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This month’s issue has to do with attitude and the affects it has on our lives as we pursue our dreams.
What is Your Attitude?
Our guest writers: Tricia Dycka Daye Salander Jennifer L. Shelton Liz LaClair Liz Nonnemacher Lori Latimer Tamsyn Hawkins Janet Foust Megz Sardana
YES
IT’S ALL ABOUT
Written by Women, for Women
ATTITUDE? How Does That Make A Difference?
Why Is It Important?
It’s All About Yes
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TABLE OF CONTENTS Letter From The Editor Pg. 3 Attitude Pg. 4
Liz Nonnemacher
The Eye of the Storm Pg. 5 Tricia Dycka
How Attitude Relates to Success Pg. 7 Janet Majoulet-Foust
Put That Bad Attitude To Work Pg. 9 Jennifer Shelton
Attitude and Adversity Pg. 11 Megz Sardana
Attitude Can Be Your Strength Pg. 14 Liz LaClair
How Big Is Your Why Pg. 15 Lori Latimer
Whatever Pg. 17
Tania Lopez
Attitudes are Contagious - Are Yours Worth Catching? Pg. 18 Tamsyn Hawkins
Changing Your Window of Perception Pg. 20 Daye Salander
Publisher: Tricia Dycka Editor-In-Chief: Daye Salander Editor: Liz LaClair
Copyright 2011 It’s All About Yes
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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Welcome to the July issue of It’s All About Yes. I would like to start with a story... I never knew my grandfather, my mother’s father. He passed on before my mother even married. There were few photographs and even less information. I only knew that life had been tough when my mother was young. It was not until I was in my 30’s that I thought to ask about him, to get to know him through the rememberances of my mother. What I found out amazed me. At a young age of 11 or so, my grandfather was taken by his father and they homesteaded in Colorado. They put up a house, if you could call it that, and next was the barn. My great grandfather was going to journey over the Platte River to get wood. He was warned by neighbors not to go for a storm was coming but ignored them. They traveled across the river, retrieved wood and again were warned not go but they attempted to return home. The snow came and the wind blew and the wagon became stuck in the river. They left the wagon and wandered aimlessly on their horses for hours. My grandfather kept falling asleep and falling off the horse and his father finally tied him on and they continued their trek to get home. My grandfather got frostbite...well, more than that...his legs had been frozen. His father didn’t know what to do so the legs were wrapped and all hoped for healing; a healing that did not come. Gangrene set in and at 11 years old the doctor tied him down to the kitchen table and took off his legs at the knee. A horrible story in so many ways but he did not let that stop him. As a young man he learned thru practice to make his own artificial limbs. In fact, those that didn’t know him could not tell that he had no legs; not even a limp. He became an accountant and he married the woman of his dreams. Then the depression came and my grandfather was out of work and could not find work. He did finally land a job selling shoes door to door. This is a man with no legs that sold shoes and supported his family, rather ironic, don’t you think? Life does not always work out the way we want it to. Life tends to send us some curve balls and some sharp jolts along the way. But regardless of the obstacles we face and the discouragement that nags at the corner of our minds, we have a choice of how we live life. We can choose to let life beat us or we can choose to not to permit things to stop us. I wish I would have known my grandfather. I am part of the legacy he left and when life throws me a curveball, I often think of my grandfather and ask myself “What do you really have to whine about?” We hope, through the stories of the amazing ladies in this group that we can offer a different point of view that will resonate with you or your situation and give you hope and strength to stay focused on your dream. Following your heart’s desire may be a joy but that does not mean it is always easy. We welcome your questions and feedback and if you have a story to share, please do not hesitate to share it with us. We would love to hear about your challenges and your successes. Please email us at Info@ ItsAllAboutYes.com.
