VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All VOLUME 2; About ISSUE YES 7
JULY 6, 2012 JULY 6, 2012 ISSN 2162-4283
YES
IT’S ALL ABOUT
Written by Women, for Women
Our guest writers: Jihan Cover Stephanie McDilda Sherrie Williams Lori Latimer Liz Nonnemacher Liz LaClair Tricia Dycka Jill Stafford Mary Joyce Daye Salander Jennifer L. Shelton
Take Time For Me? Why It Is Important & How To Find The Time
It’s All About YES
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
JULY 6, 2012
TABLE OF CONTENTS Letter From The Publisher Pg. 3 Just Breathe Pg. 4 Jihan Cover
Recharging On The Go Pg. 6 Stephanie McDilda
Losing Control Pg. 8 Sherrie Williams
Finding “Me” Time Pg. 10 Lori Latimer
When Running Around Like a Kook - We Need To Pg. 12 Remember Ourselves Liz Nonnemacher
When Do You Find Time To Take Care of Yourself? Pg. 14 Liz LaClair
Sometimes You Just Need To Laugh Pg. 15 Are You Being Selfish? Pg. 16 Tricia Dycka
Make Self-Care Mandatory: Some Suggestions On How Pg. 18 Jill Stafford :. Fan of The Week Pg. 20 It’s All About YES Interview - Lori Latimer Pg. 21 Take A Break To Get More Done Pg. 23 Mary Joyce
And Then There Is The Time When There Is No Time Pg. 24 Daye Salander
How Being My Own Best Friend Saved My Sanity Pg. 25 Jennifer Shelton
Publisher: Tricia Dycka Editor-In-Chief: Daye Salander Editor: Liz LaClair
Copyright 2012 It’s All About Yes
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
Letter From The Publisher
Summer is in full swing, how is it shaping up for you? Do you find yourself running after everyone, the kids, the spouse, while working on your business? Do you find the time for yourself? Is the question just making you shudder as you laugh, saying time for me are you You do realize that by not taking the time for yourself you suffer, as well as those around you. I remember when I first started hearing that and saying what?! OK that is so not true. As I look back today those are the truest words spoken. I am better to myself as well as those around me. My husband and I have a fuller marriage because I am in it 100%. The people around you respond to you in a different manner when you put yourself first. Today we share our stories and experiences of how we find the time to take care of ourselves first. Hope you had a wonderful Fourth of July! Take the time and celebrate you.
Are you looking to connect with other women entrepreneurs? Do you need encouragement or advice from others that have traveled this same road? Have you been seeking a group of women that work together to help each other; that support and encourage each other? Well, if so, you found us! Join the conversation on Facebook Today!
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
Just Breathe by Jihan Cover
You know that rule about putting on your air mask first before helping the person sitting next to you? Or the saying about how you are no good to anyone else unless you take care of yourself first? Well, turns out its all true! As women, we tend to spend so much of our time taking care of others…whether the “others” are our family, friends, businesses, and even personal commitments…when in the world is there time for ourselves? Listen, the truth of the matter is that self care and “me time” are not an option. They are a necessity! In fact, making time for YOU is actually the number one thing to ensure that you thrive both in your personal and professional life. Here are my top tips for creating some ME time….(time to read, meditate, whatever you choose, as long as its for you….you may even want to just sit and BREATHE) Mindset. Take a look at HOW you view self time. Are you giving yourself a guilt trip about taking a few minutes to yourself? Do you see me time as a luxury that you can take “one day”? If you truly want to make a difference in your amount of me time, you MUST start thinking of it as a necessity. Remember, any time you invest into your self and your personal growth is itself an investment that will help you manifest the business and life you desire. Timing. Be sure to pinpoint the times in your day where you feel drained. Chances are if you are short on self time than you are probably spending a lot of time running around DOING yet not actually getting much done. There are times when we feel like we are running, running, running, yet are so tired or stressed that we are actually not being very productive. It’s the “so much to do” syndrome. So much to do so I cant possibly take a break? That’s probably when you need one most. Take a look at what you are currently doing during your “me time”…does watching that TV show really relax you or would a quick workout serve you better? Come up with a list of your “go to” activities that truly rejuvenate you. See if you can schedule 15 minute chunks of time for YOU…pick something off the list and go for it! You will be surprised by what even just 15 minutes dedicated to your SELF can do for you. What do you NEED? Remember that list we talked about? Here’s where we create it. Identify the things that you need to help you be your best self. I realize this may be more difficult than it sounds to come up with since YOUR needs are probably the last thing you’ve thought about in a very long time. Have fun with it. Make a list and include EVERYTHING you can think of that will fulfill your soul. Eating, exercising, reading, bubble baths, whatever it is that YOU enjoy, that helps you center, that makes you, YOU, jot it on your list. Having this list will help you be clear about what you need and how you WANT to be spending your ME time. Having that clarity will lead to better stress management all around. Make an APPOINTMENT WITH YOURSELF. You are a brilliant, resourceful, successful business owner, do you really need to schedule time for yourself into your calendar? Yes!! Scheduling time for
Continued...
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
yourself into your daily planner will ensure that you actually carve out the time and commit to it. Utilize the same skills that you use to grow your business and your network…you schedule your other important tasks and appointments, give yourself the same respect and honor the appointments you set with yourself. When you prove to yourself that you value your ME time, there is a shift that takes place within yourself. You will find yourself not only craving that me time, but actually be able to enjoy it as well. Remember that YOU are the center of your business. Make the commitment to yourself to take that ME time. You are your most important investment.
