Spring 2019 by Just Between Us

E N C O U RA G I N G & E Q U I P P I N G W O M E N F O R A L I F E O F FA I T H Spring 2019

Resting Your Soul

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Trusting Through Heartbreak An Interview with Lysa TerKeurst by Suzan Braun, pg 18

by Ruth Haley Barton, pg14

The Resilient Life by Lisa Elliott, pg16

11 Living with Purpose

NEW Column by Jennie Allen

24 A Friend to Hold You Up

36 You Can Heal After the #MeToo Movement 1

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26 How to Care for a Chronically Ill Child

God is with you. He is for you.

s ’ t r a e h your

He hears

NOW

AVAILABLE WITH

LEATHERLIKE BINDING

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cry.

BEST-SELLING WOMEN´S DEVOTIONAL by Our Daily Bread 2

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Welcome from the Editor

Another new for JBU is our word for the year— trust. How much of the Christian life really comes down to whether or not we will trust God? Sometimes it can be such a difficult journey. We’re excited to bring you our faith conversation with author and speaker Lysa TerKeurst, on page 18. She talks candidly about trusting God when the worst happens: “Trusting God is the hardest lesson to learn but the most crucial. We trust a God who allows hurt. But we also trust a God who uses hurt for good… I’ve learned how to have a deeper trust in God even when—especially when—life doesn’t make sense.” We know your heart will grow in trust by reading her incredible story. A new column with author, speaker, and IF: Gathering founder Jennie Allen is on page 11. We are excited to see the ways God will use Jennie’s column “Living with Purpose” in your lives. Jennie and our own Jill Briscoe have ministered together throughout the years serving in a maximumsecurity prison in Texas, and now at the IF: Gathering, where Jill is a regular speaker. Praying God makes us all new in ways we never imagined this coming year…so that when we flip the chapter of our stories at the end of 2019 we’ll be able to say with Paul, “the old has gone, the new is here!” And that we will become new women trusting God in all areas of our lives—and even though we continue to be works in progress—knowing it is a process that is making us look more and more like our Savior. What could be better than that? Happy New Year! Until next time,

Shelly Esser has been the editor of Just Between Us for the last 29 years.

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WOW…I can’t believe I get to do another year with you wonderful women. It’s my prayer that you realize you are more than just magazine readers to us; you are part of our very hearts and women we love, care, and pray for. Because of our unique sisterhood, we have the opportunity to grow in faith together and encourage each other to do great things for God! We’re excited to watch the many ways God is going to show up in each of your lives this year. With every new year, I think about our lives being like the flipping of pages in a story with new beginnings, with new chapters. While the story of our lives continues from one year into the next, there’s something incredibly exciting about standing on the edge of something new—a new year with God, family, friends, and life. I liken it to what Paul says in 2 Cor. 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; The old has gone, the new is here!” Think about all the possibilities for new beginnings in the months ahead—letting go of old resentments, offering forgiveness, loving our enemies, walking in the Spirit, conquering sin habits, stepping into the unknown holding Christ’s hand, and trusting He will be with us every step of the way in whatever new things arrive. I love to think about what God will be up to in our lives this new year…what new relationships will He introduce us to, what new projects will He ask us to say yes to, what new things will we discover about Him, and what new difficulties will we face, but not without His constant presence?

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Contents vol 29 no 2 S P R I N G 2 0 1 9

An Invitation to Retreat Sources of our exhaustion and why we need to rest. by Ruth Haley Barton

Becoming Resilient How to walk through the tough stuff and come out stronger.

24 30 Arms Held High The power of standing in the gap for your friends. by Lindsey Carney

by Lisa Elliott

My 90-Day Bible Adventure Read the Bible in only 90 days. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a challenge worth taking. by Cherry Hoffner

E N C O U RA

QUIPPIN GING & E

Spring 2019

Resting Your Soul

org

etweenus. www.justb

Trusting Through Heartbreak

urst with Lysa TerKe An Interview , pg18 by Suzan Braun

Barton, pg14

The Resilient Life , pg16 by Lisa Elliott

by 11 Living with ColumnAllen Jennie Purpose to 24 A Friend Hold You Up NEW

2019

for 26 How to Carely a Chronical Ill Child Heal 36 You Can Too After the #Me Movement

G us S P R I N just between

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by Ruth Haley

H E O F FA I T FOR A LIF G WOMEN

FOR SUBSCRIPTIONS call toll-free 800-260-3342, or visit our website justbetweenus.org. From Canada call 262-786-6478.

Healing After #MeToo Discovering the One who came to bring healing to all of those who have been oppressed, victimized, and abused. by Dr. Juli Slattery

women at risk

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A Treasure Chest of Gifts Made by and Sold in Support of At-Risk and Rescued Women

Visit Us In-Store, Shop Online, or Host a Pop-Up Boutique! warchestboutique.com

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The WAR Chest Boutique is the retail arm of the nonprofit organization Women At Risk, International. WAR, Int’l exists to create circles of protection around women and children, whispering worth and hope into their lives. WAR, Int’l creates safe places for women and children rescued from many risk issues, including human trafficking and sexual slavery.

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Contents

CREDITS Founder/ Executive Editor Jill Briscoe

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Editor Shelly Esser General Manager Mary Perso

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun Web Director Mary Ann Prasser Editorial Assistants Aubrey Adams Carol Becwar Constance B. Fink Gayle Gengler Betty Hinds Cherry Hoffner Melinda Papador Jen Symmonds Susan Vanselow Ronnie Wendt

I N S P I R AT I O N Welcome Letter

Between You and Me Joni’s Corner

Kisses from Katie Bits & Pieces

Art Director Kelly Perso

Living with Purpose

Transparent Moments Poem by Jill Briscoe

Circulation Manager Suzan Braun Web Debbie Wicker Renewals Manager Nancy Krull Marketing Julie Santiago Director of Mission Advancement/ Social Media Ashley Schmidt Subscriptions Rebecca Loesche Julie Matthews Mary Richards Lin Sebena Software Support Rebecca Loesche Photographers Wayde Peronto/ Babboni Photography Jennifer Abercrombie Brian Schindler

Advisory Board Anita Carman Pam Farrel Judy Briscoe Golz Nancy Grisham Pam MacRae Elizabeth Murphy Jackie Oesch Stephanie Seefeldt

NEW

ADVERTISING Ellie Dunn For more information call 856.582.0690 ext. 2# or email ellie@carldunn.com.

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FA I T H C O N V E R S AT I O N S Redeeming Brokenness Lysa TerKeurst talks candidly about her personal journey of discovering how our disappointments can be the divine appointments we need to encounter God in a deeper way—and how God sees us through every heartbreak. by Suzan Braun 18

F E AT U R E S

by Linda Jinkens 40

When a Kiss Can’t Make It Better Walking through your child’s chronic illness with hope.

by Shelly Esser 26

What If Every Family had an Auntie Alpha? Changing the world, one person at a time.

ENCOURAGEMENT It is Well

The Deeper Life

The Homefront

by Constance B. Fink 32

I Gave Up Nagging My Husband for Lent… How one woman’s decision to stop convincing her husband to see things her way gave her the marriage partnership she always wanted. by Peggy Wehmeyer 34

I Was in Prison and You Visited Me Is God calling you to a jail ministry?

On the Cover Our featured interviewee, Lysa TerKeurst, is gracing this issue’s cover. See her interview on page 18.

MANUSCRIPTS/QUERIES (cannot be returned) Send requests for writer’s guidelines and all manuscripts to: Just Between Us, Editor 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045 Email: submissions@justbetweenus.org

SUBSCRIPTIONS Subscription Price: $19.95 per year for four issues. Outside US, add $6 per year prepaid US currency; $5 in Canada. Gift Your Ministries: Group subscriptions are now available at reduced rates. Encourage and inspire the women who make ministry happen at your church or other places of outreach or service to others. Energize their relationships, refresh their faith, and become equipped as a team for facing ministry challenges through JBU. For more information, call 800-260-3342 today! Just Between Us (ISSN 1069-3459) is published quarterly by Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045-3701. Make all checks and money orders payable to: Just Between Us, Subscription Orders 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045 To order by phone, or for more information: call 800.260.3342. From Canada call 262.786.6478. Email: jbu@justbetweenus.org Website: www.justbetweenus.org Periodical Postage Paid at Brookfield, WI and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Just Between Us, 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Just Between Us is a member publication of the Evangelical Press Association. Copyright ©2019 by Just Between Us. All rights reserved. Printed in USA. We occasionally share subscriber mailing addresses with select organizations. If you would like your name removed from direct mail promotional lists, please call 800-260-3342 or email jbu@justbetweenus.org.

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Between You and Me “Trouble is a great growth hormone. It takes us from being spiritual dwarfs to spiritual giants— if we respond rightly to it.” there friendless, loveless, childless, cashless, jobless, powerless, or clueless? “Is anyone in trouble? He should pray!” Trouble is a great growth hormone. It takes us from being spiritual dwarfs to spiritual giants—if we respond rightly to it. A few years ago, our family moved into crisis mode. I listened to myself praying. I was shocked. I heard myself praying like an unbeliever. I was praying panic prayers, indulging in angry tirades, and using bargaining language. “Where is my prayer life just when I need it the most?” I asked God. Hard on the heels of that thought came the realization that this trouble was going to do wonders for my prayer life! And it did. Trouble can, in fact, jump-start our prayer life. If we respond to divinely permitted trouble instead of reacting against it, we will find that the situation does two things for us. It will show us that our devotional life isn’t working, and it will show us how to work on making it work! So when trouble comes, don’t resist it as if it is an enemy; rather, welcome it as a friend. Let it drive you to your knees. Think about it. If trials persist, it just may be that you will persist in prayer. Looking back, I can see how constant pressure kept me in the Lord’s presence, and for that, I am grateful. Blessings,

Jill Briscoe is the Founder and Executive Editor of Just Between Us. She is also a popular author and international speaker living in suburban Milwaukee, Wis., with her husband Stuart.

Ministry on the Go Share a favorite book with a friend who needs encouragement.

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Pray When Trouble Troubles You It’s hard to pray when trouble troubles us, isn’t it? And yet, God has allowed enough trouble in all of our lives to keep us on our knees. In the book of James, James sets his remarks about prayer in the context of trouble. “Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray,” he says (Jas. 5:13). We should, but do we? It has been my experience that my prayer life seizes up as soon as trouble pokes its ugly head into my life. But in the end I look back and recognize that without the trouble, there would have been very little praying at all. If we are desperate enough, trouble forces us to spend time with God. When we first came to live in the U.S., our children were thrilled with the music programs in the public schools. All of them wanted to play an instrument. “I want to play the drums,” seven-year-old Pete announced! I was aghast and hastily signed him up for clarinet! This was a serious mistake. He never practiced because he didn’t want to play the clarinet; he wanted to play the drums. One day he came whistling into the kitchen carrying his clarinet. “Pray for me, Mom,” he said. “It’s try outs at school for band, and I want first chair clarinet!” “I can’t pray that for you, Pete. You haven’t practiced in months.” “If I’d practiced, I wouldn’t need you to pray,” he retorted! Many of us are like Pete. We never practice prayer, but when urgent business arises, we expect to know exactly what to say and how to say it. Trouble gives us the grand opportunity to practice for the concert. What sort of trouble was James talking about? All sorts. Little troubles and big ones. He mentions relational troubles: “Confess your sins to each other” (Jas. 5:16); and he deals with sin troubles: “Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins” (v. 20). Is any among you hurting? Has your spouse left you? Has someone mistreated you at work? Have you been passed over or gotten the bad part of a deal? Is there someone out

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Joni’s Corner

heart-to-heart with Joni Eareckson Tada

Email me! response@ joniandfriends.org.

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Visit my site! joniandfriends.org

Seeds of Promise Poke your head outside, take a deep breath, and smell the fragrance of spring. There’s nothing like digging in damp earth, planting a tomato, sunflower, or watermelon seed then watering, waiting, and watching it grow. I recall spring days on the farm when my sister Jay would press a whole row of tomato seedlings into the ground. She’d dust the dirt off her hands and plan all sorts of yummy summertime menus, from fried tomatoes to zesty gazpacho. And to think it all begins with a tiny seed. I’ve lived in a wheelchair over 50 years, and when I dream about my glorified body in heaven, my thoughts wander to seeds. Like in 1 Cor. 15:37, “You do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed... and just as we have borne the image of the earthly man [Adam], so shall we bear the image of the heavenly man [Jesus]” (1 Cor. 15:37, 49). Consider the tomato seeds my sister planted. If you were to tell that tiny seed that one day it would be four feet tall with lush branches from which fat red fruit would dangle…that seed would say you were crazy! A big tomato plant bears absolutely no resemblance to the seed sown from the packet. The two, although related, seem as different as

night and day. Yet they are the same. Somehow, within that little tomato seed is the promise and pattern of the new creation it will become. And somehow, within us is the pattern of the heavenly persons we will one day become. You and what you’ll be one day are one and the same, yet different. Sitting in my wheelchair, I love dreaming about that day when I will have a splendorous new body. What kind of body? One day we will bear the likeness of Jesus, the man from heaven.