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Attitude
by Liz Nonnemacher This article is supposed to be about what you do when life throws you curve balls. Well, if you’ve read any of my other articles, you will know this…my life IS a curve ball. Seriously. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and it’s like…whoa. You know how you think you are going to have a really simple day and it might even be a little boring and maybe you’ll just sit back and relax? So a curve ball can be a really great thing that shakes your sugar tree when you least expect it or it can be one of the whoppers where you just can’t believe it and you shake your head until it falls off. Right? The most important thing is to have higher intentions. That means that in the back of your mind, you know that you want to be in a certain place or have certain things happen. Those intentions can be things such as growing your business, adding to your family, moving, traveling, reading 800 books, becoming a missionary or whatever it is that you know that you really, really want. Badly. What happens is that once you have these things set up in your mind, the curve balls can be thrown at you but your focus is still on the greater good. Whatever that good happens to be for you. Also I find it extremely helpful to “be where you are”. What does this mean? Let’s say that you are having a bad day. And nothing seems to be going the way you want it to. Remember how your mother always said that the only way to the other side is to go through? It’s true. Mom was right. The best thing to do is to let go. Take a breather. Don’t hold on so darn tightly. Let loose. Find something else to do. Sit in whatever glop that you happen to be in until it passes. It will. I used to drive myself crazy when things didn’t go the way that I hoped they would or that the timing wasn’t the timing that I wanted. Did driving myself crazy help? Not in the least. So don’t do it. Move on to something else. Release yourself from the crazies. You can always come back but keep focusing on your higher intentions and the curve balls won’t feel so…well…curvy.
Liz Nonnemacher Liz is the Editor of Wickedly Chic, http://www.wickedlychic.com/, the hottest destination for shoppers seeking advice and product recommendations from the world of independent businesses. Liz’s experience as trend-spotter for her two daughters led her to Wickedly Chic in June of 2006. She is passionate about independent business and works hard to keep her readers both entertained and informed and to promote the businesses that are marketed within Wickedly Chic.
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The Eye Of the Storm by Tricia Dycka
If you are looking to gain acceptance from others, especially those who do not want you to succeed, what do you think will happen? They will attempt to tear you down so that you will remain at their level. Create your own environment where others will promote your success and share your wins. You are an entrepreneur. Ninety percent of entrepreneurs, if not more, work from home. This is not a hobby for us, we are professionals. We look to share our experiences and express ourselves with our friends and family. Some of whom do not have any idea what it takes to be an entrepreneur. We seek acceptance, understanding, and an occasional pat on the back of recognition. Here it is: first and foremost we need to offer ourselves acceptance, understanding and recognition. We all have friends that we have had for years and because we are changing and evolving towards something bigger, that changes the status quo and is totally unacceptable to them. Hence the nasty comments. You think to yourself…is this a joke? I have known this person for years and here they are tearing me down. Telling me I am crazy and asking who do I think I am? Not to mention some of us may have family members doing this to us as well. This becomes a choice. Stay the same so that everyone but you remains happy or continue on the path to creating the lifestyle you want and having your business fit into that. Then comes the distancing of these people who want you as you were. It may hurt and you may be disillusioned for a while however it does resolve itself. Either these people see the changes in you and want to know more or the relationship starts to fizzle. Deal with all the uncertainty and fear from moment to moment. Do NOT resist those feelings, the more you resist them, the more dynamic they become. Another point I would like to share is this people who come at you with things that upset them are THEIR issues not yours. You can choose to remain in the eye of the storm and watch the havoc around you or you can jump right in and keep the drama alive. Me I’d rather stand in the eye and watch. Do not then call everyone you know to discuss it. Call someone you trust, vent then hang up. Let it go. Holding onto it just keeps it alive. Your next step is to reach out to other entrepreneurs and create your environment where others want to be involved and understand all that you have been through and all that you are looking to accomplish. As entrepreneurs we want to share our gifts with others to change the world, make it a better place for all of us to be. Our gifts are our strengths that help others on their journey. Whatever those may be; marketing, coaching, PR, web sites, painting, clothing design, etc. When I first decided to become an entrepreneur, friends and family alike were incredulous saying, “well I hope you can do it”. The best part was they did not even understand what I was doing. What a great vote of confidence. I have been hurt and disillusioned by friends and family alike. I understand as well these people may or may not change; this is how they are from their experiences. So I choose to create an environment for myself where I can share my successes as well as my frustrations with others and have support. My environment will constantly be evolving as I do, and that is ok. I am a success, I want to share all that I have learned and I love what I do. If people do not understand, that’s OK, I have a wonderful
