The Vancouver Conference on Behavioural, Developmental & Emotional Challenges by jackhirose

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Child & Youth focused Topics WHO SHOULD ATTEND Education & Clinical Professionals: All education and mental health or healthcare professionals who work with children or youth including, but not limited to K–12 Classroom Teachers, School Counsellors, Learning Assistance/Resource Teachers, School Administrators, School Paraprofessionals including Special Education Assistants, Classroom Assistants and Childcare Workers. All other professionals who support behavioural challenges and complex learning needs including but not limited to: Nurses, Social Workers, Psychologists, Clinical Counsellors, Family Therapists, Occupational Therapists, Speech Language Pathologists, Addiction Counsellors, Youth Workers, Mental Health Workers, Probation Officers and Community Police Officers.

Live In-Person • Complimentary tea, coffee

The Vancouver Conference on

Behavioural, Developmental & Emotional Challenges with Children & Adolescents November 25–27, 2024

Richmond, BC

Monday to Wednesday 8:30am to 4:00pm

Executive Hotel Vancouver Airport 7311 Westminster Hwy

Lynne Kenney Psy.D.

Caroline Buzanko Ph.D., R.Psych

Gordon Neufeld Ph.D.

Pamela Malkoff Hayes

MFT, LMHC, LPC, ATR-BC

and assorted pastries

• On-site exhibitors

Please note, in-person registration does not include access to the live stream or recorded footage.

Live Stream from Home This conference will be live streaming from Vancouver, BC to online participants on November 25 – 27, 2024 from 8:30am – 4:00pm PT Recorded footage and all course content will be available until December 28, 2024. Please allow 3–5 business days after the conference has ended for recorded footage to become available. Live stream registration: www.webinars.jackhirose.com

üü Strengthen Executive Function with 20 Brain Coaching & Cognitive-Motor Activities

üü Optimizing Self-Regulation and Managing Big Emotions

üü Stress and Trauma üü The Current Crisis of Well-Being in Our Children and Youth

üü Art Therapy

üü Conquering Anxiety üü Igniting the Spark: Strategies for Motivating the Disengaged Student

üü Working with Stuck Kids üü Working with Oppositional, Defiant and Disruptive Children & Adolescents in the Classroom

üü Making Sense of Adolescence

JACKHI ROSE.COM | 1.800.456.5424

THE VANCOUVER CONFERENCE ON BEHAVIOURAL, DEVELOPMENTAL & EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES WITH CHILDREN & ADOLESCENTS Presented by Jack Hirose & Associates. Sponsored by Sunshine Coast Health Centre and Georgia Strait Women’s Clinic If you have any questions, please contact your on-site coordinator. PLEASE REMEMBER: • Wear your name badge every day. • Turn off your cell phone. • If you have pre-purchased lunch your tickets are in your name badge, please treat your tickets like cash. EVALUATION FORM: •

Complete your evaluation form each day using the QR code below.

SCHEDULE: This schedule may vary depending on the flow of the presentation and participant questions 7:30am – 8:30am 8:30am – 10:00am 10:00am – 10:15am 10:15am – 11:45pm 11:45pm – 12:45pm 12:45pm – 2:15pm 2:15pm – 2:30pm 2:45pm – 4:00pm 4:00pm

Sign-In Morning Workshops Begin Mid-Morning Break (Refreshments Provided) Workshop in Session Lunch Break Sign-In (CPA Members Only) Afternoon Sessions Begin Mid-Afternoon Break (Refreshments Provided) Workshop in Session Complete Evaluation Forms (Use QR Code Above) & Sign-Out (CPA Members Only)

CERTIFICATES: • Digital certificates are available for download on the final day for multi-day attendees at: http://registration.jackhirose.com/certificates CPA MEMBERS • A new policy requires you to request a form from your on-site coordinator, which must be submitted directly to the association. • Please sign in after lunch and sign out at the end of the day. Early departures result in the loss of CPA credits. • Certificates will be updated with CPA credits after form verification (allow 2-4 weeks).

TABLE OF CONTENTS 1

DAY ONE #1 & 4: Strengthen Executive Function with 20 Brain Coaching

pg. 4

#2 & 5: Optimizing Self-Regulation and Managing Big Emotions

pg. 67

#3 & 6: Stress and Trauma: An Attachment-Based Perspective

pg. 200

DAY TWO #8 & 11: Art Therapy Interventions to Address Anxiety and Trauma for Kids

pg. 233

#9 & 12: Conquering Anxiety: Strategies for Helping Your Anxious Clients

pg. 243

DAY THREE #13: Igniting the Spark: Strategies for Motivating the Disengaged Student

pg. 359

#14: Working with Stuck Kids: An Attachment Based Relational Perspective

pg. 435

#15: Working with Oppositional, Defiant and Disruptive Children

pg. 455

#16: Making Sense of Adolescence

pg. 554

THE VANCOUVER CONFERENCE ON BEHAVIOURAL, DEVELOPMENTAL & EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES WITH CHILDREN & ADOLESCENTS

10/16/24

Strengthen Executive Function with 20 Brain Coaching & Cognitive-Motor Activities to Improve Self-Regulation, Attention, Memory and Response Inhibition in Children and Adolescents Lynne Kenney, PsyD Pediatric Psychologist Wellington Alexander Center Scottsdale, Arizona

Workshop Overview Importance of Executive Function

Cognitive Motor Movement

The Ready To Learn Brain

Brain Lessons

Co-Existing Conditions Data Integration

Cognitive Skill Coaching & Motor Integration

@drlynnekenney lynne@lynnekenney.com

We are Here to Shift the Trajectory of Children’s Learning

10/16/24

Disclosures Dr. Kenney is a pediatric psychologist in the State of Arizona practicing on an intensive language and executive function treatment team at Wellington-Alexander Center for the treatment of Dyslexia, ADHD, Dyscalculia, and Dyspraxia. As the author and co-author of five books, Dr. Kenney receives royalties from three publishers. Dr. Kenney develops executive function curriculum and cognitive-motor physical activity programs that are used worldwide. She is the creator of the CogniSuite™ Collection and co-creator of CogniMoves®. Dr. Kenney co-developed the first executive function and self-regulation roll-out mat, Cognitivities™ with Fit and Fun Playscapes. Dr. Kenney’s primary income is from clinical practice, teaching, and product sales. The products mentioned in this presentation are not sponsored. Resources are shared for your benefit and the well-being of those with whom you work.

Scope of Use of Content The content in this professional training consists of proprietary content, published, copyrighted, trademarked material, images and concepts from myself, other scientists, publishers, and authors. It is my intention to properly source and cite each reference. As a course attendee, you have consent to educate and inform your colleagues, patients and students using the materials provided. You may not publish the content, put it online, or share it in any form without the original citations. Some of the videos that you will see were filmed for training and cannot be shared. Your respectful use of this work is appreciated. If you ever wonder about consent for use let me know, I will be honored to speak with you, lynne@lynnekenney.com.

OBJECTIVES: Cognitive Skill Coaching Learn

Learn about the critical relationship between executive function skills and academic achievement.

Explore

Explore the research regarding co-existing diagnoses including dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, ADHD, and ASD from a data-based perspective.

Improve

Improve how children learn by teaching them how their brains work.

Learn

Learn how to teach children to improve their self-coaching skills with research-based activities to improve attention, memory, planning, organization, time management, cognitive flexibility & self-regulation.

Learn

Learn how to use narrative, declarative, and imperative language with students to support cognitive skill development.

Learn

Learn how to have the “cognitive conversation” about executive function skills including self-control, attention, memory, and cognitive flexibility with your students.

OBJECTIVES: Cognitive-Motor Skill

OBJECTIVES – Development Cognitive-Motor Movement Practice the CogniSuite™ cognitive-motor activities to alert the brain and engage Practice executive function skills.

Learn

Learn the importance of Tempo, Rhythm and Timing in strengthening cognition and self-regulation.

Learn

Learn how to build intentional motor sequences.

Learn

Learn the importance of beat competency.

Learn

Learn how to co-create with your students.

Practice

Practice sequence development with varying levels of difficulty.

Teach

Teach children the “felt-sense of slowing down” with Cognitivities™.

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Let’s Begin with Weight Shift, Posture and Core Strength 8

The Ready Position Song

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Cognitive-Motor Warm-Up

The Morning Program 11

The Importance of Executive Function 12

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Executive Function Predicts Achievement For many students, Executive Function Skills and Self-Regulation are more powerful predictors of reading and math achievement than IQ or Socio-Economic Status. Empirical research demonstrates that the development of executive functions during childhood plays a central role in school readiness, academic achievement, social-emotional development, and life-long success. See Mulder, et al. 2017; Blair and Razza, 2007; Bull et al., 2008; Clark et al., 2010; Geary et al., 2012; Cortés Pascual et al., 2019; McClelland et al., 2021.

Executive Function is Central to Immediate & Life-Long Success •Increased school readiness •Better performance in reading and math •More stable relationships •Less risk-taking behavior

•Better job performance •Better productivity •Better physical health •Higher graduation rates •Higher income

10/16/24

What is Executive Function? Executive Function is a collection of self-regulatory control processes that are divided into core domains of working memory, inhibition, control of attention, and cognitive flexibility. Healthy executive functioning helps us to be adaptive prosocial human beings. Executive Function includes metacognitive and functional abilities that increase awareness and conscious control of our thoughts, feelings and actions.

What are Executive Function Skills? Executive function skills are essential for planning, executing, and monitoring goaldirected behavior, and are therefore central to problem-solving and lear ning. EF is associated with core academic achievement in reading, math, science, and social studies for typically developing children as well as those with special needs.

Working Memory: the ability to hold infor mation in mind for recall and application Cognitive Flexibility: the ability to think about something in multiple ways, flexibly shift the focus of one’s attention, and generate multiple solutions to a problem Inhibitory Control: the ability to inhibit fast and unthinking responses to stimulation

10/16/24

In Motor-Cognition a Musical Note Indicates Duration of a Movement on a Beat What Does a Whole Note Look/Sound Like? (Duration) What Does a Half Note Look/Sound Like? What Does a Quarter Note Look/Sound Like? What Does an Eighth Note Look/Sound Like?

10/16/24

Classroom Impact – Academics & Behavior • Self-Regulation supports im pulse management and cognitive control strategies. • Attention facilitates attending to s a lie n t d e ta ils and ignoring irrelevant stimuli or distractions. • Patterning and sequencing underlie r e a d i n g f l u e n c y a n d n u m e r a c y. • Working M emory aids children in holding information long enough to turn salient information into knowledge. • C o g n i t i v e F l e x i b i l i t y s u p p o r t s a c h i l d ’s ability to adapt to changes in expectations, rules, or priorities. • Executive Function Skills support coordinating specific reading processes including decoding, encoding, retrieving inform ation, supporting m e n t a l i m a g e r y, a n d s i m u l t a n e o u s l y coordinating reading processes.

Classroom Impact Motor Skills

• B alance, Posture and W eight Shift lead to cognitive and m otor fluidity a n d e fficie n cy in th e cla ssro o m . • C o re and Sho uld er Streng th support p o stu re re late d tasks su ch as w ritin g , d raw in g , re ad in g , u sin g m anipulatives, and com pleting worksheets. • M o t o r Te m p o , R h y t h m a n d T i m i n g su p p o rt ap p ro ach to tasks, o r g a n i z a t i o n , a t t e n t i o n , m e m o r y, a n d r e a d i n g p r o s o d y. • Ve stib u la r stre n g th facilitates atte n tio n , visu al trackin g , aw are n e ss in space, and body m anagem ent. • G ra p h o m o to r skills support cognitive output.

Fitness & Standardized Testing: Physically fit children demonstrate greater attentional resources, have faster cognitive processing speed, and perform better on standardized academic tests. Source: Educating the student body.

Fitness, Cognition & Achievement

Fitness & Executive Function: A growing body of research in children and adults indicates that higher levels of fitness are associated with better control of attention, memory, and cognition (Colcombe and Kramer, 2003; Hillman et al., 2008; Chang and Etnier, 2009). Fitness & Cognitive Efficiency: The cognitive efficiency seen in higherfit children, is a predictor of arithmetic and reading aptitude independently of IQ and school grade (Hillman et al., 2012).

Fitness & Mental Health: Fitness is also associated with less depression and anxiety, (Kandola et al., 2019).

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The Ready to Learn Brain: Developmental Precursors to Learning

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Before the 1990’s Balancing on rocks, train tracks and trees Creating and running obstacle courses Hours of digging building and tunneling Hours of imaginary play Jumping into lakes Jumping off swings Jumping rope Playing on the floor Playing in nature Playing independently outdoors Playing hand games Singing rhyming songs Swinging on a rope Swing upside down from trees Taking physical risks

Late 1990’s - 2024

Fewer family meals

Less free time

Less opportunities for sensory activities

Less opportunities for vestibular activities

Less physical movement

Less time outdoors

Less unstructured time with family

More isolation with digital devices

More sitting

More structured and scheduled play

Screen time further rose during the pandemic and has remained high

On average, children ages 812 in the United States spend 4-6 hours a day watching or using screens, and teens spend up to 9 hours, AACAP, 2024

Sources: Pew, 2018; CHILDWISE, Connected Kids 2015; Souza, 2017; Common Sense Media, 2020; Nakshine et al., 2022

Predictors Early Years Success Early Academic Building Blocks and Executive Function are particularly predictive of later success

• Highly predictive language precursors include vocabulary, phonological awareness, and letter knowledge (Overdeck Family Foundation). • Early academic skills include basic literacy (e.g., being able to recognize letters, phonemic awareness) and numeracy (e.g., knowledge of numbers and understanding the order of numbers) abilities that position a child to learn from formal instruction (Duncan et al., 2007). • Learning-enhancing behaviors include attending to classroom activities, following classroom rules, working cooperatively in groups, and persisting at academic tasks, Rabiner et al., 2016 p. 250.

Fundamental Motor Skill Deficiencies •

77% of p reschool-ag e A m erican child ren were considered at-risk for developm ental

delay (scored at or below the 25th percentile), Brian et al., 2019. •

Rainer and Jarvis 2020, showed that the overall FM S proficiency levels of Welsh children aged 10 to 11 years were low, with fewer than 10% of both boys and girls dem onstrating com plete m astery in any of the FM S.

•

O ’Brien et al. 2016, found that overall skill perform ance am ong Ireland adolescents aged 12 and 13 is low, highlighting the fact that alm ost 90% of stud ents d id not achieve m astery level in locom otor skills (e.g., running, skipping, jum ping) or that only 11% of students in their study displayed advanced FM S proficiency.

•

The FM S proficiency of Australian children aged 9–15 was also identified as low by the authors of a 13-yr report of m otor com petence, highlighting the fact that vertical jum p perform ance significantly decreased from previous assessm ents Hardy et al., 2013.

•

Considering the low levels of FM S globally, it seem s that m ore awareness-raising activities am ong policym akers, teachers and parents are needed, M akaruk et al., 2023.

10/16/24

• The cognitive load theory posits that children possessing robust motor skills within the classroom environment are not compelled to allocate attentional focus, resources, or energetic exertion toward behavioral endeavors. • Children endowed with robust attentional stability, self-regulation, and operational memory may engage effortlessly in novel and intricate educational tasks. • These explanations emphasize the significance of examining the link between motor skills and academic achievement, as well as determining whether this association is limited to specific types of skills, (Wang & Wang, 2024).

10/16/24

LET’S FIND THE BEAT

Foundational Lessons

10/16/24

Don’t Forget to Pause

10/16/24

REVIEW: Simple Ways to Assess Beat Competency • Can Everybody Count? • Can Everybody Clap? • Can Everybody Pause? • 1 2 3 Something

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123 Something

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The Learning Brain Source: https://www.hydrocephalusscotland.org.uk/content/cognition/

Cerebellum The cerebellum is the powerhouse of the connections between the cognitive and m otor system s. The cerebellum only accounts for about 10 percent of your brain’s total size. Yet is contains up to 80% of the brain cells in your brain. The cerebellum is involved in the m ajor brain structures that process language, m otor and cognitive skills. In fact, the cerebellum is connected to every area of the cortex except the parts of the occipital lobe where low-level visual processing occurs. The cerebellum is responsible for balance, coordinating m otor m ovem ents, visual control, language processing, and cognition. The cerebellum determ ines verbal fluency (both sem antic and form al) expressive and receptive gram m ar processing, the ability to identify and correct language m istakes, and writing skills, Starowicz-Filip et al. 2017.

Source: https://www.the-scientist.com/features/the-multitasking-cerebellum-roles-in-cognition-emotion-and-more-70349

10/16/24

Executive Function Assessment & Data Integration 58

Executive Function impairments are observed in neurodevelopmental disorders, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Specific Language Impairment (SLI), developmental coordination disorder, and dyslexia. When we improve executive function skills in children with learning, attention, and developmental challenges we improve their lifelong success. See: Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, 2011; Blair & Razza, 2007; Benson et al, 2013; Diamond & Ling, 2016; Masten, et al. 2012; Obradovic, 2010 (as cited in Zelazo, et al. 2016); Scionti, et al. 2019.

10/16/24

Executive Function Deficits Exist Across Diagnoses • Executive function is a broad group of mental skills that enable people to complete goal-directed tasks and interact in a socially appropriate manner with others. • An executive function disorder can impair a person's ability to organize themselves and properly manage their own behavior. However, executive function disorder is not a specific standalone diagnosis or condition in the DSM-V. • Executive Function Deficit ICD 10 R41.844 executive function dysfunction or executive function deficit is a disruption to the efficacy of executive functions which is a group of cognitive processes that regulate, control and manage other cognitive processes. Source: Medial News Today

Co-Existing Conditions M ore than 80% of the population diagnosed with ADHD has a com orbid condition, Lino & Chieffo, 2022. Patients with ADHD often have difficulties in coordination and m otor program m ing just as children with DCD show greater im pulsivity and difficulties in inhibitory control, Lino & Chieffo, 2022. Nigg et al., 2005 observed that alm ost 80% of children with ADHD exhibited a deficit in at least one EF, while this only occurred in 50% of children with typical developm ent (TD). 50% to 80% of children with ADHD or Dyslexia have co-existing diagnoses with 25% 40% m eeting criteria for both ADHD and Dyslexia, Boada et al., 2012. Developm ental coordination while existing in 5-6% of the population exists at substantially higher rates 50% -80% in children with ASD, ADHD and Dyslexia.

10/16/24

Skills To Consider Assessing

Developmental Domains Precede Learning 90th

50th

25th

Sensory-Motor

Language

Cognition

Social-Relational

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Flanker

Source: NIH Toolbox

Source: Neurocognitive Mechanisms of Attention, 2021

EF Go Pro

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Let’s Try Some Cognitive Tasks

Here are links to the cognitive task videos Creyos https://www.youtube.com/@trycreyos BART https://www.brainturk.com/bart Flanker https://youtu.be/x2NvYsswIto NIH Task Descriptions https://www.nihtoolbox.org/domain/cognition/ Stop Signal Task https://youtu.be/LMCHacP3eXI STROOP https://youtu.be/EGpzftQf8oI

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Let’s Experience Attention & Memory Skills 76

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Relationships Between Language, Motor & Cognition 80

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Let’s Try a Rapid Naming Task with Movement 84

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The Afternoon Program 89

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Combining Cognitive Skill Coaching with Cognitive Motor Movement 99

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Let’s Experience SelfRegulation, Attention, Memory, & Response Inhibition

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THE COGNITIVE CONVERSATION ATTENTION 114

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• • • • • • •

Alerting - Moving to a state of cognitive readiness. Selecting - Moving one’s attention and focus to a specific target stimulus. Attending - Directing meaningful energy and attention to a specific target stimulus. Sustaining - Maintaining attention on a specific target stimulus, long enough to take action on it. Monitoring Drift - Observing the mind becoming off-task. Re-alerting - Bringing attention back online. Re-Selecting - Shifting attention from one stimulus to another with purpose or intent.

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§ What is attention? § What makes it easy to pay attention? § What makes it difficult to pay attention? § What are the parts of the attention cycle? § How do you turn on your attention engine? § What helps your attention engine run smoothly? § What does it mean to be alert? § When does your attention need a break? § What makes your brain drift? § When you drift where do you go? § What distracts you? § What helps you remain focused? § What do you tell yourself when you brain needs a break? § How long do you think a brain breather should last? § How do you re-alert your attention? § What do you say to yourself to re-alert your attention? § Are there ways we, as a class, can help one another remain alert?

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THE COGNITIVE CONVERSATION MEMORY 121

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G Y P P R

•MNEMONIC •VISUALIZATION •VERBAL REHEARSAL

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Two Person One Bag • 1. Practice Form and Posture • 2. Two Person One Bag 8 Count Switch • “AND” is the Pause to Prepare Position • 3. Define Across Over Diagonal • 4. Pass & Pause • 5. 1-2 Behind the back, over, 5-6 behind the back person B • 6. Combine forward square and behind the back • 7. Add heels forward • 8. Add marching

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Across

Over

Diagonal

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COGNiBAGS

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DIMINISH THE STRESS RESPONSE with LANGUAGE 141

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Front Load to Increase Mastery & Reduce Anxiety Front Loading is a previewing strategy that provides children with information, expectations, or skills before they encounter the upcoming situation, task, or learning experience. 1.Enhances U nd erstand ing : By introducing concepts or expectations in advance, children

have the opportunity to process and understand inform ation at their own pace, reducing anxiety and increasing com prehension. 2.Prom otes C onfid ence and Ind ep end ence : W hen children know what to expect and how to approach a situation, they're m ore likely to feel confident and act independently, creating a sense of achievem ent and self-efficacy. 3.Facilitates Sm ooth Transitions : Front Loading can be particularly beneficial in helping children prepare for transitions, such as m oving between activities or adjusting to new routines, which can often be sources of stress. 4.Sup p orts B ehavioral M anag em ent : By setting clear expectations in advance, Front Loading helps children understand the expected behaviors, reducing the likelihood of behavioral issues and enhancing the overall learning environm ent. Source: Playright.com Occupational Therapy Clinic

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Visual Stimuli for Better Self-Regulation, Attention, Memory 148

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COGNiTAP

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A systematic review of the research suggests that short bursts of fine and gross motor coordinated bilateral physical activity may improve attention, processing speed, and focus, van der Fels et al. 2015. In a systematic review of research studies on the impact of physical activity on attention, deSousa et al. 2018 observed that continuous exercises that required greater cognitive involvement like activities with coordination and balance were related to a better performance during attention-demanding tasks than continuous exercises with fewer or no cognitive challenges (Budde et al., 2008; Palmer et al., 2013). Bonacina et al. 2019 reported the use of clapping in time training as a way to possibly affect a broad spectrum of rhythmic abilities that are linked to language and literacy processes.

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THE COGNITIVE CONVERSATION SELF-REGULATION 164

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Self-regulated learners are more engaged in the learning process and demonstrate better academic performance. They exhibit increased focus, attention, and persistence in completing tasks, Wang, 2021. Selfregulation skills are positively correlated with improved reading and math achievement, as well as higher grades in various academic subjects, Zimmerman & Schunk, 2011.

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• In practice, self-regulation can be seen as one’s ability to manage their physiological state to maintain balanced internal energy, appropriate motor tempo, and modulated rate of verbalizations. • When self-regulated, children use their cognition to keep themselves calm, emotionally even, and able to effectively respond to expectations and task demands in the moment. • Educators who teach learners self-regulation are more successful at fostering educational success, engagement, and continuous learning, Brenner, 2022.

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Self-Regulation and Response Inhibition are about Learning the “Felt-Sense” Tempo of Slowing Down

Slow 50-85 BPM Quick 85-120 BPM Fast 120-160 BPM

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TIGER UNICORN WATERMELON

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THINK-UPS

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Creating Your Own Cognitive Skill Coaching & Physical Activity Combinations

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Optimizing Self-Regulation & Managing Big Emotions Dr. Caroline Buzanko, R. Psych. caroline@korupsychology.ca drcarolinebuzanko.com

https://parentsoftheyear.buzzsprout.com/

https://bit.ly/overpoweringemotionspodcast

Self-regulation is Important for:

LEARNING

POSITIVE SOCIAL INTERACTIONS

drcarolinebuzanko.com

LONG-TERM HEALTH AND WELL-BEING

OVERALL SUCCESS IN ALL DOMAINS

Understanding Self-regulation Affects:

ATTENTION

BEHAVIOURS

SOCIAL INTERACTIONS

PERSISTENCE

MOOD

Self-Regulation Foundational for Overall Success • • • • • • • •

Adaptive functioning Learning Emotion regulation Communication Social functioning Long-term health and well-being Vocational success Managing self without others

Independence

Understanding Self-Regulation The ability to process and manage thoughts, feelings, impulses, and behaviours.

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Self-Regulation: Managing Self to Attain a Goal

Create change in their behaviour

Any action students direct themselves to

To adjust, we need to be aware of:

Change the likelihood of future consequence/ attain goal

• Changes in our environment • How we are feeling • How we are behaving • How to respond adaptively when upset • How to be flexible and adapt to a situation • How to resist an emotional outburst

Self-regulation

Range of skills that help students to adapt to a situation or meet a certain goal (flexibility key!)

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Self-regulation Building Blocks Behaviour

Sensory Processing

Emotion development

Attention

Executive functions

Planning and sequencing

Receptive language

Social skills

Working memory

Interconnected domains Physical

Prosocial

Cognitive

Social

Emotional

Self-Regulation Interconnected Domains Biological Physiological response to stimuli. Largely automatic, but can be influenced by factors such as hunger, fatigue, and illness.

Emotion

Cognitive

Social

Prosocial

Affective responses such as anxiety, sadness, or frustration.

Focus, planning, and problemsolving abilities.

Social interaction and understanding the subtleties of human relationships.

Empathy, kindness, and connection with others.

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Emerges at 2 months

Rudimentary selfsoothing

2 months

Self-regulation Starts Early & Develops Over Time into Adulthood

Aware of expectations By 18 months Change behaviour with direction – adults still nearby

2 years

Follow established rules even with no adults

3 years

Act how they think others would want them to

Self-regulation

Is voluntary and effortful/intentional response

Remember rules + anticipate consequences…

Effortful

…to manage thoughts and emotions… …to guide behaviour and make positive choices about what to do next

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Prerequisites!

Internal self-talk to guide behaviour

Think before acting, remember rules and consider consequences

Look backward or forward Mentally manipulate/visualize events Imitate complex behaviours

Limited

Working memory Self & Emotion Regulation 10/27/2024

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Effortful coping Use internal resources to manage effectively

Managing energy levels

Self-regulation Difficulties • Low CONFIDENCE to regulate emotions • Limited knowledge and clarity about emotions • Poor goal-directed behaviour when upset ***Stress becomes too overwhelming

Energy Depletion

Get dressed Eat breakfast Be nice to your sister Pack your backpack

Drains already limited resource pool: Toxic Effects

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Brush your teeth If you don’t get done, no iPad after school

Example Stressors Depleting Energy Biological

Emotion

Cognitive

Social

Prosocial

Loud noises, sensory overload

Changes in routine, transitions

Put on the spot

Bullying

Empathy overload Moral dilemmas

Leaving parents

Uninterested in a topic

Social media pressures

Pain or discomfort Inadequate or irregular sleep

Over-excitement

Information overload

Lack of physical activity Sitting too long Screens Poor diet

Peer pressure

Injustice to self or others

Distractions

Friendship fires

Fear of making a mistake

Fast pace, time pressures

Family conflicts

Feeling undervalued or unappreciated

Trauma

Lack of clear instructions

Social anxiety or shyness

Feeling unsupported

Language barriers

Miscommunications

Negative self-talk

Complex problem solving under pressure

Disagreeing with what someone is saying

Memory demands

Being in a social setting alone

Conflict between personal values and societal expectations Being undervalued or unappreciated

Dehydration

Anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration

Too hot or cold

Guilt or shame

Allergies or intolerances

Clutter

Illness

Feeling overwhelmed with work

Unfamiliar or new environments

Sharing ideas as part of a group plan

Poor air quality – classrooms!

Inability to express emotions

Inconsistent routines

Missing friends

Lack of exposure to natural light

Feeling powerless Uncertainty

Lack of feedback on performance

Navigating complex social hierarchies

Discomfort in clothes

Loneliness

Concentrating for long

GI problems

Trouble making friends

Social exclusion

Homework

Overexertion

Pressure to perform

Making choices

Cultural assimilation challenges

Medication side effects

Relationship conflicts Feeling unloved or unsupported

Busy schedule

Being a minority

Disorganization

Lack of empathy

Frequent task switching

Managing social commitments

Lack of natural light

Stress from life changes

EF challenges

Self-regulation Difficulties • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Subjective reactions to events Difficulty covertly emoting and motivating Difficulty with delayed gratification Difficulty with perseverance Sensory sensitivities Day dreaming Tired easily Poor attention and easily distracted Poor motor skills Poor sleep Picky eater Hygiene tasks distressing Seek movement/pressure Poor social communication Rigidities Immature & social difficulties Emotional roller coaster

They need help! If stress is too overwhelming, students can’t self-regulate on their own. Reserve and replenish their resources as much as possible!

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Navigating societal norms and rules

Observing or learning about widespread suffering Witnessing distress without being able to help

Consider Brain Differences! (Makes self-regulation even harder) Sensory Processing

• Sensory overload • Unable to modulate emotional responses to sensory stimuli • Can interfere with self-soothing capacity

Sensory Accommodations

Language

• Difficulties expressing emotions • Miscommunication • Limited emotional vocabulary, which impedes recognizing and regulating feelings

Communication Supports

Executive Functioning

• Poor impulse control • Poor planning and organization that can lead to procrastination and last-minute stress • Working memory essential for self-regulation • Limited flexibility

Coaching and Supports

Examples Sensory Processing

• Sensory-friendly environment • Sensory breaks • Visual schedules (to prepare for sensory-rich activities or transitions) • Sensory tools and accommodations

• Effective communication • Visual supports and cues, prompting • Simplified language • Repetition and clarification • Alternative communication (AAC) devices

Language

Executive Functioning

• Visual organization • Time management techniques • Break tasks down • EF coaching • Routines and predictability

The Role of Stress

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So Many Skills to Regulate Effectively!

Inhibit automatic response and shift attention away from situation

Remember and sort through previous situations that resulted in current emotions

Identify what responses were helpful or not

Evaluate, differentiate, and remember appropriate responses for the current situation

Hold that information in working memory

Flexibly apply the rules corresponding to that situation

10/27/2024

When stressed, self-regulation is near impossible

 Intense emotions  Behavioural and emotional outbursts  Impulsivity  Rigidity  No self-reflection  Unable to take perspectives  Disengagement 29

• Aware of behaviour and rules • Within their capacity to act differently

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None of these capacities: Behaviours serve to protect

Over-Nagging and Unrealistic Demands • We place more demands on children than adults • Constant correction and nagging can erode relationships and discourage autonomy • Would we treat our coworkers or friends the same way?

Unhelpful Interactions can Create Loneliness • Adding stress • Failing to meet their needs • Unwittingly responding in punishing ways, even when trying to be supportive

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Self-esteem • False messages to avoid rejection • So happy! • So beautiful! • “Likes” worsens self-esteem Others won’t like the “real” them.