I’m growing with a goal: to one day bear the likeness of the man from heaven, Jesus. It’s so much more than having hands that work and feet that walk. That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor. 2:9). Trying to conceive of my glorious heavenly body is like asking a hairy coconut to appreciate what it means to be a tall, graceful palm tree. Or a stinky flower bulb to appreciate what it means to be colorful and fragrant. It’s like asking a fuzzy caterpillar to appreciate the feeling of flying. It’s impossible, yet each is the same thing as its seed.

Scripture does, however, provide a great clue for a curious Christian. Philippians 3:21 says, “that Jesus will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.” Our bodies will be like that of our Lord’s—perfectly suited for earth and heaven—and I can’t wait! It’s why I want to be an obedient little seed. I want to “die to self,” as any good seed would. I want to “wait on the Lord,” even in the dark, absorbing the water of His Word and sprouting deep roots. I want to keep my face toward the Son as I grow. Because I’m growing with a goal: to one day bear the likeness of the man from heaven, Jesus. I wish you could spend a lazy late spring afternoon with me back on the farm, sipping tea, and watching Jay’s garden grow. We’d sit and talk about how tasty our fried tomatoes would be, but we’d also talk about the lesson of the seed, and how we’ll blossom in heaven. Until that time, thank you for keeping on the side of the Son. If it wants to grow, it’s what any good seed would do. Joni Eareckson Tada, the founder of Joni and Friends International Disability Center, is an advocate for people with disabilities, providing Christ-centered programs for special-needs families through retreats. She has also delivered over 100,000 wheelchairs and Bibles to disabled people in developing nations. Her new daily devotional, A Spectacle of Glory, contains fresh biblical insights from her battle with cancer and chronic pain. Joni also serves as general editor of the new Beyond Suffering Bible, a special edition published by Tyndale for those who suffer chronic conditions, and their caregivers. She and her husband, Ken, live in Calabasas, Calif.

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Kisses from Katie

living the surrendered life with Katie Davis Majors

Visit my sites! amazima.org katiemajors.blog

Who is God when we are clinging to the side? He is the One who comes right where we are. He is the One who takes our hand, pulls us back to the middle, and won’t let us go. “Remember, love?” He whispers, “You can swim. I taught you how.” And He doesn’t let go, not ever. Stiffened in panic and doubt, I sink, but as I relax and lean into Him, the floating comes back easily. The side is not nearly as marvelous as it is out here. The hope and joy that is found in Jesus Christ, who is working all things for the good of those who love Him, is enough to carry me. We know this, but we all forget. Life’s hard stings cause me to question. But I believe that He will make it all beautiful one day. But what about today? Can I open my eyes to see that He is making it beautiful now? Right this moment? Because as He pulls me closer to the center of His will, He is only pulling me closer to Himself. As I choose to trust Him again and again, He promises to draw me closer to Himself—and that’s the only place I want to be. Stop fighting it. Stop holding on so tightly to what you thought you needed for security. He’s asking us to come out here to the center. He won’t let us go—and it’s marvelous. Katie Davis Majors lives in Uganda. She and her husband, Benji, are the parents of 13 adopted daughters and two sons. In 2008, she started Amazima Ministries International, a non-profit organization to meet the physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual needs of the people of Uganda (amazima.org). Additionally, she is an author.

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Trusting God’s Perfect Will She clings tightly to the edge of the pool with the fear of the unknown. My eyes grow hot but I fight it, surely you can’t cry on the side of the public baby pool in the middle of a perfect Sunday afternoon. I taught her how to swim. But it has been two years since she’s lived in my home and longer since she’s been in a pool. The swirl of the cold water and the way it will carry you if you simply relax, but pulls you under when you stiffen in panic, has become foreign to her. “Come on!” Patricia pulls at her. She’s the same age now that Jane was on the day when I packed her backpack and sent her home with her mother. I let the tears fall and ask God, “What do I do with grief like this?” “Give it to me,” He whispers. As the tears clear, I see that Patricia has pulled her reluctant friend into the center of the pool. The water reaches only to her chest, but still she is tentative. I know that look in her eyes even as her face tries to smile. Within minutes the reserve melts into relief. The pool! We like the pool! And there she is dancing and splashing and laughing with the rest of them. The big girls can’t resist all this giggling joy and they pull all three

over into the big pool. Again her eyes dart. Is it safe here? She grabs for the edge. But the big girls pull her to the middle and when they don’t let go, she regains her confidence. Soon she’s swimming, splashing, and laughing, fully comfortable with the water around her, and when it is time to go, she is the hardest to get out. I wrap her in a towel and repent as I pull her close. You would think that I would just be thankful that we still occasionally get time with her. Who has to give up a child and then still gets to see her sometimes? I know I should be grateful for this gift. But I’m clinging to the side of the pool. I am clinging to the past and to my what-I-thought-should-be instead of to His perfect what-will-be. I know about the middle of the pool. I know how to swim! I’ve tasted and I have seen that the Lord is good; I have testified with my mouth and known deep in my heart that His will is better than all my plans. I have put together the right words, tied it up in a neat little bow, and written it up for the world to see—His will is the best! But today a big broken piece of my heart is clinging to the side, longing for the past and the way I thought I wanted life to be. And the reality is, when I cling here, I don’t have to say a word. My white knuckles and my tense body and the posture of my heart say, “But what if it’s not? What if His will is just scary cold water and I’ll just stay here on the edge?” And right there on the side of the pool, He uses this little one to bring me to my knees, again.

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Bits & Pieces

for everyday faith and life

Blessing Others with Comfort Verses So many people around us are hurting. Some need comfort or release from fear, while others need confidence to face difficulties. Do you want to give someone a double blessing? The next time you hear of someone in need, prayerfully select an appropriate Scripture and include it in the card or letter you send. The friend will love hearing from you, and God’s Word may be just what she needs to keep going.

Resurrection Cards

Words of Wisdom

This past year at our church, we had a station where you could write on a card what you wanted Jesus to resurrect in your life during Lent and then hang it to a display. I loved this idea so much that I plan to implement this in our home. I want to be intentional about asking Jesus what things He wants to resurrect in me this year, and then put them up so I will keep bringing them before the Father in faith.

“It’s not up to me to choose who I am supposed to love. The second we start drawing lines around which people are able to be approached and which aren’t, we’ve already completely missed the heart of God. One thing I know is that I can’t choose who I’m supposed to be kind to and who I’m not, because that’s the mission, right? Be who Christ was…to everyone.”

~Lauren Daigle

“When you are giving everything you have and you can only take so much CHRIST KNEELS CLOSE WITH ARMS STRETCHED OPEN WIDE and says ‘Let me take the rest.’” ~Ann Voskamp

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Write Us! Please send your short (250 words or less) snippets to: submissions@ justbetweenus.org.

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Living with Purpose a life that matters with Jennie Allen

Visit my sites! jennieallen.com ifgathering.com

meant it when He said, “To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also” (Luke 2:28), because it is the most freeing way to live. (Note: I did not say easy.) Humility is often closely connected to humiliation. This is because we can only fake humility alone in the dark on back rows. Humility is built in battle, in the moments you are running and fighting and leading, and you fall, and people see, and then they know you aren’t God, and you remember you desperately need God. People liking you is overrated. Seeking everyone’s approval will steal some of life’s best moments. Let pleasing God become bigger than pleasing people, and watch Him move through you in new ways. Jennie Allen is a Bible teacher, author, and the founder and visionary of IF: Gathering. Additionally, she is the author of Restless, Anything, and her most recent book, Nothing to Prove. Her Bible studies include Stuck, Chase, Restless, and Proven. Jennie has a master’s in biblical studies from Dallas Theological Seminary and lives in Dallas, Tex., with her husband, Zac, and their four children, Conner, Kate, Caroline, and Cooper.

Jenni’s new 40day devotional called Made for This is out this month! This 40-day interactive journey is a step-by-step process to guide women in answering life’s ultimate question— “Why am I here?” Available everywhere books are sold. 11

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No Longer Afraid of Criticism In the early days of my ministry, feelings of pressure, adrenaline, failure, joy, conflict, and paralyzing fear consumed me. Due to a terrible case of people-pleasing and fear of public humiliation, I existed entirely on the back row of life, my gifts tucked neatly under my chair in the name of humility. I led a group of women through a Bible study about the stuck places in our lives. Near the end of that study, two people voiced criticism about the very fears that had paralyzed me before: my motives. I had stepped out and led in our community, and I was potentially coming off as arrogant to people I cared about. I craved a return to the safety of the back row and the anonymity it once had given me. As I shared this hurt with my friend Karen, rather than comfort me with all the good things that God had done, she simply asked me, “Is God pleased with you in this?” With 100 percent certainty I answered, “Yes, He is.” The last few months had been difficult. I had acted in obedience, pushing through my fears of approval to lead for His name’s sake and for people’s healing and freedom. I could not say that my motives were in the right place at other times in my life, but this time I had complete peace. Then Karen said, “Then what else is there?”

At the core of our souls lie our volitions, our wills, our deepest desires. Karen asked me a question she could not know the answer to. She asked me if my motives were pure. She asked me if my heart was right before my God. Every one of us was made to do great things for God, through God, and in God. We can push through the fears that keep us from moving into all that God has planned for us. Here are a few practical steps when you face criticism: 1. Let your closest friends know you want their honest feedback. Let them know they can tell you anything and hold them to it. 2. Keep your head down and do the work. Let some people speak into that work, but as all the opinions come in, build up filters and have people protect you. 3. Don’t be surprised by criticism. Criticism is the language of our day. Everybody is dealing with it on some level. If you are a leader of anything, or if you disciple one person, you’ve got criticism coming your way. 4. Don’t shut down and get discouraged. Let’s be encouragers for each other. 5. Listen to the right voices. Identify them, stick with them, listen to them, and be humble. 6. Let the other people go. You can be free to go out, lead, and create in this big, wide world because you’re vulnerable with your few voices. I have so much peace when I receive criticism because I have a few people to go to. If you want to lead well, never defend yourself again. Take it. Jesus

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Transparent Moments breakthrough insights with Anita Carman

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Visit my site! inspirewomen.org

When God Delays God’s delays have often perplexed me. Since His goal is to reach the world, then when I ask Him, “What do You want me to do with my life?”, He should answer immediately. Instead, there is often silence. But why would God be silent if He desires me to do His will? How many people have said to God, “I surrender all,” and, “Wherever You lead, I’ll go,” and meant it, but then have been left standing with no further direction? That has happened to me, and I have often felt alone while waiting for God to speak. I kept thinking the problem was God, but one day God opened my eyes to see the problem was me. I realized that God often was waiting to answer, but I was not ready. My intention wasn’t for God to tell me what He wanted me to do, but for Him to bless my plans. It hadn’t occurred to me that God had plans of His own and that I existed for His purpose. I realized that God was silent because He was showing grace, because I was still in preparation for the call. God doesn’t waste our gifts and talents, but He might wait to use them until we are perfectly prepared for the task He has for us. Times of silence can often be equated with delays. What should we do during those

delays? Never stop trusting Him. Another thing is to assess whether we are ready to accept His calling. He may be waiting for us to answer Him, not the other way around. God has shown me three stages to understanding and accepting our calling. 1. Declare that you will follow. This stage is not as easy as it might seem. Luke 9:57-60 tells of several situations where those who professed their desire to follow Jesus immediately came up with all kinds of reasons to justify delaying their obedience. As they were walking along the road, a man said to Him, “I will follow You wherever You go.” Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head.” He said to another man, “Follow me.” But the man replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” God wants us to respond to Him with obedience, regardless of the cost. 2. Fully appreciate the cost and be willing to pay it. Experience has shown me that no matter how long I take to assess the cost of obedience, I don’t fully appreciate it until I make my unwavering declaration to follow. So what will compel us to not only declare our commitment to Christ, but also actually pay the cost of following Him? Often my delay in following Jesus boils down to the question Jesus

asked Peter three times in John 21, “Do you love Me?” Could it really be that simple? If my husband or sons were ill, would I not spare any expense to help them recover because I love them? Yet, when it comes to God, we often set a ceiling on our affections. 3. Acknowledge God’s power. The only way we can give God what He desires is by trusting in His power. If we try to do it on our own, we will surely fail. It’s when we humble ourselves before God and acknowledge His power over all things that He will then carry us to a level beyond our wildest imagination. When Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him, He asked the question three times. Peter’s answer to this question was, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love You” (John 21:15). God went to where Peter was. It is the same with us. When we humble ourselves before Him and acknowledge our human weaknesses, He meets us where we are and then He grows us into what He is asking of us. Adapted from Transforming for a Purpose: Fulfilling God’s Mission as Daughters of the King ©2009 by Anita Carman with Dana Wilkerson, Moody Publishers. Used with permission. Anita Carman is the Founder and President of Inspire Women, an organization that inspires women across ethnicities, denominations, and economic levels to discover God’s purpose. It also funds biblical resources and scholarships to train women for missions and ministry. She has an MBA and completed graduate level studies at Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita is the author of Transforming for a Purpose and A Daughter’s Destiny. She lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband. They have two sons.