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husband, family and friends who support me and love me for who I am, not someone they think I should be. Be authentic with yourself. Please understand it is a process we all go through it. Some more then others. You are a success and there is a lesson in all of our challenges preparing us for what comes next. A quote I really like and was reminded is “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Tricia Dycka: Tricia is an Entrepreneur, life enthusiast, author, intuitive, funny, very candid, great listener. Take the path less traveled. Living in the moment. Enjoys massive amounts of chocolate and coffee. Supportive friend who is there for you when everyone else has abandoned you and thinks you have lost your mind. Encourages entrepreneurs to embrace themselves so they can create an environment that supports their dreams. You can find me at www.triciadycka.com
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The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man be perfected without trials. Danish Proverb Times of great calamity and confusion have ever been productive of the greatest minds. The purest ore is produced from the hottest furnace, and the brightest thunderbolt is elicited from the darkest storm. Charles Caleb Colton A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. English Proverb
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How Attitude Relates To Success by Janet Majoulet-Foust
In my chapter of the bestselling book, Success Rituals 2.0, I wrote about how important it is to be passionate about your business in order for it to be successful. Can you imagine working day in and day out on your own business and not loving what you do? Well, it happened to me. I started my own business as a wealth coach because of some prompting from my coach at that time, and that is what I thought might work. I put everything into it and was able to fill two groupcoaching programs. But, I was miserable. This is not what you want for your business. Now I started to want to be on the calls with the group. I woke up unhappy each day. At that point, I thought, I might as well go get a job. At least I will get a steady paycheck! If you aren’t feeling great about your business, it might be time to check in to see where that feeling and attitude is coming from. It could be that the tasks you are doing just need a few tweaks. Maybe you are doing something that you don’t love to do. Ask yourself, if you let go of that one piece, would that make things better for you? Take inventory. Write down all the things you are doing in your business and separate them into two columns. Call one column ‘Love to do’, and the other ‘Hate to do.’ Then go for it. It doesn’t matter what
Worth The Read... End of the World as We Know It? by Upside Thinking Last month, people were clamoring about the end of the world. When I was in college, the chorus from the REM song “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine...)” could be heard echoing though the campus dorms at my alma mater. I’ve often wondered why despite the bad jokes and sometimes crude humor most people revel in the idea of the world ending. Continued...
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you write, because you are the only one who will know what those two columns say. You might also add a third column that says ‘Delegate.’ Once you completed your list. Decide what you want to let go of, what you want to keep and what you want to delegate. If you don’t have the funds to hire someone to do those tasks that you want to delegate, then decide again if it should stay or go. I would recommend that you put a wish list together that includes hiring an assistant soon! If you find, like I did, that nothing in your business is working, you will need to go a bit further in this discovery process. Start the process of finding what you are passionate about. A good way to start is to think about what jobs you had in the past that you really loved doing. For me it was technology, computer software, and marketing. These were past positions that I held and probably would have never left if I wasn’t laid off. Once you know what you are passionate about, you will find that things just start to fall into place. I have seen this time and time again with my clients and of course in my own business. As soon as I was clear on what I wanted to do, my business took off. Now, I won’t say that you won’t have a bad day in your new business – that will happen once in awhile. But if you get up in the morning looking forward to your day, then you are blessed to have found your passion in your business and the money will flow in because you love what you do. Janet Majoulet-Foust Janet is social media marketing specialist and website brand designer who helps businesses create their unique brand on-line. Janet also coaches business owners how to use WordPress, Internet marketing and social media to market and monetize their business by creating a brand that stands out from the crowd. You can find her at http://thesocialmediaqueen.com and http://youniquebranddesign. com
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Put that Bad Attitude to Work!