Jihan Cover Jihan is an Energy Leadership and Life Mastery Professional Certified Life Coach. She works with women (and men!) looking to discover their true “who” and start living the lives of their dreams. Jihan is also a wellness coach and passionate about helping people achieve health and wellness in all areas of their lives. She’s a mommy and a wife, a writer, radio show host, and lover of life! She loves living a life where she can truly help people. You can find Jihan at www.liveaFABlife.com and www.jihancover.com
It’s All About YES
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
JULY 6, 2012
Recharging on the Go by: Stephanie McDilda
I went to a meeting last week. Needed my laptop. Forgot the charger. I don’t have to tell you the rest of the story. Two hours into a four hour meeting, my computer simply “went to sleep”. Aren’t there days when you just wish you could do the same thing? I sometimes joke that my computer is smarter than I am. Maybe it’s not a joke. My computer knows it has limited energy and when it has used the available energy it must be recharged, or all bets are off! A good coach will tell you that finding the time for yourself will probably never happen, you must make the time. I’m guessing that many of the amazing coaches in this ezine will give you great tips on making time for yourself. I’d like, instead, to talk about your energy… the things that drain you and the things that recharge you. I find that when I get a “charge” out of what I do, I don’t need as much down time. Here are my top 5 tips for recharging… 1. Do things that energize you! – I have found with many of my clients that it is not simply that they work long hours, but they work at jobs they don’t love. If your job is unfulfilling, it drains you more quickly. Consider finding work that you love. Work that empowers and inspires you will recharge your batteries. Time with your family should always be a priority. Does that time energize you or drain you? Is time with your family spent nagging and complaining? Be clear about what you need in terms of support. Be reasonable about the number of extra-curricular activities to which you commit. As often as possible, make it fun. Learn to pick your battles and let go of things that aren’t important. What about volunteer work in your community or church? Are you doing things that light you up? Or are you operating from “should”? Notice what drains you. As often as possible, participate from your strengths and your gifts and do things that energize you. 2. Remove toxic influences – I’m talking about those things that drain you as opposed to what pumps you up. For me, it is most of what is on TV. (Honestly, listening to Simon insult people, or watching everyone on the Island back stab each other drains me.) I have found that if I turn it off, I automatically find more “me” time to do what I enjoy. The same should be said about people. Do you think you are being a great friend when you listen to someone’s constant whining and complaining? In truth, you are not doing either of you any favors. (I’m not talking about the occasional problem of a normally positive friend.) You know the person I’m talking about… the one who lives perpetually in the space of their own personal drama. Identify the activities and people who drain you and as much as possible… remove them from your life! 3. Learn to say NO – Saying “No” does not make you a bad person! Don’t feel like you have to offer an excuse or explanation. “No” is a complete sentence. If it bothers you to say a simple “No”… try “No, thank you.” I have found that in most organizations, 20% of the people do all the work, while the other 80% let them. If you are one of the 20%, here are some other easy ways to say “No” - Remain silent. The next time someone asks for a volunteer – don’t. Most people hate silence as much as you do, so if you just shut up long enough, someone else will step up. - If someone nominates you: try saying, “Thanks, but I already do so much, I’d like to give someone else a chance to serve.”
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
4. Give up guilt – Contrary to popular opinion, guilt does not make you a better person. All it does is drain your energy. It also often puts you in places you don’t want to be, doing things you don’t want to do. Let go of your guilt, as it does not serve you. Remind yourself of all the other great things you do and stop being a super hero. 5. Give up your stories – We all have stories that don’t serve us. Do you tell yourself that if you don’t do it, it won’t get done? Or how about “I’m the only one that knows how”? Is that really true? Could you teach someone else? Stories often land us in the martyr role which is another energy drain. Question all of your stories and look for creative alternatives. Each of us has only 24 hours in a day. How you spend them is up to you. Finding time is about making your “self time” a priority. It is more important than you think. If you don’t take care of yourself, the quality of “you” that you bring to every relationship is diminished. While you are making that time… try these tips to help you recharge.
Stephanie McDilda Stephanie is an expert on unconditional love – for yourself and others. As a speaker, coach, and author, she enjoys working with professional women and corporate leaders. She supports her clients in translating love into a powerful leadership strategy first for themselves, and then for others. Stephanie is warm, approachable, encouraging, and intuitive. She looks forward to connecting with you and learning how she can best support you. You can connect with her on Facebook at http://www.facebook. com/FlashpointInternational or email her at stephanie@ flashpointinternational.com
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
Losing Control by Sherrie Williams
This title is deceptive. You are probably thinking I am talking about someone having an emotional breakdown or becoming unstable. Actually it is the complete opposite. I am referring to the gaining of control by giving up our illusion of control. A melancholy with the events of our lives. A surrender to the things that be. An allowance of just letting things happen. You know, it appears to me that the more we try to orchestrate our lives, the happenings in it and the people who cross our paths, the more we miss all the things that are supposed to be happening to us. Or, we are so obsessed with having our hands in very facet of our lives, we don’t even take notice of what is truly happening to us. In our efforts to gain security and solace, we let the very things that grant us that gain, slip right through our fingers. The serenity of deliberate ignorance of what we know must take place. A gentle sort of turning the eye upon something else, whilst the pieces of our lives fall apart and are whisked away by the wind. Or are they? Mayhap they are falling into place vs. falling apart. That wind is from a necessary storm put into your life for the specific purpose of ripping asunder and carrying away those things you should not be clinging to, those things and people who weigh you down to the earth, when being carried away is exactly what is supposed to be happening to you. What if that thing or person or event that became what you perceive as a road block is not a road block after all, just a speed bump to make you slow down, or a detour around a road you shouldn’t be on anyway. It takes patience to travel a road and don’t we first have to pave them first? You can take the road less traveled also and go off the beaten path. But no matter how you look at it, or what path you take, there is effort and sacrifice in any journey anywhere. All those shortcuts you’re taking. Yes you will eventually find one. Then you will look back at all the time lost and all that you missed just seeking the shortcut. Kind of like the kid in the bathroom and pretends to brush his teeth. A tedious process to fake, when it actually
Continued...
