It's All About YES by Tricia Dycka

VOLUME 2; ISSUE 9

It’s All About YES

SEPTEMBER 6, 2012

TABLE OF CONTENTS 3

From the Editor…

High Heels Are To Us What Corsets Were To Late Victorian Women by Jennifer L Shelton

Reframing Discrimination by Lori Latimer

The Power of Equality is in Your Hands by Stephanie McDilda

All About YES Interview: All About Stephanie McDilda

Leaving Old Attitudes in the Past by Leslee Horner

Degrees vs. Experience—Discrimination? by Liz LaClair

The Fine Art of Being a Sexist Pig by Kelly Beversdorf

How Did Having It All Become Doing It All? by Mary Joyce

Is it a disadvantage being a woman? by Tricia Dycka

Publisher: Tricia Dycka Editor-In-Chief: Lori Paquette Editor: Liz LaClair cover image: 123rf.com/photo_6220765

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FROM THE PUBLISHER…

Can you believe fall is right around the corner? Kids are back in school or going back now. I hope that you all enjoyed the summer, beach, BBQs, laughter and loads of fun. As I look back at my summers I find as a child I was free as a bird. Ran around and just had fun, the weight of the world or what was truly going on did not faze me one bit. It

wasn’t until I was in school and all the regiments of society, teachers and life that seem to say you are a girl and have a certain script to follow. A list of what to do and what not to do, pigeonholed into a specific role. Do you have an inferiority complex? Do you feel that you are always at a disadvantage in getting ahead in your life? Or having your dreams come true? Please join us as we share our stories of putting this nonsense to rest. Knowing that being a woman is our greatest asset.

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High Heels Are To Us What Corsets Were To Late Victorian Women by Jennifer Shelton

Originally published on FemCentral on May 16, 2011 In one online women’s group in which I participate, I was introduced to a group of business women who use the stiletto – a red, patented, six-inch heel – as their symbol. I balked. I said I couldn’t believe they would use this to represent feminine strength in business. To me, the stiletto is a symbol of a male-dominated society, masqueraded as something to make women feel powerful. How can we be powerful if we can barely keep our balance? I was surprised that out of the 10 or so women in the group, I was the only one who had a problem with it. One woman said it made women taller, and therefore, more powerful. I countered that using height as a criteria for power was not embracing feminine power at all but trying to emulate masculine power. Men have used size to argue superiority since the beginning of time. To me, the stiletto is comparable to foot binding. However, I’m not immune to attractive shoes. While I’ve never worn a stiletto, I’ve got quite a few pairs of high heels. Am I a hypocrite? Can I say that it’s ok to wear these shoes as long as I don’t use them to define me as a woman? I decided to research the issue further, and found the following article, published at newhumanist.org.uk in the summer of 2008. I’ve excerpted the most relevant sections…

Heights of Madness by Sally Feldman “High heels are to us what corsets were to late Victorian women. They are inhumanly uncomfortable – and yet self-imposed,” observed Sarah Sands recently in the Independent on Sunday, before confessing that she is saving up for “some perilously high purple suede shoes by Christian Louboutin.” … Sands is baffled that so many feminists like herself are still in thrall to high heels. “It is interesting that high heels have survived feminism and the tracksuit … Women burned their bras but now subject their feet to terrifying pieces of engineering in order to lengthen their legs and reduce their waists.” In the radical feminist lexicon, wearing high heels has to stand out as the most pointed betrayal of all. They demean, they constrain, they deform, they inhibit. And they’re downright dangerous. Most deadly of all is the stiletto, the killer heel. It can lead to bunions, back problems and disfigured toes. Deformities resulting from years of wearing them can be as severe as the foot problems that used to be seen in Chinese women whose feet had been bound — a tradition which persisted until it was outlawed in 1911. It’s no coincidence that Cinderella, the most ubiquitous of fairy tales, originated in ninthcentury China, where the tiny foot has long been considered the exemplar of female grace and beauty. We still squeeze our feet into unwieldy shapes, inject them so that they won’t be such

