SIGN OF THE TIMES

SIGN OF THE TIMES: FEBRUARY HOROSCOPES Maybe we can tell the future. Or maybe we made these up. words by Meredith Clark

Aries

Hit the breaks, Aries, you’re going full speed. But what is it exactly that you’re driving away from? Do you even know? Why don’t you pull over to the Walt Whitman service area on the New Jersey Turnpike and mull it over with a Gold Rush Chicken Sandwich from Roy Rogers. You’ve binged two seasons of Love Island in one week and now you find yourself talking in a British accent mid-sentence, Taurus. At first it was just a little bit of banter—a bit cheeky. But you’re laying it on factor 50 thick, innit. You’ve been feeling a bit too selfrighteous, Gemini. Yes, you work hard, but don’t try to fool us. Once you're back in your hometown, you'll be driving around a deserted Walmart parking lot at midnight in your white 2004 Nissan Sentra calling it a “late night adventure.” Taurus Gemini

You’ve been giving off some serious horse girl energy lately, Cancer. Like low ponytail, bootcut jeans, randomly obsessed with Bridge to Terabithia type of horse girl energy. And you know what? We absolutely love it. You did absolutely nothing all winter break, Leo. But that’s okay! You needed this time to breathe and decompress from a stressful semester. Screw all those internships that you didn’t apply for, just wasting away in your bookmarks bar... Let your freak flag fly! You’ve been too rigid, and it’s time to let go of this boring routine the way only a Virgo knows how, like adding a bunch of expensive items to your shopping cart and not buying them, or coloring outside the lines. Gasp! Cancer Leo Virgo

Set some clear boundaries this month, Libra. We’re sensing toxic relationships taking a hold of your life. Delete all your social media and start living “off the grid.” Find a forest and build a shelter. Move there permanently. You’ll thank us later. Your Spotify Wrapped said you spent 16 hours listening to “Ribs” by Lorde in 2019. We just want to know, are you okay? Do you want to unpack that? Is this a cry for help? Ho, Ho, Hoe out, Sagittarius! December was the season of giving (and boy, did you give). But now in this month of love, you’re ready to receive! Ever heard of the Snow Angel? No? Google it. Libra Scorpio Sagittarius

It’s a new year and a new Capricorn season. You’ve reflected on 2019 long enough, Capricorn. Forget the past, like that time you passed out at Calios into a cardboard box of mac n’ cheese calzone, and move forward into 2020 with no regrets! Your time is coming up, Aquarius! Ring in the new year with a new, practical hobby. Why don’t you take up carving tiny animals out of soap or eating the rich? Stop watching A24 movies, Pisces! We all know that you’re the imaginative, dreamy type, but you’ll be on the brink of a mental breakdown if you watch Lady Bird one more gosh darn time. Capricorn Aquarius Pisces