ALL NEW

Study Guide AVA I L A B L M A R C H 5, E 2019

Two Steps Forward

Barefoot

Sensible Shoes

Two Steps Forward STUDY GUIDE

E STUDY GUID

AUTHOR OF

An Extra Mile

Barefoot

STUDY GUI DE

E STUDY GUID

Brown Sharon Garloughe Sho es

Sensible Shoes

AUTHOR OF

Sensibl

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Sensible Shoes

Sharon Garlough AUTHOR OF

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Sensible Shoes

OW! AV A I L A B L E N

NOW WITH ALL FOUR STUDY GUIDES TO TAKE YOUR GROUP DEEPER INTO SPIRITUAL FORMATION

SHARON GARLOUGH BROWN is a spiritual director, speaker, and cofounder of Abiding Way Ministries, providing spiritual formation retreats and resources.

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Retreat

AN INVITATION TO Steps to rest and restore your tired soul.

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by Ruth Haley Barton

It is impossible to overstate the level of exhaustion many of us are experiencing these days and how dangerous it is. Christian busyness layered on top of the stresses of life in our culture, along with the more subtle sources of exhaustion that are harder to identify, means we are all at risk of drifting into dangerous levels of exhaustion before we even know it! There are reasons why we end up as tired as we are, and one of the keys to being able to enter into retreat in a restorative way is to note the sources of our exhaustion. Then we can ask God, “What are we going to do about that?” and listen for what God has to say.

WH Y ARE WE SO TIRED? The following are some common sources of our exhaustion. We are functioning out of an inordinate sense of ought and should. Many of us feel that we should be willing to be exhausted in the service of God and others, and that this is normal. We have unreasonable expectations that we should be a never-ending fountain of love, goodwill, and service at all times and in all places. We feel guilty when we are ill, tired, grieving, or confused. Not knowing what to do with these human aspects of ourselves, we try to shove them down and keep them under the surface. In the process, unhealed emotion and exhaustion gets buried alive. But these buried dynamics will eventually make themselves known in more destructive ways than if we had simply acknowledged them and dealt with them honestly and openly. We find it difficult or even humiliating to receive help from others. Remember the apostle Peter, who found it so difficult to let Jesus wash his feet even though he had seen Jesus allow Mary to wash Jesus’ own feet the previous week? What is really going on there? This resistance to allowing others to serve us is often rooted in our perception of ourselves as servants of others— including Jesus—and this is the identity we are most comfortable with. We might also notice that serving others is one way of maintaining control of our interactions. Most of us would rather wash someone else’s feet than have our own feet washed. Allowing someone to serve us in this way puts them in touch with a very human and maybe even less-than-perfect aspect of ourselves; it puts them in control of the interaction, which is uncomfortable, to say the least!

The practice of retreat provides the to be with the difficult, hurting places of our lives. It provides the context in which we can

needed time and space

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release emotion in God’s presence, and allow God to comfort us as only He can.

We might be living more as a performer than as the person God created us to be. Functioning out of oughts and shoulds results in a performance mentality in which we become increasingly disconnected from our authentic self. Oughts and shoulds come from someone else, so when we are doing things because we think we should, we are reacting and responding to something outside ourselves. Authentic desire, on the other hand, comes from within and is a part of who we are. It takes more energy to perform than to be the person God created us to be. When you are functioning out of your essential, created self, you can actually accomplish a lot without being overly tired. But when you are performing, even the smallest tasks can wear you out. When our sense of self-worth is derived from our performance, it is difficult to stop performing. A good question to promote self-awareness is to ask, “When was the last time I let someone help me or serve me in a way that put me in a vulnerable position? What was that like?” We may have few, or no, boundaries on our service and availability to others. We always feel we should do more because there is always more to do. The result can be a nonstop pace of life that, at its best, is tied to genuine passion for what we do. But we can also reach a point where our genuine gifts and passions wear us out because it’s so exciting we don’t know when to stop. Eventually we crash against the wall of human limitation. This seems to be what Jesus was trying to convey to His disciples in Mark 6:31. By calling them to “come away and rest a while” in the midst of so much human need, Jesus was guiding them into a healthy and sustainable lifestyle by helping them establish boundaries and rhythms around their availability to others. He did not want them to wear themselves out to the point where they would be no good to anyone. We are carrying the great burden of unhealed wounds: sadness, unresolved tension, and toxicity in one or more of our relationships. Many of us have never been taught how to grieve our hurts and losses, what to do with unresolved tension, how to identify and extricate ourselves from toxic relationships, or how to shift unhealthy patterns. Some of us aren’t even sure we’re allowed to do this, and so we soldier on, trying to manage it all and keep it under wraps. The truth is that our effort to manage all that is unresolved within us is draining our life energy.

Becoming Resilient How to walk through hard stuff and come out stronger.

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by Lisa Elliott

Do you remember a children’s toy called “Weebles?” They were a community of little egg-shaped, bottom-heavy people and animals. The advertisement jingle was “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down!” And that was the truth. You could knock them, roll them, step on them, throw them, or drop them on their heads. But no matter how they landed, they came up standing—or should I say, wobbling? Weebles are what I think of when I think of resilience. Resilience is the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful after something bad happens. It’s the ability to return to an original shape after being pulled, stretched, pressed, or bent. I’ve had my fair share of Weeble training—times in my life when my heart gets dizzy from all the wobbling. I’m sure you have, too. Hebrews 11 is full of Weebles like you and me. “Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated…They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and holes in the ground” (Heb. 11:36-38). So how did they do it? More personally, how do you and I do it? How do we come up standing when life throws us punches? How do we bounce back? How do we maintain momentum and stamina? How do we persevere? How do we run without growing weary or walk without fainting or wobble without falling down? Hebrews 12:1-3 provides us with great guidelines:

Foster meaningful relationships.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses” (vs. 1). Although the author of Hebrews is referring to those who have died and gone before us, God has also surrounded us with some great cheerleaders here on earth. It’s important to realize that He created us for relationship. Not only does He invite us into relationship with Him, but with others in order to teach us what a relationship with Him looks like. It’s simply up to us to foster those relationships. Surround yourself with people who encourage and energize you. People who inspire you, believe in you, invest in you, and bring out the best in you. People who affirm God’s calling in your life. And people for whom you can do the same. Two are better than one…If either of them falls down, one can help the other up (Eccl. 4:9-10).

Remove distractions.

Focus on your goal.

“…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of faith” (vs. 2). If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time, guaranteed. You can’t simply choose not to look at or think about something; rather, you have to choose to look at or think about something else. The people listed in Hebrews 11 were able to endure many hardships because they realized that “God had planned something better” (Heb. 11:40), and they had their sights set on that. Seek first His kingdom (Matt. 6:34). Give the Lord your undivided attention by spending time alone with Him, reading His Word, and prayerfully living out your life. When you do, “all of these things will be given to you:” perspective, tranquility, hope, peace, purpose, and a goal to aim toward.

Look beyond your troubles.

“…For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (vs. 2). Note that Jesus was able to sit down. That tells me that His heart was at rest, even as He endured the cross. How? Because He set joy before Him. That is, He looked beyond the cross to His ultimate purpose—eternity with you and me! He has also set eternity in our hearts (Eccl. 3:11). That should give us a sense of hope and purpose. We needn’t live in crisis mode to find a sense of purpose. Nor should we feel guilty about simply enjoying life. God gave us every good gift to enjoy here on earth” (1 Tim. 6:17). Be good to yourself by taking care of yourself. Rest when you need to. Dream a little. Be adventurous. Maintain an attitude of praise and thanksgiving. Celebrate the process. Take the pressure off. Pace yourself. Do something just for the fun of it. Our hearts can be at rest knowing that we have something to look forward to. The best is yet to come!

Take time to consider.

“Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart” (vs. 3). When was the last time you stopped to consider all that Jesus did for you and offers to you today? “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isa. 40:28-31). Remember… Weebles wobble but we don’t fall down! “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Cor. 4:8). That’s called resilience! Lisa Elliott is a speaker and award-winning author of The Ben Ripple and Dancing in the Rain. She has also been a ministry wife for over 30 years. She and her husband, David, have four children (three on earth, one in heaven), and two grandsons, and live in Ottawa, Canada.

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“…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” (vs. 1). Life is full of distractions, demands, deadlines, devices, discontentment, detours, and at times even self-imposed drama. It doesn’t help that we live in a society that encourages us to continually seek out the next quick fix of adrenaline and excitement. All the more reason to keep the “plain things” the main things. Set healthy boundaries. And most importantly, determine to please an audience of One.

Redeeming Brokenness Lysa TerKeurst talks about finding and giving hope in the darkest time of her life.

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by Suzan Braun

faith conversations

Married to her childhood sweetheart for over 20 years, mother of five young adults, founder of Proverbs 31 Ministries—a worldwide Christian women’s organization with six million social media followers—and a No. 1 New York Times bestselling author of over 20 books, who could ask for more? And yet, during this season of great personal and professional success, her world shattered and came crashing down. “In 2016, I experienced an upheaval in my marriage—what I thought was my safest, most secure relationship,” recalls Lysa. “Addictions and an affair became part of the devastation. I’ve had my heart broken a lot, but nothing like this.” As the crisis unfolded and escalated, Lysa told her husband Art, “I love you. I can forgive you. But I can’t share you!” After many months of intense couple’s counseling, and with the hope of restoration, Art continued to abuse substances and be unfaithful. After much prayer and consultation, Lysa felt it was time to make the hardest decision of her life and pursue divorce. Not only was Lysa’s marriage falling apart, so was her body. She had an intensely painful health issue that resulted in serious surgery, removing most of her colon. The doctors said she should not have survived. Not long after that, and while still separated from Art, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. The emotional and physical pain of the havoc in her body and the betrayal in her marriage was excruciating. There were days and months spent in deep darkness and fear. “I promised myself that if I actually survived the act of looking my greatest fears in the face, I would eventually be a voice of help and hope for others thrust into a despair they never imagined,” says Lysa. “So, here I am. I survived. And I am determined to turn my battle scars into a battle cry to help others.” Lysa has never wasted the pain and still allows God to use it as her very best teacher. Her

sold-out dependence on Him in the midst of life’s greatest and most recent heartaches is richly depicted in her latest book, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered (Thomas Nelson, 2018). “Sometimes,” says Lysa, “to get your life back, you have to face the death of what you thought your life would look like.” And that is exactly what she has done. JBU visited with Lysa recently. Join us as she shares more of her story, including an incredible surprise along the way.

JBU: Why did you write It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way? Lysa: Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. We have this feeling that things should be better than they are. People should be better than they are. Circumstances should be better than they are. Finances should be better than they are. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. And underneath it all, we’re disappointed. I deeply and personally understand that ache of disappointment. That’s why I wrote the book. If I could only give one life message, this would be it. I want to help others find the hope God has given me in the midst of the most heartbreaking season of my life. I want them to be able to find unexpected strength when disappointments leave them shattered. I want them to know how to wrestle well between faith and feelings when life gets turned upside down.

JBU: How have you wrestled with your feelings and faith? Lysa: I have honest feelings where I want to throw my hands up in utter frustration and yell about the unfairness of it all. To deny my feelings any voice is to rob me of being human. But to let my feelings be the only voice will rob my soul of healing perspectives—the very insights God wants to comfort me and carry me forward. My feelings and my faith will almost certainly come into conflict with each other. My feelings see rotten situations as absolutely unnecessary hurt. My soul sees it as fertilizer for a better future. Both these perspectives are real. And they yank me in different directions with never-ending wrestling. To wrestle well means acknowledging my feelings but moving forward, letting my faith lead the way.

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PHOTOGRAPHY: JENNIFER ABERCROMBIE

From the outside looking in, Lysa TerKeurst’s life seemed close to picture perfect.

faith conversations

JBU: How did you hold on during those years of weeping and being alone? Lysa: There were many dark nights where all I could utter is “God help me.” I felt so shattered by the fact that I knew God could fix things and He didn’t appear to be intervening. Those were times I did not think I would make it through this. I remember being shocked that Jesus had once cried out similar prayers asking God to change His circumstances. Mark 14 starting in verse 32 provides such a profound glimpse of Jesus’ absolute, raw humanity in the midst of His complete divinity. It was deeply healing for me to understand that even Jesus asked God to change His circumstances and fix what God surely could have fixed in an instant. Jesus’ words right before He was arrested were ‘“Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me…’” (Mark 14:36). His divinity made Him perfect and sinless, but His humanity felt the brutal weight of human hurt. He understands loneliness, betrayal, and being devastated by people He should have been able to trust. And because I know He has felt what I feel, I knew I could trust Him to lead me through my heartbreak. So I changed those dark night of the soul prayers to statements of assurance. “Jesus, I love You. And I know You love me.” I would whisper that over and over until God granted me the gift of just enough peace to sleep and survive another night. Eventually those nights of just surviving turned into the unexpected strength I have today.