by Jennifer Shelton
Feelings, in general, drive me nuts. Feelings are messy. Sometimes they are useful. Sometimes they are not. Sometimes they point you to a problem in the real world. Sometimes, they are a shadow of a problem from another time. Some are great! Some really suck. Feelings are unpredictable, and the more we try to control them, the more uncontrollable they become. Say you’re worried about your business. Feeling down. Like you will never succeed. Your worry could stem from something left over from childhood, from being raised in an environment where you were subtly taught that worrying about bad things prevents them from happening. Or, your worry could be legitimate and a warning sign that something actually isn’t right with your business. How do you know the difference? And what can you do when your feelings are overwhelming you? Acknowledge that resistance is futile. I’ve learned the hard way that if you try to fight feelings, they stick around longer. If you deny they exist, or tell yourself you are stupid for feeling them, that’s a sure way to keep them around forever. It’s counterintuitive but if you accept the way you feel, the feelings dissipate much faster. When I have a lot of unpleasant feelings, I spend some time saying to myself, “I accept that I’m worried.” “I accept that I’m mad at myself for being worried.” “I accept that I think I shouldn’t be worried.” “I accept that I feel like everything is a disaster.” You get the idea. I often do this right before I go to sleep. Try it. You’ll be amazed at how much more peaceful your rest is! Get perspective and take action. As I said, sometimes your worry (or anger, or whatever feeling) is legitimate and serves as a warning for you to take action. How do you know when you are having a productive feeling? Well, check out whatever it is you are worried about. Are you worried that you aren’t getting enough clients? Review your stats. Research what similar businesses have experienced. Go to a friend or colleague for a fresh perspective. If your worry was correct, figure out an action plan to fix the problem. If your worry was not based on present reality, DON’T BERATE YOURSELF. Go through the acceptance exercise that I listed in number one. If you are feeling so bad that you can’t take action on anything, give yourself a break and do something fun. If this inability to act sticks around for a while, that can be a sign of depression. If that’s the case, talk to a professional. (This is more common than you may think.) Spend time getting to know yourself. Take some time each week to journal or meditate or walk by yourself in nature. Learn about what triggers your strongest emotions. Are they usually based in fact? Are they often tied to childhood wounds? Do you have a tendency to overreact to constructive criticism
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because you are insecure? Like I said, feelings are messy. You have to figure out how yours work, so you can recognize patterns and know which ones are useful, and which ones need to simply be acknowledged, so they can dissipate. I am an astrologer, and I know that I tend to be in my worst moods when the moon is in the signs of Capricorn and Scorpio. It has absolutely nothing to do with my business or my relationships. This gives me perspective and acceptance. The feelings are still there but I’m observing them, instead of getting sucked into a downward spiraling vortex of despair. I know that sounds dramatic but that’s exactly what I used to do! Accept that you are human. No human being goes through life feeling happy all the time, as much as we’d like to. However, the more you accept and understand your entire spectrum of feelings, and learn to use them constructively, the less often you’ll end up dealing with the worst of them!
Jennifer L Shelton Jennifer is the founder and administrator of FemCentral, the Virtual Institute for Women, where she also works as an astrologer, intuitive coach and instructor. She teaches undergraduate, online classes in global cultures for Franklin University and works as an education, outreach and training consultant. She’s a writer. She’s a mom. She’s gloriously busy doing the things she loves. You can find Jennifer at www.jenniferlshelton.com
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Attitude and Adversity By Megz Sardana
I love this month’s topic, especially as I am going through a major one myself, and writing about it is like ticking against my personal checklist to see what all bases have I already covered. Let me start by sharing the story of Lord Gautama Buddha A prince by birth, since childhood he was shielded from witnessing the old, the sick and other human sufferings by the orders of his father. Despite his father’s efforts, Siddhartha is said to have seen an old man near the palace gates. When his charioteer Channa explained to him that all people grow old, the prince went on further trips beyond the palace. On these he encountered a diseased man, a decaying corpse, and an ascetic. He was deeply pained and moved by these discoveries. Disturbed by what he witnessed, he gave up his riches to find the answers to life ailments by living the life of an ascetic. Adversity/setbacks are not foreign words to anyone’s dictionary. While we might like to believe that these might be rare occurrences for the ones born with a silver spoon, this story of Siddhartha now known as Lord Buddha proves otherwise. However, there is no set approach to dealing with it as the magnitude and impact vary from person to person and situation to situation. I personally believe in a two pronged approach to handling adversity and setbacks in life: 1. Proactive Lifestyle 2. Responding when it Happens 1. Proactive Preparation: This is a more holistic approach to life given the fact that we all expect to encounter tough situations through the course of our life. This is about developing the right support system and network to help us sail through such situations. And how do I go about doing this:
a. Leading a Healthy Life: A healthy mind and body are more capable of handling any physical/ mental setbacks that we might encounter through the life. Whether that involves regular Yoga or Pilates or Salsa sessions is a combination of personal choice and lifestyle. I prefer regular walks to keep myself in shape. (Round is a shape, right?!)
b. Circle of Supporters: Carefully cultivate a group of supporters (relatives, friends, siblings, mentors) who will stand with you through ups and downs of life. I have a large group of friends and I find talking takes the sting out of the situation and helps me objectively evaluate the alternate options available to me.
c. Knowing your Pick Me Ups: Do you know what songs, books and movies help you bring that sparkle back to your eyes. Or maybe it’s that heart-to-heart chat with your BFF at 2 in the morning. The point is to know what your “Pick Me Ups” are to be easily used to in times of distress or need. I have created a personal playlist of my favorite songs on YouTube which I can access anytime from anywhere.