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agony when we hobble and totter, even have surgery to taper and refine them, all in the quest for a slim, tiny, perfect foot. Women are just so many Ugly Sisters, cutting off toes and heels in order to slip the daintiest of feet into that elusive glass slipper…. Shoes and heels in general are an acute barometer of cultural and social norms, going up and down, high and flat, in accordance with the mores and the political climate of the age. The high heel as we might recognize it was introduced into the French court in 1533, the year that Catherine de Medicis, aged 15, brought a pair with her from Florence when she married the Duke d’Orleans. They were eagerly embraced by Parisian noblewomen and the fad spread across Europe. Marie Antoinette went to the guillotine in high heels and became the symbol of all the lavish decadence of the aristocracy. So when the French monarchy fell, so did the height of shoes. Elaborate clothing and fancy heels were discarded in favor of simple, flowing garments and flat pumps, following Rousseau’s notions of the benefits of the natural order. This was the era when men and women’s appearances dramatically diverged. Men replaced flamboyant dress with the sombre garb of rationality while women’s more decorative attire was seen as evidence of their innate irrationality. Men have never returned to high heels, whether the manly ones traditionally favored by Cossack horsemen or Prussian fighters, Louis XIV’s signature red heels or the fanciful footwear of 18th-century London dandies. But women’s heels rose again in the Victorian era, when high-heeled laced-up boots would be worn under the crinoline and the bustle—just an alluring pointed toe visible under the swathes of skirt and petticoats. At a time when demands for female enfranchisement were growing, these lavish fashions, reminiscent of 18th-century excess, helped to reinforce the idea that women were essentially too frivolous to participate in public life. At the same time, women’s elaborate costumes were a vehicle for men to display their success and economic status. But, clothing that conveyed social privilege also implied sexual impropriety, according to the fashion historian Elizabeth Semmelhack. In her article “A Delicate Balance: Women, Power and High Heels” she explains that in the 19th century “the presence and the idea of the courtesan and sexual commodification became central to European intellectual and aristocratic thought. The concept of the courtesan linked female ‘power’ and sexual manipulation. … High heels in particular became infused with erotic significance.” Then, in reaction to the seeming prudery and constraints of the Victorians, came the Roaring Twenties and the flappers. Chests flattened, skirts shortened, heels became more boyish. But after the Second World War fashion became demure and ladylike once again as women who had been active during the war were now encouraged to return to the home and to take on their traditional wifely role. In keeping with the return to femininity, Christian Dior launched his New Look, emphasizing cinched continued on next page

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waists and full skirts. And its ideal accompaniment, perfected by Dior’s favorite shoe designer Roger Vivier, was the stiletto heel. So wedded did many women become to the allure of the high heel that they would wear stilettos all day—even at home, doing household chores. But at the same time as signifying ladylike elegance, high heels were, as ever, associated with the whorehouse. “By the mid-1950s,” writes Semmelhack, “cultural icons of femininity and sexuality, whether they were Vogue models, television housewives or Hollywood bombshells, were typically represented in stilettos.” All of that changed with the advent of the Swinging Sixties, which, echoing the look of the Twenties, were characterized by miniskirts, bobs and boyishness—a reaction to the buttonedup, prim and coiffed era that had never had it so good. The liberation movements of the late ’60s were also colored by a rejection of the artificial and the commercial in favor of natural, let-it-all-hang-out freedom from constraint, combined with anti-establishment revolutionary politics. For some, women’s liberation meant not only liberation from patriarchy but also from capitalism. Rejecting the traditional trappings of femininity was often seen as an escape from both. Flat, comfortable shoes have always been associated with the working class—with people who have to work and have to walk; high, impractical ones with the leisured classes. So eschewing high heels was also an expression of solidarity with working people. But the declared socialism of radical feminism was by no means shared by all the sisters. Some may have opted out of any dealings with the military/industrial complex that was spawned by the devil of patriarchy. Many others, though, wanted a share of the action. And that was how power dressing, big shoulders and serious heels came to dominate the ’80s—the era of glassceiling shattering when women started to enter the boardroom and aim for the high stakes. The clickety-clack of stilettos on hard surfaces came to mean the approaching of the boss rather than the secretary, the wielder of whips as well as the shackled whore. But even the proudest and most powerful high heel was still, as ever, linked to sex. By the turn of the 21st century, the association became more overt and aggressive as classic courts were replaced with footwear reminiscent of streetwalkers and dominatrices. So the stiletto continues to persist as one of the fundamental accoutrements of sado-masochistic and fetish sex, along with the statutory suspenders and black stockings, bustier and handcuffs. Far from regarding it as an aberration, the sexologist Havelock Ellis saw foot fetishism as quite normal because “the human species prefers itself a little bent out of natural shape.”

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And that is what the high heel is able to achieve. It tapers the toes, arches the instep, lifts the calves and alters the posture so that buttocks are raised and breasts thrust forward. High heels create the illusion of longer and more defined legs, hinting upwards to the centrifugal point of sexual action. And high heels demand a mincing, swaying walk quite markedly different from the confident stride of a man. Marilyn Monroe was reputed to have one heel made a quarter of an inch shorter than the other to aid her characteristic wiggle… You don’t have to be a whip-wielding dominatrix or a dagger-heeled lap-dancer to recognize the surge of power and pleasure that comes from a killer stiletto. It can even be good for you. High heels help to strengthen legs and pelvic muscles, according to new research by Dr Maria Cerruto, from the University of Verona. Her study of 66 women under the age of 50 found that even a moderate heel relaxed electrical activity in the pelvic area by up to 15 per cent, leading to greater stamina and better sex. No wonder so many women find that wearing high heels makes them feel liberated. … For hardliners, such commentators are mere apologists for the status quo. The original article ends with a quote from Sarah Jessica Parker. Wearing Blahniks, she says, takes time and trouble. You have to learn how to wear his shoes. “It doesn’t happen overnight … I’ve destroyed my feet completely, but I don’t care. What do you really need your feet for, anyway?” Bunions, back problems, disfigured toes. But, better sex. Alliance with the working class or busting into (and perhaps, shattering) the elite? Are heels harmless fun? A symbol of feminine strength? Or, in the words of radical feminists, “if we claim to enjoy our shoes, [are] we merely consenting to our own slavery?” What do you think?