JBU: How do you define hope— especially when reality is extremely painful?

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Lysa: Hoping doesn’t ignore reality. Hope means I acknowledge reality in the very same breath that I acknowledge God’s sovereignty. And hope isn’t tied to my expectations finally being met in my way and in my timing or in whether or not a circumstance or another person changes. My hope is tied to the unchanging promises of God. I hope for the good I know God will ultimately bring from this, whether or not the good turns out to match my desires. And, sometimes, that takes a while.

JBU: What is the first step toward healing? Lysa: Feeling the pain is the first step toward healing the pain. The longer we avoid the feeling, the more we delay our healing. We can numb it, ignore it, or pretend it doesn’t exist, but all those

So I changed those dark night of the soul prayers to statements of assurance. “Jesus, I love You. And I know You love me.” I would whisper that over and over until God granted me the gift of just enough peace to sleep and survive another night. options lead to an eventual breakdown, not a breakthrough. The feeling of the pain is like a warning light on the dashboard of a car. The warning light isn’t trying to annoy you. It’s trying to protect you. And pain is much the same. It’s the pain we feel that finally demands we slow down enough to address what’s really going on below the surface. You can feel like the pain will never subside and that every day from now on will be as hard as it is right now, but healing is possible and it will come if you pursue it. Eventually, the pain will ease and possibly even turn into a purpose of helping others.

JBU: How are you rebuilding your marriage and how can others do it too? Lysa: A lot of people want to know why I stayed. At first, I didn’t think I’d have that option because it takes two willing people to do the hard work of healing together. I was shattered by the thought of my family not staying together and I promised myself to let time pass before making any final decisions. I wanted to leave room for God to do a miracle. I knew that miracle would either be a reconciliation or a rescue, but either would require me to wait, watch, and trust God. Even though there was a point in time I was moving toward divorce, after three years, I was asked by a man with a repentant heart and a restored soul, sold out to God, if I would give him another opportunity to love me. And with a much deeper understanding of what love is, I have chosen to say yes. This isn’t a cookie cutter process that applies to every relationship. These kinds of situations are deeply wounding and incredibly complicated. But this is where our story has landed. Art and I are both doing the hard work of reconciliation and seeking to find purpose from our pain. We’ve made the choice to let God use our story, as messy as it is, because we know others would drown in their own tears if not for seeing the glimmer of hope in ours.

JBU: What is the difference between redemption and reconciliation? Lysa: It’s crucial to understand reconciliation and redemption are not one in the same. If reconciliation is possible, remember that trust is built with time and believable behavior. Keep your heart open, but also keep your eyes wide open as well. Be honest with what you see. Get good Christian counselors involved, surrounding yourself with friends who you know will pray more words over you than they speak to you and about you. Don’t invite the World Wide Web of public opinion into your private pain. Even if your situation doesn’t allow for reconciliation, redemption is still yours for the choosing. This is the indescribable gift of our God, who breathes life into the shattered soul and creates something new and more beautiful than ever before.

JBU: Talk about forgiveness. Lysa: I now understand that forgiveness has two parts to it. I must forgive for the facts of what happened. But then there’s a deeper work of forgiveness that’s a crucial second part. I must also forgive for the impact this has had on me and my family. Residual anxiety, fear, and a diminished ability to trust have all been part of this impact. And this impact may come in waves through the years that are unexpected, where new realizations of wounding from the initial trauma are realized and must be forgiven. Forgiveness is both an act and an ongoing attitude. But there’s also been a good side to the impact of this as well. Art and I are deeply empathetic toward others walking through hard times. We are so much more vulnerable with each other and others. There’s a sweetness to our relationship that I love. When you share a deep sorrow, you can also share a deeper understanding of how to love each other back from darkness into light.

JBU: We’ve heard people say, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” Is that biblical? Lysa: No, that’s not actually in the Bible. And it’s simply not true. I know I’m not the only one who feels they’ve been given more than they can handle. I see the wide-eyed expressions on people all the time. The world is filled with people who are dealt more than they can handle. God doesn’t expect us to handle this. He wants us to hand this over to Him. He doesn’t want us to rally more of our own strength. He wants us to rely solely on His strength. If we keep walking around, thinking that God won’t give us more than we can handle, we set ourselves up to be suspicious of God. We know we are facing things that are too much for us. We are bombarded with burdens. And we are all trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. Before we can move forward in a healthy way, we must first acknowledge the truth about our insufficiency.

JBU: What word of encouragement can you leave with those living through disappointment and pain? Lysa: Leave room for God to do a miracle. While we trust a God who does allow hurt, we also trust a God who uses hurt for good. Every single time!

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Suzan Braun is the assistant editor and circulation manager for Just Between Us magazine. She and her husband have three grown children, two adorable grandsons, and live in Wales, Wis.

faith conversations

A Million Prayers…. A Miracle Answer….

A Marriage Restored

Lysa and Art, and their family at their vow renewal ceremony in December.

“There is a big difference between complete restoration and redemption,” she said. “Redemption can be ours today even before the complete restoration and reconciliation has happened,” something she said she and Art were both pursuing in a spiritual and emotional sense, as well as a relational sense. Signs of redemption had been evident as recently as this past Father’s Day when Lysa posted a photo of she and her husband with their children on social media, wishing Art a “happy day.”

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On a sunny December day about a month following that interview, near their Waxhaw, North Carolina, home, Art and Lysa dressed up and with their entire family and close friends by their sides whispered healing words, heartfelt prayers, and renewed their holy wedding vows. Lysa wrote: “A million prayers. A miracle answer. A marriage restored.” Art responded, “The way that you have loved me with grace and forgiveness gives me an undeniable understanding and perspective of how much God loves me.” He continued, “And what He did for me on the cross, you have lived out in my life. You never gave up, you disarmed all of the dark with your grace and forgiveness.”

PHOTOGRAPH

Y: BRIAN SCHI NDLER

In a November 2018 interview, Lisa TerKeurst, told Today show hosts Jenna Bush Hager and Dylan Dreyer that she and her husband Art had both been doing the hard work of reconciliation. Lysa responded with emotion in her voice, “You, Art, are the great love of my life. I’ve never known love like this apart from you, and I never want to know this love without you. ‘Together’ is my favorite word for us, and what a together we have.” “Forgiveness is a process. Healing is a long journey,” recounts Lysa. “I’ll never ever criticize another person for choices they made that were different than mine when placed in the same heartbreak as me. Or maybe they had no choice at all. I have nothing but tender love and understanding. It’s a brutal walk.” So why did she stay? “I love Art. I was given that chance.” “And,” Lysa concludes, “I’ve discovered imperfect love is still full of sacred possibilities, redemptive strength, and it’s own purity.” ~Suzan Braun

inspiration

meet me on the mountain

Have you met Him at the lakeside, did you hear His still, small voice? Did He call you there to follow Him, and say, “You have a choice”? And did half of you say, “Yes, Lord,” and have half a mind to start? Did you think He didn’t notice when you gave Him half your heart? He saw it on the day He met disciples on the mount, and gave them all another chance to make their whole lives count. Some said that day: “What comes my way, Oh Lord, I’ll do my part. Dear Lord, I’ll be obedient and give you all my heart.” “I’ll live for You and tell the truth and share the gospel story. I’ll live from this day forward and give You all the glory.” “Wherever You send me—use me, send me—I will speak for You, so help me glorify Your Name—be with me, see me through!” So as you leave this mountaintop, will you go for Him or stay? Continue on half-heartedly, or give it all away? Will you yield yourself from this day on, receive the Spirit’s call? Say, “Jesus, I give my all to You— not half my heart—MY ALL!”

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ARMS HELD

High The power of standing in the gap for your friends.

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by Lindsey Carney

to battle with the Amalekites. Moses, Aaron, and Hur stood on top of the hill overlooking the valley where the battle raged on. When Moses held up the staff of God in his hand, Joshua and the Israelites would gain ground toward victory. But there was a problem. Moses’ arms grew tired, and he couldn’t keep the staff in the air. When his arms dropped, the Amalekites became overpowering in the battle. So, Aaron and Hur placed a stone under Moses’ tired body for him to sit on. Then, as friends on each side, they held up Moses’ arms. I picture the scene that day, sweat dripping from Moses’ forehead, his eyes squinting from the pain. Aaron and Hur with his arms hoisted on their shoulders as they look out over the valley, giving Moses the play by play. Encouraging him to keep going. “We’ve got you, Moses!” “I know this hurts, Moses, but hold on a little longer, victory is on the way.” And they watched that day, as their enemies were defeated. Moses walked away with sore, weary arms but arms that were also full of praise and triumph. Aaron and Hur raised Moses’ arms that day, and “As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle” (Ex. 17:13, NLT). Had Aaron and Hur not been there that day for Moses, there would have been a different result in the valley. Defeat. The enemy would have overcome them and danced back home. But that’s not what happens when people step into our battles and war alongside us, lifting us up, encouraging us along the way. There’s a turn of the tables and victory shouts from a distance. “I’m on my way, hold on a little longer!” That’s what friends do. They stand in the gap and help hold you up. That’s what Kelly did for me. She used her own strength to hold my arms up when I didn’t have the strength. Not just that day, but on other days, too. She prayed with me, spoke the truth in love, redirected me to stay focused, and cheered me on. I didn’t go home that day and throw in the towel. I continued to stand for my marriage and fight the real enemy, Satan. It was a long road uphill, but my marriage was restored. The enemy was defeated, and we danced in victory! I say “we” danced in victory because it wasn’t just Jason, the kids, and myself. It was Kelly’s dance too. So much of where we are today is a result of Jesus shining through someone who was willing to raise my arms in battle. I had never met anyone like her up until that point, and now I want every woman I meet to meet her…in me. I want to come alongside other women in their struggles, whether it is marriage, parenting, or finances, whatever it may be. I want to cheer them on, help them keep their focus on Jesus, and hold them up when the battle is raging. That’s who we need in our corner and who we need to be for others. As a result, our enemy will be overwhelmed and defeated. Let’s be sisters who lift each other’s weary arms. Victory is on the way. Lindsey Carney is a writer, speaker, and Bible teacher. She also owns Treasure 2 Farm in the rolling hills of Middle, Tenn., where she lives with her husband, Jason, and their four children. Visit her website at lindseycarney.com.

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I would have rather been punched in the gut by the Hulk than hear the words that came out of his mouth. “I want a divorce.” It knocked the air straight out of me. Then he hung up the phone. I stood speechless on the sidelines of our oldest son’s soccer game. I was never speechless, especially at a sporting event. But words couldn’t move past the lump in my throat. What was I going to do? How would I tell our three children? Would they think we were working on soccer agility if I grabbed my kids and sprinted to the car? I had never felt so alone. Shouting my issues through a megaphone is not my thing, but I did have a small circle who I trusted. But none of them could relate to what I was going through. I was heartbroken and alone. So I began to search for a group who I could relate to and feel safe with. Within a short drive, I found a church that was starting DivorceCare the next day. I showed up and walked to the front of the church, “I’m here for DivorceCare,” I whispered to the lady at the front. “Oh, honey, we forgot to update our website, that’s not starting until next week, I’m so sorry.” I sobbed all the way home. I kept racking my brain…there was a big church in Nashville that I had been to for a few special events, surely they would have something. That’s when I found a class for women on marriage restoration. Not exactly what I was looking for, but close enough. I sent an email inquiring about how to join the class. In no time, I received one back asking if someone could give me a call. Of course! All of the silence was deafening, I needed to hear a voice. A woman called me and we talked for an hour. She told me her story; I shared mine. I cried and when I couldn’t catch my breath, she caught it for me with her encouraging words. Kelly became my new mentor, friend, truth speaker, and prayer warrior. She saved me a seat on Sundays, dove deep into my spiritual life on Wednesdays, and provided wise counsel on the days in between. Her ears were always there to listen and mouth there to impart wisdom. One particular Sunday, I slipped into the spot next to her among the mass of people. Worship had just begun, so everyone was on their feet. I couldn’t even lift my head. Defeat engulfed me. I didn’t say a word, she knew. She knew the battle that was going on inside of me. She knew the battle that raged at home. The words that had slayed me, the ones I fought back with, and the unspoken ones that I tried to keep from my innocent babies. She knew the war that was being waged for my family, it was gut-wrenching, and the enemy had his crosshairs directly on my heart. She knew. As my head hung, tears streamed off my face, splashing on my sandals. I couldn’t have uttered a word from the song had I tried. Then she reached over, grabbed my hand, and next thing I knew, my arm was in the air with hers. She didn’t waiver through the entire song. She stood there, strong on my behalf, in a posture of praise, holding up my arm. She wasn’t waving a white flag in defeat, but declaring that victory was coming. She didn’t run away because my mess was too messy or the battle too gory. She stood by me and lifted my arm when I was too weak to raise it myself. I left church that day and praised God all the way home. I remembered the story from Ex. 17:11-13, when Joshua went

When a Kiss Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Make It Better

Walking through your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s chronic illness with hope.