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d. Know your De-stress Mechanism: Every person has his or her own way of dealing with stress/ anxiety. It is advisable to know yours before you actually get into the situation. My walks also help me calm down by expending any remnant negative energy. For that matter, movement of any kind be it dancing, knitting, chopping, drumming is known to help calm down the mind by allowing it to focus on the task at hand. What’s your de-stress mechanism?
e. Creating your Contingency Reserves: It is too late to sow the seeds when the harvest season is upon you. This analogy can be applied to all spheres of your life. If we are talking finances, then it is about creating an emergency fund. If we are talking business, then I am referring to beneficial networking and collaborations.
I think this more or less covers my points on leading a prepared life. But as they say, there is only so much that you can be prepared, but you cannot avoid.
2. Responding when it happens: There is no set in stone mechanism to deal with adversity and setbacks. As diverse the human nature is, as diverse are the reactions and coping mechanism to adversity. And to repeat myself, it does depend on the magnitude and impact on the affected.
But a few guidelines that work for me outlined herewith:
a. Acknowledge and Talk It Out: Communication plays a big part in my life. So, my first reaction is always to talk it out with someone who is outside the sphere of influence who is not impacted by the situation. That helps me get an unbiased dip check on my how bad the situation actually is and what is the worst possible scenario.
b. Don’t Indulge in Blame Game: No matter who you think is at fault, playing the blame game will not help the situation. Rather a lot of times, it just takes the focus and energy away from finding the most optimal solutions and breaks down team in face of adversity. So, I try to resist playing the blame game in such a scenario. Finding a workable solution is always more important.
c. Be a Witness: While it might sound very difficult or impossible, taking a step back and assuming the role of a witness also helps you separate emotions from the actual incident and assess the actual impact/damage caused. Taking a break mentally, and if possible physically, helps in rejuvenating you and building up your energy resources to prepare you for the next step which is going all out to turn it into an opportunity. All about saying Yes!!
d. Turning Adversity into Opportunity: It’s a cliché but I firmly believe that every ending is the curtain raiser to a new start. The challenge is to find how you can make it work for you with the resource available to you. Some of the greatest movements/personal successes in history have been an offshoot of effective diversion.
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Helen Keller’s experiences and triumphs over the adversity of being a deaf/blind woman have led to her becoming a role model for millions of others. Oprah Winfrey is another iconic figure who turned her personal tragedies into a tale of triumph and is today a living role model to millions of people worldwide. Losing a job can mean a chance to start your life afresh. Ending a dead end relationship might mean ability to live your life the way you have dreamt about it. A very close friend who has been diagnosed with MS has changed her life around and is now helping people change their life around before something as drastic happens to them. The web is full with such stories of triumphs over adversity. The bottom line is to have faith. A warrior doesn’t seek pain, but if pain comes, he uses it. – Way of the Peaceful Warrior Megha Tara Sardana (Megz) is a consultant, coach, project manager and a communitarian (a term coined specially for her as she thrives on networking and connecting people). Megz burning desire is to help women empower themselves, become financially independent and leave a blazing path behind them. Megz prefers working 1-on-1 with women on personal finance management and on getting basics right for a sound business start up. She can be reached at http://megzspeakz.com/ You can also reach her on twitter – Megzspeakz
Eleanor Roosevelt was an incredibe woman and is often quoted. Here are some of those quotes that with pearls of wisdom for all of us... • Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. • Friendship with ones self is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. • Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. • Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product. • I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall. • I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision. • If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor. • In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. • Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both. • Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. • Never allow a person to tell you no, who doesn’t have the power to say yes. • No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
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Attitude Can be Your Strength by Liz LaClair
Now you may be wondering just what in the world is Liz talking about now. Well, think about it. You’re cruising along, minding your own business – enjoying all that your life has to offer you right now. Then BLAM! you get hit with unexpected news and you have to handle this situation. Here’s where ATTITUDE can show your strength. Do you continue to sob and say “life isn’t fair” – who ever said it would be? Do you constantly whine about your situation (to the point where people cross the road to avoid you)? OR do you, like the song says, “pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.” The right attitude can help you get through a LOT of crap life throws your way. As an entrepreneur you have to remind yourself that: • There are things that need to be done – in your business • There are things that need to be done – in your personal life • There are things that need to be done – to handle the particular thing that put you in this situation So, what are you going to do? Yes, if it’s bad unexpected news you have to figure out how to juggle everything and keep going. You can’t stop running your business – chances are you will need the income from that to keep everything else running like the fine-tuned watch it has always been. You also have to remember to take the time find all the answers you need to handle the thing that’s messing with your life. On top of that you have to take care of YOU. So, what attitude will you be using to accomplish all of this? (yes, in reality we do know that you may still look for a corner to whine in) If you’re like me, you go for Determination, Assertiveness, Cussedness and that just plain Ornery your Grandparents always talked about. These are all Strengths. These are the things that will help you get through whatever hit you between the eyes, or sucker-punched you. Starting my business was a show of strength. It was something I needed to do for me to fight the suckerpunch I had that started in 2005. It was in my working life and it also affected my health. But I already told you that story and I’m going to use attitude to move this along. Something you should remember. Keeping a POSITIVE attitude will bring positive ENERGY in to your life. The positive is what will help you get through anything. Besides, that unexpected news could be something wonderful and you’re thrilled to have it cross your path!