As social media time Increases

Perceived exclusion and social isolation also increases

Most important relationship for bonding and overall development

Family Connection

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FOMO

Discovering: • Self • Values • Pe r s o n a l i t y • World

No longer turning to parents to debrief day and hurts

Screens are replacing parents and disrupting family development

Technostress • Hard to detach = chronic stress • Shame & stigma If not connected

Major Psychological Risk Factor

Loneliness Poor School performance

Self-esteem

• Impairs resilience • Contributes to everything we worry about as parents

Screen time

Disordered eating

Withdrawal

Anxiety

Suicidal planning

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Depression

Suicidal ideation

Violent Images

HIGH LEVELS OF DISTRESS

DISORIENTATION

FAULTY INFORMATIONPROCESSING

The brain can’t tell the difference

Exposure

Weaken kids’ ability to manage emotions • Contributes to anxiety

Over time high levels of cortisol…

CARDIOVASCULAR PROBLEMS

LOWERED IMMUNE SYSTEM

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PERMANENTLY CHANGES THE BRAIN & POOR STRESS REGULATION

Frontal Lobes

Maturity

Capacity to focus & self-regulate diminishes Emotion Regulation and Impulse Control

Stunted growth of cognitive skills

Exert control over the amygdala and emotional responses

Immature brain & delay in maturity

Critical for focus, regulating behaviour, and decision-making:

Poor self-regulation because resources used up • Poor emotion regulation • Increased emotional reactivity • Proactive aggression • Anti-social behaviours

Gaming & Emotion Regulation • Suppresses amygdala • Gaming becomes a maladaptive coping mechanism • Temporary relief • Dependency!

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Digital Immigrants vs. Digital Natives No issue big enough to risk being disconnected 46

Disrupted Attachment

Family is the most important relationship for bonding and overall development.

• Doubly problematic before bed: Screens impair sleep • Sleep efficiency • Sleep duration • Negative sleep patterns • Perceived lack of rest • Sleep disorders

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Important for discovering: • Self • Values • Personality • World

Affects

SLEEP!!!

Bullying doesn’t happen privately anymore



Sending unsolicited and/or threatening e-mail.



Encouraging others to send e-mail or to overwhelm the victim



Posting/spreading rumours.



Making defamatory comments online



Sending negative messages



Sexual remarks



Posting the victim’s personal information



Hate speech



Impersonating the victim online



Harassing the victim



Leaving abusive messages online, including social media sites



Sending the victim pornography or other graphic material that is knowingly offensive Creating online content that depicts the victim in negative ways



Trolling



Cyberstalking



Hate raids

No exceptions: ALL screen time is linked to less happiness.

• More screen time = • School struggles • Loneliness • Depression • Suicidal thinking

Warning!

AVOI D TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON THE INDIVIDUAL STUDENT

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Numerous factors influence our ability to cope

Child • Coping & Self-regulation • Self-confidence • Social Skills

Numerous factors Community influence our ability to cope Society Family

• Parenting • Relationships • Connections

Public policies

Neighbourhood School Mass media

Communication Peers

Social values

Services

Tech

Models Child

Sibling SES Factors

Attachment

• Connections with peers • Educational settings • Healthy risk-taking opportunities

• Policies • Values • Legislation

Infra-structures Community Cohesion

Cultural norms & values

Optimal Functioning through Co-regulation Scaffolding support

Nurturing & maintaining emotional balance

Coaching and modelling

Effective adult role to help kids understand and adjust their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Help maintain balance.

Self-regulation Pyramid

Individual factors Opportunities Social connection

Supportive environment

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Supportive Supportiveadult adult relationship relationship

GREATEST SUCCESS: CHANGE THE WORLD (Multiple systems)

Connection •

Fundamental priority

•

Physiologically constantly seeking connection

•

Critical for self-regulation

Optimize Self-Regulation Through Relationship Down-regulate “negative” emotions • Being • Tolerating • Validating

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Adult self-regulation

•Avoid passing own stress on to kids!!!

Safe environment

Criticizing

Supports

Minimizing

Validates

Punishing

Perspective taking

Own emotion dysregulation

Own emotion regulation

Child emotion dysregulation

Adaptive child emotion outcomes

Adult Emotion-Related Behaviours

• What is going on for me?

Stress is Contagious

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• Am I being patient? Warm? Responsive? • CO-REGULATION critical!!!

Need to Choice manage our own stress, perceptions Context & responses to build relationship Connection and provide:

Choice • No control = fight/flight • Choice is empowering & stimulates inner security and wisdom (Show trust in their own expertise and internal resources)     

Offer choices in interactions Lots of opportunities to establish control Choice through eliciting their inner wisdom Get meta! Get mindful (noticing now) & follow that

Context Builds Safety Nervous system always on alert • Are we safe? • Is it safe to engage? • Do I need to run away? Or shut down?

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Expectations

Self-fulfilling prophecy

Interpersonal Expectancy Effects

Positive teacher expectations can significantly enhance student performance and intellectual growth

Positive expectations beyond the classroom

Rosenthal & Jacobson, 1966

Reframe Thoughts about the child and their behaviours

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Ability to Self-Regulate is Related to Identity • Identity and self-concept are co-created! • Self-evaluation is based on their experiences and others’ appraisals • What are the consistent, repeated cues they receive over time?

Manifestations of what is happening in their nervous system

What are behaviours?

Emotions Lead to Behavioural Responses

Anger

Assert, defend

Shame

Avoid

Fear

Sadness

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Fight, Flee, freeze

Support, withdrawal

Joy

Excitement

Connect, engage

Attend, explore

Function of Emotions Disappointed

Lonely

Sad

Anger Guilty

Hurt

Worried

Embarrassed 70

Many have worries about abandonment.

Unlovable

Worthless

Unimportant

Abandonment

Unwanted

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Rejection

Failure

Unvalued

Behaviours often adaptive for them

• To get love, a need met, or support … because they don’t know how to get it any other way • To protect themselves from perceived lack of safety (emotional or physical)

Greatest predictor of ODD: Adult stress + negative perceptions of the child

Remember! • Strong emotions limit flexibility and perspective taking • Emotions guide behaviours that seem most helpful in the moment • To hit the peer who bumped into them • To avoid something that could make us vulnerable

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Disengaged Students: 20% Opt out • School activities • Classroom discussions

Look bored, zoned out, distracted

Give up easily

Poor attendance

Frequently late

Behavioural challenges

Don’t tend to catch up academically

Drop out completely

Student alienation • Relationship with teacher

Interrupt class discussions

Meet minimum requirements

Dropping out

Perceive Students for Their FULL Potential

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Practice Shifting Your Emotional Experience Practice Regularly in Your Daily Life Anger to Awe

Lots of Rejection in the World

Our job is to create a sense of belonging and connection. This is the basis of every strategy we use in any context.

The only real behaviour management you need…. Strong Relationship

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Relationship Major Protector Factor Positive physical and mental health Motivation Academic outcomes Academic self-efficacy Reduces risk outcomes • Violent behaviour, School failure, Substance abuse, Depression and other mental health challenges, Suicidal ideation, Unwanted pregnancy Major predictor of long-term happiness

Teacher Relationship • Promotes emotional well-being • Reduces problem behaviours • Improves school liking and engagement • Provides a sense of belonging

• Critical difference in outcomes for kids with behaviour difficulties • Greatly supports self-regulation • Greatest predictor of long-term happiness

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Safe, nurturing relationships… Multiple adults at home, school, and community part of their fan club Mr. A

Mom

Bullied

Mrs. B

Coach Tim

Ms. W

Mr. Mr. K A

Math

Writing

Uncle Chris

Mrs. D

Relationship: How do you show up? One small change in your interactions can be a gamechanger.

Perception is Everything

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You have less than 6 minutes • Students need to feel liked and respected • What can you DO to strengthen your relationship with your students every day?

Enter their Quality world

Countercondition

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Open, Honest, & Authentic

What I need from you

Always remember

• Focus on connection • Connect before correct!

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Connection: Stay present Big emotions disrupts their ability to stay present and connected • We must create the space to do this • Our presence alone is often better than words

Give space for regulation

What do you need from others when dysregulated? We all need different things when we’re distressed

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No matter what, they MUST believe:

We are on your side!

Remember! They have worries about abandonment.

They need to feel they belong

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The basis of survival

Even if they challenge, we still have to work hard

RESPECTFUL

POSITIVE

NONAGGRESSIVE

ASSERTIVE

CARING

Open Supportive Communication = Connection Feel heard

Feel seen

Feel valued

My thoughts and feelings are worthwhile

Trust

Accepted/ Nonjudgmental

Positive energy in the relationship

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Connection to Action

Listening

Demonstrating understanding

Valuing their perspective & what’s important to them

Responding consistently

Demonstrating warmth and positive regard

Meet THEIR needs

Effective Communication

We assume they come to talk to us for our advice.

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Talking will only escalate the problem

Adults don’t tend to understand children’s experiences and needs.

Understanding Perspectives • We use different parts of our brain and will perceive situations • Must understand their viewpoint to provide effective support

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Our best intentions can work against us  We minimize or negate their feelings  We excuse away their feelings  Kids may believe we don’t want to hear how they feel  We might send the message we know best  The benefit from our hindsight is lost  We disrupt our connection with kids when we share advice or opinions

Effective Communication:

Become a Master Listener

Validation Helps Disarm

• Talk less listen more

They need to feel heard without judgment or criticism! • Acknowledge the truth of their experience • Recognize and accept their thoughts and feelings (even if they don’t make sense or seem absurd!)

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Full attention/no distraction Show Lean in & nonverbals Interest Stay calm Paraphrase

Validation

Reflect Clarify content Ensure you understand their perspective Be hesitant! Reflect Acknowledge nonverbals feelings Ensure you understand how they feel Validate Makes sense, given this situation the situation No wonder you feel this way!

OR, even better… ADJECTIVE! Let me see if I got that. You said… Did I get it? Is there more?

Effective Communication

Unhelpful Communication You ignore perspective

You listen more than talk

Your attitude is not respectful and caring

You remain calm

You try to lecture, teach, nag, or fix the situation, share your agenda

You acknowledge their perspective

Talk too much

Your attitude is respectful and caring

Emotional escalation or power struggle

You respect their autonomy

Negativity

You ensure that they feel heard

Judgment

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Taking things personally

How we talk is important

Replace negativity with curiosity

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Effectively expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs Verbal anger not directed to anyone

Helpful to remember!

Verbal aggression towards others Physical aggression towards objects Physical aggression towards others

When we have a strong relationship & know how to respond effectively WE CAN C O - R E G U L AT E

Self-regulation looks like:

Early Childhood (2-5) • Brief attention. • Use rules and strategies to guide behaviour. • Delay gratification for longer. • Perspective taking and empathy. • Language begins to control emotional responses.

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Adult relationship • Key for effective emotion regulation Teach

Early Childhood Co-regulation Considerations

• Expressing emotions & problem solving through direct instruction, modelling, and coaching Identify & Label • Observed emotions Model • Appropriate emotion management (e.g., self-talk) Prompt & reinforce • To follow the same process. • Self-regulation supported through external consequences.

Role of Language Receptive and expressive skills related to executive functions & impulse control • Parent verbal skills also predictive of impulse control Language also important in learning strategies for self-regulation • Explain rules and talk through problems • Learn rationale for behaviours • Interpersonal communication • Negotiate adult demands and peer conflict • Verbal self-instruction to internal speech and later thoughts • Label emotions helps appraise their experience and how to react

Early Childhood Co-regulation to Self-regulation • Guided choices to promote a sense of control • Establish consistent daily routines to provide a sense of security and predictability. • Use stories or play to discuss feelings and appropriate responses to different situations. • Engage children in play activities that require turn-taking and sharing to naturally teach selfregulation in a social context. • Encourage them to solve minor problems on their own with verbal guidance, fostering early decision-making skills.

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Early Childhood Co-regulation to Self-regulation Ideas for in the classroom • Visual and verbal cues to signal transitions between activities, helping children prepare for changes and reducing anxiety. • Provide structured choices during activities to promote autonomy while ensuring the choices align with educational goals. • Model appropriate social and emotional responses. Use role-play to practice these skills in a controlled setting, providing immediate feedback.

Self-regulation looks like:

Middle Childhood (6-12) • Not a lot of growth • Still an important time for skill development

• Internal speech to guide behaviour • Reflecting on one’s own thinking (to modify as needed) • Increased self-awareness of behaviour • Attention, flexibility, controlling impulses and emotions

• Understand and respond to others appropriately. • Social problem-solving

• Self-regulation becoming more independent • Co-regulation still needed to manage difficult feelings, problem-solve social situations, and learn executive skills • More space to make decisions and self-monitor within structure and consequences

Adult relationship Teach problem-solving.

Middle Model conflict resolution. Childhood Co-regulation Provide time and space to manage emotions. Considerations Model, prompt, and reinforce developing skills. Encourage independence in task completion with external consequences as needed.

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Middle Childhood Co-regulation to Self-regulation • Explicit teaching of specific strategies -

Managing emotions, managing time, monitoring work and behaviour, focusing attention, and being more independent through the day.

• Scaffolding for complex tasks: step-by-step guidance, gradually reducing support as their skills improve. • Positive reinforcement for desired behaviours that promote self-regulation. • Collaboratively problem-solve -

Encourage them to generate potential solutions, consider different options and consequences

Middle Childhood Co-regulation to Self-regulation Ideas for in the classroom • Implement classroom management strategies that encourage self-regulation, such as a place to reset their battery or a point system for self-monitoring behaviour. • Use group projects to teach cooperative skills, turn-taking, and conflict resolution, requiring children to regulate their behaviour in social contexts. • Teach skills directly • E.g., organization - how to keep a tidy desk or use an assignment notebook, providing regular check-ins and support as needed.

Adolescence (13-18+)

Self• Increased focus, selfand task regulation monitoring, completion. looks like: • Strategies to manage distress. • Reward-seeking. • Poor decisions in the moment.

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More reactive to stress

Adolescence Co-regulation Considerations

• Increase in reward sensitivity and sensation seeking • Stronger than cognitive regulation • Low impulse control • Peer context increases risky behaviours • Reduced avoidance behaviour • Experimentation and novelty seeking = Self-regulation is out of balance

More vulnerable to anxiety, depression, and risk behaviours

Adolescence

Co-regulation to Self-regulation

• Relationship • Effective communication - always supportive so they feel safe to express and manage their emotion • Invitations and seeds of guidance on coping mechanisms. • Coach • EF skills & healthy stress management • Collaboratively problem solve • Encourage decision-making when regulated • Set and review goals • Set limits to reduce reward-seeking behaviours • Monitor task completion

Adolescence Co-regulation to Self-regulation • Encourage projects that require planning, research, and execution over longer periods. • Teach and model effective time management strategies. • Work with them to set personal goals related to selfregulation and actionable steps to achieve these goals. • Gradually increase their autonomy over daily choices and responsibilities, providing guidance as needed while encouraging independent problem-solving. • Foster an environment for open discussions about emotions and struggles without judgment, emphasizing collaborative solutions. • Encourage self-reflection about their beliefs, values, and goals for identity development.

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Adolescence Co-regulation to Self-regulation

Ideas for in the classroom • Provide opportunities for students to assess their own work and set personal learning goals. • Offer project-based learning opportunities that require independent research, planning, and execution, with the teacher acting as a facilitator rather than a director. • Incorporate lessons on stress management, mindfulness, and coping strategies to help students manage academic pressures and personal challenges.

• Relationship and safety • Explicit and consistent expectations • Positively reinforce desired behaviours Focus on effort and improvements • Mindfulness

Tips for All Ages • Relationship and safety • Explicit and consistent expectations • Positively reinforce desired behaviours Focus on effort and improvements • Mindfulness • Monitoring their capacity and coregulating as needed

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Self-Regulation Battery Example Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Optimal participation  Communicates needs  Easily transitions  Engaging  Smiles  Follows requests easily  Follows rules

Self-regulation support • Adults monitoring his energy levels & providing support as needed • First-then for less preferred activities • Regular breaks to do energy restoring activities

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

OK Participation  Seeks attention/connection  Can choose and engage in tasks with frequent check-ins  Responds to strategies offered  OK with following rules  Transitions with support  Negotiates-can come to agreement

Self-regulation support  First-then  Visual schedule  Choices  Hands-on activities out and available to use  Social acknowledgment when requested  Frequent breaks with energy restoring activities  Regularly monitoring signs of stress

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Need more support!!

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Struggling to participate  Echolalia  Grabs  Less agreeable Little patience/hard to wait  Impulsive  Says he is “bored”  Stomps feet  Moves away from group  May not eat when needed/hungry  Self-Initiating breaks  1:1 support to do activities  1:1 support to transition  Rigid negotiations  Anxiety

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Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Co-regulation support

 First-then  Modify expectations  Following his lead about calming activities  Physical activities  1:1 quiet time  Self-regulation supports Into routines  Connect before direct  Reduce stressors draining energy  Energy boosting activity

Need a lot of support!!

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Struggling to participate  Unresponsive  Does not following prompts connected to routines  Pinching self  Runs away from group  Hyper, giggly, silly, highpitched squeal  Arguing  Noncompliant  Rigid  Trying to get control of the situation  Throwing things  Anxious

Calming co-regulation support:  Calm tone of voice  Listen vs. talk  Focus on connection  Reduce stressors draining energy  Acknowledge emotions  Say there for support  Provide low energy options for expectations  Cuddles

Signs for Billy’s energy level Very Challenging Behaviours  Physical aggression  Verbal aggression  Running away  Screaming  Hitting  Face turning red  Crying

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Emphasizing cues of safety  Position body lower than his  Minimal talking  Let him know you are there with him/there to help him If needed  Give time and follow his lead for space or connection  Keep him safe

Individual factors

Self-regulation Pyramid Supportive Supportive environment environment

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Opportunities Social connection Supportive adult relationship

Especially with Dysregulated Students

• Struggling students are often in an environment that is mismatched with their interests and abilities

When things are going good = certain conditions are met to support their success

Environment to bring out their inner strengths Accommodations a great way to start Any changes in the physical or social environment, task modifications, and altering adult interactions to support EF skills.

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Never take away recess. Give more!

• Movement increases blood flow to the brain. • Improves performance, creativity, attention, and focus.

Helpful

Engaging (interests) Immediate consequences Frequent feedback Personally important or relevant Early Supervised 1:1 Structured Clear expectations and jobs Close to needed materials Quiet/low arousal Choices

Not so helpful

Boring tasks Delayed consequences Infrequent feedback Low importance tasks Late in the day Unsupervised settings Group situations Unstructured activities Uncertainty Need to search for materials Loud/high arousal environments Excessive multitasking requirements Overloaded sensory stimuli without a relevant educational focus Sudden changes in schedule or expectations without preparation Overemphasis on competition rather than cooperation Poor relationships with peers Poor relationships with teachers

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Start the day off right

Self-control, willpower, & motivation don’t work

What is more important are the student’s circumstances

Consider Their Love Languages

Clear and consistent based on what the CHILD needs to blossom.

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Conduct an Acknowledgement Assessment! • How do you like receiving praise? How do you hate receiving praise? • Create a developmentally appropriate assessment form with a menu of lots of feasible options • Praise students based on their preferences Reflect and adjust!

Effective Teaching

Get them curious! • Curiosity piques interest and learning Our brains hunger for information Reward value in the brain for learning Itchy need to know!

• Interest starts to deplete into deprivation around the 7 min. mark for most students Even shorter for kids with self-regulation challenges. MUST get interest piqued right away.

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Effective Teaching • Intentional, explicit, and transparent Kids need to know: • What they are learning • Why it is important to learn it • What strategies help strengthen learning/success

Effective Teaching

Strengths based

• Incorporates student interests and preferences • Allows student choice • Multimodal instruction and demonstration of knowledge • Students help design assessment criteria • Accelerated content • Passion projects • Real life • Success hour • Balance the day with opportunities for kids to complete tasks they can do already

Ignoring strengths will extinguish them. Not develop them.

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Abnormal social approach and failure of back-and-forth conversation

Maximize time talking about things that are important to them

Deficits in nonverbal communication

Differences in nonverbal communication

Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships

Only because of NT’s intolerance of differences

Insistence on sameness & inflexible adherence to routines

Security from the overwhelm and chaos of the ever-changing NT world

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus

Hyperconnected brains so feel more deeply

Flipping Deficits to Strengths

In the classroom: Leveraging Strengths

Detail-Oriented Thinking (Attending to small details others might overlook) Editing and Proofreading Tasks: Ask students to help edit a classmate's work or find grammatical errors.

STEM Applications: Encourage students to work on detailed projects, such as building a model or conducting an experiment with precise measurements.

Organizational Activities: Have students assist in organizing classroom materials or setting up displays. 158

In the classroom: Leveraging Strengths Detail-Oriented Thinking (Attending to small details others might overlook)

Challenge: Students may get stuck on details and miss the bigger picture.

Solution: Use graphic organizers to help them see how details fit into the overall concept. 159

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In the classroom: Leveraging Strengths

Hyperfocus (Ability to concentrate intensely on a specific task for extended periods) Project-Based Learning: Allow students to deep dive deeply into a topic of choice for extended projects.

Interest-Based Assignments: Connect lessons to the student's personal interests.

Scheduled Hyperfocus Sessions: Set aside time for students to work on "passion projects" related to the subject area. 160

In the classroom: Leveraging Strengths Creative ProblemSolving (Coming up with unconventional solutions to problems)

Challenge: Hyperfocus can make it difficult to transition to a new task.

Solution: Use transition periods and strategies.

161

Self-regulation Pyramid Opportunities

Individual factors

Opportunities Social connection

Supportive environment

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Supportive adult relationship

Focus on getting them TRYING and experiencin g SUCCESS

Success Success

Success

Learning to self-regulate and cope is still important!

Individual Factors Opportunities Social connection Supportive environment

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Exercise!!! • Strengthens the brain • Chemicals calm brain during stress • Stress chemicals released to help stressed out system recover efficiently Promotes attention and other key skills

166

Sleep!!! • Critical for learning: glue for remembering Need good night sleep before exam Need good sleep after studying for exam!

• Helps manage stress • Helps eat better

More sleep = • Better grades & standardized scores • Less depression • Increased attendance • Less car crashes • Less impulsivity • More control over emotions • Less aggression • Fewer symptoms and illnesses 10/27/2024

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Hydration!

Important Considerations

Healthy diet

Collections

Appropriate Physical recreation leisure activities Creative pursuits Nature

Developing Self-Regulation Continuous development Affected by: • Environmental expectations • Teaching • Experience

Self-Regulation Often unaware they are off task/engaging in problematic behaviours That is why explicit teaching is critical

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Interconnected domains Physical

Prosocial

Cognitive

Social

Emotional

Behavioural

Emotional

Cognitive

• Awareness & understanding of feelings. • Tolerate & manage uncomfortable feelings effectively.

• Attention, executive functions, perspective taking, problem solving, decision -making

Emotional Brain or Cognitive Brain?

Decisions based on how they are feeling in the moment

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Using the Emotional Brain

Emotional brain

• Emotion is a stronger motivator than reason • When it wins: • Connections stronger • Dopamine increased • Increases likelihood will win again

The # 1 thing they need to learn? 176

How to manage the experience of emotions 177

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Emotion Regulation

Emotion regulation

Awareness, understanding, and acceptance of feelings • Modulate emotional arousal • Act in expected ways regardless of emotions

Emotion Dysregulation

Inability to cope with elevated emotions (positive or negative)

Emotion Regulation It’s not about avoiding, ignoring, or supressing emotions

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Emotion Regulation It’s not about avoiding, ignoring, or supressing emotions

It’s about being aware of them, acknowledging them, co-existing, and responding in helpful ways

Core skills

Mindful emotion awareness

Cognitive flexibility

Increasing awareness and tolerance of physical sensations

Identifying and modifying problematic emotional behaviours

Integration of above skills through emotion exposure to master adaptive responses

Curiosity is a key response to emotional experiences Becoming an Emotion Detective 183

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Physiological

Understand Emotion & What it does….

Motivational (response)

Emotion

Cognitive

Body language 184

How do emotions show up?

185

Thoughts Physical sensations

Behaviours

Emotions

(And they only last 90 seconds!)

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Emotional Literacy Students with strong expressive abilities are best able to self-regulate. • Express feelings adaptively • Comfortable talking about feelings • Know/figure out what to do next Emotion coaching to support these skills

Emotional Literacy Name it to tame it • Builds confidence • Helps with staying present

188

Saying it out loud gives us more power  To expose  To use coping strategies

189

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Anger • Alerts us to threats or injustices • Protect our well-being

Emotions are OK and Adaptive! Tell us something about reality

Fear • Alerts us to danger • Protects us from harm Joy • Positive reinforcement for doing things that promote our wellbeing and survival Shame • Prompts self-reflection, processing, and change • Maintains social harmony Sadness • Alerts us to loss, separation, or unmet needs and allows us to process the event • Promotes personal growth and deeper social connections Excitement • Propels resilience and growth • Fosters curiosity, creativity, learning, and adaptability 190

Emotions Help Us Navigate Situations

Keep us safe or move us towards goals

No Anger

Picked on

No Disgust

No Fear

Eat pooh

Externalize

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Get eaten

No sadness

Unable to process loss

Externalize You are not your emotions (Sneaky trickster trying to make you think there is something wrong…)

Externalize

They are not their behaviour Things to watch for: Mind robbers Brain drainers Freaking out Fran Mean Jean Explosive Bob Worry Wanda Distracting Dan Yelling McGee

Get on offense and make a plan together – you’re on the same team! • When does it show up? • How does it show up? • What can you do? • What support do you need? 194

Expose it Remind how emotions works  Yep, there’s Bob, that’s what it does.  Wow, it is really working hard to make me freak outtoday!  Yeah, we knew it’d show up now. It doesn’t want me to write the test.  It wants me to avoid new things.  It really knows how to try to stress people out. 195

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Emotions Manifest Physically

MUST have physical reactions to alert us to what is happening (Cannot change reactions without this understanding) • Most powerful • Usually shows up first • Triggers emotional response before we even realize it • Helps us to prepare to react to the situation 196

Our body always responds based on its best guess

197

Our brain isn’t going to wait around 198

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Our brain doesn’t care if its hazardous or not Our brain will respond based on what we need to survive in the immediate moment

199

•

When the alarm goes off, the body gets ready to fight or run

Even when it is a false alarm! The brain (and body) cannot tell the difference.

Physical feelings: -> Can reinforce there is a problem -> Can be distressing, which they will do anything to stop

Become reactive Misinterpret, which increases sensations…

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Feel more but can’t interpret what the feelings mean Do whatever they can to get rid of them… 202

Physical Sensations are Subject to Distortion • Wrong context • Need to learn to correctly interpret interoceptive signals

203

Core skill Mindful Awareness of Emotion: What it feels like in the body!

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…What it feels like…

Model, Validate & Normalize Feelings

That makes sense! No wonder - your adrenal glands have sent out all that yucky stuff. 206

Essential to Reconnect Physiologically D

207

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Dizzy

Shivers

Racing

Increased heart rate Weak legs

Tension Achy

Identify& describe TWO places anxiety shows up. Stronger on left or right?

Sore Hot Cold Tingly Numb Sharp

Ringing ears Blurred vision Muscle tension Shaking Trembling Chest pain Headaches

Breathless

Burning skin/sweating

Shivering

Blushing

Sweating

Changes in breathing

Trouble swallowing

Stomach-ache/ Nausea

Tired

Relaxed

208

When we label the different parts of emotions and our experiences, we: • Change our interpretation of them • Change how our body responds • Dampen amygdala’s false alarm • Turn on prefrontal cortex • Make adaptive decisions • Learn that we have control over our responses I know what you are & I know how to handle you

• Avoid getting sucked in – it’s just a piece of information 209

Can’t just talk about it. Practicing Emotional Awareness Key! 210

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Nonjudgmental Awareness of the NOW is Foundational • Must develop mindful awareness of emotions • Otherwise, can’t work on strengthening more adaptive responses • Therefore, need LOTS of practice and experiences

Focus on Physical Sensations • • • • •

Be with it Observe it vs. think about it Breathe into it Expand it Allow it to be there

• Sensations might change but they might not. It doesn’t matter! 212

Mood Induction Practice • Observe reactions, whatever comes up physiologically, in an objective and nonjudgmental way Third party reporter Focus on the PRESENT MOMENT • Grounding techniques • Debrief at the end about all the reactions that happened, in an objective and nonjudgmental way

213

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Teach process to keep cortex working Even when their amygdala gets frustrated and wants to take over with the stress response.

Name it

Teach process to keep cortex working

Where is it in the body? How does it feel?

Left or right?

What’s next?

How Emotions Manifest: Thoughts • Negativity bias Primes them to (non-existent) danger Uncertainty misinterpreted See events as threats Becomes ingrained

216

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The brain cannot tell the difference between what it actually sees and what it imagines

& will react as truth 217

Mindful Awareness & Acceptance of Thoughts • Infinite amount of thoughts (4.617 x 10^61 potential thoughts= four hundred sixty-one duodecillion and seven hundred decillion)

218

• Constant stream • Unaware of most of them  Even when they affect how we feel

• Easy to get stuck on one • If sensitive, the bizarre ones will always stand out

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Success at controlling obsessions _________________________________ 1

Effort in trying to control obsessions _________________________________ 1 10 Back & forth battle where obsessions typically always win…

We can't control our thoughts – only our response to them Be aware and accept it for what it is: A random thought 221

Sit with, accept, & acknowledge worries

Focus on raising awareness to thoughts Recognizing them

Acknowledging them

Disentangling from them

Accepting them

vs. trying to change thoughts

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Mindfulness

Not about relaxing or getting rid of physical symptoms

Not about changing thoughts 223

Mindfulness

IT’S ABOUT NOT FIGHTING THEM

224

Active process

Mindfulness

Paying attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental way Being detectives

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Emotions Likes to Keep us Stuck! Negatively influences affect, thoughts, behaviours

Thoughts of Past or Future

Keeping thinking of past or future

Negatively influences affect, thoughts, behaviours

At the expense of valuable information now

• Need to stay here and attend to the current context To keep prefrontal cortex online • To attend to corrective information • To learn!

Mindfulness

Versus getting sucked into worries, which intensifies the emotional experience and keeps us stuck

Acceptance • Confront emotions • Sit with emotions NOT resist, control, or eliminate emotions.

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226

To Accept, Understand • Emotions are a normal part of being human • Physical feelings and thoughts are temporary • Thoughts are not fact

Emotion Dial

Acceptance Dial

100

Defusion

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•Noticing thoughts vs. getting caught in thoughts

100

Create a Bingo Card of Strategies Past/Present/Future

Distancing

Train, balloons, bubbles clouds, or leaves on the river

Thank them

War of the Worlds

Objectify

Name that Story

Repetition

Humour

Paradox

Body Scan

Literalization 232

Did you know? Fear and excitement feel the same in the body? BUT HOW WE THINK ABOUT IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE W O R L D… .

Core Skill: Cognitive Flexibility

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Our thoughts are not always trustworthy!

235

Stretch Make a list of things you or others have believed that you do not believe anymore

236

Knowledge Influences Sensory Information (e.g., all faces are always convex)

• Our knowledge/ experience misleads us into seeing the mask as convex Bottom-up sensory information is overridden by top-down knowledge

237

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• Information from our senses are only loosely connected to what we experience  Fragmented  Ambiguous  Lots of effort

238

Illusion of Emotions (and all that accompanies it)

239

The first draft These are only guesses!! Wrong 99% of the time

240

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Creating Distance from Thoughts DISMISS

DEMAND MORE

Roll my eyes

You’re so boring!

Is that all you got?

Is that the best you can come up with?

Big deal

So what?

Don’t you have something scarier?

Can’t you give me more?

241

Possibility 1

Possibility 4

Situation

Possibility 2

Possibility 3

She needs to tell me something important

ANTS I am in trouble

Teacher looks at me

Got an A on my test

She needs my help She’s not looking at me

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Mixing up the day

Find three ways to learn about a topic

Be Creative!