Jennifer L Shelton Jennifer is the founder and administrator of FemCentral, the Virtual Institute for Women, where she also works as an astrologer, intuitive coach and instructor. She teaches undergraduate, online classes in global cultures for Franklin University and works as an education, outreach and training consultant. She’s a writer. She’s a mom. She’s gloriously busy doing the things she loves. You can find Jennifer at www.jenniferlshelton.com

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Reframing Discrimination by Lori Latimer

I have to be honest. When I saw the topic for this month’s article, I was stumped. I honestly didn’t think I had anything to write about, because I don’t think I’ve been discriminated against in business because I’m a woman.

There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women! ~ Madelyn Albright.

§ I have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is. I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~ Rebecca West, 1913

§ In the end, I think you really only get as far as you’re allowed to get.

“

~ Gayle Gardner

As I thought about that, I started wondering why I haven’t been discriminated against. I think the reason is very simple, yet profound. I haven’t allowed it to happen. I’ve always stood by who and what I am. I’m well educated and I’ve always done what I could to increase my skills and better myself. Sure, there have been jobs I haven’t gotten that I applied for. Did I not get them because I’m a woman? Was it because I didn’t have the particular skill set they were looking for? Did I ask for too much money? I have no idea. During my paralegal career, I’ve worked with two male paralegals. Did they make more money than I did? Again, I have no idea. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t really matter to me because I don’t feel the need to compare myself to anyone else. I’ve been well paid based on my skills and years of experience. In my mind, the only person I’ve ever competed with is myself! I’ve always tried to improve myself and learn new things that add value to what I’m doing so that I’m an asset to any employer I worked for. I know women in many parts of the world face injustice and discrimination that I’ll never face, and for that, I feel very blessed. However, here in the United States I see many women blame things that happen to them on the fact that they’re a woman. And honestly, not just on the fact that they’re a woman, but on a multitude of other things as well. Oftentimes, that’s nothing more than taking the easy way out. Society has made it so easy for people to play the victim card and blame everyone and everything outside of them for whatever

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happens to them. Working in family law for so many years, I’ve seen many women take advantage of the legal system in ways that leave me shaking my head. These are women that are smart and talented, yet they stay stuck in their story instead of learning and moving forward in a healthy, positive way. If you feel you’ve been discriminated against or have been at a disadvantage in business (or any other area of your life) because you’re a woman, I’d invite you to ask yourself these questions: Are you going to let that stop you? Are you going to let it define you? Or are you going to turn it around and use it as a learning opportunity? It goes back to what we hear so much about, namely that what you think about, you attract. So if you expect to be at a disadvantage, you likely will be. But if you stand for who and what you are and something doesn’t work out the way you’d hoped, maybe it has nothing to do with you being a woman. Maybe it’s because that wasn’t the right situation for you. And maybe, just maybe, there’s something better around the corner. Isn’t that a better way to frame it? I think so!

Lori Latimer Lori is a hand analyst, an intuitive coach, speaker, and certified teacher of The Art Of Feminine Presence. She’s also a mom and grandma to two darling little grandsons. Working as a paralegal in family law for many years and going through her own divorces (yes, more than one!), she saw a pattern in herself and other women who’d been successful in their careers but were missing something in their personal lives. She now loves helping women find joy and passion within themselves so they’re able to find all of that and more in both their personal and business lives – just as she’s done. You can find her at www.lorilatimer.com.

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PAST ISSUES WHICH MAY INTEREST YOU

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The Power of Equality is in Your Hands by Stephanie McDilda

I was ready to conquer the world in my first management position out of college. After a brief stint as a Production Supervisor in a local textile plant, I was promoted to the position of Training Manager. I was the only woman manager on the executive staff and I believed I could make a difference. I will never forget one Monday morning meeting with my peer managers sitting around the board room table waiting for the Plant Manager. He swooped into the room, stopped near me, reached in his pocket and pulled out a quarter and said—“Sweetheart, how about you run and get me a cup of coffee.” The experience was humiliating and degrading. That was in 1979. Thirty years ago, sexual discrimination and harassment in the workplace was a fact of business life. Today, I just don’t see it as much. The question for this issue is—“Do you feel there is a lot of discrimination towards you? Do you feel being a woman puts you at a disadvantage in business?” Honestly… I have to say no. I’m sure that there are many of you who are prepared to jump online and send me an email to tell me that I am “disconnected” or “out of touch” with the real world. When you live in a reality where there are people, you will find that people discriminate. We all have different perceptions and preferences. Some people will treat you unfairly. At the same time, the laws are much tougher now… and women are a lot more sophisticated. In their book, Womenomics, Clair Shipman and Katty Kay share research which indicates that companies with women in high level leadership positions are actually more profitable than those wholly dominated by men. Women are more educated than ever before and young women entering the workforce are now the daughters of the women—like me—who pioneered the way. I will not be naïve enough to tell you that you will never be discriminated against or treated unfairly. However, in many ways business opportunities for women are wide open. I would like to share with you three things that I believe will affect you and protect you in these instances… Perception – Flip Wilson’s character, Geraldine, on the old comedy show Laugh-In used to say — “Honey, what you see is what you get!” I think that was very wise advice. If you spend your time looking for ways in which you are treated unfairly, you will absolutely find them. If you choose to adopt a victim mentality, you will be a victim. I am a believer in the power of the law of attraction. If you look for areas where people are discriminating against you, you will attract those situations into your life. Worth – One sure way to protect yourself against any unfairness in the workplace is to know, understand, and believe in your worth. Start by knowing what you bring to the table… and how you stack up to the competition. As people rarely discuss their salaries, it is hard to know how your pay measures up to your co-workers. In a corporate setting, find out what it takes to make