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
would have taken less time with more results gained, if that child had just brushed their teeth. Often in our efforts to cheat fate and time, we truly only deprive ourselves. The more we try to orchestrate our lives. The more we allow to go missing from it. Try this approach instead. Breathe in, breathe out. Take a step, take another step. Keep doing it. What is taking place here is you are truly living instead of trying to machine what is intangible. Find a place in your life you have never let go the reigns, and let them go. Go jump in that river you have never been in. Take that turn off to the right just because it has always beckoned for you to do so. Don’t be afraid to let go. Be afraid to always be holding on. It is not giving up to surrender. This is when you will truly win the battle that is chipping away at your spirit and life. Peace my friends and serenity be yours.
Sherrie Williams I’m Sherrie, a.k.a. wildfire :) by those who really know me. I was born in Albemarle, NC and raised on a farm in Davidson, NC tending chickens, horses and a crop. Father was a carpenter, blacksmith, photography bug and engineer. Mom is a career Real Estate Professional/Broker/Consultant and Motivational Speaker. I have 4 children ages 16 to 20, two are my fraternal twin girls. I have done many things. The best of them is being the mother of these 4 unique spirits I have been blessed with. I am an independent location/traveling photographer and have also over the past 20 years been an avid lover of the spoken and written word in all forms. I was a fitness trainer and gym manager at one point. I prefer to nourish now where the true reservoir of strength and wellness comes from and starts, our spirits! You can find me at: www.facebook.com/riversoftime
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. ~Carl Sandburg Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. ~John Lennon Do not wait; the time will never be ‘’just right.’’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. ~Napoleon Hill In truth, people can generally make time for what they choose to do; it is not really the time but the will that is lacking. ~Sir John Lubbock Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ~M. Scott Peck If you want to make good use of your time, you’ve got to know what’s most important and then give it all you’ve got. ~Lee Iacocca
It’s All About YES
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
JULY 6, 2012
Finding “Me” Time by Lori Latimer
When I sat down to write this article at 7:00 one night, I suddenly found myself doing everything BUT writing this article! That’s right – I thought of something I needed to find, so I went and found it. I checked Facebook and email about 10 times. I rearranged some of my paperwork. Then I did some laundry (that didn’t really need to be done!). And that’s when it occurred to me – I needed some “me” time. I’d been going non-stop for several weeks, and in the past week alone I’d taught two classes, gone to a concert, gone to a seminar, and read hands for three days at an expo. Oh, and how could I forget the full time job I still have, too?? No wonder I was exhausted and hit a wall! So at 8:00, I gave in. I went and took a nice long bubble bath, did my Feminine Presence meditation, and then I went to bed. At another time in my life, I would have felt so guilty doing that – I’ll bet many of you can relate! Or I would have ignored that part of me that needed some “me” time and worked until late that night. But now? No. Now, I honor that need for self-care. I’ve learned that when I hit that wall, I have to shut down all the electronics and disconnect – so I can reconnect with myself. As women in today’s world it can be next to impossible to find the time to take care of ourselves. So what do you do when you can’t find the time? That’s when you must make the time. And frequently, making the time means – dare I say it? It means saying “no.” No, to another commitment. No, to a phone call that isn’t pre-scheduled (and sometimes you even have to reschedule those). No, to running errands. No, to anything and everything that will take precious time that you need to recharge and reconnect with yourself. If you have children, you obviously can’t ignore them. But as soon as you get them in bed, that’s when you make time for you. Or you get someone to help you with the kids if you need to. You do whatever you have to do. There are times when it just isn’t optional. It doesn’t matter what your self-care of choice is: a mani/pedi, a massage, a glass of your favorite adult beverage, lunch with a friend, walking, a cup of tea, reading a good book (Fifty Shades of Grey anyone?), exercise, meditation, or one of my favorites, a bubble bath. If you can, take a mini vacation – seriously. What you do isn’t important; what’s important is that you do it. Because let’s face it, there’s always something else that needs to be done. And in today’s world, we’re all short on time. If you have a business, a job, a husband, children, friends, other family, other commitments, and any combination thereof, you’re often lucky if you can get 6 hours of sleep each night. As women, we tend to always put ourselves last on our list of priorities.
Continued...
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
How you actually go about making time for you is going to vary from woman to woman. • Some women actually schedule it on their calendar every week. Some women take an entire day (oh how I envy them!). • Some women just know when it’s time and go do it. Just don’t wait until you’re completely depleted and burned out to make the time for self-care. • If you know you’re headed into a particularly busy or stressful period, do your self-care ahead of time. But whatever you do, whenever you do it, do that and nothing else! Otherwise, you’re defeating the purpose. I’ve also learned that I can’t be creative when I’m exhausted. Creativity begins in the feminine. If I want to be creative, I have to reconnect with my feminine energy in some way. The best way to do that is through my favorite self-care practices. So many women think they’re being “selfish” if they do something for themselves. I used to be one of them. Now, I consider it one of the most important parts of my life. I’ve found that the more time I take for myself, the more I actually have to give to the other people and things in my life. Ironic, isn’t it? Oh, and that bubble bath the other night? I slept like a baby that night. I wrote this article the next day :)
Lori Latimer Lori is a hand analyst, an intuitive coach, speaker, and certified teacher of The Art Of Feminine Presence. She’s also a mom and grandma to two darling little grandsons. Working as a paralegal in family law for many years and going through her own divorces (yes, more than one!), she saw a pattern in herself and other women who’d been successful in their careers but were missing something in their personal lives. She now loves helping women find joy and passion within themselves so they’re able to find all of that and more in both their personal and business lives – just as she’s done. You can find her at www.lorilatimer.com.