Find three ways to show what you know about a topic

Stop and Switch (e.g., dribble, switch to math, back to ball activity)

Build Awareness! Externalize & Get Meta • When does Stuck Stan show up? What is easy to get stuck on? What is easy about it? What is easy to avoid getting stuck? What is easy about it? What helps you get unstuck? What worked before? What do you say to yourself to get unstuck?

• Identify obstacles to getting unstuck • Collaboratively develop strategies to overcome them

Create opportunities

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Unexpected event/mistake of the day & how you handled it 247

The Importance of Mistakes  Talk about your own mistakes  Talk about others’ experiences

Embrace mistakes Have a “Mistake of the day” to share: • A mistake or challenge they faced • How they fixed/handled it • What they learned

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Mistake of the day/ Honourary Mistake Wall

Embracing mistakes What was this experience like? What did you learn today? What mistake did you make that taught you something? What did you try hard at today? What can you learn from this? What will you do the next time you are in this situation? What advice can you tell others based on this?

Important! It is not what they did wrong that counts, but what they do next.

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Forging ahead Get Unstuck No need to ask why, lecture, or explain the problem: Have them think of hows  How will they get unstuck  How will they fix this mistake?  How will they move on?  How will they handle (the situation)?

• Never, always, no matter what, nothing can change, no one likes me

All-ornothing

Break it up • Good and not so good • This part is hard • I will focus on one step at a time

All or nothing: I can’t do anything Some things are easy

I can’t write

I can brainstorm

I can follow a template

I can edit

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Coming up with ideas on my own is hard (But I can with a storywheel)

Math: Easy

Reading: Easy

Gym: easy

Scaling questions

Difficulty scale Easy

Hard 9

What is easy that makes it 9 (and not 10)? What can I already do? What can I do to bring this down to 7 or 8?

Want to scale Hate it

What do you like that makes it 3 (and not 1)? What can I do to bring this up to 4? 7 or 8?

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Love it

Thoughts lead to behaviours

260

Core Skill: Mindful Awareness of Emotion: Behaviours

Awareness Awareness & & Modification Modificatio of Reaction n of Reaction Awareness of Interpretation & Flexibility

Awareness of Feelings Situation

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Core skills Identifying and modifying unhelpful emotion-driven behaviours

What it looks like • Our body communicates how we are feeling • How would others know when I am feeling anxious by looking at me?

263

When Freaking out Fran shows up:

What I feel

My body feels

How FF wants me to do & interact

Disappointed

Chest pain, headache

Get in their face, swear, punch, yell, blame

Disconnected

Nausea

Avoid talking about what is going on, retreat

Unloved

Heart burn

Say hurtful things, yell, cry, and throw things

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Emotional Discomfort

Important! MUST understand how their behaviours are maintaining, or even worsening, their emotional discomfort  The behaviour is reinforced in the moment, increasing the likelihood of using this strategy again in the future

Brain is rewarded

Behaviour

Feel better in the moment 265

Remember! Short- and long-term outcomes of maladaptive vs. adaptive coping strategies

Maladaptive Coping

Feel better in the moment

Worsens discomfort in the long run

Ingrains emotional pathways

Adaptive Coping

Feel distressin g in the moment

Tolerate & manage emotions in the long run

Create new healthy pathways

266

Emotional Behaviours Function: To reduce the intensity of the emotion Goal: To tolerate the intensity of the emotion

267

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90% of what kids learn is from what they experience

268

Practicing with UNCOMFORTABLE Feelings is Key!

Resilience Ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress.

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269

Resilient kids Effectively respond to and cope with everyday challenges - This is where we are going!

When students avoid or miss out on situations that make them uncomfortable, they lose the chance to practice and grow

Saying “Don’t worry” doesn’t work

Get stuck in constant need for reassurance No skills developed Minimizing 273

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274

Enabling A C C O M M O D AT I O N S

Accommodation Behaviours Participation

• Assist in checking behaviours • Assist in avoidance • Reassure

Modification

• Prevent triggering situations 276

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277

Create Opportunities: Stress Inoculation • Need students to practice managing stressors and emotions effectively • Exposure with a focus on success – within tolerance window at first

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Outcomes directly relates to their willingness to feel big emotions

280

Emotion Dial

Willingness Dial

100

Core skills Integration of all the skills through emotion exposure to MASTER ADAPTIVE RESPONSES

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100

Integrate Skills through Emotion Exposure Integrate skills to master adaptive responses

• Talking not enough to change the brain! Doing makes stronger memories Doing gives us experience Quicker progress • Provoke STRONG EMOTIONS - MUST show up for learning to happen

Practice to build awareness of emotions Not being first in line Losing a game Meeting a cute puppy iPad unavailable Someone cheats at soccer Making a mistake

Students get stuck in negative patterns when emotions show up

HELPFUL

Avoid real danger

Becomes a problematic learned behaviour that’s hard to break

Excessive & incongruent with the context Gets in the way of what’s important to us Based on short-term gratification vs. long-term consequences

UNHELPFUL

Never learn anything new

That things weren’t as we expected That feelings pass That we can cope

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Ensure they see the long-term consequences No one understands me

Refuse to participate

Social isolation

They hate me and always criticize me

Swear when given feedback, throw things

People will stop trying to help me

I can’t do anything right.

Rip work up, run out of class & slam doors

I will never get better

I have to fight back or they’ll walk all over me.

Threaten or beat up

Might be a friendship there

If I’m in control, I can’t be hurt.

Dominate interactions, no compromise

No friends

They’re going to punish me anyway, so why bother?

Break rules

Might not be in trouble (just making it harder for myself)

Otherwise, you get resistance

287

Daily Practice! Focus on awareness • Objectively observe whatever comes up in the present moment  Physical sensations  Thoughts  Behavioural urges

288

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Hypothesis Testing Lots of experiments and experiences needed! • What do you think will happen? • How sure? (1-10)? • Was the hypothesis right? • What did you learn?

289

Goal:

Willingness Action Plan

Big why:

The steps I need to take are:

The discomfort I am willing to have to achieve this goal:

I will take the first step on (date) at (time)

Thoughts Feelings Sensations Urges I can remind myself that:

Create Many Opportunities to Focus on Emotions & Work on it Every day! Speak in front of a small group

Make small talk with someone new

Practice losing a game to someone who cheats

Use pictures, videos, or live encounters with feared bugs

Simulate test-taking conditions with practice exams or timed quizzes.

Role-play scenarios where express their concerns or assert themselves in a safe setting.

Create situations where they can safely express anger and practice coping strategies.

Tolerating not knowing what’s happening today.

Engage in activities they've been avoiding due to emotional discomfort.

Experience and tolerate physical sensations like increased heart rate through exercises.

Watch sad video

Kindie running away with the soccer ball in the middle of a game

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Opportunities for managing the Unknown & Risk-Taking

Capitalize on current challenges! • Challenges are part of life & dealing with them is part of learning. • Optimize teachable moments Let them try. Let them fail (but don’t set them up for failure) Work through next steps and how to fix things

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Create challenges!  Challenge of the day, week, or month Work through things on their own Might get frustrated in the moment but the intrinsic reward once solved is far greater than if helped

Hard

Working on It

Optimizing the Environment Ideas

Bonus

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Success!

Optimize the Environment: Self-Assessment

• Is the classroom arranged to accommodate the needs of all students? Is the home environment organized in a way that supports structured activities and routines for your child? • Are routines been established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? • Are there three to five positive expectations outlined and prominently displayed? Have these been clearly defined and taught to children? • Are prompts and active supervision used proactively to guide behaviour positively in anticipation of potential challenges? • Is there a variety of opportunities for children to actively participate and engage at a high frequency, encouraging positive interactions and learning? • Is specific praise and other positive reinforcement strategies regularly used to acknowledge and encourage the behaviours you wish to see more frequently? • Are reminders consistently provided before a potential behavioural issue arises, to preemptively address and guide expected behaviour? • Are responses to misbehaviours appropriate, consistent, and systematic, ensuring a clear understanding of consequences? • Is there a system in place for collecting and analyzing behaviour-related data to inform strategies and interventions?

Does the environment support student needs? Sstrategically Optimize Classroom Environment • Versatile and activity-centric learning environment • Diverse instructional activities (e.g., small groups, whole-class lessons, and individual learning stations) • Create a dynamic learning space that is activity-centric • Enhance visibility and accessibility: Clear sightlines and easy access for both teacher-led and student-centered activities. • Strategic Seating Arrangements to foster interaction and ease of movement. • Facilitate smooth transitions between activities. • Ready-to-Use Materials • Keep instructional resources organized and within reach.

Optimize Classroom Environment • Visual aids • Manage personal and instructional materials • Provide clear options for storing personal items • Regularly assess the classroom setup to ensure that all students are visible and engaged, adjusting seating as necessary to promote inclusivity.

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Consider

• Avoid blind spots where students or sections of the room are out of the teacher's sightline. • Mitigate congestion and design clear pathways • Ensure furniture is appropriately sized and arranged to support the physical comfort and engagement of all students.

Optimal Home Environment • Create defined spaces and ensure to personalize them! • Designate specific areas for various activities, such as homework, play, and relaxation. • Tailor the study and play spaces to their preferences and needs, incorporating their input to increase their comfort and sense of ownership over their space. • Provide a quiet, comfortable spot for downtime or when feeling overwhelmed.

• Foster independence with organized choices • Arrange belongings and toys in a way that allows the child to make choices independently, within set boundaries to foster autonomy while maintaining a structured environment.

Optimal Home Environment • Visual schedules and rules • Visuals for daily routines and expectations. • Display clear, simple rules in a visible area to reinforce expectations and boundaries consistently.

• Ensure accessibility and organization • Organize essential materials in accessible, designated places to foster independence and responsibility. • Use labeled bins or shelves for toys and supplies to promote responsibility and ease in finding and returning items. Clear labeling and consistency in where items are stored can help reduce frustration and conflict.

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Optimal Home Environment • Minimize high-stress areas • Identify and modify areas in the home where conflicts frequently occur, aiming to reduce triggers. This may involve rearranging spaces to avoid cramped conditions or creating clearer divisions between activity areas. • Keep the living space orderly and minimize clutter to reduce sensory overload and distractions, supporting calmness.

• Safety and adaptability • Regularly assess the home for safety, ensuring that furniture and home setups do not pose risks and are adaptable to the child’s changing needs.

Are routines established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? In the Classroom: Elementary Examples

High School Examples

• Ensure activities follow a predictable sequence. • Explicitly teach and practice routines for daily activities. • Acknowledge and reward students who follow these routines and procedures – encourage collaboration!

• Encourage students to manage their schedules and follow established routines with more autonomy. • Implement structured routines for each class period, including a warm-up activity, review of previous lessons, introduction of new material, and a summary or wrapup activity.

Routines At Home

• Consistent and structured daily routine for wakeup times, meals, homework, play, and bedtime. • Teach and practice home routines with your child. Clearly outline the steps involved in each task and practice them together. • Acknowledge and reward your child when they follow these routines. • Consider what is developmentally appropriate! • Younger children: Focus on simple, visual schedules. • Older children and adolescents: Have them create their schedules and manage their responsibilities. Discuss and collaborate routines together, such as homework times and household chores, ensuring they are realistic and mutually agreed upon.

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Avoid • Minimizing the need for structure • Assuming kids will instinctively know the expectations and naturally adapt to meet those expectations without clear guidance. • Failing to use visual cues • Neglecting to provide feedback on their adherence to routines • Failing to recognize and celebrate successes • Inconsistent enforcement of rules and routines

Connections to Positive Activities & Organizations

Sports & Physical Exercise

Consistent routines & lesson structure

Talk less

Clear expectations

Music

Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

Revisit and reinforce expectations

Things to look forward to through the day!

Structured tasks & teaching

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Clubs or after school jobs

Volunteering

Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules

One predictable detail at a time

Visual schedules and time organizers

Minimize distractions

Individualized checklists for task completion

Helpful • Engaging (interests)

• Clear expectations

• Immediate consequences

• Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

• Frequent feedback

• Things to look forward to through the day!

• Personally important or relevant

• Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

• Early

• One predictable detail at a time

• Supervised

• Minimize distractions

• 1:1

• Talk less

• Structured • Clear expectations and jobs • Close to needed materials • Quiet/low arousal • Choices • Consistent routines & lesson structure

Not so helpful

• Revisit and reinforce expectations • Structured tasks & teaching • Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules • Visual schedules and time organizers • Individualized checklists for task completion

https://parentsoftheyear.buzzsprout.com/

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https://bit.ly/overpoweringemotionspodcast

Caroline Buzanko, PhD, R. Psych. Koru Family Psychology caroline@korupsychology.ca drcarolinebuzanko.com

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Bonus Resources

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Developing a personal action plan What traps do I need to get out of?

How can I improve my approach for effective communication?

What can I do proactively ?

What can I start collaboratively problem-solving?

What I can do to strengthen our relationship?

Self-Regulation Battery Example Signs for Billy’s energy level Optimal participation  Communicates needs  Easily transitions  Engaging  Smiles  Follows requests easily  Follows rules

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Self-regulation support • Adults monitoring his energy levels & providing support as needed • First-then for less preferred activities • Regular breaks to do energy restoring activities

Still need support!!

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

OK Participation Self-regulation support  Seeks  First-then attention/connection  Visual schedule  Can choose and engage in  Choices tasks with frequent check-  Hands-on activities out ins and available to use  Responds to strategies  Social acknowledgment offered when requested  OK with following rules  Frequent breaks with  Transitions with support energy restoring activities  Negotiates-can come to  Regularly monitoring signs agreement of stress

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Co-regulation support

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Struggling to participate Calming co-regulation support:  Unresponsive  Calm tone of voice  Does not following prompts  Listen vs. talk connected to routines  Focus on connection  Pinching self  Reduce stressors draining  Runs away from group energy  Hyper, giggly, silly, high-pitched  Acknowledge emotions squeal  Say there for support  Arguing  Provide low energy options for  Noncompliant expectations  Rigid  Cuddles  Trying to get control of the situation  Throwing things  Anxious

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Very Challenging Behaviours  Physical aggression  Verbal aggression  Running away  Screaming  Hitting  Face turning red  Crying

Emphasizing cues of safety  Position body lower than his  Minimal talking  Let him know you are there with him/there to help him If needed  Give time and follow his lead for space or connection  Keep him safe

Optimize the Environment: Self-Assessment

• Is the classroom arranged to accommodate the needs of all students? Is the home environment organized in a way that supports structured activities and routines for your child? • Are routines been established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? • Are there three to five positive expectations outlined and prominently displayed? Have these been clearly defined and taught to children? • Are prompts and active supervision used proactively to guide behaviour positively in anticipation of potential challenges? • Is there a variety of opportunities for children to actively participate and engage at a high frequency, encouraging positive interactions and learning? • Is specific praise and other positive reinforcement strategies regularly used to acknowledge and encourage the behaviors you wish to see more frequently? • Are reminders consistently provided before a potential behavioural issue arises, to preemptively address and guide expected behaviour? • Are responses to misbehaviours appropriate, consistent, and systematic, ensuring a clear understanding of consequences? • Is there a system in place for collecting and analyzing behaviour-related data to inform strategies and interventions?

Consider

• Safety and adaptability • Regularly assess the home for safety, ensuring that furniture and home setups do not pose risks and are adaptable to the child’s changing needs.

Are routines established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? In the Classroom: Elementary Examples

High School Examples

Routines At Home

Connections to Positive Activities & Organizations

Sports & Physical Exercise

Music

Volunteering

Clubs or after school jobs

Consistent routines & lesson structure

Talk less

Clear expectations

Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

Revisit and reinforce expectations

Things to look forward to through the day!

Structured tasks & teaching

Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules

One predictable detail at a time

Visual schedules and time organizers

Minimize distractions

Individualized checklists for task completion

Helpful • Engaging (interests)

• Clear expectations

• Immediate consequences

• Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

• Frequent feedback

• Things to look forward to through the day!

• Personally important or relevant

• Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

• Early

• One predictable detail at a time

• Supervised

• Minimize distractions

• 1:1 • Structured • Clear expectations and jobs • Close to needed materials • Quiet/low arousal • Choices • Consistent routines & lesson structure

• Talk less • Revisit and reinforce expectations • Structured tasks & teaching • Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules • Visual schedules and time organizers • Individualized checklists for task completion

Not so helpful

• Have students with similar needs meet

Individualized Needs

• At the start of the week, discuss • Successes • How to set them up for success • At the end of the week, • Review their successes • What they have to do over the weekend.

• Attached meaning + value + support and care to boost confidence and engagement

Types of Reinforcement Verbal praise Social or activity

• Be specific with what they did! • Thank you for cleaning up right away. That really helps the class and now we have time to go to recess early! • Choice of people, activities (can be to escape too!) • Logical & pair with verbal

Tangible

• Object or food • Temporary or permanent • Logical & pair with verbal

Token

• Sticker, coupon, marble & back-up • Logical & pair with verbal • Manageable

Reward ideas Homework pass

Pass from a class or task

Store (e.g., pencils or erasers)

Lunch with the teacher

Bring a friend from another class

Free time in class or extra recess

Choose a seat for the day

Positive call home

Keep class mascot

Front of line pass

Clasroom coupons for privileges

Dance party

Treasure box

Movie

Bonus point

Talent show

Music choice

Late pass

Science experiment

Extra computer

Class leader

Teacher chair

Podcast

Scavenger hunt

Teacher dress up

8 Forces of Motivation Gregariousness

Inquisitiveness

Power

Affiliation

• Need to belong

• Need to know

• Need for control

• Need to associate and belong

Autonomy

Aggression

Recognition

• Need for independence

• Need to assert

• Need for acknowledgement

Conduct a Praise Assessment! • How do you like receiving praise? How do you hate receiving praise? • Create a developmentally appropriate assessment form with a menu of lots of feasible options • Praise students based on their preferences • Reflect and adjust!

Boosting Motivation  Choices & anything to foster independence and responsibility  Incorporating child preferences  Positive before anything corrective  Positive attitude  Statements of self-efficacy and encouragement  Reward for practicing  Positive before negative  Mix low appealing tasks with high appealing  Breaks between tasks  Relaxation  Exercise/movement  Music  Humour  Interacting with peers

Stress & Trauma

an a%achment-based developmental perspec3ve

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Clinical & Developmental Psychologist Founder of the Neufeld Institute Vancouver, Canada

A JACK HIROSE SEMINAR

Healing & Trea,ng Trauma Wounds Richmond, B.C. November 25, 2024

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. All rights reserved. The handout is intended for registered par?cipants of this seminar only. Please do notduplicate this document without permission.For more informa?on regarding the Neufeld Ins?tute or Dr. Neufeld and his work, please consult the website.

www. neufeldins,tute.org

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Stress & Trauma an a$achment-based developmental perspec3ve

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Developmental & Clinical Psychologist Vancouver, Canada

sense of safety

role of relationship grieving

tears of futility & sadness

stress Response

play & playfulness fight or flight

impact of experience & exposure

optimal functioning

emotional defense

sense of strength

vulnerable feelings

TRAUMA

nature of emotion

role of adaptation

recovery and healing

neural plasticity antecedents to bouncing back vasovagal

rest and restfulness

response

Stress & Trauma Chapter One

Chapter 1

The WISDOM ! of the ! Stress Response

THE THREAT: an evolution in understanding

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

WALTER CANNON’S FIGHT-FLIGHT RESPONSE TO THREAT • Harvard medical professor who studied the eﬀects of physical danger on lab animals and formed his thesis in 1915, published in 1932 in the book “The Wisdom of the Body” • his focus was on the situaQonal response to a threat to survival but made the mistake of isolaQng animals from their own species • studied the role of adrenalin and the sympatheQc nervous system in responding to threats to physical survival

THREAT to survival FIGHT

FlIGHT

HANS SELYE’S STRESS RESPONSE (1940’S)

• was seeking a common physiological response that could account for the behaviours that Cannon had observed as a response to threat • assumed that the FEAR system was the physiological pathway for stress, thus making the mistake that aggression came from fear • assumed that harm or survival was the essence of threat • since modified to include a third opQon – FREEZE (immobilizaQon or shutdown mediated by the vagus nerve) if flight or fight are not opQons

STRESs FlIGHT

FIGHT

about Hans Selye and the construct of STRESS • Selye was a Hungarian-Canadian endrocrinologist who worked at McGill in the 30’s and 40’s and later at the University of Montreal • popularized the construct of stress (word originates from ‘distress’ meaning coming apart) as a term for the generalized eﬀect of threat on the body • the term was borrowed from physics and engineering where it was used to describe the force exerted on a physical enQty (like a bridge) that would cause it to snap or come apart • the term became immediately and immensely popular, inﬂuencing the vocabulary and thus thinking in many languages • the term unfortunately gave the impression that stress was bad, leading to breakdown, something Selye tried in vain to correct

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

NEGLECT losing face both me n paren tio ts wo bedti a rking liz ta personal injury pi s failure ho e

ol dis scho ab loneliness ilit y isola tion ATH g DE facin

STRESs

threats to iden tity

on adopQ

sec rets

ar yc a d e ve loss of lo d on

mov ing

ling er sib h t o n a ST LO ng bei resi d sch enQal ool

DIVORCE

E NT US RETIREME AB

CHANGE

Adversive Childhood Experiences Emotional abuse

pHysical abuse emotional neglect Mental illness of household member

sexual abuse

physical neglect

substance abuse in household

STRESs divorce incarcerated relative

mother treated violently

REDUCE DISTRESSING EVENTS

if THREAT = STRESS LOAD nd drugs aSon medica

t parariggerin sym g a resp pathe ons Sc e n ita5o d e m deep breathing g nut ni n & exeri5on l to rcise a vag

MANAGE IMPACT OF STRESS

Self-care is the logical deduction of this understanding

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

1. When kids pracQce self-care they learn to idenQfy their physical and emoQonal needs and can begin to take care of those needs. 2. PracQcing self-care at a young age allows kids to create a foundaQon that will beneﬁt them as adults. 3. PracQcing self-care allows your child to develop healthy habits that they can beneﬁt from in the future. 4. Your child will be able to become more independent and understand how to take care of themselves. 5. They will develop the skills necessary to keep themselves healthy mentally, physically and emoQonally.

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

THREAT FACING SEPARATION

= experience of separaSon

SEPARATION

is thus the greatest threat

ATTACHMENT = SURVIVAL and is thus our preeminent drive

of .. lacknging losing face with . can’t NEGLECTED . be w o .. bel ith ... ct by cQon ne reje

n not important to ... tood co n’t feel s a ing c er fe unlo eli not ma nd ved ng ferin u b y ... t dif g to . fe .. no re

d by ... not recognize

t isola tion g ngin belo n ot

ced repla

by ...

ed loneliness nt d i sc threats . a .. to o t id ou n entity ecial tw ted n o t sp no by . n .. old o BETRAY .. ED can’t hn apart BY . O e T h w ON HELD NOT LIKED BY ... NOT

Adversive Childhood Experiences pHysical abuse

Emotional abuse

physical neglect

emotional neglect Mental illness of household member

substance abuse in household divorce incarcerated relative

Togetherness is threatened

sexual abuse

SPECTRUM OF TRAUMA

mother treated violently Togetherness IS the threat

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

THREAT – an evolution in understanding

threat is to

SURVIVAL

SEPARATION

STRESS

is the threat

itself is the threat

• address issues • reduce distressing of safety, food, events health, & shelter • manage the impact of stress

REDUCE SEPARATION via naturally developing ... ... ways to hold on when apart ... viability as a separate being ... resilience in the face of separa3on faced

If FACING SEPARATION is the THREAT, togetherness is our answer! -

and thus CASCADING CARE in the context of togetherness should become our ultimate focus

Stress & Trauma

The WISDOM ! of the ! Stress Response Chapter 1 The WISDOM Chapter Two

of the stress response

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

THE STRESS RESPONSE ACTIVATES PRIMAL EMOTIONS closure separa3on-triggered

PURSUIT

ALARM

FRUSTRATION change

cau3on

Attachment’s Emergency First Aid Team

R LA

-P

-A

UR SU IT -

- FRUSTRATION -

se on sp Re

Re Sc

EM RE OTI

Sy mp at he

e th pa ym ras Pa

sp on se

OUR MOTTO - “We promise to get emo5onal when holes appear in the fabric of your togetherness”

SP ON ON A SE L

Re Sc

Sy mp at he

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

e th pa ym ras Pa

sp on se

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Re se on sp

EM RE OTI

SP ON ON A SE L

as a last resort , the parasympatheQc system can be deployed as a DEFENSIVE RESPONSE to stress

SP ON ON A SE L

se on sp

EM RE OTI

Sy mp at he

e th pa ym ras Pa

sp on se

ﬁrst response

e ez d re gue l F or aQ eju int y, F rg Fa ogg , Fo F ble e Fe if trapped or thwarted, can trigger if trapped or thwarted, can trigger

a reverse thependulum pendulum a reverseswing swing of of the

The Stress Response - a two-pronged approach al rimons p S TE oS n IVA em raQo ACTraSon, frust it) a u sep, alarm purs e (i and

de em f e n oS siv ( ie ona ely , fe l f e eli ed ng ba s) c k

- via the command centre (amygala) of limbic system

- via the brain’s sensory gaQng sytem

- to situaQonally address the separaQon problem

- to reduce felt suﬀering and improve abillty to funcQon in distressing circumstances

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

The Stress Response

animates and armours the heart al • gives the STRENGTH and primons TOUGHNESS needed to S E S T o funcQon or perform in A IV n em T stressful or wounding C o IT A U S S R • ara circumstances PU p N e s ALARM TIO A TR US FR

• while a Sme, INHt the same that wou IBITS FEELINGS performinld interfere with in stressfu g or funcQoning l circumst ances

STRESS RESPONSE = MORE EMOTION BUT LESS FEELING

• instantly CHANGES one to be able to COPE with adversity & SURVIVE distressing circumstances

• taps all available resources to enable one to PERSEVERE in the face of distress and OVERCOME stressful circumstances

LOCK, OLLOW, FAWN, IND, ANCY (family, friends, fame, fortune) devolving into

Fixes closure Fixations separa3ontriggered

PURSUIT

ALARM

FRUSTRATION

FIGHT

FlIGHT

The stress response in the ‘key’ of

impulses to

ATTACH separa3ontriggered

PURSUIT

ALARM

FRUSTRATION

impulses to

Avoid

Attack

The stress response in the ‘key’ of

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Stress & Trauma

The WISDOM ! of the ! Chapter Three Stress Response

Chapter 1

TRAUMA REDEFINED

The Stress Response

h, lt ea l h l ia al na ent • gives the and io STRENGTH rimons t t p o po TOUGHNESS needed to S oS E m T f e funcQon or perform in o VA m n to ostressful or wounding C TI n e ti RSUIT • A araSo circumstances U P a z p i N y l se ALARteM alIO reAT u ol heTR s • while a tS b • instantly CHANGES Sme, IN t the same re a anFdRU one to be able to COPE that wouHIBITS FEELINa GnSg, with adversity & SURVIVE ni distressing circumstances performinld interfere iw g or func ct o ith in stressfu Q o n n in g l c:ircum u M l f stances LE ma • taps all available resources to B i O pt enable one to PERSEVERE in the o PR RESPONSE STRESS = MORE face of distress and OVERCOME EMOTION BUT LESS FEELING stressful circumstances

animates and armours the heart

Stress Response acQvaQon of

ATTACHMENT’S EMERGENCY RESPONSE TEAM (alarm, frustraQon & pursuit) FEELINGS that would interfere with performing or funcQoning in stressful circumstances are INHIBITED

Resilience Response Feelings that have been inhibited BOUNCE BACK to enable opQmal funcQoning and the full realizaQon of potenQal

SAFETY

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

THREAT

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

STRESS RESPONSE

SE F A PA C I RA N G TI ON

The brain’s naturally evolved emo3onal intelligence

THREAT

STRESS RESPONSE

REMOVAL OF THREAT

S E F P A A C R I A N T G I O N

RESILIENCE RESPONSE

Recovery of feelings

The brain’s naturally evolved emo3onal intelligence

THREAT S E F P A A C R I A N T G I O N

STRESS RESPONSE

Is NOT a funcSon of reality NOR is it

REMOVAL RESILIENCE raSonal in any way; OF THREAT RESPONSE doesn’t even have

S A F E T Y

to be a conscious feeling.

Recovery of feelings

in a ain lay i ^ac depn trushing brhe pode end Sng t m enc e

The brain’s naturally evolved emo3onal intelligence

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

THREAT

STRESS RESPONSE

S E > >> F P A A C R I A N T G I O N

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

REMOVAL OF THREAT

RESILIENCE RESPONSE

S A F E T Y

Recovery of feelings felt >>> futility

in a ain lay i ^ac depn trushing brhe pode end Sng t m enc e

The brain’s naturally evolved emo3onal intelligence

Attachment’s Emergency First Aid Team

OUR MOTTO - “We promise to get emo5onal when holes appear in the fabric of your togetherness” “We also promise to hang around un5l fu5lity is felt”

When the ﬁxes are fuQle, they need to be FELT as such. RS

M AR AL FRUSTRATION

UI T

L ST E WA R E N RE Y VER O C RE RESILIENCE as an afribute

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

D OWN

BOUN

LET

CE B AC K

SADNESS brings RECOVERY

HELP THAT IS

HELPFUL!!