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top dollar or get promoted in your field. If you have a BA and two years of experience and your male co-worker has an MBA and 8 years of experience, the fact that he is getting paid more than you is not necessarily discrimination. Get serious about managing your career and do what it takes to be worth the promotion and top pay. If you have your own business, you should start by knowing exactly how your clients or customers benefit from your product or service. A little research should give you a clue as to the going rate for the service you provide. Then all you really need is the confidence to ask for and expect to get what other people in the same field with similar credentials and background are making. If you are thinking you can’t compete with a business owned by a man, think again. Look into getting your business certified by the Women’s Business Enterprise National Council (WBENC www.wbenc.org ). Most corporations receive tax incentives to direct business to women owned businesses. Boundaries – The third key factor in being treated fairly is to have strong boundaries around how you are treated. Once you understand the market value of the service you are providing, you should expect to be treated fairly in salary and opportunities. If you believe that is not the case in your current situation, then you have every right to address perceived inequities in a professional manner. If your concerns are not addressed to your satisfaction, then you should consider moving on to another opportunity where you will be more fairly treated. As long as the business environment is made up of people, the possibility of unfair treatment exists. I do not believe it is as prevalent as it was when I first entered the workforce. If you follow these tips, that unfair treatment does not have to be part of your work experience.

Stephanie McDilda Stephanie is an expert on unconditional love – for yourself and others. As a speaker, coach, and author, she enjoys working with professional women and corporate leaders. She supports her clients in translating love into a powerful leadership strategy first for themselves, and then for others. Stephanie is warm, approachable, encouraging, and intuitive. She looks forward to connecting with you and learning how she can best support you. You can connect with her on Facebook at http://www. facebook.com/FlashpointInternational or email her at stephanie@ flashpointinternational.com

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ALL ABOUT YES INTERVIEW: YES: Before we get in to the whys and wherefores, explain to us – just what is Flashpoint International? SM: At Flashpoint International, I work with clients to teach them to love themselves unconditionally and to translate love into a powerful leadership strategy for both themselves and others. I do this through speaking, seminars, coaching (individual and group) and writing. With over 15 years of coaching experience and 30+ years in corporate leadership development training, I have come to know that one of the biggest shortcomings most of us face is our inability to love and trust ourselves. It impacts us both personally and professionally. I have spent the past 20 years learning to love myself and learning how to effectively use love as a leadership strategy for individuals, small business owners and corporate leaders. YES: What possessed you to start your business? Why did you become an entrepreneur? SM: I started my first business in 1993, and confess I was inspired by a layoff. In truth, I had prayed for that opportunity over a year earlier, telling the Universe that I wanted to start my own business by the time I was 40. I turned 40 in April and was laid off in September. I figured it was a sign. When the coach at the outsourcing company asked why I wanted to start a business I answered— “Because I will finally have a boss that appreciates me.” I have always been fiercely independent. I wanted to work doing what I loved and truly believed I could make a difference. YES: Does anyone close to you (family friends) help you with your business? SM: Although my family and friends are very proud of what I do and are totally supportive, most of them are otherwise employed, so truly, I am a solo venture. I do have plans for one aspect of my business which would eventually involve contracting other coaches and seminar leaders, but I believe that is some time in the future. I also have an amazing network and believe this is critical for an entrepreneur. My friends often refer clients to me and share opportunities. I do the same for them. YES: What’s your favorite thing about being an entrepreneur? SM: Without question, my answer to this question is….FREEDOM. I love my lifestyle. I work very hard, but I work when I want and with whom I want. Being an entrepreneur also gives me freedom of creative expression. I no longer have someone else standing over my shoulder telling how to do my job every day.

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ALL ABOUT STEPHANIE McDILDA YES: What types of services/products do you offer? SM: I am currently a speaker and seminar leader on topics of love and leadership in both your personal and professional life. I am also a Certified Professional Coach and provide individual and group coaching opportunities. I am currently working on a book and considering other product offerings such as an audio set.