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by Shelly Esser

To say those years were taxing is an understatement. Most everything in our life was put on hold as our world became smaller and smaller, evolving around a medical condition that not only left surgeons scratching their heads, but also began to overtake our lives. There were days, as Anna’s caregiver and advocate, that I didn’t think I could get out of bed and face one more day, looking into the face of my suffering child. On most days I had to will myself to do it. Every look broke me to the core. It was a deep pain that consumed me after a while and taxed me at times to the point of despair. It was only as I learned to keep my eyes on God and His bigger plan that I found relief. In his book, When Your Children Hurt, Dr. Charles Stanley said, “We can get up each morning and go on because we know that no matter how great the pain seems, He has a greater plan in mind for our sorrow. He promises to bring good out of even the worst circumstance. We must be willing to accept not only God’s healing and restoration, but also His sovereignty, because many times, healing may not take place on a physical level.” Spiritually, there were times that I cried out to God begging Him to do something—anything to relieve this suffering. I even begged Him to make me the sick one, not Anna. Instead, He often felt far away and removed from our pain. It became a spiritual battle for me, wrestling with God and what I knew He was capable of when it comes to healing. Finally, I had to accept the reality that Anna might never get better, that this might be as good as it gets, and God had His reasons. I prayed, “Lord, even if Anna never gets better, I will trust in Your plan.”

There were days, as Anna’s caregiver and advocate, that I didn’t think I could get out of bed and face one more day looking into the face of my suffering child. On most days I had to will myself to do it. Every look broke me to the core. “There are heartaches and disappointments God allows that we do not fully understand...Trials teach us to turn to Him. He uses other people in the medical profession in a tremendous way to diagnose our diseases, but far too often we look to them to be our saviors and have all the answers we need to our medical problems,” Dr. Stanley said. “There must be a balance where we seek God’s wisdom and guidance along with the advice of the medical professionals He has given us. The moment we admit our weakness and need for Him, God begins to move on our behalf by opening doors of hope. This may include physical healing, or it may mean giving us the courage and support we need to keep going forward.”

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“Mom, my back hurts,” my 11-year-old Anna complained. “Did anything happen to cause the pain?” I asked. “No,” she said. Time went on and things seemed to be fine again, so I didn’t think twice about it. But then “my back hurts” started to become a regular complaint. Initially, I thought it was probably just growing pains, but because of the frequency, I could no longer ignore it. It was time to see the doctor. I will never forget the moment the urologist told us Anna needed surgery. Just thinking about it takes me back to the emotion-filled room with the doctor’s concerned look. “Anna has a blockage in her ureter causing chronic kidney pain,” he explained. Anna burst into tears, “I don’t want to have surgery.” I looked on helplessly as the tears began to spill from my eyes as well. This was going to be a hurt I couldn’t kiss and make better. We were sent on to another surgeon at Children’s Hospital only to have it confirmed that surgery was indeed a necessity—and soon. What was supposed to be an easy procedure with a 98-percent success rate turned into an eleven-year nightmare filled with complications, incredibly debilitating chronic pain, and more surgeries. Unfortunately, that was only the physical toll. Emotionally, there have been years of depression, incredible grief due to school absences, loss of friends—and ultimately a lost childhood. While other kids were having fun and enjoying school activities and get-togethers, Anna was confined to her bed and couch. Inevitably, every time plans were made for day-to-day stuff including holidays, they were interrupted with excruciating pain and trips to the hospital for more surgeries and months of recovery. My husband and I were constantly playing tag-team parenting, one of us being home with Anna, while the other one carrying on with the other girls. Medicine bottles overtook our kitchen counters. I grew to resent the heating pad that soothed Anna’s pain because it became a constant symbol that I had a sick child. A pit in my stomach arrived every time she requested it. Trying to get her well became a part-time job. We did everything: trips to specialists in different parts of the country for second opinions, more surgeries (seven in all) and hours of research, but nothing brought the healing we were desperately hoping and praying for. Instead, it was one disappointment after another. I experienced an exhaustion level I had never encountered before and constant, excruciating, emotional pain as a mom watching a child continually go downhill despite all of our best efforts to help her find health again.

This journey has been one of the most difficult challenges we have ever experienced as a family. Here are some things we have learned as we walked alongside a chronically ill child and what to do as a caregiver to keep your sanity and trust God.

Be present in their pain. Your child can make it through one more test, one more surgery, one more doctor’s visit, and be able to walk through the pain, deal with the side effects from meds, and the long recoveries as long as you’re by their side. It’s our presence that brings the most comfort and reassurance to our sick child. They need all of us in the family—even the dog! We put Psalm 56:3, “When I am afraid, I will trust in you” on an index card for Anna to take with her into every surgery along with her favorite blanket, to remind her that the moment she leaves us and is rolled into surgery, she is not alone. Children need to be reminded often that God is always present with them and will never leave their side.

Celebrate the good days and small improvements. Those celebrations can get you through the tough ones. Do something fun or just get out of the house. One summer, even though Anna wasn’t feeling 100 percent, we continued with our plans for a family vacation. Anna’s old self returned on that trip. Even though she still had to rest or just lay by the pool, it was important to change the scenery and focus on some fun. Karen Dockrey, an author and mom of a sick child, said, “Especially, if your child has a long-term illness, provide some normalcy in their lives… With a chronic illness, you can’t wait to enjoy life.” We had to learn to look for joy in between the doctors’ visits, heating pads, and procedures.

Be careful what you promise. We can’t promise that our child will get better, even though we want to. This can lead to false hope. What we can promise is that we and God will walk with them and do everything we can to get them the best medical care possible.

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Expect emotional challenges. Don’t be surprised if depression hits you both. One of the staff from the pain management clinic told us early on that Anna probably wouldn’t begin processing what happened to her until her late teens and early 20s, and that has been true. All of her energy and focus went into the physical issues she was dealing with. So while her kidney problems finally ended at 20, her depression was just beginning.

Find a place to pour out your sorrow. This is hard stuff. You can’t always be strong. I had to find a circle of safe friends outside of my husband where I could be raw and real about my heart’s anguish and the challenges to my faith. (You have to guard your marriage from becoming defined only by illness.) Find a place to lament. Mine was in the shower where I let the water intermingle with my tears. You can’t carry all of the emotion and grief that comes with caring for someone who is chronically ill without finding a place to release it. I also walked most mornings where God reminded me that He was bigger than my problems and in control even though I didn’t feel it or see it at times.

Chronic illness has shaped us all. And while Anna’s journey looks different from other kids’, it is a journey God will not waste. He has made it better by drawing us closer to Himself, deepening our faith, not wasting the pain, and keeping our hope alive. Help your child express their pain. I often told Anna it was okay to be angry and sad and to cry. I encouraged her to keep a journal and to do something as basic as draw a mad face or sad face for the day, a face for whatever she was feeling as a way to release her feelings. We also cried together often.

Acknowledge that this is tough for both of you. It can feel at times like you’re not only losing your sanity, but you’re also losing your faith. God can handle our pain and anguish, and we can be brutally honest with Him about how tough dealing with your child’s chronic illness really is. While this illness isn’t something you can thank God for, you can thank Him for the way He’s carrying you through it and that you are never alone. This will help keep your heart hopeful instead of sinking into despair. God completely understands the pain of this journey because He know firsthand what suffering is all about. Second Corinthians 4:8-9 reminds us, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” We can put our trust in that truth especially when our feelings tell us otherwise.

How Others Can Help

Prepare to be a punching bag. I’ve often been the recipient of Anna’s anger and grief. It can be a challenge when you are exhausted and doing everything possible to help your child get better. Don’t take it personally. Realize that for this season, you are the only safe place for your child to unload their pain. A child doesn’t have the ability to articulate their feelings. That’s where daily grace is needed as your child pours out their emotional pain, often lashing out at you.

Work with the school.

Shelly Esser is editor of Just Between Us. Additionally, she has served on the Board of the Pastoral Leadership Institute. She and her husband have four daughters and a sonin-law, and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis.

Take the initiative and don’t forget the caregiver and family.

Families battling chronic health issues don’t have the energy to ask for help. There were friends that just showed up with plates of cookies, meals, and practical helps. I’ll never forget one friend who baked Christmas cookies for our family in a year where I could barely muster up the energy to put up a tree. My kids had homemade cookies because of her gesture of love—one of our traditions that was going to otherwise fall to the wayside. I had another friend who called and said she was picking me up for a movie. I didn’t want to go, but she told me when she’d be by. It was just what I needed, a brief time to be away from the pressure to think about something else. To feel normal again. 2

Have your kids reach out to their sick friend.

Sadly, Anna’s friends abandoned her. I remember calling her best friend’s mother after her first surgery to give her an update and invite them for a visit. I was not prepared for her response to not visit. It felt like one more thing that was slipping away from Anna’s normal life. Eventually that friend disappeared. Most people are not comfortable with pain, especially when it’s a child. Certainly, kids at this age can’t understand a sick friend. This is where a parent can help. Help your child reach out by keeping in touch, sending a card, making a brief hospital visit, or regularly texting their friend. This can make a huge difference for healing on so many levels, especially emotionally. A child and family need to know that they are not forgotten. 3

Encouragement through the long haul.

You need a support system willing to walk alongside you and your family for the long haul. Simple gestures—like regular texts or emails, cards, presence, helping with house cleaning, meals, or gardening—can mean so much. ~Shelly Esser

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This was one of the most stressful pieces for us during Anna’s illness. While most schools are unprepared to deal with a chronically ill student, you can arrange a meeting with the staff to map out a plan for best serving your child’s needs. Find at least one person who will be an advocate for your child, so you’re not running around to everyone. We also relied on a school social worker who came to the house to administer tests. Had we known Anna was going to miss three years of school, we would have done online, virtual school to make things less stressful. We have lived in the trenches of chronic illness for years. It’s become a way of life for our family. I realized that I could either resist it or welcome the things God was doing in each of us as a result. Thankfully, Anna is on her feet again and eventually graduated from college. She is the epitome of resilience and courage—and she’s my hero. In fact, people walking day-by-day with the incredible challenges of chronic illness are some of the forgotton unsung heroes. Looking at her, no one could ever imagine the huge battles she’s had to fight just to get out of bed every morning, and the incredible energy it has taken to just go on with life. And, with relentless determination and will—prayer, and a support system of loving people—she’s done it. With every setback, she’s learned to take hold of her life again and again. Chronic illness has shaped us all. And while Anna’s journey looks different from other kids’ her age, it is a journey God will not waste. Through it, He has given us all His heavenly kiss, making it better by drawing us closer to Himself, deepening our faith, not wasting the pain, and keeping our hope alive.

My 90-Day Bible Adventure I read the Bible in 90 days…and you can too (really)!

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by Cherry Hoffner

Did you ever make a resolution to read your Bible in a year? Did you leave it behind in Leviticus or ditch it in Deuteronomy? I have good news for you: you can still keep that resolution this year. Yes, you read that correctly! You can read the Bible—the whole thing—in just 90 days. I know because I’ve done it, and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done to boost my faith. Before you dismiss me as some super Christian who spends two hours a day in her Bible, that is not me. While I have been a Christian for 25 years, I am ashamed to say I have never been consistent in my Bible reading. I have read the Bible through before twice—once in four years and once in two. I love studying the Bible, but reading it is not my forte. I know that the Bible is living and active and new every time I read it, but it still takes great effort for me to read it consistently day in and day out.