I
Liz LaClair have TWO best parts of my life. I’m thrilled to have found my business calling! I truly enjoy working with my clients – the work I do is fun! Check out how I got past my challenges – learn how I’m taking what was a not so good and making it great. I’m a small business entrepreneur who likes working/supporting other small businesses. The other best part of my life? I’m married to the love of my life. He’s very supportive of what I’m doing. Who could ask for more? You can find me at http://www.virtuallyhelps.com/
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How Big Is Your Why? by Lori Latimer
Setbacks and challenges are inevitable. We all face them from time to time, both in our business and personal lives. When we do, we have a choice about whether we react or we respond. I used to react. All the time. I let outside events affect me in ways that were anything but healthy or productive. While I can’t control other people or what they do, I have total and complete control over how I respond to any of it. There are always obstacles and challenges when you’re growing and moving into something new. Use those obstacles and challenges to spur you on and motivate you because they’re a sign that you’re living and not just existing! Is Your Glass Half-Empty...or Half-Full? I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of gal. I’ve been through more than one divorce. I’ve had financial problems. But no matter what I’ve gone through, I’ve always believed that there’s a lesson to be learned in the difficult times. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that or even contemplate it when going through those times, but if we’re patient, we will find what we’re supposed to learn. Instead of asking “why” a particular challenge or obstacle has occurred, ask what you can do to go around it, go through it, or whatever else you have to do so you can move forward. My Challenge I’m probably going through one of my most difficult challenges right now in starting my business. I still have a full-time job as a paralegal. Since mediation has become so popular over the past 15 years or so, we don’t usually have more than one case actually go to trial in a year, because most cases settle before trial. Since the beginning of 2011, we’ve had two big cases go to trial, we have two going to trial in June, one in August, and two are scheduled for October. The chances of any of them settling is slim to none. To have this many trials in one year is simply unheard of. It requires me working very long, very intense hours. It’s typical for me to work an average of 120 - 140 hours the two weeks leading up to a trial. I also have two adult sons, and two little grandsons that I like to spend time with. As if all of that isn’t enough, the past three years have been filled with other challenges at my paralegal job that have nothing to do with the job itself. But they’ve added an emotional element of stress that makes it challenging every day, and almost unbearable other days. So with all of that, how do I ever find any time - or energy - to spend on my business? The truth is that at times, I don’t. Fortunately I’ve learned, albeit the hard way, what my limits are and when I need to let go of something and lower my expectations of myself. Because the last thing I need to do is get burned out.
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How Big Is Your Why? That has been, and continues to be, very frustrating to me. But my bigger vision is designing the lifestyle that I want to live. That’s my WHY for doing this. Would it be easier to just put in my time at my paralegal job and then have an active social life? Absolutely. But my WHY is bigger than all of that. It’s what drives me. It’s what keeps me up late at night listening to teleclasses, writing articles, and connecting with people for my business. That’s where the choice of reacting or responding comes in for me. I could choose to react to the obstacles and challenges that my paralegal job brings to my life. That reaction would be to panic. And yes, sometimes that happens. When it does, I take a deep breath, I think about the lifestyle I’m designing for myself, and I keep moving forward. I listen to those teleclasses. I write the articles. And I think about the women out there whose lives will be better because of the work I’m doing and the business I’m building. I know that the lesson in the current situation with my paralegal job is to remind me that being in that job is not my destiny, for a lot of reasons. My WHY is bigger than any challenge or any obstacle that can come my way. As long as your WHY is bigger, too, you will conquer the challenges and obstacles that come along. And your life, and the lives of your clients and customers, will be enriched and transformed because you kept going and didn’t give up on your dream.