YES: What was the one thing that really got you excited – made you glad you started your business? SM: The one thing I love most is my ability to connect with my Spirit and listen to my heart. Almost everyone I know says they want to live and work according to their life’s purpose. Sadly, many people have not yet decided what that means to them. I am blessed to know what I’m being called to do and excited that I have the opportunity to do it.

YES: What challenges do/did you face? SM: Perhaps one of my biggest challenges is my own perception of my lack of marketing and sales skills. Like many entrepreneurs, I am really good at what I do, but not particularly good at marketing it. At the moment, I am working to obtain those skills. As my business grows, I will also consider hiring someone to help me do that. Another big challenge for me is the financial risk. I lost my husband to cancer 2.5 years ago. Now, I am faced with the daunting task of paying the bills on my own without his support. That can be a bit scary as income is slow in a business startup. I keep focused on my purpose and keep moving forward. YES: What recommendations do you give other women who are thinking about starting a business? (or business similar to yours/in your field) SM: If you are starting a business as a coach or a speaker, I would recommend the following… • Don’t quit your day job! Start your business in the evenings and on the weekends. As your business grows, you will reach a point when your “real” job is preventing you from growing and that is a sign it is time to take the leap to full time entrepreneurship. continued on next page

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• Develop a budget and know how much you need to pay your bills. Before you leave your job, have a buffer in savings of at least one year of your expenses. • If you would like to coach, get training with an accredited coach training program. As a speaker, take every opportunity to learn and grow in your profession. If you want to make it in business, be great at what you do. • Become an expert in your field. I often hear people say – “Well, I can speak on any topic.” Or “I can coach anyone.” That may be true, but people will pay you for your expertise. YES: What’s your biggest lesson? SM: Without a doubt, the biggest lesson I have learned is to follow my heart and listen to my Spirit. I have developed courage, self love, and thick skin. And above all else, I DON’T listen to the nay sayers. Too many people live in a state of fear and scarcity. Don’t let them influence you. YES: Best question for last — What does success mean to you? SM: For me, success means being able to share my gifts in a way that brings joy to myself and others while changing lives.

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“

An editor once said to me, “If I didn’t know that you, a woman, had written these poems, I would like your work.” And once an editor wrote me, “Your poems are dynamic, colorful, exciting, but too strong for a woman.” ~ Daisy Aldan

In the end antiblack, antifemale, and all forms of discrimination are equivalent to the same thing— antihumanism. ~ Shirley Chisholm

§ Education is important because, first of all, people need to know that discrimination still exists. It is still real in the workplace, and we should not take that for granted. ~ Alexis Herman

§ I do not wish [women] to have power over men; but over themselves. ~ Mary Wollstonecraft.

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Leaving Old Attitudes in the Past by Leslee Horner

I recently began watching Mad Men on Netflix. I’d been hearing about the show for years and finally decided to watch it. So far, in a few months, I’ve only watched the first 8 episodes. I didn’t get sucked right into it. At first the show made me furious. I’d heard so much about how accurate the show was and I was absolutely appalled by the treatment and depiction of women in the show. After the first few episodes, I wasn’t going to keep watching, but one night with nothing else to do I gave it another try. Now I’m actually interested to watch and see what happens with these female characters. I was raised in a family of girls so I didn’t see the other side of things. I didn’t have a brother who I watched get opportunities that didn’t come my way. No one ever really told me that I couldn’t do something because I was a girl. That didn’t mean I didn’t lean toward historically female occupations. I became a teacher. In predominately male fields, it seems women have to force their way in. They have to be gogetters. In teaching, especially at the elementary level, men are like rock stars. I’d say all kids (or most) have a female caretaker in their lives, but some are lacking positive male role models. Male teachers fill that void. We women get really excited when a man is willing to take on a historically female role. We find it endearing. Yet when women take on historically male roles we criticize and judge. I was visiting a family member this week and we began discussing the possibility of Hilary Clinton running for president in 2016. I was excited about the prospect, but the woman I was talking to said “Well, if she’s going to do that she needs to cut her hair.” I was really offended. Would we ever say something like that about a man? She went on to criticize Hilary’s appearance saying that she really looked tired. Somehow the fact that her hair is too long and she doesn’t look fresh makes her unqualified to be president? No one would ever suggest this about a man, yet here we are in 2012 suggesting it about a woman. If you haven’t watched Mad Men, the show follows an advertisement agency. The women on the show fit into two categories: the homemakers and the secretaries/ telephone operators in the company. The wife seems completely unfulfilled, but wouldn’t dare to explore her own happiness. She dutifully serves her husband and children. Her husband on the other hand, has little respect for the time and energy she puts into their home life. In no sense of the word is their marriage a partnership. In the office place the women are sexually harassed (and expected to enjoy the harassment) and are never able to reach beyond their status in the company. They are laughed at for having ambition and treated as if they have no intelligence to offer. It amazes me that life was ever like this. continued on next page

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When I was growing up my mom was a strong, creative, and savvy lady. She worked full-time and baked cakes and catered receptions on the weekends. She had a wonderful reputation in our community. Watching my mother assured me that if I wanted to have a business and be in the work force, I absolutely could. My parents were partners and my mom brought not just love but money to our family. Because of this, I’ve never experienced a moment where I felt I had the short end of the stick because I was a girl. I never felt there was an opportunity that I’d miss because of my gender. I think this is the key to women’s success in business. Knowing you are just as capable as a man is all you need, I think. We see these women out there and we know it can be done. With every woman that owns their own intelligence and abilities, all women are lifted up a bit. Little by little, we replace these old attitudes that are depicted in Man Men with new ones. The Universe needs balance and so does the business world. Next time you see a strong woman achieving great things, celebrate her don’t criticize her. Every celebration opens the door for another woman’s success!