• keeping or restoring perspective • right thinking / being positive • pursuing happiness • resisting the ‘let-down’ • acquiring the ‘skills’ of resilience • pursuing calmness & tranquility

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

loss of job ne’s way losing facMORTA NEGLECT e LITY loss go n of p a ln atio e z i l g g a rent n t ibli ospi n ot s tragedy f o rejecQh s s o l on t loss of child threats y nes BUSE to iden tity di empt A ffe re nt ne ss

a traum ed ov l n isolatio u n NT TH E ME EA lo RETIR D ne NG lin ACI es F s

the nadir

Strength of DEFENSE

Strength of BECOMING - meant to be characteris5c -

- meant to be situa5onal found needed strength

OVERCAME

potenQal sQll unfolding

persisted despite distress

PERSEVERED

growth force persists

came through distress seemingly ‘unscathed’

SURVIVED

heart was mended and spirits were revived

changed to withstand or cope with adversive or distressing condiQons

RESILIENT

feelings recover quickly aner Qmes of stress

ADAPTIVE

transformed from inside out by adversity

can funcQon or perform in highly stressful or wounding circumstances

HARDY

doesn’t need to be sheltered from stress to preserve growth potenQal

Strength of DEFENSE

Strength of BECOMING - meant to be characteris5c potenQal sQll unfolding

persisted despite distress

PERSEVERED

growth force persists

came through distress seemingly ‘unscathed’

SURVIVED

heart was mended and spirits were revived

changed to withstand or cope with adversive or distressing condiQons

RESILIENT

feelings recover quickly aner Qmes of stress

ADAPTIVE

transformed from inside out by adversity

HARDY

doesn’t need to be sheltered from stress to preserve growth potenQal

fee

en de r

a ro m

f of

g lin

su lts f

m ro

can funcQon or perform in highly stressful or wounding circumstances

f lts su

lin g

found needed strength

OVERCAME

of t

- meant to be situa5onal -

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Stress Response acQvaQon of

ATTACHMENT’S EMERGENCY RESPONSE TEAM (alarm, frustraQon & pursuit) FEELINGS that would interfere with performing or funcQoning in stressful circumstances are INHIBITED

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Resilience Response Feelings that have been inhibited BOUNCE BACK to enable opQmal funcQoning and the full realizaQon of potenQal

SAFETY

as judged by the brain’s innate intelligence

sadness

ie, feelings of fuQlity re brain’s emoQonal ‘ﬁxes’

Stress Response acQvaQon of

ATTACHMENT’S EMERGENCY RESPONSE TEAM (alarm, frustraQon & pursuit) FEELINGS that would interfere with performing or funcQoning in stressful circumstances are INHIBITED

Resilience TRAUMAResponse is NOT

what happens to us Feelings but what fails to happen that have been within us in response, ie, inhibited BOUNCE the lack of a opQmal follow-up BACK to enable funcQoningresponse and the that resilience full realizaQon potenQal includesofSADNESS

SAFETY

mveantss u rotaancek strese Tsadness

as judged by the brain’s t innate intelligence bu

on stueofspfuQlity iie,s nfeelings a r re brain’s emoQonal ‘ﬁxes’

THREAT S E FP AA CR IA NT I GO N

STUCK

STRESS RESPONSE

TRAUMA

DEFENSIVELY

DEPRESS

DEFENSIVELY

DETACH

BRAIN’S INTERNAL BACKUP DEFENSES

The brain’s naturally evolved emo3onal intelligence

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Stress & Trauma

The WISDOM ! of the ! Chapter Four Stress Response

Chapter 1

Signs of a Stuck Stress Response (ie, trauma)

Missing Key Feelings Brain’s Backup Defenses

THREAT S E F P A A C R I A N T G I O N

FIVE POINT ASSESSMENT of a STUCK STRESS RESPONSE

Resilience Response is Lacking

Stuck Primal Emo3on

Stuck Stress Response

STRESS RESPONSE

REMOVAL OF THREAT

RESILIENCE RESPONSE

S A F E T Y

Recovery of feelings felt >>> futility

DEFENSIVELY

DEPRESS

DEFENSIVELY

DETACH

in a ain lay i ^ac depn trushing brhe pode end Sng t m enc e

BRAIN’S INTERNAL BACKUP DEFENSES

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

fe lt p lay

REST

est lt r fe

- stuck in the WORK MODE - lacking emergent or venturing forth energy - lacking curiosity

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

LESS NES S

the vital signs of well-being felt futility

- past history of ungrieved losses

eg, sadness, sorrow, disappointment, grief

- stuck in fuQle endeavours /unable to let go / brain unable to ﬁnd work-arounds for impediments

eg, cared for, cared about, caring deeply about, etc feelings re CARE eg, sorry, remorseful, guilty about, bad about feelings of DEPENDENCE feeling eg, needy, trusjul RESPONSIBLE FEELINGS of vulnerable ATTACHMENT N IO T A that may go IT G A feelings feeling MISSING of ANGER IA ALARMED ... when personally NO A ... when facing R mistreated PA separaQon feeling FULL ADREN or EMPTY ALIN-S EEKING eg, fulﬁlled, saQated, missing, longing, afachment ‘holes’

D BORE

What BOREDOM is about

When the ‘holes’ in togetherness are NOT suﬃciently FELT, it is experienced as BOREDOM.

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Boredom-a natural barometer for deﬁcits of feeling - can’t feel the true nature or shape of the hole that exists within -

acSv ity

food nt me n i rta

ns scree

sSm

al s git it di rsu pu

te en delin quen cy

ula So n

videog

ames

G& TIN ING T U C URN B sensing PAIN

SIGHT & HEARING

TOUCH & SMELL

3 STRESS RESPONSE

THREAT S E F P A A C R I A N T G I O N

DEFENSIVELY

DEPRESS

DEFENSIVELY

DETACH

sensing COLD

feelings of SENSATIONS that may be restricted

sensing BLADDER/BOWEL

W & ETT PRESSURE SO IN ILI G NG

REMOVAL OF THREAT

2 RESILIENCE RESPONSE

S A F E T Y

Recovery of feelings felt >>> futility

in a ain lay i ^ac depn trushing brhe pode end Sng t m enc e

BRAIN’S INTERNAL BACKUP DEFENSES

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Impact of the STress Response - a loss of tender feeling -

insidious long-term impact

CONFUSING SIGNS OF A WORKING STRESS RESPONSE the loss of so-called ‘nega3ve’ feelings is typically misinterpreted posi3vely

no longer talks about what distresses or hurt feelings no longer feels unsafe or alarmed no longer reads rejecSon or feels its sSng no longer given to sadness and disappointment no longer feels as needy, empty, lonely or dependent no longer is as visibly aﬀected by loss and lack be^er able to funcSon or perform under duress

3 STRESS RESPONSE

THREAT S E F P A A C R I A N T G I O N

DEFENSIVELY

DEPRESS

DEFENSIVELY

DETACH

REMOVAL OF THREAT

2 RESILIENCE RESPONSE

S A F E T Y

Recovery of feelings felt >>> futility

in a ain lay i ^ac depn trushing brhe pode end Sng t m enc e

BRAIN’S INTERNAL BACKUP DEFENSES

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

SIGNS OF AN ACUTE STRESS RESPONSE AFTER A DISTRESSING EVENT

lin e e f

- typically referred to in the ‘disorder approach’ as a post-traumaQc stress syndrome or disorder Blinded by:

ess SIVENESS l ut IMPUL b ALARM ion FRUSTRATION t mo e re o m PURSUIT

• diagnoses • ‘empathy’ • ‘dysregulaSon’

- elevated startle response - ﬂashbacks and nightmares - avoidance of whatever alarms - intrusive thoughts & memories - unable to focus and concentrate - hyper-arousal and hyper-vigilence

- irritability and impaQence

- erupQons of afacking energy

- self-afack and suicidal impulses

SIGNS OF STUCK PRIMAL SEPARATION EMOTIONS

in l e fe

- clutching, clinging, possessing, hoarding, acquiring, impressing, pleasing, etc - fragmented fixes & fixaQons with pursuit as the theme – winning, placing, hunQng, chasing, afracQng, demanding, reducing, seeking, enhancing, etc - preoccupaQons with altering - preoccupaQons with concealing PURSUIT oneself in pursuit of belonging, self in pursuit of belonging, love or significance love or significance

s s e tl u n b FRUSTRATION ALARM o i ot m ee r mo

- anxiety - irraQonal obsessions - irraQonal avoidance - anxiety reducing behaviour - an afracQon to what alarms - inability to stay out of trouble - recklessness and carelessness - afenQon deﬁcits around alarm - chronic agitaQon and restlessness

- ﬁts & tantrums - hilng and ﬁghQng - obsessions with change - aggression and violence - rudeness and meanness - irritability and impaQence - erupQons of afacking energy - self-afack and suicidal impulses

THE SEPARATION COMPLEX – A LEGACY OF TRAUMA

- the telltale - the telltale (but reversable) marks of marks trauma of trauma on personality on personality -

stuck

stuck in defensive detaching and transference

stuck

ALARM

PURSUIT

stuck in defensive alpha or over-dependence

stuck

FRUSTRATION

stuck in a defensive ﬂight from feeling & vulnerability (ie, a stuck stress response)

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

3 STRESS RESPONSE

THREAT S E F P A A C R I A N T G I O N

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

REMOVAL OF THREAT

2 RESILIENCE RESPONSE

S A F E T Y

Recovery of feelings felt >>> futility

in a ain lay i ^ac depn trushing brhe pode end Sng t m enc e

DEFENSIVELY

DEPRESS

DEFENSIVELY

DETACH

5 BRAIN’S INTERNAL BACKUP DEFENSES

emo

tio

FEELINGS

bra nal

prefrontal cortex sensory gating system

emotions stir us up & move us

internal feedback from the body

Feelings are the mind’s READINGS of emoQonal feedback

sensing outside world

REVERSE ATTACHMENT DEPRESS EMOTION

emo

tio

FEELINGS

bra nal

prefrontal cortex DE

MO STRESS

more emotion

more feedback from the body

1 sensing trouble

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

depresssion = flaêned affect

threat to attachment can trigger a defensive depressing of emotion

e m

ot i o n

about defensive detaching If the separaSon faced is deemed unbearable, the brain can reverse direcSon of the pursuit in an automated aêmpt to reduce the threat. The aâchment drive itself cannot be reversed since it is the default and preeminent drive and only increases under threat. • can be situaQonal or pervasive, physical or emoQonal, parQal or complete • can involve DEFENSIVE TRANSFERENCE to other persons such as one’s peers and famous figures (includes fantasy afachments) • can involve the DEPERSONALIZATION of afachment (ie, detaching from persons and afaching instead to pets, groups, objects, naQons, race, ideas, possessions, poliQcs, etc, etc, etc) • depersonalizaQon can also result in fragmented pursuit – FIXES & FIXATIONS – which are highly addicQng because they cannot fulfill or deliver care

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

g in ng cli

Some common a^achment-driven where the pursuit is divorced from its relaSonal context: goin g scor g fo sin r hu ing ses PURSUING PRAISE gs/s s o mile p hoarding s T G H IN N T IN W G E N N I e T s FI U AC lau ND ATTR EH app seeking g TH FIXES & collec si n afenQon Qng FIXATIONS chaseekin g statu s clutching THE CHASE eness m g a in s ir g acqu chasing marks pursuin G PLE AM ASI ING NG x e s r fo g chasin unQng evin h i g h c a pprov a PORNOGRAPHY al placing

Stress & Trauma The WISDOM ! of the ! Chapter Five Stress Response

Chapter 1

The RECOVERY of FEELINGS

More Wounding in today’s world teach less

empathy

SAFETY

stop more bullying

reduce increased percepSons of threat

reduce more

social interacSon

increase less scripSng & supervision

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Resilience Response

Stress Response

Feelings that have been inhibited bounce back to enable opQmal funcQoning and the realizaQon of full potenQal

acQvaQon of

ATTACHMENT’S EMERGENCY RESPONSE TEAM alarm, frustraQon & pursuit FEELINGS that would interfere with performing or funcQoning in stressful circumstances are inhibited

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Provide SAFETY through

• RELATIONSHIP • PLAY

RECOVERING FEELINGS Where the helper can be ANYONE but preferably a caring adult to whom the child or adult is a^ached or will a^ach

helper

- making it safe to feel -

P HI NS

O TI LA

- parent - grandparent - relaSve - teacher - coach - expert - counsellor - therapist - caregiver - case worker - volunteer

applying relaSonal and emoSonal ﬁrst-aid

ADULT

T R U - wounding S by others T - losses and I lacks N - neglect and G

(eg, parent, teacher, therapist)

We must HAVE their hearts before we can protect their hearts

rejection

CHILD

D E P E N - shaming or D put-downs abuses and E - violations N distress and C - adversity E

(or client)

ng hi c at th

nu rt ur e

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

yt an

at ta ch m en t

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

an d

ld ou

e id

en ga ge

v di

to caring adults and emotional playgrounds

Helping via Relationship • convey a strong CARING ALPHA presence to inspire dependence

• BRIDGE problems and all separaQons

• COLLECT to engage and invite dependence • COME ALONGSIDE emoQonal experience

RELATIONSHIP

• support EXISTING ATTACHMENTS with caring adults

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Helping via Relationship • convey a strong CARING ALPHA presence to inspire dependence

• BRIDGE problems and all separaQons • convey TRUST in their strength to cope (vs over-protecQon)

• COLLECT to engage and invite dependence • COME ALONGSIDE emoQonal experience

• provide CARE (including food) in the context of connecQon

RELATIONSHIP

• support EXISTING ATTACHMENTS with caring adults

• matchmake to embed in CASCADING CARE

We are meant to fit together in hierarchical attachment arrangements of CASCADING CARE as opposed to contrived arrangements based on social roles, gender stereotypes, prevailing assumpQons of equality, or parQcular dynamics between parents and children or between partners of a couple or in friendship

a NATURAL arrangement in harmony with the dynamics of afachment and the principles of development

Our objective should be to embed in CASCADING CARE as opposed to pushing for independence or promoQng self-care

Helping via Relationship • convey a strong CARING ALPHA presence to inspire dependence

• BRIDGE problems and all separaQons • convey TRUST in their strength to cope (vs over-protecQon)

• COLLECT to engage and invite dependence • COME ALONGSIDE emoQonal experience

• provide CARE (including food) in the context of connecQon

RELATIONSHIP

• support EXISTING ATTACHMENTS with caring adults

• matchmake to embed in CASCADING CARE

• create SAFE SPACES for feelings to bounce back

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

SPACE FREE :

T wounding R U teaching S T problemI solving N screens & distractions G

ADULT

(eg, parent, teacher, therapist)

CHILD

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

FREE D SPACE : E P be upset E N D feel sad E N C E

(or client)

Create timely spaces for feelings to bounce back • AFTER times of stress including separation, school, strained interactions, discipline, special performances, wounding, loss, etc • ideally BEFORE sleep or the passing of time interferes with the ability of the thinking brain to interpret emotional feedback and link to the situations that stirred one up • FREE of digital pursuit (social or videogames) and other competing activities • FREE of problem solving, judgment, correction or teaching • through RITUALS involving safe relationships and/or emotional playgrounds

Through another’s attachment to us, we can BE their ANSWER even when there are no answers: • BE their HOME

• BE their place of REST • BE their sanctuary of SAFETY • BE their SHIELD in a wounding world • BE their REASON for holding on • BE their source of WELL-BEING The answer is in BEING - not in DOING or SAYING or KNOWING the right things – when empowered by the other’s attachment to us.

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

RECOVERING FEELINGS Where the helper can be ANYONE but preferably a caring adult to whom the child or adult is a^ached or will a^ach

helper

- making it safe to feel -

L RE

P HI NS O I

- parent - grandparent - relaSve - teacher - coach - expert - counsellor - therapist - caregiver - case worker - volunteer

l rea

PLAY

for

NO T

T NO

wo rk

applying relaSonal and emoSonal ﬁrst-aid

expressive

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Harness the Power of Play • to safely engage and DISTRACT in alarming situaQons

• to provide a bubble of SAFETY in a • to LIGHTEN the distressing Qmes emoQonal load • to aid the RECOVERY of feelings so that the stress response does not get stuck

• to give the brain a chance to REST and RECOVER PLAY • to provide for SAFE EXPRESSION of primal emoQon

• to set the stage to access SADNESS when emoQonally ready

When drawing into play, we are transferring into the arms of NATURE itself so it can gently and wisely restore lost feelings

EmoSons are easier to feel when one step removed from real life

EmoSons are not at work, so the inhibiSon of feelings is reversed Play is safe so feelings won’t get hurt

Words or their lack, do not get in the way

EmoSons are freer to move and so more likely to be felt and idenSﬁed

Feelings of fuSlity are much easier to access

Feelings are recovered when emotions are at play

ENCOUNTERS WITH FUTILITY

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

Suggestions for Harnessing Play • engage in play by giving PLAY SIGNALS, like a bit of silliness, singing, wearing a playful cape • playfully ENGAGE in games, puzzles, stories, music, movement, drama, theatre, etc • provide MATERIALS to draw, paint, construct, make crans, make music, priming the acQvity where necessary

• set the stage for made-up STORIES, so their emoQons can drive something other than nightmares • sing or hum LULLABYtype songs if possible, to harness their emoQonal and connecQve power

PLAY

• if defended against closeness, engage in PLAYFUL CONNECTION, providing brief ‘accidental’ experiences of contact that are able to disarm

• engage in the CULTURAL PLAY, ie, the dances, music, art, of their culture of origin

Inviting Instincts & Emotions to Play • provide opportuniQes to play out ALARM as well as alarming scenarios, while safely in the context of play where it is one step removed and doesn’t count for real

• give SEPARATIONTRIGGERED-PURSUIT safe expression through games or acQviQes characterized by the hunt, the chase, or the ﬁnd • provide plenty of opportunity for PRETENDING to be someone or something else

• give residual FRUSTRATION some playful expression via games of construcQon and/or destrucQon

PLAY

• give ALPHA insQncts safe expression through playing the leader, the boss, the superhero, the rescuer, the one in charge, the one giving the orders

• give DEPENDENT insQncts safe expression through playing the baby, the pet, the sick, the wounded, the one in need of care

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

... in our pursuit of happiness PRESS PAUSE

... in avoiding negaQve thoughts ... in afempQng not to be upset ... in trying to stay in perspecQve ... in afempQng to stay opQmisQc ... in trying to cheer each other up ... in pulng limits on grief and sorrow ... in denying that the glass is half empty ... in trying to change the Eeyores into Tiggers

PLAY

l rea

y ap r e th

for

NO T

T NO

wo rk

into the SADNESS whose task it is to facilitate needed endings, strengthen as required, and deliver us back to what happiness exists

expressive

Stress & Trauma - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Richmond - Nov 25, 2024

RECOVERING FEELINGS

helper

- making it safe to feel -

L RE

P HI NS O I

RECOVERING FEELINGS - making it safe to feel -

vs adult therapeuSc techniques & methods

vs treaSng children directly

vs teaching emoSonal management vs cogniSve and raSonal approaches

vs promoSng ‘posiSve feelings’

helper

vs promoSng selfcare and stress management

P HI NS

O TI LA

vs trauma debrieﬁng & correcSng percepSons

applying relaSonal and emoSonal ﬁrst-aid

ART THERAPY FOR KIDS AND TEENS Presented by

Pamela Hayes Malkoff

An artist can color the sky red, because they know it is blue. Those of us who are not artist, must color things as they really are, or people might think we are stupid. -Jules Fieffer, Cartoonist, Phantom Toolbooth

Board Certified Art Therapist Licensed Marriage Family Therapist - CA Licensed Professional Counselor -GA Licensed Mental Health Counselor - RI

HayesArtTherapy.com HayesArtTherapy@gmail.com

Understanding t h e Art Materials

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

1. Each person relates differently to different materials 2. Allow them to explore 3. Some materials allow for more control 4. Some materials force you to let go of control 5. Force them out of their comfort zone 6. May bring up memories 7. Help to create rituals*

Fear and Anxiety stored in the Amygdala Eric Kandel, "In Search of Memory"

Containment of overwhelming feeling Gives a voice where it is too scary to speak

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Provides another language to tell their story Can project feelings outside of themselves Can be more objective and safe Containment of overwhelming feeling Gives a voice where it is too scary to speak Learn to tolerate frustration Try new things/ experiences

We all begin with the same starting points We all are given the same directives We all hear and interpret things differently Things may get miscommunicated Things may get misunderstood When expectations are too high we may be disappointed Opportunity to think creatively Observe how others interpret the world, without judgement

W h e n it c o m e s t o y o u r children, W h a t a r e you m o s t c o n c e r n e d about? Behaviors Health Relationships Grades

❖ Instability ❖ Divorce, a d o p t i o n , s e p a r a t i o n o r c h a n g e of caregivers ❖ Moving ❖ Unclear e x p e c t a t i o n s ❖ Premature or late development ❖ N e u r o d e v e l o p m e n t a l Disorders ❖ Disability ❖ Financial Difficulties ❖ Caregivers’ m e n t a l illness, drug/alcohol dependence ❖ Minority p o p u l a t i o n ❖ First Generation ❖ C h a n g e s i n religious affiliations ❖ Life t r a n s i t i o n s

Flight Tight jaw or grinding of the teeth Urge to punch someone or something Feeling intense anger or killing someone, even yourself Desire to stomp or kick Crying Glaring at people, conserving angrily Upset stomach, feels like knots or burning

Excessively exercising Feeling fidgety or tense or trapped Constantly moving legs, feet, and arms Restless body that will not stop moving Sensation of numbness in extremities Dilated eyes, darting eyes

Attacking the source of the danger

Fawn Freeze Fight

Flight

Freeze

Fawn Pale skin Sense of dread

The stress response occurs when the demands of the environment are greater than our perceived ability to cope with them

Feeling stiff, heavy, cold, numb Loud, pounding heart Decreasing in heart rate Sensing tolerated stress

the only hope of survival would probably be agreement and helpfulness You are more concerned with making them happy than taking care of yourself Fear of Rejection..

Has the potential to negatively impact all aspects of life, including social relationships, academic performance, emotional wellbeing, and future work

Social Anxiety

opportunities

Academic Anxiety

1. Social Media Binging can lead to lower self-esteem and fatigue

Testing Anxiety

2. Social Change 3. Constant notifications, comparisons to others, pictures of events they weren’t invited to, pressure to get comments and “likes” 4. Warning signs: avoiding school, avoiding eye contact, overly critical, fidgety. mumbling, etc. 5. Parents support - empathetic support, structure, reassurance, and boundaries

Academic anxiety refers to the feelings of worry, tension, or dread that are associated with academic settings or tasks.

Shortness of breath Heaviness in their body/muscle fatigue Dry m o u t h Clammy hands

The Generation of Testers

Students are overwhelmed by the pressures to succeed

What are the Signs? Anxious students may express their fears by: a. crying or throwing tantrums, seek constant approval or reassurance from

“In the Pew survey of teens, academic pressure tops their list of stressors: 61 percent

others, headaches, stomachaches, racing heartbeat, or difficulty breathing. say they face a lot of pressure to get good grades.” 5.

SINCE COVID - 19 shown an increase in general anxiety in children under 17

And more!

Case study: Phoebe 9 Years Old You cannot put your seatbelt on in the middle of a car accident

Mother died from drug overdose History Of Physical And Sexual Abuse Living in a Residential Group Home (No father involved)

Deep b r e a t h i n g exercises: Bubble Breaths

The p o w e r of positive s e lf- t a l k & Affirmations: “ I c a n d o h a r d things!”

Healthy Nutrition & Sleep Schedule

Activity focusing o n bodily regulation - - yoga is a g r e a t place t o s t a r t , look i n t o Somatic practices.

U n d e r s t a n d , d o n ’ t invalidate.

Positive Interactions

Play!

Take t h e p r e s s u r e off!

C o - Regulation Rituals: family d i n n e r s , t e a time,

10.

P a r e n t Groups/Sessions

11.

F a m i l y / P a r e n t Meetings

12.

Modeling self-c a r e , b o u n d a r i e s , assertive c o m m u n i c a t i o n a n d self-efficacy

13.

Provide Safe Spaces

14.

Tools t o use: a.

Fidgets

Therapy :)

Normalize asking for s u p p o r t a n d recognizing “ a n x i e t y tics”

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Don’t try t o eliminate their anxiety Don’t avoid t h i n g s just because they m a k e your child anxious Express positive - but realistic - expectations Respect their feelings, but don’t e m pow e r t h e m Don’t ask leading questions Don’t reinforce your child’s fear Be encouraging Keep the anticipatory period short Think t h i n g s through together Model healthy ways o f handling anxiety

Draw w h a t s c a r e s you Draw w h a t m a k e s you feel brave

● ● ● ● ● ● ●

DO Limit n e w s a n d i m a g e s Be h o n e s t But r e a s s u r i n g Say “ I t will be OK” Validate t h e i r feelings Talk a b o u t anxiety Talk a b o u t o t h e r feelings Seek p r o f e s s i o n a l help, if needed

DON’T ● Avoid t h e scary t h i n g s ● M i ni m i ze t h e i r feelings ● Excessively discuss y o u r o w n fears

Case study: Rebecca 8 years old:

Safe Place drawing 1. W h a t c a n you see? 2. W h a t c a n you hear?

1. W h a t feelings d o you h a v e a b o u t (given situation)?

3. W h a t c a n you smell?

1. W h a t color is t h a t feeling?

1. W h a t s h a p e is it?

W h a t c a n you taste?

5. W h a t c a n you feel?

1. Where i n y o u r b o d y d o y o u feel it? 1. Does it m o v e a r o u n d o r s t a y in o n e place? 1. Does t h a t feeling m a k e you do a n y t h i n g ?

2. 3.

Draw a H e a r t Tu r n t h e p a p e r over t o back List 5 - 7 feeling Choose a color for e a c h feeling Flip p a p e r back over t o t h e h e a r t Draw h o w m u c h of e a c h feeling y o u h a v e r i g h t n o w

1. Draw t h e Yucky

Deep b r e a t h i n g exercises

1. Draw t h e o p p o s i t e of t h e Yucky

T h e p o w e r of positive s e l f - t a l k & affirmations

Healthy n u t r i t i o n & sleep a n d daily schedule

Activity focusing o n bodily regulation

1. I m a g i n e t h a t s o m e t h i n g m a g i c a l could c o m e a l o n g a n d c h a n g e t h e fi r s t d r a w i n g i n t o t h e s e c o n d drawi ng . W h a t w o u l d y o u r m a g i c look like?

Yoga

Somatic practices

Listen, d o n ’t invalidate.

FOSTER RESILIENCE

S t a r t early Be c o n s i s t e n t M a k e it p a r t of y o u r routine

Let t h e m Fail Self Regulation Self Care Service t o Others Ask for Help Act C o n fi d e n t

●

Positive physical d e v e l o p m e n t

●

Academic a c h i e v e m e n t / i n t e l l e c t u a l development

● ●

Good coping skills a n d p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g skills E n g a g e m e n t a n d c o n n e c t i o n s in t w o o r m o r e

of t h e following co nte xts: school, w i t h p e e r s , in

athletics, e m p l o y m e n t , religion, culture ●

High s e lf - e s t e e m

●

Clear a n d stable expectations

●

Self Efficacy

●

E m o t io n a l self-r e g u l a t i o n

Stick Person Drawing

3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Holding s o m e t h i n g Standing on something We a r i n g s o m e t h i n g S o m e t h i n g beside Dropping something We a r i n g s o m e t h i n g else S o m e t h i n g above Anything else

To Reduce Tantrum Frequency Practice P r e v e n t i o n

Case Study: Kenji 11 years old Oppositional Lying Stealing Acting o u t

Reduce F r u s t r a t i o n Don’t give in t o D e m a n d s

M o t h e r died of cancer w h e n h e w a s 5 - living in Japan

Stay Calm

Moved in w i t h m a t e r n a l a u n t , a n d s h e dies of c a n c e r w h e n h e w a s 7yo

H u m o r a n d / o r Distraction Don’t t a k e it Personally

Moved t o US t o live w i t h m a t e r n a l Uncle a n d Aunt

Differentiate Model between appropriate Establish feelings a n d anger a n g e r r u les behaviors management

Be consistent

Teach healthy c o p i n g skills

Consequences when necessary

3. 4. 5. 6.

Draw y o u r yucky feeling Use colors, s h a p e s , lines ….. C r u m p l e it u p Open it - Say s o m e t h i n g t o it Rip a n d t e a r it u p T h r o w half away

Write t h e o p p o s i t e feeling o n t h e colored p a p e r -

8. 9. 10.

t e a r i n t o 3 equal p a r t s Give a w a y y o u r o p p o s i t e feelings Take a w a y s o m e o n e else’s yucky Collage t h e p a r t s back t o g e t h e r

1. 2.

Help c h i l d r e n t o b e i n c o n t r o l Play “Freeze!Focus!” M a k e M e m o r y Musical M a k e t h e Day a Story

Watercolor P a i n t s , blow w i t h s t r a w s Control B r e a t h e Be i n t e n t i o n a l Have f u n

P u zz l e s a n d Play L e a r n t o delay g r a t i fi c a t i o n - “ m a k e f u t u r e m e h a p p y ”

● ● ● ● ● ●

F r e q u e n t worrying Trouble c o n c e n t r a t i n g Skipping activities t h e y u s e d t o enjoy Difficulty w i t h sleep Clinging t o caregivers E x t r e m e focus o n safety a n d h e a l t h

●

Irritability o r e d g i n e s s

● ●

Shutting down Repetitive behaviors

N a m e t h e i r feelings

Talk a b o u t t h e feeling

Identify w h e r e i n t h e b o d y t h o s e feelings m a n i f e s t a n d live

Recognize t h e c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n t h o u g h t s a n d feelings

L e a r n t o s e p a r a t e t h o u g h t s , feelings a n d behaviors

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

F r e q u e n t worrying Trouble c o n c e n t r a t i n g Skipping activities t h e y u s e d t o enjoy Difficulty w i t h sleep Clinging t o caregivers E x t r e m e focus o n safety a n d h e a l t h Irritability o r e d g i n e s s Shutting down Repetitive behaviors

● ● ● ● ●

Delayed Gratification Self R e s t r a i n t Tr u s t i n g t h e Process E n c o u r a g e s Creativity I n c r e a s e d Self-E s t e e m

“ Ar t, like m o r a l i t y, c o n s i s t s of d r a w i n g a line s o m e w h e r e ”

Conquering Anxiety

Strategies for Helping Your Anxious Students Dr. Caroline Buzanko, R. Psychologist www.drcarolinebuzanko.com info@korupsychology.ca

Anxiety is the most common mental health problem in kids K-12… & the leading reason for children’s emergency room visits and hospitalizations

Untreated anxiety is the leading predictor of depression in teens & young adults

drcarolinebuzanko.com

70% of all mental health problems begin in childhood and adolescence

Anxiety has tripled since COVID

Anxiety Impairs Daily Functioning • Sleep!!! • Academics • Social interactions • Happiness and outlook • Family relationships • Doing things/going places • Nutrition • Self-care • Independence 5

ADULTS to Understand

drcarolinebuzanko.com

What is anxiety?

Run!

Fear and worries are here to stay • Normal, protective feeling • Necessary for survival • Its ok! • Temporary in the moment • Not dangerous • Not to be eliminated or avoided • Can help motivate & energize us 9

drcarolinebuzanko.com

The brain was built to protect us…

However, while society has changed so much even in the past two decades, our brain has not changed in hundreds of thousands of years…

Society is now created in a way that makes that brain meant to protect us to actually harm us

Worries to be expected Developmentally appropriate fears • Survival: separation, danger

Life transitions • New school or job, new relationships, teenage years, transition to adulthood

Stressful experiences • New or unfamiliar situations 12

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Worries to be expected Infant/ Toddlers

• Separation • Novelty • Loud noises • Shyness, fear of strangers • Santa

Preschool

Early Childhood

• Animals, dark, thunder, fire • Nightmares • Monsters & shadows • Novelty

• Fear of death or ghosts • Separation • Dark • Getting lost • Thunder

Elementary

• Changes • Performance • Getting sick or hurt • Animals, monsters, ghosts • Natural disasters

PreAdolescence

• Home alone • Family or pets • Rejection • Mortality, health

Adolescence

• Social • What others think • Family getting sick • School performance • World events • After high school!!!!

Normal Worries

TEMPORARY

DO NOT INTERFERE WITH FUNCTIONING

STILL SUCCESSFUL IN ACHIEVING GOALS

BEGINNING

MIDDLE

END 15

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Common Vulnerabilities Among all Emotional Challenges

High levels of negative affect Tend to view their emotional experiences as negative Aversive reactions that lead to efforts to avoid and suppress them. 17

What’s going on for Suzie? (What can’t she handle?)

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Common Vulnerabilities Among all Emotional Challenges

High levels of negative affect Tend to view their emotional experiences as negative Aversive reactions that lead to efforts to avoid and suppress them.

High levels of negative affect • Constant worries impairing daily functioning • Frequent panic attacks

Views emotional experiences as negative • Why can’t I be like everyone else? • I am deficient • Worries and panic are awful When they evaluate the emotion: Snowball effect – the more she thinks about everything, the more panic symptoms intensify

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Aversive reactions that lead to efforts to avoid and suppress them. • Reassurance seeking • Avoidance

Different parts of the brain that activates worries need different strategies

Amygdala Pathway: Physiological

• Oldest, quickest, strongest • Talking will escalate the problem 24

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Amygdala Based Memories: Emotional Memories • Out of awareness • Remembered very differently from conscious memories

Might not have no clue why

Cortex Pathway: Thinking

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Ruminate Talk to self Try to problem solve

Visual images Imaginative worries

The brain cannot tell the difference between what it actually sees and what it imagines

Expecting something bad to happen Kids continue to worry themselves with their own thoughts

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Anxiety-Based Schemas The world is a scary place and I am vulnerable

Everyone is predisposed to anxiety.

