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MARCH 18, 2021 | The Jewish Home
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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Parenting Pearls
Preparing for a Chag Kosher V’Sameach By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
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t’s Rosh Chodesh Nissan! We’ve all heard the many jokes about Pesach: “your spouse isn’t chametz and your children aren’t the Korban Pesach.” It’s a shame that so many of us dread Pesach. I remember as a newlywed when the wife of a family friend told me to look on aish.com for the article “Passover cleaning made easy” by Rabbi Yitzchak Berkovits. I’ve mentally thanked her every year since – thanks again! There are other similar articles but they all focus on one thing: bringing practical halacha into the Pesach picture. This column focuses on parenting and education-related topics so I will try to keep to that subject. I won’t discuss the many relevant Pesach issues such as household organizing, gebrokts recipes, or insightful divrei Torah, as I’m sure TJH has its own experts to address that. This article is also not here to convince you to be lax in any halacha or family minhag. I strongly believe we can have a (mostly) relaxing Pesach preparation, enjoying our children and following halacha exactly. While I might mention halacha, organizing or other related topics, it’s all with a focus on preparing for Pesach with children.
Focus on What Needs to be Done I mentioned an article above, but there are many such options. Find out practically what is and isn’t halacha. Don’t be afraid to ask your rav to clarify things. I have been pleasantly surprised when I’ve asked our rav whether or not something is required.
Not only did I receive very practical advice, but it often saved parts of my sanity. There are many things that people feel they “have to do” but a rav might not agree. I trust my Rav knows halacha. It’s better to ask than to scream or cry. Don’t do “extras” if they will cause you anxiety. I’m not a posek, but I’m willing to guess that if taking on something unnecessary causes you to yell at your children, then you may have lost more than you gained. Do what is necessary and then worry about extras later. In the event I don’t follow my own advice, then I try to make it clear to myself and my children that what I’m doing isn’t Pesach cleaning but “extras.”
Why Not Do It All? Because you can’t, or at least not well. Too often, we get stressed and then we take it out on the people in our lives. It’s too easy to get upset at our children as we are busy preparing. It’s not easy on us to be high strung but it’s not easy on our kids either. It’s truly sad when preparing for yom tov leads to shouting matches. We are creating our children’s Pesach memories. Do we want those memories to include Mommy screaming for three weeks straight? I’m not expecting we will all spend every moment of cleaning singing a joyous song. I am both a realist and a person that dislikes scrubbing. I would just like to suggest that perhaps there is a way we can take the stress down a notch and the simcha up a notch. Before we do something unnecessary that will cause us to get angry, let’s
think about if the benefits outweigh the losses and if the parent we are showing our children is the one we want them to remember. There is a third reason to not try to do everything. Our children learn from our actions. There are so many children that walk around with a distorted view of halacha because they inadvertently thought something was required. If I decide to organize needlessly, I will often verbally tell my children that this isn’t necessary. My kids shouldn’t think organizing their toys into the correct bin is halacha.
Spring Cleaning I strongly believe “spring cleaning” should not happen for the Jewish community in the spring. “Preparing for spring cleaning” is from Chanukah to Purim in our house. Please don’t ever try to spring clean from the end of Purim until Pesach unless you’re one of those people who loves to dust and it relaxes you. You have all summer to tidy your laundry room; maybe now isn’t the time. Personally, I’ve often found that organizing in advance (before Purim) makes Pesach preparations much easier and calmer. We often don’t realize how much time is spent on the spring cleaning portion of our preparations. Removing clothes from a drawer, checking the drawer for real chametz, and returning the clothes takes about two minutes. Try it. But what we end of doing is taking out the clothes, checking the drawer, removing the off-sized clothing and off-season clothing, and refolding everything while placing them into neat piles of pants, shirts,
underwear, socks, etc. This takes a lot of time. Clothing that is too small or off-season isn’t chametz and can be dealt with at another time. To be honest, resorting the clothes into neat piles is also likely a waste of time because your child will probably mess it up within two days.
Be Realistic Children are amazing at undoing everything we’ve already done. They are wonderful at making everything twice as hard. At least they’re cute. Very cute. Know they will innocently, but skillfully, make it harder. Plan around them and their unintended plans. Personally, I clean the areas first that are off the main floor and do the main floor last because it’s the hardest place to prevent food traveling. I find it helpful to avoid real chametz snacks from the time I start checking areas that are near the kitchen and dining room. If it can travel, then it needs to be kitniyos or something else that I don’t mind finding in the cracks on Pesach. This is what works for me with little ones, but everyone has their own preferences. I don’t try to drive myself nuts by serving chametz and chasing them down. Try to find what will be your best bet of not having everything undone and still having your sanity. I know it can be a tall order. If they do undo things, then the best I can tell you is to remember that they’re cute. Very cute.
Do What Works I’m not here to tell you how to