Lori Laimer Lori helps women work through the issues they face as newly-single women. After working as a paralegal in family law for over 20 years and going through her own divorce, she discovered a way to heal the pain of past relationships and build a new life full of joy and passion. She now helps newly-single women and those going through divorce fall in love with themselves and their lives. You can find me at http://lorilatimer.com/
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It’s All About Yes
VOLUME 1; ISSUE 3
JULY 6, 2011
“Whatever”
by Tania Lopez Saying “whatever!” to situations that trouble or annoy you, can relieve a small amount of stress? Hmmm, maybe it depends on the issue and if it deserves your attention. All in all you have a choice to make it a BIG deal or a small deal. A BIG deal would take lots of your valuable time, create perhaps unnecessary stress, make you sick, angry, and your body starts to react differently around people and situations. Unfortunately, you don’t notice it all. The body does this to protect itself because the brain is in fight or flight mode. A small deal takes less of your time. The issue of less importance and more “whatever” attitude says you are open to “whatever” comes. During the “whatever” process you take care of yourself, see and feel messages the universe has for you. Keeping an open mind to receive and this will let you body know it’s not in danger therefore creating less or no stress. Now, isn’t that comforting? Let me give you an example, my life is kind of funny (I do laugh at my issues a lot). Fame and popularity isn’t everything until you’ve reached a financial stability. My case is just like that, Coqui The Chef (my business project) has reached popularity among the press and people but has not reached it’s financial status quo. To reach that I have to give my 100% and that seems impossible but can be achievable with the right mentality and style. So what can a single mom of two teenagers and a frog do? Say “whatever” and my mother’s favorite solves everything quote “fuck it!!!” Yep, you read correctly. “Fuck it!!” I take a deep breath in, fire breath out and say “fuck it!” 3 times or more until I feel my body relax. While I’m doing this, I think about being open to messages the world has for me. I embrace these messages. They might not be what I want at the moment, but they can lead to something I need. In other words, life’s curve balls are messages saying: I hear you but do you hear me? Tania Lopez Tania, former tech savvy virtual assistant, social media stagiest and a woman entrepreneur who enjoys the important things: food, networking, family and friends. My background includes work with... small entrepreneurial establishments and large companies. My dual strengths are creative imagination and a strong business sense. I’m also the proud owner and culinary connoisseur of “Coqui The Chef” a loving coqui (frog) dressed in a chef’s outfit, a mascot to the Puerto Rican people. He’s a lover of food and the world! He and I are ready to help you eat healthy and love cooking! You can find Tania at: http://vbuzz.biz/ or Tania and Coqui at: http://coquithechef.com/
VOLUME 1; ISSUE 3
It’s All About Yes
JULY 6, 2011
Attitudes are contagious…Are Yours Worth catching? by Tamsyn Hawkins
Attitude is everything. Easy to say, but endless research and examples in all areas of life suggest that the magic sauce to making a true success of where you are and what you are doing lies within you and the power of your mind: “The quality of your thoughts determine the quality of your life” My own life experience has taught me again and again that what I focus on expands and therefore, the ability to harness the power of positive attitude, even in the face of tough times in life, is the difference between keeping my head up and moving forward, or sinking into my own sea of despair. Here are some quick pointers that may help you to keep your positive attitude front of mind: 1. You can because you think you can
Wherever you choose to focus your energies will repay back to you tenfold. Focusing on what you do want, rather then dwelling on what you don’t want will accelerate your results. 2. You are your own best friend. Be kind to your self
We all have those days, weeks or even months where the tough get going, but frankly sometimes your first thought may be to crawl back under the duvet and hibernate! Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. Time and empathy can often be the best solution to enable you to recharge and take the next step forward.
What Our Readers Are Saying Alison From Ontario I NEEDED to read that...It all really hits home with me...In my area 54% of employment comes from small to medium businesses. It’s an integral part of our economy and yet mostly unnoticed. I guess Ontarians are very entrepreneurial. D.L. From New York I don’t know if every issue will be so helpful but this one sure was. One would think with having my own business that is gaining momentum that everything would coming up roses. It’s nice to know that on some days others struggle as well. Some very practical advice. For Comments or Questions, please e-mail us at Info@ItsAllAboutYes.com. We look forward to hearing from you.
