The Jewish Home | APRIL 7, 2022
118
teen talk
by by rabbi rabbi Doniel Doniel Drandoff, Drandoff, LMFt LMFt
Dear Teen Talk, I hate to say this, but I dread this time of year. Every year since I can remember, the weeks between Purim and Pesach are beyond tense and stressful in my house. For the most part, my parents are easy-going and pleasant. But then comes the Pesach-prep season,
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and it’s as though my parents turn into different people. I am an 18-year-old yeshiva bachur. I’ve learned many of the halachos of Pesach, and I still haven’t found a source for anxiously yelling at your kids or intensely scrubbing the wall behind the fridge that is otherwise never moved! There is just so much anxiety in my house this time of year, and it affects all of us. My younger siblings are frightened and walk around on eggshells. To be honest, I do, too. By the time we get to the seder, we are all so emotionally drained that it feels as though we are just going through the motions to be mekayem the mitzvos of the yom tov, with very little joy. I wish someone would explain the halachos to my parents so that they would realize that what they are doing is ruining the yom tov for everyone. What can I do to change things? Or at least to ensure that my yom tov isn’t ruined? -Yossi
OctOber 29, 2015 | the Jewish Home
Y
ossi, I have no doubt that many of your peers are reading your letter and nodding their heads vigorously in agreement with your sentiments. It is indeed an unfortunate reality that so many people seem to lose their better judgment when it comes to preparing for Pesach. It reminds me of a famous line said over b’shem the Kotzker Rebbe. There is a well-known minhag to not eat nuts on Rosh Hashana. One of the main reasons brought down is because egoz (nut in lashon hakodesh) is gematria chet (sin). So, the Kotzker used to say that people forget that chet is also gematria chet! Of course, it can’t be overstated how important it is to prepare your home for Pesach. We are expected to thoroughly clean our homes, “turn over” the kitchen, and ensure
that no chometz be found anywhere by the time we say Kol Chamira on Erev Pesach. It is quite the task! And yet, the true point of it all is to come with great simcha to the seder, prepared to fulfill the mitzvos of Sipur Yetzias Mitzrayim and V’higadita L’vincha. Yossi, it sounds like your family really struggles with keeping this perspective. I want to point out one very important detail from your question. You say that your parents are generally easy-going and pleasant. This is really good news because it means that all is not lost! And, by the way, this is true for so many who become “different people” when it comes time to prepare the house for Pesach. At its core, it comes from a good place. We all know how much ink has been spilled on the topic of chametz and the importance of ridding every morsel of it before Pesach starts.
But of course, like all things in life, it requires balance. When your parents get frustrated and lash out at you, or a sibling of yours, because of some Pesach-prep infraction, it hurts. But you know that beneath all of the Pesach anxiety is a rational person who can be reasoned with. Have you tried telling your parents, in a very respectful way, how appreciative you would be if they would be willing to discuss ways of relieving some of the stress from the pre-Pesach rush? You may find that they understand the need for a new approach. If you feel that this could be helpful, then you need to come to that conversation prepared. You have to come to the table with some creative ideas for cleaning without stressing. Here are some suggestions for you to think about: 1. Let your parents know that you recognize that you have a responsibility to partic-