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
When Running Around Like A Kook, We Need To Remember Ourselves by Liz Nonnemacher
We’ve been writing a lot of articles for the It’s All About Yes magazine and I think this is one of the hardest. Why? Because, in general, women are not used to taking care of themselves and their needs. We run around like chickens with our heads cut off taking care of everyone else but ourselves. Sure, we have good intentions. I certainly do. You probably have good intentions, too. Today is the day that I am going to do something for myself. Today is the day that I am going to go to bed early. Today is the day that I am going to really make time for some fun. Today is the day that I am just going to lay around and watch movies.
Does that happen to you?
Yet so many things demand our attention. Being an entrepreneur is one of the best and hardest jobs out there. It’s always there. There’s always something more that you could be doing. Often I find myself sitting at my desk to just do that one little tiny thing that I completely forgot about and before I know it, an hour has passed.
Okay…so the problem has been identified. Phew. Now what do we do about it? Do we carry flags and march around saying that we are going to take back our lives? Do we run around and scream at anything and everything in our paths and tell them to leave us alone until we feel sane again? Or do we make a conscious decision, EVERY DAY, that we are going to do something for ourselves? Something that we want to do. Something we will look forward to. And stick with it. Everyone has a routine. Everyone has something that works for them or doesn’t. Personally, I find starting my day with small tasks makes it easier to take on the larger ones. I’ve also found that having a stop and start time is extremely helpful. If you don’t finish something today, move it over until tomorrow and start again when you are fresh. Yes, at times we’re on a deadline but if we don’t have a stop and start time, work just takes over our lives like a lousy weed that you can’t get rid of. Adding family responsibilities to work responsibilities is a big enough task. I still have not figured out how to really accomplish this effectively. 2012 has been one of the most trying years of my life and it’s not even halfway over. Between family and work, I’m really struggling to get it all balanced which is why I’m not giving any solid answers here…I’m just sharing what has helped me. I take a lot of small breaks. Some women can sit there and work on project after project for long periods of time. That might work for you. It doesn’t work for me. I try and keep things short and sweet taking a break before moving on to the next task.
Continued...
It’s All About YES
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
JULY 6, 2012
The idea is that if we give everything that we have to others, there isn’t anything left for ourselves. Fit something – anything – that you love into your life every day. Please don’t piss it all into the wind and wake up 10 years from now wondering where the time went and why you didn’t keep a piece for yourselves. Your business will thank you, your family will thank you and best of all, you will be halfway sane. Yes, I did say halfway. That was not a typo. Take care of yourselves, my friends. Liz Nonnemacher Liz is the Editor of Wickedly Chic, http://www.wickedlychic.com/, the hottest destination for shoppers seeking advice and product recommendations from the world of independent businesses. Liz’s experience as trend-spotter for her two daughters led her to Wickedly Chic in June of 2006. She is passionate about independent business and works hard to keep her readers both entertained and informed and to promote the businesses that are marketed within Wickedly Chic.
WHAT DOES YOUR “ME” TIME LOOK LIKE?
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
When Do You Find Time To Take Care Of Yourself? by Liz LaClair
Hmm, take care of myself. More importantly, taking the time to take care of myself. Hah! Sometimes it’s not so much that I don’t have the time, it’s more like I find it a nuisance. For example, when I need to get things done and I do a crazy thing (a recent injury comes to mind), my tendency is to be upset because: 1. the injury happened in the first place 2.
the reminder that graceful is not in my body’s vocabulary
3.
having to maneuver around the blasted injury
When it’s a doozie and you end up on crutches, that kind of lack of grace makes for some really “exciting” challenges. Since we live in a tri-level, the bedrooms and my office are on the top floor with the laundry room the bottom with two sets of stairs in between – 13 steps. You try figuring out how to carry the laundry down those stairs, into the room then when dry carry it back up the blasted stairs! Then just for an added dash of excitement, throw in a ringing phone. Doesn’t my body know I have more important things to do? If I don’t work with my clients and get their projects done, the laundry doesn’t do itself, the meals (like my own during the day)… You get the drift. Then there are times when one doesn’t want to complain. Why? Because then you hear things like “Is it time to call the whaaambulance?” or the ever popular “Do you want cheese to go with that whine?” (yes actually, I like cheese), then you (OK I) can have a tendency to feel even worse. Gee it was my fault for the fall (it was an accident – no one plans these things). I can’t help it the doctor says to baby the knee – no weight on it. (Is he kidding didn’t he pay attention to the tri-level thing?) Then you start thinking of all the things that need to be done. By now you may be thinking “gee Liz, don’t you have systems in place?” The short answer: a couple. I’m really good at telling others how different things/systems will make things easier for them, but I don’t always take my own advice. Does this sound like you? So as various parents have told their children over the years: Do as I say, not as I do! Get systems in place. Do not be stubborn. Take care of YOU, go have fun once in a while. When life happens have things set up so you can handle urgencies/emergencies. Liz LaClair I have TWO best parts of my life. I’m thrilled to have found my business calling! I truly enjoy working with my clients – the work I do is fun! Check out how I got past my challenges – learn how I’m taking what was a not so good and making it great. Yes, I write a blog too. I’m a small business entrepreneur who likes working/supporting other small businesses. The other best part of my life? I’m married to the love of my life. He’s very supportive of what I’m doing. Who could ask for more? You can find me at http://www.virtuallyhelps.com/
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
The Spoon (A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization.) From digitaldreamdoor.com Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, “Why the spoon?” “Well,” he explained, “the restaurant’s owners hired Anderson Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift. As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon. “I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.” I was rather impressed. I noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter’s fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, “Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?” “Oh certainly!” he answered, lowering his voice. “Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom.” “How so?” “See,” he continued, “by tying this string to the tip of your you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.” After you get it out, how do you put it back?” “Well,” he whispered, lowering his voice even further, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
Are You Being Selfish?