VOLUME 1; ISSUE 3
It’s All About Yes
JULY 6, 2011
3. Just because you cannot see a way does not mean there is no way
Can’t see the wood for the trees? Please refer to point 2 above and give yourself a break, if you can’t see for looking, step away and often the break you take offers up the answer you are looking for. 4. It doesn’t matter which way the wind blows, only the way you set your sail How you face the challenge as opposed to the challenge itself can be a powerful mindset shift that supports you through tough times and periods of transition. In the face of adversity, having the courage to stand whole-heartedly in your own truth and beliefs and not back down to circumstances can support you through to the other side. 5. Like attracts like
What you put out there comes right back to you like a boomerang. The power of Karma is a mighty force. Consider your own attitude and behaviors. Does your attitude breed success or something else? Tamsyn Hawkins Tamsyn is an expert in coaching business owners to boost their revenue through branding and marketing. Specializing in creating brand and customer profiles for independent businesses, Tamsyn helps her client organizations identify exactly who they are and teaches them how to authentically represent themselves so they can attract their ideal customers. Tamsyn has worked in sales and senior leadership roles for top UK companies including Pizza Hut UK, Mothercare, Top Shop, River Island, Gondola Group and New Look, and launched her own consulting business in 2008. Tamsyn teaches independent entrepreneurs how to craft their company image so they can engage with their customers on a personal level, foster brand loyalty, and create stronger, more profitable relationships with their clientele. You can find her at www.tamsynhawkins.com
Worth The Read... Whatch Thinking (Cause It Matters) Do you have any habits that get in the way of growing your business? Do you find yourself struggling with self-sabotaging thoughts running like a continuous loop tape through your head? The tape may be so automatic that you aren’t even aware its there in the background planting these ugly seeds. You may even have a personal ‘favorite’ that kick in automatically without any effort at all. Or perhaps you have some seasonal challenges, and now that a new year has begun, you’ve kicked into your January/February ‘self destruct’ tape. If so, you’re not alone. Statistics show that over 97% of our self-talk is repetitive. Old messages that we feed ourselves day after day after day. So what is it that we’re thinking about? What is it that we’ve become conditioned to thinking, perhaps even more regularly than we think about what’s for dinner? The most common theme I hear about is the habit of focusing on what isn’t working. It’s the number one favorite. Some get so stuck in this destructive behavior, its become a natural part of their thought process, that goes virtually unnoticed…that is until someone outside of them begins to see the trend, calls attention to it, questions the awareness. Read Entire Article Online
VOLUME 1; ISSUE 3
It’s All About Yes
JULY 6, 2011
Changing Your Window of Perception by Daye Salander
I begin with a simple premise…If you change your window of perception, you change your life. It may seem at first to be a simplistic approach but when you get down to the nuts and bolts of things, it really is that simple. By simply focusing on seeing things in a different light, it changes the outcome of what we do. It changes every situation you are in for it changes you. I used to think that I had nothing to talk to anyone about and felt rather alienated from the rest of the world. I used to kid that I liked computers better than people. Of course that was not exactly the truth but I did not know how to connect and I didn’t think I had anything important to contribute. I saw myself as an outsider and guess what? That is what I was for I saw myself through a particular window of perception that was tainted. I was well into adulthood before I realized that I felt sorry for myself and that somehow I had been cheated in life and thus the journey began to change my life. For years, nothing changed and then, in a moment, in the very simplicity that it is, I realized that maybe it was not some huge and horrific change that I needed to make but just taking the simple step of changing my window of perception. Simple? Am I kidding? Well, yes, the concept is very simple but it is not as easy to re-focus yourself and stay in that mode instead of slipping back into your old ways. It takes practice. It means staying committed as in “life long journey”. So, how has it changed my life? • I am now married to the man of my dreams. • I have begun a new business with my husband and it is something we are truly enjoying and looking forward to the years to come. • I have a much closer and healthier relationship with my children and my family. • I now have girlfriends. • I am a social networker, both online and in person and truly enjoying it. • Although very busy, my life is calm. I feel like I live graciously and at peace with my life. • I have developed much more compassion in my life. With one simple concept I changed how I view everything and therefore have literally changed every aspect of my life. It did not happen overnight and I still find myself having to force myself to change that window of perception occasionally but this one little change has had more impact on my life and my success than a combination of other changes I have made. So whether it is in your personal life or professional life, changing your window of perception can bring about huge and positive changes.