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Anxiety is all in how we respond • Based on how we perceive the demands of the situation. • Anxiety makes the demands feel way bigger than what they believe they can manage.

Social disconnection and loneliness Local and world news

Current State of the world

Social media

Far more:

Identity and body Issues

Worthlessness

• Depression • Self-harm • Suicide

Multiple pressures and high expectations

Helplessness

Major Psychological Risk Factor

Loneliness Poor School performance

Screen time

Self-esteem

• Impairs resilience • Contributes to everything we worry about as parents

Depression

Disordered eating

Withdrawal

Anxiety

Suicidal planning Suicidal ideation

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Self-esteem False messages to avoid rejection • So happy! • So beautiful! “Likes” worsens self-esteem • Others won’t like the “real” them.

Massive-Scale Emotional contagion We begin to experience the same emotions as others without our awareness • Long-lasting moods (e.g., depression) can be transferred through social networks

Disrupts connections. Especially family connections.

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Disrupted Attachment

Family is the most important relationship overall development.

Important for discovering: • Self • Values • Personality • World

Bullying doesn’t happen privately anymore  

        



  

Sending unsolicited and/or threatening e-mail. Encouraging others to send e-mail or to overwhelm the victim Posting/spreading rumours. Making defamatory comments online Sending negative messages Sexual remarks Posting the victim’s personal information Hate speech Impersonating the victim online Harassing the victim Leaving abusive messages online, including social media sites Sending the victim pornography or other graphic material that is knowingly offensive Creating online content that depicts the victim in negative ways Trolling Cyberstalking Hate raids

Violent Images

HIGH LEVELS OF DISTRESS

drcarolinebuzanko.com

DISORIENTATION

FAULTY INFORMATIONPROCESSING

• Weaken kids’ ability to manage emotions

Exposure

• Contributes to anxiety

Frontal Lobes

Poor self-regulation because resources used up • Poor emotion regulation • Increased emotional reactivity • Proactive aggression • Anti-social behaviours

Maturity

Capacity to focus & self-regulate diminishes Emotion Regulation and Impulse Control

Stunted growth of cognitive skills

Exert control over the amygdala and emotional responses

Immature brain & delay in maturity

Critical for focus, regulating behaviour, and decision-making:

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Technostress • Hard to detach = chronic stress • Don’t receive an immediate reply to a text = anxiety and isolation • Technology-related anxiety (e.g., pressure to respond immediately) • Shame & stigma if not connected • Validation through social media

Digital Immigrants vs. Digital Natives • Hard to detach = chronic stress • Shame & stigma If not connected • No issue big enough to risk being disconnected

Anxiety Intervention is about… Breaking the cycle that fuels anxiety

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Kids learn anxious behaviours from adults in their lives 49

Overly self-critical models

Overly Critical, Impatient, or Hostile People

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Unhelpful Interactions can Create Loneliness • Adding stress • Failing to meet their needs • Unwittingly responding in punishing ways, even when trying to be supportive

Talking too much or asking lots of questions

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Unsolicited Support vs. Perceived Support • Swooping in can: • Undermine the equity in the relationship • Create a sense of obligation • Independence and self-esteem threatened • Feel invalidating • Seem unsympathetic • Shut down communication

Medications 57

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Enabling Accommodations

Accommodation Behaviours Participation

• Assist in checking behaviours • Assist in avoidance • Reassure

Modification

• Prevent anxiety provoking situations 60

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Accommodation Accommodation

Accommodations worsens anxiety long-term

Accommodation

Anxiety more impairing and severe with poorer treatment outcomes 61

Accommodations are reactive. They take away kids’ ability to self-soothe and problem solve. Avoid anxiety situations Adjusting routines Allow them to be excused; slow-re-entry Distract them or stop thoughts Alternative place for lunch Fixed schedules and transition warning Stress balls Minimize anxious feelings Breaks/office visits

Get stuck in constant need for reassurance

Reassurance

No skills developed Minimizing 63

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Brain in high stress state = amygdala kicks in and becomes a stop sign for information and any rational thinking

Anxiety… • Wants certainty • Wants predictability • Wants comfort

Avoid traps • Others jumping in to help or continuously avoiding : • Changes brain & ingrains anxiety • Makes individuals even more vulnerable: Confidence and resilience stunted • No opportunities to experience success managing emotions and situations • No opportunities to learn (e.g., that anxiety is not dangerous)

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Physically

AnxietyDriven, Maladaptive Response

Cognitively

Behaviourally 67

Maladaptive coping strategies Anything to avoid or reduce emotions develop and maintain challenges

Accommodations & Maladaptive Coping Strategies Become Safety Behaviours!

(Used to attempt to minimize or prevent something bad from happening)

AVOIDANCE

EXCESSIVE CHECKING

RITUALS

SEEKING REASSURANCE

SAFETY AIDS

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Others

Breaking the Cycle: Everything that Maintains Anxiety

Negative thought patterns Inability to manage emotions effectively

Maladaptive Coping

May as well figure out how to navigate them

Remember: How we respond to emotional experiences develop and maintain challenges. Thus, the goal is to: • Change responses to emotional experiences • Create new pathways in the brain – new learning and memories • Target the problematic emotion regulation strategies people use

NOT to eliminate or reduce the intensity of emotional experiences – Impossible! 72

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The # 1 thing they need to learn?

How to effectively experience anxiety (with less distress and avoidance) 74

Mindful emotion awareness Increasing awareness and tolerance of physical sensations

Core skills

Challenging automatic thoughts and increasing cognitive flexibility. Identifying and modifying problematic emotional behaviours. Integration of above skills through emotion exposure to master adaptive responses

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Connect

Adult perceptions

Worries & Stress are contagious

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Good Role Models: No one is immune • Empowering • Promotes bravery, confidence, & resilience

Good Role Models • Being scared & doing it anyway • Display vulnerability & cope out loud • Model effective coping • Seek and receive help • Recognize own unhelpful thoughts and behaviours

Buy-in & Tolerance • Education (especially outcomes of traps) • Awareness of traps • Pros & cons of traps • Values • Desired outcomes

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Reassuring Suzie in the morning Pros

Cons

Expectations

Self-fulfilling prophecy

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Emotion Coach

Use mirror neurons Brain can’t tell the difference

We show confidence = They FEEL confidence

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Emotion coach Coaches avoid traps: • Reassuring • Answering questions • Reviewing the schedule excessively • Answering every phone call or text message • Checking

Emotion coach Coaches • Validate • Show confidence with open-ended questions. • What are you going to do? • How are you going to figure that out?

Coaching Cues • Show confidence: They can figure it out • Collaborate ideas re: how they can figure it out • Help them make predictions • Focus on learning • How did you do? • What went well? • What did you learn? • What will you do differently next time?

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Confident

Supportive

Effective Response

Talking will only escalate the problem 92

Give space for regulation

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Effective Communication Tips

Talk less listen more

Focus on connection & safety • Empathy & Physical safety • Validate & acknowledge • How they are feeling • How they perceive the situation • Be present with the situation yourself • Being present is better than words

Effective Emotion Coaches

Be prepared!

Better yet, ADJECTIVE!!!

Let me see if I got that. You said… Did I get it? Is there more? That makes sense…

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Suzie’s Mom Learned reasonable vs. excessive Modelled her own emotion regulation Practiced validation • Acknowledging fear • Acknowledging the physical sensations Collaboratively created a plan on new ways for mom to respond • Asking open-ended question in response to Suzie’s questions (e.g., what do you think?) • Responding to one call or text a day when there are no classes • Specific guidelines when a doctor’s visit is warranted • Do opposite of what anxiety wants!

Buy-in & Tolerance • Education (especially outcomes of her traps) • Awareness of her traps • Pros & cons of her traps • Values in her role • Desired outcomes for Suzie

Biggest Barrier to Success?

Motivation for Change

Inspire

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Inspire

101

Otherwise, you get resistance

• Emotional distress directly related with hesitancy towards engaging in the work. • We MUST identify what is more important to them than feeling uncomfortable

102

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Suzie’s Cost Benefit Analysis Benefit of anxiety Protection – alert to potential dangers Makes me feel safer and more prepared Better liked Prevent judgment Responsible & taking good care of my health Easier & more comfortable

Cost of anxiety Too upset and reactive Social isolation Personal relationships affected Academics affected No time for hobbies and self-care Time consuming! Not sustainable Chronic physical symptoms Loss of self Effortful to feel overwhelm No joy in life

What is Important And how is anxiety getting in the way? 104

• Why they want to control their own life • How exhausting anxiety is • How life will be different • What they are missing out on

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Letter to your future self For when your future self gets nervous

106

Collaboratively Create Clear Goals How do emotional experiences cause problems in your life

What needs to change?

All the things anxiety makes you avoid • Seeing friends • Sleepovers • Birthday parties • School • Tryouts for sports (and therefore sport teams) • Sleeping in own bed • Making new friends

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Goals that promote self-efficacy – I can do it! • • • •

Boost rationale Connects strategies to what’s important to them Gives us focus Track progress 109

Clarify expectations

What’s the problem with this goal:

To be less anxious 110

Clarify expectations • We are human! • We cannot eliminate emotions & the discomfort • We cannot change our thoughts

111

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SMART GOALS

112

Key Concern

Unable to leave the house without very specific criteria being met. Leads to everyone arguing, feeling overwhelmed, and late.

Concrete Goal 1

Specific: By October 22, Suzie will leave the house on her own. She will use her skills instead of asking for reassurance. Leaving the house despite the unknown. Measurable: Track the number of times Suzie asks for reassurance. Track her use of strategies. Achievable: Identify realistic and feasible strategies that will work for Suzie’s personal needs and leave enough time to get ready. Relevant: Learning to cope is crucial to break the dependency traps that are maintaining anxiety. This will improve Suzie’s emotional well-being – (the primary concerns), as well as her relationship with her mother and morning. Time bound: Implement strategies immediately and continue to monitor until our next appointment.

Necessary Steps to Achieve Goals Identify and create a plan to address all maintaining variables Define & set clear boundaries and expectations  If Reassurance shows up, Mom will point to the plan  Write & post boundaries and expectations Implement

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Necessary Steps to Achieve Goals Skill building:  Awareness  Acceptance (of discomfort)  Detach Practice  Leaning in

Monitor  Effectiveness of the established plan  Obstacles  Adjust as needed

Address barriers to success Individual Barriers

• Willingness, commitment, and consistency • Irrational thoughts and negative mindset • Self-concept and self-efficacy • Avoidance

Familial Barriers

• Mother's Anxiety • Unintentionally reinforcing avoidance behaviours • Poor modelling • Codependency • Family beliefs and attitudes • Parenting style

External Barriers

• Social pressures and dynamics • School stressors • Social media influences • Time constraints • Therapeutic alliance

Externalize & Expose

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Emotions can be helpful

But sometimes they can be a sneaky trickster trying to make you think there is something wrong…. 119

Mishmash of a Brain Pieced together over millenia • No one CEO. Lots of sub selves. • Different parts of the brain can communicate and work together easily • Others only have indirect contact • Can hold contradicting information in different parts of the brain

120

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Subselves argue & fight for control

The Best Equipped Takes over

• A lot of back and forth • Integrative – working through a scenario • Confrontational – competing to win • Different parts of the brain activated depending on the selftalk • How we talk to ourselves influences our behaviours

Expose it • Understand emotions and how they work to take control • Yep, there’s Bob, that’s what it does. • Wow, it is really working hard to make me think the worst today! • Yeah, we knew it’d show up now. It doesn’t want me to do this presentation. • It wants me to avoid new things. • It really knows how to try to stress people out. 121

Catastrophizin gCatastrophizing Carl Carl

Mindreading Mandy

Humiliating Hannah

Perfectionist Paula

Overestimating Oscar

Rigid Richard

Avoiding Alison

Permanent Pete

Fortune Telling Fran

Scarcity Sam

All-or-nothing Al

Grumpy McGrumperson

Self-critical Carla

Mindreading Mandy

Negative Ned

NOVEMBER

Rigid Rick All-or-nothing Allie Avoidant Alison

Missing out on • Seeing friends • Learning opportunities • Wasting time that could be doing other things

Self-Critical Carla Catastrophic Cam Perfectionist Pete Fortunetelling Fran Mind reading Mandy Negative Nellie

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KIDS to Understand

Anger • Alerts us to threats or injustices • Protect our well-being

Emotions Are Adaptive!

Tell us something about reality

Sadness • Alerts us to loss, separation, or unmet needs and allows us to process the event • Promotes personal growth and deeper social connections Excitement • Propels resilience and growth • Fosters curiosity, creativity, learning, and adaptability

125

Emotions Help Us Navigate Situations Keep us safe or move us towards goals

No Anger

No Fear

Picked on

No Disgust

Eat pooh

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Get eaten

No sadness

No Misery

No future motivation

Unable to process loss

Teach the connection! • All are just as strong and important

Feelings

• All influence each other and re-trigger emotions

Emotions

Behaviours

Thoughts

Change Relationship with Emotions From judgmental and critical stance in which they try to avoid, minimize, or eliminate

Curiosity is a key response to emotional experiences Becoming an Emotion Detective 129

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Core Skill: Mindful Awareness of Emotion

Establish a Framework

Physical Feelings • Prepares to take action

AnxietyDriven, Maladaptive Response

Emotion

Behaviours

Thoughts

• Nonverbals • Compelled to take action

• Focus on perceived threats 130

131

Raise Awareness: Mindfulness Build awareness of: • What is happening in the world around us • What the feeling is • What is happening in the body • What is happening in our mind • How all of these relates to each other, and to our behaviours 132

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Mindfulness is Key

NOT ABOUT RELAXING

NOT ABOUT CHANGING EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES

NOT ABOUT FIGHTING OR IGNORING THEM

133

Worry Likes to Keep us Stuck! Negatively influences affect, thoughts, behaviours

Thoughts of Past or Future

Keeping thinking of past or future

Negatively influences affect, thoughts, behaviours

At the expense of valuable information now

134

• Need to stay here and attend to the current context • To keep prefrontal cortex online • To attend to corrective information • To learn! Versus getting sucked into worries, which intensifies the emotional experience and keeps us stuck

135

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Mindfulness

IT’S ABOUT LEANING INTO THEM & GIVING THEM SPACE 136

Stress is inevitable so need to learn to go with the flow, stay mindful, & accept what we can’t change

Acceptance Welcoming anxiety and all it brings. And living life anyway.

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Anxiety/Emotion Dial

100

Acceptance Dial

100

Understand Anxiety & What it does…. Emotions (Anxiety) Manifests

Physically

140

Physiological

Emotion

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• Most powerful • Usually shows up first • Triggers emotional response before we even realize it • Helps us to prepare to react to the situation

Understand Anxiety & What it does…. •

When the alarm goes off, the body gets ready to fight or run

Even when it is a false alarm! The brain (and body) cannot tell the difference.

Our body is going to respond based on its best guess

143

Our brain isn’t going to wait around

144

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Our brain doesn’t care if its hazardous or not Our brain will respond based on what we need to survive

145

…What it feels like…

146

• Released hormones • Increase heart rate • Increase blood pressure • Increase energy • Increase alertness • Slows other processes (to fight or run away) • Secretes acid into the stomach to empty it

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They start to worry about the physical feelings, which are distressing, which they will do anything to stop Become reactive Misinterpret as dangerous and leads to more fear, more sensations…

Feelings Subject to Distortion • Wrong context • Need to learn to correctly interpret our interoceptive signals • Better able to interpret signals • Can make more adaptive decisions • Boost resilience • Better emotion regulation and overall emotional functioning

149

Feel More but can’t interpret what the feelings mean Do whatever they can to get rid of them… 150

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… Or control what they can in their external world

151

Of course you feel that way!

Validate & Normalize Feelings

No wonder - your adrenal glands sent out all that stuff that’s really uncomfortable.

Quick Tip 153

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Understanding the FUNCTION of emotions also critical to accept & tolerate them!

154

Anger • Alerts us to threats or injustices • Protect our well-being Fear • Alerts us to danger • Protects us from harm

Emotions Are Adaptive!

Joy • Positive reinforcement for doing things that promote our well-being and survival Shame • Prompts self-reflection, processing, and change • Maintains social harmony

Tell us something about reality

155

Emotions Help Us Navigate Situations Keep us safe or move us towards goals

No Anger

No Fear

Picked on

No Disgust

Eat pooh

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Get eaten

No sadness

No Misery

Glutton for punishment with unattainable goals

No future motivation

Unable to process loss

Understand Function of Emotions

Disappointment

MUST have physical reactions to alert us to what is happening • Cannot change reactions without this understanding

Hurt

Fear 157

158

Understand the truths!

 Our bodies are intuitive and designed to protect us.  It doesn’t make sense if our body was doing something to harm us.  Trust the body to do it’s thing and get out of its way. We don’t need to add commentary.

Hearts can beat hard all day long and stay healthy

Understand the truths!

We’d be extinct if we always fainted in danger. • Fainting happens with LOW blood pressure. • When anxious, lots of blood is flowing!

Forcing ourselves to swallow won’t help us swallow • Hum or sing

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Our body will always compensate for breathing

Tension builds when we are not doing anything with the energy • Get moving: Shake!

Emotions come and, more importantly, they go

This is normal!!! And NOT dangerous!

160

Understand how stress shows up = Adaptive thinking

Of course, I feel uncomfortable! I know what my body is doing. I can handle this.

The mystery is gone BONUS: Expecting physical sensations helps reduce signals to amygdala

I understand what my body is doing I can handle what my body does

Self-Coach

I can handle discomfort I know what I can do now

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Essential to Reconnect Physiologically Diz z y

Racing

Tens ion

Achy

Sore

H ot

Cold

Tingly

Relaxed

Trembling

N umb

Sharp

N aus ea

Breathles s

Shivering

Sweating

163

Trouble s wallowing

Tired

Dizzy

Shivers

Racing

Increased heart rate

Tension

Weak legs Ringing ears

Achy

Identify& describe TWO places anxiety shows up. Stronger on left or right?

Sore Hot Cold Tingly Numb

Blurred vision Muscle tension Shaking Trembling Chest pain

Sharp

Headaches

Breathless

Burning skin/sweating

Shivering

Blushing

Sweating

Changes in breathing

Trouble swallowing

Stomach-ache/ Nausea

Tired

Relaxed

164

• Avoid getting sucked in – it’s just a piece of information 165

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Can’t just talk about it. Practicing Emotional Awareness Key! 166

167

Mindful Mood Induction

168

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Mood Induction Practice • Observe reactions, whatever comes up physiologically, in an objective and nonjudgmental way • Third party reporter • It makes sense I feel______________________ • Focus on the PRESENT MOMENT • Grounding techniques

• Debrief at the end about all the reactions that happened, in an objective and nonjudgmental way

169

Emotions are simply emotions! They will take over if we aren’t self-aware in the moment. Use them as a learning opportunity, get curious!

170

Practicing Emotional Awareness with UNCOMFORTABLE Feelings is Key! 171

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Nonjudgmental Awareness of the NOW is Foundational

• Without mindful awareness and acceptance of emotions, can’t move on with any of the other work to strengthen more adaptive responses • Therefore, need LOTS of practice and experiences with uncomfortable feelings

172

Focus on Physical Sensations Be with it • Observe it vs. think about it • Breathe into it • Expand it • Allow it to be there Sensations might change but they might not. It doesn’t matter! 173

Learning? • It might change • It’s temporary if you sit long enough with it • Staying curious keeps our prefrontal cortex on

174

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Anxiety is not in the situation but the feelings we have and

How we perceive those feelings Same mindful acceptance applies with thoughts

Cognitive

Emotion

176

The brain cannot tell the difference between what it actually sees and what it imagines

& will react as truth 177

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Mindful Awareness & Acceptance of Thoughts • Infinite amount of thoughts • (4.617 x 10^61 potential thoughts= four hundred sixty-one duodecillion and seven hundred decillion)

178

• Constant stream • Unaware of most of them • Even when they affect how we feel • Easy to get stuck on one • If sensitive, the bizarre ones will always stand out

We can't control our thoughts – only our response to them Be aware and accept it for what it is: A random thought

180

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Success at controlling obsessions _________________________________ 1 10 Effort in trying to control obsessions _________________________________ 1 10 Back & forth battle where obsessions typically always win…

Core skill Mindful Awareness & Acceptance of Emotion:

Thoughts

Sit with, accept, & acknowledge worries

Focus on raising awareness to thoughts Recognizing them

Acknowledging them

Disentangling from them

Accepting them

vs. trying to change thoughts

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Defusion

•Noticing thoughts vs. getting caught in thoughts

Past

Future Present

Emotions are simply emotions! We can experience different emotions despite the exact same circumstances. How we interpret them causes suffering. They will take over if we aren’t self-aware in the moment. Use them as a learning opportunity, get curious!

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186

Remember! It’s NOT about the trigger…

187

Anxiety is not in the situation but the feelings we have and how we perceive those feelings

Did you know? Fear and excitement feel the same in the body? But how we think about it makes all the difference in the world….

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Threat vs. Challenge Response Not good or bad, different purposes Threat response: Goal is survival in situations we aren’t equipped to handle • Rush of cortisol to defend and protect Challenge response: Opportunity for growth where we tackle hard but manageable situations • More testosterone and adrenaline to help us achieve our goal

190

Our thoughts are not always trustworthy!

191

Stretch Make a list of things you or others have believed that you do not believe anymore

192

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Information from our eyes and ears only loosely connected to what we experience Mechanics of vision: The eye is like a camera • Light bounces off objects • Enters our eyes • Focused on the retina by the lens • Retinal image (2-D)

193

Knowledge Influences Sensory Information (e.g., all faces are always convex) Our knowledge/ experience misleads us into seeing the mask as convex

194

Bottom-up sensory information is overridden by topdown knowledge We interpret the information to create meaningful PERCEPTIONS of the world

195

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Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS)

Ghost Burglar

Scratch at the door Monster

Kidnapper

The first draft

These are only guesses!!

Wrong 99% of the time 197

Not about the trigger… …It’s just an Illusion

198

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Brain Shortcuts With these shortcuts it is really easy to get stuck with ONE interpretation (the automatic conspiracy END OF THE WORLD)

• Cuts out information to maximize brain resources • Helpful at times (e.g., repetitive stimuli) • Unhelpful when emotions kick in: Miss other possibilities • Become rigid and stuck

199

Cognitive Flexibility

But first, need to get unstuck

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Zoom Out! • When we are too close, we get drawn into the emotions of the experience and spiral to the easy way out. • When we can create space, we can respond in helpful ways

202

Detach & Enhance

Get Unstuck: Detach Distancing • “___ is noticing ____ is having the thought that….” • Use third person language Train, balloons, bubbles clouds, or leaves on the river Thank them Objectify

• What colour? How big? What shape? What texture? How would it move if it could?

Name that Story

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Detach

•Noticing thoughts vs. getting caught in thoughts

Make fun of worried thoughts Sing it Draw cartoons Literalization Mute it Say it really fast Say it in slow motion Mimic it Exaggerate it 206

Dismiss Worried Thoughts Dismiss Worried Thoughts

Demand more from worried thoughts

Roll my eyes

You’re so boring!

Is that all you got?

Is that the best you can come up with?

Big deal

So what?

Don’t you have something scarier?

Can’t you give me more? 207

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• Yep, that’s your story you’re trying to tell. • Nice first draft. Nice conspiracy. • This is normal. • This is not an emergency. • You’re annoying.

208

Create a Bingo Card of Strategies Past/Present/Future

Distancing

Train, balloons, bubbles clouds, or leaves on the river

Thank them

War of the Worlds

Objectify

Name that Story

Repetition

Humour

Paradox

Body Scan

Literalization 209

Remember! Thinking flexibly is to be done PROACTIVELY Don’t try to change their mind!!!

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Ghost Burglar

These are only guesses!!!!

Scratch at the door

(Based on unhelpful trickster assumptions)

Monster

Kidnapper

Overestimation

ANTS Involve:

• Believe something bad is for sure going to happen Catastrophizing • Worse case scenario • Completely awful • Completely unmanageable

Overestimation

NOT good or bad BUT they

DO limit our flexibility

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• Believe something bad is for sure going to happen Catastrophizing • Worse case scenario • Completely awful • Completely unmanageable

Overestimation • About the likelihood of something happening Catastrophizing • About the importance of the event

Lead to spiralling

I made a mistake

They realize I am incompetent

I am going to be fired

My family is going to reject me

Homeless

Cognitive Flexibility • Lean into strong emotions • Keep our prefrontal cortex online by GETTING CURIOUS • Break anxiety maintaining cycles: Change relationship and response to emotion-provoking situations

216

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Cognitive Flexibility: Get Unstuck from Thinking Traps Goal is to increase flexibility in appraising situations  NOT to eliminate, replace, or fix thinking – this IS one possible way to look at the situation

• Respond in adaptive ways •

217

Ghost Dog

Acknowledge. Detach. Edit the first draft.

Burglar Sister

Scratch at the door

What are other possibilities?

Something fell in the Monster hall Kidnapper MOM

Possibility 1

Possibility 4

Situation

Possibility 2

Possibility 3

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Cognitive Flexibility: Co-Existence Important! (with other possibilities based on the NOW)

Burglar

Sister Dog

Kidnapper

Something fell 220

Unexpected event of the day & how you handled it 221

What are all the ways you could use a… Pen?

222

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Enhance Cognitive Flexibility with Helpful Open-Ended Questions Create a checklist • To generate alternative explanations

Alternative explanations

How would my friend interpret this? Grandma? Pet? Is there any shred of usefulness in this thought? What would I get for buying into this story? Am I going to follow my thoughts or my experience? What advice would I give to someone else? What have I not considered? What evidence is there for and against this thought? How much do I believe this is true? What do I know for sure? If I were in a sitcom, what would be funny about this situation?

Ability to cope

• To acknowledge their ability to cope

What little change will help? How would my successful future self-handle this situation? What is going positively in my life that will help me cope? How have I coped with emotional experienced in the past? What aspect of this situation is easy to target? If this was true, would I still survive? If this was true, what are five possibilities re: where I will be in a year from now? If this was true, what have I learned?

223

Be Creative!

MIXING UP THE DAY

FIND THREE WAYS TO LEARN ABOUT A TOPIC

FIND THREE WAYS TO SHOW WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT A TOPIC 224

Chain of flexibility

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Columbo Approach • Guide them to create discrepancies • Can you read everyone’s minds? • All the time? • With everything? Or certain things? • Examples?

Practice Cognitive Flexibility • Yes, And • Story re-write • Can try visualization • Externalization of voices • Problem-solving • Play devil’s advocate • Counterarguments

227

Hypothesis Testing Lots of experiments and experiences needed! • What do I think will happen? • How sure? (1-10)? • Was the hypothesis right? • What did I learn?

228

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Help them be thinkers Independent problem solvers to figure things out Without calls or texts Without fake crutches

229

(We can’t know, so avoid reassurance.) Let’s figure that out.

What could you do? 230

What I know • • • • •

Where we’re going What time we’re leaving What I will eat for lunch Who is in my group Who our group leader is

What I don’t know • • • • • • • • • • • •

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Where I will sit Who I’ll sit with Weather? What time we’ll get back Where the bathrooms are Bugs? How much walking? Allergic reaction Snack breaks If the bus will be on time How busy it’ll be How loud it’ll be

Create opportunities

Modelling • I feel frustrated. I need to take a minute to think what to do next. • Can you help me brainstorm ideas? • That’s a tight timeline. I am going to plan this out. • I am a little nervous; I have no idea what will happen. Let’s figure this out. 233

Perfectionist Paula Gets in the Way of Life

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Perfectionism is the most serious thinking trap & root of depression Focus on core concepts • Unrealistic expectations • Rumination • Need for approval • Concern about mistakes • Doubts about actions • Additional traps like circumstantial thinking , quality/quantity

235

Break into Parts

Helpful parts of perfectionism

Unhelpful parts of perfectionism

Helps us prepare

Become paralyzed

Helps us strive for excellence

Procrastinate & create more stress Stifles learning and growth Narrows our world Makes us perform worse

Perfectionism likes to work with Pals

• You never do anything right • No one likes you • Everything you do sucks • You always fail and will continue to fail

Break into parts • Good and not so good • This part is hard • I will focus on one step at a time

Henchmen Guesses

237

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All or nothing: I can’t do anything I can’t write I can brainstorm

I can follow a template

Math is easy

I can edit

Reading: Easy

Gym: easy 238

Build Procedural Thinking! • Strive for excellence, but address unrealistic standards • Emotions related to expectations • Focus on what’s next (vs. circumstances, rumination, should’s)

What’s next? What’s next? What’s next?

The Importance of Mistakes  Talk about your own mistakes  Talk about others’ experiences

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Embracing mistakes: Mistake of the Day! What was this experience like? What did you learn from this mistake What will you do the next time you are in this situation? What advice can you tell others based on this?

Forging ahead • Avoid getting stuck • No need to ask why, lecture, or explain the problem • Have THEM think of the hows • How will they fix this mistake? • How will they move on? • How will they handle ______________?

Practice!

• Start with emotion free problems • Move toward emotionally charged problems

243

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Core Skill: Mindful Awareness of Emotion: Behaviours

Awareness& & Awareness Modification Modification Reaction ofof Reaction

Awareness of Interpretation & Flexibility

Situation

Awareness of & Awareness Acceptance Feelings of Physical Feelings

Core skills  Identifying and modifying unhelpful emotion-driven behaviours

Emotion

Body language 246

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What it looks like • Our body communicates how we are feeling • How would others know when I am feeling anxious by looking at me?

Motivational (behavioural response)

Emotion

Remember, emotions lead to behavioural responses to respond quickly to our environment

Anger

Assert, Flee, ThoughtsFear about the situation defend freeze

Shame

Avoid

& their belief of how they can manage also lead to patterns of behaviours

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Sadness

Support, withdrawal

Joy

Excitement

Connect, engage

Attend, explore

Behaviours: Internalizing • Withdrawn/isolated • Shy • Sad/irritable • Head/stomach-aches • Eating issues (under- or over-eating; food intolerances) • Sleep problems/Fatigue • Low self-esteem and confidence • Rejection • Repetitive behaviours/obsession • Difficulties concentrating, fidgety • Avoidance • Disorganized • Cry

• Easily triggered • Disrespectful

Behaviours: Externalizing

• Oppositional and defiant • Difficulty transitioning • Aggression/intimidation • Difficulties concentrating • Lies or steals • Temper outbursts • Restless/fidgety • Interrupts/Intrudes • Impulsive • Give up easily • Argumentative • Yell • Repetitive questions • Seek constant approval • Substance use

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When someone avoids things they don’t feel comfortable with, they lose the chance to practice and grow

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Thoughts & Feelings lead to (avoidant) behaviours People will think I’m stupid

• I avoid speaking up in meetings

I feel like I will vomit

• I avoid going out

Everything must be done perfectly

• I avoid doing anything I can’t do perfectly

I am going to be in a car accident

• I avoid driving

People will think I am boring • I avoid hanging out with friends 253

With avoidance, they never learn! Biased Thoughts

Safety behaviours

Never learn thoughts are biased and bad things might not happen or be as bad as thought.

Never learn they can cope on their own

Anxiety strengthened Worried thoughts seem believable

Hinders their ability to face challenges

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Emotional (Avoidant) Behaviours Function: To reduce the intensity of the emotion

Overt Avoidance

Avoid situations, people, things

Subtle Avoidance

Avoid full experience of emotions

Cognitive Avoidance

Avoid distressing thoughts

Safety Behaviours/signals

Used to feel as safe as possible 255

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Emotional Discomfort

Brain is rewarded

Important!