Leslee Horner Leslie is an author, blogger, and artist. She is currently working on a Young Adult novel series about a girl who flashes back to previous reincarnations that all have two things in common, true love and death. When Leslee is not writing she’s creating art or spending time with her husband and two young daughters. You can learn more about Leslee at www.lesleehorner.com.

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SEPTEMBER 6, 2012

Degrees vs. Experience—Discrimination? by Liz LaClair

This month’s topic deals with men vs. women in business—the discrimination. Do you feel there is a lot of discrimination toward you? Well for me, as a virtual assistant, I have to say not for me. However a man as a VA might have issues. But I don’t know. However, there are other forms of discrimination in the business world. (duh, ya think?) What I will touch on: degrees vs. experience. OUCH! I’m thinking that more than one of you has felt that one at least once. In my field of experience, that of an administrative assistant, there seem to be many job postings wanting someone with an Associates (at the very least) but Bachelor’s is preferred. This person is expected to do all the “normal” secretarial-type functions, plus set up meetings, answer phones—at the reception desk, order office supplies, make sure the office machines are working properly, and had better know Microsoft Office programs. Then, oh by the way, this job pays $10-$12/hour. Are they kidding? Why on earth would someone who’s gotten their degree—a Bachelor’s no less—do all that (things someone with “only” 20+ years of experience does) for less than $16 an hour? The $10$12 wouldn’t cover everyday life plus pay back the student loan. Then of course many of these companies will not even consider a person with experience. Oh, there are a few who state that experience would be considered as an alternative. My question—one of a few—why does the work of an administrative assistant require a degree? OK, I could see where an Associates could be handy, but a Bachelors? Isn’t that overkill? Sort of like using a baseball bat to kill a fly. Both—degrees and experience—put in a lot of work and effort to get where they’re at in their field, and in quite a few fields degrees are needed. No argument there. Perhaps I’m stubborn, I just don’t see/understand the need for a degree to be an administrative assistant. Especially since the degreed person is doing the same work as the experienced person. Do not get me wrong, I am not like the character in the movie The Secret to My Success. You know the mail room manager—the one who said he should be called god? I will never refer to people with degrees as “college pukes” — there’s a lot of work and time invested toward getting a degree. Yes, I did try—that was one of the stress/dropped blood sugar induced seizures I had. I felt I was being told I didn’t need the degree. I did have half of the two years, I continued on next page

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did learn some things, but nothing that would have made my job better. How did I deal with the discrimination (after my favorite job went away)? Well, I eventually started my own business. I haven’t had anyone ask me if I have a degree, I can let my experience speak for me.

Liz LaClair I have TWO best parts of my life. I’m thrilled to have found my business calling! I truly enjoy working with my clients – the work I do is fun! Check out how I got past my challenges – learn how I’m taking what was a not so good and making it great. Yes, I write a blog too. I’m a small business entrepreneur who likes working/supporting other small businesses. The other best part of my life? I’m married to the love of my life. He’s very supportive of what I’m doing. Who could ask for more? You can find me at http://www.virtuallyhelps.com/

SEPTEMBER 6, 2012

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Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me. ~ Zora Neale Hurston

Never underestimate the power of a woman. ~ Nellie McClung (Important figure in women getting to vote in the USA).

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Looking for a bit of encouragement or just a ‘lift’ in your mood? Well, that is where our Facebook page comes in. Filled with possibilities, our Facebook page is a page that you will want to visit often.