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
by Tricia Dycka
How often do you feel run down, sick, tired and just too exhausted to lift another finger? Do you ask yourself is it time for me yet? We are taught as children you are last, everyone else needs to be taken care of first. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have gotten sick because of that philosophy. I always placed myself last. Colds, flu, sinus infections, and the infamous kidney infection that put me on my ass still did not teach me that I should be taken care of first. I was out of work and did not leave the couch for weeks.
around it.
My fear was how could I say NO to anyone? Would I be left out of the cool circle at work or unloved by family? The thoughts would go round and round in my brain. As I sit and write this I want you to know you are the most important person. Without you where would everything be? Choosing to take care of you is very important. It is showing the love and care for you. Also it allows for you to be front and center in your life and everyone
As I took my first steps into the world of NO, the people closest to me were wounded and outraged. What the hell do you mean no? The first few times I had stomach aches then as I became more comfortable in my own skin and realizing what was in my best interests NO became a much easier word. I understand that if I say yes it means I will show up 100%. Not show up and be exhausted or resentful that I am somewhere I truly do not want to be. You know that “YES”, the one forced out by guilt or manipulation. If you are spending an enormous amount of time on your business do you find some time for you? In the beginning I worked all hours of the day and night until I burned myself out. At that point I really wasn’t interested in my business anymore, I was the walking zombie. I then realized after taking several days off that I needed more fun and me time. Believe me it will work wonders for your business too. Why? Because you have recharged your batteries and given yourself some time to think of other things, therefore allowing for new ideas to come to you about your business.
Continued...
It’s All About YES
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
JULY 6, 2012
New ideas and thoughts create more business, and it will center your focus. Prioritize taking care of you first. There is no shame in this action. How can you help others if you yourself are not balanced mind, body and soul? Spend time alone to care and center yourself daily, to follow your true path. It is your destiny to experience life to the fullest and share your gifts with others.
Tricia Dycka: Tricia is an Entrepreneur, life enthusiast, author, intuitive, funny, very candid, great listener. Take the path less traveled. Living in the moment. Enjoys massive amounts of chocolate and coffee. Supportive friend who is there for you when everyone else has abandoned you and thinks you have lost your mind. Encourages entrepreneurs to embrace themselves so they can create an environment that supports their dreams. You can find me at www.triciadycka.com
A Woman’s Guide to “Me” Time By Gina Shaw WebMD Feature Reviewed by Renee A Alli, MD
Women today have been told we have it all -- careers, families, kids, community involvement, and relationships. But all too often, having it all leaves us with no time or strength left for ourselves. Recent research has shown that women today are less happy than they have been over the past 40 years. There are many theories about why, but lack of free time can be a major reason. Recommended Related to Mind, Body, Spirit Living a Passionate Life “There’s a tremendous amount of stress and pressure put on women: being parents, being daughters, mothers, wives, professionals. All of these roles combined leave many of us not taking adequate care of ourselves -- which is what sustains us and gives us the energy to take care of all these other responsibilities that we have,” says Randy Kamen Gredinger, EdD, a Wayland, Mass., psychologist and life coach specializing in women’s issues. Read The Entire Article
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
Make Self-Care Mandatory: Some Suggestions on How by Jill Stafford
I heard an old joke on TV today about not having time to exercise …“What’s more inconvenient? Walking 20 minutes a day or being dead 24 hours a day?” Well, that’s a no-brainer!! The truth is we all spend so much time taking care of others, our businesses, and personal commitments that taking care of ourselves can get pushed way down the priority list. Do you find time to take care of yourself?
What is Self-Care? There are three areas of self-care: Mind, body, spirit. And rather than a juggling act where it’s a continual toss up, it is more like standing on one foot while rubbing your stomach and patting the top of your head. Or an arabesque. Or the Crane Pose. Giving each area the time and energy required means that life maintains a beautiful balance. For me, slacking in any area and I’m on my way to being out of whack because each of these three complex systems influence the other two. So basic self-care is looks something like this: brush and floss twice a day, eat healthy nourishment, get some exercise, laugh, pray, express yourself, learn something, and love. Pretty basic, right? So what keeps us from claiming critical self-care time?
Excuses Self-care requires self-discipline. Do these things even if you are not in the mood to do them. No Excuses. “I don’t have time.” “I’m too tired.” “I don’t feel like it.” “I’ll do it later.” “It’s too hot.” “It’s too late.” “It doesn’t really matter.” In the time it takes to fill your head with excuses you would have knocked two or three basics off the list. If you have difficulty getting past the excuses to live a live where you take care of yourself, I recommend checking out Dr. Wayne W. Dyer’s book, Excuses Be Gone. The mind can get caught up in all kinds of self-defeating thinking. This book will help you break it down, identify and remove the self-defeating habitual thinking, and then replace old habits with new ways. Dr. Dyer bases this work on his yearlong immersion in Lao-tzu’s the Tao Te Ching. Both books would be useful additions to your personal and professional libraries!!
Motivation Literally the desire to do things, motivation – or lack of this desire – can derail right thinking. Just because you think “it” does not mean you “do” it. So motivation can be a key factor in self-care. As the opening joke suggests, convenience can be motivating. Fear of death may motivate for a short period of time, but is usually not a sustaining motivator. Our lives are full of resources for motivational quotes. Perhaps you have found one that works for you? I have found that motivational quotes
Continued...