Avoid

Feel better in the moment

MUST understand how their behaviours are maintaining, or even worsening, their emotional discomfort  The behaviour is reinforced in the moment, increasing the likelihood of using this strategy again in the future

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Remember! Short- and long-term outcomes of maladaptive vs. adaptive coping strategies Maladaptive Coping

Feel better in the moment

Worsens anxiety in the long run

Ingrains anxiety pathways

Adaptive Coping

Feel distressing in the moment

Tolerate & manage anxiety in the long run

Create new healthy pathways

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• But I end up missing school I ensure I look perfect to feel safe • But I fight with my mom against potential embarrassment.

I skip social functions to avoid rejection

• But I miss out seeing my friends and nurturing those relationships

I constantly check • But I miss out on things my health to stay in • Time consuming control and catch • Always worried and no anything early time for hobbies

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I fail school Homelife is tense

I will lose relationships and become isolated.

I disrupt relationships, lose self, become depressed

90% of what people learn is from what they experience

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Don’t underestimate the power of the anxious emotional brain! • Change is neurological – we need to change the brain • Behaviours affect emotions more effectively than thought or talking • Brain is changed through EXPERIENCES • Can’t think or talk our way to change • Focus on strength (behaviours) rather than weakness (thoughts)! 260

MUST DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY! Emotions become a disorder when we do what anxiety wants (i.e., feel better in the moment)

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Speed of recovery directly relates to your willingness to feel anxiety

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Resilience Ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress.

Suzie WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

WHAT OUTCOME DO I WANT?

WHAT DOES ANXIETY WANT US TO DO?

• Need to make sure I look perfect in the morning • Need to make sure I am healthy

To go to school without • Guarantee worrying about how I perfection look or what others • Discuss colour will think wheel • Analyze every inch To get through a day • Reassure without worrying I am • See the doctor going to die. (Caroline every week to change: Still doing ensure I am healthy what I need to do • Check health status when I have a worried daily thought about dying)

WHAT NEEDS TO CHANGE? (& WHAT IS THE OPPOSITE?)

WHAT ACTIONS ARE NEEDED?

Control for certainty needs to change. Therefore, • Go to school without checking • Doctor schedule and as needed based on specific guidelines

• Acknowledge henchmen • Drop into the body • Talk back (whatever) • Say goodbye to mom (without asking about how I look and without her telling me) • Write my symptoms if needed for next regular doctor appointment 264

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What am I going to do next? (The Opposite of What Anxiety Wants)

Avoid judgment

Avoid rejection

Ensure Healthy

• Harassing mom to ensure I look perfect

Face uncertainty of possible judgment

• Leave without asking mom

• Skip social functions

Face uncertainty of possible rejection

• Go to social functions

• Waste time constantly checking • Fighting with mom

Face uncertainty of my health status

• Paint instead of checking Dr. Google

Suzie’s Homework • Going to school without reassurance • Tolerating uncertainty of whether she is sick • Making her own appointments • Filling up the car with gas • Going through her morning routine without consulting Dr. Google • Handing in work without mom checking it 266

Core skills Integration of all the skills through emotion exposure to

master adaptive responses

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Dare & Defy

Integrate Skills through Emotion Exposure Integrate skills to master adaptive responses • Talking not enough to change the brain! • Doing makes stronger memories • Doing gives us experience • Quicker progress • Provoke STRONG EMOTIONS - MUST show up for learning to happen

Worry is… Emotional exposures because the primary focus is not the specific situation, image, or activity but the emotion itself.

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Emotion Exposures Interoceptive

• Elicit distressing physical sensations

situations that provoke Situational-based • Face intense emotional reactions

Imaginal

• Confront distressing thoughts or emotions.

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Emotion Exposures Interoceptive

• Elicit distressing physical sensations

Situationalbased

• Face situations that provoke intense emotional reactions

Imaginal

• Confront distressing thoughts or emotions.

Combine for maximal benefits

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Goals for ALL Exposures PROCESS vs. OUTCOME • Based on something actionable • Targets distress

• Ensures they learn something new firsthand vs. anxiety reduction

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Exposure to LEARN

Anxiety is safe, tolerable, & temporary • Safety behaviours are not needed to tolerate anxiety or to stay safe • The amygdala will learn: This is not dangerous! (And stops sending the false alarm.)

Exposure to LEARN

Despite feeling anxious, I still did it • And… I can still live life and do anything, even while feeling anxious!

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Exposure TO LEARN • Something about the specific issue (based on their prediction) • Did the feared outcome happen? • No • Less likely • Less severe and/or • Not as dangerous as I thought • Yes…

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Exposure to LEARN Despite feeling anxious, I still did it And… I can still live life and do anything, even while feeling anxious!

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Getting unstuck

Face Fear

Without the worst thing happening

Without safety behaviours

Or, if it does, they can handle It

Physical Symptoms are a Natural Response

• But often misinterpreted as dangerous, which creates a positive feedback loop • Often motivated to avoid these

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Interoceptive Exposure: Lean Into Discomfort! • Confront worrisome body sensations • Evoke things they worry about

Ultimate goal: Tolerate the physical sensations • Without being scared of them (and therefore making them worse) • Without needing to engage in emotion-driven behaviours to reduce, avoid, or eliminate the feelings

Interoceptive Exposure Learning: The uncomfortable physical sensations are tolerable, temporary, and not dangerous. • I am not • Having a heart attack • Losing complete control • Suffocating • Dying

Interoceptive Exposure Be prepared! • We need their confidence in this process so we need to be confident ourselves

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Be Prepared! Hyperventilate/fast breathing (dizziness)

Breathe through a straw really fast (breathlessness) • Hold your nose!

Jumping jacks, run on the spot or up and down stairs (increased heart rate)

Spin in place (dizziness, nausea)

Shake head side to side or draw a circle with your nose (dizziness)

Stare at hands for 2-3 min. (unreality)

Wear something tight around neck (tightness in throat)

Stare at ceiling light for 1 min. and then try to read something (blurred vision)

Get them to do whatever causes the feelings

Collaboratively choose a moderate & distressing exercise • Repeat it • Evoke sensations as intensely as possible • Sustain sensations beyond feared outcome limits • Repeat – especially with any “yeah but’s” • No distraction nor avoidance

• Record • Length of time & number of repetitions • Physical sensations • Intensity of sensations • Level of distress

• Assign for homework!

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Tolerating Uncertainty • Life is full of uncertainty: we can never know what is going to happen from one moment to the next • Brain will do whatever it can to avoid uncertainty • Build tolerance by going into the unknown!

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Become so good at managing ANY emotion that comes up. Learn to respond differently through LOTS OF EXPERIENCES Anxiety Shame Guilt Rejection Disappointment Frustration Self-doubt

Being Ridiculous

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Rejection Practice Ask a store to stay open an extra 30 minutes for me Ask a stranger to take a selfie with me Ask for a bite of a stranger’s food at a restaurant Ask to make an announcement over the loudspeaker at a grocery store Ask a stranger for $50 Ask someone for their car Ask for a 50% discount at a store 288

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Setting up Exposure Set up the situation & collaborate a specific plan Address obstacles Address safety behaviours Honesty & Remind them how anxiety works Rationale and buy-in Test it out! Validate & normalize Debrief & Evaluate Reinforce Keep going

Setting up Exposure

Set up the situation: COLLABORATIVELY Create a Menu of Feared Situations & Internal/External Stimuli Have a variety and match situations, thoughts, and physiological experiences Make it worthwhile: Include the hardest, scariest things they think are valid and need to be avoided

What do they have to learn? What do they have to do to learn?

No more than 10

Remember: Focus on PROCESS vs. trigger or outcome, LEARNING vs. anxiety reduction

Reasonable Risk

Not absolutely risk-free but something people do everyday • Say something stupid • Do something embarrassing • Make a mistake • Sweat in front of others • Wear something atrocious • Ask someone out • Forget to lock the door • Go to the toilet in public

• Walk outside on a really windy day 291

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Feared Situations & Internal/External Stimuli Antecedents (Triggers to anxiety) Snakes Feeling nausea Trying something new Initiating an interaction Presentations Being with unfamiliar people Intrusive thoughts re: break-ins Intrusive thoughts re: house setting on fire

You are the expert and I need your expertise! We will put our expert heads together to figure out the best plan.

Rate it Antecedents (Triggers to anxiety)

Predicted Awfulness

Walking by the snake cage

Standing by the snake cage for 30 seconds

Standing by the snake cage for 2 minutes

Opening the snake cage

Putting my hand in the snake cage for 30 seconds

100

Holding my hand in the snake cage for 2 minutes

100

Touching the snake

100

Holding the snake for 30 seconds

100

Holding the snake for 5 minutes

100

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Actual Awfulness

Later

Collaborate

They get to choose what they want to do Several things can make it easier or harder (e.g., distance, time, people) Does NOT need to be easiest first MUST surpass the identified point at which the feared outcome is expected

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Setting up Exposure:

Collaborate a specific plan

Step-by-step plan On Monday morning at 10:00, I will: • Mindfully walk (focusing on my feet movement) in the direction of M’s desk. • I will maintain a natural pace and posture with my eyes up • When I reach the intersection of desk, I will look at M and smile • As I reach the corner of M’s desk, I will say “Hi” clearly and audibly • I will continue walking past the desk to the photocopier to photocopy a document • I will return to my desk to note how I felt before, during, and after the exposure and rate the awfulness.

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Intense Anxiety or Panic Before the Attempt

Setting up Exposure:

Address Obstacles

• Drop into the body and review my goal and coping cards • Identify the first step and go anyway M is not at their desk • Practice walking past the desk • Try again when M is back • Do the exposure at the next alternate time I get called into a meeting • Do the exposure at the next alternate time

No Safety Behaviours Allowed! (It’s only an illusion of safety anyway)

The Problem with Safety Behaviours Habits that maintain & worsens anxiety • No learning happens: believe the behaviour prevented catastrophe • Still trying to control anxiety (so never confront fears) • Effortful and exhausting (which causes more anxiety and dysregulation)

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Safety Behaviours

Any strategy to control, avoid, or reduce anxiety Sitting strategically (e.g., near exits)

Having someone with you

Carrying a safety object

Never letting heart rate get too high

Having phone charged and on at all times

Medications

Reassurance seeking

Checking google all the time

Having water available at all times

Not eating before leaving the house

Not going to work or school

Asking forgiveness

Praying

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AVOID False Fear Blockers Anything to make them feel better in the moment • Taking deep breaths • Relaxation • Distraction

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What to do instead…

Calming strategies

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Stay present with what is, tolerate, and notice what happens. Amygdala learns by feeling the discomfort and seeing that nothing needs to happen for it to go away (and can handle it).

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Predictions are important for learning! Set up as experiments to ensure learning

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Predict to Maximize Learning! Antecedents (Triggers to anxiety)

Predicted Awfulness

Walking by M’s desk and saying Hi

I predict this will happen

Actual Awfulness

Later

What really happened?

I will turn bright red I will stare like a deer in headlights I will say something nonsensical or stupid

Need to disconfirm their fear story to the fullest extent possible

M will look at me in disgust Everyone will hate me I will die from embarrassment

Setting up Exposure

Honesty!

You’re going to feel uncomfortable Anxiety will be at its highest when you do something different the first time without safety behaviours

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Setting up Exposure

You’re going to feel uncomfortable MUST Activate to generate

Develop new, competing brain circuits

Setting up Exposure: Remind how anxiety works Anxiety is • Uncomfortable & this is what it does… • Normal (of course you are going to be scared!) • Safe (it’s meant to protect you!) • Temporary (let’s see how long this feeling lasts)

Setting up Exposure:

Honesty!

• We have no idea what is going to happen • I know you will handle it

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We can never make anyone do anything – especially distressing things - if they don’t want to do

Setting up Exposure Rationale & Buy-In Collaborate

• What is important to them • Why are we doing this? How will it be helpful for you? • How does worry get in the way of your life? • New learning • To manage emotions • I can handle it!

BUT…Fake it ‘til you make it doesn’t work (Masking is exhausting and too hard in the face of a real challenge) 312

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Real Bravery is NOT Fearlessness.

Bravery is acknowledging when something is hard (not pretending it isn’t) • With an honest appraisal, we can respond productively

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Remember! Speed of recovery directly relates to your willingness to feel anxiety

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If I am uncomfortable Then I know I am on the right track

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Setting up Exposure:

Test it out

This is the only way to create new experiences that contradict with old worries

Anxiety wants comfort & certainty

Do the opposite of what it wants!

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When the gremlin shows up, it is going to:

I am going to:

Tell me

Say

Make me feel

Notice

Want me to

For Suzie’s mom:

Reassure

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Support Confidence

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Suzie’s Flowchart

Acknowledge & Name it

Where & how does it show up

What story is it telling

Whatever

Thank it

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Setting up Exposure:

Validate & Normalize No matter what! • Stick to the plan until you surpass the feared outcome handle ANYTHING • Must learn they can go further than the worry made them believe they can

Setting up Exposure: Debrief & Evaluate

Learning happens here to disconfirm conspiracy 321

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Evaluate to Maximize Learning! Antecedents (Triggers to anxiety)

Predicted Awfulness

Walking by M’s desk and saying Hi

I predict this will happen

What really happened?

I will turn bright red

Feel like I turned red (but don’t know for sure)

I will stare like a deer in headlights

I smiled

I will say something nonsensical or stupid

I said Hi

M will look at me in disgust

M smiled and said hi back

Everyone will hate me

No one has treated me any differently

I will die from embarrassment

I am still alive

Actual Awfulness

Later 0

Disconfirm their fear story to the fullest extent possible but,

No matter how awful or what happened, it passed &

I HANDLED IT!!!!

An environment which emphasizes safety, trust, and belonging while showing confidence

Important Foundations

Integrate all the skills to handle challenges

Set goals – what am I going to do and why is it important?

Get curious and keep the prefrontal cortex online

Recognize and name their emotions

Understand and identify what is happening in the body and mind

Accept and tolerate the discomfort in the body and mind

Detach, boss back, and problem solve 323

Ending Exposure Session Did you survive? Yes How manageable was it?

Did the feared outcome happen? No

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How tolerable was the distress waiting for It to happen?

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When exposure is done • Lots of opportunities • Can do it on their own without safety behaviours • NOT about their subjective distress!!!!

Willingness to face anxiety provoking experiences!!!

Recovery is when: You’re not worried about worries

END

Thrive

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Life is About Ups and Downs (and downs help us learn & get stronger)

328

Create new ingrained habits

Even the most skilled of us revert to old ingrained habits when the situation is new and/or overwhelming 329

Worry makes us forget

330

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Keeping track is essential to create memory bridges

Hard

Working on It

Success!

Keep Going! What can we do to tweak the exposure to be even more effective & next targets

333

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What I couldn’t do because of worry:

Moving on

What I can do now: Where I am going next:

Lifestyle Focus Opportunists: Choosing to be anxious now for more success later

Missions for Self-Exposure

You’re only limited by your own creativity! Create themes for the week • Imperfection • Make a guess when don’t know • Focus on quantity vs. quality in a timed task • Fast decision making • Independence • Book own appointments • Buy things on their own • Order the family’s pizza

• Talking to people • Ask stranger for time or directions • Ask someone to play • Compliment someone

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Challenges are part of life. Need to be challenged to gain direct experience working through it and learn they can handle it.

Do something hard & take risks! Every day.

Adults Being Helpful • Encourage kids to try new things, even when scared • Teach kids to be comfortable in the world • There is no certainty

Goal:

Willingness Action Plan

Big why:

The steps I need to take are:

The discomfort I am willing to have to achieve this goal:

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I will take the first step on (date) at (time)

Thoughts Feelings Sensations Urges I can remind myself that:

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BONUS Common Obstacles: • Lack of understanding about anxiety and what maintains it • Unclear rationale • Rationale irrelevant or weak • Fusion to unhelpful thoughts (e.g., justifications) • Excessive (e.g., too big, skills or resources lacking) • Individual is not involved in selecting and planning • Exposures aren’t worrying – too easy • Something still makes them feel safe (yeah but…) • Practice sessions too narrow

Common Obstacles: • Implemented incorrectly • Focus too much on convincing or reframing • No learning happening • Poor therapeutic relationship • Depression • Failing to address others’ accommodations • Failing to address safety behaviours • Unintentionally reassuring or accommodating ourselves • Working harder than the individual • Stuck in trying to convince them

Us! We need to get over our own discomfort They MUST get uncomfortable

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Focusing on Habituation Sending the wrong messages • Anxiety is bad (because it must be reduced) • Something is wrong with me (because the only way I will be fixed is if I don’t feel anxious) • Misinterpret inevitable and normal unexpected anxiety becomes signs of failure • Hopelessness • Anxiety is controllable • Exposure can become another safety signal

What to do instead…

Habituation

Focus on learning: Feared outcome beliefs contradicted ? Did you handle it?

What to do instead…

Eliminate anxiety & fearful associations

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Create new learning patterns that compete with old ones

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What to do instead…

Conditional Safety Learning

https://parentsoftheyear.buzzsprout.com/

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Learn non-danger-based associations across contexts with different people and everywhere anxiety can show up

https://bit.ly/overpoweringemotionspodcast

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Igniting the Spark

Igniting the Spark Strategies for Motivating the Disengaged Student Dr. Caroline Buzanko info@korupsychology.ca

https://parentsoftheyear.buzzsprout.com/

https://bit.ly/overpoweringemotionspodcast

Disengaged Students 20% each year Don’t catch up academically Greater risk of dropping out of school

Opt out • School activities • Classroom discussions

Interrupt class discussions

Meet minimum requirements

Look bored, zoned out, distracted

Give up easily

Poor attendance

Frequently late

Behavioural challenges

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Igniting the Spark

NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECT LACK OF CONFIDENCE LEARNING DIFFERENCES

Risk factors

ANXIETY RELEVANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH TEACHER SELF-IDENTITY & BELONGING

Risk Factor: Teacher-Centred Learning The center of attention

Passively passing on knowledge

Infobesity

Expectations for obedient automatons

Isolated learning

Learning differences ignored

Intrinsic Motivation • Declines grades 3 to 6 • Teachers Priority: • Motivated to Learn

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Igniting the Spark

Grades vs. Learning and Self-Improvement • Teachers Priority: • Positive Role Models • Promote competence and confidence

Brief Overview of Theories of Engagement Expectancy-Value Theory Self-Determination Theory Motivation & Goal Theories

Self-efficacy and competence Goal orientation

Theories of Engagement: Common Factors

Autonomy support Mastery beliefs Teacher autonomy & support

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Igniting the Spark

Persistence & Performance How well they think they will do

How much they value the activity

Self-efficacy & competence!

Achievement Beliefs

Will Prove themselves right!

Influenced by the level of achievement they have already experienced

Consider feedback loops If they aren’t experiencing success, they become even more vulnerable

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Fail & Avoid Fail & Avoid

Fail & Avoid

Igniting the Spark

Behaviour!

Reprimanded

and strengthens worries

Assigned task

Freeze, distracted, non-compliant, explosive

Challenged (perceived or real)

Anxiety, self-doubt & criticism

Interest in learning critical: Learning goals! • Students see the importance of learning and self-improvement • Want to take on a challenge

Teacher Role • Safe and supportive environment • Model and teach learning goals • Focus on skill vs. grades

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Igniting the Spark

The Right Relationships, Environments, & Experiences • Brain is changed through the EXPERIENCES we are exposed to. • We need to provide the right connections • We need to provide the right environments

Individual Factors

Engagement, Self-regulation, & Resilience Pyramid

Opportunities Connection Supportive Teacher environment relationship

Key for Success: Relationship & Connectedness

Positive physical and mental health

Motivation

Academic outcomes

Academic selfefficacy

Reduces risk outcomes

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Igniting the Spark

Push Out

(vs. Drop Out)

Board Members Name

School issues Friend issues

Mr. Frank

Parent issues

Sibling issues

Getting in trouble

Dr. Simms Susan

Brendan

Health

Mom Jeff

Emotional

Marie

X X X

Identify own values in your role

Goals in your role

It Takes Work… Values Discovery

Hopes for students’ futures

Professional/Personal Mission Statement

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Igniting the Spark

What did you value as a student? • What are things your teachers did that you valued and appreciated? • What do you wish teachers did differently? • What did your teachers do/not do that influence how you interact with students today? • What things did your teachers do/not do that influence what kind of person you want to be with students today?

Reflect on Your Incentives What are my goals? What kind of teacher do I want to be? How do I want students to remember me? What kind of class do I want to have? What kind of relationships do I want? Who do I want to be in the class? What qualities do I want students to see? What can I do more of? Less of?

Align with Values: From Ideas to Reality • List concrete, observable behaviours you can do that align with your top three values? • Reducing corrective feedback • Identifying child’s strengths and positive behaviours more frequently • Listening actively more often • Engaging in collaborative problem solving whenever a conflict arises • Showing more love • Engaging in more acts of kindness

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Igniting the Spark

Relationship: How do you show up? One small change in your interactions can be a gamechanger.

Greet Students Every Day! A positive start to class greatly improves engagement and behaviours

• Stand just in/outside the door or go around the room • Greet each student positively • Say their name • Have a short positive interaction • Follow student’s lead • Handshake, fist bump, high five, pinkie shake • Direct them to the first activity • Specific acknowledgement to reinforce desired behaviours

You have less than 6 minutes • Kids need to feel liked and respected • What can you DO to strengthen your relationship with your students every day?

What I need from you

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Igniting the Spark

Think of your most challenging students • What do you think about them? • How do you talk about them? • How do you talk to them? • Do you avoid? Punish? Or harness your own engagement?

Reframe

Greatest predictor of ODD: Adult stress + negative perceptions of the child

Interpersonal Expectancy Effects

Positive teacher expectations can significantly enhance student performance and intellectual growth

Positive expectations beyond the classroom

Rosenthal & Jacobson, 1966

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Behaviours Related to Identity • Identity and self-concept are cocreated! • Self-evaluation is based on their experiences and others’ appraisals • What are the consistent, repeated cues they receive over time?

Expectations

Self-fulfilling prophecy

Perceive Students for Their FULL Potential

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Igniting the Spark

Effective Communication

Communication Styles Director • Adult as expert

Follower Guide

• Student as leader

Fails to Hand in Homework

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Igniting the Spark

Director • Deficits based • “Pull up socks” • Consequence • Too involved • Cripples resilience • Stifles motivation • Undermines learning and autonomy

Follower • No worries! • You do you!

Guide • Reinforce autonomy by asking open ended questions • What do you need to solve this? • What strategies will you try? • I wonder….

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Igniting the Spark

Guide • Focus on what is important

students Strengths • toPerceive students based on their strengths and & potential Aspirations • Harness their own engagement

Guide

Curiosity

Guides

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• Partners • Unconditional positive regard • Respect autonomy and ability to make own choices and solve own problems • Accepting

Talk less listen more

Igniting the Spark

Adults don’t tend to understand children’s experiences and needs

Understanding Perspectives • We use different parts of our brain than kids and will perceive situations • Must understand their viewpoint to provide effective support

Validate & acknowledge • Ensure you got how THEY perceive the situation

Guides

• Sometimes just being present is better than words

Ensure THEY felt heard

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Igniting the Spark

Better Yet, Adjective! Let me see if I got that. You said… Did I get it? Is there more? That makes sense…

What student said:

Monitor & Strengthen

Effective Communication Tips

What I said: Was it Effective as a GUIDE?

Was my response an example of a guide? Why?

Consequences:

Did my response make the problem better or worse? Why?

Revise

Revise what I said to make it effective.

• Focus on connection • Collaborate • No judgement • Tweens & teens – need status and respect • Avoid power struggles • Focus on connection • Keep the waters calm! • Reduce nagging & prompt dependency • Not personal • Thank you! • Focus on goal

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Igniting the Spark

Replace negativity with curiosity

Disengaged students often have trouble executive functions (SELF-REGULATION)

Executive functions are limited… …and even harder for most disengaged students

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Igniting the Spark

Working memory demands

Self-Regulation

Selfregulation capacity

Don’t know what to wear

If not filled, affects emotional, cognitive, and behavioural outcomes

Brush your teeth Rush out the door

Get out homework This is too confusing

When stressed, kids act out or zone out!!!

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Igniting the Spark

Reserve their battery as much as possible • Relationship & co-regulation • Create the right environment

Individual Factors

Engagement, Self-regulation, & Resilience Pyramid

Opportunities Connection Supportive Supportive environment environment

Create the Right Space for Learning & Engagement o Consider location of desks o Minimal visual clutter o Good lighting o Size of groups o Frequent feedback o Close to needed materials o Quiet/low arousal o Minimize distractions & remove temptations o Water and snacks available

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Igniting the Spark

Breakout desks?

Give students ownership of space!

Quiet workspace?

Conferencing couch?

Collaborate to create a classroom to promote learning

Tea station?

Rows? Groupings?

When things are going good = Certain conditions are met to support developing skills & promote motivation

Fixing

Pushing

Being disciplinary

Directing

We cannot instil motivation

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Motivation • Intrinsically motivated • Extrinsically motivated • Motivated to learn and • Work hard for grow and apply themselves reward/avoid punishment • Interested in the task at • Not interested in the task hand at hand unless relevant

Four psychological needs that intrinsically motivate students

Autonomy

Relevance

Intrinsic Competence Motivation Relatedness Relatedness

Motivation comes from relationships & circumstances Environment rich in opportunities

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Incentive

Task

 Incentive  Rationale

PASS THE BALL – student with ball tosses ball to another student who is the next one to answer a question from the teacher

You’re only limited by your own creativity!

TEAM PLAY – Make an academic activity a friendly competition

Individualizing the Environment: Groups Based on Learning Preferences • Dry-erase board

• Repeat backs • Recordings • Videos • Music

• Stations to move to • Hands-on • Teach within activity level • Exercise

Some like looking

Some like listening

Some like moving 66

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Individualizing the Environment: Groups Based on Capacity • Increased supervision • Away from temptations

• Break tasks into chunks • 10 minutes focused work • Engaging tasks

Impulsivity

Sustained attention

• Models & templates • Start/stop points • Brain warm ups

Initiation 67

Create the Right Tasks For Learning & Engagement • Optimize timing • Novel • Engaging • Personally relevant • Short (and perceived as doable) • Closed ended • Explicit, clear scoring rubrics • Structured teaching (especially of strategies) • Active and interactive learning (high response opportunities) • Multisensory, handouts vs. board or tech • Structured social activities

Important to match our expectations to what they can actually do If they have the skills, reinforcement problem vs. skill problem

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Tip for Improving Productivity (& motivation) Clean up your desk.

Time to be a desk technician!

Get out your science homework.

Get ready to be a scientist!

Write an essay.

Time to be an author!

Important Jobs Anything to foster independence and responsibility

Initiation & Persistence • Encourage attempts and effort • Focus on strategies vs. outcome • Reward practicing skills/strategies • Increase accountability to others • Assign roles

• Examples, idea banks, writing templates • Show the beginning and end • Bridge to past successes

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Don’t remove extracurricular as punishment

Find acceptable ways for children to stand and move

Frequent breaks.

Maximize controlled movement.

Concentration then creativity or movement

Mix low-appealing with high appealing tasks

Green Break

More structure

Interests

Humour

Positive before corrective 74

Never take away recess – Give more! EVEN HIGH SCHOOLERS

• Movement increases blood flow to the brain. • Improves performance, creativity, attention, and focus.

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Effective Teaching Practices for Learning & Engagement

Consider basic demands put on some students

N OT ICE H OW YOU FE EL WIT H T HE FOL LOWIN G ACTI VI T IE S...

Lazy Motivated!

Kids are VERY motivated to learn and to do •

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Just harder for their brain to turn on to things WE want them to do

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$20 You can all see it. But not perceive it (bring meaning). All students need strong teachers! •

We cannot leave them alone to figure it out. • Why can’t I understand this? Being the only one who can’t….

Get them curious! Curiosity piques interest and learning • Our brains hunger for information • Learning rewards the brain • Itchy need to know! Interest starts to deplete into deprivation around the 7 min. mark for most students  Even shorter if EF differences  MUST get interest piqued right away.

Effective Teaching  Engaging  Intentional, explicit, and transparent o Students need to know:  What they are learning  Why it is important to learn it  What strategies help strengthen learning/success

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Pique Interest

Predictions!

Video Game Model:

• Pleasure • Sustained attention • Motivation and perseverance • Engagement: even if you’re predictions were wrong • If enjoyed it, will do it again

Video Game Model Dr. Judy Willis

Video gamers: Buy-in despite failure rate

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Video Game Model • Buy-in • Fun! • Relevant/Rationale

• Individualized • Learned from their mistakes • Perseverance with increasing challenge • Achievable challenge • No judgment • See successes • Awareness of incremental goal progress

Moves at their pace

Student-Centred Learning They are the CEO’s of their learning • Teacher • Provides opportunities to learn • Coach skill development

Teaching: Teacher-Centered Learning: Student -Centered What will the What willbeI student teach? able to do?

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How How should will theI student teach? learn?

How will II know they assess learned? learning?

Igniting the Spark

Effective Teaching

Prerequisite

Goal

Active learning

Ready to learn

Know what they are working towards

Active, fast-pace, and moving

Specific & achievable

Frequent opportunities to respond for frequent reinforcement

Lack of skill? Motivation? Attention?

Relevant

Effective Teaching

Challenge

Healthy Competition

Achievement Reward

+1 from current level

Personal bests

Critical thinking & problem-solving

Students vs. teachers

Timely, frequent, meaningful, and potent reinforcement See their progress

Embrace mistakes

Effective Teaching

Control

Errorless teaching

Collaborate to set goals & tasks

Scaffold learning

Ownership over learning

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Task analysis

Optimized, strengths-based Adapt tasks to maximize success

Achievable

Igniting the Spark

Independent & Collaborative Learning Multidisciplinary research projects

Only Limited by Your Own Creativity STEAM Fashion Show: Create wearable technology • Science: Sustainable or innovative fabrics (e.g., glow-in-the-dark or heat-sensitive). • Technology: Programmable LEDs, sensors, or microcontrollers • Engineering: Wearable items considering functionality and aesthetics. • Art: Design principles, colours, and patterns. • Math: Fabric needs, measure dimensions, and use geometry for pattern design.

Only Limited by Your Own Creativity Escape Room Challenge • Science: Include puzzles that involve scientific principles (e.g., solving a chemical equation to find a clue). • Technology: Use digital tools for interactive elements (e.g., QR codes or apps to reveal hints). • Engineering: Design the layout and physical structure of the escape room puzzles. • Art: Decorate the room and create thematic elements to enhance the experience. • Math: Use logic-based problems, patterns, and calculations as part of the clues.

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Most effective when used: For short periods of time

Extrinsic Motivation

With routine tasks

Immediate behaviour management

Simple consequences

Token boards to organize consequences

Group rewards

Motivation Suggestions

Self-rewards

Tone tape We recommend

Daily report card of catching them being good

Types of Acknowledgement Verbal

• Be specific with their contribution • Thanks for cleaning up together – that really helps get it done fast and now we have time to go to recess early!