So when the idea popped into my head to read the entire Bible in 90 days, I thought I had lost my mind. If I couldn’t do it in a year, how in the world was I going to do it in three months? Yet I couldn’t shake the Holy Spirit’s prompting. If I could stick to such a rigorous plan for 90 days, wouldn’t that make Bible reading a lot easier? Spoiler alert: Yes! How can you possibly do this with a job, kids, and your crazy, busy life? Try the YouVersion Bible in 90 Days Plan created by Ted Cooper. The plan is to read approximately 12-15 chapters a day in about an hour. Most of us can’t do that all in one sitting, but we can read portions throughout the day. For example, I often read a chapter or two in the morning, listened to two or three chapters on my way to work, read during my lunch break, listened to chapters on my way home from work, and then read before bed. Were there nights when I didn’t finish? Yes, but I made myself catch up the next morning or on the weekend. Why should you do it? It will give you a hunger for the Word. I found when I got to Psalms and Proverbs, I really wanted to stop and meditate on the passage, but I couldn’t do that and reach my 90-day goal. I did pick out a verse or two each day to meditate on, but my objective with reading it so quickly was to

grasp more of the overarching themes of the Bible. Not being able to stop and meditate gave me a hunger to come back and read those passages more slowly the next time and think about ways to incorporate them into my life. It will help you in teaching, mentoring, or discipling others. The whole Word of God was still fresh to me as I prepared to teach on a specific passage of Scripture that fall. It helped me plug that piece of Scripture into the greater context of the whole Bible as I taught, mentored, and discipled others. It is your only offensive weapon against the devil and his schemes. In Ephesians 6, we have many defensive weapons: the helmet of salvation, breastplate of righteousness, shield of faith, belt of truth, shoes fitted with the gospel of peace, but only one offensive weapon: the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. It’s pretty hard to wield a weapon you don’t have! When trials come and Satan whispers in your ear, it’s important to know the verses that match your situation. It will help you connect the Old and New Testaments better. I was recently studying the birth narrative of Jesus and His name—Immanuel—God with us. The Holy Spirit brought to mind that God’s presence was with God’s people in the tabernacle. He was with us in the physical person of Jesus as a human being, and He is with us now—indwelling His children. I had never before realized that God has been with His people throughout time in every person of the Trinity. What a glorious thought! It will enhance your worship of God. Now that the totality of Scripture is more familiar to me, my soul resonates with Scriptural truths and they come to mind more frequently. I can worship Him more fully and completely because I know Him better, and isn’t that the whole point of Scripture? What are you waiting for? Jump into the best spring read ever—the Bible!

Ministry on the Go Leave a cup of quarters near shopping carts that require quarters.

Sin and its Devastating Effects. When I read the Bible in 90 days, I saw just how awful humans are when left to our own devices. “There is no one righteous, not even one” (Rom. 3:10). One example is the exile. For some reason I never fully understood just how devastating it was to the Israelites. This time, I saw it as a precursor to the final exile—for those who don’t know Jesus—in eternity. God had removed His glory from the people and gave them over to their sin after years and years of mercy and grace. He also warned that disobeying Him would lead to their abandonment forever. It was so sad to read Jeremiah and Lamentations after reading Exodus and Joshua. The Israelites had worked so hard to get their land only to lose it all by abandoning the one true God for empty idols.

God is Awesome! He is love. He is merciful. He is full of grace and truth. He is so incredibly patient. He is sovereign. He is holy. He is just. He is forgiving. He knows all things. He is powerful. He is strong. He is a refuge in times of trouble. He loves the whole world, and getting to know Him in His Word has caused me to love Him more than I ever have before.

I Can Read the Bible Daily. I used to think there was no way I could fit Bible reading into my life, but God is not a leftover. He wants all of me and He wants me first. Doesn’t He deserve that after all that He has done for me? Challenging myself to do this proved that I could. Now a “normal” daily reading is easier because I have made it a daily habit. I can spend more time meditating on it and really absorbing it. Sometimes, you just need to set what seems like an impossible goal to force yourself to step up to the challenge. Rest assured, the Holy Spirit will help you along the way. ~Cherry Hoffner 31

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Cherry Hoffner is a freelance writer and JBU volunteer living in Hebron, Ind., with her husband of 24 years, Dave, and their black cat, Pyewacket. She serves as the communications assistant and teaches a women’s Bible study at Bethel Church. She blogs at mindingmymatters.blogspot.com.

Lessons Learned from My 90-Day Adventure

What if Every Family had an

Auntie Alpha

Changing the world, one person at a time.

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by Constance B. Fink

Pictured: Auntie Alpha

passing on the street, and exchanging smiles. Maybe the only smile in their day. Sometimes there is time for conversation, and the other person will usually hug her when they part. What happened in those few minutes? She prayed, she listened, and she responded to the heart. Imagine if every family had an Auntie Alpha. When I was a child I thought, Auntie Alpha was fun to be with, but I didn’t appreciate the richness of her uniqueness. I’m glad it’s not too late. Maybe that’s why the bus driver in New York City shook her hand when she exited the bus. Maybe it was too late for him to say thanks to his own Auntie Alpha. Now Auntie Alpha is in a nursing home. Her interaction with staff and residents is consistent with how she has lived her entire life. As I watch her, I ask myself, “What characteristics do I want magnified when I’m 96?” Am I drawing from a well

If a woman lives her life drawing from the

well of love, she will

not run dry when she is old. She will water

compassion, creativity, laughter, and gentleness, so they, others with

in turn, can touch others.

of bitterness—or love? Am I charting my own course—or am I in step with the Spirit? Do I recognize that if God handpicks strangers to cross my path, how much more He handpicks my coworkers and family relationships? Do I silently pray for the other one while in conversation, that his or her heart will be open to God, or do I think about my response and my need? Do I brush past people realizing they probably won’t remember me—or do I see hearts? Imagine if you were the Auntie Alpha in your family! Constance B. Fink is a freelance writer. She and her husband, Dave, live in Northwest Ill.

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She’s only 4’11,” but she makes eye contact with everyone she passes. Heads nod politely and smiles are returned. She barely weighs 100 pounds, but she is noticed in a crowd. She is soft-spoken and has the tiniest handwriting I’ve ever seen, but she communicates a powerful message, making a difference to one person at a time. What if every family had an Auntie Alpha? Though never married, she loves more purely than some couples. Though never a mother, she nurtures from a deep well. Though she lives alone, she befriends strangers within minutes. Though in her 90s, she has the optimism of a 20 year old; her childlike excitement leaves no room for crotchety complaints from herself or anyone else. What if every family had an Auntie Alpha? Some years ago, Auntie Alpha visited us for a few weeks. Transplanted from metropolitan New York City to rural Illinois for a month, she won the hearts of our friends, the children in our church, and even the Walmart clerk. When the clerk greeted her with a broad smile exclaiming, “Oh hi! I remember you from last week! Are you still enjoying your visit?” I realized there was something unique about Auntie Alpha. Of all the hundreds of people through his lane, why did she stand out? What did she give the clerk that he needed? I didn’t even remember we had gone through his lane the week before, but she greeted him by name. I blended in with the blur of the customers, but he remembered her. If she made a significant impression on a fleeting acquaintance, imagine if every family had an Auntie Alpha. Is it her vulnerability that draws people to come alongside her? I used to think so, until I saw strength. Does she use sweetness to attract people like bees to a flower? I used to think so, until I saw sincerity. Does she expect respect from years as a college professor? She certainly deserves it, but even though she is a teacher by nature, she guides without the other person knowing it. Does she take the lead because she’s one of the few family members left of my parents’ generation? She has the right to, but she also knows when to lead and when to follow. For example, during the month she was here, she allowed me to manage the details of my household, but she set the mood while we worked. What if every family had an Auntie Alpha? It’s been said that one’s characteristics in the younger years will be magnified in their final years. If a woman develops the habit of focusing on the negative in a situation, she may be a vocal complainer about everything and everyone when she is old. If she allows bitterness and unforgiveness to take root, she may peer at the world from the top of her rimmed glasses, her face framed by a 90-year-old frown. If a woman lives her life drawing from the well of love, she will not run dry when she is old. She will water others with compassion, creativity, laughter, and gentleness, so they, in turn, can touch others. Auntie Alpha believes each person she encounters is handpicked by God to cross her path, so she greets strangers with eagerness and readiness. Sometimes it’s a fleeting encounter,

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I Gave Up Nagging My Husband for Lentâ&#x20AC;Ś

and got the partnership I always wanted. by Peggy Wehmeyer

At the dinner table, we sat across from each other in soft candlelight. We talked about our days, our dreams, our plans for the future, but the only thing I saw was his forehead, and the partner I always wanted.

Only 40 days of this, right? Can’t be that difficult. When we arrived at the church, parishioners had filled the sanctuary, and the organist was playing a Bach cantata. As worshippers walked toward the altar to receive their ashes, my husband stayed planted in the pew. I got up, climbed over his knees, and walked up the aisle behind couples hand in hand, as two familiar voices battled in my head: “He’s so stubborn and unloving.” “Stop judging him.” After the service, Robin and I quietly got into the car and drove to the restaurant, where a 20-something valet parking attendant opened my door and let me out onto a beautiful, candlelit entrance. There I stood in glitzy Dallas, in my pearls and red Valentine’s dress, hair perfectly coiffed, and black ashes smeared across my forehead. The valet cocked his head and looked at me with a mixture of curiosity and ridicule. He pointed to my forehead, “Wha’’s up with that?” Embarrassed, I tried to explain to him in as few words as I could. “Well, we’ve just been to church where they remind us that from ashes we came and to ashes we return. It’s something Christians do before Easter.” “Ahh,” he said, looking at me now as though I had just walked out of a 15th century monastery. About that time, dressed in his sports coat and silk pocket scarf, my husband walked around to my side of the car. He stood right next to me, tall and handsome with a rugged face, and a clean forehead. I stood surrounded by ash-free couples streaming in, like us, to share a romantic Valentine’s experience. Then Robin did something unforgettable. He moved in closer, face to face, and reached his hand to my forehead. He rubbed the soot from my ashen cross onto his finger and then onto his own forehead, in a matching cross. He said nothing. At the dinner table, we sat across from each other in soft candlelight. We talked about our days, our dreams, our plans for the future, but the only thing I saw was his forehead—and the partner I always wanted.

Peggy Wehmeyer is a writer in Dallas and a former news correspondent for WFAA and ABC News. She wrote this column for The Dallas Morning News. Used with permission.

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I n t he se 4 0 days o f Len t, man y Ch ri s tians will give up something like caffeine, alcohol, or sugar—a small way to personally identify with Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross before Easter. This year I decided to do more than give up sugar. I decided to give up my habit of nudging or pressing my husband to see things my way. In the week leading up to Lent, two words kept coming to me: “Throttle back.” Easy, right? It just meant that instead of convincing my husband, Robin, to see things from my point of view, whether it was how much we should save for vacation to where to set the thermostat, what if, for the next 40 days, I were to let go, and give him space to figure out his own preferences? Even more, what if I could be all right with us not always being in sync? The first test of my experiment fell on Ash Wednesday, which happened to also be Valentine’s Day. My husband had reserved a table at a romantic restaurant in Dallas, and we both dressed up to celebrate. I wanted to go to an Ash Wednesday service before dinner because I have come to love the liturgical church calendar. I didn’t grow up with it or with the ashes that are smudged on foreheads at the beginning of the Lent season, but it means something to me now. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. A reminder that our days are numbered and precious. On his drive home from work, Robin called to chat about our plans for the evening. I was scrambling to get ready for our special date. He kindly agreed to join me at church before dinner, but after I described the details of this service, he said, “We’re getting ashes?” “Yes,” I replied, certain that this shared marking of our foreheads would lead to a feeling of spiritual intimacy. “Nope, not me,” he said. “No ashes put on my forehead.” I pressed back. “But Robin,” I said, “it’s a beautiful sign of faith that we can share leading up to Easter.” “It’s not even in the New Testament,” he retorted. I faced the perennial fork in the road, one I almost always barrel into. “Pause, Peggy,” I cautioned myself. “You choose. Either try persuading your husband that your theology is superior to his, or surrender your way of seeing, with no expectation or resentment.”

HEALING AFTER

#MeToo Taking the next step.

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by Dr. Juli Slattery

As you watch a flood of #MeToo tags come through your social media feed, what is your reaction? Maybe you feel sick to your stomach and need some time to let the grief wash over you, or maybe you experience a rush of anger. Me too. How does something that is so hidden and pervasive finally come to light after decades of colluding in silence? I celebrate that women (and men) who have been told to be quiet can finally speak their pain out loud. My hope and prayer is that #MeToo doesn’t end with the boldness to speak of what has happened to us, and that in time we also begin to use a similar hashtag representing that we have been healed and redeemed. Coming into the light is just the first step of God’s work in our lives. The tidal wave of sexual exploitation in our world will not subside until we recognize sexuality as a great spiritual battlefield. It is sadly ironic that some of the same people decrying sexual abuse are leaders in Hollywood who create countless films that objectify women and present sexual pleasure as a commodity traded as freely as baseball cards. This cavalier and humanistic attitude toward sexuality, pornography, and the “hook-up” culture are clearly propagating the tragedy highlighted with the hashtag #MeToo.