It’s All About YES
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
JULY 6, 2012
lose their punch after a while. I can be very motivated if the action is connected to a time-driven attainable goal. Once the goal is achieved I may have improved my self-care, but that fired up motivation has passed and sustaining the progress is again left up to me.
Energy Go for a long walk and you will not feel so tired. “Really?” says the totally exhausted woman. “That doesn’t make any damn sense!” And while it may seem counter-intuitive, it is an established fact that if you exercise you will have more energy. Try it and you will know it is true. It is hard to push through the exhaustion to get up and do one more thing, even if you know it is good for you, but if you can do this, not only will you have more energy, you will relieve stress and make room for your mind, body and spirit to align. That is a pretty powerful pay-off for going for a walk!!
Quit thinking and Move!! Recently a friend of mine who has extraordinary self-discipline told me he has started doing 20 push-ups and 20 sit-ups morning and night. A small addition to a daily routine, but I was impressed. A few days later as I sat on my sofa waiting for my coffee to brew I thought, “I could just shift two feet off of the sofa and onto the floor and do 20 and 20 while I wait on my coffee.” I decided not to give it much thought and instead I chose to just do it. It was so easy to make that physical 2 foot shift. I’m on day four and my abs, chest and arms are thanking me for being included in my morning routine in this small way!!!
Find Your Way The bottom line is that you have to find what works for you. Create a routine for the basics if that works for you. Collect motivational quotes to get you moving to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Get educated about your self-defeating habits and how to change your thinking and treat yourself better. Exercise your power of choice and develop stronger self-discipline. If you are having trouble knowing how to get started, maybe Dr. Dyer’s Excuses Be Gone can give you some needed support, or a friend, or a coach… Whether I find time, make time or take time, Taking Care of Myself is Mandatory. Make it mandatory for yourself. The people who love you and depend on you will be wholly grateful. After all, who would they dump on if you weren’t around?? But that is a story for another day…Keep the faith. xoxo Jill Stafford combine s her MS in Holistic Teaching & Learning with her Professional Coaching practice, Meet your Goals. Currently residing in Fredericksburg, VA, she enjoys working with adult college students with special needs, health and weight loss clients, as well as small business owners. Jill is highly creative and intuitive and is a radio host, song writer and author. Visit her Coaching Page at http://www.facebook.com/jill.stafford. coach Her Holistic Teaching, Learning and Living Page at http://www. facebook.com/pages/Holistic-Teaching-Learning-and-Living/203570723015315 and her My Vi Story Page at http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Vi-
Story/352045021482026 . Of course if you want to learn more about the Body By Vi 90 Day Challenge go to http://vibrantyou.bodybyvi.com/ Jill looks forward to hearing from our readers and partnering with
you to make YOUR goals realities!!!!
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
Each week we have WINNERS that we think you should know. These are people on our Facebook Page that take the time to not only be actively involved but Share, Like, Post, Re-post, and Comment. Visit our FanPage at www.facebook.com/ItsAllAboutYes and GET INVOLVED! We would LOVE to promote you! So, Let Us Introduce....!
~ Vanessa Hubbard Edmon My name is Vanessa Edmon I am a real person, doing a real challenge. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and decided to take action NOW! So I found this really cool company named Visalus Sciences that offers the 90 Day Challenge with Body By Vi to lose 30+ lbs. by combining Visalus and exercise. There is a really great network on Facebook to help support you on your challenge. Plus I can win some really cool prizes as well! I have lost 30lbs and continue to do the challenge to lose more weight. My link is www. nessaedmon.bodybyvi.com
~ Mary Joyce Mary Joyce Life and Relationship Coach Mary Joyce is a Life Purpose Coach, Speaker, Writer, Mentor and Trainer. She helps women like you re-discover their passions to create a successful fulfilling business that makes a difference in the world. Mary Joyce works with female entrepreneurs who have been called to step into their life purpose and she helps them spread their message by teaching them how to turn their dreams into reality. Visit her website at www.marymjoyce.com
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
ALL ABOUT YES INTERVIEW: ALL ABOUT Lori Latimer YES: Before we get in to the whys and wherefores, explain to us – just what is Scientific Hand Analysis? LL: I always tell people that it’s palmistry kicked up a notch! Using your fingerprint patterns (which never change over the course of your life) and the lines and other markings in your hands, I combine my intuitive abilities with science to reveal your unique potential talents and challenges, and your life purpose. There’s a lot of talk today about life purpose, but everyone’s specific life purpose is hiding in plain sight right in their hands – I just decode it for them! Your hands are like a map – I give you the map and then it’s up to you whether you follow it or not. What’s nice is that I have clients all over the world. I mail them ink sheets and they make their handprints and mail them back to me. After I finish the analysis, we have a phone conversation by phone or Skype that’s recorded for them. While I work mostly with women, I’ve also analyzed the hands of several men. YES: What possessed you to start your business? Why did you become an entrepreneur? LL: I’ve worked as a paralegal in family law most of my life, but I always knew there was something more that I was meant to do. Like so many people, I was raising a family and got caught up in making a living, and my paralegal job provided me with a good living. But when I went through a divorce a few years ago, I knew the time was right to really create the life I want to live the rest of my life. My children were grown and gone, so I feel like it was divine timing. YES: Does anyone close to you help you with your business? LL:
No, but fortunately everyone close to me has been very supportive of what I’m doing. I don’t think all of them completely understand it, but at least they support me in it!