Social or activity

• Choice of people, activities (can be to escape too!) • Logical & pair with verbal

Tangible

• Object or food • Temporary or permanent • Logical & pair with verbal

Token

• Sticker, coupon, marble • Logical & pair with verbal • Manageable

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Ideas Homework pass

Early escape from a class or task

Store (e.g., pencils or erasers)

Lunch with the teacher

Bringing a friend from another class

Free time in class or extra recess

Choose a seat for the day

Positive call home

Keep class mascot

Front of line pass

Clasroom coupons for privileges

Dance party

Treasure box

Movie

Bonus point

Talent show

Music choice

Late pass

Science experiment

Extra computer

Class leader

Teacher chair

Podcast

Scavenger hunt

Conduct an Acknowledgement Assessment! How do you like being acknowledged? How do you hate being acknowledged?

Key to Success: Self-Efficacy & Self-Autonomy

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The Importance of Mistakes and Failure  Talk about your own mistakes and failures  Talk about others’ experiences

Mistake of the day/ Honourary Mistake Wall

• Never, always, no matter what, nothing can change, no one likes me

All-ornothing

Break it up • Good and not so good • This part is hard • I will focus on one step at a time

102

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All or nothing: I can’t do anything I can’t write

I can brainstorm

I can follow a template

I can edit

Math is easy Coming up with ideas is hard

Reading: Easy

Gym: easy 103

Difficulty scale Easy

Hard 9

What is easy that makes it 9 (and not 10)? What can I already do? What can I do to bring this down to 7 or 8?

104

Want to scale Hate it

Love it

What do you like that makes it 3 (and not 1)? What can I do to bring this up to 4? 7 or 8?

105

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Igniting the Spark

• Areas of mastery, working on, still hard • What excites it vs. bores it

Self-autonomy

Education

Selfautonomy: Control & Experiences solving things themselves

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ducere

To lead or guide

Boosts motivation Triggers effective coping skills • Minimizes chronic stress to prevent future anxiety and depression • Promotes risk taking in learning

Igniting the Spark

Meta skills

109

• Reduce dependency by cueing them to think about what they need to do (vs. prompting them what to do) • What do you need to do? • What is the first step? • How do you know where to start? • How will you know when you are done? • What will it look like? • How long will it take? (How long did it take?) • How long did it take last time? • What strategies are you going to use? • How will you know if your plan is not working? • What will you do if your plan is not working? • How will you keep going if it gets hard? If you are tired? • How did you know how to do that? • What would you do the same way? Differently? • Did this meet your prediction of difficulty?

A lot of learning happens after! • What was your goal? • Where did you start? • How did you get started? • What strategies did you use? • How did they help? • How long did it take? • What did you notice? • What was helpful? Unhelpful? • How do you know it was helpful? • What strategies will you use next time?

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Student Autonomy Related to Teacher Motivation

Emotions Lead to Behavioural Responses Anger

Assert, defend

Fear

Fight, Flee, freeze

Shame

Avoid

Sadness

Support, withdrawal

 Intense emotions  Behavioural and emotional outbursts  Impulsivity  Rigidity  No self-reflection  Unable to take perspectives  Disengagement

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Joy

Excitement

Connect, engage

Attend, explore

Brain in high stress state = amygdala kicks in and becomes a stop sign for information and any rational thinking

Igniting the Spark

When stressed, kids act out or zone out!!!

115

The # 1 thing they need to learn?

How to manage the experience of big emotions when they show up Not the actual trigger

116

Resilience Ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress.

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Supportive

Helpful Resilience Building Response Confident

Create challenges!  Challenge of the day, week, or month Work through things on their own Might get frustrated in the moment but the intrinsic reward once solved is far greater than if helped

Optimize Perseverance with Dopamine • Dopamine, a key neurotransmitter, is released in higher quantities when we face challenges and overcome them. • The more challenging the task, the greater the dopamine release upon success, enhancing the feeling of satisfaction. • GAME DEVELOPERS KNOW THIS • The repeated failures followed by eventual success amplify the satisfaction derived, reinforcing persistence and perseverance.

DON’T JUMP IN TO HELP!

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No idea how it will work out. But, I am going to use what I’ve got to get through. I CAN HANDLE IT • What strengths do I have? • What resources are available?

Capitalize on current challenges! • Challenges are part of life & dealing with them is part of learning. • Optimize teachable moments Let them figure out the fight on the playground themselves! Let them try. Let them fail (but don’t set them up for failure) Work through next steps and how to fix things

Risk-takers advantage Exposing kids to opportunities for some risk is helpful • Learn the skills they need to survive early • Help with important events and occasions • Let them decorate the classroom • Eskimo club • Using tools

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Igniting the Spark

BONUS: Promoting Prosocial Emotions

Gratitude

What did someone do today to make you happy?

What did you do to make someone else happy?

What have you learned today?

Gratitude Rituals

What inspired you today?

What surprised you today?

What do you appreciate, mom, dad, sibling for?

Easier to ask for help – everyone is!

Initiate helping others on their own

Promotes generosity

Promotes contribution

Creates connection

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Acts of Kindness

Igniting the Spark

Compassion Criticism buries Kindness and Connection!

Motivates through failure

Helps overcome anxiety, avoidance, procrastination Promotes academic engagement

Promotes empathy and cooperation

Building Compassion through Belonging Social belonging through similarity  Any cue: wristbands, colour shirts, birthdays, class shirts, team jerseys  Collaborative tests. Weaker students can have open books so they can help contribute  Giving or receiving help on something important

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Building Compassion: Belonging

 Cultural highlights  Student-led discussions  Personal check-ins  Interactive games  Never have I ever musical chairs

 Community circles  Peer mentorship  Classroom jobs  Affirmation cards  Shout out board • Create excitement for other’s accomplishments • Sharing their interests

Create connection through contributions

Interest in Asks for school Effective help when problem needed solver Assertive

Independent

Positive outlook

Pride Initiative

Realistic

Empathetic

Responsible & trustworthy

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Finishing something hard = wonderful feelings to capitalize on

133

PASSION?

ENVIRONMENT?

Satisfying Work

Who we work with

Environment!

Our work is valuable • Contribution • Recognition

Satisfying Work

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Build Expertise

Valued skills = authentic pride Become an area expert Assign specific, important responsibilities Planning important events Important jobs Include in decision making

Building Pride: Focus on Connection and Cooperation! Students work longer and on harder tasks when they think they are contributing to the group Collaborative learning Skill development: cooperation, negotiation, and collective problem-solving Cooperative quizzes

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC

Create connection through contributions

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Build compassion and pride through valuable contribution Find ways they can support others Brainstorm ideas how to support others Acknowledge classmate/teacher/supervisors birthdays (1:1 responsibility)

Igniting the Spark

Key to Success: Understanding the Neuropsychology of the brain

We can change our brain!

Our brain is built for us to be successful We Can Change Our Brain!

• Brain networks fix and grow when we learn new skills • Neural bundles DOUBLE with an hour of practice • Rewire our brain through repetition and practice • Whatever Is not used, the brain prunes Itself

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We Grow Our Brain Whenever we: • Take on new challenges • THINK we can learn something hard • THINK we can learn from our mistakes

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Bonus Resources

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Developing a personal action plan What traps do I need to get out of?

How can I improve my approach for effective communication?

What can I do proactively ?

What can I start collaboratively problem-solving?

What I can do to strengthen our relationship?

Still need support!!

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Co-regulation support

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Very Challenging Behaviours  Physical aggression  Verbal aggression  Running away  Screaming  Hitting  Face turning red  Crying

Optimize the Environment: Self-Assessment

• Is the classroom arranged to accommodate the needs of all students? Is the home environment organized in a way that supports structured activities and routines for your child? • Are routines been established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? • Are there three to five positive expectations outlined and prominently displayed? Have these been clearly defined and taught to children? • Are prompts and active supervision used proactively to guide behaviour positively in anticipation of potential challenges? • Is there a variety of opportunities for children to actively participate and engage at a high frequency, encouraging positive interactions and learning? • Is specific praise and other positive reinforcement strategies regularly used to acknowledge and encourage the behaviors you wish to see more frequently? • Are reminders consistently provided before a potential behavioural issue arises, to preemptively address and guide expected behaviour? • Are responses to misbehaviours appropriate, consistent, and systematic, ensuring a clear understanding of consequences? • Is there a system in place for collecting and analyzing behaviour-related data to inform strategies and interventions?

Consider

• Safety and adaptability • Regularly assess the home for safety, ensuring that furniture and home setups do not pose risks and are adaptable to the child’s changing needs.

Are routines established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? In the Classroom: Elementary Examples

High School Examples

Routines At Home

Connections to Positive Activities & Organizations

Sports & Physical Exercise

Music

Volunteering

Clubs or after school jobs

Consistent routines & lesson structure

Talk less

Clear expectations

Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

Revisit and reinforce expectations

Things to look forward to through the day!

Structured tasks & teaching

Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules

One predictable detail at a time

Visual schedules and time organizers

Minimize distractions

Individualized checklists for task completion

Helpful • Engaging (interests)

• Clear expectations

• Immediate consequences

• Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

• Frequent feedback

• Things to look forward to through the day!

• Personally important or relevant

• Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

• Early

• One predictable detail at a time

• Supervised

• Minimize distractions

• 1:1 • Structured • Clear expectations and jobs • Close to needed materials • Quiet/low arousal • Choices • Consistent routines & lesson structure

Not so helpful

• Have students with similar needs meet

Individualized Needs

• At the start of the week, discuss • Successes • How to set them up for success • At the end of the week, • Review their successes • What they have to do over the weekend.

• Attached meaning + value + support and care to boost confidence and engagement

Types of Reinforcement Verbal praise Social or activity

Tangible

• Object or food • Temporary or permanent • Logical & pair with verbal

Token

• Sticker, coupon, marble & back-up • Logical & pair with verbal • Manageable

Reward ideas Homework pass

Pass from a class or task

Store (e.g., pencils or erasers)

Lunch with the teacher

Bring a friend from another class

Free time in class or extra recess

Choose a seat for the day

Positive call home

Keep class mascot

Front of line pass

Clasroom coupons for privileges

Dance party

Treasure box

Movie

Bonus point

Talent show

Music choice

Late pass

Science experiment

Extra computer

Class leader

Teacher chair

Podcast

Scavenger hunt

Teacher dress up

8 Forces of Motivation Gregariousness

Inquisitiveness

Power

Affiliation

• Need to belong

• Need to know

• Need for control

• Need to associate and belong

Autonomy

Aggression

Recognition

• Need for independence

• Need to assert

• Need for acknowledgement

working with

STUCK KIDS - an a%achment-based developmental approach -

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Clinical & Developmental Psychologist Founder of the Neufeld Institute Vancouver, Canada

A JACK HIROSE SEMINAR Richmond, B.C. November 27, 2024

www. neufeldins,tute.org

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

working with

STUCK KIDS an a$achment-based developmental approach

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Developmental & Clinical Psychologist Vancouver, Canada

having trouble

troubling symptoms trouble func5oning

troubled thoughts

? making trouble

troubling behaviour ge8ng into trouble

troubled emo5ons

making sense of

TROUBLED KIDS

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

STUCKNESS

is the hidden story of

TROUBLED KIDS

STUCK in immaturity

• viability as a separate being • full of vitality (not easily bored) • sense of agency & responsibility • full of interests & curiosity • venturing forth energy • a relationship with self • a strong quest for independence

• learns from mistakes

emergent

• resilient & resourceful

• well-tempered • considerate & civilized • balanced / perspective

integrative • appreciates context • recovers from trauma • benefits from adversity adaptive • can solve problems • learns from consequences

• egalitarian values

• adapts to circumstances

• learns from dissonance

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

ENGINE OF MATURATION

emergent adaptive

• feeling SATIATED when attachment hunger is fulfilled

integrative • feeling SAD when FUTILITY is encountered

• feeling CONFLICTED when inner dissonance exists

STUCK in immaturity

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

Why would feelings be missing?

STRESS RESPONSE

ol scho

failure

losing face

both

ization hospital

dis ab ilit

paren

MA wounding e U r A moving ca TR ay d

y isola tion

gD facin

STRESs EATH

loss of loved on

loneliness

LO ng bei resi d sch enJal ool

threats to iden tity

sec rets

CHANGE

NEGLECT ts wo rking

adopJ

E US AB

ling er sib anoth ST

DIVORCE E REM RETI

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

of .. lacknging losing face with . can’t NEGLECTED . be w o l .. be ith ... ct by ction ne reje

n not important to ... tood co n’t feel rs a ing c fe unlo de eli not ma ved ng tterin un b y t dif ... g to .. fe . no re n

t isola tion ging elon b t no

d by ... not recognize

y ... ced b repla ed

loneliness nt disc threats to iden oun wa l to ... tity ia c e t p ted not s no by . n .. old o B E T R A . YED can’t h apart .. Y B O when ON T HELD NOT LIKED BY ... NOT

The EMOTIONAL OPERATIONS of the STRESS RESPONSE while FEELINGS that would interfere with the work of emo5on are inhibited

Walter Cannon’s Fight-Flight Response to Threat (1917)

THREAT FLIGHT

FIGHT

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

STUCK in IMMATURITY

STUCK STRESS RESPONSE

STUCK TEARS

STUCK in IMMATURITY

STUCK STRESS RESPONSE

STUCK TEARS

the hidden story of

TROUBLED KIDS

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

STUCK KIDS PART TWO

PROBLEMS rooted in STUCK INSTINCT & EMOTION

The Continuum of Aggression Problems

EXISTENCE of attacking impulses

ERUPTIONS of attacking energy

not feeling the fuAlity of changing the frustraAng circumstances ••• • •

VIOLATING aggression problems

devoid of feelings of alarm, fuAlity & vulnerability

• • HIGHLY FRUSTRATED • • • •

••

The Continuum of ALARM Problems alarm is dysfunc7onal

alarm is perverted

ANXIETY problems (obsessions & compulsions)

AGITATION, ATTENTION, & DISCIPLINE problems

ADRENALIN SEEKING problems

feel unsafe but alarm not linked to the separaAon faced

driven by alarm that is not felt

devoid of feelings of alarm, fuAlity & vulnerability

alarm is displaced

••• • •

• • HIGHLY ALARMED

•• •• •

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

CounterWill refers to the instinct to resist or oppose the will of others when the attachment instincts are not engaged. Other’s WILL values & goals designs & purposes intentions & initiative preferences & priorities judgements & opinions

COUNTER•WILL

expectations & hope plans & decisions wants & wishes

CounterWill serves attachment by protecting against ‘outside’ control and influence

CounterWill is triggered when... the pressure experienced > the pursuit of proximity

commands

> impulse to comply

obligations

> urge to make it work

expectations

> desire to please

demands

> inclination to defer

pressure

> desire to measure up

forcefulness

> desire to be good

CounterWill UNTAMED by FEELINGS l n on a predisposed to bellio osiJ nt’ anJ-social behaviour reacJve re opp ‘deﬁa d and aYtudes an reacJve nonpre-occupaJon compliance and with taboo disobedience e to impuls ad’ ‘b alle e b r coe gic to rcio n projecJng a[em obsJnate to control pts & stubborn e aJ v t ent um ligeren g r a bel or

commonly mistaken for ‘strong willed’

nd ty a n sivi aJo pas rasJn c pro

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

Common manifestations of the DISPLACEMENT instinct • to take charge, to take over, to take the lead • to command a[enJon, to take centre stage • to talk louder, to talk over, to talk for another • to be ﬁrst, to be the best, to be on the top • to demand deference, to give the orders, to take command • to give the direcJons, to provide the meanings • to trump interacJon, to have the last word • to be in the know / to be the most knowledgeable

from raw DISPLACEMENT to an Alpha Caring Response

Ca rin

“neurons that FIRE together WIRE together”

nsi eR spo

bi l i ty

PLAY is the context in which this is most likely to happen naturally and spontaneously.

ALPHA UNTAMED drive to d om and dis inate place

exploitaJon of the vulnerable & needy

f an

bullying

f ra

comp ‘loved eJng with ones’ for ca re

narcissism – where everything is about ‘me’

unable to depend, submit or take direcJon

ority r superi drive fo premacy and su

obsessed with winning, placing, status, coming out on top

o ies tas

impuls ‘lord it e to over’

very d sl a fuele izaJon, g n n colo cleansi hnic & et

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

The Continuum of Troubling Alpha Behaviour •••

forms • • • • • • perverted of stuck alpha

••• • • •

co pro mpl ble ian ms ce hig de hly ma nd ing ea pro 5ng ble ms bo ssi ne ss

ob wit sess h w ed inn ing ob s wit ess h d ed om ina nce nar cis sism BU LL YI NG

common forms of stuck alpha

lacking feelings of dependence and neediness

devoid of feelings of caring and responsibility

• • • HIGHLY MOVED TO DISPLACE

•••

STUCK KIDS Some PROBLEMS rooted in STUCK INSTINCT & EMOTION - ALARM problems of all kinds - AGGRESSION problems of all kinds, including self-a[ack - COUNTERWILL problems of all kinds - DISPLACEMENT & DOMINATION problems of all kinds - DEPERSONALIZED PURSUIT problems of all kinds

Resisted

Proximity

nsive defteaching de

proximity resisted & pursued

Pursued

gers stran n to o 5 c aWra DEPER SONAL IZATIO N FR AG FI FI M X XE EN AT S TE D

IO & N S

PEERTION TA ORIEN

d tranefensi sfer ve ence

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

g in ng cli

Some common aWachment-driven where the pursuit is divorced from its rela5onal context: goin g scor g fo sin r hu ing ses PURSUING PRAISE gs/s s o mile p TH hoarding s E T G IN N N IN F W G N U I e I T s ND AC lau EH ATTR TH FRAGMENTED app seeking g collec n a[enJon Jng FIXES & chasi seekin FIXATIONS g statu s clutching eness THE CHASE m a g s in ing acquir P pursu chasin GA LEA g mark MI SIN s NG x G e s r fo g c g n h J n a n i s u v in h e g i a h pprov ac PORNOGRAPHY al placing

Common ‘A-List’ SYNDROMES of stuck kids

ALPHA problems including bossiness, bullying, eaAng problems including anorexia, and narcissism

AGGRESSION problems including self-aOack, violence and suicidal impulses

ALARM problems including anxiety, obsessions,

compulsions, agitaAon, aOenAon problems, adrenalinseeking, cuRng & burning

ADDICTION problems including to drugs, food, digital connecAon, pornography, video games, etc

ATTENTION problems stemming from immaturity, alarm, peer orientaAon and lack of playfulness

PART THREE

WORKING WITH STUCK KIDS - a three-pronged approach derived from INSIGHTS regarding stuckness

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

having trouble

troubling symptoms trouble func5oning

troubled thoughts

STUCKNESS making trouble

troubling behaviour troubled emo5ons

ge8ng into trouble

work AT aWachment

work TOWARDS restoring feeling

retreat to relationship

matchmake to play

WORKING WITH STUCK KIDS compensate for stuckness work AROUND symptoms & deﬁcits

Back away from using conventional discipline to treat the problem • from trying to teach a lesson • from a[empJng to make accountable • from using separaJon puniJvely • from applying sancJons or withdrawing privileges • from shaming or a[empJng to alarm • from lecturing or admonishing

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

COMPENSATE for STUCKNESS • employ structure, rouJne and ritual • collect before direcJng • script behaviour that would be spontaneous if more mature • point out what works instead of what doesn’t • culJvate a leading edge of success

RETREAT to RELATIONSHIP • to REDUCE the separa5on being faced – the root cause of almost all emo5onal and behavioural problems

i div

se pa ra tio n

ld ou

th at c

c at wh

av oi de d

- deprives problems of their emoJonal fuel and reduces the load on the emoJonal brain

a more continuous connection

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

AVOID unnecessary separation • get adults in the child’s life to assume more responsibility for providing proximity generously • refrain, if possible, from all separation-based discipline and reactions • reduce separation experiences wherever possible; help a child to hold on when apart • reverse peer orientation if possible • try to keep the troubling symptoms from causing more separation

When facing separation, preserve the connection by drawing attention to the next point of contact or to what stays the same.

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

RETREAT to RELATIONSHIP • to REDUCE the separa5on being faced – the root cause of almost all emo5onal and behavioural problems - deprives problems of their emoJonal fuel and reduces the load on the emoJonal brain

• to cul5vate the rela5onal CONTEXT needed for dealing with the immature, the stuck, and the troubled

- reverses shyness and tribalizaJon, renders recepJve, trumps counterwill, reverses peer orientaJon

• to enable us to COMPENSATE for the immaturity, dysfunc5on and developmental deﬁcits that are rooted in stuckness - harnesses the power of a[achment, evokes the desire to be good for us, enables us to script appropriate behaviour

• to create the sense of SAFETY needed to recover feelings

ADULT

- wounding by others - not being held on to

We need to HAVE their hearts to enable us to protect and soUen their hearts

- losses and lacks - peer or sibling rejection

CHILD

- shaming or put-downs - not feeling liked, wanted or valued - feeling too much to handle

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

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ns t th e

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at ta ch m en ti

ng hi

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in ct

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

e id

en ga ge

v di

to embed in cascading care to the emotional play that engages

Cultivating a SAFE RELATIONSHIP: • COLLECT the child or student at the beginning of each day and

at least a few times throughout the day, where there is no apparent reason to engage other than to affirm the relationship

• use the engaging power of PLAY if necessary to jump-start a relationship (especially if there is reticence to attach) • position oneself as an ANSWER by orienting the child/student and providing a ‘touch of proximity’ to hold on to • find some way of conveying the INVITATION to exist in one’s presence – very few will turn this invitation down • find some way of conveying your CARE • take care to BRIDGE anything that would threaten the union or togetherness of the relationship

work AT aWachment

work TOWARDS restoring feeling

retreat to relationship

matchmake to play

WORKING WITH STUCK KIDS compensate for stuckness work AROUND symptoms & deﬁcits

l rea

PLAY

for

NO T

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

T NO

wo rk

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

expressive

Matchmake to Play • engage in play to PRIME the relaJonships they need • take emoJons to play to REDUCE breakthrough expression that is harming the relaJonships they need or geYng them into trouble • use play to provide them some safety and RELIEF from distressing situaJons • employ play to ENGAGE in learning • use play to reduce and COMPENSATE for a[enJon problems • take emoJons to play to RECOVER lost feelings

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

Emo5ons are freer to move and so more likely to be felt and iden5ﬁed

Emo5ons are not at work, so the inhibi5on of feelings is reversed

Emo5ons are easier to feel when one step removed from real life

Play is safe so feelings won’t get hurt

Play lessens the emotional load and enables feelings to recover

SADNESS RESOLVES STUCKNESS

7le s the fu - bring l opera7ons a n emo7o ress response st of the nd to an e

- facilita tes the e ndings that mu st prece de new beginnin gs

SADNESS RESOLVES STUCKNESS

L ST E WA R E N RE Y VER O C RE RESILIENCE

Stuck Kids - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

Sadness is easier to access when emotions are at play • the engagement of play is usually greater than the aversion to sadness, seYng the stage for what needs to happen

• gives us something to ‘cry’ about that is one step removed and thus not too much to bear • suffering is contained and so much easier to bear in the play mode, and sadness feels ‘sweeter’

• shibs the locus from the ‘head’ to the ‘heart’

• removes the impediments to ‘tears’, including shame and self-consciousness

• finds & releases stuck or orphaned sadness, making it easier to access wordless tears

Summary & Review: • underlying a diverse manifestaJon of troubling symptoms is a

condiJon of emoJonal and developmental STUCKNESS

• underlying stuckness is a LOSS OF FEELING that is criJcal for opJmal

funcJoning, for healthy development, for adaptaJon, and for rendering fully human and humane

• underlying the loss of feeling is the experience of FACING

SEPARATION that has been too much to bear

• to prevent things from geYng worse, we must ﬁrst COMPENSATE

for the symptoms and problems that are rooted in stuckness

• we must RETREAT to RELATIONSHIP to reduce the separaJon faced

and the resulJng emoJonal load, as well as create a context for working with the child

• our best bet for the RECOVERY OF FEELINGS is to culJvate safe

relaJonships and engage in emoJonal playgrounds

working with

STUCK KIDS Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Developmental & Clinical Psychologist Vancouver, Canada

Working with Oppositional, Defiant and Disruptive Children & Adolescents in the Classroom Dr. Caroline Buzanko drcarolinebuzanko.com caroline@korupsychology.ca

Developmentally Appropriate Behaviours

Preschoolers

Grade school

Early Adolescence

Teens

• Argue • Demanding • Independence • Say “No!” • Test limits • Act babyish • Some tantrum • Minor aggression • Jealousy, worries • Know-it-all

• Want more freedom but need help • Struggle with failure • Support to manage big emotions • Poor verbal impulse control • Test limits • Tantrums • Dramatic • Complaining

• Attitude • Mild opposition • Social skills trouble • Don’t think of consequences of actions • Argumentative • Push against/argue about rules • Disrespectful • Blame others

• Experimenting • Minor rebellion • Control for autonomy • Resistance to authority • Moody • Noncompliant, Defiant • Emotionally distant • Impulsive and risk taking • Dismissive • Misread social cues

Warning! 100% obedience comes at a great cost

Importance of acting out • Essential for development & learning • Learn about themselves & the world • Boosts independent thinking • Helps form identity • Boosts emotional regulation • Empowering • Stand up for themselves

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Warning! 100% obedience comes at a great cost

Problem with compliance • Stifles development • Creates followers • Don’t think for themselves • Leads to anxiety, vulnerability, and lack of self-identity • Limits individuality • Easily manipulated • Erodes sense of self

Antecedent • Conditions in which the behaviour will occur

Result of both

Behaviour Consequence • What happens as a result of the behaviour

Basic Functions

Gain

Behaviours

Communicate

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Avoid

Psychological Functions

Attention seeking

Power

Revenge

Inadequate

Beyond ABC’s Motivation

Influence behaviour Emotional regulation difficulties; Cognitive challenges

Internal factors

Unmet developmental needs (e.g., need for autonomy)

Antecedent

Conditions in which the behaviour will occur

Behaviour

Observable

Consequence

What happens as a result of the behaviour

Internal

Motivation:

• Mastery • Satisfaction • Self-achievement • Acknowledgment • Helping others

Why we behave in certain ways

External • Stickers • Trophies • Behavioural Charts • Money

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Enjoy the internal feelings from the behaviour

Enjoy the things or privileges they receive

When you know the function of the behaviour you can use motivations as a guide to change behaviour.

Social emotional Fear

Attention Motivational Schemes

Pain

Control

Most kids have a combination! Intervention based on the dominating scheme.

Sensory

Functional Behaviour Analysis • Hypotheses re: antecedents • Conditions to change • Skills to be taught • Replacement behaviours • Interventions needed • Strategies • Preventive vs. reactive

No bad kids!!! What are they defending? FBA

Skill deficit

Social

Getting needs met/ Rewarding

Teach skills

Fill needs proactively

Attention, task avoidance, stimulation

Comm.

Emotion regulation

Skill deficit! Teach how to get needs met

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Behaviours adaptive for them They learned to be tough

 To get love, a need met, or support … because they don’t know how to get it any other way  To protect themselves from perceived lack of safety

Mood Predicts Behaviour Physical

Social

Physiological

• Environmental enrichment • Noise

• Interaction history • Ill/pain • Hungry • Tired

Emotions Lead to Behavioural Responses Anger

Assert, defend

Fear

Fight, Flee, freeze

Shame

Avoid

Sadness

Support, withdrawal

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Joy

Excitement

Connect, engage

Attend, explore

Anxiety

Avoidance

Fear of abandonment

Fear of rejection

• Cling, control, complain • Aggression • Sensitive to criticism, failure, or perceived injustice.

• Suppress needs • Withdraw • Aggression

Can Only Change Behaviour if They Are Feeling Safe

Feeling like they don’t belong = Stress = Danger! = Threat response 18

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Brain in high stress state = amygdala kicks in and becomes a stop sign for Information

 Intense emotions  Behavioural and emotional outbursts  Impulsivity  Rigidity  No self-reflection  Unable to take perspectives  Disengagement 19

ODD vs. Anxiety?

ODD or Trauma? 

Changes in brain development 

Disrupt emotional regulation and executive functioning, heightened stress responses 

 



Hypervigilance or overreacting to perceived threats Emotional outbursts or withdrawal Increased likelihood of behaviours as coping mechanisms

Difficulty with trust and forming secure relationships. 

Difficulty following rules or responding to authority.

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Trauma Related Behaviours Predictable outcome = Safety for the nervous system • Relationships are unpredictable! • Getting close is vulnerable & uncomfortable • Easier to disrupt the relationship • Distracts from uncomfortable feelings • Less vulnerable 22

What are behaviours?

Manifestations of what Is happening in their nervous system

Punitive Measures (e.g., timeouts, loss of privileges)

Why Behavioural Approaches Fail

Reward systems (e.g., token economies) Verbal Redirection (command-based responses and reasoning) Authoritarian Approaches (“Do as I say” focusing on obedience)

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Focus on compliance vs. understanding the behaviour's purpose.

Why Behavioural Approaches Fail

Do not address the underlying emotional needs or skill deficits. May increase power struggles and escalate behaviours. Can damage the relationship and lead to mistrust. Reinforce negative behaviours

Lack long-term effectiveness

Impacts self-esteem

Unfortunately,

When we take behaviours at face value, we miss the source.

We often escalate the behaviour if we’re only giving the child attention when there is a problem behaviour

• Aware of behaviour and rules • Within their capacity to act differently

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• None of these capacities

Strong emotions limit flexibility and perspective taking

98% experience significant stress levels

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Social disconnection and loneliness Local and world news

Current State of the world

Social media

Far more:

Identity and body Issues

Worthlessness

• Depression • Self-harm • Suicide

Multiple pressures and high expectations

Than any other generation

Helplessness

Major Psychological Risk Factor

Loneliness Poor School performance

Screen time

Self-esteem

• Impairs resilience • Contributes to everything we worry about as parents

Depression

Disordered eating

Withdrawal

Anxiety

Suicidal planning Suicidal ideation

Self-esteem • False messages to avoid rejection • So happy! • So beautiful! • “Likes” worsens self-esteem • Others won’t like the “real” them.

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Disrupts connections. Especially family connections.

Disrupted Attachment

Family is the most important relationship overall development.

Important for discovering: • Self • Values • Personality • World

Bullying doesn’t happen privately anymore  

        



  

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Violent Images

HIGH LEVELS OF DISTRESS

DISORIENTATION

Exposure

FAULTY INFORMATIONPROCESSING

• Weaken kids’ ability to manage emotions • Contributes to anxiety

Poor self-regulation because resources used up • Poor emotion regulation • Increased emotional reactivity • Proactive aggression • Anti-social behaviours

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Frontal Lobes

Maturity

Capacity to focus & self-regulate diminishes Emotion Regulation and Impulse Control

Stunted growth of cognitive skills

Exert control over the amygdala and emotional responses

Immature brain & delay in maturity

Critical for focus, regulating behaviour, and decision-making:

Digital Immigrants vs. Digital Natives • Hard to detach = chronic stress • Shame & stigma If not connected • No issue big enough to risk being disconnected

No exceptions:

ALL screen time is linked to less happiness.

• More screen time = • School struggles • Loneliness • Depression • Suicidal thinking

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Get Out of the Traps This alone can make all the difference in the world

Fixing

Persuading and pushing

Punishing

Directing

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Unhelpful Interactions can Create Loneliness • Adding stress • Failing to meet their needs • Unwittingly responding in punishing ways, even when trying to be supportive

Talking too much or asking lots of questions

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Safe environment

Criticizing

Supports

Minimizing

Validates

Punishing

Perspective taking

Own emotion dysregulation

Own emotion regulation

Child emotion dysregulation

Adaptive child emotion outcomes

Adult emotion-related behaviours

Warning! AVOID TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON THE INDIVIDUAL STUDENT

Child

Not always only the child’s problem or behaviour that needs to be solved

• Coping & Self-regulation • Self-confidence • Social Skills

Family

Numerous factors influence the ability to cope

• Parenting • Relationships • Connections

Public policies

Community

Neighbourhood School Mass media

Communication Peers

Social values

Services

Tech

Models Child

Infra-structures

Society

Sibling

Attachment

• Connections with peers • Educational settings • Healthy risk-taking opportunities

SES Factors

• Policies • Values • Legislation

Community Cohesion

Cultural norms & values

drcarolinebuzanko.com

The best interventions are the ones that you implement before behaviours happen – at the level of relationship and environment. You’re already there!