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It’s All About YES

SEPTEMBER 6, 2012

The Fine Art of Being a Sexist Pig by Kelly Beversdorf

While I was in college I did several internships, held down several part time jobs sometimes at the same time to make my own ends meet along with contributing to my parent’s financial needs. During this time I worked at a contemporary art institution as a security guard and really enjoyed it. The pay was $9.00/hour, the hours were weird, I enjoyed working in the fine arts field, and planned on working there full time once I graduated college with my bachelors in art and communications. I got along with my supervisors and the other staff members in the organization, and I contributed in positive ways to improve the department I worked in. I was working my ambitious self up the company ladder! The day came when I graduated from college after 9 long grueling years of continuous hard work to reach my goal, finally I would be rewarded with a full time job in the field that I studied in. I was stoked, excited, exhausted, and ready to get started with a new chapter in my life. Then the economy hit, the jobs in the art community disappeared, along with the funding for the job I was in progress to be trained for. So I stayed put as a security guard working just under the full time qualifications, still making well below what the 2 full time male security guards made. One of the male guards wasn’t with the company as long as I had been or as actively involved, but he still made more than me. I asked what that was about (in a professional manner of course) and was told that because he had to have more taken out of his pay check to cover his benefits, he got paid more to balance that cost out. (*coughs BULLSHIT*) After 4 maybe 5 months passed the male security guard with the least amount of seniority put in his 2 week notice and left for Istanbul, Turkey to teach English for a year. I told my supervisor I was interested in the position, he said I shouldn’t even worry about it because I have already been with the organization for 3 years…I would be an immediate hire. I went through the application process, and was denied…YES DENIED!!!! I was told the company didn’t have enough money in the budget to hire another full time employee because the benefits package was too expensive. I was crushed…just totally heart broken. I did what I always have done in tough situations like that…I started to look elsewhere. I found a temporary staffing agency that placed me in a receptionist role for a dollar more an hour (yes $10/hour). It was full time, I got benefits, and there was a good chance I would be hired on as a permit employee at this company after 3 months. I took the job! It was sad to leave the company I worked my butt off at, the co-workers I enjoyed working with, and leaving the environment I was trained to work in. I had to do what I had to do to survive. I left that organization on excellent terms, and was encouraged to apply again when things turned around, or so I thought. About 6 months later I ran into my old supervisor during my lunch break, we caught up and agreed to meet up after work later for happy hour. My supervisor said he wanted to tell me continued on next page

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something important, so I thought maybe another full time position opened up and I can apply. That wasn’t the case, in fact I found out exactly why I wasn’t hired as a full time security guard, I WAS A WOMAN! Yup you read that right, my supervisor’s boss didn’t want to hire a woman to be a security guard, no other reason kept me from getting that job other than I am a female. I was in complete shock…literally mouth open and whatever was in my mouth fell out and hit the table. To this day I am still in shock that a fine arts institution would be that blatantly sexist in 2009. Unfortunately I don’t have any proof of this, so I am unable to take any legal action. You know I really don’t want to work for an institution that harbors sexist pigs. It’s there loss…Fuck them! Next time I’ll have my proof, and will take legal action. I am not so naïve anymore that sexism still happens in place that are popularly renowned for being “liberal”, “progressive”, and “contemporary”. Discrimination based on gender is just that regardless of what field you work in. Sexist pigs and the people who cover them up are lurking around in every type of work environment possible, so be on guard and protect yourself. That is my story and my advice is this; COVER YOUR ASS!!! Take notes of every meeting, any interaction you have with your supervisor, record your productivity each day, make copies of progress reports/ quarterly reviews, and SAVE ALL YOUR EMAILS! I know it is a pain in the ass…trust me I know, because I’m doing it at my current job. It will pay off in the end in your favor. I learned that lesson the hard way when I met with an attorney to be advised on pressing charges for discrimination, the attorney told me that I didn’t have written proof, which means I didn’t have a strong legal case.

Kelly Beversdorf Kelly currently works as an evening receptionist at a for profit college while continuing her studies in the holistic health & metaphysical field. In 2011 Kelly became a certified Usui Reiki Master. She has been studying astrology, intuition development since 2010, and will be pursuing a massage therapy certificate later this year. In her free time she enjoys walking half-marathons for charity, free lance writing, participating in a local artists community’s annual chalk mural festival and playing with her nephews. Kelly says: “the best part of working with my reiki clients is that I can help them gain back control over their own lives by gently opening them up to heal their disease on all levels.” Kelly truly believes nothing is more fulfilling than being the facilitator of a Reiki healing session.

You can find Kelly on Twitter: https://twitter.com/kellybeav and Linkedin: http://www. linkedin.com/pub/kelly-beversdorf/2b/230/9a0

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It’s All About YES

SEPTEMBER 6, 2012

How Did Having It All Become Doing It All? by Mary Joyce

I believe it depends on what business you are in when it comes to discrimination in regards being a woman in business. I’ve never experienced any directly myself. I think there are lots of great advantages to being a woman in business, we’re smarter, more capable, reliable, we do it better, changing the world, a woman in business impacts the whole community. Ooh I could go on, and it would just take up the whole page. However in society we can be seen to be uncaring or too driven, when we combine raising a family with running a business. Most women I know, myself included, experience the constant juggling of getting that work/life balance in place. The Dream may be to run your own biz so you can work your own hours freeing yourself up to spend more time with family and friends, the reality however especially when you are first starting out can be a very different story. No matter how great your husband/partner is or if you are doing it all yourself when your babies (doesn’t matter how old they are) are getting sick at 4 am, they just want their mama to take care of them. I’ve had plenty of those nights and it always seems to coincide with a busy time in my business when there are lots of important events/meetings to deliver the following day. Which leads to feeling of guilt of not being present enough for my children and their illness is my fault for spending time on my business and not fully taking care of their needs. We wanted it all yet perhaps didn’t realise that having it all meant doing everything ourselves. Surely it isn’t discrimination it’s a choice isn’t it. Is it really and US vs. them issue? Another thing that comes up a lot with my clients is when they start making a lot of money in their business, bringing in more income than their husband, they begin experiencing relationship challenges. I’ve seen some women restrict their earning potential; sabotage themselves so they don’t outperform their spouse. Keeping the status quo, playing small and staying at a safe earning point. I recently did some training with female executives; their experience was they had to work twice as hard as men to advance in their careers. They felt they had to prove themselves much more than the men in the office. Having to put up with comments that the only reason they were in their position was that they (for lack of a better word) charmed their way to the top. continued on next page