YES: What’s your favorite thing about being an entrepreneur? LL:
Being in control of my own destiny! Part of my life purpose is about creativity and innovation, so I love being able to explore my own creativity in new ways. I also love all the new experiences I’m having and the incredible people I’m meeting along the way. And I can’t wait to see what’s next on this fabulous journey.
YES: What types of services/products do you offer? LL:
Along with the hand analysis I talked about earlier, I also teach a class called The Art Of Feminine Presence. It’s based on the book Powerful and Feminine by Rachael Jayne Groover. The practices I teach help women develop their magnetic presence and radiant glow that makes them irresistible
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
and unforgettable. What woman doesn’t want that? I love watching how quickly this work transforms women’s lives, and when I combine the hand analysis with it, the results are powerful and truly life changing – and it happens fast! I teach these classes in an ongoing 5-week series in Atlanta, and I also travel to other cities where I do one- or two-day workshops. YES: What was the one thing that really got you excited – made you glad you started your business? LL:
The opportunity to help other women find the happiness and fulfillment in their lives that I’ve found. Going through a divorce is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. Taking time to find happiness within yourself instead of looking outside of yourself for it allows you to go on to have a new, healthy relationship in the future. The work I do helps people do exactly that.
YES: What challenges do/did you face? LL:
My biggest challenge is that I’m still working my full-time paralegal job. Last summer I resigned from my job, but then agreed to stay for one year. It’s challenging to work in such an intense and emotionally charged job all day and then come home and find the energy to work on my own business. But when you want something badly enough, you find a way to do it. There are days I come home and I’m completely depleted and don’t do anything. I’ve learned that I need those days so I have energy on other days when I accomplish things I couldn’t imagine I could do. Now that the year I agreed to stay is coming up, it will be interesting to see how I transition out of a full time job. I anticipate it will be sometime in early fall.
YES: What recommendations do you give other women who are thinking about starting a business? (or business similar to yours/in your field) LL:
Find something you’re passionate about, something that will get you up early in the morning and keep you up late at night working on it. And then start somewhere. Anywhere. You don’t have to know everything. Be patient and let it evolve. And whatever you, don’t quit.
YES: What’s your biggest lesson? LL: To trust my own intuition, and to look inside myself for the answers. I stopped trusting my intuition many years ago. As I look back over my life, I realize that when I’ve ignored my intuition, the decisions I made weren’t in my best interest. Getting back in touch with my intuition and my spirituality has been a wonderful opportunity to learn new things, to grow, and to create the life I want to live. YES: Best question for last – What does success mean to you? LL: Knowing that I helped other women find joy, passion and fulfillment in every area of their lives. I’ve always said that I could do a lot of things to earn money, but I need more than that if I’m going to put so much of myself into my work. Knowing that I helped another person through a difficult time in their life to find peace and happiness is... priceless.
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
Take a Break to Get More Done by Mary Joyce
When you are a women in business, have children, a spouse, parents, friends, housework and grocery shopping, laundry, voluntary work and any other number of roles, finding time for yourself and your own self care tends to be way down the list of priorities. That list is enough to make your head spin God we’re amazing, us women. You could even begin to feel guilty about taking time for yourself. So what can you do to overcome this? What do I do, my “secret”? What has lead me to have more free time to pamper, enjoy long baths, leisurely lunches, girlie nights out, country walks, massages and regular date night in luxury hotels with my clandestine lover (AKA hubby). I have systems in place that automate many areas of my business. If you work from home, having a designated workspace really helps to separate business from home life. There are lots of tools and resources available now to simplify things. Let’s be honest though, having so many choices can be part of the problem, as it takes time to research and road test many of these shortcuts. With so much choice available, we tend to get confused on what’s best and begin to get caught up in all the details. This could lead to spending more time in actually making a decision than doing the task. Dilemma... What you need to remember is with the proper systems and structure you have in your business, the easier it will be to replicate and outsource to someone else like a VA. Break down every part of your business into stepby-step process. Having a giant white board really helps me break down my daily, weekly/monthly tasks. Having regular breaks and time for you is vital for your wellbeing and business growth. When you take the time to take care of yourself and your needs, you’ll actually become more productive. Being overtired, stressed and worn out are not good states to be in to run a successful business. You can just imagine all the mistakes you make when you are tired. You become cranky, irritated and people start getting on your nerves. If you
Continued...
This Month on Facebook Let’s Share Our Success Stories on Taking Time Out for “ME”! What’s Your Story? What Changes Have You Made That Are Making A Difference? How Are You Different When You Take The Time To Take Care Of Yourself? Do You Find You Are a Better Entrepreneur? A Better Wife Or Mother Or Friend? What Tips Can You Share? How Has Taking “ME” Time Affected Your Life? We All Benefit When We Share Our Stories!
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
are in the service business (and let’s face it, everyone is), the purpose of business is to sell your products or services to other people. If you are performing below par, how likely are those people to return to your business? My guilty secret, which I’m actually doing right now as I write this article, is, listening to 2FM, which is an Irish radio station. Living in London UK, this helps me connect with home, and you can’t beat Irish humour and it always lifts my spirit and is so hilarious. Simple and doesn’t cost anything, yet I feel refreshed and raring to go afterwards. Laughing releases endorphins (feel good hormones) once your body is flooded with these natural chemicals you feel good and have more energy. Hanging out with young children and animals also has the same effect. So create time daily, weekly and monthly for yourself. The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. ~ Mark Twain Mary Joyce is a life and relationship coach, naturally gifted intuitive, works with the angelic Realm, and Mum to two beautiful young children. She runs a couple of weekly life coaching workshops for women, works with local government agencies in the UK providing trainings in both life and career coaching. She works with women from every background from Entrepreneurs, small business owners to single mothers to help them live a life of Purpose and prosperity. You can find Mary at www.marymjoyce.com.