Relationship

Environment

Great changes when ADULTS learned new skills made to their behaviours

Self-regulation Pyramid

Individual factors Opportunities Social connection Supportive Supportive adult environment relationship

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Identify own values in your role

Goals in your role

It Takes Work… Values Discovery

Hopes for students’ futures

Professional/Personal Mission Statement

Reflect on your incentives What are your goals?

What kind of teacher do you want to be?

How do you want students to remember you?

What kind of class do you want to have?

What motivates you?

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Clarifying Values

• What kind of relationship do I want this student? • Who do I want to be within this relationship? • What qualities do I want this student to see in me? • How could our relationship be improved? • What can I do more of? Less of?

Adult Emotion Regulation

•Avoid passing own stress on to students!!!

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Stress is Contagious

•What is going on for me? • Am I being patient? Warm? Responsive? • Must manage own burnout, anxiety, stress, and trauma so you don’t pass it on

Stress = Danger

Not Feeling Safe… Where do they run to?

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Greatest predictor of ODD: Adult stress + negative perceptions of the child

Reframe

It’s hard believing the positives when entrenched In the deficits.

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Caught in stress and lack and deficits

Disruptive

Talks excessively, disrupts the class.

Characterized by distractibility, impulsivity and restlessness or hyperactivity

Impulsive behaviours that cause suspensions and peer conflict.

Symptoms have far greater intensity than in the everyday person

Interfere with everyday functioning socially, academically, and at home

Aggressive

Rushing ahead and doing work incorrectly even when models provided.

Low frustration tolerance – explosive outbursts over minor incidents.

Poor social awareness. Limited conflict resolution skills.

Focusing on what is wrong can be very impairing for students.

Interpersonal Expectancy Effects Perceive Students for Their FULL Potential

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Interpersonal Expectancy Effects

Positive teacher expectations can significantly enhance student performance and intellectual growth

Positive expectations beyond the classroom

Rosenthal & Jacobson, 1966

Bossiness Aggressiveness Argumentative Stubborn Easily upset

• LEADER • ASSERTIVE (knows and gets what she needs) • Strong conflict resolver and negotiator • Persistent • Emotionally expressive (easier to help and quicker to recover!)

Practice Shifting Your Emotional Experience Practice Regularly in Your Daily Life Anger to Awe

drcarolinebuzanko.com

The only real behaviour management you need…. Strong Relationship

Connection Essential for Regulation

To tolerate and regulate emotional responses & cope with stress

10/27/2024

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Board Members Name

School issues Friend issues

Mr. Frank

Parent issues

Sibling issues

Getting in trouble

Dr. Simms Susan

Brendan

Health

Mom Jeff

Emotional

Marie

X X X

Relationship: How do you show up?

Student alienation • Relationship with teacher

One small change in your interactions can be a gamechanger.

Dropping out

drcarolinebuzanko.com

You have less than 6 minutes

What I need from you

Psychological Functions

Attention seeking

Power

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Revenge

Inadequate

Skill deficit

Attention Seeking

Relationship! Maintain connection with lots of positive attention.

Don’t feel connected

Acknowledge the wanted behaviours & ignore the unwanted ones Insecurity

Proactively establish expectations Wrong attention

Positive Attention & Planned Ignoring For behaviours that are maintained by adult attention

Anxious

Relationship!

Power

Feel they belong, are safe, and are heard

Avoid power struggles

Not capable

Mutually respectful

Everyone loses

Collaborate

Rationales for rules

No control

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Routines and clear expectations

Privileges and responsibilities

Revenge Relationship!

Defeated

Feel they belong and are safe

Feel HEARD!

Stop the hurt Bad

Consider the purpose of your responses Unloved

Clear expectations and consequences Routines and clear expectations

Hurt

Learned Helplessness

Collaborate

Inadequate

Privileges and responsibilities with support

Relationship!

Encouragement

Let them try

Unsuccessful

Scaffold for success Teach vs. tell Discouraged

Opportunities

For success & build islands of competence To be appreciated

Worthless

Responsibilities

Effective Communication

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Adults don’t tend to understand children’s experiences and needs

Understanding Perspectives • We use different parts of our brain and will perceive situations • Must understand their viewpoint to provide effective support

Talking will only escalate the problem

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Give space for regulation

Effective Communication:

• Talk less listen more

Become a Master Listener

They need to feel heard without judgment or

Validation criticism! • Acknowledge the truth of their experience Helps Disarm• Recognize and accept their thoughts and feelings (even if they don’t make sense or seem absurd!)

drcarolinebuzanko.com

OR, even better… ADJECTIVE! Let me see if I got that. You said… Did I get it? Is there more?

Effective Communication

Unhelpful Communication You ignore perspective

You listen more than talk

Your attitude is not respectful and caring

You remain calm

You try to lecture, teach, nag, or fix the situation, share your agenda

You acknowledge their perspective

Talk too much

Your attitude is respectful and caring

Emotional escalation or power struggle

You respect their autonomy

Negativity

You ensure that they feel heard

Judgment

Taking things personally

How we talk is important

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Replace negativity with curiosity

Being an effective communicator is using nonviolent and responsive communication

Effectively expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs Verbal anger not directed to anyone

You have choice in every conversation: Connection vs. correction • Focus on connection – this motivates positive behaviours • Connect before correct!

Helpful to remember!

Verbal aggression towards others Physical aggression towards objects Physical aggression towards others

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Even if they challenge, we still have to work hard

RESPECTFUL

POSITIVE

NONAGGRESSIVE

ASSERTIVE

CARING

Remember: Many have worries about abandonment.

They need to feel they belong

drcarolinebuzanko.com

No matter what, they MUST believe: We are on your side!

Remember! Kids want to be and do good! So, let’s expect them to. Be proactive, set them up for success, and support them when they can’t.

Self-regulation Pyramid

Individual factors Opportunities Social connection Supportive environment

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Mismatch in demands and needs

School settings

Consider feedback loops If they aren’t experiencing success or getting their needs met, they become even more vulnerable

Fail & Avoid Fail & Avoid

Fail & Avoid

Behaviour!

Reprimanded

and strengthens worries

Freeze, distracted, non-compliant, explosive

Assigned task

Challenged (perceived or real)

Anxiety, self-doubt & criticism

drcarolinebuzanko.com

108

Get on Offense! Spend time putting support strategies in place vs. waiting for problem behaviours to happen. Do anything you can to promote positive behaviour • Greeting students as soon as you see them • Help them transition to/from various activities throughout their school day • Clear and simple expectations that are both reasonable and enforceable; • Provide the ability to problem-solve what needs to happen for them to be successful in challenging situations • Adults and kids take “practice breaks” before they really need them • Model appropriate tone, volume and cadence with students who are frustrated

Establishing Behaviour Expectations & Strategies

Involve child Start small! Few rules and build on successes State rules positively Make rules visible Teach & practice to success Use role play to keep kids actively engaged Train every day Automatize (requires less brain energy!) Tie new behaviours to existing ones Use positive motivators vs. Punishment Make rewards appealing and immediate Acknowledge adaptive behaviours Review expectations and support at point of performance Provide ongoing structure and support for success Choices 110 Structured breaks

Provide: • 3-5 expectations • Rationales • Immediate successes • Explicitly Teach • Examples and nonexamples of expected behaviours • Models

drcarolinebuzanko.com

MUST have Clear & Consistent Expectations & Limits

• Establishing predictable consequences for behaviour • Clear expectations and consequences for both desired and undesired behaviours. • Ideally, same expectations across settings

• Consistency helps them understand what is expected of them and reinforces positive behaviours.

Start the day off right

Backwards Behaviour Modification: Catch ‘em being good

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Find the Antidotes! Defies authority

• Follows directions; obeys rules

Destroys property

• Uses objects appropriately

Fights with others

• Plays, shares with, assists others

Hits others

• Solves problems verbally

Disrespectful

• Collaborates, accepts decisions • Express how they feel • Good natured & easy going

Irritable

• Is honest

Lies

I caught you!

Calling out

•Put up their hand

Name calling •Helping, complimenting Hitting

•Using words to express upset

Focus on ACKNOWLEDGEMENT (of contribution) vs. Praise

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Conduct an Acknowledgement Assessment! • How do you like being acknowledged? How do you hate being acknowledged? • Create a developmentally appropriate assessment form with a menu of lots of feasible options • Acknowledge students based on their preferences • Reflect and adjust!

Reward ideas Homework pass

Pass from a class or task

Store (e.g., pencils or erasers)

Lunch with the teacher

Bring a friend from another class

Free time in class or extra recess

Choose a seat for the day

Positive call home

Keep class mascot

Front of line pass

Clasroom coupons for privileges

Dance party

Treasure box

Movie

Bonus point

Talent show

Music choice

Late pass

Science experiment

Extra computer

Class leader

Teacher chair

Podcast

Scavenger hunt

Teacher dress up

Tootling Slip Who:

Suzie

Did What:

Helped figure out a problem in science.

From:

Chana

drcarolinebuzanko.com

When giving out discincentives, BE BORING, but when giving out rewards, BE PASSIONATE.

Remember context: Save Face Watch what you say when and where you say it

122

Interdependent Group- Oriented Contingencies • Creates a supportive classroom environment & adaptive behaviours through peer monitoring and influence. • Initially, ensure that they are successful as quick as possible • Activity rewards • Feasible and easy to deliver • Not something they have access to otherwise • Can be rewarded immediately more than delayed • Unknown, randomly selected • Reward the whole class for when the subgroup meets criteria (otherwise don’t say anything)

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Classwide Good Behaviour Game

Individualized Needs

• 2+ teams (I prefer adults vs. kids) • Review & post rules • Earn special privileges for having less than X rule violations • Each successful team accesses reward • Contingency: rule following connected with GROUP consequence • Leverages major classroom motivator for following rules: peers

• Have students with similar needs meet • At the start of the week, discuss • Successes • How to set them up for success • At the end of the week, • Review their successes • What they have to do over the weekend. • Attached meaning + value + support and care to boost confidence and engagement

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Check-In CheckOut (CICO)

• Enhanced student-adult relationships • Immediate feedback • Increased self-monitoring • Data-driven decision making

Self-regulation Pyramid

Individual factors Opportunities Social connection Supportive environment

Build Skills & Promote Success

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Focus on the student not the behaviour Externalize Behaviours & Work as a Team

The # 1 thing they need to learn? Behaviours are Driven by Emotion

131

For ALL Students: How to manage the experience of big emotions when they show up Not the actual trigger

132

drcarolinebuzanko.com

For all students: Curiosity is a key response to emotional experiences

133

Externalize

They are not their behaviour

Things to watch for: • Mind robbers • Brain drainers • Freaking out Fran • Mean Jean • Explosive Bob • Worry Wanda • Distracting Dan • Yelling McGee

Get on offense and make a plan together – you’re on the same team! • When does it show up? • How does it show up? • What can you do? • What support do you need? 134

Expose it Remind how emotions works  Yep, there’s Bob, that’s what it does.  Wow, it’s really working hard to make me yell today!  Yeah, I knew it’d show up now. It doesn’t want me to write the test.  It wants me to avoid new things.  It really knows how to try to stress people out.

135

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Emotions Likes to Keep us Stuck! Negatively influences affect, thoughts, behaviours

Thoughts of Past or Future

Keeping thinking of past or future

Negatively influences affect, thoughts, behaviours

At the expense of valuable information now 136

Planned Ignoring! • You are NOT going to respond to any of these henchmen: • Time wasters • Mind robbers • Brain drainers • Mean Jean • Explosive Bob • Worry Wanda • Distracting Dan • Yelling McGee

But you will be ready for the student when they have gotten off the escalator/taken back control of their PFC • When they _________

137

Core skills

Mindfulawareness emotion Mindful awareness

Cognitive flexibility

Increasing awareness and tolerance of physical sensations

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Identifying and modifying problematic emotional behaviours

Integration of above skills through emotion exposure to master adaptive responses

90% of what kids learn is from what they experience

139

Practice  Not being first in line  Losing a game  Meeting a cute puppy  iPad unavailable  Someone cheats at soccer  Making a mistake

Practice!

Structured teaching trials where we set up the stressor and teach students the skills they need to tolerate and cope with the stress

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Teaching (teach skills through small steps and supported interactions) vs. social stories Understand: Function of the behaviour Identify: Desired/expected behaviour Rationale: Ensure their buy-In Teach: Model, Role-play Practice: Structured & Success-oriented Evaluate: Constant feedback invisible

• Which child was most like you? • Why? • Who was successful? • What did they do to be successful? • Who wasn’t successful? • What could they have done to be successful? • When is it better to get the small reward right away vs. the big reward later? • When is it better to wait? • When have you chosen the bigger reward later over the smaller one right away? • What are your marshmallows? Your phones? iPad? Videogames? • When is it important to think before you act? • When do you NOT need to think before they act?

Goal: Waiting for things we want

Teaching Resistance training: Structured teaching trials to learn to resist the temptation  Do vs. not do  Proactive  Clear expectations and consequences  Ongoing support for success  Short redirection vs. lectures

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Create Many Opportunities to Focus on Emotions & Work on it Every day! Speak in front of a small group

Make small talk with someone new

Practice losing a game to someone who cheats

Use pictures, videos, or live encounters with feared bugs

Simulate test-taking conditions with practice exams or timed quizzes.

Role-play scenarios where express their concerns or assert themselves in a safe setting.

Create situations where they can safely express anger and practice coping strategies.

Tolerating not knowing what’s happening today.

Engage in activities they've been avoiding due to emotional discomfort.

Experience and tolerate physical sensations like increased heart rate through exercises.

Watch sad video

Kindie running away with the soccer ball in the middle of a game

LET THEM PLAY!!!

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LET THEM HELP!!! With IMPORTANT things Sooner vs. later

147

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Create challenges!  Challenge of the day, week, or month Work through things on their own Might get frustrated in the moment but the intrinsic reward once solved is far greater than if helped

Get Meta!

Cue (vs. prompt)  How will you get started?  How will know when you are done?  How will you keep going if it gets hard? If you are tired?  What will this look like?  How long will it take? (How long did it take before?)  How do you know what you need?  How do you know where to start?  How did you know how to do that?  What would you do the same way? Differently?  Did this meet your prediction of difficulty?  What have you done to be successful in the past? 150

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Mistake of the day/ Honourary Mistake Wall

Hard

Working on It

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Success!

Conflict Resolution

Conflict Resolution Teach! • Normal part of relationships! • Not a bad thing – can be positive • Examples of helpful vs. unhelpful responses

Practice Flexibility: Getting Unstuck • Looks like _____ is trying to make your amygdala stuck • What little change can help? • How can you try something different? • Have them think of hows • How will you respond? • How will you make your next move? • How will you handle (the situation)?

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Out of my control

In my control

Acceptance and Tolerance

Problem Solve

Problem-solving Help them be thinkers

Independent problem solvers to figure things out

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Identify the problem

Brainstorm all possible solutions

Problemsolving

Evaluate pros/cons of the feasible ideas

Make a plan

Implement & Tweak as needed

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Brainstorm, Practice, & Evaluate Options I hate writing and people will judge me Refuse to write Practice being flexible Get stuck

Get in trouble

Ask to use the computer

Ask to see Ms. K to help

Try what I can in class

Practice! • Problem-solving • Start with emotion free problems • Move toward emotionally charged situations

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Conflict Resolution Effective Communication Use teaching interactions  Reciprocity in relationships

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Drawbacks to Angry Interactions When is _________ helpful? When is it not helpful?

Promote self-reflection • What does prosocial behaviour mean? • How do you know when someone is being prosocial? • What types things have you done to help others? • How did it feel? • What are the benefits of helping others? • Who is someone you know who is kind or helps others? • How do they interact with others? • How come some people are prosocial and some aren’t? • How come some kids choose to bully others and some don’t? • Are some people prosocial sometimes and not others? • What gets in the way of them being prosocial sometimes? • What motivates you to be kind to others? • How do you think being prosocial affects your relationships with others?

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Model! • Polite & respectful behaviours • Verbal • nonverbal • Listening • Validating others • Collaboratively problem-solving

BONUS (IF TIME): Reactive Strategies

Avoid Reinforcing Problem Behaviours

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Avoid Counterproductive Approaches!

Lecturing

• Proactively establish expectations & calmly remind them

• Pre-established expectations, active listening, choices

Power struggles • Privacy! Arguing Confrontation

• Stay calm and assertive

• Wait until calm & offer invitation • Establish regular meeting times

Avoid Counterproductive Approaches! Threatening

• Clear, concise, consistent logical/natural consequences proactively established

Unhelpful communication

• Validate their feelings • Active listening & collaboration

Inconsistency & Snap decisions

• Consistently enforce rules and apply consequences

Labelling

• Focus most on adaptive behaviours • Focus on behaviour not the child

Avoid Punishment Limited effectiveness in behaviour change • Increased aggression, avoidance, delinquent behaviours, and school dropout • Higher re-offense rates • Negative impact on academic achievement & social success • Does not teach skills • Damage to adult-child relationships • Contributes to long-term negative consequences

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Get Them Thinking About Their Own Behaviours • Your choice. No skin off my back! • Ask questions • What is this, a preschool?

Put them to work With an IMPORTANT JOB

Act vs. Talk

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Behavioural momentum • Give quick instructions of high probability requests in succession • Add lower probability Instruction

When crisis hits

Cycle of escalation CRISIS Triggered

Heating Up

Calm

De-escalation Settling

Calm (may be exhausted)

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Get Curious Not Furious

Separate Consequence Discussions from Emotional Validation

Verbal aggression Master listener & compassion • Acknowledge the upset & validate their experience • You understand their pain • Show safety • Praise! They are communicating with words! • Be natural and neutral

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Verbal aggression & Threats • Doable & targeted to someone • Dangerous (especially if they are holding scissors etc.!) • Doable but not targeted at anyone specific • Credible but less predictable

Always: • Validate & listen • Disarm • Stay calm • Don’t take it personally! • Lots of love & positive attention when calm

• Use environment to create safety

Verbal aggression & Threats • Yell or swear at someone specific without threats • Yell or swear without threats to no one in particular

• Screaming – likely sensory overload

Always: • Validate & listen • Disarm • Stay calm • Don’t take it personally! • Lots of love & positive attention

• Teach boundaries proactively • In crisis though: Meh • Just words • Normal reaction • Helps release tension (better than aggression!) • Stay calm • Otherwise, we teach this is an effective hurtful strategy

How would you respond? You are the worst person in the universe and I hate you. You are a dumb f&%ing a%%hole.

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Ideas on how to respond? Master listener & compassion • Acknowledge the upset & validate their experience • You understand their pain • Show safety • Be natural and neutrak

“Ugh, you really don’t like this math. I can see how upset you are and hate the thought of doing this right now.”

• Always validate their experience and • Ensure they feel that we understand.

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• Teach skills • Break cards • Modify environment • Proactive breaks • Intermittent reinforcement In the class (and missing out when not)

Escape behaviours

Physical aggression Adults & Kids Master De-Escalation & Crisis Management

Physical aggression towards you Dignity & respect Create safety Collaborative Framework De-escalation strategies • Create space • Call for help

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Physical aggression: Escorting or Evacuation? Avoid physical restraint, but: • When, How, Who & Where • Return plan afterwards Evacuation system: • Subtle! Don’t make a big deal about the behaviour • Code word & practice drills

• Likely not helpful (they already know what they did wrong) • Collaborate

Managing Behaviours When you feel the need to respond

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It is critical that students can save face and have the chance to self-correct or solve the problem on their own

Least-to-most intrusive response

Choice

Proactive conversations

Understand what the behaviour tells us

Overall framework for behaviour change

Address motivation of behaviour and behaviour change

How is the child motivated

Teach skills

Safety, mutual respect

Promoting Prosocial Emotions

Feelings to promote: Gratitude

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RELATIONSHIPS

EMPATHY

HAPPINESS

PERSEVERANCE

DELAY GRATIFICATION

DISTRACTION

Easier to ask for help – everyone is!

Initiate helping others on their own

Promotes generosity

Promotes contribution

Creates connection

What did someone do today to make you happy?

What did you do to make someone else happy?

Gratitude Rituals

What have you learned today?

What inspired you today?

What surprised you today?

What do you appreciate, mom, dad, sibling for?

Gratitude Rituals

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Acts of Kindness

Model Gratitude • Show appreciation and highlight the good • I noticed! notes • Openly talk about what you and others appreciate and are grateful for • Show them acts of kindness

Feelings to Promote:

Interest in Asks for help school Effective when problem needed solver Assertive

Independent

Positive outlook Realistic

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Pride Initiative

Empathetic

Responsible & trustworthy

Pride! Master of fate Feeling good through hard task

Have fun to boost motivation!

Success Persistence despite frustration

Instil a love for learning

Intrinsic motivation and momentum with tasks

Finishing something hard = wonderful feelings to capitalize on

PASSION VS.

ENVIRONMENT?

Satisfying Work

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Who we work with

Environment!

Our work is valuable • Contribution • Recognition

Satisfying Work

Building Pride • Focus on Connection & Cooperation!!! • Valued skills = authentic pride • Assign specific, important responsibilities • Planning important events • Important jobs • Include in decision making

Building Pride • Become an area expert • Even if they are working independently, work longer and on harder tasks when they think they are contributing to the group • Assign certain questions to work towards group completion

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC

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Compassion Criticism buries Kindness and Connection!

Motivates through failure

Helps overcome anxiety, avoidance, procrastination Promotes academic engagement Promotes empathy and cooperation

 Through similarity

Building Compassion

 Create social belonging in as many ways as possible  Any cue: wristbands, colour shirts, birthdays, class shirts, team jerseys  Collaborative tasks. Use skills to contribute in their way  Giving or receiving help on something important

Safe, nurturing relationships… Sense of contribution • Brainstorm ideas how to support others • Acknowledge classmate/teacher/ supervisor’s birthdays (1:1 responsibility) • Collaborative tests • Evaluate programs and activities • Written surveys and focus groups

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https://parentsoftheyear.buzzsprout.com/

https://bit.ly/overpoweringemotionspodcast

Caroline Buzanko, PhD, R. Psych. Koru Family Psychology info@korupsychology.ca drcarolinebuzanko.com

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Bonus Resources

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Developing a personal action plan What traps do I need to get out of?

How can I improve my approach for effective communication?

What can I do proactively ?

What can I start collaboratively problem-solving?

What I can do to strengthen our relationship?

Still need support!!

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Co-regulation support

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Very Challenging Behaviours  Physical aggression  Verbal aggression  Running away  Screaming  Hitting  Face turning red  Crying

Optimize the Environment: Self-Assessment

• Is the classroom arranged to accommodate the needs of all students? Is the home environment organized in a way that supports structured activities and routines for your child? • Are routines been established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? • Are there three to five positive expectations outlined and prominently displayed? Have these been clearly defined and taught to children? • Are prompts and active supervision used proactively to guide behaviour positively in anticipation of potential challenges? • Is there a variety of opportunities for children to actively participate and engage at a high frequency, encouraging positive interactions and learning? • Is specific praise and other positive reinforcement strategies regularly used to acknowledge and encourage the behaviors you wish to see more frequently? • Are reminders consistently provided before a potential behavioural issue arises, to preemptively address and guide expected behaviour? • Are responses to misbehaviours appropriate, consistent, and systematic, ensuring a clear understanding of consequences? • Is there a system in place for collecting and analyzing behaviour-related data to inform strategies and interventions?

Consider

• Safety and adaptability • Regularly assess the home for safety, ensuring that furniture and home setups do not pose risks and are adaptable to the child’s changing needs.

Are routines established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? In the Classroom: Elementary Examples

High School Examples

Routines At Home

Connections to Positive Activities & Organizations

Sports & Physical Exercise

Music

Volunteering

Clubs or after school jobs

Consistent routines & lesson structure

Talk less

Clear expectations

Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

Revisit and reinforce expectations

Things to look forward to through the day!

Structured tasks & teaching

Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules

One predictable detail at a time

Visual schedules and time organizers

Minimize distractions

Individualized checklists for task completion

Helpful • Engaging (interests)

• Clear expectations

• Immediate consequences

• Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

• Frequent feedback

• Things to look forward to through the day!

• Personally important or relevant

• Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

• Early

• One predictable detail at a time

• Supervised

• Minimize distractions

• 1:1 • Structured • Clear expectations and jobs • Close to needed materials • Quiet/low arousal • Choices • Consistent routines & lesson structure

Not so helpful

• Have students with similar needs meet

Individualized Needs

• At the start of the week, discuss • Successes • How to set them up for success • At the end of the week, • Review their successes • What they have to do over the weekend.

• Attached meaning + value + support and care to boost confidence and engagement

Types of Reinforcement Verbal praise Social or activity

Tangible

• Object or food • Temporary or permanent • Logical & pair with verbal

Token

• Sticker, coupon, marble & back-up • Logical & pair with verbal • Manageable

Reward ideas Homework pass

Pass from a class or task

Store (e.g., pencils or erasers)

Lunch with the teacher

Bring a friend from another class

Free time in class or extra recess

Choose a seat for the day

Positive call home

Keep class mascot

Front of line pass

Clasroom coupons for privileges

Dance party

Treasure box

Movie

Bonus point

Talent show

Music choice

Late pass

Science experiment

Extra computer

Class leader

Teacher chair

Podcast

Scavenger hunt

Teacher dress up

8 Forces of Motivation Gregariousness

Inquisitiveness

Power

Affiliation

• Need to belong

• Need to know

• Need for control

• Need to associate and belong

Autonomy

Aggression

Recognition

• Need for independence

• Need to assert

• Need for acknowledgement

Making Sense of Adolescence the myths and the challenges

- an a%achment-based developmental approach -

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Clinical & Developmental Psychologist Founder of the Neufeld Institute Vancouver, Canada

A JACK HIROSE SEMINAR Richmond, B.C. November 27, 2024

www. neufeldins,tute.org

Adolescence - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

Making Sense of Adolescence: the myths and the challenges

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Developmental & Clinical Psychologist Founder of Neufeld Institute Vancouver, Canada

MYTH #1 – Adolescence is primarily about autonomy and independence “... so parents need to let go” “ adolescents need to separate from parents in order to become their own persons”

CHILD -

ADULT -

HOOD

THE MASTER BLUEPRINT OF HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT

integration

differentiation & separation

fusion and attachment

Adolescence - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Adolescents need to be MORE aHached, not less, to bridge the separaIon from parents, and to realize their potenIal for individuaIon

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

The DEEPER the aHachment, the less conﬂict between togetherness and separateness

ATTACHMENT sets the stage ... ... for ONE to be the ANSWER to ANOTHER

shields from outside stress and gives illusion of safety

for orien:ng, belonging, retrea:ng & launching; shapes shyness

shapes form and ‘goodness’, opens to direc:on & inﬂuence

ADULT T R U - wounding by others S T - losses and I lacks N - neglect and G rejection TEEN

D E P E shaming or N - put-downs D - abuses and E violations N - distress and C adversity E

Adolescence - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

PROVIDING CARE

SEEKING CARE

dependent insIncts dependent instincts • for an invitation to exist

alpha instincts

• for contact and connection • for sameness & belonging

• for warmth & love • for recognition • for significance

seeking

• to get one’s bearings

PROVID

ING

• for safety and comfort

• for understanding • for a relational ‘home’ • for a sense of togetherness

We are meant to fit together in hierarchical attachment arrangements of CASCADING CARE

a NATURAL arrangement in harmony with the dynamics of aHachment and the principles of development

as opposed to contrived arrangements based on social roles, gender stereotypes, prevailing assumpIons of equality, or parIcular dynamics between parents and children or between partners of a couple or in friendship

Our objective should be to embed in CASCADING CARE as opposed to pushing for independence or promoIng self-care

Adolescence - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

MYTH #1 – Adolescence is primarily about autonomy and independence “... so parents need to let go” “rebellion is a necessary part of becoming one’s own person and therefore a rite of passage in adolescence”

“ adolescents need to separate from parents in order to become their own persons”

CHILD-

ADULT -

HOOD

PURPOSE: to protect the developing WILL ... WILL of OTHERS values & goals designs & purposes intentions & initiative COUNTER•WILL

preferences & priorities judgements & opinions expectations & hopes plans & decisions wants & wishes

... when the a8achment drive is not ac:vely engaged

Counterwill is primarily an ins:nct of a8achment meant to protect from coercion outside of engaged a8achment

Counterwill will be triggered when... the pressure experienced > the pursuit of proximity

commands

impulse to comply

obligations

urge to make it work

expectations

desire to please

demands

inclination to defer

pressure

desire to measure up

forcefulness

desire to be good

Counterwill can also result from weakened or unengaged a8achment, not just from a push for autonomy

Adolescence - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

MYTH #2 – Adolescence is when peers should ma8er more “peer interac:on is essen:al to healthy development” “socializing leads to socializa:on”

“dependence upon peers is a step towards independence from parents and thus a posi:ve development”

CHILD-

ADULT -

HOOD

PEER ORIENTATION

Children taking their cues from each other as to how to act, what to do, how to talk, what to wear, how to express oneself, what is valued, what is expected, what is right and what is wrong

The compeOng nature of most peer aRachments today (ie, can’t be close to both peers and adults simultaneously) pulls children out of orbit from around the adults responsible for them.

THE PROBLEMS WITH PEER ORIENTATION • does NOT serve survival as children were not meant to take care of each other

• breeds ALPHA children and fosters DEPERSONALIZATION

• destroys the natural context for raising & educaIng children

• fuels a preoccupaIon with digital devices and social media, which further compete with family

• robs adults of the power they need to parent, teach and treat • the more peers maHer, the more separaIon to be faced, resulIng in escalaIng emoOonal distress • robs children of the shielding and protecIon they need to live in an wounding world

• is not conducive to feeling, as the vulnerability is too much to bear and safety is lacking • can result in chaoIc polarizaIon & tribalizaOon which in turn can create a ‘lord of the ﬂies’ scenario

Adolescence - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

positive polarity seeks to be with makes contact endears looks up to aRends & listens to imitates & emulates possesses is loyal to holds dear aRempts to ﬁnd favour makes things work for seeks to maRer to seeks to please befriends loves shares secrets with or keeps the secrets of

Hirose Seminars - Vancouver - Nov 27, 2024

negative polarity shies away from resists contact alienates looks down upon ignores & disregards mocks & mimics disowns opposes & betrays holds in contempt ridicules and derides spoils things for discounts as not maRering annoys and irritates eschews loathes keeps secrets from or creates secrets about

INSIDIOUS IMPACT OF PEER ORIENTATION • loss of safety and thus increased wounding & defendedness

• elevated & unresolved alarm, frustraIon, and pursuit, manifesIng in countless syndromes associated with mental illness • aHachment tribalizaIon, polarizaIon depersonalizaIon hypersexualizaIon, and resulIng obsessions & addicIons

• loss of feeling and thus true growth, adaptaIon, and well-being

• lack of received care resulIng in increased distress and restlessness including boredom

• stuck in the aHachment drive resulIng in developmental arrest and loss of playfulness