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SEPTEMBER 6, 2012

Could we perhaps be bringing our previous work experiences and letting them influence our decisions in our business? And the women who don’t accept this belief that they should feel guilty about earning more what do they do • They outsource the work • They build a support team both for their homes and their business • They have automation in their business that frees them up • They don’t get caught up in overwhelm • They make money not excuses • They clearly communicate their plans to their husband and get him on board, or; • They divorce, well if a man is not willing to support you in supporting the entire family your options are limited (If you are not both sharing the dream it becomes a nightmare) • Working with other like minded women business owners, supporting each other, setting up their own networks of influence and getting shit done

Mary Joyce Mary Joyce is a life and relationship coach, naturally gifted intuitive, works with the angelic Realm, and Mum to two beautiful young children. She runs a couple of weekly life coaching workshops for women, works with local government agencies in the UK providing trainings in both life and career coaching. She works with women from every background from Entrepreneurs, small business owners to single mothers to help them live a life of Purpose and prosperity. You can find Mary at www.marymjoyce.com.

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It’s All About YES

SEPTEMBER 6, 2012

Is it a disadvantage being a woman? by Tricia Dycka

If you would have asked me this question several years ago I would have said ABSOLTUELY!! I have had many experiences where I have been held down and by passed by. However in this moment of my life I say HELL NO!! I believe in my heart being a woman actually gives me a bigger advantage. It is of course because of our hearts that we will shine. Our collaboration, new way of connecting and creating communities that these old beliefs “to get ahead you must be a man” are disintegrating. Have you been ridiculed, demeaned and not to mention expected to just get coffee for the real players? This has happened to me. I was told to be pretty and be quiet, just bring the men (the important decision makers) their coffee. Oh and do not forget to clean the dishes. Right then and there I almost threw the mug at someone’s head. I have never felt like such a little spec of dirt before. My thoughts on how to make the company better were never heard. Nor was anyone expecting it. Does that still happen today? Unfortunately yes. When will it change? When we as a whole, stand up for ourselves and others saying we deserve better. This treatment is no longer acceptable. I have great ideas to share and contribute, making others lives better and easier. When this transpired I got stuck thinking this was it, all there was to be had. Being delegated to server and cleaner, a job where managements inability to realize they had a great resource in me, I felt my fire go out. I have worked in several positions where you come in do a job go home. Seeing others get ahead and asking WHY? Because as women we are seen as emotional, incapable of handling positions deemed for men only. I actually had a man tell me that once during an interview and the only reason I would be considered was because of my looks. I was so flabbergasted and disgusted as I sat there and watched him pick his teeth in that same interview. He actually had the audacity to ask me what I thought and I was mute. I needed to get out of there like there was a fire on my ass. For fear of being stuck in an environment like that would just suck the soul right out of me. It was this pivotal moment that I decided there had to be way more to working than this. How could I possibly be a part of this and look myself in the mirror? So I decided to start my own business. I have learned so much. What it takes to be an entrepreneur, the patience, hard work, blood sweat and tears. Yes tears, lots of them. A lot of it has to do with not asking for help, thinking I can do it all alone. Learned the hard way, which is crap, to reach out and ask for help is a new way to be. Learning to be collaborative vs. competitive. A woman leads by her heart, following her instincts. This allows us to be very compassionate and see situations from different angles. continued on next page

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If you are in a situation where you feel unappreciated and undervalued maybe it is time to look at starting your own business or a new position. If you go within and gather your courage along with belief, you can be the catalyst for change in your own environment. Making it a better place for you and affecting others as well. Key point being, I have allowed these experiences. I could have changed them at any given point but still stayed. So I ask you to ask yourself if these are the experiences you really want or can you do something right now to change and have better experiences for yourself ? The choice is always yours!!!!

Tricia Dycka Tricia is an Entrepreneur, life enthusiast, author, intuitive, funny, very candid, great listener. Take the path less traveled. Living in the moment. Enjoys massive amounts of chocolate and coffee. Supportive friend who is there for you when everyone else has abandoned you and thinks you have lost your mind. Encourages entrepreneurs to embrace themselves so they can create an environment that supports their dreams. You can find me at www.triciadycka.com

SEPTEMBER 6, 2012

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Scratch most feminists and underneath there is a woman who longs to be a sex object. The difference is that is not all she wants to be. ~ Betty Rollin

§ How I wish we lived in a time when laws were not necessary to safeguard us from discrimination. ~ Barbara Streisand

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