And Then There Is The Time When There Is No Time by Daye Salander
There are those times though when there actually is no time for “me” and I think that is one thing that we don’t really address. How do you muddle through? The most important thing is to learn to say NO. You really don’t have to do all the things that people ask you to do. You don’t have to beat yourself up when you do say NO. Even sometimes when you say NO, there is no real time for you. So here are a few hints on how to take care of yourself. CRY. Do it whenever you feel like it but don’t let it drag on. MEDITATE, DEEP BREATH, OR PRAY. Even if it is only 5 minutes. You will be amazed at the renewed energy you will find you have. FOCUS. There is an end to whatever you are going through. Concentrate on that. It’s like a race where you cannot stop and you force yourself to keep going but all the while knowing that there is an end.
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
How Being My Own Best Friend Saved My Sanity by Jennifer L Shelton A version of this was posted on FemCentral on February 14, 2011.
In 2010, for Valentine’s Day, I made a vlog entitled, “How to Be Your Own Best Valentine.” When I made this vlog, I’d been learning, over the previous two years, the importance of treating MYSELF like my own best friend; of the importance of “dating myself” by spending time alone, learning more about ME, and doing things that made me feel special. But, lately, I’ve gotten away from my daily alone time. And, I haven’t made time to pamper myself. I argued that I needed to save money, that I was too busy, that I was now quite centered and healed, and didn’t need the daily dose of “me time.” The past few weeks, I’ve been hearing a tiny voice urging “get a massage.” A massage? Who has the time or money for that? Sure, I used to do it on a regular basis but that’s when I had a job for someone else, getting a regular salary – when I wasn’t spending 60-80 hours a week working for myself. Nope. No time. But, the tiny voice became a big voice. Then, it was SCREAMING – GET A MASSAGE! Just this past Friday, I had a freak candle accident. A candle in my bathroom burned too brightly; the wax started pouring out and went straight down the drain of the sink. The wax cooled almost immediately, and formed a plug that fit the pipes perfectly! I had to turn off the water, disassemble the pipes, and scrape the mess out with a knife. I’m a very symbolic person, and when something bizarre like this happens, I always look for a deeper meaning. I asked my facebook and twitter followers for their opinions, and we all pretty much came up with the fact that I was working too hard, and it was blocking my spirituality and creativity. Saturday morning, I spilled coffee on my keyboard (still doesn’t work right), and a friend suggested that MAYBE I needed to get out of the house! I agreed. And, I scheduled a massage for that afternoon! Since my son was visiting his dad for the weekend, I made an evening out of “me time.” After the massage, I got ice cream. And, I went to a movie that was rated R! (Seems like anything I see in the theaters these days is an animated kid’s film.) When I got home, I meditated. And oh, the thoughts that came up. Three years ago, when I was going through a “rough patch”, I decided to see a therapist. She introduced me to the concept of “internalized voices.” We all have them, and they as are unique to us as our childhoods. Most people have internalized the voices of their parents, teachers, siblings – anyone who was influential to their early development. Some internalized voices are positive. Some are not. As I learned from visualizations in therapy – mine are most definitely NOT POSITIVE. See I have a pretty persistent voice in my head that criticizes me CONSTANTLY. I know to whom this voice belongs, which helps me to understand it, at least. It doesn’t help it to go away, however. To do that, I need to be aware of when it is chattering on. I can’t argue with it (that makes it worse) BUT I can do things that demonstrate to myself that I don’t agree with it. Pampering myself, for instance, demonstrates that I think I deserve to be treated with love and respect.
Continued...
VOLUME 2; ISSUE 7
It’s All About YES
JULY 6, 2012
When I meditated last Saturday night, it was that condescending voice that came out loud and clear. Did it pop back up because I’d gotten out of the habit of treating myself like “my own best friend”? Or, because I hadn’t spent time in meditation, and therefore, wasn’t aware of it? Perhaps. Probably. But, what I found most fascinating is that even though, the past few weeks, I had not been conscious of this critical voice, my mind had TRAINED ITSELF to handle it by doing something special, just for me. I’d been hearing that small voice, “get a massage,” which turned into an internal scream “GET A MASSAGE!”, most likely, because at some level, I was registering the critical voice, and knew that pampering was a way to “fight” it. I’d taught myself a great way to fight off an attack, even an internalized attack, and my defenses came to my rescue, without me even realizing it! Developing a self and a life that satisfies you In the book Loving Him without Losing You: How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself, Beverly Engel advices women to spend at least 15 minutes a day – ALONE. For some women, this will be very uncomfortable, so it’s important that you make sure to go out of your way to soothe and nurture yourself. During your alone time, try the following exercise to learn the best way in which you can be comforted: •
Write about any childhood memories you have of being comforted and soothed. Who was the person who comforted you the most?
•
How did you comfort yourself as a child? Did you have a favorite blanket, pillow, or toy that you used to comfort yourself?
•
When you think of self-nurturing, what comes to mind?
•
Do you still use the same methods of self-nurturing and comforting you did as a child, or have you developed other ways?
•
Do you feel good about the ways you nurture and comfort yourself today, or do you wish you had healthier ways?
What do you do to show yourself love? Do you take the time to treat yourself the way you’d like for others to treat you?
Jennifer L Shelton Jennifer is the founder and administrator of FemCentral, the Virtual Institute for Women, where she also works as an astrologer, intuitive coach and instructor. She teaches undergraduate, online classes in global cultures for Franklin University and works as an education, outreach and training consultant. She’s a writer. She’s a mom. She’s gloriously busy doing the things she loves. You can find Jennifer at www.jenniferlshelton.com