W H AT T O D O WI TH H U M PTY D UMPT Y The nursery rhyme is familiar to us: Humpty-Dumpty sat on the wall Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall All of the king’s horses and all the king’s men Couldn’t put Humpty together again. How many women have I met who feel exactly this way because of the sexual exploitation they have experienced? Below the veneer of self-confidence and independence lay shattered pieces of purity, identity, innocence, and trust. Even an army

of psychiatrists and counselors (“all the king’s men”) fail to erase the shame, the memories, the anger, and the brokenness. Many survivors spend a lifetime trying to escape the dark messages written on the soul during brief moments of violation. As you’re reading all of the #MeToo stories online, or even sharing your own, can you relate?

A SURPRISING HEA LER As a Christian psychologist, I am thankful for recent advances in our understanding of the impact of trauma on the brain. Counseling and medical intervention can help, but they can never heal. It is why I am passionate about exalting the ONE, who came to bring healing to all of those who have been oppressed, victimized, and abused. At the beginning of His public ministry, Jesus quoted a prophecy from Isaiah: The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’S favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair, They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:1-3

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Below the veneer of self-confidence and independence lay shattered pieces of purity, identity, innocence, and trust. Even an army of psychiatrists and counselors fail to erase the shame, the memories, the anger, and the brokenness. Many survivors spend a lifetime trying to escape the dark messages written on the soul during brief moments of violation.

The unspoken lie we believe is that broken sexuality is beyond God’s ability to heal, redeem, and restore.

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Pointing to this ancient passage, Jesus declared this as the purpose of His Incarnation. He came to bring a great exchange: exchanging ashes for beauty, mourning with gladness, and despair with praise. Beside this passage in the margin of my Bible, I have written: “This is your call on my life. July 2011.” The Lord gave this passage to me while on my knees, before knowing I would start a ministry for women. This is why Jesus came to the earth and also why He prompted me and Linda Dillow to launch Authentic Intimacy (see sidebar). While posting about an experience with sexual abuse is bold and purposeful, if it stops there, it offers no hope. We want to tell you clearly, you are not alone, and there is hope. Jesus is the God who sees your pain, who hears your cries in the night, the God of all comfort, and the One who can bind up your broken heart. He can release you from the prison of your sin and the darkness of your shame. Celebrities online, women of Hollywood, Christian leaders, and all of our dear friends, He has “been there.” Why did the God of the Universe suffer abuse, ridicule, and torture at the hands of human beings? So that He would be the “man of sorrows, acquainted with our grief,” identifying with us in our deepest pain. One of the names of God is “Jehovah Rapha,” which means “the Lord who heals you.” Unfortunately, many Christians do not acknowledge God as the Healer of our sexual brokenness. The unspoken lie we believe is that broken sexuality is beyond God’s ability to heal, redeem, and restore. God has been gracious to bring many men and women across my path whose lives declare that God is the Healer of all brokenness, including within our sexuality. The book, Surprised by the Healer, gives an intimate portrait of nine real women who suffered abuse, betrayal, shame, and sexual pain, but who have discovered profound healing through the Lord Jesus Christ. If the hashtag #MeToo grieves you, don’t stop there. It’s time to be surprised by the Healer. Dr. Juli Slattery is a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and broadcast media professional. She co-founded Authentic Intimacy and is the co-author of Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making? Visit her website at authenticintimacy.com.

MINIST RY FO R SEX UA L

healing Sexual discipleship are two words that typically stand alone. But together these same words form the foundation of Authentic Intimacy, a ministry founded by Dr. Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow. Authentic Intimacy strives to help women understand God’s purpose and redemption related to their sexuality. The organization disciples by teaching and applying God’s truth to all questions, pain, and joys related to sexuality and intimacy. No topic is taboo. The unique teaching ministry looks at tough topics that run the gamut from reconstructing intimacy after a mastectomy to intimacy after infidelity to the aftermath of sexual abuse. Visitors to the site have access to recent podcasts on relationships and sexuality, blogs on God’s design for sexuality, and can soon register for a seven-week e-course on how to apply the concept of discipleship to sexuality. In addition, those who opt to become members of Authentic Intimacy also gain unlimited access to all Java with Juli podcasts, exclusive webinars, a private members-only community, and discounts to digital offerings and the annual Authentic Intimacy conference. Juli is available to speak at women’s events and marriage conferences. She is also available to provide leadership training. Learn more at authenticintimacy.com.

Ministry on the Go Offer to do a friend’s laundry if they struggle with chronic illness. 38

~Ronnie Wendt

Ne w B o o k f r o m J ust B etw een Us

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JILL BRISCOE

I Was in

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and You Visited Me Is God calling you to a jail ministry? by Linda Jinkens

I soon discovered that women in jail were a receptive audience looking for authentic answers to empty lives. They had accepted the solutions— mainly drugs and alcohol— that the world offered for their problems. Those answers didn’t work.

manufacture of drugs, driving without a license, probation violations, and prostitution. All women are facing court dates and possibly trials. Many have children who have been taken away by Child Protective Services. Desperate prayers, accompanied by tears, go up to God every day from the inmates asking Him to get them out of jail. I sometimes tell them I am praying for them to stay in jail a few more months. They always react in horror, but then usually half-laugh because they know I care. I tell them I don’t think they’re ready to leave. There has not been enough self-examination. Good plans have not been made for leaving jail, and too many will leave with nowhere to go. So it’s back on the streets and into familiar surroundings with the same drug friends. I pray for more time to reach the women with God’s good news of salvation, which is the only way to change lives from the inside.

A N S W E R I N G T H E “ J A I L” C A L L Over the years, I have realized that it’s God who calls a person He has carefully prepared and equipped for jail ministry. Otherwise, the volunteer will not last long. The ministry can be full of frustrations, disappointments, and challenges due to inmates’ frequent returns to jail due to addictions. (We call these “frequent flyers.”) To effectively minister in jail, you have to get beyond outward appearances and look into the hearts of people who are different from you. Inmates may sport strange hairstyles; candidly talk about alternative, and even dangerous lifestyles; be covered with distasteful tattoos and sores; and possibly be detoxing. Due to continual drug use, many are missing front teeth. At times, you might face some safety issues like anger and frustration, which can erupt in front of you. The orientation, however, will give you procedures to avoid most problems.

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People give me funny, hesitant looks when I tell them I am frequently “in jail.” Then I explain that I am a volunteer assistant chaplain to the women at a large county correctional facility. (Perhaps 150 out of the 900 inmates are women). They usually laugh and say, “Oh, okay.” Questions follow. What do you do there? How did you get involved? Many tell me they have been thinking of becoming volunteers as well, so I am delighted to share my passion for this ministry. I joined a jail team at my church long ago— somewhat reluctantly, I have to admit. The call had gone out for more volunteers. I was a busy single parent, teaching at a private school and involved at my church. What extra time did I have for those incarcerated? However, to my surprise, it was a good fit. The women and I connected, mostly due to my empathy for people in trouble and pain. Some years earlier, I had lost a young husband to a rare cancer, which resulted in learning hard life lessons about trusting God with my family’s future. He had come through for us. He had comforted me through months of intense grief. He had directed, and provided for my children and me in miraculous ways. God is real, and He is good! I soon discovered that women in the county jail were a receptive audience looking for authentic answers to empty lives. They had accepted the solutions—mainly drugs and alcohol—that the world offered for their problems. Those answers didn’t work. Here they were (again) locked up. Did God really care? Did He love them? Would He forgive them? Was there any hope? A year and a half later, after faithful attendance and a growing love and concern for these women, I was promoted to assistant chaplain. This meant spending much more time at the jail with added responsibilities. Presently, I teach Bible studies, fill requests for Bibles and literature, write and correct Bible homework, deliver materials, and pray with and counsel the women. I am sometimes asked to check on those whose relatives have died while they’ve been incarcerated. I also notify officials if I think a woman is suicidal. Above all, I come in the name of Jesus, acting as a spiritual friend to those who are in the habit of cursing His name. Most of the women range in ages 18 to 70 and are incarcerated because of crimes associated with addictions. Common charges include domestic violence, theft, assault, possession and

Plan to be faithful. It is important to come

Jesus asked His followers to treat prisoners as if they were ministering to Him... Society has thrown away these people; Jesus is seeking them because, in His eyes, each human soul has immeasurable worth, no matter what their place in life.

The blessings for following Jesus into jail—a dark place I’ve decided is God’s merciful rescue operation for the sinful, fallen, and broken—are beyond earthly comprehension. As you come alongside these women, you will be blessed. A young heroin addict once told me, “My life is a blur. I can’t remember what I’ve done or where I’ve been the last two weeks. But you seem happy and peaceful. I want what you have!” Her cry for help was answered when we read together the most famous verse in the Bible, John 3:16, and talked about how God loved her so much that He sent His only Son to pay for her sins. After questions and discussion, she understood. She was ready to repent. She wanted to become a new creation right then and there! Jesus asked His followers to treat prisoners as if they were ministering to Him. He said in Matt. 25:36c: “I was in prison and you came to visit me.” Society has thrown away these people; Jesus is seeking them because, in His eyes, each human soul has immeasurable worth, no matter what their place in life.

BEFORE YOU BEGIN Here are some ways to get started:

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Plan to do a personal inventory of yourself to see if the Holy Spirit is prompting you. Do you show grace and mer-

cy to those who frequently make bad decisions and fall down in sin? Are you an encouraging person? Do you listen more than you speak? Do you have a good working knowledge of the Bible? Do you have a strong interest in bringing people to the Lord? Are you able to share with others how God has guided and blessed you in hard times? If the answer is “yes” to these questions, then pray about your desire. Consult other Christians and church leadership, who know you well, to get their input.

to the jail as scheduled, usually once per week, to meet with the inmates. The women bond to their Bible teachers and, with little to do during the week, look forward to fellowshipping in the Word together. It is a huge disappointment if you are sporadic in attendance. It may even set back their interest in finding the Savior.

Plan to be yourself. You don’t have to pre-

tend you have never sinned in your life. In fact, you may have a testimony to share that will bless the women and give them hope that they, too, can change and grow through the Holy Spirit. On the other hand, if you have lived an exemplary life in the Christian community and know nothing about addictions, that’s okay, too. You can be a beacon of light for how to avoid pitfalls and temptations.

Plan to share the gospel. The Romans

Road is commonly used (Rom. 3:23; 6:23; 5:8; 10:9-10; 10:13). Some inmates know nothing at all about God’s Word; others have attended churches in the past. You may have to define words commonly understood by the church, such as “saved,” “holy,” and “sin.” If difficult words, such as “sanctification” and “redemption” come up, you can always reply, “I don’t know the answer to that, but I will get back to you.”

Plan on “jail house religion.” Be aware

that it is easy for an inmate to accept Christ quickly, but not fully understand what it means to follow Him. This is called “jail house religion,” because the profession of faith is left at the door of the jail when the inmate is released. It may take a number of returns to jail before the person commits to obedience to the Lord in her life. This will mean a drastic change in friends, environment, habits, and attitudes, all of which will take courage. Jail cells are small, dark, and stark. Usually, they contain a steel bunk and a stainless-steel table and toilet. Ugly penciled-in graffiti may be scrawled on the walls from past inhabitants. Imagine the Light of Jesus entering this kind of darkness as a woman sits in her cell, poring over the Good News. She is now finally ready to pray a heartfelt prayer to her Redeemer. Her voice cries out, as she weeps, finally relinquishing all her guilt and shame. And the angels rejoice as another soul is ushered into the kingdom of God. Linda Jinkens has ministered to women in a local county jail for the last 14 years. Additionally, she is a freelance writer. She is the mother of four and the grandmother of five. She lives in Arlington, Wash.

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October 6-14, 2019

Footsteps of Paul Cruise

encouragement / it

is well

...with My Gratitude by Elizabeth Murphy

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Elizabeth Murphy has been a soughtafter speaker for the last 15 years. She serves on several non-profit boards, teaches a Bible study, and is an author and regular columnist for JBU. She and her husband, Mike, have four sons and three granddaughters. They live in Brookfield, Wis.

