’s Day Car-Free! Check out local artists, and performers, street hockey, bicycles, storytelling and loads of family fun! This festival runs in conjunction with four other neighbourhoods, and will be a part of a larger movement, Car-Free Vancouver Day.
carfreevancouver.org
Entrepreneurial Moms: Understand the Meaning Behind the Numbers #300-1111 West Hastings St., June 21, 1pm-4pm
Learn how to assess the overall financial health of your business, optimize your tax and business structure, manage your books and how to work with an accountant, and discover creative ways to grow your business. This 3-hour session will provide key answers to questions such as: should I re-invest in my business or pay myself? When does it make sense to incorporate? Should I incorporate my family into my business? How do I pick an accountant? What are other creative ways to grow my business? Cost is $79 and includes 45min one-on-one professional coaching and a one-on-one appointment for personal or business consultation to map out your financial plan. flci.ca
Soirée Gala & Auction
Nu Restaurant and Lounge, June 24, 7pm
Playing host to BC’s movers and shakers, this show is truly a feast for the senses. Festivities start with a decadent cocktail reception, followed by a fine wine and food experience. The evening continues with live entertainment, a silent and live auction featuring priceless items and experiences, a spectacular grand prize raffle, and much more! $125 per ticket. Group rates available. Net proceeds to benefit the Whistler Film Festival Society 1.877.838.FILM (3456).
Food Fight! The Battle for Brunch
Vancouver Convention Centre, June 27, 11am-2pm
This is a fun and unique new fundraising event bringing together some of BC’s finest chefs in a battle for your taste buds. Mingle with friends as you sample each delicious brunch offering and cast your ballot to declare one chef the Food Fight champ! Guests will also enjoy a gorgeous floor to ceiling harbour view from the Vancouver Convention Centre’s most stunning ballroom and an auction featuring some fantastic items from participating restaurants and other local favourites. variety.bc.ca
Great reads for dads and the people who love them!
The Modern Dad’s Dilemma: How to Stay Connected to Your Kids ina Rapidly Changing World
by John Badalament, Ed.M.
In this hand-on approach from Badalament, a noted documentary filmmaker, author and parenting educator, the stories of fifteen diverse fathers are used as a starting point to explore issues like balancing family time with work demands, building open communication with your kids at any age, modeling a healthy relationship with your child’s mother, and sorting through your own father’s legacy. SRP $18.95.
Parking Lot Rules & 75 Other Ideas for Raising Amazing Children
by Tom Sturges
Tom Sturges is just a regular guy who, one day, was lucky enough to become a dad. Unfortunately, he realized that he had no idea on how to be one. Enter Parking Lot Rules, based on his endless notes and experiments raising his two boys. Along the way, he found that some rules worked (Parking Lot Rules, Smile When You See Them), while others—didn’t (Child Steers While Daddy Drives, for one). Humourous, practical and highly insightful, a great read for any new parent. SRP $16.50.
A Complete Guide for Single Dads
by Craig Baird
Whether you are a single father through divorce or death, A Complete Guide for Single Dads will guide you through the many obstacles and trials you may face in your new role. Author Craig Baird details the differences between parenting a daughter versus a son and outlines how to deal with the issues a mother would normally handle. You will learn how to communicate with your children as well as how to balance work and family time. Also included are tips on cooking healthy meals for your kids, divvying up chores, setting rules and instituting discipline, and introducing pets into the home. SRP $24.95.
What I Would Tell Her: 28 Devoted Dads on Bringing Up, Holding On To and Letting Go of Their Daughters
edited by Andrea N. Richesin
Vulnerable, endearing, often funny and occasionally heartbreaking, this collection of essays explores the complex, enigmatic bond between fathers and daughters, the overwhelming sense of responsibility that is so common, and the challenges and struggles of each. SRP $16.95.
C’Mon
Papa: Dispatches From a Dad in the Dark
by Ryan Knighton
The latest offering from Vancouver author Ryan Knighton explores his own journey through fatherhood as a legally blind dad. With wit, humour and much honesty, Knighton paints a graphic picture of what it’s like to have your baby toddle away and your only hope is she will respond to your calls, or walk through Vancouver’s busy streets with a three-month-old strapped to your chest, and hope you don’t crash into a pole—or worse. Compassionate, humourous and a great local read. SRP $29.95.
A Complicated Love
by Dene Rossouw
The true story of a local Vancouver father, A Complicated Love is about a straight father and a gay son and lessons from their road trip. It packs an emotional punch as father and son share their poignant journey of discovery—each man ultimately learning that by letting go of old baggage they open their hearts and minds to accept each other. At its core is the enduring message of love in its purest form. SRP $12.95.
Handy Dad: 25 Awesome Projects for Dads and Kids by
Todd Davis
In this super-cool book, Todd Davis, star of HGTV’s Design Star, shows how to build all sorts of projects kids will love—from half-pipes and zip lines to go-carts and more! SRP $24.95.
Fun All Year Long!
2nd Annual
ReadersChoice awards
Our ULTIMATE FAMILY PASS Grand Prize (Total Retail Value Approx. $1,000!) includes a one year family membership to ALL of the following attractions:
• Capilano Suspension Bridge
• Greater Vancouver Zoo
• H.R. McMillan Planetarium
• Maplewood Farm
• Museum of Vancouver
• Science World
• Vancouver Aquarium
• Vancouver Art Gallery
• Vancouver Maritime Museum
• Vancouver Police Museum
• VanDusen Botanical Garden PLUS: Four Season PlayPasses to Playland 2011 (April through September)
You can also win one of our two runner-up prizes:
One year membership for one parent and one child to The Great Escape in Langley (Value $299).
Four passes to one of Carousel Theatre for Young People’s 2011 performances of Literary Classics (Value $116). is pleased to announce the official launch of our Enter for your chance to WIN this ULTIMATE FAMILY PASS, good for one whole year for a family of four!