Visit my site! espeaks.net

I was asked to speak at an event called “A Day for Seniors” at a local senior living center. The two most well-attended breakout sessions of the day were “Gotta Go, Gotta Go (bladder issues), and mine, “Practicing Gratitude.” The reviews said both of them were life changing! Gratitude changes our lives because it changes our perspective. In order to be grateful, we have to take our eyes off ourselves and look to whom gratitude should be given. We can be mad, frustrated, and even proud of ourselves but never grateful to ourselves. Thanks goes to the giver and, in the life of a Jesus follower, that giver is always God. James 1:17 tells us that Every good and perfect gift is from above… Our perspective changes when we look up to heaven instead of around at our circumstances, and when we humbly bow our heads in prayer. Sometimes when I ask my husband to do me a favor, I’ll end my request with “please and thank you.” Even though he hasn’t done anything yet, I’ve asked with the expectation that he will. That is what praying with thanksgiving does. It tells God we know who He is, that we know He is aware and active in our lives. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Phil. 4:6). Instead of being anxious about our circumstances, we can anticipate how God will work in them. When I speak to groups about gratitude, it reminds me that thanks takes effort. If we are going to be God’s people, we simply must be

In order to be grateful, we have to take our eyes off ourselves and look to whom gratitude should be given. grateful people. In my study of gratitude, I found a book by Dr. Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D. called, Thanks: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. In it, he gives an excellent list of 10 simple ways to practice gratitude. (Italics mine.) 1. Keep a gratitude journal. 2. Remember the bad. (The things you thought you would never survive, but did.) 3. Ask yourself: • What have I received? • What have I given? 4. Learn prayers of gratitude. (My favorite is 1 Chron. 29:10-13.) 5. Come to your senses. (Close your eyes and ears while holding your breath and appreciate what God has given you in the ability to see, hear, and breathe.) 6. Use visual reminders. (Pictures of people, places, and Scripture passages you are grateful for.) 7. Make a vow. (We are more likely to keep a vow if we speak it to someone, so tell a friend

which of these actions you plan to put into practice.) 8 . Watch your language. (Use words like blessing and abundance every day.) 9. Go through the motions. (Hold a pencil in your mouth, which forces your smile muscles in to place. Fake it until you feel it!) 10. Think outside the box. (Look for ways to thank God for hard places and people He has allowed in your life.) Author Ann Voskamp says, “Gratitude is at the center of a life of faith. It sounds too simple to be true, but isn’t that the sign of all deep truth: so simple we’re tempted to dismiss it, and so hard, it is exactly what God uses to change our hard lives.” Scripture is very clear that gratitude matters to God; therefore, it needs to matter to me. With practice, thanks becomes a way of life, and I become someone who can say it is well with my gratitude.

the deeper life / encouragement

The Course of Life by Melva L. Henderson

Visit my sites! Melvahenderson.org, worldoutreachbtc.org

lake. Their course was predetermined, but the storm arose, threatening to destroy the boat and all within it. But Jesus came walking on the water commanding them not to be afraid. Why? He was with them. The result: they did not abort their course; they made it to the other side. Like the disciples, the storms of life come, but we can hold on, remembering Jesus is with us. Hindrances in the road represent things like nails, glass, detours, and obstructions that slow the journey. We have all seen people stranded by the side of the road because of tire problems or experienced temporary detours, due to construction. In life, there will be hindrances and possible detours too, but we have to stay the course. We have a real enemy, who throws whatever he can before us to see the “tires” of our lives blow out. But in spite of his tactics, we can quickly access our repair kit, which is the Word of God, and keep moving. When we sit on the side of the road, griping or complaining, Satan gets the advantage. He not only slows down our progress, but also keeps us in a part of the journey longer than we should be there. Don’t be ignorant of his devices (2 Cor. 2:11). Through the Word of God, use your God-given tools to smash the hindrances of the enemy so you can keep advancing forward.

Finally, don’t allow yourself to be distracted, because nothing thwarts the path of Christians like distracting temptations. Distracting temptations represent three things: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (1 John 2:16). I have been on highways where adult entertainment signs, designed to draw people off the road and into their dark hideaways, are in full view. They are always conveniently located right off the exit ramps. This very thing happens in our walk with Christ. There is no greater enemy to God’s plan than the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. They are like billboards, bright neon signs designed to pull us off course (Prov. 7:7-27). To avoid being lured away, you will have to safeguard your eyes. This means putting the pedal to the metal by saying “no” to your fleshly desires, keeping your eyes fixed on the pure things of God. It also means humbling yourself, recognizing that no matter how long you may have been a Christian, the risk of getting off course is a reality for you if you don’t guard your heart, ears, and eyes. Stay in God’s face. Keep your life accountable to His Word, and you’ll get through the course of life God has mapped out for you like a champion driver. 45

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Melva L. Henderson is an author and speaker. Additionally, she is the founder of The Milwaukee Give, a humanitarian outreach, and co-founder of World Outreach and Bible Training Center, Inc. Melva is wife to pastor Ervin L. Henderson, mother of five, and grandmother of two. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

Sometimes the hardest life to bring into subjection is your own. If you are a parent, you are acquainted with the constant duty of teaching your children to submit and obey. If you are an employer, you understand the need, as well as the challenges, of keeping employees in compliance. And although these may seem difficult, they don’t come close to the challenges we can face when endeavoring to keep our own lives aligned with God’s established purpose. “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way” (Ps. 37:23, KJV). As a believer, your life has already been mapped out by God—predetermined by Him. The word ordered in Ps. 37:23 means “prepared and secured.” In other words, your path is prepared and secured, and everything you will ever need to walk it out is already firmly fixed. However, if we don’t intentionally focus on keeping ourselves on that predetermined path, we can alter our course. Challenges come against us on our spiritual journey just as they do on a natural journey. If we take a road trip, we can find ourselves dealing with the elements, hindrances in the road, and distracting temptations. The elements represent unfavorable weather conditions. In the natural, various storms have brought complete devastation to cities and countries, ultimately causing people to abort their journeys. The same is true when the storms of life “touch down,” seeking to devastate our course. In Luke 8, we read the account of the disciples in the middle of a storm. Jesus instructed them to go to the other side of the

encouragement / the

homefront

A Window into Each Other’s Soul by Pam Farrel

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Pam Farrel is a bestselling author of 45 books including coauthoring Discovering Hope in the Psalms: A Creative Bible Study Experience. She has been happily married for 37 years and enjoys traveling. Pam and her husband, Bill, live on a houseboat in Oxnard, Calif.

Visit my site! Love-Wise.com

We travel, and we really appreciate the hotels that have the small peak holes so that when someone knocks you can look out and see who’s there. That is what prayer is like. People usually aren’t phony when praying because it is a time of vulnerability before God. Couples that pray together get a window into each other’s hearts. You might feel irritated at your spouse all day, you might not understand why he did or said something, but during prayer, you get to see what was really going on in their life, their thoughts, and in their heart. Spiritual intimacy is not only necessary, it’s possible. Reflect on these three areas of spiritual intimacy. 1. Prayer is intimate. It gives us a deeper understanding of our mate. Anything that gives a deeper understanding will deepen intimacy. Deeper intimacy creates the safety net for a nakedness of the soul, and if you are in a place where you both feel comfortable when your soul is naked before each other, then the physical nakedness within marriage is the next logical step in the sharing of your life together. 2. Reading the Bible is intimate. The Bible is God’s love letter to each of us. If you know your spouse is listening to God, your trust level will grow. If you notice that your spouse is seeking to follow the commands of God, you will feel more relaxed when you are together. God has a complete love for you and when God has your mate’s attention, God will steer your spouse

into making more loving choices toward you. As a result, the nagging rate naturally diminishes. And less nagging and negative corrective language and more positive affirming language is the cultivated, fertile ground for marital intimacy. The influence does not stop with your spouse, however. If you are reading the Bible and praying, God will have your attention and make you a better lover. His love will flow through you to a grateful spouse. 3. The Holy Spirit is intimate. When we know Christ personally, the Holy Spirit resides in us and gives us the supernatural power to love. It is a supernatural power so that we can love, not just with our power, but also with God’s ability. And since the Holy Spirit indwells anyone who asks Jesus into his life, and He knows the way your spouse was designed to be loved, you have the ability to become a great lover for your mate. You will notice that the Holy Spirit gives very specific instructions. He makes it simple enough that your only choice is to obey or disobey. In our life, it may sound something like this:

“Pam, what you said just now to Bill was unkind. He is a really good man, and he deserves a gentle response.” “Bill, go home. Pam does really need you right now. Do not do that next task, leave right now.” By reading the Word and pray-

Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving . . . (Col. 4:2, NASB) ing, you will develop the ability to listen for the Holy Spirit’s whisper, and those whispers will help you become a better person and a better partner. These spiritual disciplines will also draw you closer to each other if you make daily use of them as individuals. Lord, help us make time for prayer, Bible reading, and listening to Your Spirit as we do these things so we might hear Your voice louder than any other. Amen

An Invitation to Retreat (continued from p 15) The practice of retreat provides the needed time and space to be with the difficult, hurting places of our lives. It provides the context in which we can release emotion in God’s presence, and allow God to comfort us as only He can. When we don’t allow God access for attending to the wounds of our lives, we get weary from holding it in, and eventually we will begin to disintegrate. We may be experiencing information overload. There is no end to the amount of information available to us, but there is a limit to how much time and energy we can expend on taking it in. Our minds are exhausted from trying to gather and make sense of all the information coming at us, and our hearts are exhausted from the emotion that is stirred up by the heartbreak of what is going on in our world. At some point, we simply have to take a break from it all. To stay on a Spirit-guided path, we need to ask, “Am I going to keep gathering information, or am I going to take the next step on my spiritual journey?” We may be mired in our own willfulness. Willfulness describes our attempts to impose our own ideas on others, and control everything around us. It might manifest itself in our determined efforts to force something into reality that just isn’t happening and a refusal to accept reality as it is. The result of this willful lack of acceptance is that we hold ourselves back from what actually is happening, separating ourselves and resisting what is rather than giving ourselves to the gift of now. On retreat, we may be able to acknowledge willfulness as a source of our exhaustion and notice all the ways it is wearing us down. We may then be ready to enter into the opposite of willfulness, which is willingness—to accept and to enter into what is happening spiritually. In the safety of a retreat environment, we can ask ourselves, “What would it look like and feel like to choose willingness instead?”

WHEN GOD WAITS FOR US

Taken from Invitation to Retreat by Ruth Haley Barton. ©2018 by Ruth Haley Barton. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press, P.O. Box 1400, Downers Grove, IL 60515-1426. www.ivpress.com Statement of Ownership, Management, and Circulation (Required by 39 U.S.C. 3685) Publication Title: Just Between Us. Publication No: 1069-3459 Filing Date: October 1, 2018. Issue Frequency: Quarterly No. of issues Published Annually: 4. Annual Subscription Price: $19.95. Complete Mailing Address of Known Office of Publication (Street, City, County, State, and ZIP+4)(Not Printer): 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Complete Mailing Address of Headquarters or General Business Office of Publisher (Not Printer): 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Full Names and Complete Mailing Addresses of Publisher, Editor, and Managing Editor (Do Not Leave Blank): Publisher (Name and Complete Mailing Address): Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. 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(2) Paid In-County Subscriptions (Include Advertiser’s Proof Copies/Exchange Copies): 0 (3) Sales Through Dealers and Carriers, Street Vendors, and Counter Sales and other Non-USPS Paid Distribution: 20. (4) Other classes mailed through USPS: 457. C. Total Paid and/or Requested Circulation (Sum of l5b(1,2,3,4): 8,897. D. Free Distribution by Mail (Samples, Complimentary, and Other Free) (1) Outside-County as Stated on Form 3541: 82. (2) In-County as Stated on Form 3541: 0. (3) Other Classes Mailed Through USPS: 1. (4) Free or Nominal Rate Distribution Outside the Mail (carriers or other means): 286. E. Total Free or Nominal Rate Distribution (Sum of 15d 1,2,3,4): 369. F. Total Distribution (Sum of 15c and 15e): 9,266 G. Copies Not Distributed: 34. H. Total (Sum of 15f and 15g): 9,300. I. Percent Paid and/or Requested Circulation (15c/15f x 100): 96.02%. This Statement of Ownership will be printed in the Spring 2019 issue of this publication. I certify that all information furnished on this form is true and complete. I understand that anyone who furnishes false or misleading information on this form or who omits material or information requested on the form may be subject to criminal sanctions (including fines and imprisonment) and/or civil sanctions (including multiple damages and civil penalties). Mary T. Perso, General Manager Date: 10/15/2018.

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Isaiah 30 contains a chilling portrait of a willful people who look a lot like us. Rather than trusting God for their basic needs and saying yes to His invitations, they are a willful people returning to the place of their former bondage, looking to old sources for safety, security, and survival. In the midst of all that seduction, God makes this counterintuitive statement: “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength” (Isa. 30:15). But still they run the other way, refusing God’s rest—refusing the only solution to all they are facing. So what does God do? God does the only thing He can do: God waits. For them and for us. The LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion (Isa. 30:18).

Practicing retreat is one way to turn from our willfulness and say yes to God’s invitation to rest—an invitation that is always there for us. It is an opportunity to rest, not just physically but also to attend to the sources of our exhaustion, allowing God to lead us into the kind of rest that corresponds specifically to those sources. Thomas Merton asserts: Some of us need to discover that we will not begin to live more fully until we have the courage to do and see and taste and experience much less than usual. The very act of resting is the hardest and most courageous act we can perform. Retreat as a spiritual practice is not a vacation; it is not a day at the spa or on the golf course. It is coming home to ourselves in God’s presence and resting there. God is waiting for us, continuing to hold out to us the invitation to rest. The only question is, will we say yes or will we keep running the other way?

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Spring 2019

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Redeeming Brokenness